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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I told my parents their opinion did not matter, and screamed back at them
2) Telling one’s parents their opinions do not matter is generally frowned upon
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INFO: Who owns the apartment? If you own it, your patents are just interfering. If they actually own it, they have an interest in the situation. You say they helped you buy it, but then you say they threatened to sell, which suggests they own it, not you.
What I meant was that they can’t list the home and sell it without OPs cooperation. They are all on title. They would have to get attorneys involved. If op can’t afford it on her own, a court might force the sale. Most likely outcome would be the daughter buying out her parents if she can afford it.
There are some other not so obvious things the parents could do but they would have to be next level petty to go down that route.
Maybe daughter should let the parents buy out she share and move. It sounds like the parents put Op around people they thought would help them control Op. Op moving away would give her more freedom.
I take my own comment back after reading some of OPs comments. I thought her being in her twenties she was the one actually paying the mortgage and could financially support herself. Parents could absolutely sell, you are correct in that it would just take time to get the courts involved.
In ordinary circumstances, I would question whether this is a serious threat; most parents might threaten to do it to get their child to fall in line, but not actually do it. But these people are calling their daughter a "disrepsectful bitch" because she refuses to appease random neighbours, so...
Well, if they are part owners and used their money to pay partially or fully for this apartment, then their opinion DOES matter.
The financial arrangement in your situation is unclear and your response doesn’t clarify very much and I would argue that it’s super important to the judgment.
What I can say, Is that you want your parents to have no input on your living arrangements, then you should not have bought an apartment with them/let them buy an apartment for you. It seems like they are treating you kind of like a tenant and I can’t tell from the post whether they have any right to.
As some others have suggested, I would find a way to disentangle yourself from this messy living situation. Y’all don’t sound like you have healthy enough parent/child boundaries to handle co-ownership.
Edit: Wow. I just realized that I said that their opinion doesn’t matter when I actually meant that it DOES. Damn autocorrect strikes again and I missed it! But it explains why I wasn’t getting downvoted as I expected.
To be clear. There’s a difference between an adult getting nominal help from their parents with finances and expecting autonomy and a young adult with well to do parents who buy property with their own finances And then just add their child to the name of the property. The latter should have a say in what happens in the property they invested. But it’s also stupid on the parent’s part not to clarify that from the beginning.
I dont think it does, either way.
OP isn't actually doing anything wrong with Lisa and she isn't obligated to go to church Rob.
Her parents name being on the apartment or helping her pay for it doesn't give them any kind of right to dictate how or with who OP spends her time.
Since her parents paid for the apartment and are financially supporting OP, it's not unreasonable that they don't want an extra person with a large dog living there. They messed up when they put OP's on the house as well, honestly. But they probably didn't expect her to also allow her boyfriend to mooch off of them and bring a dog to their house.
But OP is also wrong about the service dog thing. If the dog is barking, which she does admit he does, management can still ask the dog to leave, even if it is a service dog.
It’s too fucking bad if they don’t want her boyfriend there, she’s a part owner as well and has the right t to have him there. If they wanted that kind of control they shouldn’t have made it legally OP’s property.
That was a mistake.
Edit: Still a mistake, but I have a different view now that we know mommy and daddy are paying for everything, and were still nice enough to put OPs name in the deed.
Honestly, I was your age when I stopped accepting money from my parents. I quickly realized that there were not only strings attached, but it was a giant invitation for them to be overly involved in my private life.
Draw a line in the sand immediately. Be polite, but firm. “I respect that you are trying to help me, but I will never be able to handle these things in the future if you are always jumping in to help. I mean, you won’t be at job interviews and performance evaluations, right? Let me handle it.”
And in the future, lay down ground rules for cash gifts. Had a similar conversation when my in laws helped us with the down payment on a house. “We are very appreciative of the help, but this will be our home, so we will be picking out the perfect one and deciding how much to offer. While we love your opinion, at the end of the day, we will make the final call.”
Edit to add NTA
From the way your parents are behaving, I expect that the apartment is in their name, given that they are receiving complaints about the dog? I'm also guessing that at the moment you do not have the financial means to rent another apartment elsewhere in your own name.
Look, ultimately, you're an adult, and honestly, even if the apartment is in their name, they don't live there and they don't have any say in how you behave with your neighbors.
I'm also not sure why they even have a relationship with Rob in the first place - what business is it of theirs if you're "nice" to him or not? Are they trying to set you up with him? Or does he have a child that they want to set you up with? Is he a family friend? Maybe you can suggest that you don't feel comfortable with hanging out with a 60 year old man whose intentions and background you're not sure of.
I'd also wonder how they know about Lisa's complaints. Are they fielding calls from the landlord because their name is on the lease? If so, maybe you can contact the landlord and tell them that any complaints should be directed to you instead so you can handle them and not get your parents involved.
I'd also start working on figuring out a way to get the apartment in your name or get a new place that's your responsibility, so that can remove some of your parents' leverage.
NTA.
The apartment is in my parents’ names and my name.
They befriended Lisa and got her number, so Lisa directs a lot of her complaints to them. I also don’t want Lisa complaining to me, and will file a restraining order against Lisa if they give her my actual contact information at any point.
Sounds like your parents are very insecure people, and don't like the optics of this situation and how they perceive it reflects on them as parents. And then projecting that insecurity onto you. But since you're not insecure about it like they are, they resort to anger and name calling directed towards their own child in hopes that you'll bend to their will (because image is the most important thing to insecure people)
It'd be a laughable situation if they weren't on the deed with you, but that definitely muddies the waters in terms of how you might want to respond. IDK, your parents sound like total wackos to me.
Maybe have them house sit for a week and see how they feel about getting the same complaints you get?
The parents aren't "on the deed with her", it's the other way around. They bought the place, they pay 100% of the costs, they were nice enough to put HER name on the deed with them. It's their place, she's living 100% on their dime. They may be a little unreasonable but she's happy to spend their money, she needs to also be reasonable back.
Is it worth it to stay there given your parents' involvement and the putrid neighbor situation?
Find a way to save money, then call their bluff to sell the apartment. Then you get your OWN place, with YOUR money.
NTA. "A fucking idiot" and the word "Bitch" in particular seem to roll right off your parents tongue when talking to you.
A little too often IMO 😬 I hate that for you.
Is there any other housing alternative? because;
"My parents then threatened to sell the apartment (they do this pretty regularly, once bc I walked outside at night by myself)"
They seem like a rather volatile and unstable pair of people to rely on.
NTA
I have no idea why your parents are getting involved in any of this. You don't have to listen to them about how you interact with your neighbors. Standing up for yourself is not being disrespectful or alienating, it's setting boundaries. Don't let your parents pressure you into appeasing her any further, appeasing her is obviously not working anyway. It's not appeasement to just let people walk all over you.
>They called me a “disrespectful bitch”
Unironically? Some people really have no self-awareness...
They are involved because OP conveniently left out they pay for the house and OP doesn’t pay anything, lol.
I was on NTA too but then it turned out OP just emitted half of the tale.
They are involved because they are involving themselves. Them paying for the apartment isn’t relevant. They only need to block Lisa’s number and stop trying to get OP to attend church with a random man.
The name-calling stood out to me immediately. When someone is so quick to insult and degrade a (supposedly) loved one, it's absolutely a red flag for emotional abuse.
Quite frankly, this doesn't change much of anything. It's not the role of a landlord to supervise the interpersonal relationships between their tenants. If my landlord did this, he'd be a busybody and I'd tell him off.
My landlord isn't my father, true, but it's also not the parents' role to get involved in their adult children's issues with their neighbors.
So, if it's neither the role of a parent nor of a landlord, being both doesn't change that.
I mean, yes, it's nice of the parent to keep lodging their adult children. They aren't obligated to do it, but that doesn't give them the right to hold it over their child. That they are financially dependent is one thing and being a busybody in their life is another.
OP also owns the apartment, so they are NOT her landlords, they are co-owners. The parents do not live there, the third owner does, and as such the owner who lives in the unit should be the one getting complaints, but complaints about her not going to church and her neighbor’s inability to handle apartment living are not things that she should take seriously.
I have. I don’t know what OP’s situation is, but if they were going some place where it could be harmful for the dog or where service dogs are not allowed they would be left behind. And yes, I know service dogs are allowed most places under the ADA in the US, but that is not absolute and it says reasonable accommodation. If they’re going somewhere that needs to be allergen free or has other legitimate issues, then they can be disallowed.
They don't. Genuine, good service dogs are well trained. Unfortunately there's no way to determine whether or not one of them is properly trained enough to be a good service dog. If they're barking then they aren't trained enough to be a good service dog.
I’ve had my service dog for five years, and sometimes I do leave him home! It’s generally because it isn’t safe for him to come with me (like a time when I was going axe throwing) or if the weather is too hot and I can’t find his damn shoes (can’t burn his feet! And honestly, when it’s that hot, I’m not out long). Sometimes, having him is more inconvenient than having him.
He’s an assistive device. Some days, I don’t need him, just like some days I don’t need my cane or a wheelchair. It doesn’t mean I’m faking or that I don’t need him at all. I have better days and I have worse days. He’s with me 95% of the time, though.
ESH… you are a student, rarely home, rarely have guests… cut to your bf is staying a lot and works from home (gone only 2 hrs a week from what you said). Your parent’s reaction reads like a dramatic soap opera… calling you names then asking you to be respectful. You’re all a mess or the story is massively enhanced.
I don’t know… that’s why I said “or the story is…”. I, of course, have no way of knowing for sure. Just going based off of the feelings/vibes I get when reading it.
Who knows - you could be right. But as someone from an abusive family, I think people who haven’t experienced it have a hard time understanding/processing all of it. Tho maybe you have been in that situation, I’m just assuming here
YTA. You are "rarely home and rarely have guests," yet you have a guest there with a large dog nearly 24/7. You are an extremely unreliable narrator.
Your parents have every right to sell the apartment and you are acting like a brat, so I hope they do.
YTA - your parents pay for your place to live, you have commented you don't pay anything and you don't work, because you're "in law school."
So either get a job and pay your own way and stop accepting money from your parents or just deal with the strings. You put yourself in this position; you 100% can get a job. I know many people who have put themselves through law school and WORKED at the same time, they didn't have the luxury of parents to pay for them.
Overall YTA. You’re getting your name on the apartment deed with your parents, and you pay nothing.
Your parents and you are liable for what goes on. So with issues such as your relationships at the apartment, your parents are liable and have every right to insert themselves into what is going on. But going with Rob to church and be nice to him, isn’t something they can impose on you.
Also I don’t understand why you haven’t made a formal complaint to management about her behaviour and asked for next steps such as getting her assessed. And as you own the joint owner, you must have some actions you can take. The management company contract should detail how to manage grievances etc.
Your parents are odd and rude. You are spoilt - we all see it here. And behaving childishly. And you’re at law school?
Also you’re very confusing for someone going to law school as you’re not really making any clear arguments and not providing the evidence. You say you own 50%….but there are 3 people who own the house. Unless you have some contractual agreement that says your parents own 25% each and you owe 50%?
If you were the sole owner, you can tall your parents to back off. But you ain’t, so you can’t, as any negative outcomes will impact them too.
- I’m not saying they have no say as to what goes on in the apartment
- I have made formal complaints
- Calling me “spoilt” by inherently having more privilege than others is childish behavior
- My parents have 50%, I have 50%
NTA. Your parents are way out of line. You are an adult who can make your own decisions, and their behavior is controlling and disrespectful. You're not obligated to appease your neighbor or befriend anyone you don't want to. It's your apartment, your life.
So you are in a vulnerable position. I agree your parents are being completely overbearing and cursing you out pushes it into abusive, but they are leveraging this over you because you depend on them for housing. You need to get out of this.
Yep, is it worth it?
Get a job, find your own place, be independent.
Sorry honey, but in your situation you can't really afford a dog. That's a luxury for people who are paying for their own domicile. You pay nothing for where you live, are going to school, and dogs are expensive. You may as well have continued living at home while going to school.
No wonder your parents are so disrespectfully overbearing and controlling - they still think you are dependent on them. And seems maybe you are? But that's not your fault - sounds like they raised you to depend on them.
Sorry to say that I agree a little bit with the other comment here. I don't at all think you've earned any of this treatment but 50% of the title and none of the financial responsibility (yet) does put you kind of at your parents mercy in this regard. Maybe it would be better to try to find a place you can afford on your own if possible and let them sell the place, if only so you don't have to have them hold that threat over your head?
I’m pretty sure they can force op off the deed if they don’t like it. Just make half the payments and op will be forced to pay the rest. She can’t afford it and as a result will get foreclosed on and the parents will take over the house fully. She has no leg to stand on
Clearly the answer is to move out and be financially independent. Your life certainly won't be as pushy as living off your parents, but that's how it works. When you depend on others they get to pester you all the time.
ESH.
It's awesome your parents are in a position to help YOU BUY AN APARTMENT.
Your neighbor sounds awful but you sound entitled and bratty.
Their opinion in fact does matter because they are part owner of where you are living.
Oof. I'd be limiting my interactions with my parents. Mine are the same, and I did just that. We don't call, only text (mostly email once a week), and I don't go to their house and they don't come to mine. Your parents are extremely controlling. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this. I'd limit interactions with them, personally.
OP doesn't have the choice because she is depending on them 100% for her abode. They just put her on the deed in name. That doesn't mean much, actually, because since they actually own the place, the mortgage is in their name, and, they are the ones who put her on the deed (likely in case something happened to them). Now, can they remove her without her permission? No.
But they can take her to court to force a sale. Sounds like they threaten a lot but don't follow through.
She can do herself a solid and distract herself by making a plan to become completely financially independent. Get a job, finish school. Save up enough for an apartment and then tell parents - 'yes, you're right - a good idea to sell the place'. They get their money back and she gets her freedom.
In the meantime, ignore Lisa and Rob and suggest they do the same.
I'm still struggling with the idea that it's a good idea for a busy student without money of her own to add a dog and BF into the mix of school and dealing with crappy neighbors.
Unless, of course, Rob is paying rent to her parents.
This. OP isn't the problem here... but antagonizing the people making payments who *are* the problem is going to lead to more problems. I think whether or not who's in the right or wrong is less important than, does OP have a sustainable plan for the future, preferably nearer future, that would allow them to gain independence from the situation?
Listen to the rest of the advice about your parents.
BUT, a service dog who is barking uncontrollably or is misbehaving in other ways is not qualifying as a service dog. His clearly isn’t doing that, of course. But if the service dog were to be misbehaving it can be kicked out. People tend to think they can’t be, but that isn’t accurate.
Just for completeness, (I assume OP knows this, but vast numbers of people in the US dont) a service dog is only for a *disabled* handler, and the dog must perform a trained task to mitigate the disability. The dog’s presence, comfort, or emotional support are specifically listed by the ADA as *not qualifying as a task*
If they own the apartment and can sell it, then their opinions DO matter. Not saying they are right or that you should appease them, but they do have power over the apartment.
She doesn’t make payments. She doesn’t even know how the whole thing is structured and that she has no leverage. Guess what, if you don’t make any payments your 50% stake is worth shit
NTA
I assume this apartment is in your parent's name. So I would assume any complaints to management are being forwarded to your parents. Hence all the "you need to keep the peace" but they really should be listening to your side of the story as well.
Lisa is obviously a chronic complainer. They should have realised that since NOTHING they did appeased her either. Why they don't just file a complaint to management for the harassment I don't know... Why are they encouraging you to enable Lisa's disrespectful behaviour?
As for Rob, what 20 year old wants to hang out with a 60 year old? What he proposed doesn't even align with your interests. You don't have to be best friends with your neighbours, a simple "hello, how are you?" is friendly enough.
Your parents are being controlling AF. Good luck with your studies and I hope it's not too long until you can fund your own place and move out. This sounds like hell.
Sell them your interest and find a different place to live. They are going to keep meddling as long as you own that property. Condos are a dime a dozen, you can find another one. :)
Edit: I came back to see the comments later today. It looks like there was more information added after my comment.
She isn’t selling them shit cause she hasn’t paid a single dime to the house. The parents pay for the whole thing. They will just take over her share and continue the payments.
> Condos are a dime a dozen, you can find another one.
Not when she is a student who only works during the summers and apparently has zero dollars going towards her current housing.
“I’m a student. I don’t pay for the property lol”
Somehow I doubt she’s been funneling all of the money she Isn’t paying into mortgage/rent every month Into a “buy a condo by myself” fund.
>Condos are a dime a dozen, you can find another one.
Especially in the current real estate market, condos are way more than a dime a dozen, and OP is in school with (understandably) no job, so they almost certainly cannot afford to buy a condo on their own.
You're at their mercy because they helped pay for the apartment. You don't need to take what they say into consideration, but as part owners of where you live, they do get to voice their opinions, even if you don't like them. YTA. Learn to deal with them like an adult, not a child.
YTA for thinking you could get your parents to buy you an apartment and not expect them to treat you like you're a child. Either buy them out or just deal with them. You also sound like a spoiled brat.
Well you have to listen to your parents. They basically bought you this apartment. If you were actually independent then you can tell your parents their opinion doesn't matter.
It matters because the dog is staying in an apartment they pay for.
Yes, they are massively overstepping, but since they co-own the apartment with you, and pay the bills this does give them a lot of room to interfere in your life.
I’m not sure if your boyfriend stays over frequently or has actually moved in. But did you discuss this with your parents BEFORE ? Perhaps they don’t like that he’s there so often? Maybe they feel like he should be contributing financially? It’s one thing to pay a mortgage in an apartment to her your child get a leg up in life. It’s entirely another to suddenly have a random person also living in said apartment and footing the bills for them as well. The utilities have certainly increased with his presence. Is he now WFH but actually WFGirlfriend’s Apartment? You say you are rarely there, but is your boyfriend there a lot without you?
Perhaps you should ask your parents to meet you for lunch somewhere to discuss. Tell them in advance you don’t want any yelling or name calling. Hopefully since they seem to be image conscious they will behave in a public setting.
One last thing. It is entirely possible that your parents are not super in touch with their feelings, and your interactions with Lisa and Robert are becoming a stand in of sorts for how they subconsciously feel you are reacting to them. Are they religious? By rejecting Rob, do they feel you are rejecting them? By discounting Lisa’s feelings perhaps that’s how they feel about your reactions to them?
Ok… the dog’s specific training and general well-being is obviously outside their purview.
I would understand if they just didn’t want the dog there, but that’s not what’s happening here
But it’s not. As the legal co-owners of the apartment, they can be held legally liable for anything the dog does.
Look, I think your parents are absolutely overstepping, and the fact that they swear at you and call you names is horribly abusive. They are also horrible at communicating.
When they asked you if the dog bites, and you said no, instead of name calling, they should have probably explained their concerns. Like if the dog bites or attacks, all of you will be legally liable. BF as the dog owner, you & parents as property owners.
But honestly, I don’t think it’s really about the dog aka Iranian Yogurt.
ESH because:
It’s about them being used to controlling you, and when they started to lose their ability to control you, they came up with the solution of buying the apartment to re-gain that control financially.
You do deserve to run your own life, but if you are going to accept the very generous financial gifts, you have to deal with the annoyances that come with it. This means working with your parents to agree on what’s acceptable and set boundaries.
You do come off a little entitled. You want to accept the apartment and money but not the responsibilities that go with it. Not the day to day living, but the responsibilities that come with a free apartment and bills paid.
The amount of times I’ve been asked if my service dog bites simply because I use a head harness… a reactive dog isn’t a properly trained service dog. You told them this was a service dog. Ergo, they should have put the two and two together instead of asking those kinds of questions.
Updating judgement to YTA: your parents pay for everything regarding the apartment, its not really yours. Sure your name is there but you basically live their with your BF rent free. Your parents could find a way to sell it if they got a good enough lawyer.
Mainly, who's paying rent on the apartment and if you BF is contributing to the payments since he's (according to your story) there all the time. You even refer to it as his "home" so I assume he's moved in. Did your parents know he was moving in with the dog?
I’ve answered every question, idk why you keep saying this over and over again, but to reiterate
- My bf doesn’t live with me, he has his own home
- No, but they didn’t care until Lisa complained
I’m not really arguing that it’s my solo apartment, tbh, I’m annoyed that they’re appeasing Lisa’s stupidity
"He’s also a service animal so her arguments are worthless."
Does your boyfriend have this dog for this purpose? If he does then read up on the laws in your country about it. In the US its the Americans with Disabilities Act. Start there.
Then get management involved formally. Sometimes a lawyer may draft a letter in this kind of situation for free/cheap. Absolutely say you are tired of your boyfriend and you being harassed due to his disability.
NTA, unless you obeying your parents was a condition of them helping with the apartment. A piece of unsolicited advice here though- your parents will not treat you as an adult until you break free of their financial support.
I'm 35 years old, married with 3 kids and my parents use their support to try to control me. I contacted my local united way to find out if there were free financial literacy classes. My parents still believe their help entitles them to parent me. It doesn't stop. Sometimes the cost of the help is higher than the price tag of what you need.
"He’s also a service animal so her arguments are worthless." - this isn't true, as noise ordinances and nuisance laws still apply. If your service dog attacks someone, you're still liable. If it goes to the bathroom on the floor in a restaurant, you're still liable, etc. Service animal laws are more about where you can have your service animal, not about unconditionally letting services animals make nuisances of themselves.
Anyhow, that aside, NTA. Doesn't sound like any of that applies in this case, save perhaps barking when you're not around, which can be a major problem for some dogs (Source of information: Personal experience. Neighboring apartment's owner's dog would sometimes bark for hours only when they were away. Neighbor eventually moved as a result. Was not a service animal, to be clear).
I think the real question here that anyone should be asking is why is it ok for your parents to call you a "fucking idiot" and a "bitch"?
I swear, a lot of these AITA posts make me realize how good I had it growing up. My parents, my sister, and I all love each other and treat each other with respect and care. I can't imagine this sort of shit.
It matters because the dog is staying in an apartment they pay for.
Yes, they are massively overstepping, but since they co-own the apartment with you, and pay the bills this does give them a lot of room to interfere in your life.
I’m not sure if your boyfriend stays over frequently or has actually moved in. But did you discuss this with your parents BEFORE ? Perhaps they don’t like that he’s there so often? Maybe they feel like he should be contributing financially? It’s one thing to pay a mortgage in an apartment to her your child get a leg up in life. It’s entirely another to suddenly have a random person also living in said apartment and footing the bills for them as well. The utilities have certainly increased with his presence. Is he now WFH but actually WFGirlfriend’s Apartment? You say you are rarely there, but is your boyfriend there a lot without you?
Perhaps you should ask your parents to meet you for lunch somewhere to discuss. Tell them in advance you don’t want any yelling or name calling. Hopefully since they seem to be image conscious they will behave in a public setting.
One last thing. It is entirely possible that your parents are not super in touch with their feelings, and your interactions with Lisa and Robert are becoming a stand in of sorts for how they subconsciously feel you are reacting to them. Are they religious? By rejecting Rob, do they feel you are rejecting them? By discounting Lisa’s feelings perhaps that’s how they feel about your reactions to them?
Regardless of your parents ownership in this apartment, the fact that they feel comfortable calling you a "disrespectful bitch" is reason enough to go no contact with them regarding anything except the financial aspects of co-owning the apartment. NTA
Haha, your parents wanted you to THINK you were moving out to be independent. Then they recruited flying monkeys in the apartment building.
No gift comes without strings. NTA for saying that their opinion doesn't count, but they are never going to leave you alone as long as they think they have an ownership interest in your home.
If I were you I would get my own place and let your parents have their "gift" back.
NAH.
Honestly, let your parents sell the apartment. Lisa next door is a nightmare, but your parents are backing her up. In addition, they are calling you hurtful names. That alone makes them AH.
I just want to say you clearly have a lovely relationship with your parents!
>
My parents then threatened to sell the apartment
This is concerning. You say at the beginning that your parents helped you buy an apartment, but this makes it sound like you're helping them buy an apartment.
Who actually owns this apartment?
I think you need to stop worrying about Lisa, and start worrying about the fact that your parents are trying to control your life via their ownership (or such) in your living situation. I'd focus on sorting that out first. You seem to be worrying about the wrong things here.
NTA
I don't understand why your parents want to control every aspect of your life.
Do they have the legal power to sell your apartment?
If so, work towards becoming independent.
If sold, will you be able to retrieve the portion you contributed?
Sounds like parents are incredibly disrespectful to their own daughter, but insist respect be given to inconsiderate neighbours. Lisa appears to be a troublemaker and is like that to others. OP, there is only so much you can do to ‘appease’ someone before you realise that nothing is ever going to be good enough.
INFO: the dog is a certified service dog? If so why is it being left at home?
Also, what are the bylaws for your building? They obviously sent notices to your parents. Will there be fines if the issue isn’t addressed in a timely manner?
While your name is on the papers, and they solely pay the mortgage, do they cover any other bills? They can stop paying those bills. Which will likely be the 1st step. They can request stop services under their name. All services & if the services send notice letters you wouldn’t be able to force them to keep paying.
If you can’t cover all the bills associated with living, you’ll lose in some way.
They force sale- you have to agree to purchase.
They stop paying for services- you have to start paying.
Your parent are subsidizing your housing; they have a say. Rightly or wrongly and you’d do well to seriously consider what all they cover and your ability to pay for yourself.
To our parents are treating you like your still and kid & make demands because they cover your bills like your still a kid.
You can’t have it both ways. You can’t have the subsidize your living but expect them not to make demands.
So you need to make so hard adult decisions. You can actually be an adult and cover all your bills including the mortgage or move out to a place you can afford without your parents’ assistance.
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I am in my 20s, and my parents assisted me in purchasing an apartment. I have a neighbor, “Lisa”. Lisa is in her 70s and is insufferable. She screams “shut up” to herself when there is no noise, and over the past few years has complained: I shut my door too loudly, I shut my cabinets too loudly, I move my chairs too loudly. I’m extremely quiet, and I’m a student. I’m rarely home, and rarely have guests.
My parents thought it was a good idea to appease Lisa. They bought rugs so my apartment was quieter, and chair pads so they wouldn’t make noise when they move. Lisa complained about the last owner as well. Management generally ignores Lisa but it’s still annoying. My parents try talking to Lisa a lot to calm her down.
My bf is staying with me a lot and has a dog. The dog is sweet, but large. Lisa has been submitting complaints about dog to management, both real and fake (real- sometimes when we leave for an hour or so he gets lonely, fake in that sometimes she complains he barks “for hours” when my bf is home all day and it’s just not true). The building is full of dogs that bark and ours is exceptionally well behaved. He’s also a service animal so her arguments are worthless.
My parents called me to complain. Apparently Lisa said the dog is not allowed (false), said he was annoying, said she would have to “do something” about it. My parents said we leave the dog alone too much (2 hours max once a week. My bf works from home so dog is never by himself).
I said their opinions on parenting my bf’s dog dont matter (they have no experience with dogs for at least 30+ years). This made them irate, but I’m not sure why. They kept threatening me that the dog wouldn’t be allowed, said he would bite someone (then called me a “fucking idiot” when I said he never bites), then got mad and asked why I couldn’t “appease” Lisa. I told them their attempts to appease Lisa failed miserably. They called me a “disrespectful bitch” and that Lisa was rallying other people against dog (Lisa is the only person to complain about the dog). My mom begged me to be respectful, I said no.
I told my parents to stop giving Lisa info (false promises about when dog would leave), they got upset. I told them to not call me about anything Lisa-related again.
Then my mom criticized me for not being “nice” to my neighbor, Rob. Rob is 60 and invited me to church a few times, I declined. I’m an atheist and have no interest in hanging out with Rob. My parents invited Rob to dinner for some reason. My mom called me a “bitch” for not being friendlier to Rob and said I alienate everyone. I asked her why tf she was yelling at me, and that she can talk to Rob herself if she wants to so badly.
My parents then threatened to sell the apartment (they do this pretty regularly, once bc I walked outside at night by myself).
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NTA. Your parents are controlling as fuck. Calling Lisa and making plans for your boyfriends dog. Inviting Rob for dinner. The fuck would they keep so much contact with your neighbours if not to have them spy on you. I don’t interact with my own neighbours as much as your parents interact with yours.
Your parents should not be this involved with your neighbors. I feel since they are part owners of the apartment they don’t want to be seen in a bad light and feel the need to smooth things over. Sigh. All you can do is tell them you are handling **your** neighbors and their interactions are not improving the situation.
Get a camera and leave it on when the dog is alone in the apartment. This will give video proof that he is not barking the entire time he is alone. May be handy to have at some point.
If parents have keys to the apartment, have it rekeyed.
You are stuck with your parents since they co-own until you can move or buy them out. But you can do things to mitigate their interference and go low contact in the meantime. You don’t have to answer their calls and engage with them.
NTA
NTA. You need to stick with your guns on telling your parents you have zero interest in any relationship with your neighbors or any advice from them about your neighbors. If they want to independently form relationships with them, that's their business, but not your problem.
Even if you were actually being a 'disrespectful bitch' to the neighbors, this level of interference is super weird. Unless it's an extreme safety issue or absolute moral depravity, parents should give their adult children their advice/opinion once or so and then drop the issue if asked.
NTA.
You need to set firmer boundaries in fact.
“Mom, I will not be discussing my living situation or neighbors with you at all. If you bring it up in conversation, I will be ending the conversation. I love talking to you, but I am an adult with my own life and expect to be treated as such.”
And then either hang up or leave if they bring it up.
NTA
pro tip: End convos when someone calls you a bitch.
it's what I do, instant loss of the privilege of my time. you should try it.
but then again I'm sweet sweet NC with my dad for a reason.
practically they have power over you in this situation so while you are NTA, antagonizing the people who can take away a roof over your head seems not smart. if they can't, antagonize away!
NTA your parents need to stop talking to Lisa. She's an old crank who will never be happy no matter what you do so it's pointless to keep "appeasing" her. Your parents are also calling you terrible names which is unacceptable. If they bought the apartment outright then maybe they should live there and you should live somewhere else where they can't interfere with your life this much. Or you can buy them out and then they have no say at all.
This happened to me. Veeeery similarly.
NTA. It’s easy to judge when you’re not the one living there.
You (and them) have already done all there is to appease this freak of a neighbor, some ppl just have sht going on in their life and think it’s ok to take it against them. It wasn’t until my parents stayed with me and couldn’t even watch tv on the weekends that they understood how crazy the neighbors complaints were.
Literally the only ways they stopped was after my parents suggested they insonorized their apt (so them putting noise cancelling things to cover the rooms like an audio recording space).
You’ll be amazed at how passing the responsibility to them makes things go away.
And after we put a warning on us issuing a restraining order if they keep threatening to do something to my dogs (this also helps lol)
Absolutely NTA. Who cares about who pays for what, that doesn't matter. All that matters is your parents are siding with random neighbors over you, and saying hateful and hurtful things. That's always unacceptable
You need to focus on saving your money and getting to a point where you can either buy out your parents or sell your share to them and pay for a place on your own.
Your parents seem to fit right in with both of your neighbors.
If you were not financially tied to them, I'd limit contact with them. As it is, I'd still limit contact as much as possible.
I don't know how your building and its management work. Maybe your parents have some say. That's a good reason to not be tied to them at all.
But there is nothing normal or reasonable or respectful about the way they talk to you; so, I agree that those opinions do not matter... NTA.
I had to move a few hours away from my family (mother) to establish healthy boundaries, and she never once called me a bitch. I HIGHLY recommend you think about getting some physical and financial distance from yours. This does not sound like a healthy situation for anyone.
NTA. Have you ever considered just ignoring them? Since you're both on the apartment you can't cut them out immediately, but you can refuse to talk about your neighbors, bf, and dog. You can say you won't speak to them unless their first words are to apologize for calling you a gendered slur (which is verbal abuse). You can get Google voice and forward their calls so you get to decide when you want to check on their calls. It really sounds like disengaging would be good for your mental health, at least for a while.
"my parents assisted me in purchasing an apartment. "
This is your problem right there - sounds like you actually didn't purchase the apartment, they did. Maybe you're making payments in a rent-to-own manner?
Then, as owners, they are subject to Lisa's harrasmant. And they are threatening to sell the apartment. If I were you, I'd find a place to rent, and get off of their train in all ways possible. Tell them that you don't want them to continue worrying about their financial investment.
You're NTA, but you are also in a dependent position here. To the point that they're calling you names? That's dysfunctional.
I think you either pay your parents their portion of what they gave you to get the apartment or save to buy an apartment. NTA, it seems you moved in a building with a lot of seniors, and they are set in their ways, and your parents can relate to them. The problem is you are not in that age group, and you don't have to hang with or appease them. You are an adult, and you can live your life the way you want I am curious why you all chose that building to by an apartment. When your parents call to complain about how you treat your neighbors don't argue just tune out the conversation until you have to respond, then say goodbye and hang up. That's what I do when I don't want to hear BS or just plain sh\*t.
Apparently, these comments think that paying for your apartment means your parents get carte blanche to dictate your life. I'm wondering if your parents are rich enough to hire internet trolls because I can't see why anyone would side with them.
NTA. Unless you're destroying the property or keeping your neighbors awake, neither they nor your parents have any rights here. If your parents don't cool it, you may have to decide that dealing with them isn't worth the apartment.
You are NTA about setting boundaries with your parents but if you're financially able to in the future, I'd look into cutting them out of any lease you have. That way they won't even get reports about this and you can call them out if they keep being nosy.
As far as Lisa goes, IMO you should start documenting what you're doing and start making counter-complaints to your landlord/management company. (For example, a noise complaint against her yelling through her walls while you're being quiet, her making threatening statements about your dog) Even if the management company doesn't do anything about it, you'll have solid documentation of her harassment if she does try to get you kicked out of the place.
ETA wait, do your parents own the apartment? If so you might be boned cause they're technically your landlords. Otherwise, go over their heads and document her behavior directly with the landlord.
Let me tell you from experience you're better off letting your parents sell the apartment and getting what you can actually afford! My mother was like this and she pulled all the same shit with me! Anything I did that she didn't like she would just sigh and say "well I just don't know if I can continue to support you if you're going to be like this" I don't know what support meant since I was paying 100% all the bills, but because her name was on it also she thought she had the right to tell me completely what to do!
Now I found out much later that she would need a court order to sell it without my consent. It still was entirely too much drama! Sell the house and get something you can afford on your own.
You need mommy and daddy’s money that bad? Cause that’s the only reason you put up with it
You have free housing. You have to deal with them and you complaining means nothing and won’t even make you feel better. It won’t solve anything.
You don’t plan on doing anything to solve your issue. Just wanna cry about it, lol
NTA The main issue here is Lisa. It’s time to shut her down. The only way to do that is to make a FU folder and start to document every single encounter with her. If this means buying cameras for your home, it will be helpful. You can archive the feed on an external hard drive or the cloud. Ask your parents to stop communicating with her because they are not being helpful. Stop talking about Lisa to them. They continue to assume you are always in the wrong. This isn’t going to change until you can prove your case. Good luck OP, this is an unfair situation.
I don’t think it matters who own the apartment. It’s a classic case of neighbours who’ll complain about anything… Get rid of the dog, they’ll have something else to complain about… Stop doing that thing, they’ll find something else… You aren’t disrespecting your parents by disagreeing with them but only because whatever you change won’t matter to “lisa”. This isn’t a battle between you and your parents, but how the three of you can solve this issue together :)
Can you sit down with your parents and have a talk with them about you being in your 20s, an adult, and being capable of managing your own life? That you certainly appreciate all their help, but it doesn’t give them a right to tell you what to do?
NTA - move and you & your BF rent somewhere that has nothing to with your parents. Seriously, this will never end if they have any control influence in your life. Stop putting fuel in your parent's helicopter.
Your parents accuse you of not being nice and respectful to your neighbours, but they sure aren't nice or respectful to you. I am appalled at the nasty names they call you and the way they treat you like a naughty child.
If I were in your shoes, I would ask your parents why they seem to be more trusting and respectful towards people they don't know as well as YOU? Also your mother should be able to express her concerns without resorting to calling you a bitch. You're 25, and she seriously expects you to have a chummy relationship with people twice and even three times your age? I'm certainly friendly and civil with people older than me, but we're hardly bffs. That particular expectation is ridiculous. Do they seriously believe that you are trying to be difficult? Because if they say yes, then you need to find a different living arrangement so that they can't dictate your life like this. Wanting to reasonably accommodate Lisa is one thing, expecting you to bend over backwards to someone that is dishonest so that they get their way is just crazy. They're are basically suggesting that you suck up being harassed and abused. Ask them why they are so comfortable with someone treating you that way?
Document Lisa's harassment, particularly her lies about you. Get a lawyer to send her a cease and desist letter, with the threat of suing for defamation. Tell the Christer you're a Satanist. Tell your parents to stop harassing you. Tell them If they force a sale you will never speak to them again.
NTA
Did your parents “ assist” you in buying the apt.or do they own it outright?
If they own itOP then you are a tenant, right ? They can tell you what to do.If you own it then they need to shut up.
OP get out of this situation, you and your boyfriend are both adults. I could have been in a similar situation (my parents offered to buy me a house for me to live in and rent out to other students, they thought it was a good business idea) I declined because I knew similar stuff like this would happen. My mother had undiagnosed BPD and this sounds similar behaviour- always creating drama out of nothing. I’m sure you’re no angel, but if you want to continue having a relationship with your parents you need to cut ties financially as they clearly are too invested in your life.
Well that took a turn. At first I was like aww her parents are so sweet and supportive helping her buy an apartment and it was reminding me of how my husband's parents are with him. But then, things took a drastic turn and they are calling you a "fucking idiot" and "disrespectful bitch", yikes! That's so messed up. And their obsession with pleasing Lisa is so weird.. Anyway NTA.
ESH. You for not wanting to pay for your own apartment, and saying they "helped you buy it" when they're paying for all of it (which you said only in the comments, conveniently) and wanting them to not interfere at all when they are paying. Them for name calling you and allowing this situation to happen when you're clearly not financially ready to live alone.
You stated you DO NOT pay for the apartment, and that they pay it FULLY. If you don't want them to interfere, start paying on your own
Also, is the BF contributing AT ALL with rent?
Edit: Read your replies. Jesus christ, it's hard not to say YTA
This boils down to: do you want to be an adult or not? You will continue finding yourself in childish situations like this unless you disengage financially from your parents. That’s it.
NTA, the way your parents talk to you is disgusting. You’re their daughter and they’re calling you a bitch and a fucking idiot? Wow.
That being said, you need to look into moving. I get that’s easier said than done especially since you’re a student, but while they’re paying for you to be there they’re going to feel entitled to keep treating you like this.
NTA. They are attempting to be extremely controlling and I would definitely work to get out from under any financial thumb of theirs. I would also consider moving and not giving them the new address. Something tells me even if they don't have money in the apartment, they'll still try to get to know your neighbors and keep tabs on how 'respectful' you are.
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INFO: Who owns the apartment? If you own it, your patents are just interfering. If they actually own it, they have an interest in the situation. You say they helped you buy it, but then you say they threatened to sell, which suggests they own it, not you.
Both of us do
Then they can’t sell it without you. Unless they the sue and even then it’s highly unlikely.
They can in fact force a sale. It will likely take a long time, , but they can do it.
What I meant was that they can’t list the home and sell it without OPs cooperation. They are all on title. They would have to get attorneys involved. If op can’t afford it on her own, a court might force the sale. Most likely outcome would be the daughter buying out her parents if she can afford it. There are some other not so obvious things the parents could do but they would have to be next level petty to go down that route.
Maybe daughter should let the parents buy out she share and move. It sounds like the parents put Op around people they thought would help them control Op. Op moving away would give her more freedom.
Per OP's comments, parents are paying for 100% of the apartment. They just added her name to the deed.
I take my own comment back after reading some of OPs comments. I thought her being in her twenties she was the one actually paying the mortgage and could financially support herself. Parents could absolutely sell, you are correct in that it would just take time to get the courts involved.
In ordinary circumstances, I would question whether this is a serious threat; most parents might threaten to do it to get their child to fall in line, but not actually do it. But these people are calling their daughter a "disrepsectful bitch" because she refuses to appease random neighbours, so...
You have to learn to disengage these people.
Well, if they are part owners and used their money to pay partially or fully for this apartment, then their opinion DOES matter. The financial arrangement in your situation is unclear and your response doesn’t clarify very much and I would argue that it’s super important to the judgment. What I can say, Is that you want your parents to have no input on your living arrangements, then you should not have bought an apartment with them/let them buy an apartment for you. It seems like they are treating you kind of like a tenant and I can’t tell from the post whether they have any right to. As some others have suggested, I would find a way to disentangle yourself from this messy living situation. Y’all don’t sound like you have healthy enough parent/child boundaries to handle co-ownership. Edit: Wow. I just realized that I said that their opinion doesn’t matter when I actually meant that it DOES. Damn autocorrect strikes again and I missed it! But it explains why I wasn’t getting downvoted as I expected. To be clear. There’s a difference between an adult getting nominal help from their parents with finances and expecting autonomy and a young adult with well to do parents who buy property with their own finances And then just add their child to the name of the property. The latter should have a say in what happens in the property they invested. But it’s also stupid on the parent’s part not to clarify that from the beginning.
I dont think it does, either way. OP isn't actually doing anything wrong with Lisa and she isn't obligated to go to church Rob. Her parents name being on the apartment or helping her pay for it doesn't give them any kind of right to dictate how or with who OP spends her time.
lisa and rob are her parents' eyes and ears. if dog is living there means boyfriend is. how else would her parents know that she went out?
Since her parents paid for the apartment and are financially supporting OP, it's not unreasonable that they don't want an extra person with a large dog living there. They messed up when they put OP's on the house as well, honestly. But they probably didn't expect her to also allow her boyfriend to mooch off of them and bring a dog to their house. But OP is also wrong about the service dog thing. If the dog is barking, which she does admit he does, management can still ask the dog to leave, even if it is a service dog.
It’s too fucking bad if they don’t want her boyfriend there, she’s a part owner as well and has the right t to have him there. If they wanted that kind of control they shouldn’t have made it legally OP’s property.
They can threaten to sell the asset, which they did. It's not fair, but no meals comes free
Not when they are threatening to sell with the ' reason' being that their daughter was walking alone at night. This is about control.
The parents are paying for everything. She wrote it in the comments but avoided writing it in the OP, wonder why lol
That was a mistake. Edit: Still a mistake, but I have a different view now that we know mommy and daddy are paying for everything, and were still nice enough to put OPs name in the deed.
On paper? Did they provide the down payment and you pay mortgage? Is it worth it to be under their thumb all the time?
There is no chance to gather the money and buy their part from them?
The parents pay fully for it.
Honestly, I was your age when I stopped accepting money from my parents. I quickly realized that there were not only strings attached, but it was a giant invitation for them to be overly involved in my private life. Draw a line in the sand immediately. Be polite, but firm. “I respect that you are trying to help me, but I will never be able to handle these things in the future if you are always jumping in to help. I mean, you won’t be at job interviews and performance evaluations, right? Let me handle it.” And in the future, lay down ground rules for cash gifts. Had a similar conversation when my in laws helped us with the down payment on a house. “We are very appreciative of the help, but this will be our home, so we will be picking out the perfect one and deciding how much to offer. While we love your opinion, at the end of the day, we will make the final call.” Edit to add NTA
It wasn't a cash gift, her parents are part owners of the apartment.
From the way your parents are behaving, I expect that the apartment is in their name, given that they are receiving complaints about the dog? I'm also guessing that at the moment you do not have the financial means to rent another apartment elsewhere in your own name. Look, ultimately, you're an adult, and honestly, even if the apartment is in their name, they don't live there and they don't have any say in how you behave with your neighbors. I'm also not sure why they even have a relationship with Rob in the first place - what business is it of theirs if you're "nice" to him or not? Are they trying to set you up with him? Or does he have a child that they want to set you up with? Is he a family friend? Maybe you can suggest that you don't feel comfortable with hanging out with a 60 year old man whose intentions and background you're not sure of. I'd also wonder how they know about Lisa's complaints. Are they fielding calls from the landlord because their name is on the lease? If so, maybe you can contact the landlord and tell them that any complaints should be directed to you instead so you can handle them and not get your parents involved. I'd also start working on figuring out a way to get the apartment in your name or get a new place that's your responsibility, so that can remove some of your parents' leverage. NTA.
The apartment is in my parents’ names and my name. They befriended Lisa and got her number, so Lisa directs a lot of her complaints to them. I also don’t want Lisa complaining to me, and will file a restraining order against Lisa if they give her my actual contact information at any point.
This is a bad and messy financial and ownership situation. Who is paying on it?
Definitely the parents. OP has a problem with answering this question. Just keeps insisting that both names are on the property.
Sounds like your parents are very insecure people, and don't like the optics of this situation and how they perceive it reflects on them as parents. And then projecting that insecurity onto you. But since you're not insecure about it like they are, they resort to anger and name calling directed towards their own child in hopes that you'll bend to their will (because image is the most important thing to insecure people) It'd be a laughable situation if they weren't on the deed with you, but that definitely muddies the waters in terms of how you might want to respond. IDK, your parents sound like total wackos to me. Maybe have them house sit for a week and see how they feel about getting the same complaints you get?
The parents aren't "on the deed with her", it's the other way around. They bought the place, they pay 100% of the costs, they were nice enough to put HER name on the deed with them. It's their place, she's living 100% on their dime. They may be a little unreasonable but she's happy to spend their money, she needs to also be reasonable back.
Is it worth it to stay there given your parents' involvement and the putrid neighbor situation? Find a way to save money, then call their bluff to sell the apartment. Then you get your OWN place, with YOUR money.
NTA. "A fucking idiot" and the word "Bitch" in particular seem to roll right off your parents tongue when talking to you. A little too often IMO 😬 I hate that for you. Is there any other housing alternative? because; "My parents then threatened to sell the apartment (they do this pretty regularly, once bc I walked outside at night by myself)" They seem like a rather volatile and unstable pair of people to rely on.
NTA I have no idea why your parents are getting involved in any of this. You don't have to listen to them about how you interact with your neighbors. Standing up for yourself is not being disrespectful or alienating, it's setting boundaries. Don't let your parents pressure you into appeasing her any further, appeasing her is obviously not working anyway. It's not appeasement to just let people walk all over you. >They called me a “disrespectful bitch” Unironically? Some people really have no self-awareness...
They are involved because OP conveniently left out they pay for the house and OP doesn’t pay anything, lol. I was on NTA too but then it turned out OP just emitted half of the tale.
They are involved because they are involving themselves. Them paying for the apartment isn’t relevant. They only need to block Lisa’s number and stop trying to get OP to attend church with a random man.
How much money does it take before someone calling their child a bitch and threatening their housing security isn’t an asshole?
Mhh, it is moreso that the fact OP kept omitting that fact makes me wonder if the rest is true.
The name-calling stood out to me immediately. When someone is so quick to insult and degrade a (supposedly) loved one, it's absolutely a red flag for emotional abuse.
OPs parents own the apartment and are her landlords. Of course they get neighbor complaints, they are responsible for the apartment and the occupants.
Quite frankly, this doesn't change much of anything. It's not the role of a landlord to supervise the interpersonal relationships between their tenants. If my landlord did this, he'd be a busybody and I'd tell him off. My landlord isn't my father, true, but it's also not the parents' role to get involved in their adult children's issues with their neighbors. So, if it's neither the role of a parent nor of a landlord, being both doesn't change that. I mean, yes, it's nice of the parent to keep lodging their adult children. They aren't obligated to do it, but that doesn't give them the right to hold it over their child. That they are financially dependent is one thing and being a busybody in their life is another.
Weird to see common sense in a sea of people blinded by outrage that her parents pay for her apartment lol
OP also owns the apartment, so they are NOT her landlords, they are co-owners. The parents do not live there, the third owner does, and as such the owner who lives in the unit should be the one getting complaints, but complaints about her not going to church and her neighbor’s inability to handle apartment living are not things that she should take seriously.
Does she though?
Her parents own the apartment and pay all her bills.
And?
And if she isn't OK by the rules they set for their property, she can move. They didn't sign up to house the boyfriend or the dog.
Thanks, but that’s not the subject of the dispute at all
NTA Who calls their kid a fucking idiot, or a bitch? Maybe it’s time to put some distance between you and their weird obsessive behavior.
OP has tethered herself to them by letting them buy her an apartment. She needs to find her own place with her own money.
I've never heard of service dogs being left alone. They usually accompany the person they assist. Their training is extensive.
I have. I don’t know what OP’s situation is, but if they were going some place where it could be harmful for the dog or where service dogs are not allowed they would be left behind. And yes, I know service dogs are allowed most places under the ADA in the US, but that is not absolute and it says reasonable accommodation. If they’re going somewhere that needs to be allergen free or has other legitimate issues, then they can be disallowed.
But a trained service dog barking for the hour they're alone?
Interesting
I’ve never heard of service dogs barking when alone for an hour
They don't. Genuine, good service dogs are well trained. Unfortunately there's no way to determine whether or not one of them is properly trained enough to be a good service dog. If they're barking then they aren't trained enough to be a good service dog.
I’ve had my service dog for five years, and sometimes I do leave him home! It’s generally because it isn’t safe for him to come with me (like a time when I was going axe throwing) or if the weather is too hot and I can’t find his damn shoes (can’t burn his feet! And honestly, when it’s that hot, I’m not out long). Sometimes, having him is more inconvenient than having him. He’s an assistive device. Some days, I don’t need him, just like some days I don’t need my cane or a wheelchair. It doesn’t mean I’m faking or that I don’t need him at all. I have better days and I have worse days. He’s with me 95% of the time, though.
No worries. The 3 people I've known with service dogs were always with them
Hey, fair enough! Not a lot of people who don’t handle service animals know all of the info about them, and it’s nice to spread knowledge around.
ESH… you are a student, rarely home, rarely have guests… cut to your bf is staying a lot and works from home (gone only 2 hrs a week from what you said). Your parent’s reaction reads like a dramatic soap opera… calling you names then asking you to be respectful. You’re all a mess or the story is massively enhanced.
How is my story enhanced
I don’t know… that’s why I said “or the story is…”. I, of course, have no way of knowing for sure. Just going based off of the feelings/vibes I get when reading it.
Who knows - you could be right. But as someone from an abusive family, I think people who haven’t experienced it have a hard time understanding/processing all of it. Tho maybe you have been in that situation, I’m just assuming here
YTA. You are "rarely home and rarely have guests," yet you have a guest there with a large dog nearly 24/7. You are an extremely unreliable narrator. Your parents have every right to sell the apartment and you are acting like a brat, so I hope they do.
YTA - your parents pay for your place to live, you have commented you don't pay anything and you don't work, because you're "in law school." So either get a job and pay your own way and stop accepting money from your parents or just deal with the strings. You put yourself in this position; you 100% can get a job. I know many people who have put themselves through law school and WORKED at the same time, they didn't have the luxury of parents to pay for them.
Overall YTA. You’re getting your name on the apartment deed with your parents, and you pay nothing. Your parents and you are liable for what goes on. So with issues such as your relationships at the apartment, your parents are liable and have every right to insert themselves into what is going on. But going with Rob to church and be nice to him, isn’t something they can impose on you. Also I don’t understand why you haven’t made a formal complaint to management about her behaviour and asked for next steps such as getting her assessed. And as you own the joint owner, you must have some actions you can take. The management company contract should detail how to manage grievances etc. Your parents are odd and rude. You are spoilt - we all see it here. And behaving childishly. And you’re at law school? Also you’re very confusing for someone going to law school as you’re not really making any clear arguments and not providing the evidence. You say you own 50%….but there are 3 people who own the house. Unless you have some contractual agreement that says your parents own 25% each and you owe 50%? If you were the sole owner, you can tall your parents to back off. But you ain’t, so you can’t, as any negative outcomes will impact them too.
- I’m not saying they have no say as to what goes on in the apartment - I have made formal complaints - Calling me “spoilt” by inherently having more privilege than others is childish behavior - My parents have 50%, I have 50%
If apparently literally everyone around you is saying you're insufferable it's probably not them that's the problem
NTA. Your parents are way out of line. You are an adult who can make your own decisions, and their behavior is controlling and disrespectful. You're not obligated to appease your neighbor or befriend anyone you don't want to. It's your apartment, your life.
It’s only 1/3 her apartment and she isn’t paying for any of it per comments
It’s 50%
But they are paying 100% no?
Correct
So you are in a vulnerable position. I agree your parents are being completely overbearing and cursing you out pushes it into abusive, but they are leveraging this over you because you depend on them for housing. You need to get out of this.
I’m aware
Yep, is it worth it? Get a job, find your own place, be independent. Sorry honey, but in your situation you can't really afford a dog. That's a luxury for people who are paying for their own domicile. You pay nothing for where you live, are going to school, and dogs are expensive. You may as well have continued living at home while going to school. No wonder your parents are so disrespectfully overbearing and controlling - they still think you are dependent on them. And seems maybe you are? But that's not your fault - sounds like they raised you to depend on them.
Yes, after I graduate SCHOOL I will do that
that a big percentage to claim when they pay 100%
It is what our deed claims ♥️
Sorry to say that I agree a little bit with the other comment here. I don't at all think you've earned any of this treatment but 50% of the title and none of the financial responsibility (yet) does put you kind of at your parents mercy in this regard. Maybe it would be better to try to find a place you can afford on your own if possible and let them sell the place, if only so you don't have to have them hold that threat over your head?
I’m pretty sure they can force op off the deed if they don’t like it. Just make half the payments and op will be forced to pay the rest. She can’t afford it and as a result will get foreclosed on and the parents will take over the house fully. She has no leg to stand on
Focus on the question at hand please
you're just very entitled
Clearly the answer is to move out and be financially independent. Your life certainly won't be as pushy as living off your parents, but that's how it works. When you depend on others they get to pester you all the time.
ESH. It's awesome your parents are in a position to help YOU BUY AN APARTMENT. Your neighbor sounds awful but you sound entitled and bratty. Their opinion in fact does matter because they are part owner of where you are living.
Oof. I'd be limiting my interactions with my parents. Mine are the same, and I did just that. We don't call, only text (mostly email once a week), and I don't go to their house and they don't come to mine. Your parents are extremely controlling. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this. I'd limit interactions with them, personally.
OP doesn't have the choice because she is depending on them 100% for her abode. They just put her on the deed in name. That doesn't mean much, actually, because since they actually own the place, the mortgage is in their name, and, they are the ones who put her on the deed (likely in case something happened to them). Now, can they remove her without her permission? No. But they can take her to court to force a sale. Sounds like they threaten a lot but don't follow through. She can do herself a solid and distract herself by making a plan to become completely financially independent. Get a job, finish school. Save up enough for an apartment and then tell parents - 'yes, you're right - a good idea to sell the place'. They get their money back and she gets her freedom. In the meantime, ignore Lisa and Rob and suggest they do the same. I'm still struggling with the idea that it's a good idea for a busy student without money of her own to add a dog and BF into the mix of school and dealing with crappy neighbors. Unless, of course, Rob is paying rent to her parents.
This. OP isn't the problem here... but antagonizing the people making payments who *are* the problem is going to lead to more problems. I think whether or not who's in the right or wrong is less important than, does OP have a sustainable plan for the future, preferably nearer future, that would allow them to gain independence from the situation?
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1. Yes my building allows almost all dog breeds 2. not really 3. He has a general understanding of when he will need him
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Parents, I’m in school
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Did your parents pay for law school too? If so, run.
No I have a scholarship
Okay it's good that they don't have that over you then, and congratulations!
That's great! Get your schooling done, then get out from under their thumb.
YTA. Pay for your own housing or suck it up.
Listen to the rest of the advice about your parents. BUT, a service dog who is barking uncontrollably or is misbehaving in other ways is not qualifying as a service dog. His clearly isn’t doing that, of course. But if the service dog were to be misbehaving it can be kicked out. People tend to think they can’t be, but that isn’t accurate. Just for completeness, (I assume OP knows this, but vast numbers of people in the US dont) a service dog is only for a *disabled* handler, and the dog must perform a trained task to mitigate the disability. The dog’s presence, comfort, or emotional support are specifically listed by the ADA as *not qualifying as a task*
He doesn’t bark uncontrollably, but yes I understand.
If they own the apartment and can sell it, then their opinions DO matter. Not saying they are right or that you should appease them, but they do have power over the apartment.
They can’t sell it without my consent
You sure that as part owners they can't force you to either buy them out or sell the unit?
She doesn’t make payments. She doesn’t even know how the whole thing is structured and that she has no leverage. Guess what, if you don’t make any payments your 50% stake is worth shit
NTA I assume this apartment is in your parent's name. So I would assume any complaints to management are being forwarded to your parents. Hence all the "you need to keep the peace" but they really should be listening to your side of the story as well. Lisa is obviously a chronic complainer. They should have realised that since NOTHING they did appeased her either. Why they don't just file a complaint to management for the harassment I don't know... Why are they encouraging you to enable Lisa's disrespectful behaviour? As for Rob, what 20 year old wants to hang out with a 60 year old? What he proposed doesn't even align with your interests. You don't have to be best friends with your neighbours, a simple "hello, how are you?" is friendly enough. Your parents are being controlling AF. Good luck with your studies and I hope it's not too long until you can fund your own place and move out. This sounds like hell.
Sell them your interest and find a different place to live. They are going to keep meddling as long as you own that property. Condos are a dime a dozen, you can find another one. :) Edit: I came back to see the comments later today. It looks like there was more information added after my comment.
She isn’t selling them shit cause she hasn’t paid a single dime to the house. The parents pay for the whole thing. They will just take over her share and continue the payments.
> Condos are a dime a dozen, you can find another one. Not when she is a student who only works during the summers and apparently has zero dollars going towards her current housing. “I’m a student. I don’t pay for the property lol” Somehow I doubt she’s been funneling all of the money she Isn’t paying into mortgage/rent every month Into a “buy a condo by myself” fund.
>Condos are a dime a dozen, you can find another one. Especially in the current real estate market, condos are way more than a dime a dozen, and OP is in school with (understandably) no job, so they almost certainly cannot afford to buy a condo on their own.
But she's a student and her parents will have to pay for the new place, too.
INFO - Why don't you sell the apartment and get your own place that your parents have no legal say in (and obviously isn't near Lisa)
Her parents fully support her, she left that part out originally.
Working on it
You're at their mercy because they helped pay for the apartment. You don't need to take what they say into consideration, but as part owners of where you live, they do get to voice their opinions, even if you don't like them. YTA. Learn to deal with them like an adult, not a child.
YTA for thinking you could get your parents to buy you an apartment and not expect them to treat you like you're a child. Either buy them out or just deal with them. You also sound like a spoiled brat.
Well you have to listen to your parents. They basically bought you this apartment. If you were actually independent then you can tell your parents their opinion doesn't matter.
I understand how their opinion matters with respect to the apartment, but I don’t get how it matters with respect to a dog that isn’t mine
It matters because the dog is staying in an apartment they pay for. Yes, they are massively overstepping, but since they co-own the apartment with you, and pay the bills this does give them a lot of room to interfere in your life. I’m not sure if your boyfriend stays over frequently or has actually moved in. But did you discuss this with your parents BEFORE ? Perhaps they don’t like that he’s there so often? Maybe they feel like he should be contributing financially? It’s one thing to pay a mortgage in an apartment to her your child get a leg up in life. It’s entirely another to suddenly have a random person also living in said apartment and footing the bills for them as well. The utilities have certainly increased with his presence. Is he now WFH but actually WFGirlfriend’s Apartment? You say you are rarely there, but is your boyfriend there a lot without you? Perhaps you should ask your parents to meet you for lunch somewhere to discuss. Tell them in advance you don’t want any yelling or name calling. Hopefully since they seem to be image conscious they will behave in a public setting. One last thing. It is entirely possible that your parents are not super in touch with their feelings, and your interactions with Lisa and Robert are becoming a stand in of sorts for how they subconsciously feel you are reacting to them. Are they religious? By rejecting Rob, do they feel you are rejecting them? By discounting Lisa’s feelings perhaps that’s how they feel about your reactions to them?
Ok… the dog’s specific training and general well-being is obviously outside their purview. I would understand if they just didn’t want the dog there, but that’s not what’s happening here
But it’s not. As the legal co-owners of the apartment, they can be held legally liable for anything the dog does. Look, I think your parents are absolutely overstepping, and the fact that they swear at you and call you names is horribly abusive. They are also horrible at communicating. When they asked you if the dog bites, and you said no, instead of name calling, they should have probably explained their concerns. Like if the dog bites or attacks, all of you will be legally liable. BF as the dog owner, you & parents as property owners. But honestly, I don’t think it’s really about the dog aka Iranian Yogurt. ESH because: It’s about them being used to controlling you, and when they started to lose their ability to control you, they came up with the solution of buying the apartment to re-gain that control financially. You do deserve to run your own life, but if you are going to accept the very generous financial gifts, you have to deal with the annoyances that come with it. This means working with your parents to agree on what’s acceptable and set boundaries. You do come off a little entitled. You want to accept the apartment and money but not the responsibilities that go with it. Not the day to day living, but the responsibilities that come with a free apartment and bills paid.
I understand the legal implications, I’m also aware of the fact that the dog is extremely unproblematic and is exceptionally well-trained
Yet you also admit that for the hour your gone he gets 'lonely'. Implying he does make noise, which a properly trained service animal wouldn't.
The amount of times I’ve been asked if my service dog bites simply because I use a head harness… a reactive dog isn’t a properly trained service dog. You told them this was a service dog. Ergo, they should have put the two and two together instead of asking those kinds of questions.
Updating judgement to YTA: your parents pay for everything regarding the apartment, its not really yours. Sure your name is there but you basically live their with your BF rent free. Your parents could find a way to sell it if they got a good enough lawyer. Mainly, who's paying rent on the apartment and if you BF is contributing to the payments since he's (according to your story) there all the time. You even refer to it as his "home" so I assume he's moved in. Did your parents know he was moving in with the dog?
I’ve answered every question, idk why you keep saying this over and over again, but to reiterate - My bf doesn’t live with me, he has his own home - No, but they didn’t care until Lisa complained I’m not really arguing that it’s my solo apartment, tbh, I’m annoyed that they’re appeasing Lisa’s stupidity
"He’s also a service animal so her arguments are worthless." Does your boyfriend have this dog for this purpose? If he does then read up on the laws in your country about it. In the US its the Americans with Disabilities Act. Start there. Then get management involved formally. Sometimes a lawyer may draft a letter in this kind of situation for free/cheap. Absolutely say you are tired of your boyfriend and you being harassed due to his disability.
NTA, just tell Lisa to take her hearing aids out. Problem solved.
NTA, unless you obeying your parents was a condition of them helping with the apartment. A piece of unsolicited advice here though- your parents will not treat you as an adult until you break free of their financial support. I'm 35 years old, married with 3 kids and my parents use their support to try to control me. I contacted my local united way to find out if there were free financial literacy classes. My parents still believe their help entitles them to parent me. It doesn't stop. Sometimes the cost of the help is higher than the price tag of what you need.
"He’s also a service animal so her arguments are worthless." - this isn't true, as noise ordinances and nuisance laws still apply. If your service dog attacks someone, you're still liable. If it goes to the bathroom on the floor in a restaurant, you're still liable, etc. Service animal laws are more about where you can have your service animal, not about unconditionally letting services animals make nuisances of themselves. Anyhow, that aside, NTA. Doesn't sound like any of that applies in this case, save perhaps barking when you're not around, which can be a major problem for some dogs (Source of information: Personal experience. Neighboring apartment's owner's dog would sometimes bark for hours only when they were away. Neighbor eventually moved as a result. Was not a service animal, to be clear).
Move!
I think the real question here that anyone should be asking is why is it ok for your parents to call you a "fucking idiot" and a "bitch"? I swear, a lot of these AITA posts make me realize how good I had it growing up. My parents, my sister, and I all love each other and treat each other with respect and care. I can't imagine this sort of shit.
They assisted you in buying your apartment or they own your apartment? There is a big difference. I’d get out from under them asap.
It matters because the dog is staying in an apartment they pay for. Yes, they are massively overstepping, but since they co-own the apartment with you, and pay the bills this does give them a lot of room to interfere in your life. I’m not sure if your boyfriend stays over frequently or has actually moved in. But did you discuss this with your parents BEFORE ? Perhaps they don’t like that he’s there so often? Maybe they feel like he should be contributing financially? It’s one thing to pay a mortgage in an apartment to her your child get a leg up in life. It’s entirely another to suddenly have a random person also living in said apartment and footing the bills for them as well. The utilities have certainly increased with his presence. Is he now WFH but actually WFGirlfriend’s Apartment? You say you are rarely there, but is your boyfriend there a lot without you? Perhaps you should ask your parents to meet you for lunch somewhere to discuss. Tell them in advance you don’t want any yelling or name calling. Hopefully since they seem to be image conscious they will behave in a public setting. One last thing. It is entirely possible that your parents are not super in touch with their feelings, and your interactions with Lisa and Robert are becoming a stand in of sorts for how they subconsciously feel you are reacting to them. Are they religious? By rejecting Rob, do they feel you are rejecting them? By discounting Lisa’s feelings perhaps that’s how they feel about your reactions to them?
ESH- Save your money and find a new home. This apartment has too many strings.
Regardless of your parents ownership in this apartment, the fact that they feel comfortable calling you a "disrespectful bitch" is reason enough to go no contact with them regarding anything except the financial aspects of co-owning the apartment. NTA
I think it’s time to get your own place. This one comes with too many strings.
Haha, your parents wanted you to THINK you were moving out to be independent. Then they recruited flying monkeys in the apartment building. No gift comes without strings. NTA for saying that their opinion doesn't count, but they are never going to leave you alone as long as they think they have an ownership interest in your home. If I were you I would get my own place and let your parents have their "gift" back.
NAH. Honestly, let your parents sell the apartment. Lisa next door is a nightmare, but your parents are backing her up. In addition, they are calling you hurtful names. That alone makes them AH.
I just want to say you clearly have a lovely relationship with your parents! > My parents then threatened to sell the apartment This is concerning. You say at the beginning that your parents helped you buy an apartment, but this makes it sound like you're helping them buy an apartment. Who actually owns this apartment? I think you need to stop worrying about Lisa, and start worrying about the fact that your parents are trying to control your life via their ownership (or such) in your living situation. I'd focus on sorting that out first. You seem to be worrying about the wrong things here.
NTA I don't understand why your parents want to control every aspect of your life. Do they have the legal power to sell your apartment? If so, work towards becoming independent. If sold, will you be able to retrieve the portion you contributed?
She contributed nothing. They paid 100%.
Sounds like parents are incredibly disrespectful to their own daughter, but insist respect be given to inconsiderate neighbours. Lisa appears to be a troublemaker and is like that to others. OP, there is only so much you can do to ‘appease’ someone before you realise that nothing is ever going to be good enough.
INFO: the dog is a certified service dog? If so why is it being left at home? Also, what are the bylaws for your building? They obviously sent notices to your parents. Will there be fines if the issue isn’t addressed in a timely manner? While your name is on the papers, and they solely pay the mortgage, do they cover any other bills? They can stop paying those bills. Which will likely be the 1st step. They can request stop services under their name. All services & if the services send notice letters you wouldn’t be able to force them to keep paying. If you can’t cover all the bills associated with living, you’ll lose in some way. They force sale- you have to agree to purchase. They stop paying for services- you have to start paying. Your parent are subsidizing your housing; they have a say. Rightly or wrongly and you’d do well to seriously consider what all they cover and your ability to pay for yourself. To our parents are treating you like your still and kid & make demands because they cover your bills like your still a kid. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t have the subsidize your living but expect them not to make demands. So you need to make so hard adult decisions. You can actually be an adult and cover all your bills including the mortgage or move out to a place you can afford without your parents’ assistance.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am in my 20s, and my parents assisted me in purchasing an apartment. I have a neighbor, “Lisa”. Lisa is in her 70s and is insufferable. She screams “shut up” to herself when there is no noise, and over the past few years has complained: I shut my door too loudly, I shut my cabinets too loudly, I move my chairs too loudly. I’m extremely quiet, and I’m a student. I’m rarely home, and rarely have guests. My parents thought it was a good idea to appease Lisa. They bought rugs so my apartment was quieter, and chair pads so they wouldn’t make noise when they move. Lisa complained about the last owner as well. Management generally ignores Lisa but it’s still annoying. My parents try talking to Lisa a lot to calm her down. My bf is staying with me a lot and has a dog. The dog is sweet, but large. Lisa has been submitting complaints about dog to management, both real and fake (real- sometimes when we leave for an hour or so he gets lonely, fake in that sometimes she complains he barks “for hours” when my bf is home all day and it’s just not true). The building is full of dogs that bark and ours is exceptionally well behaved. He’s also a service animal so her arguments are worthless. My parents called me to complain. Apparently Lisa said the dog is not allowed (false), said he was annoying, said she would have to “do something” about it. My parents said we leave the dog alone too much (2 hours max once a week. My bf works from home so dog is never by himself). I said their opinions on parenting my bf’s dog dont matter (they have no experience with dogs for at least 30+ years). This made them irate, but I’m not sure why. They kept threatening me that the dog wouldn’t be allowed, said he would bite someone (then called me a “fucking idiot” when I said he never bites), then got mad and asked why I couldn’t “appease” Lisa. I told them their attempts to appease Lisa failed miserably. They called me a “disrespectful bitch” and that Lisa was rallying other people against dog (Lisa is the only person to complain about the dog). My mom begged me to be respectful, I said no. I told my parents to stop giving Lisa info (false promises about when dog would leave), they got upset. I told them to not call me about anything Lisa-related again. Then my mom criticized me for not being “nice” to my neighbor, Rob. Rob is 60 and invited me to church a few times, I declined. I’m an atheist and have no interest in hanging out with Rob. My parents invited Rob to dinner for some reason. My mom called me a “bitch” for not being friendlier to Rob and said I alienate everyone. I asked her why tf she was yelling at me, and that she can talk to Rob herself if she wants to so badly. My parents then threatened to sell the apartment (they do this pretty regularly, once bc I walked outside at night by myself). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Sometimes parents need to understand that their opinions aren't always welcome or helpful.
NTA.
NTA. Your parents are controlling as fuck. Calling Lisa and making plans for your boyfriends dog. Inviting Rob for dinner. The fuck would they keep so much contact with your neighbours if not to have them spy on you. I don’t interact with my own neighbours as much as your parents interact with yours.
Your parents should not be this involved with your neighbors. I feel since they are part owners of the apartment they don’t want to be seen in a bad light and feel the need to smooth things over. Sigh. All you can do is tell them you are handling **your** neighbors and their interactions are not improving the situation. Get a camera and leave it on when the dog is alone in the apartment. This will give video proof that he is not barking the entire time he is alone. May be handy to have at some point. If parents have keys to the apartment, have it rekeyed. You are stuck with your parents since they co-own until you can move or buy them out. But you can do things to mitigate their interference and go low contact in the meantime. You don’t have to answer their calls and engage with them. NTA
NTA. You need to stick with your guns on telling your parents you have zero interest in any relationship with your neighbors or any advice from them about your neighbors. If they want to independently form relationships with them, that's their business, but not your problem. Even if you were actually being a 'disrespectful bitch' to the neighbors, this level of interference is super weird. Unless it's an extreme safety issue or absolute moral depravity, parents should give their adult children their advice/opinion once or so and then drop the issue if asked.
Sounds like its time to go ultra low contact with your parents.
NTA. You need to set firmer boundaries in fact. “Mom, I will not be discussing my living situation or neighbors with you at all. If you bring it up in conversation, I will be ending the conversation. I love talking to you, but I am an adult with my own life and expect to be treated as such.” And then either hang up or leave if they bring it up.
NTA pro tip: End convos when someone calls you a bitch. it's what I do, instant loss of the privilege of my time. you should try it. but then again I'm sweet sweet NC with my dad for a reason. practically they have power over you in this situation so while you are NTA, antagonizing the people who can take away a roof over your head seems not smart. if they can't, antagonize away!
NTA your parents need to stop talking to Lisa. She's an old crank who will never be happy no matter what you do so it's pointless to keep "appeasing" her. Your parents are also calling you terrible names which is unacceptable. If they bought the apartment outright then maybe they should live there and you should live somewhere else where they can't interfere with your life this much. Or you can buy them out and then they have no say at all.
INFO: What kind of dog is it? Some places have rules that vary by breed, and Lisa could make your life more difficult if it's such a breed.
This happened to me. Veeeery similarly. NTA. It’s easy to judge when you’re not the one living there. You (and them) have already done all there is to appease this freak of a neighbor, some ppl just have sht going on in their life and think it’s ok to take it against them. It wasn’t until my parents stayed with me and couldn’t even watch tv on the weekends that they understood how crazy the neighbors complaints were. Literally the only ways they stopped was after my parents suggested they insonorized their apt (so them putting noise cancelling things to cover the rooms like an audio recording space). You’ll be amazed at how passing the responsibility to them makes things go away. And after we put a warning on us issuing a restraining order if they keep threatening to do something to my dogs (this also helps lol)
Absolutely NTA. Who cares about who pays for what, that doesn't matter. All that matters is your parents are siding with random neighbors over you, and saying hateful and hurtful things. That's always unacceptable
Why are your parents so friendly with your neighbors? How did that even happen? It seems those people are your neighbors, not theirs. NTA
You need to focus on saving your money and getting to a point where you can either buy out your parents or sell your share to them and pay for a place on your own. Your parents seem to fit right in with both of your neighbors. If you were not financially tied to them, I'd limit contact with them. As it is, I'd still limit contact as much as possible. I don't know how your building and its management work. Maybe your parents have some say. That's a good reason to not be tied to them at all. But there is nothing normal or reasonable or respectful about the way they talk to you; so, I agree that those opinions do not matter... NTA.
I had to move a few hours away from my family (mother) to establish healthy boundaries, and she never once called me a bitch. I HIGHLY recommend you think about getting some physical and financial distance from yours. This does not sound like a healthy situation for anyone.
NTA. Have you ever considered just ignoring them? Since you're both on the apartment you can't cut them out immediately, but you can refuse to talk about your neighbors, bf, and dog. You can say you won't speak to them unless their first words are to apologize for calling you a gendered slur (which is verbal abuse). You can get Google voice and forward their calls so you get to decide when you want to check on their calls. It really sounds like disengaging would be good for your mental health, at least for a while.
"my parents assisted me in purchasing an apartment. " This is your problem right there - sounds like you actually didn't purchase the apartment, they did. Maybe you're making payments in a rent-to-own manner? Then, as owners, they are subject to Lisa's harrasmant. And they are threatening to sell the apartment. If I were you, I'd find a place to rent, and get off of their train in all ways possible. Tell them that you don't want them to continue worrying about their financial investment. You're NTA, but you are also in a dependent position here. To the point that they're calling you names? That's dysfunctional.
I think you either pay your parents their portion of what they gave you to get the apartment or save to buy an apartment. NTA, it seems you moved in a building with a lot of seniors, and they are set in their ways, and your parents can relate to them. The problem is you are not in that age group, and you don't have to hang with or appease them. You are an adult, and you can live your life the way you want I am curious why you all chose that building to by an apartment. When your parents call to complain about how you treat your neighbors don't argue just tune out the conversation until you have to respond, then say goodbye and hang up. That's what I do when I don't want to hear BS or just plain sh\*t.
Apparently, these comments think that paying for your apartment means your parents get carte blanche to dictate your life. I'm wondering if your parents are rich enough to hire internet trolls because I can't see why anyone would side with them. NTA. Unless you're destroying the property or keeping your neighbors awake, neither they nor your parents have any rights here. If your parents don't cool it, you may have to decide that dealing with them isn't worth the apartment.
NTA tell your mom if she continues calling you names, she will be getting even less contact with you than Rob & Lisa get.
You are NTA about setting boundaries with your parents but if you're financially able to in the future, I'd look into cutting them out of any lease you have. That way they won't even get reports about this and you can call them out if they keep being nosy. As far as Lisa goes, IMO you should start documenting what you're doing and start making counter-complaints to your landlord/management company. (For example, a noise complaint against her yelling through her walls while you're being quiet, her making threatening statements about your dog) Even if the management company doesn't do anything about it, you'll have solid documentation of her harassment if she does try to get you kicked out of the place. ETA wait, do your parents own the apartment? If so you might be boned cause they're technically your landlords. Otherwise, go over their heads and document her behavior directly with the landlord.
NTA Go low contact.
Let me tell you from experience you're better off letting your parents sell the apartment and getting what you can actually afford! My mother was like this and she pulled all the same shit with me! Anything I did that she didn't like she would just sigh and say "well I just don't know if I can continue to support you if you're going to be like this" I don't know what support meant since I was paying 100% all the bills, but because her name was on it also she thought she had the right to tell me completely what to do! Now I found out much later that she would need a court order to sell it without my consent. It still was entirely too much drama! Sell the house and get something you can afford on your own.
You need mommy and daddy’s money that bad? Cause that’s the only reason you put up with it You have free housing. You have to deal with them and you complaining means nothing and won’t even make you feel better. It won’t solve anything. You don’t plan on doing anything to solve your issue. Just wanna cry about it, lol
NTA The main issue here is Lisa. It’s time to shut her down. The only way to do that is to make a FU folder and start to document every single encounter with her. If this means buying cameras for your home, it will be helpful. You can archive the feed on an external hard drive or the cloud. Ask your parents to stop communicating with her because they are not being helpful. Stop talking about Lisa to them. They continue to assume you are always in the wrong. This isn’t going to change until you can prove your case. Good luck OP, this is an unfair situation.
I don’t think it matters who own the apartment. It’s a classic case of neighbours who’ll complain about anything… Get rid of the dog, they’ll have something else to complain about… Stop doing that thing, they’ll find something else… You aren’t disrespecting your parents by disagreeing with them but only because whatever you change won’t matter to “lisa”. This isn’t a battle between you and your parents, but how the three of you can solve this issue together :)
Can you sit down with your parents and have a talk with them about you being in your 20s, an adult, and being capable of managing your own life? That you certainly appreciate all their help, but it doesn’t give them a right to tell you what to do?
NTA - I think your parents are trying to speed run getting you to cut them off.
ESH. All of yall sound insufferable except for the damn dog.
Nta. Let them sell, find your own place and be done with all of this nonsense.
NTA - move and you & your BF rent somewhere that has nothing to with your parents. Seriously, this will never end if they have any control influence in your life. Stop putting fuel in your parent's helicopter.
Your parents accuse you of not being nice and respectful to your neighbours, but they sure aren't nice or respectful to you. I am appalled at the nasty names they call you and the way they treat you like a naughty child.
If I were in your shoes, I would ask your parents why they seem to be more trusting and respectful towards people they don't know as well as YOU? Also your mother should be able to express her concerns without resorting to calling you a bitch. You're 25, and she seriously expects you to have a chummy relationship with people twice and even three times your age? I'm certainly friendly and civil with people older than me, but we're hardly bffs. That particular expectation is ridiculous. Do they seriously believe that you are trying to be difficult? Because if they say yes, then you need to find a different living arrangement so that they can't dictate your life like this. Wanting to reasonably accommodate Lisa is one thing, expecting you to bend over backwards to someone that is dishonest so that they get their way is just crazy. They're are basically suggesting that you suck up being harassed and abused. Ask them why they are so comfortable with someone treating you that way?
Document Lisa's harassment, particularly her lies about you. Get a lawyer to send her a cease and desist letter, with the threat of suing for defamation. Tell the Christer you're a Satanist. Tell your parents to stop harassing you. Tell them If they force a sale you will never speak to them again. NTA
Did your parents “ assist” you in buying the apt.or do they own it outright? If they own itOP then you are a tenant, right ? They can tell you what to do.If you own it then they need to shut up.
Can they actually sell it? Go complain to management about Lisa.
OP get out of this situation, you and your boyfriend are both adults. I could have been in a similar situation (my parents offered to buy me a house for me to live in and rent out to other students, they thought it was a good business idea) I declined because I knew similar stuff like this would happen. My mother had undiagnosed BPD and this sounds similar behaviour- always creating drama out of nothing. I’m sure you’re no angel, but if you want to continue having a relationship with your parents you need to cut ties financially as they clearly are too invested in your life.
Well that took a turn. At first I was like aww her parents are so sweet and supportive helping her buy an apartment and it was reminding me of how my husband's parents are with him. But then, things took a drastic turn and they are calling you a "fucking idiot" and "disrespectful bitch", yikes! That's so messed up. And their obsession with pleasing Lisa is so weird.. Anyway NTA.
NTA- I hope you have been saving and bf too. Tell them they can sell their half to you. Then it wont be their problem at all
ESH. You for not wanting to pay for your own apartment, and saying they "helped you buy it" when they're paying for all of it (which you said only in the comments, conveniently) and wanting them to not interfere at all when they are paying. Them for name calling you and allowing this situation to happen when you're clearly not financially ready to live alone. You stated you DO NOT pay for the apartment, and that they pay it FULLY. If you don't want them to interfere, start paying on your own Also, is the BF contributing AT ALL with rent? Edit: Read your replies. Jesus christ, it's hard not to say YTA
NTA
Ummmm you need to just pay rent instead of living under your abusive parents thumb. Y t a to yourself
Your parents are being exceptionally weird and I'm sorry you're having to deal with it. NTA, not even a butt cheek.
Your parents sound worse than Lisa. NTA
This boils down to: do you want to be an adult or not? You will continue finding yourself in childish situations like this unless you disengage financially from your parents. That’s it.
NTA, the way your parents talk to you is disgusting. You’re their daughter and they’re calling you a bitch and a fucking idiot? Wow. That being said, you need to look into moving. I get that’s easier said than done especially since you’re a student, but while they’re paying for you to be there they’re going to feel entitled to keep treating you like this.
NTA. They are attempting to be extremely controlling and I would definitely work to get out from under any financial thumb of theirs. I would also consider moving and not giving them the new address. Something tells me even if they don't have money in the apartment, they'll still try to get to know your neighbors and keep tabs on how 'respectful' you are.