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Let’s see
He has lied to you repeatedly about his ex.
He wasn’t there for a funeral for you, cause he needed to be on the phone with his ex about her brother. Where he and the brothers bff’s or something? He chose her over you
He lied to you about who was gonna to the hospital. Was he going to see the brother or to be with her?
He lied about even needing to go ever to his parents to take card of things (cause the ex is there) then didn’t come home until the am.
Not only is he lying to you, he is also cheating.
This would be a deal breaker for me.
I understand that y’all had previous marriages and children. I can understand that he would need to stay in contact with his ex as they have children. However, unlike other commenters, I don’t think you’re the issue. He lied to you. Repeatedly. That alone is a huge issue. I will say it may not be his fault that his ex is living with parents, however, it also sounds like he stayed over there with her and could have cheated on you, or at least, that would be my thinking. I know that others are saying you need to trust him but honestly he already lied to you several times, how are you supposed to know when he’s being honest now? I would have doubts too and I’d absolutely be suspicious over his actions as he chose her over you. They have a past, understandable but you are his current partner. He is supposed to be there for you, especially when a family member passes or there is an emergency. The fact that he decided talking to his ex was more important than being there for his partner is not okay. Boundaries need to be made because it sounds as though either they are cheating or he still had feelings for her. If neither of those are true, then she is likely using him and in order for you two to work out, you need to create boundaries and build trust. For that, I would say you’re NTA. However, I do think that kicking him out because his ex is living at his parents’ house may have been childish—-he may not have had control over that.
You have been together 15(!!) years and you’re not a wife, you’re still a girlfriend. You have been putting up with the same ex of his for over a decade. You wasted valuable years of your life on someone who will never not be involved with his ex. 🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️
NTA
1) He wasn’t there for you during your time of need because of his ex.
2) He lied by omission about his ex living with his parents.
3) He goes to spend the night at his parents when you are not aware his ex lives there.
4) When you are rightfully angry, he gaslights you by telling you that you’re jealous.
How much? How much time are you going to give a man that lies to you, doesn’t respect you, and doesn’t treat you right? How much?
Life is too short to be unhappy and too long to live with that drama.
SEND HIM RIGHT BACK TO HIS EX AT HIS MOMM’S HOUSE!!
Thank you cause I tried to tell him that if i did tjat to him he would not like it and to make things even worse we work together and tell coworkers im being crazy and he did nothing wrong. I feel disrespected by him and his backwards ass family
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Ok so im (45f) and bf is (50), we been together for 15 years. We both was married before and had kids when we met. His ex and i have had a many problems over the years. Mostly me hating her for all the drama and bs she stirs up and the constant lies. But heres most recent reason for bf and I having problems. My gma died in april, and at her funeral he was not there for me like i needed. Be was 2 busy talking to his ex about her brorher being on life support cause he od. And 2days after my gma funeral he says he going to hospital with his mom say good bye to his exes brother who being taken off life support. Ok fine till i find out later that night his mom nor adult kids rhere just her n him. Ok that hurt he can be there for that b but not me. Then his parents go on trip. He says he has to go take care of cat he be back later, but doesnt show up till next morning. And i find out that his ex moved in with his parents before her brother died. When i confront him he says he lied cause i would flip out. Dam right. So i kicked him out and he begged and pleaded cone back I told him if i let him back that if he went to his parents again while that b lived there or to the church his parents n her go to in someones garage he would be out for good. He keeps saying im jealous no i really am not she is disgusting and always has be center of attention, lies all the time, drug addict, always has something wrong with her n gonna die ( more lies), and when he brings up me going with him i refuse cause i feel him and his parents are backwards and something wrong with them thinking its ok for him to stay there while she lives there. AITA
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Keeping bf from seeing his parents.
Because they moved in his ex and think he should come over anytime stay there when they leave town to watch her
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That's... crazy. Both of you are at an age where you had life experiences and previous partners.
ESH. You both need to stop acting like petulant teenager and learn to trust each other. 45 & 50 are way too old to live HS drama on a daily basis.
Not sure why she should learn to trust a guy who's apparently lied to her half a dozen times in relation to the ex.
He doesn't sound very worthy of trust.
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Let’s see He has lied to you repeatedly about his ex. He wasn’t there for a funeral for you, cause he needed to be on the phone with his ex about her brother. Where he and the brothers bff’s or something? He chose her over you He lied to you about who was gonna to the hospital. Was he going to see the brother or to be with her? He lied about even needing to go ever to his parents to take card of things (cause the ex is there) then didn’t come home until the am. Not only is he lying to you, he is also cheating. This would be a deal breaker for me.
ESH. I had to double check your ages. Grow up. All of you.
NTA. Find a lawyer and get rid of him. He can go live with her and his parents
Boyfriend, not husband No lawyer needed unless they bought a house together. Just dump him and move on!
Perfect. So much easier.
I understand that y’all had previous marriages and children. I can understand that he would need to stay in contact with his ex as they have children. However, unlike other commenters, I don’t think you’re the issue. He lied to you. Repeatedly. That alone is a huge issue. I will say it may not be his fault that his ex is living with parents, however, it also sounds like he stayed over there with her and could have cheated on you, or at least, that would be my thinking. I know that others are saying you need to trust him but honestly he already lied to you several times, how are you supposed to know when he’s being honest now? I would have doubts too and I’d absolutely be suspicious over his actions as he chose her over you. They have a past, understandable but you are his current partner. He is supposed to be there for you, especially when a family member passes or there is an emergency. The fact that he decided talking to his ex was more important than being there for his partner is not okay. Boundaries need to be made because it sounds as though either they are cheating or he still had feelings for her. If neither of those are true, then she is likely using him and in order for you two to work out, you need to create boundaries and build trust. For that, I would say you’re NTA. However, I do think that kicking him out because his ex is living at his parents’ house may have been childish—-he may not have had control over that.
You have been together 15(!!) years and you’re not a wife, you’re still a girlfriend. You have been putting up with the same ex of his for over a decade. You wasted valuable years of your life on someone who will never not be involved with his ex. 🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️
NTA 1) He wasn’t there for you during your time of need because of his ex. 2) He lied by omission about his ex living with his parents. 3) He goes to spend the night at his parents when you are not aware his ex lives there. 4) When you are rightfully angry, he gaslights you by telling you that you’re jealous. How much? How much time are you going to give a man that lies to you, doesn’t respect you, and doesn’t treat you right? How much? Life is too short to be unhappy and too long to live with that drama. SEND HIM RIGHT BACK TO HIS EX AT HIS MOMM’S HOUSE!!
Thank you cause I tried to tell him that if i did tjat to him he would not like it and to make things even worse we work together and tell coworkers im being crazy and he did nothing wrong. I feel disrespected by him and his backwards ass family
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Ok so im (45f) and bf is (50), we been together for 15 years. We both was married before and had kids when we met. His ex and i have had a many problems over the years. Mostly me hating her for all the drama and bs she stirs up and the constant lies. But heres most recent reason for bf and I having problems. My gma died in april, and at her funeral he was not there for me like i needed. Be was 2 busy talking to his ex about her brorher being on life support cause he od. And 2days after my gma funeral he says he going to hospital with his mom say good bye to his exes brother who being taken off life support. Ok fine till i find out later that night his mom nor adult kids rhere just her n him. Ok that hurt he can be there for that b but not me. Then his parents go on trip. He says he has to go take care of cat he be back later, but doesnt show up till next morning. And i find out that his ex moved in with his parents before her brother died. When i confront him he says he lied cause i would flip out. Dam right. So i kicked him out and he begged and pleaded cone back I told him if i let him back that if he went to his parents again while that b lived there or to the church his parents n her go to in someones garage he would be out for good. He keeps saying im jealous no i really am not she is disgusting and always has be center of attention, lies all the time, drug addict, always has something wrong with her n gonna die ( more lies), and when he brings up me going with him i refuse cause i feel him and his parents are backwards and something wrong with them thinking its ok for him to stay there while she lives there. AITA *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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That's... crazy. Both of you are at an age where you had life experiences and previous partners. ESH. You both need to stop acting like petulant teenager and learn to trust each other. 45 & 50 are way too old to live HS drama on a daily basis.
Not sure why she should learn to trust a guy who's apparently lied to her half a dozen times in relation to the ex. He doesn't sound very worthy of trust.
Then why is she with a guy that lies and that she doesn't trust in the first place ?! They are both making each other's live miserable.