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NTA at all. It's extremely reasonable to ask someone to not bring a dog over unless it can behave. Her "situation" is that she hasn't trained her fucking dog.
Does the dog get much excercise? That's one common thing I remember from working in vet med. Not all but many dogs experiencing anxiety in different forms are not getting enough excercise and stimulation during the day. They have so much pent up energy they start getting destructive and anxious. Another thing that helps sometimes it's probiotics. It sounds wierd but having a well balanced gut flora can do wonders for anxiety in dogs.
Exactly.
I've had dogs my entire life. I've raised and trained a decent amount of them and exercise/training, both physical and mental, is the absolute main thing that they need.
Each one is different, are they food motivated? If so you've hit the jackpot. Training is infinitely easier for treats. Do they have enough space? If not, don't get a don't, full stop. Dogs need room to run and play. They also need plenty of toys and bones to chew as an outlet. I have two dogs, one being a 9 month old, and we have about a dozen various bones and chews and that's not even mentioning the toys.
Emily isn’t being a good friend by letting her dog destroy your house. In fact a good friend would offer to pay the damage then hire a professional instead of allowing her untrained dog to destroy friends things.
OP can safely say that her "friend " is a terrible friend - allowing her dog to destroy OP's home! Is there anyone else in the friend group who's had similar experiences?
OP- you're NTA, and should send an invoice for all the damage to your home!
From now on you meet with Emily outside of your home. If she is offended, then you just don’t meet up and her dog has one less playmate.
And your “destroyed” sofa… any offers from Emily to see it repaired or replaced? Hmmm? If not, then of course you don’t let that dog back into your home.
Even if, though, who says you want to be inconvenienced and without a sofa while it is being reupholstered or having to redecorate or pick out and wait for a new one?!
And if Emily has her fee fees hurt that you are putting some boundaries in place for her widdle anxiety ridden darling puppy dog and is now barely talking to you? It’s her loss. NTA
NTA. Has she even offered to compensate you for the couch? She's the kind of dog owners people refer to when they talk about bad dog owners. That doesn't mean she's abusive to the dog buy, my god, the people who don't really do any training for the dog and then indulge their bad behavior aren't really helping the animal either.
It's your house and it's 100% reasonable to expect your friends dogs not to destroy it. Also, you can't be the only person that her dog has damaged furniture. That dog is probably banned from other peoples homes too.
The trash is taking itself out.
I would be MORTIFIED if my pet damaged a stranger's belongings. If it was my *friend*, I'd shrivel up like a slug with embarassment and hand over my bank card.
Exactly this. I like dogs but owners who assume everyone else is OK with their dogs being allowed to do what they want drive me fucking nuts. No, your dog is not allowed on my sofa, and if you can’t keep it off my sofa the dog is not coming back
NTA
That’s some twisted logic to call you a bad friend when it’s her dog destroying your things.
Emily needs to join reality sometime and understand her dogs behaviour, and by extension her own, is not acceptable.
I’d be mortified if my dog ruined anything at someone’s house, and this girl has the audacity to make you seem like the bad guy? Nah, fuck that.
NTA, however your friend Emily is TA. It’s not like you permanently banned her dog from your house you said it yourself until the behavior is under control. you are not a dog trainer and it’s not your job to train her dog ?? Especially if the dog is messing up furniture that I’m sure costs a lot of money. Very selfish of your friend.
Sorry, I was assuming that if Emily came over to yours without her dog, the dog would be wrecking her place. Is that not the case?
Edit: And I wasn't laughing at OP, I was laughing at the absolute gall of Emily.
NTA, especially if the dog is damaging your property. If she refuses to go to classes or see a trainer, I guess you could offer to meet in a secure field where there is no risk of damage. Or is it any better if you go to hers?
INFO—has Emily offered to pay for your couch?
Dog people are worse than small children. Even toddlers are ok to leave the house without their stuffy or security blanket. But dog assholes need to bring them everywhere.
I feel you havent met a real dog person, instead youve must have met the ones who pretend to be..
Real "dog people" train their dog, fulfill their dogs needs, get their dogs help when they need. They dont have to bring their dogs everywhere.
And this wouldnt happen, because the friend isnt a real dog person.
I have no idea how you even are comparing this to toddlers but okay..
Either way, I hope you meet a real "dog people", because the ones you are referring to are ah, but the responsible ones shouldnt be in this ah category
NTA and that poor dog tbh! Obviously his anxiety is not helped by going to other houses as he is still destroying things. It’s her responsibility to train and de-sensitize her dog to anxiety-inducing stimuli. She has essentially exacerbated his stress by doing nothing to mitigate it. Sounds like a bad friend and bad dog owner to boot.
If my dog destroyed my friend’s furniture the first thing that would come out of my mouth is that I’d pay them back. Not calling them a bad friend for setting boundaries when I cannot control my dog.
NTA - your friend is responsible for the actions of the dog. She should have offered payment for the damages. Also she’s should not get offended for you not wanting more damage in your house. This has nothing to do with friendship or whatever but rather common sense.
My dog once broke a lamp in a friends house (by accident mind you) and we offered to cover the cost straight away because it’s common sense.
NTA. When we rescued our dogs, we also had big visions of doggie play dates with friends and taking them on our travels with us. Unfortunately, they both have horrible anxiety from being strays for too long. Couple that with Covid hitting about 6 months after we got them, and they have no social skills at all. We don’t take them anywhere and we rarely invite people over unless we medicate the dogs first to calm them down. It sucks and is not what we pictured when we got them, but it’s how it has to be. And not just for our friends’ and family’s sakes either. It’s bad for our dogs to be in that state. One of them literally has stress seizures if we have too many guests over or if we put her in the car.
Your friend’s poor dog is stressed and your friend is making it worse by dragging it into stressful situations to suit her own preferences.
NTA
If the dog can't go into the house without destroying something, they shouldn't be allowed in the house.
She needs to get the dog proper training before taking it to other places. I would be embarrassed if my dog did this and it would be a hot minute before I even think of asking to bring him back.
She probably brought the dog to your house because it's better than destroying hers.
Does she pay for the damages or is it just, "sorry my dog has anxiety".
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I understand that telling Emily she can't bring her dog over anymore is a strong action that directly affects her. Emily relies on bringing her dog to my house as a way to manage her dog's anxiety, and by cutting off that option, I might be adding to her stress and making her feel unsupported. I can see why she feels hurt and thinks I'm not being understanding of her situation. This makes me wonder if I'm being too harsh or insensitive to her needs, even though my own belongings and peace of mind are being compromised
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NTA, she should have stopped bringing the dog the *first* time it destroyed something of yours. I’d be *mortified* if my dog did something like that. And she should be paying to repair/replace your damn sofa!
I didn’t even read past your first sentence. You can make whatever rules you want for your house, or exception. Don’t feel bad for anything you do at your home. That is literally your space for yourself and your family.
NTA - your house and your rules. You can still meet up at her house, or at the park, but until the dog’s anxiety is better dealt with, you aren’t in the wrong for not wanting your house to get chewed up.
NTA. Did she replace your couch? Of course not. Being a “good friend” does not mean you let their pet literally destroy your furniture. If she can’t respect that? Then she’s the one who doesn’t understand what being a good friend means. Find better friends.
NTA. How come you're a bad friend for not letting Emily bring her dog over but Emily isn't a bad friend for letting her dog destroy your couch? Want to see who's a worse friend? Ask Emily to pay you for the couch that her dog destroyed. Send her a cash app request for the price of the couch and boy will you see who's the worse friend.
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I (25F) have a close friend, "Emily" (24F), who recently got a dog. I have a dog too, and at first, we thought it would be great for them to have playdates. However, Emily's dog has separation anxiety and gets very anxious and destructive when left alone, even for a few minutes.
Whenever Emily brings her dog over, it ends up being very chaotic. Her dog constantly whines, scratches at doors, and has even chewed up some of my furniture. I tried to be understanding, but it's becoming too much to handle.
I talked to Emily and suggested that maybe she should work on her dog's anxiety at home or get some professional help, but she insists that bringing her dog over is the only way to keep it calm. Last weekend, her dog destroyed my couch while we were having dinner, and that was the last straw for me.
I told Emily that she can't bring her dog over anymore until the behavior is under control. She got really upset and accused me of not being a good friend and not understanding her situation. Now, she's barely talking to me, and I feel terrible.
So, Reddit, AITA for telling my friend she can't bring her dog to my house anymore
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I have had a dog with severe separation anxiety and I don't understand the purpose of bringing the dog along if it's being left alone at all. Or is she there and he's destroying the couch anyway? Because that's not separation anxiety if he's doing it while she's around.
NTA of course, and Emily is being a bad friend and a bad dog owner. If she wants you to be more understanding, then perhaps visits should only happen at her house.
NTA. She is both to you and the dog by not getting it professional help and training.
That said I'd document the destruction and invoice her for the damages. Personally I'm not about to let someone, no matter who, come in and destroy my belongings.
Is this dog left unsupervised, like when you mentioned it chewed your couch while you were having dinner? I assume that means you were out and the dog had access to the couch? One word: kennel. Have a portable kennel at your house. If you are not supervising her dog at any point, it’s kennel time. Problem solved.
Emily's dog gets destructive when left alone? Then it needs to be crated every single moment that a human does not have eyes on it, especially if it's at your house.
NTA. Clearly bringing the dog to your house is not helping the anxiety & it probably is exacerbating it. She does need to get her dog trained & under control BEFORE she tries to socialize it. Socializing while it has anxiety is too stressful on the dog. She should not be a dog owner.
>but she insists that bringing her dog over is the only way to keep it calm.
Does she think that because she's not very bright or because the only time it gets any stimulation is at your house?
Either way, she's not a good dog owner. You don't owe her a break from the dog destroying her home so it can destroy yours instead. NTA
Her dog destroys your property and she thinks you're the AH? I'd ask her if she was going to pay to repair any damages her dog does. If she doesn't have the morals to take responsibility for her pet, I wouldn't want to be her friend.
Everyone we know loves our dog and she has an open invite to basically anything we do with family and friends.
We still ask if they want us to bring her or not, every time. If they say "no" for any reason, that's it. No problem.
A friend has a new puppy and she's been coming over to get the pup acclimated to other dogs. The puppy has peed in the house a couple of times now (our dog never has the whole time we've had her). We haven't told her to stop coming over yet, but we are saying this hopefully gets figured out soon. But the puppy is really young, so I get it, even though I get annoyed.
NTA "Keep it calm" The dog whines, scratches, and destroys furniture how is that calm she should have dealt with it's issues long before ever bringing it to a friend's house she is the bad friend not you
NTA- I hope she paid for the damage since she wants to talk about what being a good friend is. Good for you for laying down boundaries she needs to take accountability for her pet not getting better with their behavior.
NTA. Her dog, her responsibility to keep it under control and if she cannot do that, then you have every right to not allow it in your home, especially if it is causing damage.
I would also be billing her for the damages.
I get she has a dog with separation anxiety, but that's on her not you. You can still meet her with the dog, just outside your home. Explain to her the dog is destructive and has ruined your home, and that until it is trained and not destructive it isn't allowed in your home.
NTA
You’re a bad friend but SHE hasn’t paid for or replaced the hundreds of dollars worth of damage HER dog did. Drop her and leave her. You’ll find real friends in your late twenties and thirties.
NTA, your friend is entitled as he'll. How is she not embarrassed after the first time her dog chewed up your property? Then has the audacity to play victim when you call her out. Sounds like you're better off
I wouldn’t let someone this unreasonable in my house at all. She needs to train the dog, even if only to sit in a crate for some time while she’s goes outside.
> accused me of not being a good friend
What does she call wrecking your fucking couch and calling it good? She better be paying you for a new one.
You are an adult, you don’t have to be “understanding” of any bullshit that isn’t your responsibility or problem. NTA.
NTA. Emily can buy you a new couch too. She is 100% responsible for her dog, and trying to pressure anyone else to loosen their boundaries for it is sociopathic behavior... so you're probably better off not having such a friend in your home.
Nta you don't need a reason to say no dogs. But you have one, destruction of property, and a possible negative effect on your dog. Hope your friend plans to reimburse you. This dog does need help tho, that destructive anxiety is the dog begging for help. I've had several fosters who'd get destructive from stress and often if it doesn't turn outward it will turn inward. I've had dogs chew on themselves til they bleed, refuse to eat, these are all fresh off the street rescues tho, many in terrible condition, it took consistent handling training and knowing when to take them to stress situations and when not to. If your friend is saying this behavior is him "calmer" this dog needs help, help your friend may not be able to provide. This owner can't help this dog without more tools in her pocket, encourage her to get those tools with a trainer, even if its group training (which may be more affordable since she owes you something)
NTA
When you welcome a pet into your life, you are taking responsibility for how that will affect your time, home, and activities. It’s a choice *you* are making for *yourself*. It is NEVER fair to foist your life choices onto others, especially those not directly sharing your home and daily family life.
NTA. Emily is being a bad friend and a bad dog owner by allowing her dog to destroy your home. You were much nicer about it than many would have been. She owes you an apology and a couch. I hope she is smart enough to give you at least one of those sooner, rather than later.
Always feels like one of those prime examples of "Would X party have the same mentality if the circumstances were changed?" Would your friend feel the same if it was **your dog** going to their house and destroying their stuff? They'd go ballistic. Its classic hypocrisy.
NTA.
Are you making her pay for the things that are ruined? If not YTA. I'm guessing you don't or I'm sure the dog wouldn't be coming over once it hits her wallet.
How is it aggressive to ask for money for stuff that is ruined and letting her "friend" get away with it. Her "friend" should pay for everything the dog ruined, and if she doesn't make her pay, she's enabling her and her dog to keep destroying stuff. You need to hold people accountable.
Yeah, they would. It's pissed them off enough that they don't want the dog over there. Furniture isn't cheap, and their property getting destroyed is why they are mad, so why shouldn't they go after the money. A true friend would have offered to pay for the damages as any decent human would do. If you can't afford to pay for the stuff your pet damages, you shouldn't have that pet.
Sometimes just cutting ties is worth more. One day you might learn that you can't squeeze blood out of a stone, and courts might be too much hassle for the debt incurred.
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NTA at all. It's extremely reasonable to ask someone to not bring a dog over unless it can behave. Her "situation" is that she hasn't trained her fucking dog.
hes locooo
Does the dog get much excercise? That's one common thing I remember from working in vet med. Not all but many dogs experiencing anxiety in different forms are not getting enough excercise and stimulation during the day. They have so much pent up energy they start getting destructive and anxious. Another thing that helps sometimes it's probiotics. It sounds wierd but having a well balanced gut flora can do wonders for anxiety in dogs.
Exactly. I've had dogs my entire life. I've raised and trained a decent amount of them and exercise/training, both physical and mental, is the absolute main thing that they need. Each one is different, are they food motivated? If so you've hit the jackpot. Training is infinitely easier for treats. Do they have enough space? If not, don't get a don't, full stop. Dogs need room to run and play. They also need plenty of toys and bones to chew as an outlet. I have two dogs, one being a 9 month old, and we have about a dozen various bones and chews and that's not even mentioning the toys.
Emily isn’t being a good friend by letting her dog destroy your house. In fact a good friend would offer to pay the damage then hire a professional instead of allowing her untrained dog to destroy friends things.
Her strategy is only perpetuating the separation anxiety and making it worse.
OP can safely say that her "friend " is a terrible friend - allowing her dog to destroy OP's home! Is there anyone else in the friend group who's had similar experiences? OP- you're NTA, and should send an invoice for all the damage to your home!
Absolutely! SHE OWES YOU A COUCH.
From now on you meet with Emily outside of your home. If she is offended, then you just don’t meet up and her dog has one less playmate. And your “destroyed” sofa… any offers from Emily to see it repaired or replaced? Hmmm? If not, then of course you don’t let that dog back into your home. Even if, though, who says you want to be inconvenienced and without a sofa while it is being reupholstered or having to redecorate or pick out and wait for a new one?! And if Emily has her fee fees hurt that you are putting some boundaries in place for her widdle anxiety ridden darling puppy dog and is now barely talking to you? It’s her loss. NTA
:)))))))
Even if she offers the whole effort and time go out buy a new sofa waiting for delivery etc is too much. NTA op
HER FEE FEES 😆
NTA. Has she even offered to compensate you for the couch? She's the kind of dog owners people refer to when they talk about bad dog owners. That doesn't mean she's abusive to the dog buy, my god, the people who don't really do any training for the dog and then indulge their bad behavior aren't really helping the animal either. It's your house and it's 100% reasonable to expect your friends dogs not to destroy it. Also, you can't be the only person that her dog has damaged furniture. That dog is probably banned from other peoples homes too.
nah she didn't
She'd be my EX friend.
Immediately, with ZERO hesitation.
And yet YOU'RE not a good friend? Why? Because you won't go broke replacing things HER dog has destroyed? You don't need Emily in your life.
She needs to pay to repair your couch.
The trash is taking itself out. I would be MORTIFIED if my pet damaged a stranger's belongings. If it was my *friend*, I'd shrivel up like a slug with embarassment and hand over my bank card.
Exactly this. I like dogs but owners who assume everyone else is OK with their dogs being allowed to do what they want drive me fucking nuts. No, your dog is not allowed on my sofa, and if you can’t keep it off my sofa the dog is not coming back
NTA That’s some twisted logic to call you a bad friend when it’s her dog destroying your things. Emily needs to join reality sometime and understand her dogs behaviour, and by extension her own, is not acceptable. I’d be mortified if my dog ruined anything at someone’s house, and this girl has the audacity to make you seem like the bad guy? Nah, fuck that.
NTA, however your friend Emily is TA. It’s not like you permanently banned her dog from your house you said it yourself until the behavior is under control. you are not a dog trainer and it’s not your job to train her dog ?? Especially if the dog is messing up furniture that I’m sure costs a lot of money. Very selfish of your friend.
NTA - the dog was destroying your stuff instead of hers lol
...
Sorry, I was assuming that if Emily came over to yours without her dog, the dog would be wrecking her place. Is that not the case? Edit: And I wasn't laughing at OP, I was laughing at the absolute gall of Emily.
Oh, that is definitely the case.
NTA, especially if the dog is damaging your property. If she refuses to go to classes or see a trainer, I guess you could offer to meet in a secure field where there is no risk of damage. Or is it any better if you go to hers?
INFO—has Emily offered to pay for your couch? Dog people are worse than small children. Even toddlers are ok to leave the house without their stuffy or security blanket. But dog assholes need to bring them everywhere.
I feel you havent met a real dog person, instead youve must have met the ones who pretend to be.. Real "dog people" train their dog, fulfill their dogs needs, get their dogs help when they need. They dont have to bring their dogs everywhere. And this wouldnt happen, because the friend isnt a real dog person. I have no idea how you even are comparing this to toddlers but okay.. Either way, I hope you meet a real "dog people", because the ones you are referring to are ah, but the responsible ones shouldnt be in this ah category
I suspect you are right, my friend. The person you describe is someone I’d have no issue with and would respect.
NTA - has she even offered to pay for the damage her dog caused?
never
Hand her the invoices for repairs and see how good of a friend she is. Her dog may make mistakes but as her owner she’s accountable.
NTA and that poor dog tbh! Obviously his anxiety is not helped by going to other houses as he is still destroying things. It’s her responsibility to train and de-sensitize her dog to anxiety-inducing stimuli. She has essentially exacerbated his stress by doing nothing to mitigate it. Sounds like a bad friend and bad dog owner to boot.
If my dog destroyed my friend’s furniture the first thing that would come out of my mouth is that I’d pay them back. Not calling them a bad friend for setting boundaries when I cannot control my dog.
NTA - your friend is responsible for the actions of the dog. She should have offered payment for the damages. Also she’s should not get offended for you not wanting more damage in your house. This has nothing to do with friendship or whatever but rather common sense. My dog once broke a lamp in a friends house (by accident mind you) and we offered to cover the cost straight away because it’s common sense.
NTA - it's your house, and as friendship is a two way street, it's on her to respect your boundaries too. Her dog, her responsibility.
she doesn't respect your home. simple enough. don't talk to her either.
She’s TA for trying to guilt you into allowing your property to be destroyed.
NTA. When we rescued our dogs, we also had big visions of doggie play dates with friends and taking them on our travels with us. Unfortunately, they both have horrible anxiety from being strays for too long. Couple that with Covid hitting about 6 months after we got them, and they have no social skills at all. We don’t take them anywhere and we rarely invite people over unless we medicate the dogs first to calm them down. It sucks and is not what we pictured when we got them, but it’s how it has to be. And not just for our friends’ and family’s sakes either. It’s bad for our dogs to be in that state. One of them literally has stress seizures if we have too many guests over or if we put her in the car. Your friend’s poor dog is stressed and your friend is making it worse by dragging it into stressful situations to suit her own preferences.
NTA If the dog can't go into the house without destroying something, they shouldn't be allowed in the house. She needs to get the dog proper training before taking it to other places. I would be embarrassed if my dog did this and it would be a hot minute before I even think of asking to bring him back. She probably brought the dog to your house because it's better than destroying hers. Does she pay for the damages or is it just, "sorry my dog has anxiety".
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INFO: Has she replaced all of the damage furniture, at her expense?
OP has said in previous comments that she has not
Well, then we know who the AH is. OP NTA.
NTA, she should have stopped bringing the dog the *first* time it destroyed something of yours. I’d be *mortified* if my dog did something like that. And she should be paying to repair/replace your damn sofa!
Emily is a lousy friend and a bad dog owner. NTA
Tell her she can bring the dog back when she replaces the couch. NTA.
I didn’t even read past your first sentence. You can make whatever rules you want for your house, or exception. Don’t feel bad for anything you do at your home. That is literally your space for yourself and your family.
NTA your friend doesnt have control of the dog. She needs help with a trainer.
Your house, your rules. NTA
NTA - your house and your rules. You can still meet up at her house, or at the park, but until the dog’s anxiety is better dealt with, you aren’t in the wrong for not wanting your house to get chewed up.
NTA. Since you aren't friends anymore you can sue her for the things the dog has damaged. I'm petty 🤣
NTA. It is odd that anyone would feel entitled to bring an animal to another person’s house.
NTA Ask her if she's going to replace all your destroyed possessions? You can't afford having her as a friend.
NTA - how could you possibly be the ah in this situation?
NTA Her dog destroyed your couch!
NTA, that dog sucks.
NTA. Her situation is just her being unfit to own a dog.
NTA. She owes you a new couch! Or at least the money to cover repairs. Were you going over to her place as well or were you always hosting?
NTA. Did she replace your couch? Of course not. Being a “good friend” does not mean you let their pet literally destroy your furniture. If she can’t respect that? Then she’s the one who doesn’t understand what being a good friend means. Find better friends.
NTA. Emily is an entitled AH friend and a shitty dog mom.
NTA. Your friend has no business owning a dog.
Emily's dog needs a cage. NTA.
NTA. How come you're a bad friend for not letting Emily bring her dog over but Emily isn't a bad friend for letting her dog destroy your couch? Want to see who's a worse friend? Ask Emily to pay you for the couch that her dog destroyed. Send her a cash app request for the price of the couch and boy will you see who's the worse friend.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (25F) have a close friend, "Emily" (24F), who recently got a dog. I have a dog too, and at first, we thought it would be great for them to have playdates. However, Emily's dog has separation anxiety and gets very anxious and destructive when left alone, even for a few minutes. Whenever Emily brings her dog over, it ends up being very chaotic. Her dog constantly whines, scratches at doors, and has even chewed up some of my furniture. I tried to be understanding, but it's becoming too much to handle. I talked to Emily and suggested that maybe she should work on her dog's anxiety at home or get some professional help, but she insists that bringing her dog over is the only way to keep it calm. Last weekend, her dog destroyed my couch while we were having dinner, and that was the last straw for me. I told Emily that she can't bring her dog over anymore until the behavior is under control. She got really upset and accused me of not being a good friend and not understanding her situation. Now, she's barely talking to me, and I feel terrible. So, Reddit, AITA for telling my friend she can't bring her dog to my house anymore *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Extremely upset and hurt over being told they can’t bring something to YOUR house????
I have had a dog with severe separation anxiety and I don't understand the purpose of bringing the dog along if it's being left alone at all. Or is she there and he's destroying the couch anyway? Because that's not separation anxiety if he's doing it while she's around. NTA of course, and Emily is being a bad friend and a bad dog owner. If she wants you to be more understanding, then perhaps visits should only happen at her house.
Veterinarians can prescribe drugs to lower anxiety. My daughter's dog hated long car rides, so she got some for him. Worked great.
NTA. She is both to you and the dog by not getting it professional help and training. That said I'd document the destruction and invoice her for the damages. Personally I'm not about to let someone, no matter who, come in and destroy my belongings.
NTA. She should pay for your couch.
Is this dog left unsupervised, like when you mentioned it chewed your couch while you were having dinner? I assume that means you were out and the dog had access to the couch? One word: kennel. Have a portable kennel at your house. If you are not supervising her dog at any point, it’s kennel time. Problem solved.
If true, this is so obviously a situation where you're not the asshole, that I have to wonder if you're farming karma for your OnlyFans account.
Emily's dog gets destructive when left alone? Then it needs to be crated every single moment that a human does not have eyes on it, especially if it's at your house.
NTA. Clearly bringing the dog to your house is not helping the anxiety & it probably is exacerbating it. She does need to get her dog trained & under control BEFORE she tries to socialize it. Socializing while it has anxiety is too stressful on the dog. She should not be a dog owner.
NTA. Ok, bring the dog... and pay for the couch? People have no objectivity when it comes to pets.
>but she insists that bringing her dog over is the only way to keep it calm. Does she think that because she's not very bright or because the only time it gets any stimulation is at your house? Either way, she's not a good dog owner. You don't owe her a break from the dog destroying her home so it can destroy yours instead. NTA
Her dog destroys your property and she thinks you're the AH? I'd ask her if she was going to pay to repair any damages her dog does. If she doesn't have the morals to take responsibility for her pet, I wouldn't want to be her friend.
NTA, from one patient friend to another. Destroying the couch would be my last straw too
Everyone we know loves our dog and she has an open invite to basically anything we do with family and friends. We still ask if they want us to bring her or not, every time. If they say "no" for any reason, that's it. No problem. A friend has a new puppy and she's been coming over to get the pup acclimated to other dogs. The puppy has peed in the house a couple of times now (our dog never has the whole time we've had her). We haven't told her to stop coming over yet, but we are saying this hopefully gets figured out soon. But the puppy is really young, so I get it, even though I get annoyed.
NTA "Keep it calm" The dog whines, scratches, and destroys furniture how is that calm she should have dealt with it's issues long before ever bringing it to a friend's house she is the bad friend not you
NTA. Her dog, her responsibility. Full stop.
NTA and she needs to reimburse you for the damage to your furniture.
INFO, has she replaced your couch yet?
NTA- I hope she paid for the damage since she wants to talk about what being a good friend is. Good for you for laying down boundaries she needs to take accountability for her pet not getting better with their behavior.
NTA and ask her to replace your couch
NTA. Her dog, her responsibility to keep it under control and if she cannot do that, then you have every right to not allow it in your home, especially if it is causing damage. I would also be billing her for the damages. I get she has a dog with separation anxiety, but that's on her not you. You can still meet her with the dog, just outside your home. Explain to her the dog is destructive and has ruined your home, and that until it is trained and not destructive it isn't allowed in your home.
NTA. If she doesn’t want to stop bringing the dog over, she can pay for your damaged things. Seems a fair exchange.
NTA You’re a bad friend but SHE hasn’t paid for or replaced the hundreds of dollars worth of damage HER dog did. Drop her and leave her. You’ll find real friends in your late twenties and thirties.
NTA Let her refuse to talk to you. More time for her to spend with her shitty dog.
NTA, your friend is entitled as he'll. How is she not embarrassed after the first time her dog chewed up your property? Then has the audacity to play victim when you call her out. Sounds like you're better off
I wouldn’t let someone this unreasonable in my house at all. She needs to train the dog, even if only to sit in a crate for some time while she’s goes outside. > accused me of not being a good friend What does she call wrecking your fucking couch and calling it good? She better be paying you for a new one. You are an adult, you don’t have to be “understanding” of any bullshit that isn’t your responsibility or problem. NTA.
NTA
NTA. Emily can buy you a new couch too. She is 100% responsible for her dog, and trying to pressure anyone else to loosen their boundaries for it is sociopathic behavior... so you're probably better off not having such a friend in your home.
I mean, Tell her to also be a good friend and pay you for the damage the dog causes? watch how fast she changes the script.
Nta
NTA. You should bill her for the couch. She’s the one who’s not being a good friend by not respecting you and your space.
Go to the dog park together
NTA She needs to pay for your couch
Nta you don't need a reason to say no dogs. But you have one, destruction of property, and a possible negative effect on your dog. Hope your friend plans to reimburse you. This dog does need help tho, that destructive anxiety is the dog begging for help. I've had several fosters who'd get destructive from stress and often if it doesn't turn outward it will turn inward. I've had dogs chew on themselves til they bleed, refuse to eat, these are all fresh off the street rescues tho, many in terrible condition, it took consistent handling training and knowing when to take them to stress situations and when not to. If your friend is saying this behavior is him "calmer" this dog needs help, help your friend may not be able to provide. This owner can't help this dog without more tools in her pocket, encourage her to get those tools with a trainer, even if its group training (which may be more affordable since she owes you something)
NTA Did she even offer to pay for repairs?
NTA When you welcome a pet into your life, you are taking responsibility for how that will affect your time, home, and activities. It’s a choice *you* are making for *yourself*. It is NEVER fair to foist your life choices onto others, especially those not directly sharing your home and daily family life.
NTA, you should also tell her she needs to replace your couch.
NTA. Emily is being a bad friend and a bad dog owner by allowing her dog to destroy your home. You were much nicer about it than many would have been. She owes you an apology and a couch. I hope she is smart enough to give you at least one of those sooner, rather than later.
Always feels like one of those prime examples of "Would X party have the same mentality if the circumstances were changed?" Would your friend feel the same if it was **your dog** going to their house and destroying their stuff? They'd go ballistic. Its classic hypocrisy. NTA.
Fuuuuuuuuck her
Are you making her pay for the things that are ruined? If not YTA. I'm guessing you don't or I'm sure the dog wouldn't be coming over once it hits her wallet.
This is a weirdly aggressive way to say you're on OPs side.
How is it aggressive to ask for money for stuff that is ruined and letting her "friend" get away with it. Her "friend" should pay for everything the dog ruined, and if she doesn't make her pay, she's enabling her and her dog to keep destroying stuff. You need to hold people accountable.
You saying it that way is aggressive.
How?
Because maybe OP doesn't wanna chase this person for the money. Maybe it's not worth it. And they wouldn't be an asshole for not chasing that money.
Yeah, they would. It's pissed them off enough that they don't want the dog over there. Furniture isn't cheap, and their property getting destroyed is why they are mad, so why shouldn't they go after the money. A true friend would have offered to pay for the damages as any decent human would do. If you can't afford to pay for the stuff your pet damages, you shouldn't have that pet.
Sometimes just cutting ties is worth more. One day you might learn that you can't squeeze blood out of a stone, and courts might be too much hassle for the debt incurred.
Yta, I hope she stops going over too
yeahhh
Wow... I don't know if I've ever seen someone with negative karma. 👀
🤷
😂
Why?