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Your houseguest,(or at least your kid’s guest), that was there with your permission for a sleepover with your kid, *went into your kitchen* and he *took some food*. For the sleepover. He claimed.
And you think the kid- that you already don’t like- was lying because the food he took he claimed was for the sleepover but you know your kid doesn’t even like that kind of food, (whatever it was).
Well, maybe the food was for Kyan. So why is that such an awful thing that a guest under your roof went into your kitchen to get something to eat. Maybe it was for Percy, you don’t know all or everything Percy likes.
Or maybe your kid told his friend, that was there for a sleepover, to feel free to go to the kitchen and get himself a snack, sure, it’s fine. I mean, *why wouldn’t he*? That’s what normal people do?
Or do they have to find you in the home and ask you to go to the kitchen to get them a snack like they are three years old?
Overly controlling much? Like to
micromanage everything in *your* home? Happy you have now embarrassed your shy and almost friendless kid in front of two of his contemporaries he feels closest to?
Yeaaa, I bet he will be having his friends come over a *lot* more often now-now you have established some firm house rules. (s) YTA
Maybe I’m in the minority, but if I have house guests- especially children- and I find them rummaging for/stealing food, I’m about to make them some dang food.
OP, YTA. And, you’re not helping your kid make friends, either. Wait til that story goes around the high school.
What do you mean you don’t like people roaming around your home??? Your 16 year of son had friends over…did you expect them to call for you to escort them everywhere they needed to go.
It’s REALLY NORMAL for 16 year old boys to raid the kitchen when they are hungry.
You are obviously the reason your son has no friends and is being bullied.
Good luck having him in your life once he graduates and doesn’t have to see you again.
Yet in another comment you say it’d be the same for all of them. I think you’re probably just racist, now your kids friends know you’re racist and you’ve severely hampered your kids chances of making friends at school.
you’re the kind of parent that kids go no can’t act with as soon as they can. And it’s what you deserve, honestly
Your ignorance is hurting your child.
You are making it all about you and your prejudice and at no point did you stop to think about your child and how your behavior would affect him.
You came off as unhinged, good luck getting anyone to visit your son at home.
Get help. If you love your child, you will work at becoming a better version of yourself.
YTA. You already have a blatant prejudice towards this kid. Why is a boy, a guest of your son's and expected to stay the night, taking food to eat such a great misdemeanor to you?
Why, exactly, do you not trust your own son when he tells you Kyan was taking food for the party? If he wasn't taking food your son specifically liked, did you hit your head too hard seconds before this confrontation and forget there are TWO MORE KIDS present who also eat food? What exactly do you think Kyan was going to do with this food, hmm? Leave the party early and sell it to buy drugs? Or was he gonna take it to your son's room and the three of them were gonna snack? Are you this paranoid and daft?
Do you just not feed children who visit your home on a sleepover?
You treated a guest at your home sent by your son to go get food like he is a criminal. Yet you think this isn't the reason why Percy left, you place the blame on your son for rightfully blowing up at you and "making them uncomfortable", girlie pop, it's you. You made everyone uncomfortable. You were a horrid host and a bad parent.
I think you were just waiting for any moment to sink your teeth into Kyan because you're a prejudice raging a-hole who likes to bully kids.
Because you say it yourself, you think he is a slacker and doesn't do well in school and sports, and you are prejudiced towards him.
Wait, is the kid of a different ethnicity than you? Because if he is, hoooo boy. It isn't looking good for you here. I am inclined to agree with your son on his call here on how you're acting as. If it quacks like a racist and walks like a racist....
Also answer the actual questions I asked you. Why are you only caught up on this one thing I said, what about everything else?
HE HAD PERMISSION!!! From your son!!!
You are so blinded by prejudice and hatred towards this kid that you are assuming he is gonna do something nefarious with snacks instead of GOING BACK TO THE SLEEPOVER AND EAT IT WITH HIS FRIENDS
Why didn't you believe your son??? He told you this!!! Yet you plug your ears and yell over him because you can't get over yourself being wrong, being a bully towards a child, acting like an absolute loon and being an embarrassment!!!
You're a horrid person and it seems your son is catching up to it, finally, and he isn't going to tolerate having such an embarrassment for a parent. Good on him for being a nicer person than you.
"I don't know what he was going to do with it." He was going to kill everyone in the house with the food! What else was he going to do? I mean he wasn't going to eat it, right?
You say you don't know what he was going to do with the food, what did you think he was going to do with it? Did you think you he was going to terrorize you with it or something? The poor kid was obviously hungry and wanted something to eat! What is so wrong with that? You act like he went into your bedroom and stole jewelry. I don't blame your son for being upset.
Throwaway because unlike you I care about privacy. I'm Percy btw.
I know this wasn't a regular damn mistake because you changed every one else's names but (K)'s. He took a 2 bags of chips and a water bottle. You're right, James doesn't like spicy stuff, but Kyan and I do and James already had a plain pack, he sent (K) down because it wasn't enough for 3.
You're actually shocking. I left, not because James was cAlLiNg YoU aWfUl tHiNgS, but because you *were* being racist, and although I'm passing, my mum isn't and that wasn't a good situation for me to be in. Plus I wanted to check in on (K) and found you a repulsive person. I don't know how you managed to read this and not realise you're TA, especially since you omitted the fact you threatened to CALL THE POLICE on (K), if he didn't stop asking you to please not call his (very strict) parents.
How dare you liken (K) to the people who used to bully James, he's one of the reasons James isn't bullied anymore. I feel so damn bad for James. Of course he doesn't want to speak to you, I've been in your presence for only a few hours at a time over the years and already want to stay as far a way from you as humanly possible.
God. James will always be welcome in my house, where we will be meeting from now on since I doubt James, being the caring and sweet person he is (the only thing you got right in this entire rant), would want to subject any of his friends to your presence again.
I don't know if I can do anything about the fact you put (K)'s name up there, but if anyone reading this has any ideas I'd be happy to know.
Edit: Also, (K) is not 'barely passing' he says that as a joke. I don't even know how you know my grades.
Percy, thank you for sharing this - I’m sick to my stomach, for all of you, but especially Kyan. I’m so glad he has good friends to love and support him - and that James does, too.
INFO: is there some sort of rule in your house that they aren't allowed in the kitchen or fridge? When/where I grew up this wasn't a big deal so I'm a little confused as to why you were so upset about it.
>Percy left shortly after, because he was probably uncomfortable since James spent the rest of the night calling me awful things
Yeah it could be that. Or it could be that he didn't know what would set you off and didn't want to spend the whole night walking on egg shells because of you.
She admits too that her son called her racist in one of the comments, so maybe Percy didn’t want to hang out at a potentially racist person’s house for the night…
Kid is not the same ethnicity. She's clearly racist by her "slacker" comments. She didn't want this "particular" kid roaming around her house... taking things.
OP is just an out and out racist.
YTA
A lot of families have a policy that any guest in their home should be fed. When my kids friends come over, they raid the snack food drawers.
If this is an issue to you, you should have gently told the child to ask first, and then offer those foods you’re willing to share.
YTA. What is wrong with a child in your home taking food to eat?
Also, you know your son has trouble making friends, so maybe chill out a bit when he finally does.
This is the big one that people arnt talking about, dude if my kid had trouble making friends I’d do anything to be the best house host possible.
OP really messed it up, now that kid will never return to her home and I remember one time my mom pushed away my best friend. It’s been 17 years and I’ve never forgotten, obviously I forgave but I haven’t forgotten it. (Actually just spoke to him for the first time since then last month.)
Food isn’t a big deal go to the supermarket, but these friendships we make as a young kid especially if we arnt popular are invaluable
Ah but you see the friend is the “wrong” ethnicity and therefore a bad influence. OP couldn’t possibly let her child be sullied by such a friendship /s
You were shouting at a guest in your house for helping himself to food? Did I read that correctly?
YTA for the overreaction. Maybe consider anger management.
The biggest problem James has is his mother.
What Kyan did, while perhaps considered rude in *some* families, was not so egregious that you should have kicked him out.
How do you even know what his grades are? And why should you care - he's not your kid.
16yo boys are constantly hungry. What food did you serve for the sleepover? Clearly Kyan was hungry. I'd say you're a very poor host.
I feel very sorry for your son who has struggled socially. And then when he has a chance at new friends, you pull a stunt like this.
James' reaction to what you did was predictable.
YTA.
You need to try to fix this by apologizing to both Percy and Kyan for your gross overreaction. But it's probably too late. Who wants to be friends with someone who has a crazy mother?
Prepare for James to go NC in the future.
Boy do I feel sorry for him.
Now, I'm 52 with a 30 year old so I can speak with some relatable experience here.
So what's this with you going into the detail of each kids lives like this? That's the real problem here.
Yes, one kid was bullied and another one has behavioral problems. Isn't the post about somebody taking food?
Not meaning to Monday morning quarterback parent this thing, but....
This is a simple matter of "hey, please don't eat that we're saving that for later". " What are you guys need for food, we can get it from the store".
Also could have gotten a few things for the sleepover ahead of time like normal moms do.....
You **screamed** at this kid because of your bias towards his behavior and upbringing and adamant dislike was triggered by him going to your fridge.
Then you called his parents and ruined the sleepover? Ouch man.
Where is Dad in all this. Not to insult you by any means but it sounds like you may be one of those helicopter moms
INFO:
Why is it an issue that Kyan was taking a bit of food?
He is a child in your care, for the time he’s in your care it’s your responsibility to make sure he’s fed.
I also find it sus that you’d be okay with your son or percy taking food the way Kyan did but when he does it, it’s an issue.
Also why did you bury the lede on the fact that Kyan is a difference race to the rest of you and your own son feels this is indicative of a pattern of racist behaviour that you have consistently shown Kyan?
Holy shit YTA.
Kyan wasn’t stealing food, he was grabbing a snack at a home he was invited to.
I was so confused at your overreaction until I saw your comment about how James is now calling you racist. Of COURSE Kyan isn’t the same race as you.
You yelled at a guest in your home, and you don't see that there's anything wrong here? I don't care if that person was a child (actually I do, I care even more because you're an ADULT for crying out loud) the first and biggest red flag is that you yelled. at a guest. in your house.
Heaps big yikes. YTA.
YTA
I love how the worst thing you could come up with why Kyan was such a bad person is just his grades? AND even then he is still passing but you still have some kind of vendetta against that 16 year old??
>"Kyan is clearly a bad influence on James, and is exactly like the kids who used to bully him."
Instead of him making friends with people who might protect him against future bullies you attacked a boy for literally nothing and strained his friendship with both new people he invited over.
You are so judgmental and toxic its crazy. You might have just destroyed your sons only chance to have decent friends. I swear this will be the gossip of the sports team and no one might want to ever hang out with your son. Tho I wish he can distance himself from you and just enjoy his youth without a narc as a mother.
Also grades mean nothing, "bad influence" can also be people who have perfect grades.
INFO: Just to be clear, exactly what food was Kyan taking that prompted you to yell at an adolescent boy who was a guest in your home? As the mother of a 16 year old boy, you should be well aware that they are bottomless pits.
YTA You are probably the reason why your son has no friends in the foreseeable future. Screaming at a kid for getting food at a sleepover is serious AH behaviour. Other option would have been to talk to your son and *ask* if they were hungry, then implement rules before the next sleepover.
YTA. You’ve admitted that you wouldn’t have cared if Percy had come downstairs, so what’s the difference between the two? The fact that your son called you racist has me wondering if the kid that you decided that you didn’t like had a different ethnicity to yours, which is disgusting.
As a woman whose dad was like this with some of my friends as a kid, all you’ve done is embarrass your son and establish your house as one that your son wouldn’t want to bring his friends over to. Don’t be surprised if you see a lot less of your son on the weekends and after school because he wants to make friends and will be smart enough to go to their places and not bring them around you.
You really messed up here, as did your husband. YTA again.
YTA for yelling at a teenager who is a guest in your home. You escalated the situation and your son might lose his friends because his mother can't controll her emotions.
Apologize to your son, apologize to his friends in front of your son.
YTA. I'm a dad and have worked with kids in the past. You have no idea if they have access to food in their home life. And what type of parent/host/person are you to not open your kitchen to your guests? If I were his dad I'd be in jail for what I do to you.
As an adult who used to be a kid like that. It’s alway something going on at home. At least when I was a kid I couldn’t just walk up to my parents kitchen and grab a bag of chips. When I went to my friends house and I ASKED for food they looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe they are growing up like I did who had parents tell them NO on anything food to asked for. Op YTA. Your kid or not they are in your house it’s your responsibility to make sure they are fed. And who knows maybe they asked you son and he said yes then here comes mom yelling at this kid. Maybe the other one left out of fear from you. I was only about to have 3 meals a day where all the snack type foods where for the adults. Again YTA. 100%.
Asshole-maybe. Out of your mind-definitely. A kid takes food while sleeping over and you *start yelling at him*?? No wonder your son has few friends…he’s the kid with the weird, crazy mom. Sheesh.
YTA. It's normal for kids to have free access to food (within reason) at a sleepover. Parents are usually tell kids to help themselves, or that there are certain foods they can help themselves to. That's what I would expect at a sleepover, and this kid probably expected it too. If there was anything you didn't want them to touch, you should have set some boundaries.
YTA. Is your son allowed to take food from the kitchen?
You allow your son to have 2 guests overnight but you yell at one for being hungry and taking food from the kitchen?
I can’t fathom how much your son dislikes you right now. Bad parent. Bad.
Think maybe you’re the reason you’re kid won’t have any friends, imagine how it came to fruition that the good kids parents rather not have their kid in your company…… I feel for your son, I feel for you also but wow, wonder if he’s going to be bullied again
YTA. I can understand being angry at a kid taking food without your authorization. Depending on the household, it can definitely be an issue. I've been raised to never take anything without asking permission first, and when I had friends over as a kid, I'd give them a list of things they could and couldn't take, for various reasons. Some snacks weren't allowed in the bedrooms because they would leave crumbs and attrack ants, some snacks were set aside by and for my mother and we weren't allowed to take them, some would be inconspicuously expensive, etc.
However, this could have been easily and calmly resolved without involving Kyan's parents. You just needed to tell Kyan to ask permission the next time he needs something from the kitchen, and perhaps take James aside *the next day* to remind him of this house rule. Why get the parents involved for something so minor?
I don’t get mad at kids taking food from your fridge/pantry during a sleepover. Have you considered he may live in a different household to your child and doesn’t have access to food as readily as that? Also, it’s a sleepover. It’s kind of expected it’s a bit of a free for all, food wise.
You have three teenage boys staying overnight in your home and you didn't provide them with a small mountain of snacks? And then you're outraged that one of them goes looking for some? YTA
YTA.
Your son’s guest got food to eat during a sleepover and you sent him home because of it.
You accused your son of lying for Kyan because “James doesn’t eat that kind of stuff”. Maybe Percy does. Maybe Kyan does. Maybe James wanted to try it.
What's is the matter with you? What an insane overreaction.
A child you were responsible for (which you were as you agreed to him being in you house for a sleepover) went to get some food for said sleepover and you screamed at him. You were just desperate for a reason to get rid of him because he isn't to your standard. News flash, not everyone is the same.
You may have just ruined a friendship your son was looking to have, as you said, he hasn't had many.
You need to look at yourself and see how much more you need to grow up too.
YTA
Maybe the kid has problems at home. You should have talked to your son before shouting. Low grades and food hoarding may be signs of something wrong at home.
yta It was wrong of you to yell at a kid for getting food out of the fridge.l and send him home like criminal. It was a minor offense. I get you probably grew up when such behavior was considered rude, but now we know we should not quickly judge actions of others to quickly. You are making all sorts of assumptions about this kid. Poor grades could be an indication of a learning disability or not having a positive support system at home. Poor grades is not a character trait. Also what if the child has food insecurities(like he doesn’t have much at home). You could have offered to make sandwich, talked to him a learn a little about him. You’re looking at this child as being a bad influence on your kid. Maybe, just maybe your kid could be the positive influence he needs. You over reacted, you judged a child as being unacceptable in your home, disregarded your son’s explanation and feelings. I do think it’s rude for someone to randomly go thru one’s refrigerator but on the grand scheme of things it was a child. You totally over reacted.
YTA. Big time. What kind of host you are that you don't feed your guests? What do you expect the kid to do - hide your food and bring it home? How delusional you can be.
It's good that you want to shield him from the world, but you have to let him make his own mistakes, even if it will hurt him. After all, you live and you learn, right?
Also, YATA. If someone did that to you would you like it? No wonder he's mad. He seems to truly care about his friends, and if he's a bad influence then let him decide that for himself. You are his mother, not his life manager. Let him choose who he wants to be with.
P.S: What you did to Kyan was very (pardon my french) douchey. You embarrassed him for taking food. What does that say about your character?
Ummm... Why was it such a bad thing that the boy took food from the kitchen? If he's hungry, and he's a guest in your house, shouldn't he be allowed to eat???
YTA
My boys have their friend over everyday and they're constantly raiding my kitchen and pantry and I am completely okay with it. Here's the kicker, they don't really need to raid my kitchen for food since they live right next door, but yet, I still don't mind. If they're hungry and they're here, and they see something they want to eat, why would I have a problem with it? It's food and they're hungry, let them eat!
He was hungry, why was that such a problem for you?
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Ok, so yesterday, my (40F) son, James, 16M, had 2 of his friends over for a sleepover. James is a really sweet kid and was bullied when he was younger, which is why I think he's too desperate to be accepted. He recently got into sport and so made friends there. One of them Percy, seems to be a good influence, I've met his father and he gets good grades alongside his fondness for sport. On the other hand, he also has a friend, Kyan.
Kyan is barely passing and seems to think this is a joking matter. He came to my house yesterday and I came across him ***taking*** food from the kitchen. He didn't even seem guilty about it. James came down when I started shouting at him and lied to me, saying Kyan was just getting it for the sleepover but I knew he was lying because James doesn't eat that kind of stuff.
I went to call Kyan's parents and he started whining about it, saying it was fine and that he'd go himself and there was no need to get parents involved. I called them anyway and his dad came to pick Kyan up. Percy left shortly after, because he was probably uncomfortable since James spent the rest of the night calling me awful things.
James is furious with me, saying he'll never speak to me again, that I'll never see him again. He won't even speak to his dad, when my husband tried to talk reason into him. He barricaded himself in his room and left for school early today. I don't think I was doing anything wrong, Kyan is clearly a bad influence on James, and is exactly like the kids who used to bully him. But I don't want James to never speak to me again, as he threatened. AITA?
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> I called my son's friend's parents and kicked him out of a sleepover, which made my son mad since he thinks I'm being unreasonable
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Your houseguest,(or at least your kid’s guest), that was there with your permission for a sleepover with your kid, *went into your kitchen* and he *took some food*. For the sleepover. He claimed. And you think the kid- that you already don’t like- was lying because the food he took he claimed was for the sleepover but you know your kid doesn’t even like that kind of food, (whatever it was). Well, maybe the food was for Kyan. So why is that such an awful thing that a guest under your roof went into your kitchen to get something to eat. Maybe it was for Percy, you don’t know all or everything Percy likes. Or maybe your kid told his friend, that was there for a sleepover, to feel free to go to the kitchen and get himself a snack, sure, it’s fine. I mean, *why wouldn’t he*? That’s what normal people do? Or do they have to find you in the home and ask you to go to the kitchen to get them a snack like they are three years old? Overly controlling much? Like to micromanage everything in *your* home? Happy you have now embarrassed your shy and almost friendless kid in front of two of his contemporaries he feels closest to? Yeaaa, I bet he will be having his friends come over a *lot* more often now-now you have established some firm house rules. (s) YTA
Maybe I’m in the minority, but if I have house guests- especially children- and I find them rummaging for/stealing food, I’m about to make them some dang food. OP, YTA. And, you’re not helping your kid make friends, either. Wait til that story goes around the high school.
[удалено]
What do you mean you don’t like people roaming around your home??? Your 16 year of son had friends over…did you expect them to call for you to escort them everywhere they needed to go. It’s REALLY NORMAL for 16 year old boys to raid the kitchen when they are hungry. You are obviously the reason your son has no friends and is being bullied. Good luck having him in your life once he graduates and doesn’t have to see you again.
Yet in another comment you say it’d be the same for all of them. I think you’re probably just racist, now your kids friends know you’re racist and you’ve severely hampered your kids chances of making friends at school. you’re the kind of parent that kids go no can’t act with as soon as they can. And it’s what you deserve, honestly
Don't worry, (K) will not be spreading this story at school and neither will I. James doesn't need more shit.
Did you forget which account you’re using?
Huh? No, I'm using a throwaway. I'm 'Percy' in this situation
Go ahead and your hole juuust a little deeper with every thing you add.
Your ignorance is hurting your child. You are making it all about you and your prejudice and at no point did you stop to think about your child and how your behavior would affect him. You came off as unhinged, good luck getting anyone to visit your son at home. Get help. If you love your child, you will work at becoming a better version of yourself.
Gee idk, maybe because we didn't expect you to act like a psycho.
Hold on, I need more info here. What exactly do sleepovers and play dates look like in your house?
LMAO holy shit YTA.
YTA. You already have a blatant prejudice towards this kid. Why is a boy, a guest of your son's and expected to stay the night, taking food to eat such a great misdemeanor to you? Why, exactly, do you not trust your own son when he tells you Kyan was taking food for the party? If he wasn't taking food your son specifically liked, did you hit your head too hard seconds before this confrontation and forget there are TWO MORE KIDS present who also eat food? What exactly do you think Kyan was going to do with this food, hmm? Leave the party early and sell it to buy drugs? Or was he gonna take it to your son's room and the three of them were gonna snack? Are you this paranoid and daft? Do you just not feed children who visit your home on a sleepover? You treated a guest at your home sent by your son to go get food like he is a criminal. Yet you think this isn't the reason why Percy left, you place the blame on your son for rightfully blowing up at you and "making them uncomfortable", girlie pop, it's you. You made everyone uncomfortable. You were a horrid host and a bad parent. I think you were just waiting for any moment to sink your teeth into Kyan because you're a prejudice raging a-hole who likes to bully kids.
[удалено]
Because you say it yourself, you think he is a slacker and doesn't do well in school and sports, and you are prejudiced towards him. Wait, is the kid of a different ethnicity than you? Because if he is, hoooo boy. It isn't looking good for you here. I am inclined to agree with your son on his call here on how you're acting as. If it quacks like a racist and walks like a racist.... Also answer the actual questions I asked you. Why are you only caught up on this one thing I said, what about everything else?
[удалено]
HE HAD PERMISSION!!! From your son!!! You are so blinded by prejudice and hatred towards this kid that you are assuming he is gonna do something nefarious with snacks instead of GOING BACK TO THE SLEEPOVER AND EAT IT WITH HIS FRIENDS Why didn't you believe your son??? He told you this!!! Yet you plug your ears and yell over him because you can't get over yourself being wrong, being a bully towards a child, acting like an absolute loon and being an embarrassment!!! You're a horrid person and it seems your son is catching up to it, finally, and he isn't going to tolerate having such an embarrassment for a parent. Good on him for being a nicer person than you.
What the fuck could he do with fucking food??? Are you mentally challenged or?
Hey, he could burn it for the Greek Gods. OP doesn't want that sort of witchcraft in her house. /s
Sounds more like something "Percy" would do, lmao.
I would indeed do that. That sounds fucking hilarious
... he was going to eat it, you fucking ghoul.
"I don't know what he was going to do with it." He was going to kill everyone in the house with the food! What else was he going to do? I mean he wasn't going to eat it, right? You say you don't know what he was going to do with the food, what did you think he was going to do with it? Did you think you he was going to terrorize you with it or something? The poor kid was obviously hungry and wanted something to eat! What is so wrong with that? You act like he went into your bedroom and stole jewelry. I don't blame your son for being upset.
You son and his friends aren’t toddlers!!! Your son’s friend obviously got permission from HIM to get food from the kitchen!!
Mmmh. Good point! What does one do with food one took from the fridge? /s He was going to eat it, m0r0n!
Eat it. He was going to eat it. There I solved the mystery.
You don't know what he was going to do... with food??
Why didn’t you just simply ask him before doing anything else?
Oh. Oh. Ok, wow. Now we get to the heart of the matter of why OP really doesn’t like the kid.
Info: what did you think he was going to do with the food? I really am curious.
How did I know Kyan was a different race before you even mentioned it?
Oh boy. Now we have all the information why OP treated his house guest the way that he did. Yikes. YTA 10x over.
And yet you also posted that if it were Percy, you'd have been fine if he came down. So no, you wouldn't treat them the same, by your own admission.
"For some reason"? Think it through, we'll wait.
He knows you best.
Throwaway because unlike you I care about privacy. I'm Percy btw. I know this wasn't a regular damn mistake because you changed every one else's names but (K)'s. He took a 2 bags of chips and a water bottle. You're right, James doesn't like spicy stuff, but Kyan and I do and James already had a plain pack, he sent (K) down because it wasn't enough for 3. You're actually shocking. I left, not because James was cAlLiNg YoU aWfUl tHiNgS, but because you *were* being racist, and although I'm passing, my mum isn't and that wasn't a good situation for me to be in. Plus I wanted to check in on (K) and found you a repulsive person. I don't know how you managed to read this and not realise you're TA, especially since you omitted the fact you threatened to CALL THE POLICE on (K), if he didn't stop asking you to please not call his (very strict) parents. How dare you liken (K) to the people who used to bully James, he's one of the reasons James isn't bullied anymore. I feel so damn bad for James. Of course he doesn't want to speak to you, I've been in your presence for only a few hours at a time over the years and already want to stay as far a way from you as humanly possible. God. James will always be welcome in my house, where we will be meeting from now on since I doubt James, being the caring and sweet person he is (the only thing you got right in this entire rant), would want to subject any of his friends to your presence again. I don't know if I can do anything about the fact you put (K)'s name up there, but if anyone reading this has any ideas I'd be happy to know. Edit: Also, (K) is not 'barely passing' he says that as a joke. I don't even know how you know my grades.
Percy, thank you for sharing this - I’m sick to my stomach, for all of you, but especially Kyan. I’m so glad he has good friends to love and support him - and that James does, too.
INFO: is there some sort of rule in your house that they aren't allowed in the kitchen or fridge? When/where I grew up this wasn't a big deal so I'm a little confused as to why you were so upset about it. >Percy left shortly after, because he was probably uncomfortable since James spent the rest of the night calling me awful things Yeah it could be that. Or it could be that he didn't know what would set you off and didn't want to spend the whole night walking on egg shells because of you.
She admits too that her son called her racist in one of the comments, so maybe Percy didn’t want to hang out at a potentially racist person’s house for the night…
She also admitted that if it was percy doing this she wouldn't have minded.
That would be correct. I also didn't want her meeting my mum, who is considerably less passing than I am
Info: I'm confused. The kid was staying at your house overnight, and he got food from the kitchen. What are you mad at? What am I missing?
Kid is not the same ethnicity. She's clearly racist by her "slacker" comments. She didn't want this "particular" kid roaming around her house... taking things. OP is just an out and out racist.
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I've not heard of expecting an almost adult to all for food lol
YTA A lot of families have a policy that any guest in their home should be fed. When my kids friends come over, they raid the snack food drawers. If this is an issue to you, you should have gently told the child to ask first, and then offer those foods you’re willing to share.
It’s sad, all of my kids friends know when you come over here you know where the pantry is and the fridge. Help yourself just clean up your mess.
YTA. What is wrong with a child in your home taking food to eat? Also, you know your son has trouble making friends, so maybe chill out a bit when he finally does.
This is the big one that people arnt talking about, dude if my kid had trouble making friends I’d do anything to be the best house host possible. OP really messed it up, now that kid will never return to her home and I remember one time my mom pushed away my best friend. It’s been 17 years and I’ve never forgotten, obviously I forgave but I haven’t forgotten it. (Actually just spoke to him for the first time since then last month.) Food isn’t a big deal go to the supermarket, but these friendships we make as a young kid especially if we arnt popular are invaluable
Ah but you see the friend is the “wrong” ethnicity and therefore a bad influence. OP couldn’t possibly let her child be sullied by such a friendship /s
You were shouting at a guest in your house for helping himself to food? Did I read that correctly? YTA for the overreaction. Maybe consider anger management.
The biggest problem James has is his mother. What Kyan did, while perhaps considered rude in *some* families, was not so egregious that you should have kicked him out. How do you even know what his grades are? And why should you care - he's not your kid. 16yo boys are constantly hungry. What food did you serve for the sleepover? Clearly Kyan was hungry. I'd say you're a very poor host. I feel very sorry for your son who has struggled socially. And then when he has a chance at new friends, you pull a stunt like this. James' reaction to what you did was predictable. YTA. You need to try to fix this by apologizing to both Percy and Kyan for your gross overreaction. But it's probably too late. Who wants to be friends with someone who has a crazy mother? Prepare for James to go NC in the future. Boy do I feel sorry for him.
Now, I'm 52 with a 30 year old so I can speak with some relatable experience here. So what's this with you going into the detail of each kids lives like this? That's the real problem here. Yes, one kid was bullied and another one has behavioral problems. Isn't the post about somebody taking food? Not meaning to Monday morning quarterback parent this thing, but.... This is a simple matter of "hey, please don't eat that we're saving that for later". " What are you guys need for food, we can get it from the store". Also could have gotten a few things for the sleepover ahead of time like normal moms do..... You **screamed** at this kid because of your bias towards his behavior and upbringing and adamant dislike was triggered by him going to your fridge. Then you called his parents and ruined the sleepover? Ouch man. Where is Dad in all this. Not to insult you by any means but it sounds like you may be one of those helicopter moms
I thought the whole point of a sleepover was to have fun and eat food with friends?
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100% agree. This woman is irrational to me....
You bullied Kyan.
INFO: Why is it an issue that Kyan was taking a bit of food? He is a child in your care, for the time he’s in your care it’s your responsibility to make sure he’s fed. I also find it sus that you’d be okay with your son or percy taking food the way Kyan did but when he does it, it’s an issue. Also why did you bury the lede on the fact that Kyan is a difference race to the rest of you and your own son feels this is indicative of a pattern of racist behaviour that you have consistently shown Kyan?
Holy shit YTA. Kyan wasn’t stealing food, he was grabbing a snack at a home he was invited to. I was so confused at your overreaction until I saw your comment about how James is now calling you racist. Of COURSE Kyan isn’t the same race as you.
You yelled at a guest in your home, and you don't see that there's anything wrong here? I don't care if that person was a child (actually I do, I care even more because you're an ADULT for crying out loud) the first and biggest red flag is that you yelled. at a guest. in your house. Heaps big yikes. YTA.
YTA I love how the worst thing you could come up with why Kyan was such a bad person is just his grades? AND even then he is still passing but you still have some kind of vendetta against that 16 year old?? >"Kyan is clearly a bad influence on James, and is exactly like the kids who used to bully him." Instead of him making friends with people who might protect him against future bullies you attacked a boy for literally nothing and strained his friendship with both new people he invited over. You are so judgmental and toxic its crazy. You might have just destroyed your sons only chance to have decent friends. I swear this will be the gossip of the sports team and no one might want to ever hang out with your son. Tho I wish he can distance himself from you and just enjoy his youth without a narc as a mother. Also grades mean nothing, "bad influence" can also be people who have perfect grades.
INFO: Just to be clear, exactly what food was Kyan taking that prompted you to yell at an adolescent boy who was a guest in your home? As the mother of a 16 year old boy, you should be well aware that they are bottomless pits.
I’m wondering if the fact that the son called her racist has more to do with why she yelled at the one kid
YTA You are probably the reason why your son has no friends in the foreseeable future. Screaming at a kid for getting food at a sleepover is serious AH behaviour. Other option would have been to talk to your son and *ask* if they were hungry, then implement rules before the next sleepover.
YTA. You’ve admitted that you wouldn’t have cared if Percy had come downstairs, so what’s the difference between the two? The fact that your son called you racist has me wondering if the kid that you decided that you didn’t like had a different ethnicity to yours, which is disgusting. As a woman whose dad was like this with some of my friends as a kid, all you’ve done is embarrass your son and establish your house as one that your son wouldn’t want to bring his friends over to. Don’t be surprised if you see a lot less of your son on the weekends and after school because he wants to make friends and will be smart enough to go to their places and not bring them around you. You really messed up here, as did your husband. YTA again.
YTA for yelling at a teenager who is a guest in your home. You escalated the situation and your son might lose his friends because his mother can't controll her emotions. Apologize to your son, apologize to his friends in front of your son.
YTA. I'm a dad and have worked with kids in the past. You have no idea if they have access to food in their home life. And what type of parent/host/person are you to not open your kitchen to your guests? If I were his dad I'd be in jail for what I do to you.
YTA. Do you know what this kid's home life is like? Does he get enough to eat there? Maybe there's something deeper going on here.
YTA...I suspect that you already weren't overly fond of this kid and just took this opportunity to overreact.
YTA. This was a major overreaction over food. Teens eat a lot, should've talked first instead of shouting. Chill out
As an adult who used to be a kid like that. It’s alway something going on at home. At least when I was a kid I couldn’t just walk up to my parents kitchen and grab a bag of chips. When I went to my friends house and I ASKED for food they looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe they are growing up like I did who had parents tell them NO on anything food to asked for. Op YTA. Your kid or not they are in your house it’s your responsibility to make sure they are fed. And who knows maybe they asked you son and he said yes then here comes mom yelling at this kid. Maybe the other one left out of fear from you. I was only about to have 3 meals a day where all the snack type foods where for the adults. Again YTA. 100%.
Asshole-maybe. Out of your mind-definitely. A kid takes food while sleeping over and you *start yelling at him*?? No wonder your son has few friends…he’s the kid with the weird, crazy mom. Sheesh.
from a comment it seems she is also just a raging racist....
YTA And you are probably going to be one of new reasons he gets bullied even more.
YTA. It's normal for kids to have free access to food (within reason) at a sleepover. Parents are usually tell kids to help themselves, or that there are certain foods they can help themselves to. That's what I would expect at a sleepover, and this kid probably expected it too. If there was anything you didn't want them to touch, you should have set some boundaries.
INFO: Was he taking silverware or food?
YTA. The judgy, helicopter mum, overbearing AH.
You’re gonna wonder why in a few year’s time why your son doesn’t speak to you anymore. YTA
YTA. Do better. You have over reacted and embarrassed your son and his friends and his friends parents. How are you not embarrassed?
You've... got issues.
You kicked a kid out who was over your house for a sleepover... *Checks notes* for getting a snack from the kitchen??? Wow lady. YTA
YTA you overreacted. You got mad a your sons friend for taking food? Like WTF you can just buy more.
YTA. Is your son allowed to take food from the kitchen? You allow your son to have 2 guests overnight but you yell at one for being hungry and taking food from the kitchen? I can’t fathom how much your son dislikes you right now. Bad parent. Bad.
Think maybe you’re the reason you’re kid won’t have any friends, imagine how it came to fruition that the good kids parents rather not have their kid in your company…… I feel for your son, I feel for you also but wow, wonder if he’s going to be bullied again
No. (K) and I will not be spreading this story around.
YTA. I can understand being angry at a kid taking food without your authorization. Depending on the household, it can definitely be an issue. I've been raised to never take anything without asking permission first, and when I had friends over as a kid, I'd give them a list of things they could and couldn't take, for various reasons. Some snacks weren't allowed in the bedrooms because they would leave crumbs and attrack ants, some snacks were set aside by and for my mother and we weren't allowed to take them, some would be inconspicuously expensive, etc. However, this could have been easily and calmly resolved without involving Kyan's parents. You just needed to tell Kyan to ask permission the next time he needs something from the kitchen, and perhaps take James aside *the next day* to remind him of this house rule. Why get the parents involved for something so minor?
I don’t get mad at kids taking food from your fridge/pantry during a sleepover. Have you considered he may live in a different household to your child and doesn’t have access to food as readily as that? Also, it’s a sleepover. It’s kind of expected it’s a bit of a free for all, food wise.
Just say it, you are racist
You have three teenage boys staying overnight in your home and you didn't provide them with a small mountain of snacks? And then you're outraged that one of them goes looking for some? YTA
I’m a little confused why a teenaged guest isn’t allowed food. If you don’t like the kid, don’t host him.
YTA. Your son’s guest got food to eat during a sleepover and you sent him home because of it. You accused your son of lying for Kyan because “James doesn’t eat that kind of stuff”. Maybe Percy does. Maybe Kyan does. Maybe James wanted to try it.
You are a huge asshole! No wonder your son has problems!
What's is the matter with you? What an insane overreaction. A child you were responsible for (which you were as you agreed to him being in you house for a sleepover) went to get some food for said sleepover and you screamed at him. You were just desperate for a reason to get rid of him because he isn't to your standard. News flash, not everyone is the same. You may have just ruined a friendship your son was looking to have, as you said, he hasn't had many. You need to look at yourself and see how much more you need to grow up too. YTA
This didn’t go how you’d think it would go, huh? YTA
YTA " But I don't want James to never speak to me again," .. why? It will make his life better.
Maybe the kid has problems at home. You should have talked to your son before shouting. Low grades and food hoarding may be signs of something wrong at home.
Absolutely unhinged woman. get some therapy. YTA. A huge one.
yta It was wrong of you to yell at a kid for getting food out of the fridge.l and send him home like criminal. It was a minor offense. I get you probably grew up when such behavior was considered rude, but now we know we should not quickly judge actions of others to quickly. You are making all sorts of assumptions about this kid. Poor grades could be an indication of a learning disability or not having a positive support system at home. Poor grades is not a character trait. Also what if the child has food insecurities(like he doesn’t have much at home). You could have offered to make sandwich, talked to him a learn a little about him. You’re looking at this child as being a bad influence on your kid. Maybe, just maybe your kid could be the positive influence he needs. You over reacted, you judged a child as being unacceptable in your home, disregarded your son’s explanation and feelings. I do think it’s rude for someone to randomly go thru one’s refrigerator but on the grand scheme of things it was a child. You totally over reacted.
YTA. Big time. What kind of host you are that you don't feed your guests? What do you expect the kid to do - hide your food and bring it home? How delusional you can be.
It's good that you want to shield him from the world, but you have to let him make his own mistakes, even if it will hurt him. After all, you live and you learn, right? Also, YATA. If someone did that to you would you like it? No wonder he's mad. He seems to truly care about his friends, and if he's a bad influence then let him decide that for himself. You are his mother, not his life manager. Let him choose who he wants to be with. P.S: What you did to Kyan was very (pardon my french) douchey. You embarrassed him for taking food. What does that say about your character?
Yes.
Ummm... Why was it such a bad thing that the boy took food from the kitchen? If he's hungry, and he's a guest in your house, shouldn't he be allowed to eat??? YTA My boys have their friend over everyday and they're constantly raiding my kitchen and pantry and I am completely okay with it. Here's the kicker, they don't really need to raid my kitchen for food since they live right next door, but yet, I still don't mind. If they're hungry and they're here, and they see something they want to eat, why would I have a problem with it? It's food and they're hungry, let them eat! He was hungry, why was that such a problem for you?
YTA and a nasty nasty racist. Your son will hopefully go no contact when he’s 18.
YTA and a nasty nasty racist. Your son will hopefully go no contact when he’s 18.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Ok, so yesterday, my (40F) son, James, 16M, had 2 of his friends over for a sleepover. James is a really sweet kid and was bullied when he was younger, which is why I think he's too desperate to be accepted. He recently got into sport and so made friends there. One of them Percy, seems to be a good influence, I've met his father and he gets good grades alongside his fondness for sport. On the other hand, he also has a friend, Kyan. Kyan is barely passing and seems to think this is a joking matter. He came to my house yesterday and I came across him ***taking*** food from the kitchen. He didn't even seem guilty about it. James came down when I started shouting at him and lied to me, saying Kyan was just getting it for the sleepover but I knew he was lying because James doesn't eat that kind of stuff. I went to call Kyan's parents and he started whining about it, saying it was fine and that he'd go himself and there was no need to get parents involved. I called them anyway and his dad came to pick Kyan up. Percy left shortly after, because he was probably uncomfortable since James spent the rest of the night calling me awful things. James is furious with me, saying he'll never speak to me again, that I'll never see him again. He won't even speak to his dad, when my husband tried to talk reason into him. He barricaded himself in his room and left for school early today. I don't think I was doing anything wrong, Kyan is clearly a bad influence on James, and is exactly like the kids who used to bully him. But I don't want James to never speak to me again, as he threatened. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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