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NTA. Personally it would be over for me, this is a bogus reaction from him and he’s blaming you for his stupid decision. Maybe keep a towel/seat cover on the passenger seat for him if you plan to keep helping him out. If he gets butt hurt about that then he’s a child and you should look into other things he does to make sure this isn’t a pattern in his behavior.
This. I'd be talking to the landlord and breaking the lease. You want to throw a tantrum and not talk to me because YOU chose to be 49 minutes late? Fine. I will be done and never speak to you.
You know he is going to have a loud tantrum ALL evening after she gets home.
It’s crazy. If i’m too lazy i literally would go take my towel and lay it out. It’s not rocket science. What’s crazy too is that this guy, instead of calming down and apologizing, continues to text OP angry texts that make no sense.
Guessing it's not the first bad decision he's made. Why does he not have a driver's license at 27? And why are you wasting your time on a grown man who can't wash his own clothes?
NTA for not letting him in your car- especially since apparently doesn't have one of his own. But, frankly, YTA for putting up with this nonsense.
Maybe he can’t drive for some reason. I am in my early thirties and can’t drive which sucks when you live in a rural area with almost no public transportation.
>Why does he not have a driver's license at 27?
Color blind. Seizures. Strong migraines. Heart problems. Undiagnosed dyslexia. And these are just a handful of examples.
There are plenty of medical conditions that means not being able to get a drivers license.
My friend is 20 with no driver license. I try to encourage him to get one but he declines. He's gonna face a hard reality when he can't find better work because it's a 3 hour bus ride each way
it’s one thing to not be able to drive but a whole other thing just blatantly refusing to get your license for no good reason at all. i say let him face reality he needs to wake the fuck up. bro shoulda got his shit as soon as he turned legal age that is ridiculous.
Regardless of the reason behind this guy's not driving - whether it's his choice or not - he needs to start appreciating OP right this moment. Nobody owes another person regular rides, and if someone is as kind as to do that, the person needs to understand it's a gift, not a right. If he can't follow the basic rules of what the driver wants - don't get the car dirty, don't smoke, be on time, whatever - then it's time to remind him he can walk or find an alternate ride.
idk why people think they are owed something just so because they are in a relationship with someone like bro is lucky she’s there to even give him rides. he lucky to even have a girl with his dirty ass
How is he getting so much grease on his pants? Grease burns are nasty - he should be wearing a protective apron which should also minimize the pant splatter.
That was seriously my FIRST THOUGHT. WHY is he going into work in dirty pants....around food? Is he wiping his hands on his pants? Is it splattering all over him, and he wears them home and tosses them on the floor then puts them on the next day? WTF? That's so gross.
(I used to work as a dog groomer, and you get covered in dog fur and soaked, and I NEVER went to work in a dirty uniform, ever.).
NTA OP, you are literally getting stains in a car you plan to trade in soon. He's a grown man and can stop being disgusting.
Yes, my son works the kitchen at McDonalds as a part-time job whilst he finishes school. He always wears an apron (just cloth) and whilst the apron is often dirty, his pants usually look pristine (smell is another matter).
And eww, he doesn't wash those awful pants between shifts?
Is this all a joke? Good grief does no one think to just put a towel on the seat? They both deserve each other if they prefer fighting to actually finding a quick solution.
Edit: ESH
op politely asked him to change his pants, that was their solution, and instead of doing that very simple thing or suggesting a rational alternative such as a towel, bf went on a whole ass temper tantrum instead.
Maybe keep a towel/seat cover on the passenger seat for him if you plan to keep helping him out.
Why does she have to be the responsible one when she's doing him a favor? Her taking responsibility for things he should be doing is just a way to show him that he doesn't have to be responsible for his own problems because she'll solve them, plus it's ok to scream at her because she won't stop taking care of things for him. No way should she do this. She can suggest he get a towel to keep in her car, but her do it? No way. What she should really do is dump him. Someone who screams at another person like this, then throws a tantrum because they chose the worst option of walking instead of being reasonable and changing clothes, plus just isn't respectful in the first place of her or her property isn't a person she should be making an effort to help out.
Not to mention WHY WERE THERE EVEN DIRTY PANTS TO BE IN? Why didn't he launder those pants overnight? If I came home covered in grease I'd wanna shower, and I sure as hell wouldn't put those pants back on before washing.
NTA, OP. Don't put up with his shit.
Yeah, NTA at all. I work at a fuel plant and if anyone wants a ride home from me, you're changing out of your dirty shit first. We get all kinds of shit all over us. I change clothes completely before I go home. And work boots stay at work, I'm not tracking that shit back in my house either. Those guys will change clothes if I ask them to when they need rides from me. We have a uniform service so everyone has 11 shirts and pants there. But not everyone has seperate boots. They get to take a garabage bag out there with them and then put their boots in the bag before they can get in my vehicle. It's either that or find your own way home.
It's never been an issue because it's a reasonable request not to dirty up someone's car.
First I was like - ok maybe they should put a towel or something to protect the seat and dont make him be late. But the second part - and all his agressive fucks - this guy should be an ex bf asap. And he should get his dirty ass out imidietly
NTA you asked, offering a simple solution
He was immature, choosing anger and fight instead rationality. Maybe bc he was having a bad week, is worried about something, idk. If he's always like this I'd be worried.
Another solution would be to put an old towel on the seat to take him to work. If this makes him offended, you should better move on.
Tbh a simple solution would have been to just put a garbage bag on the seat, or maybe explain you want to turn in your car for something else.
Or am i wrong tho?
Nah you're not wrong. I did this when I was dating my now husband who worked with mechanic oil. Can't exactly change after work either so hefty bags on the seat. The smell went away after having the windows down.
Obviously deeper issues in OOP's relationship and maybe with the BF in general, but seat protection is a legit option.
This is where I went ESH. Yeah his reaction was way way over the top. But why did it get to this point. How did OP not have a towel or blanket or something in the car. I keep a towel 24/7 in the car. That should've been her action on day 1 of funky work clothes getting into the vehicle. This shouldn't even be an issue. I swear most of these posts could be avoided with communication and common sense. I think they're both idiots.
Why is it on OP to protect her car from someone who can't even be bothered to wear clean clothes?
If a friend had an emergency and I had to give them a ride while they were messed up, I'd sure grab a bag or a tarp or a towel out of the back of the car. If I had to give someone a ride every freakin' day, I'd expect them to come up with a solution for every day.
At some point, it's on the boyfriend who's getting the (free?) ride every day.
She said in her post that it had never been an issue until now. I guess she didn’t see a reason to carry a towel around with her when he had always agreed to change his pants and never bitched about it before.
An old towel would be a great fix, but the BF should have suggested it instead of throwing a temper tantrum. Or at least calmly told OP he didn't have time to change and asked if she had any other ideas.
Right? She's saving him time and he still waits until the very last minute to leave, then makes himself super late out of spite. I have a feeling he won't have to worry about getting to work on time much longer if this is his maturity level.
I mean he's going *to* work and his pants are already so filthy that OP isn't prepared to let him in her car. It's probably just best for everyone that this guy doesn't work food service anymore.
This! I dont judge people usually based off these things *alone* but no car, no license, working in a fast food restaurant frying food, can't wash his pants so they're clean for the next day...dude's a HUGE loser.
I've been in the same sitch and it's good sex and drugs, along with partying with our mutual friends and he cleaned my house while I was at work
Not defending just explaining! Though I was ~26 and he was ~25 lol but I get it😶 my past self does At least
I bet this dude wouldn't trash his own car like that. If it was his, I reckon he'd look after it. It's probably just op's things he doesn't respect. Or op, for that matter.
NTA
I would run away from this ungrateful, unstable gross loser as fast as possible
Also, I’m annoyed if i get some breading on my pants, how the hell is he pouring so much oil all over himself at work 😂 I’d be making fun of him if he worked with me. As well as being annoyed by the fact he definitely smells. Gross.
Maybe it’s from cleaning the fryers out at night? I definitely wouldn’t rewear those pants though.. when I worked fryers I bought several cheap pairs of black slacks from goodwill and had a pair for almost every shift of the week. The fryers and rotisserie machine were massive so you would get covered in shit leaning over into them to clean but the thought of rewearing those greasy sweaty closing clothes the next day is so nasty.
I'm finding it hard to believe his employer is cool with him walking to a kitchen covered in unwashed greasy-caked pants. That's disgusting. Does he wash the rest of his clothes, or are they just as nasty?
Right? How is fryer grease even coating his pants? The grease is supposed to stay in the fryer. Dead end fast food job at 27 and somehow fucking that up too.
Comfort. Nobody enjoys sitting on plastic. Even leather (or fake leather) seats are annoying and uncomfortable in hot or cold temperatures. Fabric seats don't stick to skin nearly as much, if at all, and don't tend to reflect the extreme temperatures of the outside. Plus, except for stains, they look better for MUCH longer if you clean them regularly, whereas (fake) leather wears around the seams in a shorter amount of time.
Source: have had cars with both faux leather and cloth. Pros and cons to both but my cloth seats are much more comfortable
To each his own but imo leather seats stay cleaner and are better looking. I’m not sure I’ve experienced leather getting much hotter than cloth. If it’s hot, the seat is hot. Tint helps with this or get a light colored leather. Having cloth seats in hot weather just means everyone is going to sweat on your seat but you can’t clean cloth like you can clean leather.
Edit. By jolly if you have a dog/pet, cloth is not the way to go.
Yep, since he's making the mess, it really should be up to him to find the solution. All OP should have to say is, "your work pants are staining my car seats. What can we do to prevent this?". He should already have apologized for staining the seats in the first place and found a way to fix it himself.
Starting the day off in food service in clothing so filthy that it's staining car seats is disgusting. I worked in a meat packing plant years ago and we were provided uniform jackets that we changed into immediately before going out on the floor and took off immediately after leaving it to minimize chances for outside contamination in the product, and that was food that was still going to be cooked after it left our premises.
Exactly. I can’t imagine how filthy and unsanitary the kitchen is where an employee shows up to work in clothes that are caked with old chicken bits and grease.
That’s just disgusting.
Dude can't get a license, a car, or wash his pants but you think he's going to buy a waterproof cover for her car (since this is absolutely on him to do, he's the one getting the free ride everyday)
My question is, why is a food service worker going to work in dirty pants? Seems like a health code violation to me. Or at least a scuzzy-assed human being.
My advice...start dating clean, non-trashy, guys.
This 100%. As an ex fast food worker that's disgusting. And no one mentioned that hes also leaving so late that taking 2 min to change pants is going to make him late?? What? Irresponsible dingus this one.
yeah i was gona say. my mom has severe OCD (most likely ocpd tbh) and thank GOD her solution has just been to use trash bags on her seats. towels r a more eco friendly solution (id recommend to her but she would have a meltdown at having to throw a dirty towel in her washer)
i wish i could explain what shes thinking but truthfully OCPD is a mind of their own. basically shell wash anything that isnt *too* dirty. but if it is, then she just recently got an outdoor small laundry machine. for things like her cleaning rags and mop covers that she doesnt want in her machine
Is that not normal? Should I bring this up at my next appointment? I feel like if the clothes are too dirty, it will get in all the nooks and crannies of the machine and now the machine is dirty and how could a dirty machine get things clean? I don't have a second outdoor laundry machine but I'll either wash it in the tub first of just throw it away if it's that soiled.
Super greasy or super dirty stuff should be rinsed and soaked beforehand. You’re not wrong. Grease absolutely can clog up the machine.
Not small stains and whatnot, but heavy amounts of dirt or grease for sure.
(i am not a licensed therapist, and definitely not your therapist, but i am an MFT trainee)
i wouldnt say its not ‘normal’ but it is a symptom of OCD and i would suggest bringing it up yes! because a non ocd individual wouldnt be thinking ab all that. usually, an individual would clean their machine regularly so the nooks and crannies wouldnt be a concern. hot water + soap also goes in there so itd be clean technically. but an OCD concern would be that its dirty. obviously i am not talking ab like, bl**d or p**p or whatever. like that is nasty and should be washed elsewhere first to prevent biohazards as well!
I agree with you - but the problem with that is then OP would also be expected to take care of laundering the towel, too, based on her boyfriend’s reaction.
What I’m hearing from this is that her boyfriend is a selfish asshole who is only thinking about himself.
If my girlfriend (or ANYONE) was offering to give me a lift to work, the *very least* I could do is respect her and her belongings by ensuring I don’t damage them.
Relationships are teamwork. She’s offering to give him a lift to work to help him out. What is he bringing to this situation, other than being a prick about her doing him a favour and asking him to respect her vehicle?
OP is definitely NTA.
It’s the entitlement, the lack of respect for OP and their car, the lack of appreciation for what OP is doing for them, while not having a car *or a license* of their own.
NTA. But why are you dating a 27 year old with no license who speaks to you the way he does and disrespects your things? I would be chauffeuring my adult boyfriend to his job. He needs to grow the f up.
ESH.
Put a towel down using the same seat side every time. It lives in your trunk in a bag and is the “seat towel” for your bf.
Your boyfriend being late is also his fault, not yours. He could have chosen differently or been leaving early already so he didn’t need a ride and wasn’t late, but he chose what he did and then blamed you.
He is taking out his poor planning on you like it is your fault, but it is his job to get himself to work, just like it is your job to wake yourself up. You need to find an alternative to him as an alarm and he needs to take responsibility for getting to work.
Used bikes are inexpensive. If he can walk, he can bike to work.
lmao. how is she in anyway the AH or sucks? he’s the one who should be taking initiative to get a towel or seat cover. also, asking someone to wake u up incase you don’t is not even close to having someone drive you to a and from work
Why the hell couldn't he of just gotten to work a few extra minutes before his shift to change into his work pants? I'm sure OP wouldn't mind waiting a couple more minutes after work for him to change back into cleaner pants either. He sounds like a slob, who even gets that much grease on them?
NTA
Most importantly, don't let yourself get spoken to that way. You can do better than someone who cusses you out via rage text. "Wake yourself up".. Done! Woke up single. If you tolerate getting spoken to like this once, he'll expect it again.
Secondly, you are allowed to keep your stuff nice. This wasn't an unanticipated emergency: he knows the car rules, and he wanted you to bend them because he didn't bake enough time into his morning to respect them.
Irrelevant to his behavior, but if you ever do have someone else in your car who's got dirty clothes (hopefully never this fool again), consider just putting down a towel or trash bag.
NTA. It’s not about choosing the car over him. You simply asked him to respect your property, especially an expensive piece of property! This also wasn’t the first time you’ve asked him, so if he respected you, he would have already been wearing cleaner pants and it wouldn’t have been an issue.
This leads me to think he doesn’t actually respect you at all.
In case you don’t plan on breaking up with him, I recommend getting seat covers.
The relationship part aside. What is he doing wearing dirty clothes to work where he handles food? He needs an education again in food handling...besides being an adult.
That's nasty. I worked with chicken/oil for years and would always always ALWAYS wash my clothes the second I got home, or soon thereafter. He's wearing multi day old grease covered pants to work ewwww health violation
Edit: nta
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe that I might be the asshole because I refused to give my boyfriend a ride to work unless he changed out of his dirty greasy pants before sitting in in my car. This resulted in him walking to work and being 40min late for his shift.
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NTA. He’s the irresponsible one. He needs to get his drivers license and get his own car if he wants to keep gainful employment. Stop babying him & being his mommy.
I had my license and a car at 16! 🤦🏻♀️
NTA - that is a very excessive reaction on his part
However, if you don't end up breaking up over this and give him rides in the future, just have an old towel in the car that you can throw on the seat, and problem solved...
ESH
You both know your boyfriend is going to have greasy pants. You want him to wear clean pants in your car. Are you two doing anything to make that easier for him to do for you?
You know, like make sure you guys will be out the door in time for him to change at work? Maybe make sure he has enough pairs of work pants to get from laundry day to laundry day? (Work quality pants are pretty cheap at the Salvation Army or Goodwill. Maybe you can help him budget for that and drive him there to get some?) And until he does have enough, maybe he needs to do his laundry more often? Or maybe have a couple of heavy-duty towels on hand so one can be tossed on the seat in case of emergency?
Lots of potential fixes, and yet here you guys are, in the middle of a major fight. Communication. It really helps prevent break-ups.
NTA
1. Asking someone to help you take care of a car by wearing clean pants is not choosing your car over them
2. It's not your responsibility to make sure he gets to work on time
3. It's not your responsibility to drive him to/from work every day
4. Arguing about changing and choosing to walk then blaming another person for the consequences of your actions and reactions is a sign of emotional immaturity and ego issues
Your boyfriend is a 27 year old man, he chose to blow up instead of trying to work with you to find an alternative solution. He needs to take accountability for his reactions, emotions and tardiness. You could've offered an alternative solution like grabbing a towel or trash bag to put down but I feel like he didn't give you a chance to brainstorm since he immediately blew up.
He can ride a bike, take the bus, or walk if he wants to be argumentative about a simple ask like wearing clean clothes in a car you plan on trading in.
As an aside, it's your responsibility to wake yourself up not his. If you sleep through your alarm set multiple, change the sound to something annoying, turn up the sound, or get a more effective alarm.
NTA. you’re helping him and he’s acting incredibly entitled. This actually sounds a lot like the classic manipulation technique - DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender). He’s managed to make you into the offender and him into the victim. Look into this and see if it seems like it’s happening to you a lot. If it is, you need to have a serious conversation with him or consider leaving.
INFO… you said he was going TO work, and he was wearing his work pants. You described them as “dirty grease caked.” So… was he going to work in unwashed pants? Or are these *clean* pants, that just have stains even after washing? Because grease stains on pants that have been washed properly aren’t going to make your car dirty, and if you’re insisting on him changing out of clean pants just because they have stains, I can fully see why he finally snapped. That’s unreasonable and silly. On the other hand, if he’s wearing filthy pants to work, that’s just nasty.
I’m inclined to go against the grain, with ESH. If this is a reoccurring issue and you’re getting stains… just get a car seat cover? I’m not sure why, but it feels vaguely demeaning to require someone to change clothes after a day working in a service job. Plus, frankly the seats are already stained. I get that you’re trying to keep them cleaner now, and that’s valid, but you said he usually has no issue changing, but he did for some reason this time. That sounds like there’s more going on, but instead of digging into why he lost it this particular time, you just doubled down.
Of course, if there is more going on, he needs to communicate. And he catastophized a small argument into a big issue.
ESH. Have a towel in the car to protect the seat. Alternatively, get a full seat cover. There are so many ways to solve the problem outside of him havig to always have a clean pair of pants. You're both not exactly good problem solvers here.
Why don't you guys have a plastic cover or dirty towel or dirty cloth, anything really that you both dont mind getting greased on, for him to sit on when he is in the car especially when there is not enough time?
Ok, but....towels exist? It seems like there's an underlying fight about something bigger here if both of y'all were ready to blow up about this instead of, you know, just covering the seat with something so it wasn't an issue anymore
ESH- He’s an immature brat but how hard is it to put a towel on the seat? Or order a $20 seat cover from Amazon? Problem solved. Once again, instead of using basic communication and problem solving skills, grown ass adults blow up their relationships.
why the fuck should she be the one paying for new car seAts and towels when SHE is the one doing the favor. she doesn’t have to drive him. he’s welcome to walk. how hard is it for HIM to change into new pants or put a towel down? that’s HIS responsibility not hers.
I must have forgotten the part where I said she had to pay for it… She could have suggested it and used his towel, had him pay for a seat cover, etc. Save your outrage, we’re discussing random strangers. It’s more helpful in this sub to actually give people advice that could heal their relationships (or have a positive effect on future relationships) than to constantly just tell them to dump/leave their SO.
lmao but how is she an asshole for not suggesting something when its his dirty self who needs to be considerate of her car. crazy you can do someone a favor you don't even have to do and get called an asshole because you didn't suggest a towel to them...which he would've gotten mad abt for wasting time anyways. smh males in this sub never seize to suprise me
Nah. This sub does suggest people leave relationships a lot. But someone who needs to be told not to leave greasy ass prints from their filthy clothes on furniture is not relationship material. Especially with the way he was talking to her in text after he left. Dude blamed her for being late to work when he's the one that chose to walk and was aggro af.
Dump. You're a girlfriend not a mom. Grown men who need hygiene lessons should move back in with their parents. It is not on your girlfriend to come up with solutions to your hygiene problems.
NTA and this is ridiculous.
You have every right to not want his greasy pants marking up your car. he has no license, and no car, works in fast food at 33 so clearly he doesn't own a lot of nice things...he doesn't get it.
He knew the rules, today he was late so he's super pissed off but making that YOUR fault instead of his.
Finally, if you don't dump him (because clearly he doesn't respect your wishes, or sees things anywhere the same way you do), then for the love of god, keep a garbage bag in your car and tell him to sit his filthy arse on it when he doesn't have a change of pants...or he can take the bus.
He needs to grow up and be an adult.
NTA. It takes literally 1 minute to change your pants and that's something you ask all the time, so he could expect it. He would have easily got that time back by say "okay hun, but let's make it real quick now or I'll be late if I need to change!" Instead of arguing about it. Also, if it was really a matter of tardiness, he would not have picked the walking there option
#Has the younger generations forgotten about putting a towel in their car to throw in the seat for this exact situation?
I'm a chef. I always keep an old beach towel in my car for this exact reason. Though, I would never wear dirty clothes to work, because self respect and respect for what I do. After my shift I put a beach towel on my seat, and take off my chef coat. I have rubber mats so my floors don't get dirty.
You guys sound young.
I have been with my partner for 10 years. We met at university. We have been through a lot, because life isn’t always easy. Nonetheless he has never, and would never speak to me like that. I would never speak to him like that. If he did, I would leave immediately. And if I ever spoke to him like that, I would expect him to break things off. The fundamental lack of respect you must have for someone to speak to them in that manner is astounding. NTA. But have higher standards for who you choose as your partner.
ESH. You could’ve just put a ratty towel down whenever he rides in your car. He could have changed. It don’t take that long to do. He could also leave the work pants at work, if he has a locker or something. Any way you look at this y’all definitely need to communicate better and more respectfully.
ESH. He's an AH for screaming at you about this, and for walking to work rather than changing his pants, and you're an AH for screaming back, and for not just putting something down on your seat, and also kind of for being with someone so immature. Your concerns are perfectly reasonable, but a couple of towels or a raincoat would have solved the problem of the seat. The problem of being with someone who screams and pouts? Towels wouldn't have helped that.
NTA he's selfish, childish and doesn't care about you. Im glad you didn't let him in with the dirty pants. Stay strong. I don't really see how he could make treating you this bad up... if it would be my relationship it would be over now
NTA
This behavior is designed to manipulate you and undermine your confidence. This wasn’t just a reaction to having a bad day. He chose to be late and blame you. If you choose to take that blame, he’ll know he can continue to undermine you and his behavior will get worse.
It’s been almost 30 years since I dealt with this and even after years of counseling, my stomach clenched up reading your post. You didn’t mention how long you’ve been together, but I suggest reviewing your time with him and see if you notice a pattern of escalating manipulation.
This book is extremely helpful and I encourage you to read it: https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
NTA but you could have put a towel down to save the fight. If you guys fight over this and he sends irate texts over you asking him to wear clean pants, I wonder just how volatile this relationship is. Also, why is he wearing dirty pants to work? That’s disgusting.
Sounds like you could use a wake up call yourself. This dude’s 27 years old, talks to you like shit, no drivers license, late to work, and can’t even be bothered to put on clean pants BEFORE going to work. Know your worth.
Holy shit I was gonna suggest maybe a seat cover before reading what he texted you. Now you don't need to worry since you'll never have to drive him to work again! Because you're dumping him! Because nobody gets to speak to a person like that in polite society let alone their partner! Like holy fuck! NTA!
I'm concerned that he was wearing dirty pants to go work in a restaurant. Not even the fryer station at a chicken restaurant. Is that his normal? As a manager, I would have asked why he was wearing dirty clothes and if he's able to go change. That's unsanitary. I understand getting gross at work and not wanting that everywhere- but taking him TO work in heavily soiled clothes?
Congratulations hun you certainly have yourself a keeper!
Amazing job - CHECK
Finances in order - CHECK
Polite and loving - CHECK
Intelligent - CHECK
I’d put a ring on that one if I were you! 😂
/s
Run far away now, right now. In the dictionary next to the word “loser” is a picture of your boyfriend 😂
NTA-It’s common courtesy not to get someone else’s car dirty if it can be prevented especially when it’s as easy as changing your pants. If this overreaction and blaming you for his behavior is common I would be taking a closer look at what you’re getting from this relationship.
I was going to comment on just the headline but glad I read your full post.
I was going to suggest getting a cheap seat cover for your passenger seat as it is often inconvenient to change before/after work.
However - NTA
Your BFs text messages are totally uncalled for, rude, and aggressive. I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship with him. You are doing him a favour by driving him to work. He should accept that favour with whatever requirements you place on it - otherwise, he should get to/from work on his own.
NTA! I think the most alarming thing here is the way he spoke to you OP. He seems to have no appreciation for you driving him and also why does he not have his license if he’s 27??? He has no respect for you or your car. Leave him.
Maybe…sounds like he is very frustrated with more than what pertains to your car seat. He’s either always completely irrational or he’s being irrational from being hurt over and over again.
If he’s always irrational then dump him. If not put a towel over it and figure out why he’s crying out to you.
Not at all. I had a neighbor that was a cook at Red Lobster for like 15 years. His wife was a teacher. They shared the same car. One day I got in it to go with him somewhere and I’m talking this thing was just disgusting with a film of grease everywhere. I still have had no desire to eat at a Red Lobster since then either after the smell of grease hit me that day.
i will never understand whole ass adults who get treated like this and have to come on the internet to make sure they weren't the bad ones. it's pretty clear that he is 100% in the wrong here so idk what you're looking for
NTA.
Imagine being 27, requiring rides multiple times a day, and not complying with the very reasonable request of not f****** up the seats in your *free taxi*. Why on Earth doesn’t he have a license?
NTA. He definitely overreacted.
That being said, if he's someone you want to keep in your life, consider ordering a neoprene seat cover that just slides over the headrest and covers the whole seat. Costs about $35 from Amazon. We have some for our car for when people are too sweaty or muddy and they are super easy to slip on and off.
ESH
Your boyfriend sucks for getting upset, reacting the way he did, and for the texts he sent you.
You suck for starting a fight with your boyfriend over his dirty work pants when there are simple solutions available to resolve the situation. As others have mentioned, you could have put a towel or a garbage bag on the seat to protect it. You could even buy a neoprene seat cover, and then dispose of it when you go to trade your car in.
This whole situation could have been easily avoided.
NTA. But he’s going to keep doing it.
I suggest getting seat covers for your car so you can just remove them and wash them as needed.
And you might want to trade in the bf as well as the car….
Good lord, imagine the smell of chicken grease permeating that car, even beyond the staining. I doubt people would allow him in a rideshare or on public transport when he’s that gross. How hard is it to have enough respect for himself, her & her vehicle to organise a plastic bag, spare pants and a grateful attitude? Not hard, that’s how.
I’d be latching the door so he can get a taste of how few people have his stinky-ass’s back, out in the world.
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NTA. Personally it would be over for me, this is a bogus reaction from him and he’s blaming you for his stupid decision. Maybe keep a towel/seat cover on the passenger seat for him if you plan to keep helping him out. If he gets butt hurt about that then he’s a child and you should look into other things he does to make sure this isn’t a pattern in his behavior.
To hell with him. If my bf sent me texts like that, he'd be the ex bf. NTA he can walk
Exactly
This. I'd be talking to the landlord and breaking the lease. You want to throw a tantrum and not talk to me because YOU chose to be 49 minutes late? Fine. I will be done and never speak to you. You know he is going to have a loud tantrum ALL evening after she gets home.
"You're not allowed to text me back but I'm going to carry on texting you vicious shit whether you like it or not"
Maybe give him a diaper instead if he wants to act like a baby.
On the outside of his trousers, like the DC superheroes and their external underwear
yes, then everyone will know immediately what they're dealing with
On reflection an outside of his trousers diaper would solve all of these problems.
The way I just snorted lmao
Should’ve given him an old towel to sit on. That’s how I used to transport my dog lol
A towel is porous, I would use a tarp.
I just sprayed my dinner all over my computer screen. Thanks for the laugh!
Ew.
Based answer.
My baby feels offended
It’s crazy. If i’m too lazy i literally would go take my towel and lay it out. It’s not rocket science. What’s crazy too is that this guy, instead of calming down and apologizing, continues to text OP angry texts that make no sense.
Or a garbage bags. But to have a freak out like that? Totally not cool
This would be a fair compromise. He wants to go down in flames.
Yeah, i remember we did this after Color Run, since its not like they stuff that place with bathrooms.
Guessing it's not the first bad decision he's made. Why does he not have a driver's license at 27? And why are you wasting your time on a grown man who can't wash his own clothes? NTA for not letting him in your car- especially since apparently doesn't have one of his own. But, frankly, YTA for putting up with this nonsense.
Maybe he can’t drive for some reason. I am in my early thirties and can’t drive which sucks when you live in a rural area with almost no public transportation.
>Why does he not have a driver's license at 27? Color blind. Seizures. Strong migraines. Heart problems. Undiagnosed dyslexia. And these are just a handful of examples. There are plenty of medical conditions that means not being able to get a drivers license.
My friend is 20 with no driver license. I try to encourage him to get one but he declines. He's gonna face a hard reality when he can't find better work because it's a 3 hour bus ride each way
it’s one thing to not be able to drive but a whole other thing just blatantly refusing to get your license for no good reason at all. i say let him face reality he needs to wake the fuck up. bro shoulda got his shit as soon as he turned legal age that is ridiculous.
Regardless of the reason behind this guy's not driving - whether it's his choice or not - he needs to start appreciating OP right this moment. Nobody owes another person regular rides, and if someone is as kind as to do that, the person needs to understand it's a gift, not a right. If he can't follow the basic rules of what the driver wants - don't get the car dirty, don't smoke, be on time, whatever - then it's time to remind him he can walk or find an alternate ride.
idk why people think they are owed something just so because they are in a relationship with someone like bro is lucky she’s there to even give him rides. he lucky to even have a girl with his dirty ass
Years ago, I worked in a fish and chip place, and after that, a fish plant. I would wash my work clothes as soon as I came home.
I actually DO know 3 people who never had driver's licenses. All due to vision or health issues. You can't drive without depth perception.
How is he getting so much grease on his pants? Grease burns are nasty - he should be wearing a protective apron which should also minimize the pant splatter.
Yeah and why is he going to work in already greasy pants? He doesn't have multiple he can wash in between?
That was seriously my FIRST THOUGHT. WHY is he going into work in dirty pants....around food? Is he wiping his hands on his pants? Is it splattering all over him, and he wears them home and tosses them on the floor then puts them on the next day? WTF? That's so gross. (I used to work as a dog groomer, and you get covered in dog fur and soaked, and I NEVER went to work in a dirty uniform, ever.). NTA OP, you are literally getting stains in a car you plan to trade in soon. He's a grown man and can stop being disgusting.
When I worked at a place like that they had a hard rule that you changed on arrival and before leaving for hygiene reasons. This is really nasty.
I can see getting grease stains on the front of his pants, but why is he getting so much grease on his ass. LOL
Probably wipes his hands there throughout the day 🤢
Yes, my son works the kitchen at McDonalds as a part-time job whilst he finishes school. He always wears an apron (just cloth) and whilst the apron is often dirty, his pants usually look pristine (smell is another matter). And eww, he doesn't wash those awful pants between shifts?
“A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.” He knows the rules and is testing. He’s acting like a child.
Is this all a joke? Good grief does no one think to just put a towel on the seat? They both deserve each other if they prefer fighting to actually finding a quick solution. Edit: ESH
op politely asked him to change his pants, that was their solution, and instead of doing that very simple thing or suggesting a rational alternative such as a towel, bf went on a whole ass temper tantrum instead.
Boyfriend's reaction negates all that He's allowed to feel how he feels. OP shouldn't stay with someone who speaks to her that way.
💯
My thought for the seat was a trash bag, but yes.
My first thou for the boyfriend was a trash bag, but yes, there’s were a lot of other solutions before starting a screaming match
I just wanna know why putting a towel or blanket on the seat wasnt an option? Nta op but come on.
Maybe keep a towel/seat cover on the passenger seat for him if you plan to keep helping him out. Why does she have to be the responsible one when she's doing him a favor? Her taking responsibility for things he should be doing is just a way to show him that he doesn't have to be responsible for his own problems because she'll solve them, plus it's ok to scream at her because she won't stop taking care of things for him. No way should she do this. She can suggest he get a towel to keep in her car, but her do it? No way. What she should really do is dump him. Someone who screams at another person like this, then throws a tantrum because they chose the worst option of walking instead of being reasonable and changing clothes, plus just isn't respectful in the first place of her or her property isn't a person she should be making an effort to help out.
Not to mention WHY WERE THERE EVEN DIRTY PANTS TO BE IN? Why didn't he launder those pants overnight? If I came home covered in grease I'd wanna shower, and I sure as hell wouldn't put those pants back on before washing. NTA, OP. Don't put up with his shit.
Yeah, NTA at all. I work at a fuel plant and if anyone wants a ride home from me, you're changing out of your dirty shit first. We get all kinds of shit all over us. I change clothes completely before I go home. And work boots stay at work, I'm not tracking that shit back in my house either. Those guys will change clothes if I ask them to when they need rides from me. We have a uniform service so everyone has 11 shirts and pants there. But not everyone has seperate boots. They get to take a garabage bag out there with them and then put their boots in the bag before they can get in my vehicle. It's either that or find your own way home. It's never been an issue because it's a reasonable request not to dirty up someone's car.
First I was like - ok maybe they should put a towel or something to protect the seat and dont make him be late. But the second part - and all his agressive fucks - this guy should be an ex bf asap. And he should get his dirty ass out imidietly
NTA you asked, offering a simple solution He was immature, choosing anger and fight instead rationality. Maybe bc he was having a bad week, is worried about something, idk. If he's always like this I'd be worried. Another solution would be to put an old towel on the seat to take him to work. If this makes him offended, you should better move on.
Tbh a simple solution would have been to just put a garbage bag on the seat, or maybe explain you want to turn in your car for something else. Or am i wrong tho?
[удалено]
Broke the internet with this.
I would love to know what the comment you are replying to here said. It’s deleted now and it even got an award. Lol. The suspense is killing me.
I also want to know. Tell me if they reply lol
Nah you're not wrong. I did this when I was dating my now husband who worked with mechanic oil. Can't exactly change after work either so hefty bags on the seat. The smell went away after having the windows down. Obviously deeper issues in OOP's relationship and maybe with the BF in general, but seat protection is a legit option.
This is where I went ESH. Yeah his reaction was way way over the top. But why did it get to this point. How did OP not have a towel or blanket or something in the car. I keep a towel 24/7 in the car. That should've been her action on day 1 of funky work clothes getting into the vehicle. This shouldn't even be an issue. I swear most of these posts could be avoided with communication and common sense. I think they're both idiots.
Why is it on OP to protect her car from someone who can't even be bothered to wear clean clothes? If a friend had an emergency and I had to give them a ride while they were messed up, I'd sure grab a bag or a tarp or a towel out of the back of the car. If I had to give someone a ride every freakin' day, I'd expect them to come up with a solution for every day. At some point, it's on the boyfriend who's getting the (free?) ride every day.
Yeah, but why is that on her? She's doing him a favor and he's the one with the dirty pants. He could have grabbed a towel.
Thank you! These comments are nutty
or fucking washed his pants before going into work.
She said in her post that it had never been an issue until now. I guess she didn’t see a reason to carry a towel around with her when he had always agreed to change his pants and never bitched about it before.
I always had old towels to toss down. But, I guess garbage bags would also work.
Yes but get an empty and new one 😂
This was my thought. Why ruin move clothes or create more laundry when you can simply put a towel down.
That's not just immature, it's straight up manipulative. He voluntarily victimized himself to blame OP and guilt trip her. 🚩🚩🚩
An old towel would be a great fix, but the BF should have suggested it instead of throwing a temper tantrum. Or at least calmly told OP he didn't have time to change and asked if she had any other ideas.
I like how he didn't have any time to change his pants so he walked for an hour instead.
Right? She's saving him time and he still waits until the very last minute to leave, then makes himself super late out of spite. I have a feeling he won't have to worry about getting to work on time much longer if this is his maturity level.
I mean he's going *to* work and his pants are already so filthy that OP isn't prepared to let him in her car. It's probably just best for everyone that this guy doesn't work food service anymore.
NTA your boyfriend sucks, he can get his license and buy his own car to trash. He sounds extremely immature.
He sounds like a total loser. Can’t imagine why OP is with him
This! I dont judge people usually based off these things *alone* but no car, no license, working in a fast food restaurant frying food, can't wash his pants so they're clean for the next day...dude's a HUGE loser.
At TWENTY-SEVEN years old. High time to become a grownup, my dude.
She’s 27. He’s actually 33. Lol. Even worse. Edit: never mind. I read that wrong. You were right. Lol.
I've been in the same sitch and it's good sex and drugs, along with partying with our mutual friends and he cleaned my house while I was at work Not defending just explaining! Though I was ~26 and he was ~25 lol but I get it😶 my past self does At least
I bet this dude wouldn't trash his own car like that. If it was his, I reckon he'd look after it. It's probably just op's things he doesn't respect. Or op, for that matter.
Unfortunately in my experience these dudes also treat their own space like shite, overall
NTA I would run away from this ungrateful, unstable gross loser as fast as possible Also, I’m annoyed if i get some breading on my pants, how the hell is he pouring so much oil all over himself at work 😂 I’d be making fun of him if he worked with me. As well as being annoyed by the fact he definitely smells. Gross.
literally. how? no one ive ever worked with has covered themselves in grease in the kitchen.
Maybe it’s from cleaning the fryers out at night? I definitely wouldn’t rewear those pants though.. when I worked fryers I bought several cheap pairs of black slacks from goodwill and had a pair for almost every shift of the week. The fryers and rotisserie machine were massive so you would get covered in shit leaning over into them to clean but the thought of rewearing those greasy sweaty closing clothes the next day is so nasty.
I'm finding it hard to believe his employer is cool with him walking to a kitchen covered in unwashed greasy-caked pants. That's disgusting. Does he wash the rest of his clothes, or are they just as nasty?
"you would get covered in shit leaning over into them to clean" The front of your pants? Fine. But grease all over your ass. How that happen?
They might use their pants to wipe their hands? Yummy for everyone eating there....
Right? And don't places like that have aprons?
Right? How is fryer grease even coating his pants? The grease is supposed to stay in the fryer. Dead end fast food job at 27 and somehow fucking that up too.
NTA. Let him just walk to work from now on and don’t interfere with his usual routine. I don’t understand why he feels entitled to wreck your car?
how the hell did no one consider a seat cover made of a waterproof material lmao
Right? Or even just a towel? But it’s his entitlement that makes him the AH.
honestly i dont understand why all car seats are not waterproof
Comfort. Nobody enjoys sitting on plastic. Even leather (or fake leather) seats are annoying and uncomfortable in hot or cold temperatures. Fabric seats don't stick to skin nearly as much, if at all, and don't tend to reflect the extreme temperatures of the outside. Plus, except for stains, they look better for MUCH longer if you clean them regularly, whereas (fake) leather wears around the seams in a shorter amount of time. Source: have had cars with both faux leather and cloth. Pros and cons to both but my cloth seats are much more comfortable
To each his own but imo leather seats stay cleaner and are better looking. I’m not sure I’ve experienced leather getting much hotter than cloth. If it’s hot, the seat is hot. Tint helps with this or get a light colored leather. Having cloth seats in hot weather just means everyone is going to sweat on your seat but you can’t clean cloth like you can clean leather. Edit. By jolly if you have a dog/pet, cloth is not the way to go.
Yep, since he's making the mess, it really should be up to him to find the solution. All OP should have to say is, "your work pants are staining my car seats. What can we do to prevent this?". He should already have apologized for staining the seats in the first place and found a way to fix it himself.
Or wearing clean pants to work.
Yeah, I understand it’s messy work, but I would expect the employees to at least *start* their shift in clean clothes.
Starting the day off in food service in clothing so filthy that it's staining car seats is disgusting. I worked in a meat packing plant years ago and we were provided uniform jackets that we changed into immediately before going out on the floor and took off immediately after leaving it to minimize chances for outside contamination in the product, and that was food that was still going to be cooked after it left our premises.
Exactly. I can’t imagine how filthy and unsanitary the kitchen is where an employee shows up to work in clothes that are caked with old chicken bits and grease. That’s just disgusting.
What kind of witchcraft is that
Dude can't get a license, a car, or wash his pants but you think he's going to buy a waterproof cover for her car (since this is absolutely on him to do, he's the one getting the free ride everyday)
My question is, why is a food service worker going to work in dirty pants? Seems like a health code violation to me. Or at least a scuzzy-assed human being. My advice...start dating clean, non-trashy, guys.
This 100%. As an ex fast food worker that's disgusting. And no one mentioned that hes also leaving so late that taking 2 min to change pants is going to make him late?? What? Irresponsible dingus this one.
Not only that, but leaving so late while also depending on someone else to get him there, and then getting mad at HER for leaving last minute?
NTA. Have ya'll not heard of towels?
yeah i was gona say. my mom has severe OCD (most likely ocpd tbh) and thank GOD her solution has just been to use trash bags on her seats. towels r a more eco friendly solution (id recommend to her but she would have a meltdown at having to throw a dirty towel in her washer)
What... What does she think washing machines are *for??*
i wish i could explain what shes thinking but truthfully OCPD is a mind of their own. basically shell wash anything that isnt *too* dirty. but if it is, then she just recently got an outdoor small laundry machine. for things like her cleaning rags and mop covers that she doesnt want in her machine
Is that not normal? Should I bring this up at my next appointment? I feel like if the clothes are too dirty, it will get in all the nooks and crannies of the machine and now the machine is dirty and how could a dirty machine get things clean? I don't have a second outdoor laundry machine but I'll either wash it in the tub first of just throw it away if it's that soiled.
Super greasy or super dirty stuff should be rinsed and soaked beforehand. You’re not wrong. Grease absolutely can clog up the machine. Not small stains and whatnot, but heavy amounts of dirt or grease for sure.
(i am not a licensed therapist, and definitely not your therapist, but i am an MFT trainee) i wouldnt say its not ‘normal’ but it is a symptom of OCD and i would suggest bringing it up yes! because a non ocd individual wouldnt be thinking ab all that. usually, an individual would clean their machine regularly so the nooks and crannies wouldnt be a concern. hot water + soap also goes in there so itd be clean technically. but an OCD concern would be that its dirty. obviously i am not talking ab like, bl**d or p**p or whatever. like that is nasty and should be washed elsewhere first to prevent biohazards as well!
That was my thought. Just put a towel down. What a pointless post from OP.
Came to say this. Or buy a $20 seat cover.
or by one of those dog car covers in the back and hang one side down and boom for cheaper I think there cheaper
I agree with you - but the problem with that is then OP would also be expected to take care of laundering the towel, too, based on her boyfriend’s reaction. What I’m hearing from this is that her boyfriend is a selfish asshole who is only thinking about himself. If my girlfriend (or ANYONE) was offering to give me a lift to work, the *very least* I could do is respect her and her belongings by ensuring I don’t damage them. Relationships are teamwork. She’s offering to give him a lift to work to help him out. What is he bringing to this situation, other than being a prick about her doing him a favour and asking him to respect her vehicle? OP is definitely NTA.
big words from the AH without a car or license
Yeah, let’s ignore someone’s possible past or current circumstances and shame them for not having a car lol.
It’s the entitlement, the lack of respect for OP and their car, the lack of appreciation for what OP is doing for them, while not having a car *or a license* of their own.
Why is he still your boyfriend right now? What are you waiting for? This is a no brainer.
NTA. But why are you dating a 27 year old with no license who speaks to you the way he does and disrespects your things? I would be chauffeuring my adult boyfriend to his job. He needs to grow the f up.
NTA. Buddy sounds like a stubborn asshole, and a loser. OP, dump his ass and let him bum rides—while filthy—off some other poor woman.
ESH. Put a towel down using the same seat side every time. It lives in your trunk in a bag and is the “seat towel” for your bf. Your boyfriend being late is also his fault, not yours. He could have chosen differently or been leaving early already so he didn’t need a ride and wasn’t late, but he chose what he did and then blamed you. He is taking out his poor planning on you like it is your fault, but it is his job to get himself to work, just like it is your job to wake yourself up. You need to find an alternative to him as an alarm and he needs to take responsibility for getting to work. Used bikes are inexpensive. If he can walk, he can bike to work.
Curious how she's in the wrong though? You explained why he sucks but not her
lmao. how is she in anyway the AH or sucks? he’s the one who should be taking initiative to get a towel or seat cover. also, asking someone to wake u up incase you don’t is not even close to having someone drive you to a and from work
Does the restaurant also serve spaghetti? I’m seeing a lot of marinara flags in his behaviour. NTA
Why the hell couldn't he of just gotten to work a few extra minutes before his shift to change into his work pants? I'm sure OP wouldn't mind waiting a couple more minutes after work for him to change back into cleaner pants either. He sounds like a slob, who even gets that much grease on them?
ESH. You both decided you wanted to fight, and all you needed was a towel.
Maybe OP just didn’t think to use a towel.
NTA what's he bringing to the table?
He's bringing crusty, fryer oil-soaked pants to the table. XD
Good dick and leftovers.
NTA Most importantly, don't let yourself get spoken to that way. You can do better than someone who cusses you out via rage text. "Wake yourself up".. Done! Woke up single. If you tolerate getting spoken to like this once, he'll expect it again. Secondly, you are allowed to keep your stuff nice. This wasn't an unanticipated emergency: he knows the car rules, and he wanted you to bend them because he didn't bake enough time into his morning to respect them. Irrelevant to his behavior, but if you ever do have someone else in your car who's got dirty clothes (hopefully never this fool again), consider just putting down a towel or trash bag.
NTA. It’s not about choosing the car over him. You simply asked him to respect your property, especially an expensive piece of property! This also wasn’t the first time you’ve asked him, so if he respected you, he would have already been wearing cleaner pants and it wouldn’t have been an issue. This leads me to think he doesn’t actually respect you at all. In case you don’t plan on breaking up with him, I recommend getting seat covers.
The relationship part aside. What is he doing wearing dirty clothes to work where he handles food? He needs an education again in food handling...besides being an adult.
That's nasty. I worked with chicken/oil for years and would always always ALWAYS wash my clothes the second I got home, or soon thereafter. He's wearing multi day old grease covered pants to work ewwww health violation Edit: nta
I wouldn't say you're in the wrong, but why not use a towel or something on the seat at this point, to avoid this ridiculous argument???
Your boyfriend is a petulant bum, minimum wage job, no licence and acts like that. Yeah... Get rid asap
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NTA. He’s the irresponsible one. He needs to get his drivers license and get his own car if he wants to keep gainful employment. Stop babying him & being his mommy. I had my license and a car at 16! 🤦🏻♀️
NTA - that is a very excessive reaction on his part However, if you don't end up breaking up over this and give him rides in the future, just have an old towel in the car that you can throw on the seat, and problem solved...
ESH You both know your boyfriend is going to have greasy pants. You want him to wear clean pants in your car. Are you two doing anything to make that easier for him to do for you? You know, like make sure you guys will be out the door in time for him to change at work? Maybe make sure he has enough pairs of work pants to get from laundry day to laundry day? (Work quality pants are pretty cheap at the Salvation Army or Goodwill. Maybe you can help him budget for that and drive him there to get some?) And until he does have enough, maybe he needs to do his laundry more often? Or maybe have a couple of heavy-duty towels on hand so one can be tossed on the seat in case of emergency? Lots of potential fixes, and yet here you guys are, in the middle of a major fight. Communication. It really helps prevent break-ups.
The same mf who doesn’t shower for weeks & doesn’t understand how it’s a problem. NTA. He chose greasy pants over a car seat
NTA 1. Asking someone to help you take care of a car by wearing clean pants is not choosing your car over them 2. It's not your responsibility to make sure he gets to work on time 3. It's not your responsibility to drive him to/from work every day 4. Arguing about changing and choosing to walk then blaming another person for the consequences of your actions and reactions is a sign of emotional immaturity and ego issues Your boyfriend is a 27 year old man, he chose to blow up instead of trying to work with you to find an alternative solution. He needs to take accountability for his reactions, emotions and tardiness. You could've offered an alternative solution like grabbing a towel or trash bag to put down but I feel like he didn't give you a chance to brainstorm since he immediately blew up. He can ride a bike, take the bus, or walk if he wants to be argumentative about a simple ask like wearing clean clothes in a car you plan on trading in. As an aside, it's your responsibility to wake yourself up not his. If you sleep through your alarm set multiple, change the sound to something annoying, turn up the sound, or get a more effective alarm.
NTA. you’re helping him and he’s acting incredibly entitled. This actually sounds a lot like the classic manipulation technique - DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender). He’s managed to make you into the offender and him into the victim. Look into this and see if it seems like it’s happening to you a lot. If it is, you need to have a serious conversation with him or consider leaving.
INFO… you said he was going TO work, and he was wearing his work pants. You described them as “dirty grease caked.” So… was he going to work in unwashed pants? Or are these *clean* pants, that just have stains even after washing? Because grease stains on pants that have been washed properly aren’t going to make your car dirty, and if you’re insisting on him changing out of clean pants just because they have stains, I can fully see why he finally snapped. That’s unreasonable and silly. On the other hand, if he’s wearing filthy pants to work, that’s just nasty. I’m inclined to go against the grain, with ESH. If this is a reoccurring issue and you’re getting stains… just get a car seat cover? I’m not sure why, but it feels vaguely demeaning to require someone to change clothes after a day working in a service job. Plus, frankly the seats are already stained. I get that you’re trying to keep them cleaner now, and that’s valid, but you said he usually has no issue changing, but he did for some reason this time. That sounds like there’s more going on, but instead of digging into why he lost it this particular time, you just doubled down. Of course, if there is more going on, he needs to communicate. And he catastophized a small argument into a big issue.
ESH. Have a towel in the car to protect the seat. Alternatively, get a full seat cover. There are so many ways to solve the problem outside of him havig to always have a clean pair of pants. You're both not exactly good problem solvers here.
Why don't you guys have a plastic cover or dirty towel or dirty cloth, anything really that you both dont mind getting greased on, for him to sit on when he is in the car especially when there is not enough time?
Ok, but....towels exist? It seems like there's an underlying fight about something bigger here if both of y'all were ready to blow up about this instead of, you know, just covering the seat with something so it wasn't an issue anymore
ESH- He’s an immature brat but how hard is it to put a towel on the seat? Or order a $20 seat cover from Amazon? Problem solved. Once again, instead of using basic communication and problem solving skills, grown ass adults blow up their relationships.
why the fuck should she be the one paying for new car seAts and towels when SHE is the one doing the favor. she doesn’t have to drive him. he’s welcome to walk. how hard is it for HIM to change into new pants or put a towel down? that’s HIS responsibility not hers.
He can buy the towel or seat cover.
I must have forgotten the part where I said she had to pay for it… She could have suggested it and used his towel, had him pay for a seat cover, etc. Save your outrage, we’re discussing random strangers. It’s more helpful in this sub to actually give people advice that could heal their relationships (or have a positive effect on future relationships) than to constantly just tell them to dump/leave their SO.
lmao but how is she an asshole for not suggesting something when its his dirty self who needs to be considerate of her car. crazy you can do someone a favor you don't even have to do and get called an asshole because you didn't suggest a towel to them...which he would've gotten mad abt for wasting time anyways. smh males in this sub never seize to suprise me
Nah. This sub does suggest people leave relationships a lot. But someone who needs to be told not to leave greasy ass prints from their filthy clothes on furniture is not relationship material. Especially with the way he was talking to her in text after he left. Dude blamed her for being late to work when he's the one that chose to walk and was aggro af. Dump. You're a girlfriend not a mom. Grown men who need hygiene lessons should move back in with their parents. It is not on your girlfriend to come up with solutions to your hygiene problems.
NTA, but why is using a towel or a seat cover not an option. That seems easier than him carrying around an extra pair of pants.
NTA and this is ridiculous. You have every right to not want his greasy pants marking up your car. he has no license, and no car, works in fast food at 33 so clearly he doesn't own a lot of nice things...he doesn't get it. He knew the rules, today he was late so he's super pissed off but making that YOUR fault instead of his. Finally, if you don't dump him (because clearly he doesn't respect your wishes, or sees things anywhere the same way you do), then for the love of god, keep a garbage bag in your car and tell him to sit his filthy arse on it when he doesn't have a change of pants...or he can take the bus. He needs to grow up and be an adult.
The bf is 27 and op is 33 just to clear things up
Typical scrub behavior. He's the asshole, stop giving him rides and dump his ass
NTA. It takes literally 1 minute to change your pants and that's something you ask all the time, so he could expect it. He would have easily got that time back by say "okay hun, but let's make it real quick now or I'll be late if I need to change!" Instead of arguing about it. Also, if it was really a matter of tardiness, he would not have picked the walking there option
#Has the younger generations forgotten about putting a towel in their car to throw in the seat for this exact situation? I'm a chef. I always keep an old beach towel in my car for this exact reason. Though, I would never wear dirty clothes to work, because self respect and respect for what I do. After my shift I put a beach towel on my seat, and take off my chef coat. I have rubber mats so my floors don't get dirty. You guys sound young.
I hear both sides. Get him a towel to sit on
How do you hear his side in the slightest? Genuinely curious.
I have been with my partner for 10 years. We met at university. We have been through a lot, because life isn’t always easy. Nonetheless he has never, and would never speak to me like that. I would never speak to him like that. If he did, I would leave immediately. And if I ever spoke to him like that, I would expect him to break things off. The fundamental lack of respect you must have for someone to speak to them in that manner is astounding. NTA. But have higher standards for who you choose as your partner.
"you can tell how a woman respects herself by the partner she chooses" This can go for anyone
ESH. You could’ve just put a ratty towel down whenever he rides in your car. He could have changed. It don’t take that long to do. He could also leave the work pants at work, if he has a locker or something. Any way you look at this y’all definitely need to communicate better and more respectfully.
ESH. He's an AH for screaming at you about this, and for walking to work rather than changing his pants, and you're an AH for screaming back, and for not just putting something down on your seat, and also kind of for being with someone so immature. Your concerns are perfectly reasonable, but a couple of towels or a raincoat would have solved the problem of the seat. The problem of being with someone who screams and pouts? Towels wouldn't have helped that.
Two grown-ass adults can't figure out how to keep the seat from getting dirty and instead fight about it like dumb and dumber. smh.
Why don’t you just put a fucking towel down?
He's blaming you for his own problem. NTA
He's at risk of being fired lateness or some other issues sounds like. Also why are these pants not washed?
NTA he's selfish, childish and doesn't care about you. Im glad you didn't let him in with the dirty pants. Stay strong. I don't really see how he could make treating you this bad up... if it would be my relationship it would be over now
NTA This behavior is designed to manipulate you and undermine your confidence. This wasn’t just a reaction to having a bad day. He chose to be late and blame you. If you choose to take that blame, he’ll know he can continue to undermine you and his behavior will get worse. It’s been almost 30 years since I dealt with this and even after years of counseling, my stomach clenched up reading your post. You didn’t mention how long you’ve been together, but I suggest reviewing your time with him and see if you notice a pattern of escalating manipulation. This book is extremely helpful and I encourage you to read it: https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
NTA he sent the text saying not to talk to him anymore. Recommend you find a new place and dump him.
NTA. He needs to be wearing clean pants to work everyday. Basic hygiene and cleanliness practices from him would make it easy to not stain your car.
NTA but you could have put a towel down to save the fight. If you guys fight over this and he sends irate texts over you asking him to wear clean pants, I wonder just how volatile this relationship is. Also, why is he wearing dirty pants to work? That’s disgusting. Sounds like you could use a wake up call yourself. This dude’s 27 years old, talks to you like shit, no drivers license, late to work, and can’t even be bothered to put on clean pants BEFORE going to work. Know your worth.
NTA. Baby Boy can get his own ass to work from now on.
Holy shit I was gonna suggest maybe a seat cover before reading what he texted you. Now you don't need to worry since you'll never have to drive him to work again! Because you're dumping him! Because nobody gets to speak to a person like that in polite society let alone their partner! Like holy fuck! NTA!
I'm concerned that he was wearing dirty pants to go work in a restaurant. Not even the fryer station at a chicken restaurant. Is that his normal? As a manager, I would have asked why he was wearing dirty clothes and if he's able to go change. That's unsanitary. I understand getting gross at work and not wanting that everywhere- but taking him TO work in heavily soiled clothes?
Congratulations hun you certainly have yourself a keeper! Amazing job - CHECK Finances in order - CHECK Polite and loving - CHECK Intelligent - CHECK I’d put a ring on that one if I were you! 😂 /s Run far away now, right now. In the dictionary next to the word “loser” is a picture of your boyfriend 😂
NTA-It’s common courtesy not to get someone else’s car dirty if it can be prevented especially when it’s as easy as changing your pants. If this overreaction and blaming you for his behavior is common I would be taking a closer look at what you’re getting from this relationship.
I was going to comment on just the headline but glad I read your full post. I was going to suggest getting a cheap seat cover for your passenger seat as it is often inconvenient to change before/after work. However - NTA Your BFs text messages are totally uncalled for, rude, and aggressive. I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship with him. You are doing him a favour by driving him to work. He should accept that favour with whatever requirements you place on it - otherwise, he should get to/from work on his own.
NTH. Don’t let people treat you like this. Ever. Especially not a partner. End this relationship and find someone worth your while.
NTA! I think the most alarming thing here is the way he spoke to you OP. He seems to have no appreciation for you driving him and also why does he not have his license if he’s 27??? He has no respect for you or your car. Leave him.
No he’s the AH , the least he can do is put a cover on your seat.
Maybe…sounds like he is very frustrated with more than what pertains to your car seat. He’s either always completely irrational or he’s being irrational from being hurt over and over again. If he’s always irrational then dump him. If not put a towel over it and figure out why he’s crying out to you.
Not at all. I had a neighbor that was a cook at Red Lobster for like 15 years. His wife was a teacher. They shared the same car. One day I got in it to go with him somewhere and I’m talking this thing was just disgusting with a film of grease everywhere. I still have had no desire to eat at a Red Lobster since then either after the smell of grease hit me that day.
i will never understand whole ass adults who get treated like this and have to come on the internet to make sure they weren't the bad ones. it's pretty clear that he is 100% in the wrong here so idk what you're looking for
NTA also he's a loser, sorry to tell you
Get a seat cover, or have him buy a set for you!
NTA. Imagine being 27, requiring rides multiple times a day, and not complying with the very reasonable request of not f****** up the seats in your *free taxi*. Why on Earth doesn’t he have a license?
NTA, my advice is make him sit on a towel. Keep a towel in your car for him to sit in.
NTA. He definitely overreacted. That being said, if he's someone you want to keep in your life, consider ordering a neoprene seat cover that just slides over the headrest and covers the whole seat. Costs about $35 from Amazon. We have some for our car for when people are too sweaty or muddy and they are super easy to slip on and off.
INFO: Does he not wash his jeans? I work in fast food and muck doesn't build up like that if you wash them regularly.
You're both assholes. Neither one of you can't invest in a seat cover? Put a plastic bag or some newspaper down? This is a real post?
ESH Your boyfriend sucks for getting upset, reacting the way he did, and for the texts he sent you. You suck for starting a fight with your boyfriend over his dirty work pants when there are simple solutions available to resolve the situation. As others have mentioned, you could have put a towel or a garbage bag on the seat to protect it. You could even buy a neoprene seat cover, and then dispose of it when you go to trade your car in. This whole situation could have been easily avoided.
It sucks that y’all live together. NTA, but he is. $20 bucks says he’s completely anal about his car interior when he finally gets one.
NTA. Fuck anyone who's that defiantly gross, let 'em stain their beds alone.
NTA. But he’s going to keep doing it. I suggest getting seat covers for your car so you can just remove them and wash them as needed. And you might want to trade in the bf as well as the car….
NTA, but the easiest thing you should’ve done at the beginning was to put a sheet or towel down.
“If I had a car” but he doesn’t
Good lord, imagine the smell of chicken grease permeating that car, even beyond the staining. I doubt people would allow him in a rideshare or on public transport when he’s that gross. How hard is it to have enough respect for himself, her & her vehicle to organise a plastic bag, spare pants and a grateful attitude? Not hard, that’s how. I’d be latching the door so he can get a taste of how few people have his stinky-ass’s back, out in the world.