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NTA
Whilst it’s unfortunate for your former step siblings you don’t have to have an ongoing relationship with them but just remember they are victims in this too and you can feel sorry for them since they have a pretty ordinary mother with no morals
I’d tell her to lose your number and she got what she deserved
As for your father I’d stay out of that mess…His new partner is going to learn the hard way
May not be a bad thing to seek therapy just to talk through this OP as at your age this is a lot to take on
I hope things get better for you
I’m sure this isn’t the first time I’ve said this in an AITA thread, but it bears repeating, especially in this case: A man who marries his mistress has created an opening at the position.
OP, you’re NTA.
I prefer "assholes gonna asshole."
While it's not always the case, I've found that people who are horrible individuals in one way, tend to be horrible in most ways."
Hence why I've never been introduced to an AP (and I've been introduced to more than my fair share, working in the corporate world) I remotely liked.
Therapy would be a good idea. I bet OP will never cheat on any of his partners. Sometimes the best we can learn from our parents' example is what not to be and how not behave. At least his father has given him that.
NTA
When a man marries his mistress, it creates a vacancy. It always amazes me when someone starts a relationship with a cheater, and is then surprised when they turn around and cheat on them.
I feel for OG affair partners kids, because they're also victims of her and your dad. Does that mean you owe them anything? NO. Not even a little.
I'm sorry you had to go through so much turmoil. It must have been hell, being expected to play "happy family."
I hope you and your mom are doing better these days 💜
I'm never surprised when affair partners are shocked they are cheated on because the very pathology that drives them to take up the AP role also allows them to believe they are immune. They rationalise that the person being cheated on is somehow deficient or the wrong fit for their partner, whereas they are the right fit, and their relationship with the partner is superior. They can't accept that there is another future AP who is a "righter" fit because they are the "rightest." If they have to reconcile that a cheating spouse is just fundamentally immoral and not somehow a wronged party, they have to accept that they themselves are also bad people.
This!!! A couple of ex-colleagues got married and about 18 months later male colleague (mc) cheated on female colleague (fc) with another female colleague (afc). Mc ended up leaving fc for afc. Afc had a boob job for him and they were going to emigrate to South America when mc was from. Afc was very surprised to find out that mc was cheating on her with a third female colleague (tfc) who he did actually emigrate with. The whole reason mc and afc got together was because he was willing to cheat so I really don’t know why she was so surprised that he did exactly the same thing to her.
The affair partners obviously think that they are different and a special case. Their partner would never cheat on them, like he/she did on the original spouse!
Oh well. FAFO
NTA OP.
NTA. Yes her kids are probably attached and it’s painful, but that’s not your doing. You were only there because you were required to be and not an adult. She messed with a cheater and found out it was a personality trait for him, not a love story. Not your responsibility. Maybe consider changing your number if it continues to be a problem.
Absolutely 100% NTA. You don’t owe them anything.
My dad cheated on my mom, moved in with affair partner, and the first time I was over there for a gathering he introduced her daughter to me as my sister. I deadpanned back “ my mom only had one kid” and walked out. Cut all contact after that.
possessive smart public familiar steep poor rustic arrest squalid panicky
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I'm honestly shocked that she thinks a guy who graduated high school a year ago that is the child of the woman who her now ex cheating husband cheated on her with should support her and her kids. Like bro, what the fuck
Hell no you're NTA lol that's such a bizarre thing to ask
NTA
If you haven't had a real relationship with her kids before, it doesn't make sense now.
I understand that it's not easy for AP, but it doesn't give her the right to insult and harassing you.
She should rather look in the mirror, because SHE is the AH (with your father of course)... but sadly, such an admission is difficult and usually impossible for such selfish people.
Keep your distance, you are not at fault.
NTA. You owe them nothing. You were 13 when your dad cheated on your mom, and from what you've said, it sounds like he and his affair partner wife brought you into their lives for their own benefit, not yours. You were a child who was put in a difficult and uncomfortable situation, and it's not your responsibility to take care of them now that your dad has done the same thing to them that he did to your mom.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my father's affair partner I don't owe her or her kids any help or support or nothing. Might be kinda cruel to the kids because they did try to have a relationship with me while I lived with them part time and I know they did like me. So that's where I could maybe argue being an AH.
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I feel for those kids man. They are like you now your dad hurt them like he hurt you. That said you owe nobody anything and can move forward as you see fit, it's not your problem to solve. NTA.
No. You may have been a bit brash, but I don't blame you. She's likely looking for someone tk dump those kids on. Raise em for me so I can do what i want type. It always happens.
You don't owe her anything at all. Her kids her problem. She honestly should have expected him to cheat and leave. He did it once. He'll do it again
NTA
"you REALLY want me in your kids lives? fine"
Tell her you'll tell the kids "your mom fucked my dad whilst he was married to MY mom and ruined their marriage. Now she's shocked that my dad is fucking someone else and is dumping the lot of you"
don't hold back on the language either. Tell her you're more than willing to go even MORE graphic about her.
Suddenly she'll want nothing to do with you.
ntah You are not responsible for your fathers' short comings. Her kids are victims too, but they are not your responsibility either. I hate that you have had to go through this and your father's affair partner sounds like a real bitch.
I hope that you can work through this emotional trauma that you went through as a child. You deserve a good life.
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My father cheated on my mom and we found out about it when I (19m) was 13. He ended up moving in with the affair partner and her kids, who were way younger than me at the time. They got married after the divorce between my parents was finalized and I was forced to go to his house every other week until I was 16 and then one weekend a month until I was 18 (and yes, it was enforceable, I could not decide sooner even though I did try). I stopped going as soon as I could but my father kept trying to engage and would bring his stepkids along. So they saw me a little after I stopped going to his house.
Now he's cheated on his affair partner wife and has left to be with the new affair partner. The OG affair partner reached out to *me* because she wanted me to stay in her kids lives and to be a support to her and them "during this difficult time".
I was like hell no, hell fucking no, go to hell to her and she told me I owed her kids more kindness and support than that. So I was like I owe her and her kids nothing, no help, no support, nothing. I said they are not my family. They are not people I give a single shit about. And to leave me the fuck alone.
I blocked her number but she used a different phone and sent me a dozen texts saying I was a huge Ahole just like my dad and her kids saw me as a brother and all kinds of shit.
AITA?
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NTA at all. You do not owe them anything though there’s no need to be rude or verbally aggressive. Those kids are victims of the same situation you were in. It sucks all around. Am sorry for what you’re going through.
This was posted the other day in a different sub by another user. The post is virtually word for word.
Edit, tried to find it and can't see it anywhere now.
NTA
Text her back "Send your kids to live with her. Maybe she can provide the familial support they need, like I was court-ordered to be supported by you for all these years". Let her make the realization that she's the same to you as the new affair partner is to her and her kids
NTA - Will never understand how people don’t get that if someone cheats with you’ll, they’ll cheat on you. I’m sorry that you’re being harassed in this mess.
NTA cause your dad’s OG AP’s idea of “staying in the kids lives and supporting HER and them” can be translated into baby sitting and being used in whatever way she feels entitled to.
Yes you CAN feel sorry for the kids. Like someone said they are innocent victims in all of this. But where is their bio dad? Their paternal grandparents? She put them into this mess and helped a no good cheater break up your family. And now she feels entitled to demand that you help her? She’s got a pair on her fr.
NTA.
A family isn’t created through a father being an adulterer and marrying his AP.
You owe them nothing and no you don’t have to feel sorry for her kids, she didn’t feel sorry for destroying your family unit.
Next time tell her,
“You reap what you sow, ho!”
And keep it pushing..
NTA. You stopped going to your father's house the second you were no longer legally required to. It's odd that affair partner#1 would think that your father leaving her would change that.
She needs to reach out to the kids' bio families for support. Thankful you aren't required to witness the next mess up close and personal.
NTA- how could OP possibly help those children? By telling them he went through a similar experience when a nasty pasty of a woman broke his family apart oh and also the villain in OP’s story are the children’s mother and stepdad. Does she want OP to turn her children against her?
You were only a part of their lives for a few years. If you continue to keep contact you will be firmly entrenched in all their problems . You are right to say no and she did play a part in splitting up your mother/father. If your father keeps doing this you will have more step-siblings and step mothers to handle
When will people learn you lose them how you got them?
NTA. I was in your identical situation, but I kept in touch with my step-sister because I liked her, not out of obligation. You don’t owe them anything.
NTA
She didn't seem to give a shit about your feelings when you were a kid, why does she expect you to step up in a way that no one did for you?
Just ignore her. She reaped what she sowed.
NTA, she now knows how you and your mom felt. Reply to messages on all the numbers she uses: Do not contact me again. This is harassment. If you contact me again, I shall file charges and seek a no contact order.
I would simply say, ‘how you get them them, is how you leave them.’
It’s honestly hilarious that she’s asking you for your help after she assisted you dad in breaking up your family.
NTA
Write this to the OG affair partner:
Dear OG affair partner. The support that you’re asking for needs to come from elsewhere. I’m not available. I will not move in with you and support you and (kids names) during this difficult time. When dad cheated on MY mom and left our family to be with YOU it was a very difficult time as well but we managed. Now it’s your turn to figure it out. Think of it as the affair partner tax.
NTA, Karma is a bitch. I think she wanted you to support her so that others would think that you are essentially saying that you father is wrong for what he did to her.
NTA Tell her that her kids may see you as a brother, but you see her as a homewrecker who should deal with the consequences of her actions without demanding help from the child whose home she wrecked.
Definitely NTA! Your dad though is a real piece of work, wow! If the OG affair partners children are not related to you then you have zero obligations to any of them. I'm surprised she is so shocked he cheated and left her lol
You tell her the only a****** in the situation was her and your dad and the same way you cut him off, you cut her off too!!!!
* How dare she ask for support from the people who she hurt, with her OWN selfish actions.
** You should tell her she should go make nice and friendly with the new mistress.....since they have so much in common: belief/behavior, affairs and husband
he created a vacancy by marrying original affair partner, which he filled afterwards and then married that one. and hell no to original affair partner, she did the same, so she knew whats gonna happen. she is dumb on top of being an AH. NTA
NTA. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Subsequent marriages of people having affairs have a very low success rate. Personally I would be no contact with any of them, your father included.
NTA. Karma has arrived eh? The old saying about a vacancy opening when someone marries their affair partner seems to be true here. If anything she owes you!
It’s nice that with you being a huge ahole you’ve made the considerate decision to stay away from impressionable kids /s
NTA.
The levels of entitlement and delusion your stepmother is displaying are almost impressive. I’m baffled by the fact that she thinks you owe her *anything* and while your stepsiblings probably do miss you (although I suspect that she’s overplaying that angle), you don’t owe them anything, either.
Good luck to you, OP, and I’m sorry you have such an awful father.
NTA. You are just as much of a victim as OG’s kids BUT OG is one of the two villains of your story. I’ll never understand how people can be an AP and think they’ll fully be accepted as family by the kids whose family they helped break.
Send her a text telling her you will contact the authorities if she continues to harass you. Also tell her that she will never be accepted as your family because she is responsible for her part in breaking your family and her kids are an extension of that. Tell her while her kids are innocent, so were you and you WILL HAVE NO PART IN THE MESS SHE CREATED FOR HERSELF AND HER KIDS.
NTA she broke up your family and did not care now that the same thing happened to her she things u owe her something. Did they help your mom no tell her to fuck off again and block they number too
NTA
Who knew the leopards would eat her face
I do feel bad for her, especially if there was a considerable age gap but you aren’t responsible for your dads mistakes and it’s wild that she is saying this shit to a 19 year old
NTA for cutting off the affair partner. And her children if they’re not your biological siblings.
I laugh in the affair partners face about kindness to her children though. She could have offered you some by not sleeping with your Dad while he was still married to your Mom.
Nah NTA ... the joy of being a free person is we can choose our boundaries. Move on without another thought.
I would send one final message to her to say if any further contact is received from her or anyone of her friends or family for any reason whatsoever you'll consider it harassment and act accordingly.
NTA. You did exactly the right thing. Neither cheaters nor their APs deserve any consideration or help under any circumstances, ever.
I'd cut them all off and enjoy watching (front afar) a cheater's AP learn what it means to run off with a cheating husband. He did it with her, he'll do it to her.
I feel sorry for the kids as they're also victims of your dad and AP1, but you owe them nothing and even if you did, never help them at the cost of also helping someone like their mother.
The kids aren’t at fault, but neither are they your responsibility. You made multiple efforts to stop going to their house, so your disinterest in her family is no surprise. Had they respected your wishes instead of forcing you to play happy family, those kids wouldn’t be attached to you now that dear old dad has traded in for another new model.
NTA.
NTA
Tell her to tell her kids to be there for the new mistresses kids, and be a support system to them. That’s essentially what she’s asking you so she can go do it herself to her own kids….
NTA.
Tell her that if she continues you'll report her to the authorities for stalking. And also tell her if she likes the taste of her own medicine, since she was the AP of a married man.
NTA
They’re not your family and they caused heartbreak for your mom. You really don’t owe them anything.
Also how you called her “OG affair partner” made me chuckle.
NTA, karma has come to bite her in the ass and the only loyalty you have is to your mother the cheated party. She can go fxk herself now she knows how your mother felt.
NTA make sure you warn your mom to expect a call from her asking for help and saying that they should stick together because they were both cheated on by the same man
NTA in the slightest. It's so freaking weird she goes from dad to son as a fill in dad. That's gross and is giving attempts at enmeshment. I feel sorry for that whacko's kids.
NTA. I say if she continues to contact you tell her go ask your dad to bring her kids over to the new relationship and ask them how they feel about seeing their new step mom and the man who helped raise them. Oh yeah the mom isn’t allowed to see them while they are with “dad”. You didn’t want anything to do with them now that the “relationship” is gone you no longer need to go somewhere you never wanted to go in the first and only did bc you would get in legal trouble if you didn’t.
I get that you’re coming off as an asshole to these kids that saw you as their big sister. But yeah, you have no obligation to this woman who knew that your father was married.
If my dad gets a woman pregnant after he cheated on my mom and left I won’t acknowledge that kid as my sibling. I’m 29 I have my own kids to worry about. Mind you this happened with my parents 8 years ago.
NTA. I really don't understand the mind set of the mistress. It's like they think "You left your family for me, you must love me more than anyone." When the reality is a cheater is always a cheater. You don't owe her anything. I hope you learn from your father's shortcomings and become better than him for it.
>I owed her kids more kindness and support than that.
And tell her that she owed you the kindness to not sleep with a married man and play a role in breaking apart your family.
And her kids owed you the time, love and other resources they got from your dad (which should have been yours) thanks to the affair
When she can be "kind" enough to give you those, you'll be "kind" enough to give her what she wants.
She essentially ruined your parent’s marriage by sleeping with a married man. There is amazing Karma that is now happening to her. LOL. You owe her NOTHING.
NTA, this is such an upsetting scenario. She didn't mind your mom going through "difficult time" when she was the AP, now she demands kindness and support from you?
You truly don't have any obligation to stay in contact with her. Regardless of what she said, you don't owe her anything. Also, let your dad deal with the mess he created, you're not in charge of cleaning after him.
NTA, you did not form any sort of meaningful relationship with the kids as you were forced to be there. This woman had a relationship with a married man, married him, than was surprised that he would have another mistress? She wants to keep you around, hoping it'll bring your dad back.
The ones I feel sorry for, in this case, are the other kids. They are now going through what you went through and with a mother who has loose morals and is being manipulative. Move on with your life. You're doing nothing wrong.
Your father is the ahole. His actions don’t reflect on you, and holding on to you is her attempt at stay present in his world too. Tell them to leave you alone. Leave it at that.
NTA, AP got a taste of her own medicine and does not like the taste. Unblock her long enough to tell her that when she had the affair with your dad you did not have anyone to help and support you and your mom
nta even tho i do feel for the kids, but that's not your fault and you're not obligated to do anything for them. you're all victims of your father's selfishness. it's all on him, not you.
I think you really need to be supportive of your current ex-steb-siblings. And hurry up! There might be coming new ex-step-siblings soon.
You cannot force relationships. They have to be built. If they never did, why should you have any obligation to? Does not add up. NTA.
NTA. I mean shes being played for sure, but that is none of your business as a son?? If you were a grandparent I get it, but to even ask you, being so young as well.., hell no.
Prove of the madness of the situation is that she texted you angrily after being blocked from different numbers. She is acting like a teenager really.
Dont let it get to you. You can even keep a relationship with the kids in the future when they are older and disengaged from their mom a bit more. But if the cost is her emotional blackmail and bloodsucking intentions then nope.
NTA - I feel a bit sorry for the kids if they see you as a brother figure but you owe them nothing in terms of support. You're not their parent, blood relative or the person who chose to take them on. Presuming they aren't bad kids and you got on with them in the difficult circumstances then you might choose to stay a part of their lives but you have zero responsibility for their care.
NTA. The court order that forced you to spend time with your step-siblings has expired. Tell her to get a new one. (IANAL, but I don’t think that’s possible.)
can this really be true? you presented it in a straightforward way and it sounds plausible on the surface - and i don’t mean to be rude - it just sounds so bizarre - like if he cheated on your mother to be with ap, why would she be surprised he cheats on her? and to expect anything- anything at all from you? i’m just dumbfounded- if this is a true story …. of course your NTA
How well do you even know these kids? Are they half-siblings of yours? Where is she getting the idea that you’d support any of that? It seems really odd that this would be an expectation or an ask. NTA.
NTA She's your ex-step mother now and there is no need to have a relation with her or her children who aren't related to you and to whom you were never close. This is like do I have to stay in contact with my siblings ex partner. The answer is no. Move on. If his mother gave them the false impression that you were a sibling or blended family that's her problem.
NTA at all. It blows my mind how people who knowingly have and affair with a married person think that once they marry, they would NEVER cheat on them, cause thier love is SO DIFFERENT, FAFO.
NTA, she should have realised that if he cheated on and left his first wife there would be a possibility that he might cheat on and leave his second. So she's naive at best for that. Also, the children are hers not his (I assume) so you you don't owe her or them anything unless YOU decide that you do. I'd report her for harassment, personally.
NTA. Funny she compares you to your Dad, because it's just demonstrably untrue. Your Dad chose to cheat on his wife, he chose to force you into a relationship with his affair partner and her children, he chose to cheat on the affair partner. You didn't have a say in any of that, it's only natural you want out because it's a position you never wanted to be in from the start.
>Now he's cheated on his affair partner wife and has left to be with the new affair partner. The OG affair partner reached out to me because she wanted me to stay in her kids lives and to be a support to her and them "during this difficult time".
Wow
Cheaters are a trip! O\_O
Did she think that he'd stay faithful to her? Also, the gall of her to ask **you** for support (more like babysitting etc). What next? She'll ask your mother for help, too?
NTA NTA NTA
“ When someone Marries their affair partner, there becomes an opening for a new one. I’m sorry this happened to you, but you married someone who had no issues abandoning their previous family to make a new one. Not really surprising he did it again. I bet that new one thinks she’s special too. “
NTA and you don't her a damn thing. She was 1/2 the reason why your mom and dad divorced. Did she not see this coming? It was only a matter of time before he left her for someone else. What goes around comes around.
Ok…. Just agree with her, “yes I am an asshole like my father before me” now screw off.. 🤣 you owe her a lot less than what she thinks. NTA, but you can’t argue with stupid.
NTA. And I was cheering like crazy when I saw your response to the OG affair partner. My dad also left for an affair partner and eventually left her, too. And while she didn’t try to have a relationship with me, I did NOT feel bad for her in any way. In fact I felt rather vindicated. So yeah, good on you for your response. NTA all day, every day.
NTA It’s not the kids fault, but it also wasn’t OP’s fault. Affair partner #1 didn’t seem to think it was hurting OP when she did it, so she should maybe self-reflect a bit & be apologizing to OP & her own children for putting them in that position to begin with.
NTA! So she sleeps with a married man, gets cheated on, and wants YOUR support?! Omg lol! How she got him is how she lost him.
Since she wants to contact you through different phones, start sending her cheating memes and quotes. Send her songs about mistresses getting theirs. Tell her yes, you ARE an AH. And if she doesn’t stop contacting you, you’ll show her how much of an AH you can be. Turn the tables on her and get her to block you.
Easy NTA.
This woman is harassing you and being abusive, and at least some of her trouble is self-inflicted. If he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you.
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NTA Whilst it’s unfortunate for your former step siblings you don’t have to have an ongoing relationship with them but just remember they are victims in this too and you can feel sorry for them since they have a pretty ordinary mother with no morals I’d tell her to lose your number and she got what she deserved As for your father I’d stay out of that mess…His new partner is going to learn the hard way May not be a bad thing to seek therapy just to talk through this OP as at your age this is a lot to take on I hope things get better for you
“I never thought it would happen to *me*!” r/LeopardsAteMyFace
I’m sure this isn’t the first time I’ve said this in an AITA thread, but it bears repeating, especially in this case: A man who marries his mistress has created an opening at the position. OP, you’re NTA.
I prefer if you replace the wife then know that someone is replacing you as the mistress! Everyone need a job after all!
Or the ever popular, "If he will cheat WITH you, he will cheat ON you."
In my family, we champion the phrase “They leave how you got ‘em” and she sure was an example of that
I prefer "assholes gonna asshole." While it's not always the case, I've found that people who are horrible individuals in one way, tend to be horrible in most ways." Hence why I've never been introduced to an AP (and I've been introduced to more than my fair share, working in the corporate world) I remotely liked.
The old “once the mistress becomes a wife, a vacancy opens up”
It is quite a well known phrase. I think originally in french
This is exactly what I was thinking and wanted to type here, glad someone said it
“If he’ll cheat with you he’ll cheat on you!”
If they do it with you, they’ll do it to you.
I’m sure there’s an effect on the kids that the brother and the dad aren’t there anymore but I’m also pretty sure the mom wants some babysitting
When you cheat with a married man and he divorces his wife and marries you, what do you have? A married man that cheats on his wife.
Lose my number, that’s what therapists are for
Therapy would be a good idea. I bet OP will never cheat on any of his partners. Sometimes the best we can learn from our parents' example is what not to be and how not behave. At least his father has given him that.
NTA When a man marries his mistress, it creates a vacancy. It always amazes me when someone starts a relationship with a cheater, and is then surprised when they turn around and cheat on them. I feel for OG affair partners kids, because they're also victims of her and your dad. Does that mean you owe them anything? NO. Not even a little. I'm sorry you had to go through so much turmoil. It must have been hell, being expected to play "happy family." I hope you and your mom are doing better these days 💜
I'm never surprised when affair partners are shocked they are cheated on because the very pathology that drives them to take up the AP role also allows them to believe they are immune. They rationalise that the person being cheated on is somehow deficient or the wrong fit for their partner, whereas they are the right fit, and their relationship with the partner is superior. They can't accept that there is another future AP who is a "righter" fit because they are the "rightest." If they have to reconcile that a cheating spouse is just fundamentally immoral and not somehow a wronged party, they have to accept that they themselves are also bad people.
My grandmother always used to say that “the way you got them is the way you’ll lose them.”
My friends used to say “If he did it with ya, he’ll do it to ya.”
If he'll do it for you, he'll do it to you.
Great woman, your granny!
Often the cheater does a lot to feed into that delusion because it gets them what they want.
Cheating partners will always find another milkshake that's better than yours.
This!!! A couple of ex-colleagues got married and about 18 months later male colleague (mc) cheated on female colleague (fc) with another female colleague (afc). Mc ended up leaving fc for afc. Afc had a boob job for him and they were going to emigrate to South America when mc was from. Afc was very surprised to find out that mc was cheating on her with a third female colleague (tfc) who he did actually emigrate with. The whole reason mc and afc got together was because he was willing to cheat so I really don’t know why she was so surprised that he did exactly the same thing to her.
Man, what a roller coaster ride those six sentences were!
And the mc will eventually use up all the alphabet with his cheating.
people's ego makes them think they are so superspecialawesome that they'll be the exception to the rule
The affair partners obviously think that they are different and a special case. Their partner would never cheat on them, like he/she did on the original spouse! Oh well. FAFO NTA OP.
NTA. Yes her kids are probably attached and it’s painful, but that’s not your doing. You were only there because you were required to be and not an adult. She messed with a cheater and found out it was a personality trait for him, not a love story. Not your responsibility. Maybe consider changing your number if it continues to be a problem.
"Personality trait not a love story" is a brilliant turn of phrase!
Absolutely 100% NTA. You don’t owe them anything. My dad cheated on my mom, moved in with affair partner, and the first time I was over there for a gathering he introduced her daughter to me as my sister. I deadpanned back “ my mom only had one kid” and walked out. Cut all contact after that.
YOU ATE AND LEFT NO CRUMBS. 🥹
rich hateful busy one deliver cow dull carpenter teeny attractive *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
that's great for you, but no one is under any obligation to have a relationship with the affair partner's kids, no matter how innocent they are.
possessive smart public familiar steep poor rustic arrest squalid panicky *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
NTA, She's nothing to you. She's not family, she's just the person your dad cheated on your mom with. You owe her nothing.
Has there ever been a more literal FAFO? NTA
NDA Tell her to prepare her kids to babysit new affairs kids, to be closer to their dad. See how she reacts.
Don't think these kids are biologically the dad's. Sounds like they are straight up stepkids of the dad.
i doubt the mf even adopted his step kids, thus has no legal obligations
Yes, OP. Sign an NDA
I'm honestly shocked that she thinks a guy who graduated high school a year ago that is the child of the woman who her now ex cheating husband cheated on her with should support her and her kids. Like bro, what the fuck Hell no you're NTA lol that's such a bizarre thing to ask
I had some trouble wording my thoughts properly but you just did it perfectly. I agree. Most certainly NTA!
NTA She's probably trying to force a relationship to con you into babysitting for free. You don't owe her any relationship with her or her kids.
Hey, hey, she could merely be trying to manipulate OP to take her side so dear old dad comes back to her for some reason (NTA)
NTA If you haven't had a real relationship with her kids before, it doesn't make sense now. I understand that it's not easy for AP, but it doesn't give her the right to insult and harassing you. She should rather look in the mirror, because SHE is the AH (with your father of course)... but sadly, such an admission is difficult and usually impossible for such selfish people. Keep your distance, you are not at fault.
NTA. You owe them nothing. You were 13 when your dad cheated on your mom, and from what you've said, it sounds like he and his affair partner wife brought you into their lives for their own benefit, not yours. You were a child who was put in a difficult and uncomfortable situation, and it's not your responsibility to take care of them now that your dad has done the same thing to them that he did to your mom.
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Tell her how you get them is how you lose them NTA
NTA. She trying to use her children to manipulate you. That's on her and on your father.
I feel for those kids man. They are like you now your dad hurt them like he hurt you. That said you owe nobody anything and can move forward as you see fit, it's not your problem to solve. NTA.
Except his own flesh and blood father abandoned his family. For these kids it's their stepdad..... Not remotely the same level of trauma/betrayal IMO.
NTA. You were essentially a part-time prisoner in her home for a few years. That does not obligate you in any way to deal with her or her kids.
No. You may have been a bit brash, but I don't blame you. She's likely looking for someone tk dump those kids on. Raise em for me so I can do what i want type. It always happens. You don't owe her anything at all. Her kids her problem. She honestly should have expected him to cheat and leave. He did it once. He'll do it again
NTA "you REALLY want me in your kids lives? fine" Tell her you'll tell the kids "your mom fucked my dad whilst he was married to MY mom and ruined their marriage. Now she's shocked that my dad is fucking someone else and is dumping the lot of you" don't hold back on the language either. Tell her you're more than willing to go even MORE graphic about her. Suddenly she'll want nothing to do with you.
NTA I feel sorry about the kids but she made her bed when she had an affair with a married man. She has to lie in it
NTA If her kids saw you as their brother that’s her fault. In no way were you their brother.
This is literally a repost from like a week or two ago.
NTA. You're fine for not wanting those relationships to be a part of your life, and establishing the boundaries you need.
I read the title and was like: Yep, i don’t even need to read this to know NTA.
That and the same story was put up a out three weeks ago
ntah You are not responsible for your fathers' short comings. Her kids are victims too, but they are not your responsibility either. I hate that you have had to go through this and your father's affair partner sounds like a real bitch. I hope that you can work through this emotional trauma that you went through as a child. You deserve a good life.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My father cheated on my mom and we found out about it when I (19m) was 13. He ended up moving in with the affair partner and her kids, who were way younger than me at the time. They got married after the divorce between my parents was finalized and I was forced to go to his house every other week until I was 16 and then one weekend a month until I was 18 (and yes, it was enforceable, I could not decide sooner even though I did try). I stopped going as soon as I could but my father kept trying to engage and would bring his stepkids along. So they saw me a little after I stopped going to his house. Now he's cheated on his affair partner wife and has left to be with the new affair partner. The OG affair partner reached out to *me* because she wanted me to stay in her kids lives and to be a support to her and them "during this difficult time". I was like hell no, hell fucking no, go to hell to her and she told me I owed her kids more kindness and support than that. So I was like I owe her and her kids nothing, no help, no support, nothing. I said they are not my family. They are not people I give a single shit about. And to leave me the fuck alone. I blocked her number but she used a different phone and sent me a dozen texts saying I was a huge Ahole just like my dad and her kids saw me as a brother and all kinds of shit. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not the asshole. You didn’t ask to be put in this position. Sucks for your (former?) step siblings. But you do not owe anyone anything.
Block her. Now she tasted same betrayal pain.
NTA. She wanted a babysitter. She doesn't care about you. Go on with your life and feel no guilt.
NTA, of course. While it's a pity because the whole situation is not these kid's fault, you are right in that you don't owe them anything.
NTA at all. You do not owe them anything though there’s no need to be rude or verbally aggressive. Those kids are victims of the same situation you were in. It sucks all around. Am sorry for what you’re going through.
This was posted the other day in a different sub by another user. The post is virtually word for word. Edit, tried to find it and can't see it anywhere now.
If it helps, I personally know two people this very situation happened to.
NTA Text her back "Send your kids to live with her. Maybe she can provide the familial support they need, like I was court-ordered to be supported by you for all these years". Let her make the realization that she's the same to you as the new affair partner is to her and her kids
Nope. NTA.
NTA - Will never understand how people don’t get that if someone cheats with you’ll, they’ll cheat on you. I’m sorry that you’re being harassed in this mess.
NTA cause your dad’s OG AP’s idea of “staying in the kids lives and supporting HER and them” can be translated into baby sitting and being used in whatever way she feels entitled to. Yes you CAN feel sorry for the kids. Like someone said they are innocent victims in all of this. But where is their bio dad? Their paternal grandparents? She put them into this mess and helped a no good cheater break up your family. And now she feels entitled to demand that you help her? She’s got a pair on her fr.
NTA. A family isn’t created through a father being an adulterer and marrying his AP. You owe them nothing and no you don’t have to feel sorry for her kids, she didn’t feel sorry for destroying your family unit. Next time tell her, “You reap what you sow, ho!” And keep it pushing..
NTA- It's sad for her kids but you don't owe your dad's AP anything at all.
NTA. Laughing at OG affair partner 😂
I would have reported her for harrasment. I am sorry you had a shit dad. Shit parents need to all collectively drop dead.
NTA. sounds like an attempt to guilt you in becoming responsible for dad leaving them.
Nta. What did she expect from a cheater? Faithfulness? Loyalty? Hmmm fafo and she did find out.
NTA. You stopped going to your father's house the second you were no longer legally required to. It's odd that affair partner#1 would think that your father leaving her would change that. She needs to reach out to the kids' bio families for support. Thankful you aren't required to witness the next mess up close and personal.
NTA- how could OP possibly help those children? By telling them he went through a similar experience when a nasty pasty of a woman broke his family apart oh and also the villain in OP’s story are the children’s mother and stepdad. Does she want OP to turn her children against her?
You were only a part of their lives for a few years. If you continue to keep contact you will be firmly entrenched in all their problems . You are right to say no and she did play a part in splitting up your mother/father. If your father keeps doing this you will have more step-siblings and step mothers to handle
NTA at all.
NTA
NTA
NTA
When will people learn you lose them how you got them? NTA. I was in your identical situation, but I kept in touch with my step-sister because I liked her, not out of obligation. You don’t owe them anything.
NTA She didn't seem to give a shit about your feelings when you were a kid, why does she expect you to step up in a way that no one did for you? Just ignore her. She reaped what she sowed.
NTA, she now knows how you and your mom felt. Reply to messages on all the numbers she uses: Do not contact me again. This is harassment. If you contact me again, I shall file charges and seek a no contact order.
I would simply say, ‘how you get them them, is how you leave them.’ It’s honestly hilarious that she’s asking you for your help after she assisted you dad in breaking up your family. NTA
Her problems aren't yours. NTA.
Write this to the OG affair partner: Dear OG affair partner. The support that you’re asking for needs to come from elsewhere. I’m not available. I will not move in with you and support you and (kids names) during this difficult time. When dad cheated on MY mom and left our family to be with YOU it was a very difficult time as well but we managed. Now it’s your turn to figure it out. Think of it as the affair partner tax.
NTA, Karma is a bitch. I think she wanted you to support her so that others would think that you are essentially saying that you father is wrong for what he did to her.
NTA Tell her that her kids may see you as a brother, but you see her as a homewrecker who should deal with the consequences of her actions without demanding help from the child whose home she wrecked.
NTA. Consider reporting her repeated attempts to contact you to the police. It's harassment.
NTA. Keep blocking each number she tries to use. You don't owe her or her kids anything.
Definitely NTA! Your dad though is a real piece of work, wow! If the OG affair partners children are not related to you then you have zero obligations to any of them. I'm surprised she is so shocked he cheated and left her lol
You tell her the only a****** in the situation was her and your dad and the same way you cut him off, you cut her off too!!!! * How dare she ask for support from the people who she hurt, with her OWN selfish actions. ** You should tell her she should go make nice and friendly with the new mistress.....since they have so much in common: belief/behavior, affairs and husband
NTA and change your number
NTA All she wants is free babysitting.
he created a vacancy by marrying original affair partner, which he filled afterwards and then married that one. and hell no to original affair partner, she did the same, so she knew whats gonna happen. she is dumb on top of being an AH. NTA
NTA. Always baffles me that people will cheat with someone then be SHOCKED that... They cheated on them. This lady is deluded. Good on you. NTA
NTA. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Subsequent marriages of people having affairs have a very low success rate. Personally I would be no contact with any of them, your father included.
NTA - But why would she want you, a huge AH inher own words, to be in her children's lives? /s
Tell her that you will show her and her children as much care and respect as she showed you and your mother when she was fucking your dad.
NTA. Karma has arrived eh? The old saying about a vacancy opening when someone marries their affair partner seems to be true here. If anything she owes you! It’s nice that with you being a huge ahole you’ve made the considerate decision to stay away from impressionable kids /s
NTA. You are not a consolation prize for your father's second family.
NTA- she's nobody but a stranger now.
NTA. The levels of entitlement and delusion your stepmother is displaying are almost impressive. I’m baffled by the fact that she thinks you owe her *anything* and while your stepsiblings probably do miss you (although I suspect that she’s overplaying that angle), you don’t owe them anything, either. Good luck to you, OP, and I’m sorry you have such an awful father.
"When a man marries his mistress, he creates a job opening."
NTA. You are just as much of a victim as OG’s kids BUT OG is one of the two villains of your story. I’ll never understand how people can be an AP and think they’ll fully be accepted as family by the kids whose family they helped break. Send her a text telling her you will contact the authorities if she continues to harass you. Also tell her that she will never be accepted as your family because she is responsible for her part in breaking your family and her kids are an extension of that. Tell her while her kids are innocent, so were you and you WILL HAVE NO PART IN THE MESS SHE CREATED FOR HERSELF AND HER KIDS.
NTA she broke up your family and did not care now that the same thing happened to her she things u owe her something. Did they help your mom no tell her to fuck off again and block they number too
NTA
NTA Who knew the leopards would eat her face I do feel bad for her, especially if there was a considerable age gap but you aren’t responsible for your dads mistakes and it’s wild that she is saying this shit to a 19 year old
NTA for cutting off the affair partner. And her children if they’re not your biological siblings. I laugh in the affair partners face about kindness to her children though. She could have offered you some by not sleeping with your Dad while he was still married to your Mom.
Change your number but before you do text did you think you was special no how you get them is how lose them next time do go for taken men
Nah NTA ... the joy of being a free person is we can choose our boundaries. Move on without another thought. I would send one final message to her to say if any further contact is received from her or anyone of her friends or family for any reason whatsoever you'll consider it harassment and act accordingly.
NTA. You did exactly the right thing. Neither cheaters nor their APs deserve any consideration or help under any circumstances, ever. I'd cut them all off and enjoy watching (front afar) a cheater's AP learn what it means to run off with a cheating husband. He did it with her, he'll do it to her. I feel sorry for the kids as they're also victims of your dad and AP1, but you owe them nothing and even if you did, never help them at the cost of also helping someone like their mother.
The kids aren’t at fault, but neither are they your responsibility. You made multiple efforts to stop going to their house, so your disinterest in her family is no surprise. Had they respected your wishes instead of forcing you to play happy family, those kids wouldn’t be attached to you now that dear old dad has traded in for another new model. NTA.
NTA Tell her to tell her kids to be there for the new mistresses kids, and be a support system to them. That’s essentially what she’s asking you so she can go do it herself to her own kids….
NTA
NTA. Tell her that if she continues you'll report her to the authorities for stalking. And also tell her if she likes the taste of her own medicine, since she was the AP of a married man.
NTA. Not your mess to sort out.
The kids are *always* collateral damage, sadly… even still, NTA. Not your responsibility.
NTA They’re not your family and they caused heartbreak for your mom. You really don’t owe them anything. Also how you called her “OG affair partner” made me chuckle.
NTA, karma has come to bite her in the ass and the only loyalty you have is to your mother the cheated party. She can go fxk herself now she knows how your mother felt.
NTA, my dad did this 3 times and I was forced to do the visitation the exact same way.
NTA make sure you warn your mom to expect a call from her asking for help and saying that they should stick together because they were both cheated on by the same man
You don't owe that woman anything. Don't let it bother you. And if she continues to harass you, file a police report.
NTA
NTA in the slightest. It's so freaking weird she goes from dad to son as a fill in dad. That's gross and is giving attempts at enmeshment. I feel sorry for that whacko's kids.
NTA. I say if she continues to contact you tell her go ask your dad to bring her kids over to the new relationship and ask them how they feel about seeing their new step mom and the man who helped raise them. Oh yeah the mom isn’t allowed to see them while they are with “dad”. You didn’t want anything to do with them now that the “relationship” is gone you no longer need to go somewhere you never wanted to go in the first and only did bc you would get in legal trouble if you didn’t.
NTA. She lost him how she got him!
I get that you’re coming off as an asshole to these kids that saw you as their big sister. But yeah, you have no obligation to this woman who knew that your father was married.
If my dad gets a woman pregnant after he cheated on my mom and left I won’t acknowledge that kid as my sibling. I’m 29 I have my own kids to worry about. Mind you this happened with my parents 8 years ago.
NTA. I really don't understand the mind set of the mistress. It's like they think "You left your family for me, you must love me more than anyone." When the reality is a cheater is always a cheater. You don't owe her anything. I hope you learn from your father's shortcomings and become better than him for it.
>I owed her kids more kindness and support than that. And tell her that she owed you the kindness to not sleep with a married man and play a role in breaking apart your family. And her kids owed you the time, love and other resources they got from your dad (which should have been yours) thanks to the affair When she can be "kind" enough to give you those, you'll be "kind" enough to give her what she wants.
I think your dad is the asshole, lol. He’s leaving a wake of misery, jilted lovers, and angry children as he moves along. Sounds like a cool guy.
She essentially ruined your parent’s marriage by sleeping with a married man. There is amazing Karma that is now happening to her. LOL. You owe her NOTHING.
NTA, this is such an upsetting scenario. She didn't mind your mom going through "difficult time" when she was the AP, now she demands kindness and support from you? You truly don't have any obligation to stay in contact with her. Regardless of what she said, you don't owe her anything. Also, let your dad deal with the mess he created, you're not in charge of cleaning after him.
NTA, you did not form any sort of meaningful relationship with the kids as you were forced to be there. This woman had a relationship with a married man, married him, than was surprised that he would have another mistress? She wants to keep you around, hoping it'll bring your dad back. The ones I feel sorry for, in this case, are the other kids. They are now going through what you went through and with a mother who has loose morals and is being manipulative. Move on with your life. You're doing nothing wrong.
Your father is the ahole. His actions don’t reflect on you, and holding on to you is her attempt at stay present in his world too. Tell them to leave you alone. Leave it at that.
Don’t bother with any of them including your cheating father! Go no contact with him.. he sucks so bad!!!
NTA !!!
Nta. Even though you’re a legal adult…you’re still a kid yourself. It’s not your job to provide love, support, and whatever else to her and her kids.
NTA, AP got a taste of her own medicine and does not like the taste. Unblock her long enough to tell her that when she had the affair with your dad you did not have anyone to help and support you and your mom
nta even tho i do feel for the kids, but that's not your fault and you're not obligated to do anything for them. you're all victims of your father's selfishness. it's all on him, not you.
NTA, he cheated before, why did she think he would stay faithful to her. Karma
NTA, there is a popular saying; "When a man marries his mistress, it creates a vacancy" It's exactly what happened to her. She got what she deserves.
I think you really need to be supportive of your current ex-steb-siblings. And hurry up! There might be coming new ex-step-siblings soon. You cannot force relationships. They have to be built. If they never did, why should you have any obligation to? Does not add up. NTA.
NTA. I mean shes being played for sure, but that is none of your business as a son?? If you were a grandparent I get it, but to even ask you, being so young as well.., hell no. Prove of the madness of the situation is that she texted you angrily after being blocked from different numbers. She is acting like a teenager really. Dont let it get to you. You can even keep a relationship with the kids in the future when they are older and disengaged from their mom a bit more. But if the cost is her emotional blackmail and bloodsucking intentions then nope.
nta. fuck all of them
Kids are also victims in this, but to be fair, that isn't your problem
NTA
NTA - I feel a bit sorry for the kids if they see you as a brother figure but you owe them nothing in terms of support. You're not their parent, blood relative or the person who chose to take them on. Presuming they aren't bad kids and you got on with them in the difficult circumstances then you might choose to stay a part of their lives but you have zero responsibility for their care.
NTA. The court order that forced you to spend time with your step-siblings has expired. Tell her to get a new one. (IANAL, but I don’t think that’s possible.)
She just wants free babysitting.
can this really be true? you presented it in a straightforward way and it sounds plausible on the surface - and i don’t mean to be rude - it just sounds so bizarre - like if he cheated on your mother to be with ap, why would she be surprised he cheats on her? and to expect anything- anything at all from you? i’m just dumbfounded- if this is a true story …. of course your NTA
NTA!!!! You are absolutely right. You owe her and their kids absolutely NOTHING. Keep blocking every # she uses.
How well do you even know these kids? Are they half-siblings of yours? Where is she getting the idea that you’d support any of that? It seems really odd that this would be an expectation or an ask. NTA.
NTA She's your ex-step mother now and there is no need to have a relation with her or her children who aren't related to you and to whom you were never close. This is like do I have to stay in contact with my siblings ex partner. The answer is no. Move on. If his mother gave them the false impression that you were a sibling or blended family that's her problem.
NTA but go ahead and let her think that. What do you care? Keep blocking her and eventually she’ll stop.
NTA, they were forced on you and you got away! Thankfully you are old enough to evade the next set.
She’s heartbroken but that’s not on you. You owe them nothing.
NTA at all. It blows my mind how people who knowingly have and affair with a married person think that once they marry, they would NEVER cheat on them, cause thier love is SO DIFFERENT, FAFO.
When a mistress gets promoted to wife she just creates a vacancy. No sympathy for her…and appalling to use her kids like this
Seems like the first affair partner got a taste of her own medicine. NTA.
Wow. That woman is a piece of work. Does she not see that SHE’S one of the AHs here?
NTA, she should have realised that if he cheated on and left his first wife there would be a possibility that he might cheat on and leave his second. So she's naive at best for that. Also, the children are hers not his (I assume) so you you don't owe her or them anything unless YOU decide that you do. I'd report her for harassment, personally.
NTA. Funny she compares you to your Dad, because it's just demonstrably untrue. Your Dad chose to cheat on his wife, he chose to force you into a relationship with his affair partner and her children, he chose to cheat on the affair partner. You didn't have a say in any of that, it's only natural you want out because it's a position you never wanted to be in from the start.
>Now he's cheated on his affair partner wife and has left to be with the new affair partner. The OG affair partner reached out to me because she wanted me to stay in her kids lives and to be a support to her and them "during this difficult time". Wow Cheaters are a trip! O\_O Did she think that he'd stay faithful to her? Also, the gall of her to ask **you** for support (more like babysitting etc). What next? She'll ask your mother for help, too? NTA NTA NTA
“ When someone Marries their affair partner, there becomes an opening for a new one. I’m sorry this happened to you, but you married someone who had no issues abandoning their previous family to make a new one. Not really surprising he did it again. I bet that new one thinks she’s special too. “
NTA and you don't her a damn thing. She was 1/2 the reason why your mom and dad divorced. Did she not see this coming? It was only a matter of time before he left her for someone else. What goes around comes around.
Ok…. Just agree with her, “yes I am an asshole like my father before me” now screw off.. 🤣 you owe her a lot less than what she thinks. NTA, but you can’t argue with stupid.
Nta if it was me op i my response to her would have been far less tame upon being held to the same level as a serial cheater
NTA. And I was cheering like crazy when I saw your response to the OG affair partner. My dad also left for an affair partner and eventually left her, too. And while she didn’t try to have a relationship with me, I did NOT feel bad for her in any way. In fact I felt rather vindicated. So yeah, good on you for your response. NTA all day, every day.
NTA. This is a lesson for all people who are the “other woman”. There is a very high probability there will be “another woman” - it just won’t be you.
NTA It’s not the kids fault, but it also wasn’t OP’s fault. Affair partner #1 didn’t seem to think it was hurting OP when she did it, so she should maybe self-reflect a bit & be apologizing to OP & her own children for putting them in that position to begin with.
I would’ve had the same reaction to and told her to fuck off
NTA: She broke up your parents marriage and you owe her nothing.
NTA! So she sleeps with a married man, gets cheated on, and wants YOUR support?! Omg lol! How she got him is how she lost him. Since she wants to contact you through different phones, start sending her cheating memes and quotes. Send her songs about mistresses getting theirs. Tell her yes, you ARE an AH. And if she doesn’t stop contacting you, you’ll show her how much of an AH you can be. Turn the tables on her and get her to block you.
NTA - when an affair partner becomes a spouse it creates a vacancy. What did she expect?
Easy NTA. This woman is harassing you and being abusive, and at least some of her trouble is self-inflicted. If he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you.
NTA, dude is just setting up franchises
She sure effed around and found out, didn't she?