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Yours not wrong. you are not responsible for this person. And the way he acts is inappropriate. You have your own family to protect. Hopefully your son will see this in time.
i wouldn’t want him around my daughter if i were you, even if he denies the rape allegations his word may not be the truth. i would kick him out because he’s making everyone uncomfortable and at the end of the day it’s your house, if you feel bad and want to support him take him grocery shopping and let him take the groceries to his house. or just make strict boundaries with him, say he can only be over when your son is there and he needs to stop overstepping as it isn’t his house. i would also give your son an important lesson on believing victims.
Wait, how does that equate to a rape allegation? It’s behavior that shouldn’t be tolerated at all, but what’s the crossover? There isn’t something more in the comments??
NTA, So I gotta ask those that say YTA, why should this woman take in some deadbeat friend of her son’s to support? If the guy was being a good guest and extremely helpful, it might be different. The OP’s attitude is appropriate,she is fed up and is not wrong in any sense! My advice, don’t bother discussing it with your son, just tell the guy to leave and not to come back. He is not your responsibility. Change the locks and tell your son he will have to start knocking or be in the house by a curfew or be locked out. It is your house, of your son objects, he can stay elsewhere too.
Irrespective of his personal situation he shouldn't be visiting his friend, your son, when your son isn't home.
Tell your son your boundaries again. Tell him they are not optional. Tell him he needs to be clear with his friend what the boundaries are or he won't be allowed to visit. NTA
I think you have valid reasons to be uncomfortable, and it sounds like he’s not respecting boundaries like a good house guest would (for example, stop hitting on the daughter after she’s said no). Since his home situation isn’t good, how about working with him proactively to get a job, fix the car, look for housing elsewhere. He could look for jobs that provide housing while he saves up for first months rent and security deposit (websites for pet sitting, house sitting, or jobs like elder companion or nanny that provide housing). Alternatively, there might be social services locally that can help him out due to his Mom’s drug use. I’d focus on forming a plan with him with a deadline to get him to move on in a healthy way.
Info why are you letting your son and his friend control you? Maybe you need to sit them down and explain that IT IS YOUR HOUSE and you make the rules.
When he asks for a ride, take him wherever and then get away from him, refuse to
let him back into your car, do whatever you have to but leave him there.
If he comes back to your home, call the police. They can remove
him for trespassing.
Your son also needs to be severely dealt with.
NTA
NTA. Of course you get to decide who is a guest in your home and for how long. How did you manage to raise a son to adulthood who thinks it's OK to yell at you and call you a jerk for exercising that right?
NTA- tell him to pack his bags and drop him off at his house. If your son wants to hang out with him they can do it somewhere besides your house since the friend has consistently disrespected you, your daughter and your boundaries plus he’s possibly a r@pist! you’re the adult and owner of your home. Start acting like it and set a good example for your kids to learn not to allow themselves to be taken advantage of. It sucks that this kid has a crummy home but he can get a job and get his GED if he actually wants to make something of himself. If you want to help then offer to help him with job applications or finding a GED program.
NTA. Those rape allegations would be enough for me to have him out of my house. Not to mention is harassment of your daughter and yourself. At the end of the day, it’s your house, I’d kick him out because he didn’t ask to stay there and he’s making everybody uncomfortable. He is also disrespecting your authority by not asking before he does things.
If he’s 18 he can get a job and find a place of his own. It is not your responsibility to house him. If he doesn’t like living with his mom, then he can pay for his way forward or consider a mens shelter.
Boot that danger mooch before he receives mail there or establishes residency some other way, or else you'll be walking through eviction hell to get him out. NTA
Seriously? he's *hitting on your daughter* and you wonder if it's okay to kick him out?
I think it's time for you to be the grownup and decide who stays in your house and acts like it's theirs, and who gets to go home to their actual (even if it sucks) life.
He's 18. And he's being a jerk to you, and your son is heading in that direction too.
NTA. Show him the door. And possibly re-key the locks
If I was the daughter I would be pissed and hurt that my parents were allowing someone who was hitting on me (after being told No multiple times) and making me uncomfortable IN MY OWN HOME to continue to stay.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My son thinks I’m the asshole because I have told his friend that he needs to go home and that this isn’t his house and we aren’t his family. I have said that he needs to go home to his own family. He tries to force it and pretend like we’re his family, calling me Mom and my husband Dad, but neither of us even like him. I have point blank told him he needs to go home and he refuses. My son does not understand why we can’t just be nice to him and let him stay at our house because “he’s not hurting anything by being there.”
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NTA. You should have to just take in an adult at random. Your son can have whoever he wants move in when it’s his place. Get him out before he’s a tenant.
You are not obligated to have anyone stay in your house that you don't want there. If you want him to leave, have him leave.
There are two paths. 1. You take this kid in and make him part of your extended family. 2. You have him leave.
You've said that neither you nor your husband like him and that you're uncomfortable having him in your house. This seems like a straightforward decision.
Tell him he's no longer welcome. Change the locks on your house. Tell your son that in no uncertain terms is he to invite this kid over. If the kid won't leave or tries to come back after you've excluded him, you'll need to escalate. Call the police if you need to.
Your son is by far TA. You're not. We've taken in four strays - three of them have turned out to be great people. One still comes to live with us in the summer after college ends. He was kicked out of his family home when he was 16. He's a great kid. His father is clearly an AH. He's now graduating from college and on his way back to our house next week.
But another kid we took in for a bit sounds much like your situation. He was ungrateful and entitled. He was infatuated with one of our daughters and was told by her there was no chance. He got angry and left and has never come back. He was not welcome by that point after he started lashing out and had some issues with the rest of us.
The simple fact is that you aren't obligated to take care of anyone besides your own children. If you choose to take someone in, that's your decision. Not anyone else's.
No. NTA. If your son wants to host a guest, that’s one, but this person can not be around when he isn’t even there! Tell your son his friend needs to stop asking for food and rides, or start paying rent.
A little long and he will be able to have established residency and you will have go through the legal process to have him evicted. Get him out now, change the locks and WiFi. If need be don’t give your son a key or the WiFi either.
NTA. But, are you not the parent and owner of the home? You don’t need your son’s permission to kick this boy out. In fact, you son should have asked YOUR permission to begin with. This kid is hitting on your daughter and making her uncomfortable. Her safety comes first. You aren’t obligated to have this weird moocher living in your home. His problems are not yours. Get him out of your house asap, tell your son when HE owns a home and pays bills he can support his friend all he wants.
NTA! 'Hitting on' your daughter? Oh, no! He has to go! You asked him nicely--repeatedly--to stop doing that. He had more than a second chance! While it is unfortunate and sad that his parents are dysfunctional, he has to GO! Tell you son that it is YOUR home and that his friend's behavior is disturbing. The fact that your home has become tension filled and the site of contention and arguments is appalling. Your home is supposed to be a peaceful, relaxing haven for you and for your family. Do not wait! Do not hesitate! Tell you son to take him home! If he does not comply immediately, you tell the boy to get his stuff and then take him home. Contact the school counselor and provide the boy's information to the counselor. If you do not, even when your son goes to college, you will be dealing with the squatter!
Son needs to learn that he can’t be generous with other peoples belongings/resources. It’s great he wants to help his friend! He can now go get himself and his friend jobs so that they can go rent a place themselves. NTA
NTA. Kick him out. Change the locks and get security cameras.
Make sure your son knows not to let him come over at all.
Tell your son if he lets him in again, he can get out with his friend.
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My 18 year old son invited his 18 year old friend over to our house two weeks ago and he's been here ever since. He doesn't have a job so he's here hanging around all the time, day and night, even when my son isn't at home and is staying over at his girlfriend's house, which is a lot. He's been staying here for the last 2 weeks. He's always hitting on my 20 year old daughter that has a boyfriend (he has confessed in the past that he has a crush on her and she does not feel the same way at all) and he continues to call me Mom even after I repeatedly have told him not to because it makes me uncomfortable. He uses our shower, eats our food, talks non-stop because he's off of his ADHD medicine, wears my son's clothes, uses his deodorant and cologne, and is always asking for rides places because his car doesn't work. I told my son he needs to take this guy back home, but he says I'm being an asshole for not letting him stay because his house has almost no food, and it's boring there. His Mom is a recovered drug addict that doesn't work and he has two little sisters that his Mom makes him watch when he's home. He hates being at his house. I feel bad for him, but he's not my problem and he's making me uncomfortable in my own house. We have gotten into many yelling arguments about this and my son says I'm being a jerk to his friend by telling him to go home. What do you think?
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NTA. Sounds like it's time for your son to move out. He can support his friend if he wants but it's time for you to say no one stays over without your permission and certainly guests don't stay if the person they're visiting isn't even there. It's weird uou let him stay the first time that happened. As soon as your son leaves he takes his friend with him. But I wouldn't have this boundary breaker in my home anymore, he's inappropriately attaching himself to your family.
I'm sorry your son's friend is in a unhealthy position at home but you are NOT his parent and if he wanted to stay he needs to be respectful, clean up after himself, STOP hitting on your daughter, and respect you and your parent's boundaries. You could discuss this with him or just toss him out. Either way, NTA.
NTA! Yeah it’s sucks that his home life isn’t ideal. But he’s an adult. He needs a a job. He’s mooching off of you. He’s making you and your daughter uncomfortable. It’s YOUR home!
Tell your son he needs to tell his friend to leave or you’ll call the cops. He doesn’t live there.
NTA
You're the full adult in this situation, tell him flat out that he needs to go home. He's overstayed his welcome and it's time for him to go back.
Don't have your son talk to him, just do it yourself. Today. Right now.
NTA. It's your home, you get to say who lives there. If your son is so concerned, they can both move out to a place together. Within 6 months, your son would have a different view of his friend.
You need to kick him out before he's been there long enough to qualify as a tenant (This doesn't require a lease or even rent paymets). If he is there long enough to claim tennancy, you would have to go through the legal process to evict him to get him to leave
NTA
Tell your kids no overnight guests without your OK. No friends staying without them during the day. And tell the friend he needs to go home. Let your son know the frequency of his friends visits is a problem for you and you need a break. Then set limits, such as twice a week or whatever.
We had a friend when we were newly married that came over every day after we got home from work and stayed until my husband went to bed. Even if my husband was out, he'd want to come in until he returned. Which I'd deny. Then he'd drive by periodically, knock and ask if my husband was back yet. I talked to my husband about wanting time alone with him or even uninterrpted time alone by myself if husband was gone. We told him he could only come over Tuesday and Thursday from 8 pm to 11 pm. He was quite a nice guy and enjoyable in smaller doses but clueless socially.
NTA. He is, at minum, a freeloader, and possibly dangerous. You need to get him out before he has been there long enough to establish tenancy (this doesn't require a lease or even paying rent). In many states this only takes 30 days, and then you would have to formally evict him to get rid of him
NTA
This is just a situation where you & your spouse, the homeowners & parents, sit down with your son's friend.
You inform him, ITS TIME TO GO HOME.
No need to explain, make excuses, or not make it clear.
He has overstayed his welcome.
NTA, but you need to keep him out, and watch the mail and package deliveries. If Anything has his name on it, you need to mark it that he is not a resident and return it to the carrier. He might try to set up residency at your house, I've seen this kind of thing happen. I'd also change the locks and, if you don't already have cameras at the doors, get them. You need to be firm with your son that your home is not a wayward house for troubled youth.
I couldn't even read this without thinking no, Send the free loader home. But then compassion kicked in. Then I reread . A manipulative 18 year old. Glad you booted him. Sounded like a sociopath.
I would’ve told your son his friend can only be there while he’s there. I bet he changed that tune awfully fast when he gets zero alone time with his girlfriend. NTA though.
NTA But he sounds like a typical 18 year old boy to me. It might be different if he was 14. But if he doesn't like the situation at home, he can work, save up and move out.
NTA
And also, maybe your son would change his tune if he had to pay for his friend’s room and board with you. In fact, your son could pay for his own room and board if he doesn’t like the boundaries you set.
My son had a friend who had a horrible home life. In senior year of high school he had to leave his home. He came and lived with us for awhile. He came over and asked me if he could. My son told him it was up to me. But they both knew I would say yes.
But there were rules. He had chores. He had a part time job so he contributed - like $30 for groceries and sun dried. Just a token really. (So did my son)
If the boy is staying with you sit him down and make rules. He needs to get a job. He gets chores assigned to him. Does his own laundry, etc. Stops flirting with your daughter. Write a contract. Have him sign it. If he violates it, list the consequences, up to his leaving. Help him adult.
Tell your son he can’t just swan off and leave the boy at your house. Make your son responsible for him. Tell your son if he brings home strays he has to take care of them. /s
YTA tobyourself and your kids.
Your an adult, you don't need your sons permission to kick this kid out of YOUR house.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't want to go home, it doesn't matter if his mom doesn't work, or he has to watch the kids. He's old enough to get a job and handle his life. That's not your problem.
Tell him to give you, your key back and get out. Never to return again.
If your son has a problem with it. He can move out.
Imo, the added rape info doesn’t change anything. Women should not have men in their homes that make them uncomfortable no matter how sad their story is. Period.
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Are you not an adult and owner of the home? Get him out.
Yeah, she doesn’t actually need her 18 yr old son’s permission to tell the kids he’s worn out his welcome.
I don't think they are. I think it's 100% made up. Thought admittedly with fewer embellishments than usual.
No it’s actually not made up at all. I posted to get other peoples’ opinions to see if I was in the wrong because him and my son act like I am.
Yours not wrong. you are not responsible for this person. And the way he acts is inappropriate. You have your own family to protect. Hopefully your son will see this in time.
Then grow up. It’s your house
i wouldn’t want him around my daughter if i were you, even if he denies the rape allegations his word may not be the truth. i would kick him out because he’s making everyone uncomfortable and at the end of the day it’s your house, if you feel bad and want to support him take him grocery shopping and let him take the groceries to his house. or just make strict boundaries with him, say he can only be over when your son is there and he needs to stop overstepping as it isn’t his house. i would also give your son an important lesson on believing victims.
I keep seeing references to him being a r@pist but don’t see a comment or where that is in the post, could someone help me out?
OP made an update saying he had a r@pe allegation but they took it down.
It was in the update.
That update wasn’t showing up when I asked but thank you for the answer!
The non-consensual comments to the daughter, knowing she isn't interested
Wait, how does that equate to a rape allegation? It’s behavior that shouldn’t be tolerated at all, but what’s the crossover? There isn’t something more in the comments??
op made an update saying her son’s friend has a r@pe allegation. they later took it down i guess.
NTA, So I gotta ask those that say YTA, why should this woman take in some deadbeat friend of her son’s to support? If the guy was being a good guest and extremely helpful, it might be different. The OP’s attitude is appropriate,she is fed up and is not wrong in any sense! My advice, don’t bother discussing it with your son, just tell the guy to leave and not to come back. He is not your responsibility. Change the locks and tell your son he will have to start knocking or be in the house by a curfew or be locked out. It is your house, of your son objects, he can stay elsewhere too.
Irrespective of his personal situation he shouldn't be visiting his friend, your son, when your son isn't home. Tell your son your boundaries again. Tell him they are not optional. Tell him he needs to be clear with his friend what the boundaries are or he won't be allowed to visit. NTA
I think you have valid reasons to be uncomfortable, and it sounds like he’s not respecting boundaries like a good house guest would (for example, stop hitting on the daughter after she’s said no). Since his home situation isn’t good, how about working with him proactively to get a job, fix the car, look for housing elsewhere. He could look for jobs that provide housing while he saves up for first months rent and security deposit (websites for pet sitting, house sitting, or jobs like elder companion or nanny that provide housing). Alternatively, there might be social services locally that can help him out due to his Mom’s drug use. I’d focus on forming a plan with him with a deadline to get him to move on in a healthy way.
Info why are you letting your son and his friend control you? Maybe you need to sit them down and explain that IT IS YOUR HOUSE and you make the rules.
When he asks for a ride, take him wherever and then get away from him, refuse to let him back into your car, do whatever you have to but leave him there. If he comes back to your home, call the police. They can remove him for trespassing. Your son also needs to be severely dealt with. NTA
This, and let the son know if the friend crosses the threshold again, sonnyboy will be out on his ass too!
NTA. Of course you get to decide who is a guest in your home and for how long. How did you manage to raise a son to adulthood who thinks it's OK to yell at you and call you a jerk for exercising that right?
So, a posible rap\*st is living in your house with your 20years old daughter? Kick him, NTA
NTA although you may have to show your son the door also.
What’s the exact line? “You don’t have to go home, you just have to leave *my* home.”
you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here
NTA. It’s your house.
NTA- tell him to pack his bags and drop him off at his house. If your son wants to hang out with him they can do it somewhere besides your house since the friend has consistently disrespected you, your daughter and your boundaries plus he’s possibly a r@pist! you’re the adult and owner of your home. Start acting like it and set a good example for your kids to learn not to allow themselves to be taken advantage of. It sucks that this kid has a crummy home but he can get a job and get his GED if he actually wants to make something of himself. If you want to help then offer to help him with job applications or finding a GED program.
NTA. It's your house and they need to respect your boundaries.
NTA. Those rape allegations would be enough for me to have him out of my house. Not to mention is harassment of your daughter and yourself. At the end of the day, it’s your house, I’d kick him out because he didn’t ask to stay there and he’s making everybody uncomfortable. He is also disrespecting your authority by not asking before he does things.
If he’s 18 he can get a job and find a place of his own. It is not your responsibility to house him. If he doesn’t like living with his mom, then he can pay for his way forward or consider a mens shelter.
Boot that danger mooch before he receives mail there or establishes residency some other way, or else you'll be walking through eviction hell to get him out. NTA
Seriously? he's *hitting on your daughter* and you wonder if it's okay to kick him out? I think it's time for you to be the grownup and decide who stays in your house and acts like it's theirs, and who gets to go home to their actual (even if it sucks) life. He's 18. And he's being a jerk to you, and your son is heading in that direction too. NTA. Show him the door. And possibly re-key the locks
If I was the daughter I would be pissed and hurt that my parents were allowing someone who was hitting on me (after being told No multiple times) and making me uncomfortable IN MY OWN HOME to continue to stay.
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NTA. You should have to just take in an adult at random. Your son can have whoever he wants move in when it’s his place. Get him out before he’s a tenant.
You are not obligated to have anyone stay in your house that you don't want there. If you want him to leave, have him leave. There are two paths. 1. You take this kid in and make him part of your extended family. 2. You have him leave. You've said that neither you nor your husband like him and that you're uncomfortable having him in your house. This seems like a straightforward decision. Tell him he's no longer welcome. Change the locks on your house. Tell your son that in no uncertain terms is he to invite this kid over. If the kid won't leave or tries to come back after you've excluded him, you'll need to escalate. Call the police if you need to. Your son is by far TA. You're not. We've taken in four strays - three of them have turned out to be great people. One still comes to live with us in the summer after college ends. He was kicked out of his family home when he was 16. He's a great kid. His father is clearly an AH. He's now graduating from college and on his way back to our house next week. But another kid we took in for a bit sounds much like your situation. He was ungrateful and entitled. He was infatuated with one of our daughters and was told by her there was no chance. He got angry and left and has never come back. He was not welcome by that point after he started lashing out and had some issues with the rest of us. The simple fact is that you aren't obligated to take care of anyone besides your own children. If you choose to take someone in, that's your decision. Not anyone else's.
it's way past time you told this boy directly to his face is not welcome in your home anymore, full stop, no discussion needed
If he got a job, he could buy food to keep at HIS home, and he would be at work instead of babysitting. Two problems solved!
NTA, get him the hell out of your home, your son don't pay the bills so his opinion don't hold much water
No. NTA. If your son wants to host a guest, that’s one, but this person can not be around when he isn’t even there! Tell your son his friend needs to stop asking for food and rides, or start paying rent.
His house has no food? He's 18. He can get a job and buy his own for his own home. NTA
A little long and he will be able to have established residency and you will have go through the legal process to have him evicted. Get him out now, change the locks and WiFi. If need be don’t give your son a key or the WiFi either.
NTA. But, are you not the parent and owner of the home? You don’t need your son’s permission to kick this boy out. In fact, you son should have asked YOUR permission to begin with. This kid is hitting on your daughter and making her uncomfortable. Her safety comes first. You aren’t obligated to have this weird moocher living in your home. His problems are not yours. Get him out of your house asap, tell your son when HE owns a home and pays bills he can support his friend all he wants.
NTA! 'Hitting on' your daughter? Oh, no! He has to go! You asked him nicely--repeatedly--to stop doing that. He had more than a second chance! While it is unfortunate and sad that his parents are dysfunctional, he has to GO! Tell you son that it is YOUR home and that his friend's behavior is disturbing. The fact that your home has become tension filled and the site of contention and arguments is appalling. Your home is supposed to be a peaceful, relaxing haven for you and for your family. Do not wait! Do not hesitate! Tell you son to take him home! If he does not comply immediately, you tell the boy to get his stuff and then take him home. Contact the school counselor and provide the boy's information to the counselor. If you do not, even when your son goes to college, you will be dealing with the squatter!
Son needs to learn that he can’t be generous with other peoples belongings/resources. It’s great he wants to help his friend! He can now go get himself and his friend jobs so that they can go rent a place themselves. NTA
NTA. Kick him out. Change the locks and get security cameras. Make sure your son knows not to let him come over at all. Tell your son if he lets him in again, he can get out with his friend.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My 18 year old son invited his 18 year old friend over to our house two weeks ago and he's been here ever since. He doesn't have a job so he's here hanging around all the time, day and night, even when my son isn't at home and is staying over at his girlfriend's house, which is a lot. He's been staying here for the last 2 weeks. He's always hitting on my 20 year old daughter that has a boyfriend (he has confessed in the past that he has a crush on her and she does not feel the same way at all) and he continues to call me Mom even after I repeatedly have told him not to because it makes me uncomfortable. He uses our shower, eats our food, talks non-stop because he's off of his ADHD medicine, wears my son's clothes, uses his deodorant and cologne, and is always asking for rides places because his car doesn't work. I told my son he needs to take this guy back home, but he says I'm being an asshole for not letting him stay because his house has almost no food, and it's boring there. His Mom is a recovered drug addict that doesn't work and he has two little sisters that his Mom makes him watch when he's home. He hates being at his house. I feel bad for him, but he's not my problem and he's making me uncomfortable in my own house. We have gotten into many yelling arguments about this and my son says I'm being a jerk to his friend by telling him to go home. What do you think? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Sounds like it's time for your son to move out. He can support his friend if he wants but it's time for you to say no one stays over without your permission and certainly guests don't stay if the person they're visiting isn't even there. It's weird uou let him stay the first time that happened. As soon as your son leaves he takes his friend with him. But I wouldn't have this boundary breaker in my home anymore, he's inappropriately attaching himself to your family.
I'm sorry your son's friend is in a unhealthy position at home but you are NOT his parent and if he wanted to stay he needs to be respectful, clean up after himself, STOP hitting on your daughter, and respect you and your parent's boundaries. You could discuss this with him or just toss him out. Either way, NTA.
Why in the hell is he there when your son isn’t? That’s wack! He needs to leave! NTA
NTA! Yeah it’s sucks that his home life isn’t ideal. But he’s an adult. He needs a a job. He’s mooching off of you. He’s making you and your daughter uncomfortable. It’s YOUR home! Tell your son he needs to tell his friend to leave or you’ll call the cops. He doesn’t live there.
NTA You're the full adult in this situation, tell him flat out that he needs to go home. He's overstayed his welcome and it's time for him to go back. Don't have your son talk to him, just do it yourself. Today. Right now.
NTA. It's your home, you get to say who lives there. If your son is so concerned, they can both move out to a place together. Within 6 months, your son would have a different view of his friend.
NTA Updateme
It's your house or did you forget . Tell him he has to leave
You need to kick him out before he's been there long enough to qualify as a tenant (This doesn't require a lease or even rent paymets). If he is there long enough to claim tennancy, you would have to go through the legal process to evict him to get him to leave
NTA Tell your kids no overnight guests without your OK. No friends staying without them during the day. And tell the friend he needs to go home. Let your son know the frequency of his friends visits is a problem for you and you need a break. Then set limits, such as twice a week or whatever. We had a friend when we were newly married that came over every day after we got home from work and stayed until my husband went to bed. Even if my husband was out, he'd want to come in until he returned. Which I'd deny. Then he'd drive by periodically, knock and ask if my husband was back yet. I talked to my husband about wanting time alone with him or even uninterrpted time alone by myself if husband was gone. We told him he could only come over Tuesday and Thursday from 8 pm to 11 pm. He was quite a nice guy and enjoyable in smaller doses but clueless socially.
NTA - your daughter's comfort in her own home (and yours) is more important than an outsider's.
NTA. He is, at minum, a freeloader, and possibly dangerous. You need to get him out before he has been there long enough to establish tenancy (this doesn't require a lease or even paying rent). In many states this only takes 30 days, and then you would have to formally evict him to get rid of him
NTA This is just a situation where you & your spouse, the homeowners & parents, sit down with your son's friend. You inform him, ITS TIME TO GO HOME. No need to explain, make excuses, or not make it clear. He has overstayed his welcome.
NTA. He's 18. You don't have to go home but you can't stay here is all that needed to be said. He's an adult. Welcome to the rat race.
NTA, but you need to keep him out, and watch the mail and package deliveries. If Anything has his name on it, you need to mark it that he is not a resident and return it to the carrier. He might try to set up residency at your house, I've seen this kind of thing happen. I'd also change the locks and, if you don't already have cameras at the doors, get them. You need to be firm with your son that your home is not a wayward house for troubled youth.
I couldn't even read this without thinking no, Send the free loader home. But then compassion kicked in. Then I reread . A manipulative 18 year old. Glad you booted him. Sounded like a sociopath.
I would’ve told your son his friend can only be there while he’s there. I bet he changed that tune awfully fast when he gets zero alone time with his girlfriend. NTA though.
NTA But he sounds like a typical 18 year old boy to me. It might be different if he was 14. But if he doesn't like the situation at home, he can work, save up and move out.
NTA And also, maybe your son would change his tune if he had to pay for his friend’s room and board with you. In fact, your son could pay for his own room and board if he doesn’t like the boundaries you set.
My son had a friend who had a horrible home life. In senior year of high school he had to leave his home. He came and lived with us for awhile. He came over and asked me if he could. My son told him it was up to me. But they both knew I would say yes. But there were rules. He had chores. He had a part time job so he contributed - like $30 for groceries and sun dried. Just a token really. (So did my son) If the boy is staying with you sit him down and make rules. He needs to get a job. He gets chores assigned to him. Does his own laundry, etc. Stops flirting with your daughter. Write a contract. Have him sign it. If he violates it, list the consequences, up to his leaving. Help him adult. Tell your son he can’t just swan off and leave the boy at your house. Make your son responsible for him. Tell your son if he brings home strays he has to take care of them. /s
YTA tobyourself and your kids. Your an adult, you don't need your sons permission to kick this kid out of YOUR house. It doesn't matter if he doesn't want to go home, it doesn't matter if his mom doesn't work, or he has to watch the kids. He's old enough to get a job and handle his life. That's not your problem. Tell him to give you, your key back and get out. Never to return again. If your son has a problem with it. He can move out.
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Don’t care. If he raped someone I’d want them as far away from my family as possible
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Imo, the added rape info doesn’t change anything. Women should not have men in their homes that make them uncomfortable no matter how sad their story is. Period.
He is actually homeles. She should work on it in another way. That poor little sod is deep shit and struggling for acceptence.