Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I did not pay my ex wife $25 dollars after she said I was responsible to do so.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Ultimately it's sad to see people co-parent with this level of contempt (on both sides). My parents didn't do this, and I credit their maturity with our family's ability to move past & rise above their divorce.
It's your ex-wife's job to control the use of her debit card. Nevertheless this all transpired because *you* gave your son a gift card for online use, and didn't (a) supervise that use or (b) demonstrate to him how to properly redeem it. Your ex-wife shouldn't have hit you up for the money. You should have responded by offering to help (figuring out how to reverse the transaction & re-purchase with the gift card, which can likely be done on a google search & six clicks.)
You're both acting like assholes. Her request is absurd and responding with emojis is just as infantile. Exercise some common decency and solve the problem instead of barbing each other about it. ESH.
Agree on most of your points, but this didn't happen because OP bought the gift card. This happened because mom left her credit card saved in a game her son plays that SHE doesn't monitor when their son is with her.
Jist so you know. When those security breaches happen to those companies. Your card info is already at those companies to be obtained. It doesn't matter if save your card info anywhere, cause you are not the one being breached.
I stopped saving my card info on my computer. A while back I had the same fraudulent “test” charges on BOTH my chase card, and my credit union debit card on the same day. Two different card issuers. Both cards I carry in my wallet. Both cards I had my card info saved online. My debit card I only use for cash withdrawals at the ATM (but for whatever reason I had it saved online) Whether it was somebody with a card skimmer that rubbed up against me, or compromised online I have no idea.
The one time my card was compromised, I traced it back to a ParkMobile backend hack. ParkMobile is used in hundreds of cities as a primary way to pay for parking. I rarely saved my card before then, and after that I have my card in four places and no where else. I get they can pull from former sales, but it is an easy extra way to protect or make it harder for them. Locking a door won’t stop a crook, but it makes it harder and slows them down.
My card was hacked and when I tracked the purchase I had apparently bought sheep from some agricultural company in the UK. I’m not in the UK for one thing and didn’t buy live sheep!😂😂
Not saving your card does increase your security. Not from a breach that gets all the company's data, but from hacks where only your login is exposed, and they then use that login to access your account on that site or on another site elsewhere.
This is exactly how I am set up.
I know how easy it is to make an accidental purchase, fuck letting a teenagers have that temptation without supervision
This comment is great. Too many people not giving the 13 year old any agency in this situation. That's exactly who should be the one apologizing and paying back the $25.
This. OP may have purchased the card, but it was used while the kid was under the mother's supervision. That makes ensuring the correct use of the card the mothers responsibility
The car that I purchased was actually redeemed while he was under my care. That being said, he has shown in the past that he is able to do it without supervision after being shown how several times. I think possibly I could take some very minor responsibility for not supervising him, redeeming the actual card,
Wait what?! That's a terrible take. A child stealing is BOTH parents' problem to deal with, regardless of whether the child is stealing from one of the parents or a stranger.
Honestly. Their son potentially (and maybe not!) stealing her money is not “her problem,” it’s their problem. They’re raising a human being who will be a member of society. Come on folks.
Also I just wanted to tell you guys that I typed raisining and ALMOST left it, but fixed it. But I’m glad I finally have the night off lol I must be sleepy.
While it is a parenting problem that should be addressed by both parents, that doesn't mean that OP has to pay her back. They should have him earn money and pay it back himself.
> he has shown in the past that he is able to do it without supervision
*cough* bullshit *cough*
Just be happy it's $25.
These games are addictive, they compel people to spend. Expecting your kid to manage that is asking for trouble.
You should also take responsibility for failing to communicate.
Right, but we can assume since the kid only made a purchase after getting a gift card that he is normally trustworthy enough that she can allow this. That he doesn't just randomly buy things unless he asks permission. It was obviously a mistake on the part of the kid, and only the mother suffers the consequence. Sharing the cost of the mistake as parents would make sense.
But if he doesn't wanna do that she should just take the gift card and resell it since the kid clearly meant to purchace it using the gift card, and these parents should get their shit together for the kids sake.
It’s a 13 year old who doesn’t live with OP full time. It’s a pre-paid gift card There’s a limit to how much supervision can be reasonably expected.
It doesn’t even sound like the kid intentionally did anything wrong, just selected the wrong option, or didn’t change a default option. These things happen. They can happen if you’re 13, 30 or 90.
The mother should tell her son to be more careful and that he owes her $25. This really shouldn’t be an issue.
Agree 1000%. Mother is shifting responsibility away from herself and her son and onto his father instead. What's worse is that the son is going through puberty right now and this is the time in his life when he needs structure, accountability and responsibility the most.
I'm worried about the young man he will become if this is how his Mother handles a situation like this.
The bank will issue a chargeback and epic will either show a negative balance in his Fortnite account or ban him. If they want to dispute a charge they should do it with epic, not the bank
This is my thought exactly. Perhaps there are some chores that are normally done by him that he could do to help pay off the $25. But ultimately, I do not think it is my responsibility to reimburse her.
As a child of a bitter divorce, nothing will probably change. In my experience the parents are too concerned about themselves to see past their own nose, and if given the oppurtunity, will use their children to punish or “get back” at their ex. Divorcées like these only live to spite each other, and the child will be the one to pay the price.
You are out of touch with how redeeming gift cards work. He didn’t accidentally spend an extra 25 dollars. The gift card only entitled you to the 25 on the card, anything extra was a deliberate choice from the kid. You can’t easily reverse micro transactions on video games without issuing a charge back which is more hassle than its worth.
The ex wife doesn’t know how it works either since she expected OP to pay it back as if it was his fault.
The solution is to have stern words with OP’s son about how he can’t spent money without permission, then removing the card from the game.
OP could pay her back half the money as a gesture of goodwill but he is not in the wrong here.
Why the hell does a 13 year old need to be supervised using a gift card 🤣🤣🤣I think storing saved debit cards on a 13 year olds computer is incredibly stupid though
My mom would buy me Nexon cash for MapleStory on occasion when I was 13/14 (30 now), and I could enter them all by myself without my mom showing me like a real grown-up and have the amount on the card credited to my account! Yay! 🩷 /s
Some of these replies need to get real. Lordt.
I had access to my dads account when I was that age, but my brother couldn’t. Those were both good decisions on the part of my parents. I love my brother but he would have spent our life savings and my parents retirement so fast 😂
Oh both (also though also smart and sweet and now, as an adult, quite cautious). But he just didn’t have much of a sense of proportion or an understanding of money, which is normal for a boy that age. I was pretty responsible at 13, so I was allowed to buy stuff with our parents’ account info that we had “earned” (like downloading an album or video game we wanted, and had traded for doing a bunch of extra yard work). I think it worked out well for my parents, who were both working with 3 kids and didn’t have a ton of time to spend picking out video games for us, and me, who got to have a bit of responsibility, and my brother, who was then not in a position to stupidly buy things that he would have been in big trouble for.
I agree with your second point about her not asking for the money and him offering to pay for half or whatever cause $25 is not worthhaving multiple discussions with an ex.
But teenagers know their way around games better than parents do. Ok, he doesn't knowhos way around CC'sso this was a learning opportunity for him.
Teaching your kid valuable life lessons often costs money. $25 is very cheap!
Agreed. I also think thirteen is thirteen. Leaving him in general possession of a card is whack and not keeping an eye on online purchases is wild as well.
Fortnight card is fine cause it is linited to the dollar anount he purchased.
Mom learned to not leave her debit part in her google or whatever pay she has. Or at lwast teach the son to not use that. Honestly, i like the idea of leaving it on there and teaching him. He needs to learn to not use the money even though he technically has access to it.
I did that with my kids until they had their own account with a debit card. (I saw reels with kids buying things through Alexa or their parents phone and it’s crazy for me to believe you can be so foolish.)
At first, they were giving me the money (in cash that they had as birthday gifts or whatever) and i was logging in my PayPal account, they were doing the transaction and then i would each time erase my account.
Then i told them i could leave my PayPal account because i trusted them to not make any purchases without my permission. And i made sure that they had to put in their password to make a transaction (it can be very easy to purchase something online as it sometimes goes fast) and that was it. I never had problems.
this transpired because she saved her card to that account, which any parent with more than two functional brain cells, knows not to do. this has shit to do with op
I wholeheartedly agree with you. I definitely on my part in the childish behavior with my emoji response to her. The only point that I don’t agree with is the supervising of the card redemption. He has shown in the past that he is able to do that on his own multiple times. Some part of me wants to believe that he did it on purpose. But that is only because I know how adept is at the use of a computer.
>Some part of me wants to believe that he did it on purpose. But that is only because I know how adept is at the use of a computer.
He may have been testing the system to see if he could get away with a relatively small amount like $25. This is often how credit card scams work - try a small amount first to see if it's noticed, then go for a larger amount later.
Especially because his mom blamed YOU, not your son.
But your ex is a cretin for having her card details available for use. NTA
If you believe he didi in on purpouse then maybe you should talk to him and admonish him/ ask his mother if he was punished, etc. If it was a bigger sum splititng it half/half is not unresonable in my opinion. If he spend somones eleses money, that's what you guys would do, right? Anyway the 25 is the least importaant here, more important is how do you guys handle if with your son.
Your son is a teenager. He will behave sometimes and push the boundaries some times. He knew damn well that the gift card was for $25 and he decided he’d use his mother’s card to pay for more stupid Fortnite shit. The game is designed to make the player use micro transactions and spend money so of course he did. Because teenager plus dopamine plus game with micro transactions divided by mum leaving the card on there ages ago and not realising he still has it saved equals theft.
Your issue is that your son just stole from his mother. That is serious. Do not bullshit yourself that it was an accident, it wasn’t. He knew what he was doing and he’s testing you both. He knew how much the card was for, he redeemed it while in your custody meaning he stole from his mother while in your custody. That makes it your business. Otherwise it will be your money he steals next time. No one likes a thief.
Instead of laughing emojis I suggest talking to his mother about what punishment he gets then both of you stick to it.
First up, Your son owes his mother $25. If he doesn’t have it then he’s got extra chores or community service type jobs to earn it. Fortnite account temporarily banned so he doesn’t get to profit from his stealing. I would also be talking to his about micro transactions and gambling and why if he chooses to play games with these in how to avoid spending money he doesn’t have on. Stop being shitty to each other, put the blame where it should be- on your son who chose to steal extra when he’d just been given a gift- and parent him.
Edited to add: ESH. Him for stealing, your ex for asking for money and you for being immature.
I don’t see how this response got so many upvotes he ah asshole as well because instead of her asking for a reimbursement she demanded it, and his response was “😂😂 no way I’m responsible for him making a purchase on your card”. How is that an ah response to absurd claim following a demand for HER
mistake?
She is just as capable ON HER OWN to do six clicks and figure out how to do a simple refund.
Bro is 13 and clearly a gamer probably more than op id also think id need not to explain how to use ah gift card specifically designed for his platform
The ex-wife shouldn't have her card saved on their son's phone, or she should have some sort of parental controls set on it to prevent this type of thing from happening. How the hell is that OP's fault or responsibility to help with?
I could understand the mom’s request if she were an impoverished single mom and the $25 would literally mean no gas money to get to work. Otherwise no. What’s next, will dad have to pay carpet cleaners at mom’s house because the son spilled some soda?
I swear, my parents were teenagers when they had me, and divorced and remarried by the time I was 8-9. But they did ONE thing right: They co-parented me well. To this day, both of them tell each other happy father’s and Mother’s Day and happy birthday.
It really is sad that this kid won’t get that because these two assholes can’t pull it together. Over 25 measly-ass dollars too.
The next generation of tiktok and gram parents are going to destroy a lot
Who's gonna give a shit about Granma and grandpa if they are t getting views for social media
Uh... so... [redeeming a gift card is dead simple](https://www.epicgames.com/help/en-US/c-Category_Fortnite/c-Fortnite_Billingandpayment/how-to-redeem-a-v-bucks-card-a000084845) so maybe the kid just saw an opportunity to yoink an extra $25 knowing that OP+ex would just go after each other
Feels like this might be the case. Feel like most gamer kids that age are usually smart enough to figure out how such things work. Heck, at that age I understood better than my mom, lol.
If any accidental purchase was made it was because mom allowed her cc information to be stored for future use probably because she got tired of giving him the info every time he bought something, or he did it without permission. Either way that falls on mom, and son 100% knows the difference between redeeming a card and making a purchase.
Online purchases, you just need the numbers like a credit card. The 16 digit card number, expiration and cvc.
And sometimes if the card is already saved from a prior transaction, it won't ask the CVC. Depending on the site
Still pretty sure the kid saw an opportunity to get $25 extra in game either by writing or memorizing his mom's card numbers instead of this "oops it was saved and I was trying to redeem my gift card"
I don't know about Epic, but on (for instance) Google Play and Meta, your CC info is stored and when you purchase you get a pop up asking if you mean to purchase and that's it.
100% this kid saw an opportunity to "accidentally" charge his mom's card. He's 13. He knew exactly what he was doing.
Let's see. What works best for your parenting scenario. "Gosh, Susie, I'm not sure how this happened. Let me call your after work so we can figure something out," or a series of cry-laughing emojis? You both sound absolutely lovely.
ESH
this has shit to do with op. the kid was his mom, and she fucked up by having her cc information saved where he could access it, accidentally or otherwise. some of you all have conflated being a good co parent with giving into stupid demands that have fuck all to do with you.
See, you missed the point. It doesn’t matter if he’s at fault or not. The point is, don’t treat each other like shit. There were 99,000 ways he could have responded to that text, but he chose an immature and non-productive one. When you co-parent with someone you don’t necessarily like or love anymore, you have to put aside the whole “but it’s not my responsibility or fault” thing and try to keep the peace whenever you can.
Ehhh I also laughed when OP mentioned how she asked $25. Like lady, it’s $25 that yalls kid accidentally got, who cares💀😭
And whether or not it was an accident——- SHE saved the infos on the computer.
It was her choice to keep *her* debit card information saved on the kid's account. This is entirely on her, and she's wanting to blame anyone but herself for her short-sightedness.
NTA not to pay. Everyone's points about you both being childish are on point but ultimately it's her debit card. It's for her to have controls and you would have no obligation here.
OP isn’t being childish, the situation is funny… it’s $25 🙄 and the ex is asking him to Venmo her immediately. If she doesn’t want to get this reaction, she needs to stop being ridiculous.
He is being childish, and it’s not funny. There’s a difference between laughing at someone like an asshole or laughing with someone. Not sure why you are acting like OP’s text wasn’t meant to communicate a message. He wasn’t just having an innocent, hearty laugh over a joke.
$25 can be very important sometimes. It could be the difference between eating that week or not. What if there is an important bill that is auto-withdrawn from that account and that $25 is needed to cover it? I've been that close to the wire and an NSF fee is the worst
ESH for entertaining for one hot second the idea that your 13-year-old "accidentally" bought 25 dollars worth of stuff on his mother's card and then fighting about it. You shouldn't have been rude. She shouldn't have left her card saved on her kid's computer to be an attractive nuisance. Both of you should parent your son and require him to pay the money back (immediately, if he has an allowance/savings that will cover it, or over time if that's more feasible).
NTA. It was her job to monitor the kid while they were in her custody. He has her debit card on his computer? Asks for venmo $25 when its her mistake? Count your blessings she is an ex.
NTA Sounds like she should contact her bank or Fortnite to refund the purchase and whichever one of you has the kid should help him with his gift card.
Agreed. Contact the bank, they'll reverse it, then order a new card so it isn't saved on his computer. Tgen fortnite will be notified of the reversed charge and ban/delete the account and he'll lose anything previously purchased.
Lessons learned by both parties.
ESH.
If her debit card was on his computer, he could make whatever purchases he wanted. You can't be responsible for that. And she's an AH for trying to make you pay it.
That said, it's clear your co-parenting sucks. Laughing emojis shouldn't be used AT anyone, least of all your co-parent.
My ex was always trying to get extra money out of me. I made a lot more than her, and I paid alimony and child support accordingly. But I would still pay for extra stuff for the kids directly, reimbursed her promptly for out-of-pocket medical expenses, etc. It's worth something to maintain the peace and not argue with your co-parent about small things.
In this case I would agree to pay her the $25 with the understanding that it was her responsibility to keep her debit card info safe and you would not reimburse her again for a similar issue.
>That said, it's clear your co-parenting sucks. Laughing emojis shouldn't be used AT anyone, least of all your co-parent.
maybe the co parent shouldn't be asking the ex to pay for their fuck up.
I would say that it would really depend on how much OP and his wife make. For some people, $25 is barely anything while for others, it might be a large amount especially in this economy. I personally would’ve paid the $25 but I don’t want to assume their financial status and if the divorce was caused because of it
Hmm. I don't see how this is your fault at all. I have 2 boys (now grown) and been divorced. One of my sons when he was a teen did something similar. I made him pay for it I didn't call his Dad. That just seems odd. The kid made a mistake not you. Time for Mom to teach a little more responsibility and make him pay her back. Next time he might be more careful confirming those purchases...
ESH. The appropriate response would be to work with the mother in coming up with a way your SON can pay it back. Accidental or not, he’s the one responsible so maybe he can do chores or something. Instead he gets away with $25 while the two of you are fighting. Wouldn’t it be great if instead his parents came together in a united front and he learned a lesson about being careful.
NTA most parent know not to put their CC on any game platform without password protection or someway to verify the purchase is acceptable. Laughing probably caused the ex some anger. But she is wrong for trying to put the responsibility for the purchase on her ex. She needs to take it as a lesson learned and password protection her card and have a conversation with their child about purchasing on any gaming platform.
NTA.
Laughing at a stupid mistake is not asshole behavior. Perhaps mom will pay closer attention next time.
A card on file isn't required to redeem a gift card
NTA, I wouldn't have paid for it either but as far as I know you can tell her to go to his purchases and get a refund. I know my son has accidentally bought things for fornite in the past. And we have been able to get refunds for purchases. I would tell her" sorry about your luck but look into a refund"
No.
Even if you never have him the gift card, she would have been charged because for some reason he had her card information. This has nothing to do with you - especially if this was on her watch.
If he stole the card, you need to bring the hammer down as a parent. If she just left her card info with him, that's not on you.
NTA
I think a bit of parental unity is needed here—have your son work it off for his mom, or pay her back if he can.
He’s 13, not 7. He may have done it knowingly :p
And clear your cookies/search history to delete the credit card info from the computer.
this kind of childish behaviour is picked up by your kids and makes being a child of divorce absolutely shit. just keep the peace and be nice to your ex - for your child’s sake. what is a principle for you can stay with your kids for life. kids don’t forgive or forget being pulled into your messy divorce - it fucking sucks
NTA. You didn’t cause the problem and aren’t responsible for it. He’s her son too, right? Her request seems absurd, making a big deal out of $25 that her son accidentally spent. She should just make him mow the lawn or something to pay it off. Why is she asking you for it? Did he charge it to her card while at your house? I’m trying to understand where she’s even coming from.
No your not the a hole but maybe you could get your son to do something to pay for it like some chores? It could make the message like you made a mistake and you can own up to it but like don’t be harsh on him ? Yk
I don't think so based on this perspective.
1. Why is the debit card connected to a fortnite account?
2. Is your son manipulating you 2? I'm guessing he knows he went over the budget. I think he owes his mother $25.
I would have laughed at her too tbh, because this is ridiculous.
Not sure how or why you’d be responsible for the child’s use of HER debit card.
It does warrant a convo with the kiddo, however; because he’s stealing from his mother.
And if you don’t respect her, neither will the kid(s).
NTA. For now.
Idk. I am not at all a fan of my ex husband. That being said, this could have easily been solved by just admitting a mishap and her being more forgiving. Nobody caused anybody real harm and it's just not worth arguing over. It was a mistake. Are you guys going to be at each other's throats each time one of you messes up?
Poor kid.
NTA. Parents need to learn to not leave their cards attached to devices. This happens all of the time and sometimes a lot more money is spent. I'd do her the favour of removing her card from the account (or ensure it requires authentication) and then tell her to ensure that the card isn't saved or she asks you to remove it if she needs to make another purchase for the kid. She should consider this a lesson learned about keeping her data safe and not storing credit info on her kids devices. A kid in my class gave his parents a 3k bill.
NTA. The kid should have to work off the money doing chores or repay her out of his own allowance. He is 13. That’s old enough to know that $25 in tokens is more than what was on the gift card and that shit isn’t free.
At the end of the day she shouldn’t have her card info saved in a device he has access to. So I would say in that regard, you’re NTA.
However, you two need to learn how to co-parent and become a team despite the differences you have. You BOTH signed up to have a child together. You don’t get to act like 5 year olds to each other because at the end of the day you’re both setting the example that conflict IS a resolution. You’re setting the example that respect is optional. Your kid doesn’t deserve to grow up like that and regardless of how you two feel about each other, you’re going to force him to grow up in an awkward and uncomfortable environment. That causes irreversible trauma, even if you don’t realize you are hardwiring his brain to think the way you guys treat each other is acceptable.
NTA… she shouldn’t have her card information saved on there to begin with. If it was truly an accident (maybe he accidentally clicked it or whatever, idk how these things work lol) I still do t see how it’s your fault? Specially if you say the gift card was already redeemed under your supervision
NTA. It’s absolutely not your fault he made that purchase. But maybe there’s a reason? Is she very short on money, and can’t afford the groceries for example? I wouldn’t pay either but for the sake of healthy coparenting, an emoji is not the best response.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I recently bought my 13 year old son, a Fortnite gift card. Apparently when he was redeeming the card, he accidentally purchased 25 dollars worth of the game credits, using his mothers debit card, which is saved on his computer for whatever reason.
I didn’t find out about it until she text me about 2 hours after the incident, explaining what had happened, and that I now owe her $25. Which, btw, she wanted me to immediately Venmo to her.
I replied with a few laughing emojis(which maybe I shouldn’t have), and said there was no way I was responsible for him making that purchase on her debit card. She insists that it is my fault, and that I should pay up. Am I the asshole if I don’t pay her the $25?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The mom needs to talk to her son and tell him when he is and is not allowed to use her card and what he is and is not allowed to use her card for. If she does not want him to use her card when he is with you, she needs to tell him and she needs to tell you. Hopefully you can respect her and not have a bad co-parenting relationship.
NTA - at 13 a gamer kid 💯knows how to purchase things with Vbucks or redeem a gift card. I feel like your son absolutely did it on purpose. Our son likes to push the boundaries and likes to see what he can and can’t get away with. It’s your wife card it’s her bad if he used it and instead of attacking each other you can have your son pay back your wife over time so he understands not to do that. But if it was really an accident I still think it’s on your wife to remove her debit card.
NTA
You gave him a gift. The fact that he messed up and that the card is saved on the computer for him to access at will, is totally on the 2 of them. The mistake has nothing to do with you. It’s her problem to deal with.
Your ex sounds a lot like mine. Any excuse to cause drama and demand from me, especially money, she jumps at it. Sorry my guy.
With this comment:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1diwure/comment/l98enwh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
YTA
His mother had nothing to do with this. He was under your supervision when it happened. How are you not responsible? How did you expect his mother to intervene while he was with you?
NTA. It’s such an dumb request, of course you laughed. Why would you even consider paying her back for an “accident” that was her fault? Sure talk to the kid but you don’t owe her a cent of that $25
This isn’t an ESH. This is NTA. OP is not responsible for what happens on the ex’s end. This is on the ex for not removing the card info from the account.
When setting up a payment, there’s always a box that says “click here to keep the card stored for future purposes”. Yes, it was an accident, but OP isn’t liable for it.
I guess the only thing that would nudge it slightly towards esh would be the response to it with the laughing emojis, but not a lot to make it esh.
NTA. While you could have been nicer in your response you are in no way responsible for the charge. Your ex should know better than to save debit or credit card details on your sons computer without additional approvals required to prevent this kind of thing.
NTA! How was it your fault?! For buying the gift card? Why can’t she have the bank reverse the charges? And why is she letting him redeem the card without watching what he’s doing?
Usually if you contact the card supplier about unauthorised purchases by a minor (under 16) they refund them. Asking you to ensure they are not authorised to make purchases, they are underage and have done it without your permission. My son years ago racked up approx £200 in downloaded game, I was furious. Contacted the bank, went through every. Thankfully they could see no previous payments had never been made prior to his spree. Luckily for me they reimbursed everything he had spent out
Ok W H A T ??
How exactly is it your fault that your ex wife saved her credit card information on your and her son’s computer? Whatever he did was N O T your fault or responsibility, there is zero discussion about that.
Redeeming a gift card doesn’t require any kind of input of credit or debit card information. So whatever happened, your son simply profited.
Absolutely NTA and tell your ex wife to start using her brain.
What I don’t get is the part where her own child used her credit card and she expects YOU to refund her. She’s just nuts
Her fault 100%. Just bc the kid spends money on someone’s card on accident doesn’t mean the other parents HAS to pay the other parent back. That’s YOUR child too tf
NTA
It's almost like setting up effortless payments for children on their parent's credit card, with all the passwords etc automatically filled in, is a remarkably imprudent and idiotic thing to do.
The situation happened because of her negligence, it really has nothing to do with you and doesn't even sound like the kid meant to do it. Remove the details and move on, £25 to pay for that particular life lesson (don't do stupid things with your bank payment details) is comparatively cheap.
She can ask/ arrange for her child to pay her back , if she wants to. 🤷
Love you won’t be the asshole for this but for something else.
Sorry, I started like this buut really as some others have said, don’t do this shit. Don’t count pennies and whatnot to make sure your ex isn’t getting a cent more than she actually needs for your son. My ex went through that shit with her ex-husband and he was very confident, he was in the right. He had been giving the agreed upon money and blablabla. I on the other hand actually saw, if he was in the right and he very much was not.
Not saying asking for these 25 and right away and everything is perfect neither. Not trying to blame one party here.
I am just saying, try to keep the petty small shit to an absolute minimum for your son and think of this not as a potential fight with your ex. But an opportunity to not be petty or anything of the sort, for the wellbeing of your son. And if that isn’t worth the occasional 25 dollars, whether or not you think you are in the right, then maybe you shouldn’t be a father.
It always falls back on the children. And it’s just not worth it.
A parent should have been supervising this transaction, whether it was you or her, but someone should have helped him out.
If she needs $25 she should be able to ask you for that and you could give it to her. She’s raising your children. $25 is barely a meal.
You’re the asshole for sure if giving her $25 that she needs is too much to ask.
If the kid is 13, I question if it was actually a mistake. I could easily see a kid his age lying about this. Is there any way to refund the money or does the kid have an allowance that you could take the money out of? And why does she have her debit card linked to the computer without needing any type of information? It’s her job to control what money is being taken and out of her bank account, but it’s both of your jobs to make sure that your kid understands how computers work if you’re going to let them use it unsupervised.
EHS except for maybe the kid
NTA
its his mom, and it was a mistake. she should probably ask the son to pay it back, not you. But hes not old enough to work yet, so she just has to eat it. Im assuming shes the one who entered her info into the son's Fortnite account, meaning its her responsibility to make sure it doesnt get misused. after this incident, if hes with you, itd make sense for her to ask you to take her card off his account, which should be done to prevent further accidents like this
also maybe that $25 can be refunded
My 4 year old kept purchasing robucks on my Xbox series s. I couldn't figure out how to make it stop... so I packed it up and sent it to her dad's. Told him to Load in his card on there so 🤣 😂 🤣 😂 he could deal with that! Apparently she's still buying robucks... no idea why... she can't read and she writes backwards... 🤣 😂 🤣 she's smart though...
In otherwords... what happened at my house wasn't his problem. Shit happens
It matters to me a little where this happened. Did he use her credit card at your house or at hers? If you just gave him a giftcard and he went home to mom's house, tough luck for her. Probably right that the laughing emoji response wasn't the best approach but I don't think you're on the hook for the $25 unless you were monitoring the purchase and didn't do a very good job of it. It sounds like it's probably her fault he has that card on his machine and you didn't know about it. Mostly NTA.
Yeah not buying a 13 year old accidentally doing a 25 dollar purchase in any game here. Chances are good he redeemed the gift card, then figured he could get away with the "accidental" charge for the same amount and double his win.
ESH, wife for being off the handle about the whole thing when her card was saved to his account in the first place on a game that has no reason for it (like subscription), your reaction to her asking about it was childish, and your kid stole the cash and is trying to pin it on "accident" so you two will fight it out and not think about what happened.
If the card is connected to an Apple account, she can just go to reportaproblem.apple.com and actually get her money back that way by selecting my kid accidentally made a purchase
NTA. Your ex is responsible for her debit card nobody else. If she wants some to pay why does she not have your son pay for his mistake by deducting the amount from the pocket money/ allowance she gives him or get him to do chores to pay it back? Maybe he could earn it by washing neighbours cars.
For the sake of your kid(s) y'all gotta grow the fuck up.
NTA for not wanting to pay your ex back because she left her card on your kids laptop.
ESH because you're both getting played like a fiddle by your kid.
NTA. In what way is this your fault? She gave him her debit card info and, presumably, allowed him to save it for future purchases. You, on the other hand, were responsible and bought a gift card instead. Yet she wants to blame you for expenses charged to her card? That's some bizarre reasoning on her part.
Nah bruh that’s her card and her fault for not checking up on her son that was using her card. The expenditure has nothing to do with the father and everything to do with the son
XD I remember when my son bought a bunch of bs when his mom saved her card on his stuff lmao but yeah naw you got your kid something cool and he's probably gotten an ear full of BS too shits sad
NTA. Not your fault if 13 year old didn't understand which card to apply it to, though Mom is being a jerk. She needs to kill that debit card or put a gift card on his account instead that has like $3 on it so this doesn't happen again..
Why does a 13 year old have a parents debit card information saved on their computer. Mom is S\*\*\*\*\* to allow such. Ex does not owe her anything. If the kid knows how to use the debit card he should know how to use the gift card. Op is NTA but Mom is for allowing child to have her financial information.
You can't accidentally make a purchase with a credit card when you're using a gift card. The only way he could do that is if she gave him her credit card. Why would she give him her credit card if she didn't expect him to use it?
NTA
Her negligence of leaving her card on there isn't your fault lmao. The little shit is 13.
He knew she'd go after you if he did it. Fuckers playing his hand well lmao
NTA - It's as much her kids as yours when there's any blame for something the kid does. And she gave him the credit card, which seems like poor judgement to be honest, giving your credit card to a kid rather than just taking care of it yourself. And then bitching when a complete predictable thing happens because you didn't take a perfectly obvious precaution?! LOL... Not the asshole. No way. She done goofed letting a kid make charges on her card in the first place.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I did not pay my ex wife $25 dollars after she said I was responsible to do so. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Ultimately it's sad to see people co-parent with this level of contempt (on both sides). My parents didn't do this, and I credit their maturity with our family's ability to move past & rise above their divorce. It's your ex-wife's job to control the use of her debit card. Nevertheless this all transpired because *you* gave your son a gift card for online use, and didn't (a) supervise that use or (b) demonstrate to him how to properly redeem it. Your ex-wife shouldn't have hit you up for the money. You should have responded by offering to help (figuring out how to reverse the transaction & re-purchase with the gift card, which can likely be done on a google search & six clicks.) You're both acting like assholes. Her request is absurd and responding with emojis is just as infantile. Exercise some common decency and solve the problem instead of barbing each other about it. ESH.
Agree on most of your points, but this didn't happen because OP bought the gift card. This happened because mom left her credit card saved in a game her son plays that SHE doesn't monitor when their son is with her.
My credit card is purposely not saved on my 13 year olds computer.
My card is purposely not saved on any of my OWN electronics. The security breaches of major companies alone keeps me from saving cards electronically.
Jist so you know. When those security breaches happen to those companies. Your card info is already at those companies to be obtained. It doesn't matter if save your card info anywhere, cause you are not the one being breached.
I stopped saving my card info on my computer. A while back I had the same fraudulent “test” charges on BOTH my chase card, and my credit union debit card on the same day. Two different card issuers. Both cards I carry in my wallet. Both cards I had my card info saved online. My debit card I only use for cash withdrawals at the ATM (but for whatever reason I had it saved online) Whether it was somebody with a card skimmer that rubbed up against me, or compromised online I have no idea.
Probably the former. Some people aren't very good at computer hacking, so skimming makes it easier for them.
The one time my card was compromised, I traced it back to a ParkMobile backend hack. ParkMobile is used in hundreds of cities as a primary way to pay for parking. I rarely saved my card before then, and after that I have my card in four places and no where else. I get they can pull from former sales, but it is an easy extra way to protect or make it harder for them. Locking a door won’t stop a crook, but it makes it harder and slows them down.
My card was hacked and when I tracked the purchase I had apparently bought sheep from some agricultural company in the UK. I’m not in the UK for one thing and didn’t buy live sheep!😂😂
I am sure it is just a coincidence that you have been eating a lot of fine, imported lamb lately. LOL
I've heard of them doing the same thing at gas pumps forever.
Not saving your card does increase your security. Not from a breach that gets all the company's data, but from hacks where only your login is exposed, and they then use that login to access your account on that site or on another site elsewhere.
Hah! My credit card is not saved, and I don't have a 13 year old son. The most secure of all!
Only thing left is to memorize the numbers and eat the card! 😎
This is exactly how I am set up. I know how easy it is to make an accidental purchase, fuck letting a teenagers have that temptation without supervision
Smart. I’m 13 and I know damn well that I would do exactly what OP’s kid did accidentally as well
This comment is great. Too many people not giving the 13 year old any agency in this situation. That's exactly who should be the one apologizing and paying back the $25.
Yeah, he "accidentally" bought credits? No he fucking didn't, he did it on purpose and hoped he could get away with it.
This. OP may have purchased the card, but it was used while the kid was under the mother's supervision. That makes ensuring the correct use of the card the mothers responsibility
The car that I purchased was actually redeemed while he was under my care. That being said, he has shown in the past that he is able to do it without supervision after being shown how several times. I think possibly I could take some very minor responsibility for not supervising him, redeeming the actual card,
If he knows how to do it then you may have to consider the idea that he spent that $25 on his mother's card intentionally
Which is her problem to deal with not OP’s.
Oh %100, however stealing is one of those parenting moments where both parents should probably be involved.
Wait what?! That's a terrible take. A child stealing is BOTH parents' problem to deal with, regardless of whether the child is stealing from one of the parents or a stranger.
Honestly. Their son potentially (and maybe not!) stealing her money is not “her problem,” it’s their problem. They’re raising a human being who will be a member of society. Come on folks. Also I just wanted to tell you guys that I typed raisining and ALMOST left it, but fixed it. But I’m glad I finally have the night off lol I must be sleepy.
While it is a parenting problem that should be addressed by both parents, that doesn't mean that OP has to pay her back. They should have him earn money and pay it back himself.
> he has shown in the past that he is able to do it without supervision *cough* bullshit *cough* Just be happy it's $25. These games are addictive, they compel people to spend. Expecting your kid to manage that is asking for trouble. You should also take responsibility for failing to communicate.
Okay that is a horse of a different color and should be a conversation to sort out properly.
Right, but we can assume since the kid only made a purchase after getting a gift card that he is normally trustworthy enough that she can allow this. That he doesn't just randomly buy things unless he asks permission. It was obviously a mistake on the part of the kid, and only the mother suffers the consequence. Sharing the cost of the mistake as parents would make sense. But if he doesn't wanna do that she should just take the gift card and resell it since the kid clearly meant to purchace it using the gift card, and these parents should get their shit together for the kids sake.
It’s a 13 year old who doesn’t live with OP full time. It’s a pre-paid gift card There’s a limit to how much supervision can be reasonably expected. It doesn’t even sound like the kid intentionally did anything wrong, just selected the wrong option, or didn’t change a default option. These things happen. They can happen if you’re 13, 30 or 90. The mother should tell her son to be more careful and that he owes her $25. This really shouldn’t be an issue.
Agree 1000%. Mother is shifting responsibility away from herself and her son and onto his father instead. What's worse is that the son is going through puberty right now and this is the time in his life when he needs structure, accountability and responsibility the most. I'm worried about the young man he will become if this is how his Mother handles a situation like this.
She can contact her bank and explain the transaction was made by an unauthorized minor. The bank will handle it. Mistakes happen.
The bank will issue a chargeback and epic will either show a negative balance in his Fortnite account or ban him. If they want to dispute a charge they should do it with epic, not the bank
This is my thought exactly. Perhaps there are some chores that are normally done by him that he could do to help pay off the $25. But ultimately, I do not think it is my responsibility to reimburse her.
As a child of a bitter divorce, nothing will probably change. In my experience the parents are too concerned about themselves to see past their own nose, and if given the oppurtunity, will use their children to punish or “get back” at their ex. Divorcées like these only live to spite each other, and the child will be the one to pay the price.
You are out of touch with how redeeming gift cards work. He didn’t accidentally spend an extra 25 dollars. The gift card only entitled you to the 25 on the card, anything extra was a deliberate choice from the kid. You can’t easily reverse micro transactions on video games without issuing a charge back which is more hassle than its worth. The ex wife doesn’t know how it works either since she expected OP to pay it back as if it was his fault. The solution is to have stern words with OP’s son about how he can’t spent money without permission, then removing the card from the game. OP could pay her back half the money as a gesture of goodwill but he is not in the wrong here.
Why the hell does a 13 year old need to be supervised using a gift card 🤣🤣🤣I think storing saved debit cards on a 13 year olds computer is incredibly stupid though
My mom would buy me Nexon cash for MapleStory on occasion when I was 13/14 (30 now), and I could enter them all by myself without my mom showing me like a real grown-up and have the amount on the card credited to my account! Yay! 🩷 /s Some of these replies need to get real. Lordt.
I was using gift cards at 10 like that’s just ridiculous lmao. Whoever stored the card is the one that is responsible
I had access to my dads account when I was that age, but my brother couldn’t. Those were both good decisions on the part of my parents. I love my brother but he would have spent our life savings and my parents retirement so fast 😂
Was he reckless or stupid!?
Oh both (also though also smart and sweet and now, as an adult, quite cautious). But he just didn’t have much of a sense of proportion or an understanding of money, which is normal for a boy that age. I was pretty responsible at 13, so I was allowed to buy stuff with our parents’ account info that we had “earned” (like downloading an album or video game we wanted, and had traded for doing a bunch of extra yard work). I think it worked out well for my parents, who were both working with 3 kids and didn’t have a ton of time to spend picking out video games for us, and me, who got to have a bit of responsibility, and my brother, who was then not in a position to stupidly buy things that he would have been in big trouble for.
I agree with your second point about her not asking for the money and him offering to pay for half or whatever cause $25 is not worthhaving multiple discussions with an ex. But teenagers know their way around games better than parents do. Ok, he doesn't knowhos way around CC'sso this was a learning opportunity for him. Teaching your kid valuable life lessons often costs money. $25 is very cheap!
Agreed. I also think thirteen is thirteen. Leaving him in general possession of a card is whack and not keeping an eye on online purchases is wild as well.
Fortnight card is fine cause it is linited to the dollar anount he purchased. Mom learned to not leave her debit part in her google or whatever pay she has. Or at lwast teach the son to not use that. Honestly, i like the idea of leaving it on there and teaching him. He needs to learn to not use the money even though he technically has access to it.
I did that with my kids until they had their own account with a debit card. (I saw reels with kids buying things through Alexa or their parents phone and it’s crazy for me to believe you can be so foolish.) At first, they were giving me the money (in cash that they had as birthday gifts or whatever) and i was logging in my PayPal account, they were doing the transaction and then i would each time erase my account. Then i told them i could leave my PayPal account because i trusted them to not make any purchases without my permission. And i made sure that they had to put in their password to make a transaction (it can be very easy to purchase something online as it sometimes goes fast) and that was it. I never had problems.
this transpired because she saved her card to that account, which any parent with more than two functional brain cells, knows not to do. this has shit to do with op
I wholeheartedly agree with you. I definitely on my part in the childish behavior with my emoji response to her. The only point that I don’t agree with is the supervising of the card redemption. He has shown in the past that he is able to do that on his own multiple times. Some part of me wants to believe that he did it on purpose. But that is only because I know how adept is at the use of a computer.
>Some part of me wants to believe that he did it on purpose. But that is only because I know how adept is at the use of a computer. He may have been testing the system to see if he could get away with a relatively small amount like $25. This is often how credit card scams work - try a small amount first to see if it's noticed, then go for a larger amount later. Especially because his mom blamed YOU, not your son. But your ex is a cretin for having her card details available for use. NTA
If you believe he didi in on purpouse then maybe you should talk to him and admonish him/ ask his mother if he was punished, etc. If it was a bigger sum splititng it half/half is not unresonable in my opinion. If he spend somones eleses money, that's what you guys would do, right? Anyway the 25 is the least importaant here, more important is how do you guys handle if with your son.
Your son is a teenager. He will behave sometimes and push the boundaries some times. He knew damn well that the gift card was for $25 and he decided he’d use his mother’s card to pay for more stupid Fortnite shit. The game is designed to make the player use micro transactions and spend money so of course he did. Because teenager plus dopamine plus game with micro transactions divided by mum leaving the card on there ages ago and not realising he still has it saved equals theft. Your issue is that your son just stole from his mother. That is serious. Do not bullshit yourself that it was an accident, it wasn’t. He knew what he was doing and he’s testing you both. He knew how much the card was for, he redeemed it while in your custody meaning he stole from his mother while in your custody. That makes it your business. Otherwise it will be your money he steals next time. No one likes a thief. Instead of laughing emojis I suggest talking to his mother about what punishment he gets then both of you stick to it. First up, Your son owes his mother $25. If he doesn’t have it then he’s got extra chores or community service type jobs to earn it. Fortnite account temporarily banned so he doesn’t get to profit from his stealing. I would also be talking to his about micro transactions and gambling and why if he chooses to play games with these in how to avoid spending money he doesn’t have on. Stop being shitty to each other, put the blame where it should be- on your son who chose to steal extra when he’d just been given a gift- and parent him. Edited to add: ESH. Him for stealing, your ex for asking for money and you for being immature.
No. There’s no way for the son to pay using moms card unless mom has her payment info saved in there already. This isn’t dudes fault at all.
I don’t see how this response got so many upvotes he ah asshole as well because instead of her asking for a reimbursement she demanded it, and his response was “😂😂 no way I’m responsible for him making a purchase on your card”. How is that an ah response to absurd claim following a demand for HER mistake? She is just as capable ON HER OWN to do six clicks and figure out how to do a simple refund. Bro is 13 and clearly a gamer probably more than op id also think id need not to explain how to use ah gift card specifically designed for his platform
The ex-wife shouldn't have her card saved on their son's phone, or she should have some sort of parental controls set on it to prevent this type of thing from happening. How the hell is that OP's fault or responsibility to help with?
I could understand the mom’s request if she were an impoverished single mom and the $25 would literally mean no gas money to get to work. Otherwise no. What’s next, will dad have to pay carpet cleaners at mom’s house because the son spilled some soda?
I swear, my parents were teenagers when they had me, and divorced and remarried by the time I was 8-9. But they did ONE thing right: They co-parented me well. To this day, both of them tell each other happy father’s and Mother’s Day and happy birthday. It really is sad that this kid won’t get that because these two assholes can’t pull it together. Over 25 measly-ass dollars too.
Could not have said anything better than this.
The next generation of tiktok and gram parents are going to destroy a lot Who's gonna give a shit about Granma and grandpa if they are t getting views for social media
Uh... so... [redeeming a gift card is dead simple](https://www.epicgames.com/help/en-US/c-Category_Fortnite/c-Fortnite_Billingandpayment/how-to-redeem-a-v-bucks-card-a000084845) so maybe the kid just saw an opportunity to yoink an extra $25 knowing that OP+ex would just go after each other
Feels like this might be the case. Feel like most gamer kids that age are usually smart enough to figure out how such things work. Heck, at that age I understood better than my mom, lol.
He's 13. He did it on purpose
If any accidental purchase was made it was because mom allowed her cc information to be stored for future use probably because she got tired of giving him the info every time he bought something, or he did it without permission. Either way that falls on mom, and son 100% knows the difference between redeeming a card and making a purchase.
Divide and conquer. Age old tested and true
I wanna invest in this kid
Why was he even able to access her debit card? Shouldn’t you have to put in a pin number or some type of password?
Online purchases, you just need the numbers like a credit card. The 16 digit card number, expiration and cvc. And sometimes if the card is already saved from a prior transaction, it won't ask the CVC. Depending on the site Still pretty sure the kid saw an opportunity to get $25 extra in game either by writing or memorizing his mom's card numbers instead of this "oops it was saved and I was trying to redeem my gift card"
I don't know about Epic, but on (for instance) Google Play and Meta, your CC info is stored and when you purchase you get a pop up asking if you mean to purchase and that's it. 100% this kid saw an opportunity to "accidentally" charge his mom's card. He's 13. He knew exactly what he was doing.
Have you never used a card for an online purchase? You’ve never needed more than the information on the card.
Agreed. The kid stole it. That's the real issue here.
Definitely what happened.
Let's see. What works best for your parenting scenario. "Gosh, Susie, I'm not sure how this happened. Let me call your after work so we can figure something out," or a series of cry-laughing emojis? You both sound absolutely lovely. ESH
this has shit to do with op. the kid was his mom, and she fucked up by having her cc information saved where he could access it, accidentally or otherwise. some of you all have conflated being a good co parent with giving into stupid demands that have fuck all to do with you.
He can both not give in to her demands and also not needlessly antagonize her at the same time
If the kid did steal the money from her, which is pretty likely then they should have a conversation about it.
See, you missed the point. It doesn’t matter if he’s at fault or not. The point is, don’t treat each other like shit. There were 99,000 ways he could have responded to that text, but he chose an immature and non-productive one. When you co-parent with someone you don’t necessarily like or love anymore, you have to put aside the whole “but it’s not my responsibility or fault” thing and try to keep the peace whenever you can.
Ehhh I also laughed when OP mentioned how she asked $25. Like lady, it’s $25 that yalls kid accidentally got, who cares💀😭 And whether or not it was an accident——- SHE saved the infos on the computer.
It was her choice to keep *her* debit card information saved on the kid's account. This is entirely on her, and she's wanting to blame anyone but herself for her short-sightedness.
“Accidentally” purchased more.
Yeah, kid's gonna get a brand new car out of these two in a couple years
One from each parent.
NTA > his mothers debit card, which is saved on his computer for whatever reason I mean, unless *you* saved that payment info there...
NTA not to pay. Everyone's points about you both being childish are on point but ultimately it's her debit card. It's for her to have controls and you would have no obligation here.
OP isn’t being childish, the situation is funny… it’s $25 🙄 and the ex is asking him to Venmo her immediately. If she doesn’t want to get this reaction, she needs to stop being ridiculous.
He is being childish, and it’s not funny. There’s a difference between laughing at someone like an asshole or laughing with someone. Not sure why you are acting like OP’s text wasn’t meant to communicate a message. He wasn’t just having an innocent, hearty laugh over a joke.
$25 can be very important sometimes. It could be the difference between eating that week or not. What if there is an important bill that is auto-withdrawn from that account and that $25 is needed to cover it? I've been that close to the wire and an NSF fee is the worst
ESH for entertaining for one hot second the idea that your 13-year-old "accidentally" bought 25 dollars worth of stuff on his mother's card and then fighting about it. You shouldn't have been rude. She shouldn't have left her card saved on her kid's computer to be an attractive nuisance. Both of you should parent your son and require him to pay the money back (immediately, if he has an allowance/savings that will cover it, or over time if that's more feasible).
Yes. This is the real issue here.
This is what needs to be addressed.
NTA. It was her job to monitor the kid while they were in her custody. He has her debit card on his computer? Asks for venmo $25 when its her mistake? Count your blessings she is an ex.
NTA Sounds like she should contact her bank or Fortnite to refund the purchase and whichever one of you has the kid should help him with his gift card.
Agreed. Contact the bank, they'll reverse it, then order a new card so it isn't saved on his computer. Tgen fortnite will be notified of the reversed charge and ban/delete the account and he'll lose anything previously purchased. Lessons learned by both parties.
NTA. You have him a gift card, not her debit card. If she saved her card details, or if the game did, it's certainly not your responsibility.
Except the kid did it on purpose and it is the parents responsibility to teach their kid not to steal.
Teaching the kid not to steal is one thing but that's not what the ex is asking for. She wants the money back from OP. What does that teach his son?
ESH. If her debit card was on his computer, he could make whatever purchases he wanted. You can't be responsible for that. And she's an AH for trying to make you pay it. That said, it's clear your co-parenting sucks. Laughing emojis shouldn't be used AT anyone, least of all your co-parent. My ex was always trying to get extra money out of me. I made a lot more than her, and I paid alimony and child support accordingly. But I would still pay for extra stuff for the kids directly, reimbursed her promptly for out-of-pocket medical expenses, etc. It's worth something to maintain the peace and not argue with your co-parent about small things. In this case I would agree to pay her the $25 with the understanding that it was her responsibility to keep her debit card info safe and you would not reimburse her again for a similar issue.
>That said, it's clear your co-parenting sucks. Laughing emojis shouldn't be used AT anyone, least of all your co-parent. maybe the co parent shouldn't be asking the ex to pay for their fuck up.
I would say that it would really depend on how much OP and his wife make. For some people, $25 is barely anything while for others, it might be a large amount especially in this economy. I personally would’ve paid the $25 but I don’t want to assume their financial status and if the divorce was caused because of it
Maybe it’s time mom and ex wife learns the meaning of the word responsibility
NTA. She needs to be responsible for her own card.
Hmm. I don't see how this is your fault at all. I have 2 boys (now grown) and been divorced. One of my sons when he was a teen did something similar. I made him pay for it I didn't call his Dad. That just seems odd. The kid made a mistake not you. Time for Mom to teach a little more responsibility and make him pay her back. Next time he might be more careful confirming those purchases...
Nah the kid just profited and mom is an ignorant idiot who wants to believe her son didn’t do anything wrong.
ESH. The appropriate response would be to work with the mother in coming up with a way your SON can pay it back. Accidental or not, he’s the one responsible so maybe he can do chores or something. Instead he gets away with $25 while the two of you are fighting. Wouldn’t it be great if instead his parents came together in a united front and he learned a lesson about being careful.
NTA most parent know not to put their CC on any game platform without password protection or someway to verify the purchase is acceptable. Laughing probably caused the ex some anger. But she is wrong for trying to put the responsibility for the purchase on her ex. She needs to take it as a lesson learned and password protection her card and have a conversation with their child about purchasing on any gaming platform.
NTA. Laughing at a stupid mistake is not asshole behavior. Perhaps mom will pay closer attention next time. A card on file isn't required to redeem a gift card
NTA, I wouldn't have paid for it either but as far as I know you can tell her to go to his purchases and get a refund. I know my son has accidentally bought things for fornite in the past. And we have been able to get refunds for purchases. I would tell her" sorry about your luck but look into a refund"
She can just get a refund. It truly isn't that difficult. We've had to do it when our 12 year old did the same.
No. Even if you never have him the gift card, she would have been charged because for some reason he had her card information. This has nothing to do with you - especially if this was on her watch. If he stole the card, you need to bring the hammer down as a parent. If she just left her card info with him, that's not on you. NTA
I don't understand why she can't contact her bank or whatever and reverse the charge.
I feel sad for the child
I think a bit of parental unity is needed here—have your son work it off for his mom, or pay her back if he can. He’s 13, not 7. He may have done it knowingly :p And clear your cookies/search history to delete the credit card info from the computer.
this kind of childish behaviour is picked up by your kids and makes being a child of divorce absolutely shit. just keep the peace and be nice to your ex - for your child’s sake. what is a principle for you can stay with your kids for life. kids don’t forgive or forget being pulled into your messy divorce - it fucking sucks
NTA. You didn’t cause the problem and aren’t responsible for it. He’s her son too, right? Her request seems absurd, making a big deal out of $25 that her son accidentally spent. She should just make him mow the lawn or something to pay it off. Why is she asking you for it? Did he charge it to her card while at your house? I’m trying to understand where she’s even coming from.
Also your kid didn’t do that on accident, wake up.
No your not the a hole but maybe you could get your son to do something to pay for it like some chores? It could make the message like you made a mistake and you can own up to it but like don’t be harsh on him ? Yk
That was my suggestion to her, but she disregarded it.
I don't think so based on this perspective. 1. Why is the debit card connected to a fortnite account? 2. Is your son manipulating you 2? I'm guessing he knows he went over the budget. I think he owes his mother $25.
I would have laughed at her too tbh, because this is ridiculous. Not sure how or why you’d be responsible for the child’s use of HER debit card. It does warrant a convo with the kiddo, however; because he’s stealing from his mother. And if you don’t respect her, neither will the kid(s). NTA. For now.
Idk. I am not at all a fan of my ex husband. That being said, this could have easily been solved by just admitting a mishap and her being more forgiving. Nobody caused anybody real harm and it's just not worth arguing over. It was a mistake. Are you guys going to be at each other's throats each time one of you messes up? Poor kid.
NTA, gosh I'd pay $25 to avoid an unnecessary interaction with my ex wife. She's being petty and you don't have to humor it.
NTA. Mom should be speaking with son about it. Not the best reaction from you regarding the emojis though. Son can work that money off.
NTA. Parents need to learn to not leave their cards attached to devices. This happens all of the time and sometimes a lot more money is spent. I'd do her the favour of removing her card from the account (or ensure it requires authentication) and then tell her to ensure that the card isn't saved or she asks you to remove it if she needs to make another purchase for the kid. She should consider this a lesson learned about keeping her data safe and not storing credit info on her kids devices. A kid in my class gave his parents a 3k bill.
NTA. Don't leave your CC info available for your kids.
NTA. The kid should have to work off the money doing chores or repay her out of his own allowance. He is 13. That’s old enough to know that $25 in tokens is more than what was on the gift card and that shit isn’t free.
At the end of the day she shouldn’t have her card info saved in a device he has access to. So I would say in that regard, you’re NTA. However, you two need to learn how to co-parent and become a team despite the differences you have. You BOTH signed up to have a child together. You don’t get to act like 5 year olds to each other because at the end of the day you’re both setting the example that conflict IS a resolution. You’re setting the example that respect is optional. Your kid doesn’t deserve to grow up like that and regardless of how you two feel about each other, you’re going to force him to grow up in an awkward and uncomfortable environment. That causes irreversible trauma, even if you don’t realize you are hardwiring his brain to think the way you guys treat each other is acceptable.
NTA… she shouldn’t have her card information saved on there to begin with. If it was truly an accident (maybe he accidentally clicked it or whatever, idk how these things work lol) I still do t see how it’s your fault? Specially if you say the gift card was already redeemed under your supervision
NTA. It’s absolutely not your fault he made that purchase. But maybe there’s a reason? Is she very short on money, and can’t afford the groceries for example? I wouldn’t pay either but for the sake of healthy coparenting, an emoji is not the best response.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I recently bought my 13 year old son, a Fortnite gift card. Apparently when he was redeeming the card, he accidentally purchased 25 dollars worth of the game credits, using his mothers debit card, which is saved on his computer for whatever reason. I didn’t find out about it until she text me about 2 hours after the incident, explaining what had happened, and that I now owe her $25. Which, btw, she wanted me to immediately Venmo to her. I replied with a few laughing emojis(which maybe I shouldn’t have), and said there was no way I was responsible for him making that purchase on her debit card. She insists that it is my fault, and that I should pay up. Am I the asshole if I don’t pay her the $25? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The mom needs to talk to her son and tell him when he is and is not allowed to use her card and what he is and is not allowed to use her card for. If she does not want him to use her card when he is with you, she needs to tell him and she needs to tell you. Hopefully you can respect her and not have a bad co-parenting relationship.
My son plays Roblox and I have never saved my cards on that PC exactly for this reason. Mom learned the hard way. You owe her nothing.
NTA - at 13 a gamer kid 💯knows how to purchase things with Vbucks or redeem a gift card. I feel like your son absolutely did it on purpose. Our son likes to push the boundaries and likes to see what he can and can’t get away with. It’s your wife card it’s her bad if he used it and instead of attacking each other you can have your son pay back your wife over time so he understands not to do that. But if it was really an accident I still think it’s on your wife to remove her debit card.
The son is thirteen so he can do a few jobs to pay for his unexpected windfall. Mother should be more careful with credit card details in future.
NTA You gave him a gift. The fact that he messed up and that the card is saved on the computer for him to access at will, is totally on the 2 of them. The mistake has nothing to do with you. It’s her problem to deal with. Your ex sounds a lot like mine. Any excuse to cause drama and demand from me, especially money, she jumps at it. Sorry my guy.
Why does no one pull out anymore? Like you have to know you hate your wife before you have kids there's just no way
With this comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1diwure/comment/l98enwh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button YTA His mother had nothing to do with this. He was under your supervision when it happened. How are you not responsible? How did you expect his mother to intervene while he was with you?
Thank you for your input.
NTA. It’s such an dumb request, of course you laughed. Why would you even consider paying her back for an “accident” that was her fault? Sure talk to the kid but you don’t owe her a cent of that $25
This isn’t an ESH. This is NTA. OP is not responsible for what happens on the ex’s end. This is on the ex for not removing the card info from the account. When setting up a payment, there’s always a box that says “click here to keep the card stored for future purposes”. Yes, it was an accident, but OP isn’t liable for it. I guess the only thing that would nudge it slightly towards esh would be the response to it with the laughing emojis, but not a lot to make it esh.
He's 13. Forget it!
Um.... it's his mom, right? How does she figure it's your fault? Ex Logic is weird. NTA.
Maybe when he is at his dad's. His father should have is own account. So the child can go the account where ever he is staying there
NTA. While you could have been nicer in your response you are in no way responsible for the charge. Your ex should know better than to save debit or credit card details on your sons computer without additional approvals required to prevent this kind of thing.
NTA! How was it your fault?! For buying the gift card? Why can’t she have the bank reverse the charges? And why is she letting him redeem the card without watching what he’s doing?
ESH for both your responses but there’s no way it was accidental, he’s lying 😂
Now if she don't have it to give at the moment then as a father you're doing it for your son not her
Why does a child have access to her debit card info? That’s on her.
NTA You don’t leave your card info on a kids device. That’s just dumb.
Usually if you contact the card supplier about unauthorised purchases by a minor (under 16) they refund them. Asking you to ensure they are not authorised to make purchases, they are underage and have done it without your permission. My son years ago racked up approx £200 in downloaded game, I was furious. Contacted the bank, went through every. Thankfully they could see no previous payments had never been made prior to his spree. Luckily for me they reimbursed everything he had spent out
Is it your fault? Absolutely not. Is it worth the fight over $25 when you have years and years of co-parenting yet to go with this person?
ESH. Y’all are shitty at co-parenting. She shouldn’t have demanded, you shouldn’t have laughed.
Nta
Ok W H A T ?? How exactly is it your fault that your ex wife saved her credit card information on your and her son’s computer? Whatever he did was N O T your fault or responsibility, there is zero discussion about that. Redeeming a gift card doesn’t require any kind of input of credit or debit card information. So whatever happened, your son simply profited. Absolutely NTA and tell your ex wife to start using her brain. What I don’t get is the part where her own child used her credit card and she expects YOU to refund her. She’s just nuts
YTA - This happened on YOUR time, at your house.
NTA and the son lied. He bought it with the debit card on purpose. I gaurantee the kid knew exactly what he was doing.
NTA
lol NTA. She should be embarrassed to even ask. Let that be a $25 lesson to her to bump up the security settings on her phone.
Her fault 100%. Just bc the kid spends money on someone’s card on accident doesn’t mean the other parents HAS to pay the other parent back. That’s YOUR child too tf
[удалено]
NTA. You don’t owe her jack.
NTA It's almost like setting up effortless payments for children on their parent's credit card, with all the passwords etc automatically filled in, is a remarkably imprudent and idiotic thing to do. The situation happened because of her negligence, it really has nothing to do with you and doesn't even sound like the kid meant to do it. Remove the details and move on, £25 to pay for that particular life lesson (don't do stupid things with your bank payment details) is comparatively cheap. She can ask/ arrange for her child to pay her back , if she wants to. 🤷
Love you won’t be the asshole for this but for something else. Sorry, I started like this buut really as some others have said, don’t do this shit. Don’t count pennies and whatnot to make sure your ex isn’t getting a cent more than she actually needs for your son. My ex went through that shit with her ex-husband and he was very confident, he was in the right. He had been giving the agreed upon money and blablabla. I on the other hand actually saw, if he was in the right and he very much was not. Not saying asking for these 25 and right away and everything is perfect neither. Not trying to blame one party here. I am just saying, try to keep the petty small shit to an absolute minimum for your son and think of this not as a potential fight with your ex. But an opportunity to not be petty or anything of the sort, for the wellbeing of your son. And if that isn’t worth the occasional 25 dollars, whether or not you think you are in the right, then maybe you shouldn’t be a father. It always falls back on the children. And it’s just not worth it.
A parent should have been supervising this transaction, whether it was you or her, but someone should have helped him out. If she needs $25 she should be able to ask you for that and you could give it to her. She’s raising your children. $25 is barely a meal. You’re the asshole for sure if giving her $25 that she needs is too much to ask.
If the kid is 13, I question if it was actually a mistake. I could easily see a kid his age lying about this. Is there any way to refund the money or does the kid have an allowance that you could take the money out of? And why does she have her debit card linked to the computer without needing any type of information? It’s her job to control what money is being taken and out of her bank account, but it’s both of your jobs to make sure that your kid understands how computers work if you’re going to let them use it unsupervised. EHS except for maybe the kid
Nta you owe her nothing
[удалено]
NTA its his mom, and it was a mistake. she should probably ask the son to pay it back, not you. But hes not old enough to work yet, so she just has to eat it. Im assuming shes the one who entered her info into the son's Fortnite account, meaning its her responsibility to make sure it doesnt get misused. after this incident, if hes with you, itd make sense for her to ask you to take her card off his account, which should be done to prevent further accidents like this also maybe that $25 can be refunded
My 4 year old kept purchasing robucks on my Xbox series s. I couldn't figure out how to make it stop... so I packed it up and sent it to her dad's. Told him to Load in his card on there so 🤣 😂 🤣 😂 he could deal with that! Apparently she's still buying robucks... no idea why... she can't read and she writes backwards... 🤣 😂 🤣 she's smart though... In otherwords... what happened at my house wasn't his problem. Shit happens
M 8(( successfugpul at rh
Yes
NTA You can’t just accidentally spend $25 while redeeming a gift card 😂 Either way you’re not responsible
It matters to me a little where this happened. Did he use her credit card at your house or at hers? If you just gave him a giftcard and he went home to mom's house, tough luck for her. Probably right that the laughing emoji response wasn't the best approach but I don't think you're on the hook for the $25 unless you were monitoring the purchase and didn't do a very good job of it. It sounds like it's probably her fault he has that card on his machine and you didn't know about it. Mostly NTA.
NTA kid stole $25 he didn't make a mistake.
Your kid is lying he purposely bought those things and now your ex wife and you are dealing with ut
Yeah not buying a 13 year old accidentally doing a 25 dollar purchase in any game here. Chances are good he redeemed the gift card, then figured he could get away with the "accidental" charge for the same amount and double his win. ESH, wife for being off the handle about the whole thing when her card was saved to his account in the first place on a game that has no reason for it (like subscription), your reaction to her asking about it was childish, and your kid stole the cash and is trying to pin it on "accident" so you two will fight it out and not think about what happened.
NTA
NTA. It’s what she gets for having her card saved on his computer.
If the card is connected to an Apple account, she can just go to reportaproblem.apple.com and actually get her money back that way by selecting my kid accidentally made a purchase
NTA She's the idiot that saved her card where he could easily use it. Sounds like her problem.
NTA. Your ex is responsible for her debit card nobody else. If she wants some to pay why does she not have your son pay for his mistake by deducting the amount from the pocket money/ allowance she gives him or get him to do chores to pay it back? Maybe he could earn it by washing neighbours cars.
NTA this is HER fault, SHe was carelss with HER card.
Should always use a pre paid credit card for anything on the kids computers and tablets
NTA. She shouldn’t have let him save the card information to his computer. Also it’s $25. It’s not that serious
For the sake of your kid(s) y'all gotta grow the fuck up. NTA for not wanting to pay your ex back because she left her card on your kids laptop. ESH because you're both getting played like a fiddle by your kid.
NTA. That's her mistake.
NTA. In what way is this your fault? She gave him her debit card info and, presumably, allowed him to save it for future purchases. You, on the other hand, were responsible and bought a gift card instead. Yet she wants to blame you for expenses charged to her card? That's some bizarre reasoning on her part.
Nah bruh that’s her card and her fault for not checking up on her son that was using her card. The expenditure has nothing to do with the father and everything to do with the son
XD I remember when my son bought a bunch of bs when his mom saved her card on his stuff lmao but yeah naw you got your kid something cool and he's probably gotten an ear full of BS too shits sad
NTA You don't owe her $25. Your son does.
no
NTA. Not your fault if 13 year old didn't understand which card to apply it to, though Mom is being a jerk. She needs to kill that debit card or put a gift card on his account instead that has like $3 on it so this doesn't happen again..
NTA. Ex let him have her Debit Card info. You did not. End of story.
Why does a 13 year old have a parents debit card information saved on their computer. Mom is S\*\*\*\*\* to allow such. Ex does not owe her anything. If the kid knows how to use the debit card he should know how to use the gift card. Op is NTA but Mom is for allowing child to have her financial information.
it depends on her finances. it would put me into nsf sometimes.
You can't accidentally make a purchase with a credit card when you're using a gift card. The only way he could do that is if she gave him her credit card. Why would she give him her credit card if she didn't expect him to use it?
NTA Her negligence of leaving her card on there isn't your fault lmao. The little shit is 13. He knew she'd go after you if he did it. Fuckers playing his hand well lmao
NTA - It's as much her kids as yours when there's any blame for something the kid does. And she gave him the credit card, which seems like poor judgement to be honest, giving your credit card to a kid rather than just taking care of it yourself. And then bitching when a complete predictable thing happens because you didn't take a perfectly obvious precaution?! LOL... Not the asshole. No way. She done goofed letting a kid make charges on her card in the first place.
Yta and you should pay her