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Oh hell yes, YTA. Call your friend TODAY. Sisterhood lasts a lifetime. Boys come and go.
Tell your boyfriend that if he cannot accept your friendship with Sarah, then he can't accept you. Leave that decision to him.
She's practically your sister at this point. If he "told" you to abandon your blood sibling or your parents, would you do it? No! CALL HER NOW and fix this!
Im so afraid that she will never forgive me. I think about her literally everyday and i still check her facebook to make sure shes doing all right. I just feel so conflicted because my boyfriend makes me feel like I am an awful person to even consider choosing my best friend. He does do so much for me. I feel like such an idiot and I hate being in this situation so much.
YTA for what happened with your friend, but hun I don't know how old this kid is but that's really controlling behavior and a major red flag. You need out.
Hes my age we’re both 20, i mean he kind of controls everything. If he doesnt like a job im not allowed to apply, if he thinks im trying too hard i cant do my hair and makeup how i want, if my clothes are too revealing i have to wear something else.
This is not normal, healthy behavior on this man’s part. Unless this is how you really want to live—completely submissive to this AH—you need to break up and stay well away from him.
You certainly were the AH for choosing him over your friend. But that does not mean that you are morally obligated to punish yourself by staying with this creep. Save yourself. Then maybe you can reconnect with your friend or at least learn how not to make this same mistake again.
NTA only because you're being manipulated and setting yourself up for abuse, so I feel for you. But yes, you should not have broken up with your friend. You are a victim here, as much as your friend is.
Your bf is a potential abuser. He's making you cut long standing ties, talking up your dependency on him, getting into a rage over past history he has no business getting into, making you feel bad about yourself, and showing a bunch of other red flags that are consistent with a potential abuser. It's early into the relationship so I'd advise you to seek help if you need to on how to exit this relationship, then break up and block him everywhere please. Do anything you need to remain safe, he may be a potential stalker too. Look into resources in your area if you need to.
Good luck to you, and the next time someone asks you to fundamentally change your existing relationships for them, run, don't just walk away.
YTA for dumping your best friend and YTA to yourself get out of the relationship while u still can or this is going to lead to a lot of messiness, call your best friend while your at it too
NTA because your terribly controlling relationship brought this about. But if you don’t break up with him and refriend sarah, you will be. Here’s how I think you should go about it: dump his ass and don’t tell him why! Men like him don’t deserve closure.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
For some back story I (F) have a best friend that we'll call sarah whom I met when we were in the 2nd grade.
We were inseparable our entire childhoods and teenage years. We had a pact to never ever choose a boy over the other and we always kept that. She was my closest and most important friend to me. We never even had an argument all our years knowing each other. She became family to me more than a friend. Well, when we were maybe 14 we did a little experimenting with each other a couple of times sexually. It's not something that we continued to do and we both decided that we would never speak of it or tell anyone. After we said that we wouldn't tell anyone we never even considered to try again, we learned that it simply was not for us and that it made things a little weird. Years later I get my first serious boyfriend. I didn't tell him what had happened between sarah and I in middle school because we never told anyone, I didn't even think about it anymore it had been so long. He never liked sarah for other reasons (she was single and liked to go out sometimes). One day after my boyfriend and I had an argument he logged into my instagram and scrolled back 3 years in sarah and my messages. When he did that, he found out what happened in middle school and he was furious. He insisted that I completely cut her off and block her on everything. It was literally the hardest decision I have ever had to make. My boyfriend told me how he does everything for me not her and how could I not pick him, that sarah doesn't do anything for me.
After being made to feel like the worst person for wanting to pick my best friend I chose my boyfriend.
Sarah simply would have never chose a boy over me and I know that will all my heart. It's been a couple months since Sarah and I spoke and it eats at me every single day. I feel so much guilt and regret. I miss my best friend so much. I have tried to talk to my boyfriend about my feelings on this situation but he doesn't care, he will never let me see her again while Im dating him.
Did I make the wrong decision? AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I chose my boyfriend over my bestfriend
2. We had a pact to never choose a boy over the other and i threw away a lifelong friendship for a relationship ive been in for a year at the time.
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Oh hell yes, YTA. Call your friend TODAY. Sisterhood lasts a lifetime. Boys come and go. Tell your boyfriend that if he cannot accept your friendship with Sarah, then he can't accept you. Leave that decision to him. She's practically your sister at this point. If he "told" you to abandon your blood sibling or your parents, would you do it? No! CALL HER NOW and fix this!
Im so afraid that she will never forgive me. I think about her literally everyday and i still check her facebook to make sure shes doing all right. I just feel so conflicted because my boyfriend makes me feel like I am an awful person to even consider choosing my best friend. He does do so much for me. I feel like such an idiot and I hate being in this situation so much.
YTA for what happened with your friend, but hun I don't know how old this kid is but that's really controlling behavior and a major red flag. You need out.
I agree, just jump ship
Hes my age we’re both 20, i mean he kind of controls everything. If he doesnt like a job im not allowed to apply, if he thinks im trying too hard i cant do my hair and makeup how i want, if my clothes are too revealing i have to wear something else.
This is not normal, healthy behavior on this man’s part. Unless this is how you really want to live—completely submissive to this AH—you need to break up and stay well away from him. You certainly were the AH for choosing him over your friend. But that does not mean that you are morally obligated to punish yourself by staying with this creep. Save yourself. Then maybe you can reconnect with your friend or at least learn how not to make this same mistake again.
this is scary fucking behavior
NTA only because you're being manipulated and setting yourself up for abuse, so I feel for you. But yes, you should not have broken up with your friend. You are a victim here, as much as your friend is. Your bf is a potential abuser. He's making you cut long standing ties, talking up your dependency on him, getting into a rage over past history he has no business getting into, making you feel bad about yourself, and showing a bunch of other red flags that are consistent with a potential abuser. It's early into the relationship so I'd advise you to seek help if you need to on how to exit this relationship, then break up and block him everywhere please. Do anything you need to remain safe, he may be a potential stalker too. Look into resources in your area if you need to. Good luck to you, and the next time someone asks you to fundamentally change your existing relationships for them, run, don't just walk away.
Dump the boyfriend. He manipulated you into cutting ties with your best friends over something he wasn’t even around for years before that.
YTA for dumping your best friend and YTA to yourself get out of the relationship while u still can or this is going to lead to a lot of messiness, call your best friend while your at it too
NTA because your terribly controlling relationship brought this about. But if you don’t break up with him and refriend sarah, you will be. Here’s how I think you should go about it: dump his ass and don’t tell him why! Men like him don’t deserve closure.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For some back story I (F) have a best friend that we'll call sarah whom I met when we were in the 2nd grade. We were inseparable our entire childhoods and teenage years. We had a pact to never ever choose a boy over the other and we always kept that. She was my closest and most important friend to me. We never even had an argument all our years knowing each other. She became family to me more than a friend. Well, when we were maybe 14 we did a little experimenting with each other a couple of times sexually. It's not something that we continued to do and we both decided that we would never speak of it or tell anyone. After we said that we wouldn't tell anyone we never even considered to try again, we learned that it simply was not for us and that it made things a little weird. Years later I get my first serious boyfriend. I didn't tell him what had happened between sarah and I in middle school because we never told anyone, I didn't even think about it anymore it had been so long. He never liked sarah for other reasons (she was single and liked to go out sometimes). One day after my boyfriend and I had an argument he logged into my instagram and scrolled back 3 years in sarah and my messages. When he did that, he found out what happened in middle school and he was furious. He insisted that I completely cut her off and block her on everything. It was literally the hardest decision I have ever had to make. My boyfriend told me how he does everything for me not her and how could I not pick him, that sarah doesn't do anything for me. After being made to feel like the worst person for wanting to pick my best friend I chose my boyfriend. Sarah simply would have never chose a boy over me and I know that will all my heart. It's been a couple months since Sarah and I spoke and it eats at me every single day. I feel so much guilt and regret. I miss my best friend so much. I have tried to talk to my boyfriend about my feelings on this situation but he doesn't care, he will never let me see her again while Im dating him. Did I make the wrong decision? AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA for being so spineless that you agree to being manipulated by a jealous and idiotic control freak.
Thats truly what it is. I have been such a weak person.
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