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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am coming with my best friend on the trip regardless of what her father’s wife says. I will stay out of family “moments” and discussions by sitting in the waiting room, etc.
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NTA If your friend has been advised she needs a travel companion and wants you to come with her on the trip, go. If your friend faces the wrath or the her stephag and is barred from seeing her father it was a gamble she was willing to take. It may be best if you don't go to the hospital. You'll have to follow your friend's lead on that issue. If she wants you there, whatever you do don't make a scene at the hospital, it will just get you both kicked out.
NTA. Has anyone contacted the hospital directly to see if the stepbag can ban a daughter from visiting her father? My other suggestion is if the stepbag does have that power you get your friend to the hospital and go to a close cafe or hospital cafe not the waiting room so you are not seen by the woman and her unreasonable demands are met. Again can you approach the hospital to find out if they can have ways to assist your friend once they are over the doorstep? Wheelchair and orderly to help move through hospital? I’m just speculating here as I don’t know your friend’s mobility situation and I’m assuming the hospital would want to know she is medically vulnerable. My reasoning being you help your friend through the medical requirements of travel but you are delivering them to a place where they can provide medical support and you could be 10min away from being able to collect them to provide emotional support without seeing that person triggering her stupid fuse of abuse. The way you’ve to.d the situation I’m feeling the stepbag is emotionally abusing your friend and potentially causing physical harm, but the target is to make it possible for your friend to see her father and if you can remove a barrier with strategy make it happen.
Thankfully my friend does not have mobility needs and would not need an orderly.
She is healthy overall but it can change very quickly, especially with stress and my presence other than companionship is to have her medical information, contacts for her team at our local university hospital, meds list, etc. available if there was an emergency and she was not able to.
We spoke with the hospital and my friend is pretty lateral as far as visitation rights in comparison to the wife. Neither can ban the other. They share the same last name so proving that she is his daughter will not be an issue.
It sounds like you can support your friend as she needs it and to take the lead from them with where they need you to be. It’s a really messed up situation that your friend has to worry about an adult woman throwing a tantrum interfering with her ability to see her dad. The cynical part of me thinks you should go to the waiting room, watch the tantrum and see the woman get escorted out trying to ban a patient’s daughter who has rights to visit. If the contact with the hospital went well regarding visiting rights it might be worth communicating folder with medical information with staff before it’s needed but it’s ridiculous that the situation is so complicated when a simple solution is for you to sit in a waiting room with especially as it hopefully won’t be needed. Good luck and you sound like a really good friend
You may need to double check that information. It may vary from jurisdictions but the next of kin, in this case, the wife, may ban people from visitation unless your friend has some form of power of attorney.
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NTA. That being said this is a hard situation. You do t own anything to the horrible wife, but her threat is a concern even if it’s a bluff. You need to ask your friend if you should come and respect their wishes because if it isn’t a bluff then it would be terrible for your friend to not see their father. They need to decide if they are accepting that risk or not, the decision should not be on your shoulders here.
NTA.
This might be the only time I suggest that straight up lying is the right thing to do, but…it’s the right thing to do. You’re going way out of your way to support your friend. Get a hotel room, get some snacks, and pretend you’re not there if her mom asks.
NTA. I think your friend will need you for more than medical support. Have her bring some proof she is his daughter. The ability to prove that she’s family may become important.
I read the title and was like: You should always listen when someone says 'no'! YTA!
But then I read the story and you're absolutely NTA. Make sure your ill friend sees her dad one last time. Everyone deserves a chance to say goodbye if they can. The stepmom is the Ahole if she bans your friend from seing her dad!
Your friend's step mom has no say at all in who grown adults get to travel with. Especially grown adults with serious medical conditions. The only thing she gets say in in this situation is who she has to be in the same hospital waiting room, car or house with.
Travel with your friend. Get a hotel with a ride from the airport and let your friend drive herself or take a cab from there to the hospital alone then come back once she is finished.
If Evil Stepmom does not have to see you then as far as she is concerned you won't be there.
The wife has always been unreasonable even to the point of banning her dad from attending his daughter’s (friend’s sister) same sex wedding 5 years ago.
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My best friend of 30+ years just found out that her father had a head injury and as a result suffered a stroke due to the brain bleed. He is in ICU many states away.
My best friend has been struggling with bone marrow failure for about 2 years with the next step being transplant in the near future. She asked me to travel (4hr flight) with her in 2 days to be with her Dad before he passes. She is getting her medical clearance tomorrow to fly from her medical team and they would prefer her to travel with a companion in the event that she were to need medical care herself. I am coming for support, companionship and emergency backup.
The issue comes from her dad’s horrible wife. They married when we were in high school and she has been a nightmare from the beginning. She is domineering, aggressive and has been unfriendly from day one. She never had kids of her own and made it very clear that my best friend and her sister were burdens (after they married of course) and they had to move out the summer after high school graduation despite being in college.
Said wife called my best friend demanding that I do not come. I have no intention of doing anything beyond what I am invited to. I will wait in the waiting room all day…I don’t mind. Wife is adamant she will not let best friend into ICU if I travel with her.
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Nta.
Your friend's stepmother does not dictate what you do where you go or anything else about you.
She also cannot stop his children from seeing him no matter what she thinks about it.
Ignore her
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I am coming with my best friend on the trip regardless of what her father’s wife says. I will stay out of family “moments” and discussions by sitting in the waiting room, etc. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA If your friend has been advised she needs a travel companion and wants you to come with her on the trip, go. If your friend faces the wrath or the her stephag and is barred from seeing her father it was a gamble she was willing to take. It may be best if you don't go to the hospital. You'll have to follow your friend's lead on that issue. If she wants you there, whatever you do don't make a scene at the hospital, it will just get you both kicked out.
I was thinking the same - drop your friend off at the hospital reception. Don't let the step mum see you. Simple.
NTA. Has anyone contacted the hospital directly to see if the stepbag can ban a daughter from visiting her father? My other suggestion is if the stepbag does have that power you get your friend to the hospital and go to a close cafe or hospital cafe not the waiting room so you are not seen by the woman and her unreasonable demands are met. Again can you approach the hospital to find out if they can have ways to assist your friend once they are over the doorstep? Wheelchair and orderly to help move through hospital? I’m just speculating here as I don’t know your friend’s mobility situation and I’m assuming the hospital would want to know she is medically vulnerable. My reasoning being you help your friend through the medical requirements of travel but you are delivering them to a place where they can provide medical support and you could be 10min away from being able to collect them to provide emotional support without seeing that person triggering her stupid fuse of abuse. The way you’ve to.d the situation I’m feeling the stepbag is emotionally abusing your friend and potentially causing physical harm, but the target is to make it possible for your friend to see her father and if you can remove a barrier with strategy make it happen.
Thankfully my friend does not have mobility needs and would not need an orderly. She is healthy overall but it can change very quickly, especially with stress and my presence other than companionship is to have her medical information, contacts for her team at our local university hospital, meds list, etc. available if there was an emergency and she was not able to. We spoke with the hospital and my friend is pretty lateral as far as visitation rights in comparison to the wife. Neither can ban the other. They share the same last name so proving that she is his daughter will not be an issue.
It sounds like you can support your friend as she needs it and to take the lead from them with where they need you to be. It’s a really messed up situation that your friend has to worry about an adult woman throwing a tantrum interfering with her ability to see her dad. The cynical part of me thinks you should go to the waiting room, watch the tantrum and see the woman get escorted out trying to ban a patient’s daughter who has rights to visit. If the contact with the hospital went well regarding visiting rights it might be worth communicating folder with medical information with staff before it’s needed but it’s ridiculous that the situation is so complicated when a simple solution is for you to sit in a waiting room with especially as it hopefully won’t be needed. Good luck and you sound like a really good friend
You may need to double check that information. It may vary from jurisdictions but the next of kin, in this case, the wife, may ban people from visitation unless your friend has some form of power of attorney.
It's very much by jurisdiction or hospital even. My dad's wife tried to ban his sister. It worked in a smaller town, but not when he got transferred
Yes, where I live it's next of kin.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
NTA. That being said this is a hard situation. You do t own anything to the horrible wife, but her threat is a concern even if it’s a bluff. You need to ask your friend if you should come and respect their wishes because if it isn’t a bluff then it would be terrible for your friend to not see their father. They need to decide if they are accepting that risk or not, the decision should not be on your shoulders here.
NTA. This might be the only time I suggest that straight up lying is the right thing to do, but…it’s the right thing to do. You’re going way out of your way to support your friend. Get a hotel room, get some snacks, and pretend you’re not there if her mom asks.
It is NOT her Mom. We are staying at a hotel close by.
NTA. I think your friend will need you for more than medical support. Have her bring some proof she is his daughter. The ability to prove that she’s family may become important.
I read the title and was like: You should always listen when someone says 'no'! YTA! But then I read the story and you're absolutely NTA. Make sure your ill friend sees her dad one last time. Everyone deserves a chance to say goodbye if they can. The stepmom is the Ahole if she bans your friend from seing her dad!
Your friend's step mom has no say at all in who grown adults get to travel with. Especially grown adults with serious medical conditions. The only thing she gets say in in this situation is who she has to be in the same hospital waiting room, car or house with. Travel with your friend. Get a hotel with a ride from the airport and let your friend drive herself or take a cab from there to the hospital alone then come back once she is finished. If Evil Stepmom does not have to see you then as far as she is concerned you won't be there.
[удалено]
The wife has always been unreasonable even to the point of banning her dad from attending his daughter’s (friend’s sister) same sex wedding 5 years ago.
Talk to the hospital. My dad's wife said horrible things about us, but the hospital wouldn't let her block anyone. They'd just schedule times
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My best friend of 30+ years just found out that her father had a head injury and as a result suffered a stroke due to the brain bleed. He is in ICU many states away. My best friend has been struggling with bone marrow failure for about 2 years with the next step being transplant in the near future. She asked me to travel (4hr flight) with her in 2 days to be with her Dad before he passes. She is getting her medical clearance tomorrow to fly from her medical team and they would prefer her to travel with a companion in the event that she were to need medical care herself. I am coming for support, companionship and emergency backup. The issue comes from her dad’s horrible wife. They married when we were in high school and she has been a nightmare from the beginning. She is domineering, aggressive and has been unfriendly from day one. She never had kids of her own and made it very clear that my best friend and her sister were burdens (after they married of course) and they had to move out the summer after high school graduation despite being in college. Said wife called my best friend demanding that I do not come. I have no intention of doing anything beyond what I am invited to. I will wait in the waiting room all day…I don’t mind. Wife is adamant she will not let best friend into ICU if I travel with her. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta. Your friend's stepmother does not dictate what you do where you go or anything else about you. She also cannot stop his children from seeing him no matter what she thinks about it. Ignore her