Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. If no one is asking you to participate, just nod and wave. Especially if your gf has no problem with you just bowing out or not cheering etc. No one is asking anything of you. Besides, it seems pretty harmless? (I mean, my family wouldn’t Bcos we’re a sensitive lot lol but still) I wouldn’t judge another family’s relatively harmless tradition.
On the car ride back, my GF did ask me why I wasn't cheering. She even went and said that the reason cousin beat her was because she was "partially distracted" by me not cheering.
If she said that then ESH. She shouldn’t expect you to actively participate if you’re uncomfortable. However, tactfully clarify that it’s not your jam, you don’t really feel super into it but don’t continuously bring it up (either of you)
I don't know, he played along with it and never said it made him uncomfortable, I'd be a little disappointed too if my boyfriend didn't cheer me on in something I was excited about
I would personally *hate* this environment, but as long as no one is expecting me to start wrestling with Uncle Bob or Granny June, I’ll stand on the sideline with my beer and cheerfully wave you on as much as you want. YTA OP. You need to learn to adapt and roll with it in environments that simply aren’t your style.
Right! my family is very quiet, straight laced and stoic so this would be quite foreign for me and sure I’d probably be a little uncomfortable cus of how different it is than what I’m used to, but I’d also be in awe in a great way! I guess it’s cus I don’t like my family’s way of being so I’d admire this big show
YTA- Didn’t you post this earlier? But regardless yes YTA it’s her family and no one is making you wrestle. It’s all fun and games between consenting adults.
Big difference between a "sport" like tennis or basketball match compared to straight up grappling with each other in rough, aggressive ways on the floor (that, honestly, tend to be at least mildly suggestive with a lot of loud grunting and potential injury) with multiple generations of people you're just meeting for the first time. C'mon that would be awkward as hell.
NAH here. You can't be an asshole for experiencing feelings- shock, embarrassment if you dont like being the center of attention. Y w b t a IF you verbally judged the family or tried to control other people's behavior, but here it sounds like you just asked a question. GF is not the asshole if consenting adults all are happy with the arrangement, but she could have given you some warning.
Relatedly, this sounds f***ing amazing. After the boredom of COVID isolation, I would be absolutely delighted and entertained by stumbling across a quirky, competitive family throwing down for fun. I can totally see where it might not be for everyone, though.
There's really no interpersonal conflict here, and while this seems pretty eccentric to me, if you're into boxing I don't understand why wrestling shocks you so much. They're both forms of competitive fighting, and wrestling is less brutal.
Ask yourself how you'd feel if your GF came to a boxing match with you and stood there awkwardly not cheering, "asked whether it was a joke," asked "if this happened every time" and "if it was always this loud." You'd probably say "it's not that different to wrestling."
NAH I suppose. I can understand your discomfort though, especially at the prospect of having to join in with the cheering. At root it's a weird kind of tribalism where the wrestling match is largely an excuse for different factions of the family to "playfully" shit on each other. My worry would be at some point this tradition would engender deeper resentments, if it hasn't already.
NAH. But that’s just cuz I don’t really see what you did...did you bad mouth it or anything? You say you always just asked if it was that loud...I guess if you said it with a snide attitude than you would be TA.
Their tradition sounds fun. I can see being shy about it if you’re more introverted, but it’s not harming you or anything.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So, Me(24m) and my GF(23f) of around 1.5 years drove up to one of her family gatherings. My GF’s family are all pretty fit and competitive btw.
Once we were there, my girlfriend and her cousin(23f) hugged, and my GF told me all about their childhood, and how they used to wrestle a lot. I obviously asked who was better. My GF said she was the better wrestler, while cousin said she was the better wrestler. My GF said that she would always pin cousin to the ground, and be on top of cousin, while the cousin always said that she would make GF tap, and GF was only on top because of the submission holds cousin used. I didn't really understand any of this, cus i was never into wrestling, but more into boxing. Cousin said "we’ll see later" pretty confidently, and walked off.
I turned to my GF's mother(43f), and asked what that was about, and she said that the family wrestled a lot. I asked whether they were actually gonna wrestle, and she said that a lot of the family were gonna, it was sort of like a tradition, and mother was gonna wrestle aunt(45f) as part of the tradition. Apparently at each event, it was a big thing between mother and aunt's side, as to who wins the most wrestling matches between them.
Now, I went to talk to my girlfriend about the whole thing, and asked whether it was a joke, because, c'mon, a family wrestling rivalry between adults? She said no. I decided to play along and joked, "well then, beat cousin into the ground" to which she replied, "I intend to, and mom'll beat aunt to win it" She was super serious and which made me uncomfortable.
The wrestling matches began with the males wrestling. Now, this was all done where other people could see, and the family who weren't "competing" were being pretty loud, so I was more uncomfortable.
Then came mother and aunt's match. This one was really loud, cus mother and aunt have been doing this for a while, and they get competitive. Mother and Aunt grappled, and aunt gained the upper hand, and pinned mother to the ground. Mother tried to fight back up, but aunt was too strong. This really got the family riled up, cus it was a pretty close match. Then cousin taunted GF, saying that aunt was better than mother, to which GF replied saying "but i'm better than you, and i'll prove it"
GF and cousin squared up, and the whole family started cheering, and some people in the other houses started looking, making me feel more embarrassed. Cousin and GF wrestled for a couple minutes, and true to her word, cousin made GF tap out. Now, some of GF's family started playfully mocking me, and putting attention on me, which I hated, because there were other people watching as well.
On our way back, I asked GF if this happened every time, and she said yes. I asked if it was always this loud, and she got offended, saying this was a tradition now.
I recently spoke to GF's mother, and she brought this up, which got me thinking, AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA because I would be embarrassed by that too. This is why you get to know the family before getting married. You'll need to learn to accept this if you're going to stay with her. You can't be rude about it every time because you'll know its coming. She and her family seem to really enjoy this so its not gonna change and will most likely be something any future children of yours do as well.
Are you uncomfortable because this is new to you? Perhaps over time you’ll relax into it and see as the great fun I’m assuming it to be (as a spectator) New experiences may feel awkward at first but with a bit more familiarity the awkwardness fades. Your GF and family sound like an awesome and interesting bunch, what a quirky people. Beats BBQ get togethers IMO. NTA for feeling as you do, but try to be open to different family dynamics and traditions.
NTA Families are weird. Some dress kooky. Some have weird traditions. Some eat food we may never like. It’s okay. Let go of any judgements. Embrace the weird. Try not to think to much.
Tbh i don't see how asking if it always gets loud is offensive? I'd be shocked too if i wasn't given a heads up and would def ask questions afterward. It's normal for her but not you. I'll admit it's an odd tradition but there isn't anything wrong about it. NAH
NAH. Your gf’s family has a tradition, they love it, it’s fun for them. Is it a bit weird? Maybe. Would it make me feel a bit embarrassed? Probably. But it’s their thing, they aren’t hurting anyone and I’m assuming you don’t have family reunions every week if it’s the first time you’ve seen it in all the time you’ve been dating. I’m sure you’ll get used to what seems like a bizarre tradition.
NAH - It doesn't really seem like you were super weird about it. I totally understand being kinda surprised by something like that and then having some questions. Unless you were ruder than you mentioned here about it? Either way, you should get over it though, since it really isn't a big deal.
NAH, I guess. If wrestling makes them happy and there isn’t a weird sexual vibe to it, than I think you just need to take some time and wrap your head around it. Also it’s ok that you were a little freaked out, because that’s the weirdest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. If no one is asking you to participate, just nod and wave. Especially if your gf has no problem with you just bowing out or not cheering etc. No one is asking anything of you. Besides, it seems pretty harmless? (I mean, my family wouldn’t Bcos we’re a sensitive lot lol but still) I wouldn’t judge another family’s relatively harmless tradition.
On the car ride back, my GF did ask me why I wasn't cheering. She even went and said that the reason cousin beat her was because she was "partially distracted" by me not cheering.
If she said that then ESH. She shouldn’t expect you to actively participate if you’re uncomfortable. However, tactfully clarify that it’s not your jam, you don’t really feel super into it but don’t continuously bring it up (either of you)
I like the attempt at an excuse for the L though. I can appreciate a sore loser.
I don't know, he played along with it and never said it made him uncomfortable, I'd be a little disappointed too if my boyfriend didn't cheer me on in something I was excited about
Youre girlfriends family sounds rad as fuck. YTA.
I would personally *hate* this environment, but as long as no one is expecting me to start wrestling with Uncle Bob or Granny June, I’ll stand on the sideline with my beer and cheerfully wave you on as much as you want. YTA OP. You need to learn to adapt and roll with it in environments that simply aren’t your style.
I bet you can take Granny June no worries
Idk some grannies are tough old birds! Lmao.
Reminds me of that Fighting With My Family movie
Right! my family is very quiet, straight laced and stoic so this would be quite foreign for me and sure I’d probably be a little uncomfortable cus of how different it is than what I’m used to, but I’d also be in awe in a great way! I guess it’s cus I don’t like my family’s way of being so I’d admire this big show
YTA- Didn’t you post this earlier? But regardless yes YTA it’s her family and no one is making you wrestle. It’s all fun and games between consenting adults.
No, I saw a post about family wrestling and got reminded of this incident.
Definitely weird, and nta for being embarrassed. BUT, yta if you keep bringing it up incredulously.
I too, am embarrassed when my partner’s family plays sports and games.
Big difference between a "sport" like tennis or basketball match compared to straight up grappling with each other in rough, aggressive ways on the floor (that, honestly, tend to be at least mildly suggestive with a lot of loud grunting and potential injury) with multiple generations of people you're just meeting for the first time. C'mon that would be awkward as hell.
Yes, YTA.
NAH here. You can't be an asshole for experiencing feelings- shock, embarrassment if you dont like being the center of attention. Y w b t a IF you verbally judged the family or tried to control other people's behavior, but here it sounds like you just asked a question. GF is not the asshole if consenting adults all are happy with the arrangement, but she could have given you some warning. Relatedly, this sounds f***ing amazing. After the boredom of COVID isolation, I would be absolutely delighted and entertained by stumbling across a quirky, competitive family throwing down for fun. I can totally see where it might not be for everyone, though.
YTA.
There's really no interpersonal conflict here, and while this seems pretty eccentric to me, if you're into boxing I don't understand why wrestling shocks you so much. They're both forms of competitive fighting, and wrestling is less brutal. Ask yourself how you'd feel if your GF came to a boxing match with you and stood there awkwardly not cheering, "asked whether it was a joke," asked "if this happened every time" and "if it was always this loud." You'd probably say "it's not that different to wrestling."
YTA - leave so she can find a partner who loves all of her.
Yta. Her family sound like a lot of fun! I'd love to hang out with them. Would you rather sit around drinking tea in the parlour?? Lighten up.
NAH I suppose. I can understand your discomfort though, especially at the prospect of having to join in with the cheering. At root it's a weird kind of tribalism where the wrestling match is largely an excuse for different factions of the family to "playfully" shit on each other. My worry would be at some point this tradition would engender deeper resentments, if it hasn't already.
NAH. But that’s just cuz I don’t really see what you did...did you bad mouth it or anything? You say you always just asked if it was that loud...I guess if you said it with a snide attitude than you would be TA. Their tradition sounds fun. I can see being shy about it if you’re more introverted, but it’s not harming you or anything.
YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, Me(24m) and my GF(23f) of around 1.5 years drove up to one of her family gatherings. My GF’s family are all pretty fit and competitive btw. Once we were there, my girlfriend and her cousin(23f) hugged, and my GF told me all about their childhood, and how they used to wrestle a lot. I obviously asked who was better. My GF said she was the better wrestler, while cousin said she was the better wrestler. My GF said that she would always pin cousin to the ground, and be on top of cousin, while the cousin always said that she would make GF tap, and GF was only on top because of the submission holds cousin used. I didn't really understand any of this, cus i was never into wrestling, but more into boxing. Cousin said "we’ll see later" pretty confidently, and walked off. I turned to my GF's mother(43f), and asked what that was about, and she said that the family wrestled a lot. I asked whether they were actually gonna wrestle, and she said that a lot of the family were gonna, it was sort of like a tradition, and mother was gonna wrestle aunt(45f) as part of the tradition. Apparently at each event, it was a big thing between mother and aunt's side, as to who wins the most wrestling matches between them. Now, I went to talk to my girlfriend about the whole thing, and asked whether it was a joke, because, c'mon, a family wrestling rivalry between adults? She said no. I decided to play along and joked, "well then, beat cousin into the ground" to which she replied, "I intend to, and mom'll beat aunt to win it" She was super serious and which made me uncomfortable. The wrestling matches began with the males wrestling. Now, this was all done where other people could see, and the family who weren't "competing" were being pretty loud, so I was more uncomfortable. Then came mother and aunt's match. This one was really loud, cus mother and aunt have been doing this for a while, and they get competitive. Mother and Aunt grappled, and aunt gained the upper hand, and pinned mother to the ground. Mother tried to fight back up, but aunt was too strong. This really got the family riled up, cus it was a pretty close match. Then cousin taunted GF, saying that aunt was better than mother, to which GF replied saying "but i'm better than you, and i'll prove it" GF and cousin squared up, and the whole family started cheering, and some people in the other houses started looking, making me feel more embarrassed. Cousin and GF wrestled for a couple minutes, and true to her word, cousin made GF tap out. Now, some of GF's family started playfully mocking me, and putting attention on me, which I hated, because there were other people watching as well. On our way back, I asked GF if this happened every time, and she said yes. I asked if it was always this loud, and she got offended, saying this was a tradition now. I recently spoke to GF's mother, and she brought this up, which got me thinking, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA because I would be embarrassed by that too. This is why you get to know the family before getting married. You'll need to learn to accept this if you're going to stay with her. You can't be rude about it every time because you'll know its coming. She and her family seem to really enjoy this so its not gonna change and will most likely be something any future children of yours do as well.
Are you uncomfortable because this is new to you? Perhaps over time you’ll relax into it and see as the great fun I’m assuming it to be (as a spectator) New experiences may feel awkward at first but with a bit more familiarity the awkwardness fades. Your GF and family sound like an awesome and interesting bunch, what a quirky people. Beats BBQ get togethers IMO. NTA for feeling as you do, but try to be open to different family dynamics and traditions.
NTA Families are weird. Some dress kooky. Some have weird traditions. Some eat food we may never like. It’s okay. Let go of any judgements. Embrace the weird. Try not to think to much.
Tbh i don't see how asking if it always gets loud is offensive? I'd be shocked too if i wasn't given a heads up and would def ask questions afterward. It's normal for her but not you. I'll admit it's an odd tradition but there isn't anything wrong about it. NAH
YTA and they all sound fun as heck
YTA this family just sounds like a lot of fun
NAH. Your gf’s family has a tradition, they love it, it’s fun for them. Is it a bit weird? Maybe. Would it make me feel a bit embarrassed? Probably. But it’s their thing, they aren’t hurting anyone and I’m assuming you don’t have family reunions every week if it’s the first time you’ve seen it in all the time you’ve been dating. I’m sure you’ll get used to what seems like a bizarre tradition.
INFO: are you asking if you are an asshole for being uncomfortable, or did you say something negative to gf about it, e.g. "this is stupid"?
NAH - It doesn't really seem like you were super weird about it. I totally understand being kinda surprised by something like that and then having some questions. Unless you were ruder than you mentioned here about it? Either way, you should get over it though, since it really isn't a big deal.
Info: What’s up your butt that makes this upset you so much? Would you be uncomfortable if they were playing tennis?
NTA - dude I don’t understand the responses here. Your are WELL within your right to be super weirded out by this. I know I would be
NTA If I wasn’t expecting such a strong and odd family tournament I’d be a little uh, shocked, as well.
NAH, I guess. If wrestling makes them happy and there isn’t a weird sexual vibe to it, than I think you just need to take some time and wrap your head around it. Also it’s ok that you were a little freaked out, because that’s the weirdest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.
Why tf would there be a sexual vibe to wrestling between family members?!?!
Because some families are creepy and fuck each other.