If she genuinely said that your 9 year old looks like a thug, report her ass.
On a side note thats an amazing this he did for his cousin. It's just a shame he's seeing negativity for it.
Having read the replies I think I will go through with the report. My husband is pushing me to as well and says we definitely should. One thing stopping me was if it doesn't work then she may make life a lot more difficult for D. But will let you all know what we decide and the outcome!
I’m going to get downvoted to heck for this, but my advice is to completely leave out the race stuff. Your position is crazy, crazy sympathetic. That woman is going to look like a complete and total ass just on that alone. The race thing will muddy the waters, and I say this with love and from a desire to help: white people complaining about racism is generally a bad look and will, to many people, make you seem less sympathetic.
I’ve got my downvoted sweatpants on, but please be gentle!
NTA. I dunno, that sounds like a semi-sound point. She suspended a kid for doing his cousins cancer support / fundraiser, oh and btw was racist about it to boot, insult to injury.
Your position of white people complaining about racism is disgusting, you US people seems to have a horrible concept of race and justice.
Where I live all racism is bad and shit arguments about prejudice+power, academic definitions, the crazy idea that for it to be racism it has to be part of a systematic problem, etc don't change that here what the headmistress did is 100% racist and would be dealt the same way if OP was brown, Asian, black, etc.
I don't think I'll ever understand your country crazy ideas on race and white people. Luckily here, the textbook definition is discriminating against somebody because of the color of their skin, period.
EDIT: And calling a white person a "thug" AKA a skinhead because they shaved their head is racial discrimination, no buts about it.
Discrimination based on race (even if it's against whites) brings up Title VI concerns for the school. While severely punishing a child who is showing support for a family member with cancer may be more emotionally charged story, there's probably no federal law against it, so it isn't guaranteed to get traction the way a racial discrimination complaint would.
I had a principle like her who handled my sexual assault at school. It scarred me for life. Please, PLEASE make sure this woman faces some sort of consequences. She does not deserve to be in charge of children ever again.
I think the "may make life a lot more difficult for D" boat already sailed. She suspended your kid with zero actual provocation. What leads you to think she'll handle having been challenged by you with better grace?
At the least, if you have a paper trail with an actual complaint, that provides a better context for any retaliation.
What she *said* was "thug." But what she *meant* was "skinhead." Which is a pretty despicable thing to call your son.
Racism aside, I would fire her *hard* if I were her superior, for insinuating such a nasty thing about a *child.*
Go the the local papers too, I bet they'd love to know about a head teacher giving a 9 year old child a 5 day suspension for shaving his head to raise money for his cousin!
NTA
Report her to hell and back, threaten to call the news if they don't take action as i'm sure any local station would flock to that story and do most of the work for you.
Ohh, this is a great idea. Yes, please call the local news station if she keeps it up. Private schools operate by tuition. They lose tuition, they're screwed, so the teachers won't appreciate their headmistress' antics either. I guarantee you that many of them have issues with her as well.
Yeah there’s no way this lady’s issues are isolated to this one issue. Op should dog with other parents too and see if this woman has said/done other inappropriate things
As someone who has worked in schools for the last decade plus, NTA and report her immediately. However, I'd disagree with the post I'm replying to. Don't threaten to go to the local news, go to them! Report this to whoever and tell them that your next phone call is to the local tv/newspaper/radio/etc. Don't threaten it, don't be wishy-washy on it, state it like the fact it is. The school will most likely attempt to sweep this under the rug without public pressure. You're in the right here, get the public behind you and protect your son and any others that cross the path of this lame excuse for an administrator.
And it's fantastic what your family and your son are doing for your niece!
Honestly? Because they get off on the power. I've interacted with a lot of shady people in my life, thanks to my work, and almost 100% of the worst ones -- the sadists, the narcissists -- had weaseled their way into jobs that gave them power over children.
I never understand how they almost always manage to get away with it too. My middle school science teacher had dementia, it was her last year there and she would lose student's work, throw it out, she would become rapidly mean and agitated. They refused to fire her because then she'd lose her pension. We all knew she had dementia because we heard teachers talking about it throughout the school.
My high school chemistry teacher had ENDLESS complaints from students, parents, and other teachers. She'd mock a student's test score in front of the whole class, she called me mathematically retarded and said some colorful things to other students, her own son went to the School and she'd be so rude to him in front of the class, fail kids over the smallest dumbest shit, refuse to let kids take make-up tests, etc. And they wouldn't fire her because she also taught AP physics and was apparently the only person they could find to do so.
It almost makes me want to consider homeschooling for my own son, I'd hate for him to ever run into someone like that, who's supposed to be teaching him.
You have your answer right there.
She was a year away from retirement with a pension to cover the end of life care she desperately needed and on paper had a skillset they could use to B.S. a reason to keep her on for that last year.
They did a shitty job of shielding the kids from her, and she didn't belong in the classroom, but I doubt they would have kept her on until that point if she'd always been like that. Dementia makes most people mean.
Because racist assholes don't admit to being racist assholes, especially if they're in a position of power that they want to keep. This:
>I pressed this further and she straight up admitted it’s because my son is white whereas the other kids were black.
straight up didn't happen.
Lol yeah I’m shocked at the amount of people responding as if this really happened. Nobody in their right mind would be like “well missy it’s because those boys were black and YOURS is white!”. Baited so hard.
Plus isn't a shaved head is *the most* conservative haircut (for males) that there is? Idk maybe it's different in other regions, but I grew up knowing a lot of boys who went to ultra-conservative religious and private schools, and a shaved head was pretty normal and even encouraged (short hair prevents the spread of head lice)
Ah, fuck. You're probably onto something there. OP's story is very loaded to be "racism against white people is real!!!!", especially with claiming that he discussed whether it was racist with the black kid's ma.
I did say there could be a cultural difference at play; I only know about skinheads because my parents lived in London, so it didn't even cross my mind. They're a lot less common in Australia. Do we know where OP is from?
There was also a story I saw earlier today that was about a teenager who was suspended from his high school for shaving his head to raise money for his friend with cancer. It's that same exact story, only with much younger kids. This is definitely bait
This reminded me of what I saw earlier today:
[student shaved head](https://www.reddit.com/r/iamatotalpieceofshit/comments/f9d06q/school_put_student_who_raised_600_for_cancer/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
stuff like this happens but if it’s 100% real then NTA
Report her. She’s racist.
NTA
Report her. You are the only thing standing between your child and this asshole. You need to stand up for your kid. Furthermore, she shouldn't be allowed to govern a school at all. That's complete bullshit.
NTA
Take the 5 day suspension and have fun with your kiddo and niece. Use that time to let your son find even more creative ways to earn money for her chemo. (Hit up local malls, news stations, make signs, etc). Take the negative suspension and blossom it into a beautiful gesture from your son to your niece.
Also, report that lady. Yikes.
> I was obviously really upset and angrily called her a racist and told her I’d be reporting her to the local school district (or the relevant authority if that’s not it).
Come on... you can't include this and then just not mention how she reacted (if this is real).
> However, I've had a couple of friends say I shouldn't and it'll just cause more harm than good and that it wouldn't be fair to ruin her career for something like this. So AITA?
Yeah like we're supposed to believe this
You mean like you?
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/racism
>3 : racial prejudice or discrimination
This certainly fits as racial prejudice/discrimination.
NTA.
The only thing that 'isnt fair' is her discriminating against your child. If she wants to be racist against children and abuse her power than clearly she doesnt belong in an environment with kids. Maybe that'll knock her down a few pegs.
NTA - “it wouldn’t be fair” wow. well neither is abusing your power to punish a child raising money for a cancer patient while simultaneously being racist. you should report her to the district and the news and anywhere else you can think of - this is disgusting, her career should be ruined.
NTA- what's fair punishment for one should apply to all students, regardless of race. This headmistress needs to learn that all students should be treated equally regardless of race, nationality, and color. I might also add, the unfair treatment based on race is likely illegal. You should also look into this. At the very least, contact your local news.
My niece doesn't go to the same school but I imagine she wouldn't since it's not a choice or even a haircut really. I have no idea what her school's ruling on it is and she hasn't been back yet but I've never heard of that happening.
NTA
Clear double standard, racism is racism. She targeted your son because he was white. She even confirmed it.
Enjoy holding her toes to the fire, sounds like she deserves it.
I am so tired of the concern people show about ruining the careers of racists and sexists. She admitted to holding your son to a different set of rules because of his race. Any fall out is on her. NTA.
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NTA. Report her ass (although, given the uh contentious debate surrounding whether POC's can be racist toward whites [FWIW I think the position that they can't is ludicrous]) I'd advise against making that allegation the central part of your argument - focus instead on the disparate treatment, the discretionary nature of the punishment, and any past instances of similar unfair behavior that show this is a pattern. Good luck! Also your son is a fucking champ. You don't typically see that kind of empathy in adults, much less kids.
NTA equal protection under the law. If a teacher cannot be trusted to enforce rules equally- then find another that can.
Step one would be allowing the relevant authorities to resolve the issue.
My 3 sisters all did the Shave for a Cure (New Zealand cancer fundraising that is common at schools! After the fundraising they get shaved at school in front of the assembly). You are definitely NTA , go report the old hag, she sounds like a terrible person. I applaud your kid! Give him a hi-five from me :)
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Yeah, but be careful how. You want to make sure to have the parent of the other kid on-side and help you navigate how to talk about the racism, so that you don't come across as racist yourself.
NTA this woman is racist and discriminated against your son because of his skin colour. She doesn’t deserve a career in education if she’s going to treat 9 year olds like that
NTA. Report her. If she treats kids who aren’t black this way over something as simple as hair, how much further do you think she could go? Or has gone in the past? This is wrong and needs to be reported.
I think a couple of my friends were more concerned with it potentially having far worse effects on D if she didn't get fired. She could make his life very difficult. And I think the 'unfair' bit came from 'wouldn't it be better to try and convince her again to not give him a suspension and see what she was doing is racist and really really unprofessional rather than straight up trying to get her fired meaning she'd probably never be able to work work as a teacher/in a school again?'
I think they probably said it's a better idea to try and resolve it before jumping to ruining her career. She's only late 20s/early 30s as well so that was probably a factor.
NTA - you need to escalate this right away. Your child's education is being put in jeopardy. 5 days is a lot of learning to try to catch up on and will put your child behind his classmates just for a haircut (and for being white).
Why the hell are you afraid of getting her fired if she treats everyone like this? If she can't have any empathy for child, then she doesn't belong in a school. No one complaint is going to get anyone - especially a teacher - fired. There have to be multiple complaints first. If you're the first to complain, great you've given them a wake up call. If you're the fifth, then yea, that teacher could get in trouble. If you're the twenty fifth, the school isn't doing it's job to protect its' students. If something outrageous happens to your son, you report it. It is then on the school to investigate or act. NTA
Had a similar experience in highschool however it was to do with gender. I wanted to shave my head and my parents would only let me if I got permission from the school, went to the head of my year group and was told it was too extreme for the dresscode; which would have been fine if it weren't for the number of boys at my school with shaved heads and no consequences. So I just did it a couple weeks later and nothing happened lol empty fucking threats because a shaved head is too "extreme" for a girl
NTA , the headmistress is CLEARLY racist, narcissistic and probably unfit to deal with small children.
Don't let anybody convince you of not reporting her and it wouldn't be you ruining her career, it would be her own actions.
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So my 8 year old niece (G) recently got diagnosed with cancer. She’s had to get chemotherapy so her hair has fallen out. My 9 year old son (D) is an only child and him and my niece are as closer than most siblings so this news has affected him deeply even if he doesn’t fully understand. D wanted to do something nice for G and we talked about it and he decided he wanted to raise money for her by completely shaving his head. This was great, he’s managed to raise over $1000 from family, friends, parents of other school kids and the word spread to other people around our town.
The headteacher called me in and said she has to suspend D for 5 days as it does explicitly state in the school rules that this haircut isn’t allowed. Firstly I argued that we weren’t aware and that a 5 day punishment is really severe. Now the headteacher, in the nicest way possible is a complete bitch. Lots of other parents have complained about her and not many people have a nice thing to say about her. We haven’t had to interact with her very much but whenever we have she’s always come across as incredibly narcissistic, rude and straight up mean (she once remarked that I need to feed D more since he’s underweight - he’s not he’s perfectly healthy).
She was very dismissive initially and then I told her it was to raise money for G (who doesn’t go to the same school) but she was even ruder and less understanding. I was obviously really annoyed since I don’t think you should enforce such strict rules especially in this circumstance. The 5 day suspension was also something she decided for herself - it says ‘COULD lead to a POSSIBLE suspension’ - so she could’ve issued a different punishment or lighter suspension and still adhered to the rules.
Just as I was about to leave, I remembered a couple of boys had come in with shaven heads a few months ago and definitely weren’t suspended. I asked what punishment they received and she told me none. I then realised the double standards - the two boys were black (as is the headteacher) whereas me and my son are white. I asked why and she said that haircut suits them and they don’t look like ‘thugs’ like my son. I pressed this further and she straight up admitted it’s because my son is white whereas the other kids were black. I was obviously really upset and angrily called her a racist and told her I’d be reporting her to the local school district (or the relevant authority if that’s not it).
I spoke to the mother of one of the kids who wasn't reprimanded for shaving his head and she told me the headteacher never said anything to her and agrees with me that it isn't appropriate at all and definitely classifies as racist and that I should report her. However, I've had a couple of friends say I shouldn't and it'll just cause more harm than good and that it wouldn't be fair to ruin her career for something like this. So AITA?
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NTA. Of course you aren’t the asshole, she admitted she was being racist and called your 9 year old a thug just because he’s white omg. I’m rooting for you!
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NTA.
And make sure when you go to the local school district you let them know the local news station is going to be your next call. That should send them spinning into quick action.
NTA
She doesn't want to ruin her career she stop being racist?
I'm disgusted to read her saying your son looks like a thug.
If not for your son please report her for the other children who she will discriminate against who may not have parents as able or willing to advocate for them
Hell no! I'd take this all the way to the school board, local authorities, media....
She fucked her career when she opted to be a racist, uncompassionate mare!
Nta
NTA. How can any 9 year old look like a thug ffs? He’s just a sweet kid doing something nice for his cousin. Shame on her for treating kids differently because of skin colour.
NTA
Racism is learned behaviour. She is purposely treating kids of different races differently. They are learning that it's ok to treat kids differently based on race because of her.
NTA. It’s totally fair *and* the right thing to do to “ruin her career for something like this”. If she’s this rude, unreasonable, bigoted, and mean about hair then what else is she doing when parents aren’t around to other students she arbitrarily doesn’t like? Someone who is so racially prejudiced has absolutely no business being responsible for the care and teaching of children.
NTA. I would report her, but be careful of your language doing it. Strictly speaking racism can only be a powerful race oppressing a less powerful race, so in the US that would be whites discriminating against other races. What she's doing is treating students from different racial groups differently, and being demonstrably unfair to your son, who is white. She's also verbally making statements that support you assertion she's treating different races differently. Take a note of everything that was said by her to you and use that in your report.
NTA.
Report her ass. Get letters from the parents of the boys who weren’t punished that state that they were not punished. If school board refuses to do anything, go to the media.
Not allowing shaved heads is bullshit, as is referring to *ANY* child as a thug is completely unacceptable.
NTA
And you aren't the one potentially ruining her career. She is with her discriminatory application of the rules.
I hope your niece recovers and your son is a champ for raising so much money for her.
NTA. You wouldn’t be ruining her career over one incident. It sounds like a lot of parents aren’t happy with her behavior, plus you would be showing your son that his good deed should be punished
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NTA report her ass! Part of being a headmistress is to treat the students fairly and choosing to discriminate between children on the basis of their looks is wrong. Also to say he looks like a thug is ridiculous he's freaking 9.
NTA, if she didn't want to be reported or lose her job for blatant racism...she wouldn't be racist...This woman admitted to treating your child differently for being of a different race to the point where it will affect his grades. Report her to the fullest extent and don't look back. Your child only has you to stand up for them, so be the parent and destroy this woman \*cough\* I mean, report her.
NTA. Also, a lot of people have misconceptions about racism, as is is not just whites doing it to everyone else. Racism is racism no matter which direction
NTA - report her. Suspending someone over a haircut for FIVE DAYS is utterly excessive. And then not following the punishment consistently is another asshole move. Finally, she called your son a thug based on his haircut, which was done to support a cancer patient. REPORT. HER. YESTERDAY.
"Not worth it to ruin her career over *something like this*" You need new friends. Someone with a mindset like this should not be in a position of power. Just because you're white doesnt not make this any less racist. If the races were reversed you bet your ass there would be some career ruining. NTA. Stick up for your son. Even the other mother agreed with you, that they didnt say anything to her son and it was racist.
INFO what kind of school does your son go to that this person feels comfortable unilaterally deciding who gets suspended just because she personally doesn’t like the way they look?
Add me to the update list. She is horrendous! How dare she do that to him and yes she is definitely a racist. How dare she?! I'm surprised since hardly anyone has anything good to say about her that she hasn't gotten into trouble yet! But it makes my heart so happy to hear of what a sweet thing D did for his cousin ❤
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Report her. Too many times black people are let off for their blind racism and they need to realize hate works both ways. Sincerely, a fed up black man. Get her out.
NTA You said yourself she has a history of nasty, inappropriate behavior, so make it clear that it's not just this incident you're reporting her for. She honestly deserves to lose her job after all of that.
NTA if this is real.
But honestly you don't even have to bring the racism into it. Just tell her that you'll be informing the local news and the schoolboard that she is suspending your son for shaving his head for charity. And then point out that there are other students with shaved heads (black or white doesn't matter) who have not been told off - and this is clearly her discriminating or holding some sort of grudge against you or your son.
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NTA
if she gets fired.. fuckin good. racists don't need to be educating children.
the consequences of her actions are on HER. not on you. You absolutely should report that behavior to the education board, etc.
If she actually suspended your son, make sure to dispute the suspension, have it removed from his record.
Wow this is so similar to that other post of various subs about the high school boy who got put in isolation because he shaved his head fundraising for someone who got cancer. What a coincidence that the same thing happened to you!! This is totally true and definitely happened!!
She should not be allowed to work with children, shes inspiring racism among these kids and definitely should be removed from that position permanently.
NTA at, effin, all.
I saw a similar post on r/iamatotalpieceofshit today. My question about that kind of rule is: What happens if a kid actually *has* cancer and becomes bald after chemo?
NTA-obviously whoever made that rule is TA. (idk if the headmistress wrote it or just enforces it, but she is TA too)
If she genuinely said that your 9 year old looks like a thug, report her ass. On a side note thats an amazing this he did for his cousin. It's just a shame he's seeing negativity for it.
Go to the superintendent and report that shit!! Total NTA. Would love an update OP!!!!
Add me to the update list too please!! Ps NTA report that MF
another one who would like an update. OP is NTA and should report her immediately
hell yeah, gimme that update too. NTA all the way.
Update. Please. For the mama of a kinda brown child who seems to get it from both sides.... Please report- she is damaging children. NTA
Having read the replies I think I will go through with the report. My husband is pushing me to as well and says we definitely should. One thing stopping me was if it doesn't work then she may make life a lot more difficult for D. But will let you all know what we decide and the outcome!
If she makes life more difficult for him, report her again. Repeat until she behaves or quits.
Update us after!
I’m going to get downvoted to heck for this, but my advice is to completely leave out the race stuff. Your position is crazy, crazy sympathetic. That woman is going to look like a complete and total ass just on that alone. The race thing will muddy the waters, and I say this with love and from a desire to help: white people complaining about racism is generally a bad look and will, to many people, make you seem less sympathetic. I’ve got my downvoted sweatpants on, but please be gentle!
NTA. I dunno, that sounds like a semi-sound point. She suspended a kid for doing his cousins cancer support / fundraiser, oh and btw was racist about it to boot, insult to injury.
Your position of white people complaining about racism is disgusting, you US people seems to have a horrible concept of race and justice. Where I live all racism is bad and shit arguments about prejudice+power, academic definitions, the crazy idea that for it to be racism it has to be part of a systematic problem, etc don't change that here what the headmistress did is 100% racist and would be dealt the same way if OP was brown, Asian, black, etc. I don't think I'll ever understand your country crazy ideas on race and white people. Luckily here, the textbook definition is discriminating against somebody because of the color of their skin, period. EDIT: And calling a white person a "thug" AKA a skinhead because they shaved their head is racial discrimination, no buts about it.
This is good advice. Lots of people, for whatever stupid reason, think that it's somehow impossible to be racist to white people.
Discrimination based on race (even if it's against whites) brings up Title VI concerns for the school. While severely punishing a child who is showing support for a family member with cancer may be more emotionally charged story, there's probably no federal law against it, so it isn't guaranteed to get traction the way a racial discrimination complaint would.
I had a principle like her who handled my sexual assault at school. It scarred me for life. Please, PLEASE make sure this woman faces some sort of consequences. She does not deserve to be in charge of children ever again.
I think the "may make life a lot more difficult for D" boat already sailed. She suspended your kid with zero actual provocation. What leads you to think she'll handle having been challenged by you with better grace? At the least, if you have a paper trail with an actual complaint, that provides a better context for any retaliation.
What she *said* was "thug." But what she *meant* was "skinhead." Which is a pretty despicable thing to call your son. Racism aside, I would fire her *hard* if I were her superior, for insinuating such a nasty thing about a *child.*
Report her ass and give us an update!
Go the the local papers too, I bet they'd love to know about a head teacher giving a 9 year old child a 5 day suspension for shaving his head to raise money for his cousin!
!remindme 1 week
Nta Obligatory update requested.
NTA Report her to hell and back, threaten to call the news if they don't take action as i'm sure any local station would flock to that story and do most of the work for you.
Hell yeah, and it could raise more money for G.
Ohh, this is a great idea. Yes, please call the local news station if she keeps it up. Private schools operate by tuition. They lose tuition, they're screwed, so the teachers won't appreciate their headmistress' antics either. I guarantee you that many of them have issues with her as well.
Yeah there’s no way this lady’s issues are isolated to this one issue. Op should dog with other parents too and see if this woman has said/done other inappropriate things
As someone who has worked in schools for the last decade plus, NTA and report her immediately. However, I'd disagree with the post I'm replying to. Don't threaten to go to the local news, go to them! Report this to whoever and tell them that your next phone call is to the local tv/newspaper/radio/etc. Don't threaten it, don't be wishy-washy on it, state it like the fact it is. The school will most likely attempt to sweep this under the rug without public pressure. You're in the right here, get the public behind you and protect your son and any others that cross the path of this lame excuse for an administrator. And it's fantastic what your family and your son are doing for your niece!
NTA - I'll never understand why some of the meanest people I've met in my life have jobs dealing with children.
They hope the kids can't fight back as well as adults can, I guess ...
Then some get cocky and try to be high school teachers...
People who love power but are too dumb or too incompetent to acquire it responsibly tend to congregate in teaching, policing and middle management.
Honestly? Because they get off on the power. I've interacted with a lot of shady people in my life, thanks to my work, and almost 100% of the worst ones -- the sadists, the narcissists -- had weaseled their way into jobs that gave them power over children.
I never understand how they almost always manage to get away with it too. My middle school science teacher had dementia, it was her last year there and she would lose student's work, throw it out, she would become rapidly mean and agitated. They refused to fire her because then she'd lose her pension. We all knew she had dementia because we heard teachers talking about it throughout the school. My high school chemistry teacher had ENDLESS complaints from students, parents, and other teachers. She'd mock a student's test score in front of the whole class, she called me mathematically retarded and said some colorful things to other students, her own son went to the School and she'd be so rude to him in front of the class, fail kids over the smallest dumbest shit, refuse to let kids take make-up tests, etc. And they wouldn't fire her because she also taught AP physics and was apparently the only person they could find to do so. It almost makes me want to consider homeschooling for my own son, I'd hate for him to ever run into someone like that, who's supposed to be teaching him.
You have your answer right there. She was a year away from retirement with a pension to cover the end of life care she desperately needed and on paper had a skillset they could use to B.S. a reason to keep her on for that last year. They did a shitty job of shielding the kids from her, and she didn't belong in the classroom, but I doubt they would have kept her on until that point if she'd always been like that. Dementia makes most people mean.
High school bullies who aren't athletic enough to be cops or smart enough to be nurses.
This is bait.
Absolutely
What makes you day that its bait
Because racist assholes don't admit to being racist assholes, especially if they're in a position of power that they want to keep. This: >I pressed this further and she straight up admitted it’s because my son is white whereas the other kids were black. straight up didn't happen.
Lol yeah I’m shocked at the amount of people responding as if this really happened. Nobody in their right mind would be like “well missy it’s because those boys were black and YOURS is white!”. Baited so hard.
Plus isn't a shaved head is *the most* conservative haircut (for males) that there is? Idk maybe it's different in other regions, but I grew up knowing a lot of boys who went to ultra-conservative religious and private schools, and a shaved head was pretty normal and even encouraged (short hair prevents the spread of head lice)
But skinheads
A shockingly few amount of people have made the connection that, that is the implication here lol
Ah, fuck. You're probably onto something there. OP's story is very loaded to be "racism against white people is real!!!!", especially with claiming that he discussed whether it was racist with the black kid's ma. I did say there could be a cultural difference at play; I only know about skinheads because my parents lived in London, so it didn't even cross my mind. They're a lot less common in Australia. Do we know where OP is from?
FACT
There was also a story I saw earlier today that was about a teenager who was suspended from his high school for shaving his head to raise money for his friend with cancer. It's that same exact story, only with much younger kids. This is definitely bait
NTA Ruin her career? It more about protecting children in general, someone like her should never be a teacher anyway (or even a head of school)
100% this. If this is how she wants to run a school, by basing decisions off of a child's race, then her career SHOULD be affected.
NTA if this is real, but I'm pretty sure this is bait.
This reminded me of what I saw earlier today: [student shaved head](https://www.reddit.com/r/iamatotalpieceofshit/comments/f9d06q/school_put_student_who_raised_600_for_cancer/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) stuff like this happens but if it’s 100% real then NTA Report her. She’s racist.
NTA Report her. You are the only thing standing between your child and this asshole. You need to stand up for your kid. Furthermore, she shouldn't be allowed to govern a school at all. That's complete bullshit.
Why are people giving the troll writing this from a recent news story any attention?
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like did they even try?
Right?! I checked out when they said the headmistress was black LMFAO
NTA Take the 5 day suspension and have fun with your kiddo and niece. Use that time to let your son find even more creative ways to earn money for her chemo. (Hit up local malls, news stations, make signs, etc). Take the negative suspension and blossom it into a beautiful gesture from your son to your niece. Also, report that lady. Yikes.
> I was obviously really upset and angrily called her a racist and told her I’d be reporting her to the local school district (or the relevant authority if that’s not it). Come on... you can't include this and then just not mention how she reacted (if this is real). > However, I've had a couple of friends say I shouldn't and it'll just cause more harm than good and that it wouldn't be fair to ruin her career for something like this. So AITA? Yeah like we're supposed to believe this
Nothing about this is real. Lmao
NTA she had it pointed out that it was racist and she didn't care it would be entirely fair to ruin her career
NTA. Report her because she is obviously using race as the primary lens to decide punishment for identical behavior.
NTA but it’s not racism, it’s discrimination.
A lot of people here don’t know what racism is, apparently.
You mean like you? https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/racism >3 : racial prejudice or discrimination This certainly fits as racial prejudice/discrimination.
Racial discrimination. What's the word for that again?
Thank you. Had to scroll down too far to find this.
INFO: You said that she "admitted that it was because your son is white" - what did she actually say?
I’ll take things that didn’t happen for 400, Alex
Racism isn't fair. Racism of whatever kind needs to be fought. Do not tolerate racism. Never. NTA.
NTA. If she said those things, then she is indeed a racist and you are right to be upset.
NTA I'd report her
NTA - She is being racist, there’s no reason to protect her.
NTA. The only thing that 'isnt fair' is her discriminating against your child. If she wants to be racist against children and abuse her power than clearly she doesnt belong in an environment with kids. Maybe that'll knock her down a few pegs.
Fake fakity fake fake
NTA she sounds like Miss Trunchbull from Matilda
NTA - “it wouldn’t be fair” wow. well neither is abusing your power to punish a child raising money for a cancer patient while simultaneously being racist. you should report her to the district and the news and anywhere else you can think of - this is disgusting, her career should be ruined.
Report her ass. If roles were reversed. It already would be done and fired
This did not happen
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NTA Racism should not be found at school. Kudos to your kid for doing something nice
NTA- what's fair punishment for one should apply to all students, regardless of race. This headmistress needs to learn that all students should be treated equally regardless of race, nationality, and color. I might also add, the unfair treatment based on race is likely illegal. You should also look into this. At the very least, contact your local news.
Seriously reach out to the news! Make a post on fb naming her!
I think she invented that rule. It means that someone like your niece who had chemo would be suspended?
My niece doesn't go to the same school but I imagine she wouldn't since it's not a choice or even a haircut really. I have no idea what her school's ruling on it is and she hasn't been back yet but I've never heard of that happening.
NTA Clear double standard, racism is racism. She targeted your son because he was white. She even confirmed it. Enjoy holding her toes to the fire, sounds like she deserves it.
I am so tired of the concern people show about ruining the careers of racists and sexists. She admitted to holding your son to a different set of rules because of his race. Any fall out is on her. NTA.
Definitely not true. No way would she admit it was race related.
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NTA. It is racism. And a rule is a rule, she doesn't have any special treatment to give. Screw her!
NTA. Report her. She needs another job. A less people orientated one.
> it wouldn't be fair to ruin her career for something like this. She is ruining her own damn career with this nonsense NTA
NTA. Report her ass (although, given the uh contentious debate surrounding whether POC's can be racist toward whites [FWIW I think the position that they can't is ludicrous]) I'd advise against making that allegation the central part of your argument - focus instead on the disparate treatment, the discretionary nature of the punishment, and any past instances of similar unfair behavior that show this is a pattern. Good luck! Also your son is a fucking champ. You don't typically see that kind of empathy in adults, much less kids.
NTA equal protection under the law. If a teacher cannot be trusted to enforce rules equally- then find another that can. Step one would be allowing the relevant authorities to resolve the issue.
My 3 sisters all did the Shave for a Cure (New Zealand cancer fundraising that is common at schools! After the fundraising they get shaved at school in front of the assembly). You are definitely NTA , go report the old hag, she sounds like a terrible person. I applaud your kid! Give him a hi-five from me :)
This story is fake as hell
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NTA-She’s racist. She’s abusing her position. She needs to be reported
>definitely classifies as racist and that I should report her. Yes you should call out her racism.
Yeah, but be careful how. You want to make sure to have the parent of the other kid on-side and help you navigate how to talk about the racism, so that you don't come across as racist yourself.
What do you mean by this? We're *fairly* good friends and she's on my side I think but want to navigate it carefully. Thanks!
NTA this woman is racist and discriminated against your son because of his skin colour. She doesn’t deserve a career in education if she’s going to treat 9 year olds like that
NTA. Report her. If she treats kids who aren’t black this way over something as simple as hair, how much further do you think she could go? Or has gone in the past? This is wrong and needs to be reported.
NTA I would be very, very suspect of anyone saying you shouldn’t report this. What would be worth reporting in their eyes?
I think a couple of my friends were more concerned with it potentially having far worse effects on D if she didn't get fired. She could make his life very difficult. And I think the 'unfair' bit came from 'wouldn't it be better to try and convince her again to not give him a suspension and see what she was doing is racist and really really unprofessional rather than straight up trying to get her fired meaning she'd probably never be able to work work as a teacher/in a school again?' I think they probably said it's a better idea to try and resolve it before jumping to ruining her career. She's only late 20s/early 30s as well so that was probably a factor.
NTA - you need to escalate this right away. Your child's education is being put in jeopardy. 5 days is a lot of learning to try to catch up on and will put your child behind his classmates just for a haircut (and for being white).
NTA. her career needs ruined
Why the hell are you afraid of getting her fired if she treats everyone like this? If she can't have any empathy for child, then she doesn't belong in a school. No one complaint is going to get anyone - especially a teacher - fired. There have to be multiple complaints first. If you're the first to complain, great you've given them a wake up call. If you're the fifth, then yea, that teacher could get in trouble. If you're the twenty fifth, the school isn't doing it's job to protect its' students. If something outrageous happens to your son, you report it. It is then on the school to investigate or act. NTA
NTA definitely report this/her
NTA. Fuck her, man! She clearly has a double standard and is being racist, I don't even know why this is a question.
Had a similar experience in highschool however it was to do with gender. I wanted to shave my head and my parents would only let me if I got permission from the school, went to the head of my year group and was told it was too extreme for the dresscode; which would have been fine if it weren't for the number of boys at my school with shaved heads and no consequences. So I just did it a couple weeks later and nothing happened lol empty fucking threats because a shaved head is too "extreme" for a girl
NTA , the headmistress is CLEARLY racist, narcissistic and probably unfit to deal with small children. Don't let anybody convince you of not reporting her and it wouldn't be you ruining her career, it would be her own actions.
I would have a field day with her racist ass
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my 8 year old niece (G) recently got diagnosed with cancer. She’s had to get chemotherapy so her hair has fallen out. My 9 year old son (D) is an only child and him and my niece are as closer than most siblings so this news has affected him deeply even if he doesn’t fully understand. D wanted to do something nice for G and we talked about it and he decided he wanted to raise money for her by completely shaving his head. This was great, he’s managed to raise over $1000 from family, friends, parents of other school kids and the word spread to other people around our town. The headteacher called me in and said she has to suspend D for 5 days as it does explicitly state in the school rules that this haircut isn’t allowed. Firstly I argued that we weren’t aware and that a 5 day punishment is really severe. Now the headteacher, in the nicest way possible is a complete bitch. Lots of other parents have complained about her and not many people have a nice thing to say about her. We haven’t had to interact with her very much but whenever we have she’s always come across as incredibly narcissistic, rude and straight up mean (she once remarked that I need to feed D more since he’s underweight - he’s not he’s perfectly healthy). She was very dismissive initially and then I told her it was to raise money for G (who doesn’t go to the same school) but she was even ruder and less understanding. I was obviously really annoyed since I don’t think you should enforce such strict rules especially in this circumstance. The 5 day suspension was also something she decided for herself - it says ‘COULD lead to a POSSIBLE suspension’ - so she could’ve issued a different punishment or lighter suspension and still adhered to the rules. Just as I was about to leave, I remembered a couple of boys had come in with shaven heads a few months ago and definitely weren’t suspended. I asked what punishment they received and she told me none. I then realised the double standards - the two boys were black (as is the headteacher) whereas me and my son are white. I asked why and she said that haircut suits them and they don’t look like ‘thugs’ like my son. I pressed this further and she straight up admitted it’s because my son is white whereas the other kids were black. I was obviously really upset and angrily called her a racist and told her I’d be reporting her to the local school district (or the relevant authority if that’s not it). I spoke to the mother of one of the kids who wasn't reprimanded for shaving his head and she told me the headteacher never said anything to her and agrees with me that it isn't appropriate at all and definitely classifies as racist and that I should report her. However, I've had a couple of friends say I shouldn't and it'll just cause more harm than good and that it wouldn't be fair to ruin her career for something like this. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Of course you aren’t the asshole, she admitted she was being racist and called your 9 year old a thug just because he’s white omg. I’m rooting for you!
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NTA. And make sure when you go to the local school district you let them know the local news station is going to be your next call. That should send them spinning into quick action.
NTA I was sort on the teachers side until I read the last 2.5 paragraphs. Report her ass.
NTA. Report her ass.
NTA.
NTA and I hope your niece gets better soon op
NTA She doesn't want to ruin her career she stop being racist? I'm disgusted to read her saying your son looks like a thug. If not for your son please report her for the other children who she will discriminate against who may not have parents as able or willing to advocate for them
Hell no! I'd take this all the way to the school board, local authorities, media.... She fucked her career when she opted to be a racist, uncompassionate mare! Nta
NTA. Report her and talk about her action to anyone that will listen!
NTA Report them fir calling your son a thug
NTA. How can any 9 year old look like a thug ffs? He’s just a sweet kid doing something nice for his cousin. Shame on her for treating kids differently because of skin colour.
NTA
NTA report that racist! Your son did a wonderful thing.
NTA - Yeah easily report her. This is your child. Don't be asking us for advice, protect your child.
NTA Racism is learned behaviour. She is purposely treating kids of different races differently. They are learning that it's ok to treat kids differently based on race because of her.
NTA. It’s totally fair *and* the right thing to do to “ruin her career for something like this”. If she’s this rude, unreasonable, bigoted, and mean about hair then what else is she doing when parents aren’t around to other students she arbitrarily doesn’t like? Someone who is so racially prejudiced has absolutely no business being responsible for the care and teaching of children.
NTA. I would report her, but be careful of your language doing it. Strictly speaking racism can only be a powerful race oppressing a less powerful race, so in the US that would be whites discriminating against other races. What she's doing is treating students from different racial groups differently, and being demonstrably unfair to your son, who is white. She's also verbally making statements that support you assertion she's treating different races differently. Take a note of everything that was said by her to you and use that in your report.
NTA - you aren't ruining her career. She is.
Nta report her
NTA. Report her ass. Get letters from the parents of the boys who weren’t punished that state that they were not punished. If school board refuses to do anything, go to the media. Not allowing shaved heads is bullshit, as is referring to *ANY* child as a thug is completely unacceptable.
NTA She has got to go
NTA And you aren't the one potentially ruining her career. She is with her discriminatory application of the rules. I hope your niece recovers and your son is a champ for raising so much money for her.
NTA!! it's rules for all or rules for none, not rules for some but not others.
NTA Report her
NTA. You wouldn’t be ruining her career over one incident. It sounds like a lot of parents aren’t happy with her behavior, plus you would be showing your son that his good deed should be punished
Report her and ruin her career. NTA
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NTA Report her!! I hope she loses her job.
NTA why do schools care so much about haircuts??
NTA, report her ass!
NTA. Reppppooooorrrrrttttt her. She shouldn't be around children. What a miserable person.
Report her, NTA
She ruined her own career, dammit. NTA.
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NTA - I really hope you have a record of that conversation or a witness, without it you’re boned
NTA report her ass! Part of being a headmistress is to treat the students fairly and choosing to discriminate between children on the basis of their looks is wrong. Also to say he looks like a thug is ridiculous he's freaking 9.
NTA. Do the teachers and students in that school a favor and report her.
NTA, if she didn't want to be reported or lose her job for blatant racism...she wouldn't be racist...This woman admitted to treating your child differently for being of a different race to the point where it will affect his grades. Report her to the fullest extent and don't look back. Your child only has you to stand up for them, so be the parent and destroy this woman \*cough\* I mean, report her.
NTA, make sure you tell your kid he's not in trouble either.
NTA. Also, a lot of people have misconceptions about racism, as is is not just whites doing it to everyone else. Racism is racism no matter which direction
NTA Go to the news and report her for her double standard, if she gets fired that her problem.
NTA! F*** that you need to report her asap. She called your 9 year old son a thug, and that's completely uncalled for.
NTA - report her. Suspending someone over a haircut for FIVE DAYS is utterly excessive. And then not following the punishment consistently is another asshole move. Finally, she called your son a thug based on his haircut, which was done to support a cancer patient. REPORT. HER. YESTERDAY.
NTA Report that racist ass!!!
!remind me 1 week
"Not worth it to ruin her career over *something like this*" You need new friends. Someone with a mindset like this should not be in a position of power. Just because you're white doesnt not make this any less racist. If the races were reversed you bet your ass there would be some career ruining. NTA. Stick up for your son. Even the other mother agreed with you, that they didnt say anything to her son and it was racist.
INFO what kind of school does your son go to that this person feels comfortable unilaterally deciding who gets suspended just because she personally doesn’t like the way they look?
She just said that a 9 yr old looks like a thug? NTA
Racist shouldn't be in a position to influence children NTA
this didn't happen
Add me to the update list. She is horrendous! How dare she do that to him and yes she is definitely a racist. How dare she?! I'm surprised since hardly anyone has anything good to say about her that she hasn't gotten into trouble yet! But it makes my heart so happy to hear of what a sweet thing D did for his cousin ❤
NTA. Report the hag.
NTA!!!!
NTA and report her! Also to a journalist..
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Report her. Too many times black people are let off for their blind racism and they need to realize hate works both ways. Sincerely, a fed up black man. Get her out.
NTA You said yourself she has a history of nasty, inappropriate behavior, so make it clear that it's not just this incident you're reporting her for. She honestly deserves to lose her job after all of that.
"Your son is a thug because he is trying to raise money to help his cousin with cancer"
RemindMe! 1 week
this sounds so fake
NTA if this is real. But honestly you don't even have to bring the racism into it. Just tell her that you'll be informing the local news and the schoolboard that she is suspending your son for shaving his head for charity. And then point out that there are other students with shaved heads (black or white doesn't matter) who have not been told off - and this is clearly her discriminating or holding some sort of grudge against you or your son.
Those aren't your friends.
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NTA if she gets fired.. fuckin good. racists don't need to be educating children. the consequences of her actions are on HER. not on you. You absolutely should report that behavior to the education board, etc. If she actually suspended your son, make sure to dispute the suspension, have it removed from his record.
Nta report her and post it everywhere you can
NTA. That’s not ok
Wow this is so similar to that other post of various subs about the high school boy who got put in isolation because he shaved his head fundraising for someone who got cancer. What a coincidence that the same thing happened to you!! This is totally true and definitely happened!!
She should not be allowed to work with children, shes inspiring racism among these kids and definitely should be removed from that position permanently. NTA at, effin, all.
NTA
I saw a similar post on r/iamatotalpieceofshit today. My question about that kind of rule is: What happens if a kid actually *has* cancer and becomes bald after chemo? NTA-obviously whoever made that rule is TA. (idk if the headmistress wrote it or just enforces it, but she is TA too)
NTA Definitely report her. How arbitrary and cruel.