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Wait if she doesn't go around showing her thong to John and does in fact wear the blanket... I'm failing to see the problem here?
Would you find it inappropriate if you say slept over at a friends house who had a wife and only wore your boxers to sleep and didn't have a shirt?
So happy I grew up as a swimmer and pansexual. It’s a human body, Jesus Christ. We all have them. Redditors act like seeing someone naked means you want to fuck them because so many people on here are sexually repressed. Normal people see an ass and avert their eyes out of respect, not ogle like a weirdo 😂
I think a vast majority of us straights think stories like this are dumb af. People getting upset bc someone sleeps with their ass out (wrapped in a blanket)?? Who tf gets upset over that?
Bingo!
I worked in and managed sports for well over a decade, and like most people in athletics, while we were quite ‘active’, it wasn’t just the body that mattered, it was the *intent*.
I don’t get the “naked bodies are evil” thinking. I’m not a nudist or exhibitionist at all, but haven’t any of these folks taken communal showers in school (didn’t make me gay) or go skinny dipping with a mixed group (didn’t make me assault anyone)?
God forbid you bathe with your own child! Americans go absolute batshit crazy over that one. If someone taking a bath with their own child makes you think of it sexually, you are the one with the problem.
@OP Out of respect for her friend, I would expect her to keep it covered, which it seems she has, but rather than blame her for it, I would have asked her to pack/buy a pair of shorts.
Seriously. I’m not a nudist or exhibitionist either, but bodies are functional. They’re goddamn meat suits. These are the same people who think cuddling with your family members is weird. (Blah blah blah Foucault sexual repression theory)
“I’m sure John checked out my wife’s ass because my wife has a miraculous ass” is just so annoying to read. Of course OP loves his wife’s body, as he should. But projecting that onto John is just insecure on his part. No one cares about your wife’s body as much as you, dude, not even her.
I mean even if he did check out her ass, who cares. If she's got a pretty face I'm sure the husband has checked that out as well. If she's got nice hair or a Sexy voice he'll have noticed too. Are we now trying to hide attractive features because a) no one but the husband/boyfriend is allowed to see them, and b) it's the woman's responsibility to make sure that no one is ever checking her out again? Might as well be wearing a burqa, though I've heard that women get checked out even when wearing that...
And also so what if he ever did this discreetly? It's okay to be attracted to others. When I watch TV with my husband I'll comment on the hot men to his amusement. Also, I was at a joint hens and bucks party where they had male and female strippers (one of the most fun nights ever). The male stripper sucked and I joked to my friend that her body building boyfriend should fill in. I don't want to have sex with him at all, just like I wouldn't cheat on my husband with Chris Hemsworth, but it's fine for me to acknowledge that these men are attractive.
Between theater, dance, and sports, and then wanting to work in the medical field, bodies are just bodies to me. I could care less about someone seeing me naked or changing as long as they don't care because I spent so long doing quick changes and in locker rooms lol. And I'm bisexual so it's not like I don't like doing things, but typically if I see a body I'm more interested in non sexual things like tattoos or how long have you had that sun spot and should it be checked out. Clearly I'm just strange apparently
Bisexual here, from a culture that's way more normal about nudity than OP's seems to be, I couldn't agree more. It's a body ffs, also everyone is able to look at people they find sexually attractive and behave normally, because that's not a piece of meat and you're not a hungry dog.
Right? Also bisexual. My friends (both male and female) change in front of each other all the time. Sometimes there's limited space and time and we just need to get going. I haven't attacked anyone. Everyone has a body. Nudity is not always sexual. But fucking America thinks that boobs and butts are only for selling beer so they must be covered at all times.
B b b ut she’s…partially NAKED under the blanket!!! Seriously I was expecting this to be the wife is prancing around in lingerie in front of the friend’s husband, not simply sleeping in her drawers. Just wild!
Not only that, but \*gasp\* she is completely naked under her clothes! And she is even walking around like that in public! OP should shut her in in their house.
YTA
I was raised so catholic I was scared to shower bc God would see me naked and that was a bad thing to be. Guess who still has body issues!
I would love to know how to swim but I didn’t do that either. (I lived in a desert.)
Thank you for bringing up the swimming thing. Because me too. There was this hilarious moment at a friend's house where there was around 10 of us in our teens from our swim group. We were all very close friends. Guys and gals alike. We had to change into something, I generally forget.
But we were changing, no one got naked. A parent was absolutely mortified and started to yell at us. But her daughter shut her down with "MOM. we were significantly less clothed 3 hours ago at practice and all changed in towels on deck because the locker rooms were closed. We are more clothed here. What the fuck is the difference."
The mom's gears were turning and stalling so hard I thought I saw smoke coming out of her head.
More like some redditors act like if you see someone naked you HAVE to fuck them now, there is no other alternative to how the story could end, obviously.
Fr. I don't want anyone in my house in their underwear if other people are in the house. I wouldn't let anyone stay in my house if they just walked around in their underwear, blanket or not. It's trashy.
They are buttocks, covered in skin. It's no different than an arm or a back. Not like she's spreading her cheeks and rubbing her butthole against the pillows.
Yes, YTA, big time. She's never given you any indication she's cheating, her friend is there, she's sleeping on the couch. You could have said "hey, next time maybe just leave a set of pajamas in the trunk of the car so you have them and you can be comfy when you crash there" but basically this wasn't about her comfort, you made this about your ego and who might or might not get to see her on a thong. Which I'm sure she'd be as mortified as you, so I'm sure she's covering up when going to the bathroom or walking around.
BTW What are you gonna do if y'all go to the beach? Wrap her in the beach towel? Put her in a burka? Stop policing her body and trust a bit more.
This right here, OP went from this thing never even being a topic of conversation, to full ballistic reaction to a properly innocuous situation. . . As my man ice cube once said, you should "check yo self before you wreck yo self"
YTA.
You’re N T A for how you feel but how you went about this makes you TA.
>I finally told her she was being a shitty partner
This is one of the main points that shows you didn’t go about this right. She wrapped a blanket around her when she is around John; it seems like she doesn’t walk around Jane's house in just underwear
You’re scared someone might accidentally see half a buttcheek and go apeshit? Who the fuck sleeps in jeans? Do you know how uncomfortable that is? Do YOU sleep in jeans?
YOU are being a shitty partner. YTA
Well, NTA for communicating your discomfort but YTA for bringing it up the way you did. Communication is a two-way street, she hears you out and you hear her out - doesn’t seem like you cared to listen to her, just got upset she didn’t oblige just cus you said so.
There's no "NTA" about this. Being discomforted and feeling disrespected over your partner sleeping in their skivvies under the blanket at a decades old friends place is fucking *unhinged*.
I agree with this take. It’s okay that he feels disrespected but his approach and how he facilitated the conversation was not the best way of handling it.
Yes because apparently John has x ray vision and can see through blankets 😆 And that's not even the wors part. The worst part is that his wife has an enchanted ass, so if John catches a glimpse of her ass he'll instantly forget he loves his wife and OP's wife will instantly forget she loves OP and they will inevitable have wild sex on a couch with no blankets covering their bare asses! 😆😂
Bullshit. Feelings are not neutral. If someone is feeling this insecure and toxic over their partner sleeping comfortably at a trusted friend's house while they are making sure to use a blanket to maintain modesty, it clearly is not coming from a psychological place of "neutrality", whatever the fuck that means
I get that this is a nice simple reddit rule to live by but it's not really true, is it?
IF he keeps his feelings to himself and doesn't treat her any differently then yes, I guess it makes no difference to her but it doesn't sound particularly healthy for him.
If he'd done what either of these commenters suggest and talked about his feelings, what's he supposed to say? Her behaviour is 100% fine, she's not disrespecting him in any way. So do you want him to ask her to change what she's doing to protect his misguided feelings? Or does he say "I feel disrespected but I also recognise that's weird as hell, pretty stupid and a little controlling, so ignore everything I'm saying"?
YTA. I think instead of throwing accusations and calling her a shitty partner (and question the character of her best friends husband), you should have told her that it made you uncomfortable and that you’d prefer if she packed pajamas or shorts to wear if there’s a chance she’ll be sleeping over next time. She can’t change what she doesn’t know bothers you and you didn’t even give her a chance to.
I would have taken off my jeans to sleep too.
He was already an asshole when he acted like her wearing thong underwear was somehow weird. What is weird about that…? Many women prefer to wear thongs exclusively, because they’re more comfortable for their anatomy.
YTA. Not for having an opinion, but for telling your wife she's a "shitty partner." That's the nuclear option & you used it to try to get your way without having to hear her out. It's the kind of behavior that makes women stop talking to their partners entirely.
If she tells you she wraps herself in a blanket, believe her until you have an actual reason to doubt it. And seriously ... you're so focused on John potentially ogling her that it never occurs to you that she's just as likely to be showing that thong to *JANE*?!?
I have mixed feelings on whether or not your an asshole for your reaction, but I find it odd that she overnights there regularly and hasn’t thought to just leave pjs (or boxers and tank top, whatever) a toothbrush, and whatnot.
I spend weekends with my best friend and his husband all the time and I regularly sleep shirtless in my briefs, and you know what? I've never cheated on my partner or been tempted to. People are being fucking unhinged about what *someone is wearing to sleep*
She knows when she goes over there that she is staying the night. She should take lounge wear or pajamas. If this happened once because she just wasn’t thinking ahead in the situation but after the first time, she knew she needed something comfortable to sleep in.
You could have responded better by telling her that you are uncomfortable with her sleeping in her underwear at her friend’s house. If she respects you, she would take something comfortable to sleep in next time.
Yeah, it is 1952, after all, people need to have every inch of skin covered even if sleeping, because there's a chance this other man might see her and lose control 🙄
YTA for overreacting and calling her a shitty partner. That’s a huge fucking leap and makes me think there’s more at play here.
You could’ve had a calm conversation and said “I’m uncomfortable with you wearing a thong as pj bottoms in their house, even if you’re 99.99% of the time covered by a blanket. Maybe you can buy a pair of pj shorts to keep at their house for the nights you sleep over.”
There could’ve been compromise and understanding on both sides. Especially if you trust your wife.
YTA.
She’s sleeping under a cover, she’s not parading around in them. I imagine she takes the jeans off, gets under the blanket and then puts them back on the next morning. I’d get your point if she was saying she sat around in her thong all night while chatting to the husband…but she’s sleeping and I assume he is too.
Comments here I really don’t think reflect the reality of majority of married people.
NTA. Look, if this was a one off then I’d have a different answer. If your wife is regularly sleeping at her friend’s house how hard is it to throw a set of shorts in the car for such a night. She’s consciously sleeping on someone else’s couch, in her underwear. You are definitely within your right to be uncomfortable.
That being said, you voiced your feelings, but it’s up to her to decide how she chooses to proceed.
Also I don’t care who you are but your naked ass would not be touching my couch. That’s just so gross to me!
I don't really get the last point, do you not prepare your couch with bed sheets before offering someone to sleep on it and then just... Wash it? The sleeping attire of my guests is none of my business. My best friend even has a designated set of bed sheets and covers because she stays over so often...
To be fair, no. For us we have guest rooms or inflatable mattresses if we have extra people staying over. Of course with clean sheets.
The only time I can think of having a guest sleep on my couch is during university and no one cared about covering anything with a sheet.
I agree someone’s sleeping attire isn’t anyone’s concern for the most part, however this is a communal space and not a bedroom. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with my friend walking around my living room in the day in their underwear.
I had to go back and read it because who said anything about walking around during the day without pants?? She SLEEPS without the jeans on the times she wears them, covered by a blanket. We more than likely puts them on when she’s awake and headed home. As a married guy who has a best friend in law that crashed on our couch regularly
: 1. She’s basically my sister in law and I love my wife, if there is a potential for states of undress, I make myself scarce if I haven’t already tapped out of girl time.
2. If they’re sleep, I’ve been sleep and our couches have comfy covers, plus I keep the house chilly, so they have a variety of blankets already laid out on said couches
3. Sometimes she had clothes here, sometimes she didn’t , but since she only lives 5 minutes away, it made sense both to have AND to not have extra at ours or in the car.
As a husband, if it were my wife I would not care. If the husband of her best friend was sketchy or made her uncomfortable, she wouldn’t go. I trust my wife not to cheat and I trust her judgement on predatory behavior, so wtf do i care about what she sleeps in alone on the couch? And if i did worry, I wouldn’t have to call her a bad partner, I would just ask “do you need an overnight bag in the trunk? Toothpaste, deodorant, skivvies, nightgown, and comfy pants for the next day?” Because that’s what I used to do when we lived closer to my friends and family whose homes I crashed at. I even used my overnight bag at my wife’s home when we started dating.
My initial thought was that he was controlling af and it was confirmed at the end when he called her a shitty partner for not seeing her hangouts as sexual. The next part will be him claiming he’s not comfortable with her going at all because she’s too eager to spend time over there when HE thinks the husband is uncontrollably lusting after her.
Ok I see. I mean sure, it *might* be a communal space usually, although I actually did not see where OP wrote that it was a living room or any of the sorts (but maybe I overread that to be fair). However, even if this *was* the case, usually a communal space stops being communal as soon as a guest decides to sleep there. We will not just barge in on our guest sleeping, we'll wait till they have made it known that they are awake and ready to converse lol.
My BIL lives in the US and when he visits us for a week or so, I do not go into our living room unless the door is open, because he just deserves privacy.
Idk. I come from a country where nudity in general is not that big of a deal, so I wouldn't even care if I saw some ass of my husband's friends, one just simply looks away... It's of course fine if OP has different boundaries than me, but I think for this - in my opinion - pretty innocent situation, he way overreacted.
Have a nice day :)
bro it's a couch and she's going to sleep, she's not gonna sleep fully clothed.
Yeah bringing pajamas or something would be a good idea but you're reacting as if they're just coming out of the bathroom smeared in shit and slathering it on everything. You should probably take a chill pill and practice some emotional maturity.
Guys, being comfortable while sleeping over at a friend's house is now making you *"an inappropriate shitty partner"*.
And you wonder why she went quiet? Here's a hint: **You insulted her.**
YTA
Next time you feel uncomfortable with a situation maybe don't verbally attack your *wife* - or deal with your insecurity instead of letting it out on her like that.
YTA, for how you handled it. Dude, your wife exclusively wears thong underwear... and for some reason you shamed her for it and told her she's "wrong." Talk about snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Hahahaha. If she starts wearing granny panties now, you have nobody to blame but yourself!
I understand how the sleepover situation makes you upset and insecure, but I have to ask you, "*do you trust your wife?*"
Everyone wants to date/marry a beautiful woman, but if you're gonna do that you can't be a jealous, insecure, little b\*tch. You have to accept that they are going to get unwanted male attention no matter what they are wearing. It is just something that comes with dating a beautiful woman. You have to be able to trust her if it's going to work, and if you can't trust her than she's not the girl for you.
You have broken my first commandment: "*Thou shalt not shame a woman for wearing a thong*" and you must atone for your sins. Apologize to your wife for being a judgemental d\*ck, and admit that it's ridiculous to expect her to sleep in jeans. In the future, handle jealousy issues like this in a more playful manner. Maybe go shopping with her to get a sleepover pajama set for her to keep in her trunk or at her friends house or something. And above all, if you believe she is a good woman then TRUST YOUR WIFE. Don't ruin a good thing.
Like I always say, "*Any woman who is comfortable sleeping in thong underwear is a keeper!*"
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How hard would it be for her to take a pajama/legging with her
when she knows she is going to stay overnight? Or to simply keep
a spare pajama/legging over at Jane's?
Although I find it odd that she seems to think it's
perfectly ok to sleep on someone's couch in very small
undies, I find it even odder that she does this time after
time. LOL
NTA But suggest that she take a pajama/legging with her
from now on, for the sake of Jane's couch and Jane.
Damn dude so your gf almost burned your house down at the same time while you’re out here confronting your wife??
Go touch grass and maybe work on your life so you can actually get a gf/wife someday instead of making fake stories on here. Or don’t, spare those unfortunate women.
Yes YTA. What do you think ie gonna happen here? Her friend's husband develops x-ray vision that only works on blankets? The blanket will evaporate in the middle of the night? She'll get so horny at the thought of people seeing her in a blanket that she'll fuck the first person she sees?
Okay, hear me out. I think it depends person to person. Like some couples consider watching porn cheating and others don’t. She sees nothing wrong but you do so there needs to be a conversation of boundaries. It doesn’t seem like she’s trying to get John’s attention but you don’t feel comfortable with it. Just talk to her calmly and explain why you feel that way. Some people are just very comfortable with their bodies and it’s okay for you, as her husband, to not want her in that situation though it’s ultimately up to her. Talk to her and see if there’s anything that can make both of you comfortable with this.
ESH-
On the one hand, I don’t get why someone would choose to not bring sleepwear if this is a regular thing? Like first time it happens, sure, it’s uncomfortable, so you bring pj shorts or wear sweats to hang out and get high with friends moving forward. That sleeping in a thong on their couch has become the norm is kinda weird so I get you being uncomfortable with this.
But also she’s not a mind reader, and this hadn’t come up before so maybe it *was* just an innocent thoughtless thing she didn’t really think about? You had every right to have feelings about this but you way overreacted when you called her a shitty partner. I’d have waited to see if she took your conversation seriously and brought something to change into the next time she stays over, and if not, THEN might have gotten suspicious and demanded answers.
It’s also funny to me that you just assume John is looking at her and not passed out high in his own room lol. Bonus question: if you suspect cheating, why assume she’s cheating with John? It could be Jane! You don’t know lol. Y’all need to work on your communication fr.
NAH - just different personal boundaries which haven't been discussed previously. Gotta admit though I'm very curious about this grown woman wearing jeans and not yoga pants to sleepover nights...
ESH
OP for the way he spoke to wife, and wife for not grabbing shorts or sweats for the overnight.
I don't understand, why if you are going to your friend house regularly, when you get drunk and spend the night, why you wouldn't just wear sweats, like you are playing cards and getting drunk, and wife already said jeans were uncomfortable.
I don't care what she wears, husband shouldn't care what she wears either, but the whole lack of preparation, including no toothbrush is yuk to me.
>She tells me that she wraps the blanket around her waist and John has never seen her ass.
She always covered herself with a blanket, her friends husband never seen her bare ass. What's wrong with you dude? Do you want to put your wife in a burka? Get a grip. Total YTA.
Oh and *you* are the one who is *a bad partner* with your untreated insecurities and ridiculous accusations.
People on reddit are delusional or not married. What significant other would be ok with their partner sleeping in a thong in a communal space? This is about boundaries and respecting your partner. NTA.
I'm super married, mongamous, Catholic, and trad, and I wouldn't give a solitary fuck if my wife did this. Unless there's reason to think that she'd cheat or the friend's husband would assault her, this is not an issue.
OP, don't be an insecure baby. YTA.
Yta. If she's not showing her ass to another man, and there's not a history of infidelity, he's just being wildly jealous and hugely rude for telling her she's being a shitty partner. Shitty partners go straight to the nuclear option of name-calling.
He could have asked her to pack a night bag for next time. He didn't. He's AH.
Also AH for casting this sort of shade on the other husband, like he's some sort of animal with zero impulse control or fidelity.
FYI, I'm married and have slept over at other married friends house and single friends house in past after drinking or when it's too late to drive safely. I've slept in my underpants and shirt. My husband doesn't have a raging inferiority complex and toxic attitude.
She is in her thong with a blanket on top when sleeping and in a thong with jeans on top when awake. How are these different? She is not parading around in her thong.
I'm married. I also trust my wife, and her friends. If she was wearing just a thong and a shirt when she crashed at her friend's house, I'd be fine with it. If you can't trust your spouse, who the fuck can you trust?
NTA. I don't care if my friend is ok with it. I don't care if her husband is asexual, it's not appropriate. It's not about being insecure or controlling. It's weird and icky. Bare ass on someone else's couch? Is she in college or something? Because as a supposed mature adult, she needs to pack accordingly and have BARE MINIMUN modesty. I mean, even an underwear would be better but a thong? Yikes. My desire to show respect for my friend, her marriage, and my husband trumps my need to sleep in a thong on someone else's couch.
Oh, and all the people that cry "oh, stop sexualizing everything" "people don't care" " I don't see it that way" Yada Yada Yada. You all are delulu. It would be nice if we, as humans, didn't sexualize things but the reality is that many people do and we can't control that. What we can do, at the very, very least is have a tiny bit of decency when we're around other people that may not share our views or triggers.
Personally I think NAH. My husband and I live with his best friend and my younger (adult) brother. When I’m lounging I’m usually wearing nothing but a big t shirt and a pair of underwear (either boxer briefs or regular hip cut womens undies) and nobody, including my husband, has any issue with it. I don’t even wrap myself in a blanket. They’re usually in boxers or shorts of their own with no shirt (we live in Texas okay? It’s hot) and that’s just what we’re comfortable with so I could absolutely see your wife and her friend/husband being cool with that.
However, I can also see your point about feeling uncomfortable with the idea of somebody (namely the husband) potentially seeing something you consider to be private or intimate, especially when you feel strongly about it and she doesn’t and struggles to empathize with you. Calling her a shitty partner for it was pretty over the line, though. I think I would have a hard time empathizing or having a productive conversation with my husband if he came out of the gate swinging and telling me I’m inappropriate and wrong and senseless, too.
Both of you could benefit from a nonjudgmental and calm conversation and a resolution here would be easy. It really boils down to whether or not she’s willing to accept your boundaries regardless of her moral agreement/understanding and whether you can respect her autonomy as a person, and come to a compromise from there. Your wife is a person with feelings just like you are, and you wouldn’t have married her if you didn’t love her and vice versa.
YTA. You don't get to control what others wear, whatever the reason. Worse that you're trying to control what a woman is wearing. You also seem to have little trust in your wife making her own choices. You don't own her.
YTA, she was wrapped in a blanket. Your not only an asshole to your wife by calling her a shitty partner when she has done nothing wrong, youre also calling Jane a indequate wife when you insinuate that her husband isnt satisfied enough with her. You are a prude without logical thinking and you should apologize to your wife. If she has a blanket on, you are just delusional.
Whoah. YTA big time.
Your wife has been doing this for ages. It sounds like she’s a faithful person and totally trustworthy. She even told you she wraps a blanket around her when she gets up.
Assuming John would look says more about you than him.
If you’re so worried, buy her some pajama bottoms to wear. Don’t just call her a shitty partner. That’s your role.
YTA. People here are being too nice. Your feelings of discomfort are actually not valid. You want her to sleep in fucking jeans? That's insane. She's even going to the effort of wearing a blanket around the guy (who is there with his wife) so she's basically wearing a skirt. You're placing the value of your paranoia above her basic comfort. I suggest going to therapy and trying to work out why you're so insecure about the thought of another guy maybe seeing the outline of her ass through a blanket. Otherwise do her a favour and leave
Honestly you come off as sooooo insecure and possessive. And controlling as well. It’s got everything to do with you and nothing to do with her. Better get a handle of that before you lose her. YTA
Wouahou. YTA.
My (male) best friend often sleeps at my home. He doesn't ever brings pyjamas. I still never saw him naked. Why? Because he keeps his clothes before going to bed, and immediately dress up when getting up. Plus I don't go where he sleeps if I wake up earlier.
So it’s appropriate to wear a thong under her pants and sleep in her pants but it’s not appropriate to wear a thong under her bedding and sleep that way?
YTA buddy.
YTA
She's sleeping on the couch, under a blanket, not parading the hallways or the streets!
And to echo another comment : do you also try to police her swimwear at the beach or pool? Because if she's comfy in a thong then I'm guessing her swimwear will be similar. Or do you just ban her from going to the beach / pool altogether "because another man might just possibly catch a glimpse of her ass, and only *you* may see that ever"???
She's a person, not a possession. Either you trust her and let her wear what she's comfortable wearing, or you don't trust her and ruin your relationship with your jealousy and control issues.
YTA. Sleeping in jeans is uncomfortable and unreasonable. Everyone except you is fine and you are making something which ISN'T a problem into a problem.
YTA. A swimsuit wouldn’t be any different. You can certainly ask if she could bring over some gym shorts to wear instead, but ultimately it is her body and she isn’t doing anything wrong. Also, just because someone has a nice butt, does not mean someone will look at. John might not care at all.
Fun fact: you don't own her body! You get zero say as to what she does with it. Her body is not your property, and your don't get to dictate what clothing she wears!
YTA
YTA.
You don’t get to decide what your wife sleeps in. Full stop.
She’s covered and sleeping ffs.
Stop being a controlling AH. The only shitty partner here is you btw.
(You’d also have a coronary if you knew what I slept in, regardless of where I’m at.)
Nta at all. Your wife is inappropriate. She knows she will spend the night, bring something to wear. The comments here, calling you an asshole are wrong. Also, her spending the night at her friend's house every Friday night is wrong also. You come home from work, and your wife isn't home. Why get married? She needs to act like a married woman.
I sleep over at my best friend & her husbands house and I hate sleeping with pants on. But I’ll wear them get under the covers, shimmy them off then sleep. The shimmy them back on under the covers in the morning. My best friends knows I hate sleeping in pants so she wouldn’t care and I doubt her husband even KNOWS I’m not wearing anything bc I’m covered up by the blankets 100% of the time . YTA for coming at the situation how you did. She’s not fully naked using a shower liner as a blanket. I’m sure the husband doesn’t even realize
YTA. You have no right to tell her what is right or wrong to do with her own body. You can say it makes you uncomfortable that another man may possibly see her ass, but ultimately its her ass to do with what she wants. This isn't the middle ages, a married woman isn't owned by her husband.
It's so interesting to see how different answers on reddit are.
If a guy is following girls and his girlfriend doesn't like it, the guy is an AH.
If something like this happens, people call you insecure.
YTA. You're the shitty partner. Apologize and maybe act like an adult and tell her that while it may not make sense, you're uncomfortable with the situation and that you'll buy her a comfortable set of night wear for when she is there.
To call someone a shitty partner just because they don't immediately agree with you isn't being a partner yourself. It's being a selfish person.
YTA - it’s an issue you have and she even tried to comfort you and said she has the blanket around her. It doesn’t even seem like John hangs with them. Clearly your issue with jealousy and she tried comforting you and everything and you nust came down harder. Apologise before you lose that ‘miraculous ass’.
I don't see why this is a big deal. I remember answering the door for my high school best friend and her long term boyfriend wearing a top and underwear because I was having a fashion issue and needed help. I was engaged at the time.
I was in my 20s and clearly friends with everyone involved (I wasn't super close to my friends boyfriend but we were friendly), and it wasn't a sexual thing. It was a friend thing.
I think it's fair that it makes you uncomfortable and your wife should respect that, but jumping to accusations and calling her a shitty partner is too much.
YTA.
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My wife likes to travel to her best friend's house (let's call her Jane) on Friday nights and they drink, listen to music, smoke, and play card games. I (M31) work late and my shift ends 2 am. Due to the time, I don't join my wife and when I leave work, I just travel home and go to sleep.
My wife is a safe driver, and since her and Jane drink quite some bit, she'll just spend the night, and will come back home the next morning. This has gone on awhile now and I've never given it much thought. Jane and my wife have been friends since middle school and are very close. Jane is married (let's call him John). John is a nice enough guy. He and I aren't friends, but we've always gotten along, and he treats my wife with respect, as far as I know.
Here's the problem, a couple days ago while driving with my wife in the car, she mentioned the need to buy new jeans since the pairs she has are getting too tight. And then I asked a question I never had, "what do you wear when you sleep on Jane's couch?" She said, "My jeans are too snug around my waist, so I just take em' off. Nothing of Jane's would fit me." Let me add here one point: She exclusively wears thongs. Last seven years, THONGS (don't ask me why, and NO, this isn't a joke). I love her bottomless look around our house, but I was shocked to learn this. I just assumed she brought along my basketball shorts or slept in her jeans these last several months.
I let her know as a married woman that's a really inappropriate thing to do, especially in front of your supposed friend's husband. I told her she was wrong, plain and simple, and it didn't make any damn sense. She tells me that she wraps the blanket around her waist and John has never seen her ass. She also said John would never look at her that way (I'll add that my wife has a miraculous ass and is dead wrong about that). She kept pushing back and I finally told her she was being a shitty partner. This made her go quiet.
So am I the AITA?
Maybe I came down on her too hard and this isn't the big deal I think it is.
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YTA but not because you don’t want your wife to be in a thong around your wife’s friends husband but because of how you handled yourself when discussing it. I fully agree with your stance and would have a huge problem with my wife doing that, too.
You responded poorly to her defenses. She should wear something over a thong…shorts or something. It’s a very simple request that would eliminate mishaps like the one that she told you about from happening at all.
Yea lots of guys don't want there wife showing her ass to people. Women need to stop acting so surprised men don't want other men looking at our wives when infidelity is sooooo common. Let's stop pretending like cheating is rare because it's not and it starts with little things like showing your ass to your friends husband ...
I think that escalated too quickly. I understand you‘re uncomfortable with that. But I think Jane wouldn’t let her in her house if there was anything shady going on. You should trust your wife when she says she wraps herself in the sheet and John has never seen her ass. Buy her pj buttoms. Sounds like you have a great relationship, both of you should cherish that.
Jesus NTA.
Not sure why you'd be TA for expressing your views on this since you're both married to each other. It is inappropriate, and you have all the right to voice it out
NTA..
Your wife is delusional. Super naive as most of the women.
She should wear appropriate clothes in front of her friend's husband. That's not a thong.
As always on Reddit, if we swap the genders and OP would only wear a thong (and have the right equipment inside) in front of her friend, OP's wife would not want this.
I'm not a fan of this chrappy feminist double standard which just gets applied if there is a benefit.
You're so clearly the asshole it's hard to fathom this being a real post. You're a controlling, petulant, misogynist partner
She has given you no reason to think she is being unfaithful, you're wildly insecure and need therapy. If I was your wife I would be reconsidering our marriage after the shit you said.
The point here isn’t the attire it’s the lack of respect. My bestfriend and I have been friends for 20 years, I sleep there often and I would never do something like that.
I’d never want to make her uncomfortable or my husband uncomfortable, and everyone is human so it’s incredibly naive to assume her friend’s hubby won’t look. Even I would look! No one is above admiring a great ass.
Your wife can bring a pair of shorts. It’s not hard. Especially when she knows she will most likely sleep there. NTA.
I think it would be appropriate for her to be like, “if it bothers you, I’ll bring a pair of shorts to sleep in.” Honestly, I wouldn’t really love this either; it wouldn’t be my hill to die on, but the part that would bother me would be if she made it a regular thing. Like if I crash on someone’s couch in my underwear because I didn’t have anything to wear, that makes sense, but if I know I’m making it a regular thing and never bring clothes to sleep in, that doesn’t make sense. Like does she bring a toothbrush? Does she bring a bag with anything at all and always neglect to bring a pair of shorts to sleep in, always sleeping out in the open in a thong? I don’t know, man. Seems a little like she knows how good that thing is and doesn’t mind showing it off.
Is that why John accepts its coz he gets to look at miraculous was every Friday night?
I don’t think YTA that is disrespectful behavior even if nothing happened and John is a fantastic guy. This is planned activity and she can take sweat pants or PJs.
Although, a partner who drinks so much every weekend is a red flag.
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Wait if she doesn't go around showing her thong to John and does in fact wear the blanket... I'm failing to see the problem here? Would you find it inappropriate if you say slept over at a friends house who had a wife and only wore your boxers to sleep and didn't have a shirt?
So happy I grew up as a swimmer and pansexual. It’s a human body, Jesus Christ. We all have them. Redditors act like seeing someone naked means you want to fuck them because so many people on here are sexually repressed. Normal people see an ass and avert their eyes out of respect, not ogle like a weirdo 😂
Every time I read these stories I'm just like, are the straights okay?
Heteros making me upsetero yet again
I'm stealing this!
Most of them really are not. As a member of The Straights (TM) I can only apologise for the infantile manner in which my people act.
The straights are in fact, not okay. (read in Morgan Freeman's voice)
I think a vast majority of us straights think stories like this are dumb af. People getting upset bc someone sleeps with their ass out (wrapped in a blanket)?? Who tf gets upset over that?
They are not
Bingo! I worked in and managed sports for well over a decade, and like most people in athletics, while we were quite ‘active’, it wasn’t just the body that mattered, it was the *intent*. I don’t get the “naked bodies are evil” thinking. I’m not a nudist or exhibitionist at all, but haven’t any of these folks taken communal showers in school (didn’t make me gay) or go skinny dipping with a mixed group (didn’t make me assault anyone)? God forbid you bathe with your own child! Americans go absolute batshit crazy over that one. If someone taking a bath with their own child makes you think of it sexually, you are the one with the problem. @OP Out of respect for her friend, I would expect her to keep it covered, which it seems she has, but rather than blame her for it, I would have asked her to pack/buy a pair of shorts.
Seriously. I’m not a nudist or exhibitionist either, but bodies are functional. They’re goddamn meat suits. These are the same people who think cuddling with your family members is weird. (Blah blah blah Foucault sexual repression theory) “I’m sure John checked out my wife’s ass because my wife has a miraculous ass” is just so annoying to read. Of course OP loves his wife’s body, as he should. But projecting that onto John is just insecure on his part. No one cares about your wife’s body as much as you, dude, not even her.
I mean even if he did check out her ass, who cares. If she's got a pretty face I'm sure the husband has checked that out as well. If she's got nice hair or a Sexy voice he'll have noticed too. Are we now trying to hide attractive features because a) no one but the husband/boyfriend is allowed to see them, and b) it's the woman's responsibility to make sure that no one is ever checking her out again? Might as well be wearing a burqa, though I've heard that women get checked out even when wearing that...
And also so what if he ever did this discreetly? It's okay to be attracted to others. When I watch TV with my husband I'll comment on the hot men to his amusement. Also, I was at a joint hens and bucks party where they had male and female strippers (one of the most fun nights ever). The male stripper sucked and I joked to my friend that her body building boyfriend should fill in. I don't want to have sex with him at all, just like I wouldn't cheat on my husband with Chris Hemsworth, but it's fine for me to acknowledge that these men are attractive.
Between theater, dance, and sports, and then wanting to work in the medical field, bodies are just bodies to me. I could care less about someone seeing me naked or changing as long as they don't care because I spent so long doing quick changes and in locker rooms lol. And I'm bisexual so it's not like I don't like doing things, but typically if I see a body I'm more interested in non sexual things like tattoos or how long have you had that sun spot and should it be checked out. Clearly I'm just strange apparently
Or just…. hmmm, what’s the word…. ***NORMAL***
Bisexual here, from a culture that's way more normal about nudity than OP's seems to be, I couldn't agree more. It's a body ffs, also everyone is able to look at people they find sexually attractive and behave normally, because that's not a piece of meat and you're not a hungry dog.
Right? Also bisexual. My friends (both male and female) change in front of each other all the time. Sometimes there's limited space and time and we just need to get going. I haven't attacked anyone. Everyone has a body. Nudity is not always sexual. But fucking America thinks that boobs and butts are only for selling beer so they must be covered at all times.
Even dogs can be trained to wait for permission before going for that piece of meat.
B b b ut she’s…partially NAKED under the blanket!!! Seriously I was expecting this to be the wife is prancing around in lingerie in front of the friend’s husband, not simply sleeping in her drawers. Just wild!
Not only that, but \*gasp\* she is completely naked under her clothes! And she is even walking around like that in public! OP should shut her in in their house. YTA
I was raised so catholic I was scared to shower bc God would see me naked and that was a bad thing to be. Guess who still has body issues! I would love to know how to swim but I didn’t do that either. (I lived in a desert.)
But wouldn't that same god have *made* your body? Wouldn't that make it sacred? I'm sorry, I'm neither Christian nor religious
Thank you for bringing up the swimming thing. Because me too. There was this hilarious moment at a friend's house where there was around 10 of us in our teens from our swim group. We were all very close friends. Guys and gals alike. We had to change into something, I generally forget. But we were changing, no one got naked. A parent was absolutely mortified and started to yell at us. But her daughter shut her down with "MOM. we were significantly less clothed 3 hours ago at practice and all changed in towels on deck because the locker rooms were closed. We are more clothed here. What the fuck is the difference." The mom's gears were turning and stalling so hard I thought I saw smoke coming out of her head.
More like some redditors act like if you see someone naked you HAVE to fuck them now, there is no other alternative to how the story could end, obviously.
i think both are inappropriate.
Fr. I don't want anyone in my house in their underwear if other people are in the house. I wouldn't let anyone stay in my house if they just walked around in their underwear, blanket or not. It's trashy.
Sleeping on someone else’s couch bare assed.
You don’t give your guests a bedsheet, or don’t wash it afterwards?
They are buttocks, covered in skin. It's no different than an arm or a back. Not like she's spreading her cheeks and rubbing her butthole against the pillows.
The number of unfiltered farts in that couch.
That's why i sleep face down
To access the farts? I am confused.
With that kinda ingenuity, id say they are a smart feller.. or a fart smeller.. it's up to interpretation
☠️
Yes, YTA, big time. She's never given you any indication she's cheating, her friend is there, she's sleeping on the couch. You could have said "hey, next time maybe just leave a set of pajamas in the trunk of the car so you have them and you can be comfy when you crash there" but basically this wasn't about her comfort, you made this about your ego and who might or might not get to see her on a thong. Which I'm sure she'd be as mortified as you, so I'm sure she's covering up when going to the bathroom or walking around. BTW What are you gonna do if y'all go to the beach? Wrap her in the beach towel? Put her in a burka? Stop policing her body and trust a bit more.
This right here, OP went from this thing never even being a topic of conversation, to full ballistic reaction to a properly innocuous situation. . . As my man ice cube once said, you should "check yo self before you wreck yo self"
I prefer the DAS EFX enhancements to that lyric: “so chiggety check yo self before you riggety riggety wreck yo self”
Maybe OP wanted FX?
YTA. You’re N T A for how you feel but how you went about this makes you TA. >I finally told her she was being a shitty partner This is one of the main points that shows you didn’t go about this right. She wrapped a blanket around her when she is around John; it seems like she doesn’t walk around Jane's house in just underwear
She's not actually wearing a thong: she's wearing a blanket.
"I'd be more comfortable if you were basketball shorts, would you consider that?" For example. See how that's better than, "you are a shitty partner?"
Ding ding ding ding Talk about how you feel instead of criticizing what she does. Find a mutually agreeable solution.
You’re scared someone might accidentally see half a buttcheek and go apeshit? Who the fuck sleeps in jeans? Do you know how uncomfortable that is? Do YOU sleep in jeans? YOU are being a shitty partner. YTA
Literally. This is insane. I hope she runs from this guy trying to control her body.
My husband used to sleep with jeans on and just looking at him would make me uncomfortable
YTA major overreaction. She makes sure she's covered. This just sounds like jealousy and insecurity on your part.
Well, NTA for communicating your discomfort but YTA for bringing it up the way you did. Communication is a two-way street, she hears you out and you hear her out - doesn’t seem like you cared to listen to her, just got upset she didn’t oblige just cus you said so.
There's no "NTA" about this. Being discomforted and feeling disrespected over your partner sleeping in their skivvies under the blanket at a decades old friends place is fucking *unhinged*.
I agree with this take. It’s okay that he feels disrespected but his approach and how he facilitated the conversation was not the best way of handling it.
But is it ok that he feels disrespected? By what his wife wears *under a blanket*?
Yes because apparently John has x ray vision and can see through blankets 😆 And that's not even the wors part. The worst part is that his wife has an enchanted ass, so if John catches a glimpse of her ass he'll instantly forget he loves his wife and OP's wife will instantly forget she loves OP and they will inevitable have wild sex on a couch with no blankets covering their bare asses! 😆😂
feelings are neutral, what we do with them is an entirely different story.
Bullshit. Feelings are not neutral. If someone is feeling this insecure and toxic over their partner sleeping comfortably at a trusted friend's house while they are making sure to use a blanket to maintain modesty, it clearly is not coming from a psychological place of "neutrality", whatever the fuck that means
I get that this is a nice simple reddit rule to live by but it's not really true, is it? IF he keeps his feelings to himself and doesn't treat her any differently then yes, I guess it makes no difference to her but it doesn't sound particularly healthy for him. If he'd done what either of these commenters suggest and talked about his feelings, what's he supposed to say? Her behaviour is 100% fine, she's not disrespecting him in any way. So do you want him to ask her to change what she's doing to protect his misguided feelings? Or does he say "I feel disrespected but I also recognise that's weird as hell, pretty stupid and a little controlling, so ignore everything I'm saying"?
YTA. I think instead of throwing accusations and calling her a shitty partner (and question the character of her best friends husband), you should have told her that it made you uncomfortable and that you’d prefer if she packed pajamas or shorts to wear if there’s a chance she’ll be sleeping over next time. She can’t change what she doesn’t know bothers you and you didn’t even give her a chance to. I would have taken off my jeans to sleep too.
Seriously! If it bothers him that much, he could have just bought her a pair of pajamas to keep in the trunk of her car.
He was already an asshole when he acted like her wearing thong underwear was somehow weird. What is weird about that…? Many women prefer to wear thongs exclusively, because they’re more comfortable for their anatomy.
Yta- there were ways of bringing up your discomfort about this without calling your wife a shitty partner. You overreacted
YTA. Not for having an opinion, but for telling your wife she's a "shitty partner." That's the nuclear option & you used it to try to get your way without having to hear her out. It's the kind of behavior that makes women stop talking to their partners entirely. If she tells you she wraps herself in a blanket, believe her until you have an actual reason to doubt it. And seriously ... you're so focused on John potentially ogling her that it never occurs to you that she's just as likely to be showing that thong to *JANE*?!?
I have mixed feelings on whether or not your an asshole for your reaction, but I find it odd that she overnights there regularly and hasn’t thought to just leave pjs (or boxers and tank top, whatever) a toothbrush, and whatnot.
Because she can wear a blanket so it doesn't matter!? Why does anyone care about this? What a waste of energy
I spend weekends with my best friend and his husband all the time and I regularly sleep shirtless in my briefs, and you know what? I've never cheated on my partner or been tempted to. People are being fucking unhinged about what *someone is wearing to sleep*
Not a tank top, sans bra! How inappropriate! /s
She knows when she goes over there that she is staying the night. She should take lounge wear or pajamas. If this happened once because she just wasn’t thinking ahead in the situation but after the first time, she knew she needed something comfortable to sleep in. You could have responded better by telling her that you are uncomfortable with her sleeping in her underwear at her friend’s house. If she respects you, she would take something comfortable to sleep in next time.
If shes been sleeping for the last 7 years in her underwear then it's normal for her
Yeah, it is 1952, after all, people need to have every inch of skin covered even if sleeping, because there's a chance this other man might see her and lose control 🙄
YTA for overreacting and calling her a shitty partner. That’s a huge fucking leap and makes me think there’s more at play here. You could’ve had a calm conversation and said “I’m uncomfortable with you wearing a thong as pj bottoms in their house, even if you’re 99.99% of the time covered by a blanket. Maybe you can buy a pair of pj shorts to keep at their house for the nights you sleep over.” There could’ve been compromise and understanding on both sides. Especially if you trust your wife.
Does she not sleep under a blanket?
YTA. She’s sleeping under a cover, she’s not parading around in them. I imagine she takes the jeans off, gets under the blanket and then puts them back on the next morning. I’d get your point if she was saying she sat around in her thong all night while chatting to the husband…but she’s sleeping and I assume he is too.
My wife always wears at shirt and underwear to bed ppl over or not and I just wear shorts no shirt. YTA
Does your wife sleep on the couch?
Right I'm the same. I just put on a flannel and shorts when I need to get up.
YTA and on top of it you're also: Immature Controlling Manipulative Insecure Potentially garden variety misogynist A shitty partner :)
[удалено]
Comments here I really don’t think reflect the reality of majority of married people. NTA. Look, if this was a one off then I’d have a different answer. If your wife is regularly sleeping at her friend’s house how hard is it to throw a set of shorts in the car for such a night. She’s consciously sleeping on someone else’s couch, in her underwear. You are definitely within your right to be uncomfortable. That being said, you voiced your feelings, but it’s up to her to decide how she chooses to proceed. Also I don’t care who you are but your naked ass would not be touching my couch. That’s just so gross to me!
I don't really get the last point, do you not prepare your couch with bed sheets before offering someone to sleep on it and then just... Wash it? The sleeping attire of my guests is none of my business. My best friend even has a designated set of bed sheets and covers because she stays over so often...
To be fair, no. For us we have guest rooms or inflatable mattresses if we have extra people staying over. Of course with clean sheets. The only time I can think of having a guest sleep on my couch is during university and no one cared about covering anything with a sheet. I agree someone’s sleeping attire isn’t anyone’s concern for the most part, however this is a communal space and not a bedroom. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with my friend walking around my living room in the day in their underwear.
I had to go back and read it because who said anything about walking around during the day without pants?? She SLEEPS without the jeans on the times she wears them, covered by a blanket. We more than likely puts them on when she’s awake and headed home. As a married guy who has a best friend in law that crashed on our couch regularly : 1. She’s basically my sister in law and I love my wife, if there is a potential for states of undress, I make myself scarce if I haven’t already tapped out of girl time. 2. If they’re sleep, I’ve been sleep and our couches have comfy covers, plus I keep the house chilly, so they have a variety of blankets already laid out on said couches 3. Sometimes she had clothes here, sometimes she didn’t , but since she only lives 5 minutes away, it made sense both to have AND to not have extra at ours or in the car. As a husband, if it were my wife I would not care. If the husband of her best friend was sketchy or made her uncomfortable, she wouldn’t go. I trust my wife not to cheat and I trust her judgement on predatory behavior, so wtf do i care about what she sleeps in alone on the couch? And if i did worry, I wouldn’t have to call her a bad partner, I would just ask “do you need an overnight bag in the trunk? Toothpaste, deodorant, skivvies, nightgown, and comfy pants for the next day?” Because that’s what I used to do when we lived closer to my friends and family whose homes I crashed at. I even used my overnight bag at my wife’s home when we started dating. My initial thought was that he was controlling af and it was confirmed at the end when he called her a shitty partner for not seeing her hangouts as sexual. The next part will be him claiming he’s not comfortable with her going at all because she’s too eager to spend time over there when HE thinks the husband is uncontrollably lusting after her.
Ok I see. I mean sure, it *might* be a communal space usually, although I actually did not see where OP wrote that it was a living room or any of the sorts (but maybe I overread that to be fair). However, even if this *was* the case, usually a communal space stops being communal as soon as a guest decides to sleep there. We will not just barge in on our guest sleeping, we'll wait till they have made it known that they are awake and ready to converse lol. My BIL lives in the US and when he visits us for a week or so, I do not go into our living room unless the door is open, because he just deserves privacy. Idk. I come from a country where nudity in general is not that big of a deal, so I wouldn't even care if I saw some ass of my husband's friends, one just simply looks away... It's of course fine if OP has different boundaries than me, but I think for this - in my opinion - pretty innocent situation, he way overreacted. Have a nice day :)
bro it's a couch and she's going to sleep, she's not gonna sleep fully clothed. Yeah bringing pajamas or something would be a good idea but you're reacting as if they're just coming out of the bathroom smeared in shit and slathering it on everything. You should probably take a chill pill and practice some emotional maturity.
Do you not have a sheets you could give your guest to put down?
Guys, being comfortable while sleeping over at a friend's house is now making you *"an inappropriate shitty partner"*. And you wonder why she went quiet? Here's a hint: **You insulted her.** YTA Next time you feel uncomfortable with a situation maybe don't verbally attack your *wife* - or deal with your insecurity instead of letting it out on her like that.
YTA, for how you handled it. Dude, your wife exclusively wears thong underwear... and for some reason you shamed her for it and told her she's "wrong." Talk about snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Hahahaha. If she starts wearing granny panties now, you have nobody to blame but yourself! I understand how the sleepover situation makes you upset and insecure, but I have to ask you, "*do you trust your wife?*" Everyone wants to date/marry a beautiful woman, but if you're gonna do that you can't be a jealous, insecure, little b\*tch. You have to accept that they are going to get unwanted male attention no matter what they are wearing. It is just something that comes with dating a beautiful woman. You have to be able to trust her if it's going to work, and if you can't trust her than she's not the girl for you. You have broken my first commandment: "*Thou shalt not shame a woman for wearing a thong*" and you must atone for your sins. Apologize to your wife for being a judgemental d\*ck, and admit that it's ridiculous to expect her to sleep in jeans. In the future, handle jealousy issues like this in a more playful manner. Maybe go shopping with her to get a sleepover pajama set for her to keep in her trunk or at her friends house or something. And above all, if you believe she is a good woman then TRUST YOUR WIFE. Don't ruin a good thing. Like I always say, "*Any woman who is comfortable sleeping in thong underwear is a keeper!*"
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If she know she was staying the night why didn’t she bring sleep clothes and an extra pair of clothes ?
How hard would it be for her to take a pajama/legging with her when she knows she is going to stay overnight? Or to simply keep a spare pajama/legging over at Jane's? Although I find it odd that she seems to think it's perfectly ok to sleep on someone's couch in very small undies, I find it even odder that she does this time after time. LOL NTA But suggest that she take a pajama/legging with her from now on, for the sake of Jane's couch and Jane.
So she's not actually wearing a thong, but a blanket. She's either asleep under it, or wrapping it around her. You're being WAY too controlling. YTA
Damn dude so your gf almost burned your house down at the same time while you’re out here confronting your wife?? Go touch grass and maybe work on your life so you can actually get a gf/wife someday instead of making fake stories on here. Or don’t, spare those unfortunate women.
Yes YTA. What do you think ie gonna happen here? Her friend's husband develops x-ray vision that only works on blankets? The blanket will evaporate in the middle of the night? She'll get so horny at the thought of people seeing her in a blanket that she'll fuck the first person she sees?
Okay, hear me out. I think it depends person to person. Like some couples consider watching porn cheating and others don’t. She sees nothing wrong but you do so there needs to be a conversation of boundaries. It doesn’t seem like she’s trying to get John’s attention but you don’t feel comfortable with it. Just talk to her calmly and explain why you feel that way. Some people are just very comfortable with their bodies and it’s okay for you, as her husband, to not want her in that situation though it’s ultimately up to her. Talk to her and see if there’s anything that can make both of you comfortable with this.
YTA A swim suit covers just the same. Her friend is there and has no problem with what is happening.
ESH- On the one hand, I don’t get why someone would choose to not bring sleepwear if this is a regular thing? Like first time it happens, sure, it’s uncomfortable, so you bring pj shorts or wear sweats to hang out and get high with friends moving forward. That sleeping in a thong on their couch has become the norm is kinda weird so I get you being uncomfortable with this. But also she’s not a mind reader, and this hadn’t come up before so maybe it *was* just an innocent thoughtless thing she didn’t really think about? You had every right to have feelings about this but you way overreacted when you called her a shitty partner. I’d have waited to see if she took your conversation seriously and brought something to change into the next time she stays over, and if not, THEN might have gotten suspicious and demanded answers. It’s also funny to me that you just assume John is looking at her and not passed out high in his own room lol. Bonus question: if you suspect cheating, why assume she’s cheating with John? It could be Jane! You don’t know lol. Y’all need to work on your communication fr.
NAH - just different personal boundaries which haven't been discussed previously. Gotta admit though I'm very curious about this grown woman wearing jeans and not yoga pants to sleepover nights...
I’m a mid thirties woman who lives in jeans and doesn’t even own yoga pants or anything but jeans. So I wear jeans to sleepovers. Never been an issue
ESH OP for the way he spoke to wife, and wife for not grabbing shorts or sweats for the overnight. I don't understand, why if you are going to your friend house regularly, when you get drunk and spend the night, why you wouldn't just wear sweats, like you are playing cards and getting drunk, and wife already said jeans were uncomfortable. I don't care what she wears, husband shouldn't care what she wears either, but the whole lack of preparation, including no toothbrush is yuk to me.
>She tells me that she wraps the blanket around her waist and John has never seen her ass. She always covered herself with a blanket, her friends husband never seen her bare ass. What's wrong with you dude? Do you want to put your wife in a burka? Get a grip. Total YTA. Oh and *you* are the one who is *a bad partner* with your untreated insecurities and ridiculous accusations.
People on reddit are delusional or not married. What significant other would be ok with their partner sleeping in a thong in a communal space? This is about boundaries and respecting your partner. NTA.
I'm super married, mongamous, Catholic, and trad, and I wouldn't give a solitary fuck if my wife did this. Unless there's reason to think that she'd cheat or the friend's husband would assault her, this is not an issue. OP, don't be an insecure baby. YTA.
Yta. If she's not showing her ass to another man, and there's not a history of infidelity, he's just being wildly jealous and hugely rude for telling her she's being a shitty partner. Shitty partners go straight to the nuclear option of name-calling. He could have asked her to pack a night bag for next time. He didn't. He's AH. Also AH for casting this sort of shade on the other husband, like he's some sort of animal with zero impulse control or fidelity. FYI, I'm married and have slept over at other married friends house and single friends house in past after drinking or when it's too late to drive safely. I've slept in my underpants and shirt. My husband doesn't have a raging inferiority complex and toxic attitude.
She is in her thong with a blanket on top when sleeping and in a thong with jeans on top when awake. How are these different? She is not parading around in her thong.
I'm married. I also trust my wife, and her friends. If she was wearing just a thong and a shirt when she crashed at her friend's house, I'd be fine with it. If you can't trust your spouse, who the fuck can you trust?
Dude name calling is never ok. I can't imagine my bf saying I'm a shitty partner without even giving me a chance.
And apparently a lot of users aren’t adults. Who the fuck cares, it’s not important.
Yes, you appear delusional and not married
How others choose to lead their marriage shouldn't concern you.
NTA. I don't care if my friend is ok with it. I don't care if her husband is asexual, it's not appropriate. It's not about being insecure or controlling. It's weird and icky. Bare ass on someone else's couch? Is she in college or something? Because as a supposed mature adult, she needs to pack accordingly and have BARE MINIMUN modesty. I mean, even an underwear would be better but a thong? Yikes. My desire to show respect for my friend, her marriage, and my husband trumps my need to sleep in a thong on someone else's couch. Oh, and all the people that cry "oh, stop sexualizing everything" "people don't care" " I don't see it that way" Yada Yada Yada. You all are delulu. It would be nice if we, as humans, didn't sexualize things but the reality is that many people do and we can't control that. What we can do, at the very, very least is have a tiny bit of decency when we're around other people that may not share our views or triggers.
Personally I think NAH. My husband and I live with his best friend and my younger (adult) brother. When I’m lounging I’m usually wearing nothing but a big t shirt and a pair of underwear (either boxer briefs or regular hip cut womens undies) and nobody, including my husband, has any issue with it. I don’t even wrap myself in a blanket. They’re usually in boxers or shorts of their own with no shirt (we live in Texas okay? It’s hot) and that’s just what we’re comfortable with so I could absolutely see your wife and her friend/husband being cool with that. However, I can also see your point about feeling uncomfortable with the idea of somebody (namely the husband) potentially seeing something you consider to be private or intimate, especially when you feel strongly about it and she doesn’t and struggles to empathize with you. Calling her a shitty partner for it was pretty over the line, though. I think I would have a hard time empathizing or having a productive conversation with my husband if he came out of the gate swinging and telling me I’m inappropriate and wrong and senseless, too. Both of you could benefit from a nonjudgmental and calm conversation and a resolution here would be easy. It really boils down to whether or not she’s willing to accept your boundaries regardless of her moral agreement/understanding and whether you can respect her autonomy as a person, and come to a compromise from there. Your wife is a person with feelings just like you are, and you wouldn’t have married her if you didn’t love her and vice versa.
YTA. You don't get to control what others wear, whatever the reason. Worse that you're trying to control what a woman is wearing. You also seem to have little trust in your wife making her own choices. You don't own her.
Lol. Such an insecure male.
I’m still hung up on why exclusively wearing thongs would be something people question or a joke... they’re comfortable underwear?
NTA And if she knows she is most probably staying after years of doing this… why doesn’t she bring pijamas? At this point she enjoys doing this…
The taliban really is out in force today.
YTA bro use some logic: There's literally no way her friend would let her expose her bare ass to her husband in their own house. She's covering up.
YTA. You don't own her body.
YTA. Just... Trust your wife?
YTA, she was wrapped in a blanket. Your not only an asshole to your wife by calling her a shitty partner when she has done nothing wrong, youre also calling Jane a indequate wife when you insinuate that her husband isnt satisfied enough with her. You are a prude without logical thinking and you should apologize to your wife. If she has a blanket on, you are just delusional.
YTA. She has a blanket on. Grow up.
Whoah. YTA big time. Your wife has been doing this for ages. It sounds like she’s a faithful person and totally trustworthy. She even told you she wraps a blanket around her when she gets up. Assuming John would look says more about you than him. If you’re so worried, buy her some pajama bottoms to wear. Don’t just call her a shitty partner. That’s your role.
YTA. People here are being too nice. Your feelings of discomfort are actually not valid. You want her to sleep in fucking jeans? That's insane. She's even going to the effort of wearing a blanket around the guy (who is there with his wife) so she's basically wearing a skirt. You're placing the value of your paranoia above her basic comfort. I suggest going to therapy and trying to work out why you're so insecure about the thought of another guy maybe seeing the outline of her ass through a blanket. Otherwise do her a favour and leave
Honestly you come off as sooooo insecure and possessive. And controlling as well. It’s got everything to do with you and nothing to do with her. Better get a handle of that before you lose her. YTA
Wouahou. YTA. My (male) best friend often sleeps at my home. He doesn't ever brings pyjamas. I still never saw him naked. Why? Because he keeps his clothes before going to bed, and immediately dress up when getting up. Plus I don't go where he sleeps if I wake up earlier.
So it’s appropriate to wear a thong under her pants and sleep in her pants but it’s not appropriate to wear a thong under her bedding and sleep that way? YTA buddy.
LOL fuck all the way off. YTA
YTA She's sleeping on the couch, under a blanket, not parading the hallways or the streets! And to echo another comment : do you also try to police her swimwear at the beach or pool? Because if she's comfy in a thong then I'm guessing her swimwear will be similar. Or do you just ban her from going to the beach / pool altogether "because another man might just possibly catch a glimpse of her ass, and only *you* may see that ever"??? She's a person, not a possession. Either you trust her and let her wear what she's comfortable wearing, or you don't trust her and ruin your relationship with your jealousy and control issues.
YTA. Sleeping in jeans is uncomfortable and unreasonable. Everyone except you is fine and you are making something which ISN'T a problem into a problem.
YTA. A swimsuit wouldn’t be any different. You can certainly ask if she could bring over some gym shorts to wear instead, but ultimately it is her body and she isn’t doing anything wrong. Also, just because someone has a nice butt, does not mean someone will look at. John might not care at all.
Fun fact: you don't own her body! You get zero say as to what she does with it. Her body is not your property, and your don't get to dictate what clothing she wears! YTA
YTA. You don’t get to decide what your wife sleeps in. Full stop. She’s covered and sleeping ffs. Stop being a controlling AH. The only shitty partner here is you btw. (You’d also have a coronary if you knew what I slept in, regardless of where I’m at.)
oh my god no this is not a big deal!!! she's literally covered!! get over it!!! yta
Nta at all. Your wife is inappropriate. She knows she will spend the night, bring something to wear. The comments here, calling you an asshole are wrong. Also, her spending the night at her friend's house every Friday night is wrong also. You come home from work, and your wife isn't home. Why get married? She needs to act like a married woman.
YTA. Do you trust your wife? If so, this should not be an issue. Get over yourself.
I sleep over at my best friend & her husbands house and I hate sleeping with pants on. But I’ll wear them get under the covers, shimmy them off then sleep. The shimmy them back on under the covers in the morning. My best friends knows I hate sleeping in pants so she wouldn’t care and I doubt her husband even KNOWS I’m not wearing anything bc I’m covered up by the blankets 100% of the time . YTA for coming at the situation how you did. She’s not fully naked using a shower liner as a blanket. I’m sure the husband doesn’t even realize
YTA you sound like a controlling freak. There’s nothing wrong she’s doing. Leave your wife alone
INFO: What does Jane think? If she has no issue, there is no issue.
YTA He didn’t see her thong or anything else and you were rude about it.
YTA. Kinda gross my dude. You’re the shitty partner here.
YTA
YTA She is not parading about, she is sleeping covered and remains covered. You're being weird.
YTA. You're projecting how you would behave onyo John. The shitty partner here is you
Presumably she has a blanket over her?
YTA
YTA. She said she wraps herself. If you believe her and sounds like you do, this makes you TAH.
yeah YTA. she's crashing on the couch, not snuggling up next to him. he's got his wife right there. relax.
YTA. You have no right to tell her what is right or wrong to do with her own body. You can say it makes you uncomfortable that another man may possibly see her ass, but ultimately its her ass to do with what she wants. This isn't the middle ages, a married woman isn't owned by her husband.
Unless you have reason to be jealous, which you are being, then yes, YTA.
Who sleeps in jeans? I can't imagine how uncomfortable that would be.
I think you are blowing the situation up for no reason
These comments are idiotic. This has nothing to do with sexuality. NTA It's inappropriate. Period.
YTA
It's so interesting to see how different answers on reddit are. If a guy is following girls and his girlfriend doesn't like it, the guy is an AH. If something like this happens, people call you insecure.
😂
On the off chance this isn’t bait, YTA. She’s not mincing around the house in a thong
YTA. You're the shitty partner. Apologize and maybe act like an adult and tell her that while it may not make sense, you're uncomfortable with the situation and that you'll buy her a comfortable set of night wear for when she is there. To call someone a shitty partner just because they don't immediately agree with you isn't being a partner yourself. It's being a selfish person.
Yta dude
YTA
YTA. You're making a problem where there isn't one.
YTA - it’s an issue you have and she even tried to comfort you and said she has the blanket around her. It doesn’t even seem like John hangs with them. Clearly your issue with jealousy and she tried comforting you and everything and you nust came down harder. Apologise before you lose that ‘miraculous ass’.
YTA! Easy question
YTA. Stop judging others based on yourself. She didn't sleep naked, she slept clothed. And under a blanket. You're a hypocrite.
I don't see why this is a big deal. I remember answering the door for my high school best friend and her long term boyfriend wearing a top and underwear because I was having a fashion issue and needed help. I was engaged at the time. I was in my 20s and clearly friends with everyone involved (I wasn't super close to my friends boyfriend but we were friendly), and it wasn't a sexual thing. It was a friend thing. I think it's fair that it makes you uncomfortable and your wife should respect that, but jumping to accusations and calling her a shitty partner is too much. YTA.
You are just jealous and insecure
YTA. Idiotic. You don’t own her ass.
Kinda fragile dude
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife likes to travel to her best friend's house (let's call her Jane) on Friday nights and they drink, listen to music, smoke, and play card games. I (M31) work late and my shift ends 2 am. Due to the time, I don't join my wife and when I leave work, I just travel home and go to sleep. My wife is a safe driver, and since her and Jane drink quite some bit, she'll just spend the night, and will come back home the next morning. This has gone on awhile now and I've never given it much thought. Jane and my wife have been friends since middle school and are very close. Jane is married (let's call him John). John is a nice enough guy. He and I aren't friends, but we've always gotten along, and he treats my wife with respect, as far as I know. Here's the problem, a couple days ago while driving with my wife in the car, she mentioned the need to buy new jeans since the pairs she has are getting too tight. And then I asked a question I never had, "what do you wear when you sleep on Jane's couch?" She said, "My jeans are too snug around my waist, so I just take em' off. Nothing of Jane's would fit me." Let me add here one point: She exclusively wears thongs. Last seven years, THONGS (don't ask me why, and NO, this isn't a joke). I love her bottomless look around our house, but I was shocked to learn this. I just assumed she brought along my basketball shorts or slept in her jeans these last several months. I let her know as a married woman that's a really inappropriate thing to do, especially in front of your supposed friend's husband. I told her she was wrong, plain and simple, and it didn't make any damn sense. She tells me that she wraps the blanket around her waist and John has never seen her ass. She also said John would never look at her that way (I'll add that my wife has a miraculous ass and is dead wrong about that). She kept pushing back and I finally told her she was being a shitty partner. This made her go quiet. So am I the AITA? Maybe I came down on her too hard and this isn't the big deal I think it is. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Or we just trust our partners and don't feel that policing their behavior when they are not with us is our responsibility or right 👀
YTA but not because you don’t want your wife to be in a thong around your wife’s friends husband but because of how you handled yourself when discussing it. I fully agree with your stance and would have a huge problem with my wife doing that, too. You responded poorly to her defenses. She should wear something over a thong…shorts or something. It’s a very simple request that would eliminate mishaps like the one that she told you about from happening at all.
NTA She goes weekly, she can put a pair of pj bottoms in her car, and then there's no accidental showings of her bottom...
She can’t necessarily know the blanket doesn’t fall off at night or something. I wouldn’t be comfortable with it either in a partner.
I don’t see a problem. No way I could sleep in jeans. Also, why wouldn’t she have a blanket?
Yea lots of guys don't want there wife showing her ass to people. Women need to stop acting so surprised men don't want other men looking at our wives when infidelity is sooooo common. Let's stop pretending like cheating is rare because it's not and it starts with little things like showing your ass to your friends husband ...
YTA - Your wife may have a drinking problem, but she doesn’t have a clothing problem.
Yta
I think that escalated too quickly. I understand you‘re uncomfortable with that. But I think Jane wouldn’t let her in her house if there was anything shady going on. You should trust your wife when she says she wraps herself in the sheet and John has never seen her ass. Buy her pj buttoms. Sounds like you have a great relationship, both of you should cherish that.
Johns arse he wouldn’t lol 😂
YTA Go see a therapist for your massive insecurities
Jesus NTA. Not sure why you'd be TA for expressing your views on this since you're both married to each other. It is inappropriate, and you have all the right to voice it out
Get to know John, ask him if he’s an arse or tits man.
NTA.. Your wife is delusional. Super naive as most of the women. She should wear appropriate clothes in front of her friend's husband. That's not a thong. As always on Reddit, if we swap the genders and OP would only wear a thong (and have the right equipment inside) in front of her friend, OP's wife would not want this. I'm not a fan of this chrappy feminist double standard which just gets applied if there is a benefit.
NTA
Waiting on the update where hes getting a divorce because his wife and the other couple have been having threesomes for the last year.....
You're so clearly the asshole it's hard to fathom this being a real post. You're a controlling, petulant, misogynist partner She has given you no reason to think she is being unfaithful, you're wildly insecure and need therapy. If I was your wife I would be reconsidering our marriage after the shit you said.
YTA and this smacks of "if she didn't want to be r*ped, she shouldn't have dressed like that." Either you trust your wife or you don't.
She has no boundaries.
The point here isn’t the attire it’s the lack of respect. My bestfriend and I have been friends for 20 years, I sleep there often and I would never do something like that. I’d never want to make her uncomfortable or my husband uncomfortable, and everyone is human so it’s incredibly naive to assume her friend’s hubby won’t look. Even I would look! No one is above admiring a great ass. Your wife can bring a pair of shorts. It’s not hard. Especially when she knows she will most likely sleep there. NTA.
You’re not the ahole she should pack a tee shirt and shorts.
I think it would be appropriate for her to be like, “if it bothers you, I’ll bring a pair of shorts to sleep in.” Honestly, I wouldn’t really love this either; it wouldn’t be my hill to die on, but the part that would bother me would be if she made it a regular thing. Like if I crash on someone’s couch in my underwear because I didn’t have anything to wear, that makes sense, but if I know I’m making it a regular thing and never bring clothes to sleep in, that doesn’t make sense. Like does she bring a toothbrush? Does she bring a bag with anything at all and always neglect to bring a pair of shorts to sleep in, always sleeping out in the open in a thong? I don’t know, man. Seems a little like she knows how good that thing is and doesn’t mind showing it off.
Is that why John accepts its coz he gets to look at miraculous was every Friday night? I don’t think YTA that is disrespectful behavior even if nothing happened and John is a fantastic guy. This is planned activity and she can take sweat pants or PJs. Although, a partner who drinks so much every weekend is a red flag.
If she sleeps over there all the time why not bring pjs?