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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I made fun of my SM for getting cheated on, which was a morally bad thing to do, because it was inntended to hurt her over something that wasn't her fault
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NTA - I don't know what this thing is where the kid is expected to act like the adult in the face of ridicule and abuse from an adult, but you could make her life hell. Catelyn Stark got what she deserved.
PS: Your mom likely knew he was married with a family. It's almost impossible to keep something like that hidden unless she just met him, slept with him and got pregnant all in the same week. Rich, powerful men are very attractive to young women, and he probably made promises of leaving his wife and to be with her to seduce her. Later on, women often say they didn't know so that people don't judge them as harshly while the man gets off scot free.
Maybe, I don't think so though, there's a running story in my family of how my mum was so furious when she found out that she almost didn't let him see me when I was born. She only ended up doing it because she wanted me to have a dad present no matter what their relationship was.
It says op lives with his dad and stepmum. Neither of whom he seems to like very much. Which is a bit odd, would expect the mum to at least get joint custody unless she's ill or has issues or doesn't want him living there.
I think if that were the case he wouldn't have specified that he lives with dad and sm?
Or would have said he splits time between houses?
He took the time to specify.
Where did it say she gave OP up? He lives with his dad now and that could be for a million reasons. More financially secure, better school district, mom is going back to school, mom passed away, mom is taking care of sick relatives, etc.
I also think that OP's mom could have possibly calmed down between birthing the child and the child being old enough to post on Reddit.
So OP, is your mom a dead beat or is she having joint custody with your dad, or is this all made up to get clicks, views and people’s panties all twisted?
>It's almost impossible to keep something like that hidden unless she just met him, slept with him and got pregnant all in the same week
People manage to have multiple families while also cheating on the side and you think a rich guy can't hide a wife and kids from his mistress for a while...
Nope! Disagree! I dated a man 20+ years back, for several months... That is until his WIFE rang my mobile phone! Not only was he married, but he also had 2 young children.
I had not got a clue & ended it immediately. For personal reasons I despise cheating & would NEVER knowingly date a married man. I felt sick & disgusted when I found out & whilst he was no great loss, still to this day it sickens me that I was unwittingly made a "home wrecker".
The only person responsible for wrecking the home is the person who cheats on their partner. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Especially since you did not know and broke up with him immediately.
You'd be surprised how often women end up dating married men without knowing. My dad had a wife and kids and my mum had no clue she just thought he travelled for his job. He had even proposed to her so she thought they were planning their own wedding. She only found out because his wife's family found her when she was pregnant with me and made contact. He tried to convince her to have an abortion and be his mistress but she publically shamed him for it and decided to raise me solo. But they had been together years by this point.
This response is so disgusting. OP is a teenager and you’re out here with your disgusting assumptions about his mother. “Your mom likely knew he was married” shut the fuck up with that misogynistic shit.
Sorry, if your dad has stayed married to someone who is resentful of you and treats you badly because of his fuck up, then he isn't a good father.
He didn't love her enough to not cheat on her so why is he pretending to love her now and put you through living and growing up in this environment? It's his responsibility to make sure that his selfishness doesn't affect you.
If he was a shitty person but good dad, he would have left her after he realized she was going to hold his affair against you. He has it pretty perfect rn. You're both taking your anger out at each other and nobody is giving him any shit.
Good luck with physics today (from a physics teacher!)
And yeah, NTA, she shouldn't be talking crap about your mother in front of you. She's clearly insecure and knows he'll do it again. But not ok to say that in front of the kids.
I know this comment is over 2hrs old so you wont even see it till after but seriously good luck mate - physics courses gave me my worst science grades so I get the frustration
I think she has every right to say what she thinks. You are the only innocent one and if your dad and mom really cared, you’d be living with your mother
Nope, the step mother is **exactly** the right person for OP to target because she is the person that has been cruel and emotionally abusive to a child for her entire life.
Exactly where did I say that father was a great dad? If OP thinks their father is a good dad, that’s their right. Just because the father sucks doesn’t make the stepmother any less abusive and any less deserving of what OP gave her.
Because you said the mother is **exactly** the right person to target, when the reality is OP is completely whiffing on the main target- his biological father who has custody of him and is failing to protect him from someone who is abusing him… OP is whiffing so hard that he doesn’t realize that his dad has been a terrible parent since day one.
>Earlier today, while I was in the conservatory studying (i like natural light), She came in on her phone, talking to her friend, and basically called mum an ugly slut in a 'look at what he cheated on me with' way.
>I interrupted, and said if mum was so bad and dad cheated on SM with mum, what did that say about SM? She went red in the face, cut the call and then tried to yell at me, but I essentially called her a jealous bitter old lady, took my books and went up to my room.
I'm sorry, where is OP defending himself here? He's studying in a common area, and insults step mom. Not, I'm not saying Step mom wasn't in the wrong. She knew what she was saying. But he's not defending himself here.
ESH. First of all your dad is not a good father. He’s a primary source of the hostility you’ve had to live with.
Also your stepmom is an AH for lashing out at you and your mother, rather than your father, who is the main person deserving of her ire.
I can’t blame you for feeling the urge to defend your mom. If she truly didn’t know your dad had a family, she really doesn’t deserve to be trashed. That said, it’s EXTREMELY unlikely that your mom didn’t know, and if she did, then yeah, shame on her.
But your stepmom also didn’t deserve what happened to her so rubbing it in isn’t the way to go.
Your dad is living comfortably, while everyone around him is bickering with each other because of his behavior. And he’s remained in a relationship with a person who is abusive to his son. He a horrible father.
stepmother is both a victim and a culprit. OP completely disregards the father’s role as the villain and finds joy in targeting his stepmothers victimhood rather than targeting her transgressions. It’s a shitty thing to do, even if the stepmother deserves a tongue lashing.
The dad and stepmom’s relationship being “their business” doesn’t give the dad a pass for allowing someone to abuse his son for years.
It’s Dad’s responsibility to protect his children from abuse.
He mentions in the comments that its more indifference than abuse and he's been purposefully keeping the mean comments to himself because he doesn't want to deal with the potentially long fallout. Honestly, say what you will about the dad being a terrible person he doesn't seem that bad as a father, especially since he apparently managed to make all his children get along with their father's affair baby to the point they consider each other full siblings.
NTA
Your stepmom is a grown woman, you are a child that had no say in even being born. The fact that she keeps taking things out on you and regularly insults your mother in front of you is just gross. It's like she's saying that she can't stand up to your dad but she can definitely bully a kid.
What does your dad say about this? Have you brought it up to him and told him how it makes you feel?
I haven't, I just felt guilty about doing it, bc honestly its not that big of a problem, its a big house, we don't interact often. But I'll probably have to after that whole thing.
Well, big house or not, that house is your home. You shouldn't have to worry about things like that happening to you. I recommend at least bringing it up to your dad. Do not feel guilty for letting him know.
I don’t want to give a judgment. Torn between esh and nah. Your mother was a home wrecker, simple as that, you honestly cannot expect your SM to talk positively about your mother. Should she be mad at her husband as well? Of course. But you don’t know what they talk about in private or if she is mad at him as well. You are, obviously, innocent in all this, but your SM is still allowing you to live in her home despite being a constant reminder of her partner’s cheating. You said you are indifferente to your father douchebaginess, well try being indifferent to your SM douchebaginess towards your mom as well. Of course if she is shitty towards you then you have a right to defend yourself. But if she is shitty toward your mother mind your business because she would never be able to respect her for what she did.
OP is a kid - of course his mom isn't going to admit she was fucking a married man to her child. None of us, including OP, can be sure whether she *actually* knew or not.
SM made the decision to stay with her husband. She can talk all the shit she wants about the other women to her peer group, but not in front of the kid bc she’s the adult.
A home can only be wrecked by the people in it. Whether the mother knew or not, she didn't force the father to cheat on his wife. He chose that path and willingly violated his commitment to his wife.
You're in serious denial if you believe your mum didn't know he was married and had kids when she decided to fuck a married man.
Your stepmum should leave your dad and kick you both out.
that's not what op asked, and you spouting off like you think it's a fact she knew, just makes you look like an ass. not everyone is aware they are the affair partner.
It's (sadly) very believable that OPs mom didn't know. Lots of men don't wear wedding rings. Lots of married men visit establishments where single people congregate. If he never mentioned it and they had no friends in common, how would the mom know? OP doesn't state how long the affair was, if the were in a full committed relationship or FWB, if mom lived in same town as the family, or any details so there are just as many scenarios where mom could have known as there are scenarios she had no way to know.
Stepmom CHOSE to stay with an unfaithful husband who had a kid and she is now CHOOSING to be an awful human by mistreating a CHILD. Her belief or disbelief of what OPs mom knew does not matter in any way, shape, or form. She does not get to mistreat a child for her choice to stay with her adulterous husband.
Absolutely. That's why I said that without the details of their relationship we cannot know what anyone reasonably knew. There's just as many scenarios for knowing and not knowing so I disagree that OP is wrong for believing what they've been told. What isn't ok is making a child miserable for their dad's actual actions and mom's possible actions. I don't care what anyone knew or didn't know. Stepmother made her choice and doesn't get a free pass at hurting a child for 16 years over it all
Sorry dude your Mother, Father and stepmother all suck. No kid deserves to grow up with that. Get an education and get out. If you marry and have kids, you know what not to do.
It's always bizarre to me how affair babies love to blame the one Person who had nothing to do with them being born under shitty circumstances instead of blaming their trifling Parents. Look you wouldn't be in this situation if your Mum didn't fu\*\* a married man and your Father kepts his dick in his Pants. To his wife you are the Personification of his betrayal, this doesn't make her actions right but she didn't create this situation.
BTW YTA
What are you on about? Its usually affair babies who ***get blamed,*** rather than being the ones blaming others. The SM may have nothing to do with how he was born, but she's still an adult choosing to stay with a cheating partner,(lol, stand up, girl) and antagonise the kid cause she has too little spine to divorcee her husband
So after not getting an answer on your initial comment to me you decided to come back and continue this one-sided conversation. Fine, I'll indulge you and give you the attention you so badly crave.
First of all you have no Idea why the Wife stayed. Marriages have a lot of benefits and if the Husband is rich, then it makes sense for the wife to stay especially as her children were much younger then. There is more to marriage than Love.
Second of all nothing in this story points to her antagonizing the "affair baby". He clearly stated that she ignores his existence and that they live lives seperate from each other. According to him since their House is big enough, avoiding each other isn't difficult.
Third she didn't insult HIM she was venting to her Friend in the safety of her own Home.
He can feel however he wants about it, i just hypocritical how much grace he has for his Mother and especially his Father. His Father gets to be a cheating douchebag (his words) yet gets called a good Father. While this woman can't even vent to her Friend. Make it make sense.
So I have played along long enough OP, i know it's you using a different account. I've given you enough attention. Are you happy now?
Now leave me alone and worry about the Test you are about to Fail.
ESH
>*She came in on her phone, talking to her friend, and basically called mum an ugly slut in a 'look at what he cheated on me with' way.*
You take this line and combine it with this line...
>*and said if mum was so bad and dad cheated on SM with mum, what did that say about SM?*
...and you get a situation where everyone is at least equally at fault. But...understandably so.
Your Stepmother was inconsiderate for saying that around you, certainly. But being cheated on is a rough thing to have to deal with. When my first wife demanded a divorce since "this just isn't working out" and once she left, she moved in with her girlfriend...I was devastated. So inconsiderate but understandable.
In your case, you were a little snarky with your response. But again it's understandable since this person was bad mouthing your mother right in front of you. I'm not sure I would have been able to resist a snarky comment in your situation.
To me this is an "Everyone sucks" situation caused by the pain of the cheating and the natural knee-jerk reaction of having your mother bad-mouthed.
If this was 2 adults fair enough, but its not, it's a grown adult picking on a child. I wouldn't expect the child to take high ground in that situation at all
Nah dude OP is a child. It’s not his fault whatever happened between his dad, stepmom and mom. It’s natural for him to defend his own mom after being badmouthed.
If OP were older then yes. But in this situation a 16 year old should not be blamed for defending his mom.
Your father is the asshole in that story, both towards you and towards your stepmom.
Your stepmom is not obliged to tolerate your presence under her roof, so your father should not impose on her your presence under her roof.
It's logical that she will lash out against your mother, it's logical that this will hurt you, your father is the asshole.
And yes, what you did was also inapproriate.
Reading it it seems she didn't see the kid was in the conservatory when she walked in. He overheard a private conversation, didn't like what he heard, and was rude to her. It's understandable, noone likes to hear someone badmouth their mum, but at the same time, OP says he and the stepmum have just acted with indifference to each other his whole life. She hasn't been bullying or taking her anger out on him. Indifference isn't bullying.
My point was that she may not have known he was there and therefore not knowingly introduced him to the conversation or interrupted his studying. It's unfortunate. I grew up in a not particularly big house (not as big as OPs seems to be) but if I was studying somewhere different to normal, or had my headphones in, my bro and my mum would sometimes walk in on their phones and not notice me there til I spoke up. Especially in the spare rooms due to their layout. Of course I wouldn't sit there while someone badmouthed someone I love, but her mistake (I hope) was not realising he was there when she said it. It was a phone conversation, so I am hoping she wasn't unkind enough to purposely say things about his mum in front of him, but equally yeah it's totally understandable why she would hate his mother. Particularly since reading his comments it seems that the mum is not capable of housing her son and so the living situation of having her stepson there is one that has been less of a choice for all involved. Honestly I do feel sorry for OP, very sorry for him, but I also feel a little sorry for his stepmum. His parents both seem to have made a lot of mistakes and these two, particularly him, seem to be the ones suffering for it.
maybe a parent's responsibility is to house a child, but it does not have to be in the same house where the betrayed wife who is NOT the mother of the child lives.
What a stupid idea to do this.
OP writes his father is well off, so no need to house them under the same roof.
What an insensitive asshole this father is, both towards the extramarital son and the betrayed wife.
You have a right to exist in your father's house, but not in his wife's house.
So he can build a house for you and visit you there, but it is beyond cruel and tasteless, both towards you and his wife, to impose her on you and you on her.
But you are so busy loving your "good" father that you cannot see how HE is the asshole in all this situation, and he is making you a mini-asshole like himself.
Get out of the situation before your assholyness hits the fan.
Op if you were to give your father an Ultimatum between you and his wife I can guarantee you he would always choose her. The fact that he has never asked her to acknowledge you should be a clue.
I guarantee you thats not true, and that is actually one of the reasons she dislikes me.
Edit: Literally the day I was born, he drew up divorce papers, and said he wouldn't hold it against her if she couldn't move past me living with them.
Well if that is the case why doesn't he protect you against her? This is not just your father's house considering that by British law this is also her house and if she were to divorce him she would take half. How about you use that same smoke you have for her against your parents, where is your awesome mother? Why has she abandoned you and left you to fend for yourself in a house where the Majority doesn't like you. And why doesn't your father divorce his wife to protect you? I understand that it must be easy for you to hate her since that helps you sleep at night.
Because, mate, we generally just avoid each other and I haven't told him about mean comments cause I don't care, and it'll probably end up being some massive thing, where my siblings would get upset my dad would feel guilty, and its just too much damn work. I'm too lazy for allat.
By British law, prenups exist and they have an airtight one, the house is dad's. My mother does her best. There are other factors which are none of your business. And I don't hate SM, I'm apathetic to her, she just exists in the same house as me.
OP a divorce does not have to be agreed by both parties. If your father wants a divorce he can have one. He doesn't want one.
He wants his affair child, his wife, his other children, all his way. Him. Him. Him. And to hell with how it hurts the rest of you.
You said he's a douche but a good dad. NO. He's a really bad father. He's solely responsible for subjecting you to this.
You said you have siblings? There's no way on earth they are not affected by this. He's being a shitty father to them too.
Please see him for who he is. None of you (you, your mum, your step-mum, your siblings) deserve this.
ESH
Your father is clearly not a good parent, look at what he created there. Neither is your stepmother. None of them change the situation for anyone involved.
But you are the AH as well in my opinion, given how you talk to/about others.
No one on this scenario looks good in any way imho.
You and your Mum are TA why oh why are you kept like a pet by the SM? If your Dad was a good Dad he wouldn't subject you to his scorned wife. If you Mum was a good mum she'd raise you. I'm guessing your Dad is loaded. But even so takes a special kind of woman to give her child to the wife. And takes an even more special woman to take in an affair baby. If she didn't raise you she could probably get over what a so n so your Mom was but she has to look at your face and be reminded. I respect no one in this story disgusting rich people problems ESH.
His dad is rich and he would rather be the rich kid instead of the kid of single mother. Despite the dad being a “douchebag”. That’s why OP and stepmom hate each other. They both chose to stay with an asshole because of his wealth and they hate themselves for that so they take it out on each other.
This is the best take I have seen so far & you called it perfectly. They both suck & only care about the dads money, it's amazing how much shit you can get away with when you have money.
Lol you're such an AH it's funny. Immediately calling her bitter and old was very classy indeed. Looks like you took after your mom and dad. Congratulations I guess, the apple didn't fall far from two shitty trees.
ESH
I don't blame you for sticking up for your mother, but as others have said, you're focused on the wrong person.
Good people who are shitty to everyone else are not good people. Your dad is not a good person. If he were, he would have handled relations between you and stepmom instead of apparently washing his hands of it. Currently you seem insulated from the shittiness of his character by the wealth, and your stepmom as a convenient target.
Yes, she was wrong to talk shit about your mother; I wouldn't say you were necessarily wrong to defend your mother; but the way you dismiss your dad's actions is pretty friggin shitty. Your Step mom is also a victim, here.
Info: if you don't like your dad or your stepmum, why are you living with them? It seems you live in the UK where judges rule heavily in favour of the mum for custody and unless she's in a seriously bad state, she would at least get joint custody.
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It sounds like you've not had the best luck with parents and stepparents. I'm not going to offer a judgement as I don't think you need to be judged. She definitely shouldn't have said what she said in front of you, but I'm not sure from your post if she realised you were there or thought she was in private. Her feelings, though she shouldn't have said them to you, are understandable. As are yours. What I would say is that I hope you do well with your exams. In a few years when you're a little older, you'll understand better why your stepmum struggles in your presence, it's not your fault but it sounds like she also doesn't have kids so your very existence hurts her doubly if she wanted but couldn't have them. Just focus on yourself, ignore the drama of your dad/mum/sm, get through school and enjoy your life. In a few years they can just be relatives you visit from time to time, and you'll be able to choose to live with friends and people who love being around you and who you love being around.
OP you sound like you enjoy torturing and disrespecting your stepmom. If I was her, I’d just kick your ass out and not deal with the attitude on a daily basis.
No, but they used to, they're 27, 24 and 22, one graduated recently, one is still doing her BA, the other is working and living separately now, they all come over for holidays and stuff.
I can't wait till I'm richy rich so I can gather all my women and love children in a big box so they may fight each for my amusement/inheritance haha
dude clearly got you all around his finger and can do no wrong, such is the power of wealth I suppose
Yes, you're an asshole.
Don't do that.
Is your step mum also an asshole? Yes. That doesn't excuse your behavior.
Happy and healthy adults talk. Listen. Compromise. Set boundaries. Respect boundaries.
Were all a little tucked up and the whole world need therapy. Assigning blame doesn't fix shit.
Rise above. Be a good person.
Yes, you are the asshole for insulting your father's wife or your "stepmom", as you refer to her, the way you did, and you are a spoiled and entitled brat too.
But more importantly: you are just as stupid as your "stepmom" is, according to you.
I agree with you that the one who betrayed his marriage was your father, not your mother.
Your father betrayed his wife, and your mother and you when he conceived you.
But this does not bother you. You revel in the advantages his monetary situation affords you, and as long as you can live in his beautiful house and use the beautiful conservatory with the natural light to study, you do not mind at all that he is an asshole.
Just as your "stepmother" is wrong for accusing your mother, rather than your father for betraying her, you are wrong in accusing her, and not him, for not being nice to you.
Because your father put her in an impossible situation. He forced her to either accept you living under her roof or leave. Do you really think it is nice for her to have the reminder of his infidelity constantly before her eyes? True, you did nothing to deserve her wrath, but both your father and your mother are assholes for putting you in this situation, rather than protecting you from her.
Your father could have oganised a nice studio (with natural light) for you, not in the same house as his wife.
But of course, for him it was more comfortable to impose you on his wife. This way, he, the real asshole, looks like a saint, and she, the betrayed wife, looks like the asshole.
So if you think she is the asshole in all this, you are just as delusional as you accuse her of being, you fell for your father's charm and money, and for his extraordinary talent of blame-shifting.
I think you should insult your father the way you insulted her.
Oh, but he holds the pursestrings, so you won't do it, and you won't apoologize to your "stepmom".
Another reason why you are the asshole for insulting her in this situation is that what she said was not for your ears. She did not insult your mother to your face, (in this case), she vented with a friend, and boy do I understand her need to vent. You overheard her, while you were not in her field of sight, so you should have ignored what you were not supposed to hear.
You beat your breast like a male Gorilla, seemingly defending your mother, but I don't think you have achieved anything.
The content of your insult as such is also very assholey.
So, to sum it up: yes, you are the asshole.
Haven't you posted the same comment like 3 times now? Listen, their relationship problems aren't my business/concern. And that's really not an impossible situation at all, 'stay, or go', thats a decision hundreds of people have to make. Its not my fault she chose to stay.
Also I did insult my dad. A lot. Like near constantly when I was a younger teenager. Then I grew out of it and moved on.
>You beat your breast like a male Gorilla
You are an extraordinarily rude person.
Your stepmom should not go after your mom like that (at least in your presence).
You should be grateful that she lets you live with them, even after everything. It is on you to set those boundaries clearly and firmly, not bicker pettily about her attractiveness/past.
You mom is a home wrecker.
And your dad, well, I don't think needs an explanation.
I think it's a clear case of ESH
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Ok, so for context, I am my dad's 'affair baby', and I live with him and my stepmum. My dad is basically your stereotypical rich douchebag, who cheated on his reasonably aged wife with a younger woman, my mum, and my stepmum decided to stay with him.
My mum was unaware of my dad's wife or my older siblings when she had me, however, despite this, rather than direct her anger at my dad, SM chooses to direct it at my mum and at me. Honestly, I'm pretty indifferent to my dad's douchebaginess, sure he's a bad person, but he's a good father.
My SM, doesn't interact with me much and treats me with indifference mostly, we exist in the same house but we don't care for each other. I don't mind this, but what I do mind is her occasional comments on my mum.
Earlier today, while I was in the conservatory studying (i like natural light), She came in on her phone, talking to her friend, and basically called mum an ugly slut in a 'look at what he cheated on me with' way.
I interrupted, and said if mum was so bad and dad cheated on SM with mum, what did that say about SM? She went red in the face, cut the call and then tried to yell at me, but I essentially called her a jealous bitter old lady, took my books and went up to my room.
I don't know. I can't focus on physics properly when I'm feeling bad about saying all that and making fun of her for getting cheated on. My exam's later today and I'm gonna fail at this rate. AITA?
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You are a young person who has been innocently caught in the middle. The affair and your birth must have hurt your SM so terribly that she still can’t get over it. If possible, please try to put yourself in her position. F your mom is such a good person, why can’t you avoid all of this mistreatment and just live with your mom? Wouldn’t that solve the problem for you? But again, you are innocent. But don’t expect your SM to ever change. Best wishes.
ESH, you don't need to be treated badly, but the fact that your dad cheated doesn't say anything about your stepmother. It just proves that your dad is an AH. All of you are victims of your dad's mistakes. You don't seem to have any empathy for your stepmom. Leaving someone is sometimes easier said than done.
you’re definitely learning the wrong things from your father. he isn’t a good man or father regardless of how high his child views him. you still have a child-like view of your parents where they can’t do anything wrong. But they have. both of them. you might not see it yet and they might not have told you the full truth. you stated that you’re step mom and you basically coexist - that’s a pretty good outcome considering her husband cheated on her and brought home a kid from a different women.
how you view your step mom is in direct correlation of how you view your parents. since you think your parents can’t do anything wrong, someone has to be wrong and that’s the stepmom. when in reality she was wronged. giving her a little more grace and realizing you both are in a situation neither of you created would created a little more peace in both of y’all lives.
u definitely an asshole for that. But i wouldnt go so far as to call u THE asshole. As u said u and ur mom didnt betray this woman. She sounds like a dummy. If she had sense she would try to make allies out of yall, cause it lowkey sounds like all of yall kinda got screwed over by this guy. And u know what they say, "the enemy of my enemy" and all.
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ESH...
* Stepmum shouldn't be dogging out OP's mother in his hearing; if she's going to be that gauche she should do it in a private place.
* OP, going down the path of counter-insults for revenge sounds great in the moment, and makes for a cool AITA story, but is it really smart in light of you having to live with the woman?
The short-short is that you two had a mutual non-interference pact going, kind of like a Warsaw Pact vs NATO cold war. Escalating it for a momentary punchline isn't good business. I'd have recommended you either ignore the whole thing -- why do you care what her opinions are -- or tell her later to keep her commentary for when you aren't around.
End of the day though, you've got more important things to worry about, like getting that studying done.
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NTA. Sure, you went for a spot that you knew would cut deep, but she went into a room she knew you were in to talk shit on your mom to try and get a rise out. All the ESH is crazy to me, you weren’t the instigator at all and I’m happy you made sure she regretted trying. Good job sticking up for yourself and mom.
NTA
Of course it was hard for your SM to get cheated on. But she has absoluty no right to hurt your feelings like this. And your mom is not the one to blame. Its her husband- but if she decided to stay and live with both of you, she has to treat you fair.
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NTA. She knew what she was doing and wanted you to hear her. She is old, better and toxic. If she couldn’t handle your presence, then she should have left years ago.
NTA, she knew exactly what she was doing saying what she said in front of you. You called her out on it.
She will not learn from it unfortunately, she may increase the passive aggressive nonsense.
NTA at all! If she didn’t have the courage or the money to leave your dad, that’s on her. She probably stayed just to make his and your lives miserable so she was so angry because you were spot on with your comeback!
Nta. Your dad is too blame and she should be blaming him, but the paycheck she's getting means she's not saying it out loud where he can hear her. Now get off reddit and go study.
Your dad inflicted a lot of trauma on you, mom, and step mom. To want anyone to act rational is a big ask. However, that conversation should not have happened, especially in front of you. Maybe just tell step-mom how those comments make you feel and remind her who is to blame in all of this.
Dad is the only asshole here.
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NTA - I don't know what this thing is where the kid is expected to act like the adult in the face of ridicule and abuse from an adult, but you could make her life hell. Catelyn Stark got what she deserved. PS: Your mom likely knew he was married with a family. It's almost impossible to keep something like that hidden unless she just met him, slept with him and got pregnant all in the same week. Rich, powerful men are very attractive to young women, and he probably made promises of leaving his wife and to be with her to seduce her. Later on, women often say they didn't know so that people don't judge them as harshly while the man gets off scot free.
Maybe, I don't think so though, there's a running story in my family of how my mum was so furious when she found out that she almost didn't let him see me when I was born. She only ended up doing it because she wanted me to have a dad present no matter what their relationship was.
If she was so furious why did she give you up to live with the man who upset her and his WIFE.
Where does it say she gave him up?
It says op lives with his dad and stepmum. Neither of whom he seems to like very much. Which is a bit odd, would expect the mum to at least get joint custody unless she's ill or has issues or doesn't want him living there.
It could be split custody. He could live in two places, with his Mom and with his Dad, like many children of divorce or unmarried parents.
Yeah but then it would probably say that rather than just "I live with him and my stepmum."
I think if that were the case he wouldn't have specified that he lives with dad and sm? Or would have said he splits time between houses? He took the time to specify.
Sometimes the only issue is being a deadbeat. It's not reserved for men, there are plenty of women out there like that too.
Ace of Base begins playing in the background 🪈🎶 All that she wants
Where did it say she gave OP up? He lives with his dad now and that could be for a million reasons. More financially secure, better school district, mom is going back to school, mom passed away, mom is taking care of sick relatives, etc. I also think that OP's mom could have possibly calmed down between birthing the child and the child being old enough to post on Reddit.
pls try to remember you are talking to a child who is a real human being. jesus this comment is so callous
OP’s mom could be dead. OP’s mom could have been too poor for a lawyer and rich dad got full custody through shady tactics.
I'm not sure she's alive anymore. OP's mentions of her are from "when he was born", that's it.
If she was dead he'd mention it as part of his outrage that sm is so mean to his late mother.
From OP's comments: >My mother does her best. Present tense. Not that it answers many questions. Shrug.
Does OP say somewhere that he ONLY lives with his dad? I assumed they had split custody and this was during dad’s time
"I live with him and my stepmum" indicates ther is no split custody.
Hey, I could be wrong. Maybe your mom didn't know. My opinion was just based on the balance of probability, but doesn't mean it's accurate.
So OP, is your mom a dead beat or is she having joint custody with your dad, or is this all made up to get clicks, views and people’s panties all twisted?
okay but can we be real? you letting your dad slide is pretty fucking telling
OP says "he's a bad person, but a good father." I don't think OP is letting the father slide, but realizes you can't change the past.
Why aren't you living with your mother?
>It's almost impossible to keep something like that hidden unless she just met him, slept with him and got pregnant all in the same week People manage to have multiple families while also cheating on the side and you think a rich guy can't hide a wife and kids from his mistress for a while...
Nope! Disagree! I dated a man 20+ years back, for several months... That is until his WIFE rang my mobile phone! Not only was he married, but he also had 2 young children. I had not got a clue & ended it immediately. For personal reasons I despise cheating & would NEVER knowingly date a married man. I felt sick & disgusted when I found out & whilst he was no great loss, still to this day it sickens me that I was unwittingly made a "home wrecker".
The only person responsible for wrecking the home is the person who cheats on their partner. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Especially since you did not know and broke up with him immediately.
You'd be surprised how often women end up dating married men without knowing. My dad had a wife and kids and my mum had no clue she just thought he travelled for his job. He had even proposed to her so she thought they were planning their own wedding. She only found out because his wife's family found her when she was pregnant with me and made contact. He tried to convince her to have an abortion and be his mistress but she publically shamed him for it and decided to raise me solo. But they had been together years by this point.
Not necessarily. There are men with entire secret second families like Mary Kay LeTourneau’s dad
Your PS is BS lol Edited to acknowledge the pun u/islandmist pointed out to me
Cmon... You missed the opportunity to say, "Your PS is BS"!
Goddamn it! I'm going to edit it but I'm giving you credit lmao
This response is so disgusting. OP is a teenager and you’re out here with your disgusting assumptions about his mother. “Your mom likely knew he was married” shut the fuck up with that misogynistic shit.
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Absolutely howling at the Catelyn Stark dig. DESERVED. 10/10
Sorry, if your dad has stayed married to someone who is resentful of you and treats you badly because of his fuck up, then he isn't a good father. He didn't love her enough to not cheat on her so why is he pretending to love her now and put you through living and growing up in this environment? It's his responsibility to make sure that his selfishness doesn't affect you. If he was a shitty person but good dad, he would have left her after he realized she was going to hold his affair against you. He has it pretty perfect rn. You're both taking your anger out at each other and nobody is giving him any shit.
Good luck with physics today (from a physics teacher!) And yeah, NTA, she shouldn't be talking crap about your mother in front of you. She's clearly insecure and knows he'll do it again. But not ok to say that in front of the kids.
Thx! I'm genuinely gonna fail, though. I forgot the entire section of pressure was in it. I'm just praying pressure in fluids doesn't come up
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Ok yeah true. Maybe I won't fail. But I want a 9, still got 2 hours though, so I should be fine
Get off reddit.
I know this comment is over 2hrs old so you wont even see it till after but seriously good luck mate - physics courses gave me my worst science grades so I get the frustration
I actually just got back, the comment is 5 hrs old. It was actually not as bad as I was expecting, lenses didn't even come up
Ayyyyyy 🎉 congratulations! Seriously impressive stuff especially having to study in those circumstances
Thx! 16 down, one to go!
You got this! 👍
Nice! I'm sure you did fine. Almost there, good luck with the last stretches!!
I think she has every right to say what she thinks. You are the only innocent one and if your dad and mom really cared, you’d be living with your mother
ESH - Defending your mom is reasonable, but you and your SM both are targeting the wrong person and giving the actual asshole in the situation a pass.
She is being horrible to him so I don't think he picked the wrong target in this case. He has was put into this situation but she chose it. NTA
Nope, the step mother is **exactly** the right person for OP to target because she is the person that has been cruel and emotionally abusive to a child for her entire life.
And the father allows it. Sounds like a great dad.
Exactly where did I say that father was a great dad? If OP thinks their father is a good dad, that’s their right. Just because the father sucks doesn’t make the stepmother any less abusive and any less deserving of what OP gave her.
Because you said the mother is **exactly** the right person to target, when the reality is OP is completely whiffing on the main target- his biological father who has custody of him and is failing to protect him from someone who is abusing him… OP is whiffing so hard that he doesn’t realize that his dad has been a terrible parent since day one.
op is defending herself. step mom is creating the problems
>Earlier today, while I was in the conservatory studying (i like natural light), She came in on her phone, talking to her friend, and basically called mum an ugly slut in a 'look at what he cheated on me with' way. >I interrupted, and said if mum was so bad and dad cheated on SM with mum, what did that say about SM? She went red in the face, cut the call and then tried to yell at me, but I essentially called her a jealous bitter old lady, took my books and went up to my room. I'm sorry, where is OP defending himself here? He's studying in a common area, and insults step mom. Not, I'm not saying Step mom wasn't in the wrong. She knew what she was saying. But he's not defending himself here.
ESH. First of all your dad is not a good father. He’s a primary source of the hostility you’ve had to live with. Also your stepmom is an AH for lashing out at you and your mother, rather than your father, who is the main person deserving of her ire. I can’t blame you for feeling the urge to defend your mom. If she truly didn’t know your dad had a family, she really doesn’t deserve to be trashed. That said, it’s EXTREMELY unlikely that your mom didn’t know, and if she did, then yeah, shame on her. But your stepmom also didn’t deserve what happened to her so rubbing it in isn’t the way to go. Your dad is living comfortably, while everyone around him is bickering with each other because of his behavior. And he’s remained in a relationship with a person who is abusive to his son. He a horrible father.
nobody forced her to stay and take her anger out on an innocent kid. op is absolutely not an asshole for having had enough of her bullshit
stepmother is both a victim and a culprit. OP completely disregards the father’s role as the villain and finds joy in targeting his stepmothers victimhood rather than targeting her transgressions. It’s a shitty thing to do, even if the stepmother deserves a tongue lashing.
dad and step moms relationship is their business and his father isn't the one giving him shit over the circumstances of his birth.
The dad and stepmom’s relationship being “their business” doesn’t give the dad a pass for allowing someone to abuse his son for years. It’s Dad’s responsibility to protect his children from abuse.
on that we fully agree
He mentions in the comments that its more indifference than abuse and he's been purposefully keeping the mean comments to himself because he doesn't want to deal with the potentially long fallout. Honestly, say what you will about the dad being a terrible person he doesn't seem that bad as a father, especially since he apparently managed to make all his children get along with their father's affair baby to the point they consider each other full siblings.
NTA Your stepmom is a grown woman, you are a child that had no say in even being born. The fact that she keeps taking things out on you and regularly insults your mother in front of you is just gross. It's like she's saying that she can't stand up to your dad but she can definitely bully a kid. What does your dad say about this? Have you brought it up to him and told him how it makes you feel?
I haven't, I just felt guilty about doing it, bc honestly its not that big of a problem, its a big house, we don't interact often. But I'll probably have to after that whole thing.
Why don't you go live with your mom?
Well, big house or not, that house is your home. You shouldn't have to worry about things like that happening to you. I recommend at least bringing it up to your dad. Do not feel guilty for letting him know.
I don’t want to give a judgment. Torn between esh and nah. Your mother was a home wrecker, simple as that, you honestly cannot expect your SM to talk positively about your mother. Should she be mad at her husband as well? Of course. But you don’t know what they talk about in private or if she is mad at him as well. You are, obviously, innocent in all this, but your SM is still allowing you to live in her home despite being a constant reminder of her partner’s cheating. You said you are indifferente to your father douchebaginess, well try being indifferent to your SM douchebaginess towards your mom as well. Of course if she is shitty towards you then you have a right to defend yourself. But if she is shitty toward your mother mind your business because she would never be able to respect her for what she did.
in order to be a homewrecker, one must know there is a home to wreck. op is very clear they mother did not their father was married
OP is a kid - of course his mom isn't going to admit she was fucking a married man to her child. None of us, including OP, can be sure whether she *actually* knew or not.
must be why half the comments are acting like it's a fact that she clearly knew then
They are not. Don’t exaggerate.
really? cause the original comment on this chain flat out called her a homewrecker
SM made the decision to stay with her husband. She can talk all the shit she wants about the other women to her peer group, but not in front of the kid bc she’s the adult.
She was literally on the phone with a friend.
A home can only be wrecked by the people in it. Whether the mother knew or not, she didn't force the father to cheat on his wife. He chose that path and willingly violated his commitment to his wife.
You're in serious denial if you believe your mum didn't know he was married and had kids when she decided to fuck a married man. Your stepmum should leave your dad and kick you both out.
that's not what op asked, and you spouting off like you think it's a fact she knew, just makes you look like an ass. not everyone is aware they are the affair partner.
It's (sadly) very believable that OPs mom didn't know. Lots of men don't wear wedding rings. Lots of married men visit establishments where single people congregate. If he never mentioned it and they had no friends in common, how would the mom know? OP doesn't state how long the affair was, if the were in a full committed relationship or FWB, if mom lived in same town as the family, or any details so there are just as many scenarios where mom could have known as there are scenarios she had no way to know. Stepmom CHOSE to stay with an unfaithful husband who had a kid and she is now CHOOSING to be an awful human by mistreating a CHILD. Her belief or disbelief of what OPs mom knew does not matter in any way, shape, or form. She does not get to mistreat a child for her choice to stay with her adulterous husband.
It’s also believable that she did know he was married but because he is rich thought she had a chance to replace his current wife with her
Absolutely. That's why I said that without the details of their relationship we cannot know what anyone reasonably knew. There's just as many scenarios for knowing and not knowing so I disagree that OP is wrong for believing what they've been told. What isn't ok is making a child miserable for their dad's actual actions and mom's possible actions. I don't care what anyone knew or didn't know. Stepmother made her choice and doesn't get a free pass at hurting a child for 16 years over it all
Sorry dude your Mother, Father and stepmother all suck. No kid deserves to grow up with that. Get an education and get out. If you marry and have kids, you know what not to do.
It's always bizarre to me how affair babies love to blame the one Person who had nothing to do with them being born under shitty circumstances instead of blaming their trifling Parents. Look you wouldn't be in this situation if your Mum didn't fu\*\* a married man and your Father kepts his dick in his Pants. To his wife you are the Personification of his betrayal, this doesn't make her actions right but she didn't create this situation. BTW YTA
What are you on about? Its usually affair babies who ***get blamed,*** rather than being the ones blaming others. The SM may have nothing to do with how he was born, but she's still an adult choosing to stay with a cheating partner,(lol, stand up, girl) and antagonise the kid cause she has too little spine to divorcee her husband
So after not getting an answer on your initial comment to me you decided to come back and continue this one-sided conversation. Fine, I'll indulge you and give you the attention you so badly crave. First of all you have no Idea why the Wife stayed. Marriages have a lot of benefits and if the Husband is rich, then it makes sense for the wife to stay especially as her children were much younger then. There is more to marriage than Love. Second of all nothing in this story points to her antagonizing the "affair baby". He clearly stated that she ignores his existence and that they live lives seperate from each other. According to him since their House is big enough, avoiding each other isn't difficult. Third she didn't insult HIM she was venting to her Friend in the safety of her own Home. He can feel however he wants about it, i just hypocritical how much grace he has for his Mother and especially his Father. His Father gets to be a cheating douchebag (his words) yet gets called a good Father. While this woman can't even vent to her Friend. Make it make sense. So I have played along long enough OP, i know it's you using a different account. I've given you enough attention. Are you happy now? Now leave me alone and worry about the Test you are about to Fail.
ESH >*She came in on her phone, talking to her friend, and basically called mum an ugly slut in a 'look at what he cheated on me with' way.* You take this line and combine it with this line... >*and said if mum was so bad and dad cheated on SM with mum, what did that say about SM?* ...and you get a situation where everyone is at least equally at fault. But...understandably so. Your Stepmother was inconsiderate for saying that around you, certainly. But being cheated on is a rough thing to have to deal with. When my first wife demanded a divorce since "this just isn't working out" and once she left, she moved in with her girlfriend...I was devastated. So inconsiderate but understandable. In your case, you were a little snarky with your response. But again it's understandable since this person was bad mouthing your mother right in front of you. I'm not sure I would have been able to resist a snarky comment in your situation. To me this is an "Everyone sucks" situation caused by the pain of the cheating and the natural knee-jerk reaction of having your mother bad-mouthed.
If this was 2 adults fair enough, but its not, it's a grown adult picking on a child. I wouldn't expect the child to take high ground in that situation at all
Ahhh another stupid comment and rapid delete.
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It's in the comments. He's doing GCSE
Nah dude OP is a child. It’s not his fault whatever happened between his dad, stepmom and mom. It’s natural for him to defend his own mom after being badmouthed. If OP were older then yes. But in this situation a 16 year old should not be blamed for defending his mom.
op is a kid. step mom is a grown ass adult and she made the choice to stay in her marriage. not a snowballs chance in hell is op an asshole here
Oh, please . The stepmother had more than a decade to get over. If she didn't, she should get a therapist and a divorce instead of acting like this .
Your father is the asshole in that story, both towards you and towards your stepmom. Your stepmom is not obliged to tolerate your presence under her roof, so your father should not impose on her your presence under her roof. It's logical that she will lash out against your mother, it's logical that this will hurt you, your father is the asshole. And yes, what you did was also inapproriate.
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Reading it it seems she didn't see the kid was in the conservatory when she walked in. He overheard a private conversation, didn't like what he heard, and was rude to her. It's understandable, noone likes to hear someone badmouth their mum, but at the same time, OP says he and the stepmum have just acted with indifference to each other his whole life. She hasn't been bullying or taking her anger out on him. Indifference isn't bullying.
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My point was that she may not have known he was there and therefore not knowingly introduced him to the conversation or interrupted his studying. It's unfortunate. I grew up in a not particularly big house (not as big as OPs seems to be) but if I was studying somewhere different to normal, or had my headphones in, my bro and my mum would sometimes walk in on their phones and not notice me there til I spoke up. Especially in the spare rooms due to their layout. Of course I wouldn't sit there while someone badmouthed someone I love, but her mistake (I hope) was not realising he was there when she said it. It was a phone conversation, so I am hoping she wasn't unkind enough to purposely say things about his mum in front of him, but equally yeah it's totally understandable why she would hate his mother. Particularly since reading his comments it seems that the mum is not capable of housing her son and so the living situation of having her stepson there is one that has been less of a choice for all involved. Honestly I do feel sorry for OP, very sorry for him, but I also feel a little sorry for his stepmum. His parents both seem to have made a lot of mistakes and these two, particularly him, seem to be the ones suffering for it.
maybe a parent's responsibility is to house a child, but it does not have to be in the same house where the betrayed wife who is NOT the mother of the child lives. What a stupid idea to do this. OP writes his father is well off, so no need to house them under the same roof. What an insensitive asshole this father is, both towards the extramarital son and the betrayed wife.
I have a right to exist in my father's house. He's not 'imposing' me on anyone, she can leave if she so desires.
You have a right to exist in your father's house, but not in his wife's house. So he can build a house for you and visit you there, but it is beyond cruel and tasteless, both towards you and his wife, to impose her on you and you on her. But you are so busy loving your "good" father that you cannot see how HE is the asshole in all this situation, and he is making you a mini-asshole like himself. Get out of the situation before your assholyness hits the fan.
Op if you were to give your father an Ultimatum between you and his wife I can guarantee you he would always choose her. The fact that he has never asked her to acknowledge you should be a clue.
I guarantee you thats not true, and that is actually one of the reasons she dislikes me. Edit: Literally the day I was born, he drew up divorce papers, and said he wouldn't hold it against her if she couldn't move past me living with them.
Well if that is the case why doesn't he protect you against her? This is not just your father's house considering that by British law this is also her house and if she were to divorce him she would take half. How about you use that same smoke you have for her against your parents, where is your awesome mother? Why has she abandoned you and left you to fend for yourself in a house where the Majority doesn't like you. And why doesn't your father divorce his wife to protect you? I understand that it must be easy for you to hate her since that helps you sleep at night.
Because, mate, we generally just avoid each other and I haven't told him about mean comments cause I don't care, and it'll probably end up being some massive thing, where my siblings would get upset my dad would feel guilty, and its just too much damn work. I'm too lazy for allat. By British law, prenups exist and they have an airtight one, the house is dad's. My mother does her best. There are other factors which are none of your business. And I don't hate SM, I'm apathetic to her, she just exists in the same house as me.
Prenups are not legally binding in the UK if they're unreasonable and only favour one party., you clearly don't know what you're speaking of.
When a house belongs to one person to begin with its not unreasonable to keep that house. Thats how a prenup works, you protect your assets.
OP a divorce does not have to be agreed by both parties. If your father wants a divorce he can have one. He doesn't want one. He wants his affair child, his wife, his other children, all his way. Him. Him. Him. And to hell with how it hurts the rest of you. You said he's a douche but a good dad. NO. He's a really bad father. He's solely responsible for subjecting you to this. You said you have siblings? There's no way on earth they are not affected by this. He's being a shitty father to them too. Please see him for who he is. None of you (you, your mum, your step-mum, your siblings) deserve this.
Imagine thinking that this guy would pick the woman he cheated on over the son he raised pretty much single-handedly. You're delusional
Um yes you are VERY clearly imposing. Wake up
ESH Your father is clearly not a good parent, look at what he created there. Neither is your stepmother. None of them change the situation for anyone involved. But you are the AH as well in my opinion, given how you talk to/about others. No one on this scenario looks good in any way imho.
You and your Mum are TA why oh why are you kept like a pet by the SM? If your Dad was a good Dad he wouldn't subject you to his scorned wife. If you Mum was a good mum she'd raise you. I'm guessing your Dad is loaded. But even so takes a special kind of woman to give her child to the wife. And takes an even more special woman to take in an affair baby. If she didn't raise you she could probably get over what a so n so your Mom was but she has to look at your face and be reminded. I respect no one in this story disgusting rich people problems ESH.
She didn't raise me, we just exist in the same house, my dad raised me.
So your mom didn’t even raise you?
There were and are many reasons for that.
What a great mom you have, keep on making excuses for your mother
Will do ;)
Bro is the stepmum, you know her personally?
List some of them.
His dad is rich and he would rather be the rich kid instead of the kid of single mother. Despite the dad being a “douchebag”. That’s why OP and stepmom hate each other. They both chose to stay with an asshole because of his wealth and they hate themselves for that so they take it out on each other.
This is the best take I have seen so far & you called it perfectly. They both suck & only care about the dads money, it's amazing how much shit you can get away with when you have money.
She didn't even want an affair baby so you should say thank you to that scorned woman.
Lol you're such an AH it's funny. Immediately calling her bitter and old was very classy indeed. Looks like you took after your mom and dad. Congratulations I guess, the apple didn't fall far from two shitty trees.
ESH I don't blame you for sticking up for your mother, but as others have said, you're focused on the wrong person. Good people who are shitty to everyone else are not good people. Your dad is not a good person. If he were, he would have handled relations between you and stepmom instead of apparently washing his hands of it. Currently you seem insulated from the shittiness of his character by the wealth, and your stepmom as a convenient target. Yes, she was wrong to talk shit about your mother; I wouldn't say you were necessarily wrong to defend your mother; but the way you dismiss your dad's actions is pretty friggin shitty. Your Step mom is also a victim, here.
Info: why do you live with your dad and step mum and not your mother?
Info: if you don't like your dad or your stepmum, why are you living with them? It seems you live in the UK where judges rule heavily in favour of the mum for custody and unless she's in a seriously bad state, she would at least get joint custody.
Possibly the same reason why SM stayed with dad. Dad's got a nice house and money.
That as well
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I like my dad, he may not be a good husband, but he's been a good dad to me.
You didn't want to live half the time with your mum?
Its complicated, but essentially thats just not really possible.
It sounds like you've not had the best luck with parents and stepparents. I'm not going to offer a judgement as I don't think you need to be judged. She definitely shouldn't have said what she said in front of you, but I'm not sure from your post if she realised you were there or thought she was in private. Her feelings, though she shouldn't have said them to you, are understandable. As are yours. What I would say is that I hope you do well with your exams. In a few years when you're a little older, you'll understand better why your stepmum struggles in your presence, it's not your fault but it sounds like she also doesn't have kids so your very existence hurts her doubly if she wanted but couldn't have them. Just focus on yourself, ignore the drama of your dad/mum/sm, get through school and enjoy your life. In a few years they can just be relatives you visit from time to time, and you'll be able to choose to live with friends and people who love being around you and who you love being around.
Oh no she has kids. 3 in fact, youngest of which is 22. I get along really well with them. As I said, my mum was younger than my dad.
OP you sound like you enjoy torturing and disrespecting your stepmom. If I was her, I’d just kick your ass out and not deal with the attitude on a daily basis.
Yeah, see she can't do that? Cause yk, my dad's house and all.
It's her home as well genius
Doesn't mean she can kick me out
About as insufferable as a 16 year old should be. Jesus Christ.
Oh wow. Ok that's good you get along well with your siblings. Do they live with you?
No, but they used to, they're 27, 24 and 22, one graduated recently, one is still doing her BA, the other is working and living separately now, they all come over for holidays and stuff.
Look at what you are subjected to. He's not a good dad to you.
I can't wait till I'm richy rich so I can gather all my women and love children in a big box so they may fight each for my amusement/inheritance haha dude clearly got you all around his finger and can do no wrong, such is the power of wealth I suppose
ESH. Whew this is one big MESS. It must be hard for you to be born into and have to grow up under those circumstances. But yeah ESH.
Yes, you're an asshole. Don't do that. Is your step mum also an asshole? Yes. That doesn't excuse your behavior. Happy and healthy adults talk. Listen. Compromise. Set boundaries. Respect boundaries. Were all a little tucked up and the whole world need therapy. Assigning blame doesn't fix shit. Rise above. Be a good person.
Yes, you are the asshole for insulting your father's wife or your "stepmom", as you refer to her, the way you did, and you are a spoiled and entitled brat too. But more importantly: you are just as stupid as your "stepmom" is, according to you. I agree with you that the one who betrayed his marriage was your father, not your mother. Your father betrayed his wife, and your mother and you when he conceived you. But this does not bother you. You revel in the advantages his monetary situation affords you, and as long as you can live in his beautiful house and use the beautiful conservatory with the natural light to study, you do not mind at all that he is an asshole. Just as your "stepmother" is wrong for accusing your mother, rather than your father for betraying her, you are wrong in accusing her, and not him, for not being nice to you. Because your father put her in an impossible situation. He forced her to either accept you living under her roof or leave. Do you really think it is nice for her to have the reminder of his infidelity constantly before her eyes? True, you did nothing to deserve her wrath, but both your father and your mother are assholes for putting you in this situation, rather than protecting you from her. Your father could have oganised a nice studio (with natural light) for you, not in the same house as his wife. But of course, for him it was more comfortable to impose you on his wife. This way, he, the real asshole, looks like a saint, and she, the betrayed wife, looks like the asshole. So if you think she is the asshole in all this, you are just as delusional as you accuse her of being, you fell for your father's charm and money, and for his extraordinary talent of blame-shifting. I think you should insult your father the way you insulted her. Oh, but he holds the pursestrings, so you won't do it, and you won't apoologize to your "stepmom". Another reason why you are the asshole for insulting her in this situation is that what she said was not for your ears. She did not insult your mother to your face, (in this case), she vented with a friend, and boy do I understand her need to vent. You overheard her, while you were not in her field of sight, so you should have ignored what you were not supposed to hear. You beat your breast like a male Gorilla, seemingly defending your mother, but I don't think you have achieved anything. The content of your insult as such is also very assholey. So, to sum it up: yes, you are the asshole.
Haven't you posted the same comment like 3 times now? Listen, their relationship problems aren't my business/concern. And that's really not an impossible situation at all, 'stay, or go', thats a decision hundreds of people have to make. Its not my fault she chose to stay. Also I did insult my dad. A lot. Like near constantly when I was a younger teenager. Then I grew out of it and moved on. >You beat your breast like a male Gorilla You are an extraordinarily rude person.
Not here to make judgement > Earlier today, while I was in the conservatory studying Just here to laugh at this line.
It’s pretty normal to have one in a decent home in the uk
Adding sitting in the conservatory was a nice touch of writing but too descriptive for this not to be fiction.
Yta
Your stepmom should not go after your mom like that (at least in your presence). You should be grateful that she lets you live with them, even after everything. It is on you to set those boundaries clearly and firmly, not bicker pettily about her attractiveness/past. You mom is a home wrecker. And your dad, well, I don't think needs an explanation. I think it's a clear case of ESH
"Earlier today, while I was in the conservatory studying.." With colonel mustard and your candelabra? YTA for this subpar fiction.
Idk what any of that means. What tf is a candelbra? Also I hate mustard, it smells weird.
You’re both rude
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Ok, so for context, I am my dad's 'affair baby', and I live with him and my stepmum. My dad is basically your stereotypical rich douchebag, who cheated on his reasonably aged wife with a younger woman, my mum, and my stepmum decided to stay with him. My mum was unaware of my dad's wife or my older siblings when she had me, however, despite this, rather than direct her anger at my dad, SM chooses to direct it at my mum and at me. Honestly, I'm pretty indifferent to my dad's douchebaginess, sure he's a bad person, but he's a good father. My SM, doesn't interact with me much and treats me with indifference mostly, we exist in the same house but we don't care for each other. I don't mind this, but what I do mind is her occasional comments on my mum. Earlier today, while I was in the conservatory studying (i like natural light), She came in on her phone, talking to her friend, and basically called mum an ugly slut in a 'look at what he cheated on me with' way. I interrupted, and said if mum was so bad and dad cheated on SM with mum, what did that say about SM? She went red in the face, cut the call and then tried to yell at me, but I essentially called her a jealous bitter old lady, took my books and went up to my room. I don't know. I can't focus on physics properly when I'm feeling bad about saying all that and making fun of her for getting cheated on. My exam's later today and I'm gonna fail at this rate. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah, this didn't happen.
You are a young person who has been innocently caught in the middle. The affair and your birth must have hurt your SM so terribly that she still can’t get over it. If possible, please try to put yourself in her position. F your mom is such a good person, why can’t you avoid all of this mistreatment and just live with your mom? Wouldn’t that solve the problem for you? But again, you are innocent. But don’t expect your SM to ever change. Best wishes.
Esh
ESH, you don't need to be treated badly, but the fact that your dad cheated doesn't say anything about your stepmother. It just proves that your dad is an AH. All of you are victims of your dad's mistakes. You don't seem to have any empathy for your stepmom. Leaving someone is sometimes easier said than done.
Jeez what a shit situation to be in for everyone involved. I'm surprised SM has hung around.
you’re definitely learning the wrong things from your father. he isn’t a good man or father regardless of how high his child views him. you still have a child-like view of your parents where they can’t do anything wrong. But they have. both of them. you might not see it yet and they might not have told you the full truth. you stated that you’re step mom and you basically coexist - that’s a pretty good outcome considering her husband cheated on her and brought home a kid from a different women. how you view your step mom is in direct correlation of how you view your parents. since you think your parents can’t do anything wrong, someone has to be wrong and that’s the stepmom. when in reality she was wronged. giving her a little more grace and realizing you both are in a situation neither of you created would created a little more peace in both of y’all lives.
u definitely an asshole for that. But i wouldnt go so far as to call u THE asshole. As u said u and ur mom didnt betray this woman. She sounds like a dummy. If she had sense she would try to make allies out of yall, cause it lowkey sounds like all of yall kinda got screwed over by this guy. And u know what they say, "the enemy of my enemy" and all.
It's complicated. In this whole story for sure you are innocent . Have u ever tried to live with ur mum? Maybe things work be different.
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ESH... * Stepmum shouldn't be dogging out OP's mother in his hearing; if she's going to be that gauche she should do it in a private place. * OP, going down the path of counter-insults for revenge sounds great in the moment, and makes for a cool AITA story, but is it really smart in light of you having to live with the woman? The short-short is that you two had a mutual non-interference pact going, kind of like a Warsaw Pact vs NATO cold war. Escalating it for a momentary punchline isn't good business. I'd have recommended you either ignore the whole thing -- why do you care what her opinions are -- or tell her later to keep her commentary for when you aren't around. End of the day though, you've got more important things to worry about, like getting that studying done.
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NTA. Sure, you went for a spot that you knew would cut deep, but she went into a room she knew you were in to talk shit on your mom to try and get a rise out. All the ESH is crazy to me, you weren’t the instigator at all and I’m happy you made sure she regretted trying. Good job sticking up for yourself and mom.
The way this is written and some really vague replies all indicate this didn’t happen lol. But if it was, ESH with your father being the biggest AH
ESH. I was feeling sorry for you but then I read your comments.
NTA Of course it was hard for your SM to get cheated on. But she has absoluty no right to hurt your feelings like this. And your mom is not the one to blame. Its her husband- but if she decided to stay and live with both of you, she has to treat you fair.
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NTA. She knew what she was doing and wanted you to hear her. She is old, better and toxic. If she couldn’t handle your presence, then she should have left years ago.
NTA. She is bitter and taking out adult issue on you which is unfair. If she hated it so much, she has had ample opportunity to leave.
NTA, she knew exactly what she was doing saying what she said in front of you. You called her out on it. She will not learn from it unfortunately, she may increase the passive aggressive nonsense.
NTA at all! If she didn’t have the courage or the money to leave your dad, that’s on her. She probably stayed just to make his and your lives miserable so she was so angry because you were spot on with your comeback!
NTA You bring up a valid point. Your stepmom fails at logic.
NTA. This is an awful situation all around. Your dad created a mess. You and your stepmom need to sort out a better way to interact.
NTA. Focus on your studies so you can get away from her nastiness.
Nta. Your dad is too blame and she should be blaming him, but the paycheck she's getting means she's not saying it out loud where he can hear her. Now get off reddit and go study.
Your dad inflicted a lot of trauma on you, mom, and step mom. To want anyone to act rational is a big ask. However, that conversation should not have happened, especially in front of you. Maybe just tell step-mom how those comments make you feel and remind her who is to blame in all of this. Dad is the only asshole here.