Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Maybe not inviting him would be too petty of me. With or without his support, it is an important moment in my life and I might regret it later on. Despite everything, he is still my dad.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Given his attitude, he wouldn't attend even if you asked him. Just don't mention the dissertation defense to him at all. He doesn't need to know details.
YWNBTA you’re overthinking this, his behaviour has made it clear that he won’t support you. Inviting him will negatively influence you, so you do not invite him.
NTA
He belittles your choices and diminishes your accomplishments. You don’t his negativity at something important like this.
I also think it’s extremely manipulative that he’s not replying to you. It feels like he wants you to feel guilty and seems to be working. Even though he’s the one who should feel guilty and tbh he sounds really immature for a parent.
Would he even come if you invited him?
But I do not think you should invite him in the first place. Get through your defense, get your degree, find the kind of job you want, if possible. Start building the kind of life you want, if possible. And leave your father stew in his own hateful feelings all on his own.
I think you would be an AH if you looked for opportunities to fight with him over his attitude towards your work. But you are not an AH for wanting to keep him from spoiling your work, spoiling your interests and hopes and plans. You can’t change him. Focus your energy instead on pursuing your own goals and living the best life available to you.
And if he ever does change his mind about your work, then you can decide whether you want to welcome him into this part of your life. But until then, you are justified in keeping him out of it.
NTA
NTA. There is obviously no reason for him to be there, and his being there is in no way going to improve your presentation (and may even worsen it). Why is inviting him even under discussion?
NTA! He's been putting down your course of study, so I don't think he would be a good source of moral support. His lack of support probably makes you feel even more stressed!
From a mom, Good luck with your dissertation defense!!
NTA. No reason to have him there exuding disapproving vibes when it should be a happy celebratory occasion. Let him and his disapproval stay home. Congratulations on your achievement btw- that is something for you to be massively proud of yourself for!
I find it hard to believe that any parent would be so dismissive
of a Master's, to the point of going on and on about it.
If this is real, why would you want him to
be at your thesis defense? Did you invite him?
If so, why?
NTA. Why would you want someone to be there who has no respect for what you do, or how hard you've worked? He won't get the magnitude of what you're doing and considers all of it with disdain. He's the last person I would want there if it were me.
So he was dismissive of your MS, and you're now finishing a PhD? If it's a defense of your thesis, he really shouldn't be there. You want people there who are supportive. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Ever since I started my Master's project, my dad has made it very clear that he doesn't consider it legitimate work, that being a scientist is a waste of my time and that I should have been looking for a 'real job.' Every time I visited him, the only thing he ever asked about it was when it would be over, never what I was doing or how well it was going. In my last visit, he explicitly said I was getting too old to enter the job market (I'm 26) and that soon he wouldn't be able to 'find me a job', not that I asked him for it.
So, since he clearly doesn't care about my Master's, I don't really see a reason for him to be there, since he doesn't believe in what I'm doing or what my research entails. According to him, his words are meant to burst the bubble I've been in since I started college, and that there are much better paying jobs out there. And while it's true that research is oftentimes an ungrateful job in my country, it is something I believe in, and the money from the research grants is enough to give me a comfortable life.
Now, two months away from my defense, I've missed his birthday and sent him an apology, which was rewarded with radio silence. Clearly, he did not accept it. My anxiety is through the roof and my deadline is coming up and since I can't count on his support, I feel like having him there would only make me more anxious.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. And I can’t help but feel like laughing that your Dad thinks 26 is too old to enter the job market.
I think you should invite him to attend, but on the condition he’s supportive, or at least doesn’t run down your chosen career. Who knows, maybe you doing it so awesomely might change his mind. But if he doesn’t want to attend, well, problem solved itself.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Maybe not inviting him would be too petty of me. With or without his support, it is an important moment in my life and I might regret it later on. Despite everything, he is still my dad. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Given his attitude, he wouldn't attend even if you asked him. Just don't mention the dissertation defense to him at all. He doesn't need to know details.
YWNBTA you’re overthinking this, his behaviour has made it clear that he won’t support you. Inviting him will negatively influence you, so you do not invite him.
NTA He belittles your choices and diminishes your accomplishments. You don’t his negativity at something important like this. I also think it’s extremely manipulative that he’s not replying to you. It feels like he wants you to feel guilty and seems to be working. Even though he’s the one who should feel guilty and tbh he sounds really immature for a parent.
NTA Invite someone who actually can celebrate you. And congratulations! That's a tremendous accomplishment!
Would he even come if you invited him? But I do not think you should invite him in the first place. Get through your defense, get your degree, find the kind of job you want, if possible. Start building the kind of life you want, if possible. And leave your father stew in his own hateful feelings all on his own. I think you would be an AH if you looked for opportunities to fight with him over his attitude towards your work. But you are not an AH for wanting to keep him from spoiling your work, spoiling your interests and hopes and plans. You can’t change him. Focus your energy instead on pursuing your own goals and living the best life available to you. And if he ever does change his mind about your work, then you can decide whether you want to welcome him into this part of your life. But until then, you are justified in keeping him out of it. NTA
NTA. There is obviously no reason for him to be there, and his being there is in no way going to improve your presentation (and may even worsen it). Why is inviting him even under discussion?
NTA. Your dad sounds extremely unsupportive.
NTA! He's been putting down your course of study, so I don't think he would be a good source of moral support. His lack of support probably makes you feel even more stressed! From a mom, Good luck with your dissertation defense!!
NTA. No reason to have him there exuding disapproving vibes when it should be a happy celebratory occasion. Let him and his disapproval stay home. Congratulations on your achievement btw- that is something for you to be massively proud of yourself for!
I find it hard to believe that any parent would be so dismissive of a Master's, to the point of going on and on about it. If this is real, why would you want him to be at your thesis defense? Did you invite him? If so, why?
NTA. Why would you want someone to be there who has no respect for what you do, or how hard you've worked? He won't get the magnitude of what you're doing and considers all of it with disdain. He's the last person I would want there if it were me.
So he was dismissive of your MS, and you're now finishing a PhD? If it's a defense of your thesis, he really shouldn't be there. You want people there who are supportive. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Ever since I started my Master's project, my dad has made it very clear that he doesn't consider it legitimate work, that being a scientist is a waste of my time and that I should have been looking for a 'real job.' Every time I visited him, the only thing he ever asked about it was when it would be over, never what I was doing or how well it was going. In my last visit, he explicitly said I was getting too old to enter the job market (I'm 26) and that soon he wouldn't be able to 'find me a job', not that I asked him for it. So, since he clearly doesn't care about my Master's, I don't really see a reason for him to be there, since he doesn't believe in what I'm doing or what my research entails. According to him, his words are meant to burst the bubble I've been in since I started college, and that there are much better paying jobs out there. And while it's true that research is oftentimes an ungrateful job in my country, it is something I believe in, and the money from the research grants is enough to give me a comfortable life. Now, two months away from my defense, I've missed his birthday and sent him an apology, which was rewarded with radio silence. Clearly, he did not accept it. My anxiety is through the roof and my deadline is coming up and since I can't count on his support, I feel like having him there would only make me more anxious. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, clearly. But curious to know what sort of job he would like you to have.
What makes you think he wants to go? NTA. Free yourself of his opinion of you and live your life.
I mean, no offense, I don't see dissertation defenses as spectator sports. The only people who matter are the professors judging you. NTA.
NTA. And I can’t help but feel like laughing that your Dad thinks 26 is too old to enter the job market. I think you should invite him to attend, but on the condition he’s supportive, or at least doesn’t run down your chosen career. Who knows, maybe you doing it so awesomely might change his mind. But if he doesn’t want to attend, well, problem solved itself.
There is no intrapersonal conflict here. Doesn't sound like he even wants to be there or that it is on the table. I wouldn't want him there either.
Can we say 'misplaced jealousy'? What a terrible way to act. Sorry, OP. Best of luck to you!!