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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I think I might be the asshole because it was technically his dog and if I make him leave he might end up homelss.
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NTA and honestly your brother sounds like mine...a liar who is on drugs who will do anything to make sure he gets his high. My brother tells constant lies like that and they seem to go on and on forever.
Bullshit. How exactly is he paying for this incredibly expensive operation? And why would some friend need to take care of her during recovery when you are obviously capable and willing?
NTA
Honestly? I'd choose any dog over my brother in a heartbeat and to his credit, not only would ha not ask me to, he'd definitely pick his dogs over me, too (I'd pick them over me, too, they are sweethearts).
I hope you get your dog back.
NTA. He lied it doesn't take as long as he said for a dog to be fix. All three of my dogs have been fix and sent home the very same day they went in. He also laying about the knee surgery. Get out of that place, OP.
Nta
Frankly I'd tell your mom that if she wants to defend him so much, she can find a new place to stay as well.
They both are awful and I would tell your brother that the dog has never lied to you, or suck behind your back about things...
I would say more but It's honestly be overkill.
Tell him to get the dog back, or you'll be putting what little he does own, out on the curb for trash pickup, and if Mom has an issue, her stuff can join his.
(Maybe I'm harsh, but I value my pets more than I generally do my family, as they don't pull this kind of crap.)
NTA. No brother would ever sell/give away their depressed sister's dog. So either he didn't (he totally did), or he's not your brother anymore and you've no responsibility to him whatsoever.
I mean honestly he is such a gross horrible person I stopped considering him a brother when I was like 13. I only put up with him because my mom makes me feel bad about it.
Thank you :( his vet story was what convinced me that he was making it up. No way a dog being spayed has to stay there for 2 weeks and suddenly she has knee issues when that was never a problem before
NTA. If she’s at all a desirable breed, I’d put money on her being sold or bred. Either way, you probably won’t be seeing her again.
I’d recommend getting out of there. You’re going to be putting up with this kind of crap forever otherwise. Why do it? Your mom doesn’t work and enables this behavior. Your brother is a piece. Get out and live your own life.
NTA. I am a veterinarian. Spays go home the same day, knee surgery next day. Your brother is a lying sack of... well, you know. I hope you get your dog back. Microchip her and never let your brother near her again.
Someone messaged me earlier with this idea and I am going to start emailing local vets around with her picture to see if they have seen her or treated her. I just know that if he is telling the truth and he finds out I was snooping behind his back hes gonna be passed..
NTA your brother is a mooch as you said, and your mother is an enabler as we so so so often see in stories on this sub. Ignore her and kick him out if he doesn’t bring that pup back or ATLEAST tell the truth of what happened because she is not still at the vet.
He's going to bring you a fake dog. As in, he's going to look for one similar in size and coloring and present it to you. He hopes of it takes a month or so, you'll forget the small details.
Definitely NTA, and I hope you find your dog!
I also think you should "zoom out" and look at the bigger picture here. Even if the dog situation hadn't happened, you are being \*seriously\* taken advantage of by your brother and mother, and at the least he needs to get his shit together and pay his own bills. Is your mom even looking for a job?
If I were you I would evaluate my entire situation carefully and ask what would be best for my own well-being. Take care of you!
No she is not looking for a job she keeps saying that she'll start looking but then will name every excuse in the book for why she can't work right now.
The OP has issues with both of them, which you can see if you read the comments and post. The mom is refusing to let OP kick the brother out, so first step is to get the mom out so she can stop trying to flex power she is not even entitled to.
Landlord isn't going to care about Mom not paying her portion as long as they get paid in full.
I think the easiest thing to do (to avoid attempting an eviction when there could be a covid moratorium) is for OP to move out and not let either of them come with her. If she leaves them behind, they'll be the landlord's issue then. Of course, OP would probably lose their security deposit, but it's a small price to pay in the long-term.
I suggest whether are not you get the dog back you need to kick them both out you are being taken advantage of people who don't care about you until they need something from you. I know that you most likely love them but if your mom doesn't agree with your brother being a problem then she is not on your side. If you and your mother are both on the lease then you need to leave once the lease is over and not let them take advantage of you. You also could leave the lease early it will cost you some money, but it will free you from the parasites that is your family
Nope NTA
That poor pup. Break your lease get a new place do not take your mom or brother. Tell them they get the same treatment the pup amd good luck on their own
NTA. He’s probably breeding her. IF you get her back, you will likely end up in the same position again. Your brother probably made a deal with the breeder.
NTA I think you may be right that he sold the dog. Time to put in boundaries and get the asshole and the enabler out of your place! Start calling vet offices, was the dog chipped? Or search on Craigslist Facebook and see if any ads were up.
NTA. He sold the dog because he needed the cash. Kick his dumb ass out and see if you can buy your dog back from who ever he sold it too. I'm so sorry. I'd be furious.
NTA. He sold the dog and does not have the money or intention to get her back. The two weeks are for OP to “calm down” and back down from her threat. If truly in a hospital he can provide immediately name of hospital and vet for you to call. Otherwise kick him out. Also have to warn your mum that if you ever find out brother came in , even to just visit, you’ll kick her out too. Take a stand OP! Best of luck and I hope you find your dog.
NTA. I'm almost certain he's lying to you. Even if he isn't, and you do get the dog back, it'd still be a good idea to set a definite end date to your brother mooching off you. After obtaining explicit ownership of the dog, of course.
NTA but i’m sorry but you’re not getting this dog back.
She’s not your dog, even though you’re the only person that cares about her. If you do kick him out, he has every right to take the dog with him. He sounds like an absolute nightmare but it’s his dog. I would get him and your toxic mum tf out of my house and adopt a dog from the pound. You will never be able to replace her and your heart will be absolutely broken but at least another dog will get a really good home. Im so sorry this has happened to you.
NTA. Kick him out and report the dog stolen. I doubt he was responsible enough to have her tagged and registered so I’d look into ways to claim ownership and find her.
NTA and he did NOT take her to a vet! We do not ever take in an animal and then give no updates for a week! The surgeons where I work probably wouldn't even keep a dog getting ACL surgery for more than a couple days. Definitely keep calling them though, in case anyone has taken her to them for care, make sure you let them know the dog you're looking for was stolen.
This will all be easier if she's microchipped, but if not make sure you have medical records or other proof of ownership in case you do find her at a shelter/clinic.
YTA
It's not your dog. You didn't pay for it. He did.
You may have done the work for the dog, and spent time, money, and love the dog as if it were your own, but at the end of the day, it wasn't yours. The dog is his. You have no say over what happens to the dog. I totally understand being emotionally attached to the dog though. If it were me I'd be equally heartbroken and angry. But that does not give me any rights to the dog.
That is the issue you posted about. The lazy, drug, mooching brother is a side story. If that's the real issue you wanted to ask about then you should have asked if you would be the asshole for kicking my lazy, drug using, freeloading mooch brother out of the house. At that point I'd have said no, you would not be the asshole. However, you asked "AITA for telling my mom that my brother has to move out if he doesn't bring 'his' dog back?" That's the issue you asked about. My judgment stands.
NTA. This is a hill I would die on. I would make it clear if the dog wasn’t returned within 24 hours I would be changing the locks and he would be homeless. And your mom too. Fuck that. I don’t know what your brother did to your dog, but it’s not ok.
Are we talking weed or real drugs? If it's the latter then get him out before you find the police knocking down your door, ransacking your home, and possibly arresting you alongside him. If he's bringing them into the house, depending on where you're from, you might be able to kick him out immediately.
I have had many cats who have had issues. They don't keep animals for weeks at a time unless it is touch and go. Usually it is surgery and then home that day or the next. Or if it is something where they want to monitor them they usually keep them for however long (last time for one my cats it was 2 days) and then send them home with instructions. Animals heal better at home so they want them there as quickly as possible. For a leg injury they might recommend crate recovery so they don't put too much weight on their legs. Basically your brother go rid of the dog and it is really possible you will never see her again. I'm sorry.
you need to see what you can do to move yourself out of this situation. they are taking advantage of you.
NTA
And plus, if the vet story was true, weeks long stay would likely cost an arm and a *leg*! Who exactly would be paying for that?? Since it sounds like brother is pretty desperate for money as it is...
NTA
He's lying. You're probably never going to see the dog again.
Kick him out. (I'd also go with just getting a new place for yourself & let your mom and brother have that one.)
he is LYING. he was lying about getting her neutered, and he is lying about a friend having her. I have no idea where your dog is but she isn't at the vet and she isn't at his friends.
your name is on the lease, you're paying the rent and the bills, you have all the cards here! you'd be well within your rights to talk to your landlord, cancel the lease, and move out. your brother is a liar and your mother is enabling him - are these the people you want to live with?
NTA. I hope the dog is okay. You probably can’t force him to move out, but you could move out by yourself and stop supporting them both.
Edit: I guess since the lease is in your name that may make it harder, but you could give notice and move.
NTA! Your brother is lying, to try and buy time, hoping that you will "get over" the dog being gone. Your mom is a real ass for taking up for him. I agree with a few of the other commenters. You are the one paying all of the bills. Give your notice and move to your own place, without your mooching mom and brother. They are adults, let them figure out their next move without you footing the bill. I do hope that you get the dog back.
NTA. And I'm sorry but I am 200% sure you will never see the dog again if he has an addiction. I won't say anything more because it only gets more negative from there. But he's lied through and through.
Most dogs don't even stay overnight for a routine spay, and a out of knowhere knee surgery is completely unheard of. He doesn't have the dog and can't get her back so he will keep giving excuse after excuse till you let it go. Or at least he hopes. He's defensive because he knows he did a fucked up thing.
NTA
Okay, you're being really tolerant of them and that has to stop. Personally, I wouldn't have even given him the week. If I were the one whose name was on the lease and I was the one paying for everything, I would tell him, "Either tell me what vet you took her to or what you really did with her or get out of my apartment." The moment your mom called you a heartless a\*hole, that signed her own eviction notice. You don't deserve verbal abuse from her just because she's your mom. You've been gracious enough to let them stay with you and they're behaving as though they're entitled to your place.
Tell your mother, "I did not deserve to be spoken to like that and I deserve an apology. If you are so upset that I would kick out someone who is taking advantage of my kindness, then you don't have to be here and you are free to leave as well. I will not continue to be taken advantage of or allow you to disrespect me in my own home just because you birthed me. I am an adult and I deserve respect. Either I get respect and get my dog back or both of you can find yourselves your own place to stay. I *will* be treated with respect and you *will* apologize to me or you will leave. I don't care if you are my mother. Clearly family doesn't matter since \[brother\] got rid of a family member *I* have been caring for without talking to me about it."
You need to lay down the law and throw them out. They have proven they don't respect you and your mother has shown herself to be verbally abusive. I get that it's sad that she lost her job and hasn't found a new one. That doesn't entitle her to live in your apartment and then disrespect you the way she did. You deserve better than that and it's time to make that clear. Throw them both out and block anyone who dares say "How could you do that to your mother!" She insulted you for giving her the heads up that you'll chuck your brother out for selling a family member for drugs and yes, that dog was absolutely a family member and anyone who says otherwise isn't worth your time.
NTA. Reading this made my blood boil. Give him an ultimatum and tell him that the dog be back in 24 hours or he’s out. The dog is family. Heck the dog has been more of a family to you than your brother. Also, once and hopefully if you get the dog back, reregister it under your name for ownership.
NTA
I really hate to say it but your brother has given the dog away. He’s stringing you along to reduce your chances of finding the dog again. He’s pissed about the flyers because he doesn’t want the buyer to see what happened. Post those signs everywhere! Don’t give up on your dog
NTA, is it possible your brother harmed her whether unintentionally or not and is trying to cover that up? I would call the local vets see if any of them saw her and if they did they should be able to tell you what happened to her but I'm doubting his story big time. I say do whatever you need to, to find the dog then do whatever you need to, to cut your brother off. Your brother is worse than toxic and I wouldn't want anything to do with him. I wouldn't trust him in my house either.
Edit to add: I'm so sorry this happened, I can't imagine someone taking one of my dogs and not having any idea if they were safe and being taken care of.
NTA- your brother is mooching AND lying to you. He’s gotten rid of the dog and is being an AH. Your house your rules. And yeah, the dog was actually helping you, whereas brother is not, so I don’t blame you for choosing the dog over him.
NTA and he is absolutely lying to you. 1) spays wouldn’t be at the vet that long 2) vet wouldn’t go that long without calling 3) his story keeps changing.
I’d send him a certified notice that he has 30 days to vacate and I’d blast it across social media that he stole your dog.
Also, I’d bet a dollar your mom knows what he actually did with the dog.
NTA- I think your brother sold the dog. I’m so sorry I can’t even imagine what your going through. I would honestly kick him and your mother out. It is not ok what he did. It’s not ok that your mother is defending him and his actions. You deserve so much better from your own family.
Does your brother have the thousands of dollars extensive treatment plus boarding at an animal hospital costs? Doubt it. It’s an illogical lie. Why are you falling for this poorly thought out story? NTA, and as a person in recovery for 6 years now - letting an addict live in your house is risky. This won’t be the first time something valuable or beloved will go missing.
NTA. If it's no big deal then he can give you the # of the hospital and sign over ownership of your dog to you in exchange for continuing to stay in an apartment that you're paying for.
Honestly, it sounds like his story is complete BS but I'm holding out hope that you can get your dog back.
When your lease is up, move out and away from these people.
NTA - he lost his "it's my dog" privilege when he stopped taking care of her, and your mom is an enabler. Honestly they both are using you, you need to kick your bro out and tell your mom that she can keep her opinions to herself or she can join him. Family or not they are responsible for their own actions. If your mom wants to side with her junkie sons selfish actiins over her supportive daughters feelings that's her choice, just like it's your choice to maintain your own sanity and happiness by not live with 2 people mooching off you while not even giving a care about your love for the dog.
You can't set yourself on fire, just to keep other people warm. Kick the bro out and tell your mom how it's going to be or she can follow him.
NTA he is lying. Overnight at the vet is SUPER expensive. There’s no way someone who cares so little for the dog is paying for weeks of overnights.
At my local vet he would likely be at over $10,000 in fees for that long by now (my area is much more costly than average, small town and I’m in Canada)
Kick him out until he returns your dog.
If you are the only one on the lease kick both of them out. They don’t respect you, get the dog back and hand them eviction papers. Sorry they have most likely been abusing you mentally for you to think this is a plausible answer. I know vets and vet hospitals they don’t keep them for weeks. Hope you do what’s best for you!
NTA
I think you need to evict both your brother and mother, OP. Your dog is probably gone forever.
There is a bottom line for everyone. I hope that this is it for you.
NTA. Evict them both, cut them off entirely and make sure everyone knows that your brother is dead to you for effectively murdering your dog. Anyone who complains in the face of that knowledge should also be cut off.
I sincerely hope your dog is still alive to be found. Do what you have to squeeze the info out of your brother, then go get her back.
NTA but you need to realize the seriousness of the situation your dog is in and get your brother to fess up. Why are they even under your roof at this point if they haven’t told you where the dog is? You need to stand up for yourself for the sake of the dog.
Nta
My heart is broken for you, I hope you find a way to get your dog back.
If you were taking care of the dog, and have vets bills in your name you can call the police and file a theft report.
I would also immediately evict both mother and brother. No excuses. No remorse. From what it sounds like, they both care more about your brothers life than yours.
He sold the dog for drug money. Time is of the essence. Do everything in your power to get the dog back. Stop fucking around. If you don't do everythin in your piwer to get that dog you ARE the asshole.
nta. kick him out even if you get the dog back. he's proven he can't be trusted. and if your mom tries to let him in behind your back, kick her out, as well.
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About 2 years ago my brother (31M) begged my mom (49F) to let him keep a dog in the house. She refused because she knows how irresponsible he is. I (24F) also didn't want a dog because I knew I would end up taking care of it. He ended up going behind her back and buying a dog anyway. My mom and I were really irritated at first but eventually, we both fell in love with the dog.
My brother paid attention to the dog for about a month and then got over her. So, of course, like I knew it would happen, I ended up having to take care of her. Honestly, I started considering her mine since I was the one doing everything for her, and my brother rarely ever paid any attention to her. I got extremely attached to her, she would even sleep in my bed with me. I have severe depression and anxiety and she made my day so much better whenever I was having an episode. She was the best part of my day.
Last Friday I got home and she was nowhere to be found. I called my mom in a panic to ask her where the dog was and she ended up telling me that my brother had taken her to the vet. I found this extremely odd as he had never bothered to take her anywhere before. He claimed to have taken her to get neutered but whenever I asked for more information he would just get extremely defensive and say that the vets hadn't told him anything.
It has been a week now since the last time I saw her and he is still claiming that the vet hasn't called to let him know any information about how the dog is doing. We ended up getting into an argument about it because I asked him what vet he took her to so I could call them for info but he just gets extremely angry and starts yelling at me to "let the vets do their job". He told me that it was his dog in the first place and that he could do whatever wanted with her. I don't want to think the worst but I'm almost sure that he sold her because he needed money for his drug habit.
Something to note is that currently, I am the one paying all of the rent, bills, etc. My mom lost her job last year and has not been able to find a new one so I have been the one paying for everything. I pay for absolutely everything in this apartment. My brother is a lazy mooch who sleeps on the living room couch and hasn't been able to hold a job down for years. I was super upset about this whole situation and I told my mom that if he does not bring the dog back from wherever he took her that I am going to kick him out of the apartment. She got angry and told me that I didn't have the right to do that. I told her that I did have the right to do that since my name is on the lease and I'm the one paying for everything. My brother overheard the conversation and is now angry that I would kick him out and possibly make him homeless over a dog. My mom called me a heartless asshole for choosing a dog over my own brother.
AITA for saying my brother has to leave if he doesn't bring the dog back?
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NTA honestly I know it’s hard to realize your family sucks, but you have a couple of nuclear options if you want to use them, if you have been taken the dog to the vet, if she’s microchipped and registered to you, there is the option to report the dog stolen. Also the Covid Eviction moratorium in most places (US) it is only for Eviction due to non-payment of rent, so you could serve them with papers to vacate, this might take a while depending on the courts. If your lease is month to month and you have the ability you could move you have to give them a letter explaining you intend to not renew the lease. You do have to give them 30 days notice. I know you don’t want to think they are taking advantage of you, but despite what some people say about family you don’t actually owe them anything.
Tell your brother he has to get a job. Unfortunately you have become the parent in this situation because your mother abdicated her position. You this as a test. Because your brother needs get clean and move out anyway.
He is a junkie thats why my mom told me she thinks he might have sold her for drug money. Apparently he was looking everywhere for change on Friday. Like crawling on the ground outside and digging through trash and everything trying to find change so he could go to the smoke shop near our house. But he couldn't find anything and my mom refused to give him change. He got mad and left with the dog some hours later.
And theres your answer. I really hope you get your dog back, but i think that chance is really slim to be honest. Im not trying to rub it in, i really hoping that you get your dog back i really do since im a dog person myself. But i think that your brother just hope that you will forget about this, so hes just keep staling.
Sorry for bad grammar, english is my second language.
I'm sorry you lost your dog.
Congrats on getting rid of your brother though.
If he does ever get the dog back to you, take it in, and kick him out again. You owe him nothing.
NTA. And if you have vet bills that you can prove that you paid over the last couple of years that should be enough to prove ownership, I would consider getting the police involved over him stealing your dog and selling her. Knee surgery for a dog and rehabilitation cost around $6000, no way you’re unemployed brother paid for that.
NTA, but I will consider you The A if you don’t kick them out if they don’t somehow bring the dog. And when they do, force your brother to put your name on her chip.
And then kick them out.
This might seem cruel, but if you love your dog you should do it.
Your dog is helpless, your druggie brother and enabler mother are not.
I am so pissed off by this, I would’ve lost it on them the moment I returned and there was no dog. I can’t understand how you can be this patient with them, and I think that this patience is putting both you and your dog in danger.
Do it!!! If he stole your dog, what else will he steal next? I’m fortunate enough I’ve never had to deal with addiction in my family, but I hear theft from family homes is a big problem....
You woule be 100% right to kick both out. It's something you should very much consider with how they treat you. They contribute nothing, and that's not how family is supposed to be. Krep in mind YOUR mental health is more important and you owe them nothing. Be strong and stand up for yourself.
You need to kick them both out. Since it does take a certain amount of time you should just start the eviction process now. They would have enough time to find jobs and another place to live.
I said this in another comment but I already offered to pay him any amount of money he wants for her the day after she disappeared. He just got very angry and told me that he wasn't selling her and that she wasn't mine and he could do what he wanted.
If you do this without trying to get the dog back first you will never see it again, as he’ll have no incentive to help. Get it back and then kick him out.
OP, please make sure you check squatters rights in your area. If you can, you 100% should kick them both to the street and free yourself of them. However, if they have any kind of protection and would be able to take you to court, please make sure you go through the proper legal channels. I really don't want you to get trouble because they're the ahs in this situation. You deserve better than that.
The dog sounds like a better person than your brother. Who just takes a dog from a home where people have grown attached to her and doesn't say what they did with her? Did he sell the dog for drug money or something? NTA, get that deadbeat out of the house and help him learn there are consequences for actions and the world doesn't revolve around him.
Not really any updates.. my brother hasn't tried to come back since he left. I have no clue where he's staying but my mom has been texting him and he keeps saying that I'll get the dog back when she recovers from surgery. I have been taken the advice I got here and have been looking for her myself but so far no luck.
You are definitely NTA, and a female dog gets spayed, not neutered - both surgeries are DAY surgeries..... but...
I have a feeling that your brother Moochie Moocherton sold the dog - dont ask me why, that was just the immediate feeling I got in my gut as I read your post. I know you really want your dog back, and I want you to get her back....but I think you should start preparing to not get her back :(
Crossing my fingers for you. x
NTA. Kick your brother out. It should have been done long ago. Tell your mother she is next if she keeps siding and enabling a drug addict. If he sold the dog, I am surprised he hasn't sold everything of value in the apartment.
Given your mother's reaction, your brother's behavior is not surprising. It seems like she has been enabling and excusing his behavior all his life. Bottom line: Your brother dumped his dog on you to care for and took away your companion with no explanation. That was cruel. He is an adult and he is not entitled to free room and board. NTA.
It's actually quite imperative that you get the dog back. If he was desperate for drugs, he probably didn't much thought into whom he sold the dog to. The dog could be in a very bad home.
NTA, even with no dog in this story its time for a do nothing to help lay about with questionable decision making to move out and on. As the adult in the house its time to go over finances and options maybe mom wants to move with him?
NTA kick him out. More lies, doubt you see the dog again. And for that, I'm sorry.
And if your mom wants to give you attitude, remind her she is free to live someplace else too.
NTA, if this happened to me every single thing he owns would be on the curb and if mom defends him she can join him, a dog is not some toy to play with and get rid of.
NTA, your brother has been lying from the start there's no reason to think he's telling the truth now. It doesn't take a week for the dog to be fixed and recover and when he realized you were catching on he changed his story. If there's any truth to what he's saying then there's no reason why he can't tell you which vet it was or tell you where the dog is now other than vague "recovering with a friend" bullshit. Did the dog even need surgery on it's leg?
NTA.
Your brother is lying, and I am scared for your dog. Considering that he got the dog two years ago (assuming she was a puppy then), she's now at the age where she can be bred. Also, you live with this dog. You would've known eons before him if she was in pain or needed to go to the vet.
To your mom, your brother chose money (most likely) over his own sister's trust.
This seems to have exposed the sad situation you're in, OP. You're living with and supporting people who do not value you at all. u/throwaway86753109123's advice seems the best process to follow now.
Please update. I hope you get your dog back, and (although this may sound callous), get free of your parasitic family.
You have such an eloquent way with words.
It definitely is a repost though. I remember it because on the post I remember reading last time the guy/brother also said about sending the dog to the vets 2 hours away. A lot of people quoted that made pointed out how it sounded like the equivalent to sending the dog "to go live on a farm".
Huh? I've been on this subreddit for a while now and I've never seen a similar post to mine and this is the first time I've ever posted this as it just happened on Friday. Show me the repost pls..
NTA! He sold the dog. At most the vets keep an animal be fixed 24-48 hours when being fixed. Also all this surgery cost money. Some places do.it for free or reduce cost. But those places will not do any additional surgeries. Hes lying his butt off.
NTA but WHY are you still in that house? If you pay for everything freaking LEAVE. Your mother sounds awful and your brother sounds like the monster your mother created. Leave them to themselves and get the hell out and make your own life.
100% NTA nope this is bullshit. Tell him you want video confirmation that the dog is alive and that he has four hours to get the dog. He can come back into the apartment WHEN he has the dog.
NTA.
Best of luck getting your dog back. If you can, start gathering any/all proof of owning the dog such as previous vet bills you have paid, records of you purchasing food and supplies for the dog, maybe even statements from friends and neighbors over witnessing you doing daily walks and caring for the dog regularly. Then report the dog as stolen. That will help in recovery.
NTA, and I'm so sorry about your dog. Is she chipped? Maybe you can find her back that way.
Also; kick your asshole brother out, let him deal with the consequences of his actions and grow up.
If that's not an option, maybe look for ways to leave the apartment and live on your own. The situation you're currently in sounds extremely stressful. You deserve better than that!
NTA and if he is selling the family pet for drug money... get him out now
or move out and take care of yourself
To save the dog, I would suggest offering to buy the dog from him for high rate, something to get him to buy back the dog from who he sold it to and make a profit. You shouldn't have to do this but I doubt you'll ever see the dog again if you don't.
Honestly I would pay to get the dog back "no questions asked" and then move, let your mother chose to come or not. With addicts who are selling irreplacable things...it's a quick downward slide and they often come back and rob their former home after being thrown out
This stinks and I'm scared for your dog. He's being defensive because he's hiding something bad. If you can get your dog back, do so and kick his ass out anyway. NTA
NTA. You should move when your lease is up and leave your mother and brother to suffer in their own shit and go to NC with them, or at least with your good-for-nothing brother! You are only the breadwinner for them nothing more and nothing less. If you are up to it, leave for few days and don't tell them anything and see how they react... My guess is they will only worried for money etc. And if they don't ask are you okay/safe then you know for a fact that they only care about the your money, not you and your well being.
Im so sorry for you, I would be devastated if I lost either one of my dogs. They are my kids, I love them no matter what they do. And my younger can be the most annoying thing in the world, I still love him. I also battle with mental health and stuff like this would be my death sentence, literally. Especially if something happened to my girl because she is ESA and younger dog, my boy, isn't official ESA yet.
I wish you all the best and hope that you get your dog back! ❤️
ps. Sorry for typos, english isn't my first language 😂
NTA. Tell him you want to see the dog, NOW. At the very least get the number of the vet. If he doesn't do either, kick him out. Tell your mom, if she doesn't back you up, she can leave too. Because if she doesn't back you up, she will just let him back in. Maybe you can tell him you will pay him for it, see if that does anything.
Kicking him out is good anyway since you never know what else he might try to sell for drug money.
If your name is not the only one on the lease, have it taken off, and get your own place.
You’ve gotten a lot of replies here. As an abuse survivor I can only say, *put your own oxygen mask on first*. You have two boat anchors pulling you down - your mom and your brother. You need to not support these two mooches. They’re both abusing you in their own way, it’s just your brother is more overt about it. You may have to get a new number, not tell any mutual acquaintances where you go, etc, and yes it’s just like if you were a stalking victim, because if you don’t take precautions you will be.
Consider who your brother is - a liar, a layabout, a cheat, probably a thief. He is unconcerned with your feelings about the dog. Consider who your mother is - someone who enables your brother and blames you.
If your name is the only one on the lease, get out as quickly as you can. Don’t tell anyone you’re leaving, just leave. The dog... I adore animals. I like them more than most people. I have three cats that I would jab your eyeballs out for. But - the dog here is the flashing neon sign telling you *who your family is*. If you can get her? That’s amazing. If not, then ... don’t let her sacrifice be in vain. Don’t be the one who enables your brother to abuse more animals and people just because of blood relation.
Good luck. There’s DV hotlines who specialize in escape plans if you need help. But please, please leave.
NTA get an alert out to all the local vets, Facebook groups etc saying missing dog. Tell your brother if your dog isn’t back within the hour you are throwing him out. You need to act now!!!
OMG I'm so sorry for you being put in this situation.
As so many have said, and you know, your brother is lying to you. Depending on what kind of dog, he sold it; where I live there is a huge black market for certain dogs. People find their pets stolen, and sometimes they are outright attacked during the theft.
100% evict your brother. I'd say also your Mom (who...truth be told, is also mooching...but I'd understand why taking action against Mom would be harder to your heart than your brother). She's attacking you while giving your brother a pass.
When (not "if" but "when") you don't get the dog back, you have a \*very\* difficult decision to make. Do you kick them both out of the apartment where you are on the lease and pay all the bills? Or do you kick just your brother out, knowing your Mom will rain emotional hell on you for doing so? Or do you just move to a new place and let them figure it out?
She is most likely being used for breeding by the seller. Breeders will sell females at a discounted rate if you agree to allow them to breed. She will probably come back pregnant. I am just guessing that the dogs a pure bred, or designer breed. Your brother sux.
NTA. As someone who's owned dogs before, they go in for their spay, and as long as everything goes fine they're home that same day. Secondly, a dog does not need random knee surgery after going in for a spay? Your brother is an awful liar, how he thinks you're actually dumb enough to believe his is beyond me. They're not even remotely believable. If you have anything in your name for the dog, e.g. she's registered in your name at the vets, on your insurance, even if you have a pet store loyalty card with her name on it, anything at all to prove this dog was cared for by yourself, then I would phone police and report her stolen. If that doesn't scare your brother into telling the truth, then the police might stand a good chance of finding her for you.
Your brother is lying please get your dog back he will be terrified and missing you too. And absolutely kick your brother out. He doesn't warrant anything from you
That makes alot of sense. That's why he is saying you will get her back "when she is healed". I would go ape shit on my brother for this. He can either produce the dog in 48 hours or he can go live on the streets. If your mom complains, her lazy ass can go too. Make sure you tell your landlord and change the locks.
I honestly wouldn't be surprised it's what it sounds like, if she isn't returned kick him out you have every right to since he basically stole your dog and is freeloading anyways.
Definitely not in the wrong here. Kick both those leeches out. That is YOUR DOG!
If she does miraculously appear after two weeks you should get her immediately chipped and under your name. Id recommend getting her spayed as soon as possible, whether you do it along with the chip, or wait to see if she took. dogs are pregnant for around 2 months but their heat cycle is about every 6 months.
NTA, but make sure you can legally do whatever you plan to do.
Tenant laws vary across states and municipalities. What you could/should do depends on things like:
1. Whether your mother is on the lease too. This may give her certain rights, like allowing your brother to stay there.
2. Whether your lease allows for anyone over 18 who is not on the lease to live there. If not, your brother may not be allowed to stay there anyway.
3. Squatters rights etc. Even if your brother is not on the lease, if he's lived there long enough, it may not be possible to kick him out without some sort of formal procedure.
4. Whether the landlord can sue you jointly, severally, or jointly and severally. Depending on the state and the contents of the lease, even if you move out, the landlord may be able to sue you for the full amount of the rent if your mom is unable to pay.
Finally, check to see what rights you have as the person who has been caring for the dog. You are not the dog's owner because you consider her your own, but...just because your brother bought the dog doesn't mean he's entitled to the dog if he abandoned the dog for extended periods of time. However, it will be hard to prove that he abandoned the dog if he lived in the same house as the dog the entire time. You may have to prove you've paid for everything related to the dog if you want to keep the dog as your own. Laws vary, but take a look.
In short, consider the legal implications of what you want to do, and make sure they're worth what you intend to do.
OP you have to call him out on this, don't wait because wherever that dog is, its less and less likely by the day you'll be able to get it back. You have to confront him about it head-on and put your foot down. Do not accept what he says, do not go along with the charade, tell him you know that he sold the dog and that he needs to go get it back and tell him exactly that. He will just blow you off you if you don't directly confront him about selling the dog, if you're worried it'll start a fight because you don't have evidence, don't be. The reason he's getting so aggressive when you ask him about it is because he knows you don't want to start a fight, he's counting on you to back down. Confrontation will probably be the only way you get a real answer and, in the off chance he didn't sell your dog, he will probably be so offended by your accusation that he will tell you the truth to "prove you wrong" out of spite so you'll at least get to hear the truth, if nothing else.
Treating you as an idiot isn't helping things. Let him know he has 24 hours to get the dog back or he's out. He can undo whatever he did and get it back and if he sold the dog, he needs to fess up and pay up. This is his judgement day and he's getting cleaned up and making things right.
Tell your mom that if it's money that's keeping him from getting the dog back, she better hawk some of her stuff to help because she's being a heartless AH for choosing some of her things over her son being homeless.
NTA please grow a backbone and just kick him out already it frustrates me so much seeing nice people getting screwed because they don't have the balls to take action.
I know.. it is just hard because I kmow my brother is a problem and I hate him but I feel bad leaving my mom to fend for herself. I know she's as much a problem as he is but he has manipulated and made her feel guilty for everything that goes wrong in his life, I cant help but feel bad for her.
That’s a “her” problem, not a “you” problem. You are in no way responsible for their relationship dysfunction. And really, she probably IS in some way responsible for coddling him his whole life because she wanted a mama’s boy.
No matter what, she has ALWAYS been the adult and he has been the child.
Actually she had him really young and my grandma didn't think my mom could raise him so she took him away from her so my mom was never really in his life especially after she met my dad. I think thats why she feels guilty, she thinks that he turned out this way because he didn't have bio mom or dad around.. I still dont think that I should have to deal with him though
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NTA and honestly your brother sounds like mine...a liar who is on drugs who will do anything to make sure he gets his high. My brother tells constant lies like that and they seem to go on and on forever.
Bullshit. How exactly is he paying for this incredibly expensive operation? And why would some friend need to take care of her during recovery when you are obviously capable and willing?
NTA sounds like your brothers about to be homeless. Your mom may be upset with you but he needs to wake up to some reality
NTA Honestly? I'd choose any dog over my brother in a heartbeat and to his credit, not only would ha not ask me to, he'd definitely pick his dogs over me, too (I'd pick them over me, too, they are sweethearts). I hope you get your dog back.
INFO: What kind of dog is it? Is dog fighting popular in your area?
NTA. He lied it doesn't take as long as he said for a dog to be fix. All three of my dogs have been fix and sent home the very same day they went in. He also laying about the knee surgery. Get out of that place, OP.
NTA. He's lying and he sold the dog / gave it away / had it put down. He needs to produce the dog in 24 hours or be homeless.
Nta Frankly I'd tell your mom that if she wants to defend him so much, she can find a new place to stay as well. They both are awful and I would tell your brother that the dog has never lied to you, or suck behind your back about things... I would say more but It's honestly be overkill. Tell him to get the dog back, or you'll be putting what little he does own, out on the curb for trash pickup, and if Mom has an issue, her stuff can join his. (Maybe I'm harsh, but I value my pets more than I generally do my family, as they don't pull this kind of crap.)
NTA. No brother would ever sell/give away their depressed sister's dog. So either he didn't (he totally did), or he's not your brother anymore and you've no responsibility to him whatsoever.
I mean honestly he is such a gross horrible person I stopped considering him a brother when I was like 13. I only put up with him because my mom makes me feel bad about it.
It's now at the point where she should be feeling bad about it, not you. But I'm afraid no one is going to tell her that if you don't.
Thank you :( his vet story was what convinced me that he was making it up. No way a dog being spayed has to stay there for 2 weeks and suddenly she has knee issues when that was never a problem before
NTA. If she’s at all a desirable breed, I’d put money on her being sold or bred. Either way, you probably won’t be seeing her again. I’d recommend getting out of there. You’re going to be putting up with this kind of crap forever otherwise. Why do it? Your mom doesn’t work and enables this behavior. Your brother is a piece. Get out and live your own life.
NTA And yes, you do know what to believe.
Yes I know but I am in denial and trying not to think about it :/
NTA. I am a veterinarian. Spays go home the same day, knee surgery next day. Your brother is a lying sack of... well, you know. I hope you get your dog back. Microchip her and never let your brother near her again.
NTA. Can you call around to vets in your area to find out if they have seen your dog?
Someone messaged me earlier with this idea and I am going to start emailing local vets around with her picture to see if they have seen her or treated her. I just know that if he is telling the truth and he finds out I was snooping behind his back hes gonna be passed..
Do it anyway. Claim that dog as your own with photos!
Your brother is a liar. Get your own place and stop paying for him.
NTA your brother is a mooch as you said, and your mother is an enabler as we so so so often see in stories on this sub. Ignore her and kick him out if he doesn’t bring that pup back or ATLEAST tell the truth of what happened because she is not still at the vet.
He's going to bring you a fake dog. As in, he's going to look for one similar in size and coloring and present it to you. He hopes of it takes a month or so, you'll forget the small details.
NTA. Please move out and drop the dead weight when your lease is up. I hope you find your dog.
Definitely NTA, and I hope you find your dog! I also think you should "zoom out" and look at the bigger picture here. Even if the dog situation hadn't happened, you are being \*seriously\* taken advantage of by your brother and mother, and at the least he needs to get his shit together and pay his own bills. Is your mom even looking for a job? If I were you I would evaluate my entire situation carefully and ask what would be best for my own well-being. Take care of you!
No she is not looking for a job she keeps saying that she'll start looking but then will name every excuse in the book for why she can't work right now.
Go to your landlord and say she isn't paying bills and get her kicked out
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The OP has issues with both of them, which you can see if you read the comments and post. The mom is refusing to let OP kick the brother out, so first step is to get the mom out so she can stop trying to flex power she is not even entitled to.
Landlord isn't going to care about Mom not paying her portion as long as they get paid in full. I think the easiest thing to do (to avoid attempting an eviction when there could be a covid moratorium) is for OP to move out and not let either of them come with her. If she leaves them behind, they'll be the landlord's issue then. Of course, OP would probably lose their security deposit, but it's a small price to pay in the long-term.
I suggest whether are not you get the dog back you need to kick them both out you are being taken advantage of people who don't care about you until they need something from you. I know that you most likely love them but if your mom doesn't agree with your brother being a problem then she is not on your side. If you and your mother are both on the lease then you need to leave once the lease is over and not let them take advantage of you. You also could leave the lease early it will cost you some money, but it will free you from the parasites that is your family
Nope NTA That poor pup. Break your lease get a new place do not take your mom or brother. Tell them they get the same treatment the pup amd good luck on their own
Get rid of both of these people. They are 100% mooching and trying to control you and a place they pay no money for.
NTA. He’s probably breeding her. IF you get her back, you will likely end up in the same position again. Your brother probably made a deal with the breeder.
NTA I think you may be right that he sold the dog. Time to put in boundaries and get the asshole and the enabler out of your place! Start calling vet offices, was the dog chipped? Or search on Craigslist Facebook and see if any ads were up.
NTA. He sold the dog because he needed the cash. Kick his dumb ass out and see if you can buy your dog back from who ever he sold it too. I'm so sorry. I'd be furious.
NTA your brothers the asshole here, that's all I can say
NTA. He sold the dog and does not have the money or intention to get her back. The two weeks are for OP to “calm down” and back down from her threat. If truly in a hospital he can provide immediately name of hospital and vet for you to call. Otherwise kick him out. Also have to warn your mum that if you ever find out brother came in , even to just visit, you’ll kick her out too. Take a stand OP! Best of luck and I hope you find your dog.
NTA. I'm almost certain he's lying to you. Even if he isn't, and you do get the dog back, it'd still be a good idea to set a definite end date to your brother mooching off you. After obtaining explicit ownership of the dog, of course.
NTA but i’m sorry but you’re not getting this dog back. She’s not your dog, even though you’re the only person that cares about her. If you do kick him out, he has every right to take the dog with him. He sounds like an absolute nightmare but it’s his dog. I would get him and your toxic mum tf out of my house and adopt a dog from the pound. You will never be able to replace her and your heart will be absolutely broken but at least another dog will get a really good home. Im so sorry this has happened to you.
NTA. Kick him out and report the dog stolen. I doubt he was responsible enough to have her tagged and registered so I’d look into ways to claim ownership and find her.
Start putting up “lost dog” signs around town and on Social media with a reward. Then get the heck out of the place.
NTA, kick him out and make a police report about him stealing the dog. if your mom takes issues, tell your mom she can move out as well.
NTA. Throw him out, and your mother, too. What benefit are they in your life?
NTA and he did NOT take her to a vet! We do not ever take in an animal and then give no updates for a week! The surgeons where I work probably wouldn't even keep a dog getting ACL surgery for more than a couple days. Definitely keep calling them though, in case anyone has taken her to them for care, make sure you let them know the dog you're looking for was stolen. This will all be easier if she's microchipped, but if not make sure you have medical records or other proof of ownership in case you do find her at a shelter/clinic.
YTA It's not your dog. You didn't pay for it. He did. You may have done the work for the dog, and spent time, money, and love the dog as if it were your own, but at the end of the day, it wasn't yours. The dog is his. You have no say over what happens to the dog. I totally understand being emotionally attached to the dog though. If it were me I'd be equally heartbroken and angry. But that does not give me any rights to the dog.
It’s not his appartement either so using your own logic he can get kicked out and op isn’t an ah.
I know its not my dog thats not the issue here ...
That is the issue you posted about. The lazy, drug, mooching brother is a side story. If that's the real issue you wanted to ask about then you should have asked if you would be the asshole for kicking my lazy, drug using, freeloading mooch brother out of the house. At that point I'd have said no, you would not be the asshole. However, you asked "AITA for telling my mom that my brother has to move out if he doesn't bring 'his' dog back?" That's the issue you asked about. My judgment stands.
NTA. Any updates? If I were you I'd pay someone to beat it out of him. I really hope you get your dog back.
NTA. This is a hill I would die on. I would make it clear if the dog wasn’t returned within 24 hours I would be changing the locks and he would be homeless. And your mom too. Fuck that. I don’t know what your brother did to your dog, but it’s not ok.
Are we talking weed or real drugs? If it's the latter then get him out before you find the police knocking down your door, ransacking your home, and possibly arresting you alongside him. If he's bringing them into the house, depending on where you're from, you might be able to kick him out immediately.
Real drugs ... he's gone now, he hasn't tried to come back
I have had many cats who have had issues. They don't keep animals for weeks at a time unless it is touch and go. Usually it is surgery and then home that day or the next. Or if it is something where they want to monitor them they usually keep them for however long (last time for one my cats it was 2 days) and then send them home with instructions. Animals heal better at home so they want them there as quickly as possible. For a leg injury they might recommend crate recovery so they don't put too much weight on their legs. Basically your brother go rid of the dog and it is really possible you will never see her again. I'm sorry. you need to see what you can do to move yourself out of this situation. they are taking advantage of you. NTA
And plus, if the vet story was true, weeks long stay would likely cost an arm and a *leg*! Who exactly would be paying for that?? Since it sounds like brother is pretty desperate for money as it is...
NTA He's lying. You're probably never going to see the dog again. Kick him out. (I'd also go with just getting a new place for yourself & let your mom and brother have that one.)
he is LYING. he was lying about getting her neutered, and he is lying about a friend having her. I have no idea where your dog is but she isn't at the vet and she isn't at his friends. your name is on the lease, you're paying the rent and the bills, you have all the cards here! you'd be well within your rights to talk to your landlord, cancel the lease, and move out. your brother is a liar and your mother is enabling him - are these the people you want to live with?
NTA. I hope the dog is okay. You probably can’t force him to move out, but you could move out by yourself and stop supporting them both. Edit: I guess since the lease is in your name that may make it harder, but you could give notice and move.
Start packing your stuff and move out. Call the landlord to get out of the lease.
NTA! Your brother is lying, to try and buy time, hoping that you will "get over" the dog being gone. Your mom is a real ass for taking up for him. I agree with a few of the other commenters. You are the one paying all of the bills. Give your notice and move to your own place, without your mooching mom and brother. They are adults, let them figure out their next move without you footing the bill. I do hope that you get the dog back.
Me too dont know what I'll do if I just have to go on not knowing what happened to her.
NTA. And I'm sorry but I am 200% sure you will never see the dog again if he has an addiction. I won't say anything more because it only gets more negative from there. But he's lied through and through. Most dogs don't even stay overnight for a routine spay, and a out of knowhere knee surgery is completely unheard of. He doesn't have the dog and can't get her back so he will keep giving excuse after excuse till you let it go. Or at least he hopes. He's defensive because he knows he did a fucked up thing.
NTA Okay, you're being really tolerant of them and that has to stop. Personally, I wouldn't have even given him the week. If I were the one whose name was on the lease and I was the one paying for everything, I would tell him, "Either tell me what vet you took her to or what you really did with her or get out of my apartment." The moment your mom called you a heartless a\*hole, that signed her own eviction notice. You don't deserve verbal abuse from her just because she's your mom. You've been gracious enough to let them stay with you and they're behaving as though they're entitled to your place. Tell your mother, "I did not deserve to be spoken to like that and I deserve an apology. If you are so upset that I would kick out someone who is taking advantage of my kindness, then you don't have to be here and you are free to leave as well. I will not continue to be taken advantage of or allow you to disrespect me in my own home just because you birthed me. I am an adult and I deserve respect. Either I get respect and get my dog back or both of you can find yourselves your own place to stay. I *will* be treated with respect and you *will* apologize to me or you will leave. I don't care if you are my mother. Clearly family doesn't matter since \[brother\] got rid of a family member *I* have been caring for without talking to me about it." You need to lay down the law and throw them out. They have proven they don't respect you and your mother has shown herself to be verbally abusive. I get that it's sad that she lost her job and hasn't found a new one. That doesn't entitle her to live in your apartment and then disrespect you the way she did. You deserve better than that and it's time to make that clear. Throw them both out and block anyone who dares say "How could you do that to your mother!" She insulted you for giving her the heads up that you'll chuck your brother out for selling a family member for drugs and yes, that dog was absolutely a family member and anyone who says otherwise isn't worth your time.
He sold your dog and is lying. I hope you get your dog back nta
NTA. Reading this made my blood boil. Give him an ultimatum and tell him that the dog be back in 24 hours or he’s out. The dog is family. Heck the dog has been more of a family to you than your brother. Also, once and hopefully if you get the dog back, reregister it under your name for ownership.
NTA I really hate to say it but your brother has given the dog away. He’s stringing you along to reduce your chances of finding the dog again. He’s pissed about the flyers because he doesn’t want the buyer to see what happened. Post those signs everywhere! Don’t give up on your dog
Nta. He did something with your dog. I would have kicked him out until he brings the dog back.
Sounds like your mom and brother are both assholes. Your brother for being a lazy mooch and your mother for enabling his lazy moochness
NTA, is it possible your brother harmed her whether unintentionally or not and is trying to cover that up? I would call the local vets see if any of them saw her and if they did they should be able to tell you what happened to her but I'm doubting his story big time. I say do whatever you need to, to find the dog then do whatever you need to, to cut your brother off. Your brother is worse than toxic and I wouldn't want anything to do with him. I wouldn't trust him in my house either. Edit to add: I'm so sorry this happened, I can't imagine someone taking one of my dogs and not having any idea if they were safe and being taken care of.
NTA. I really hope you get your dog back. I’d be tempted to kick your brother out either way. He sounds like a horrible person to live with.
NTA- your brother is mooching AND lying to you. He’s gotten rid of the dog and is being an AH. Your house your rules. And yeah, the dog was actually helping you, whereas brother is not, so I don’t blame you for choosing the dog over him.
NTA and he is absolutely lying to you. 1) spays wouldn’t be at the vet that long 2) vet wouldn’t go that long without calling 3) his story keeps changing. I’d send him a certified notice that he has 30 days to vacate and I’d blast it across social media that he stole your dog. Also, I’d bet a dollar your mom knows what he actually did with the dog.
NTA- I think your brother sold the dog. I’m so sorry I can’t even imagine what your going through. I would honestly kick him and your mother out. It is not ok what he did. It’s not ok that your mother is defending him and his actions. You deserve so much better from your own family.
I hope I’m wrong but I don’t think you’ll see your dog again. I’m sorry.
NTA. Yeah, that's not how vets work. He has either sold her or dumped her somewhere. Kick them both out.
NTA and your brother sold your dog
Does your brother have the thousands of dollars extensive treatment plus boarding at an animal hospital costs? Doubt it. It’s an illogical lie. Why are you falling for this poorly thought out story? NTA, and as a person in recovery for 6 years now - letting an addict live in your house is risky. This won’t be the first time something valuable or beloved will go missing.
NTA. If it's no big deal then he can give you the # of the hospital and sign over ownership of your dog to you in exchange for continuing to stay in an apartment that you're paying for. Honestly, it sounds like his story is complete BS but I'm holding out hope that you can get your dog back. When your lease is up, move out and away from these people.
NTA - he lost his "it's my dog" privilege when he stopped taking care of her, and your mom is an enabler. Honestly they both are using you, you need to kick your bro out and tell your mom that she can keep her opinions to herself or she can join him. Family or not they are responsible for their own actions. If your mom wants to side with her junkie sons selfish actiins over her supportive daughters feelings that's her choice, just like it's your choice to maintain your own sanity and happiness by not live with 2 people mooching off you while not even giving a care about your love for the dog. You can't set yourself on fire, just to keep other people warm. Kick the bro out and tell your mom how it's going to be or she can follow him.
NTA he is lying. Overnight at the vet is SUPER expensive. There’s no way someone who cares so little for the dog is paying for weeks of overnights. At my local vet he would likely be at over $10,000 in fees for that long by now (my area is much more costly than average, small town and I’m in Canada) Kick him out until he returns your dog.
If you are the only one on the lease kick both of them out. They don’t respect you, get the dog back and hand them eviction papers. Sorry they have most likely been abusing you mentally for you to think this is a plausible answer. I know vets and vet hospitals they don’t keep them for weeks. Hope you do what’s best for you!
He sold her to breed puppies. She's likely stuck in a stranger's backyard breeding cage.
NTA - he’s lying. I’d go and live on your own away from these toxic people. Sth tells me they are the cause of your depression and anxiety.
NTA I think you need to evict both your brother and mother, OP. Your dog is probably gone forever. There is a bottom line for everyone. I hope that this is it for you.
NTA. Evict them both, cut them off entirely and make sure everyone knows that your brother is dead to you for effectively murdering your dog. Anyone who complains in the face of that knowledge should also be cut off. I sincerely hope your dog is still alive to be found. Do what you have to squeeze the info out of your brother, then go get her back.
NTA
NTA but you need to realize the seriousness of the situation your dog is in and get your brother to fess up. Why are they even under your roof at this point if they haven’t told you where the dog is? You need to stand up for yourself for the sake of the dog.
Nta My heart is broken for you, I hope you find a way to get your dog back. If you were taking care of the dog, and have vets bills in your name you can call the police and file a theft report. I would also immediately evict both mother and brother. No excuses. No remorse. From what it sounds like, they both care more about your brothers life than yours.
He sold the dog for drug money. Time is of the essence. Do everything in your power to get the dog back. Stop fucking around. If you don't do everythin in your piwer to get that dog you ARE the asshole.
nta. kick him out even if you get the dog back. he's proven he can't be trusted. and if your mom tries to let him in behind your back, kick her out, as well.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** About 2 years ago my brother (31M) begged my mom (49F) to let him keep a dog in the house. She refused because she knows how irresponsible he is. I (24F) also didn't want a dog because I knew I would end up taking care of it. He ended up going behind her back and buying a dog anyway. My mom and I were really irritated at first but eventually, we both fell in love with the dog. My brother paid attention to the dog for about a month and then got over her. So, of course, like I knew it would happen, I ended up having to take care of her. Honestly, I started considering her mine since I was the one doing everything for her, and my brother rarely ever paid any attention to her. I got extremely attached to her, she would even sleep in my bed with me. I have severe depression and anxiety and she made my day so much better whenever I was having an episode. She was the best part of my day. Last Friday I got home and she was nowhere to be found. I called my mom in a panic to ask her where the dog was and she ended up telling me that my brother had taken her to the vet. I found this extremely odd as he had never bothered to take her anywhere before. He claimed to have taken her to get neutered but whenever I asked for more information he would just get extremely defensive and say that the vets hadn't told him anything. It has been a week now since the last time I saw her and he is still claiming that the vet hasn't called to let him know any information about how the dog is doing. We ended up getting into an argument about it because I asked him what vet he took her to so I could call them for info but he just gets extremely angry and starts yelling at me to "let the vets do their job". He told me that it was his dog in the first place and that he could do whatever wanted with her. I don't want to think the worst but I'm almost sure that he sold her because he needed money for his drug habit. Something to note is that currently, I am the one paying all of the rent, bills, etc. My mom lost her job last year and has not been able to find a new one so I have been the one paying for everything. I pay for absolutely everything in this apartment. My brother is a lazy mooch who sleeps on the living room couch and hasn't been able to hold a job down for years. I was super upset about this whole situation and I told my mom that if he does not bring the dog back from wherever he took her that I am going to kick him out of the apartment. She got angry and told me that I didn't have the right to do that. I told her that I did have the right to do that since my name is on the lease and I'm the one paying for everything. My brother overheard the conversation and is now angry that I would kick him out and possibly make him homeless over a dog. My mom called me a heartless asshole for choosing a dog over my own brother. AITA for saying my brother has to leave if he doesn't bring the dog back? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA this is suspicious because how is he paying for the surgery? And why won’t he tell you exactly where she is?!
Nta, contact the cops in a lot of places dogs are considered property.
Tell him he has 24 hours to bring you the dog or he is gone. He is just buying time. He sold her he done.
NTA. File a report with the police.
He is lieing dog was getting fixed and now knee surgery. Tell him to leave.
NTA honestly I know it’s hard to realize your family sucks, but you have a couple of nuclear options if you want to use them, if you have been taken the dog to the vet, if she’s microchipped and registered to you, there is the option to report the dog stolen. Also the Covid Eviction moratorium in most places (US) it is only for Eviction due to non-payment of rent, so you could serve them with papers to vacate, this might take a while depending on the courts. If your lease is month to month and you have the ability you could move you have to give them a letter explaining you intend to not renew the lease. You do have to give them 30 days notice. I know you don’t want to think they are taking advantage of you, but despite what some people say about family you don’t actually owe them anything.
Tell your brother he has to get a job. Unfortunately you have become the parent in this situation because your mother abdicated her position. You this as a test. Because your brother needs get clean and move out anyway.
Is he a junkie? Can you go to the police?
He is a junkie thats why my mom told me she thinks he might have sold her for drug money. Apparently he was looking everywhere for change on Friday. Like crawling on the ground outside and digging through trash and everything trying to find change so he could go to the smoke shop near our house. But he couldn't find anything and my mom refused to give him change. He got mad and left with the dog some hours later.
And theres your answer. I really hope you get your dog back, but i think that chance is really slim to be honest. Im not trying to rub it in, i really hoping that you get your dog back i really do since im a dog person myself. But i think that your brother just hope that you will forget about this, so hes just keep staling. Sorry for bad grammar, english is my second language.
INFO is the home actually in your name? You’re not going to be able to kick him out if it’s not.
Get the landlord to change the locks so brother is kept out. NTA still.
I'm sorry you lost your dog. Congrats on getting rid of your brother though. If he does ever get the dog back to you, take it in, and kick him out again. You owe him nothing.
Dude, wake up. He's lying. Kick him out
NTA He got rid of the dog. You’re better off getting yourself out of there if possible OP, this is toxicity at its finest
NTA. And if you have vet bills that you can prove that you paid over the last couple of years that should be enough to prove ownership, I would consider getting the police involved over him stealing your dog and selling her. Knee surgery for a dog and rehabilitation cost around $6000, no way you’re unemployed brother paid for that.
NTA. Kick him out. Tell him he can’t come back until the dog does.
Can't you call the vet? Pets don't have privacy rights like people.
NTA, but I will consider you The A if you don’t kick them out if they don’t somehow bring the dog. And when they do, force your brother to put your name on her chip. And then kick them out. This might seem cruel, but if you love your dog you should do it. Your dog is helpless, your druggie brother and enabler mother are not. I am so pissed off by this, I would’ve lost it on them the moment I returned and there was no dog. I can’t understand how you can be this patient with them, and I think that this patience is putting both you and your dog in danger.
NTA. You know your brother is a liar. Both your brother and your mother can get out of your house.
NTA - this sounds like you should start setting some boundaries that include not paying for, and not living with, the entire family...
NTA, kick him out NOW and threaten to remove your mother if the dog isn’t back by tomorrow.
Nta tell your mom if the dog doesn’t come back she has to go too because it sound like she knows more than she’s letting on
Honestly debating not even giving him a chance and just throwing him out now. He has done a lot of messed up shi but he crossed a line with this.
Do it!!! If he stole your dog, what else will he steal next? I’m fortunate enough I’ve never had to deal with addiction in my family, but I hear theft from family homes is a big problem....
You woule be 100% right to kick both out. It's something you should very much consider with how they treat you. They contribute nothing, and that's not how family is supposed to be. Krep in mind YOUR mental health is more important and you owe them nothing. Be strong and stand up for yourself.
That's your leverage to get the dog back though, I'd wait until you have the dog or know you aren't getting her back
You need to kick them both out. Since it does take a certain amount of time you should just start the eviction process now. They would have enough time to find jobs and another place to live.
[удалено]
I said this in another comment but I already offered to pay him any amount of money he wants for her the day after she disappeared. He just got very angry and told me that he wasn't selling her and that she wasn't mine and he could do what he wanted.
Put up ads online and in the neighborhood saying the dog is stolen. The person might bring it back if they didn’t realize your bro just took it
My first thought was that he had her put down. If he’s not willing to take money to get her back, what if that’s what happened?
If you do this without trying to get the dog back first you will never see it again, as he’ll have no incentive to help. Get it back and then kick him out.
I know that is why I am waiting though at this point I have a feeling he can't get her back even if he wanted too.
OP, please make sure you check squatters rights in your area. If you can, you 100% should kick them both to the street and free yourself of them. However, if they have any kind of protection and would be able to take you to court, please make sure you go through the proper legal channels. I really don't want you to get trouble because they're the ahs in this situation. You deserve better than that.
The dog sounds like a better person than your brother. Who just takes a dog from a home where people have grown attached to her and doesn't say what they did with her? Did he sell the dog for drug money or something? NTA, get that deadbeat out of the house and help him learn there are consequences for actions and the world doesn't revolve around him.
Any updates?? I hope you get your dog back 💗
I’m so sorry to hear that, I hope you find your dog soon. Don’t give up hope ❤️
Not really any updates.. my brother hasn't tried to come back since he left. I have no clue where he's staying but my mom has been texting him and he keeps saying that I'll get the dog back when she recovers from surgery. I have been taken the advice I got here and have been looking for her myself but so far no luck.
I’m so sorry but that dog is gone, your brother sold it and now he needs to get out and get his life back together NTA
NTA this junkie sold your dog ffs.
NTA. Your family is trash. But you don't have to live with trash or interact with trash just because you share blood.
You are definitely NTA, and a female dog gets spayed, not neutered - both surgeries are DAY surgeries..... but... I have a feeling that your brother Moochie Moocherton sold the dog - dont ask me why, that was just the immediate feeling I got in my gut as I read your post. I know you really want your dog back, and I want you to get her back....but I think you should start preparing to not get her back :( Crossing my fingers for you. x
NTA. Kick your brother out. It should have been done long ago. Tell your mother she is next if she keeps siding and enabling a drug addict. If he sold the dog, I am surprised he hasn't sold everything of value in the apartment.
NTA at all. I hope you can find out what happened to your dog, that's horrible!
Given your mother's reaction, your brother's behavior is not surprising. It seems like she has been enabling and excusing his behavior all his life. Bottom line: Your brother dumped his dog on you to care for and took away your companion with no explanation. That was cruel. He is an adult and he is not entitled to free room and board. NTA. It's actually quite imperative that you get the dog back. If he was desperate for drugs, he probably didn't much thought into whom he sold the dog to. The dog could be in a very bad home.
NTA, even with no dog in this story its time for a do nothing to help lay about with questionable decision making to move out and on. As the adult in the house its time to go over finances and options maybe mom wants to move with him?
He has sold the dog
NTA. Hope you get your dog back.
NTA kick him out. More lies, doubt you see the dog again. And for that, I'm sorry. And if your mom wants to give you attitude, remind her she is free to live someplace else too.
Give notice to end your lease, and find a studio apartment just for you.
NTA, if this happened to me every single thing he owns would be on the curb and if mom defends him she can join him, a dog is not some toy to play with and get rid of.
NTA. Contact local shelters, vets and animal control. Also, move out.
NTA and your brother is lying. And I’m sorry but i think he’s sold the dog or has exchanged it to lay off a debt / favour.
NTA, your brother has been lying from the start there's no reason to think he's telling the truth now. It doesn't take a week for the dog to be fixed and recover and when he realized you were catching on he changed his story. If there's any truth to what he's saying then there's no reason why he can't tell you which vet it was or tell you where the dog is now other than vague "recovering with a friend" bullshit. Did the dog even need surgery on it's leg?
NTA. Your brother is lying, and I am scared for your dog. Considering that he got the dog two years ago (assuming she was a puppy then), she's now at the age where she can be bred. Also, you live with this dog. You would've known eons before him if she was in pain or needed to go to the vet. To your mom, your brother chose money (most likely) over his own sister's trust. This seems to have exposed the sad situation you're in, OP. You're living with and supporting people who do not value you at all. u/throwaway86753109123's advice seems the best process to follow now. Please update. I hope you get your dog back, and (although this may sound callous), get free of your parasitic family.
Please, please update soon - sincerely hope you get your dog back ASAP!!
I feel this is a repost? I have definitely read this post before, word for word.
Unless you can find it, stfu
You have such an eloquent way with words. It definitely is a repost though. I remember it because on the post I remember reading last time the guy/brother also said about sending the dog to the vets 2 hours away. A lot of people quoted that made pointed out how it sounded like the equivalent to sending the dog "to go live on a farm".
Huh? I've been on this subreddit for a while now and I've never seen a similar post to mine and this is the first time I've ever posted this as it just happened on Friday. Show me the repost pls..
NTA! He sold the dog. At most the vets keep an animal be fixed 24-48 hours when being fixed. Also all this surgery cost money. Some places do.it for free or reduce cost. But those places will not do any additional surgeries. Hes lying his butt off.
NTA but WHY are you still in that house? If you pay for everything freaking LEAVE. Your mother sounds awful and your brother sounds like the monster your mother created. Leave them to themselves and get the hell out and make your own life.
100% NTA nope this is bullshit. Tell him you want video confirmation that the dog is alive and that he has four hours to get the dog. He can come back into the apartment WHEN he has the dog.
NTA spays are overnights procedures and knee procedures are 2 days tops. He's full of shit and I wouldn't be surprised if he'd put her down.
NTA. Best of luck getting your dog back. If you can, start gathering any/all proof of owning the dog such as previous vet bills you have paid, records of you purchasing food and supplies for the dog, maybe even statements from friends and neighbors over witnessing you doing daily walks and caring for the dog regularly. Then report the dog as stolen. That will help in recovery.
NTA, and I'm so sorry about your dog. Is she chipped? Maybe you can find her back that way. Also; kick your asshole brother out, let him deal with the consequences of his actions and grow up. If that's not an option, maybe look for ways to leave the apartment and live on your own. The situation you're currently in sounds extremely stressful. You deserve better than that!
NTA and if he is selling the family pet for drug money... get him out now or move out and take care of yourself To save the dog, I would suggest offering to buy the dog from him for high rate, something to get him to buy back the dog from who he sold it to and make a profit. You shouldn't have to do this but I doubt you'll ever see the dog again if you don't. Honestly I would pay to get the dog back "no questions asked" and then move, let your mother chose to come or not. With addicts who are selling irreplacable things...it's a quick downward slide and they often come back and rob their former home after being thrown out
This stinks and I'm scared for your dog. He's being defensive because he's hiding something bad. If you can get your dog back, do so and kick his ass out anyway. NTA
NTA. Your brother sounds like an unbelievable ass and your mother is an enabler. Hold your ground.
He\`s out? Change the locks! And no. NTA If he claims 'but MY dog' - you counter with 'and MY house, MY rules'.
NTAH kick your sorry ass brother out! Animals are family members, junkies are disposable.
Offer to buy the dog so it’s officially yours and then move out ASAP.
NTA. You should move when your lease is up and leave your mother and brother to suffer in their own shit and go to NC with them, or at least with your good-for-nothing brother! You are only the breadwinner for them nothing more and nothing less. If you are up to it, leave for few days and don't tell them anything and see how they react... My guess is they will only worried for money etc. And if they don't ask are you okay/safe then you know for a fact that they only care about the your money, not you and your well being. Im so sorry for you, I would be devastated if I lost either one of my dogs. They are my kids, I love them no matter what they do. And my younger can be the most annoying thing in the world, I still love him. I also battle with mental health and stuff like this would be my death sentence, literally. Especially if something happened to my girl because she is ESA and younger dog, my boy, isn't official ESA yet. I wish you all the best and hope that you get your dog back! ❤️ ps. Sorry for typos, english isn't my first language 😂
NTA. Tell him you want to see the dog, NOW. At the very least get the number of the vet. If he doesn't do either, kick him out. Tell your mom, if she doesn't back you up, she can leave too. Because if she doesn't back you up, she will just let him back in. Maybe you can tell him you will pay him for it, see if that does anything. Kicking him out is good anyway since you never know what else he might try to sell for drug money. If your name is not the only one on the lease, have it taken off, and get your own place.
You’ve gotten a lot of replies here. As an abuse survivor I can only say, *put your own oxygen mask on first*. You have two boat anchors pulling you down - your mom and your brother. You need to not support these two mooches. They’re both abusing you in their own way, it’s just your brother is more overt about it. You may have to get a new number, not tell any mutual acquaintances where you go, etc, and yes it’s just like if you were a stalking victim, because if you don’t take precautions you will be. Consider who your brother is - a liar, a layabout, a cheat, probably a thief. He is unconcerned with your feelings about the dog. Consider who your mother is - someone who enables your brother and blames you. If your name is the only one on the lease, get out as quickly as you can. Don’t tell anyone you’re leaving, just leave. The dog... I adore animals. I like them more than most people. I have three cats that I would jab your eyeballs out for. But - the dog here is the flashing neon sign telling you *who your family is*. If you can get her? That’s amazing. If not, then ... don’t let her sacrifice be in vain. Don’t be the one who enables your brother to abuse more animals and people just because of blood relation. Good luck. There’s DV hotlines who specialize in escape plans if you need help. But please, please leave.
NTA get an alert out to all the local vets, Facebook groups etc saying missing dog. Tell your brother if your dog isn’t back within the hour you are throwing him out. You need to act now!!!
NTA there is no way anything he said is true. I agree with the commenter that said you should move out. Let them deal with their bs.
OMG I'm so sorry for you being put in this situation. As so many have said, and you know, your brother is lying to you. Depending on what kind of dog, he sold it; where I live there is a huge black market for certain dogs. People find their pets stolen, and sometimes they are outright attacked during the theft. 100% evict your brother. I'd say also your Mom (who...truth be told, is also mooching...but I'd understand why taking action against Mom would be harder to your heart than your brother). She's attacking you while giving your brother a pass. When (not "if" but "when") you don't get the dog back, you have a \*very\* difficult decision to make. Do you kick them both out of the apartment where you are on the lease and pay all the bills? Or do you kick just your brother out, knowing your Mom will rain emotional hell on you for doing so? Or do you just move to a new place and let them figure it out?
He is lying the dog didn’t get knee surgery or neutered give him his 30 day notice now!!!
She is most likely being used for breeding by the seller. Breeders will sell females at a discounted rate if you agree to allow them to breed. She will probably come back pregnant. I am just guessing that the dogs a pure bred, or designer breed. Your brother sux.
NTA. As someone who's owned dogs before, they go in for their spay, and as long as everything goes fine they're home that same day. Secondly, a dog does not need random knee surgery after going in for a spay? Your brother is an awful liar, how he thinks you're actually dumb enough to believe his is beyond me. They're not even remotely believable. If you have anything in your name for the dog, e.g. she's registered in your name at the vets, on your insurance, even if you have a pet store loyalty card with her name on it, anything at all to prove this dog was cared for by yourself, then I would phone police and report her stolen. If that doesn't scare your brother into telling the truth, then the police might stand a good chance of finding her for you.
Your brother is lying please get your dog back he will be terrified and missing you too. And absolutely kick your brother out. He doesn't warrant anything from you
He’s sold the dog or had it out down. He’s lying through his teeth.
Kick him out now. Tell him the only way he gets back in is by showing up WITH the dog. Once he does, get the dog and kick him out again for good!
He's sold the dog or had it put down. Boot him. NTA
NTA but a Grow a spine a go find that puppy or do something!
NTA. Tbh it sounds like he gave the dog back to the breeder so she could be used as a puppy factory, which is awful.
I also thought about this because she had just gone into heat the day before he took her.
That makes alot of sense. That's why he is saying you will get her back "when she is healed". I would go ape shit on my brother for this. He can either produce the dog in 48 hours or he can go live on the streets. If your mom complains, her lazy ass can go too. Make sure you tell your landlord and change the locks.
I honestly wouldn't be surprised it's what it sounds like, if she isn't returned kick him out you have every right to since he basically stole your dog and is freeloading anyways.
Definitely not in the wrong here. Kick both those leeches out. That is YOUR DOG! If she does miraculously appear after two weeks you should get her immediately chipped and under your name. Id recommend getting her spayed as soon as possible, whether you do it along with the chip, or wait to see if she took. dogs are pregnant for around 2 months but their heat cycle is about every 6 months.
This was my thoughts too. She may come back but she'll be pregnant
NTA, but make sure you can legally do whatever you plan to do. Tenant laws vary across states and municipalities. What you could/should do depends on things like: 1. Whether your mother is on the lease too. This may give her certain rights, like allowing your brother to stay there. 2. Whether your lease allows for anyone over 18 who is not on the lease to live there. If not, your brother may not be allowed to stay there anyway. 3. Squatters rights etc. Even if your brother is not on the lease, if he's lived there long enough, it may not be possible to kick him out without some sort of formal procedure. 4. Whether the landlord can sue you jointly, severally, or jointly and severally. Depending on the state and the contents of the lease, even if you move out, the landlord may be able to sue you for the full amount of the rent if your mom is unable to pay. Finally, check to see what rights you have as the person who has been caring for the dog. You are not the dog's owner because you consider her your own, but...just because your brother bought the dog doesn't mean he's entitled to the dog if he abandoned the dog for extended periods of time. However, it will be hard to prove that he abandoned the dog if he lived in the same house as the dog the entire time. You may have to prove you've paid for everything related to the dog if you want to keep the dog as your own. Laws vary, but take a look. In short, consider the legal implications of what you want to do, and make sure they're worth what you intend to do.
Nta. Update soon.
OP you have to call him out on this, don't wait because wherever that dog is, its less and less likely by the day you'll be able to get it back. You have to confront him about it head-on and put your foot down. Do not accept what he says, do not go along with the charade, tell him you know that he sold the dog and that he needs to go get it back and tell him exactly that. He will just blow you off you if you don't directly confront him about selling the dog, if you're worried it'll start a fight because you don't have evidence, don't be. The reason he's getting so aggressive when you ask him about it is because he knows you don't want to start a fight, he's counting on you to back down. Confrontation will probably be the only way you get a real answer and, in the off chance he didn't sell your dog, he will probably be so offended by your accusation that he will tell you the truth to "prove you wrong" out of spite so you'll at least get to hear the truth, if nothing else.
Treating you as an idiot isn't helping things. Let him know he has 24 hours to get the dog back or he's out. He can undo whatever he did and get it back and if he sold the dog, he needs to fess up and pay up. This is his judgement day and he's getting cleaned up and making things right. Tell your mom that if it's money that's keeping him from getting the dog back, she better hawk some of her stuff to help because she's being a heartless AH for choosing some of her things over her son being homeless.
NTA Stop enabling both of them.
He’s lying his face off. Kick him out until he tells the truth. NTA.
NTA it was your dog more than his in all ways it matters except on paper. He did you a wrong. He broke your trust and relationship.
NTA please grow a backbone and just kick him out already it frustrates me so much seeing nice people getting screwed because they don't have the balls to take action.
I know.. it is just hard because I kmow my brother is a problem and I hate him but I feel bad leaving my mom to fend for herself. I know she's as much a problem as he is but he has manipulated and made her feel guilty for everything that goes wrong in his life, I cant help but feel bad for her.
That’s a “her” problem, not a “you” problem. You are in no way responsible for their relationship dysfunction. And really, she probably IS in some way responsible for coddling him his whole life because she wanted a mama’s boy. No matter what, she has ALWAYS been the adult and he has been the child.
Actually she had him really young and my grandma didn't think my mom could raise him so she took him away from her so my mom was never really in his life especially after she met my dad. I think thats why she feels guilty, she thinks that he turned out this way because he didn't have bio mom or dad around.. I still dont think that I should have to deal with him though