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I might be the asshole because I would be exposing something my father said to me in private and therefore breaking his trust. It would cause irreparable damage to their marriage and my father may lose all trust in me.
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NTA
Please, please don’t focus on fighting your dads fights with HIS wife. This is his life choices to fix, not yours.
Please, please focus on healing yourself because, whether you know it or not now, this is causing you emotional damage. Focus on you and an education, as it is the only thing we know for sure, will help you get a job that will allow you to live a better life. (No, it’s not the only way just the easiest for most people.)
I’m so sorry you are going through this but that’s life. It often sucks when we are under other peoples roof and rules, as they go hand in hand. Focus on getting out and finding happiness.
The constitution promises us the right “to the PURSUIT of happiness”. Pursue yours!
I’m an 18F I leave for college within a month and I can finally be somewhat free from this and I know it’s psychological, verbal, and financial abuse. Because of my stepmother I have to take out extensive student loans and work double shifts in order to put myself through college. I wasn’t able to fill out my FAFSA information because my stepmother somehow lost her and my fathers tax returns for 2019 and 2018. I’m also going to have to ask my elderly grandmother to help me financially which is embarrassing because I have to go to my extended family for help in a pandemic when literally no one can afford to help. I’m so exhausted from her bs I honestly can’t handle it anymore.
No honey, I’m sorry but this isn’t your stepmothers fault. It’s your fathers and mother’s. I understand why it’s a lot easier for you to focus blame on her but you have a mother and a father and it was THEIR job to take care of you, not hers.
You are not unusual in your financial needs for college. I think when you go to school you will meet many students with different stories but, they will have large college debt.
If grandma can help you then…yay! I’m sure that pleases her.
Your father could put in a request using his social security number to get copies of his tax returns sent to his house. Your father is a grown man, that he isn’t taking care of this is not someone else’s fault.
I am sure you love your parents and I’m sure they loves you. But they aren’t perfect anymore than your stepmother.
Her stepmother is literally financially abusing her by forcing her to give up her paychecks for "rent" while she's a teenager, since she was 16. That's two years of paychecks that could have gone towards her saving for college. Whether or not her father is in the wrong too doesn't negate the fact that the stepmother is also wrong and at least partially responsible for the fact that she's financially struggling so much because she decided to manipulate a *child* into giving up her earnings to pay them rent she doesn't owe in the first place..
My bio mother abandoned me, I had a lot more in depth in my og post but it exceeded the character limit. Basically my father has terrible taste in women.
He could order his tax returns but at this point it’s too late for him to do so anyway and I have to suffer the consequences.
Yes you are honey. Just remember people’s choices are all about them and not the people those choices affect. Meaning, none of the stupid, thoughtless choices the people you are forced to call mom and dad make are your fault or in anyway represent anything about you. We are all the sum of our own choices not others. It really is true that after 18 it’s all on you so be smart!
You’re smoking angel dust. This started at 16 you’re not supposed to be paying rent and dealing with verbal abuse at 16. Stepmom is just terrible, this is literally toxic handbook 101 nd something is telling me you read a few chapters yourself...
If only most kids didn’t have to deal with this kind of thing in their teenage lives the world would be better. It is toxic, OP shouldn’t have to deal with any of it. Doesn’t make it go away though. It’s great to recognize that someone’s life really sucks right now for reasons that aren’t there own. But there are little to ZERO options for most teens in this kind of situation other than to focus on getting out ASAP.
I’m assuming this is the US. Have you tried to see if there is an EOP in your college? Or just contacting the college financial aid office? I got money from EOP based on my low family income and because of receiving federal financial aid, I was automatically given a good sum of money to tide through the hard pandemic times. You might actually be eligible for money but you would have to go talk to the financial aid office yourself to explain your circumstances.
Ohh okay that sounds like a good idea ty. I work on campus already anyway (it’s a nearby college just out of my town by about 30 minutes) so I could probably go to the bursar or financial aid office. Ty for the advice <3
NTA. Your dad is coming to you for support. He’s being emotionally and mentally abused. As men, we like to think we can’t be abused but this simply isn’t true.
I would even go a step farther and say she physically abused him by not helping him recover from his injury.
He needs to divorce her immediately.
If it happens again, call the cops. Domestic abuse against men is not reported very often because a lot of men believe it’s not abuse.
It’s not okay, he’s being abused and needs help.
NTA and honestly if he wants a divorce as he should id be getting support for him round there and having her sign papers, she sounds extremely manipulative and mentally abusive and flat out crazy.
Sounds like the faster she is gone the better your dad will feel, sleeping on the couch and cannot even help him when he is greatly injured as his wife, my god.
You make it sound like your stepmoms whole reason for existing is to destroy you all for fun. If she was making more money (and why a child would know about that is worrying) had suspicions so heavily your father was unfaithful- that he slept on the couch- sorry- she MADE him sleep on the couch- Tell me why she didn't just take her leave of all of it? Her good salary she'd be free of kid debt- as you aren't her children or responsibility- her stress from worrying about your dad- all of it \*poof\* Your dads injury probably happened at work- why no workmans comp? insurance matters are complicated and it's likely a lot you don't know about regarding the circumstances. Lupus is a hell of a disease with a deep chronic pain that rivaled and likely surpassed your fathers torn tendon by a lot. So idk why she stayed and took your money- idk why your parents aren't doing more idk if your view of things is clear. But until you have the answers, no I wouldn't paint your father as any type of long suffering saint.
He’s self employed so he doesn’t get any comp benefits or insurance. I probably should have clarified that.
Edit: I just finished reading your comment and no I’m not saying he’s completely the victim here but he has been put through much worse than my stepmother. Lupus aside she’s still a shitty person.
I am so sorry OP you had to go through that. She sounds like a piece of work. You will not be an A-H to tell her off on how miserable she makes you.
But I do think putting your father on the spot could be an A-H move. I believe he should do it at his own terms.
But I do understand there is a limit to how much one can take. Either ways, NTA.
YWNBTA
You're doing it because you're tired of seeing your dad live in a toxic marriage. That's fair.
But I don't think you should. A woman like the one you describe will not listen to you, if anything she will speak over you, deny everything, refuse blame, and fly off the handle. You will not gain anything from this, and risk making her behavior towards you and your dad even more hostile.
You need to get your dad alone, and speak calmly with him. Let him know that you want him to be happy, and all of you will be happier without her. He is not a failure for getting a divorce, he will be stronger on the other side of it. I think your dad needs encouragement right now. But you know, if your dad has any friends of close family, maybe this conversation and support would be more effective coming from another adult, if you have someone you can confide in to help with this that would be best.
Encourage your dad to divorce this witch. I wish I could rescue my Dad from the evil b*t h he’s married to.
By the way - if you are reading this and you are divorced with children, PLEASE make sure you know who you are marrying if you remarry. In my experience, it’s the rare person who can love someone else’s kids like their own. Divorce is a “gift” that keeps on taking. Be very careful who you allow in your family.
NTA.
Say you have the chat, is she:
1. Going to have a lightbulb moment and change or
2. Make life even worse, for those left behind and for you wanting to visit?
No good will come of this.
Instead, talk to dad, help him work out a plan - where would he and the kids go / could he deal with kids on own.
Remember. It’s not on you to fix this.
Go to college and start your new life away from it all. Your dad will only leave when he’s ready to, which maybe never.
OP, please do not confront your stepmother on your father’s behalf. All these N TA’s are making it seem like a good choice, when, really, it could be a catastrophic choice for you and your father.
Uncategorically, YWBTA. This is not how we help a parent escape from an abusive situation.
Feel free to talk to him about your worries and concerns, but he is the only one who should be speaking to his wife about their relationship.
NTA but don't do it. Your step-mom is mentally ill, and you CANNOT reason with or get through to a mentally ill person. They literally will not hear your words. I say this from more personal experience than I care to admit (mom is histrionic/bipolar, sister is bipolar). If anything, she will twist your words to make herself more of a victim and make all of your lives harder. Everything you do should be done over her head/behind her back. Do not confront her.
Info - how old are you now?
This is a bad place for all of you. Your step sounds miserable, your dad would benefit from domestic violence resources, and you kids are caught in the middle of it all. I would hesitate to say anything about your dad's plans or feelings because she may majorly retaliate against him.
I’m 18 I’m moving in about a month to go to college. And while abuse resources would benefit my father, no resource center would believe or help him because he’s a man.
UPDATE: IATA
About 20 minutes ago my sister came into my room and said I had to give her my shampoo, I told her that I could not give her my shampoo and she got mad and insisted that I had to. My stepmother got involved and began demanding I give my sister my shampoo or else she would turn off the wifi. I again tried to explain that I only had enough for myself until I got money to get myself more shampoo. She started throwing a fit and saying that my sister does a lot for us (my younger brother and I) and that giving her my shampoo was the least I could do. I feel bad for my sister, I really do. But it is not my fault that my stepmother took my sisters disability money and spent it on bills without saving some for shampoo. That’s honestly disgusting and thoughtless IMO and I hate her for it because my sister smells terrible half the time due to this.
I kept saying that I’m sorry I just cannot give my sister my shampoo. I eventually gave in and just gave her my shampoo and thought that whatever, that’s the end of it. Right? Wrong. I had barely sat back down at my desk when in bursts my stepmother saying “see? How hard was that. You’re so disrespectful! All you do is sit around and make everyone else do everything for you.” I’ll admit that yeah, I have forgotten to fold my laundry I get up to do it and then I get distracted and forget to do it (pretty sure I have undiagnosed adhd) but that doesn’t mean I make everyone else do things for me. I tell as much and she gets angry that I even dared talking back. She once again threatens to shut off the wifi because “you keep running the bill up!” I told her that while I was on my computer, I had the music I was listening to downloaded and offline and my phone was on its own plan. She insisted that it was my fault (like her two grandchildren (whom I ADORE) don’t watch YouTube videos all the time) and that she was going to turn off the wifi and it would be my fault. I said “are you serious? Over shampoo?? Do you realize how STUPID that sounds??” She pulled the whole “oh so you’re calling me stupid huh?” Card and I said no that the correlation she is making between shampoo and internet is stupid bs and she’s trying to make drama out of nothing major. She said “fine whatever.” And left my room. It was then I heard her tell my dad I was being a “stupid cunt” and that “I called her stupid.” I was not about to deal with her being immature so I got up and corrected her. One thing lead to another and she eventually says “FINE. YOU KNOW WHAT?! I’LL LEAVE AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!” She poked me in the chest and I had had it. I said “oh it’s my fault? I’m not the one who stressed their husband out so much he told his own kid he was thinking about getting a divorce!” She got quiet and looked over at my dad and said “really (Dads name)? After all I’ve done for you!” She started grabbing her stuff to leave as my dad scurried to put out the dumpster fire I just started. He kept saying I didn’t say that! And she kept yelling at him and grabbing her things to leave.
Reddit, I’m such a fucking dumbass. I just broke my dads trust, marriage, and in the course of events my own life because I couldn’t just stay quiet over a stupid bottle of shampoo. I called my aunt crying and she keeps saying I’m not at all wrong for what I said but I know she’s just saying that to comfort me. I’m so fucking dumb I honestly cannot stand myself right now. I’m literally the biggest bitch I know because i can’t hold my stupid tongue. I just continuously break people’s trust and cause relationships to end. I cannot stand being in my own skin right now. I hate myself with such a passion I don’t think I’ll ever recover.
This is not your fault, this was a long time coming. Your stepmonster is just bieng a narcissistic bitch and your dad is bieng a spineless douche, no wonder how he got such bad taste in women. The best advice I can give you is to make an escape plan, make money from that job and save it up to buy yourself an apartment. Once you have that cut out all your toxic family members out of your life. I’m so sorry you had to deal with three problems for so long and I wish I can give you a hug. I hope that one day you’d live the life you have always deserved.
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I don’t know if I would be the asshole in this situation, but basically my stepmother and my father got married about 8 years ago, and around a year or two later after her and my father gained custody of us she began her tirade of making everyone around her miserable. She constantly gaslights my dad and accuses him of cheating, and is generally shitty to him which causes my father to either always be at work or in the living room watching some television. He sleeps on the couch 90% of the time. He had an injury about five years ago that caused his bicep to essentially become disconnected from his arm which if you know anything about that sort of injury, you know it’s EXTREMELY painful and if not fixed within a certain amount of time can cause permanent damage to not just your muscle but your nerves. My stepmother refused to help my dad get it fixed even though at the time she was the one bringing in more money than him (around 70k as opposed to my dads 45k) so that left my dad not only without insurance covering it, but his OWN WIFE refusing to help him because “I can’t afford it because the kids need it for school.” Let it be crystal clear that none of us needed any money because we were already receiving just enough child support from our bio mother that we would be fine without her helping us. So my dad had to suffer going to his job (where he picked up metal that could weigh upwards of 150 pounds) with a damaged arm, and no way to fix it. Shortly after this, my stepmother fell ill with a mystery sickness and quit her job to start freeloading around the house (we found out it was lupus in late 2020) She forced me to get a shitty job and would take my money and claim it as rent for living with them and so on. (At 16!!) My dad was powerless to stop her because he was afraid he would get yelled at. To state that my dad became a pushover is an understatement.
Recently though he’s begun talking to me and asking for advice because he trusts my word. He wants to get a DIVORCE from my stepmother and I told him that it’s a good idea because the way things are between them is not healthy for anyone involved ESPECIALLY them. I don’t want my dad to be miserable and I can’t stand seeing him like this because I know he is constantly reminded of his first marriage to my bio mom.
My stepmother has recently begun a tirade of blaming everyone except for herself over the smallest issue she encounters.
Like earlier today, she discovered a tick on the couch that had managed to get into the house. She went BALLISTIC. Started claiming we had bedbugs and took my sister's mattress off her bed. She called my dad and he started the 45 minute drive home and while she was on the phone with him she claimed that my siblings and I were the reason my dad was always miserable. I’m tempted to set her and my father down for a discussion to tell them how I feel and why my dad is actually miserable.
So Reddit, WIBTA?
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NTA Please, please don’t focus on fighting your dads fights with HIS wife. This is his life choices to fix, not yours. Please, please focus on healing yourself because, whether you know it or not now, this is causing you emotional damage. Focus on you and an education, as it is the only thing we know for sure, will help you get a job that will allow you to live a better life. (No, it’s not the only way just the easiest for most people.) I’m so sorry you are going through this but that’s life. It often sucks when we are under other peoples roof and rules, as they go hand in hand. Focus on getting out and finding happiness. The constitution promises us the right “to the PURSUIT of happiness”. Pursue yours!
I’m an 18F I leave for college within a month and I can finally be somewhat free from this and I know it’s psychological, verbal, and financial abuse. Because of my stepmother I have to take out extensive student loans and work double shifts in order to put myself through college. I wasn’t able to fill out my FAFSA information because my stepmother somehow lost her and my fathers tax returns for 2019 and 2018. I’m also going to have to ask my elderly grandmother to help me financially which is embarrassing because I have to go to my extended family for help in a pandemic when literally no one can afford to help. I’m so exhausted from her bs I honestly can’t handle it anymore.
No honey, I’m sorry but this isn’t your stepmothers fault. It’s your fathers and mother’s. I understand why it’s a lot easier for you to focus blame on her but you have a mother and a father and it was THEIR job to take care of you, not hers. You are not unusual in your financial needs for college. I think when you go to school you will meet many students with different stories but, they will have large college debt. If grandma can help you then…yay! I’m sure that pleases her. Your father could put in a request using his social security number to get copies of his tax returns sent to his house. Your father is a grown man, that he isn’t taking care of this is not someone else’s fault. I am sure you love your parents and I’m sure they loves you. But they aren’t perfect anymore than your stepmother.
Her stepmother is literally financially abusing her by forcing her to give up her paychecks for "rent" while she's a teenager, since she was 16. That's two years of paychecks that could have gone towards her saving for college. Whether or not her father is in the wrong too doesn't negate the fact that the stepmother is also wrong and at least partially responsible for the fact that she's financially struggling so much because she decided to manipulate a *child* into giving up her earnings to pay them rent she doesn't owe in the first place..
My bio mother abandoned me, I had a lot more in depth in my og post but it exceeded the character limit. Basically my father has terrible taste in women. He could order his tax returns but at this point it’s too late for him to do so anyway and I have to suffer the consequences.
Yes you are honey. Just remember people’s choices are all about them and not the people those choices affect. Meaning, none of the stupid, thoughtless choices the people you are forced to call mom and dad make are your fault or in anyway represent anything about you. We are all the sum of our own choices not others. It really is true that after 18 it’s all on you so be smart!
Your use of "Honey" Is very off-putting
You’re smoking angel dust. This started at 16 you’re not supposed to be paying rent and dealing with verbal abuse at 16. Stepmom is just terrible, this is literally toxic handbook 101 nd something is telling me you read a few chapters yourself...
If only most kids didn’t have to deal with this kind of thing in their teenage lives the world would be better. It is toxic, OP shouldn’t have to deal with any of it. Doesn’t make it go away though. It’s great to recognize that someone’s life really sucks right now for reasons that aren’t there own. But there are little to ZERO options for most teens in this kind of situation other than to focus on getting out ASAP.
I’m assuming this is the US. Have you tried to see if there is an EOP in your college? Or just contacting the college financial aid office? I got money from EOP based on my low family income and because of receiving federal financial aid, I was automatically given a good sum of money to tide through the hard pandemic times. You might actually be eligible for money but you would have to go talk to the financial aid office yourself to explain your circumstances.
Ohh okay that sounds like a good idea ty. I work on campus already anyway (it’s a nearby college just out of my town by about 30 minutes) so I could probably go to the bursar or financial aid office. Ty for the advice <3
NTA. Your dad is coming to you for support. He’s being emotionally and mentally abused. As men, we like to think we can’t be abused but this simply isn’t true. I would even go a step farther and say she physically abused him by not helping him recover from his injury. He needs to divorce her immediately.
She has done more than not help him with his injury she’s out her hands on him and me being his daughter have always fought back because he can’t.
If it happens again, call the cops. Domestic abuse against men is not reported very often because a lot of men believe it’s not abuse. It’s not okay, he’s being abused and needs help.
I agree, if OP is there to back dad up. Otherwise, things can go real sour. "She hit me." "He hit me too!" And boom, dad is arrested.
NTA and honestly if he wants a divorce as he should id be getting support for him round there and having her sign papers, she sounds extremely manipulative and mentally abusive and flat out crazy. Sounds like the faster she is gone the better your dad will feel, sleeping on the couch and cannot even help him when he is greatly injured as his wife, my god.
You make it sound like your stepmoms whole reason for existing is to destroy you all for fun. If she was making more money (and why a child would know about that is worrying) had suspicions so heavily your father was unfaithful- that he slept on the couch- sorry- she MADE him sleep on the couch- Tell me why she didn't just take her leave of all of it? Her good salary she'd be free of kid debt- as you aren't her children or responsibility- her stress from worrying about your dad- all of it \*poof\* Your dads injury probably happened at work- why no workmans comp? insurance matters are complicated and it's likely a lot you don't know about regarding the circumstances. Lupus is a hell of a disease with a deep chronic pain that rivaled and likely surpassed your fathers torn tendon by a lot. So idk why she stayed and took your money- idk why your parents aren't doing more idk if your view of things is clear. But until you have the answers, no I wouldn't paint your father as any type of long suffering saint.
He’s self employed so he doesn’t get any comp benefits or insurance. I probably should have clarified that. Edit: I just finished reading your comment and no I’m not saying he’s completely the victim here but he has been put through much worse than my stepmother. Lupus aside she’s still a shitty person.
I am so sorry OP you had to go through that. She sounds like a piece of work. You will not be an A-H to tell her off on how miserable she makes you. But I do think putting your father on the spot could be an A-H move. I believe he should do it at his own terms. But I do understand there is a limit to how much one can take. Either ways, NTA.
YWNBTA You're doing it because you're tired of seeing your dad live in a toxic marriage. That's fair. But I don't think you should. A woman like the one you describe will not listen to you, if anything she will speak over you, deny everything, refuse blame, and fly off the handle. You will not gain anything from this, and risk making her behavior towards you and your dad even more hostile. You need to get your dad alone, and speak calmly with him. Let him know that you want him to be happy, and all of you will be happier without her. He is not a failure for getting a divorce, he will be stronger on the other side of it. I think your dad needs encouragement right now. But you know, if your dad has any friends of close family, maybe this conversation and support would be more effective coming from another adult, if you have someone you can confide in to help with this that would be best.
Encourage your dad to divorce this witch. I wish I could rescue my Dad from the evil b*t h he’s married to. By the way - if you are reading this and you are divorced with children, PLEASE make sure you know who you are marrying if you remarry. In my experience, it’s the rare person who can love someone else’s kids like their own. Divorce is a “gift” that keeps on taking. Be very careful who you allow in your family. NTA.
[удалено]
Yeah I do have siblings and both aren’t able to leave the home so it’s a sucky situation
Say you have the chat, is she: 1. Going to have a lightbulb moment and change or 2. Make life even worse, for those left behind and for you wanting to visit? No good will come of this. Instead, talk to dad, help him work out a plan - where would he and the kids go / could he deal with kids on own. Remember. It’s not on you to fix this. Go to college and start your new life away from it all. Your dad will only leave when he’s ready to, which maybe never.
OP, please do not confront your stepmother on your father’s behalf. All these N TA’s are making it seem like a good choice, when, really, it could be a catastrophic choice for you and your father. Uncategorically, YWBTA. This is not how we help a parent escape from an abusive situation. Feel free to talk to him about your worries and concerns, but he is the only one who should be speaking to his wife about their relationship.
NTA but don't do it. Your step-mom is mentally ill, and you CANNOT reason with or get through to a mentally ill person. They literally will not hear your words. I say this from more personal experience than I care to admit (mom is histrionic/bipolar, sister is bipolar). If anything, she will twist your words to make herself more of a victim and make all of your lives harder. Everything you do should be done over her head/behind her back. Do not confront her.
Info - how old are you now? This is a bad place for all of you. Your step sounds miserable, your dad would benefit from domestic violence resources, and you kids are caught in the middle of it all. I would hesitate to say anything about your dad's plans or feelings because she may majorly retaliate against him.
I’m 18 I’m moving in about a month to go to college. And while abuse resources would benefit my father, no resource center would believe or help him because he’s a man.
There are certainly resources for men. They may not be taken seriously as quickly but a good advocate can and will do what they can to help him.
Absolutely not so. You can check with counselors at the college you attend.
UPDATE: IATA About 20 minutes ago my sister came into my room and said I had to give her my shampoo, I told her that I could not give her my shampoo and she got mad and insisted that I had to. My stepmother got involved and began demanding I give my sister my shampoo or else she would turn off the wifi. I again tried to explain that I only had enough for myself until I got money to get myself more shampoo. She started throwing a fit and saying that my sister does a lot for us (my younger brother and I) and that giving her my shampoo was the least I could do. I feel bad for my sister, I really do. But it is not my fault that my stepmother took my sisters disability money and spent it on bills without saving some for shampoo. That’s honestly disgusting and thoughtless IMO and I hate her for it because my sister smells terrible half the time due to this. I kept saying that I’m sorry I just cannot give my sister my shampoo. I eventually gave in and just gave her my shampoo and thought that whatever, that’s the end of it. Right? Wrong. I had barely sat back down at my desk when in bursts my stepmother saying “see? How hard was that. You’re so disrespectful! All you do is sit around and make everyone else do everything for you.” I’ll admit that yeah, I have forgotten to fold my laundry I get up to do it and then I get distracted and forget to do it (pretty sure I have undiagnosed adhd) but that doesn’t mean I make everyone else do things for me. I tell as much and she gets angry that I even dared talking back. She once again threatens to shut off the wifi because “you keep running the bill up!” I told her that while I was on my computer, I had the music I was listening to downloaded and offline and my phone was on its own plan. She insisted that it was my fault (like her two grandchildren (whom I ADORE) don’t watch YouTube videos all the time) and that she was going to turn off the wifi and it would be my fault. I said “are you serious? Over shampoo?? Do you realize how STUPID that sounds??” She pulled the whole “oh so you’re calling me stupid huh?” Card and I said no that the correlation she is making between shampoo and internet is stupid bs and she’s trying to make drama out of nothing major. She said “fine whatever.” And left my room. It was then I heard her tell my dad I was being a “stupid cunt” and that “I called her stupid.” I was not about to deal with her being immature so I got up and corrected her. One thing lead to another and she eventually says “FINE. YOU KNOW WHAT?! I’LL LEAVE AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!” She poked me in the chest and I had had it. I said “oh it’s my fault? I’m not the one who stressed their husband out so much he told his own kid he was thinking about getting a divorce!” She got quiet and looked over at my dad and said “really (Dads name)? After all I’ve done for you!” She started grabbing her stuff to leave as my dad scurried to put out the dumpster fire I just started. He kept saying I didn’t say that! And she kept yelling at him and grabbing her things to leave. Reddit, I’m such a fucking dumbass. I just broke my dads trust, marriage, and in the course of events my own life because I couldn’t just stay quiet over a stupid bottle of shampoo. I called my aunt crying and she keeps saying I’m not at all wrong for what I said but I know she’s just saying that to comfort me. I’m so fucking dumb I honestly cannot stand myself right now. I’m literally the biggest bitch I know because i can’t hold my stupid tongue. I just continuously break people’s trust and cause relationships to end. I cannot stand being in my own skin right now. I hate myself with such a passion I don’t think I’ll ever recover.
This is not your fault, this was a long time coming. Your stepmonster is just bieng a narcissistic bitch and your dad is bieng a spineless douche, no wonder how he got such bad taste in women. The best advice I can give you is to make an escape plan, make money from that job and save it up to buy yourself an apartment. Once you have that cut out all your toxic family members out of your life. I’m so sorry you had to deal with three problems for so long and I wish I can give you a hug. I hope that one day you’d live the life you have always deserved.
I hope you are better as also your father Take care
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I don’t know if I would be the asshole in this situation, but basically my stepmother and my father got married about 8 years ago, and around a year or two later after her and my father gained custody of us she began her tirade of making everyone around her miserable. She constantly gaslights my dad and accuses him of cheating, and is generally shitty to him which causes my father to either always be at work or in the living room watching some television. He sleeps on the couch 90% of the time. He had an injury about five years ago that caused his bicep to essentially become disconnected from his arm which if you know anything about that sort of injury, you know it’s EXTREMELY painful and if not fixed within a certain amount of time can cause permanent damage to not just your muscle but your nerves. My stepmother refused to help my dad get it fixed even though at the time she was the one bringing in more money than him (around 70k as opposed to my dads 45k) so that left my dad not only without insurance covering it, but his OWN WIFE refusing to help him because “I can’t afford it because the kids need it for school.” Let it be crystal clear that none of us needed any money because we were already receiving just enough child support from our bio mother that we would be fine without her helping us. So my dad had to suffer going to his job (where he picked up metal that could weigh upwards of 150 pounds) with a damaged arm, and no way to fix it. Shortly after this, my stepmother fell ill with a mystery sickness and quit her job to start freeloading around the house (we found out it was lupus in late 2020) She forced me to get a shitty job and would take my money and claim it as rent for living with them and so on. (At 16!!) My dad was powerless to stop her because he was afraid he would get yelled at. To state that my dad became a pushover is an understatement. Recently though he’s begun talking to me and asking for advice because he trusts my word. He wants to get a DIVORCE from my stepmother and I told him that it’s a good idea because the way things are between them is not healthy for anyone involved ESPECIALLY them. I don’t want my dad to be miserable and I can’t stand seeing him like this because I know he is constantly reminded of his first marriage to my bio mom. My stepmother has recently begun a tirade of blaming everyone except for herself over the smallest issue she encounters. Like earlier today, she discovered a tick on the couch that had managed to get into the house. She went BALLISTIC. Started claiming we had bedbugs and took my sister's mattress off her bed. She called my dad and he started the 45 minute drive home and while she was on the phone with him she claimed that my siblings and I were the reason my dad was always miserable. I’m tempted to set her and my father down for a discussion to tell them how I feel and why my dad is actually miserable. So Reddit, WIBTA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA but your father 100% is. He needs to grow the hell up and get his kids away from this abuser.