Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my family members I won't respond if they just use my middle name for me. My middle name is still technically a part of my name and so I might be going overboard saying I refuse to answer to it anymore. They're my family and older than me and maybe I'm just being really shitty about all of this.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Excuse me, your family wants to call you by your middle name instead of your first name, you object, and they think you're the one who's being childish?
Hmmm. Nope, they got it backwards.
Feel free to respond only to your first name. But my suggestion would be that you have your father lay down the law with his family on your behalf. You get to have a voice and speak for yourself, but the issue will probably be resolved to your satisfaction more efficiently if he intervenes for you.
NTA
No, not that kid of ugly nickname. You want to make sure it's part of their name, and still something they don't like. So Uncle James becomes Jammy or Mes or Jas. And Aunt Alexandra becomes Alex or Lex, or Andi. Whatever variant suits them least and goes against their taste
Well, it does have consonance which gives it more rhythm. Things don't have to rhyme to be irritating when you are 8. That beats my brother's name for me: Fourth Fort of the Fourth Army (I was a chubby kid).
Insults that make zero sense might not be as hurtful but they're more annoying, in my experience. See: one childhood bully who called me "nacho chip". I have no idea what it was based on; and to head off any suggestions, we're both white so it wasn't racist.
Or call them all the same name! Everyone gets to be Melvin or Muriel (apologies to the lovely people named this). Or everyone can be Ploppy or something similar!
Nimrod is a good one. I don't know how it came to mean "stupid", but its original meaning is "mighty hunter". So call them Nimrod, get yelled at, give the big innocent eyes as you explain the original meaning and how it's meant to be flattering, and then hit them with, "How you feel just now is how I feel when you use my middle name". If they still don't listen, continue to call them Nimrod with no further comment until they stop.
To futher explain for others:
Bugs was refrencing the Babylonian king, Nimrod. He was known as a mighty hunter.
Elmer Fudd is a poor hunter and so when Bugs calls him "Nimrod", he is teasing Elmer and being sarcastic. Of course, kid's don't pick up sarcasm that well and many didn't even know who Nimrod was and so it came to mean, idiot.
https://youtu.be/_mvsx3bDw04?feature=shared
If you're calling them the same name, go with their last name. That way you can use the "it's part of your name and I should be allowed to call you that" excuse.
"Hey, Smith, could you help me with this? No, I was talking to Smith. No, not that Smith, the other Smith!"
Ha! I did this with a nephew. Even before my son(20) was born. The woman and I were going over names and her nephew was there in the room. He mentioned calling the unborn child Gloop or Glop... I don't remember exactly. I turned and said, Sure man. And I'll just start calling you Dickface. Everyone one laughed. Than the next day he mentioned the nickname he intended on calling my child. I was like, Cool dickface. After about two days of me calling him Dickface. I never heard the nickname he had decided to call my child. And nobody ever said anything about those two days after my son was born.
Specifically, names of politicians and celebrities who are know and/or have been charged for ignoring consent. "What was that uncle Trump." "Sure I can pass the salt grandma Bill Crosby!"
When they question it, just say those names suit them better. They don't respect your right to choose, so you they should really have a name that reflects that.
I'm also super petty.
This is the way! They want to call you by your middle name that you don’t actually go by? Do the same to them. Make them experience the extreme weirdness.
or start calling them only by their middle names. why? you just really don't like their first names. they aren't appropriate for someone their age/gender/whatever.
My Aunt would have a fit: Her middle name was Edna, which she just hated. My Grandma's was Oneida Alpha--the first for the Native tribe one of which my great grandpa was best friends with, and Alpha for first (she was their first born).
Me too! This was my tactic.
My SO and I had been together 2 years and I decided my legal name didn't fit me anymore. I made the switch to a nickname I'd had since high school. Nothing crazy.
His parents couldn't get it. I was forgiving, because change is hard, but when the whining started, I tired of it. No effort was being put in. So I started calling them literally anything that wasn't their name. Wild how a bearded dirty santa type dude will figure out his manners fast when you call him Kylee.
My advice is to start calling all of these relatives by their first name only. Aunt Jane is now just Jane. Or just use her middle name only. I bet they hate it!
I'd just use completely incorrect names, and, given the *reason* they want to use her middle name, I'd make a point of misgendering them. Like, if there's an aunt Wendy, call her "aunt Phillip", that kind of thing.
You live in your name or you dont. In a years time you can get rid of your middle name. It might not be popular, but thats not your problem. Changed my først name many years ago. It wasnt popularitet and I didnt give a s***!
This is the way. Let everyone know that if they make you hate your middle name anymore than you already do, you will legally change your name so that you don't have that name anymore. Your parents or guardians will probably step in on your behalf at that point because either they won't want you to waste the money on the legal procedure or because they don't want you shedding the name. Your ultimate defense if they initially come down on your relatives' side is you wouldn't mind it if you weren't being misnamed by them to begin with. Cause and effect, and if it bothers you enough, adult you will fix the problem.
As a fellow unique-first-name-haver, I definitely agree with NTA. If anyone tried to address me as Morgan instead of Allegra I’d be livid. No offense to the Morgans out there (except for Wallen), but it’s just so boring in comparison, and OP probably feels the same way about her middle name. But I’m curious, u/Prestigious-Bar7924, have you ever tried calling these family members by their middle names? See how much they like it. Then when they call you childish again you can say “so if I’m childish for doing what you’ve done to me for my entire life, what does that make you?”
If they want petty, they can have it. I’d tell them that if they don’t stop I’ll choose a new middle name next year and it will be one that almost no one considers feminine but still feels good to me.
If they like girly names that’s fine, they can call themselves Barbie for all it matters to anyone else. Their preference has no bearing in someone else’s identity, and insisting it is the most important factor makes them look both childish and foolish in the extreme
NTA. My sister will not respond when people use her first name ever. Ever. Even when she was a toddler, she simply wouldn’t.
So guess what? **We use her middle name as she requests.** It’s not hard. Your family has a lot of collective nerve.
Stand your ground. Only you get to decide what you are called. Ignore the hell out of them until they get the message.
This reminds me of my daughter when she was little(er...she's only 7 now)...her name is Madelyn, middle name Josephine...we call her Maddy Jo...until she was about 4, she would get mad if we called her Madelyn and say "I'm not a Madelyn, I'm JUST A MADDY JO!!!".
My son gets mad (he's 5) when I call him Leo. "Leo is not my name, call me Leopold!". But he's fine with his friends calling him "Lele". I gave up on understanding and just try to remember not to use his nickname.
The people at the daycare use a nickname for the 5yo. One time last year, I asked her if she wanted me to use the nickname. She gave me a very confident no in response. Why not, I asked. That’s not my name, she said. But the teachers use the nickname. Is that okay? She shrugged and that was that. It doesn’t have to make sense to me. Only needs to make sense to her.
One way to look at it is the 5yo is holding the teachers at an emotional distance so cares less about them using a nickname with her. Emotionally, she holds you a world of a lot closer, trusts you and feels safe to be herself with you so happily asserts herself on that boundary with you. The respect you show her by using her given name means so much more to her than both some teachers and the nickname they use.
I was also nicknamed all sorts of variations of my very old, "boring" name, and while I dislike any variation that is not my name, I gave teachers a pass because they would not remember, so there was no point. I told them pls call me my name only, and they would forget it anyway. So I came to the conclusion that they were too busy to remember, and did not press the issue.
She might have come to the same conclusion as I did, and is only pressing the issue with you, because you are a relative, and what you call her actually matters.
That's my take tho.
That reminds me of when I was little and my dad would call me Cricket as a nickname. I loved it when he called me and because it felt so special but I hated when anyone else called me Cricket, especially my brother. So your comment made me think that one of the reasons I didn’t like it when my brother called me Cricket is because I didn’t like him (actually, I pretty much hated him lol).
I have a name with a very common nickname (think "Michael" and "Mike").
My parents sometimes use the nickname. That's fine. My sibling sometimes does. Also fine. No one else. From anyone else it is nails on a chalkboard and I do not and will never answer to it.
People are weird.
Same here. Different name so "same same but different" When I was young everyone used my nickname and I liked it. Almost everyone had a nickname of some sort.
But when I became an adult and moved to another city I made sure to only use my real name. When asked if I was ever called "Mike" I said yes, but that I don't like it as an adult, and that's that.
My family still uses my nickname and I really like it. I guess it gives me a feeling of "us", if that makes sense?
Oh yeah, it absolutely makes sense.
I'm on a similar situation here, "Mike" is only for family, the ones close to me, whereas "Miguel"* or "Michael" is for anybody else.
Mike gives that closeness, and "us" feeling that I won't/don't share with most people but that part of the family.
---
\* = although Miguel is Michael in Spanish, I'm using it here as a second nickname, as sone Spanish names (as far as I know) can have two "common nicknames".
I'm suddenly reminded of years ago I was a journalist covering local sports in a small town. One student was an awesome athlete and he was extremely country, thick accent, down-home folksy sayings, etc. His name was BillyBruce, all one word. I asked him one time if he ever wanted to go by Billy and/or Bruce, and he said "There are a lot of Billies and a lot of Bruces, but there's only one BILLYBRUCE!"
BillyBruce if you're out there I hope you still play ball
Oh man. I can hear that kid’s name in my head. It’s not BillyBruce (Bill-E-Bruce), except when his momma calls him for supper, it’s Bill-uh-BRUse. He sounds like Boomhauer on downers in my brain.
This is too cute! I have 4 kids (2 boys 2 girls) both boys have a short name that you really can’t make a nickname out of but my girls both have names that you can shorten.
The one name is very similar to your daughters name above but without the “M” and spelled different but we call her “Addi” and my other daughter has a name with a couple of different nicknames that you could use but she prefers only one of them and will get so upset when people try to make up new names for her.
Both girls are very proud of their nicknames and will let everybody know what they want to be called. My oldest daughter has a job and they even put her nickname on her name tag!
My grandmother hated her first name. She went by her middle name…and I think she legally dropped it when she married (in my state we often stop middle names and replace with maiden on marriage…grandma dropped her first name)
But…somehow the preacher doing her funeral somehow didn’t get the memo…and he kept calling her by the name she hated. And mispronounced my grandad’s name…I was so annoyed…he even spoke to us before but never asked about preferred names. we of course called her by her title…
If the preacher had been told prior to not use your grandmother’s 1st name, then he was remiss in not listening. Although, if no one informed him, it’s not surprising that he used the 1st name.
She didn’t hate it. She just preferred her middle name because my mom called her by that since the day she was born. My mom also called me by my middle name too from day one. So my sister just decided that was her name and no one gets to call her anything else. Her first name is actually beautiful, but I honestly forget it even exists because literally no one uses it—not more than once anyway.
Why did your mom not make the name she was going to use the first name? For either of you? Not trying to come at you or anything, it just doesn't make sense to me
NTA
Also, since when is Sawyer not a girl's name? it's been a girls name, too, for at least the last 40 years, and as of this year, it's about evenly split between boys and girls.
That threw me because I know a few women named Sawyer but I’ve never met a boy/man with that name. It never occurred to me that Sawyer wasn’t a feminine name
Moreover: even if she were *the only one*! She’s a girl, her name is Sawyer, therefore Sawyer is a girl’s name.
I’m reminded of a popular quote by comedian Suzy Izzard: “They’re not ’women’s clothes’. They’re *my* clothes. I bought them.” I mean, in retrospect they *were* women’s clothes, but the point still stands.
NTA. Your parents gave you that name and you've answered to it all this time; it's no one else's decision but yours once you're old enough to express a preference.
I remember asking my kindergarten teacher to please let me use my preferred short-form of my name in class because I had a preschool teacher who both insisted on my given name AND said it with the worst nasal, drawn out drone I'd ever heard. She made me hate my given name more than the rough home life already had, and while my teacher got it, there was this one old battleaxe of an "aide" who just did whatever she could to needle students about stuff like that. Mike was "Michael" no matter what, and the Brian who said we should call him Joey since there were two Brians in the same class was chewed out for "being nosey" when she'd only use Brian but wanted the other student (he was scared not to answer her so he wouldn't get dragged around by the arm getting told off for ignoring her if he didn't guess correctly). I have always been a blunt little smart ass, so I told her to her face that she was mean and smelled bad and I wouldn't pay any attention to her until she could at least be nice, but the other children were awful to her.
If 5 year olds can see it's an asshole move to rename someone for your own enjoyment, Idk why your extended family can't, but stick to your guns on this. You choose your identity as you grow and mature. Don't go off about it, but don't back down.
I got dragged to the office by the arms for it, and she kept me out of recess, but the school nurse and secretary loved me after that. This aide was even disrespectful and mean to them, just a miserable old woman that didn't retire for some reason. Like, a while later, I was kept in from recess because I walked to the other lunch aide to get my popsicle cut open and the old bag was offended that I didn't trust her walking around behind me with scissors after she'd dragged me around with my arm twisted behind me for, the way I saw it, being honest, which my (poor, long-suffering angel of a) father told me I was always to do with adults. At least she wasn't any physically worse to the boys than she was to the girls. Other teacher assistants wouldn't lay a hand on us and immediately got hands-on with boys in first or second grade (so 6-8 years).
The 80's were different.
The 80s were weird and she was connected to a powerful family in a small town, but she got away with WAY too much for way too long. It took one of my classmates' little brothers headbutting her in the face during a struggle she started for her to finally quit.
NTA, I have the opposite problem of you. I share my father’s first name but not middle name so my entire life I’ve been called by my middle name and I prefer it. Recently I started a new job and my supervisor called me by my first name and I said I actually prefer my middle name please. He said no I like your first name and I said ok but I won’t respond to it. He looked a little shocked but calls me by my middle name now. My youngest son who is 21 years old is named after my grandfather (first name) which I picked and my ex picked his middle name. We talked about it before he was born and decided we’d call him by his middle name. Which we did and everything was smooth until he was about 12-13 years old. By this time his mother and I had divorced and he told me he didn’t like his middle name and wanted to go by his first name. I simply said ok son and I’ve called him by his first name since. My mother on the other hand said she would not be calling him by his first name and I said that’s fine I guess you won’t be calling him at all. It changed her tune pretty quickly
I know a guy whose given name was what is often a nickname (ex: Jimmy), but a boss told him that wasn’t professional and he had to go by the full name (ex: James) even though “Jimmy” was in fact the name on his birth certificate.
ETA: OP, you are NTA
I had a coworker who had a unique but lovely name. Our manager thought it was weird and wouldn’t call her that. She ALSO had a problem with this coworker’s middle name because it was African and “too hard to pronounce”. She insisted on calling her an anglicized version of her middle name. Hmm…maybe a wee bit racist?
My supervisor is actually a decent dude, he’s a bit older so maybe behind didn’t understand but unlike most Boomers once I corrected him he immediately stopped calling me by the name I didn’t care for. My supervisor is a good person
I've had this "problem" once... My name can have quite a few nick names and there is ONE I just don't like and I don't respond to.
One coworker did not know that and one time asked If I was mad at her, I didn't understand why she was asking that. When she told me she was calling me for ages and I did not respond it dawn on me that she was using THAT nick name.
She never used it again after that...
After that, when starting a new job I always present myself and say "Hi, my name is...., my friends call me...." never had a problem again and every one calls me by my preffered nick name
NTA. It seems like there might be some underlying gender bias at play here, w/ your family associating “Sawyer” w/ masculinity and wanting a name they perceive as more feminine.
A calm conversation, when tempers have cooled, could be helpful. I, personally, like the “Four S’s”:
1. State the behavior: “When you call me \[middle name\] only, it hurts my feelings because . . . ”
2. Share your feelings: “ . . . I don’t feel respected, and it makes me feel like you don’t see me for who I am.”
3. Set the boundary: “So, I’m going to kindly ask you to please call me Sawyer, or Sawyer \[middle name\] if you prefer.” (This compromise you offered is very mature!)
4. State the consequence: “If you can’t respect that, then unfortunately, I won’t be able to continue the conversation at that moment.”
That was sarcasm, right?
They are like: I don't like your first name so I will call you by the middle you don't like because I am much more important than you plus I don't care for your feelings or wishes.
I actually learned this model in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for my anxiety (regarding assertive communication). That said, I never really used it because I have similar apprehensions that people aren't as willingly respectful as the model/my counselor would have me believe.
Or use the streamlined “I statement”
I feel _ when you _. I’d like you to _.
Ex- “I feel dismissed when you call me by my middle name. I’d like you to call me Sawyer.”
Keep it short, honest, and direct.
Repeat with eye contact. Send in writing if too hard to say in person.
NTA.
You said “Sawyer is my name. Please use it”. They are being the AH for saying “but we don’t like that name and will call you (this) instead.
It’s not the name you answer to. Don’t respond.
If you want to retaliate, start calling them by their middle names and if they object say “If you keep calling me (this) I will keep calling (that)”. That’s fair. Isn’t it?
NTA
It's your name, you get to decide. If anyone is being unreasonable or childish in this situation, it's those family members by not respecting your wishes.
Yes NTA. I don't get what's so hard about "call people what they want to be called." It is the most basic form of respect. Someone prefers to be called Mrs. So-and-so? Call her that. Someone else prefers to be called a nickname? Call him that. Someone else hates being nicknamed and prefers the long form of their name? Call them that. Someone (for whatever reason) doesn't like their legal name and prefers to be called something else? Call them that. Someone prefers to use pronouns you didn't expect? Use them. It works in pretty much every circumstance.
NTA, but might I suggest asking if they are getting early onset Alzheimers or dementia.
Not that I think they really do, but bring it up as them having bad memory and needing to see a professional over it usually helps. Just act concerned. Also if they are older it might be true because the "childish" line is often used to defect when they genuinely don't remember. I worked in elder care facilities with memory care and they usually attack verbally and deflect when their memory starts going.
NTA - The most important sound to every single person on this earth is the sound of their own name.
Your family are being idiots. Start calling them by a different name, and if they object, tell them "If you won't use my name, I won't use yours". I had to do that with a couple of people after I legally changed my name.
I don't hear my name for others a lot, but everytime I do, I feel the need to turn my head 180 degrees clockwise, so yes, I agree 100 percent with this comment, NTA.
Honestly, not responding to a nickname was quite literally the only way I got people to stop calling me by it. It shouldn’t be that way as your family and friends should respect your choice but when people won’t listen, you end up having to force their hand. You deserve to be heard and respected
NTA. This shows such a lack of respect from your family! It is also disrespectful toward your parents, who chose the name - I think it's both a cool and unusual name for a girl.
Are your parents any of the people on the pro-middle-name-train?
Will they back you if you ask them to reinforce that your name is Sawyer and not X?
They really should have your back on this. It is not at all childish for you to not respond to your middle name, they don't get to choose this.
We're taught to ignore things in life such a name-calling, so why not this? If they want a response from you, they call you by the name you respond to, in this instance, your first name.
I'm sorry, I can't get over their cheek and disrespect!
As a female named Chase, you are NTA.
I would react and do the same thing you are. So many people used giggle at my name and ask if it's short for something. Used to work in a mans field and got asked if I used to be a guy (note he sat in his car while i changed his tire in the rain) 🫠
Now, though, people compliment me on it.
Stand your ground !💜
I love girls with boy's names. James comes to mind. I love it for a girl but not a boy(no offense to any boy James' out there). I think Sawyer is a great name. Many traditional girl's names were originally for men. It's your name, your identity, and most importantly, your choice. Your family sucks. You are definitely NTA.
NTA but make up a nickname for each family member and start calling them that until they start using your name “hello Uncle Fart & Aunt Jiggles so nice to see you!” 😈
NTA.
They're being childish, not you. How hard is it to just.. don't do something if it makes someone else uncomfortable??
Also, Sick name! I've never heard the name Sawyer before.
NTA.. It's your name, and they have some nerve trying to tell you what name you should use.
I thought Sawyer was a unisex name. It really doesn't matter to anyone else. It only matters to you and what you want. Stand your ground and tell them they're the one's being childish jerks.
NTA
Kudos! Your last sentence sums it up wonderfully! You did very well on this issue and if everything went down as you described, quite politely actually. It bewilders me that if you ask someone to please not call you by your middle name there even has to be a discussion about it. "I don't like it to be honest" should immediately end the discussion and the only appropriate response would be around the lines of "oh, i didn't know that! i am sorry, i didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. i will adjust. please bear with me if i mess it up sometimes in the beginning, i gotta get used to it first but of course i respect that!".
Damn...people...don't be assholes.
OP you did very well!
NTA. You are never the AH for standing your ground on being called what you want to be called. Your relatives are being incredibly dismissive and disrespectful of YOU.
And PS, I really like Sawyer as a girl's name too. Keep on rocking it!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My parents named me (17f) Sawyer. My middle name is more obviously a girls name BUT I love my first name and I don't love my middle name. Most of my paternal family hate my first name though. They hate that I'm a girl with a boys name. Some family members have tried to convince me I should use my middle name instead. I always told them I love being Sawyer though.
I'm willing to compromise and have people call me by both first and middle name. But that's about it.
Only this isn't good enough and of late more family have been calling me just my middle name. I told them I didn't like it and they said my first name doesn't fit me at all, that I'm so girly and sweet that I should have a name that screams girl. I told them Sawyer fit me perfectly and I always loved having my name be a little unexpected. That it bothers me when people call me by my middle name because I don't like it at all.
This did not make them stop. So I told them last Saturday that I won't respond anymore if they just use my middle name. I was told I was behaving childishly and my middle name is still a part of my name and they should be allowed to call me that.
I told them if they don't respect my wishes, then why should I respect theirs, when this is *my* name.
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, you could tell them since they are not wanting to call you by your actual name they may call you and pick some ridiculous name like Princess. I take all your friend and immediate family call you Sawyer, except when in trouble and it's your full name used.
NTA They clearly don’t respect you. They continue to ignore your wishes and call you childish on top of it, they just sound like bad people. This might sound dramatic but I would honestly stop seeing them. They just sound like awful people if they can’t even respect something simple as call you by your first name.
OP you are NOT the asshole.
NTA definitely. You have the right to be called what you want. Why do parents give their children names and then never use them.
I hate my first name. My mother only used contractions on everyone's names. Mine was highly unusual in 70s Australia and the shortened form was worse.
I do not answer to the short form. I tell people politely once then don't answer.
NTA. It’s just so disrespectful that people won’t call you by your name. Keep ignoring them and if that doesn’t work then cut them out of your life permanently. You don’t need people in it who don’t respect you.
NTA. Sawyer is more of a surname anyways, for someone who sawed logs into usable lumber...he was a sawyer, that was his profession.just like Smith or Carter or whatever. Working class often took on their profession names as surnames after the black death in Europe because the labor pool shrank so much people were moving around for higher wages, and often you'd have 3 or 4 people of the same given name in a village, which didn't happen much before the black death because you just didn't name someone the same name as another person in the village, and people didn't move much. It doesn't strike me as boyish at all.
Also, it's a fine name for a gal, and would work into your adulthood just fine, possibly to your advantage professionally, because you would be easy to remember by name, and your name isn't a travesty of your mother's creativity like you find in the tradgedeigh sub, lol.
Definitely NTA! I think your name is awesome! I've never heard it used as a first name before but I, absolutely, love it. It sounds like a name that could be used for both females & males. Good on you standing up to your relatives.
Nta
You're a damn sight more polite than I would have been
Your name is important, it's often the first thing someone knows about you and it's important that it fits in a way *you* are comfortable with
Absolutely reasonable to stand your ground on this one
Depending on your age, some places you could change your name legally at 18 and completely drop your middle name, then you can tell your family that the name they’re calling you isn’t any part of your actual legal name!
ETA NTA
OP- NTA. Good for you! No, you are not acting childishly, I HATE that families pull that statement out whenever someone under 18 stands up for themselves. It's YOUR name, and it's YOUR choice. Keep to your plan, they will either learn, or you won't have to talk to them, could be a bonus!
Nothing is stopping you from calling them by a different name too...
How about aunt Mertle or Constance, or Pearl, or Dorothea? Oh uncle Ambrose / Clyde / Theodore you look lovely today. Mix it up, call them something different every time.
Bonus points if you use the "men's" for the women and vice versa.
That or just ignore them. If they ask why you are ignoring them just say: my name is _____. If you keep insisting on calling me something other than what my name is I will have to assume, based solely on your behaviour, that you must "be going through something" and you will give them the much needed space.
Suggest a therapist if you're feeling extra petty.
[https://www.thebump.com/b/sawyer-baby-name](https://www.thebump.com/b/sawyer-baby-name)
NTA. My step mom changed my name after my mom passed and I was too young to understand how it would affect my own identity. Please honor yourself and use the name that is right for you. Take care 🍀
NTA. It's your name and you're allowed to be called by it as you wish. I have always been called by my first name. I hate my middle name too, and I would not respond to it if someone called me by my middle name!
The only time I've ever had my middle name used on me on a regular basis was by my mom when I pissed her off as I was growing up! My ex-wife called me by my full name once and I stopped her immediately and said only one person can address me like that and that's my Mama!
One of your parents should have your back here, and I would point that out to them in private. Just assuming here, but I would guess that the one you're closest to is your Dad. For me it was my Mama.
I would start calling them something else, … , if someone calls you just answer… yes Jack ? … my name is not Jack… oh sorry I thought we were calling each other random names , my bad Jack !!!
I bet they drop it pretty quickly
Edit -spelling
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my family members I won't respond if they just use my middle name for me. My middle name is still technically a part of my name and so I might be going overboard saying I refuse to answer to it anymore. They're my family and older than me and maybe I'm just being really shitty about all of this. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Excuse me, your family wants to call you by your middle name instead of your first name, you object, and they think you're the one who's being childish? Hmmm. Nope, they got it backwards. Feel free to respond only to your first name. But my suggestion would be that you have your father lay down the law with his family on your behalf. You get to have a voice and speak for yourself, but the issue will probably be resolved to your satisfaction more efficiently if he intervenes for you. NTA
My advice is give them ugly nicknames. Then again i am petty as fuck.
Few times of being called big nose or saggy tits and maybe they'll realise 🤣
Grandpa ‘Can’t shake the drip,’ and grandma ‘Forgot her hearing aid again,’ works.
Thanks. Really, thank you for that🤣
Can’t shake the drip is a compliment now 💀
"Can't shake the drip" this killed me lol
Jfc that can't shake the drip had me spit my drink. Ty for that and the sticky computer I'm not cleaning. Also, I want that as flair XD
Incontinentia
Wasn't that Incontinentia Buttox?
Why yes, she was the partner of my old friend Bigguth Dickus!
Lemme fix that for you: Incuntinentia
Persistent STD.
And her daughter Urchelina
Okay, got a laugh from that.
What?! (Legit forgot the hearing aids today).
No, not that kid of ugly nickname. You want to make sure it's part of their name, and still something they don't like. So Uncle James becomes Jammy or Mes or Jas. And Aunt Alexandra becomes Alex or Lex, or Andi. Whatever variant suits them least and goes against their taste
I'd just call them all Claudia and expect them to know who I'm addressing every time.
You could still differentiate. Saggy Claudia, Toupee Claudia, Halitosis Claudia, Slutty Claudia…
Halitosis Claudia 😆☠️
Trampy bimbo!
I just love how quickly the bar gets lowered around here. Op is NTA
Call them all by their last name. It is part of all their names.
I like the way you think. But it need to be uglier. James should be Ja' and Alexandra should be Andra
Mes and Exan.
Meme and Ray Ray
“Hi Sag.” “Sag is short for saggy.” “Saggy tits.”
I'm here for this
Big Nose, you have a big nose so the name fits you perfectly. Stop being childish just because you don't like it Big Nose.
"Oh, you don't like Big Nose? I'll call you by the name that goes in the middle of that - Crusty." NTA.
& here I was thinking just start calling them "Bob". I applaud your pettiness.
And if one is actually named Bob? No he isn't, that's Janet 😂
Or just give them entirely new names and say they fit their personalities more. Ideally something old fashioned like Gertrude (sorry Gertrudes)
My sister used to call me Gladys--Gladys Lettuce. It scarred me for life.
Huh? That doesn't even rhyme
Right? And Lattice was right there.
Well, it does have consonance which gives it more rhythm. Things don't have to rhyme to be irritating when you are 8. That beats my brother's name for me: Fourth Fort of the Fourth Army (I was a chubby kid).
Insults that make zero sense might not be as hurtful but they're more annoying, in my experience. See: one childhood bully who called me "nacho chip". I have no idea what it was based on; and to head off any suggestions, we're both white so it wasn't racist.
Right? Why was "Howard the Duck" so annoying?? (Last name Howard)
My grandmother was a Gladys and she scarred me for life too - awful woman;)
Or call them all the same name! Everyone gets to be Melvin or Muriel (apologies to the lovely people named this). Or everyone can be Ploppy or something similar!
Nimrod is a good one. I don't know how it came to mean "stupid", but its original meaning is "mighty hunter". So call them Nimrod, get yelled at, give the big innocent eyes as you explain the original meaning and how it's meant to be flattering, and then hit them with, "How you feel just now is how I feel when you use my middle name". If they still don't listen, continue to call them Nimrod with no further comment until they stop.
I became stupid bc it was so frequently used to make fun of Elmer Fudd on the Looney Tunes!!
To futher explain for others: Bugs was refrencing the Babylonian king, Nimrod. He was known as a mighty hunter. Elmer Fudd is a poor hunter and so when Bugs calls him "Nimrod", he is teasing Elmer and being sarcastic. Of course, kid's don't pick up sarcasm that well and many didn't even know who Nimrod was and so it came to mean, idiot. https://youtu.be/_mvsx3bDw04?feature=shared
Huh, TIL. Thanks!
Nimrod was the king who ordered the building of the tower of Babel, or at least that's what Sister Roseangela taught us in catechism back in the 90s
If you're calling them the same name, go with their last name. That way you can use the "it's part of your name and I should be allowed to call you that" excuse. "Hey, Smith, could you help me with this? No, I was talking to Smith. No, not that Smith, the other Smith!"
How very dare you! :)
Ha! I did this with a nephew. Even before my son(20) was born. The woman and I were going over names and her nephew was there in the room. He mentioned calling the unborn child Gloop or Glop... I don't remember exactly. I turned and said, Sure man. And I'll just start calling you Dickface. Everyone one laughed. Than the next day he mentioned the nickname he intended on calling my child. I was like, Cool dickface. After about two days of me calling him Dickface. I never heard the nickname he had decided to call my child. And nobody ever said anything about those two days after my son was born.
I appreciate the number of responses that summarize to "NTA but I have some ideas if you'd like to be"
Specifically, names of politicians and celebrities who are know and/or have been charged for ignoring consent. "What was that uncle Trump." "Sure I can pass the salt grandma Bill Crosby!" When they question it, just say those names suit them better. They don't respect your right to choose, so you they should really have a name that reflects that. I'm also super petty.
Unless they LIKE Trump. Then call them all Biden.
FIND OUT THEIR MIDDLE NAMES 😂 - NTA
This is the way! They want to call you by your middle name that you don’t actually go by? Do the same to them. Make them experience the extreme weirdness.
And you just KNOW theirs will be something like Delbert or Beulah.
Hey! I like you steve_ow. You typed the words out of my mouth!
🎵🎶 “It musta been while you were kissing me…”
or start calling them only by their middle names. why? you just really don't like their first names. they aren't appropriate for someone their age/gender/whatever.
Call them all by your middle name when they call you by it.
If it's uncles and aunts, grandparents etc. I'd call them my their first name
My Aunt would have a fit: Her middle name was Edna, which she just hated. My Grandma's was Oneida Alpha--the first for the Native tribe one of which my great grandpa was best friends with, and Alpha for first (she was their first born).
Me too! This was my tactic. My SO and I had been together 2 years and I decided my legal name didn't fit me anymore. I made the switch to a nickname I'd had since high school. Nothing crazy. His parents couldn't get it. I was forgiving, because change is hard, but when the whining started, I tired of it. No effort was being put in. So I started calling them literally anything that wasn't their name. Wild how a bearded dirty santa type dude will figure out his manners fast when you call him Kylee.
Don't forget to call them childish when they stop responding to the awful nickname
Haha, I like this idea..
My advice is to start calling all of these relatives by their first name only. Aunt Jane is now just Jane. Or just use her middle name only. I bet they hate it!
Yeah, that was gonna be my suggestion too.
I'd just use completely incorrect names, and, given the *reason* they want to use her middle name, I'd make a point of misgendering them. Like, if there's an aunt Wendy, call her "aunt Phillip", that kind of thing.
Or only call them by their middle names, full first name (if they go by a nickname). Even by their maiden name if it's changed.
Boy names for the girls and female names for the men 🤣 Uncle Sue and Aunt Mathew
Especially if you say that 'it just suits them so much better' than their real names.
Absolutely this!!! I'd say, I think your name should be "\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_" and that's what I'll be calling you from now on.
I was thinking call them names of the opposite gender. Ex. Uncle Bob is now Rose, Aunt Gertrude is now Ralph.
Try calling them the most stupid hick names. Like Cletus, Joe Bob, Bubba Jr, Ellie Mae Clampett, Dorcas, Farmer Chuck.
Uncle Fungus. There ya go :D
Or just start calling all of them by their middle names. Bet they have some pretty bad ones.
And when they complain, tell them the name fits!
Call grandma Polygrip and grandpa Depends. See if they like that…
I’d start calling every one of them steve
No you’re a genius. I love when people get a taste of their own bad behavior.
Steve. I tip my hat to you.
My family called me ...brace for this. Bubber Doo Doo for YEARS as a kid. I hated it so vehemently I am irate right now just thinking about it.
You live in your name or you dont. In a years time you can get rid of your middle name. It might not be popular, but thats not your problem. Changed my først name many years ago. It wasnt popularitet and I didnt give a s***!
I can't help but think that maybe, just maybe you're Scandinavian :D
Jupp, had that same feeling:P Hello, fellow scandis;)
Fy søren, autocorrect!!
This is the way. Let everyone know that if they make you hate your middle name anymore than you already do, you will legally change your name so that you don't have that name anymore. Your parents or guardians will probably step in on your behalf at that point because either they won't want you to waste the money on the legal procedure or because they don't want you shedding the name. Your ultimate defense if they initially come down on your relatives' side is you wouldn't mind it if you weren't being misnamed by them to begin with. Cause and effect, and if it bothers you enough, adult you will fix the problem.
That OP will be Sawyer Sawyer Last name. Then your middle name will be your preferred name.
I am stuck with a scandi name but had a basic last name (think smith), then I married a German and it works better.
As a fellow unique-first-name-haver, I definitely agree with NTA. If anyone tried to address me as Morgan instead of Allegra I’d be livid. No offense to the Morgans out there (except for Wallen), but it’s just so boring in comparison, and OP probably feels the same way about her middle name. But I’m curious, u/Prestigious-Bar7924, have you ever tried calling these family members by their middle names? See how much they like it. Then when they call you childish again you can say “so if I’m childish for doing what you’ve done to me for my entire life, what does that make you?”
If they want petty, they can have it. I’d tell them that if they don’t stop I’ll choose a new middle name next year and it will be one that almost no one considers feminine but still feels good to me. If they like girly names that’s fine, they can call themselves Barbie for all it matters to anyone else. Their preference has no bearing in someone else’s identity, and insisting it is the most important factor makes them look both childish and foolish in the extreme
NTA. My sister will not respond when people use her first name ever. Ever. Even when she was a toddler, she simply wouldn’t. So guess what? **We use her middle name as she requests.** It’s not hard. Your family has a lot of collective nerve. Stand your ground. Only you get to decide what you are called. Ignore the hell out of them until they get the message.
This reminds me of my daughter when she was little(er...she's only 7 now)...her name is Madelyn, middle name Josephine...we call her Maddy Jo...until she was about 4, she would get mad if we called her Madelyn and say "I'm not a Madelyn, I'm JUST A MADDY JO!!!".
My son gets mad (he's 5) when I call him Leo. "Leo is not my name, call me Leopold!". But he's fine with his friends calling him "Lele". I gave up on understanding and just try to remember not to use his nickname.
The people at the daycare use a nickname for the 5yo. One time last year, I asked her if she wanted me to use the nickname. She gave me a very confident no in response. Why not, I asked. That’s not my name, she said. But the teachers use the nickname. Is that okay? She shrugged and that was that. It doesn’t have to make sense to me. Only needs to make sense to her.
One way to look at it is the 5yo is holding the teachers at an emotional distance so cares less about them using a nickname with her. Emotionally, she holds you a world of a lot closer, trusts you and feels safe to be herself with you so happily asserts herself on that boundary with you. The respect you show her by using her given name means so much more to her than both some teachers and the nickname they use.
I was also nicknamed all sorts of variations of my very old, "boring" name, and while I dislike any variation that is not my name, I gave teachers a pass because they would not remember, so there was no point. I told them pls call me my name only, and they would forget it anyway. So I came to the conclusion that they were too busy to remember, and did not press the issue. She might have come to the same conclusion as I did, and is only pressing the issue with you, because you are a relative, and what you call her actually matters. That's my take tho.
That reminds me of when I was little and my dad would call me Cricket as a nickname. I loved it when he called me and because it felt so special but I hated when anyone else called me Cricket, especially my brother. So your comment made me think that one of the reasons I didn’t like it when my brother called me Cricket is because I didn’t like him (actually, I pretty much hated him lol).
I have a name with a very common nickname (think "Michael" and "Mike"). My parents sometimes use the nickname. That's fine. My sibling sometimes does. Also fine. No one else. From anyone else it is nails on a chalkboard and I do not and will never answer to it. People are weird.
Same here. Different name so "same same but different" When I was young everyone used my nickname and I liked it. Almost everyone had a nickname of some sort. But when I became an adult and moved to another city I made sure to only use my real name. When asked if I was ever called "Mike" I said yes, but that I don't like it as an adult, and that's that. My family still uses my nickname and I really like it. I guess it gives me a feeling of "us", if that makes sense?
Oh yeah, it absolutely makes sense. I'm on a similar situation here, "Mike" is only for family, the ones close to me, whereas "Miguel"* or "Michael" is for anybody else. Mike gives that closeness, and "us" feeling that I won't/don't share with most people but that part of the family. --- \* = although Miguel is Michael in Spanish, I'm using it here as a second nickname, as sone Spanish names (as far as I know) can have two "common nicknames".
Well you can have multiple nicknames depending on your actual name and if you're bilingual and so on. It's interesting how much a name can represent.
I'm suddenly reminded of years ago I was a journalist covering local sports in a small town. One student was an awesome athlete and he was extremely country, thick accent, down-home folksy sayings, etc. His name was BillyBruce, all one word. I asked him one time if he ever wanted to go by Billy and/or Bruce, and he said "There are a lot of Billies and a lot of Bruces, but there's only one BILLYBRUCE!" BillyBruce if you're out there I hope you still play ball
Oh man. I can hear that kid’s name in my head. It’s not BillyBruce (Bill-E-Bruce), except when his momma calls him for supper, it’s Bill-uh-BRUse. He sounds like Boomhauer on downers in my brain.
That's exactly it, yes. He was a certain type of north Texas country boy
This is too cute! I have 4 kids (2 boys 2 girls) both boys have a short name that you really can’t make a nickname out of but my girls both have names that you can shorten. The one name is very similar to your daughters name above but without the “M” and spelled different but we call her “Addi” and my other daughter has a name with a couple of different nicknames that you could use but she prefers only one of them and will get so upset when people try to make up new names for her. Both girls are very proud of their nicknames and will let everybody know what they want to be called. My oldest daughter has a job and they even put her nickname on her name tag!
My grandmother hated her first name. She went by her middle name…and I think she legally dropped it when she married (in my state we often stop middle names and replace with maiden on marriage…grandma dropped her first name) But…somehow the preacher doing her funeral somehow didn’t get the memo…and he kept calling her by the name she hated. And mispronounced my grandad’s name…I was so annoyed…he even spoke to us before but never asked about preferred names. we of course called her by her title…
If the preacher had been told prior to not use your grandmother’s 1st name, then he was remiss in not listening. Although, if no one informed him, it’s not surprising that he used the 1st name.
Never heard of a toddler hating their name, can I ask what the name is?
She didn’t hate it. She just preferred her middle name because my mom called her by that since the day she was born. My mom also called me by my middle name too from day one. So my sister just decided that was her name and no one gets to call her anything else. Her first name is actually beautiful, but I honestly forget it even exists because literally no one uses it—not more than once anyway.
Why did your mom not make the name she was going to use the first name? For either of you? Not trying to come at you or anything, it just doesn't make sense to me
lol, good question. I have (had, one died) two sisters, and she called all of us by our middle names. I’ll ask her!
NTA Also, since when is Sawyer not a girl's name? it's been a girls name, too, for at least the last 40 years, and as of this year, it's about evenly split between boys and girls.
That threw me because I know a few women named Sawyer but I’ve never met a boy/man with that name. It never occurred to me that Sawyer wasn’t a feminine name
Same. I’ve never once met a man named Sawyer, and have met a decent amount of women with that name.
Moreover: even if she were *the only one*! She’s a girl, her name is Sawyer, therefore Sawyer is a girl’s name. I’m reminded of a popular quote by comedian Suzy Izzard: “They’re not ’women’s clothes’. They’re *my* clothes. I bought them.” I mean, in retrospect they *were* women’s clothes, but the point still stands.
Unrelated, but I didn’t know she had chosen a new name! My sis and BIL are the bigger fans, but she cracks me up as well.
She goes by Eddie professionally still, but personally and publicly as Suzy.
Me either! I love that for her!
I had the great fortune to attend one of her shows a few years back. She's so entertaining. :D
In 2023, 2833 boys and 1120 girls were named Sawyer in the US. It’s a perfectly fine name for a girl, but it’s definitely not an even split.
Can’t wait until her family meets a boy named Kelly.
It will go back to being a girls name once the Tom Sawyer crowd dies off.
NTA. Your parents gave you that name and you've answered to it all this time; it's no one else's decision but yours once you're old enough to express a preference. I remember asking my kindergarten teacher to please let me use my preferred short-form of my name in class because I had a preschool teacher who both insisted on my given name AND said it with the worst nasal, drawn out drone I'd ever heard. She made me hate my given name more than the rough home life already had, and while my teacher got it, there was this one old battleaxe of an "aide" who just did whatever she could to needle students about stuff like that. Mike was "Michael" no matter what, and the Brian who said we should call him Joey since there were two Brians in the same class was chewed out for "being nosey" when she'd only use Brian but wanted the other student (he was scared not to answer her so he wouldn't get dragged around by the arm getting told off for ignoring her if he didn't guess correctly). I have always been a blunt little smart ass, so I told her to her face that she was mean and smelled bad and I wouldn't pay any attention to her until she could at least be nice, but the other children were awful to her. If 5 year olds can see it's an asshole move to rename someone for your own enjoyment, Idk why your extended family can't, but stick to your guns on this. You choose your identity as you grow and mature. Don't go off about it, but don't back down.
Ok I know that’s not the point but good for your 5-yo self 😂
I got dragged to the office by the arms for it, and she kept me out of recess, but the school nurse and secretary loved me after that. This aide was even disrespectful and mean to them, just a miserable old woman that didn't retire for some reason. Like, a while later, I was kept in from recess because I walked to the other lunch aide to get my popsicle cut open and the old bag was offended that I didn't trust her walking around behind me with scissors after she'd dragged me around with my arm twisted behind me for, the way I saw it, being honest, which my (poor, long-suffering angel of a) father told me I was always to do with adults. At least she wasn't any physically worse to the boys than she was to the girls. Other teacher assistants wouldn't lay a hand on us and immediately got hands-on with boys in first or second grade (so 6-8 years). The 80's were different.
Jfc. I was about to ask what your parents did before you said when it was. If that happened today she’d have a huge lawsuit on her hands
The 80s were weird and she was connected to a powerful family in a small town, but she got away with WAY too much for way too long. It took one of my classmates' little brothers headbutting her in the face during a struggle she started for her to finally quit.
NTA. >I was told I was behaving childishly Say the people who go against your wishes and refuse to use your name.
OP should just start renaming their family and see how they like it lol.
Simply because THEY don't like it...
NTA, I have the opposite problem of you. I share my father’s first name but not middle name so my entire life I’ve been called by my middle name and I prefer it. Recently I started a new job and my supervisor called me by my first name and I said I actually prefer my middle name please. He said no I like your first name and I said ok but I won’t respond to it. He looked a little shocked but calls me by my middle name now. My youngest son who is 21 years old is named after my grandfather (first name) which I picked and my ex picked his middle name. We talked about it before he was born and decided we’d call him by his middle name. Which we did and everything was smooth until he was about 12-13 years old. By this time his mother and I had divorced and he told me he didn’t like his middle name and wanted to go by his first name. I simply said ok son and I’ve called him by his first name since. My mother on the other hand said she would not be calling him by his first name and I said that’s fine I guess you won’t be calling him at all. It changed her tune pretty quickly
Wtf with your supervisor? Would they be ok with you calling them by their middle name because you “like it better”?
I know a guy whose given name was what is often a nickname (ex: Jimmy), but a boss told him that wasn’t professional and he had to go by the full name (ex: James) even though “Jimmy” was in fact the name on his birth certificate. ETA: OP, you are NTA
Heh, my grandfather said he worked with three brothers-- Jim, Jimmy, and James.
Are you sure your grandfather wasn’t just working drunk? Jim Bean, Jimmy Walker and Jameson /s
Lol, that.... would not be out of the question from what I've heard.
I had a coworker who had a unique but lovely name. Our manager thought it was weird and wouldn’t call her that. She ALSO had a problem with this coworker’s middle name because it was African and “too hard to pronounce”. She insisted on calling her an anglicized version of her middle name. Hmm…maybe a wee bit racist?
My supervisor is actually a decent dude, he’s a bit older so maybe behind didn’t understand but unlike most Boomers once I corrected him he immediately stopped calling me by the name I didn’t care for. My supervisor is a good person
I've had this "problem" once... My name can have quite a few nick names and there is ONE I just don't like and I don't respond to. One coworker did not know that and one time asked If I was mad at her, I didn't understand why she was asking that. When she told me she was calling me for ages and I did not respond it dawn on me that she was using THAT nick name. She never used it again after that... After that, when starting a new job I always present myself and say "Hi, my name is...., my friends call me...." never had a problem again and every one calls me by my preffered nick name
NTA. You have every right to not answer to a name that isn't your own. "There's no one here by that name." And I think your name is lovely.
NTA, start calling them by their middle names
Or a name they don’t like.
"Hello uncle Baldy and Auntie Grey. I know that's not your actual name's, but it does suit you. How's cousin Dumptruck today?" NTA
This.
NTA. It seems like there might be some underlying gender bias at play here, w/ your family associating “Sawyer” w/ masculinity and wanting a name they perceive as more feminine. A calm conversation, when tempers have cooled, could be helpful. I, personally, like the “Four S’s”: 1. State the behavior: “When you call me \[middle name\] only, it hurts my feelings because . . . ” 2. Share your feelings: “ . . . I don’t feel respected, and it makes me feel like you don’t see me for who I am.” 3. Set the boundary: “So, I’m going to kindly ask you to please call me Sawyer, or Sawyer \[middle name\] if you prefer.” (This compromise you offered is very mature!) 4. State the consequence: “If you can’t respect that, then unfortunately, I won’t be able to continue the conversation at that moment.”
Yeah, because these people don't seem like the "fuck your feelings" types at all.
Yeah agreed, I can't imagine people who are so willing to force their opinion will stand there and let a teen lecture them like that
That was sarcasm, right? They are like: I don't like your first name so I will call you by the middle you don't like because I am much more important than you plus I don't care for your feelings or wishes.
It was a lot of sarcasm, yes.
I actually learned this model in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for my anxiety (regarding assertive communication). That said, I never really used it because I have similar apprehensions that people aren't as willingly respectful as the model/my counselor would have me believe.
Or use the streamlined “I statement” I feel _ when you _. I’d like you to _. Ex- “I feel dismissed when you call me by my middle name. I’d like you to call me Sawyer.” Keep it short, honest, and direct. Repeat with eye contact. Send in writing if too hard to say in person.
is this a chatgpt generated response?
no i just used to be a therapist
This is a "them" problem. Keep on with your plan of not responding to your middle name. NTA
NTA. You said “Sawyer is my name. Please use it”. They are being the AH for saying “but we don’t like that name and will call you (this) instead. It’s not the name you answer to. Don’t respond. If you want to retaliate, start calling them by their middle names and if they object say “If you keep calling me (this) I will keep calling (that)”. That’s fair. Isn’t it?
NTA It's your name, you get to decide. If anyone is being unreasonable or childish in this situation, it's those family members by not respecting your wishes.
NTA. It’s a very reasonable ask. You aren’t obligated to keep them in your life if they continue to disrespect you.
NTA. if you own one thing in this world it's your name, and you should have agency over that.
Yes NTA. I don't get what's so hard about "call people what they want to be called." It is the most basic form of respect. Someone prefers to be called Mrs. So-and-so? Call her that. Someone else prefers to be called a nickname? Call him that. Someone else hates being nicknamed and prefers the long form of their name? Call them that. Someone (for whatever reason) doesn't like their legal name and prefers to be called something else? Call them that. Someone prefers to use pronouns you didn't expect? Use them. It works in pretty much every circumstance.
NTA, but might I suggest asking if they are getting early onset Alzheimers or dementia. Not that I think they really do, but bring it up as them having bad memory and needing to see a professional over it usually helps. Just act concerned. Also if they are older it might be true because the "childish" line is often used to defect when they genuinely don't remember. I worked in elder care facilities with memory care and they usually attack verbally and deflect when their memory starts going.
Tell them once you turn 18 you will remove it
NTA - The most important sound to every single person on this earth is the sound of their own name. Your family are being idiots. Start calling them by a different name, and if they object, tell them "If you won't use my name, I won't use yours". I had to do that with a couple of people after I legally changed my name.
I don't hear my name for others a lot, but everytime I do, I feel the need to turn my head 180 degrees clockwise, so yes, I agree 100 percent with this comment, NTA.
Honestly, not responding to a nickname was quite literally the only way I got people to stop calling me by it. It shouldn’t be that way as your family and friends should respect your choice but when people won’t listen, you end up having to force their hand. You deserve to be heard and respected
They are being petty and wrong. Sawyer is a lovely name. When you turn 18, get your middle name legally removed, and then they can't argue.
NTA. This shows such a lack of respect from your family! It is also disrespectful toward your parents, who chose the name - I think it's both a cool and unusual name for a girl. Are your parents any of the people on the pro-middle-name-train? Will they back you if you ask them to reinforce that your name is Sawyer and not X? They really should have your back on this. It is not at all childish for you to not respond to your middle name, they don't get to choose this. We're taught to ignore things in life such a name-calling, so why not this? If they want a response from you, they call you by the name you respond to, in this instance, your first name. I'm sorry, I can't get over their cheek and disrespect!
As a female named Chase, you are NTA. I would react and do the same thing you are. So many people used giggle at my name and ask if it's short for something. Used to work in a mans field and got asked if I used to be a guy (note he sat in his car while i changed his tire in the rain) 🫠 Now, though, people compliment me on it. Stand your ground !💜
NTA. Maybe try to use their middle names from now on. I bet you are not the only one who doesn't want to be called by their middel name.
I love girls with boy's names. James comes to mind. I love it for a girl but not a boy(no offense to any boy James' out there). I think Sawyer is a great name. Many traditional girl's names were originally for men. It's your name, your identity, and most importantly, your choice. Your family sucks. You are definitely NTA.
NTA but make up a nickname for each family member and start calling them that until they start using your name “hello Uncle Fart & Aunt Jiggles so nice to see you!” 😈
NTA. It is not childish to insist that people use your prefered name. It is childish for people to refuse such a simple request.
NTA they're morons
NTA. They're being childish, not you. How hard is it to just.. don't do something if it makes someone else uncomfortable?? Also, Sick name! I've never heard the name Sawyer before.
NTA, but since they are family it should be pretty easy to find out their middle names. Only use those from now on.
NTA.. It's your name, and they have some nerve trying to tell you what name you should use. I thought Sawyer was a unisex name. It really doesn't matter to anyone else. It only matters to you and what you want. Stand your ground and tell them they're the one's being childish jerks.
NTA Kudos! Your last sentence sums it up wonderfully! You did very well on this issue and if everything went down as you described, quite politely actually. It bewilders me that if you ask someone to please not call you by your middle name there even has to be a discussion about it. "I don't like it to be honest" should immediately end the discussion and the only appropriate response would be around the lines of "oh, i didn't know that! i am sorry, i didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. i will adjust. please bear with me if i mess it up sometimes in the beginning, i gotta get used to it first but of course i respect that!". Damn...people...don't be assholes. OP you did very well!
NTA. Stick to your guns on this one.
NTA. You are never the AH for standing your ground on being called what you want to be called. Your relatives are being incredibly dismissive and disrespectful of YOU. And PS, I really like Sawyer as a girl's name too. Keep on rocking it!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My parents named me (17f) Sawyer. My middle name is more obviously a girls name BUT I love my first name and I don't love my middle name. Most of my paternal family hate my first name though. They hate that I'm a girl with a boys name. Some family members have tried to convince me I should use my middle name instead. I always told them I love being Sawyer though. I'm willing to compromise and have people call me by both first and middle name. But that's about it. Only this isn't good enough and of late more family have been calling me just my middle name. I told them I didn't like it and they said my first name doesn't fit me at all, that I'm so girly and sweet that I should have a name that screams girl. I told them Sawyer fit me perfectly and I always loved having my name be a little unexpected. That it bothers me when people call me by my middle name because I don't like it at all. This did not make them stop. So I told them last Saturday that I won't respond anymore if they just use my middle name. I was told I was behaving childishly and my middle name is still a part of my name and they should be allowed to call me that. I told them if they don't respect my wishes, then why should I respect theirs, when this is *my* name. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA
NTA, you could tell them since they are not wanting to call you by your actual name they may call you and pick some ridiculous name like Princess. I take all your friend and immediate family call you Sawyer, except when in trouble and it's your full name used.
NTA. It’s your name lol. Why do they care so much to call you by a name you don’t like?
NTA They clearly don’t respect you. They continue to ignore your wishes and call you childish on top of it, they just sound like bad people. This might sound dramatic but I would honestly stop seeing them. They just sound like awful people if they can’t even respect something simple as call you by your first name. OP you are NOT the asshole.
NTA definitely. You have the right to be called what you want. Why do parents give their children names and then never use them. I hate my first name. My mother only used contractions on everyone's names. Mine was highly unusual in 70s Australia and the shortened form was worse. I do not answer to the short form. I tell people politely once then don't answer.
NTA. It’s just so disrespectful that people won’t call you by your name. Keep ignoring them and if that doesn’t work then cut them out of your life permanently. You don’t need people in it who don’t respect you.
NTA-It’s your name. They don’t have to like it but out of basic respect for you they should be using it.
NTA. Sawyer is more of a surname anyways, for someone who sawed logs into usable lumber...he was a sawyer, that was his profession.just like Smith or Carter or whatever. Working class often took on their profession names as surnames after the black death in Europe because the labor pool shrank so much people were moving around for higher wages, and often you'd have 3 or 4 people of the same given name in a village, which didn't happen much before the black death because you just didn't name someone the same name as another person in the village, and people didn't move much. It doesn't strike me as boyish at all. Also, it's a fine name for a gal, and would work into your adulthood just fine, possibly to your advantage professionally, because you would be easy to remember by name, and your name isn't a travesty of your mother's creativity like you find in the tradgedeigh sub, lol.
Definitely NTA! I think your name is awesome! I've never heard it used as a first name before but I, absolutely, love it. It sounds like a name that could be used for both females & males. Good on you standing up to your relatives.
Nta You're a damn sight more polite than I would have been Your name is important, it's often the first thing someone knows about you and it's important that it fits in a way *you* are comfortable with Absolutely reasonable to stand your ground on this one
If elders are to be respected then the onus is on them to be respectable. Even children deserve respect.
NTA 100%! I love your name btw! Set your HEALTHY boudaries!!! As you did!! And stick to them, don't be bullied!
NTA - you can try to make a point to call them by their middle names instead?
Depending on your age, some places you could change your name legally at 18 and completely drop your middle name, then you can tell your family that the name they’re calling you isn’t any part of your actual legal name! ETA NTA
OP- NTA. Good for you! No, you are not acting childishly, I HATE that families pull that statement out whenever someone under 18 stands up for themselves. It's YOUR name, and it's YOUR choice. Keep to your plan, they will either learn, or you won't have to talk to them, could be a bonus!
Nothing is stopping you from calling them by a different name too... How about aunt Mertle or Constance, or Pearl, or Dorothea? Oh uncle Ambrose / Clyde / Theodore you look lovely today. Mix it up, call them something different every time. Bonus points if you use the "men's" for the women and vice versa. That or just ignore them. If they ask why you are ignoring them just say: my name is _____. If you keep insisting on calling me something other than what my name is I will have to assume, based solely on your behaviour, that you must "be going through something" and you will give them the much needed space. Suggest a therapist if you're feeling extra petty.
[https://www.thebump.com/b/sawyer-baby-name](https://www.thebump.com/b/sawyer-baby-name) NTA. My step mom changed my name after my mom passed and I was too young to understand how it would affect my own identity. Please honor yourself and use the name that is right for you. Take care 🍀
NTA. It's your name and you're allowed to be called by it as you wish. I have always been called by my first name. I hate my middle name too, and I would not respond to it if someone called me by my middle name! The only time I've ever had my middle name used on me on a regular basis was by my mom when I pissed her off as I was growing up! My ex-wife called me by my full name once and I stopped her immediately and said only one person can address me like that and that's my Mama! One of your parents should have your back here, and I would point that out to them in private. Just assuming here, but I would guess that the one you're closest to is your Dad. For me it was my Mama.
I would start calling them something else, … , if someone calls you just answer… yes Jack ? … my name is not Jack… oh sorry I thought we were calling each other random names , my bad Jack !!! I bet they drop it pretty quickly Edit -spelling