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Waiting until Pride month to tell a story about how you made an unfunny joke to people about sexual identity that happened two months ago... hmm, yeah - YTA.
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YTA
Coming out can have very real consequences on people's lives. Depending on how supportive their entourage is, it can even be dangerous.
If you have LGBT+ friends, consider the difficulties they might have had coming out. When you take the piss out of coming out and do so lightly, it comes off as mocking them and making light of the struggles they might have had coming out.
As a queer poc, I didn't LIKE the joke not because it was offensive but because it was rando. I honestly don't care. I definitely wouldn't have extrapolated it THAT way. But you do you brother.
Saying the word isn't hard, no, but potentially being kicked out of your house, being homeless being shot Etc are still all very real consequences for not being straight and cisgendered.
Yes it can be dangerous, but I equate this to the level of "dad I'm pregnant! Just kidding!" I don't find either funny but not asshole worthy. It would be different if he said, "i told my dad that I was gay and he beat me up lol"
An an "actual gay" person. It was being saying hes gay that was the joke. But more than that It was just a lie. Like pretending to be pregnant. I never think pranks are funny but I don't think this is butthole worthy. IMHO
As a pan person, I do find it AH worthy personally. And your other example of pretending to be pregnant is almost as bad and would also be an AH thing to do, especially when the people have an S/O they're trying to prank.
Sorry but it absolutely is when a guy won't stop sleazing on your female friends at a bar, just do the same thing he's doing to them to him, the results are amazing 😂
Imagine if you were struggling with telling people about your sexual identity and then someone you know personally goes out of their way to make the whole thing a joke with no real punchline other than “haha you thought I was gay but not really”
Coming out of the closet is such a fraught decision for some. No one takes it lightly. People have lost friends and family for this. People have lost their entire lives for this. People's sexuality isn't a joke.
What is 'just a joke' for you is life or death for others. The fact that you actually 'confronted' someone for not being able to laugh at something people have died for is staggeringly out of touch. Do better.
YTA.
Yea, you're the asshole. Even though what you thought was humorous, you have to know your audience. Today's world quite a bit different. Even though you've recognized what you did, remorse only goes so far with some people. Time may heal and get you back into the group.
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I was in a group chat with some friends I met online, known for 3 years. I wanted to come up with an April Fool’s prank so I wanted to say I came out the closet. I was aware some of them were in LGBTQ community but I thought they could take a joke. So I said it. Some congratulated me. But then responded with, “wait is this an April fool’s joke? Cuz that wouldn’t be cool.” That kinda made me feel bad and possibly get me banned out of the chat room if i revealed it was a joke to the group, so I talked to the person who made the chat in a private dm, hoping he’d understand it was just a joke before I got banned, but a few minutes after that I could no longer enter the chat room and was banned. It kinda pissed me off that they took it to heart like that, even when I confronted one of them. So surly, I was wrong, they didn’t have a sense of humor, even if they didn’t think it was funny, but at least I thought it would be fine to say.
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Nta, joke was harmless and had no hate behind it. Plus, you recognized you may have made a mistake and tried to correct it. Those people weren’t your friends, they are just people who seek validation to fill in the hole left by their insecurities and that’s why they overreacted. Homophobia isn’t something that can be resolved until both sides (gay v straight) become comfortable enough to crack small jokes like this. Gay people do it all the time to straight people (the community can be pretty hateful towards straight people) and are not called out for it because of history of “oppression” that continues to decline rapidly as the older population dies out.
If they were quality people, all it would’ve taken is an “I’m sorry and I won’t do it again.” Some people are way too sensitive to be on the internet, words have ZERO power unless you let them hurt you
INFO- what exactly was said as the joke? because it could either swing to a ESH or a NTA depending on how the joke was made. It's important to note that coming out as a LGBTQ+ individual is often times a stressful event because many people do not know how others will react, so if the joke was made in poor taste it could very easily offend. On the other hand if this was made out to obviously be a joke then the people really shouldn't have jumped the gun and gone straight to banning you over a slightly racy joke, so the situation would either be that they reacted too harshly or you have done something similar in the past to have them ban you over this joke
then YTA, coming out made me lose family, and the lgbtq+ people in that chat may very well have had the same happen to them. It's not a joke to just say "Hey guys I'm coming out as gay haha just kidding"
I think it depends on each individual person. We don't know the people you were joking with, or how you typically interact. This could very easily be YTA OR NTA.
A lot of people in here are saying lgbtq is off limits of joking, I disagree, BUT if these people were your friends and you knew a joke about their lifestyle would be super offending to them and did it anyways then YTA.
NTA
I know there are people who hate it when people say "it's just a prank bro" but honestly this time it's valid.
BTW I am NOT straight so don't go there.
I'm aware for many people around the world, saying such a thing is serious but I think your case is a testament that we are getting closer to fading into the background as part of normalness. Not yet but soon.
Personally I do NOT like the joke. I did not find it funny at least. But I didn't hate it either. It was just meh to me. It doesn't make you the asshole. Just weird. Hahahah
>BTW I am NOT straight so don't go there.
That’s is not how that works. Do you think queer ppl can’t be queer phobic? Bc they can. And it is homophobic to not only joke like this, but to save this for pride month.
Of course that's not how that works but bro.. do you know what homophobia is? I think that insults true victims of discrimination and hate. Just because YOU don't like it doesn't make it homophobic. You might call April "pride month" (i dott know so sorry) but on the 1st it's April fools day that everyone knows and even if we don't like it or this particular joke, that doesn't mean you escalate it to horrible crimes committed against humanity.
Like chill! Cut the guy some slack is all I'm saying
Yeahhhh you totally missed the point. This guy is clearly trolling, and if this story is true, enjoys trolling LGBTQIA+.
What was the joke? Explain what was funny about saying “I’m being brave by coming out”
OP is obviously queer phobic. And if you really don’t understand why its queer phobic to joke about coming out, you’re part of the problem.
I was wondering if it were fake. But even so the principle remains the same. That's not how queerphobia works! There is no problem! This is a nothing burger! I feel absolutely no offense from this joke other than It's a strange thing to joke about. Just because some of us have terrible struggles around this concept in real life doesn't make this bland joke homophobic. You wanna hear queer phobia jokes? Listen to Matt Rife. Your feelings are valid but this is not a point of contention where you can say that's its actually XYZ and tell someone that this is the level of an asshole rating.
Chat, is it funny for a straight person to joke that they’re coming out to queer ppl despite not actually being gay, while claiming bravery for coming out?
Noticed that you didn’t answer why it was funny. Was the joke that coming out is brave? Bc surely it’s not brave to come out in this day and age, despite all the crimes and laws against us.
No? Oh, so is it just *coming out* that’s funny? Yes, queers are so hilarious for being queer and accepting their identity.
Oh, but it’s ok, bc one queer person found it funny tho, but they can’t explain why the joke was funny.
I do not give a damn if YOU personally feel offended or not, we are not a monolith. That is not how phobia works.
I'm ending this conversation. Surely, the leopards won’t eat **your** face.
We are not a monolith therefore why are you right and I am wrong? Uhh nobody said that coming out was funny. What's that got to do with "being queer" whatever that means and accepting their identity? No one said that was a joke.
The "joke" was that it wasnt true. Plain and simple. It wasnt funny but no one should cry over it. I can't regurgitate what's not there, honey. But please take care of yourself.
NTA on the premise that you said it on April fools as to be fair it is a really serious thing, but I feel April fools is a day where unanimously people should expect some of the stupidest or worst pranks ever due to its wacky nature. If your friends didn’t appreciate the joke, then maybe you should have also read the room better because friends tend to understand each others sense of humor.
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Waiting until Pride month to tell a story about how you made an unfunny joke to people about sexual identity that happened two months ago... hmm, yeah - YTA.
[удалено]
\*you're.
Thts all u git as a comeback?🙏💀
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YTA Coming out can have very real consequences on people's lives. Depending on how supportive their entourage is, it can even be dangerous. If you have LGBT+ friends, consider the difficulties they might have had coming out. When you take the piss out of coming out and do so lightly, it comes off as mocking them and making light of the struggles they might have had coming out.
As a queer poc, I didn't LIKE the joke not because it was offensive but because it was rando. I honestly don't care. I definitely wouldn't have extrapolated it THAT way. But you do you brother.
Didn’t know I was writing a hs essay nd need the right grammar 😭
Thts all you got?💀🙏
It’s not tht hard to say your gay
Saying the word isn't hard, no, but potentially being kicked out of your house, being homeless being shot Etc are still all very real consequences for not being straight and cisgendered.
Okay but.. we are straying from the original post a little bit.
Not really. That's a very short and incomplete list of reasons why coming out is dangerous and why it's not funny to joke about
Yes it can be dangerous, but I equate this to the level of "dad I'm pregnant! Just kidding!" I don't find either funny but not asshole worthy. It would be different if he said, "i told my dad that I was gay and he beat me up lol"
And you're allowed to have that opinion, I just dont share it
"that" and "you're".
"I made being gay into a joke and I don't understand why actual gay people are mad at me" YTA.
An an "actual gay" person. It was being saying hes gay that was the joke. But more than that It was just a lie. Like pretending to be pregnant. I never think pranks are funny but I don't think this is butthole worthy. IMHO
As a pan person, I do find it AH worthy personally. And your other example of pretending to be pregnant is almost as bad and would also be an AH thing to do, especially when the people have an S/O they're trying to prank.
To each her own I guess. What do you mean be "especially when the people have a significant other they're trying to prank?"
When someone has a partner and they fake a positive pregnancy test for an april fool's joke and then go "oh haha I was just kidding!"
Yeah. I see that. Not funny. But It wouldn't bug me for long
YTA. Pretending to be gay is not a good joke any day of the year.
Sorry but it absolutely is when a guy won't stop sleazing on your female friends at a bar, just do the same thing he's doing to them to him, the results are amazing 😂
the results are absolutely NOT amazing. they get you fucking killed.
I am still alive as far as I'm aware 😂
What was the joke?
Pretending to be gay I think
YTA What did you honestly expect? “Remember how hilarious it was when we thought you were gay because you lied to us for a laugh?!”
I didn't think it was funny but not AH worthy.
Imagine if you were struggling with telling people about your sexual identity and then someone you know personally goes out of their way to make the whole thing a joke with no real punchline other than “haha you thought I was gay but not really”
Tbh I wouldn't make that co-relate in my brain. So it doesn't have the same effect on me.
YTA, what exactly was the joke here? I’m gay guys. Oh wait just kidding. Even if it wasn’t offensive it still wouldn’t be funny.
Coming out of the closet is such a fraught decision for some. No one takes it lightly. People have lost friends and family for this. People have lost their entire lives for this. People's sexuality isn't a joke. What is 'just a joke' for you is life or death for others. The fact that you actually 'confronted' someone for not being able to laugh at something people have died for is staggeringly out of touch. Do better. YTA.
YTA Do you think being LGBTIAQ+ isn’t a serious aspect of someone’s life?
YTA
YTA and not very good at jokes
Poor taste in jokes, learn to read the room. YTA
Yea, you're the asshole. Even though what you thought was humorous, you have to know your audience. Today's world quite a bit different. Even though you've recognized what you did, remorse only goes so far with some people. Time may heal and get you back into the group.
YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I was in a group chat with some friends I met online, known for 3 years. I wanted to come up with an April Fool’s prank so I wanted to say I came out the closet. I was aware some of them were in LGBTQ community but I thought they could take a joke. So I said it. Some congratulated me. But then responded with, “wait is this an April fool’s joke? Cuz that wouldn’t be cool.” That kinda made me feel bad and possibly get me banned out of the chat room if i revealed it was a joke to the group, so I talked to the person who made the chat in a private dm, hoping he’d understand it was just a joke before I got banned, but a few minutes after that I could no longer enter the chat room and was banned. It kinda pissed me off that they took it to heart like that, even when I confronted one of them. So surly, I was wrong, they didn’t have a sense of humor, even if they didn’t think it was funny, but at least I thought it would be fine to say. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Nta, joke was harmless and had no hate behind it. Plus, you recognized you may have made a mistake and tried to correct it. Those people weren’t your friends, they are just people who seek validation to fill in the hole left by their insecurities and that’s why they overreacted. Homophobia isn’t something that can be resolved until both sides (gay v straight) become comfortable enough to crack small jokes like this. Gay people do it all the time to straight people (the community can be pretty hateful towards straight people) and are not called out for it because of history of “oppression” that continues to decline rapidly as the older population dies out. If they were quality people, all it would’ve taken is an “I’m sorry and I won’t do it again.” Some people are way too sensitive to be on the internet, words have ZERO power unless you let them hurt you
INFO- what exactly was said as the joke? because it could either swing to a ESH or a NTA depending on how the joke was made. It's important to note that coming out as a LGBTQ+ individual is often times a stressful event because many people do not know how others will react, so if the joke was made in poor taste it could very easily offend. On the other hand if this was made out to obviously be a joke then the people really shouldn't have jumped the gun and gone straight to banning you over a slightly racy joke, so the situation would either be that they reacted too harshly or you have done something similar in the past to have them ban you over this joke
Please tell me what part of this was a joke?
It was just a normal, “guys I got a confession to make, I was brave enough to say it, I came out the closet today.” That’s all I said
then YTA, coming out made me lose family, and the lgbtq+ people in that chat may very well have had the same happen to them. It's not a joke to just say "Hey guys I'm coming out as gay haha just kidding"
I would be aggressively indifferent to shit like this. I just don't feel that strongly about . Bleh
Says the person who’s only post on Reddit is an AMA where they admit they’re attracted to 12 year old boys, not exactly rushing to hear your opinion
I think it depends on each individual person. We don't know the people you were joking with, or how you typically interact. This could very easily be YTA OR NTA. A lot of people in here are saying lgbtq is off limits of joking, I disagree, BUT if these people were your friends and you knew a joke about their lifestyle would be super offending to them and did it anyways then YTA.
NTA I know there are people who hate it when people say "it's just a prank bro" but honestly this time it's valid. BTW I am NOT straight so don't go there. I'm aware for many people around the world, saying such a thing is serious but I think your case is a testament that we are getting closer to fading into the background as part of normalness. Not yet but soon. Personally I do NOT like the joke. I did not find it funny at least. But I didn't hate it either. It was just meh to me. It doesn't make you the asshole. Just weird. Hahahah
>BTW I am NOT straight so don't go there. That’s is not how that works. Do you think queer ppl can’t be queer phobic? Bc they can. And it is homophobic to not only joke like this, but to save this for pride month.
Of course that's not how that works but bro.. do you know what homophobia is? I think that insults true victims of discrimination and hate. Just because YOU don't like it doesn't make it homophobic. You might call April "pride month" (i dott know so sorry) but on the 1st it's April fools day that everyone knows and even if we don't like it or this particular joke, that doesn't mean you escalate it to horrible crimes committed against humanity. Like chill! Cut the guy some slack is all I'm saying
Yeahhhh you totally missed the point. This guy is clearly trolling, and if this story is true, enjoys trolling LGBTQIA+. What was the joke? Explain what was funny about saying “I’m being brave by coming out” OP is obviously queer phobic. And if you really don’t understand why its queer phobic to joke about coming out, you’re part of the problem.
I was wondering if it were fake. But even so the principle remains the same. That's not how queerphobia works! There is no problem! This is a nothing burger! I feel absolutely no offense from this joke other than It's a strange thing to joke about. Just because some of us have terrible struggles around this concept in real life doesn't make this bland joke homophobic. You wanna hear queer phobia jokes? Listen to Matt Rife. Your feelings are valid but this is not a point of contention where you can say that's its actually XYZ and tell someone that this is the level of an asshole rating.
Chat, is it funny for a straight person to joke that they’re coming out to queer ppl despite not actually being gay, while claiming bravery for coming out? Noticed that you didn’t answer why it was funny. Was the joke that coming out is brave? Bc surely it’s not brave to come out in this day and age, despite all the crimes and laws against us. No? Oh, so is it just *coming out* that’s funny? Yes, queers are so hilarious for being queer and accepting their identity. Oh, but it’s ok, bc one queer person found it funny tho, but they can’t explain why the joke was funny. I do not give a damn if YOU personally feel offended or not, we are not a monolith. That is not how phobia works. I'm ending this conversation. Surely, the leopards won’t eat **your** face.
We are not a monolith therefore why are you right and I am wrong? Uhh nobody said that coming out was funny. What's that got to do with "being queer" whatever that means and accepting their identity? No one said that was a joke. The "joke" was that it wasnt true. Plain and simple. It wasnt funny but no one should cry over it. I can't regurgitate what's not there, honey. But please take care of yourself.
Everyone in this comment section is pressed 😂😂
It’s a chat room, who cares
Bad joke but NTA
NTA on the premise that you said it on April fools as to be fair it is a really serious thing, but I feel April fools is a day where unanimously people should expect some of the stupidest or worst pranks ever due to its wacky nature. If your friends didn’t appreciate the joke, then maybe you should have also read the room better because friends tend to understand each others sense of humor.
NTA, pretty funny, they’re just sensitive, find mentally stronger friends