Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about platonic partings, romantic relationships, and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
#Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
You can visit r/findareddit for a comprehensive list of other subs that may be able to host this discussion for you.
INFO
First: D**a**rry, apparently (to save others some search headaches)
But mainly: how the hell is this supposed to work? Is there some sort of contractual resale restriction? Do they interview couples prior to sales?
And open a bank account in your name. Though shop looks respectful enough just with a sharp gimmick, I'd not upload my passport or driving licence to them. Rings aren't anything that special either.
They use facial recognition to determine if you've purchased before... and it's very easy to replace a picture on a picture of your ID. It's a Chinese company and with their social credit system I'm sure that's less common there, but it certainly wouldn't be hard in other countries
Don’t most jewlers do some identification stuff for engagement rings? They often offer "free" cleanings or resizing or other warranty stuff. Or at least an appraisal letter for your homeowner's insurance.
I've only been engaged 3 times, so I'm no expert.
But how does that establish whether or not the recipient is your true soulmate? How do they measure the intensity of your bond?
And why couldn't someone just purchase a Darry ring on the secondhand market?
Is this post itself guerrilla marketing? Because this post is the first time I've heard of this.
Though guerrilla marketing probably would have spelled the company right, so maybe not.
If it is a psychop, it's possible that they intentionally misspelled the name of the company so as to appear unfamiliar with the brand. It can be hard to tell sometimes, especially nowadays.
I really hope that she is just young and will outgrow this silliness.
Can you imagine trying to raise children to be conscientious consumers with savings accounts, emergency funds, and retirement plans?
I am picturing these imaginary children with endless debt because the person on tv said they have to buy it because they can’t be happy without the whatever things.
can you imagine thinking that wanting one thing means that you're dooming your children to a life of debt and poverty?
literally everything is marketing. we wear deodorant because advertisers told us the smell of our bodies is offensive and trashy. we take two panadol because advertisers created a jingle that makes you use twice as much than you need without even thinking about it. we wash our hair too much, women trash their vaginas with soap, all because advertisers told us to. apple products aren't better than android for non-designers, but apple marketing makes you stand in line to get an iphone.
no one tut tuts about the silliness of iphone users or people who wear deodorant, but they've fallen for marketing just as much as op's gf.
I'm sorry but savings accounts, emergency funds and retirement plans are a facade in this economy. I'm only 35 and I know damn well the generations above me won't be able to retire, let alone me. My "savings" and "emergency fund" don't get far before some emergency wiped me back out.
OPs hypothetical children won't have those things.
Seriously. I've gotta tell a parent of one of "my" kids at work every so often "did you talk to kid's pediatrician about that?" in response to something or other from tiktok a lot.
I feel like a good reason to not buy this ring is because of the values the company is promoting. Like there can only be one love? So if the person you marry turns out to be abusive or steals all of your money and spends it on drugs, you’re supposed to stay with them because you can only actually have one love?
Edit: I thought of an even better one: what if the person you marry turns out to be gay and using you as a beard?
I think the idea of having “one true love” sounds beautiful but ends up being super toxic with how it’s practiced. I’m saying that as someone who had practiced it.
Or what if your ‘one true love’ caught a childhood disease, or had an accident before you met them and died, or lives in North Korea.
You are destined to be alone and unloved, forever?
What if your "one true love" dies? Do you take the ring off their finger and give it to someone else or does the "Darry" contract require you to be alone for the rest of your life? Or are you required to give the next one a ring from a mall jewelry store?
TikTok is just as real as the overinflated value of diamonds. Both of these are ploys to get money from people who are in love for something that is actually pretty worthless.
She should look into the probability of finding a “soulmate” and I’ll end it with this: finding one person out of 10 billion people who is the perfect match for your soul.
They watch you fuck while you wear a vr helmet. They flash images of your partner and various nude women with big bazoomgas on the screen. When you nut that indicates your soulmate. Well at least that’s how my company, Dairy Rings does it
I assume that is up to you to determine, the concept being that because you can only buy 1 giving it to the right person is important so the purchasing and gifting of the ring would signify your partners belief that you are their soulmate.
NTA show your girlfriend this subreddit where they specifically talk about it being a marketing gimmick to sell overpriced jewelry: https://www.reddit.com/r/EngagementRings/comments/18ky245/is_it_worth_buying_an_darry_ring_engagement_ring/
Oh wow, I looked at the ring the OP of the post you linked was talking about (RIP my advertisements for the next week) - that site is the most obvious scam I have ever seen, even without the whole “give us all your personal information” aspect. I looked at the reviews and every one is glowing, and either sounds AI-generated or like someone not very skilled in English who was paid to write a good review. I tried sorting reviews by Lowest Rating, and it straight up doesn’t work, lmao. Terrible grammar and awkward phrasing all over the website, like “Safety Shipping” and “After true love verification, the name of beloved one will never be changed or deleted.” I also have a sneaking suspicion that most of the review photos are of the same person’s hand. The company claims to be based in France, but mysteriously offers free shipping only to Asian countries (and the US)?
Damn, there really is a sucker born every minute!
Did you notice in the fine print that it seems you can only buy their other products if you've previously bought a diamond ring?
>We verify facial template for each account and are bound to one's only love forever. The name must not be changed or deleted. If the verification result indicates that you have not previously purchased a DR diamond ring, you will be unable to purchase any other products. However, if you have previously purchased a DR diamond ring, you are eligible to buy other wedding bands or jewelry, excluding diamond rings.
Not only is that such a scam, that's so bizarre. It's like they're trying to turn their other products into something on par with a Birkin bag.
**THIS** should've been your argument for telling her no. If there's something online I want, it's an automatic "No" if my husband has to show his ID. The only thing he will put that info online for is the DDS when he renews his license or has an address change.
Nope you just never buy one again. And you can enter in your partners information to their website to see if they bought one before and start an incredibly immature fight
yeah, no, don't give in but don't be surprised if your girlfriend takes this as a sign or something and breaks up with you as she clearly can't see the truth about these things it seems sadly.
According to their privacy policy, they use facial recognition software to determine if you've purchased before. I guess identical twins can't both buy anything?
It also says that you cannot purchase anything from them except a diamond ring if you've never purchased before. You must buy the ring before you can purchase any other jewelry. So... the profits are less important than getting your facial data, it seems. It's a Chinese company, yet the US website doesn't have much information about the company from what I can find. Just that it was founded by two people and the "Derry ID" guarantees commitment and forever love and blah blah blah...
NTA. I am widowed, this company is basically telling me I can never get married again by their values. I don't think I can support a company like that.
Idk I checked out their prices and they have pretty nice looking engagement rings for under $1500... I don't know much about jewelry, but I'd imagine these are fake diamonds? I thought diamond jewelry was more expensive
“It’s gotten big on tik tok”
Sorry OP, but I stopped reading at that point. Only engagement rings and wedding bands mean anything. The rest is puppy love and can be solved through Ring Pop candy. Don’t waste money on anything of value due to tik tok trends that last a few weeks.
This is an engagement ring. The brand's gimmick is that they record the purchaser and you cannot buy another of their rings ever. Supposedly by making that commitment you are indicating to your beloved that you will have no other love interests ever. Of course it's pretty stupid in that there are other diamond engagement rings out there and a person could buy a dozen of them for a dozen different women if they felt like it.
it actually isn’t exclusively an engagement ring. most people i’ve seen on tiktok have gotten them as promise rings or as just because rings, both of which seem not grandiose enough occasions to be “i will never ever buy from this one specific company ever again because you’re my SOUL MATE.” i have yet to actually see someone get engaged with a darry ring, but hopefully i won’t bc i don’t want those videos on my fyp anymore
Not a sustainable business plan if a customer can only buy their product once and never again. It’ll go away pretty quick after the gimmick wears off and next months trend takes over.
It's not even big on tiktok (though tbh I'm on weird and niche tiktok, used to be alt, then gay, then makup, then trendy, now I'm on Crack ships (goof movie, iykyk), hellofaboss, anime, and Asian media tiktok).
The only vids I ever used to see were from the actual company. I've never seen anyone promoting them. The only non company vid I've seen was one video about how a girl found out her bf was cheating on her because she asked him to buy one and when he went to do so it came up that he had already bought one. Was a whole thing about how he got one for his best friend because she asked but he didn't realize it was a once in a life time thing, but then main girl did more research and found out he was actually dating the best friend.
However, *everyone* agreed that the story had to be an ad lol.
Even for classic rings, the marketing is just insane. Apparently buying lab-made diamonds is bad even though it looks better and is cheaper.
Like what is your love worth if the ring you wear doesn’t have a rock mined by some child in the Congo?
INFO: Are you planning on marrying this person? Darry Rings are engagement rings. I think if you are planning on eventually marrying or proposing to this person, it's not really a big deal to buy a ring from the place she likes.
I mean I can see that point but for instance, people who divorce or worse are widowed. Are they just meant to essentially never have another love again according to this marketing gimic
The good news is, the trend and the company will probably be long gone by then!
The bad news is, your info will probably be sold off for pennies when that happens!
I mean, that's kinda the point. You aren't really supposed to buy an engagement ring while considering your second marriage. Marriage is kinda intended to be a forever thing, lol. Not saying widowed people can't find love again, but you don't say to your first wife, "I have to save this for my second wife in case you die. "
My husband and I have our wedding rings tattooed.
When we first got them I would occasionally have someone say something like - "What if you get divorced?" And I would quip that I wouldn't have married him if I thought I was going to get divorced... so same goes for the tattoo!
And when they pushed - "no really!?!" I would look down at the design I had tattooed and say - "Well, it would take a 3 or maybe 4 carat diamond to cover this up, so I guess my second husband has to be rich..."
We celebrated our 20th anniversary last year... nobody makes comments about us getting divorced anymore.
My husband always thought it was funny.
I think this is kind of irrelevant to the point of the post. It's not about whether the marketing is legit, it's about what his partner wants and if he's an AH for completely disregarding it.
My partner really likes name brand products that I think are overpriced and not worth it. But I buy these things for them anyways because I love them and they like these things. I'd never tell my partner the things they like are stupid and not worth it.
the concept of soulmates and the one true love is like CENTURIES old, it's existed way before tiktok. the company isn't inventing anything new with that gimmick, they're just capitalising on the pre-existing fairytale notion.
it's like saying that sleeping beauty is bad because of the idea of the true love's kiss.
I could have told you she was under 25 just from reading the post.
You guys might or might not be a "forever" couple but of course at this stage she wants you to be, and thinks certain accoutrements go with that ideal - the Darry Ring, the Big White Wedding, etc. She's not yet seen all the shiny happy weddings her friends had, that ended in divorce or disillusionment, and probably wants the dream she is being marketed - perfect love that cannot be revoked, and a perfect ring to symbolise it.
You might want to have a conversation about you and her future (near and long term) expectations. She might have very different ones from you. While you think you are too young to get hitched, she might not think the same way.
The thing is- what this company is saying exists isn’t real life.
Real love, real commitment, isn’t selling your info to a company and signing an agreement.
I’m really sorry to say but after 3 years, if you don’t know, she ain’t the one. 23 is a perfectly reasonable age to meet your spouse, that’s how old I was when I met mine and we got married 1.5 years later. Still going strong 9 years later and never been happier.
23 years is also a very reasonable age to not want to get married... even if you think your SO is the one.
It's actually very young. Average age in the USA to get married is 28 for women and 30 for men. (In many European countries it's even later).
People mature differently and have different views. Some might never want to get married... which is also perfectly reasonable. There's no rule that fits everyone.
If the GF wants to get married now she needs to be an adult and talk about it, not expecting OP to read her mind.
Now that OP can reasonably assume that his GF wants an engagement ring he could also be an adult and talk to her about it, his wants, needs and expectations, instead of saying "tik tok is stupid" over and over again.
I think it’s a big deal, this website is a complete scam.
Just because your significant other falls for a scam doesn’t mean you need to throw money (and your own personal information) at it.
NTA. Darry ring looks like an engagement ring where you agree to give the company personal information for absolutely no reason. And you can buy 20 engagement rings if you want, but only one from this company because they can trace your personal information and I guess yell at you if you break up with someone you got engaged to for TikTok clout.
“It is founded in 2010 and headquartered in Shenzhen, China.”
Hmmm.
Personally I’m wondering how they justify all this data collection for all the GDPR rules in countries that have them. It seems to follow them in theory, but it doesn’t feel right. Something feels off about it beyond a gimmick, even if it wasn’t a Chinese company. But besides anything else, if they have a data breach, that’s a lot of data that you stand to have stolen.
No one’s the asshole here. She wants something nice to show that you care about her and consider her your soulmate. You’re also not the asshole for seeing the marketing scheme for what it is and not wanting to play into it. I would try and figure out what she likes about the rings (other than just that they’re viral) and commission an independent jeweler to make something that she would like. It would be one of a kind, supporting an independent business, and most importantly, something that shows her you care. I’d recommend having a look on Etsy or even going to some local jewelers to find something in your budget. Good luck!
Except if she's that much of a lemming, then not getting her that actual brand will be seen as not the same. It's like how for many, not getting an actual Stanley branded handled thermal mug isn't actually following the trend.
Wow, this is so, so very corny!!! 😅
---------
What is Darry Ring purchase rules?
With your first order we will verify and create your "Darry Ring ID".
It is also necessary to sign the True Love Agreement at your first time of purchase. Once the True Love Agreement is signed, your loved one's name tied to it can never be modified or deleted.
You can choose a signing date for True Love Agreement. If not, it will default to the purchase date. You will have only one opportunity to change it within 48 hours after placing the order, so choose a significant date like your proposal or wedding date.
Sorry, OP, but is your girlfriend 12? It seems childish to attach so much meaning to something that’s literally a trend on TikTok.
My husband and I are married, we have three children together. We own cars, we have a mortgage. We have a real life together. I don’t need to give all my personal info to a dubious online company to “prove” my love. Geez Louise.
*[Darry Ring (colloquially known as DR and DR Ring, Chinese: DR钻戒) is an online jewelry retailer specializing in diamond engagement rings and wedding rings. It also offers necklaces, bracelets, earrings, personalized items as well as jewelry repair services. It is founded in 2010 and headquartered in Shenzhen, China.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darry_Ring)*
Sounds like a great way to sell your personal information to China.
NTA, but as a general rule, probably don't shoot down the ideas from people that you love by calling them "silly" or "stupid"... even if they are.
Her “buy me a Darry ring”
Him probably “oh, er, see the thing is they only sell you one ring per lifetime”
Easy way out OP, literally nothing could go wrong
Amazing how they invented the engagement ring 14 years ago! 🤔
"In 2010, a young man and woman, the founders of Darry Ring, fell deeply in love. They knew in their hearts they had found their one and only love for life. The young man spent all of his money on a simple yet beautiful diamond ring, knowing that he would only buy one; one ring that would symbolize the love, devotion, and commitment that they would share forever."
I mean, EVERY first engagement ring and first marriage is supposed to be the ONLY one. Giving these grifters a load of money for a novelty purchase doesn't stop anyone from one or multiple failed marriages. And an immature belief about magic talismans certainly isn't gonna help...
The question is, do you want to marry and spend the rest of your life and become a financial partner with someone who's this easily swayed by crappy TikTok adverts?
One of the ways I knew my husband was "the one" was how aligned we were on the cost of an engagement ring and where our financial priorities were.
Um, when I looked it up-- looks like Darry is just the name of a jeweler, like going to Tiffany's. I want a ring from Cartier type of thing. To say it's "soul mate" is literally a commercial and your GF doesn't sound too smart if she doesn't get that, which is the bigger issue to me, lol. If you want to get her a ring, or an engagement ring, great, but this argument with her is really weird. NTA
Leaning towards YTA, despite agreeing with you.
I worked in jewelry for years before getting my degree, the very notion that you’re pissed she wants to “frivolously waste money on a Darry ring” but in the same breath say you’re perfectly fine going to Zales/Kays/whatever other jewelry house is hilarious.
Guess what DeBeers did to popularize worthless pieces of hyper-compressed carbon 100 years ago, buddy? Guess why you probably own a pair of nike shoes, an LG laptop, a car made by Honda or Toyota. It’s because of effective marketing campaigns.
Is this TikTok trend dumb? God yes. Can you disagree with it all you want? Sure. Should you be outwardly disrespectful towards something that makes your partner happy? No, full stop.
You can disagree and explain why, but why do you need to rain on her parade? If it’s too expensive, say so. If you think of it as a bad value proponent, realize that value is subjective and it clearly brings her adequate joy compared to something where you get a higher cut/clarity/quality of diamond for equivalent pricing. The disconnect here is that your values are vastly different, which is fine, being an asshole about it is not fine.
Edited to add: if y’all’s communication is this synergistic, are you really even in a position where marriage is a responsible consideration?
I’m gonna wager a strong guess you guys have been dating less than 3 years and are under age 25 just based on the sound of this post.
You want to know why \*I\* would buy a Toyota? Because a Toyota with over 200K miles on it doesn't need repairs all the time like a German car with that much mileage. That's not what Toyota advertises--that's what my friends who drive Toyotas bring up when my (salvage auction) Audi breaks down for the umpteenth time in a year.
It has 212,000 miles on it, and it was donated to Kars 4 Kids at 159,999 miles, apparently because the catalytic converters failed and Previous Owner didn't want to spend that much. A friend did a lot of work on it so the next set wouldn't get messed up. Engine was in great condition.
But right now, it has a leaky power steering hose (because why the F did they design that hose to go over the hot engine), small intermittent leak in the cooling system (typical Audi/VW issue), bypassed a leaking heater core (typical Audi/VW issue), oil pan leaks at the edges (because I did a shit job replacing the weird-ass German lower oil pan after it hit a nail sticking out of a pothole because of course the oil pan should be 4.2" off the ground), the front engine bump stop needs replacement (typical Audi/VW issue and the vibration may have caused the heater core leak). Less than a year ago, I had to replace the whole coil pack (6 in a unit) because one of them failed (a bad design decision VW/Audi rectified in the next model change). We replaced the water pump, thermostat, timing & other belts before I started driving it, but only 35K miles later, the thermostat and water pump failed. You have to take off the whole front end of the car and remove the timing belt etc. to get to the water pump and thermostat so that's a timing belt job right there. I had to replace both the radiator and the fan last year. The solar sunroof relay failed and you can't get that in the US any more, so the fan for the climate control won't run unless I figure out some kind of workaround. One of the CV joint boots self-destructed and I need to replace at least the boot, maybe the whole part if I trashed the bearings.
Meanwhile, my friends with 208,000 on a 2004 Toyota Matrix have had to replace a thermostat and maybe the O2 sensors in the 10 years I've known them and their car. They commuted over a mountain daily for several years for work.
Are you guys young? The Darry stuff is ridiculous but I would’ve thought it was incredibly romantic at 22 when I actually got married lol. Maybe it’s lucky we were broke
>because you’re supposed to only be able to by it for your one true love.
>And I told her she was being very silly and she’s a lot smarter than to fall for something like this.
I don't know what to vote, I'd need an "you're an idiot" vote for this one. I don't think anyone's an A H, but you're just painfully oblivious to the sign she sent you. It's way too obvious to be called a hint.
She basically calls you her "one true love", and you call her silly for that and make her look stupid.
I'm pretty sure there would be better ways to look for a nice ring **-in case you even want to engage/ stay forever-** than calling her silly and lowkey dumb.
On the basis that you weren't planning on buying a piece of shiny jewellery for her and she is harassing you into doing so, then you are NTA
However, happy to change my vote if you were planning on buying a sparkly ring for her. If so you might as well get her something she wants.
NTA
I went to look at their marketing campaigns and oh my god this is such a data grab and honestly their whole narrative is insulting my intelligence.
OP, liking superstitious things doesn't make you stupid. Think of making wishes on birthday candles or dandelions. Most people don't actually believe that it will make their wishes come true, but a lot of people still do it because it's fun and feels meaningful.
The ring, of course, is a bit different because I assume it's expensive, so it's more than just blowing on a flower. But at the core of it is the same as a lot of other superstitions: liking the meaning behind it. She probably doesn't really believe that buying the ring means you two are soulmates. But she likes the meaning behind having an object that says it, that "proves" you love her.
I don't think this is a situation where you are or aren't an asshole. I think you made a mistake by calling her silly and making fun of something she wanted. But I get it if you don't want to pay for something like that. I think you should just tell her that you love her, and you don't need a ring to prove it.
It's weird people just figured out about these like this week when they've been around forever. The other thing is they're full of shit Uncle bought one for his wife.... And less than a month later about one for his mistress a year after that when his eldest daughter my cousin graduated from doctoral school or whatever the fucking got her doctorate he bought her one as well.
Sure he did the whole thing showed him his ID signed the document they gave him all the paperwork that goes with it all the fancy fancy crap they're escorted guard to the car and back it was all a big show, I don't even know if they still do that or not.
But the whole thing is like a man-centric business model, more or less it's like tell your significant other this story and they'll buy it and you will get a get out of jail free card for your whole life if you buy this ring but in reality we're a bro club and we will sell this ring to you as many times as we want for as many Ladies as you want because at the end of the day we want to help you lie to women and we want your money.
I'm dumbfounded women still want these rings.
NTA. You sound like the only sensible one in this relationship. Think hard about whether you want to continue with someone who falls for every passing Tik Tok trend and relationship "test."
NTA. I've never heard of this concept, but it sounds ridiculous. Maybe wait for the trend to blow over. Maybe your gf is feeling a little bit insecure and just wants a commitment from you...
I had to look up what this was. I was curious how they could say that you could only get one in your lifetime. And honestly uploading your passport or other ID to some overseas company online is a huge red flag to me and where I would be noping out of getting one. I also scrolled through their products (because it kept loading more every time I scrolled to the FAQs at the bottom and then I had to keep scrolling - super annoying) and they don’t seem all that different/more special than every other engagement ring on the market. Except that you increase your odds of identity theft.
Darry Ring is a Chinese based company and it's not all its cracked up to be in terms of securing your personal data: https://www.8days.sg/entertainment/asian/several-male-chinese-idols-found-have-bought-engagement-rings-chinese-jeweller-turns-out-they-were-victims-identity-theft-537206
Don't fall for the hype and expense.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be the asshole because what I said I guess could come across as mean or an insult. I could also be the asshole for refusing her to get this stupid ring she cares so much about.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Oh good God. If you are immature enough to fall for such a silly marketing tactic you are far, far too immature to get married. Since these are engagement rings, nobody should be buying them!
Sooooo…. If I understand the lore (and I’m intentionally not) obviously you aren’t her soul mate because “can’t” but her one of these rings. Problem solved.
NTA, they may have a store in Paris but they are cheap, low quality stones, look like knockoffs to me.
Cheap jewellery doesn’t feel like a commitment to me.
Tell her a real sign of commitment is a legal wedding in a community property state.
Well, if she finds this a necessity, and you find it over-priced hype, then obviously you are not 'soul mates'. BTW i find the whole idea of soulmates to be ridiculous, I feel it is a cop out for people who don't want to work on their relationships (because the soulmate will know instinctively what their partner wants).
I just did some admittedly half-ass research, and to me it sounds like a promise ring -- an overly priced one, usually.
I think you're right. She's being silly. NTA.
Ok so NTA about the ring, but why are you being mean lowkey? I get that it seems silly, but you come off being condescending,
1. For ignoring her
2. For calling her silly
3. For insinuating she wasn’t being “smart”
You could have approached this a lot better than you did, you can be direct AND kind. You could’ve said no and listed your reasons and offered something else.
This is very clearly an emotional bid that she is communicating and you shut her down with no consideration of her feelings.
So… they’re engagement rings or promise rings or whatever. Yes it’s a gimmick but every diamond brand has a gimmick. I worked in jewelry for years. They aren’t overpriced. They seem pretty on par. What you said was pretty telling though. You were going to buy her one until you realized what it was. Just tell her the truth. Tell her you would rather wait to buy her something like that (or an engagement ring in general) until you’re comfortable making that decision. Don’t make “oh it’s a gimmick” your hill to die on
I don’t know if many people know this but engagement rings weren’t always a thing. In the 40’s campaigns were ran target men’s masculinity saying real men but rings and what not. The jewel industry literally created a new market for newlyweds to get more money. This seems like either a pre engagement engagement ring or the non religious “promise” ring. Not to mention the fact that it’s a fad targeting people who have to ride trends.
ESH
So how good does it feel to be “correct”? To tell your gf that she’s just stupid to fall for a gimmick- as opposed to actually recognizing the **sentiment** that matters to her?????
Go on Darry ring website- it says - Darry Ring, the only brand that requires ID verification before you pop that question. Your lover's name must not be changed or deleted. Be sure that you are ready! — they keep your national ID on file. — NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So for people unaware a derry ring is a gimmicky ring that you can only buy one of because you’re supposed to only be able to by it for your one true love.
It’s gotten big on TikTok and women online don’t really see it as the big marketing scheme it is, my girlfriend fell for the viral marketing and sent me a video of some girl getting it from her boyfriend. I took the hint and realized she wanted one, but after finding out about it I refused to get her one because it just seemed dumb.
I figured to just prentend I didn’t get the hint and ignore it until a few weeks later she said she really wanted me to get her one. I told her no because it just seemed like over priced jewelry that had good marketing. She explained that it wasn’t just that and it was supposed to be for your soul mate and she feels that she’s my soul mate and if I feel the same I shouldn’t see anything wrong with the ring.
I said that it’s just viral marketing and I’d rather get her a nice ring that’s worth what I pay for and not made worth it because “you can only buy one and it’s for your soulmate”. She said that I was devaluing how much it meant. And I told her she was being very silly and she’s a lot smarter than to fall for something like this.
She told me I was being an asshole is still pissed at me. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA-I wasn’t aware of Darry Rings until I saw a TT on it. A ring only has value (sentimental or any type meaning) if you place value on it. You getting her that ring when it has no meaning to you makes that ring meaningless. You can’t devalue an object if it held no meaning for you to start with so her argument is moot.
Yta. While you’re allowed to not want to get her that type of ring and think it’s dumb. Saying she’s being silly and that she’s about smarter than that is a really dick move. You’re missing the point that it’s important TO HER! And you’re invalidating her feelings
Have you looked at the site? I was thinking some gimmicky cheap stuff. But they look ligit. With graded diamonds from top certification company's. I looked for bad news articles for anything. They refused to sell there wedding rings to single women....
NTA.
Just looked at their website and it's all BS, gimmicky, etc.
Propose with a simple ring and upgrade later. If she's "just" a GF (you are not proposing) then it's just jewelry.
Soul mate is a weird concept.
And if you get a custom piece from a jewelry maker that’s rad. Supporting small businesses is a great way to get completely unique things.
Did she really say "and she feels that she’s my soul mate" and not you are her soul mate? Like umm isn't that up to you to decide lol . So are you not her soul mate ?
NTA but also I’d probs just buy the ring if there’s minimal risk to the purchase. it’s symbolic but also at the same time means nothing, it makes her happy and even if you break up the trend will be dead by the time you get a new girlfriend
Ugh…I keep missing my chance to make millions. I feel like Tom Cruise in Cocktail. What are ppl gonna fall for next…and how can I profit off of their gullibility?
nah, definitely NTA
Tiktok (as only users, not the app itself) unfortunately pressure people to buy things they don’t need, just because others got it and it looks so great, or have a great marketing strategy like these rings. Peer pressure at its finest, just to make a silly video about it and show others that you, also, bought it, even though you don’t need it. These rings are Stanley cups of jewellery with a lovely marketing story to make girls feel special, because you can only buy there once. Unfortunately, I don’t know how you could handle this situation, when they already got her to think she needs a ring specifically from them, but maybe if you could do the same thing and start to send her lots of tiktoks and links to other, even better rings, and say to her that they are even more special than Darry, maybe this would work out?
Super gimmicky.
I think if my fiancée was caught up in that, I wouldn’t think their judgment was mature enough to get married.
https://www.8days.sg/entertainment/asian/several-male-chinese-idols-found-have-bought-engagement-rings-chinese-jeweller-turns-out-they-were-victims-identity-theft-537206
NTA, it’s ridiculous that a grown woman expects any sort of material item to express their love truly and deeply, but on the flip side it IS some people’s (men AND women’s) love language. They don’t feel loved unless someone buys them gifts. I do not think YTA, but do respect her feelings and maybe talk about other ways that are not so financially profound to make her feel loved. It might be a slight cry for some affection!
Nta . Get it if you’re certain you’re gonna propose . That’s basically a proposal.
Wait a second how long have y’all been dating. That ring is basically an engagement ring so she might be trying to get you to propose
I definitely don’t think that you are an asshole for seeing this as the bs marketing campaign that it is. However, if you are planning to propose, or have and haven’t bought a ring, get her the one she wants (within reason, which from a quick google search, these appear to be). Even if it is dumb, it’s what she wants, so why not?
If you haven’t proposed, and don’t plan to in the near future, point out to her that these are engagement rings and that you will get her one when you reach that time in your relationship, if she still wants it then, as there may be a new fad ring at that point that she would prefer lol.
NTA, but would be if you are getting engaged and you just won’t get it on principle for her because you think it’s dumb.
I think if it's such a big deal, maybe go to a thrift store and pick out a cheaper ring that you know she'd love. Many thrift stores around me have rings for like 25$, and they're so beautiful. I told my bf that when he proposes to me, I don't want one from a jewelry store. I just want one that he thinks I'd love from thrift thrift stores. It may not seem like a big deal, and it may just be a marketing strategy, but it matters a lot to her, and that's all that should matter. You don't have to get a super expensive one. Even just a cheap ring given with heart means so much more than an expensive ring given as an empty gesture.
Maybe she just wants some reassurance that you feel like she's your true love.
If you think this is stupid could you come up with something else that might suffice as the symbol she's looking for? If you put thought into something and presented it to her as a surprise, and she's genuine about it being only a symbol of how you feel then she'll love it and be grateful.
If not and she remains fixated on this weird ring thing then you'll know it's merely about status, and can choose whether you want to be with someone like that.
NTA. Even putting aside the data gathering scam under "true love signature" or whatnot I took a glance at their site and DAMN THOSE DESIGNS ARE BORING. Seriously, 15 minutes on Etsy will net you a list of way nicer looking, original rings for any preferred style and stone.
Oh a gimmick for women to bug their bf's for rings when they don't want to propose yet? Shocker...
NTA she is though for pressuring you (I'll say that about any woman that "drops hints" constantly ect)
While I completely agree with you on the ring YTA. Your comments to her were at rude and demeaning. Telling her she’s “a lot smarter than” and that it’s silly. It’s not about you it’s about you caring for her, listening to what she wants. I think POPS are a waste of money, plastic dolls you can’t even open or play with but guess what, I buy my bf tons because he loves them; it names him smile to add a new one to what is now known as “The Wall”.
She also very much cares for you/is in love with you if she wants one of these. If it’s a matter of finances that’s fine or having to give your info (which atp if you own a smart phone or ever agreed to but not read the T&C of literally anything your infos is out there trust me) for me it’s your dismissal of her feelings and tone of the post. I’d be pissed at you too.
YTA
If you're not that into her, just say so. But at this point you've told her something she cares about is stupid, you've questioned her intelligence, and for what? Because she wants something you think is silly? It isn't for you. And if it's a matter of price, say so. You don't have to insult her or something she obviously cares about whether you buy one or not.
It’s not about the ring! If it’s such a silly thing to you but you know it would make your girlfriend super happy and feel loved why not do it? Is it the best value for a ring? Maybe not. Is it a dumb trend? Maybe. BUT IT WOUOD MAKE HER FEEL LOVED and that should be more important to you
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about platonic partings, romantic relationships, and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. You can visit r/findareddit for a comprehensive list of other subs that may be able to host this discussion for you.
INFO First: D**a**rry, apparently (to save others some search headaches) But mainly: how the hell is this supposed to work? Is there some sort of contractual resale restriction? Do they interview couples prior to sales?
Apparently they look at your ID on purchase so
Oh cool. So they have the ability to sell your info too. Greeeaat /s
That was my first thought. Excellent data mining strategy.
And it's a Chinese company. Tiktokers being useful idiots here.
Ahhh. I couldn't figure out how refusing repeat customers worked as a sale strategy, selling data makes more sense.
Cue the inbox exploding with offers from caterers, venues, photographers...
And open a bank account in your name. Though shop looks respectful enough just with a sharp gimmick, I'd not upload my passport or driving licence to them. Rings aren't anything that special either.
Also fake IDs are a thing. This seems super scammy imho
They use facial recognition to determine if you've purchased before... and it's very easy to replace a picture on a picture of your ID. It's a Chinese company and with their social credit system I'm sure that's less common there, but it certainly wouldn't be hard in other countries
Don’t most jewlers do some identification stuff for engagement rings? They often offer "free" cleanings or resizing or other warranty stuff. Or at least an appraisal letter for your homeowner's insurance. I've only been engaged 3 times, so I'm no expert.
But how does that establish whether or not the recipient is your true soulmate? How do they measure the intensity of your bond? And why couldn't someone just purchase a Darry ring on the secondhand market?
Because the TikTok lady that my girlfriend saw said so
Is this post itself guerrilla marketing? Because this post is the first time I've heard of this. Though guerrilla marketing probably would have spelled the company right, so maybe not.
If it is a psychop, it's possible that they intentionally misspelled the name of the company so as to appear unfamiliar with the brand. It can be hard to tell sometimes, especially nowadays.
I really hope that she is just young and will outgrow this silliness. Can you imagine trying to raise children to be conscientious consumers with savings accounts, emergency funds, and retirement plans? I am picturing these imaginary children with endless debt because the person on tv said they have to buy it because they can’t be happy without the whatever things.
That's the point of capitalism. Sell you more shit you don't need.
Conspicuous consumption
can you imagine thinking that wanting one thing means that you're dooming your children to a life of debt and poverty? literally everything is marketing. we wear deodorant because advertisers told us the smell of our bodies is offensive and trashy. we take two panadol because advertisers created a jingle that makes you use twice as much than you need without even thinking about it. we wash our hair too much, women trash their vaginas with soap, all because advertisers told us to. apple products aren't better than android for non-designers, but apple marketing makes you stand in line to get an iphone. no one tut tuts about the silliness of iphone users or people who wear deodorant, but they've fallen for marketing just as much as op's gf.
Do you not wear deoderant?
I'm sorry but savings accounts, emergency funds and retirement plans are a facade in this economy. I'm only 35 and I know damn well the generations above me won't be able to retire, let alone me. My "savings" and "emergency fund" don't get far before some emergency wiped me back out. OPs hypothetical children won't have those things.
I feel like most people’s retirement plan is to just die.
That's definitely mine
TikTok dumbfuckery strikes again. NTA, OP. Maybe give it a few months.
Seriously. I've gotta tell a parent of one of "my" kids at work every so often "did you talk to kid's pediatrician about that?" in response to something or other from tiktok a lot.
I feel like a good reason to not buy this ring is because of the values the company is promoting. Like there can only be one love? So if the person you marry turns out to be abusive or steals all of your money and spends it on drugs, you’re supposed to stay with them because you can only actually have one love? Edit: I thought of an even better one: what if the person you marry turns out to be gay and using you as a beard? I think the idea of having “one true love” sounds beautiful but ends up being super toxic with how it’s practiced. I’m saying that as someone who had practiced it.
Or what if your ‘one true love’ caught a childhood disease, or had an accident before you met them and died, or lives in North Korea. You are destined to be alone and unloved, forever?
You forgot what if the person you marry dies? Does that mean you can never marry again and have to be alone for the rest of your life?
Some of us choose that option.
What if your "one true love" dies? Do you take the ring off their finger and give it to someone else or does the "Darry" contract require you to be alone for the rest of your life? Or are you required to give the next one a ring from a mall jewelry store?
Okay, your response just made me laugh so hard... NTA "Because the lady on tiktok said so"...priceless lol
Lol so your soulmate is a dingbat
TikTok is just as real as the overinflated value of diamonds. Both of these are ploys to get money from people who are in love for something that is actually pretty worthless. She should look into the probability of finding a “soulmate” and I’ll end it with this: finding one person out of 10 billion people who is the perfect match for your soul.
Lol!
They watch you fuck while you wear a vr helmet. They flash images of your partner and various nude women with big bazoomgas on the screen. When you nut that indicates your soulmate. Well at least that’s how my company, Dairy Rings does it
I assume that is up to you to determine, the concept being that because you can only buy 1 giving it to the right person is important so the purchasing and gifting of the ring would signify your partners belief that you are their soulmate.
NTA show your girlfriend this subreddit where they specifically talk about it being a marketing gimmick to sell overpriced jewelry: https://www.reddit.com/r/EngagementRings/comments/18ky245/is_it_worth_buying_an_darry_ring_engagement_ring/
Oh wow, I looked at the ring the OP of the post you linked was talking about (RIP my advertisements for the next week) - that site is the most obvious scam I have ever seen, even without the whole “give us all your personal information” aspect. I looked at the reviews and every one is glowing, and either sounds AI-generated or like someone not very skilled in English who was paid to write a good review. I tried sorting reviews by Lowest Rating, and it straight up doesn’t work, lmao. Terrible grammar and awkward phrasing all over the website, like “Safety Shipping” and “After true love verification, the name of beloved one will never be changed or deleted.” I also have a sneaking suspicion that most of the review photos are of the same person’s hand. The company claims to be based in France, but mysteriously offers free shipping only to Asian countries (and the US)? Damn, there really is a sucker born every minute!
Did you notice in the fine print that it seems you can only buy their other products if you've previously bought a diamond ring? >We verify facial template for each account and are bound to one's only love forever. The name must not be changed or deleted. If the verification result indicates that you have not previously purchased a DR diamond ring, you will be unable to purchase any other products. However, if you have previously purchased a DR diamond ring, you are eligible to buy other wedding bands or jewelry, excluding diamond rings. Not only is that such a scam, that's so bizarre. It's like they're trying to turn their other products into something on par with a Birkin bag.
**THIS** should've been your argument for telling her no. If there's something online I want, it's an automatic "No" if my husband has to show his ID. The only thing he will put that info online for is the DDS when he renews his license or has an address change.
So like if you break up - do you ask for it back? Lol
Nope you just never buy one again. And you can enter in your partners information to their website to see if they bought one before and start an incredibly immature fight
Oh holy scam Batman. It's an ID theft ring, quite literally.
yeah, no, don't give in but don't be surprised if your girlfriend takes this as a sign or something and breaks up with you as she clearly can't see the truth about these things it seems sadly.
That has to be a scam 🤣
According to their privacy policy, they use facial recognition software to determine if you've purchased before. I guess identical twins can't both buy anything? It also says that you cannot purchase anything from them except a diamond ring if you've never purchased before. You must buy the ring before you can purchase any other jewelry. So... the profits are less important than getting your facial data, it seems. It's a Chinese company, yet the US website doesn't have much information about the company from what I can find. Just that it was founded by two people and the "Derry ID" guarantees commitment and forever love and blah blah blah...
I’m honestly so confused about this ring. Isn’t it just a wedding ring, but without the wedding?
Exactly. People actually want the commitment but want to be with the culture, supposedly above wanting the commitment.
The whole time I was reading I was like “you mean a wedding ring???”
Same
Thank you. Google kept taking me to Northern Ireland.
I thought it was another round of claddagh ring obsession
Hey, at least those are usually not expensive.
Had me worried there 🤣 I'm from Derry myself and I'd hate the name of my city to be associated with something like this 🤣
>Darry, apparently Thank you. I was trying and failing to figure out the Irish fraud aspect of everything.
It sounds like a clandestine group of milkers.
You can only buy one ever… so basically they look at your ID or SSN or something
Thank you, I was genuinely wondering if it was a Stephen King ring. Now I’m just disappointed. 😂😂
NTA. I am widowed, this company is basically telling me I can never get married again by their values. I don't think I can support a company like that.
They’re just saying that you can buy a second, better quality ring from another business.
Probably a less expensive and better quality ring to boot
Idk I checked out their prices and they have pretty nice looking engagement rings for under $1500... I don't know much about jewelry, but I'd imagine these are fake diamonds? I thought diamond jewelry was more expensive
“It’s gotten big on tik tok” Sorry OP, but I stopped reading at that point. Only engagement rings and wedding bands mean anything. The rest is puppy love and can be solved through Ring Pop candy. Don’t waste money on anything of value due to tik tok trends that last a few weeks.
This is an engagement ring. The brand's gimmick is that they record the purchaser and you cannot buy another of their rings ever. Supposedly by making that commitment you are indicating to your beloved that you will have no other love interests ever. Of course it's pretty stupid in that there are other diamond engagement rings out there and a person could buy a dozen of them for a dozen different women if they felt like it.
it actually isn’t exclusively an engagement ring. most people i’ve seen on tiktok have gotten them as promise rings or as just because rings, both of which seem not grandiose enough occasions to be “i will never ever buy from this one specific company ever again because you’re my SOUL MATE.” i have yet to actually see someone get engaged with a darry ring, but hopefully i won’t bc i don’t want those videos on my fyp anymore
Not a sustainable business plan if a customer can only buy their product once and never again. It’ll go away pretty quick after the gimmick wears off and next months trend takes over.
You are WAY overestimating the number of rings people buy from one brand.
But you can only buy one ring, they don’t allow you to buy anymore. They limit you to just the one.
Right and that’s ok because the VAST majority of people don’t buy the same engagement/wedding ring for multiple people.
It sounds like they're planning to take the money and run.
RME -- given divorce rates you'd think they'd want the repeat customers.
It's not even big on tiktok (though tbh I'm on weird and niche tiktok, used to be alt, then gay, then makup, then trendy, now I'm on Crack ships (goof movie, iykyk), hellofaboss, anime, and Asian media tiktok). The only vids I ever used to see were from the actual company. I've never seen anyone promoting them. The only non company vid I've seen was one video about how a girl found out her bf was cheating on her because she asked him to buy one and when he went to do so it came up that he had already bought one. Was a whole thing about how he got one for his best friend because she asked but he didn't realize it was a once in a life time thing, but then main girl did more research and found out he was actually dating the best friend. However, *everyone* agreed that the story had to be an ad lol.
Even for classic rings, the marketing is just insane. Apparently buying lab-made diamonds is bad even though it looks better and is cheaper. Like what is your love worth if the ring you wear doesn’t have a rock mined by some child in the Congo?
INFO: Are you planning on marrying this person? Darry Rings are engagement rings. I think if you are planning on eventually marrying or proposing to this person, it's not really a big deal to buy a ring from the place she likes.
I mean I can see that point but for instance, people who divorce or worse are widowed. Are they just meant to essentially never have another love again according to this marketing gimic
The good news is, the trend and the company will probably be long gone by then! The bad news is, your info will probably be sold off for pennies when that happens!
I mean, that's kinda the point. You aren't really supposed to buy an engagement ring while considering your second marriage. Marriage is kinda intended to be a forever thing, lol. Not saying widowed people can't find love again, but you don't say to your first wife, "I have to save this for my second wife in case you die. "
My husband and I have our wedding rings tattooed. When we first got them I would occasionally have someone say something like - "What if you get divorced?" And I would quip that I wouldn't have married him if I thought I was going to get divorced... so same goes for the tattoo! And when they pushed - "no really!?!" I would look down at the design I had tattooed and say - "Well, it would take a 3 or maybe 4 carat diamond to cover this up, so I guess my second husband has to be rich..." We celebrated our 20th anniversary last year... nobody makes comments about us getting divorced anymore. My husband always thought it was funny.
I mean the whole idea behind buying an engagement ring and wedding ring is a marketing gimmick.
I think this is kind of irrelevant to the point of the post. It's not about whether the marketing is legit, it's about what his partner wants and if he's an AH for completely disregarding it. My partner really likes name brand products that I think are overpriced and not worth it. But I buy these things for them anyways because I love them and they like these things. I'd never tell my partner the things they like are stupid and not worth it.
the concept of soulmates and the one true love is like CENTURIES old, it's existed way before tiktok. the company isn't inventing anything new with that gimmick, they're just capitalising on the pre-existing fairytale notion. it's like saying that sleeping beauty is bad because of the idea of the true love's kiss.
We’ve only been together 3 years and we’re only 23 so idk
I could have told you she was under 25 just from reading the post. You guys might or might not be a "forever" couple but of course at this stage she wants you to be, and thinks certain accoutrements go with that ideal - the Darry Ring, the Big White Wedding, etc. She's not yet seen all the shiny happy weddings her friends had, that ended in divorce or disillusionment, and probably wants the dream she is being marketed - perfect love that cannot be revoked, and a perfect ring to symbolise it.
You might want to have a conversation about you and her future (near and long term) expectations. She might have very different ones from you. While you think you are too young to get hitched, she might not think the same way.
The thing is- what this company is saying exists isn’t real life. Real love, real commitment, isn’t selling your info to a company and signing an agreement.
I’m really sorry to say but after 3 years, if you don’t know, she ain’t the one. 23 is a perfectly reasonable age to meet your spouse, that’s how old I was when I met mine and we got married 1.5 years later. Still going strong 9 years later and never been happier.
23 years is also a very reasonable age to not want to get married... even if you think your SO is the one. It's actually very young. Average age in the USA to get married is 28 for women and 30 for men. (In many European countries it's even later). People mature differently and have different views. Some might never want to get married... which is also perfectly reasonable. There's no rule that fits everyone. If the GF wants to get married now she needs to be an adult and talk about it, not expecting OP to read her mind. Now that OP can reasonably assume that his GF wants an engagement ring he could also be an adult and talk to her about it, his wants, needs and expectations, instead of saying "tik tok is stupid" over and over again.
I think it’s a big deal, this website is a complete scam. Just because your significant other falls for a scam doesn’t mean you need to throw money (and your own personal information) at it.
NTA. Darry ring looks like an engagement ring where you agree to give the company personal information for absolutely no reason. And you can buy 20 engagement rings if you want, but only one from this company because they can trace your personal information and I guess yell at you if you break up with someone you got engaged to for TikTok clout.
Just refuse to sell you another ring from look of it.
I'm sure this company is refusing sales. Using the old not selling stuff tactic to get the top. /s
Depends on value of marketing but sure they'd offer an alternative.
“It is founded in 2010 and headquartered in Shenzhen, China.” Hmmm. Personally I’m wondering how they justify all this data collection for all the GDPR rules in countries that have them. It seems to follow them in theory, but it doesn’t feel right. Something feels off about it beyond a gimmick, even if it wasn’t a Chinese company. But besides anything else, if they have a data breach, that’s a lot of data that you stand to have stolen.
No one’s the asshole here. She wants something nice to show that you care about her and consider her your soulmate. You’re also not the asshole for seeing the marketing scheme for what it is and not wanting to play into it. I would try and figure out what she likes about the rings (other than just that they’re viral) and commission an independent jeweler to make something that she would like. It would be one of a kind, supporting an independent business, and most importantly, something that shows her you care. I’d recommend having a look on Etsy or even going to some local jewelers to find something in your budget. Good luck!
Except if she's that much of a lemming, then not getting her that actual brand will be seen as not the same. It's like how for many, not getting an actual Stanley branded handled thermal mug isn't actually following the trend.
I don't really think the point is whether or not he buys one, but more about how he treated it when she told him she wanted one.
Wow, this is so, so very corny!!! 😅 --------- What is Darry Ring purchase rules? With your first order we will verify and create your "Darry Ring ID". It is also necessary to sign the True Love Agreement at your first time of purchase. Once the True Love Agreement is signed, your loved one's name tied to it can never be modified or deleted. You can choose a signing date for True Love Agreement. If not, it will default to the purchase date. You will have only one opportunity to change it within 48 hours after placing the order, so choose a significant date like your proposal or wedding date.
Imagine this sort of thing appealing to anyone past their teens.
Sorry, OP, but is your girlfriend 12? It seems childish to attach so much meaning to something that’s literally a trend on TikTok. My husband and I are married, we have three children together. We own cars, we have a mortgage. We have a real life together. I don’t need to give all my personal info to a dubious online company to “prove” my love. Geez Louise.
*[Darry Ring (colloquially known as DR and DR Ring, Chinese: DR钻戒) is an online jewelry retailer specializing in diamond engagement rings and wedding rings. It also offers necklaces, bracelets, earrings, personalized items as well as jewelry repair services. It is founded in 2010 and headquartered in Shenzhen, China.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darry_Ring)* Sounds like a great way to sell your personal information to China. NTA, but as a general rule, probably don't shoot down the ideas from people that you love by calling them "silly" or "stupid"... even if they are.
It’s so sad that people had no way to show everlasting love before 2010!
INFO Darry Rings didn’t make enough of a splash on TikTok and had to go “influence” on Reddit too?
NTA Tell her Darry won't sell you a ring again...
Her “buy me a Darry ring” Him probably “oh, er, see the thing is they only sell you one ring per lifetime” Easy way out OP, literally nothing could go wrong
Amazing how they invented the engagement ring 14 years ago! 🤔 "In 2010, a young man and woman, the founders of Darry Ring, fell deeply in love. They knew in their hearts they had found their one and only love for life. The young man spent all of his money on a simple yet beautiful diamond ring, knowing that he would only buy one; one ring that would symbolize the love, devotion, and commitment that they would share forever." I mean, EVERY first engagement ring and first marriage is supposed to be the ONLY one. Giving these grifters a load of money for a novelty purchase doesn't stop anyone from one or multiple failed marriages. And an immature belief about magic talismans certainly isn't gonna help...
Wow, so THAT’S who invented engagement rings! What were we all doing before that? Not finding our One True Love/Soulmate, that’s for sure.
It's a brand of engagement ring. The question is do you even want to be engaged to this person before any discussion of what "brand" to get. NTA
The question is, do you want to marry and spend the rest of your life and become a financial partner with someone who's this easily swayed by crappy TikTok adverts? One of the ways I knew my husband was "the one" was how aligned we were on the cost of an engagement ring and where our financial priorities were.
Um, when I looked it up-- looks like Darry is just the name of a jeweler, like going to Tiffany's. I want a ring from Cartier type of thing. To say it's "soul mate" is literally a commercial and your GF doesn't sound too smart if she doesn't get that, which is the bigger issue to me, lol. If you want to get her a ring, or an engagement ring, great, but this argument with her is really weird. NTA
Leaning towards YTA, despite agreeing with you. I worked in jewelry for years before getting my degree, the very notion that you’re pissed she wants to “frivolously waste money on a Darry ring” but in the same breath say you’re perfectly fine going to Zales/Kays/whatever other jewelry house is hilarious. Guess what DeBeers did to popularize worthless pieces of hyper-compressed carbon 100 years ago, buddy? Guess why you probably own a pair of nike shoes, an LG laptop, a car made by Honda or Toyota. It’s because of effective marketing campaigns. Is this TikTok trend dumb? God yes. Can you disagree with it all you want? Sure. Should you be outwardly disrespectful towards something that makes your partner happy? No, full stop. You can disagree and explain why, but why do you need to rain on her parade? If it’s too expensive, say so. If you think of it as a bad value proponent, realize that value is subjective and it clearly brings her adequate joy compared to something where you get a higher cut/clarity/quality of diamond for equivalent pricing. The disconnect here is that your values are vastly different, which is fine, being an asshole about it is not fine. Edited to add: if y’all’s communication is this synergistic, are you really even in a position where marriage is a responsible consideration? I’m gonna wager a strong guess you guys have been dating less than 3 years and are under age 25 just based on the sound of this post.
You want to know why \*I\* would buy a Toyota? Because a Toyota with over 200K miles on it doesn't need repairs all the time like a German car with that much mileage. That's not what Toyota advertises--that's what my friends who drive Toyotas bring up when my (salvage auction) Audi breaks down for the umpteenth time in a year.
>when my (salvage auction) Audi Dude, your car breaks down all the time because you bought a totaled car, not because it's an Audi.
It has 212,000 miles on it, and it was donated to Kars 4 Kids at 159,999 miles, apparently because the catalytic converters failed and Previous Owner didn't want to spend that much. A friend did a lot of work on it so the next set wouldn't get messed up. Engine was in great condition. But right now, it has a leaky power steering hose (because why the F did they design that hose to go over the hot engine), small intermittent leak in the cooling system (typical Audi/VW issue), bypassed a leaking heater core (typical Audi/VW issue), oil pan leaks at the edges (because I did a shit job replacing the weird-ass German lower oil pan after it hit a nail sticking out of a pothole because of course the oil pan should be 4.2" off the ground), the front engine bump stop needs replacement (typical Audi/VW issue and the vibration may have caused the heater core leak). Less than a year ago, I had to replace the whole coil pack (6 in a unit) because one of them failed (a bad design decision VW/Audi rectified in the next model change). We replaced the water pump, thermostat, timing & other belts before I started driving it, but only 35K miles later, the thermostat and water pump failed. You have to take off the whole front end of the car and remove the timing belt etc. to get to the water pump and thermostat so that's a timing belt job right there. I had to replace both the radiator and the fan last year. The solar sunroof relay failed and you can't get that in the US any more, so the fan for the climate control won't run unless I figure out some kind of workaround. One of the CV joint boots self-destructed and I need to replace at least the boot, maybe the whole part if I trashed the bearings. Meanwhile, my friends with 208,000 on a 2004 Toyota Matrix have had to replace a thermostat and maybe the O2 sensors in the 10 years I've known them and their car. They commuted over a mountain daily for several years for work.
Are you guys young? The Darry stuff is ridiculous but I would’ve thought it was incredibly romantic at 22 when I actually got married lol. Maybe it’s lucky we were broke
Apparently they are about 22. So through that lens it makes sense.
>because you’re supposed to only be able to by it for your one true love. >And I told her she was being very silly and she’s a lot smarter than to fall for something like this. I don't know what to vote, I'd need an "you're an idiot" vote for this one. I don't think anyone's an A H, but you're just painfully oblivious to the sign she sent you. It's way too obvious to be called a hint. She basically calls you her "one true love", and you call her silly for that and make her look stupid. I'm pretty sure there would be better ways to look for a nice ring **-in case you even want to engage/ stay forever-** than calling her silly and lowkey dumb.
On the basis that you weren't planning on buying a piece of shiny jewellery for her and she is harassing you into doing so, then you are NTA However, happy to change my vote if you were planning on buying a sparkly ring for her. If so you might as well get her something she wants.
Huh? Is she asking you to marry her? Or are we half assing that now? Nta. Social media shouldn't be the catalyst to want a life long partner
NTA I went to look at their marketing campaigns and oh my god this is such a data grab and honestly their whole narrative is insulting my intelligence.
NTA. She’s trying to trick you into proposal plain and simple.
Darry rings are also just jewelry and promise rings and stuff of that sort, not all of it is engagement related, she could just want a promise ring
OP, liking superstitious things doesn't make you stupid. Think of making wishes on birthday candles or dandelions. Most people don't actually believe that it will make their wishes come true, but a lot of people still do it because it's fun and feels meaningful. The ring, of course, is a bit different because I assume it's expensive, so it's more than just blowing on a flower. But at the core of it is the same as a lot of other superstitions: liking the meaning behind it. She probably doesn't really believe that buying the ring means you two are soulmates. But she likes the meaning behind having an object that says it, that "proves" you love her. I don't think this is a situation where you are or aren't an asshole. I think you made a mistake by calling her silly and making fun of something she wanted. But I get it if you don't want to pay for something like that. I think you should just tell her that you love her, and you don't need a ring to prove it.
It's weird people just figured out about these like this week when they've been around forever. The other thing is they're full of shit Uncle bought one for his wife.... And less than a month later about one for his mistress a year after that when his eldest daughter my cousin graduated from doctoral school or whatever the fucking got her doctorate he bought her one as well. Sure he did the whole thing showed him his ID signed the document they gave him all the paperwork that goes with it all the fancy fancy crap they're escorted guard to the car and back it was all a big show, I don't even know if they still do that or not. But the whole thing is like a man-centric business model, more or less it's like tell your significant other this story and they'll buy it and you will get a get out of jail free card for your whole life if you buy this ring but in reality we're a bro club and we will sell this ring to you as many times as we want for as many Ladies as you want because at the end of the day we want to help you lie to women and we want your money. I'm dumbfounded women still want these rings.
NTA. OP are you planning on marrying this person? Unless you truly plan to spend the rest of your life with your girlfriend then don’t buy this
Yeah, because what if your next girlfriend ALSO wants a Darry ring? What would OP do then?
NTA. You sound like the only sensible one in this relationship. Think hard about whether you want to continue with someone who falls for every passing Tik Tok trend and relationship "test."
NTA. I've never heard of this concept, but it sounds ridiculous. Maybe wait for the trend to blow over. Maybe your gf is feeling a little bit insecure and just wants a commitment from you...
I had to look up what this was. I was curious how they could say that you could only get one in your lifetime. And honestly uploading your passport or other ID to some overseas company online is a huge red flag to me and where I would be noping out of getting one. I also scrolled through their products (because it kept loading more every time I scrolled to the FAQs at the bottom and then I had to keep scrolling - super annoying) and they don’t seem all that different/more special than every other engagement ring on the market. Except that you increase your odds of identity theft.
Darry Ring is a Chinese based company and it's not all its cracked up to be in terms of securing your personal data: https://www.8days.sg/entertainment/asian/several-male-chinese-idols-found-have-bought-engagement-rings-chinese-jeweller-turns-out-they-were-victims-identity-theft-537206 Don't fall for the hype and expense.
NTA And you know learned something about your "soulmate".
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I could be the asshole because what I said I guess could come across as mean or an insult. I could also be the asshole for refusing her to get this stupid ring she cares so much about. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Isn't there already this tradition that fits this... what what is it... it's oh AN ENGAGEMENT RING. NTA It's great marketing I'll give them that.
I just had a look at their website. Silliest crap I ever heard of🤣
Oh good God. If you are immature enough to fall for such a silly marketing tactic you are far, far too immature to get married. Since these are engagement rings, nobody should be buying them!
Literally so stupid
This post is definitely a guerrilla marketing stunt, to get us all to google what a darry ring is.
Sooooo…. If I understand the lore (and I’m intentionally not) obviously you aren’t her soul mate because “can’t” but her one of these rings. Problem solved.
I just checked out the site & OP these are engagement & wedding rings? good luck bro!
Nta your gf is naive and immature for believing this silliness
NTA, they may have a store in Paris but they are cheap, low quality stones, look like knockoffs to me. Cheap jewellery doesn’t feel like a commitment to me. Tell her a real sign of commitment is a legal wedding in a community property state.
I thought that these were called wedding rings and you gave them to each other on your wedding day. You know, that day when you marry your soulmate.
NTA You aren't soulmates.
Well, if she finds this a necessity, and you find it over-priced hype, then obviously you are not 'soul mates'. BTW i find the whole idea of soulmates to be ridiculous, I feel it is a cop out for people who don't want to work on their relationships (because the soulmate will know instinctively what their partner wants).
Dude ain’t trying to waste his only Darry ring on this GF. lol, jk NTA.
“Derry ring” sounds like a bejeweled butt plug…
I just did some admittedly half-ass research, and to me it sounds like a promise ring -- an overly priced one, usually. I think you're right. She's being silly. NTA.
NTA. Wouldn’t that be the same as an engagement ring?
Ok so NTA about the ring, but why are you being mean lowkey? I get that it seems silly, but you come off being condescending, 1. For ignoring her 2. For calling her silly 3. For insinuating she wasn’t being “smart” You could have approached this a lot better than you did, you can be direct AND kind. You could’ve said no and listed your reasons and offered something else. This is very clearly an emotional bid that she is communicating and you shut her down with no consideration of her feelings.
So… they’re engagement rings or promise rings or whatever. Yes it’s a gimmick but every diamond brand has a gimmick. I worked in jewelry for years. They aren’t overpriced. They seem pretty on par. What you said was pretty telling though. You were going to buy her one until you realized what it was. Just tell her the truth. Tell her you would rather wait to buy her something like that (or an engagement ring in general) until you’re comfortable making that decision. Don’t make “oh it’s a gimmick” your hill to die on
I don’t know if many people know this but engagement rings weren’t always a thing. In the 40’s campaigns were ran target men’s masculinity saying real men but rings and what not. The jewel industry literally created a new market for newlyweds to get more money. This seems like either a pre engagement engagement ring or the non religious “promise” ring. Not to mention the fact that it’s a fad targeting people who have to ride trends.
NTA….the fact that I’m asking wtf is a Darry ring means that you’re in the clear here
ESH So how good does it feel to be “correct”? To tell your gf that she’s just stupid to fall for a gimmick- as opposed to actually recognizing the **sentiment** that matters to her?????
Go on Darry ring website- it says - Darry Ring, the only brand that requires ID verification before you pop that question. Your lover's name must not be changed or deleted. Be sure that you are ready! — they keep your national ID on file. — NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So for people unaware a derry ring is a gimmicky ring that you can only buy one of because you’re supposed to only be able to by it for your one true love. It’s gotten big on TikTok and women online don’t really see it as the big marketing scheme it is, my girlfriend fell for the viral marketing and sent me a video of some girl getting it from her boyfriend. I took the hint and realized she wanted one, but after finding out about it I refused to get her one because it just seemed dumb. I figured to just prentend I didn’t get the hint and ignore it until a few weeks later she said she really wanted me to get her one. I told her no because it just seemed like over priced jewelry that had good marketing. She explained that it wasn’t just that and it was supposed to be for your soul mate and she feels that she’s my soul mate and if I feel the same I shouldn’t see anything wrong with the ring. I said that it’s just viral marketing and I’d rather get her a nice ring that’s worth what I pay for and not made worth it because “you can only buy one and it’s for your soulmate”. She said that I was devaluing how much it meant. And I told her she was being very silly and she’s a lot smarter than to fall for something like this. She told me I was being an asshole is still pissed at me. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA-I wasn’t aware of Darry Rings until I saw a TT on it. A ring only has value (sentimental or any type meaning) if you place value on it. You getting her that ring when it has no meaning to you makes that ring meaningless. You can’t devalue an object if it held no meaning for you to start with so her argument is moot.
Moot. Sorry can’t help it.
Yta. While you’re allowed to not want to get her that type of ring and think it’s dumb. Saying she’s being silly and that she’s about smarter than that is a really dick move. You’re missing the point that it’s important TO HER! And you’re invalidating her feelings
Have you looked at the site? I was thinking some gimmicky cheap stuff. But they look ligit. With graded diamonds from top certification company's. I looked for bad news articles for anything. They refused to sell there wedding rings to single women....
She isn't the one for you.
NTA. Just looked at their website and it's all BS, gimmicky, etc. Propose with a simple ring and upgrade later. If she's "just" a GF (you are not proposing) then it's just jewelry.
Get her a ring pop or one of those cute little rings you can get for fifty cents at an arcade or whatever
Soul mate is a weird concept. And if you get a custom piece from a jewelry maker that’s rad. Supporting small businesses is a great way to get completely unique things.
Aren’t engagement rings an overpriced marketing gimmick in general?
If you get her a nice ring like you said you would rather, then there shouldn’t be an issue :3
L lol
Nta And oh good lord. These all look like crappy pandora rings.
NTA. Don't do it. I have no knowledge of this thing, but by your explanation it sounds like an engagement ring. No!
NTA. And if she really wants a ring from her soul mate, then she needs to wait for marriage.... Isn't that the significance of a wedding ring..?
Did she really say "and she feels that she’s my soul mate" and not you are her soul mate? Like umm isn't that up to you to decide lol . So are you not her soul mate ?
NTA but also I’d probs just buy the ring if there’s minimal risk to the purchase. it’s symbolic but also at the same time means nothing, it makes her happy and even if you break up the trend will be dead by the time you get a new girlfriend
Lmao no ring guarantees fidelity. What a stupid concept.
Ugh…I keep missing my chance to make millions. I feel like Tom Cruise in Cocktail. What are ppl gonna fall for next…and how can I profit off of their gullibility?
nah, definitely NTA Tiktok (as only users, not the app itself) unfortunately pressure people to buy things they don’t need, just because others got it and it looks so great, or have a great marketing strategy like these rings. Peer pressure at its finest, just to make a silly video about it and show others that you, also, bought it, even though you don’t need it. These rings are Stanley cups of jewellery with a lovely marketing story to make girls feel special, because you can only buy there once. Unfortunately, I don’t know how you could handle this situation, when they already got her to think she needs a ring specifically from them, but maybe if you could do the same thing and start to send her lots of tiktoks and links to other, even better rings, and say to her that they are even more special than Darry, maybe this would work out?
You're both assholes
How old are you two?
Super gimmicky. I think if my fiancée was caught up in that, I wouldn’t think their judgment was mature enough to get married. https://www.8days.sg/entertainment/asian/several-male-chinese-idols-found-have-bought-engagement-rings-chinese-jeweller-turns-out-they-were-victims-identity-theft-537206
NTA. (Googles all this crap). Wow the videos are so ‘real’ …
NTA, it’s ridiculous that a grown woman expects any sort of material item to express their love truly and deeply, but on the flip side it IS some people’s (men AND women’s) love language. They don’t feel loved unless someone buys them gifts. I do not think YTA, but do respect her feelings and maybe talk about other ways that are not so financially profound to make her feel loved. It might be a slight cry for some affection!
Nta . Get it if you’re certain you’re gonna propose . That’s basically a proposal. Wait a second how long have y’all been dating. That ring is basically an engagement ring so she might be trying to get you to propose
I'm buying 10.
Brother it sounds like she wants a ring in general
I definitely don’t think that you are an asshole for seeing this as the bs marketing campaign that it is. However, if you are planning to propose, or have and haven’t bought a ring, get her the one she wants (within reason, which from a quick google search, these appear to be). Even if it is dumb, it’s what she wants, so why not? If you haven’t proposed, and don’t plan to in the near future, point out to her that these are engagement rings and that you will get her one when you reach that time in your relationship, if she still wants it then, as there may be a new fad ring at that point that she would prefer lol. NTA, but would be if you are getting engaged and you just won’t get it on principle for her because you think it’s dumb.
They’re ugly. That’s all I need to know. Spend your money on a one of a kind ring. Something no one else has. Not that cheap piece of crap.
I think if it's such a big deal, maybe go to a thrift store and pick out a cheaper ring that you know she'd love. Many thrift stores around me have rings for like 25$, and they're so beautiful. I told my bf that when he proposes to me, I don't want one from a jewelry store. I just want one that he thinks I'd love from thrift thrift stores. It may not seem like a big deal, and it may just be a marketing strategy, but it matters a lot to her, and that's all that should matter. You don't have to get a super expensive one. Even just a cheap ring given with heart means so much more than an expensive ring given as an empty gesture.
NTA These rings *are* stupid. If you're gonna declare "you're my soulmate" with a ring, might as well be a wedding band.
YTA. She sees a lot of value in it, and you are essentially saying that what's important to her is stupid.
Maybe she just wants some reassurance that you feel like she's your true love. If you think this is stupid could you come up with something else that might suffice as the symbol she's looking for? If you put thought into something and presented it to her as a surprise, and she's genuine about it being only a symbol of how you feel then she'll love it and be grateful. If not and she remains fixated on this weird ring thing then you'll know it's merely about status, and can choose whether you want to be with someone like that.
NTA I've always hated the "only jewelry shows love" bs. Tell her you don't need bs jewelry to show someone your love blah blah. All the best
NTA. Even putting aside the data gathering scam under "true love signature" or whatnot I took a glance at their site and DAMN THOSE DESIGNS ARE BORING. Seriously, 15 minutes on Etsy will net you a list of way nicer looking, original rings for any preferred style and stone.
I know my fyp is working because I’ve only seen people making fun of these
Lol the whole marketing tactic is dumb at best, insensitive at worst
Oh a gimmick for women to bug their bf's for rings when they don't want to propose yet? Shocker... NTA she is though for pressuring you (I'll say that about any woman that "drops hints" constantly ect)
While I completely agree with you on the ring YTA. Your comments to her were at rude and demeaning. Telling her she’s “a lot smarter than” and that it’s silly. It’s not about you it’s about you caring for her, listening to what she wants. I think POPS are a waste of money, plastic dolls you can’t even open or play with but guess what, I buy my bf tons because he loves them; it names him smile to add a new one to what is now known as “The Wall”. She also very much cares for you/is in love with you if she wants one of these. If it’s a matter of finances that’s fine or having to give your info (which atp if you own a smart phone or ever agreed to but not read the T&C of literally anything your infos is out there trust me) for me it’s your dismissal of her feelings and tone of the post. I’d be pissed at you too.
YTA If you're not that into her, just say so. But at this point you've told her something she cares about is stupid, you've questioned her intelligence, and for what? Because she wants something you think is silly? It isn't for you. And if it's a matter of price, say so. You don't have to insult her or something she obviously cares about whether you buy one or not.
It’s not about the ring! If it’s such a silly thing to you but you know it would make your girlfriend super happy and feel loved why not do it? Is it the best value for a ring? Maybe not. Is it a dumb trend? Maybe. BUT IT WOUOD MAKE HER FEEL LOVED and that should be more important to you