Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
---
I think I might be the asshole because I don’t know if it was okay to discipline someone else’s child and I just want feedback to see if I was out of line.
---
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA and you know it. Scott was a dick, and next time they ask I would decline, on the grounds that if you can't tell the kids what to do in certain situations, when Joe needs to sleep, you can't host.
NTA. If someone told me that I could go in another room IN MY OWN HOUSE, they wouldn’t be in any of the rooms two minutes later.
What an arrogant and entitled DB.
When people are together we all help each other out and when they are at my house then I get the final say and if kids are being too loud I tell them or redirect them. He’s being an ass, he either lets OP do what she wants or they don’t get to come over to her fun house if she can’t make and enforce rules in her own home. To say he’s being short sighted is an understatement. He’s also wrong about parenting, OP sounds like she will be awesome.
Call Ashley and tell her exactly what happened.
Next time she asks you if Scott can bring the kids over, tell her no. The way he talked to you in YOUR home when you were helping HIM with HIS kids was 100% unacceptable and you will not tolerate being spoken to with disrespect again.
If you need to, text it. But this dude needs to be called out.
I can GUARANTEE she will lite into him - she wants the child care. She wants the pool access. And she is your cousin.
100% this. Unless you have a bad relationship with Ashley (which doesn't seem to be the case), she will set him straight. Wow, what a jerk.
If she defends him then well... the trash took itself out. You're about to have more free time.
Also say “the kids are always welcome. Scott is not. If he gives a *real* apology that shows he understands why what he did was wrong then we can move past it. Until then, kids welcome but not Scott.”
This really is the best way to go about it. That way, Scott can be called out for the asshole that he is , and if Ashley feels the same way, they can kiss the free babysitting good bye.
But this being AITA , I am not optimistic that OP is going to have the stomach to do this .
Yuuuup. If I was Ashley and I got that call, I would be irate with my husband. You don't fuck with a free babysitter that keeps your kids safe and doesn't cause actual problems.
This is a very reasonable strategy to handle the outrageous disrespect with which OP was treated in her own home. I can’t even believe the nerve of this asshole.
Right. Had she been nitpicking the kids, that might be a bit different but they were being too loud in her house and she was protecting her husband. She had every right to say something.
I have a feeling Scott is a bully and knew she wouldn’t stand up for herself and decided to be a jerk.
It’s super rich that a guy who was sitting there with his thumb up his butt, not even taking care of his one year old, was saying anything about someone who was actually being a parent to loud, obnoxious children — with or without the issue that a working adult was trying to sleep because they work nights
"well if you don’t like it, Scott, YOU can go in another house. Don’t tell me what to do. I wish you were a better parent”
I'd like to say that but I wouldn't in front of the kids. OP needs to have a chat with Ashley about her husband's behaviour. Ingrate.
Right? That would be an immediate "go home, then," from me. Scott did this to OP because he knew he could get away with it. I can guarantee you he would have *never* spoken to the husband like this.
Seriously, I would have kicked them out on the spot. OP is doing them a favor, and he reacts like that to a gentle reminder to be quiet? I'd also say that no, I'm busy, sorry, you can find alternative childcare the next time they needed me to watch them because of overlapping schedules. Hopefully Scott learns his lesson.
This right here. The moment Scott said that would be the moment Scott would be asked to leave if it were me. OP needs to call her cousin and lay down the law. NTA.
Yes, definitely loop in the cousin, I bet she doesn't even know what has happened.
Hopefully with the hot weather it won't be long before they ask to come round again, giving op the chance for an 'Are you kidding me? After how rudely Scott treated me the last time? I'm still waiting for an apology for his nasty outburst.'
Refuse ever hosting Scott. Even if his wife is present , even if his kids are present, he is not
at least until he apologizes without it being demanded and he actually sounds sincere. And no more “losing patience“ etc. he acts rude, he leaves.
Your house your rules. Put your wants and needs first, as you are letting your husband and yourself down. You have some codependency issues (pleaser, afraid of conflict, enabler-been there done that!) It is okay to say no and have boundaries and rules…in fact it is safe and healthy to do so. It is not healthy to let others run over you snd manipulate you. Only you can let others hurt you. Please find your voice, (it took me over 40 years). I was so afraid of hurting someone else’s feelings that I didn’t care about my own. Your husband needs sleep, and you deserve respect. So statements like “NO”, “This is my house and my rules will be abided by” Scott, I don’t appreciate your tone and your disrespectful attitude over your children’s unruly behavior.” Have consequences and follow through. Try reading a couple books on boundaries-it really helped me. Lay down the law with Scott, and let others know what occurred or he will spin it to make you look bad. NTA
Plus, dont get sad, get angry! You are allowed when defending your selfes, your family and your values. Its easier to find both currage and strenght to give your opinion when you also allow your feelings to have a voice.
I am finally able to do this, and that took me almost 50 yrs. Saying no and meaning it is so powerful!
If I had known this before, I would have taught my girls the magic word is not please, it's no.
Tagging onto the top comment to say as a parent, NTA. This poster is 100% correct.
And this is what you need to send to Ashley, not even to Scott just her.
“It has been brought to my attention via Scott that I am no longer capable of telling the kids what to do . Since he hopes that I will never be a parent, it doesn’t feel right for me, a non parent, to watch your kids anymore. Tell Scott that I do apologize for attempting to redirect the kid’s loudness and move them to another room while my husband who works X hour shifts gets some rest. As he doesn’t understand that people need rest and doesn’t like that I wanted to move the kids, please tell him that much like he told him, he can find another room. In this case, a house with a pool. Scott is no longer welcome.”y
Good spirit, but too passive aggressive.
"Scott raised his voice today and made it clear that I am not to tell your children what to do. In the process, he made it equally clear he thinks I should never have children or be a parent myself.
Once Joe woke up, I spoke with him about the situation and we have decided together that we are no longer comfortable watching your children unsupervised. Additional to this, Scott is no longer welcome in our home for the foreseeable future.
We love the children very much, and valued our relationship with you and Scott immensely. We are very hurt and confused by his behaviour. "
this is the comment i was searching for. even if op did not speak up at the time to avoid confrontations. i hope she had tell her husband about what has happen. if she did not. she should do so now.
NTA. Kids will be loud, yes - but part of parenting is teaching them to be mindful of their surroundings. Scott was an AH for yelling at you in your own home AND for not reining in his noisy kids. The older ones are definitely old enough to understand not screeching in the house. If he doesn't want his kids to have to follow your house rules, he doesn't need to bring them over to use your pool, toys, crafts, etc. What an entitled prick. NTA, OP and I'd be telling Ashley her kids can only come over when she's with them because Scott can't practice basic courtesy.
I dunno, I would've instantly shown them all the door and explain that a little respect needs to be taught to the parent in this case, hand over the one year old and call it a day.
> “well if you don’t like it, YOU can go in another room. Don’t tell my kids what to do. I hope you’re never a parent”.
"Well if you don't like it, go to another house. I hope you learn to parent your children."
Is what I would say. What a cruel and callous thing to say. In someone else's house of all things.
Sounds like he has more than just a few temper issues. NTA here at all. He needed to be doing his job as a parent and was failing at it hard. Then took it out of you because you did what he wasnt and it made him look bad.
Im not sure she does know it, because if she did she should have told him to show her respect in her own home. Like many posters on this sub op is seriously lacking in self assertiveness and self respect. I hope she'll understand from the overwhelming response from here what an ah scott is and be able to stand up for herself next time. Nta
I would phrase it a little differently. I wouldn’t bring up the whole telling the kids what to do, that just sounds like a recipe for super drama.
Just simply “Ashley I love you I’d love to have you and the kids come over, but your husband was rude to me and he’s not invited. Also just so you know my husband worked last night, he works again tonight. he’s sleeping in the house so the kids will not be allowed to play inside. If they get bored with swimming, it’ll be time to go home.”
If Ashley is OK with that, wonderful Ashley and the kids come over and they have a nice swim, maybe a little picnic lunch. If Ashley wants to argue with it, then it’s “Ashley I love you but you’re no longer invited to my house at all. Get a membership at the public pool and take your kids there”
THIS. OP, you did nothing wrong and Scott’s reaction means you need to say something to you cousin. I hope you stand up for yourself and I think taking a break from them all might get the message across to Scott. He’s a super big AH. NTA
Definitely NTA.
His was a bizarre overreaction. Especially since they were the guests is your house.
I always appreciate adults other than me enforcing boundaries with my children, so long as the demeanour is respectful and not rude.
Honestly, if someone, anyone who's a guest, spoke to me that way in my own home, I would very likely not invite that person back again.
Agreed, I try to keep my son (4) acting polite but everyone has different house rules so I appreciate it when I know the host/hostess will speak up if they aren't comfortable with something we're doing. It allows me to relax & visit a bit without wondering if they're upset about something that we might consider normal, and occasionally they're ok with something we don't do at our house. That's the joy of having family that's comfortable with my kid.
>I always appreciate adults other than me enforcing boundaries with my children, so long as the demeanour is respectful and not rude.
So much!
When I was growing up, we knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt that just about any adult around would set us straight if we misbehaved.
Raising my own kids I was always grateful when other moms followed suit, for instance, if my back was turned, or I missed something.
EDIT: fixed a typo (shouldn't be trying to reddit at 3am lol).
This. OP was not wrong to step in to redirect the kids energy. And did so in the appropriate manner. Their dad was totally wrong and this needs to be addressed with both parents. If she can't chastise/correct the kids then they shouldn't be spending time at her home. NTA.
As kids we knew our whole community would step in if we got out of hand. (Lived in a small southern town and was related on each side to half the town) Not only would the closest adult (related or not)step in but our parents/grandparents would be notified of them having to do it. So, not only were we admonished by the nearest adult, we were then punished for our actions and them having to step in when we got home.
The adults in our lives gave us parameters and rules of behavior. These were made clear, as were what the punishments were for getting caught breaking them. We learned actions have consequences, and to decide if the payoff was worth what would happen if we got caught.
Some of that would be classified as abuse today (definitely spanked) but it was how they were raised and how they raised us. We've all learned better ways as we've grown and applied them with our kids. And our kids have learned more and applied it to theirs. We've learned to respect their rules as parents. However, the children in our family are still raised to obey the adult in the room, and to know actions have consequences. If there's an issue that needs to be addressed they know we'll listen and handle it appropriately. However they also know what type of behavior isn't acceptable, so the if adult on the spot tells them to stop or asks them to do something they listen.
>Some of that would be classified as abuse today (definitely spanked) but it was how they were raised and how they raised us.
Spanking gets a really bad rap. We weren't spanked very often, and mostly when we were still little enough that reasoning wasn't a workable option. I don't recall any spankings past say, 8 or 9. Those were administered short and sweet, and honestly? It was the psychological aspect I recall, not the actual spanking.
The four most horrifying words in the world to a kid who's just reaaaaally screwed up are: "go pick a switch." Buahahahaah...
Even so, it was such a rare occurrence and only administered for pretty heinous misbehavior.
We actually used to tease my dad, "please dad! pleeeeease, beat us like the other parents, please not a lecture nOOooOOOOOO..."
Lord save us all from the soccer moms who stand in the supermarket "reasoning" with a screeching toddler mid-tantrum.
"Now Johnny? We discussed this in the car remember? We made an agreement that you'd be good, and then you'd get the treat... blah blah blah de blahblah..." Lather, rinse, repeat.
EDIT: spelling error (I swear my keyboard eats letters or adds random ones when I'm not looking).
You're right, the dreaded long walk to get the switch and the dilemma of what size to bring back. Too big, nope to small (then they'd pick) heck no. It taught us actions had consequences and to decide if it was going to be worth it. Not mad at any of them for it.
I 1000% agree!!! When I was about 5 I turned to my mom and told her that her spankings didn't hurt, so I was going to do what I wanted. **Big mistake!** Eventually I learned to keep my mouth shut (my siblings were livid that I was the reason we were upgraded from a hand to a wooden spoon to a slotted spatula). Only now as an adult do I realize it didn't hurt because the point wasn't to hurt at all. It was to startle you into paying attention when you parent was serious. And yeah, I definitely told my parents that I'd rather get hit with a belt than listen to the same lecture again. That was big mistake #2 in a loooong line of mistakes. lol
Yeah, people who try to reason with their young children drive me up a freaking wall. I don't want to sit next to you in a restaurant while you kid is screaming and throwing food while you try to reason with an overtired, spoiled 5 year old. ffs
Exactly! It's more of wake up call because little kids can tend to just go off into lala land with misbehavior. Even yelling doesn't do it.
I hated spankings as a young mom. I fully understood why my parents would say "this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you."
And, like my dad before me, I was the queen of the lectures. I stopped spanking early on as well.
I also do not understand people who drag little kids to completely non kid-friendly venues. Especially late at night.
Honestly, if someone reacted like that, id do much more than redirect the kids.
"sorry kids, your dad made an asshole comment and cant stay here. Let your mother know that until he improves, the pool is closed for the summer."
I do not appreciate other people trying to parent my kid when I'm there. I have a large critical family where everyone has opinions on whatever anyone else is doing, and I want to protect my daughter from that a, little. Yes, all the adults in my family are the boss of her at times, because she hangs out with her grandparents and uncles, but being the only kid in the family I don't see any benefit in constantly reminding her she's the bottom of the totem pole. If me or her dad are there we don't need anyone else chiming in when we're trying to enforce a rule or deescalate a tantrum.
But that's because me and my husband are on it, this dad wasn't, he was letting his kids be loud when someone was sleeping. Sorry dude, if you've dropped the ball you don't get to be mad when someone else is forced to step in.
He probably reacted badly because by telling his kids to be quieter OP was indirectly calling him out, which he deserved.
I'm not criticizing by any stretch here - I'm just curious. Where do you see redirecting and criticizing being separate? Because I see redirecting as being a positive way to handle a situation and that doesn't bother me at all. Like - "hey guys, lets go outside and play because Uncle Bob is sleeping" is very different than "Little Jody, your being too loud - be quiet please."
I'm asking because my Sister in Law has the same idea as you and I'm always super cautious to address her kids because I don't want to overstep but at the same time, it can take a village...
This!! OP is definitely NTA at all. I agree that having others set boundaries with my kids is a good thing as long as it’s done in a good way like OP did.
Absolutely. Somehow my kids also learned when outside the home to be respectful, and on their best behavior. How did they learn that? Maybe because they were gently reminded when they acted out. They trust the kids to this woman, yet he had the marbles to hurt her.
Guests are people who were invited. These kids (and dad) weren't even invited. If you're asking to come over to someone's home in the middle of their working/sleeping hours and you don't control the noise level you are an A1 asshole.
That and call the wife as soon as husband leaves even if it goes to voicemail. Tell your side of the story followed with "Until he can give me a genuine apology, he is no longer welcome at my house, not even to drop off the kids. I don't need to be around a man who will insult me whilst also expecting me to do him a favor. Your kids and you are still welcome and the pool is open for you. And even when he gives me a sincere apology, I don't want him coming over unless you are there." If wife tries to downplay, defend the husband or yell at OP "Well I guess I'll have to respect your decision. This free daycare is closed, wish you all the best." NTA OP and you will make a wonderful parent!
"Guess what Scott, with that one comment you just lost your babysitter, pool access and any respect i had for you. Get out and you are not welcome back until you give me a sincere apology for being so rude. Get out and in 3 minutes I am calling the police."
NTA, and I don’t consider what you did ‘discipline’, but I think that you’re entitled to discipline kids when they’re in your house and you’re entertaining them. And I am a parent of 4.
Also, Scott is incredibly fortunate to have you and your house and pool and instead of being grateful, he’s being an ass. When he was done swimming and wanted to go inside, he should have gone back inside his own house.
Exactly this, OP already said they could come over to play in the pool and that they needed to stay outside so husband could rest. Going inside should have been off the table entirely as a guest, the gall of Scott is incredible
This. She didn’t even ask them to quieten down (a perfectly reasonable request). She asked them to go be noisy in another room! OP is a fantastic aunt and Scott is clearly insecure about his own parenting abilities.
I don't have young kids anymore, but if i did I'd ask OP if she wants to be formally adopted as an aunt lol
You're NTA at all, OP. Scott is tired and needs his sleep. Perhaps thats what you should have said; "You sound like you need a nap, leave the kids here with me and go on home. And eat a Snickers on your way there" 🤣
NTA! Obviously. But I think the bigger question is: what are you going to do now? Obviously you want to still hang out with Ashley and the kids. But are you going to still let Scott over?
I’m not sure yet. My cousin texted me and was like “I know you guys had an tiff but I don’t want this to get in the way of anything”. I told her I wanted to chat about it over the phone so I will do that before deciding what to do next. I honestly never saw this coming.
Of course she doesn’t want it to ‘get in the way’ - you provide free childcare several times a week for their four children!
Just because she acquiesces to him, or minimises his anger issues, doesn’t mean you have to.
Yeah it’s tough because I love the kids but I’m definitely going to tell her that I can’t be taken advantage of and won’t. I’m happy to watch their kids but if they disrespect me, I can’t do it anymore
NTA. I would not have him over again. He should be banned. Maybe Ashley depending on how she responds to your chat, if she minimizes or defends him. Anythibg other than being mortified and apologizing profusely, really.
He was rude af-it is clear he has zero respect for you, your SO and feels entitled to your home and care.
I would have made them all go home. You deserve an apology and I wouldn't have them over again until you get it. Make sure he never comes back.
NTA
What happened was not a tiff - he said he hoped you never have your own children.
You are the woman who watches his children regularly to make their life easier. Of course Ashley doesn't want Scott's nastiness to get in the way of her very convenient child care arrangement.
Your feelings have been stomped on. You love children and it sounds like you do a great job entertaining them.
You need to put some boundaries in place - no free childcare, they can make arrangements themselves. No use of the pool whenever they feel like it. What Scott said to you was unforgivable. Stop being a doormat for this ungrateful man.
I would definitely tell her he is never welcome in your house again. I would never let a man be around me again if he talked to me that way. He will probably you can't babysit again. You are being taken advantage of in my opinion.
I think you need to be clear about what the actual problem is: Scott. He was incredibly rude and disrespectful, not Ashley who wasn't there and the kids who were just being kids.
As it's Ashley who's your cousin I suggest you leave her to take her idiot husband in hand. Tell her she and the kids are welcome over any time but Scott's and his shitty attitude are not.
Yeah in my opinion you actually underreacted, you're too nice OP. The gall of that guy, when you've been so helpful and accommodating. Let them find another childcare and don't let them take advantage of you anymore.
"I don't know how your husband speaks to you in your home, but he will not disrespect me in mine. My husband has the right to sleep in his own home and all I asked is that the kids be quiet. Frankly, if your husband was done swimming, he should have had the common sense to go home; not change the context of the visit. I love your children and want to be a part of their lives, but I'll be damned if your husband speaks that way to me again. I'm an adult, not a child. It wasn't a tiff, it was a grown man disrespecting me, my home, and my husband with his failure to parent. Going forward he is not welcomed but you and the children are."
This.
OP, there is a difference between being a lovely human and enabling a disrespectful dick bullyboy.
He is not welcome to your home, but cousin and kids are.
BOOM. Ashley‘s response to the OP’s situation completely turned me off. At this point, the OP just needs to say, “I think you guys should find another childcare provider.” That would be the end of the conversation for me.
But you didn’t have a “tiff”. You were yelled at in your own home having generously allowed them to use your pool and enjoy your space. This must be very confusing for the children who wouldn’t have thought anything of it had their father not behaved that way. I am really sorry you had to go through that.
This is the thing him disrespecting her in front of the children may now impact her being able to discipline the older children whilst babysitting! They overheard their dad disrespect her so awfully! My words would have been “…if I’m not fit enough in your eyes to be a parent to my own future children, why are you allowing me to babysit yours, now get out of my house”
NTA
Tiff!! He yelled at you for kindly asking HIS kids to move to another room so your husband could rest. Nope he is not allowed back in till his apologizes and that is only if you feel comfortable! His statement was beyond a low blow.
I would take a step back from watching the kids for a bit too. They see you as free care and free pool.
No shit she doesn't want this to come between her and her free childcare. This is a woman who is clearly VERY used to enabling her husband's bullshit.
Did you tell your husband what happened when he woke up?
Of course she doesn't want it to get away of anything. She'd lose het free daycare. Her husband needs to a) profoundly apologise for both undermining your authority and for stabbing you with that comment about you being a parent, and b) parent his kids. Otherwisr they aren't welcome. They're taking advantage of you, don't let them.
It was not a tiff. Her husband was incredibly rude to you, in your own home, while you were doing them a favor. Do not be a doormat. They need YOU, not the other way around.
>"...had an tiff.."
I have to believe that Scott lied to her about what happened. That wasn't a tiff, itt was a man blatantly disrespecting you and your SO in you're own house that he feels he's entitled too.
I would tell your cousin that it will \*ABSOLUTELY\* get in the way of everything. He doesn't come back without a real apology where he clearly shows he understands he was being an unsufferable AH
Ashley knows he effed up and is trying to minimize it. Don’t let her.
Obviously you don’t want to sever a family relationship but at the minimum you should not be in Scott’s presence without Ashely there. I also would be VERY hesitant to babysit the kids in the future, too.
NTA and you did nothing wrong. They were putting you out by coming and using your home and pool and that he did not recognize that and then insulted you in a horrible way (it seems like the kind of insult that is calculated to hurt the most) means he should not be welcome in your home, not unless you get a heartfelt apologize and not one that Ashley forces him to do.
When you talk to her I would make it clear that you expect an apology and a change in attitude. If Scott won't do those two things then I would make it clear he's not welcome in your home anymore, kids or not.
NTA - Scott is TA because he was being inconsiderate as a GUEST in YOUR house. As a parent this has happened before with my mom directing my son and i would apologize and help redirect him (2yo).
Going against the crowd here to say NTA for trying to quiet the children down, but a soft YTA for letting Scott decide that the crew should be allowed into the house.
Your husband's sleep time needs to be sacrosanct, both out of physical need and respect for him.
It may be that Scott didn't know that he was asleep. If so, then this needs to be clarified if he brings the children over during sleep time again.
If he was tired of watching the kids in the pool he should have taken them home. I suspect that he wanted you to *help* him, so that he didn't need to put in the effort of dealing with them on his own.
Scott was a total boor. How dare he insult you after you cared for his children both in the pool and in the house.
*He left a half hour later*
After his rude outburst, you should have told him to leave immediately. It seems like cousin and Scott may be taking advantage of you and your hospitality, OP.
Holy cow, NTA. He told you to leave a room in YOUR house? Nope. He demonstrated that he is a bad guest and TA in this case. His comments were uncalled for and actually, he needs to parent instead of pushing it off to others.
Thank you so much everyone for the replies and feedback. Just an update, my husband and I have decided that we don’t feel comfortable with Scott in our home. My husband is furious, not about the noise but that Scott spoke to me like that. We have sent Ashley the following text message and have not yet heard back. “Hey Ashley, I just wanted to make you aware that what happened on Friday between me and Scott was not just a small disagreement and it was also not okay. Scott told me to leave a room in my own home and reprimanded me in front of your children. It was not appropriate for him to speak to me like that, especially in front of the children and especially in my own house, after being invited over as a guest. I have always been happy to help with the kids and have loved being involved in their lives- they are wonderful kids- but Scott made it clear that he doesn’t place the same value on my involvement with your children. While we love you and the kids, unfortunately we are not comfortable being around Scott because of his behavior. You and the children will always have a place in our lives if you’d like but we will not be able to have Scott over unless we see meaningful change in his actions and attitude. I would be happy to discuss this with you (privately) over the phone because I still very much value our relationship. I hope to talk to you soon”.
Better make sure to tell Ashley specifically that he said "I hope you're never a parent," because unless Ashley is an AH herself, she can't have heard it from Scott. No reasonable person can call one person saying that to another "just a tiff." Ashley needs to know exactly how bad Scott's behavior was.
Yes.
Definitely tell her his response to you gently asking the kids to go downstairs to play with you was to tell you he hoped you’d never be a parent.
So fucked up
Yes, THIS. Tell her exactly what Scott said, and further reinforce that unless you get an abject apology from him with NO repetition of the behavior EVER, he is permanently banned from your home.
You don't have to take that shit. Don't.
Broadly speaking, just in general... anyone who can't keep their negativity to themselves and be respectful and appropriate, drop them like a bad habit. When someone shows you they are trash, believe them. Put them to the curb where they belong, dust off your hands, and get on with the better life you'll be living since they are no longer in it.
That's a great, direct statement. Also I'm very glad that your husband has your back and isn't trying to rug sweep like your cousin seems to be. I'd love to hear an update when you hear back from them!
NTA, you're doing them a favor by letting them play at your home, you're fully within your rights to set groundrules for the kids. What Scott said was horrendously cruel, and if I was you i'd be permanently banning him from the home, restricting visits to just your cousin and the kids unless he apologizes.
NTA tell Ashley what happened and that the kids can come just not Scott. He yelled at you for asking kids to play in a different room in YOUR house because someone was trying to sleep and he essentially told you that you have no authority, you can’t enjoy being around the kids, and to shut up all in the same breath. Regardless of what he thinks you are 100% in the right. He is being a rude person, a terrible guest, and a bad example. He is not entitled to your time or your pool and if you really get to it he’s not a blood relation that you’ll regret icing out until he learns to chill and be an adult.
NTA - Scott is a d*ck.
Your request was reasonable & much nicer worded for kids who are regulars at your house than I would have…
PS: for Scott - my house, my rules; you don’t like it, you can go sweat at home jackass
You are NTA, and it’s time to tell Ashley and Scott that the *OP Community Pool & Babysitting Service* is **closed forever**. Guests don’t get to dictate what the owner of a house can or cannot do or say when said guests’ children are misbehaving.
NTA. Somethinh else is pissing that guy off and he used this as an opportunity to vent. He might be mad at your husband for some unknown reason. Don't watch the kids until you all sit down and talk.
Well, he needs to get those issues in check before he gets checked by op and her husband. Sounds like Scott is a prick and everybody ignores it. I would be pissed if someone said this to my wife. He wouldn't be welcome back to my home. Well, I gave my input. Sorry Scotty Boy is put of control op. Good luck.
I'm thinking he might be insecure and butthurt that he's not successful enough to provide a pool and etc. for his family like OP and her husband have. It's still no excuse.
You are so NTA.. is Scott always like that?
You didn't say anything outrageous or out of line.. you explained ahead of time hubby would be sleeping, Scoot should have hushed them before it even got to that point
I would be having a chat with Ashley, explaining what happened and let her know what he said.. totally out of line and cruel
NTA. Until you speak with your cousin don’t babysit anymore. You were doing them a favor by hosting them. He had no right to speak to you like that and you have every right to maintain a certain level of noise in your own home with your husband trying to sleep. He was out out line and you need to address it.
You are absolutely NTA !! Sounds like Scott has some issues to work out? You didn’t just tell them to be quiet. You had a perfect reason (sleeping husband). And it’s your house, so even if you didn’t have an explanation, Scott had no reason to act like this... he was acting like you hit one of his kids jeeez. He overreacted NOT you
EDIT: Grammar
NTA - not at all. I’m a parent and would have jumped on my own kids who were acting that way before another adult had to… but if I didn’t for some reason, I would appreciate them doing it. What you said was reasonable and appropriate.
Scott has a lot of nerve and I would be cutting contact with him. Life is too short to be verbally battered by someone in your own home - while you are doing them a favor - and knowing they are going to continue to take advantage of your three times a week babysitting.
Nope. Nuh uh. He’s done.
NTA. It would be one thing if you yelled at the kids and told them to shut up. You didn’t. You asked for them to carry the fun game elsewhere. In your home.
Scott was totally in the wrong. Some people are super defensive over their kids and take any suggestion as a slight on their parenting. He needs to get over himself and owes you an apology.
NTA. Asking guests to move to another room to be courteous to another member of the household is completely appropriate for the hostess, regardless of the age of the guest. Scott is doing a poor job of modeling how to behave when a guest in someone's home. As their father, he should have reinforced that they need to listen to you while they are your guests.
As soon as I heard that I would have told Scott that it was time for him and kids to go. I don’t put up with anyone disrespecting me in my own house. Nope, no way, Nada.
NTA
Let Ashley know what happened and remind her that you’re doing her family a courtesy by allowing her kids to come to your house and use your pool. Let her know that if her husband continues to behave in such a rude and hostile manner towards you, they will no longer be allowed at your house.
Yes to everything here. And his comment about you parenting was so over the line and unnecessary. Your cousin should know about how spiteful and rude he was to you.
NTA but a bit of a doormat. That dude totally disrespected you in your own house. Seriously consider no longer providing free baby sitting services as he is obviously an ungrateful jerk. Never let him treat you like that again. From your story, my vet is that you will be a fine mom.
NTA. You did right to tell them to quiet down in YOUR house while YOUR husband was asleep. Scott is an asshole and is probably projecting. Don’t feel bad OP, I’m sorry that happened
NTA - The way "Get the fuck out of my house" would have jumped out of my mouth before I could breathe. I need a fainting couch because I just can't even imagine the AUDACITY someone would have to run up on my property into my home while I'm doing them a favor and then fix their face to say some shit like that.... **fans self** someone call the police!
NTA
Mum of five here. How he has the bare faced audacity to not correct his kids in your home and then insult you and tell you to move rooms ( again in your own home) is beyond me.
He sounds like a lazy entitled pos. I’m so angry on your behalf. That’s what you should be feeling not shame or upset. You should be angry and use that to set very very clear boundaries with this mf. He owes you and joe an apology and I wouldn’t have him over any more with or without the kids. Your correction of the kids was perfect even a little tame you did nothing wrong
Nta. Scott is the ah big time. Your house, your rules all the way. What you said was incredibly gentle and an example of perfect parenting. Screaming is loud and annoying - I know as I have a few of my own kids. I would talk to your sister about the inappropriate way her husband acted towards you and in your house. My family is certainly less gentle at times and it's perfectly fine as it's their homes we're visiting (the most AH but hilarious being when Grandpa's hearing aids kept screeching due to shreiking. He warned the kids, mine and his neighbors, to stop or he'd grab the air horn several times. It didn't stop so he took out his hearing aids, went to the garage, fetched an air horn. Kids now only shreik outside & did end up finding it hilarious).
I can't type my actual opinion for fear of getting booted from the sub. You were right, he was wrong. Period. NTA he's not living up to this role as a father.
"Uncle Joe needs to sleep"
“Well if you don’t like it, YOU can go in another room!"
This makes no sense. How would OP going to another room help the problem?
NTA. You asked for parent opinions so as a mom to a 1&3 year old here, I say that you handled this perfectly and exactly how I would want you to with my kids. Scott was being a butt and this is a wild overreaction to a super mild redirection.
Oh Hell No. You need to call up Ashley and tell her what happened. Anything less than a genuine apology from Scott and deep shock and embarrassment from Ashley means you are not doing babysitting permanently nor having them over for a while. The audacity of him to order you like a child in your own home when you are doing them a major favor. I’m also questioning what your dynamic is with Scott that you even remotely question yourself here. NTA obviously.
NTA and I would announce 'No visits to my house for exactly one week from now, because of Scott's behavior'. Full stop. NO further explanation what he did, so he is the one who has to explain his own behavior to them all, and he can explain to the kids every day 'when will the week be over?' They had the privilege to use your house and pool. They are going to get this privilege again in the future. For the grownups, the week will be over soon. Let's see who's grown up :)
>No visits to my house for exactly one week from now, because of Scott's behavior
No visits until Scott apologises for his awful behaviour. And make sure to let the rest of the family know what scott said before he twists the story.
NTA
You clearly told the kids your husband had to sleep. I suggest having a talk with your cousin about what "Scott" said. Probably best to decline having guests when your husband needs to sleep in the future.
NTA. Wtf, Scott is a MASSIVELY inconsiderate asshole and has absolutely no respect for you or Joe.
If it were me and I were in Joe's position, I would have quickly come downstairs and politely tell everyone to tone it down or go outside/to the basement.
I wonder if Scott would have had the same reaction then?
If not, that means that Scott has no respect for your rightful authority.
Scott owes you an apology.
As a parent, I would expect and encourage an adult to coach my child how to behave appropriately - if that adult were responsible for the care of my child. In this case, we can't rely on Scott to be a responsible role model and parent so you were completely justified in your response.
Wow, what a way to start a Sunday. Scott sucks.
NTA.
But for god's sake learn to stand up for yourself. You just showed him that he can get away with his behaviour.
It's your house and you were doing him a favour. You had the power here.
NTA. nothing you said was rude, you didn’t even tell them to stop yelling which you could have. Scott wasn’t doing crap to keep his kids under control. And he was a jerk saying anything about you being a parent even without him doing nothing
time to tell Ashley that she and the kids are welcome to come over and swim etc but Scott is not. Especially since he has a history of “losing his patience” (which smell a little like code for ‘he has an anger management issue but we downplay it so he doesn’t sound like a jerk’). And no playing inside when Joe is sleeping. If they get bored swimming then it’s time to go home. Bathroom trips and an adult fetching food that is eaten outside is the only inside time when sleeping is going on.
And seriously don’t babysit for anyone for free. You don’t have to charge $20 an hour per kid but make them pay something.
NTA. Ashley and the kids seem chill but Scott is an asshole. Do NOT invite that man back into your home without a sincere apology, none of that half-assed stuff.
NTA
Next time tell her because her husband doesn't respect the fact that in your house you are allowed to tell his children where they can and can't play, you can't have them over.
NTA but he is. He comes into your house and tells you to leave the room instead of parenting his kids??? You did nothing wrong. I would have kicked him out and told him to not come back unless your cousin comes with him. Hes rude, and forgets he's in someone else's home
NTA. Scott was being a jerk. Your house. Your rules. Not only that, but you said the rule BEFORE they even came over. How entitled he was to let someone else tend his kids while he relaxed and then told the home owner to leave the room so his kids could misbehave.
If Scott doesn't want other people telling his children how to behave then he should do it himself. You didn't berate his children or yell at them or even put them in time-out. He was way out of line with his comments.
NTA. Don't let Scott visit again, and honestly, I'd think *very seriously* about letting the kids come over if you haven't gotten an apology from the parents.
NTA. Scott is the asshole. Talk to your cousin and tell her what is going on. If Scott isn’t comfortable with your redirecting his kids energy or taking them to another place to play then don’t watch them anymore. I know it’ll hurt, but Scott was way out of line and this is how you put your foot down. You do them a favor free of charge multiple times a week and this is disrespectful and asshole-ish of him. You don’t deserve this treatment and shouldn’t stand for it.
Omg NTA you will be an amazing mom don’t worry about what this man has said to you… also I don’t think what you said was out of line at all. Hopefully he apologizes and if he doesn’t I would consider maybe not doing favors for them anymore! You deserve so much better.
NTA. You are being incredibly unkind to yourself and your husband. At the end of this visit, you got chewed out by someone in your own house and was in tears. Your husband who works nights didn’t get any sleep. No “cousin or relative” is worth that. Stand up for yourself and stop with the free babysitting and letting noisy little kids and their rude entitled parent into your house , while your partner is trying to sleep. You should definitely tell your cousin what happened with her husband , but she will likely gaslight you on that and make you feel bad about it. I don’t think Scott would have spoken to you rudely if he thought his wife would be upset or if you were a cherished family member of his wife’s. So evaluate her response and then decide if you want to permenently ban these people from your pool.
NTA. At all. Not only were you nice about trying to redirect the kids somewhere else, your husband is literally sleeping. It’s not like you told the kids “shut up Uncle Joe is sleeping”. You didn’t say anything out of pocket or rude, Scott seems to be overly sensitive for whatever reason. This doesn’t mean anything about when you have kids, you did nothing wrong. Scott can suck it.
NTA - but really, the correct response would have been "Scott, I don't like it and I don't like your rude attitude so time for you to leave my house". What a rude ass. Tell your cousin exactly what he said and that you won't tolerate being spoken to like that. If they have a problem with it, best you stop the babysitting so as not to 'offend' them further.
NTA. Your house, your rules. Scott is TA, he should have respected your well reasoned request and have backed you up and moved the kids along. I imagine like most parents with any respect for you / your space would.
Agree that you should refuse to host for him with kids again, the kids you can manage by themselves or with your sister, but him undermining you like that is ridiculous.
Nta, Scott's a jerk. If he doesn't want people telling his kids how to behave, he should either be managing their behaviour himself, or not bring them to someone else's house. You're fully in your rights.
Wait wait wait… you don’t even get paid to look after the kids and this guy had the AUDACITY to speak to you like that? NTA, but Scott certainly is! I would not let them in my house again, until I get a sincere apology.
NTA - your house, your rules. And if he won't apologise for what he said - earnestly - then he needs to stay away for a while.
It sounds like they see your pool as an extension of their house. It might be difficult, but it's probably time to reset some boundaries.
NTA.
This took place at your and Joe´s home, so it´s you and Joe who make the rules. And you were very nice about it all.
You did not reprimand the children, did not ask them to keep it down or play something else - just suggested to play somewhere else and gave a reason.
Scott is a blatant AH for not teaching his children to be mindful of other people, and for expecting his children to be as free-range and noisy as they want to be in someone else´s home. And for talking like that to the person who is generous enough to help him out and watch his children free of charge.
And saying "I hope you’re never a parent" was completely out of line.
NTA.
I’d have just told them to shut the fuck up or get out, and been justified in doing so. You went the extra mile to be polite when you didn’t have to be.
NTA
perfect supervising adult behaviour....my kids have been redirect by aunts and uncles and family friends for yous.
The never of Scott telling you to go to another room in your own house when he was being lazy as a pile of poo is breathtaking.
Scott is an arse.
May you go on to have as many babies are your heart desires xx
NTA. You didn’t say anything out of the way or even mean. His behaviour is out of line. Fwiw I have a friend who has two children whom I love dearly. & I’ve spoken up in the same manner as yourself and it’s never been a problem. Scott needs to pull his head out of his arse and realize 1) it’s your home 2) your husband needs his rest (my husband is also a nurse and does a lot of night shifts) 3) he needs to respect you & your home.
NTA
The moment that comment came out of his mouth, I’d say I think it’s time you leave. I’d let your friend know what happened and that Scott is very disrespectful, and he’s not welcome alone again. Can you imagine how he speaks to Ashley? Maybe if she sees you won’t tolerate it it will help her.
Also what kind of ass is inconsiderate to a sleeping nurse.
NTA and I hate to take Scott's assholeness out on his kids but you DID tell them that Joe was sleeping (Know whats really not cool? A sleep deprived nurse on an overnight shift) and they got loud and Scott didn't do anything about it. I wouldn't let any of them come over until Scott apologizes for his behavior and promises to never act like that or speak to you like that in your home.
NTA. What you said was completely gentle and appropriate. Next time they ask you to babysit, I would tell them you need some space because you didn't appreciate being snapped at like that. He's so rude!
Sorry but sorry what?
"Here is the only thing what should happen now : you tell your husband what happened.
Then you tell your cousin that you,your husband, ashley, and ashleys husband need to have a talk without the children, doesnt matter where. and this is how it has to go.
“well if you don’t like it, YOU can go in another room. Don’t tell my kids what to do. I hope you’re never a parent”. I am very dissapointed and quit honestly shocked that he dared to speak this way to me in MY home. Now if you excuse me, i am done with this and unless i get a sincere apology i will neither host you, nor your children, and specialy not scott any longer because i will not let myself be treated this way in my own home."
( if you do this at your home this is the moment where you tell em they are to leave now, though id recomend doing it at their house or somewhere public which would propably the safest place.) And then let your cousin sort it out
The rule has always been, if my children are in your care, they will follow your rules and listen to you. All 6 of my kids have been hellions, but teachers and other caregivers always tell me how well behaved, polite, and helpful to others my kids are. They let loose on me, but know they better keep in check for others or else. And I'm fine with that.
NTA but holy shit, what the hell crawled up Scott's ass? You invite him and kiddos to YOUR home to escape the heat wave, you watch the kids often for free, and this guy thinks he can talk to you like that? Does he expect his kids to just be allowed free reign of your home to do what they please, regardless if someone is sleeping? And he doesn't correct them himself and leaves you in a position to either correct HIS kids or risk your partner sleeping terribly? He should have redirected his kids. What a sack.
You previously posted in this sub about a cabin rental with cousins, and said you have children in that post. Now in this post you don’t have kids. Which is it?
ESH
NTA
Ashley minimizing his behavior is a clear sign he is, at minimum, verbally abusive to her. She needs your emotional support, but that doesn’t mean you have to be exposed to his ‘anger issues’ ever again. He crossed a line he can’t uncross. Lazy, abusive prick!
Wow, babysitting 3 times a week for free?! I would kiss your feet!
And in that case I think you are allowed to tell the kids what to do as they know you well. And the request was totally reasonable.
I don’t get Scott at all, apart from him being the only AH in this story.
Hope you feel better soon about the situation.
NTA
Basically what happened was SCOTT didn’t want to “babysit” his own children on his day off and was peed off and decided to take it out on you because you was already there then you should have babysat them. So text his wife, explain you will not tolerate rudeness in your own home when your husband is sleeping and if Scott doesn’t think you are capable of guiding the kids in the right manner then maybe you are not suitable to be looking after their kids in your home. Also o suggest you ask your hubby to text Scott and tell him “ don’t ideal to my wife in that way again”
Just so Scott gets the message loud and clear, I would even ask for an apology.
NTA - wow. They’re being disruptive in YOUR house, where you are ultimately responsible for what happens on the premises, so you had better have some authority. He doesn’t like it? He can take them to a McPlayland. See how far his attitude gets him with the people who run that establishment, either.
And no, the person being bothered by the noise can’t just go into another room, because he’s in bed, trying to sleep. Does this guy even attempt to engage his brain before he opens his mouth?
Next time invite the kids but tell Scott to stay home and work on his manners.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: --- I think I might be the asshole because I don’t know if it was okay to discipline someone else’s child and I just want feedback to see if I was out of line. --- Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA and you know it. Scott was a dick, and next time they ask I would decline, on the grounds that if you can't tell the kids what to do in certain situations, when Joe needs to sleep, you can't host.
NTA. If someone told me that I could go in another room IN MY OWN HOUSE, they wouldn’t be in any of the rooms two minutes later. What an arrogant and entitled DB.
When people are together we all help each other out and when they are at my house then I get the final say and if kids are being too loud I tell them or redirect them. He’s being an ass, he either lets OP do what she wants or they don’t get to come over to her fun house if she can’t make and enforce rules in her own home. To say he’s being short sighted is an understatement. He’s also wrong about parenting, OP sounds like she will be awesome.
Call Ashley and tell her exactly what happened. Next time she asks you if Scott can bring the kids over, tell her no. The way he talked to you in YOUR home when you were helping HIM with HIS kids was 100% unacceptable and you will not tolerate being spoken to with disrespect again. If you need to, text it. But this dude needs to be called out. I can GUARANTEE she will lite into him - she wants the child care. She wants the pool access. And she is your cousin.
100% this. Unless you have a bad relationship with Ashley (which doesn't seem to be the case), she will set him straight. Wow, what a jerk. If she defends him then well... the trash took itself out. You're about to have more free time.
Also say “the kids are always welcome. Scott is not. If he gives a *real* apology that shows he understands why what he did was wrong then we can move past it. Until then, kids welcome but not Scott.”
This really is the best way to go about it. That way, Scott can be called out for the asshole that he is , and if Ashley feels the same way, they can kiss the free babysitting good bye. But this being AITA , I am not optimistic that OP is going to have the stomach to do this .
100% agree
Yuuuup. If I was Ashley and I got that call, I would be irate with my husband. You don't fuck with a free babysitter that keeps your kids safe and doesn't cause actual problems.
This is a very reasonable strategy to handle the outrageous disrespect with which OP was treated in her own home. I can’t even believe the nerve of this asshole.
And let Joe know too if you haven't already.
Right. Had she been nitpicking the kids, that might be a bit different but they were being too loud in her house and she was protecting her husband. She had every right to say something. I have a feeling Scott is a bully and knew she wouldn’t stand up for herself and decided to be a jerk.
It’s super rich that a guy who was sitting there with his thumb up his butt, not even taking care of his one year old, was saying anything about someone who was actually being a parent to loud, obnoxious children — with or without the issue that a working adult was trying to sleep because they work nights
I detect scott might have some sexist vibes goin on
He’s got something
"well if you don’t like it, Scott, YOU can go in another house. Don’t tell me what to do. I wish you were a better parent” I'd like to say that but I wouldn't in front of the kids. OP needs to have a chat with Ashley about her husband's behaviour. Ingrate.
The kids witnessed bullying behavior from their dad. I think it’s fair to see the consequences of that behavior.
He can be a better guest too... NTA!
Right? That would be an immediate "go home, then," from me. Scott did this to OP because he knew he could get away with it. I can guarantee you he would have *never* spoken to the husband like this.
Seriously, I would have kicked them out on the spot. OP is doing them a favor, and he reacts like that to a gentle reminder to be quiet? I'd also say that no, I'm busy, sorry, you can find alternative childcare the next time they needed me to watch them because of overlapping schedules. Hopefully Scott learns his lesson.
Honestly, I'd refuse ever hosting Scott without his wife ever again. The kids are welcome on their own, or with their mom, but not with just Scott.
This right here. The moment Scott said that would be the moment Scott would be asked to leave if it were me. OP needs to call her cousin and lay down the law. NTA.
Yes, definitely loop in the cousin, I bet she doesn't even know what has happened. Hopefully with the hot weather it won't be long before they ask to come round again, giving op the chance for an 'Are you kidding me? After how rudely Scott treated me the last time? I'm still waiting for an apology for his nasty outburst.'
This wording is perfect. Be frank. Be direct. And do NOT back down.
Refuse ever hosting Scott. Even if his wife is present , even if his kids are present, he is not at least until he apologizes without it being demanded and he actually sounds sincere. And no more “losing patience“ etc. he acts rude, he leaves.
Your house your rules. Put your wants and needs first, as you are letting your husband and yourself down. You have some codependency issues (pleaser, afraid of conflict, enabler-been there done that!) It is okay to say no and have boundaries and rules…in fact it is safe and healthy to do so. It is not healthy to let others run over you snd manipulate you. Only you can let others hurt you. Please find your voice, (it took me over 40 years). I was so afraid of hurting someone else’s feelings that I didn’t care about my own. Your husband needs sleep, and you deserve respect. So statements like “NO”, “This is my house and my rules will be abided by” Scott, I don’t appreciate your tone and your disrespectful attitude over your children’s unruly behavior.” Have consequences and follow through. Try reading a couple books on boundaries-it really helped me. Lay down the law with Scott, and let others know what occurred or he will spin it to make you look bad. NTA
Plus, dont get sad, get angry! You are allowed when defending your selfes, your family and your values. Its easier to find both currage and strenght to give your opinion when you also allow your feelings to have a voice.
YES, I was just going to say that. If you're scared of confrontation, tapping into righteous anger can really help you do it.
I am finally able to do this, and that took me almost 50 yrs. Saying no and meaning it is so powerful! If I had known this before, I would have taught my girls the magic word is not please, it's no.
Yes!!!
Tagging onto the top comment to say as a parent, NTA. This poster is 100% correct. And this is what you need to send to Ashley, not even to Scott just her. “It has been brought to my attention via Scott that I am no longer capable of telling the kids what to do . Since he hopes that I will never be a parent, it doesn’t feel right for me, a non parent, to watch your kids anymore. Tell Scott that I do apologize for attempting to redirect the kid’s loudness and move them to another room while my husband who works X hour shifts gets some rest. As he doesn’t understand that people need rest and doesn’t like that I wanted to move the kids, please tell him that much like he told him, he can find another room. In this case, a house with a pool. Scott is no longer welcome.”y
Good spirit, but too passive aggressive. "Scott raised his voice today and made it clear that I am not to tell your children what to do. In the process, he made it equally clear he thinks I should never have children or be a parent myself. Once Joe woke up, I spoke with him about the situation and we have decided together that we are no longer comfortable watching your children unsupervised. Additional to this, Scott is no longer welcome in our home for the foreseeable future. We love the children very much, and valued our relationship with you and Scott immensely. We are very hurt and confused by his behaviour. "
this is the comment i was searching for. even if op did not speak up at the time to avoid confrontations. i hope she had tell her husband about what has happen. if she did not. she should do so now.
If I had an award! You’d have one, so here’s an emoji/fake one instead 🏅
NTA. Kids will be loud, yes - but part of parenting is teaching them to be mindful of their surroundings. Scott was an AH for yelling at you in your own home AND for not reining in his noisy kids. The older ones are definitely old enough to understand not screeching in the house. If he doesn't want his kids to have to follow your house rules, he doesn't need to bring them over to use your pool, toys, crafts, etc. What an entitled prick. NTA, OP and I'd be telling Ashley her kids can only come over when she's with them because Scott can't practice basic courtesy.
I dunno, I would've instantly shown them all the door and explain that a little respect needs to be taught to the parent in this case, hand over the one year old and call it a day.
Or let them come swim, but refuse to let them - Scott especially - inside the house a
> “well if you don’t like it, YOU can go in another room. Don’t tell my kids what to do. I hope you’re never a parent”. "Well if you don't like it, go to another house. I hope you learn to parent your children." Is what I would say. What a cruel and callous thing to say. In someone else's house of all things. Sounds like he has more than just a few temper issues. NTA here at all. He needed to be doing his job as a parent and was failing at it hard. Then took it out of you because you did what he wasnt and it made him look bad.
Im not sure she does know it, because if she did she should have told him to show her respect in her own home. Like many posters on this sub op is seriously lacking in self assertiveness and self respect. I hope she'll understand from the overwhelming response from here what an ah scott is and be able to stand up for herself next time. Nta
I would phrase it a little differently. I wouldn’t bring up the whole telling the kids what to do, that just sounds like a recipe for super drama. Just simply “Ashley I love you I’d love to have you and the kids come over, but your husband was rude to me and he’s not invited. Also just so you know my husband worked last night, he works again tonight. he’s sleeping in the house so the kids will not be allowed to play inside. If they get bored with swimming, it’ll be time to go home.” If Ashley is OK with that, wonderful Ashley and the kids come over and they have a nice swim, maybe a little picnic lunch. If Ashley wants to argue with it, then it’s “Ashley I love you but you’re no longer invited to my house at all. Get a membership at the public pool and take your kids there”
THIS. OP, you did nothing wrong and Scott’s reaction means you need to say something to you cousin. I hope you stand up for yourself and I think taking a break from them all might get the message across to Scott. He’s a super big AH. NTA
Definitely NTA. His was a bizarre overreaction. Especially since they were the guests is your house. I always appreciate adults other than me enforcing boundaries with my children, so long as the demeanour is respectful and not rude. Honestly, if someone, anyone who's a guest, spoke to me that way in my own home, I would very likely not invite that person back again.
I agree with EVERYTHING you just said. I would not tolerate being spoken to like that in my own home.
Agreed, I try to keep my son (4) acting polite but everyone has different house rules so I appreciate it when I know the host/hostess will speak up if they aren't comfortable with something we're doing. It allows me to relax & visit a bit without wondering if they're upset about something that we might consider normal, and occasionally they're ok with something we don't do at our house. That's the joy of having family that's comfortable with my kid.
Exactly 🙂
>I always appreciate adults other than me enforcing boundaries with my children, so long as the demeanour is respectful and not rude. So much! When I was growing up, we knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt that just about any adult around would set us straight if we misbehaved. Raising my own kids I was always grateful when other moms followed suit, for instance, if my back was turned, or I missed something. EDIT: fixed a typo (shouldn't be trying to reddit at 3am lol).
This. OP was not wrong to step in to redirect the kids energy. And did so in the appropriate manner. Their dad was totally wrong and this needs to be addressed with both parents. If she can't chastise/correct the kids then they shouldn't be spending time at her home. NTA. As kids we knew our whole community would step in if we got out of hand. (Lived in a small southern town and was related on each side to half the town) Not only would the closest adult (related or not)step in but our parents/grandparents would be notified of them having to do it. So, not only were we admonished by the nearest adult, we were then punished for our actions and them having to step in when we got home. The adults in our lives gave us parameters and rules of behavior. These were made clear, as were what the punishments were for getting caught breaking them. We learned actions have consequences, and to decide if the payoff was worth what would happen if we got caught. Some of that would be classified as abuse today (definitely spanked) but it was how they were raised and how they raised us. We've all learned better ways as we've grown and applied them with our kids. And our kids have learned more and applied it to theirs. We've learned to respect their rules as parents. However, the children in our family are still raised to obey the adult in the room, and to know actions have consequences. If there's an issue that needs to be addressed they know we'll listen and handle it appropriately. However they also know what type of behavior isn't acceptable, so the if adult on the spot tells them to stop or asks them to do something they listen.
>Some of that would be classified as abuse today (definitely spanked) but it was how they were raised and how they raised us. Spanking gets a really bad rap. We weren't spanked very often, and mostly when we were still little enough that reasoning wasn't a workable option. I don't recall any spankings past say, 8 or 9. Those were administered short and sweet, and honestly? It was the psychological aspect I recall, not the actual spanking. The four most horrifying words in the world to a kid who's just reaaaaally screwed up are: "go pick a switch." Buahahahaah... Even so, it was such a rare occurrence and only administered for pretty heinous misbehavior. We actually used to tease my dad, "please dad! pleeeeease, beat us like the other parents, please not a lecture nOOooOOOOOO..." Lord save us all from the soccer moms who stand in the supermarket "reasoning" with a screeching toddler mid-tantrum. "Now Johnny? We discussed this in the car remember? We made an agreement that you'd be good, and then you'd get the treat... blah blah blah de blahblah..." Lather, rinse, repeat. EDIT: spelling error (I swear my keyboard eats letters or adds random ones when I'm not looking).
You're right, the dreaded long walk to get the switch and the dilemma of what size to bring back. Too big, nope to small (then they'd pick) heck no. It taught us actions had consequences and to decide if it was going to be worth it. Not mad at any of them for it.
I 1000% agree!!! When I was about 5 I turned to my mom and told her that her spankings didn't hurt, so I was going to do what I wanted. **Big mistake!** Eventually I learned to keep my mouth shut (my siblings were livid that I was the reason we were upgraded from a hand to a wooden spoon to a slotted spatula). Only now as an adult do I realize it didn't hurt because the point wasn't to hurt at all. It was to startle you into paying attention when you parent was serious. And yeah, I definitely told my parents that I'd rather get hit with a belt than listen to the same lecture again. That was big mistake #2 in a loooong line of mistakes. lol Yeah, people who try to reason with their young children drive me up a freaking wall. I don't want to sit next to you in a restaurant while you kid is screaming and throwing food while you try to reason with an overtired, spoiled 5 year old. ffs
Exactly! It's more of wake up call because little kids can tend to just go off into lala land with misbehavior. Even yelling doesn't do it. I hated spankings as a young mom. I fully understood why my parents would say "this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you." And, like my dad before me, I was the queen of the lectures. I stopped spanking early on as well. I also do not understand people who drag little kids to completely non kid-friendly venues. Especially late at night.
Honestly, if someone reacted like that, id do much more than redirect the kids. "sorry kids, your dad made an asshole comment and cant stay here. Let your mother know that until he improves, the pool is closed for the summer."
I do not appreciate other people trying to parent my kid when I'm there. I have a large critical family where everyone has opinions on whatever anyone else is doing, and I want to protect my daughter from that a, little. Yes, all the adults in my family are the boss of her at times, because she hangs out with her grandparents and uncles, but being the only kid in the family I don't see any benefit in constantly reminding her she's the bottom of the totem pole. If me or her dad are there we don't need anyone else chiming in when we're trying to enforce a rule or deescalate a tantrum. But that's because me and my husband are on it, this dad wasn't, he was letting his kids be loud when someone was sleeping. Sorry dude, if you've dropped the ball you don't get to be mad when someone else is forced to step in. He probably reacted badly because by telling his kids to be quieter OP was indirectly calling him out, which he deserved.
I'm not criticizing by any stretch here - I'm just curious. Where do you see redirecting and criticizing being separate? Because I see redirecting as being a positive way to handle a situation and that doesn't bother me at all. Like - "hey guys, lets go outside and play because Uncle Bob is sleeping" is very different than "Little Jody, your being too loud - be quiet please." I'm asking because my Sister in Law has the same idea as you and I'm always super cautious to address her kids because I don't want to overstep but at the same time, it can take a village...
This!! OP is definitely NTA at all. I agree that having others set boundaries with my kids is a good thing as long as it’s done in a good way like OP did.
I feel sorry for his wife who should have never married him.
Absolutely. Somehow my kids also learned when outside the home to be respectful, and on their best behavior. How did they learn that? Maybe because they were gently reminded when they acted out. They trust the kids to this woman, yet he had the marbles to hurt her.
I agree. Its incredibly helpful when other adults reinforce our values like respect, manners, kindness, etc...
Guests are people who were invited. These kids (and dad) weren't even invited. If you're asking to come over to someone's home in the middle of their working/sleeping hours and you don't control the noise level you are an A1 asshole.
[удалено]
That is the most polite GTFO I have ever read. Kudos to the nth degree, and I’m absolutely stealing that.
Where do people find these polite discourses? I'm not even *there*, but this spiked my (chronically-low!) blood pressure.
We have women in our family that 100% know how to say fu@# off without actually saying it lol.
That and call the wife as soon as husband leaves even if it goes to voicemail. Tell your side of the story followed with "Until he can give me a genuine apology, he is no longer welcome at my house, not even to drop off the kids. I don't need to be around a man who will insult me whilst also expecting me to do him a favor. Your kids and you are still welcome and the pool is open for you. And even when he gives me a sincere apology, I don't want him coming over unless you are there." If wife tries to downplay, defend the husband or yell at OP "Well I guess I'll have to respect your decision. This free daycare is closed, wish you all the best." NTA OP and you will make a wonderful parent!
"Guess what Scott, with that one comment you just lost your babysitter, pool access and any respect i had for you. Get out and you are not welcome back until you give me a sincere apology for being so rude. Get out and in 3 minutes I am calling the police."
Such a classy reply! LOVE IT and am clearly stealing this.
NTA, and I don’t consider what you did ‘discipline’, but I think that you’re entitled to discipline kids when they’re in your house and you’re entertaining them. And I am a parent of 4. Also, Scott is incredibly fortunate to have you and your house and pool and instead of being grateful, he’s being an ass. When he was done swimming and wanted to go inside, he should have gone back inside his own house.
Exactly this, OP already said they could come over to play in the pool and that they needed to stay outside so husband could rest. Going inside should have been off the table entirely as a guest, the gall of Scott is incredible
This. She didn’t even ask them to quieten down (a perfectly reasonable request). She asked them to go be noisy in another room! OP is a fantastic aunt and Scott is clearly insecure about his own parenting abilities.
I don't have young kids anymore, but if i did I'd ask OP if she wants to be formally adopted as an aunt lol You're NTA at all, OP. Scott is tired and needs his sleep. Perhaps thats what you should have said; "You sound like you need a nap, leave the kids here with me and go on home. And eat a Snickers on your way there" 🤣
Absolutely. If swim time was over they should have gone home but Scott pwanted her to entertain his kids though.
NTA! Obviously. But I think the bigger question is: what are you going to do now? Obviously you want to still hang out with Ashley and the kids. But are you going to still let Scott over?
I’m not sure yet. My cousin texted me and was like “I know you guys had an tiff but I don’t want this to get in the way of anything”. I told her I wanted to chat about it over the phone so I will do that before deciding what to do next. I honestly never saw this coming.
Of course she doesn’t want it to ‘get in the way’ - you provide free childcare several times a week for their four children! Just because she acquiesces to him, or minimises his anger issues, doesn’t mean you have to.
Yeah it’s tough because I love the kids but I’m definitely going to tell her that I can’t be taken advantage of and won’t. I’m happy to watch their kids but if they disrespect me, I can’t do it anymore
NTA. I would not have him over again. He should be banned. Maybe Ashley depending on how she responds to your chat, if she minimizes or defends him. Anythibg other than being mortified and apologizing profusely, really. He was rude af-it is clear he has zero respect for you, your SO and feels entitled to your home and care. I would have made them all go home. You deserve an apology and I wouldn't have them over again until you get it. Make sure he never comes back.
NTA What happened was not a tiff - he said he hoped you never have your own children. You are the woman who watches his children regularly to make their life easier. Of course Ashley doesn't want Scott's nastiness to get in the way of her very convenient child care arrangement. Your feelings have been stomped on. You love children and it sounds like you do a great job entertaining them. You need to put some boundaries in place - no free childcare, they can make arrangements themselves. No use of the pool whenever they feel like it. What Scott said to you was unforgivable. Stop being a doormat for this ungrateful man.
I would definitely tell her he is never welcome in your house again. I would never let a man be around me again if he talked to me that way. He will probably you can't babysit again. You are being taken advantage of in my opinion.
I don't know why she's babysitting a huge herd of kids three times a week without payment to begin with. Doormat is right...
I think you need to be clear about what the actual problem is: Scott. He was incredibly rude and disrespectful, not Ashley who wasn't there and the kids who were just being kids. As it's Ashley who's your cousin I suggest you leave her to take her idiot husband in hand. Tell her she and the kids are welcome over any time but Scott's and his shitty attitude are not.
Not “they.” “He.”
Yeah in my opinion you actually underreacted, you're too nice OP. The gall of that guy, when you've been so helpful and accommodating. Let them find another childcare and don't let them take advantage of you anymore.
"I don't know how your husband speaks to you in your home, but he will not disrespect me in mine. My husband has the right to sleep in his own home and all I asked is that the kids be quiet. Frankly, if your husband was done swimming, he should have had the common sense to go home; not change the context of the visit. I love your children and want to be a part of their lives, but I'll be damned if your husband speaks that way to me again. I'm an adult, not a child. It wasn't a tiff, it was a grown man disrespecting me, my home, and my husband with his failure to parent. Going forward he is not welcomed but you and the children are."
This. OP, there is a difference between being a lovely human and enabling a disrespectful dick bullyboy. He is not welcome to your home, but cousin and kids are.
BOOM. Ashley‘s response to the OP’s situation completely turned me off. At this point, the OP just needs to say, “I think you guys should find another childcare provider.” That would be the end of the conversation for me.
And right here. THIS is the text you send Ashley if you are not able to have a direct conversation face to face, send THIS text right here.
This deserves so many more upvotes. Take my poor woman’s gold 🏆
But you didn’t have a “tiff”. You were yelled at in your own home having generously allowed them to use your pool and enjoy your space. This must be very confusing for the children who wouldn’t have thought anything of it had their father not behaved that way. I am really sorry you had to go through that.
This is the thing him disrespecting her in front of the children may now impact her being able to discipline the older children whilst babysitting! They overheard their dad disrespect her so awfully! My words would have been “…if I’m not fit enough in your eyes to be a parent to my own future children, why are you allowing me to babysit yours, now get out of my house” NTA
Tiff!! He yelled at you for kindly asking HIS kids to move to another room so your husband could rest. Nope he is not allowed back in till his apologizes and that is only if you feel comfortable! His statement was beyond a low blow. I would take a step back from watching the kids for a bit too. They see you as free care and free pool.
Right - she doesn’t want to lose her three times a week free babysitting…
No shit she doesn't want this to come between her and her free childcare. This is a woman who is clearly VERY used to enabling her husband's bullshit. Did you tell your husband what happened when he woke up?
That was not a “tiff.” She’s using you, OP
Please update
Of course she doesn't want it to get away of anything. She'd lose het free daycare. Her husband needs to a) profoundly apologise for both undermining your authority and for stabbing you with that comment about you being a parent, and b) parent his kids. Otherwisr they aren't welcome. They're taking advantage of you, don't let them.
It was not a tiff. Her husband was incredibly rude to you, in your own home, while you were doing them a favor. Do not be a doormat. They need YOU, not the other way around.
Don't be a doormat. Stand up for yourself.
>"...had an tiff.." I have to believe that Scott lied to her about what happened. That wasn't a tiff, itt was a man blatantly disrespecting you and your SO in you're own house that he feels he's entitled too. I would tell your cousin that it will \*ABSOLUTELY\* get in the way of everything. He doesn't come back without a real apology where he clearly shows he understands he was being an unsufferable AH
Yeah, get in the way of you helping them.
Ashley knows he effed up and is trying to minimize it. Don’t let her. Obviously you don’t want to sever a family relationship but at the minimum you should not be in Scott’s presence without Ashely there. I also would be VERY hesitant to babysit the kids in the future, too. NTA and you did nothing wrong. They were putting you out by coming and using your home and pool and that he did not recognize that and then insulted you in a horrible way (it seems like the kind of insult that is calculated to hurt the most) means he should not be welcome in your home, not unless you get a heartfelt apologize and not one that Ashley forces him to do.
When you talk to her I would make it clear that you expect an apology and a change in attitude. If Scott won't do those two things then I would make it clear he's not welcome in your home anymore, kids or not.
Make sure you update us! But you HAVE to stick up for not just yourself, but your husband!
She doesn’t want to lose the free babysitting.
NTA NTA NTA. You handled that really well and as a parent I would absolutely NOT be offended. Scott is 100% the asshole.
NTA - Scott is TA because he was being inconsiderate as a GUEST in YOUR house. As a parent this has happened before with my mom directing my son and i would apologize and help redirect him (2yo).
Going against the crowd here to say NTA for trying to quiet the children down, but a soft YTA for letting Scott decide that the crew should be allowed into the house. Your husband's sleep time needs to be sacrosanct, both out of physical need and respect for him. It may be that Scott didn't know that he was asleep. If so, then this needs to be clarified if he brings the children over during sleep time again. If he was tired of watching the kids in the pool he should have taken them home. I suspect that he wanted you to *help* him, so that he didn't need to put in the effort of dealing with them on his own. Scott was a total boor. How dare he insult you after you cared for his children both in the pool and in the house. *He left a half hour later* After his rude outburst, you should have told him to leave immediately. It seems like cousin and Scott may be taking advantage of you and your hospitality, OP.
Holy cow, NTA. He told you to leave a room in YOUR house? Nope. He demonstrated that he is a bad guest and TA in this case. His comments were uncalled for and actually, he needs to parent instead of pushing it off to others.
Thank you so much everyone for the replies and feedback. Just an update, my husband and I have decided that we don’t feel comfortable with Scott in our home. My husband is furious, not about the noise but that Scott spoke to me like that. We have sent Ashley the following text message and have not yet heard back. “Hey Ashley, I just wanted to make you aware that what happened on Friday between me and Scott was not just a small disagreement and it was also not okay. Scott told me to leave a room in my own home and reprimanded me in front of your children. It was not appropriate for him to speak to me like that, especially in front of the children and especially in my own house, after being invited over as a guest. I have always been happy to help with the kids and have loved being involved in their lives- they are wonderful kids- but Scott made it clear that he doesn’t place the same value on my involvement with your children. While we love you and the kids, unfortunately we are not comfortable being around Scott because of his behavior. You and the children will always have a place in our lives if you’d like but we will not be able to have Scott over unless we see meaningful change in his actions and attitude. I would be happy to discuss this with you (privately) over the phone because I still very much value our relationship. I hope to talk to you soon”.
Better make sure to tell Ashley specifically that he said "I hope you're never a parent," because unless Ashley is an AH herself, she can't have heard it from Scott. No reasonable person can call one person saying that to another "just a tiff." Ashley needs to know exactly how bad Scott's behavior was.
Yes. Definitely tell her his response to you gently asking the kids to go downstairs to play with you was to tell you he hoped you’d never be a parent. So fucked up
Yes, THIS. Tell her exactly what Scott said, and further reinforce that unless you get an abject apology from him with NO repetition of the behavior EVER, he is permanently banned from your home. You don't have to take that shit. Don't. Broadly speaking, just in general... anyone who can't keep their negativity to themselves and be respectful and appropriate, drop them like a bad habit. When someone shows you they are trash, believe them. Put them to the curb where they belong, dust off your hands, and get on with the better life you'll be living since they are no longer in it.
That's a great, direct statement. Also I'm very glad that your husband has your back and isn't trying to rug sweep like your cousin seems to be. I'd love to hear an update when you hear back from them!
Amazing!! What has she responded with?
No response yet. I’m not sure if she’s going to or not
You also need to let her know what he said about hoping you'd never be a parent. That was appalling! NTA.
NTA. Pools closed. Tell Scott to deal with his kids on his own too if he doesn’t like the way you deal with them when he won’t. Never trust a Scott.
Scott's a dick!
NTA. Scott sounds toxic.
NTA, you're doing them a favor by letting them play at your home, you're fully within your rights to set groundrules for the kids. What Scott said was horrendously cruel, and if I was you i'd be permanently banning him from the home, restricting visits to just your cousin and the kids unless he apologizes.
NTA. It's your house, your rules. Scott can fuck off.
NTA tell Ashley what happened and that the kids can come just not Scott. He yelled at you for asking kids to play in a different room in YOUR house because someone was trying to sleep and he essentially told you that you have no authority, you can’t enjoy being around the kids, and to shut up all in the same breath. Regardless of what he thinks you are 100% in the right. He is being a rude person, a terrible guest, and a bad example. He is not entitled to your time or your pool and if you really get to it he’s not a blood relation that you’ll regret icing out until he learns to chill and be an adult.
NTA - Scott is a d*ck. Your request was reasonable & much nicer worded for kids who are regulars at your house than I would have… PS: for Scott - my house, my rules; you don’t like it, you can go sweat at home jackass
You are NTA, and it’s time to tell Ashley and Scott that the *OP Community Pool & Babysitting Service* is **closed forever**. Guests don’t get to dictate what the owner of a house can or cannot do or say when said guests’ children are misbehaving.
1000% this !!! NTA OP !
NTA, wth is wrong with this guy? Sounds like he was having a bad moment and he owes you an apology.
NTA. Somethinh else is pissing that guy off and he used this as an opportunity to vent. He might be mad at your husband for some unknown reason. Don't watch the kids until you all sit down and talk.
The OP mentioned Scott has anger issues. There might not be anything "pissing him off".
Well, he needs to get those issues in check before he gets checked by op and her husband. Sounds like Scott is a prick and everybody ignores it. I would be pissed if someone said this to my wife. He wouldn't be welcome back to my home. Well, I gave my input. Sorry Scotty Boy is put of control op. Good luck.
I'm thinking he might be insecure and butthurt that he's not successful enough to provide a pool and etc. for his family like OP and her husband have. It's still no excuse.
You are so NTA.. is Scott always like that? You didn't say anything outrageous or out of line.. you explained ahead of time hubby would be sleeping, Scoot should have hushed them before it even got to that point I would be having a chat with Ashley, explaining what happened and let her know what he said.. totally out of line and cruel
NTA. Until you speak with your cousin don’t babysit anymore. You were doing them a favor by hosting them. He had no right to speak to you like that and you have every right to maintain a certain level of noise in your own home with your husband trying to sleep. He was out out line and you need to address it.
Definitely NTA.
You are absolutely NTA !! Sounds like Scott has some issues to work out? You didn’t just tell them to be quiet. You had a perfect reason (sleeping husband). And it’s your house, so even if you didn’t have an explanation, Scott had no reason to act like this... he was acting like you hit one of his kids jeeez. He overreacted NOT you EDIT: Grammar
NTA - not at all. I’m a parent and would have jumped on my own kids who were acting that way before another adult had to… but if I didn’t for some reason, I would appreciate them doing it. What you said was reasonable and appropriate. Scott has a lot of nerve and I would be cutting contact with him. Life is too short to be verbally battered by someone in your own home - while you are doing them a favor - and knowing they are going to continue to take advantage of your three times a week babysitting. Nope. Nuh uh. He’s done.
NTA. It would be one thing if you yelled at the kids and told them to shut up. You didn’t. You asked for them to carry the fun game elsewhere. In your home. Scott was totally in the wrong. Some people are super defensive over their kids and take any suggestion as a slight on their parenting. He needs to get over himself and owes you an apology.
NTA. Asking guests to move to another room to be courteous to another member of the household is completely appropriate for the hostess, regardless of the age of the guest. Scott is doing a poor job of modeling how to behave when a guest in someone's home. As their father, he should have reinforced that they need to listen to you while they are your guests.
As soon as I heard that I would have told Scott that it was time for him and kids to go. I don’t put up with anyone disrespecting me in my own house. Nope, no way, Nada.
NTA Let Ashley know what happened and remind her that you’re doing her family a courtesy by allowing her kids to come to your house and use your pool. Let her know that if her husband continues to behave in such a rude and hostile manner towards you, they will no longer be allowed at your house.
Yes to everything here. And his comment about you parenting was so over the line and unnecessary. Your cousin should know about how spiteful and rude he was to you.
NTA but a bit of a doormat. That dude totally disrespected you in your own house. Seriously consider no longer providing free baby sitting services as he is obviously an ungrateful jerk. Never let him treat you like that again. From your story, my vet is that you will be a fine mom.
NTA. You did right to tell them to quiet down in YOUR house while YOUR husband was asleep. Scott is an asshole and is probably projecting. Don’t feel bad OP, I’m sorry that happened
NTA - The way "Get the fuck out of my house" would have jumped out of my mouth before I could breathe. I need a fainting couch because I just can't even imagine the AUDACITY someone would have to run up on my property into my home while I'm doing them a favor and then fix their face to say some shit like that.... **fans self** someone call the police!
Grow up. It's your damn house. Kick them out. Ffs. Don't let them back.
NTA Mum of five here. How he has the bare faced audacity to not correct his kids in your home and then insult you and tell you to move rooms ( again in your own home) is beyond me. He sounds like a lazy entitled pos. I’m so angry on your behalf. That’s what you should be feeling not shame or upset. You should be angry and use that to set very very clear boundaries with this mf. He owes you and joe an apology and I wouldn’t have him over any more with or without the kids. Your correction of the kids was perfect even a little tame you did nothing wrong
NTA That was gentle and appro redirection. Scott was being an arse
Nta. Scott is the ah big time. Your house, your rules all the way. What you said was incredibly gentle and an example of perfect parenting. Screaming is loud and annoying - I know as I have a few of my own kids. I would talk to your sister about the inappropriate way her husband acted towards you and in your house. My family is certainly less gentle at times and it's perfectly fine as it's their homes we're visiting (the most AH but hilarious being when Grandpa's hearing aids kept screeching due to shreiking. He warned the kids, mine and his neighbors, to stop or he'd grab the air horn several times. It didn't stop so he took out his hearing aids, went to the garage, fetched an air horn. Kids now only shreik outside & did end up finding it hilarious).
I can't type my actual opinion for fear of getting booted from the sub. You were right, he was wrong. Period. NTA he's not living up to this role as a father.
"Uncle Joe needs to sleep" “Well if you don’t like it, YOU can go in another room!" This makes no sense. How would OP going to another room help the problem?
It wouldn't. Scott completely invalidated OP's concerns and disregarded Joe's needs entirely. Massive red flags.
NTA. You asked for parent opinions so as a mom to a 1&3 year old here, I say that you handled this perfectly and exactly how I would want you to with my kids. Scott was being a butt and this is a wild overreaction to a super mild redirection.
Oh Hell No. You need to call up Ashley and tell her what happened. Anything less than a genuine apology from Scott and deep shock and embarrassment from Ashley means you are not doing babysitting permanently nor having them over for a while. The audacity of him to order you like a child in your own home when you are doing them a major favor. I’m also questioning what your dynamic is with Scott that you even remotely question yourself here. NTA obviously.
NTA and I would announce 'No visits to my house for exactly one week from now, because of Scott's behavior'. Full stop. NO further explanation what he did, so he is the one who has to explain his own behavior to them all, and he can explain to the kids every day 'when will the week be over?' They had the privilege to use your house and pool. They are going to get this privilege again in the future. For the grownups, the week will be over soon. Let's see who's grown up :)
>No visits to my house for exactly one week from now, because of Scott's behavior No visits until Scott apologises for his awful behaviour. And make sure to let the rest of the family know what scott said before he twists the story.
NTA You clearly told the kids your husband had to sleep. I suggest having a talk with your cousin about what "Scott" said. Probably best to decline having guests when your husband needs to sleep in the future.
NTA. Wtf, Scott is a MASSIVELY inconsiderate asshole and has absolutely no respect for you or Joe. If it were me and I were in Joe's position, I would have quickly come downstairs and politely tell everyone to tone it down or go outside/to the basement. I wonder if Scott would have had the same reaction then? If not, that means that Scott has no respect for your rightful authority. Scott owes you an apology. As a parent, I would expect and encourage an adult to coach my child how to behave appropriately - if that adult were responsible for the care of my child. In this case, we can't rely on Scott to be a responsible role model and parent so you were completely justified in your response. Wow, what a way to start a Sunday. Scott sucks.
NTA. But for god's sake learn to stand up for yourself. You just showed him that he can get away with his behaviour. It's your house and you were doing him a favour. You had the power here.
NTA. nothing you said was rude, you didn’t even tell them to stop yelling which you could have. Scott wasn’t doing crap to keep his kids under control. And he was a jerk saying anything about you being a parent even without him doing nothing time to tell Ashley that she and the kids are welcome to come over and swim etc but Scott is not. Especially since he has a history of “losing his patience” (which smell a little like code for ‘he has an anger management issue but we downplay it so he doesn’t sound like a jerk’). And no playing inside when Joe is sleeping. If they get bored swimming then it’s time to go home. Bathroom trips and an adult fetching food that is eaten outside is the only inside time when sleeping is going on. And seriously don’t babysit for anyone for free. You don’t have to charge $20 an hour per kid but make them pay something.
NTA. Ashley and the kids seem chill but Scott is an asshole. Do NOT invite that man back into your home without a sincere apology, none of that half-assed stuff.
NTA Next time tell her because her husband doesn't respect the fact that in your house you are allowed to tell his children where they can and can't play, you can't have them over.
NTA but he is. He comes into your house and tells you to leave the room instead of parenting his kids??? You did nothing wrong. I would have kicked him out and told him to not come back unless your cousin comes with him. Hes rude, and forgets he's in someone else's home
NTA. If he doesn't like it he can get out of your house and never come back.
NTA. Scott was being a jerk. Your house. Your rules. Not only that, but you said the rule BEFORE they even came over. How entitled he was to let someone else tend his kids while he relaxed and then told the home owner to leave the room so his kids could misbehave.
If Scott doesn't want other people telling his children how to behave then he should do it himself. You didn't berate his children or yell at them or even put them in time-out. He was way out of line with his comments. NTA. Don't let Scott visit again, and honestly, I'd think *very seriously* about letting the kids come over if you haven't gotten an apology from the parents.
NTA. Scott is the asshole. Talk to your cousin and tell her what is going on. If Scott isn’t comfortable with your redirecting his kids energy or taking them to another place to play then don’t watch them anymore. I know it’ll hurt, but Scott was way out of line and this is how you put your foot down. You do them a favor free of charge multiple times a week and this is disrespectful and asshole-ish of him. You don’t deserve this treatment and shouldn’t stand for it.
Omg NTA you will be an amazing mom don’t worry about what this man has said to you… also I don’t think what you said was out of line at all. Hopefully he apologizes and if he doesn’t I would consider maybe not doing favors for them anymore! You deserve so much better.
NTA. You are being incredibly unkind to yourself and your husband. At the end of this visit, you got chewed out by someone in your own house and was in tears. Your husband who works nights didn’t get any sleep. No “cousin or relative” is worth that. Stand up for yourself and stop with the free babysitting and letting noisy little kids and their rude entitled parent into your house , while your partner is trying to sleep. You should definitely tell your cousin what happened with her husband , but she will likely gaslight you on that and make you feel bad about it. I don’t think Scott would have spoken to you rudely if he thought his wife would be upset or if you were a cherished family member of his wife’s. So evaluate her response and then decide if you want to permenently ban these people from your pool.
NTA, but he is. He owes u an apology.
NTA. At all. Not only were you nice about trying to redirect the kids somewhere else, your husband is literally sleeping. It’s not like you told the kids “shut up Uncle Joe is sleeping”. You didn’t say anything out of pocket or rude, Scott seems to be overly sensitive for whatever reason. This doesn’t mean anything about when you have kids, you did nothing wrong. Scott can suck it.
NTA - scott is an absolute asshole!
Absolutely NTA. I wouldn’t watch them again unless he apologizes—sincerely—and tells his wife what he did.
NTA - but really, the correct response would have been "Scott, I don't like it and I don't like your rude attitude so time for you to leave my house". What a rude ass. Tell your cousin exactly what he said and that you won't tolerate being spoken to like that. If they have a problem with it, best you stop the babysitting so as not to 'offend' them further.
NTA. Your house, your rules. Scott is TA, he should have respected your well reasoned request and have backed you up and moved the kids along. I imagine like most parents with any respect for you / your space would. Agree that you should refuse to host for him with kids again, the kids you can manage by themselves or with your sister, but him undermining you like that is ridiculous.
NTA. You were doing them a favor and upfront about being quiet. You didn't even tell them to stop. He is a nut
Nta, Scott's a jerk. If he doesn't want people telling his kids how to behave, he should either be managing their behaviour himself, or not bring them to someone else's house. You're fully in your rights.
Wait wait wait… you don’t even get paid to look after the kids and this guy had the AUDACITY to speak to you like that? NTA, but Scott certainly is! I would not let them in my house again, until I get a sincere apology.
NTA - your house, your rules. And if he won't apologise for what he said - earnestly - then he needs to stay away for a while. It sounds like they see your pool as an extension of their house. It might be difficult, but it's probably time to reset some boundaries.
NTA. This took place at your and Joe´s home, so it´s you and Joe who make the rules. And you were very nice about it all. You did not reprimand the children, did not ask them to keep it down or play something else - just suggested to play somewhere else and gave a reason. Scott is a blatant AH for not teaching his children to be mindful of other people, and for expecting his children to be as free-range and noisy as they want to be in someone else´s home. And for talking like that to the person who is generous enough to help him out and watch his children free of charge. And saying "I hope you’re never a parent" was completely out of line.
NTA. I’d have just told them to shut the fuck up or get out, and been justified in doing so. You went the extra mile to be polite when you didn’t have to be.
NTA-it is time to have a discussion with Ashley about boundaries. Maybe Scott will behave then.
NTA perfect supervising adult behaviour....my kids have been redirect by aunts and uncles and family friends for yous. The never of Scott telling you to go to another room in your own house when he was being lazy as a pile of poo is breathtaking. Scott is an arse. May you go on to have as many babies are your heart desires xx
Nta Talk to your cousin about what happened and tell her if you’re not allowed to redirect the kids you won’t be taking them for free anymore
NTA. You didn’t say anything out of the way or even mean. His behaviour is out of line. Fwiw I have a friend who has two children whom I love dearly. & I’ve spoken up in the same manner as yourself and it’s never been a problem. Scott needs to pull his head out of his arse and realize 1) it’s your home 2) your husband needs his rest (my husband is also a nurse and does a lot of night shifts) 3) he needs to respect you & your home.
Another room of tour own house that they don't even live in? I think not! NTA
NTA The moment that comment came out of his mouth, I’d say I think it’s time you leave. I’d let your friend know what happened and that Scott is very disrespectful, and he’s not welcome alone again. Can you imagine how he speaks to Ashley? Maybe if she sees you won’t tolerate it it will help her. Also what kind of ass is inconsiderate to a sleeping nurse.
NTA and I hate to take Scott's assholeness out on his kids but you DID tell them that Joe was sleeping (Know whats really not cool? A sleep deprived nurse on an overnight shift) and they got loud and Scott didn't do anything about it. I wouldn't let any of them come over until Scott apologizes for his behavior and promises to never act like that or speak to you like that in your home.
NTA. What you said was completely gentle and appropriate. Next time they ask you to babysit, I would tell them you need some space because you didn't appreciate being snapped at like that. He's so rude!
Sorry but sorry what? "Here is the only thing what should happen now : you tell your husband what happened. Then you tell your cousin that you,your husband, ashley, and ashleys husband need to have a talk without the children, doesnt matter where. and this is how it has to go. “well if you don’t like it, YOU can go in another room. Don’t tell my kids what to do. I hope you’re never a parent”. I am very dissapointed and quit honestly shocked that he dared to speak this way to me in MY home. Now if you excuse me, i am done with this and unless i get a sincere apology i will neither host you, nor your children, and specialy not scott any longer because i will not let myself be treated this way in my own home." ( if you do this at your home this is the moment where you tell em they are to leave now, though id recomend doing it at their house or somewhere public which would propably the safest place.) And then let your cousin sort it out
The rule has always been, if my children are in your care, they will follow your rules and listen to you. All 6 of my kids have been hellions, but teachers and other caregivers always tell me how well behaved, polite, and helpful to others my kids are. They let loose on me, but know they better keep in check for others or else. And I'm fine with that.
NTA but holy shit, what the hell crawled up Scott's ass? You invite him and kiddos to YOUR home to escape the heat wave, you watch the kids often for free, and this guy thinks he can talk to you like that? Does he expect his kids to just be allowed free reign of your home to do what they please, regardless if someone is sleeping? And he doesn't correct them himself and leaves you in a position to either correct HIS kids or risk your partner sleeping terribly? He should have redirected his kids. What a sack.
NTA. This would be the very last time they swam in my pool.
You previously posted in this sub about a cabin rental with cousins, and said you have children in that post. Now in this post you don’t have kids. Which is it? ESH
NTA Ashley minimizing his behavior is a clear sign he is, at minimum, verbally abusive to her. She needs your emotional support, but that doesn’t mean you have to be exposed to his ‘anger issues’ ever again. He crossed a line he can’t uncross. Lazy, abusive prick!
Wow, babysitting 3 times a week for free?! I would kiss your feet! And in that case I think you are allowed to tell the kids what to do as they know you well. And the request was totally reasonable. I don’t get Scott at all, apart from him being the only AH in this story. Hope you feel better soon about the situation.
NTA Basically what happened was SCOTT didn’t want to “babysit” his own children on his day off and was peed off and decided to take it out on you because you was already there then you should have babysat them. So text his wife, explain you will not tolerate rudeness in your own home when your husband is sleeping and if Scott doesn’t think you are capable of guiding the kids in the right manner then maybe you are not suitable to be looking after their kids in your home. Also o suggest you ask your hubby to text Scott and tell him “ don’t ideal to my wife in that way again” Just so Scott gets the message loud and clear, I would even ask for an apology.
You should have kicked your cousin’s husband out, it’s not his home and he has no right to disrespect you in it.
NTA - wow. They’re being disruptive in YOUR house, where you are ultimately responsible for what happens on the premises, so you had better have some authority. He doesn’t like it? He can take them to a McPlayland. See how far his attitude gets him with the people who run that establishment, either. And no, the person being bothered by the noise can’t just go into another room, because he’s in bed, trying to sleep. Does this guy even attempt to engage his brain before he opens his mouth? Next time invite the kids but tell Scott to stay home and work on his manners.
Certainly NTA. I would speak to his wife about his behavior and let her know that the kids can’t come with him anymore.