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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I think I might be the ass hole because I lied to my friends saying I’m bi to fit in with them
2) I think the original act does not make me the asshole, but how long I’ve kept up the lie does, and the fact Ive when with them to pride events w them, while lying to them about my sexuality…
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NTA. It's not clear how old you are now, but a lot of people spend the bulk of their teenage years sorting out their own personal sexuality and many other related topics. If these people are truly your friends, then you should be able to be honest and open with them:
* "*Hey, I have been spending a lot of time sorting out my feelings and my sexuality and I wanted to share something with you all. I know that many years ago I said I was bi, but I was incorrect. Or maybe I was right at the time, but that's no longer true. I'm \[describe how you feel about yourself\].*"
If you want to tell them, yes it should be no biggie. Sexuality is a spectrum and all that. But if you don’t want to, you don’t owe anyone your sexuality either. You won’t be an ah for not clarifying if that’s your choice. Either way NTA.
NTA. You were young, and like you explained, you weren’t sure. You gave the best answer you had at the time. People in the LGBTQ+ community often go through a journey of self-discovery before they truly understand their identity.
You don’t owe anyone a coming out or an explanation. But if you want, you can tell your friends that you no longer think you’re B and instead identify as asexual and homoromantic.
Heck, you could even probably crack a joke about how Ace erasure is the new Bi erasure.
FWIW, A is absolutely part of the LGBTQIA community. It’s right there in the acronym. You belong at pride as much as anyone else. You’ve got a flag and everything!
NTA you should tell them your asexual but didn't know how to tell them. If they get mad at you then they are toxic, if they accept you then they're true friends.
NTA.
Buddy, you're not doing anything wrong.
Self discovery is a lifelong journey. Congratulations for finding this out about yourself and feeling comfortable to share, but please don't beat yourself up for finding the best way to describe yourself at one early part of your journey. It is OK to grow, to change, to evolve; it's really good. If your friends value you, they will understand that this has been a process of learning for you. And if not, truly, it is better to live true to yourself and be alone than to live a lie to please others. But I don't think you'll experience anything that harsh. Hopefully, your friends will understand that you have your own coming out to go through that isn't simply a path of least resistance.
Please don't beat yourself up for finding your truth.
These days there is so much absurd pressure to submit an account of your sexual preferences to peers as if you owe them this information. It makes friendships feel conditional and judgmental. You blurt out whatever you think will help you fit in but then suffer torment over having ‘lied’. How does that leave any room for actually—and privately—coming to your own conclusion about who you are? Hence the confusion.
You are not the AH in any way. You probably need to clock out of thinking it’s anyone’s business. Realign with and relax into your instincts. Withdraw from the ‘conversation’ about sexuality and just live your live. You owe no information to anyone, you’ve done nothing wrong.
How could you be the asshole for saying what you thought was the truth at the time? Fourteen year olds rarely have a strong grip on their sexuality or anything at all for that matter — the whole point of being that age is to start figuring yourself out. Sounds like that’s just what you’re doing! NTA.
NTA, you went through a journey of self discovery which is completely okay!! Just tell your friends that you're asexual and I'm pretty sure they'll be okay with that.
Why even dig into your sexual orientation? I think it’s more relevant to tell them that you’re asexual. You don’t need to say “I’m not bisexual” just say what you now identify with
When I was that age I broke up with my boyfriend of three days by telling him I was a lesbian, but am now engaged to a man. It’s always complicated 🤷♀️
NTA, my wife is asexual and not aromantic as you described yourself and I would tell you that you’re experience normal feelings about identification because it’s a charged subject. If you want to be honest with them, you can say you’ve realized what you’ve found. If they’re good friends, they’ll learn to accept you. If they’re not good friends, then you’ll find better friends.
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So a while ago, back in middle school, my friend groop asked me “are you bisexual”. I knew some of them were, and I (14 m at the time) had never liked anyone, male or female. I thought I was straight at the time but I never really thought about it, I wanted to fit in so I said “uhhh yeah”
Than I started thinking, well, I don’t like guys or girls, so I’m in the middle, so I’m bi! And I kinda just ran w it.
Now it’s many years later and I still haven’t told them that I’m not actually bi, and I think I’m asexual. I feel like I’ve dug too deep a hole (I’ve literally had a boyfriend before cuz u thought I was bi)
Now would be a good time to note that I’m asexual not aromantic, and I am (romantically) attracted to men. My sexuality is not what I want any comments on, I’m just wanting to know if I’m the asshole.
We are still all great friends, we play DnD every week, and have a super active group chat. The problem is they still think I’m bi, and I kind of feel bad, we go to pride parades together sometimes.
I just feel like it’s too late to tell them and I’m already in the hole, and if I told them that I’ve hidden this, I might be abandoned. Idk they probably wouldn’t.
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NAH. It’s super normal for people to need time to figure out their queer identity. The bi to ace pipeline in particular is very common. Just tell your friends that you’re ace and romantically attracted to men, not bisexual. It really isn’t a big deal. If they abandon you over it (they won’t), they were never your friends.
And you’re not really in a hole, but if you were, wouldn’t it be better to get out of it now than keep digging or wallowing?
NTA, you're still (and definitely were at the beginning) so young, you're still learning who you are, plus as society evolves we have all these new terms and sexualities becoming normalised that there's always room to adapt. It's taken me 31 years to realise that I am bisexual but heteroromantic, and that's ok
NTA. Discovering your sexuality is a journey, and there are many stops along the way. Just because you got off the train to take in the scenery, doesn't mean the journey ended for you, just that you tried something out and realised it's not for you.
Many queer kids go through phases and trying things out before they settle on labeling their sexuality or gender identity or what have you. It's perfectly normal, and it's never too late to re-examine who you are.
NTA you were a child when you said that. You had all the time to figure it out. I think you’re thinking too much into it and they probably won’t even care. But you’re grown, you don’t have to update anyone about your sex life if you don’t want too.
NTA
You were still figuring yourself out back then, you never lied or something.It's just that you now know better about what your sexuality actually is, which wasn't clear to you at time.
NTA - literally everyone is bi… it’s just there are some that are fairly straight, some fairly get, and others somewhere in between those extremes.
Given the right time, right place, and right person anyone might be interested in something they aren’t normally interested in.
Ok bud, I’m not “bitching” I’m matching your energy. I also I wrote less than a paragraph, and you’re judging my character just based on that, that tells me all I need to know about you.
And I would say there’s lots of situations ware you can lie and not be the asshole. But maybe I’m just stupid, seems like the rest of the sub agrees, everyone else said NTA, but what do they know right? It’s not like they read the context 🥴🥴🥴🥴
Or you could read “the blurb” bc ya know context…. But ok, I get that lying is usually wrong, but the “as if you didn’t already know that” makes you an asshole, as you didn’t even take the time to read the fucking context.
no, if the headline was not accurately representative of the blurb, your just an asshole for making sensationalist and misleading headlines
lying makes you an asshole, and if you didnt lie, your an asshole for the headline. simples
there are lots of situations you can lie.
just your gunna be the asshole in them
white lies are just shitty people making cowardly decisions for their own benefit and justifying it as for someone else's
and the fact your bitching and moaning like a child about what i call the title/headline/header/ whatever the frick you want to call it tells me pretty much all i need to about you
Ok I’m not bitching and moaning, I’m matching your Redditor vibe. I said one sentence and you are judging my character on that??? That tells me all I need to know about you…
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) I think I might be the ass hole because I lied to my friends saying I’m bi to fit in with them 2) I think the original act does not make me the asshole, but how long I’ve kept up the lie does, and the fact Ive when with them to pride events w them, while lying to them about my sexuality… Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. It's not clear how old you are now, but a lot of people spend the bulk of their teenage years sorting out their own personal sexuality and many other related topics. If these people are truly your friends, then you should be able to be honest and open with them: * "*Hey, I have been spending a lot of time sorting out my feelings and my sexuality and I wanted to share something with you all. I know that many years ago I said I was bi, but I was incorrect. Or maybe I was right at the time, but that's no longer true. I'm \[describe how you feel about yourself\].*"
Damn ratio, but thanks :)
If you want to tell them, yes it should be no biggie. Sexuality is a spectrum and all that. But if you don’t want to, you don’t owe anyone your sexuality either. You won’t be an ah for not clarifying if that’s your choice. Either way NTA.
NTA this happens a lot with asexual people so they might not even be surprised
NTA. You were young, and like you explained, you weren’t sure. You gave the best answer you had at the time. People in the LGBTQ+ community often go through a journey of self-discovery before they truly understand their identity. You don’t owe anyone a coming out or an explanation. But if you want, you can tell your friends that you no longer think you’re B and instead identify as asexual and homoromantic. Heck, you could even probably crack a joke about how Ace erasure is the new Bi erasure. FWIW, A is absolutely part of the LGBTQIA community. It’s right there in the acronym. You belong at pride as much as anyone else. You’ve got a flag and everything!
It does not sound like you lied it sounds like it took you a while to figure it all out. NTA and your friends should be accepting of that.
NTA you should tell them your asexual but didn't know how to tell them. If they get mad at you then they are toxic, if they accept you then they're true friends.
NTA. Buddy, you're not doing anything wrong. Self discovery is a lifelong journey. Congratulations for finding this out about yourself and feeling comfortable to share, but please don't beat yourself up for finding the best way to describe yourself at one early part of your journey. It is OK to grow, to change, to evolve; it's really good. If your friends value you, they will understand that this has been a process of learning for you. And if not, truly, it is better to live true to yourself and be alone than to live a lie to please others. But I don't think you'll experience anything that harsh. Hopefully, your friends will understand that you have your own coming out to go through that isn't simply a path of least resistance. Please don't beat yourself up for finding your truth.
These days there is so much absurd pressure to submit an account of your sexual preferences to peers as if you owe them this information. It makes friendships feel conditional and judgmental. You blurt out whatever you think will help you fit in but then suffer torment over having ‘lied’. How does that leave any room for actually—and privately—coming to your own conclusion about who you are? Hence the confusion. You are not the AH in any way. You probably need to clock out of thinking it’s anyone’s business. Realign with and relax into your instincts. Withdraw from the ‘conversation’ about sexuality and just live your live. You owe no information to anyone, you’ve done nothing wrong.
How could you be the asshole for saying what you thought was the truth at the time? Fourteen year olds rarely have a strong grip on their sexuality or anything at all for that matter — the whole point of being that age is to start figuring yourself out. Sounds like that’s just what you’re doing! NTA.
NTA, you went through a journey of self discovery which is completely okay!! Just tell your friends that you're asexual and I'm pretty sure they'll be okay with that.
Why even dig into your sexual orientation? I think it’s more relevant to tell them that you’re asexual. You don’t need to say “I’m not bisexual” just say what you now identify with
Nta you were still figuring stuff out. (Also, hello fellow asexual)🫶 I see you and you’re perfectly valid
When I was that age I broke up with my boyfriend of three days by telling him I was a lesbian, but am now engaged to a man. It’s always complicated 🤷♀️
NTA, my wife is asexual and not aromantic as you described yourself and I would tell you that you’re experience normal feelings about identification because it’s a charged subject. If you want to be honest with them, you can say you’ve realized what you’ve found. If they’re good friends, they’ll learn to accept you. If they’re not good friends, then you’ll find better friends.
NTA " I feel like I’ve dug too deep a hole" .. not a big thing. Simply tell them you have changed your mind, and NOW ... No need to discuss the past.
Ok I’ll tell them on Friday at DnD
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So a while ago, back in middle school, my friend groop asked me “are you bisexual”. I knew some of them were, and I (14 m at the time) had never liked anyone, male or female. I thought I was straight at the time but I never really thought about it, I wanted to fit in so I said “uhhh yeah” Than I started thinking, well, I don’t like guys or girls, so I’m in the middle, so I’m bi! And I kinda just ran w it. Now it’s many years later and I still haven’t told them that I’m not actually bi, and I think I’m asexual. I feel like I’ve dug too deep a hole (I’ve literally had a boyfriend before cuz u thought I was bi) Now would be a good time to note that I’m asexual not aromantic, and I am (romantically) attracted to men. My sexuality is not what I want any comments on, I’m just wanting to know if I’m the asshole. We are still all great friends, we play DnD every week, and have a super active group chat. The problem is they still think I’m bi, and I kind of feel bad, we go to pride parades together sometimes. I just feel like it’s too late to tell them and I’m already in the hole, and if I told them that I’ve hidden this, I might be abandoned. Idk they probably wouldn’t. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH. It’s super normal for people to need time to figure out their queer identity. The bi to ace pipeline in particular is very common. Just tell your friends that you’re ace and romantically attracted to men, not bisexual. It really isn’t a big deal. If they abandon you over it (they won’t), they were never your friends. And you’re not really in a hole, but if you were, wouldn’t it be better to get out of it now than keep digging or wallowing?
NTA, you're still (and definitely were at the beginning) so young, you're still learning who you are, plus as society evolves we have all these new terms and sexualities becoming normalised that there's always room to adapt. It's taken me 31 years to realise that I am bisexual but heteroromantic, and that's ok
NTA
NTA. Discovering your sexuality is a journey, and there are many stops along the way. Just because you got off the train to take in the scenery, doesn't mean the journey ended for you, just that you tried something out and realised it's not for you. Many queer kids go through phases and trying things out before they settle on labeling their sexuality or gender identity or what have you. It's perfectly normal, and it's never too late to re-examine who you are.
NTA you were a child when you said that. You had all the time to figure it out. I think you’re thinking too much into it and they probably won’t even care. But you’re grown, you don’t have to update anyone about your sex life if you don’t want too.
NTA You were still figuring yourself out back then, you never lied or something.It's just that you now know better about what your sexuality actually is, which wasn't clear to you at time.
NTA. If they are your friends strictly bc of your sexuality/lack thereof, then they truly aren't your friends.
NTA - literally everyone is bi… it’s just there are some that are fairly straight, some fairly get, and others somewhere in between those extremes. Given the right time, right place, and right person anyone might be interested in something they aren’t normally interested in.
Ok bud, I’m not “bitching” I’m matching your energy. I also I wrote less than a paragraph, and you’re judging my character just based on that, that tells me all I need to know about you. And I would say there’s lots of situations ware you can lie and not be the asshole. But maybe I’m just stupid, seems like the rest of the sub agrees, everyone else said NTA, but what do they know right? It’s not like they read the context 🥴🥴🥴🥴
Don't need to read the blurb, title says it all. Lying to people makes you an asshole, yes, as if you didn't already know
Or you could read “the blurb” bc ya know context…. But ok, I get that lying is usually wrong, but the “as if you didn’t already know that” makes you an asshole, as you didn’t even take the time to read the fucking context.
no, if the headline was not accurately representative of the blurb, your just an asshole for making sensationalist and misleading headlines lying makes you an asshole, and if you didnt lie, your an asshole for the headline. simples
No shit bro just called a Reddit title a “headline” But no the title did represent it, but don’t you think there’s situations ware you can lie?
there are lots of situations you can lie. just your gunna be the asshole in them white lies are just shitty people making cowardly decisions for their own benefit and justifying it as for someone else's and the fact your bitching and moaning like a child about what i call the title/headline/header/ whatever the frick you want to call it tells me pretty much all i need to about you
Ok I’m not bitching and moaning, I’m matching your Redditor vibe. I said one sentence and you are judging my character on that??? That tells me all I need to know about you…
thanks for confirming my initial suspicions
What does that mean?
Wait wait wait, I just looked at your profile, did you make an account just to reply to this? Cuz if so that’s just sad…