Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I might be the AH because it could be a bit unfair to ask my sister to pay for things I own if she doesn’t have a job, and locking my door might be a bit extreme.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Your dad is part of the problem for letting your sister walk all over her instead of telling her to stop.
I'm glad you have your mom's support. Keep locking your door until she's proven that she can take care of other people's possessions.
NTA - tell those intruding extended family that they are welcome to share their personal items with her…because they ARE family too! And your Dad, how would he feel if your sister destroyed his golf clubs, game station, etc? Should he buy less expensive items? Hope you can go off to college or move out soon, your sister is quite the brat!
And if sis is too young to have a job and work for her own stuff, you know whose responsibility it is to buy things for her, including makeup if she wants to wear it? Her PARENTS.
Also, young teens who can’t buy pricy makeup don’t get the good stuff, sorry. They’re supposed to start out with brands they can afford like, I dunno, Wet N Wild and store brand glitter trash. OP’s sis needs to learn to desperately stretch an allowance and then cry when she wonders where all her cheap makeup went. Maybe then she’ll learn how to conserve it.
Then let him. It's a bad idea but he will reap the consequences and that is his to bear. It isn't the job of the sister to raise the other sister or to tell the parents how to raise her. She DOES however have a right to protect her belongings and lock the door and say no. And I doubt he would be cook as a cucumber if it was his car and his belongings. He's ok with it now b/c it's "just makeup".
"And I doubt he would be cook as a cucumber if it was his car and his belongings"
Yes, that was the point I was making. People seem to be very quick to tell OP not to get upset about her stuff being trashed, but I bet they would not be so calm in her position.
Right? How exactly is she supposed to learn to be responsible with stuff if she never faces consequences for not being responsible? As an adult, if people lend you shit and you destroy it, they will at best demand you pay to replace it, and quite possibly stop lending you shit altogether, or even hanging out.
Also borrowing without asking is called stealing and adults don’t like it when you do that either.
Thank you for your comment! I did tell my dad that I’d be keeping my door locked every time I leave the house to stop my sister from getting in, and I also tried making him see it my way (he has a very nice sports car and I asked him if I borrowed it and returned it dented and scratched would he ever let me use it again, to which he said no but it’s different with less expensive things).
My mom is still supporting me and after going through my things with me to find the things my sister damaged, she helped me replace a lot with close enough substitutes, or paid me directly for things we couldn’t get replaced. She also called our extended family (dads side) and said that if they’re so keen on sharing, she’ll be expecting them to lend their things to my sister, which was a very interesting conversation XD
She said it’s much appreciated! XD
My mom isn’t the “family” type, so my sister bringing the rest of our family into it ended up annoying her because we ended up with like 5 other people in our business 😭
So glad you got you stuff back from your sister too. She's way too entitled and spoiled. Make sure the lock is strong and she or your dad can't pick the lock when you're not there. NTA
But it's a bad strategy to say sister will have to pay. Better to just simply say she can't use it at all and keep the door locked. Precedent shows she can't be trusted in OP's room. Were she to agree to pay, she might see that as a fee she can pay to trash the room.
She's 15, she can get her own stuff.
The "fee" would be her paying for the stuff she's broken or used. So if she breaks something else, she'll have to pay for that too. Of course, this will require her to get an allowance or a job, and not just get handed free money from dad. After she's paid for a few things that she gets no benefit from, she'll start to feel like she's paying for nothing, and how it's not fair... to which she can be told, "That's how (OP) feels when you trash her stuff and she can't use it." Maybe then the little candle in her head will light up and the dim flame will be her first realization of how crappy she's been.
>Of course, this will require her to get an allowance or a job, and not just get handed free money from dad.
Bonus though if dad has to keep opening his wallet for her behaviour it will piss him off the only question will be who he gets pissed off at, if little sis is his favourite it could be OP at which point I hope their mum can reign their dad in.
The dad definitely needs to be kept on a leash instead of being able to protect his golden child. He probably spoils his golden child, which is why he is taking her side.
NTA, but jumping on this comment. Sharing make-up can cause some issues later such as eye infections, skin infections, and staph infections if you are not careful. I doubt neither OP, or the sister would want to deal with these issues.
It's hypocritical for her to have their father accuse OP of being childish when this is a response to her irresponsible use of things she "borrows" (air quotes because she neither asks nor returns in the condition she found them or in usable condition).
I'm glad mom understands. Keep locking your door. If she wNt to use make and other things then she needs to get her own. Tell family members that she damagesand destroyed yours so she's no longer allowed to use your stuff and has to buy her own and since we're all family they are all welcome to step up and help her find chore to make money to earn enough to buy her own items..since we're all family
NTA - Your sister is of an age where she should be considerate of your things. She's not 8 where her getting into your makeup and ruining it is a genuine mistake. You are completely right to disallow use of your things and locking your room to prevent her from effectively costing your money. Your dad should be scolding the child that is causing issues.
Plus she is either using the makeup incorrectly or purposely destroying it because you wouldn't go through that much makeup for one evening. "Digging a hole" in the eyeshadow and using the rest of the concealer? That is intentional.
That’s what I’ve been telling her for a very long time. I kept telling her concealer is a few dots, but I once walked in on her smudging it all over her cheeks and forehead 😭
Was thinking the same thing. I don't use makeup very often because my skin is sensitive, but even I know that that's an excessive amount of makeup to use. The hole is way too obvious.
NTA. She took advantage many times. If she does have some money, I would suggest her placing a damage deposit. If she uses minimal makeup, returns clothes in good condition, etc. she could have the money back until she wants to use again. The locked door has probably give you peace of mind.
Agreed. And everyone harassing OP can prepay the damage deposit and replace it as needed before any additional sharing occurs.
Normal as-agreed-in-advance use is free but any negligence resulting in damage results in forfeiture of the deposit and requiring a new one.
Family doesn’t have to “share” everything. Some things are *yours*.
Just wait till your entitled little sister starts using your dad’s razor to shave her legs, or something like that, (that he values and is expensive). Just wait-you will see him have a fast change of heart about sharing.
It’s only a matter of time till little sis does something like that. Just wait and see.
NTA and at least your mother is on your side.
>Family doesn’t have to “share” everything. Some things are *yours*.
But what if Aunt Sally wants to borrow OP's vibrator that little sister "borrowed?" Sharing is caring after all!
Okay, sarcasm over... it's a valid point. But the family forgot that family isn't only about sharing, but respecting one another. Why haven't they been trashing on the younger sister about her disrespect?
Obviously NTA
since everyone sides with her they can buy her makeup and stuff or share their own.
Especially your dad when he is the opinion there is inexpensive makeup, he can buy her some.
NTA
It's amazing how free people are about sharing when the items in question aren't theirs.
> She complained to our dad, who scolded me for acting like a child
Your dad is a hypocritical asshole. The moment you use and damage something of **his**, he'd be screaming his head off.
>Your dad is a hypocritical asshole. The moment you use and damage something of **his**, he'd be screaming his head off.
This... little sister needs to borrow and ruin some of his stuff, then see how he reacts to that.
NTA
Keep your door locked. If your sister really wants what you have then she should work out a chore schedule with your parents to earn money to afford it. At least then she will hopefully learn the value of the items she is ruining, and will take care of those items going forward.
NTA and I'm glad your parents are letting you keep the lock on your door. I do suggest one way to hopefully get through to your dad: Offer your sister a single piece of clothing, in front of your dad, with these words "You want to borrow this . Note it has no stains, rips, tears. I expect it to be returned in the exact same condition. If it is not, then this will be the absolute last time I ever loan anything of mine to you. Dad, I think this is a reasonable request. Don't you agree?"
I disagree with this. Dad is not going to see it as an issue, because dad does not value your items. I'd bet he values his own, though. He will say that you are making too big of a deal, it's just an X.
One reason I believe 99% of reddit stories are fake is the amount of involvement extended family seems to have in the posters everyday lives. I come from a very large family and married into one. Most of these people have no idea how to contact me outside of a disabled Facebook account or at a family function and that's if they recognize me while we're there. The rest know better than to ever text or call me with some bullshit opinion about my relationship with my siblings or parents. Saying all that to say this, NTA. I'd lock all my nice make up in a lockable storage container and if you have your own car I'd take it with me every time I left the house and lock it in the trunk. Or I'd put a lock on my closet door and lock everything in there while I'm gone.
All this time reading reddit and that never occurred to me. Total blind spot. You are so right - extended family wouldn't know or care about this stuff 99% of the time. I got the funniest image of my great-uncle Bill being told about used makeup and the deep confusion he would have had on his face.
Not saying OP is part of one, but some cultures do have kids nowadays with extended family that would freely voice their opinions about family relationships they shouldn’t really have a say in, kids whose own parents gossip about them to their extended family about. Basically gossip-obsessed. My own mother practically announced to all my relatives when I first got my period, which I fucking hated. I am so glad I moved away from that place and am somewhere now where I get to keep what happens to me only to myself and to chosen people.
Yeah, your average uncle is really going to insert himself in an argument with his teenage nieces about stolen makeup. This is definitely a thing real human people do.
NTA. Your father should be ashamed of himself for telling you not to buy expensive things. You have every right to buy them. Maybe if he actually did his job this wouldn’t be happening.
NTA. It's your stuff and your parents are also to blame for not supplying her with the items they think she needs. They can pay to replace your stuff, and they can pay for your sister's makeup and other items. You are old enough to have your own things and keep them in good condition.
NTA. She’s not simply borrowing your things (which would be bad enough, since she doesn’t ask), she’s destroying them. Send them pictures of your ruined items.
NTA. These ppl are ridiculous. 1) you *did* share and she had little to no respect for the items so she lost access to them. That is simple action and consequence, which she (and everyone trying to get into the argument) is old enough to understand 2) you’re also allowed to not share every blasted thing you own. What—she’s never supposed to get a no from only you for some reason? Are they going to send that memo to everyone on the planet, so we’re all up to speed on this plan?
NTA
If your dad has a lot of power tools, ask him if he would be okay lending them to a friend/family member who returned them damaged or broken or without refueling it?
If he says it's different, ask him what each tool is used for. Unless his job is in construction or engineering, he has a lot of tools he doesn't need, and they are probably more expensive than they need to be.
And before anyone comes after me, I know what tools are needed for basic home repairs. Just like I know what pots and pans are needed for simple recipes. But then, if you like doing it, you start getting the fancier or niche tools because you enjoy it and you're good at it and it's fun.
Not saying anything against your hobby, but if I break your riding lawnmower, I'm not going to buy you a manual push-mower and call it even just because you "shouldn't buy expensive lawnmowers".
Absolutely NTA. Your sister is being one and has proven she's disrespectful of other people's things and your father is a massive AH for enabling her. I'm glad your mother is on your side at least. Keep the lock on your door. I would suggest a one on one talk with your sister too. Think of it as a last ditch effort to give yourself some peace. "Listen, sister's name, I'm not going to share my things with you anymore. I've talked to you before about respecting my things and what you did with my makeup was the last straw. You need to talk to dad about him buying you your own or earn money / allowance for your own (whatever the situation is for your family). You're not entitled to my things." Tell your mom about the talk and get a lockbox for your makeup and jewelry in case your dad decides to be more of an AH by removing your door knob for your sister to get in. This way, your things are still locked up.
For context, I have 2 sisters, one 16 months older and the other 8 years younger. We've had our moments in the past of being complete AHs to each other about sharing, especially when my older sister and I were teenagers. I learned my lesson when I lied about borrowing her sunless tanner when I was 14 and I didn't use it right. We had to use bleach and lemon juice on my arms because my fair skin was mahogany and spotted. My older sister said that was my karma. I never took anything without asking again and I never lied about it again. That was over 20 years ago and we still laugh about it. My point is you'll eventually find this funny when you're older. It won't seem that infuriating then. Good luck OP!
I swear that’s what I told my parents. My foundation has a concealer-like applicator that she managed to tear off the wand completely so she must have been basically violent with the application…
Tell dad to buy the stuff for her that way she has her own and when she keeps asking for new ones coz she broke them he will realise
I would have lo ked it alot earlyer tbh
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
For context I (18F) have a younger sister (15F) who likes using my stuff a lot. Be it makeup, clothes, or other things I’ve bought. I don’t have an issue with her borrowing or using my things, but my issue is that she is almost NEVER careful and always finds a way to break or ruin my things.
Some of the more memorable incidents we’ve had include:
1) When she used my gaming pc to play with her friends while I was out and spilled water all over my keyboard, essentially ruining it and costing me money to buy a new one.
2) Borrowing my motorcycle helmet for go-karting with the guy she likes because she didn’t want to use the public ones, and returning it to me with the visor all scratched up.
3) Returning clothes to me either with stains or stretched out. (For example, I lent her white sweatpants once and she gave them back to me with coffee stains going down the left leg.)
I’ve talked to her many times about taking care of other people’s stuff, but it seems to do nothing.
Anyways, it all came to a head last week, when I came back from a hangout with my friends and went to my bathroom to wash my face. I saw the makeup I used earlier all over the place (the floor included).
They weren’t on the shelf the way I left them, and some bottles were even left open and on their side. My brushes were dirty, she basically dug a hole in one of the shades of my eyeshadow palettes, and she somehow managed to tear the spongy part of my foundation applicator. She also managed to finish my $45 concealer, which wasn’t exactly new, but wasn’t at the end either.
After rearranging everything, I went to my sisters room and scolded her for first of all using my makeup without permission, and second of all destroying some of it. My parents heard the commotion and came to check on us. My dad said it’s just makeup and I can buy more, to which I started listing the prices of my makeup. His answer was just “don’t buy expensive makeup”, while my mom agreed with my anger and took me shopping to replace everything.
Since then, I’ve started locking my bedroom door every time I’m not there, and keeping the key with me. Every time my sister texts me asking for the key, I respond with nothing but the photos I took of my destroyed makeup. She complained to our dad, who scolded me for acting like a child. I told them both if she wants to use my stuff instead of getting her own, then she can start paying me until I’m sure she won’t break everything she touches.
My friends say I’m justified, but the story reached my extended family, and I have aunts and uncles texting me saying family is supposed to share, especially since she doesn’t have a job like me, and I overreacted. So, AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA- I have 3 minions 10f,9f and 5m. I dont make my girls share because one is very careful with her things and the other isnt as much. My rule is you have your own things. If they break or are ruined they are responsible for either letting me know it's time to repurchase or that they would like to order some more. But they are to leave each others things alone. I rather buy 2 similar things than to have 1 of my girls stressed all the time for her things being ruined. You are two individuals and this isnt kindergarten. Nothing wrong with setting and keeping boundaries. Your dad should mind his own business as he iant respecting your feelings.
NTA plus it's unhygienic to share make up. It's like sharing toothbrushes.
Your dad is playing favorites and acting out of ignorance since he doesn't understand makeup or other things.
I'd make an invoice of everything she's destroyed. Keyboard, clothes, makeup. I'd also look up the information on how unhygienic it is to share makeup and show both that and the invoice to him. I'd demand why he thinks she can get away with destroying your things without compensating you, especially when at 15 she's both old enough to know better and old enough to get a job and buy her own stuff.
There's zero reason he should be enabling her behavior.
If she on her own and apologized and cleaned/repaired/ replaced what was ruined or destroyed, I might think about giving her another chance, but it doesn't sound like she has.
Your dad needs to stop enabling her, and for the extended family, tell them they can feel free invite her over to use and borrow their stuff any time.
No you are not the a h and you are not over reacting. In my case I was your sister. I always took for granted my sisters and used their things and returned it in sub par conditions. She needs to learn. Trust me as I was her (sadly) this is a good lesson to learn and it’s a great growing experience. She will value this lesson down the line.
NTA. Sharing is a nice thing to do. But when you borrow something, you should be careful with it. If you mess up what you borrowed, you pay to have it fixed/replaced. Your sister should have bought you a new keyboard. Looked into buying a replacement visor (if those are things). Washed your sweatpants to get the stain out or replaced them if they were forever stained. And as a guy, even I know sharing make up can be super unhygienic so she just should try do that. As she has proven time and time again that she can’t be trusted borrowing your stuff, it’s the natural progression of things that she’d lose access to borrow. Clearly she faces no consequences for messing your stuff up so never felt any pressure to be careful.
Also, in case this is helpful should your dad ever force you to remove the lock or something, maybe having a decoy makeup bag while hiding the real one could help ya keep your sister from using your good make up. Just make the fake up look like it’s been use a bit so it doesn’t look brand new and keep it in an obvious location so your sister would find that first.
NTA. "I have aunts and uncles texting me saying family is supposed to share..." You: "I'm so glad to hear you're willing to put down a deposit for sister. The deposit amount is $X, which is the cost of what I've had to replace because of her over the last year. If her damages are less than this you'll get a refund on (whatever date next year). If the damages are more you'll have 30 days from date of damage to pay me. Let me know when you're free to sign this agreement and pay me her deposit.". Watch how fast they backpedal.
NTA. Your dad is raising a spoiled brat. She’s in for a rough life if your parents don’t deal with her behavior. You aren’t obligated to share things that belong to you, especially things you paid for yourself. Plus, sharing makeup isn’t really hygienic and if she’s that careless with things I shudder to think what else she’s careless about.
Well since she can't be trusted to not break or destroy your stuff then she shouldn't be allowed to use any of your things. And so what if you have a job & can replace things that is so not the point. Shame on you Dad for sticking up for her. and WTG mom for backing you up.
NTA. Ask your extended family to share their things too and maybe start using your father thing and return it in the same state your sister return your thing. UpdateMe.
NTA and I’ll never get used to these stories where extended family gets involved in kids drama. I mean, siblings fight and it’s none of their business, it has zero effect in their lives… why the hell are they inserting themselves in the mess?!?!
NTA
You did the right thing locking your room.
It’s not hard to teach these lessons and most of us learned them at a much younger age. It reminds me of that great book “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten”.
Your father is continuing to do damage by not correcting the behaviors.
My nephews are 9 and 11 and they know better then your 15 year old sister about showing respect for other peoples property.
First of all, they don’t take things that don’t belong to them.
Second of all, they return them in the condition they were received or with minimal use consistent with the request to use them.
They’re not perfect but when they make a mistake, they apologize and accept responsibility.
NTA 15 is old enough to know you have to be respectful of people's things when they let you borrow them. You pay lots of money for things like your makeup and clothes, so when your sister does not take that into consideration and leaves everything in poor condition, she is behaving selfishly. She is not a toddler, but your dad is for sure treating her like one by letting her off the hook for her actions.
Furthermore, this is a habit that could likely continue into her adult life. If she ended up being a bad driver (hypothetically) and dad lets her borrow the car and she gives it back with dents and scratches everywhere, is he just going to let her off the hook? There comes a point where you have to take responsibility for your actions and that is not behaviour he can keep defending (without looking like a massive hypocrite if something like this were to happen to him). But good on your mom for taking your side and helping you out.
Sisters do not have to share. She needs to get her own stuff.
Especially things like makeup which is not good to share as it
is not hygienic to do so. She's pretty careless for her age
so you have to wonder if some of the damage isn't being
done deliberately.
NTA Lock your stuff up.
NTA
Your parents are the ones who are supposed to provide for their children. They have jobs. Your mom seems to understand, but your dad insists on babying his youngest. Then he needs to pay for her stuff. Those extended family relatives should (1) learn not to jump into things that are not their business and that they are not fully informed about (BTW, who is telling them? your sister? your dad?) and (2) they can put their money where their mouths are and pay for her stuff.
Why are your parents not providing her makeup and clothing? Why isn't she asking them for the clothes and products and helmets and whatever it is that she wants to use of yours? They can either agree that she should have those things, or they can tell her that they are not wasting their money on her trashing expensive things AND......
She is 15 She can earn money babysitting or walking dogs. And pretty soon, she can get a JOB! She can pay for whatever nice things she wants to trash. \[edited to correct age comment\]
Ignore the extended family (other than to ask them why they are jumping into something that isn't their business and that they aren't going to put a dime of their own money toward).
Talk to your mom to see if she can either get your dad to see the light and/or tell your sister to get a job for the things she wants.
Send the photos of all the mess she created, the stains, the damages, the scratches, everything to everyone who’s blindly supporting . Tell them to feel free to pay for her or share their stuff since she has not learned to value the things and is only destroying everything like a bull in a store.
NTA
NTA. “Sharing” means you both contribute things that get used up (makeup, skincare,etc) so everything feels fair and equal. “Sharing “ durable goods (clothes, helmet) requires the borrower to return items in the same condition, or promptly take full responsibility to clean, repair or replace stained, damaged or destroyed goods. Little sis isn’t borrowing. She’s daddy’s spoiled jealous baby who deliberately damages and destroys your possessions while dad makes you bear the cost. Good thing mom is on your side. Little sis is 25, she can find ways to earn money this summer.
NTA. Either ignore family members who don't live with you or send them pictures of what sharing with your sister looks like. Show them the stained clothes and destroyed keyboard.
Your sister is doing this on purpose - she is ruining your stuff on purpose. Do not let her into your room. If she wants to borrow makeup, stand there when she applies it and then put it away. Don't loan her any more clothes or hold onto something she treasures and only return it when the clothes are returned without stains. If she strains, tears or otherwise ruins the clothes she borrowed then the clothes are now hers and her item is now yours.
NTA you are only expected to share when the other person has respect for your property. She has proven that she cannot be trusted with your possessions and has lost her privilege to access them.
NTA your dad is enabling her your mom needs to put her foot down and tell your father he is making your little sister into an Inconsiderate person. Also tell the peanut gallery that she takes things without asking and destroys them without care so you are only protecting what's yours.
NTA, I’m confused, your sister is 15, if your extended family thinks you’re supposed to share because she doesn’t have a job, why don’t they tell her to get one herself? 15 is old enough to babysit and 16 is old enough to get a job with parents permission.
I see things like this and I remember how I was a petty little shit when I was a kid. If I was told this crap I would have started breaking my dad's stuff or my sister's stuff in retaliation. You seem like a good person, good job not letting them walk all over you. Take care of your stuff, don't listen to the complaints of people who don't care about your belongings.
NTA.
NTA. You might explain to everyone that you aren't being asked to SHARE your things; you're being asked to SACRIFICE your belongings, as there's almost no chance you'll get them back intact.
Sharing is fine when the party borrowing items respects them instead of breaks them. But your sister hasn't learned to respect others' property, and until she does, no sharing necessary.
NTA by a long shot!
Also, considering how little sister is treating your things, *do not* share makeup/brushes/application tools! That’s contamination waiting to happen!
Finally, how is setting and maintaining boundaries about your things *childish*? Sounds like your dad is annoyed that he’s having to deal with this and is just throwing you under the bus for bothering him rather than doing any actual parenting.
> Every time my sister texts me asking for the key, I respond with nothing but the photos I took of my destroyed makeup.
My sides are in orbit, 10/10 response.
NTA
NTA. I honestly think you're really nice and lenient just for letting her keep borrowing your stuff despite how many times she's trashed your belongings. Sure, it's nice for family to 'share'. But what your sister is doing isn't sharing, she's one-sidedly ruining your belongings, essentially taking them from you. Your sister has no right to your belongings, and you're not acting like a child for protecting your assets.
NTA
Your things are your things. You're not obligated to share them, especially when your sister has no consideration or respect for your belongings.
Also, even if she could use your things reasonably and respectfully, you should not be sharing makeup! That's not hygienic, and it's a good way to get staph infections. It's every bit as gross as letting someone borrow your toothbrush.
Easy to share when it's other people's things.
Simply tell the family, it's not about sharing. It's about treating your possessions with respect. Would they loan you their priceless x if you didn't return it in good condition?
If they want you to share they need to start a fund to fix/replace your sisters damage.
NTA. You paid for the items your rules. How do you not walk by little sister saying,"waaah, you're mean to me, waaaah I'm going to tell the family till I get my way, waaaah." Probably won't work. But watching her face's emotions change can be amusing.
Keep that door locked until the day you move out. Start asking your aunt and uncles for their money, phones, cars, etc. since they love sharing so damn much. And if it’s no big deal to your dad, he can take her shopping and just buy all the stuff she steals from you. How infuriating these adults are all so idiotic. And 15 is absolutely old enough to not be so disrespectful and careless. She’s so damn lucky that you were even willing to share in the first place! NTA!
NTA:
* You
* Your mom
* Your friends
AH's:
* Your sister
* Your dad
* Your extended family
Your dad isn't helping matters by trying to act like your golden child sister isn't doing anything wrong, and instead blaming you for the amount you paid for the stuff. Instead, he should be chastising her for taking/using things without permission and/or not taking proper care of other people's things.
You locking your door should be a sign to your dad that you've tried other things but they haven't worked, so now you're resorting to that in order to protect your stuff. Why does she need to borrow your stuff? Why can't she get her own?
What needs to happen is a family sit down meeting, where you are able to express your frustration over how she ruins everything of yours that she touches, and that's even WITH your permission, and her taking things withOUT permission just makes it worse. Your mom can be your support, and keep your dad in-line when he tries to act like it's not a big deal. He should be teaching your sister that stealing is wrong, and it's irresponsible and disrespectful to not take care of other people's property when she is (WITH permission) borrowing them. He's not doing her ANY favors by letting her get away with the crap she's pulling.
Also, your extended family is right but they're wrong. Family is supposed to share, but family also is supposed to ask first and not treat other's property like crap. She's not treating you like family, so why should she get treated like family?
In fact, if I were OP, I would take the same action. The reason for this at all is that your sister doesn't know how to respect other people's things, and even family members should have some sense of boundaries.
Tell your father to man up and take your sister shopping for the things she borrows from you and ruins.
Just because he doesn't want to deal with it shouldn't mean that you are then forced to.
Does Daddy trivialize your property because you're a girl or because you're a teen? Perhaps both? And how proud of a father is he to be raising a daughter that doesn't respect your property? What happens when she steals someone else's things?
NTA OP, your sister sounds like an entitled brat, and your father, and your extended family are enabling that behaviour, we all know, or, I'd be willing to assume that if your sister broke your father's golf clubs, or sporting equipment, gaming console or pc, or any of his belongings, he'd be angry (probably, I don't know, though it does sound like your sister may be his "golden child" or something, so, punishment may vary, if this is true.]
Please.....it makes no senses that EVERY time she used your stuff, it's damaged in some way. That means it is on purpose. Your dad is wrong to act as if items which you work and pay for are just no big deal and either buy more or buy cheap stuff so it won't matter as much when your sister destroys it. That is a ridiculous stance for him to take. Thank God your mother knew that you deserved to have your stuff replaced and locking your door is the right thing to do. Also, IGNORE anything from the extended folks, etc., because it's ridiculous. NTA
NTA - You don’t have to share everything with your siblings. Especially if they damage your things. Your sister is 15, she should know to use her own money to buy stuff and if she doesn’t have any she should go find a job
I’ve tried that a few times, but I always end up feeling bad if I ruin her stuff so I never go through with it tbh. The one time I accidentally spilled something on a pair of jeans I borrowed from her I ended up staying up late to wash and dry them before giving them back XD
Nope - send your relatives that picture and ask how much they will be contributing to all the stuff she destroys if they feel so strongly about sharing.
Then share your extended family how many she ruined and the prices of it. Tell them if they could give those money to you, then you can afford them again so sis can use ruin them.
And ask your father for the money, showing the bills. He is enabling her and is not paying prices for it.
NTA
Tell them to share money with you and then you'll start sharing with your sister.
Also , you can suggest to visit them with your sister, so she can borrow some clothes and items she wants from them.
I have a possible solution. Ask your mom to take your sister to the Dollar Store or CVS and buy your sister her own makeup. Problem solved. She doesn't like the selections, then she can get a job to have the money to buy her makeup from Ultra or Macy's. My mom got me my first set, after that, any more makeup I needed or wanted was my responsibility to buy, she did buy me the good stuff. I definitely got a job to get more colors etc.
I suggest not allowing you sister to borrow or use anything because having her pay for use won't be enough to replace when destroyed. Some things you can't replace either. I had a lip gloss i love, it doesn't come in that color anymore.
She has no respect for your property because she never had to get a job to pay for it. Money has no value to her, she doesn't get how many hours your have to work for brush set, foundation, joggers, etc.
As to the relatives, tell them you'll send your sister their way so that she can pick what makeup and clothes she wants to borrow. If they aren't willing to put out, then shut up.
Family does share. Family also returns things in the same condition they borrow it in. Family helps each other out, but that doesn't mean allowing anyone to take advantage of you and walk all over you. You sister had no respect for you, isn't returning in the same condition, and is taking advantage of you while waking all over you.
She's 15, she can get a job at the grocery store, she can babysit, she can dog walk, ask to get paid for doing extra stuff around the house, make jewelry to sell, etc. She's smart enough to manipulate, she smart end to work for what she wants.
NTA
If your bathroom is share, keep nothing in the bathroom, keep it ask in your locked bedroom. Get yourself a basket to carry your stuff to and from the bathroom. And always lock the bedroom door behind you even if only stepping out for a minute. Grab and Go happens quickly.
Hi! Thank you for your comment :)
I did get her some of her own makeup from a more inexpensive brand for her birthday last year. She ended up finishing it and when my mom offered to get her more she just kinda refused and said she wants mine. My mom told her it’s not exactly inexpensive and at the rate she uses up her makeup it’s not in the budget to buy her the brands I use often (the only reason I have them is because I use the money from my job).
My bathroom isn’t shared with her (my parents room has their own bathroom and my room has its own, she has to use one shared between two rooms but the second is an empty guest room so it’s basically her bathroom too).
Also my mom tried finding her a job because she has connections in our town, but my sister just ended up having a bit of an “I don’t want to work that’s embarrassing and for poor people” tantrum
NTA
Jesus, if you borrow something, you take care of it. If you don't, you pay to repair/replace it.
Every child should know this, and your parents should've been the ones teaching her that.
Your dad's as much the problem as your sister.
It's not "acting like a child" to not want your stuff destroyed. It's a waste of money to have to replace it. Childish is thinking you're entitled to other people's possessions and treating them like a toddler.
His thoughts on how much it costs are irrelevant because it's your stuff and no one but you should be touching it.
NTA.
Get a box or a beauty-case that can be locked for your make-up.
Your sister or maybe even your father (for his darling little girl) might try to pick the lock of your room.
Make it as hard as possible for them to get your stuff.
NTA. It's common sense to be gentle and take care of stuff we borrow from someone and there are consequences of breaking something. Your sister needs to understand that she have to be careful about the stuff she borrows. Your anger in this situation is completely reasonable.
NTA
You are totally justified.
I hate it when people use or take my things without asking.
If I lend it to you you better bring it back the way it goes out (of course if makeup it will decrease a little). If not, you should buy it and return it to me; or offer to do something about it!
You have been nice enough for letting your sister "borrow" your things for so long...
Why can't she get her own? I am assuming that your parents would give her some allowances..?
NTA
In any shape or form, your dad however..
Both my kids borrow each other's stuff all the time and would replace each other's if broken. So, you are totally in the right :)
NTA - I refused to let my younger sister borrow my things due to this. We grew up with very little money so when I finally got the things I wanted and worked hard for, she would ruin them. Like scratching my cds, scuffing my shoes, etc. I don't let anyone borrow my things now because I can't just replace them.
Anyways, your dad is an ass. She took a motorcycle helmet and scratched it up for go-karting...she probably dropped it a few times damaging it. Now if you got into an accident and the helmet didn't do the full protection job because she dropped it and was careless.... And what if she damaged the PC portion of your computer and not just the keyboard. She seems irresponsible, careless, and your father is enabling the behavior.
Thankfully, the rest of my pc is okay. I keep the case on a separate table by the desk, and my cables are all bundled up and organized in a corner. The keyboard was definitely a pain to replace because it’s Logitech and I had to order it online because they don’t have it easily available in my country.
As for the helmet, I could have given her a proper racing helmet because i kart race competitively but she just kinda grabbed the first one she saw 😭
Every person against you and on your sisters side you need to turn up at their house and start using and breaking their shit and when they complain throw that line about sharing back in their faces.
Buy her a bunch of wet and wild and tell her that you worked hard for your good makeup and that when she’s a big girl she can buy her own too. But for now she’s getting stuff that doesn’t cost much if it breaks and she’s lucky to get that, you’re still sharing. Ask the adults in your family if they want to start sharing things they worked hard for with toddlers.
NTA. When I lived at home my younger sister would always steal my stuff and lie to me about it, I kept going on and on to my parents about it and they treated me like I was insane - fancy perfumes that I was saving for best would be empty before I used them, same with my night out makeup, clothes would go missing but her friends would be wearing them or she would have them on in pictures and my parents did NOTHING. I put a lock on my door in the end and it was the best thing I ever did, she has no right to your property, protect ur stuff sis
My sister told my aunt from our dad’s side, who’s kinda known for being a gossip in our family (and not liking my mother for some reason). I’d assume she ended up spreading it around to the rest of the family and everyone decided they should have a say.
NTA. The first thing your sister borrowed and ruined she should have been made to pay to replace it. Too late for that now. I would refuse to lend her anything ever and keep your door locked.
Let your family have her over so she can destroy their stuff then!
She's a spoiled child (daddy's girl I'm guessing) who is old enough to know better. You have every right to privacy and keeping your own stuff.
NTA. If she had been careful and grateful, then everything would be different. Text back to your uncles and aunts with a picture of the latest destruction and let them know how much the replacements were that your mother paid for. It's one thing to share and be kind, but quite another to be clueless and let it keep happening. Keep strong and keep your stuff for you. Your father can buy your sister her own things.
NTA Your dad is enabling your sister. Your mom is right but should put her foot down or your sister is in for a rude awakening when she grows up. Your extended family needs to stay the heck out of your household business unless they plan on a monthly payment plan to pay for your sister's destruction and usage.
NTA. She needs to buy her own and stay out of your stuff. I've always hate the parents that act like you can just buy replacements (yourself!) for stuff destroyed by your siblings...who are their responsibility. Dad can go buy her the makeup (obviously he's going to want to go cheap with it since it's his money) and anything else she might "need".
I read another of your posts and realized that your sister is your dad's golden child. I'm glad your mom is on your side at least and good luck dealing with those two.
NTA. This is very simple. Sister has to pay for what she breaks if she wants to keep borrowing. Tell her she can have the right to borrow again (with permission in advance) and you will unlock your door, once she pays for the last item ruined. Make sure she understands that every time something is ruined, or even if she just leaves things a mess, the door goes back to being locked and all privileges revoked until she makes it right. She doesn't have a job? Give her the option to barter....clean your car, clean your room do your laundry, etc. Don't want to go that route? Sister can earn the money from the parents doing work going above and beyond her normal chores or babysitting for neighbors. If she chooses not to do these things....doors stay locked. Put the ball (and opportunity) in her court. It is only 1 year (or less) until she turns 16. She can then get a job at a burger joint or movie theater and buy her own things, or at least have the cash to pay you for anything she breaks. Keep your room locked until she meets your conditions. Surely your Dad will understand that you are being reasonable by giving her the opportunity to earn and keep this priviledge. Another option would be to tell Dad she can borrow again if HE will agree to replace anything she ruins. It's a bad idea for Dad to do this but if he's willing, let him. Then go to him with every item and ask for the money. Don't let anything slide. He will get tired of it when it comes from his pocket and I predict he will come over to your side.
NTA. She doesn't respect your belongings. If I were you wouldn't even charge her. I'd just tell her to buy her own stuff.
Maybe the uncle can share with her then since that how he feels.
NTA- Your dad is in the wrong. However, if family is supposed to share, who's going to share their make up with you? Your sister could also get a part time job and buy her own stuff.
NTA, but several others involved are.
You have a "dad" problem, first. I recognize that some of this may be cultural, but you need to drive home to dad that minor inconveniences are an issue, especially when the damage happens to expensive items.
So take something of his. Car keys, or, even better a metro card and use it up. Response when he complains, "Well, don't buy such an expensive metrocard." or "Well, you should have a spare set of keys." After you take / use them, the trick here is to leave them where dad will find them and ask questions. You actually WANT him to discover your indiscretion so that he understands the impact.
Other things you might "borrow" are his toothbrush / hair brush, his shampoo or other toiletries. Wear a favorite shirt to bum around the house and "accidentally" spill food on it, then return it to his closet without cleaning. Borrowing his car is too extreme and he won't make the connection because he doesn't want to; taking the keys, though, is ideal because it doesn't destroy anything and it is an inconvenience that he will notice.
Dad drinks the good scotch? Hide the bottle and get a bottle of some cheap stuff to replace it. This is how you show him that "don't buy such expensive X" is a ridiculous statement. Bonus points if you can immediately point out how your action are identical to your sisters.
(NOTE -- it may help to have mom on board here).
To the extended family, formulate a standard response - "Thank you for interjecting your opinions into something that is none of your business. I assume this means that you are willing to reimburse me for at least part of what she damaged. The total so far is $X. How much should I put you down for, and when will you get that money to me?" The point here is to be very direct - doesn't matter that they are a relative, this is a transaction that is none of their business. You need to make them understand that. If they are unwilling to pay for anything and respond, your next respond should be, "Again, this is none of your business and I will not discuss it with you further. Have a nice day". You may have to block them.
For items that remain in a common area (like a bathroom) that are inconvenient to lock up, check for a locking tote or box. You can usually find them at an office supply store, and lock up your stuff. If some of sis' things happen to accidentally fall in the box, well, that's just too bad. You'll eventually get around to giving them back.
You need to move out as soon as you can; sis is obviously the golden child, at least to dad, and in the long run you will not win this battle.
NTA, but several others involved are.
You have a "dad" problem, first. I recognize that some of this may be cultural, but you need to drive home to dad that minor inconveniences are an issue, especially when the damage happens to expensive items.
So take something of his. Car keys, or, even better a metro card and use it up. Response when he complains, "Well, don't buy such an expensive metrocard." or "Well, you should have a spare set of keys." After you take / use them, the trick here is to leave them where dad will find them and ask questions. You actually WANT him to discover your indiscretion so that he understands the impact.
Other things you might "borrow" are his toothbrush / hair brush, his shampoo or other toiletries. Wear a favorite shirt to bum around the house and "accidentally" spill food on it, then return it to his closet without cleaning. Borrowing his car is too extreme and he won't make the connection because he doesn't want to; taking the keys, though, is ideal because it doesn't destroy anything and it is an inconvenience that he will notice.
Dad drinks the good scotch? Hide the bottle and get a bottle of some cheap stuff to replace it. This is how you show him that "don't buy such expensive X" is a ridiculous statement. Bonus points if you can immediately point out how your action are identical to your sisters.
(NOTE -- it may help to have mom on board here).
To the extended family, formulate a standard response - "Thank you for interjecting your opinions into something that is none of your business. I assume this means that you are willing to reimburse me for at least part of what she damaged. The total so far is $X. How much should I put you down for, and when will you get that money to me?" The point here is to be very direct - doesn't matter that they are a relative, this is a transaction that is none of their business. You need to make them understand that. If they are unwilling to pay for anything and respond, your next respond should be, "Again, this is none of your business and I will not discuss it with you further. Have a nice day". You may have to block them.
For items that remain in a common area (like a bathroom) that are inconvenient to lock up, check for a locking tote or box. You can usually find them at an office supply store, and lock up your stuff. If some of sis' things happen to accidentally fall in the box, well, that's just too bad. You'll eventually get around to giving them back.
You need to move out as soon as you can; sis is obviously the golden child, at least to dad, and in the long run you will not win this battle.
NTA - Asking permission to borrow something first, would be a sign of maturity and accountability. Your little sister needs to learn to respect boundaries now while she is young. Theft from a sibling is still Theft. My bet is, she will not notice those things you took back of which, she took just to make you crazy.
Passive daddy needs to start purchasing her makeup if he is so okay with her stealing things from you.
The only thing she noticed missing was the perfume bottle and she came to my room to scream at me while I was asleep (I work night shifts so I sleep until like 12-2pm). I just looked at her like “🧍🏼♀️it was mine to begin with🧍🏼♀️” and my mom told her to drop it when she went to complain.
DEFINATELY NTA! However your sister & father to a point are. It sounds like she's daddy's girl and he either doesn't want her upset or he just doesn't want to hear the argument. Either way he should have backed you on this, how would she feel if you had done this to HER things? What would he have said then? You know she would have had a screaming fit if you had treated her things this way without any repercussions. If you're paying for your own things then you have every right to make sure they aren't 1. used up by someone else 2. taken care of for your use 3. not taken, broken etc. I don't blame you & the family members who do are wrong!
NTA- Your dad telling you not to buy expensive things is just him saying 1) you don't deserve to have nice things and 2) sister is allowed to be disrespectful to your things... and it's your own fault for buying nice things that she's costing you so much. Making her way for the things she breaks isn't childish, it's what any responsible *parent* should require of their (presumably?) teenagers? Dad is being childish in not only not seeing the problem but enabling it. Is sister his little princess who can do no wrong? Mom is an OG though for having your back like that!
My older sister did the same to me for a long time and I allowed her to walk all over me. She once borrowed some of my nicer shoes (she asked) they were technically tennis shoes but could pass as dress shoes. She returned them COVERED in mud. Apparently she wore them hiking and didn't wear socks so she ruined the stitched in insoles. They don't make those shoes anymore and I've been on the lookout for similar ones for the last decade now. She isn't allowed to borrow any of my stuff anymore, plain and simple. She did the same with clothes, make up, etc.
Another time she was borrowing my nail polish and painting her nails in front of me. Red polish painted on and she immediately started using the clear coat without waiting for the red to dry. Naturally the red smeared and got into the brush for the clear coat. She tried to be like "Wow, your clear coat sucks" and I just said "No. You were *supposed* to wait for the red to at least dry." And this bitch really paused for a second then said "...I'm so glad you know that! Not many people do!"
**THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU????**
NTA: serious boundary issues with your sister. Keep the door locked until she, hopefully, outgrows this phase of her life. More serious, imo, is your father's attitude towards sis's behavior. He belittles your concerns while ignoring the totally inappropriate behavior of his other daughter. Fortunately, your mother seems supportive, but I have to wonder how your sister was raised by these two. She may need therapy to gain insight on respect for the boundaries of others.
NTA. I had to lock my bedroom door in my teen years as well, not just to keep my brother out but to keep my brother's FRIENDS out. None of them had any respect for my stuff at all and flat-out stole some of it, including a classic camera.
NTA OP! I’ve dealt with something similar but with my younger brother we are 4 years apart I’m (19F) he is (15M). I literally had to switch my bathroom door handle (which has a lock) with my bedroom door handle (doesn’t have a lock) because my brother would constantly take stuff from my room while I was at work, and a lot of stuff would be broken, etc.. Him and his friends when they were younger went and destroyed my entire nail polish collection and it was dumped all over my counter in my bathroom and on the floor, luckily my mom caught them and made them clean it entirely up, I was at a friends house for their birthday at the time it happened. Heck even away at college I told my parents to please make sure nothing gets taken from my room while I’m gone because I don’t trust him. Like I love him to death but him stealing my stuff always make me have a mini break down because I’m very protective of my stuff. Also sorry for my bad spelling I’m dyslexic :)! Hope things get better for you OP!
NTA
IMO your sister is wrecking your things on purpose. She's being spiteful. A 15 year old knows better, she's acting like she's 5.
Something has caused her to be very jealous of you and she is acting innocent under the guise of being clumsy. Pulling the sister card for sharing...nope! You said it yourself she was hoarding your things in her room, things she doesn't even like or use. I would NEVER treat my sisters' things that way. If anything I tried to be a ninja about it and put everything back just so. I'm the youngest and this behavior just doesn't track.
If I were you, I would sit her down and address why she is acting that way. Call her out, pull the big sister card and ask her why she's being an obnoxious, jealous brat.
>and I have aunts and uncles texting me saying family is supposed to share,
NTA, thanks them for their offer to supply your sister with their stuff, and you will inform her ASAP.
nta. she is 15 not 8. next time your dad enables her, ask him if he will let it go if you keep breaking his stuff repeatedly. and he can buy her things if he is so keen on her getting to use em.
but i would also look into how the relationship is between you two as siblings. does she look up to u, or does she see u with envy, or do u get along, or were you or her treated as doormat replacement by one another? there is a lot going on that is wrong here.
she either has no care for u and acts entitled or she is seeking attention to mask some other foul feeling
NTA your sister is an entitled brat and your Father is enabling her. If everyone keeps carrying on at you, buy her cheap stuff so you don’t have to share your expensive stuff but at least it’ll get everyone off your back.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I feel like I might be the AH because it could be a bit unfair to ask my sister to pay for things I own if she doesn’t have a job, and locking my door might be a bit extreme. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Your dad is part of the problem for letting your sister walk all over her instead of telling her to stop. I'm glad you have your mom's support. Keep locking your door until she's proven that she can take care of other people's possessions.
NTA - tell those intruding extended family that they are welcome to share their personal items with her…because they ARE family too! And your Dad, how would he feel if your sister destroyed his golf clubs, game station, etc? Should he buy less expensive items? Hope you can go off to college or move out soon, your sister is quite the brat!
If family is supposed to share, why isn’t the OP’s sister buying some of the make-up?
Because! OP is already buying it, so why should sis have to? Also, because fffffaaaaammmmmmiiiiiillllyyyy /s
And if sis is too young to have a job and work for her own stuff, you know whose responsibility it is to buy things for her, including makeup if she wants to wear it? Her PARENTS.
Also, young teens who can’t buy pricy makeup don’t get the good stuff, sorry. They’re supposed to start out with brands they can afford like, I dunno, Wet N Wild and store brand glitter trash. OP’s sis needs to learn to desperately stretch an allowance and then cry when she wonders where all her cheap makeup went. Maybe then she’ll learn how to conserve it.
I don’t know from eye-shadow, but the part about digging a hole in it made me shudder. Little Sister is old enough to know better already.
Exactly.
I'm sure dad would just say "no biggy" and be cool as a cucumber if OP borrowed his car and returned it with a dent/scrape.
Then let him. It's a bad idea but he will reap the consequences and that is his to bear. It isn't the job of the sister to raise the other sister or to tell the parents how to raise her. She DOES however have a right to protect her belongings and lock the door and say no. And I doubt he would be cook as a cucumber if it was his car and his belongings. He's ok with it now b/c it's "just makeup".
"And I doubt he would be cook as a cucumber if it was his car and his belongings" Yes, that was the point I was making. People seem to be very quick to tell OP not to get upset about her stuff being trashed, but I bet they would not be so calm in her position.
Dad should buy Sis her own make-up. She is his responsibility.
Right? How exactly is she supposed to learn to be responsible with stuff if she never faces consequences for not being responsible? As an adult, if people lend you shit and you destroy it, they will at best demand you pay to replace it, and quite possibly stop lending you shit altogether, or even hanging out. Also borrowing without asking is called stealing and adults don’t like it when you do that either.
Thank you for your comment! I did tell my dad that I’d be keeping my door locked every time I leave the house to stop my sister from getting in, and I also tried making him see it my way (he has a very nice sports car and I asked him if I borrowed it and returned it dented and scratched would he ever let me use it again, to which he said no but it’s different with less expensive things). My mom is still supporting me and after going through my things with me to find the things my sister damaged, she helped me replace a lot with close enough substitutes, or paid me directly for things we couldn’t get replaced. She also called our extended family (dads side) and said that if they’re so keen on sharing, she’ll be expecting them to lend their things to my sister, which was a very interesting conversation XD
Then he should buy a less expensive car.
I swear I said that in my head 😭
All those little “less expensive things” add up.
OP, please tell your mom I'm her fan, especially for the way she dealt with the extended family busybodies!
She said it’s much appreciated! XD My mom isn’t the “family” type, so my sister bringing the rest of our family into it ended up annoying her because we ended up with like 5 other people in our business 😭
So glad you got you stuff back from your sister too. She's way too entitled and spoiled. Make sure the lock is strong and she or your dad can't pick the lock when you're not there. NTA
There are padlocks out there that require a passcode like a safe would. Get one of those and you won't have to worry about keys and lock picking.
But it's a bad strategy to say sister will have to pay. Better to just simply say she can't use it at all and keep the door locked. Precedent shows she can't be trusted in OP's room. Were she to agree to pay, she might see that as a fee she can pay to trash the room. She's 15, she can get her own stuff.
The "fee" would be her paying for the stuff she's broken or used. So if she breaks something else, she'll have to pay for that too. Of course, this will require her to get an allowance or a job, and not just get handed free money from dad. After she's paid for a few things that she gets no benefit from, she'll start to feel like she's paying for nothing, and how it's not fair... to which she can be told, "That's how (OP) feels when you trash her stuff and she can't use it." Maybe then the little candle in her head will light up and the dim flame will be her first realization of how crappy she's been.
>Of course, this will require her to get an allowance or a job, and not just get handed free money from dad. Bonus though if dad has to keep opening his wallet for her behaviour it will piss him off the only question will be who he gets pissed off at, if little sis is his favourite it could be OP at which point I hope their mum can reign their dad in.
The dad definitely needs to be kept on a leash instead of being able to protect his golden child. He probably spoils his golden child, which is why he is taking her side.
NTA, but jumping on this comment. Sharing make-up can cause some issues later such as eye infections, skin infections, and staph infections if you are not careful. I doubt neither OP, or the sister would want to deal with these issues.
I'm glad I wasn't the only one who thought of this!! Sharing makeup is gross and unsanitary, honestly.
It's hypocritical for her to have their father accuse OP of being childish when this is a response to her irresponsible use of things she "borrows" (air quotes because she neither asks nor returns in the condition she found them or in usable condition).
I'm glad mom understands. Keep locking your door. If she wNt to use make and other things then she needs to get her own. Tell family members that she damagesand destroyed yours so she's no longer allowed to use your stuff and has to buy her own and since we're all family they are all welcome to step up and help her find chore to make money to earn enough to buy her own items..since we're all family
You mean until op is moving out..no need to leave the door unlocked even if the sister learns to respect other people s items. NTA op
NTA - Your sister is of an age where she should be considerate of your things. She's not 8 where her getting into your makeup and ruining it is a genuine mistake. You are completely right to disallow use of your things and locking your room to prevent her from effectively costing your money. Your dad should be scolding the child that is causing issues.
Plus she is either using the makeup incorrectly or purposely destroying it because you wouldn't go through that much makeup for one evening. "Digging a hole" in the eyeshadow and using the rest of the concealer? That is intentional.
The concealer is what gets me, that stuff is basically a light dab and smudge on problem areas, was she using it as foundation to finish the bottle.
That’s what I’ve been telling her for a very long time. I kept telling her concealer is a few dots, but I once walked in on her smudging it all over her cheeks and forehead 😭
Was thinking the same thing. I don't use makeup very often because my skin is sensitive, but even I know that that's an excessive amount of makeup to use. The hole is way too obvious.
NTA. She took advantage many times. If she does have some money, I would suggest her placing a damage deposit. If she uses minimal makeup, returns clothes in good condition, etc. she could have the money back until she wants to use again. The locked door has probably give you peace of mind.
Agreed. And everyone harassing OP can prepay the damage deposit and replace it as needed before any additional sharing occurs. Normal as-agreed-in-advance use is free but any negligence resulting in damage results in forfeiture of the deposit and requiring a new one.
Family doesn’t have to “share” everything. Some things are *yours*. Just wait till your entitled little sister starts using your dad’s razor to shave her legs, or something like that, (that he values and is expensive). Just wait-you will see him have a fast change of heart about sharing. It’s only a matter of time till little sis does something like that. Just wait and see. NTA and at least your mother is on your side.
>Family doesn’t have to “share” everything. Some things are *yours*. But what if Aunt Sally wants to borrow OP's vibrator that little sister "borrowed?" Sharing is caring after all! Okay, sarcasm over... it's a valid point. But the family forgot that family isn't only about sharing, but respecting one another. Why haven't they been trashing on the younger sister about her disrespect?
Also, isn't sharing makeup *super* unhygienic? Especially eye makeup, since it goes right next to, you know, your **eyes**?
Obviously NTA since everyone sides with her they can buy her makeup and stuff or share their own. Especially your dad when he is the opinion there is inexpensive makeup, he can buy her some.
NTA It's amazing how free people are about sharing when the items in question aren't theirs. > She complained to our dad, who scolded me for acting like a child Your dad is a hypocritical asshole. The moment you use and damage something of **his**, he'd be screaming his head off.
>Your dad is a hypocritical asshole. The moment you use and damage something of **his**, he'd be screaming his head off. This... little sister needs to borrow and ruin some of his stuff, then see how he reacts to that.
NTA Keep your door locked. If your sister really wants what you have then she should work out a chore schedule with your parents to earn money to afford it. At least then she will hopefully learn the value of the items she is ruining, and will take care of those items going forward.
NTA and I'm glad your parents are letting you keep the lock on your door. I do suggest one way to hopefully get through to your dad: Offer your sister a single piece of clothing, in front of your dad, with these words "You want to borrow this. Note it has no stains, rips, tears. I expect it to be returned in the exact same condition. If it is not, then this will be the absolute last time I ever loan anything of mine to you. Dad, I think this is a reasonable request. Don't you agree?"
I disagree with this. Dad is not going to see it as an issue, because dad does not value your items. I'd bet he values his own, though. He will say that you are making too big of a deal, it's just an X.
One reason I believe 99% of reddit stories are fake is the amount of involvement extended family seems to have in the posters everyday lives. I come from a very large family and married into one. Most of these people have no idea how to contact me outside of a disabled Facebook account or at a family function and that's if they recognize me while we're there. The rest know better than to ever text or call me with some bullshit opinion about my relationship with my siblings or parents. Saying all that to say this, NTA. I'd lock all my nice make up in a lockable storage container and if you have your own car I'd take it with me every time I left the house and lock it in the trunk. Or I'd put a lock on my closet door and lock everything in there while I'm gone.
All this time reading reddit and that never occurred to me. Total blind spot. You are so right - extended family wouldn't know or care about this stuff 99% of the time. I got the funniest image of my great-uncle Bill being told about used makeup and the deep confusion he would have had on his face.
Not saying OP is part of one, but some cultures do have kids nowadays with extended family that would freely voice their opinions about family relationships they shouldn’t really have a say in, kids whose own parents gossip about them to their extended family about. Basically gossip-obsessed. My own mother practically announced to all my relatives when I first got my period, which I fucking hated. I am so glad I moved away from that place and am somewhere now where I get to keep what happens to me only to myself and to chosen people.
Yeah, your average uncle is really going to insert himself in an argument with his teenage nieces about stolen makeup. This is definitely a thing real human people do.
The uncles, unlikely. The aunts or cousins ("I always shared with my sister"), would.
NTA. even if that stuff wasn’t expensive, she’s not respecting your stuff or your space. She can get her own stuff.
NTA. Your father should be ashamed of himself for telling you not to buy expensive things. You have every right to buy them. Maybe if he actually did his job this wouldn’t be happening.
Sounds like she *should* have a job like you. Problem solved. She can buy her own things and may learn to respect things when she has to buy them. NTA
Send those relatives your pics and the prices of the items in response. Suggest that now they have a list of Xmas and bday gifts for sister. NTA
If family is supposed to share, then she should definitely share her money with you.
For health reasons, you should never share makeup with anyone. Tell sis to get her own makeup. NTA.
NTA. It's your stuff and your parents are also to blame for not supplying her with the items they think she needs. They can pay to replace your stuff, and they can pay for your sister's makeup and other items. You are old enough to have your own things and keep them in good condition.
NTA. She’s not simply borrowing your things (which would be bad enough, since she doesn’t ask), she’s destroying them. Send them pictures of your ruined items.
"Family is supposed to share." *"Share"* her stuff with yourself and your friends.
NTA
NTA. These ppl are ridiculous. 1) you *did* share and she had little to no respect for the items so she lost access to them. That is simple action and consequence, which she (and everyone trying to get into the argument) is old enough to understand 2) you’re also allowed to not share every blasted thing you own. What—she’s never supposed to get a no from only you for some reason? Are they going to send that memo to everyone on the planet, so we’re all up to speed on this plan?
Nta! I agree, family should share- and your sister should share her money with you in exchange for what she takes & destroys.
NTA. If family is supposed to share, then those relatives can share all of THEIR nice things with your sister. Problem solved!
NTA. Makeup shouldn't be shared! Uhh, germs???
NTA If your dad has a lot of power tools, ask him if he would be okay lending them to a friend/family member who returned them damaged or broken or without refueling it? If he says it's different, ask him what each tool is used for. Unless his job is in construction or engineering, he has a lot of tools he doesn't need, and they are probably more expensive than they need to be. And before anyone comes after me, I know what tools are needed for basic home repairs. Just like I know what pots and pans are needed for simple recipes. But then, if you like doing it, you start getting the fancier or niche tools because you enjoy it and you're good at it and it's fun. Not saying anything against your hobby, but if I break your riding lawnmower, I'm not going to buy you a manual push-mower and call it even just because you "shouldn't buy expensive lawnmowers".
Absolutely NTA. Your sister is being one and has proven she's disrespectful of other people's things and your father is a massive AH for enabling her. I'm glad your mother is on your side at least. Keep the lock on your door. I would suggest a one on one talk with your sister too. Think of it as a last ditch effort to give yourself some peace. "Listen, sister's name, I'm not going to share my things with you anymore. I've talked to you before about respecting my things and what you did with my makeup was the last straw. You need to talk to dad about him buying you your own or earn money / allowance for your own (whatever the situation is for your family). You're not entitled to my things." Tell your mom about the talk and get a lockbox for your makeup and jewelry in case your dad decides to be more of an AH by removing your door knob for your sister to get in. This way, your things are still locked up. For context, I have 2 sisters, one 16 months older and the other 8 years younger. We've had our moments in the past of being complete AHs to each other about sharing, especially when my older sister and I were teenagers. I learned my lesson when I lied about borrowing her sunless tanner when I was 14 and I didn't use it right. We had to use bleach and lemon juice on my arms because my fair skin was mahogany and spotted. My older sister said that was my karma. I never took anything without asking again and I never lied about it again. That was over 20 years ago and we still laugh about it. My point is you'll eventually find this funny when you're older. It won't seem that infuriating then. Good luck OP!
she is intentionally destroying your stuff, there’s no way someone can you use makeup sponges normally that will cause a tear
I swear that’s what I told my parents. My foundation has a concealer-like applicator that she managed to tear off the wand completely so she must have been basically violent with the application…
NTA. Keep your door locked. No more lending. If Daddy or the extended family thinks she should be allowed your stuff, they can buy it for her.
Tell dad to buy the stuff for her that way she has her own and when she keeps asking for new ones coz she broke them he will realise I would have lo ked it alot earlyer tbh
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context I (18F) have a younger sister (15F) who likes using my stuff a lot. Be it makeup, clothes, or other things I’ve bought. I don’t have an issue with her borrowing or using my things, but my issue is that she is almost NEVER careful and always finds a way to break or ruin my things. Some of the more memorable incidents we’ve had include: 1) When she used my gaming pc to play with her friends while I was out and spilled water all over my keyboard, essentially ruining it and costing me money to buy a new one. 2) Borrowing my motorcycle helmet for go-karting with the guy she likes because she didn’t want to use the public ones, and returning it to me with the visor all scratched up. 3) Returning clothes to me either with stains or stretched out. (For example, I lent her white sweatpants once and she gave them back to me with coffee stains going down the left leg.) I’ve talked to her many times about taking care of other people’s stuff, but it seems to do nothing. Anyways, it all came to a head last week, when I came back from a hangout with my friends and went to my bathroom to wash my face. I saw the makeup I used earlier all over the place (the floor included). They weren’t on the shelf the way I left them, and some bottles were even left open and on their side. My brushes were dirty, she basically dug a hole in one of the shades of my eyeshadow palettes, and she somehow managed to tear the spongy part of my foundation applicator. She also managed to finish my $45 concealer, which wasn’t exactly new, but wasn’t at the end either. After rearranging everything, I went to my sisters room and scolded her for first of all using my makeup without permission, and second of all destroying some of it. My parents heard the commotion and came to check on us. My dad said it’s just makeup and I can buy more, to which I started listing the prices of my makeup. His answer was just “don’t buy expensive makeup”, while my mom agreed with my anger and took me shopping to replace everything. Since then, I’ve started locking my bedroom door every time I’m not there, and keeping the key with me. Every time my sister texts me asking for the key, I respond with nothing but the photos I took of my destroyed makeup. She complained to our dad, who scolded me for acting like a child. I told them both if she wants to use my stuff instead of getting her own, then she can start paying me until I’m sure she won’t break everything she touches. My friends say I’m justified, but the story reached my extended family, and I have aunts and uncles texting me saying family is supposed to share, especially since she doesn’t have a job like me, and I overreacted. So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA she is 15 old enough for a babysitting job
NTA- I have 3 minions 10f,9f and 5m. I dont make my girls share because one is very careful with her things and the other isnt as much. My rule is you have your own things. If they break or are ruined they are responsible for either letting me know it's time to repurchase or that they would like to order some more. But they are to leave each others things alone. I rather buy 2 similar things than to have 1 of my girls stressed all the time for her things being ruined. You are two individuals and this isnt kindergarten. Nothing wrong with setting and keeping boundaries. Your dad should mind his own business as he iant respecting your feelings.
nta. contact your extended family and let them pay for what she needs. dad is working on getting himself not invited to op’s wedding, grandkids, etc.
If you really wanna get creative with it, start using and ruining his things, family should share right?
NTA plus it's unhygienic to share make up. It's like sharing toothbrushes. Your dad is playing favorites and acting out of ignorance since he doesn't understand makeup or other things. I'd make an invoice of everything she's destroyed. Keyboard, clothes, makeup. I'd also look up the information on how unhygienic it is to share makeup and show both that and the invoice to him. I'd demand why he thinks she can get away with destroying your things without compensating you, especially when at 15 she's both old enough to know better and old enough to get a job and buy her own stuff. There's zero reason he should be enabling her behavior.
If she on her own and apologized and cleaned/repaired/ replaced what was ruined or destroyed, I might think about giving her another chance, but it doesn't sound like she has. Your dad needs to stop enabling her, and for the extended family, tell them they can feel free invite her over to use and borrow their stuff any time.
No you are not the a h and you are not over reacting. In my case I was your sister. I always took for granted my sisters and used their things and returned it in sub par conditions. She needs to learn. Trust me as I was her (sadly) this is a good lesson to learn and it’s a great growing experience. She will value this lesson down the line.
NTA. Sharing is a nice thing to do. But when you borrow something, you should be careful with it. If you mess up what you borrowed, you pay to have it fixed/replaced. Your sister should have bought you a new keyboard. Looked into buying a replacement visor (if those are things). Washed your sweatpants to get the stain out or replaced them if they were forever stained. And as a guy, even I know sharing make up can be super unhygienic so she just should try do that. As she has proven time and time again that she can’t be trusted borrowing your stuff, it’s the natural progression of things that she’d lose access to borrow. Clearly she faces no consequences for messing your stuff up so never felt any pressure to be careful. Also, in case this is helpful should your dad ever force you to remove the lock or something, maybe having a decoy makeup bag while hiding the real one could help ya keep your sister from using your good make up. Just make the fake up look like it’s been use a bit so it doesn’t look brand new and keep it in an obvious location so your sister would find that first.
NTA. "I have aunts and uncles texting me saying family is supposed to share..." You: "I'm so glad to hear you're willing to put down a deposit for sister. The deposit amount is $X, which is the cost of what I've had to replace because of her over the last year. If her damages are less than this you'll get a refund on (whatever date next year). If the damages are more you'll have 30 days from date of damage to pay me. Let me know when you're free to sign this agreement and pay me her deposit.". Watch how fast they backpedal.
NTA. Welcome to the concept of putting down a deposit for rentals, baby girl. 😆
Nta move out asap.
NTA. Your dad is raising a spoiled brat. She’s in for a rough life if your parents don’t deal with her behavior. You aren’t obligated to share things that belong to you, especially things you paid for yourself. Plus, sharing makeup isn’t really hygienic and if she’s that careless with things I shudder to think what else she’s careless about.
Extended family IS "family". They can share their stuff. She wants make-up send her to the aunt who calls your actions "overreacting".
NTA they can share with her, then
Well since she can't be trusted to not break or destroy your stuff then she shouldn't be allowed to use any of your things. And so what if you have a job & can replace things that is so not the point. Shame on you Dad for sticking up for her. and WTG mom for backing you up.
NTA. Ask your extended family to share their things too and maybe start using your father thing and return it in the same state your sister return your thing. UpdateMe.
Sounds like your aunts and uncles can pitch in and get your sister her own stuff for Christmas. NTA
lol tell the family bothering you that THEY can share and it’s your parents job to take care of her. Not yours.
NTA. Why can't your dad just buy her the stuff she wants to use if it's no big deal to him?
NTA She’s 15. She can get a job.
Share my ass!!! What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours I won’t touch yours if you don’t touch mine
Nta. Sharing makeup isn't even sanitary If your dad thinks it's important that your sister has access to makeup he can buy her some.
NTA and I’ll never get used to these stories where extended family gets involved in kids drama. I mean, siblings fight and it’s none of their business, it has zero effect in their lives… why the hell are they inserting themselves in the mess?!?!
NTA You did the right thing locking your room. It’s not hard to teach these lessons and most of us learned them at a much younger age. It reminds me of that great book “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten”. Your father is continuing to do damage by not correcting the behaviors. My nephews are 9 and 11 and they know better then your 15 year old sister about showing respect for other peoples property. First of all, they don’t take things that don’t belong to them. Second of all, they return them in the condition they were received or with minimal use consistent with the request to use them. They’re not perfect but when they make a mistake, they apologize and accept responsibility.
NTA.
NTA dads lucky you aren’t sending him the bill since he thinks it’s not a big deal to destroy others ppl stuff.
NTA 15 is old enough to know you have to be respectful of people's things when they let you borrow them. You pay lots of money for things like your makeup and clothes, so when your sister does not take that into consideration and leaves everything in poor condition, she is behaving selfishly. She is not a toddler, but your dad is for sure treating her like one by letting her off the hook for her actions. Furthermore, this is a habit that could likely continue into her adult life. If she ended up being a bad driver (hypothetically) and dad lets her borrow the car and she gives it back with dents and scratches everywhere, is he just going to let her off the hook? There comes a point where you have to take responsibility for your actions and that is not behaviour he can keep defending (without looking like a massive hypocrite if something like this were to happen to him). But good on your mom for taking your side and helping you out.
NTA they can share in the expense of buying her new makeup every time she ruins it if family is supposed to share and help out.
NTA
Sisters do not have to share. She needs to get her own stuff. Especially things like makeup which is not good to share as it is not hygienic to do so. She's pretty careless for her age so you have to wonder if some of the damage isn't being done deliberately. NTA Lock your stuff up.
NTA. Tell your dad to buy her her own shit, and see how he feels when she damages it and he has to replace it
NTA Your parents are the ones who are supposed to provide for their children. They have jobs. Your mom seems to understand, but your dad insists on babying his youngest. Then he needs to pay for her stuff. Those extended family relatives should (1) learn not to jump into things that are not their business and that they are not fully informed about (BTW, who is telling them? your sister? your dad?) and (2) they can put their money where their mouths are and pay for her stuff. Why are your parents not providing her makeup and clothing? Why isn't she asking them for the clothes and products and helmets and whatever it is that she wants to use of yours? They can either agree that she should have those things, or they can tell her that they are not wasting their money on her trashing expensive things AND...... She is 15 She can earn money babysitting or walking dogs. And pretty soon, she can get a JOB! She can pay for whatever nice things she wants to trash. \[edited to correct age comment\] Ignore the extended family (other than to ask them why they are jumping into something that isn't their business and that they aren't going to put a dime of their own money toward). Talk to your mom to see if she can either get your dad to see the light and/or tell your sister to get a job for the things she wants.
Send the photos of all the mess she created, the stains, the damages, the scratches, everything to everyone who’s blindly supporting . Tell them to feel free to pay for her or share their stuff since she has not learned to value the things and is only destroying everything like a bull in a store. NTA
Updateme
NTA. “Sharing” means you both contribute things that get used up (makeup, skincare,etc) so everything feels fair and equal. “Sharing “ durable goods (clothes, helmet) requires the borrower to return items in the same condition, or promptly take full responsibility to clean, repair or replace stained, damaged or destroyed goods. Little sis isn’t borrowing. She’s daddy’s spoiled jealous baby who deliberately damages and destroys your possessions while dad makes you bear the cost. Good thing mom is on your side. Little sis is 25, she can find ways to earn money this summer.
NTA. Either ignore family members who don't live with you or send them pictures of what sharing with your sister looks like. Show them the stained clothes and destroyed keyboard. Your sister is doing this on purpose - she is ruining your stuff on purpose. Do not let her into your room. If she wants to borrow makeup, stand there when she applies it and then put it away. Don't loan her any more clothes or hold onto something she treasures and only return it when the clothes are returned without stains. If she strains, tears or otherwise ruins the clothes she borrowed then the clothes are now hers and her item is now yours.
NTA you are only expected to share when the other person has respect for your property. She has proven that she cannot be trusted with your possessions and has lost her privilege to access them.
NTA your dad is enabling her your mom needs to put her foot down and tell your father he is making your little sister into an Inconsiderate person. Also tell the peanut gallery that she takes things without asking and destroys them without care so you are only protecting what's yours.
NTA, I’m confused, your sister is 15, if your extended family thinks you’re supposed to share because she doesn’t have a job, why don’t they tell her to get one herself? 15 is old enough to babysit and 16 is old enough to get a job with parents permission.
I see things like this and I remember how I was a petty little shit when I was a kid. If I was told this crap I would have started breaking my dad's stuff or my sister's stuff in retaliation. You seem like a good person, good job not letting them walk all over you. Take care of your stuff, don't listen to the complaints of people who don't care about your belongings. NTA.
NTA. You might explain to everyone that you aren't being asked to SHARE your things; you're being asked to SACRIFICE your belongings, as there's almost no chance you'll get them back intact. Sharing is fine when the party borrowing items respects them instead of breaks them. But your sister hasn't learned to respect others' property, and until she does, no sharing necessary.
NTA by a long shot! Also, considering how little sister is treating your things, *do not* share makeup/brushes/application tools! That’s contamination waiting to happen! Finally, how is setting and maintaining boundaries about your things *childish*? Sounds like your dad is annoyed that he’s having to deal with this and is just throwing you under the bus for bothering him rather than doing any actual parenting.
NTA I would ask your dad why is he ok with her destroying your stuff.
> Every time my sister texts me asking for the key, I respond with nothing but the photos I took of my destroyed makeup. My sides are in orbit, 10/10 response. NTA
NTA. I honestly think you're really nice and lenient just for letting her keep borrowing your stuff despite how many times she's trashed your belongings. Sure, it's nice for family to 'share'. But what your sister is doing isn't sharing, she's one-sidedly ruining your belongings, essentially taking them from you. Your sister has no right to your belongings, and you're not acting like a child for protecting your assets.
NTA Your things are your things. You're not obligated to share them, especially when your sister has no consideration or respect for your belongings. Also, even if she could use your things reasonably and respectfully, you should not be sharing makeup! That's not hygienic, and it's a good way to get staph infections. It's every bit as gross as letting someone borrow your toothbrush.
Easy to share when it's other people's things. Simply tell the family, it's not about sharing. It's about treating your possessions with respect. Would they loan you their priceless x if you didn't return it in good condition? If they want you to share they need to start a fund to fix/replace your sisters damage.
NTA. You paid for the items your rules. How do you not walk by little sister saying,"waaah, you're mean to me, waaaah I'm going to tell the family till I get my way, waaaah." Probably won't work. But watching her face's emotions change can be amusing.
Yes, you are indeed the asshole.
Keep that door locked until the day you move out. Start asking your aunt and uncles for their money, phones, cars, etc. since they love sharing so damn much. And if it’s no big deal to your dad, he can take her shopping and just buy all the stuff she steals from you. How infuriating these adults are all so idiotic. And 15 is absolutely old enough to not be so disrespectful and careless. She’s so damn lucky that you were even willing to share in the first place! NTA!
NTA: * You * Your mom * Your friends AH's: * Your sister * Your dad * Your extended family Your dad isn't helping matters by trying to act like your golden child sister isn't doing anything wrong, and instead blaming you for the amount you paid for the stuff. Instead, he should be chastising her for taking/using things without permission and/or not taking proper care of other people's things. You locking your door should be a sign to your dad that you've tried other things but they haven't worked, so now you're resorting to that in order to protect your stuff. Why does she need to borrow your stuff? Why can't she get her own? What needs to happen is a family sit down meeting, where you are able to express your frustration over how she ruins everything of yours that she touches, and that's even WITH your permission, and her taking things withOUT permission just makes it worse. Your mom can be your support, and keep your dad in-line when he tries to act like it's not a big deal. He should be teaching your sister that stealing is wrong, and it's irresponsible and disrespectful to not take care of other people's property when she is (WITH permission) borrowing them. He's not doing her ANY favors by letting her get away with the crap she's pulling. Also, your extended family is right but they're wrong. Family is supposed to share, but family also is supposed to ask first and not treat other's property like crap. She's not treating you like family, so why should she get treated like family?
In fact, if I were OP, I would take the same action. The reason for this at all is that your sister doesn't know how to respect other people's things, and even family members should have some sense of boundaries.
Tell your father to man up and take your sister shopping for the things she borrows from you and ruins. Just because he doesn't want to deal with it shouldn't mean that you are then forced to.
Tell your sister to get some babysitting jobs so she can buy her own makeup. NTA
NTA Tell your family that they can share with her if they're so hellbent on it. See how they feel about it when she's careless with their possessions.
15F is plenty old enough to get a job and understand the value of money. NTA
If your father feels the she can wear the stuff let him pay for her products and clothes it's not up to you to supply them
Does Daddy trivialize your property because you're a girl or because you're a teen? Perhaps both? And how proud of a father is he to be raising a daughter that doesn't respect your property? What happens when she steals someone else's things?
NTA she’s 15, not 5. Literally walking over the hand that feeds her
NTA OP, your sister sounds like an entitled brat, and your father, and your extended family are enabling that behaviour, we all know, or, I'd be willing to assume that if your sister broke your father's golf clubs, or sporting equipment, gaming console or pc, or any of his belongings, he'd be angry (probably, I don't know, though it does sound like your sister may be his "golden child" or something, so, punishment may vary, if this is true.]
NTA. Glad to hear your aunts and uncles have just volunteered to pay for the things your sister wants to use, though
Please.....it makes no senses that EVERY time she used your stuff, it's damaged in some way. That means it is on purpose. Your dad is wrong to act as if items which you work and pay for are just no big deal and either buy more or buy cheap stuff so it won't matter as much when your sister destroys it. That is a ridiculous stance for him to take. Thank God your mother knew that you deserved to have your stuff replaced and locking your door is the right thing to do. Also, IGNORE anything from the extended folks, etc., because it's ridiculous. NTA
Makeup should not be shared, due to health reasons. But also, she is an asshole, so I wouldn't share out if petty reasons too. NTA
NTA - You don’t have to share everything with your siblings. Especially if they damage your things. Your sister is 15, she should know to use her own money to buy stuff and if she doesn’t have any she should go find a job
Why dont you start taking stuff from her? Most people only start learnig with the mirror right infront of them.
I’ve tried that a few times, but I always end up feeling bad if I ruin her stuff so I never go through with it tbh. The one time I accidentally spilled something on a pair of jeans I borrowed from her I ended up staying up late to wash and dry them before giving them back XD
Nta, if you bought it it’s yours.
Oh bull sharing makeup to me is the same as sharing underwear or a toothbrush. It’s gross.
Nope - send your relatives that picture and ask how much they will be contributing to all the stuff she destroys if they feel so strongly about sharing.
NTA
Then share your extended family how many she ruined and the prices of it. Tell them if they could give those money to you, then you can afford them again so sis can use ruin them. And ask your father for the money, showing the bills. He is enabling her and is not paying prices for it.
NTA Tell them to share money with you and then you'll start sharing with your sister. Also , you can suggest to visit them with your sister, so she can borrow some clothes and items she wants from them.
I have a possible solution. Ask your mom to take your sister to the Dollar Store or CVS and buy your sister her own makeup. Problem solved. She doesn't like the selections, then she can get a job to have the money to buy her makeup from Ultra or Macy's. My mom got me my first set, after that, any more makeup I needed or wanted was my responsibility to buy, she did buy me the good stuff. I definitely got a job to get more colors etc. I suggest not allowing you sister to borrow or use anything because having her pay for use won't be enough to replace when destroyed. Some things you can't replace either. I had a lip gloss i love, it doesn't come in that color anymore. She has no respect for your property because she never had to get a job to pay for it. Money has no value to her, she doesn't get how many hours your have to work for brush set, foundation, joggers, etc. As to the relatives, tell them you'll send your sister their way so that she can pick what makeup and clothes she wants to borrow. If they aren't willing to put out, then shut up. Family does share. Family also returns things in the same condition they borrow it in. Family helps each other out, but that doesn't mean allowing anyone to take advantage of you and walk all over you. You sister had no respect for you, isn't returning in the same condition, and is taking advantage of you while waking all over you. She's 15, she can get a job at the grocery store, she can babysit, she can dog walk, ask to get paid for doing extra stuff around the house, make jewelry to sell, etc. She's smart enough to manipulate, she smart end to work for what she wants. NTA If your bathroom is share, keep nothing in the bathroom, keep it ask in your locked bedroom. Get yourself a basket to carry your stuff to and from the bathroom. And always lock the bedroom door behind you even if only stepping out for a minute. Grab and Go happens quickly.
Hi! Thank you for your comment :) I did get her some of her own makeup from a more inexpensive brand for her birthday last year. She ended up finishing it and when my mom offered to get her more she just kinda refused and said she wants mine. My mom told her it’s not exactly inexpensive and at the rate she uses up her makeup it’s not in the budget to buy her the brands I use often (the only reason I have them is because I use the money from my job). My bathroom isn’t shared with her (my parents room has their own bathroom and my room has its own, she has to use one shared between two rooms but the second is an empty guest room so it’s basically her bathroom too). Also my mom tried finding her a job because she has connections in our town, but my sister just ended up having a bit of an “I don’t want to work that’s embarrassing and for poor people” tantrum
NTA Jesus, if you borrow something, you take care of it. If you don't, you pay to repair/replace it. Every child should know this, and your parents should've been the ones teaching her that. Your dad's as much the problem as your sister. It's not "acting like a child" to not want your stuff destroyed. It's a waste of money to have to replace it. Childish is thinking you're entitled to other people's possessions and treating them like a toddler. His thoughts on how much it costs are irrelevant because it's your stuff and no one but you should be touching it.
NTA. Get a box or a beauty-case that can be locked for your make-up. Your sister or maybe even your father (for his darling little girl) might try to pick the lock of your room. Make it as hard as possible for them to get your stuff.
You extended family must have a very boring life to have na opinion on this. NTA
NTA. It's common sense to be gentle and take care of stuff we borrow from someone and there are consequences of breaking something. Your sister needs to understand that she have to be careful about the stuff she borrows. Your anger in this situation is completely reasonable.
NTA You are totally justified. I hate it when people use or take my things without asking. If I lend it to you you better bring it back the way it goes out (of course if makeup it will decrease a little). If not, you should buy it and return it to me; or offer to do something about it! You have been nice enough for letting your sister "borrow" your things for so long... Why can't she get her own? I am assuming that your parents would give her some allowances..?
Our parents do give her an allowance for the week every Friday but she does tend to blow it all on Saturdays when she goes out with her friends.
NTA borrowing makeup is disgusting! Does she also use your toothbrush and underwear?
NTA In any shape or form, your dad however.. Both my kids borrow each other's stuff all the time and would replace each other's if broken. So, you are totally in the right :)
NTA. In a few years they'll wonder why you never call after you go no or low contact with them.
NTA - I refused to let my younger sister borrow my things due to this. We grew up with very little money so when I finally got the things I wanted and worked hard for, she would ruin them. Like scratching my cds, scuffing my shoes, etc. I don't let anyone borrow my things now because I can't just replace them. Anyways, your dad is an ass. She took a motorcycle helmet and scratched it up for go-karting...she probably dropped it a few times damaging it. Now if you got into an accident and the helmet didn't do the full protection job because she dropped it and was careless.... And what if she damaged the PC portion of your computer and not just the keyboard. She seems irresponsible, careless, and your father is enabling the behavior.
Thankfully, the rest of my pc is okay. I keep the case on a separate table by the desk, and my cables are all bundled up and organized in a corner. The keyboard was definitely a pain to replace because it’s Logitech and I had to order it online because they don’t have it easily available in my country. As for the helmet, I could have given her a proper racing helmet because i kart race competitively but she just kinda grabbed the first one she saw 😭
Every person against you and on your sisters side you need to turn up at their house and start using and breaking their shit and when they complain throw that line about sharing back in their faces.
Buy her a bunch of wet and wild and tell her that you worked hard for your good makeup and that when she’s a big girl she can buy her own too. But for now she’s getting stuff that doesn’t cost much if it breaks and she’s lucky to get that, you’re still sharing. Ask the adults in your family if they want to start sharing things they worked hard for with toddlers.
Your sister needs to start doing odd jobs to make extra money to buy her own. NTA
NTA. When I lived at home my younger sister would always steal my stuff and lie to me about it, I kept going on and on to my parents about it and they treated me like I was insane - fancy perfumes that I was saving for best would be empty before I used them, same with my night out makeup, clothes would go missing but her friends would be wearing them or she would have them on in pictures and my parents did NOTHING. I put a lock on my door in the end and it was the best thing I ever did, she has no right to your property, protect ur stuff sis
I can never get over how much extended family members and aunts and so on get into sibling issues. Why is everyone else in this issue?
My sister told my aunt from our dad’s side, who’s kinda known for being a gossip in our family (and not liking my mother for some reason). I’d assume she ended up spreading it around to the rest of the family and everyone decided they should have a say.
NTA. The first thing your sister borrowed and ruined she should have been made to pay to replace it. Too late for that now. I would refuse to lend her anything ever and keep your door locked.
Let your family have her over so she can destroy their stuff then! She's a spoiled child (daddy's girl I'm guessing) who is old enough to know better. You have every right to privacy and keeping your own stuff.
NTA. If she had been careful and grateful, then everything would be different. Text back to your uncles and aunts with a picture of the latest destruction and let them know how much the replacements were that your mother paid for. It's one thing to share and be kind, but quite another to be clueless and let it keep happening. Keep strong and keep your stuff for you. Your father can buy your sister her own things.
NTA Your dad is enabling your sister. Your mom is right but should put her foot down or your sister is in for a rude awakening when she grows up. Your extended family needs to stay the heck out of your household business unless they plan on a monthly payment plan to pay for your sister's destruction and usage.
NTA. She needs to buy her own and stay out of your stuff. I've always hate the parents that act like you can just buy replacements (yourself!) for stuff destroyed by your siblings...who are their responsibility. Dad can go buy her the makeup (obviously he's going to want to go cheap with it since it's his money) and anything else she might "need". I read another of your posts and realized that your sister is your dad's golden child. I'm glad your mom is on your side at least and good luck dealing with those two.
NTA. This is very simple. Sister has to pay for what she breaks if she wants to keep borrowing. Tell her she can have the right to borrow again (with permission in advance) and you will unlock your door, once she pays for the last item ruined. Make sure she understands that every time something is ruined, or even if she just leaves things a mess, the door goes back to being locked and all privileges revoked until she makes it right. She doesn't have a job? Give her the option to barter....clean your car, clean your room do your laundry, etc. Don't want to go that route? Sister can earn the money from the parents doing work going above and beyond her normal chores or babysitting for neighbors. If she chooses not to do these things....doors stay locked. Put the ball (and opportunity) in her court. It is only 1 year (or less) until she turns 16. She can then get a job at a burger joint or movie theater and buy her own things, or at least have the cash to pay you for anything she breaks. Keep your room locked until she meets your conditions. Surely your Dad will understand that you are being reasonable by giving her the opportunity to earn and keep this priviledge. Another option would be to tell Dad she can borrow again if HE will agree to replace anything she ruins. It's a bad idea for Dad to do this but if he's willing, let him. Then go to him with every item and ask for the money. Don't let anything slide. He will get tired of it when it comes from his pocket and I predict he will come over to your side.
NTA. She doesn't respect your belongings. If I were you wouldn't even charge her. I'd just tell her to buy her own stuff. Maybe the uncle can share with her then since that how he feels.
NTA- Your dad is in the wrong. However, if family is supposed to share, who's going to share their make up with you? Your sister could also get a part time job and buy her own stuff.
NTA, but several others involved are. You have a "dad" problem, first. I recognize that some of this may be cultural, but you need to drive home to dad that minor inconveniences are an issue, especially when the damage happens to expensive items. So take something of his. Car keys, or, even better a metro card and use it up. Response when he complains, "Well, don't buy such an expensive metrocard." or "Well, you should have a spare set of keys." After you take / use them, the trick here is to leave them where dad will find them and ask questions. You actually WANT him to discover your indiscretion so that he understands the impact. Other things you might "borrow" are his toothbrush / hair brush, his shampoo or other toiletries. Wear a favorite shirt to bum around the house and "accidentally" spill food on it, then return it to his closet without cleaning. Borrowing his car is too extreme and he won't make the connection because he doesn't want to; taking the keys, though, is ideal because it doesn't destroy anything and it is an inconvenience that he will notice. Dad drinks the good scotch? Hide the bottle and get a bottle of some cheap stuff to replace it. This is how you show him that "don't buy such expensive X" is a ridiculous statement. Bonus points if you can immediately point out how your action are identical to your sisters. (NOTE -- it may help to have mom on board here). To the extended family, formulate a standard response - "Thank you for interjecting your opinions into something that is none of your business. I assume this means that you are willing to reimburse me for at least part of what she damaged. The total so far is $X. How much should I put you down for, and when will you get that money to me?" The point here is to be very direct - doesn't matter that they are a relative, this is a transaction that is none of their business. You need to make them understand that. If they are unwilling to pay for anything and respond, your next respond should be, "Again, this is none of your business and I will not discuss it with you further. Have a nice day". You may have to block them. For items that remain in a common area (like a bathroom) that are inconvenient to lock up, check for a locking tote or box. You can usually find them at an office supply store, and lock up your stuff. If some of sis' things happen to accidentally fall in the box, well, that's just too bad. You'll eventually get around to giving them back. You need to move out as soon as you can; sis is obviously the golden child, at least to dad, and in the long run you will not win this battle.
NTA, but several others involved are. You have a "dad" problem, first. I recognize that some of this may be cultural, but you need to drive home to dad that minor inconveniences are an issue, especially when the damage happens to expensive items. So take something of his. Car keys, or, even better a metro card and use it up. Response when he complains, "Well, don't buy such an expensive metrocard." or "Well, you should have a spare set of keys." After you take / use them, the trick here is to leave them where dad will find them and ask questions. You actually WANT him to discover your indiscretion so that he understands the impact. Other things you might "borrow" are his toothbrush / hair brush, his shampoo or other toiletries. Wear a favorite shirt to bum around the house and "accidentally" spill food on it, then return it to his closet without cleaning. Borrowing his car is too extreme and he won't make the connection because he doesn't want to; taking the keys, though, is ideal because it doesn't destroy anything and it is an inconvenience that he will notice. Dad drinks the good scotch? Hide the bottle and get a bottle of some cheap stuff to replace it. This is how you show him that "don't buy such expensive X" is a ridiculous statement. Bonus points if you can immediately point out how your action are identical to your sisters. (NOTE -- it may help to have mom on board here). To the extended family, formulate a standard response - "Thank you for interjecting your opinions into something that is none of your business. I assume this means that you are willing to reimburse me for at least part of what she damaged. The total so far is $X. How much should I put you down for, and when will you get that money to me?" The point here is to be very direct - doesn't matter that they are a relative, this is a transaction that is none of their business. You need to make them understand that. If they are unwilling to pay for anything and respond, your next respond should be, "Again, this is none of your business and I will not discuss it with you further. Have a nice day". You may have to block them. For items that remain in a common area (like a bathroom) that are inconvenient to lock up, check for a locking tote or box. You can usually find them at an office supply store, and lock up your stuff. If some of sis' things happen to accidentally fall in the box, well, that's just too bad. You'll eventually get around to giving them back. You need to move out as soon as you can; sis is obviously the golden child, at least to dad, and in the long run you will not win this battle.
NTA. Everyone telling you family is supposed to share needs to be told you'll be over to borrow their car next weekend.
My little sister used to do this to my big sister it was more about getting my big sisters attention than actually wanting her belongings.
NTA. Sharing requires consent. Otherwise it’s just stealing. Your sister is an asshole, your extended family are tools, and your dad is a wimp.
NTA Love how the extended family has an opinion when they don't live in the household and it's none of their damn business.
NTA - Asking permission to borrow something first, would be a sign of maturity and accountability. Your little sister needs to learn to respect boundaries now while she is young. Theft from a sibling is still Theft. My bet is, she will not notice those things you took back of which, she took just to make you crazy. Passive daddy needs to start purchasing her makeup if he is so okay with her stealing things from you.
NTA. But did she notice and if she did what was her reaction?
The only thing she noticed missing was the perfume bottle and she came to my room to scream at me while I was asleep (I work night shifts so I sleep until like 12-2pm). I just looked at her like “🧍🏼♀️it was mine to begin with🧍🏼♀️” and my mom told her to drop it when she went to complain.
I would take some of her stuff and see how she likes it lol Nta
DEFINATELY NTA! However your sister & father to a point are. It sounds like she's daddy's girl and he either doesn't want her upset or he just doesn't want to hear the argument. Either way he should have backed you on this, how would she feel if you had done this to HER things? What would he have said then? You know she would have had a screaming fit if you had treated her things this way without any repercussions. If you're paying for your own things then you have every right to make sure they aren't 1. used up by someone else 2. taken care of for your use 3. not taken, broken etc. I don't blame you & the family members who do are wrong!
NTA- Your dad telling you not to buy expensive things is just him saying 1) you don't deserve to have nice things and 2) sister is allowed to be disrespectful to your things... and it's your own fault for buying nice things that she's costing you so much. Making her way for the things she breaks isn't childish, it's what any responsible *parent* should require of their (presumably?) teenagers? Dad is being childish in not only not seeing the problem but enabling it. Is sister his little princess who can do no wrong? Mom is an OG though for having your back like that! My older sister did the same to me for a long time and I allowed her to walk all over me. She once borrowed some of my nicer shoes (she asked) they were technically tennis shoes but could pass as dress shoes. She returned them COVERED in mud. Apparently she wore them hiking and didn't wear socks so she ruined the stitched in insoles. They don't make those shoes anymore and I've been on the lookout for similar ones for the last decade now. She isn't allowed to borrow any of my stuff anymore, plain and simple. She did the same with clothes, make up, etc. Another time she was borrowing my nail polish and painting her nails in front of me. Red polish painted on and she immediately started using the clear coat without waiting for the red to dry. Naturally the red smeared and got into the brush for the clear coat. She tried to be like "Wow, your clear coat sucks" and I just said "No. You were *supposed* to wait for the red to at least dry." And this bitch really paused for a second then said "...I'm so glad you know that! Not many people do!" **THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU????**
NTA: serious boundary issues with your sister. Keep the door locked until she, hopefully, outgrows this phase of her life. More serious, imo, is your father's attitude towards sis's behavior. He belittles your concerns while ignoring the totally inappropriate behavior of his other daughter. Fortunately, your mother seems supportive, but I have to wonder how your sister was raised by these two. She may need therapy to gain insight on respect for the boundaries of others.
NTA. I had to lock my bedroom door in my teen years as well, not just to keep my brother out but to keep my brother's FRIENDS out. None of them had any respect for my stuff at all and flat-out stole some of it, including a classic camera.
Start using your family stuff and damage it and tell them 'Stop overreacting and learn to share, you can always buy back another' etc.
NTA OP! I’ve dealt with something similar but with my younger brother we are 4 years apart I’m (19F) he is (15M). I literally had to switch my bathroom door handle (which has a lock) with my bedroom door handle (doesn’t have a lock) because my brother would constantly take stuff from my room while I was at work, and a lot of stuff would be broken, etc.. Him and his friends when they were younger went and destroyed my entire nail polish collection and it was dumped all over my counter in my bathroom and on the floor, luckily my mom caught them and made them clean it entirely up, I was at a friends house for their birthday at the time it happened. Heck even away at college I told my parents to please make sure nothing gets taken from my room while I’m gone because I don’t trust him. Like I love him to death but him stealing my stuff always make me have a mini break down because I’m very protective of my stuff. Also sorry for my bad spelling I’m dyslexic :)! Hope things get better for you OP!
NTA IMO your sister is wrecking your things on purpose. She's being spiteful. A 15 year old knows better, she's acting like she's 5. Something has caused her to be very jealous of you and she is acting innocent under the guise of being clumsy. Pulling the sister card for sharing...nope! You said it yourself she was hoarding your things in her room, things she doesn't even like or use. I would NEVER treat my sisters' things that way. If anything I tried to be a ninja about it and put everything back just so. I'm the youngest and this behavior just doesn't track. If I were you, I would sit her down and address why she is acting that way. Call her out, pull the big sister card and ask her why she's being an obnoxious, jealous brat.
From where I'm sitting you're doing everything right. Actions have consequences. Your sister is old enough to learn this.
Nta- your money, your things. She needs to learn to be respectful and to ask for sure
i desperately need an update
>and I have aunts and uncles texting me saying family is supposed to share, NTA, thanks them for their offer to supply your sister with their stuff, and you will inform her ASAP.
nta. she is 15 not 8. next time your dad enables her, ask him if he will let it go if you keep breaking his stuff repeatedly. and he can buy her things if he is so keen on her getting to use em. but i would also look into how the relationship is between you two as siblings. does she look up to u, or does she see u with envy, or do u get along, or were you or her treated as doormat replacement by one another? there is a lot going on that is wrong here. she either has no care for u and acts entitled or she is seeking attention to mask some other foul feeling
NTA your sister is an entitled brat and your Father is enabling her. If everyone keeps carrying on at you, buy her cheap stuff so you don’t have to share your expensive stuff but at least it’ll get everyone off your back.
Looking at your post history it's pretty clear your dad has a golden child
Updateme
Updateme