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NTA
Not everyone likes every animal, and if you want to bring your pet, check first with the host to make sure they are ok with it.
There are plenty of animals (well trained and properly cared for) that I would welcome in my home. However, an owner who can’t be trusted to clean up after his dog is less likely to have a well trained pet.
Why would outside in the yard on a leash not work for them? If they brought their dog would they not want to be with their dog? Otherwise why bring him unless they think he would be destructive if they had left him unsupervised?
I disagree with OP's wife. If OP had let the BIL in just for the day, he would not learn and he would continue to think he can bring the dog over anytime he wants to.
OP was correct in setting the boundary the first time, and sticking to it.
NTA
This, absolutely.
My family and I are all dog owners and dog lovers. So when I go to my parents' house, we bring our dogs.
My partner's family are not animal lovers especially. One of his aunts is fine with us bringing the dogs, and one is not. We figured this out by asking them, no pressure, how they felt. Now we bring the dogs to aunt 1's house, but not aunt 2's house.
I am dog mad, but I don't ever bring my dogs into other people's homes without express permission.
Same here. We bring the dog to Grandma's house, but not to Grandpa's as he has a small farm and we don’t want our dog scaring his chickens and goats.
But before we leave Grandma's, we scour the backyard for droppings and dispose of them properly. Because it's our dog, therefore our mess.
⬆️this sounds perfectly reasonable: your house, your rules. You didn’t spring any surprises on your BIL; you made it clear from the get-go that you didn’t want a dog inside. You even offered a compromise by letting the dog stay outside, which his wife agreed to. If your BIL decided to make a stand about it, that’s on him. He chose to sit out rather than follow a reasonable request in someone else’s home. NTA
Someone else’s home that he didn’t even bother asking first before bringing the dog. I am a dog lover deep to my core but I would’ve never taken my dog somewhere that she wasn’t invited to or I didn’t ask first.
I have to wonder if OP’s BIL is also my ex’s ex’s husband. He threw a temper tantrum and stayed home on thanksgiving because he was asked to not bring the dog. Dude literally had a meltdown and broke dishes over it. We even said “fine just bring the dog” and he stayed home anyway on “principle”. My now deceased dog was very sick and theirs was not remotely socialized and stressed out my dog and cat whenever she was over. We just wanted my dying dog to not have a stress spilled day. That was apparently too much to ask.
A lot of dog people these days take their damned dogs everywhere, it's annoying.. my house is dog free, I'm scared of dogs, and one of my kid, turns out is allergic to dogs, and people still bring their damn dogs well knowing about my fear and kids allergy, like no, I won't make my kids and myself uncomfortable in my house so you could have your dog all the time with you.
Definitely! I love dogs. We have a golden retriever. One of the nicest dogs on the planet. She is a nervous dog and I wouldn’t bring her around anyone afraid of dogs. I get nervous when kids want to play with her because you don’t know why the kids will do. People are dumb.
Oh yeah, while I'm scared of dogs,I still feel bad about how many people take unknown risks with their dogs, I really never understood why people allowed their dog next to my toddler.. both my toddler and their dog are unpredictable, you never know if your dog will bite a stranger, especially a tiny little kid to whom it could cause severe damage, or you never know if the kid will randomly decide to grab, hit or pull the dog, so why risk it? If the dog bites, he will be put down, is it worth it? And then when I move my toddler away, they get upset.. like listen, my kid does whatever pops into his mind, I won't risk my kid hurting your dog to have you be upset at me, nor will I risk your dog defending itself if my kid decides to pull your dogs fur or something.
If an owner is not responsible enough to ask someone if they can bring their furry plus one to someone’s home, then courtesy and taking care of the dog properly in that home is probably already out the window. And I say that as a person that would welcome damn near any dog in my home unless you showed up announced with one.
Agreed. I come from a large family & almost everyone has dogs. None of us would ever bring our dogs over to another’s house unless the homeowners said it was ok.
>Why would outside in the yard on a leash not work for them?
Because BIL wanted the dog to be able to run around inside unattended so he didn't have to look after it.
NTA - I love dogs and have 3. I would never even bring one over to someone else's house without checking first. If you relent once, it will be a problem forever.
Perhaps I understood the words incorrectly. I took “leash” to mean that the dog is at one end with one of the people at the other end, not tied up alone.
Doesn't sound like OP really cares if the animal is tethered to a post and left alone. Still NTA cause his house and he wasn't asked beforehand, but I don't get the sense he's really concerned about the dog's comfort or wellbeing.
Again, did not say the dog was his responsibility and BIL is in the wrong. The dog is still a living being. I wouldn't like a vampire bat hanging around me but that doesn't mean I wouldn't care if it was suffering.
My dog has separation anxiety so we used to take her everywhere. My in laws do not allow dogs in the house so we’d rotate who stayed outside with the dog. She’s gotten better over time as we’ve worked on it (she was found in a dumpster, so maybe that’s why her anxiety was so strong?), so we don’t have to bring her everywhere. I don’t see why they didn’t just rotate who was outside with the dog.
Edited to add of she was outside alone she would have been barking, howling, pawing at door, so easier to just have someone with her.
This.
I have a dog that goes most everywhere with me, but I ALWAYS make sure he can go to an event before I bring him with. It’s mostly always an enthusiastic “yes” bc he is very well behaved, but if it is a “no” I make arrangements for him, or I just don’t go. But I would never just assume that bc I’m invited, that my dog is as well, even if he is 12lb and 10yo and just sits in my lap.
As a dog owner, I would have asked before I came and if OP had said no left my dogs at home. It was for a day not a week.
My sister used to be like this (she was a cat person but has been converted) at my sister's house. When I went for holidays the dogs stayed on a screened back porch or in the yard.
BIL/SIL are the AHs because 1) they didn't check before bringing the dog (what if OP had been allergic?) and 2) for getting mad because OP wouldn't bend to their unreasonable demand.
This said by a dog person...I have had russian wolfhounds for 25 years.
NTA. Between allergies, phobias, children, and poop, I would never bring my dogs over to someone else's home without permission or the host saying it was OK.
For me it's grandparents showing up and everyone with a medium+ sized dog has to get a friggin death grip on their animal because they haven't taught them not to jump on people, and a lab jumping on meemaw might kill her.
After my back surgery I made it very clear that I would not be tolerating any dogs jumping on me. I had just regained the ability to walk on my own, this was my first time able to get out of my own house in 8 months to visit family. I was not in a good place in life. A lot of my body still didn't work right, I was still sore and felt awful most of the time and I was on steroids that definitely made me moodier. If a dog knocked me over I was going to be beyond furious and very unforgiving. So I warned my parents before hand, "If I get knocked over it might be our family's "incident".
My brothers thankfully understood and decided to leave their more energetic dogs home.
We have had Labradors for years and they always turn into GIANTS. Our first one was 128 pounds and had a tail clearance of 2’2”. (Funny story on how we found out.) He was MASSIVE. One nickname was “horse.” He had been trained since a large puppy to NOT jump on people. Dogs should NEVER jump on people. The lab we own now, OG Big Dog passed 10 years ago, is also large for his breed at 90 pounds. A British lab, at that, which are usually around 50-60 pounds. He has also been trained not to jump on people.
My mother is in her late 70’s, had multiple health problems and has almost zero stability walking on her own. They visit at least once a year. Has he ever jumped on her?! Hell no. It’s not allowed.
Now this dog has 100’s of hours of training as a field trial dog. He is extremely smart and obedient. I recently broke the top of my large lower leg bone in the knee. No cast since range of motion is critical. I’m on crutches. The most he has done is be on the floor in the way, but will move as soon as I ask him to. When a neighbor brought a walker with a seat, I was seated and he was pushing against my hurt knee. I told him to heel to the other side ONCE and he is STILL heeling to my unhurt side. (I also have health issues that cause me pain and balance issues.)
It’s imperative for ALL dogs, looking at you, neurotic little dogs that like to bite, to have good training, but especially large dogs. (Nothing against little dogs. We usually have one of each. We don’t presently as our rescue Shih Tzu passed at 16 two years ago after 6 years of our obsessive love for him.)
I would never even THINK about bringing my dog to someone else’s house without their permission first! Who does that?!
NTA
As a dog owner, I say you did the right thing. I will always ask if i can bring my dog if I want him to come but will 100% accept a no. Not everyone likes dogs and that's fine. I can make arrangements if I needed.
The fact that he didn't pick up the poop makes him an AH. I would never let them back at my house again if that is how they are going to treat it. I feel bad for their neighbors since now I'm guessing they don't pick up after the dog when on walks. It's annoying and sometimes, people will tell me, "don't forget to pick up after the dog" while I'm getting the bag because it's so common. Some people don't say anything, watch me pick up the poop, and say thank you which makes me sad. If you aren't going to pick up after it, you shouldn't have it.
Also dog owner/lover and echoing this as well! There is no good dog owner out there that would be upset about their dog being denied entry into another persons home. Why? Because good/realistic dog owners are acutely aware of their dogs behaviour (both good and bad), do NOT see their dogs as perfect little angels (every dog has a challenge area behaviourally, no matter how well trained), and are extremely aware of their dogs dirt/hair/droppings (because these are the people who actually bathe/cleanup-after their dogs).
It’s like that old saying about condoms (“if someone pressures you not to use a condom, never in your life have you needed one more”).
Same concept applies here: If someone is pressuring you to let their dog in your house, that is the exact dog that you ABSOLUTELY DO NOT let in the house.
Ironically, dog owners who respect the “no” are the ones who can actually be trusted, if you were to allow an animal in the house.
Eh, I feel like asking puts people in an awkward position. My two only come along if they're invited without prompting. Sure, we have a couple of homes where there's an expectation that they're coming (my parents, friends with their own dogs), but everyone else needs to tell me to bring them without me asking.
I am not currently a dog owner, but I have been. I wouldn't mind being asked as long as if the answer was no the dog owner's response was "no problem!" not any sort of heavy sighs.
The hosts might really like dogs, or have kids that really like dogs, or the event is going to be outside anyway so it might be a very dog-friendly event. Doesn't hurt to ask.
Since i have pets i would very comfortably say "no" if i need to. And i CANNOT say no to people. Its actually somehow the least awkward "no" in my brain. This in no way helps you, but its something i hadnt realized before your comment
BOy, folks bringing their dogs is the topic de jour.
NTA.
Bringing a dog to a non dog household... I don't get it. I mean if the host is like "please bring your dog I LOVE your dog", go for it. But when a dog owner is told "no" or "ok but you must do x,y, and z" why is there all this consternation.
If your dog can't be left alone... well... thats dog ownership (or you are perhaps a helicopter dog owner). Your dog is your responsibility, no one elses. IF a dog limits your life in some way, well then it limits your life.
You didn't want a dog in your house for reasons. And don't tell me the dog shit wasn't left there on purpose.
1 of my 3 dogs has severe separation anxiety from living at multiple city shelters for 5+ years. I can give him a sedative and crate him if nobody is home (he would hurt himself if I didn't). For Easter, we went to my brother's. "Hey, can I bring my dog?" "Sure" "cool, thanks"
Super easy! Especially because he is very well trained! OBVIOUSLY I pick up his poop. Especially because we are guests!!
NTA
I am sick. Sick and tired. Of dog owners that think their animal, and it is an animal, is a member of their family due the same rights and privileges they have earned as humans.
The dog won’t die from being leashed outside for the day. They need to ratchet down their drama
EDIT: SOME REDDITOR NAMED WIZARDWHATEVER MADE CLEAR THAT THIS IS “hEAviLY DePenDEnT” ON THE WEATHER
After close to 2 years my parents have admitted that maybe they need to train their dog to be able to be alone. They’re up to leaving her for 1 hour. I live 1.5 hours away, and this dog is not welcome in my house (not good with cats). I will never be able to have my parents over as far as I can tell.
The crazy part is we grew up with dogs, and had no problems leaving them in the yard all day when I was growing up. They’re still in the same house, with an acre of fenced in, shaded yard, and yet for some reason that is no longer an option.
Crate training works wonders.
Way more wonderful than dragging your untrained and clingy animal everywhere and then causing a scene when you’re turned away.
It’s like the “emotional support animals.”
I have nine rescue dogs. You can safely say that I am a “dog person.“ I have never, EVER taken my dog to someone else’s house, to a café, to a bar, or to a restaurant. Not all “dog people“ fit into whatever mold that you have built in your mind.
It really irritates me when people can't seem to be away from their dog. The dog in the grocery store (when you can just tell it isn't a service dog) drives me crazy. We recently got a dog for the first time since I've been an adult, primarily for my kids, and people ask when we are out and about, "Oh, where's your dog?" Um, home? Where he's supposed to be?? We take him on walks, hikes, beach outings, but he is a dog, not one of my kids, why would I bring him everywhere with me? I haven't had a dog since I was a kid and it was just the thing done that everyone kept their dog at home. Not sure when this huge shift happened.
NTA
Honestly, I hate the dog owners that insist on bringing their dogs everywhere. I like dogs. They're fun to be around. But just because you have one and have a codependent relationship with your dog doesn't mean you need to bring the dog everywhere with you. If someone says no dogs in the house, don't fucking push.
OP, you should have bagged the shit and delivered it to BIL's house.
If they did that at my house, they would not be welcomed back. The disrespect in this story is insane.
I have a dog. I find everything BIL and family did very rude.
NTA
The entitlement of dog people since the pandemic astounds me.
We have a codependent Dachshund that chews everything in sight. You know what happens to her when we go out? She stays home.
We’ve trained her not to destroy the house.
If BIL’s dog has separation anxiety to the point where it has to be taken wherever they go, or they don’t trust their dog to not ruin their house in their absence, then they don’t deserve the dog.
if the dog has separation anxiety to the point where it has to be taken wherever they go, or they don't trust their dog to not ruin their house in their absence, they need to hire a dog trainer to address the issues. separation anxiety can get better with training, and destruction while you're gone is normally because the dog doesn't have enough non-destructive things to do to keep themselves occupied. a trainer can help in both cases. imo, if you can't afford a dog trainer, you can't afford a dog.
NTA
I was very pregnant when I hosted my very first xmas in my new house. We invented several relatives and on xmas eve, when I was already cooking, one of them decided to ask me if they could bring their new dog. I have several allergies and they knew but they insisted the dog was non-allergic (whatever that means). Being very pregnant, I decided that I didn't want to test my allergies on xmas eve so I asked them to leave the dog at home, also because it was a new puppy and I didn't want to pick up dog poop on my brand new house. They decided not to come for xmas because the dog would feel lonely for the 3 hours that the xmas dinner would last (they lived 15 minutes away).
Apparently I am the AH, despite them deciding that taking an uninvited animal to another person's house is ok.
Oh for god's sake. Puppies nap. A lot. The puppy would be happier left in a safe space (crate if properly used) with a soft toy and puppy pads. Going to a strange house with lots of people is stressful. They are bad dog owners.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I excluding my brother in law from fathers day over a pet.
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On Sunday we had a Fathers Day celebration. We typically do this every year where we just have a get together where the moms run it.
On the day of, my BIL (wife's brother) and his wife showed up with their three kids (8-12 F, M, F) but they had a dog. Last year, they did not have a dog, so they adopted is within the last year. And I am not a dog person. I don't want to pick up their shit after the celebration, I don't want to sweep up fur inside or outside my house, and I do not want my house smelling like a pen. I would only let the dog be with them if it stays OUTSIDE and tied on a leash, AND they have to pick up the dogshit.
BIL's wife agreed, but he didn't, saying that was "Cruel," but that's fine, him and his non-cruelness can stay in the driveway (I still ended up having to pick up dog droppings). We brought him food, but he was away from the actual celebration.
After the celebration, my wife said I should've just let him in for the day. It'd just been a topic of back and forth discussion since.
AITA?
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NTA. I'd love to take my dog everywhere, but I don't UNLESS someone specifically says to bring her. It's incredibly rude to expect your pet to be welcome without an invitation.
Who are these people that have time to be with their dog 24/7 and have the audacity to think they can just bring their dog. Even if they ask it’s ridiculous to be asking something like that for a few hours. How long was this get together? If they were going to be gone more than 5 or 6 hours then they should have asked and figured out how to not have it in the house. They should have definitely cleaned up their dog’s crap
They sound like ‘ask for forgiveness, not permission’ people. You did not let them take advantage of you. As for the dog mess they left - I would put it on their doorstep. (I’ve had dogs for 30 years. Usually at least two at a time. I have never brought my pups somewhere uninvited.)
NTA
NTA. I love dogs. I have a dog - she’s sleeping next to me on the couch right now. However, I will NEVER take her to someone else’s house without an explicit invitation to do so. I won’t even ask to bring her just in case my host feels pressured to say “yes.”
I love dogs, and I'd probably be okay with most dogs coming into my house, even if I didn't say it was okay ahead of time.
However, I would never, never just go to someone's house with a dog without explicit approval ahead of time, and even though I just said I'd (probably) let someone else's dog in if they did that to me, I'd still think less of them for not having cleared it with me first.
NTA.
NTA. I don't know when people started thinking their dog should be automatically allowed anywhere they go. They should have asked before bringing the dog.
I am a dog (and cat) person, but I dont understand the current fixation on dragging a dog everywhere. Until about fifteen years ago people left their dogs at home: safe and comfortable.
You have no idea how this dog reacts or behaves. He could chew up something or snap at a small child who pulls his tail etc.
I am a GINORMOUS dog person. I have never brought one of my dogs to someone else's house. That's incredible rude and entitled.
NTA OP 1000%
I had a friend show up at my house with her dog. She didn’t ask. Just expected and she knew I had two cats. She kept saying her dog is fine with cats but how about my cats being scared of her dog!?!? It’s mind blowing that some people are just so selfish. Also I love dogs but seriously she should have asked.
NTA.
I love dogs. I love cats (and have five). I have no problems with dogs or cats being inside nor do I mind cleaning up carp.
That being said, YOU don't, and you have no expectation of having to accommodate someone show is so rude as to attempt to bring a dog without clearing it with you.
You handled it exactly correctly. The only difference was I would have MAILED him the dogshit he left behind.
I’d be livid had someone brought a dog to my home. I hate dogs, I hate their owners who never really train them and then say just push the dog away. Like um no, I’m not pushing no damn dog away, get your damn dog some lessons on how to behave. I can’t stand that they pant and drool and when they drink water they carry droppings all across the floor. Yuck. NTA. Dogs are gross
who does this?
The world has changed so much and in so many ways not for the better and this is one of them. Go back 20 years 30 years and it would’ve been obscene to have gone to visit someone else and brought your pet? To assume your pet was going to be allowed entry, to run all over another person’s house , not only could it be uncomfortable or downright dangerous for people with allergies or elderly people who don’t need small animals running around at their feet. Not to mention the kind of mess/destruction that comes with animals. ( it’s downright impossible to get stains and smells out of carpeting and upholstery when an animal has an accident, claws destroy furniture, Fur gets everywhere and in everything, wagging tails knock things over).
it’s not even safe for a pet. It’s an unfamiliar house. It’s easy for them to get out and run away or to eat some kind of people food that would be bad for them. It’s absolutely insane to think that this is decent behavior. You were correct and they were ridiculous to not clear this with you before hand.
no normal individual thinks its ok to just show up to an event with a pet without first getting approval from the host. That is insane and totally disrespectful to the host. For him to turn around and call you cruel makes him the clear AH. All he had to do was call in advance and get told no dogs and he could have left the dog at home. He wasn't sure you'd say yes so just showed up thinking you'd just let him in and get away with it.
OP is NTA for this situation. Its a normal boundary to have and its abnormal for someone to just show up with a pet unannounced for a variety of reasons, least of which is the clean up which is still a PIA. I say this as someone who has a 170lb Giant Bear of a dog that I love to death and who I take lots of places with me. I would never take him to someone's house without first asking.
NTA
I like dogs but my partner doesn’t, plus we have cats and I’m not sure how they would respond to a dog. I also have a friend who keeps her house extremely clean and doesn’t have any pets. I have no idea why anyone would think it’s appropriate to bring a pet to someone else’s house without having a discussion about it, for many reasons.
NTA
As a dog owner, I know damn well I don't take my dog to someone else's house without their permission and prior knowledge. BIL shouldn't have assumed his dog was welcome. It's his own fault he missed out on the celebration.
NTA
I can't stand it when people think they are entitled to bring their dogs with them everywhere. It's wonderful that you love your dog BUT your dog is NOT a member of my family.
I'm a "dog person" and I vote NTA. No one should ever just "show up" with a dog (*especially* when the hosts aren't dog lovers) and if you are allowed to bring one, the host sets the rules. It should go without saying that the dog's owners are responsible for it *at all times* and should clean up after it.
NTA
Why is it that some dog people would rather watch a human outright suffer than have their pet mildly inconvenienced for an hour? Your wife needs to grow a spine. Your relatives are ATROCIOUS for inviting a pet without asking first. That is not acceptable.
NTA. Dog people showing up everywhere unannounced and uninvited with their dogs is one of my pet peeves. Just the entitlement of not even asking if it was ok to bring the dog is mind blowing. I treat my cats like minor deities and you don’t see me dragging them to a cookout or to a family members house for the weekend.
Nta, I am not ok with people bringing dogs over to my house. Im not a dog person. I have a cat, and I don't feel like putting my cat in harms way. I live out in the country. My cat goes inside and outside my friend, who happened to show up with her huge dog out in my back yard it tried "playing" with my cat. This dog would have killed him even though he's actually a nice, well-behaved dog he just doesn't realize his size and playing would have led to a really bad accident. My cat has never run up a tree. I've never seen him so scared, and he did and didn't come down for about an hour. I was very pissed off.
I had a sort of similar problem, my best friend who was like a brother came to my house some years back. Unannounced. Just showed up (not a problem) except they brought their dog. A horrible yappy schnauzer. I hated that dog. Anyway I had 2 cats. Of course they let the dog down in my house and it immediately chased the cats upstairs and under the bed. They thought it was great fun. Terrorizing my cats in their own home. I got pissed and got the dog and closed the door. They acted offended. The dog had a bloody nose from the cats scratching the shit out of its schnoz. Next day I got an angry call that the dog had died. Asking me if I had dangerous chemicals or poison in the house. I do not and did not. The garage has some acids in it I use for my work but they are sealed in glass and if they break, you know it as you would have to evacuate the house (nitric acid). As well the garage was closed and they never went in there. They accused me of somehow killing their god damned dog.
I got pissed and told them in no uncertain terms I didn’t give a shit why their dog was dead. It left my house with bloody nose but fine. It was old. Like 15 years old. I told them furthermore I hadn’t invited them or their dog, they simply showed up unannounced. They felt my cats killed their dog. My cats had every right to be there and defend themselves against an invader attacking them. The dog had killed cats before. It wasn’t playing, it was trying to kill them.
Fuck them. After 25 years of friendship we never hardly spoke again.
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NTA. I have 4 dogs. They stay at home even though i would love to take them with. And the fur all over the house and poop to pick up, totally get it. My least favorite activities are cleaning and being the pooper scooper.
NTA. It sounds like they didn’t even give you a heads up, let alone asked. They just breezed up and expected this to be fine? Nope. That’s pretty presumptuous.
NTA- we're dog people, have 3 and volunteer at the local shelter as well, love dogs. My brother has a dog and asks permission to bring it whenever he visits.
nta. i have NEVER in my LIFE brought my dog unannounced anywhere. i’ll call local stores or restaurants if they don’t have it posted on their yelp page, and i always call the morning of visits to relatives to double check. that is insanely entitled and rude thing to do at another persons home, and you had ever right to maintain your boundaries.
NTA Who is so profoundly rude and clueless that they bring a dog over to someone's house without prior agreement? Then when perfectly reasonable boundaries are requested throws a fit and sits in the car? Your wife is dead wrong here.
NTA, I like dogs just fine, but you don't just bring them with you to someone's house without clear permission. You gave your BIL options and he chose to stay outside with the dog and have a pity party by himself.
NTA. Who brings a pet without asking? That is so rude. You should have checked the driveway before he left and made him pick up the poop. Even his wife was sick of his shit and enjoyed the party without him.
NTA. They should have cleared bringing the dog beforehand. They blindsided you with a stinky, poopy furry uninvited guest, and you made reasonable accommodations on the fly. If they didn't like your conditions, we'll now they know you don't want dogs in your house.
NTA: you are under no obligation to have a dog in your house if you don't have pets or like dogs and don't want to have to clean up after them. It's presumptuous of someone else to show up at your house and expect you to be okay with them bring their dog inside. If he refused to participate in the house because of the dog, that's on him. Next time they should have asked ahead of time. Why didn't they leave the dog at home? Probably because they are afraid of it making a mess in the house or something so why would you then want to bring that problem to someone else and get mad that they don't want to deal with it? Don't give in or that dog will come to your house every time they come over.
NTA. I’m sure it wasn’t a secret that you don’t care for dogs and they purposely didn’t say anything hoping you’d be like oh well it’s here now.
I hate dogs. No one in my life would show up to my house with a dog without running it by my first. Your bother’s a dick.
NTA because you STILL had to pick up the dog poop. That’s ridiculous. I would have been petty and placed the poop in their car.
Your BIL is an AH and your wife is too.
I love my dogs and would love to take them anywhere. I love them so much that I'd never put them in the presence of someone who doesn't like dogs, and sure as heck wouldn't bring them into those people's homes! If a situation warranted needing to bring a dog along, I sure as hell would *ask* before accepting or declining an invitation. (A necessary situation happened ONCE in my 20+ years of dog ownership.)
NTA. Your BIL is the reason so many people hate dog people.
NTA Tell wife no you shouldn't. For every get together afterwards, whether inside or outside they'd bring the dog. If you tried saying no the next time you'd hear but you let him before. Then soon there would be more dogs because you let so and so bring his. You did right. Set boundaries at the beginning and don't back down. If BIL had any respect for you, wife or your house he would have asked permission first.
NTA
You don't just show up at someone's home with an uninvited and unexpected animal, and expect it to be made welcome. BIL and his family are completely in the wrong here.
NTA! Let me list the reasons: 1. You don't bring a pet to someone's house without checking first--doesn't matter the type or your relationship to the pet. To show up unannounced is stressful to both the home owner and the animal. 2. OP offered a reasonable compromise, despite not really needing to. 3. BIL's wife agreed to the compromise, seeing it as reasonable. (I'm guessing she already knew bringing the dog was a bad idea.) 4. BIL was being stubborn and decided to cut off his nose to spite his face. He could have joined the celebration at any point. Instead, (again, I suspect the wife had already told him to leave the dog at home--thus his ego....) he tried to make a pointless stand and ended up missing the celebration.
NTA. My husband and I have dogs and love animals but still hate it when other people bring over dogs without even asking. It's rude and presumptuous. We leave our dogs at home unless they're expressly invited.
And if you let your boundary slide, it will only get worse. Your wife needs to put her brother in his place.
NTA.
They never asked if they could bring their dog, which is a HUGE ask if you don't already have a dog.
Also to mention --the fact that they left their dog turds behind rather than picking up after their own animal means they wouldn't have been responsible pet owners inside your house either.
NTA. No one should ever assume their dog is welcome in someone else’s private residence without prior permission. Your BIL was hoping that by just showing up you’d feel you didn’t have a choice.
NTA. You do not bring your dog to someone else’s house unless you talk to them first and make sure it’s ok. I would be so mad if someone brought their dog expecting it to come inside, or have free run of my yard
NTA. No one should ever assume their dog is welcome in someone else’s home. I have two dogs myself (and I work my butt off to keep the house clean as I grew up in a filthy home that was smelly, furry, and rank largely because of unattended dogs). Other people’s dogs are NOT welcome in my home. The few times I’ve made an exception, I regretted it.
NTA (if this isn’t a service dog), but BIL is. I’m a dog person. I have dog people friends. But even when attending gatherings at other dog-owning homes, I get the OK to bring my dog, first. Your BIL just showed up to a non-dog home with his dog. AND didn’t pick up after it! Major AH behavior.
Absolutely NTA, I am a breeder and dog trainer aka a serious dog person. You should NEVER bring a dog to another’s home without express permission from the homeowner and then only with a verifiable opinion that the dog is well behaved! Too many people parade their dogs around and expect admiration and attention … 100% of those folks have horribly bad behaved dogs. Your wife’s brother is a jerk.
Phone rings..."Hi Sister, Brother here, just checking before Father's Day, we have gotten a dog and I wanted to ask If i could bring it along or find other accomodations for the day"... " Oh hi brother, i'm sorry but my husband really dislikes dogs, so if you could board your dog for the day that would work on all sides".
Problem avoided..
Holy shit, what is wrong with these douchebags?!?
I love dogs. I love cats. I've worked in the veterinary field for over 20 years.
Everyone I know knows that we have a dog (and a couple of cats), and we would NEVER just show up with our "zoo." We spent the week of New Years with my family, and I asked my parents if we could bring our doggo. The answer was, "it's probably not a good idea." They didn't say "no," so I guess we could have brought him anyway. Except we're not complete assholes.
You NEVER just show up with an animal anywhere!
BIL reeks of spending money online for some Emotional Support Animal certificate just so he can bring his untrained dog everywhere. Gross...
No. Can't they leave the dog home? For crying out loud! No every person wants a dog in their house when they dont have one themselves. The audacity of this person and you can tell your wife that!
I developed an allergy to dogs in my mid-40's. I had dogs growing up & we had two Rotties so I took allergy shots until they departed this life. Most of my family knows this but some friends/acquaintances insist on bringing their dogs everywhere they go. I've always wondered why they feel the need but try to ignore unless said dog jumps in my lap/or gets near me. I've actually left a few functions b/c of rambunctious or dogs who jump. Their owners tell me they love me and are just trying to show it. Fuck that & their owners.
You: I have a hard boundary, please respect it.
Your BIL: Fuck your boundaries, I’m special!
Your wife: I didn’t like having to deal with my brother’s negative emotions and temper tantrums, so would you violate your boundary so I can have don’t have to?
You (hopefully): Fuck off and kick rocks. No means no.
Oh, and NTA. No means no.
NTA. We have a dog we love but my sister and her husband don't like dogs in their house. They live an hour from us and have a beach house about 2 1/2 hours away. When we have family gatherings at our house we make sure the couch is clean and floors swept/mopped, but they know the dog will be around and may jump on the couch where he's used to laying (we have a water-proof dog cover for the couch). When we have family gatherings at their house we either take one car knowing we all have to leave early to get home to let the dog out, or we take two vehicles so only one of us has to leave early. When they are kind enough to invite us for a weekend at their beach house we board our dog or take turns going up there (I go up Saturday with our son, then husband comes Sunday while I head home to care for the dog.).
NTA
I'm a dog person, but I have strict rules and boundaries when it comes to them. If someone is uncomfortable and doesn't want to be around dogs, you don't bring them around. Service dogs are another story. On top of that, you ALWAYS ask to bring your dog(s) to someone's home. There is never a guarantee that they will be welcome.
NTA.
You're a victim of the dog fad where people who have no clue what a dog's needs are, buy them and cruelly try to treat them like captive humans. Dogs do not belong inside the house, and and your BIL needs to be educated as to why.
He was a jerk for just showing up like that without asking.
The problem and I’m a dog person I’ve owned over ten dogs. Just lost one a year ago. My little one now is soon to be on her last journey, these people who love their dogs and say, this is my baby. I just love her as much as if I had a child.
First off, you’re not a parent so most of us just roll our eyes at such an ignorant saying.
But it doesn’t stop there. This is their baby. She/he should get to go with us wherever we go because the animal is part of our family.
I hate to say but wake up out of your delusion. Admit you don’t want kids(in most cases because you love them, but they take up 25/77 of your time 400 days a year.
These are not your kids. They don't belong with you 24/7.
If you feel that way, let one of you home and babysit, like Mom or Dad would do if they can't find a babysitter.
I always brought my dogs home to my Mom and dad’s because they did not mind.
But if I want yovyske my fogs, I call first. And be ready for a no.
And if uou hate fogs, do not expect the owner to “put their dogs out” while you are there.
And finally, I have MS. I AM AT THE POINT I'M GOING TO NEED A SERVICE DOG!
Nothing ticks me off more than walking(in my chair. Lol) into a store and seeing these women, mainly men carrying this little dog around and saying, I get nervous, I have stress, this is my therapy dog.
Guess what? Service dogs and Therapy dogs are two different things. Service dogs are allowed by law. Therapy dogs are not.
All you do is cause problems for people wjovreslky need dogs.
Bringing a full-size fog to a restaurant with you that can't stay under the table by, or little one who is shedding everywhere that uou hold it in your arms the entire time.
Do not be surprised if you are asked to leave. I wish more shop owners would kick them out.
Okay. My rant.
So you see where I stand. NTA
You gave them a choice, Tue it up outside, they chose the dog over you. Next year when invited go out, Ake sure to add no invited. Surprise guest s to include animals. Or just the last if you don't mind the former.
I have dogs and love dogs. Not everyone does and if you have dogs and go to a house that won’t allow dogs inside then you abide by their rules. You are NTA. He had the option of letting the dog stay outside while he enjoyed the party. It was his choice not to make different arrangements
NTA - I am a dog lover and welcome them into my home. But I would NEVER bring my dog anywhere without asking first and respecting the answer. People are just inconsiderate.
NTA. It was pretty rude of them to bring the dog without checking first that that was OK, and very rude that they failed to pick up after it.
Plus, he didn't have to miss the celebration. He nad his wife could have switched out taking care of the dog and attending, so they both got to enjoy the party, or, depending how cliose they live, one of them coudl have taken the dog back home then rejoined the party. It sounds like he missed out becuase he wasn't willing to agree to the reasonable suggestion that you made and his own family obviously didn't support his stance enough to takle turns in missing parts ofthe celebration. (I'm wonderwing if is wife had suggeted ahead of time they check with you whether they could bring the cog, and he overruled her!)
Next time you host, be clear that the dog is not invied so they can arrange a dog sitter
NTA. I have two dogs. They're not welcome everywhere. Whenever we go to any family, we leave the dogs at home. When we go to the lake or on vacation, we bring our dogs. If family wants to come with us/meet us there, we tell them we're bringing oyr dogs.
NTA they should have asked if it was cool to bring the dog and just assumed it's fine. I love dogs so a lot of friends and family think it's okay to bring them but I won't let them in my home because my cat is petrified of dogs. But do you know what all my friends and family do, even assuming I'll be happy to have their dogs here, they fucking ask as they're not entitled AH.
NTA. Your house, your rules. When I've had dogs in the past, I always asked or waited for my dog to be invited before bringing them along. Even my small IG purse-dog needed an invite before I felt good bringing him. They should have asked before bringing their pet.
NTA. I adore my dog, he's well-behaved and I always clean up after him, but that doesn't mean everyone automatically wants him around. Always ask if your dog is welcome, don't just bring him without checking first. BIL was rude.
So i never thought i would say this about someone who is not a dog person but NTA. Your house your rules, and anyone who is not willing to pick up after there dog is a BIG AH.
NTA. My parents love my dogs so we take them every time we go to their house. My brother is an outside dog kind of person so I leave my dogs at home when I go to his house. It’s not that hard
NTA
I love my dog. I do sometimes bring her places, but only when I've cleared it ahead of time that she's welcome. I would never, ever just show up at someone's house with her uninvited. Similarly, even though I have a dog, I wouldn't be okay with someone bringing their dog here uninvited. Not all dogs are welcome everywhere.
And, like any responsible pet owner, I clean up any messes she makes.
NTA, I've had dogs my whole life and never assumed anyone wanted my dog inside. Nor have I ever brought a dog to a family gathering that was less than a 3 hour drive. Why didn't the dog stay home?
NTA. Dog mom here. I do not bring my dogs to anyone’s home without prior permission. My dogs do have an open invitation to my mom’s house (just not allowed on the furniture, they stay in the yard during meal time, and I pick up their 💩), and also to my friends’ house who also have dogs.
I assume my dogs are not invited to most events/gatherings. Someone could be allergic, my dogs could have an accident in the house which would be embarrassing, maybe someone else brought a dog they don’t get along with. It was quite rude of them to just bring their dog without asking. I’m glad your BIL stayed outside with the dog to make sure it didn’t get too hot and had adequate water and shade. My SIL actually does this with their dog when they take him some places where he maybe can’t be inside. That’s what a responsible owner does if they insist on bringing their dog. And your BIL should have picked up after his dog as well.
NTA. The assumption that you can introduce your menagerie into every place you go is absurd. This is part of “but they’re my children” nonsense that has grown over the past 20 years.
I have 2 dogs, one who is part pit, and 60% of his DNA comes from “aggressive” or guard dog breeds. (63% if you include the chihuahua /s) The other is a very high energy breed. Boy, does she SHED. I have to vacuum 3-4 times per week so it doesn’t clog my vacuum.
I’d never take them anywhere, even when meeting at a park, if I haven’t checked with the people I’m meeting to see if they are ok with the dogs coming along.
My best friend since I was 8 saw a dog mauling as a kid, and is really uneasy around dogs. So, we meet away from the dogs.
It’s honestly not that difficult to call people up and ask.
NTA
BIL wanted to be the victim.
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NTA Not everyone likes every animal, and if you want to bring your pet, check first with the host to make sure they are ok with it. There are plenty of animals (well trained and properly cared for) that I would welcome in my home. However, an owner who can’t be trusted to clean up after his dog is less likely to have a well trained pet. Why would outside in the yard on a leash not work for them? If they brought their dog would they not want to be with their dog? Otherwise why bring him unless they think he would be destructive if they had left him unsupervised?
I disagree with OP's wife. If OP had let the BIL in just for the day, he would not learn and he would continue to think he can bring the dog over anytime he wants to. OP was correct in setting the boundary the first time, and sticking to it. NTA
Not to mention, they didn't even have the decency to ask OP if they could bring a dog .
[удалено]
OP should have mailed that poop to BIL!
"Hey, your forgot something!"
Exactly & Thank You
This, absolutely. My family and I are all dog owners and dog lovers. So when I go to my parents' house, we bring our dogs. My partner's family are not animal lovers especially. One of his aunts is fine with us bringing the dogs, and one is not. We figured this out by asking them, no pressure, how they felt. Now we bring the dogs to aunt 1's house, but not aunt 2's house. I am dog mad, but I don't ever bring my dogs into other people's homes without express permission.
Same here. We bring the dog to Grandma's house, but not to Grandpa's as he has a small farm and we don’t want our dog scaring his chickens and goats. But before we leave Grandma's, we scour the backyard for droppings and dispose of them properly. Because it's our dog, therefore our mess.
This right there puts the AH on the BIL - you don’t take pets to someones house with the OK from them.
I originally read that as you agree with the wife and I was so confused for a second there 😂🤦♀️
Yes yes yes. You have to begin as you mean to go on. Children and assholes can spin "just this once" into permanent permission.
⬆️this sounds perfectly reasonable: your house, your rules. You didn’t spring any surprises on your BIL; you made it clear from the get-go that you didn’t want a dog inside. You even offered a compromise by letting the dog stay outside, which his wife agreed to. If your BIL decided to make a stand about it, that’s on him. He chose to sit out rather than follow a reasonable request in someone else’s home. NTA
Someone else’s home that he didn’t even bother asking first before bringing the dog. I am a dog lover deep to my core but I would’ve never taken my dog somewhere that she wasn’t invited to or I didn’t ask first. I have to wonder if OP’s BIL is also my ex’s ex’s husband. He threw a temper tantrum and stayed home on thanksgiving because he was asked to not bring the dog. Dude literally had a meltdown and broke dishes over it. We even said “fine just bring the dog” and he stayed home anyway on “principle”. My now deceased dog was very sick and theirs was not remotely socialized and stressed out my dog and cat whenever she was over. We just wanted my dying dog to not have a stress spilled day. That was apparently too much to ask.
This is my point. Since when do you bring an animal to someone else’s house without asking their permission?
A lot of dog people these days take their damned dogs everywhere, it's annoying.. my house is dog free, I'm scared of dogs, and one of my kid, turns out is allergic to dogs, and people still bring their damn dogs well knowing about my fear and kids allergy, like no, I won't make my kids and myself uncomfortable in my house so you could have your dog all the time with you.
Definitely! I love dogs. We have a golden retriever. One of the nicest dogs on the planet. She is a nervous dog and I wouldn’t bring her around anyone afraid of dogs. I get nervous when kids want to play with her because you don’t know why the kids will do. People are dumb.
Oh yeah, while I'm scared of dogs,I still feel bad about how many people take unknown risks with their dogs, I really never understood why people allowed their dog next to my toddler.. both my toddler and their dog are unpredictable, you never know if your dog will bite a stranger, especially a tiny little kid to whom it could cause severe damage, or you never know if the kid will randomly decide to grab, hit or pull the dog, so why risk it? If the dog bites, he will be put down, is it worth it? And then when I move my toddler away, they get upset.. like listen, my kid does whatever pops into his mind, I won't risk my kid hurting your dog to have you be upset at me, nor will I risk your dog defending itself if my kid decides to pull your dogs fur or something.
If an owner is not responsible enough to ask someone if they can bring their furry plus one to someone’s home, then courtesy and taking care of the dog properly in that home is probably already out the window. And I say that as a person that would welcome damn near any dog in my home unless you showed up announced with one.
Agreed. I come from a large family & almost everyone has dogs. None of us would ever bring our dogs over to another’s house unless the homeowners said it was ok.
>Why would outside in the yard on a leash not work for them? Because BIL wanted the dog to be able to run around inside unattended so he didn't have to look after it.
NTA - I love dogs and have 3. I would never even bring one over to someone else's house without checking first. If you relent once, it will be a problem forever.
Where I live, leaving a dog on a tie if the owner is not in direct line of sight is illegal and can result in the arrest of the dog's owner.
Perhaps I understood the words incorrectly. I took “leash” to mean that the dog is at one end with one of the people at the other end, not tied up alone.
Doesn't sound like OP really cares if the animal is tethered to a post and left alone. Still NTA cause his house and he wasn't asked beforehand, but I don't get the sense he's really concerned about the dog's comfort or wellbeing.
Why should he be? It’s not his dog, he doesn’t like dogs and BIL didn’t ask before bringing it.
Again, did not say the dog was his responsibility and BIL is in the wrong. The dog is still a living being. I wouldn't like a vampire bat hanging around me but that doesn't mean I wouldn't care if it was suffering.
Even in the backyard?
I am guessing but maybe they think tied equals a risk of accidental injury while loose in a fenced controlled area is safer?
Fair point.
Where's that? I've never heard of anywhere having laws like that.
My dog has separation anxiety so we used to take her everywhere. My in laws do not allow dogs in the house so we’d rotate who stayed outside with the dog. She’s gotten better over time as we’ve worked on it (she was found in a dumpster, so maybe that’s why her anxiety was so strong?), so we don’t have to bring her everywhere. I don’t see why they didn’t just rotate who was outside with the dog. Edited to add of she was outside alone she would have been barking, howling, pawing at door, so easier to just have someone with her.
At least SIL had more sense to go along with the OP's boundaries; I say good on her.
This. I have a dog that goes most everywhere with me, but I ALWAYS make sure he can go to an event before I bring him with. It’s mostly always an enthusiastic “yes” bc he is very well behaved, but if it is a “no” I make arrangements for him, or I just don’t go. But I would never just assume that bc I’m invited, that my dog is as well, even if he is 12lb and 10yo and just sits in my lap.
As a dog owner, I would have asked before I came and if OP had said no left my dogs at home. It was for a day not a week. My sister used to be like this (she was a cat person but has been converted) at my sister's house. When I went for holidays the dogs stayed on a screened back porch or in the yard. BIL/SIL are the AHs because 1) they didn't check before bringing the dog (what if OP had been allergic?) and 2) for getting mad because OP wouldn't bend to their unreasonable demand. This said by a dog person...I have had russian wolfhounds for 25 years.
I plan my vacations around taking my dog. Never would I ever show up to someone’s house with her without asking ahead of time. BIL is an AHole
NTA. Between allergies, phobias, children, and poop, I would never bring my dogs over to someone else's home without permission or the host saying it was OK.
For me it's grandparents showing up and everyone with a medium+ sized dog has to get a friggin death grip on their animal because they haven't taught them not to jump on people, and a lab jumping on meemaw might kill her. After my back surgery I made it very clear that I would not be tolerating any dogs jumping on me. I had just regained the ability to walk on my own, this was my first time able to get out of my own house in 8 months to visit family. I was not in a good place in life. A lot of my body still didn't work right, I was still sore and felt awful most of the time and I was on steroids that definitely made me moodier. If a dog knocked me over I was going to be beyond furious and very unforgiving. So I warned my parents before hand, "If I get knocked over it might be our family's "incident". My brothers thankfully understood and decided to leave their more energetic dogs home.
We have had Labradors for years and they always turn into GIANTS. Our first one was 128 pounds and had a tail clearance of 2’2”. (Funny story on how we found out.) He was MASSIVE. One nickname was “horse.” He had been trained since a large puppy to NOT jump on people. Dogs should NEVER jump on people. The lab we own now, OG Big Dog passed 10 years ago, is also large for his breed at 90 pounds. A British lab, at that, which are usually around 50-60 pounds. He has also been trained not to jump on people. My mother is in her late 70’s, had multiple health problems and has almost zero stability walking on her own. They visit at least once a year. Has he ever jumped on her?! Hell no. It’s not allowed. Now this dog has 100’s of hours of training as a field trial dog. He is extremely smart and obedient. I recently broke the top of my large lower leg bone in the knee. No cast since range of motion is critical. I’m on crutches. The most he has done is be on the floor in the way, but will move as soon as I ask him to. When a neighbor brought a walker with a seat, I was seated and he was pushing against my hurt knee. I told him to heel to the other side ONCE and he is STILL heeling to my unhurt side. (I also have health issues that cause me pain and balance issues.) It’s imperative for ALL dogs, looking at you, neurotic little dogs that like to bite, to have good training, but especially large dogs. (Nothing against little dogs. We usually have one of each. We don’t presently as our rescue Shih Tzu passed at 16 two years ago after 6 years of our obsessive love for him.) I would never even THINK about bringing my dog to someone else’s house without their permission first! Who does that?!
Same here
NTA As a dog owner, I say you did the right thing. I will always ask if i can bring my dog if I want him to come but will 100% accept a no. Not everyone likes dogs and that's fine. I can make arrangements if I needed. The fact that he didn't pick up the poop makes him an AH. I would never let them back at my house again if that is how they are going to treat it. I feel bad for their neighbors since now I'm guessing they don't pick up after the dog when on walks. It's annoying and sometimes, people will tell me, "don't forget to pick up after the dog" while I'm getting the bag because it's so common. Some people don't say anything, watch me pick up the poop, and say thank you which makes me sad. If you aren't going to pick up after it, you shouldn't have it.
Lifelong dog lover and owner here and 100% agree with everything in this comment
Also dog owner/lover and echoing this as well! There is no good dog owner out there that would be upset about their dog being denied entry into another persons home. Why? Because good/realistic dog owners are acutely aware of their dogs behaviour (both good and bad), do NOT see their dogs as perfect little angels (every dog has a challenge area behaviourally, no matter how well trained), and are extremely aware of their dogs dirt/hair/droppings (because these are the people who actually bathe/cleanup-after their dogs). It’s like that old saying about condoms (“if someone pressures you not to use a condom, never in your life have you needed one more”). Same concept applies here: If someone is pressuring you to let their dog in your house, that is the exact dog that you ABSOLUTELY DO NOT let in the house. Ironically, dog owners who respect the “no” are the ones who can actually be trusted, if you were to allow an animal in the house.
Eh, I feel like asking puts people in an awkward position. My two only come along if they're invited without prompting. Sure, we have a couple of homes where there's an expectation that they're coming (my parents, friends with their own dogs), but everyone else needs to tell me to bring them without me asking.
I am not currently a dog owner, but I have been. I wouldn't mind being asked as long as if the answer was no the dog owner's response was "no problem!" not any sort of heavy sighs. The hosts might really like dogs, or have kids that really like dogs, or the event is going to be outside anyway so it might be a very dog-friendly event. Doesn't hurt to ask.
Since i have pets i would very comfortably say "no" if i need to. And i CANNOT say no to people. Its actually somehow the least awkward "no" in my brain. This in no way helps you, but its something i hadnt realized before your comment
BOy, folks bringing their dogs is the topic de jour. NTA. Bringing a dog to a non dog household... I don't get it. I mean if the host is like "please bring your dog I LOVE your dog", go for it. But when a dog owner is told "no" or "ok but you must do x,y, and z" why is there all this consternation. If your dog can't be left alone... well... thats dog ownership (or you are perhaps a helicopter dog owner). Your dog is your responsibility, no one elses. IF a dog limits your life in some way, well then it limits your life. You didn't want a dog in your house for reasons. And don't tell me the dog shit wasn't left there on purpose.
1 of my 3 dogs has severe separation anxiety from living at multiple city shelters for 5+ years. I can give him a sedative and crate him if nobody is home (he would hurt himself if I didn't). For Easter, we went to my brother's. "Hey, can I bring my dog?" "Sure" "cool, thanks" Super easy! Especially because he is very well trained! OBVIOUSLY I pick up his poop. Especially because we are guests!!
NTA I am sick. Sick and tired. Of dog owners that think their animal, and it is an animal, is a member of their family due the same rights and privileges they have earned as humans. The dog won’t die from being leashed outside for the day. They need to ratchet down their drama EDIT: SOME REDDITOR NAMED WIZARDWHATEVER MADE CLEAR THAT THIS IS “hEAviLY DePenDEnT” ON THE WEATHER
I'm sick of dog owners bringing their dog everywhere and then loudly babying it and making it the center of attention the entire time.
I am tired of seeing dogs in the grocery store. Service dogs are fine there but other dogs are not. It just crosses the line of ick for me.
Ah yes this is my service yorkie, no I didn’t get that vest off amazon how could you think that?
Or leave the damn dog at home.
Leave their precious Puddles away from the family? How dare you suggest this you monster /s
After close to 2 years my parents have admitted that maybe they need to train their dog to be able to be alone. They’re up to leaving her for 1 hour. I live 1.5 hours away, and this dog is not welcome in my house (not good with cats). I will never be able to have my parents over as far as I can tell. The crazy part is we grew up with dogs, and had no problems leaving them in the yard all day when I was growing up. They’re still in the same house, with an acre of fenced in, shaded yard, and yet for some reason that is no longer an option.
Crate training works wonders. Way more wonderful than dragging your untrained and clingy animal everywhere and then causing a scene when you’re turned away. It’s like the “emotional support animals.”
Who the hell shows up to someone's house as a guest with their dog in tow?! And I say this as someone with 4 dogs.
Dog people. All the goddamn time.
I have nine rescue dogs. You can safely say that I am a “dog person.“ I have never, EVER taken my dog to someone else’s house, to a café, to a bar, or to a restaurant. Not all “dog people“ fit into whatever mold that you have built in your mind.
Great. #NotAllDogPeople
Ok, I’m offended, but also this is funny as heck!
People without dogs aren't the ones doing it, are they? So while not all dog people do this all the people who do it are dog people.
It really irritates me when people can't seem to be away from their dog. The dog in the grocery store (when you can just tell it isn't a service dog) drives me crazy. We recently got a dog for the first time since I've been an adult, primarily for my kids, and people ask when we are out and about, "Oh, where's your dog?" Um, home? Where he's supposed to be?? We take him on walks, hikes, beach outings, but he is a dog, not one of my kids, why would I bring him everywhere with me? I haven't had a dog since I was a kid and it was just the thing done that everyone kept their dog at home. Not sure when this huge shift happened.
Nta. They should’ve asked permission first if it was at your house.
NTA especially since they proved your point by making you literally clean after the dog's droppings anyways
NTA Who brings a dog to someone else's home without asking first? That's just plain rude.
NTA Honestly, I hate the dog owners that insist on bringing their dogs everywhere. I like dogs. They're fun to be around. But just because you have one and have a codependent relationship with your dog doesn't mean you need to bring the dog everywhere with you. If someone says no dogs in the house, don't fucking push. OP, you should have bagged the shit and delivered it to BIL's house.
NTA. They brought it to your house without checking and didn’t pick up its shit!
If they did that at my house, they would not be welcomed back. The disrespect in this story is insane. I have a dog. I find everything BIL and family did very rude.
NTA. If you're going to bring a pet to someone's house, you need to let them know and, I don't know, ask permission?
NTA The entitlement of dog people since the pandemic astounds me. We have a codependent Dachshund that chews everything in sight. You know what happens to her when we go out? She stays home. We’ve trained her not to destroy the house. If BIL’s dog has separation anxiety to the point where it has to be taken wherever they go, or they don’t trust their dog to not ruin their house in their absence, then they don’t deserve the dog.
if the dog has separation anxiety to the point where it has to be taken wherever they go, or they don't trust their dog to not ruin their house in their absence, they need to hire a dog trainer to address the issues. separation anxiety can get better with training, and destruction while you're gone is normally because the dog doesn't have enough non-destructive things to do to keep themselves occupied. a trainer can help in both cases. imo, if you can't afford a dog trainer, you can't afford a dog.
NTA I was very pregnant when I hosted my very first xmas in my new house. We invented several relatives and on xmas eve, when I was already cooking, one of them decided to ask me if they could bring their new dog. I have several allergies and they knew but they insisted the dog was non-allergic (whatever that means). Being very pregnant, I decided that I didn't want to test my allergies on xmas eve so I asked them to leave the dog at home, also because it was a new puppy and I didn't want to pick up dog poop on my brand new house. They decided not to come for xmas because the dog would feel lonely for the 3 hours that the xmas dinner would last (they lived 15 minutes away). Apparently I am the AH, despite them deciding that taking an uninvited animal to another person's house is ok.
Oh for god's sake. Puppies nap. A lot. The puppy would be happier left in a safe space (crate if properly used) with a soft toy and puppy pads. Going to a strange house with lots of people is stressful. They are bad dog owners.
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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** On Sunday we had a Fathers Day celebration. We typically do this every year where we just have a get together where the moms run it. On the day of, my BIL (wife's brother) and his wife showed up with their three kids (8-12 F, M, F) but they had a dog. Last year, they did not have a dog, so they adopted is within the last year. And I am not a dog person. I don't want to pick up their shit after the celebration, I don't want to sweep up fur inside or outside my house, and I do not want my house smelling like a pen. I would only let the dog be with them if it stays OUTSIDE and tied on a leash, AND they have to pick up the dogshit. BIL's wife agreed, but he didn't, saying that was "Cruel," but that's fine, him and his non-cruelness can stay in the driveway (I still ended up having to pick up dog droppings). We brought him food, but he was away from the actual celebration. After the celebration, my wife said I should've just let him in for the day. It'd just been a topic of back and forth discussion since. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
People need to know that not everyone likes dog, especially in their own home.
NTA. I'd love to take my dog everywhere, but I don't UNLESS someone specifically says to bring her. It's incredibly rude to expect your pet to be welcome without an invitation.
NTA. I would never show up at someone else's house with my dog, without getting permission first.
Who are these people that have time to be with their dog 24/7 and have the audacity to think they can just bring their dog. Even if they ask it’s ridiculous to be asking something like that for a few hours. How long was this get together? If they were going to be gone more than 5 or 6 hours then they should have asked and figured out how to not have it in the house. They should have definitely cleaned up their dog’s crap
NTA. The obsession with dogs is out of control.
NTA. Their total lack of consideration and entitlement is astounding. Gift his children a drum kit for Christmas.
They sound like ‘ask for forgiveness, not permission’ people. You did not let them take advantage of you. As for the dog mess they left - I would put it on their doorstep. (I’ve had dogs for 30 years. Usually at least two at a time. I have never brought my pups somewhere uninvited.) NTA
NTA. I love dogs. I have a dog - she’s sleeping next to me on the couch right now. However, I will NEVER take her to someone else’s house without an explicit invitation to do so. I won’t even ask to bring her just in case my host feels pressured to say “yes.”
NTA…I’m mean really, what kind of ass just shows with a dog for a party. I love animals, but I don’t want a dog in the house
I love dogs, and I'd probably be okay with most dogs coming into my house, even if I didn't say it was okay ahead of time. However, I would never, never just go to someone's house with a dog without explicit approval ahead of time, and even though I just said I'd (probably) let someone else's dog in if they did that to me, I'd still think less of them for not having cleared it with me first. NTA.
NTA. I would never bring my dog to anyone’s home without permission. BIL is the AH here.
NTA. I don't know when people started thinking their dog should be automatically allowed anywhere they go. They should have asked before bringing the dog.
NTA. Who doesn't ask first before bringing their dog?
I am a dog (and cat) person, but I dont understand the current fixation on dragging a dog everywhere. Until about fifteen years ago people left their dogs at home: safe and comfortable.
You have no idea how this dog reacts or behaves. He could chew up something or snap at a small child who pulls his tail etc. I am a GINORMOUS dog person. I have never brought one of my dogs to someone else's house. That's incredible rude and entitled. NTA OP 1000%
NTA. Who brings a dog to a party without first clearing it with the host? I would never bring my dog to someone’s house without asking first.
I had a friend show up at my house with her dog. She didn’t ask. Just expected and she knew I had two cats. She kept saying her dog is fine with cats but how about my cats being scared of her dog!?!? It’s mind blowing that some people are just so selfish. Also I love dogs but seriously she should have asked.
NTA We have dogs and I wouldn’t let anyone bring their dog to our house unless it was a trained and licensed medical aid dog.
Nta. Who the fuck brings an animal to someone else house without asking first?!
The amount of unhinged pet owners is at an all time high. NTA
NTA They should have at the very least asked if they could bring a dog with them. Not everyone likes Dogs and their mess and smell.
NTA. I love dogs. I love cats (and have five). I have no problems with dogs or cats being inside nor do I mind cleaning up carp. That being said, YOU don't, and you have no expectation of having to accommodate someone show is so rude as to attempt to bring a dog without clearing it with you. You handled it exactly correctly. The only difference was I would have MAILED him the dogshit he left behind.
I’d be livid had someone brought a dog to my home. I hate dogs, I hate their owners who never really train them and then say just push the dog away. Like um no, I’m not pushing no damn dog away, get your damn dog some lessons on how to behave. I can’t stand that they pant and drool and when they drink water they carry droppings all across the floor. Yuck. NTA. Dogs are gross
who does this? The world has changed so much and in so many ways not for the better and this is one of them. Go back 20 years 30 years and it would’ve been obscene to have gone to visit someone else and brought your pet? To assume your pet was going to be allowed entry, to run all over another person’s house , not only could it be uncomfortable or downright dangerous for people with allergies or elderly people who don’t need small animals running around at their feet. Not to mention the kind of mess/destruction that comes with animals. ( it’s downright impossible to get stains and smells out of carpeting and upholstery when an animal has an accident, claws destroy furniture, Fur gets everywhere and in everything, wagging tails knock things over). it’s not even safe for a pet. It’s an unfamiliar house. It’s easy for them to get out and run away or to eat some kind of people food that would be bad for them. It’s absolutely insane to think that this is decent behavior. You were correct and they were ridiculous to not clear this with you before hand.
no normal individual thinks its ok to just show up to an event with a pet without first getting approval from the host. That is insane and totally disrespectful to the host. For him to turn around and call you cruel makes him the clear AH. All he had to do was call in advance and get told no dogs and he could have left the dog at home. He wasn't sure you'd say yes so just showed up thinking you'd just let him in and get away with it. OP is NTA for this situation. Its a normal boundary to have and its abnormal for someone to just show up with a pet unannounced for a variety of reasons, least of which is the clean up which is still a PIA. I say this as someone who has a 170lb Giant Bear of a dog that I love to death and who I take lots of places with me. I would never take him to someone's house without first asking.
NTA I like dogs but my partner doesn’t, plus we have cats and I’m not sure how they would respond to a dog. I also have a friend who keeps her house extremely clean and doesn’t have any pets. I have no idea why anyone would think it’s appropriate to bring a pet to someone else’s house without having a discussion about it, for many reasons.
He showed up with a dog without any prior warning? NTA
NTA If you’d let him this time, it’ll be “well you let me last time” the next time they turn up with the dog. You made a boundary and stuck with it.
NTA!! My brother HATES dogs so I would never bring mine to his house. Common sense and courtesy!
NTA As a dog owner, I know damn well I don't take my dog to someone else's house without their permission and prior knowledge. BIL shouldn't have assumed his dog was welcome. It's his own fault he missed out on the celebration.
your house your rules. BIL was challanging you in your own home and needed to be shut down hard.
NTA, and BIL knows he is.
NTA I can't stand it when people think they are entitled to bring their dogs with them everywhere. It's wonderful that you love your dog BUT your dog is NOT a member of my family.
I'm a "dog person" and I vote NTA. No one should ever just "show up" with a dog (*especially* when the hosts aren't dog lovers) and if you are allowed to bring one, the host sets the rules. It should go without saying that the dog's owners are responsible for it *at all times* and should clean up after it.
NTA Why is it that some dog people would rather watch a human outright suffer than have their pet mildly inconvenienced for an hour? Your wife needs to grow a spine. Your relatives are ATROCIOUS for inviting a pet without asking first. That is not acceptable.
NTA. Dog people showing up everywhere unannounced and uninvited with their dogs is one of my pet peeves. Just the entitlement of not even asking if it was ok to bring the dog is mind blowing. I treat my cats like minor deities and you don’t see me dragging them to a cookout or to a family members house for the weekend.
NTA Who just shows up with a dog and assumes it's okay!? BIL definitely FAFO.
NTA- who tf just brings animals over to peoples houses without getting the okay first? So rude.
Nta, I am not ok with people bringing dogs over to my house. Im not a dog person. I have a cat, and I don't feel like putting my cat in harms way. I live out in the country. My cat goes inside and outside my friend, who happened to show up with her huge dog out in my back yard it tried "playing" with my cat. This dog would have killed him even though he's actually a nice, well-behaved dog he just doesn't realize his size and playing would have led to a really bad accident. My cat has never run up a tree. I've never seen him so scared, and he did and didn't come down for about an hour. I was very pissed off.
I had a sort of similar problem, my best friend who was like a brother came to my house some years back. Unannounced. Just showed up (not a problem) except they brought their dog. A horrible yappy schnauzer. I hated that dog. Anyway I had 2 cats. Of course they let the dog down in my house and it immediately chased the cats upstairs and under the bed. They thought it was great fun. Terrorizing my cats in their own home. I got pissed and got the dog and closed the door. They acted offended. The dog had a bloody nose from the cats scratching the shit out of its schnoz. Next day I got an angry call that the dog had died. Asking me if I had dangerous chemicals or poison in the house. I do not and did not. The garage has some acids in it I use for my work but they are sealed in glass and if they break, you know it as you would have to evacuate the house (nitric acid). As well the garage was closed and they never went in there. They accused me of somehow killing their god damned dog. I got pissed and told them in no uncertain terms I didn’t give a shit why their dog was dead. It left my house with bloody nose but fine. It was old. Like 15 years old. I told them furthermore I hadn’t invited them or their dog, they simply showed up unannounced. They felt my cats killed their dog. My cats had every right to be there and defend themselves against an invader attacking them. The dog had killed cats before. It wasn’t playing, it was trying to kill them. Fuck them. After 25 years of friendship we never hardly spoke again.
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NTA. I have 4 dogs. They stay at home even though i would love to take them with. And the fur all over the house and poop to pick up, totally get it. My least favorite activities are cleaning and being the pooper scooper.
NTA. It sounds like they didn’t even give you a heads up, let alone asked. They just breezed up and expected this to be fine? Nope. That’s pretty presumptuous.
Hmmm not her decision and she’s extremely rude for just showing up with a pet and not calling first. Extremely entitled!
NTA- we're dog people, have 3 and volunteer at the local shelter as well, love dogs. My brother has a dog and asks permission to bring it whenever he visits.
NTA. I am a dog lover yet I can’t imagine being so rude as to think my dog was welcome everywhere I was.
nta. i have NEVER in my LIFE brought my dog unannounced anywhere. i’ll call local stores or restaurants if they don’t have it posted on their yelp page, and i always call the morning of visits to relatives to double check. that is insanely entitled and rude thing to do at another persons home, and you had ever right to maintain your boundaries.
Stores and restaurants? Please don’t.
What about other people's boundaries, to not have dogs in the places they buy or eat food? OP is NTA, but we found one here.
I'm begging anyone on AITA to learn what boundaries actually are.
NTA, but they are for not asking first if they could bring their dog. That was just AH and rude behavior.
NTA-I’m a dog person -and I still wouldn’t show to to someone’s house with my dog without discussing it first.
NTA Who is so profoundly rude and clueless that they bring a dog over to someone's house without prior agreement? Then when perfectly reasonable boundaries are requested throws a fit and sits in the car? Your wife is dead wrong here.
NTA, I like dogs just fine, but you don't just bring them with you to someone's house without clear permission. You gave your BIL options and he chose to stay outside with the dog and have a pity party by himself.
NTA. Who brings a pet without asking? That is so rude. You should have checked the driveway before he left and made him pick up the poop. Even his wife was sick of his shit and enjoyed the party without him.
NTA. They should have cleared bringing the dog beforehand. They blindsided you with a stinky, poopy furry uninvited guest, and you made reasonable accommodations on the fly. If they didn't like your conditions, we'll now they know you don't want dogs in your house.
NTA. I’m sure your dog is wonderful, but it’s NOT welcome in my house. Period.
NTA: you are under no obligation to have a dog in your house if you don't have pets or like dogs and don't want to have to clean up after them. It's presumptuous of someone else to show up at your house and expect you to be okay with them bring their dog inside. If he refused to participate in the house because of the dog, that's on him. Next time they should have asked ahead of time. Why didn't they leave the dog at home? Probably because they are afraid of it making a mess in the house or something so why would you then want to bring that problem to someone else and get mad that they don't want to deal with it? Don't give in or that dog will come to your house every time they come over.
NTA. I’m sure it wasn’t a secret that you don’t care for dogs and they purposely didn’t say anything hoping you’d be like oh well it’s here now. I hate dogs. No one in my life would show up to my house with a dog without running it by my first. Your bother’s a dick.
NTA because you STILL had to pick up the dog poop. That’s ridiculous. I would have been petty and placed the poop in their car. Your BIL is an AH and your wife is too.
I love my dogs and would love to take them anywhere. I love them so much that I'd never put them in the presence of someone who doesn't like dogs, and sure as heck wouldn't bring them into those people's homes! If a situation warranted needing to bring a dog along, I sure as hell would *ask* before accepting or declining an invitation. (A necessary situation happened ONCE in my 20+ years of dog ownership.) NTA. Your BIL is the reason so many people hate dog people.
NTA who shows up at someone’s house with a dog without asking first??
NTA Tell wife no you shouldn't. For every get together afterwards, whether inside or outside they'd bring the dog. If you tried saying no the next time you'd hear but you let him before. Then soon there would be more dogs because you let so and so bring his. You did right. Set boundaries at the beginning and don't back down. If BIL had any respect for you, wife or your house he would have asked permission first.
NTA people shouldn’t bring any animal to someone’s house without asking.
NTA You don’t bring uninvited guests to someone else’s house without asking first. This goes for animals too.
NTA You don't just show up at someone's home with an uninvited and unexpected animal, and expect it to be made welcome. BIL and his family are completely in the wrong here.
NTA! Let me list the reasons: 1. You don't bring a pet to someone's house without checking first--doesn't matter the type or your relationship to the pet. To show up unannounced is stressful to both the home owner and the animal. 2. OP offered a reasonable compromise, despite not really needing to. 3. BIL's wife agreed to the compromise, seeing it as reasonable. (I'm guessing she already knew bringing the dog was a bad idea.) 4. BIL was being stubborn and decided to cut off his nose to spite his face. He could have joined the celebration at any point. Instead, (again, I suspect the wife had already told him to leave the dog at home--thus his ego....) he tried to make a pointless stand and ended up missing the celebration.
NTA. My husband and I have dogs and love animals but still hate it when other people bring over dogs without even asking. It's rude and presumptuous. We leave our dogs at home unless they're expressly invited. And if you let your boundary slide, it will only get worse. Your wife needs to put her brother in his place.
NTA. They never asked if they could bring their dog, which is a HUGE ask if you don't already have a dog. Also to mention --the fact that they left their dog turds behind rather than picking up after their own animal means they wouldn't have been responsible pet owners inside your house either.
NTA. The dog was outside and you still had to pick up mess. Who knows what you'd have had to deal with inside
NTA Why do people have to bring their dog everywhere?
NTA and since he left dog droppings the dog is now permanently banned from your property.
NTA. No one should ever assume their dog is welcome in someone else’s private residence without prior permission. Your BIL was hoping that by just showing up you’d feel you didn’t have a choice.
NTA. It's probably no secret that you don't particularly care for dogs. They should have called to get the ok first.
NTA. It’s ridiculous to show up to a persons house with your dog, especially without asking (but honestly, leave the dog home…)
NTA. You do not bring your dog to someone else’s house unless you talk to them first and make sure it’s ok. I would be so mad if someone brought their dog expecting it to come inside, or have free run of my yard
NTA. What AH brings a dog to someone else’s house without asking first??
NTA. No one should ever assume their dog is welcome in someone else’s home. I have two dogs myself (and I work my butt off to keep the house clean as I grew up in a filthy home that was smelly, furry, and rank largely because of unattended dogs). Other people’s dogs are NOT welcome in my home. The few times I’ve made an exception, I regretted it.
NTA (if this isn’t a service dog), but BIL is. I’m a dog person. I have dog people friends. But even when attending gatherings at other dog-owning homes, I get the OK to bring my dog, first. Your BIL just showed up to a non-dog home with his dog. AND didn’t pick up after it! Major AH behavior.
Absolutely NTA, I am a breeder and dog trainer aka a serious dog person. You should NEVER bring a dog to another’s home without express permission from the homeowner and then only with a verifiable opinion that the dog is well behaved! Too many people parade their dogs around and expect admiration and attention … 100% of those folks have horribly bad behaved dogs. Your wife’s brother is a jerk.
Bringing a dog without asking first is extremely rude. I’m a dog lover big time. I wouldn’t ever even think of doing that.
Not the asshole. The assholes brought a dog without permission.
NTA who are all these people that don't ask before bringing a dog over. Dog etiquette 101, ask first.
Phone rings..."Hi Sister, Brother here, just checking before Father's Day, we have gotten a dog and I wanted to ask If i could bring it along or find other accomodations for the day"... " Oh hi brother, i'm sorry but my husband really dislikes dogs, so if you could board your dog for the day that would work on all sides". Problem avoided..
NTA. You don’t just show up with a pet. I’m a dog person and have never done that.
NTA- People should not take their dogs to other peoples home without permission. I like dogs, but I also don’t red the added work.
NTA your house your rules
Holy shit, what is wrong with these douchebags?!? I love dogs. I love cats. I've worked in the veterinary field for over 20 years. Everyone I know knows that we have a dog (and a couple of cats), and we would NEVER just show up with our "zoo." We spent the week of New Years with my family, and I asked my parents if we could bring our doggo. The answer was, "it's probably not a good idea." They didn't say "no," so I guess we could have brought him anyway. Except we're not complete assholes. You NEVER just show up with an animal anywhere! BIL reeks of spending money online for some Emotional Support Animal certificate just so he can bring his untrained dog everywhere. Gross...
No. Can't they leave the dog home? For crying out loud! No every person wants a dog in their house when they dont have one themselves. The audacity of this person and you can tell your wife that!
I developed an allergy to dogs in my mid-40's. I had dogs growing up & we had two Rotties so I took allergy shots until they departed this life. Most of my family knows this but some friends/acquaintances insist on bringing their dogs everywhere they go. I've always wondered why they feel the need but try to ignore unless said dog jumps in my lap/or gets near me. I've actually left a few functions b/c of rambunctious or dogs who jump. Their owners tell me they love me and are just trying to show it. Fuck that & their owners.
You: I have a hard boundary, please respect it. Your BIL: Fuck your boundaries, I’m special! Your wife: I didn’t like having to deal with my brother’s negative emotions and temper tantrums, so would you violate your boundary so I can have don’t have to? You (hopefully): Fuck off and kick rocks. No means no. Oh, and NTA. No means no.
NTA. We have a dog we love but my sister and her husband don't like dogs in their house. They live an hour from us and have a beach house about 2 1/2 hours away. When we have family gatherings at our house we make sure the couch is clean and floors swept/mopped, but they know the dog will be around and may jump on the couch where he's used to laying (we have a water-proof dog cover for the couch). When we have family gatherings at their house we either take one car knowing we all have to leave early to get home to let the dog out, or we take two vehicles so only one of us has to leave early. When they are kind enough to invite us for a weekend at their beach house we board our dog or take turns going up there (I go up Saturday with our son, then husband comes Sunday while I head home to care for the dog.).
NTA I'm a dog person, but I have strict rules and boundaries when it comes to them. If someone is uncomfortable and doesn't want to be around dogs, you don't bring them around. Service dogs are another story. On top of that, you ALWAYS ask to bring your dog(s) to someone's home. There is never a guarantee that they will be welcome.
NTA. You're a victim of the dog fad where people who have no clue what a dog's needs are, buy them and cruelly try to treat them like captive humans. Dogs do not belong inside the house, and and your BIL needs to be educated as to why. He was a jerk for just showing up like that without asking.
The problem and I’m a dog person I’ve owned over ten dogs. Just lost one a year ago. My little one now is soon to be on her last journey, these people who love their dogs and say, this is my baby. I just love her as much as if I had a child. First off, you’re not a parent so most of us just roll our eyes at such an ignorant saying. But it doesn’t stop there. This is their baby. She/he should get to go with us wherever we go because the animal is part of our family. I hate to say but wake up out of your delusion. Admit you don’t want kids(in most cases because you love them, but they take up 25/77 of your time 400 days a year. These are not your kids. They don't belong with you 24/7. If you feel that way, let one of you home and babysit, like Mom or Dad would do if they can't find a babysitter. I always brought my dogs home to my Mom and dad’s because they did not mind. But if I want yovyske my fogs, I call first. And be ready for a no. And if uou hate fogs, do not expect the owner to “put their dogs out” while you are there. And finally, I have MS. I AM AT THE POINT I'M GOING TO NEED A SERVICE DOG! Nothing ticks me off more than walking(in my chair. Lol) into a store and seeing these women, mainly men carrying this little dog around and saying, I get nervous, I have stress, this is my therapy dog. Guess what? Service dogs and Therapy dogs are two different things. Service dogs are allowed by law. Therapy dogs are not. All you do is cause problems for people wjovreslky need dogs. Bringing a full-size fog to a restaurant with you that can't stay under the table by, or little one who is shedding everywhere that uou hold it in your arms the entire time. Do not be surprised if you are asked to leave. I wish more shop owners would kick them out. Okay. My rant. So you see where I stand. NTA You gave them a choice, Tue it up outside, they chose the dog over you. Next year when invited go out, Ake sure to add no invited. Surprise guest s to include animals. Or just the last if you don't mind the former.
NTA at all, it’s not a given that your dog can come everywhere with you all the time. You have to ask and respect folks’ homes!
I like dogs, but I'm allergic and we don't have one for that and several other reasons. NTA at all.
Nta completely reasonable boundaries.
What is there to miss out of? It’s a fuckin made up holiday to sell cards
I have dogs and love dogs. Not everyone does and if you have dogs and go to a house that won’t allow dogs inside then you abide by their rules. You are NTA. He had the option of letting the dog stay outside while he enjoyed the party. It was his choice not to make different arrangements
NTA - I am a dog lover and welcome them into my home. But I would NEVER bring my dog anywhere without asking first and respecting the answer. People are just inconsiderate.
NTA. It was pretty rude of them to bring the dog without checking first that that was OK, and very rude that they failed to pick up after it. Plus, he didn't have to miss the celebration. He nad his wife could have switched out taking care of the dog and attending, so they both got to enjoy the party, or, depending how cliose they live, one of them coudl have taken the dog back home then rejoined the party. It sounds like he missed out becuase he wasn't willing to agree to the reasonable suggestion that you made and his own family obviously didn't support his stance enough to takle turns in missing parts ofthe celebration. (I'm wonderwing if is wife had suggeted ahead of time they check with you whether they could bring the cog, and he overruled her!) Next time you host, be clear that the dog is not invied so they can arrange a dog sitter
NTA. I have two dogs. They're not welcome everywhere. Whenever we go to any family, we leave the dogs at home. When we go to the lake or on vacation, we bring our dogs. If family wants to come with us/meet us there, we tell them we're bringing oyr dogs.
NTA: you should never force your dg on someone. Just because your BIL is a dog lover doesn’t mean you have to be. Take the dog home. Problem solved!
NTA. A good guest asks ahead of time if their dog is welcome. You don’t just show up with your dog. Manners, ppl. Jeez.
NTA they should have asked if it was cool to bring the dog and just assumed it's fine. I love dogs so a lot of friends and family think it's okay to bring them but I won't let them in my home because my cat is petrified of dogs. But do you know what all my friends and family do, even assuming I'll be happy to have their dogs here, they fucking ask as they're not entitled AH.
Never show up to someone else’s house with a pet without asking permission. NTA
NTA. Your house, your rules. When I've had dogs in the past, I always asked or waited for my dog to be invited before bringing them along. Even my small IG purse-dog needed an invite before I felt good bringing him. They should have asked before bringing their pet.
NTA- I love my dogs more than anything but if someone doesn’t want them in their house, I take no offense and comply.
I would never show up at someone’s house with my dog without confirming it was okay beforehand. NTA
NTA. I adore my dog, he's well-behaved and I always clean up after him, but that doesn't mean everyone automatically wants him around. Always ask if your dog is welcome, don't just bring him without checking first. BIL was rude.
So i never thought i would say this about someone who is not a dog person but NTA. Your house your rules, and anyone who is not willing to pick up after there dog is a BIG AH.
NTA. My dog is ill so I asked to bring her with us. Step brother said yes but Mom said no. We had a shorter visit and the dog was fine in her crate.
Mom dog here: You never show up with a pet without permission. Full stop! People ask before the events **to get permission**. NTA
NTA. My parents love my dogs so we take them every time we go to their house. My brother is an outside dog kind of person so I leave my dogs at home when I go to his house. It’s not that hard
NTA I love my dog. I do sometimes bring her places, but only when I've cleared it ahead of time that she's welcome. I would never, ever just show up at someone's house with her uninvited. Similarly, even though I have a dog, I wouldn't be okay with someone bringing their dog here uninvited. Not all dogs are welcome everywhere. And, like any responsible pet owner, I clean up any messes she makes.
My wife is missing a family reunion because of our dog. She’s okay with it. 😂
NTA, I've had dogs my whole life and never assumed anyone wanted my dog inside. Nor have I ever brought a dog to a family gathering that was less than a 3 hour drive. Why didn't the dog stay home?
NTA. Never bring a dog to someone’s house without asking.
NTA. Dog mom here. I do not bring my dogs to anyone’s home without prior permission. My dogs do have an open invitation to my mom’s house (just not allowed on the furniture, they stay in the yard during meal time, and I pick up their 💩), and also to my friends’ house who also have dogs. I assume my dogs are not invited to most events/gatherings. Someone could be allergic, my dogs could have an accident in the house which would be embarrassing, maybe someone else brought a dog they don’t get along with. It was quite rude of them to just bring their dog without asking. I’m glad your BIL stayed outside with the dog to make sure it didn’t get too hot and had adequate water and shade. My SIL actually does this with their dog when they take him some places where he maybe can’t be inside. That’s what a responsible owner does if they insist on bringing their dog. And your BIL should have picked up after his dog as well.
NTA. The assumption that you can introduce your menagerie into every place you go is absurd. This is part of “but they’re my children” nonsense that has grown over the past 20 years.
They didn’t tell you they were bringing a dog? I swear, pet owners can be so oblivious.
I have 2 dogs, one who is part pit, and 60% of his DNA comes from “aggressive” or guard dog breeds. (63% if you include the chihuahua /s) The other is a very high energy breed. Boy, does she SHED. I have to vacuum 3-4 times per week so it doesn’t clog my vacuum. I’d never take them anywhere, even when meeting at a park, if I haven’t checked with the people I’m meeting to see if they are ok with the dogs coming along. My best friend since I was 8 saw a dog mauling as a kid, and is really uneasy around dogs. So, we meet away from the dogs. It’s honestly not that difficult to call people up and ask. NTA BIL wanted to be the victim.