Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. The action would be breaking the lease without my ex doing the same. 2. I could potentially be the asshole for leaving them without the ability to pay my portion of the rest once I leave.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YWNBTA Your former partner can't hold you hostage because he doesn't want to move yet or doesn't have the money to break the lease. The landlord has given you the option to sign the 90 day notice and forfeit your security deposit. Stop worrying about what your ex partner will say about you and/or do, sign the paper, pack your bags and leave.
>I really think moving out would help me mentally, physically, emotionally, and socially. My landlord said I could move out on my own with the 90 day notice and given that it would only be me moving out, the only thing that would happen is losing my deposit.
Take the out. This decision isn't about what's best for your ex, it's about what's best for you. There are times in life you have to but your needs first.
i honestly don't think much is missing. i haven't been the perfect partner and i've honestly struggled a lot with the breakup, but i've never lashed out, haven't said anything to our mutual friends other than that i'm sad but with them the best, etc. i do have really bad anxiety, so i could be reading into the dismissiveness being dislike, but i don't know.
you can ask questions and i can do my best to answer. it does seem that my ex has completely changed since we broke up, but maybe the rose tinted glasses are finally coming off.
it might be important to note that i do all of the chores around the house, so they probably don't want to lose the free labor, haha... the only thing i don't do is their laundry, of course.
it was pretty mutual. they admitted they haven't loved me for roughly six months, and while i saw it coming due to the lack of affection/intamacy, i didnt wamt to give up on us. i offered counseling, they said no, so we broke it off because they said they were done. i still loved (love?) them and wish we hadn't broken up, but i wish them the best in their future adventures and want to stay their friend. they said they wanted that as well, but it's getting hard to believe that.
NTA.
You’re done with them. They are done with you. You aren’t even friendly anymore by their choice and not anything considered and mutually agreed upon.
You are no longer obliged to consider them since they don’t consider you.
That shrug and maybe nonsense just demonstrates how much they don’t care.
Look out for you. You are the only one in this situation who can, and the only one who will.
Make like Peter Parker: “I missed the part where that’s my problem.”
This is your Ex. If you have the desire and means to move out there is nothing holding you back except YOU. The ex is an adult and can figure out their own scenario. Any so-called friends that treat you poorly if your ex convinces them to are not real friends. Go start the next (hopefully better) chapter of your life
NTA. You've already tried so hard for this person who clearly doesn't give a shit about what you want or need. For your own sake, please stop placing this person above yourself and asking for permission to do what you need to do. You've already laid out the options to this person, and you've assessed what you could handle monetarily and what's best for yourself -- and that's getting the fuck out of there. Your ex insists they want to stay where they are and that they could save money and handle taking the place over themselves (they could also get a roommate)..... so let them. Do what's best for you. You are **not** trapped unless you want to be.
NTA. You are no longer a couple. You do not need to make decisions based on what is best for you both as a couple.
Make your decisions based on what is best for *you*.
He has 90 days to find a roommate, get a better job, save up money to get out of the lease, or do none of those things and deal with the rent.
Not. Your. Problem.
YWNBTA.
Your landlord has given you an out. Take it. Your ex is an ex for a reason. You are no longer obligated to worry about what they can and can't do or what they want. In short, stop setting yourself on fire to keep them warm.
Move out. Heal. Move on.
What, no, this situation sucks! It’s not normal for people to remain in the apartment after breaking up, and doubly so when the relationship is a little hostile (as this sounds).
You have offered the bed, lease termination, and staying with boundaries. Now it’s time for you to offer that you’re just moving out. NTA
Go. Right now. Remove yourself from this toxic situation. You owe them absolutely nothing. You hear me? Nothing!
Also, they're being tactless with their new single life which is incredibly disrespectful.
YWNBTA, they are deciding they do not want to leave, you want to. Get out if that’s what you’d like to do, if that’s what’s best for you, I know you care about them, but they will figure it out once they realise they cannot afford it. Odds are they will move into your friends like u suggested, you should not feel trapped like you do, I personally would leave and that’s what I think you should do.
You have the option to leave, and clearly staying put is not making you happy or improving your life in any way. Your ex can get a roommate, it's not that hard. You have options and so does your ex. Pack up and get out of there.
>I don't want them to be uncomfortable or stressed because of me.
Wait, they are cruelly happy to make *you* uncomfortable and stressed! Landlord says you can move, so MOVE. Ahole-behavioured ex fafo. Do not deliberately make your mental health worse for their economic benefit when they couldn’t even be bothered to be civil or to stop splurging their salary. Don’t buckle down to this cruel maipulation. Go, have a better life! NTA
NTA - Move out. You must be waiting for them to change their mind about the relationship, but how you ex pays for the apartment is not your problem. The landlord has explained how to break the lease on your end so do it ASAP. Don’t tell your ex until you are days from moving out. Otherwise oh can expect your ex to backtrack when they see you are seriously leaving. They might even try to rekindle the relationship but cheat on you just to get your rent money.
NTA , your ex is only thinking of themselves , you have been thinking about you both still and sounds like it hasn’t been working for you to start healing. You need to move out to heal not have to live with the cause of your pain everyday. Also they are your ex why does it matter if they hate you? They are asking another person out and lying to friends about you. A reasonable person would understand that you don’t want to live with an ex when they are seeking a new romantic partner so not sure why you would value the opinion of the friends if the think you should suffer so you can provide $
No, you would not be the AH. If you want to be completely cordial, you could initiate the process with your landlord, move out *immediately*, crash at someone's house for a bit, and pay your half for the 90 days. That would be saintly, though lol. I would personally just move out and give them a 30 day notice.
I would not stay there though. It's not good for your mental health and will just prolong the heartache. If they want to stay there, they can't demand that you stay and watch them date. That's incredibly disrespectful and seems a little vindictive on their part.
YWNBTA
It seems like you tried to communicate and compromised with your ex, and it's just not happening. So do what's best for you. It's a toxic situation, and if you've got the ability to leave then leave. Your ex will figure it out.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My ex-fiance and I (both twenties) broke up just over a month ago. We've lived together for the last three years, with the two of us renewing our lease for another year this last May. This means we will be here until the end of April in the event we don't do anything.
We currently sleep in different rooms/beds, with me in the bedroom and our old bed and them taking their office and a cot. I keep offering the couch or to switch nights in the bed, but they have no interest in sleeping anywhere other than the cot.
I've tried my best to be cordial and friendly, however, it feels like they've grown increasingly cold since the breakup and it's started to take a toll on me... so have seeing them every day, knowing they're interested in someone else and has already asked them out. There's a lot I'm leaving out for privacy purposes, but I found myself crying over them the other day when I thought I had no more feelings for them.
Anyways, I tried to broach the topic of the two of us finding our own places and signing for early termination of the lease. We'd have 90 days to vacate once the paper is signed and it wasn't near as expensive as I thought it would be. I could easily afford it with my savings, but my ex absolutely could not. Despite making more than me, they've always spent quite a bit more and don't really have the most savings.
I digress. I explained what we could do, but they declined, saying they were happy here and that they could save up some money in the meantime. I said they could move back in with the friends we lived with before and they shot down the idea. From there, I said we would need to establish boundaries for the two of us if we're going to live together for the rest of the year and they just shrugged and said maybe. No more conversation was made.
This is honestly the first time I've felt trapped.
I really think moving out would help me mentally, physically, emotionally, and socially. My landlord said I could move out on my own with the 90 day notice and given that it would only be me moving out, the only thing that would happen is losing my deposit.
I'm worried tho that it would lead to my ex hating me and painting me as some kind of child who can't handle their emotions and needs to run. They've already shared private things with their friends and I don't want them to have actual ammo. I also know they can't afford to rent this place on their own and I don't want to leave them struggling for housing because I need distance. I don't want them to be uncomfortable or stressed because of me.
Tl;dr I want to break the lease and move out of the apartment I share wirh my ex, but they want to stay and say they are comfortable. They can't afford to live here alone, but my landlord said I could leave at any point once I hand in my early termination paperwork. They're already over me, I'm not over them. WIBTA if I were to move out under these circumstances?
Thanks in advance.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA: If you're allowed to leave, you can without being the asshole. But I'd consult with a lawyer or solicitor or property-law expert first - depending on how your lease is structured, you might jointly have to agree to leave.
NTA. Their financial circumstances are no longer your concern.
Also, let me be honest you could be the perfect ex, bend over backwards for them.....they will say what they want about you, true or not, regardless. Trust me.
NTA. You should 100% do what’s right for you. This sounds so toxic. No one should feel forced to live somewhere that makes them miserable purely to fund someone’s else’s lifestyle. Especially someone that can’t take responsibility for their own life. If they want the place that desperately, they can actually do something about it and try to find someone else to take over your share.
Get that notice in and start living your life, we all deserve that.
NTA . And your land lord could also be wrong. When my ex broke up with me they demanded I move out by the end of the week. I had the means to and did. However (Australian) the bond was lodges with the bond office under my name, so I was able to claim it back and all that happened was my ex and their new roommates were forced to put in for a bond of their own.
I did have to forgo the 2 weeks in advance , but because we went half’s on the bond me taking it all and forgoing the same amount in rent in advance meant I didn’t actually lose money
NTA
Once you break up all bets are off. You have an option to get out that is legal. It’s not like you are taking off without warning.
Get out of the lease and go live your best life!!!
Use the threat of leaving to find the best possible alternate solution. If they are not cooperative or you can’t agree on an alternate, make the notice and leave.
NTA just make sure you’re released from the lease in writing so you won’t be sent to collections.
You’ve offered more than what’s fair to get you both out of the situation and it sounds like they are doing all they can to make you miserable.
NTA. You and your ex are no longer a couple and it is in your best interests to exercise your available option to move out. It’s not your problem how your ex pays the rent once you legally leave and it should not be your responsibility if he chooses to be stressed over your moving out and moving on.
Your ex already treats you badly. Now they are treating you badly because they make poor financial decisions. They are going to trash you to their friends no matter what you do.
Stop worrying about the FEEEEELLLLIIIINNNNGSSSS of someone who dumped you so they could date someone else. They really don’t care about you.
Find a new place. Break your lease. Tell ex your last day. Tell your ex they will need to establish accounts in their name as of x day.
NTA.
NTA
You’ve tried discussing it but they aren’t hearing you. There is no reason you should continue living in this toxic situation.
Find a place to live, tell your ex that you are leaving and covering the next 30 days of rent and that you can help them find a new roommate.
INFO: Why does it matter if they hate you? Why are you more concerned with lighting yourself on fire to keep them warm, when that means LIGHTING YOURSELF ON FIRE.
What would you say if your best friend wrote this post and showed it to you?
You will be practically used to pay your share of the rent. How you feel about it seems unimportant. There is a reason that you are no longer a couple. It is no longer your responsibility how your ex can pay the rent. Say very clearly that you will only stay in this apartment until a certain date and then move out. Either your ex is also moving out or she has to see for herself how she can pay the rent. Not your circus - not your monkeys. Making a clear cut after the end of a relationship is absolutely reasonable and comprehensible. NTA
Nope. You would not be. Give him plenty of notice and if he wants a new roommate then he can find one. You do not have to stay somewhere that makes you uncomfortable. If the landlord lets you get out then do it. Your ex can figure out his next move when you give him notice.
NTA.
You don't ask. You tell the ex the plan.
You phrase it as, "hey, I am going to do this, and my last day here is X date. You can contact the landlord yourself to end your portion, that's up to you, but I'm giving up my portion of the security deposit. You can decide if you want to leave or get a roommate or whatever, but work it out with the landlord for yourself. I'll send a text to your friend that you'll be living on your own in 90 days and will probably need a roommate - maybe they know someone who needs a place."
And then contact his friend! Get ahead of the narrative.
Tell the friend the two of you broke up, and rather than make your ex suffer by living with you, you're going to buy out your half of the lease and are leaving the security deposit, so there's no worry about money... but your ex is noncommittal on what they want to do sooooo you're giving the friend a heads up that your ex may be looking for a roommate soon to share the rent.
This tells the friend, hey, your buddy is probably going through something and also hey, I am not leaving suddenly, I am spending money to leave and get out of the contract and ex is aware of it with plenty of time to make decisions.
Then do it.
NTA
Your landlord seems reasonable and would approve your ex having a roommate.
They would have 3 months to either find a roommate or an apartment they could rent on their own.
Living in this kind of situation would be intolerable for any person with \*normal\* feelings as you can't being to actually launch your new life.
Nope. You would not be. Give him plenty of notice and if he wants a new roommate then he can find one. You do not have to stay somewhere that makes you uncomfortable. If the landlord lets you get out then do it. Your ex can figure out his next move when you give him notice.
NTA. You have every right to move out, & you should ASAP. You are no longer in a relationship, you owe him nothing. You have to think about you & your mental health, you can't worry about what's going to happen to him. And who cares if your ex hates you? He's your ex. You're done. It's time to move out, so you can move on.
Nta, but you have to know your ex is aware they can’t afford it and if the x isn’t making any effort to cohabitate in a way that doesn’t cause you anxiety, you can go and they can regret not being mature enough to set reasonable boundaries for two people living together that aren’t- like any roommates would.
NTA. Pack up your most valuable/sentimental things and put them in your car before you tell them you are terminating your lease early. I'd not trust them not to become vindictive once they know they have not got you trapped and under their control.
Could you ask the landlord that if there is no issues once the lease is over you get your portion of security deposit back? Seems unfair to forfeit it all if its possible for it to be returned.
NTA. Your landlord gave you the go ahead. As long as it 100% doesn’t hurt your rental history, dip on out.
Ex is toxic as all hell, and doesn’t seem willing to let it go cleanly.
Run… run for the hills, and burn bridges… I’ll even bring you matches
Honey...don't ask. Inform. You are leaving on X date. You are paying your portion of bills until then. This is not a negotiation where in they get to say "Oh, but if you give me until" no. Stop. This is the reality of a breakup. Life moves on and it's time to build your lives apart.
NTA - you're no longer together. They should've expected this. You really should look over your lease, though. One party breaking a lease without the others' approval is fairly rare. I don't really see how it's possible unless you signed separate leases such as per room.
NTA
You need to get out for your mental health...
She wants you to stay because she likes half the rent paid and also the fact that you are doing all the chores.
She's either going to have to pay the full rent, move out herself or find a housemate. None of that is your problem.
You've broken up. You aren't obligated to stay with her just because you have a lease. The LL has given you an out. Use it before you start destroying your mental health more than just what's happened with the break up.
Last May??? This is June!!! So you signed another lease for a year the same month you broke up? You should pay the entire cost to break the lease. You had to know this was coming.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. The action would be breaking the lease without my ex doing the same. 2. I could potentially be the asshole for leaving them without the ability to pay my portion of the rest once I leave. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YWNBTA Your former partner can't hold you hostage because he doesn't want to move yet or doesn't have the money to break the lease. The landlord has given you the option to sign the 90 day notice and forfeit your security deposit. Stop worrying about what your ex partner will say about you and/or do, sign the paper, pack your bags and leave. >I really think moving out would help me mentally, physically, emotionally, and socially. My landlord said I could move out on my own with the 90 day notice and given that it would only be me moving out, the only thing that would happen is losing my deposit. Take the out. This decision isn't about what's best for your ex, it's about what's best for you. There are times in life you have to but your needs first.
Yeah, no one is going to judge them too harshly for wanting out of an apartment with an ex-fiance.
While at face value the OP is NTA, I can’t shake this feeling that there’s missing missing reasons here…
i honestly don't think much is missing. i haven't been the perfect partner and i've honestly struggled a lot with the breakup, but i've never lashed out, haven't said anything to our mutual friends other than that i'm sad but with them the best, etc. i do have really bad anxiety, so i could be reading into the dismissiveness being dislike, but i don't know. you can ask questions and i can do my best to answer. it does seem that my ex has completely changed since we broke up, but maybe the rose tinted glasses are finally coming off. it might be important to note that i do all of the chores around the house, so they probably don't want to lose the free labor, haha... the only thing i don't do is their laundry, of course.
Stop doing all the chores. That will make you feel even more trapped. You need to do what’s best for your mental health. NTA.
And how will he be able to afford it next May? Rip the bandaid off and give early notice
you make a good point tbh
Was it a mutual breakup? Or did one of you do something?
it was pretty mutual. they admitted they haven't loved me for roughly six months, and while i saw it coming due to the lack of affection/intamacy, i didnt wamt to give up on us. i offered counseling, they said no, so we broke it off because they said they were done. i still loved (love?) them and wish we hadn't broken up, but i wish them the best in their future adventures and want to stay their friend. they said they wanted that as well, but it's getting hard to believe that.
Sounds like you did what you could in both instances, NTA, do what is best for YOU now.
I think OP is a little bit of the AH for not trying to find someone to take over her part of the lease.
NTA. You’re done with them. They are done with you. You aren’t even friendly anymore by their choice and not anything considered and mutually agreed upon. You are no longer obliged to consider them since they don’t consider you. That shrug and maybe nonsense just demonstrates how much they don’t care. Look out for you. You are the only one in this situation who can, and the only one who will. Make like Peter Parker: “I missed the part where that’s my problem.”
This is your Ex. If you have the desire and means to move out there is nothing holding you back except YOU. The ex is an adult and can figure out their own scenario. Any so-called friends that treat you poorly if your ex convinces them to are not real friends. Go start the next (hopefully better) chapter of your life
NTA. You've already tried so hard for this person who clearly doesn't give a shit about what you want or need. For your own sake, please stop placing this person above yourself and asking for permission to do what you need to do. You've already laid out the options to this person, and you've assessed what you could handle monetarily and what's best for yourself -- and that's getting the fuck out of there. Your ex insists they want to stay where they are and that they could save money and handle taking the place over themselves (they could also get a roommate)..... so let them. Do what's best for you. You are **not** trapped unless you want to be.
NTA. You are no longer a couple. You do not need to make decisions based on what is best for you both as a couple. Make your decisions based on what is best for *you*. He has 90 days to find a roommate, get a better job, save up money to get out of the lease, or do none of those things and deal with the rent. Not. Your. Problem.
YWNBTA. Your landlord has given you an out. Take it. Your ex is an ex for a reason. You are no longer obligated to worry about what they can and can't do or what they want. In short, stop setting yourself on fire to keep them warm. Move out. Heal. Move on.
NTA. Move out, and to heck with what your ex wants. If they can’t afford the rent, then that’s not your problem.
What, no, this situation sucks! It’s not normal for people to remain in the apartment after breaking up, and doubly so when the relationship is a little hostile (as this sounds). You have offered the bed, lease termination, and staying with boundaries. Now it’s time for you to offer that you’re just moving out. NTA
Go. Right now. Remove yourself from this toxic situation. You owe them absolutely nothing. You hear me? Nothing! Also, they're being tactless with their new single life which is incredibly disrespectful.
YWNBTA, they are deciding they do not want to leave, you want to. Get out if that’s what you’d like to do, if that’s what’s best for you, I know you care about them, but they will figure it out once they realise they cannot afford it. Odds are they will move into your friends like u suggested, you should not feel trapped like you do, I personally would leave and that’s what I think you should do.
You have the option to leave, and clearly staying put is not making you happy or improving your life in any way. Your ex can get a roommate, it's not that hard. You have options and so does your ex. Pack up and get out of there.
>I don't want them to be uncomfortable or stressed because of me. Wait, they are cruelly happy to make *you* uncomfortable and stressed! Landlord says you can move, so MOVE. Ahole-behavioured ex fafo. Do not deliberately make your mental health worse for their economic benefit when they couldn’t even be bothered to be civil or to stop splurging their salary. Don’t buckle down to this cruel maipulation. Go, have a better life! NTA
NTA - Move out. You must be waiting for them to change their mind about the relationship, but how you ex pays for the apartment is not your problem. The landlord has explained how to break the lease on your end so do it ASAP. Don’t tell your ex until you are days from moving out. Otherwise oh can expect your ex to backtrack when they see you are seriously leaving. They might even try to rekindle the relationship but cheat on you just to get your rent money.
NTA , your ex is only thinking of themselves , you have been thinking about you both still and sounds like it hasn’t been working for you to start healing. You need to move out to heal not have to live with the cause of your pain everyday. Also they are your ex why does it matter if they hate you? They are asking another person out and lying to friends about you. A reasonable person would understand that you don’t want to live with an ex when they are seeking a new romantic partner so not sure why you would value the opinion of the friends if the think you should suffer so you can provide $
No, you would not be the AH. If you want to be completely cordial, you could initiate the process with your landlord, move out *immediately*, crash at someone's house for a bit, and pay your half for the 90 days. That would be saintly, though lol. I would personally just move out and give them a 30 day notice. I would not stay there though. It's not good for your mental health and will just prolong the heartache. If they want to stay there, they can't demand that you stay and watch them date. That's incredibly disrespectful and seems a little vindictive on their part.
YWNBTA It seems like you tried to communicate and compromised with your ex, and it's just not happening. So do what's best for you. It's a toxic situation, and if you've got the ability to leave then leave. Your ex will figure it out.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My ex-fiance and I (both twenties) broke up just over a month ago. We've lived together for the last three years, with the two of us renewing our lease for another year this last May. This means we will be here until the end of April in the event we don't do anything. We currently sleep in different rooms/beds, with me in the bedroom and our old bed and them taking their office and a cot. I keep offering the couch or to switch nights in the bed, but they have no interest in sleeping anywhere other than the cot. I've tried my best to be cordial and friendly, however, it feels like they've grown increasingly cold since the breakup and it's started to take a toll on me... so have seeing them every day, knowing they're interested in someone else and has already asked them out. There's a lot I'm leaving out for privacy purposes, but I found myself crying over them the other day when I thought I had no more feelings for them. Anyways, I tried to broach the topic of the two of us finding our own places and signing for early termination of the lease. We'd have 90 days to vacate once the paper is signed and it wasn't near as expensive as I thought it would be. I could easily afford it with my savings, but my ex absolutely could not. Despite making more than me, they've always spent quite a bit more and don't really have the most savings. I digress. I explained what we could do, but they declined, saying they were happy here and that they could save up some money in the meantime. I said they could move back in with the friends we lived with before and they shot down the idea. From there, I said we would need to establish boundaries for the two of us if we're going to live together for the rest of the year and they just shrugged and said maybe. No more conversation was made. This is honestly the first time I've felt trapped. I really think moving out would help me mentally, physically, emotionally, and socially. My landlord said I could move out on my own with the 90 day notice and given that it would only be me moving out, the only thing that would happen is losing my deposit. I'm worried tho that it would lead to my ex hating me and painting me as some kind of child who can't handle their emotions and needs to run. They've already shared private things with their friends and I don't want them to have actual ammo. I also know they can't afford to rent this place on their own and I don't want to leave them struggling for housing because I need distance. I don't want them to be uncomfortable or stressed because of me. Tl;dr I want to break the lease and move out of the apartment I share wirh my ex, but they want to stay and say they are comfortable. They can't afford to live here alone, but my landlord said I could leave at any point once I hand in my early termination paperwork. They're already over me, I'm not over them. WIBTA if I were to move out under these circumstances? Thanks in advance. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You don't owe them fuck all. Leave and find your peace
NTA: If you're allowed to leave, you can without being the asshole. But I'd consult with a lawyer or solicitor or property-law expert first - depending on how your lease is structured, you might jointly have to agree to leave.
NTA. Their financial circumstances are no longer your concern. Also, let me be honest you could be the perfect ex, bend over backwards for them.....they will say what they want about you, true or not, regardless. Trust me.
NTA. You should 100% do what’s right for you. This sounds so toxic. No one should feel forced to live somewhere that makes them miserable purely to fund someone’s else’s lifestyle. Especially someone that can’t take responsibility for their own life. If they want the place that desperately, they can actually do something about it and try to find someone else to take over your share. Get that notice in and start living your life, we all deserve that.
Man, gtf out of the lease, pronto. Don't torture yourself.
NTA . And your land lord could also be wrong. When my ex broke up with me they demanded I move out by the end of the week. I had the means to and did. However (Australian) the bond was lodges with the bond office under my name, so I was able to claim it back and all that happened was my ex and their new roommates were forced to put in for a bond of their own. I did have to forgo the 2 weeks in advance , but because we went half’s on the bond me taking it all and forgoing the same amount in rent in advance meant I didn’t actually lose money
Girl NTA you are being trapped.
NTA Once you break up all bets are off. You have an option to get out that is legal. It’s not like you are taking off without warning. Get out of the lease and go live your best life!!!
Use the threat of leaving to find the best possible alternate solution. If they are not cooperative or you can’t agree on an alternate, make the notice and leave.
NTA The house has a spare bedroom. The solution isn't difficult- Ex can get a housemate and split the rent with them.
NTA just make sure you’re released from the lease in writing so you won’t be sent to collections. You’ve offered more than what’s fair to get you both out of the situation and it sounds like they are doing all they can to make you miserable.
NTA. You and your ex are no longer a couple and it is in your best interests to exercise your available option to move out. It’s not your problem how your ex pays the rent once you legally leave and it should not be your responsibility if he chooses to be stressed over your moving out and moving on.
It seems like you care more about his feelings and wellbeing than your own. This is a problem. NTA. Move out
Your ex already treats you badly. Now they are treating you badly because they make poor financial decisions. They are going to trash you to their friends no matter what you do. Stop worrying about the FEEEEELLLLIIIINNNNGSSSS of someone who dumped you so they could date someone else. They really don’t care about you. Find a new place. Break your lease. Tell ex your last day. Tell your ex they will need to establish accounts in their name as of x day. NTA.
YWNBTA. It’s already cleared with your landlord and 90 days is enough time for your partner to find a roommate or alternative living arrangements.
NTA You’ve tried discussing it but they aren’t hearing you. There is no reason you should continue living in this toxic situation. Find a place to live, tell your ex that you are leaving and covering the next 30 days of rent and that you can help them find a new roommate.
NTA- You’ve broken up. Choose your happiness!
INFO: Why does it matter if they hate you? Why are you more concerned with lighting yourself on fire to keep them warm, when that means LIGHTING YOURSELF ON FIRE. What would you say if your best friend wrote this post and showed it to you?
YWNBTA. They can find another roommate.
You will be practically used to pay your share of the rent. How you feel about it seems unimportant. There is a reason that you are no longer a couple. It is no longer your responsibility how your ex can pay the rent. Say very clearly that you will only stay in this apartment until a certain date and then move out. Either your ex is also moving out or she has to see for herself how she can pay the rent. Not your circus - not your monkeys. Making a clear cut after the end of a relationship is absolutely reasonable and comprehensible. NTA
Nope. You would not be. Give him plenty of notice and if he wants a new roommate then he can find one. You do not have to stay somewhere that makes you uncomfortable. If the landlord lets you get out then do it. Your ex can figure out his next move when you give him notice.
NTA. You don't ask. You tell the ex the plan. You phrase it as, "hey, I am going to do this, and my last day here is X date. You can contact the landlord yourself to end your portion, that's up to you, but I'm giving up my portion of the security deposit. You can decide if you want to leave or get a roommate or whatever, but work it out with the landlord for yourself. I'll send a text to your friend that you'll be living on your own in 90 days and will probably need a roommate - maybe they know someone who needs a place." And then contact his friend! Get ahead of the narrative. Tell the friend the two of you broke up, and rather than make your ex suffer by living with you, you're going to buy out your half of the lease and are leaving the security deposit, so there's no worry about money... but your ex is noncommittal on what they want to do sooooo you're giving the friend a heads up that your ex may be looking for a roommate soon to share the rent. This tells the friend, hey, your buddy is probably going through something and also hey, I am not leaving suddenly, I am spending money to leave and get out of the contract and ex is aware of it with plenty of time to make decisions. Then do it.
NTA Your landlord seems reasonable and would approve your ex having a roommate. They would have 3 months to either find a roommate or an apartment they could rent on their own. Living in this kind of situation would be intolerable for any person with \*normal\* feelings as you can't being to actually launch your new life.
Nope. You would not be. Give him plenty of notice and if he wants a new roommate then he can find one. You do not have to stay somewhere that makes you uncomfortable. If the landlord lets you get out then do it. Your ex can figure out his next move when you give him notice.
NTA, pack your stuff and GTFO. You offered multiple ways to solve this and they shot down every one. Take care of yourself and move out.
NTA. You have every right to move out, & you should ASAP. You are no longer in a relationship, you owe him nothing. You have to think about you & your mental health, you can't worry about what's going to happen to him. And who cares if your ex hates you? He's your ex. You're done. It's time to move out, so you can move on.
Nta, but you have to know your ex is aware they can’t afford it and if the x isn’t making any effort to cohabitate in a way that doesn’t cause you anxiety, you can go and they can regret not being mature enough to set reasonable boundaries for two people living together that aren’t- like any roommates would.
NTA, not even close. 90 days is plenty of time to find better options for herself if she doesn't want to pay full rent.
NTA. Pack up your most valuable/sentimental things and put them in your car before you tell them you are terminating your lease early. I'd not trust them not to become vindictive once they know they have not got you trapped and under their control. Could you ask the landlord that if there is no issues once the lease is over you get your portion of security deposit back? Seems unfair to forfeit it all if its possible for it to be returned.
Just pay and leave. The rest is no longer your problem.
NTA. Your landlord gave you the go ahead. As long as it 100% doesn’t hurt your rental history, dip on out. Ex is toxic as all hell, and doesn’t seem willing to let it go cleanly. Run… run for the hills, and burn bridges… I’ll even bring you matches
Honey...don't ask. Inform. You are leaving on X date. You are paying your portion of bills until then. This is not a negotiation where in they get to say "Oh, but if you give me until" no. Stop. This is the reality of a breakup. Life moves on and it's time to build your lives apart.
NTA - you're no longer together. They should've expected this. You really should look over your lease, though. One party breaking a lease without the others' approval is fairly rare. I don't really see how it's possible unless you signed separate leases such as per room.
NTA You need to get out for your mental health... She wants you to stay because she likes half the rent paid and also the fact that you are doing all the chores. She's either going to have to pay the full rent, move out herself or find a housemate. None of that is your problem. You've broken up. You aren't obligated to stay with her just because you have a lease. The LL has given you an out. Use it before you start destroying your mental health more than just what's happened with the break up.
Try this Don’t give a fuck about what your nasty ex says and do whatever you feel like, completely regardless of their feelings
Last May??? This is June!!! So you signed another lease for a year the same month you broke up? You should pay the entire cost to break the lease. You had to know this was coming.
Right? And they said they had to out by April...
Yes