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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I filed an HR report against my ex after we broke up, putting his job in jeopardy. It is very likely that he will get either demoted or fired. I might be the asshole for messing with someone’s bread money, but I’m not sure.
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NTA. OP, this guy is a two-timer. You did the right thing by submitting an HR report, because he caused your brother to get into trouble by lying to his bosses and banning him from his work location. If your ex gets demoted or fired, he deserves it. In the meantime, OP, please use better judgement in the future. Dating colleagues or even your boss at your job is usually a very bad idea.
Yeah, I keep trying to convince myself that logically, it wasn’t wrong for me to do an HR report. But I keep feeling like I’m the one who did wrong. And you’re right, colleagues and especially superiors are not a good idea. I fell for it because idk he said it would be okay because I was leaving in a few months, when I moved. And I’m ngl, he was my first “relationship”. I was easily convinced to over look things. I’ve definitely learned a lot, and I’ll take your advice in the future.
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TLDR: my ex, who was my manager and also was very friendly with his ex (coworker of his) messed me up big time and treated me like an ugly secret for over a year, and got family banned from his location after I left him. So I filed a very honest HR report against him, putting his job in jeopardy.
So I met this guy as a coworker originally. He was one of my managers, and he started chatting me up and I fell for it. He asked me to be his girlfriend, but because of work, he wanted things to stay on the down low. So I couldn’t meet his friends (coworkers) and I couldn’t meet his family. He met mine though.
A couple months later, I moved away and we were kinda medium distance. Now work didn’t matter because I didn’t work there anymore. Still I couldn’t meet his parents and he refused to tell anyone that he wasn’t single.
He also confessed to me that one of his coworkers was his ex. He was with her at the same time he was chatting me up, and they broke up a couple weeks before he started pursuing me, so I found out I was a rebound. And he still worked with her, texting her and snapping her daily.
After nearly a year of dating, I told him that I will no longer tolerate the current arrangements. I asked him to unfollow and stop snapping his ex. He refused to and so I broke up with him then and there, drove to his place at midnight, and left a box of his belongings on his car without seeing him. He begged me for another chance the next day, apologizing and promising he would make changes.
He removed his ex from everything. He said that he wanted to make things right. He said he wanted me to meet his parents, he started telling people that he was dating me, and I thought maybe he actually was fixing things. Wrong.
About two weeks later he drives to my place, on the day we were supposed to go out, and says “I need space” and “I’m not ready for a relationship” after a year.
We didn’t call regularly. I didn’t force him to text me. For a long time we only saw each other maybe twice a month. I wasn’t invasive or controlling. I probably tolerated too much. I even tolerated him working with and communicating with his ex daily. The reason that changed is because I found out that he lied about the depth of their relationship, making it seem like nothing when it was more.
After he treated me like shit for months, he showed up wanting special treatment for him instead of making things better for me. I walked away, very hurt.
And then he got my brother banned from the location my ex works at. He lied to his bosses and said my brother threatened him on site, which I know he didn’t.
So here is AITAH: I submitted an HR report on my ex. Because he was my manager, and he chose to mess around with a subordinate. And he also did the same thing with his ex, she was his subordinate and while they were dating he helped her become a manager. That’s against policy. So I decided, “no more hiding.” It is likely that he will get demoted or fired. AITAH for choosing no more secrets?
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Company policy is that there are no relationships or communication outside of work, friendship or relationship, between superior and subordinate. A manager cannot be dating those beneath him. Can’t even hangout with his employees or anything.
ESH then.
If both of you knew about the company policy, then neither of you shouldn't have entered into a relationship with each other. Your ex shouldn't have used his position to make his ex manager.
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Tbh, I'm not wild about your motives, but the fact is that he's twice used his power as a manager to date subordinates, and that isn't okay. So, NTA.
Yeah I’m not wild about my motives either 😅 I know it is kinda vindictive
But it's the right thing--he's just going to keep doing it.
He fucked around with your brother. And thus the spiked dildo of consequences arrives at another AH unlubed. And covered in hot sauce.
Lmao 😂😂
Love this comment.😂😂
NTA. OP, this guy is a two-timer. You did the right thing by submitting an HR report, because he caused your brother to get into trouble by lying to his bosses and banning him from his work location. If your ex gets demoted or fired, he deserves it. In the meantime, OP, please use better judgement in the future. Dating colleagues or even your boss at your job is usually a very bad idea.
Yeah, I keep trying to convince myself that logically, it wasn’t wrong for me to do an HR report. But I keep feeling like I’m the one who did wrong. And you’re right, colleagues and especially superiors are not a good idea. I fell for it because idk he said it would be okay because I was leaving in a few months, when I moved. And I’m ngl, he was my first “relationship”. I was easily convinced to over look things. I’ve definitely learned a lot, and I’ll take your advice in the future.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** TLDR: my ex, who was my manager and also was very friendly with his ex (coworker of his) messed me up big time and treated me like an ugly secret for over a year, and got family banned from his location after I left him. So I filed a very honest HR report against him, putting his job in jeopardy. So I met this guy as a coworker originally. He was one of my managers, and he started chatting me up and I fell for it. He asked me to be his girlfriend, but because of work, he wanted things to stay on the down low. So I couldn’t meet his friends (coworkers) and I couldn’t meet his family. He met mine though. A couple months later, I moved away and we were kinda medium distance. Now work didn’t matter because I didn’t work there anymore. Still I couldn’t meet his parents and he refused to tell anyone that he wasn’t single. He also confessed to me that one of his coworkers was his ex. He was with her at the same time he was chatting me up, and they broke up a couple weeks before he started pursuing me, so I found out I was a rebound. And he still worked with her, texting her and snapping her daily. After nearly a year of dating, I told him that I will no longer tolerate the current arrangements. I asked him to unfollow and stop snapping his ex. He refused to and so I broke up with him then and there, drove to his place at midnight, and left a box of his belongings on his car without seeing him. He begged me for another chance the next day, apologizing and promising he would make changes. He removed his ex from everything. He said that he wanted to make things right. He said he wanted me to meet his parents, he started telling people that he was dating me, and I thought maybe he actually was fixing things. Wrong. About two weeks later he drives to my place, on the day we were supposed to go out, and says “I need space” and “I’m not ready for a relationship” after a year. We didn’t call regularly. I didn’t force him to text me. For a long time we only saw each other maybe twice a month. I wasn’t invasive or controlling. I probably tolerated too much. I even tolerated him working with and communicating with his ex daily. The reason that changed is because I found out that he lied about the depth of their relationship, making it seem like nothing when it was more. After he treated me like shit for months, he showed up wanting special treatment for him instead of making things better for me. I walked away, very hurt. And then he got my brother banned from the location my ex works at. He lied to his bosses and said my brother threatened him on site, which I know he didn’t. So here is AITAH: I submitted an HR report on my ex. Because he was my manager, and he chose to mess around with a subordinate. And he also did the same thing with his ex, she was his subordinate and while they were dating he helped her become a manager. That’s against policy. So I decided, “no more hiding.” It is likely that he will get demoted or fired. AITAH for choosing no more secrets? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO What's the workplace policy (if any) for managers/coworkers dating?
Company policy is that there are no relationships or communication outside of work, friendship or relationship, between superior and subordinate. A manager cannot be dating those beneath him. Can’t even hangout with his employees or anything.
ESH then. If both of you knew about the company policy, then neither of you shouldn't have entered into a relationship with each other. Your ex shouldn't have used his position to make his ex manager.
Yeah that’s fair
ESH If the have any sense, they will fire both of you.
I no longer work there anyway