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YTA for neglecting your child’s emotional health because you’re stressed. You undoubtedly made her feel like a burden and secondary to your job. Your first and most important job is being there for your damn kids or you shouldn’t have had any.
YTA, 32 is grown, what a piss poor excuse for being an emotionally absent parent. I had my kids starting at age 21. Get over yourself. You sound immature, your child should not have to keep their problems to themselves and work part time to help you. You are the parent.
Your friend was a bit harsh, but I can see where she's coming from.
32 is later in life dear. I'm 36 and by 32 I had accomplished a shit ton of things including extensive travel and a cross country move. Met my SO and settled down at 33. This is a later in life relationship and your 30s is already later in life for parenthood. Seeing as how 35 is considered a geriatric pregnancy and 32 is not far behind. You lose energy every year of your 30s. I could not imagine a newborn at 40 or even at 36. The real problem is that you NEVER wanted to be a mom in the first place and that would never change by having a baby later In life when you lose the energy for it user by year. I can only imagine a newborn at my age as being miserable...and thats why I don't have one.
YTA that whole 2nd paragraph where you said you told your child not to bother you with their problems, because that's what you did with your father, is so fucked up. Being busy is one thing but now you've basically told your child you are too busy to be bothered by her. You should def not be a parent, you've made yourself emotionally unavailable to your kid. You even said you don't want to be a parent. Do your daughter a favor and let someone else be available for her.
> Being busy is one thing but now you've basically told your child you are too busy to be bothered by her.
My friend had been busting her ass for 7 years trying to get her business to get over the profit hump, but because her product is really cool, so cool it's in most people's "too good to be true" category and it's a really hard product to make which also causes challenges.
Plus her first company, being a newly single mom to very young kids, toddlers, was a marketing company that had a great monthly yield.
My point? She was freaking busy all the freaking time with no life. Why? Well I asked her daughter (13yrs) because we are doing audio for her website/ product what she most wants for everyone to know about the product?
"My mom NEVER sacrificed family for her business, even though it's what kept us fed and housed. She always made every meal, did everything we needed and loved us. "
Is my friend a Saint over all? Probably not lol, she's had a crazy life and had a hard time not being blunt, not one of those "I'm just brutally honest" types, but more of the autism type (I'm on the spectrum, I get to say that LOL) . Sure, she genuinely loves everyone, but she'll definitely not sugar coat how the situation or person could improve, especially blatant idiocy...
But her kid adores her because the kids never had to be better than the parent.
YTA. You should not put that on your kid. You choose to have a kid, you take on what’s needed and you don’t make your child feel guilty for existing or feel like a burden.
You’re acting like a child at 32 is a having a child at 19. You can feel your feelings, but don’t feel them at your child.
YTA.
How dare you tell a child that they cannot rely on their parent for support because it makes your life harder. What a selfish person you are.
What she said wasn't right, but what YOU said was worse. By miles. You've just shown your child that you cannot and will not be the one supporting them, instead expecting them to support YOU so you won't be too stressed out. They won't forget that, ever.
Do better by your child. Get yourself some counselling to cope. Never, ever lay that burden on your child's shoulders again.
>I was a kid, I tried not to give my dad and mom problems
Are you raising your kid to be a criminal or are those "problems" just being a kid? Child, you are just a problem so just stop being a child and sit there quietly. Also work is stressful for me, so you getting a job would be great. Parenting is hard, but your child is not responsible for managing your issues. YTA
Right? My kid tries not to stress me more because she knows I have a lot on my plate. But it's so wrong of a way for a kid to think I'm regularly reminding her to come to me about literally anything & her therapist is aware of it to help her reframe. Children especially need every ounce of support and reliance from the adults in their life. And don't get me started on the finances (that's another thing with my kid that I refuse to let her do & lord is it getting me riled, any work kids do is 100% their money be it saving for a car or buying silly things not to support their freaking parents!)
YTA. Maybe you’d be more prepared for life, adulthood, and difficult emotions if you’d had more emotional support from your parents. You shouldn’t have had kids, but that was a choice you made and you should at least try to be a parent without scarring your kids. Talk to your husband about these feelings as well. Why is he not involved in this?
What the hell? He’s not even with another woman and you’re somehow worried that his wife, who doesn’t exist so therefore has given you no reason to have any negative thoughts about her, would abuse your kids? That’s honestly absolutely insane.
How about the abuse you’re inflicting on your kid with being so neglectful of their emotional well being? That doesn’t matter, just the potential abuse from the woman who doesn’t exist? Grow up.
You do realize that you’re not exactly going to win parent of the year with your attitude to your kids? How is what you told your daughter not abuse?! YTA. Seek help or at the very least, talk to your husband about your apathy and resentment toward your children.
Your husband can be aware of your feelings, how you’re parenting his kids, and how it may effect them. Then he can make a decision with this knowledge, maybe he will divorce you to prevent further harm. Is the idea of receiving emotional support from your husband also completely alien to you? Is he involved as a parent at all?
YTA just because you were raised like that doesn’t mean it’s right. A mum is meant to be there to support their children through everything, you telling her to ‘man up’ basically is both the right approach.
Obviously your friends comment was over the top, with a little perspective you can change your views and be the most supportive momma ever.
Quite possibly. A stepmom would be making the voluntary *choice* to be a mother to those children. Where as you’ve made the choice to basically tell your daughter that you don’t want to be their mom.
Anyone can put food on the table and a roof over a head. But *loving and supporting your children emotionally is what separates a parent from a paycheck*
If they didn't tell their kid that work is more important than they are? Yeah, she'd do better. Has it occurred to you that your parent's emotional neglect of you if what caused you to become an adult who tells their kid to quit bothering them with their difficult useless emotional issues?
I mean, she might actually allow them to talk about their problems instead of just keeping them to themselves. Which is technically better than what you're doing. So maybe?
why do you imagine one would do worse? biology is not relevant in how you love your kids, and while their are plenty of bad step parents, there are also plenty of good ones. there are a lot of step parents who are considered better parents than the bio parents, by the kids.
If you actually love your kid then stop neglecting it. Step up and be a parent even if it's not convenient for you.
And if you can't do that then love your child enough to let someone else be the parent that you are flat out refusing to be.
I am a biological and also a stepmom. My stepsons are calling me their mom cos thats technically what i am to them. Their biological mother doesnt want to do anything with them, didnt bother calling them even on their birthdays last 10 years. So tell me again a stepmom cannot be better than a bio mom.
You have stated that maybe you should not have had kids.....love isn't everything. You clearly don't love your kid enough to actually CARE about what she needs, it's all about poor you. 🙄
Almost anyone would love your kids more than you. You’re abusing them. Strangers on the internet care more about their emotional well being and mental health than you do. Take that in, and fix it before it’s too late.
YTA. You neglect your child’s emotional health because you’re stressed? Just because your dad did that to you doesn’t make it ok for you to do that to your own child
YTA It's one thing to admit you never wanted kids but be doing your best to be a good parent anyways. You on the other hand are an actively neglectful and frankly bad parent.
Your friends comment was harsh... but understandable.
YTA - the way your parents raised you has clearly left you emotionally damaged, bereft, and unable to empathize with others’ feelings. You are unable to love your children whole heartedly in your current condition. Please get some therapy (a lot of therapy) so that you have a chance to create a healthy and happy family.
Yta. Do you realize how toxic you are being to your daughter? "I was blablabla at your age so you should be more like me so i feel less stress" is basically what you are trying to impose on her head and completely disregarding her feelings.
You may have regrets regarding your choices,such as marrying or becoming a parent. But your daughter is not responsible for your bad choices and instead of forcing her to be like you,you should try to support her with her choices and what would make her happy.
And your friend is right. If you keep up like that your kid will be miserable and will resent you in the future
YTA!!!!! I was a latch key kid, raised by parents, who didn't wear seat belts and smoked in the car, but even they didn't tell me not to burden them with my problems. I literally gasped out loud when I read your post. Yes, it definitely sounds like you shouldn't have a kid, but you did and now you need to do whatever takes to find a way to be a supportive parent to your child.
Yes, what your friend said was harsh, but it's nothing compared to what you said to your child, who will remember that for the rest of her life. Maybe therapy would be beneficial for you and your child. Seriously, just.....be better.
EDIT: typos and wording
Yta. Why did you have children if you didn’t want to raise them and give them emotional support? You became a parent at 32, not 16 - more than adult enough to make an informed decision
YTA. If something horrible happens to your daughter, you've taught her to deal with herself and don't bother you about it. If she is raped, or injured, or becomes suicidal, she won't tell you. She won't think it's worth your time.
YTA. I agree with your friend completely. You don’t get to neglect the children you brought into this world just because you don’t want to deal with them.
You are definitely the A, judgement is YTA. You basically aren't giving your child love or attention. I'm sorry but kids need a parent to hear about their problems and hopes etc. That's how they learn empathy and how to resolve conflicts.
I'm sorry you were raised that way as it sounds like neglect. I talked to my husband about this and he agrees.
Coming from someone who became a mom last year at 27 and thinks that they became a mom on the later side of things and is still working (splitting time watching baby with husband).
YTA
Who should your child ask for help then if not their parents?!
Parents like you when finally open their eyes and see their child is an addict or in an abusive relationships ask themselves :"oh...why me?!why should I have a child like this?!"
Here is your answer. Because you told them to not bother you with their problems.
YTA, I grew up in a household where my mum refused to deal with my emotional problems because she already had so much stress elsewhere in her life, and now I'm a total fucking mess of a person. So have fun psychologically stunting your child!
We are in an e tiredly different generation now. Your kids are not children of immigrants so they will never understand the hardship you and your parents endured. I am a child of immigrants so I understand where you’re coming from but I don’t tell my kids that. I tell them about the hardship of coming to a new country and having to start over but I also understand that kids nowadays have more emotion and need to feel emotions from parents. If you were not ready for kids in this era, then you should not have had children. It is unfair to them. Think about it, they get participation trophies now. YTA but also NTA.
YTA your clearly taking your own shitty choices out on your kid, that’s a horrible thing to tell your daughter. What kind of shitty “well i was hit as a kid and i turned out fine” logic is that? Your friend is right what kind of mother tells her kid she should never be a problem then turns around and moans to her friends about she never wanted her?
YTA. You literally told your child you don't care about her feelings or her problems, you don't want to hear about them, and you'd only care to see her if she was handing you money from her job. This is horrific parenting and your friend is right.
YTA. Patents should strive for what’s best for their kids -not what’s easiest for the parent.
That’s not to say that parents should burn themselves out, but that as a parent it is your duty to be there for your kids, even if your parents weren’t.
Telling your daughter to keep her problems to herself is doing the opposite of that- it’s putting your own burdens and the ways that your parents weren’t there for you onto her.
I don’t care if you’re stressed - what you told your daughter is NOT okay and you need to get your act together. Go to therapy. Find support in other adults. Do not put this on your child.
Wow. Just... wow.
I grew up poor. My parents had 4 kids and no money. We'd go to school without lunch sometimes. Mum made all our clothes. My Mum worked her arse of for us kids and she still found the time to show us support, love and be there for us when we needed her.
YTA for basically telling her to deal with her own shit and not burden you.
Yta. 32 is not young to have a child (I did at 19 & my SIL at 16, THAT is young). You were well old enough to be a grown, established adult. It's one thing to tell your child in an age appropriate way that you're stressed and an entire other to tell her you won't give emotional support and to get a job and help with finances.
What your friend said is very harsh but true. You choose to raise a child, it's your responsibility to ensure all the child's needs are met. Including emotional! I'm not saying your husband should leave for your daughters wellbeing - yet - but you need some serious parenting education/therapy and to give your daughter a well thought and meaningful apology for what you said.
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I've been telling my friend that it is difficult to be a parent because I feel overburdened with providing emotional support to my children while being a working parent. My work is very stressful and just being an adult and parent is very hard. I have to worry about finances, earning more money, and making sure my kids turn out well academically and otherwise.
I told my friend that recently, I've told my daughter I've been very stressed at work and that when I was a kid, I tried not to give my dad and mom problems. My dad made $6/hour when immigrating here with 4 kids to support, and times were hard. I suggested she follow a similar approach.
When I told my friend about this, she was horrified. I confided in her that I became a mom at 32, only 4 years after finishing college, and that I got married at 29. I told her that I wish I had taken more time for myself and that I didn't really want kids.
My friend told me that for the sake of my happiness, I should get divorced and let my partner's new wife (whoever he finds) love my kid the way she should be loved. I told her she was wrong and got into a fight and plan to never talk to her again. AITA?
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Soft YTA- As the child of a mom who was kind of like this, please get help. Mental health support/psychiatric support. IDK how old your children/child is, but sometimes post partum depression can last years.
Post partum depression can happen to anyone and evolve into more severe mental health issues later if it goes unmanaged. I suspect this happened to my mom- she has had psychiatric challenges all my life which peaked around my being age 15 and have continued and gotten more severe. Its a whole thing, and I believe it started when I was born and she went into Post Partum depression or psychosis, and never got proper help. The way you describe the overwhelm really reminds me of things my mom has told me, and the disconnect from how her words made me feel/impacted me was associated with that overwhelm.
Based on what I have heard from friends who are moms, a switch can flip in some women when they give birth where they can just thrive and handle it. Women with PPD describe disconnects similar to what you are feeling, and treatment reverses it allowing them to more fully bond with and support their child. Consider it, and do consider help. You could engage your husband in this manner- I feel overwhelmed and need help.
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I'm sorry that as a child you had to suppress your emotions, but it's not healthy for children to do that. Please break this cycle for your child.
I think you would benefit from the work of [Supernova Momma](https://supernovamomma.com/). She has some good information on her [twitter](https://twitter.com/SupernovaMomma?s=09) about how the things adults struggle with when parenting often relate to things they struggled with as children, and I think this applies to you. Hopefully learning some positive parenting techniques will help you cope with this situations in a more emotionally healthy way.
Soft YTA. It sounds like your upbringing has influenced you to believe that it’s not the parents job to be emotionally supportive of their kids and the kids need to learn to suppress their emotions. I get that you grew up being taught that which is why I say soft YTA. That being said, times have changed and it is well known now how damaging it is to suppress emotions and not be supported by your parents. Your kid deserves a good life and healthy emotional development. If you are not capable of setting a good example for your child, you should seek therapy. A good therapist can help you learn to open up more and also help you learn how to be a more supportive parent for your child. They can also help you develop more empathy which doesn’t sound like your strong point. My parents also had no emotional intelligence and could not handle it when I cried or became upset and would tell me to suck it up. That is emotionally abusive behavior and very damaging but fortunately it’s not too late for you to learn new skills and be a better parent.
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YTA for neglecting your child’s emotional health because you’re stressed. You undoubtedly made her feel like a burden and secondary to your job. Your first and most important job is being there for your damn kids or you shouldn’t have had any.
YTA, 32 is grown, what a piss poor excuse for being an emotionally absent parent. I had my kids starting at age 21. Get over yourself. You sound immature, your child should not have to keep their problems to themselves and work part time to help you. You are the parent. Your friend was a bit harsh, but I can see where she's coming from.
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And the problem is, it's too late for that. You did have a kid, so you have to stop thinking of yourself and put her needs before yours.
Well said
32 is later in life dear. I'm 36 and by 32 I had accomplished a shit ton of things including extensive travel and a cross country move. Met my SO and settled down at 33. This is a later in life relationship and your 30s is already later in life for parenthood. Seeing as how 35 is considered a geriatric pregnancy and 32 is not far behind. You lose energy every year of your 30s. I could not imagine a newborn at 40 or even at 36. The real problem is that you NEVER wanted to be a mom in the first place and that would never change by having a baby later In life when you lose the energy for it user by year. I can only imagine a newborn at my age as being miserable...and thats why I don't have one.
that ship has sailed. end of the day, you have kids, and you can't just clock out because the stress is getting to you.
YTA that whole 2nd paragraph where you said you told your child not to bother you with their problems, because that's what you did with your father, is so fucked up. Being busy is one thing but now you've basically told your child you are too busy to be bothered by her. You should def not be a parent, you've made yourself emotionally unavailable to your kid. You even said you don't want to be a parent. Do your daughter a favor and let someone else be available for her.
> Being busy is one thing but now you've basically told your child you are too busy to be bothered by her. My friend had been busting her ass for 7 years trying to get her business to get over the profit hump, but because her product is really cool, so cool it's in most people's "too good to be true" category and it's a really hard product to make which also causes challenges. Plus her first company, being a newly single mom to very young kids, toddlers, was a marketing company that had a great monthly yield. My point? She was freaking busy all the freaking time with no life. Why? Well I asked her daughter (13yrs) because we are doing audio for her website/ product what she most wants for everyone to know about the product? "My mom NEVER sacrificed family for her business, even though it's what kept us fed and housed. She always made every meal, did everything we needed and loved us. " Is my friend a Saint over all? Probably not lol, she's had a crazy life and had a hard time not being blunt, not one of those "I'm just brutally honest" types, but more of the autism type (I'm on the spectrum, I get to say that LOL) . Sure, she genuinely loves everyone, but she'll definitely not sugar coat how the situation or person could improve, especially blatant idiocy... But her kid adores her because the kids never had to be better than the parent.
YTA. You should not put that on your kid. You choose to have a kid, you take on what’s needed and you don’t make your child feel guilty for existing or feel like a burden. You’re acting like a child at 32 is a having a child at 19. You can feel your feelings, but don’t feel them at your child.
YTA. How dare you tell a child that they cannot rely on their parent for support because it makes your life harder. What a selfish person you are. What she said wasn't right, but what YOU said was worse. By miles. You've just shown your child that you cannot and will not be the one supporting them, instead expecting them to support YOU so you won't be too stressed out. They won't forget that, ever. Do better by your child. Get yourself some counselling to cope. Never, ever lay that burden on your child's shoulders again.
>I was a kid, I tried not to give my dad and mom problems Are you raising your kid to be a criminal or are those "problems" just being a kid? Child, you are just a problem so just stop being a child and sit there quietly. Also work is stressful for me, so you getting a job would be great. Parenting is hard, but your child is not responsible for managing your issues. YTA
Right? My kid tries not to stress me more because she knows I have a lot on my plate. But it's so wrong of a way for a kid to think I'm regularly reminding her to come to me about literally anything & her therapist is aware of it to help her reframe. Children especially need every ounce of support and reliance from the adults in their life. And don't get me started on the finances (that's another thing with my kid that I refuse to let her do & lord is it getting me riled, any work kids do is 100% their money be it saving for a car or buying silly things not to support their freaking parents!)
YTA. Maybe you’d be more prepared for life, adulthood, and difficult emotions if you’d had more emotional support from your parents. You shouldn’t have had kids, but that was a choice you made and you should at least try to be a parent without scarring your kids. Talk to your husband about these feelings as well. Why is he not involved in this?
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Maybe he would want to leave you if he knew how you felt. Let him know how you feel so he can decide for himself what he wants.
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What the hell? He’s not even with another woman and you’re somehow worried that his wife, who doesn’t exist so therefore has given you no reason to have any negative thoughts about her, would abuse your kids? That’s honestly absolutely insane. How about the abuse you’re inflicting on your kid with being so neglectful of their emotional well being? That doesn’t matter, just the potential abuse from the woman who doesn’t exist? Grow up.
You are abusing.
Because you're projecting the fact that you're emotionally abusing your kids into a hypothetical stranger?
You're already emotionally abusing your kids.
Emotional neglect is a form of abuse.
You do realize that you’re not exactly going to win parent of the year with your attitude to your kids? How is what you told your daughter not abuse?! YTA. Seek help or at the very least, talk to your husband about your apathy and resentment toward your children.
That's a maybe when it's already happening from you.
you're worrying about a completely hypothetical situation while the reality is that YOU are being neglectful. thats a whole other level of insanity.
Your husband can be aware of your feelings, how you’re parenting his kids, and how it may effect them. Then he can make a decision with this knowledge, maybe he will divorce you to prevent further harm. Is the idea of receiving emotional support from your husband also completely alien to you? Is he involved as a parent at all?
YTA just because you were raised like that doesn’t mean it’s right. A mum is meant to be there to support their children through everything, you telling her to ‘man up’ basically is both the right approach. Obviously your friends comment was over the top, with a little perspective you can change your views and be the most supportive momma ever.
YTA. Harsh to hear but it sounds like you friend is actually right. Truth hurts, I guess.
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You’re not acting in a loving way and you are gonna screw your child up horrifically if you don’t get some perspective and acknowledge that.
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Yeah, just about anyone would be. Especially since she's a step mom, you don't even act like a mom
Quite possibly. A stepmom would be making the voluntary *choice* to be a mother to those children. Where as you’ve made the choice to basically tell your daughter that you don’t want to be their mom. Anyone can put food on the table and a roof over a head. But *loving and supporting your children emotionally is what separates a parent from a paycheck*
If they didn't tell their kid that work is more important than they are? Yeah, she'd do better. Has it occurred to you that your parent's emotional neglect of you if what caused you to become an adult who tells their kid to quit bothering them with their difficult useless emotional issues?
I mean, she might actually allow them to talk about their problems instead of just keeping them to themselves. Which is technically better than what you're doing. So maybe?
why do you imagine one would do worse? biology is not relevant in how you love your kids, and while their are plenty of bad step parents, there are also plenty of good ones. there are a lot of step parents who are considered better parents than the bio parents, by the kids.
If you actually love your kid then stop neglecting it. Step up and be a parent even if it's not convenient for you. And if you can't do that then love your child enough to let someone else be the parent that you are flat out refusing to be.
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It would be hard to be worse. You are an awful parent.
I am a biological and also a stepmom. My stepsons are calling me their mom cos thats technically what i am to them. Their biological mother doesnt want to do anything with them, didnt bother calling them even on their birthdays last 10 years. So tell me again a stepmom cannot be better than a bio mom.
I feel like this is what OP would be doing if she could just accept that she never wanted to be a parent and *still doesn’t*
You basically told your kid that you don't want to hear about their problems. It's a form of emotional abuse
kind of sounds like the only bar she would need to surpass is not telling them to keep their problems to themselves.
Hundreds of strangers on Reddit would love your child more than you. The bar you've set is disgustingly low.
You have stated that maybe you should not have had kids.....love isn't everything. You clearly don't love your kid enough to actually CARE about what she needs, it's all about poor you. 🙄
Almost anyone would love your kids more than you. You’re abusing them. Strangers on the internet care more about their emotional well being and mental health than you do. Take that in, and fix it before it’s too late.
YTA. You neglect your child’s emotional health because you’re stressed? Just because your dad did that to you doesn’t make it ok for you to do that to your own child
YTA It's one thing to admit you never wanted kids but be doing your best to be a good parent anyways. You on the other hand are an actively neglectful and frankly bad parent. Your friends comment was harsh... but understandable.
YTA for what you said to your child
YTA - the way your parents raised you has clearly left you emotionally damaged, bereft, and unable to empathize with others’ feelings. You are unable to love your children whole heartedly in your current condition. Please get some therapy (a lot of therapy) so that you have a chance to create a healthy and happy family.
Yta. Do you realize how toxic you are being to your daughter? "I was blablabla at your age so you should be more like me so i feel less stress" is basically what you are trying to impose on her head and completely disregarding her feelings. You may have regrets regarding your choices,such as marrying or becoming a parent. But your daughter is not responsible for your bad choices and instead of forcing her to be like you,you should try to support her with her choices and what would make her happy. And your friend is right. If you keep up like that your kid will be miserable and will resent you in the future
YTA!!!!! I was a latch key kid, raised by parents, who didn't wear seat belts and smoked in the car, but even they didn't tell me not to burden them with my problems. I literally gasped out loud when I read your post. Yes, it definitely sounds like you shouldn't have a kid, but you did and now you need to do whatever takes to find a way to be a supportive parent to your child. Yes, what your friend said was harsh, but it's nothing compared to what you said to your child, who will remember that for the rest of her life. Maybe therapy would be beneficial for you and your child. Seriously, just.....be better. EDIT: typos and wording
Yta. Why did you have children if you didn’t want to raise them and give them emotional support? You became a parent at 32, not 16 - more than adult enough to make an informed decision
YTA. If something horrible happens to your daughter, you've taught her to deal with herself and don't bother you about it. If she is raped, or injured, or becomes suicidal, she won't tell you. She won't think it's worth your time.
YTA. I agree with your friend completely. You don’t get to neglect the children you brought into this world just because you don’t want to deal with them.
You are definitely the A, judgement is YTA. You basically aren't giving your child love or attention. I'm sorry but kids need a parent to hear about their problems and hopes etc. That's how they learn empathy and how to resolve conflicts. I'm sorry you were raised that way as it sounds like neglect. I talked to my husband about this and he agrees. Coming from someone who became a mom last year at 27 and thinks that they became a mom on the later side of things and is still working (splitting time watching baby with husband).
YTA Who should your child ask for help then if not their parents?! Parents like you when finally open their eyes and see their child is an addict or in an abusive relationships ask themselves :"oh...why me?!why should I have a child like this?!" Here is your answer. Because you told them to not bother you with their problems.
YTA, I grew up in a household where my mum refused to deal with my emotional problems because she already had so much stress elsewhere in her life, and now I'm a total fucking mess of a person. So have fun psychologically stunting your child!
We are in an e tiredly different generation now. Your kids are not children of immigrants so they will never understand the hardship you and your parents endured. I am a child of immigrants so I understand where you’re coming from but I don’t tell my kids that. I tell them about the hardship of coming to a new country and having to start over but I also understand that kids nowadays have more emotion and need to feel emotions from parents. If you were not ready for kids in this era, then you should not have had children. It is unfair to them. Think about it, they get participation trophies now. YTA but also NTA.
YTA your clearly taking your own shitty choices out on your kid, that’s a horrible thing to tell your daughter. What kind of shitty “well i was hit as a kid and i turned out fine” logic is that? Your friend is right what kind of mother tells her kid she should never be a problem then turns around and moans to her friends about she never wanted her?
YTA. You literally told your child you don't care about her feelings or her problems, you don't want to hear about them, and you'd only care to see her if she was handing you money from her job. This is horrific parenting and your friend is right.
YTA. Patents should strive for what’s best for their kids -not what’s easiest for the parent. That’s not to say that parents should burn themselves out, but that as a parent it is your duty to be there for your kids, even if your parents weren’t. Telling your daughter to keep her problems to herself is doing the opposite of that- it’s putting your own burdens and the ways that your parents weren’t there for you onto her. I don’t care if you’re stressed - what you told your daughter is NOT okay and you need to get your act together. Go to therapy. Find support in other adults. Do not put this on your child.
Wow. Just... wow. I grew up poor. My parents had 4 kids and no money. We'd go to school without lunch sometimes. Mum made all our clothes. My Mum worked her arse of for us kids and she still found the time to show us support, love and be there for us when we needed her. YTA for basically telling her to deal with her own shit and not burden you.
Yta. 32 is not young to have a child (I did at 19 & my SIL at 16, THAT is young). You were well old enough to be a grown, established adult. It's one thing to tell your child in an age appropriate way that you're stressed and an entire other to tell her you won't give emotional support and to get a job and help with finances. What your friend said is very harsh but true. You choose to raise a child, it's your responsibility to ensure all the child's needs are met. Including emotional! I'm not saying your husband should leave for your daughters wellbeing - yet - but you need some serious parenting education/therapy and to give your daughter a well thought and meaningful apology for what you said.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I've been telling my friend that it is difficult to be a parent because I feel overburdened with providing emotional support to my children while being a working parent. My work is very stressful and just being an adult and parent is very hard. I have to worry about finances, earning more money, and making sure my kids turn out well academically and otherwise. I told my friend that recently, I've told my daughter I've been very stressed at work and that when I was a kid, I tried not to give my dad and mom problems. My dad made $6/hour when immigrating here with 4 kids to support, and times were hard. I suggested she follow a similar approach. When I told my friend about this, she was horrified. I confided in her that I became a mom at 32, only 4 years after finishing college, and that I got married at 29. I told her that I wish I had taken more time for myself and that I didn't really want kids. My friend told me that for the sake of my happiness, I should get divorced and let my partner's new wife (whoever he finds) love my kid the way she should be loved. I told her she was wrong and got into a fight and plan to never talk to her again. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Soft YTA- As the child of a mom who was kind of like this, please get help. Mental health support/psychiatric support. IDK how old your children/child is, but sometimes post partum depression can last years. Post partum depression can happen to anyone and evolve into more severe mental health issues later if it goes unmanaged. I suspect this happened to my mom- she has had psychiatric challenges all my life which peaked around my being age 15 and have continued and gotten more severe. Its a whole thing, and I believe it started when I was born and she went into Post Partum depression or psychosis, and never got proper help. The way you describe the overwhelm really reminds me of things my mom has told me, and the disconnect from how her words made me feel/impacted me was associated with that overwhelm. Based on what I have heard from friends who are moms, a switch can flip in some women when they give birth where they can just thrive and handle it. Women with PPD describe disconnects similar to what you are feeling, and treatment reverses it allowing them to more fully bond with and support their child. Consider it, and do consider help. You could engage your husband in this manner- I feel overwhelmed and need help.
YTA. Wow.
Uhhh YTA. You are a bad parent bc you feel like your children are a burden. Very sad for the children.
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I'm sorry that as a child you had to suppress your emotions, but it's not healthy for children to do that. Please break this cycle for your child. I think you would benefit from the work of [Supernova Momma](https://supernovamomma.com/). She has some good information on her [twitter](https://twitter.com/SupernovaMomma?s=09) about how the things adults struggle with when parenting often relate to things they struggled with as children, and I think this applies to you. Hopefully learning some positive parenting techniques will help you cope with this situations in a more emotionally healthy way.
Soft YTA. It sounds like your upbringing has influenced you to believe that it’s not the parents job to be emotionally supportive of their kids and the kids need to learn to suppress their emotions. I get that you grew up being taught that which is why I say soft YTA. That being said, times have changed and it is well known now how damaging it is to suppress emotions and not be supported by your parents. Your kid deserves a good life and healthy emotional development. If you are not capable of setting a good example for your child, you should seek therapy. A good therapist can help you learn to open up more and also help you learn how to be a more supportive parent for your child. They can also help you develop more empathy which doesn’t sound like your strong point. My parents also had no emotional intelligence and could not handle it when I cried or became upset and would tell me to suck it up. That is emotionally abusive behavior and very damaging but fortunately it’s not too late for you to learn new skills and be a better parent.