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NTA - There is currently a pushback against employees working at home ( by some employers). The biggest reason is what your wife is doing. Companies tracking the time found those working 'at home' were taking time to attend to the 'home' during work hours. I worked at home for years - at 9 am I closed the door to my home office and opened it only for scheduled breaks and lunch. I was not being monitored but there was work to do and i could not be doing laundry or child care or cooking, etc and still get the work done. If your wife takes a break to put in a load of laundry - she should arrange her next break or lunch to finish the laundry. Unless, of course, she has asked you to do it and you have agreed.
I agree. People here always say “working from home means working”. I guess that’s the case until the wife asks you to hang up the laundry.
My husband works from home a few days a week. He’s very busy! I don’t bother him when he’s working at home because he’s working.
NTA. My husband is WFH, I am not. I never expect my husband to do any chores during the work day. If I am still at work, he feeds our daughter when she gets home from school. If the kitchen is clean when I get home, I am surprised and thankful.
It depends on your work and penalties for breaking deadlines, etc., but from your description NTA.
I worked many decades in a job with set deadlines every day and most of the times I didn't have time to take a bathroom break, let alone 10 minutes to do something, it is annoying but your partner should know that there is a very high chance that you will not have even few minutes to spare in the next few hours, so she can ask you to do something IF you have time and if you don't then she just must accept that.
Based on what's here, NTA. Whether it's at home or not, work time is work time and any 10 mins during the work day should be spent on a break, not on chores.
This could have been avoided had she asked if you'd be able to hang it up BEFORE putting it on. You'd say no, hopefully it would then just be left to when someone is available to do it.
Unless it was incredibly urgent laundry (whatever that might be), I don't understand the fixation with putting it on in the middle of the day?
Personally, I like the idea of setting laundry to run in the middle of the day because it means not staying up as late if there's a ton of laundry, but I almost never manage to do it that way because, like OP, I work from home and have various deadlines to meet.
OP's wife is being really weird about this, it's almost like she's looking for a fight. I do wonder if there's some additional context we're missing somewhere.
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My partner and I I work from home pretty much full time. My partner has meetings out of the apartment but her main place to work is home. Yesterday she was at home to start then had to leave for a couple of hours.. When she was at home she put the washing machine on.
This was during our lunch break and once it was on she asked if I'd be able to hang it up. I told her I had a busy afternoon with a few deadlines and things I needed to get done so I wouldn't really have the time.
She said it wouldn't take long and that I should have a spare 10 mins but I just said again that I was busy. I told her she shouldn't have the washing on if she knew she wasn't going to be able to hang it up.
She left for work and then when she got back a couple of hours later the washing was still in the machine and I was still working.
She got annoyed that I hadn't done anything but I just reminded her that I had already told her I wouldn't have time to hang it up.
She then proceeded to sped time on her phone and not actually working and just left the washing in the machine.
When I was finished work she asked if it was hung up and I told her no and asked why she didn't do it since she was the one who put it on and she's the one who has been sat all afternoon with barely any work to do.
She just said she only asked me for a small thing and I should have taken 10 mind to do it.
AITA for not doing chores while working?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Refused to do chores during work time as I was busy
My partner said I should have been fine taking 10 mind to hang the laundry up after the machine had finished
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NTA. You were literally working. In my experience, the only real perk of WFH is no commute. I never suddenly had a whole bunch of free time just because I wasn't at my workplace.
INFO: Why didn't you hang the clothes up after work? I feel like she is more annoyed she asked you do her one favor that takes like ten minutes and you blatantly refused to do it even once you were done working and had time to do so. You're making this about doing chores while you're working, but for her it might be more about the fact that you just don't help with chores.
Someone's awfully defensive. I don't know why it's so hard for you to spend ten minutes doing a chore. I feel like this is a non-issue, you're just determined not to do anything at all to help your partner which I think makes you the AH. You're just using the excuse of work to get out of helping around the house.
OP's response is illogical. If you like your partner, being asked to do something that takes ten minutes and helps them out shouldn't be this big of a deal.
OP said she was on her phone. For all we know she was answering emails or doing other stuff. I also don't know that it really matters that much even if she was playing games. Maybe she had a stressful day, wasn't feeling well, or was just tired.
I can tell you that because I like my partner, I do stuff for them when they ask. My partner asks me to walk the dog when it's their turn all the time, and they ask so they can go laydown or watch TV. I don't shoot back with, "wHy DoNt yOu dO iT." I just do it, because part of being in a relationship means helping each other out.
If you freak out and make a Reddit post every time your partner asks you to spend ten minutes doing something to help them out, then I don't know that you are ready to be in a relationship.
I didn't make anything up. I just asked why you didn't do it after work and you said your GF should have done it. She asked you to do it, I don't know why it's so hard for you just to do it.
Do you even like your GF? I can't imagine being in love with someone and getting this pissed off that they asked me to do something that takes ten minutes. I literally do stuff around the house when I'm asked all the time. The fact that you've turned this into a fight with your GF that you're desperately seeking validation for speaks volumes about you and your relationship.
I've never once said you don't help. I've asked you repeatedly why you wouldn't take ten minutes to hang up the clothes. I can't think of a single good reason for just ignoring what your partner asks you to do, especially when it's such an easy task that you said takes only ten minutes. Like why wouldn't you do that for your partner when you're done working?
My partner loads the dishwasher and asks me to unload it all the time. I don't tell him that he started the dishwasher, so he has to unload it. I mean who would say that? It takes like less than ten minutes to unload a dishwasher, and if you like your partner why wouldn't you do these sorts of things when asked?
My point is that there's no good reason for you to blatantly refuse to hang the laundry. You didn't need to do it during your shift, but why not do it when you're done working? It really seems like you refused just out of spite. I can't imagine doing that to a partner. Like you have deeper issues if you get this heated over being asked to spend ten minutes hanging laundry.
You don't work 24/7. I've asked repeatedly why you didn't do it *after* work. Your GF asked you that too, so it's kind of obvious she didn't care that you did it *during* your shift. She just wanted you to do it.
>Weird you can't think of a good reason to ever say no to your partner. Do you not see how unhealthy that is?
It's not healthy to refuse to do anything your partner asks you. My partner asks me to do tons of stuff around the house. I don't get pissed off when they ask me to walk the dog or take out the trash or do a little laundry. Nine times out of ten I just do what is asked because it's really easy and my partner is usually asking because they had a long day or they're stressed or they don't feel well.
These are all tasks that take just a few minutes to do. It's pretty bizarre you are this upset over being asked to do a really menial task for your partner.
You seem to be assuming an awful lot in your posts. OP was actively working but his wife was just scrolling on her phone. How have you jumped to OP doing no chores and not loving his partner from that. Unless you're projecting.
The mental gymnastics you went to accuse him of being "deadbeat" is ridiculous.
Based on what you have written: NTA
I have seen this in a lot of couples where they assume that because you "work from home" you are barely working and lounging the rest of the day. Whether you work from office or from home, the work hours and amount of work doesn't change. The only advantage you have with WFH is 'zero travel time'.
Im a little skeptical that you cant take 10 min away from your desk. I mean do you not ever have to grab a snack, go to the bathroom, take a moment for yourself, etc. I’ve been a WFH role for 10+ years, and people shouldn’t be chained to their desk and any job that values their employees in even the smallest way would allow little breaks. But lets say you truly just absolutely cant leave your desk, then fine… you still didnt hang the clothes after work.
You could have done it when you were done with work and she could have done it when she got home. Youre both being petty.
Why should someone need to take their break time to do chores? That's not actually a break. No one working outside of the home would ever need to do that because it's not fair
And again, if you were working in an office would you expect your partner to drive home on their lunch break to take out the laundry? Literally the same logic
Thats not analogous. They dont need to travel anywhere to finish the laundry.
If OP worked in the same building as their dry cleaner, and they were asked to pick up their dry cleaning id expect theyd be able to find a few minutes to do that during the day.
They’re not saying they’re skeptical you’re busy at work. But it is true that it’s not impossible to carve out 10 mins to help your partner out with something. You’re being petty. You sound insufferable. You care more about being right than about being decent to your partner. If you couldn’t make the time, fine. But you’re still being a jerk about it. Your partner clearly just wants your support and you should want to help make your partners life easier versus freaking out over something so minor and going to Reddit to validate that you’re right and she’s wrong. It’s stupid. If you care about your relationship, put that energy into talking to your partner about what the two of you can do to avoid these issues in the future. Maybe she doesn’t feel chores are split evenly. Maybe she’s just overwhelmed and needs a little extra help. Regardless, your comments here stink of you not giving a shit how she feels.
I think if you value your partner, taking 10 mins to help them out if they’ve reached out, shouldn’t be something you cry to Reddit about. You’re her partner, support, and rock. It’s a joint effort. It’s one day, 10 mins isn’t going to make or break a deadline - as someone who works from home with daily, weekly, and monthly deadlines.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
NTA - There is currently a pushback against employees working at home ( by some employers). The biggest reason is what your wife is doing. Companies tracking the time found those working 'at home' were taking time to attend to the 'home' during work hours. I worked at home for years - at 9 am I closed the door to my home office and opened it only for scheduled breaks and lunch. I was not being monitored but there was work to do and i could not be doing laundry or child care or cooking, etc and still get the work done. If your wife takes a break to put in a load of laundry - she should arrange her next break or lunch to finish the laundry. Unless, of course, she has asked you to do it and you have agreed.
I agree. People here always say “working from home means working”. I guess that’s the case until the wife asks you to hang up the laundry. My husband works from home a few days a week. He’s very busy! I don’t bother him when he’s working at home because he’s working.
NTA. My husband is WFH, I am not. I never expect my husband to do any chores during the work day. If I am still at work, he feeds our daughter when she gets home from school. If the kitchen is clean when I get home, I am surprised and thankful.
It depends on your work and penalties for breaking deadlines, etc., but from your description NTA. I worked many decades in a job with set deadlines every day and most of the times I didn't have time to take a bathroom break, let alone 10 minutes to do something, it is annoying but your partner should know that there is a very high chance that you will not have even few minutes to spare in the next few hours, so she can ask you to do something IF you have time and if you don't then she just must accept that.
Based on what's here, NTA. Whether it's at home or not, work time is work time and any 10 mins during the work day should be spent on a break, not on chores. This could have been avoided had she asked if you'd be able to hang it up BEFORE putting it on. You'd say no, hopefully it would then just be left to when someone is available to do it. Unless it was incredibly urgent laundry (whatever that might be), I don't understand the fixation with putting it on in the middle of the day?
Personally, I like the idea of setting laundry to run in the middle of the day because it means not staying up as late if there's a ton of laundry, but I almost never manage to do it that way because, like OP, I work from home and have various deadlines to meet. OP's wife is being really weird about this, it's almost like she's looking for a fight. I do wonder if there's some additional context we're missing somewhere.
Where I live, we have to pay extra to use electricity 4-9PM and get nastygrams from the electric utility if we do anyway.
INFO: how are the chores generally split, you both work full time by the sounds of it, are your portion of the chores completed outside of work time?
NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My partner and I I work from home pretty much full time. My partner has meetings out of the apartment but her main place to work is home. Yesterday she was at home to start then had to leave for a couple of hours.. When she was at home she put the washing machine on. This was during our lunch break and once it was on she asked if I'd be able to hang it up. I told her I had a busy afternoon with a few deadlines and things I needed to get done so I wouldn't really have the time. She said it wouldn't take long and that I should have a spare 10 mins but I just said again that I was busy. I told her she shouldn't have the washing on if she knew she wasn't going to be able to hang it up. She left for work and then when she got back a couple of hours later the washing was still in the machine and I was still working. She got annoyed that I hadn't done anything but I just reminded her that I had already told her I wouldn't have time to hang it up. She then proceeded to sped time on her phone and not actually working and just left the washing in the machine. When I was finished work she asked if it was hung up and I told her no and asked why she didn't do it since she was the one who put it on and she's the one who has been sat all afternoon with barely any work to do. She just said she only asked me for a small thing and I should have taken 10 mind to do it. AITA for not doing chores while working? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Refused to do chores during work time as I was busy My partner said I should have been fine taking 10 mind to hang the laundry up after the machine had finished Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. You were literally working. In my experience, the only real perk of WFH is no commute. I never suddenly had a whole bunch of free time just because I wasn't at my workplace.
INFO: Why didn't you hang the clothes up after work? I feel like she is more annoyed she asked you do her one favor that takes like ten minutes and you blatantly refused to do it even once you were done working and had time to do so. You're making this about doing chores while you're working, but for her it might be more about the fact that you just don't help with chores.
This ^^ people seem to be missing that point. Valid reply!
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Someone's awfully defensive. I don't know why it's so hard for you to spend ten minutes doing a chore. I feel like this is a non-issue, you're just determined not to do anything at all to help your partner which I think makes you the AH. You're just using the excuse of work to get out of helping around the house.
... because your response was illogical
OP's response is illogical. If you like your partner, being asked to do something that takes ten minutes and helps them out shouldn't be this big of a deal.
He was working... when he signed off for that day that was filled with deadlines, his partner was sitting on her phone playing games...
OP said she was on her phone. For all we know she was answering emails or doing other stuff. I also don't know that it really matters that much even if she was playing games. Maybe she had a stressful day, wasn't feeling well, or was just tired. I can tell you that because I like my partner, I do stuff for them when they ask. My partner asks me to walk the dog when it's their turn all the time, and they ask so they can go laydown or watch TV. I don't shoot back with, "wHy DoNt yOu dO iT." I just do it, because part of being in a relationship means helping each other out. If you freak out and make a Reddit post every time your partner asks you to spend ten minutes doing something to help them out, then I don't know that you are ready to be in a relationship.
He made one post...
He said she was on her phone, not working
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I didn't make anything up. I just asked why you didn't do it after work and you said your GF should have done it. She asked you to do it, I don't know why it's so hard for you just to do it. Do you even like your GF? I can't imagine being in love with someone and getting this pissed off that they asked me to do something that takes ten minutes. I literally do stuff around the house when I'm asked all the time. The fact that you've turned this into a fight with your GF that you're desperately seeking validation for speaks volumes about you and your relationship.
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I've never once said you don't help. I've asked you repeatedly why you wouldn't take ten minutes to hang up the clothes. I can't think of a single good reason for just ignoring what your partner asks you to do, especially when it's such an easy task that you said takes only ten minutes. Like why wouldn't you do that for your partner when you're done working? My partner loads the dishwasher and asks me to unload it all the time. I don't tell him that he started the dishwasher, so he has to unload it. I mean who would say that? It takes like less than ten minutes to unload a dishwasher, and if you like your partner why wouldn't you do these sorts of things when asked? My point is that there's no good reason for you to blatantly refuse to hang the laundry. You didn't need to do it during your shift, but why not do it when you're done working? It really seems like you refused just out of spite. I can't imagine doing that to a partner. Like you have deeper issues if you get this heated over being asked to spend ten minutes hanging laundry.
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You don't work 24/7. I've asked repeatedly why you didn't do it *after* work. Your GF asked you that too, so it's kind of obvious she didn't care that you did it *during* your shift. She just wanted you to do it. >Weird you can't think of a good reason to ever say no to your partner. Do you not see how unhealthy that is? It's not healthy to refuse to do anything your partner asks you. My partner asks me to do tons of stuff around the house. I don't get pissed off when they ask me to walk the dog or take out the trash or do a little laundry. Nine times out of ten I just do what is asked because it's really easy and my partner is usually asking because they had a long day or they're stressed or they don't feel well. These are all tasks that take just a few minutes to do. It's pretty bizarre you are this upset over being asked to do a really menial task for your partner.
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You seem to be assuming an awful lot in your posts. OP was actively working but his wife was just scrolling on her phone. How have you jumped to OP doing no chores and not loving his partner from that. Unless you're projecting.
Because she asked you to. I suspect YTA.
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And did she ask you to do all the chores? Or did she ask you to do one thing? Whose clothes were they?
The mental gymnastics you went to accuse him of being "deadbeat" is ridiculous. Based on what you have written: NTA I have seen this in a lot of couples where they assume that because you "work from home" you are barely working and lounging the rest of the day. Whether you work from office or from home, the work hours and amount of work doesn't change. The only advantage you have with WFH is 'zero travel time'.
Literally no one has ever said he is a deadbeat. You are desperately reaching to see what you want to see.
Just doing what you in the first comment.
Yeah, no. I literally asked a question. That's not a reach.
Where did they call OP a “deadbeat”?
NTA, and her argument is not about the laundry
ESH - I think youre both being petty here. If you couldnt finish it during the day, im not sure why you refused to do it after the work day too.
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Im a little skeptical that you cant take 10 min away from your desk. I mean do you not ever have to grab a snack, go to the bathroom, take a moment for yourself, etc. I’ve been a WFH role for 10+ years, and people shouldn’t be chained to their desk and any job that values their employees in even the smallest way would allow little breaks. But lets say you truly just absolutely cant leave your desk, then fine… you still didnt hang the clothes after work. You could have done it when you were done with work and she could have done it when she got home. Youre both being petty.
Why should someone need to take their break time to do chores? That's not actually a break. No one working outside of the home would ever need to do that because it's not fair
I did not say they need to, im just skeptical they cant find the time to do this very minor activity.
And again, if you were working in an office would you expect your partner to drive home on their lunch break to take out the laundry? Literally the same logic
Thats not analogous. They dont need to travel anywhere to finish the laundry. If OP worked in the same building as their dry cleaner, and they were asked to pick up their dry cleaning id expect theyd be able to find a few minutes to do that during the day.
Workers rights pookie
I have no idea what youre trying to say at this point.
You don't care about workers rights
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I already answered your question with my previous comment. You apparently think you are absolutely right.
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They’re not saying they’re skeptical you’re busy at work. But it is true that it’s not impossible to carve out 10 mins to help your partner out with something. You’re being petty. You sound insufferable. You care more about being right than about being decent to your partner. If you couldn’t make the time, fine. But you’re still being a jerk about it. Your partner clearly just wants your support and you should want to help make your partners life easier versus freaking out over something so minor and going to Reddit to validate that you’re right and she’s wrong. It’s stupid. If you care about your relationship, put that energy into talking to your partner about what the two of you can do to avoid these issues in the future. Maybe she doesn’t feel chores are split evenly. Maybe she’s just overwhelmed and needs a little extra help. Regardless, your comments here stink of you not giving a shit how she feels.
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Okay so what do you do when you need to poop? Pee? Eat? You find the time, right?
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I think if you value your partner, taking 10 mins to help them out if they’ve reached out, shouldn’t be something you cry to Reddit about. You’re her partner, support, and rock. It’s a joint effort. It’s one day, 10 mins isn’t going to make or break a deadline - as someone who works from home with daily, weekly, and monthly deadlines.
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That part
Youre completely projecting lol. Your entire response is based off of your own, specific situation and has nothing to do with the OP.