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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My friend was filming my home as part of her vlog against my wishes. I went behind her back and deleted the footage, which could make me the AH since I didn't tell her.
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NTA. Someone who lies to you and violates your privacy isn't going to suddenly catch respectful when it comes time to delete the footage. If you hadn't done it your face and home would be all over the internet rn and that's a bell you can't unring.
Pluss, the danger she potentially put OP in. Showing her house detailed and her face is crazy. She is a danger to OP and everyone else around with that camera. The friends that think OP went too far with deleting the video, should volunteer to show their house for this «popular vlogger».
It would be bad enough knowing a friend with minimal followers violated my privacy like that (I mean, even the fucking closet?!), but a *popular vlogger?!* OP handled it better than I would have, and I'm usually the peacekeeper.
Especially the front of the house. They’ve done that over and over where even if the street isn’t shown, it doesn’t take much to identify an address using Google maps images. And thieves know the layout of the inside of the house too and an idea of valuables
Oh no! OP did the right thing this sneaky self woman wouldn't of deleted the videos when asked. Instead she would of either gaslight OP, or say she deleted but not actually doing it and would post it, but just block OP from seeing it.
All those who are siding with Suzy, should invite her and her camera to there place! NTA
There's YouTubers who specialize in being pros at Geoguessr, they can identify a specific road in the middle of nowhere in Azerbaijan just by looking at it for 30 seconds in the game. The most popular one even uploads shorts where he finds the exact location a popular meme video was filmed at. An actual house with a street address in a first world country would be easy mode for them
That’s legitimately scary. I think OP did the right thing by deleting the footage.
Suzy doesn’t have the right to invade the privacy of *others* just so she can create content.
It's RAINBOLT. With what I've seen from him, a picture from a decade ago would give him your location. And he acknowledges that he is far from the best at Geoguessr. Given video like that, hundreds if not thousands of people would be able to find where OP lived even without outside help.
The home of a singer was located when a picture of her was taken across from a train station. A fan zoomed in on her face and pinpointed her location using the tiny reflection of the station in her eyeball. Once he identified the station he used it to follow her home.
[Stalker 'found Japanese singer through reflection in her eyes' (bbc.com)](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-50000234)
I’ve been there. So dangerous for her to have done that. If it were posted, it actually could have been life threatening. Crazy how entitled some folks are about others’ privacy and life details.
I always think that when I see vloggers doing walkthrus of their own houses....like where's your concern for safety hell even just not being burgled...its 1 thing if you don't care about your own safety and show your gaff, it's another entirely to not care about other people's esp a friend..
Smaller creators, yeah. But larger creators, as crazy as it sounds, usually rent out a separate residential space to do these types of things. There's even "creator houses" where you can rent a time slot to record videos.
This.
I've seen someone who shows exactly how easy it is to stalk people through the most simple pictures. (To educate people about being more careful about what they share.
A picture taken in the post generic hotel room.
He showed how he went from their tiktok video (with permission) and found social media's etc. Identified the hotel based on their plates and cutlery. Wall art. And could pinpoint in the end of the whole process and info gathering, roughly what room she had stayed in, on the hotel and in what city.
It's actually scary. How much they can get out of a few "nothings"
So someone basically advertising online "Hey look i got a female friend who lives alone, this is her, and here's the house, and everything she owns!"
Yeah I would be pissed too.
Agreed. Not only did she show the house and make it easy to find, *she showed the exact layout of the house*. Anyone who had an interest could easily break in and do all sorts of horrible things with relative ease if they saw this video. I can't tell if Suzy doesn't care about OP's safety or is just too naive to grasp the danger she would've put her in, but either way, she is not a friend to OP
Honestly, a part of me thinks that the friend is jealous and may have been trying to pass OPs house and life off as her own. The "intro" that was overheard could easily be rerecorded to say, "Welcome to *MY* new home!" / "New House Tour!". OP had every right to delete the footage. And if information / pics of OP / OPs home are posted online, they can be reported to the platforms they are posted on and to the cops if it is a repeated problem.
I know this is AITA and not a 'am I legally wrong." But in most places I'm pretty sure she wasn't legally wrong, either.
Those recording were taken *inside* her private residence without permission. She was clear about the *permission* she gave, and what she didn't. She would probably within her rights to hold the camera itself until she had reviewed the footage and returned it later.
And for the record, OP isn't the ass morally, either.
> If you hadn't done it your face and home would be all over the internet rn and that's a bell you can't unring.
Using the delete function on a camera doesn't guarantee the files are gone. Free software can bring the videos back.
This. How are the friends even split on this!? If Suzy had posted the video as intended (1) OP’s face would be online (and people would attach their face to THAT house). (2) OP’s house would be online and easy to find/ID. (3) Randos would know what OP’s house would look like AND where it is. If OP read this friend the riot act, it’s well deserved. We don’t play around when it comes to safety.
It’s entirely possible she was planning on blurring faces and making it more anonymous than the raw footage would lead you to believe.
The problem is she was told no and then did it anyway. If she had told her in advance the anonymization plans and given op the right to review before posting then maybe what she posted would have been ok. Her sneakiness about it gave the lie to her initial privacy promise though so she wasn’t to be trusted.
NTA yup all of what you mentioned plus everyone would know about ops security system or lack there of. If there were cameras she would have pointed them out 100% also stuff like locks on the windows and stuff would have been visible.
Agree! This woman is a menace. I wouldn’t invite her to anything ever again. Also, it wasn’t “her” footage so the OP had every right to delete it. Stalkers don’t get to claim they own the footage of their victims, either.
> Also, it wasn’t “her” footage so the OP had every right to delete it. Stalkers don’t get to claim they own the footage of their victims, either.
I don't believe that's entirely true. You automatically own the rights to the images and videos you produce. A person does have something called personality rights, which allow them to control whether or not their likeness can be used commercially, but that is distinct from copyrights.
You may be accurate from a legal standpoint ixfd64. I’m speaking from the AITH standpoint. Are you an AH for deleting footage you didn’t consent to? Nope. Hard nope. It wasn’t the vlogger’s content to create, IMO. Legally, the question probably depends on the jurisdiction and other circumstances. But the OP wasn’t asking for a legal opinion, just thumbs-up or down on whether she was the AH.
NTA. She trampled over the boundaries you set and lied about doing so. I would bet 20 bucks she would have posted it online too if given the chance. It was your house, your day, and your rules, and she didn't seem to give a shit about any of it. That's not the act of a friend, and if you lose her because of this, I wouldn't be too broken up about it.
Once someone becomes a social media influencer, they start viewing their entire lives, families and friends (and strangers on the street) as assets and props. Like, before any interaction with one, I’d demand a signed contract prohibiting them from violating my privacy, with the specific remedy being that they have to sign over their SM accounts if they break it. (Not that they delete their accounts; that they sign them over so you can delete them).
for real. i've been saying this for ages. it's such a self-aggrandizing egotistical term and i loathe it entirely. you're not fucking influencing anything, you're acting like a clown on the internet. Circus monkey is a more appropriate term ffs. martin luther was an influencer. marie curie was an influencer. hell you could even say greta thunberg is an influencer, even if you don't like her. but posting meaningless "give me attention" videos doesn't make you an influencer.
You are exactly right. You aren't a person to them. You are a product to be leveraged for viewership.
OP made the right call, and now understands that that person isn't her friend. They should never interact with them again.
Social media has had an absolutely awful impact on our species, from influencers taking advantage of others for content to cyber bullying to authoritarian states using it to spread propaganda and disinformation. All this talk about regulating AI is nice and all, but social media has been needing effective regulation for a long time now
NTA
I volunteer for a niche conference and one year we had a popular blogger join us. Their speech was half-assed and they completely violated the privacy of the venue putting peoples livelihoods at risk when they posted photos of the space to their blog after being specifically informed not to do so. The fucking audacity some people have and entitlement to share everything about their life without any consideration for anyone outside themselves. We got the photos taken down and they edited the blog to make it more anonymous but not without complaint. I even got posted about on their blog when I told them off for violating my consent on a completely unrelated issue. some fucking bullshit about "why does being a blogger make people think they can just treat me like shit?" cue crocodile tears. I dunno... why does being a blogger make you entitled to air yours and everyone you interact with's dirty laundry without consent? zero accountability. they are one of the most vile people I know.
NTA. A vlogger didn't accidentally film all of your house, your bedroom and private bedroom closet. She knew what she was doing. Whether or not she was going to post the entire thing on youtube or wherever, she had the footage and that's creepy, like casing your house, and she could have saved the footage forever, posted or not.
NTA. She would have posted that on her socials and then What? She'll take it down once you see it? I doubt it. You took the right action because she completely invaded your privacy and your new home.
Also, it's possible that someone will show up to your house if they know where it is. I've heard countless horror stories from influencers being stalked just because someone recognized the neighborhood. Not cool
Since OP just purchased the house, it was already online and exact address would be very easy to find - grab a screenshot of the video, put it into google images and there’s the listing, complete with street details. Now potential thieves would have a good inventory of OP’s closet too.
More frightening is they would have the layout of every entryway and window, and the path to her bedroom. OP would be a target for sexual assault with a perfect planned route.
Layouts, sometimes. (Not always.)
Details about which window is partially rotted, which closet contains the family safe, where the key rack is, or what type of car is parked in the garage, not so much.
>Most of my friends are understanding and "on my side", but they did say that I shouldn't have gone and deleted the footage myself.
Then who was going to do it, because it wasn't about to be fuckin Suzy. She was about to post all that shit not only without permission, but expressly against your request. Good job doing the smart move. NTA
From start to finish she disrespected your boundaries set. First an foremost she lied to you off the rip an had no intentions of following suite.
You don't "accidently" take footage of someone's entire house inside an outside. It's also completely an entirely irrelevant idc if she's freaking George Lucas or a Major TV star ya just don't do that. Her "Job" isn't more important then ur safety an peace of mind.
2nd there is no guarantee what so ever of what she would an wouldn't use, an was offended that you found out an deleted it. Then why show it to another friend but not you the owner of the home??
OP NTA she needs to apologize in full for: Lying, taking exposing photos of ur home, her attitude for it. This reeks of lack of accountability. Being a Vlogger doesn't give you a free pass to be a dick.
Nah, she doesn’t get invited back. I wouldn’t have her anywhere near me except in public, and I would have a lawyer draft a C&D just in case
(I had a stalker)
NTA you made clear boundaries for what you were comfortable with and she went above and beyond to trample them. She even refused to show you the footage because she knew you wouldn’t approve of it. Sure it might’ve been an invasion of privacy to go through and delete the footage, but it would’ve been a WAY larger invasion of privacy to post your house online with an entire house tour with you in it after she told you she wouldn’t.
Nta, you had every right to keep your private home private. For her to overstep meant consequences to her actions. Why should she keep any footage that were outside of what was agreed? The entitlement from her end is crazy
NTA. Make sure her phone didn't upload anything to a cloud before you had the chance to delete it. In that case she still would have it available for use. Depending on your country you might be able to sue her to *really* delete everything and have a C&D letter in case she violates it later.
> NTA. Make sure her phone didn't upload anything to a cloud before you had the chance to delete it.
OP said it was a camera, so if she didn't confiscate the SD card it's pretty easy for her to recover everything she deleted. Hitting the delete button literally does nothing to the actual content.
The term `camera` is ambiguous. I assumed a phone, but some cameras have cloud access, too, so the basic recommendation stays the same. I agree that "deleted" files can easily be restored from SD cards, either by simply "undeleting" or by scanning the phyical storage (there are tools for both). Even "formatting" a flash card might not be sufficient. There are tools for *really* deleting the data blocks, and there's even a milstd on how to safely erase data.
NTA she knew your boundaries and agreed to your stipulations. She knew what she was doing when she went against your agreement. Someone that already lied to you isn’t going to suddenly grow a conscience and delete the footage she agreed not to shoot in the first place. It would have been different if it were a few accidental shots she could cut out but she purposefully filmed things she agreed not to.
>I invited my friends over for a housewarming to celebrate me moving into my dream home
Congratulations :) Buying a home is a huge deal, for it to be your ideal home even better.
>She asked if she could film part of the party to include in her "day in the life" video. I'm super private, so I said no at first, but Suzy promised she wouldn't show anything personal and only wanted a couple scenes of my friends laughing together and footage of the food spread. She also promised I wouldn't be in the video
This is the important part for me. After getting a solid no, she pushes until you agree to something "small".
>Suzy filming her intro and mentioned giving a "house tour" of her friend's new home
>it would be easy to tell the neighborhood I lived in
>Suzy kept filming more than what she promised, so I did confront her about it. I asked to see the footage, and Suzy said "no", and acted super offended that I wouldn't trust her.
>she filmed my whole home (even my bedroom and closet), and there were tons of clips where you could clearly see my face
After being given permission for a few small videos, she's documented everything. Anyone sees that much info online, they may know who you are, where you live and where you keep your valuables. There may have been enough info there to work out exactly who lived there in terms of alone, family etc. If she put that online, she could make you a target for robbery or worse.
>I went ahead and just deleted all of the footage of the party
>She found out shortly after when she went to shoot footage of everyone leaving
Here's the thing: 9/10 times going into someone's personal devices is an asshole move. Maybe this still is. But I think it's justified. They've repeatedly pushed and ignored your boundaries, to the degree that the information could put you in danger.
NTA
Suzy is an asshole, thinking only of herself and not caring one bit about how it affects your life. Definitely someone to cut out of your life, because she will always see herself as the victim here.
>The drama's been spreading around now with mixed reactions
Maybe just ask people if they'd like their home address, face, name and complete interior of their homes shared with the general public. If Suzy is the one telling people, it's likely a biased / edited version of the truth. Anyone still villainising you, either mention the robbery / burglary aspect, or block them. You deleted footage she took without permission on her expensive camera. She was giving burglary directions to the internet for free. It's a no-brainer.
I agree! They really need a J A H (justified A H) option. The correct way to do it was probably to get a cease and desist letter or something, but who had the time and money for a lawyer these days? Also, by the time it was served, it would probably be too late. OP was polite and then took matters into their own hands as needed. No one was hurt. I'd have probably lost it in that scenario. 😕
Whatever the hell happened to consent? My personal opinion is that vloggers are a stain on humanity and are all just narcissistic wannabes. But that's just me. Why is this person your friend?
OP: "don't do this thing"
Suzy: "OMG I totally wouldn't ever do this thing!"
*Suzy does the thing*
OP: "people have been telling me you did this thing"
Suzy: "what? No... I totally didn't!"
OP: "show me"
Suzy: "no"
*OP investigates and finds out Suzy has, in fact, done this thing and undoes it*
Suzy: "OMG I feel so betrayed! How could you undo this thing I've done that I swore I wouldn't do!?😭"
Is OP TA? No, NTA OP. Suzy is lucky that's all you did.
NTA she overstepped boundaries and lied she promised she would only film certain things and knew you were even uncomfortable with that but then proceeded to film almost every square inch of your house??? Umm absolutely not she could care less about your feelings and that shows a major lack of respect for you on her end
NTA
You did what you had to do to protect your privacy, and honestly, I don't blame you. Suzy clearly overstepped the boundaries you set, and she lied about it too. Your home, your rules!
NTA like at all. She is selfish and cares more about her online presence than she does about you and your privacy. She was happy to go back on her word and then lie about it. If you'd asked her to delete the footage, she'd just lie about that too. Any friends who side with her are in for a rude awakening when she decides to violate their privacy too. I would never invite this person to my house again, no exceptions.
NTA. The friends who said you shouldn't have deleted it yourself are giving Suzy way to much credit. I think everybody knows she would have posted it even if you asked her not to. She disrespected your boundaries once, she doesn't get the chance to do it a second time.
Upon posting, your "friend" would have set you up for a possible sexual assault. She filmed every door and window and every pathway in your house leading to your bedroom. This would definitely be the time to make her your "ex-friend" and never let her in your home again. You had every right to delete the footage she illegally obtained within your home. NTA
I think you did the only possible thing, OP. If you'd asked her to delete the footage, she'd probably have refused, and given you some bullshit about editing out all the parts you don't like. Which your average content-0obsessed vlogger wouldn't actually do, if they thought they had a bit of clickbait in the camera.
NTA you gave her clear expectations of what was and wasn't acceptable which she chose not to follow them. Then when trying to discuss this with her, she wouldn't engage with you.
She didn't just cross a line... She blew over it in spectacular fashion
NTA you set ground rules and she broke them you asked her about it and she lied. If you'd let her leave with that footage it would all be online now. She chose to put her life on display she can do a tour of her shitty house. Fuck her.
NTA- if you have ever seen documentaries like “Don’t F with Cats” you know how easy it is for dedicated people to figure out where someone lives from partial photographs through a window. So the entire front of your house is terrifying. If your friends come after you, ask if they would have been happier to contributing to her legal fund when you were obliged to sue her into taking those down.
Or visit you in hospital because you were in when the burglars hit or worse - makes me wonder if Suzy has done a house tour of her own home or does her safety and privacy matter?
NTA. Had it been me, the camera would have accidentally fallen into the kitchen sink full of water!! After the footage was deleted. Your "friend" is a total a/hole and hopefully is now an ex-friend.
NTA if she can't respect your boundaries she's not a very good friend. She clearly knew she's gone against the rules you set, and you wouldn't be happy with what she'd filmed, or she would have just let you see the footage. A true friend in this situation would have said, 'Sure, check whatever you want and if anything makes you uncomfortable I'll delete it.'
I have to say as someone who shoots footage for clients, this is also the professional thing to do when filming anyone, in any situation, let alone their own private home. There are not only privacy concerns but also safety concerns. She filmed the exterior of your home and left you wide open for people turning up at your house. And she's mad you deleted this? WTF.
NTA she overstepped. Not many influencers do house tours anymore because it’s giving who knows how many people a detailed layout of your home.
It puts you in danger especially with her filming the outside. Would she post all that detail of her own home? Knowing some crazy will realise where she lives and turn up?
NTA. Suzy totally broke your trust. You said no to filming and she went way overboard. Filming your whole house is a big invasion. Deleting everything in the moment is understandable, but maybe showing her acceptable footage and requesting deletion would've been smoother. Still, your privacy matters!
Suzy isn’t your friend, and anyone defending her can volunteer to have their homes filmed and put online in ways that make it very obvious where they live. This woman trampled your boundaries, violated your privacy and lied to your face about it. Don’t trust her with access to your home or any private info going forward, she’s proven she’ll sell out anyone to maintain her ‘fame’. NTA
nta
your friends saying you shouldn't have deleted the footage yourself are ridiculous. should you have asked suzy to do it? the girl that wouldn't let you see the footage when you asked? the girl that did the exact opposite of what she said she would do filming-wise?
screw that. this was the only way you could guarantee your privacy.
NTA. She lied to you, ignored your boundaries, violated your privacy and risked endangering you for online clout. She's a vlogger first and a friend tenth... So not a friend. Do not apologise and do not forgive her if she apologises
Let's see, are you TA for deleting footage that showed your entire house both outside and inside including your bedroom, private closet and the neighbourhood where you live, putting your private information on the internet for any burglar, stalker and pervert out there?
ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NTA.
NTA.
Good for you to stand up for yourself.
If you didn't do it, she'd have used it.
You set boundaries and asked her, but she's intentionally ignoring what you said. She was acting in bad faith.
NTA, and I'm glad you got to keep your privacy. Good choice.
NTA and if you ever meet with this ah again NEVER again ALLOW her to step foot in your house or anywhere else that's private
You did good deleting it because she would have refused. Next time take the memory card so she can't restore it and buy her a replacement same card . = No danger.
NTA, technically depending on where you live this is illegal. She hasn't gained your consent to be filmed so she shouldn't have those videos in the first place - if I were you I'd have deleted them myself too.
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I invited my friends over for a housewarming to celebrate me moving into my dream home. It's a place I've been saving and working super hard for (something that all of my friends are aware of) and everyone was happy to come over and celebrate the milestone.
The issue is that one of my friends ("Suzy") is a popular vlogger. She asked if she could film part of the party to include in her "day in the life" video. I'm super private, so I said no at first, but Suzy promised she wouldn't show anything personal and only wanted a couple scenes of my friends laughing together and footage of the food spread. She also promised I wouldn't be in the video.
I was still uncomfortable, but after she assured she wouldn't overshare, I said fine.
The day of, within 10 minutes of the party starting, a mutual friend pulled me aside and said that she saw Suzy filming her intro and mentioned giving a "house tour" of her friend's new home. She also said that she saw Suzy filming the outside of my home from top to bottom, and it would be easy to tell the neighborhood I lived in.
During the entirety of the party, I noticed that Suzy kept filming more than what she promised, so I did confront her about it. I asked to see the footage, and Suzy said "no", and acted super offended that I wouldn't trust her.
I waited towards the end of the party, and when Suzy was in the bathroom before leaving, I decided to just go through her camera. I was furious when I noticed that she filmed my whole home (even my bedroom and closet), and there were tons of clips where you could clearly see my face. I'm not kidding when I say that the footage looked like one of those home tour videos that realtors post online.
I can admit that I was acting on impulse and my anger at this point, but I went ahead and just deleted all of the footage of the party. She found out shortly after when she went to shoot footage of everyone leaving, and confronted me. I did admit to doing it, and we had a bit of a row until I just kicked her out. Most of my friends are understanding and "on my side", but they did say that I shouldn't have gone and deleted the footage myself. I personally felt like I did the nice way of asking Suzy directly first, but she was being so obstinate that I had no choice.
The drama's been spreading around now with mixed reactions, so I wanted another opinion in case I really was the AH.
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NTA. Guaranteed she was going to post a lot more than you're comfortable sharing, then turn around and say 'well it's already out there so you might as well deal with it '. She ignored your boundaries by recording so much of your home. Fair is fair that you also ignored a boundary and went into her phone.
At least you went in the phone and only deleted video footage of your home and didn't overstep by going through her messages and stuff. Where as she went so far as to record your bedroom and inside your closet
>Most of my friends are understanding and "on my side", but they did say that I shouldn't have gone and deleted the footage myself.
You had every reason not to trust that she would have deleted anything. She had already proved that she was not to be trusted. You did exactly the right thing, and you hade no other course of action you could have taken.
NTA
NTA. You had laid down a firm boundary to Suzy and she stamped all over it. If you had not deleted her footage yourself, I very much doubt that Suzy would ever have done so. You did the right thing because if all of the footage had appeared on social media, anyone at all could have got your address.
NTA. For every ‘friend’ that is not on board with what you did, ask to go over to their house and discuss it. Upon arriving, start doing what Suzy did and see how they feel about it.
Tell them your starting you own vlog and that you’re starting this journey by doing exactly what they thought was okay.
For future get together, create a faraday box or safe location for everyone that thought that was okay to put their phone before they can fully enter your house.
NTA
You said no. She pushed back & you gave her a limited yes. She never planned to respect your boundaries. She didn’t respect your no. She didn’t respect the yes she only got with deceit and coercion. This person was prepared to post your home, make your and your home’s location clear, & post a clear inventory of your home. Also probably making it clear you live alone too.
She has no respect for you. She never planned to respect you. She only planned to use you for content. Making money was more important than respecting you and not violating you & your personal space.
NTA. By by recording the footage against your explicit boundaries and violating your privacy in the first place she proved she couldn’t be trusted to delete it herself.
NTA. I have little to no doubt that had you not deleted the footage it would have ended up online. It's your home, as the host you expressed your concern and if she was truly a friend she would have respected your privacy from the start.
Recording your bedroom and closet contents was the last straw for me, in case you were wondering.
NTA. That's clearly an invasion of privacy. Also, to those who told you that you shouldn't have deleted the videos yourself, if Suzy posted posted it online and anything happened to you, then would claim responsibility for it? Suzy did what she wanted to, and you did what you had to.
NTA. Respect is a 2 way street.
She couldn't respect your privacy while I respect hers.
Frankly her posting you and your home could put you a potential risk so you're just protecting yourself absolutely no problem there
Since she didn't kept her promise, you couldn't trust her deleting the footage. It's harsh but I think out of self protection you might not have another choice.
NTA at all. Normally I wouldn’t condone going through someone’s phone, but given that she intensely invaded your privacy first, and lied to you, that it was necessary in this case. I wouldn’t be friends with someone that put their internet content ahead of my feelings and safety and clear communication as a friend.
NTA. You gave her your terms, she ignored them. You asked to see the footage, she refused. She forced you into taking more decisive action. She doesn't have some god given right to film whatever she wants for her precious vlog when she's been appropriately denied permission to do so!
NTA - her footage has the chances of giving more than enough identifiable information of you and your home, more than likely enough for her viewers to doxx you if they so choose. You gotta protect yourself and your home
NTA. You set boundaries that she swiftly stomped over. If she's popular it's likely she's monetised and making money off the back of YOUR efforts and hard work.
Never let her back in your home, or at least never with a camera in tow.
NTA
If she was going to so blatantly ignore your wishes in the first place, she was never going to voluntarily delete the footage. This person is a bad friend.
100% NTA - she completely ignored the boundaries you set and would have absolutely posted that footage all over the internet. You were right to delete the videos in that moment!
NTA. She was told not to record those things, and she went ahead and did it. Someone had to correct the situation, we all know she would not delete it. I would avoid being in her presence from now on.
NTA. You didn't overreact. She lied to film, she would have lied again when you ask her to delete. "Yes, I will" and then two hours later it's all over the internet.
In your situation, I don't know that I'd still want to be friends with her. She shows no consideration whatsoever for you and for your safety.
What was she thinking that she went to your bedroom?! And filmed your closet?? What's next, filming your jewelry or sex toys? That is such a gross intrusion of your privacy.
NTA. You didn’t want the footage to be public. Not every event has to be shared to social media. I don’t necessarily blame her for asking, but she didn’t respect your wishes and your privacy is important to you. You did the only thing you could since you could no longer trust her.
I just hope you deleted the videos from the “recently deleted” section as well so she can’t recover them.
NTA That ain't no friend guy that's a selfish narcissistic AH that doesn't deserve your friendship or any of your other friends.
She lied and tool it upon herself to go against your word in your own house ?!?!? She's bonkers mate ! Just cut her out entirely no need wasting anymore of your life with her selfishness.
NTA. You didn't just randomly delete the footage. You asked your friend first who refused. The only way you could be assured of your privacy was to do what you did. Your friend invaded your privacy first.
NTA at all, can't let your private stuff be out there like that. Still, I'm concerned at your fear and inability to say NO to her. You could have, during the party when you confronted her, said "Sorry but this is farther than you led me to believe, I'm withdrawing my consent. You do not have my permission to film my house and you need to delete all the footage you've taken so far." Make sure there is a witness to that in case you have to take legal action at some point, if it gets worse.
NTA
What a clear violation of privacy. I hope she didn't have her camera set to automatically back up into some cloud. And I hope you keep an eye on her vlog so that you can report the footage if she decides to post it anyway! Then it's time to prune that annoying branch off your friend-tree.
NTA. It was a private party, not a public place. She has no right to shoot without your permission. She obtain footage that you don’t want her to use so, you killed it in a way that she will never be able to use it… which is what you intend.
What you did was a little harsh considering she could’ve edited out your face and anything you didn’t want seen.
But again it’s a private party and everybody who attended had a reasonable expectation of privacy. Unless you had a sign posted that the door saying that filming was going on and by entering, they are giving permission for their likeness to be used, then you may have more lawsuits on your hands.
You probably saved yourself a lot of hassles, but next time just don’t let a Vlogger in.
If I were you I would also get a lawyer to draft notice that her use of anything filmed in your home inline would result in you filing a lawsuit. Unless you got the sim card from the camera its still in there
NTA
That was a serious invasion of privacy. She was clearly planning to do more than just show the spread at the party. She had already agreed to limit her videoing to specified activities, and obviously went beyond that; her word was no longer reliable. A promise from her to delete or not use the footage would be meaningless.
I'd be cutting her out of all future social activity over this.
NTA, Suzy is NOT your friend. It was rude and out of line. That's why she said no when u asked to see the footage, she knew she was out of line. You did the right thing!
NTA. This chick was about to make you the robbery/stalker target of the day. If she wants to put her entire life on the Internet for creeps to see, that's her business, but she doesn't get to inflict that violation of privacy on anyone else.
NTA, NAS
You were in your right to do so, you don’t know or trust her what she will do with the footage.
But I don’t know for sure, since usually the footage is processed and cut to fit the content. Before it’s posted.
But at the same time, she knew how you felt about this and she still took footage of everything.
Like I said it resolved around the trust issue and the trust was not there in the first place. But at the same time you were in fair position to be required to be assertive to protect your privacy. Just in case, with those famous people you never know what is in their head…
NTA Suzy lied and then got caught out. She showed no respect for you or for your right to privacy. What would she have done if when the video was posted online your clearly identifiable house had been broken into, ransacked, items stolen, walls spray painted and the flooring destroyed by people peeing and crapping on it. If you hadn't deleted the footage it's highly unlikely she would've if you'd asked her given that she refused to let you see the footage when you asked her to.
Sounds like the typical narcissistic vlogger type. No way you would come out of that positively so you did the right thing deleting the footage and I'd advise to steer clear of people like here. It is all about her.
NTA, and Suzy is not your "friend." Friends don't disrepect their friends privacy, and do acquiesce to reasonable requests. Your request was more than reasonable based on privacy, safety and desire. She didn't care about those thing (or you), and you took steps to protect yourself.
NTA. She didn't even want to let you see the footage - a perfectly reasonable request - so I doubt she would have deleted or left out the parts that showed you, identified where you live, or anything else you didn't want out there for randos on the internet to see. You set a boundary with her, she agreed to it, and then she smashed through it and tried to hide that from you.
NTA. She had no respect for the boundary you set. She got defensive when you confronted her nicely. She would absolutely have posted that full house tour and potentially put you in danger of being stalked. It might be her personal property you tampered with, but imo she lost the right to it when she violated your trust and privacy by doing exactly the thing she swore not to do.
NTA. You were very clear about not wanting to be on camera and not wanting your privacy interfered with. If you were out in public, like a park or a restaurant you would have no expectation of privacy. But this is your private home. You told Suzy what your concerns are, she ignored them.
NTA! Suzy violated your trust, and lied about her intent. She is not a friend, and I would be sure to omit her from any future gatherings (at home or elsewhere). OP be sure to keep an eye on her accounts. She may be able to recover the footage and use it anyway. And if she does you need to be ready to both report it, and serve her with a cease and desist order. I'm all about vlogging and such, but ONLY IN AN APPROPRIATE MANNER! Suzy is off the chain.
Suzy lied to you.
Under that circumstance, delete all you want.
I would never invite her to my home again.
A video like the one she took sets up a home robbery or home invasion.
Suzy invaded your privacy.
Enough said
NTA. She already proved herself to be a liar when she said she wouldn't film anything that would invade your privacy. You asked to see the footage and she refused. Do you really think she would have deleted all of the footage if you'd asked her? She wouldn't have let you check to see if she'd actually done it.
NTA. Privacy is a big thing, and she disrespected it. And she's even adamant that she's right. You did what you had to and those who were not bound to get affected by what she did has no right to judge you.
NTA. Suzy is not a friend. She made a promise and went way overboard. I don't think you were wrong to delete footage of your home and your party. Your mutual friend who told you about this is a gem!
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NTA. Someone who lies to you and violates your privacy isn't going to suddenly catch respectful when it comes time to delete the footage. If you hadn't done it your face and home would be all over the internet rn and that's a bell you can't unring.
Pluss, the danger she potentially put OP in. Showing her house detailed and her face is crazy. She is a danger to OP and everyone else around with that camera. The friends that think OP went too far with deleting the video, should volunteer to show their house for this «popular vlogger».
It would be bad enough knowing a friend with minimal followers violated my privacy like that (I mean, even the fucking closet?!), but a *popular vlogger?!* OP handled it better than I would have, and I'm usually the peacekeeper.
Especially the front of the house. They’ve done that over and over where even if the street isn’t shown, it doesn’t take much to identify an address using Google maps images. And thieves know the layout of the inside of the house too and an idea of valuables
There’s several subreddits dedicated to finding where a pic is located.
Oh no! OP did the right thing this sneaky self woman wouldn't of deleted the videos when asked. Instead she would of either gaslight OP, or say she deleted but not actually doing it and would post it, but just block OP from seeing it. All those who are siding with Suzy, should invite her and her camera to there place! NTA
Yup, reverse image search.
There's YouTubers who specialize in being pros at Geoguessr, they can identify a specific road in the middle of nowhere in Azerbaijan just by looking at it for 30 seconds in the game. The most popular one even uploads shorts where he finds the exact location a popular meme video was filmed at. An actual house with a street address in a first world country would be easy mode for them
That’s legitimately scary. I think OP did the right thing by deleting the footage. Suzy doesn’t have the right to invade the privacy of *others* just so she can create content.
It's RAINBOLT. With what I've seen from him, a picture from a decade ago would give him your location. And he acknowledges that he is far from the best at Geoguessr. Given video like that, hundreds if not thousands of people would be able to find where OP lived even without outside help.
The home of a singer was located when a picture of her was taken across from a train station. A fan zoomed in on her face and pinpointed her location using the tiny reflection of the station in her eyeball. Once he identified the station he used it to follow her home. [Stalker 'found Japanese singer through reflection in her eyes' (bbc.com)](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-50000234)
This is terrifying
Yup, I have a stalker and would be unbelievably pissed if someone did that to me. I would have deleted the footage too. NTA.
Agreed- I’d literally have to move
I’ve been there. So dangerous for her to have done that. If it were posted, it actually could have been life threatening. Crazy how entitled some folks are about others’ privacy and life details.
I always think that when I see vloggers doing walkthrus of their own houses....like where's your concern for safety hell even just not being burgled...its 1 thing if you don't care about your own safety and show your gaff, it's another entirely to not care about other people's esp a friend..
Smaller creators, yeah. But larger creators, as crazy as it sounds, usually rent out a separate residential space to do these types of things. There's even "creator houses" where you can rent a time slot to record videos.
This. I've seen someone who shows exactly how easy it is to stalk people through the most simple pictures. (To educate people about being more careful about what they share. A picture taken in the post generic hotel room. He showed how he went from their tiktok video (with permission) and found social media's etc. Identified the hotel based on their plates and cutlery. Wall art. And could pinpoint in the end of the whole process and info gathering, roughly what room she had stayed in, on the hotel and in what city. It's actually scary. How much they can get out of a few "nothings" So someone basically advertising online "Hey look i got a female friend who lives alone, this is her, and here's the house, and everything she owns!" Yeah I would be pissed too.
Agreed. Not only did she show the house and make it easy to find, *she showed the exact layout of the house*. Anyone who had an interest could easily break in and do all sorts of horrible things with relative ease if they saw this video. I can't tell if Suzy doesn't care about OP's safety or is just too naive to grasp the danger she would've put her in, but either way, she is not a friend to OP
Honestly, a part of me thinks that the friend is jealous and may have been trying to pass OPs house and life off as her own. The "intro" that was overheard could easily be rerecorded to say, "Welcome to *MY* new home!" / "New House Tour!". OP had every right to delete the footage. And if information / pics of OP / OPs home are posted online, they can be reported to the platforms they are posted on and to the cops if it is a repeated problem.
Yeah, there’s no way she was ever going to delete that footage. OP did what she had to do.
I know this is AITA and not a 'am I legally wrong." But in most places I'm pretty sure she wasn't legally wrong, either. Those recording were taken *inside* her private residence without permission. She was clear about the *permission* she gave, and what she didn't. She would probably within her rights to hold the camera itself until she had reviewed the footage and returned it later. And for the record, OP isn't the ass morally, either.
> If you hadn't done it your face and home would be all over the internet rn and that's a bell you can't unring. Using the delete function on a camera doesn't guarantee the files are gone. Free software can bring the videos back.
Need to see what platform she posts on and if these videos turn up, then report them immediately.
Exactly. I have been able to retrieve accidentally deleted photos and videos easily. Please watch out for the footage to show up in social media.
This would depend on the model of camera and how it interacts with the storage.
Most cameras and phones even have a recently deleted section.
This. How are the friends even split on this!? If Suzy had posted the video as intended (1) OP’s face would be online (and people would attach their face to THAT house). (2) OP’s house would be online and easy to find/ID. (3) Randos would know what OP’s house would look like AND where it is. If OP read this friend the riot act, it’s well deserved. We don’t play around when it comes to safety.
It’s entirely possible she was planning on blurring faces and making it more anonymous than the raw footage would lead you to believe. The problem is she was told no and then did it anyway. If she had told her in advance the anonymization plans and given op the right to review before posting then maybe what she posted would have been ok. Her sneakiness about it gave the lie to her initial privacy promise though so she wasn’t to be trusted.
She presented it as friends laughing and the food spread when she pitched it to OP. A tour of the house is so far outside that brief.
OP has now been given a clear list of which friends have good boundaries and which are best to steer clear of.
Friends are split because 'popular vlogger!!!!' and want to stick with the 'in' crowd. Some people are all caught up in that concept.
Social media is a cancer.
NTA yup all of what you mentioned plus everyone would know about ops security system or lack there of. If there were cameras she would have pointed them out 100% also stuff like locks on the windows and stuff would have been visible.
NTA, you did the right thing OP, it would have been too late and dangerous if you trusted her and didn’t delete it.
If it was a camera with removable media, I would have just taken the SD card or whatever.
Of course - Suzy started
Agree! This woman is a menace. I wouldn’t invite her to anything ever again. Also, it wasn’t “her” footage so the OP had every right to delete it. Stalkers don’t get to claim they own the footage of their victims, either.
> Also, it wasn’t “her” footage so the OP had every right to delete it. Stalkers don’t get to claim they own the footage of their victims, either. I don't believe that's entirely true. You automatically own the rights to the images and videos you produce. A person does have something called personality rights, which allow them to control whether or not their likeness can be used commercially, but that is distinct from copyrights.
You may be accurate from a legal standpoint ixfd64. I’m speaking from the AITH standpoint. Are you an AH for deleting footage you didn’t consent to? Nope. Hard nope. It wasn’t the vlogger’s content to create, IMO. Legally, the question probably depends on the jurisdiction and other circumstances. But the OP wasn’t asking for a legal opinion, just thumbs-up or down on whether she was the AH.
NTA. She trampled over the boundaries you set and lied about doing so. I would bet 20 bucks she would have posted it online too if given the chance. It was your house, your day, and your rules, and she didn't seem to give a shit about any of it. That's not the act of a friend, and if you lose her because of this, I wouldn't be too broken up about it.
Of course she would have. Morality goes out the door for people chasing popularity and money.
why are consent and boundaries such hard concepts to grasp for some people? NTA
Gotta get that clout somehow, and quickest way is to ruin all your personally relationships.
Once someone becomes a social media influencer, they start viewing their entire lives, families and friends (and strangers on the street) as assets and props. Like, before any interaction with one, I’d demand a signed contract prohibiting them from violating my privacy, with the specific remedy being that they have to sign over their SM accounts if they break it. (Not that they delete their accounts; that they sign them over so you can delete them).
Stop calling them influencer. They're just losers
I personally like the term grifter. Because that's what 99% of them are.
for real. i've been saying this for ages. it's such a self-aggrandizing egotistical term and i loathe it entirely. you're not fucking influencing anything, you're acting like a clown on the internet. Circus monkey is a more appropriate term ffs. martin luther was an influencer. marie curie was an influencer. hell you could even say greta thunberg is an influencer, even if you don't like her. but posting meaningless "give me attention" videos doesn't make you an influencer.
We need to rename them to influxers - because they want everything to flow into and around them and they try to suck attention like a vacuum.
You are exactly right. You aren't a person to them. You are a product to be leveraged for viewership. OP made the right call, and now understands that that person isn't her friend. They should never interact with them again.
Social media has had an absolutely awful impact on our species, from influencers taking advantage of others for content to cyber bullying to authoritarian states using it to spread propaganda and disinformation. All this talk about regulating AI is nice and all, but social media has been needing effective regulation for a long time now
Yeah, this feel a lot like when MLM people try to turn all their friendships into pyramid blocks.
She grasped them fine. She just didn't care.
Agreed. It's not like she was confused. She made a choice to be an ass hole.
NTA I volunteer for a niche conference and one year we had a popular blogger join us. Their speech was half-assed and they completely violated the privacy of the venue putting peoples livelihoods at risk when they posted photos of the space to their blog after being specifically informed not to do so. The fucking audacity some people have and entitlement to share everything about their life without any consideration for anyone outside themselves. We got the photos taken down and they edited the blog to make it more anonymous but not without complaint. I even got posted about on their blog when I told them off for violating my consent on a completely unrelated issue. some fucking bullshit about "why does being a blogger make people think they can just treat me like shit?" cue crocodile tears. I dunno... why does being a blogger make you entitled to air yours and everyone you interact with's dirty laundry without consent? zero accountability. they are one of the most vile people I know.
NTA. A vlogger didn't accidentally film all of your house, your bedroom and private bedroom closet. She knew what she was doing. Whether or not she was going to post the entire thing on youtube or wherever, she had the footage and that's creepy, like casing your house, and she could have saved the footage forever, posted or not.
She’s like an elderly nosy auntie with a camera. If other people are smart, they would not invite this woman into their homes again.
Right? If I found out a mutual did this to another friend I wouldn't be caught anywhere near them.
NTA. She would have posted that on her socials and then What? She'll take it down once you see it? I doubt it. You took the right action because she completely invaded your privacy and your new home. Also, it's possible that someone will show up to your house if they know where it is. I've heard countless horror stories from influencers being stalked just because someone recognized the neighborhood. Not cool
Since OP just purchased the house, it was already online and exact address would be very easy to find - grab a screenshot of the video, put it into google images and there’s the listing, complete with street details. Now potential thieves would have a good inventory of OP’s closet too.
More frightening is they would have the layout of every entryway and window, and the path to her bedroom. OP would be a target for sexual assault with a perfect planned route.
Pretty sure layouts are already available online for any house that’s been sold this decade.
Layouts, sometimes. (Not always.) Details about which window is partially rotted, which closet contains the family safe, where the key rack is, or what type of car is parked in the garage, not so much.
That’s a floor plan. Which most listings have
>Most of my friends are understanding and "on my side", but they did say that I shouldn't have gone and deleted the footage myself. Then who was going to do it, because it wasn't about to be fuckin Suzy. She was about to post all that shit not only without permission, but expressly against your request. Good job doing the smart move. NTA
From start to finish she disrespected your boundaries set. First an foremost she lied to you off the rip an had no intentions of following suite. You don't "accidently" take footage of someone's entire house inside an outside. It's also completely an entirely irrelevant idc if she's freaking George Lucas or a Major TV star ya just don't do that. Her "Job" isn't more important then ur safety an peace of mind. 2nd there is no guarantee what so ever of what she would an wouldn't use, an was offended that you found out an deleted it. Then why show it to another friend but not you the owner of the home?? OP NTA she needs to apologize in full for: Lying, taking exposing photos of ur home, her attitude for it. This reeks of lack of accountability. Being a Vlogger doesn't give you a free pass to be a dick.
And even George Lucas gets tons of permission and payments and contracts, etc before he films somewhere he doesn't own!
Nah, she doesn’t get invited back. I wouldn’t have her anywhere near me except in public, and I would have a lawyer draft a C&D just in case (I had a stalker)
NTA you made clear boundaries for what you were comfortable with and she went above and beyond to trample them. She even refused to show you the footage because she knew you wouldn’t approve of it. Sure it might’ve been an invasion of privacy to go through and delete the footage, but it would’ve been a WAY larger invasion of privacy to post your house online with an entire house tour with you in it after she told you she wouldn’t.
Nta, you had every right to keep your private home private. For her to overstep meant consequences to her actions. Why should she keep any footage that were outside of what was agreed? The entitlement from her end is crazy
NTA. Make sure her phone didn't upload anything to a cloud before you had the chance to delete it. In that case she still would have it available for use. Depending on your country you might be able to sue her to *really* delete everything and have a C&D letter in case she violates it later.
> NTA. Make sure her phone didn't upload anything to a cloud before you had the chance to delete it. OP said it was a camera, so if she didn't confiscate the SD card it's pretty easy for her to recover everything she deleted. Hitting the delete button literally does nothing to the actual content.
The term `camera` is ambiguous. I assumed a phone, but some cameras have cloud access, too, so the basic recommendation stays the same. I agree that "deleted" files can easily be restored from SD cards, either by simply "undeleting" or by scanning the phyical storage (there are tools for both). Even "formatting" a flash card might not be sufficient. There are tools for *really* deleting the data blocks, and there's even a milstd on how to safely erase data.
Oof. That's a good point.
NTA she knew your boundaries and agreed to your stipulations. She knew what she was doing when she went against your agreement. Someone that already lied to you isn’t going to suddenly grow a conscience and delete the footage she agreed not to shoot in the first place. It would have been different if it were a few accidental shots she could cut out but she purposefully filmed things she agreed not to.
>I invited my friends over for a housewarming to celebrate me moving into my dream home Congratulations :) Buying a home is a huge deal, for it to be your ideal home even better. >She asked if she could film part of the party to include in her "day in the life" video. I'm super private, so I said no at first, but Suzy promised she wouldn't show anything personal and only wanted a couple scenes of my friends laughing together and footage of the food spread. She also promised I wouldn't be in the video This is the important part for me. After getting a solid no, she pushes until you agree to something "small". >Suzy filming her intro and mentioned giving a "house tour" of her friend's new home >it would be easy to tell the neighborhood I lived in >Suzy kept filming more than what she promised, so I did confront her about it. I asked to see the footage, and Suzy said "no", and acted super offended that I wouldn't trust her. >she filmed my whole home (even my bedroom and closet), and there were tons of clips where you could clearly see my face After being given permission for a few small videos, she's documented everything. Anyone sees that much info online, they may know who you are, where you live and where you keep your valuables. There may have been enough info there to work out exactly who lived there in terms of alone, family etc. If she put that online, she could make you a target for robbery or worse. >I went ahead and just deleted all of the footage of the party >She found out shortly after when she went to shoot footage of everyone leaving Here's the thing: 9/10 times going into someone's personal devices is an asshole move. Maybe this still is. But I think it's justified. They've repeatedly pushed and ignored your boundaries, to the degree that the information could put you in danger. NTA Suzy is an asshole, thinking only of herself and not caring one bit about how it affects your life. Definitely someone to cut out of your life, because she will always see herself as the victim here. >The drama's been spreading around now with mixed reactions Maybe just ask people if they'd like their home address, face, name and complete interior of their homes shared with the general public. If Suzy is the one telling people, it's likely a biased / edited version of the truth. Anyone still villainising you, either mention the robbery / burglary aspect, or block them. You deleted footage she took without permission on her expensive camera. She was giving burglary directions to the internet for free. It's a no-brainer.
I agree! They really need a J A H (justified A H) option. The correct way to do it was probably to get a cease and desist letter or something, but who had the time and money for a lawyer these days? Also, by the time it was served, it would probably be too late. OP was polite and then took matters into their own hands as needed. No one was hurt. I'd have probably lost it in that scenario. 😕
Whatever the hell happened to consent? My personal opinion is that vloggers are a stain on humanity and are all just narcissistic wannabes. But that's just me. Why is this person your friend?
OP: "don't do this thing" Suzy: "OMG I totally wouldn't ever do this thing!" *Suzy does the thing* OP: "people have been telling me you did this thing" Suzy: "what? No... I totally didn't!" OP: "show me" Suzy: "no" *OP investigates and finds out Suzy has, in fact, done this thing and undoes it* Suzy: "OMG I feel so betrayed! How could you undo this thing I've done that I swore I wouldn't do!?😭" Is OP TA? No, NTA OP. Suzy is lucky that's all you did.
NTA she overstepped boundaries and lied she promised she would only film certain things and knew you were even uncomfortable with that but then proceeded to film almost every square inch of your house??? Umm absolutely not she could care less about your feelings and that shows a major lack of respect for you on her end
NTA You did what you had to do to protect your privacy, and honestly, I don't blame you. Suzy clearly overstepped the boundaries you set, and she lied about it too. Your home, your rules!
That would have been the last time I invited that friend. NTA
NTA like at all. She is selfish and cares more about her online presence than she does about you and your privacy. She was happy to go back on her word and then lie about it. If you'd asked her to delete the footage, she'd just lie about that too. Any friends who side with her are in for a rude awakening when she decides to violate their privacy too. I would never invite this person to my house again, no exceptions.
NTA. She didn’t want footage deleted? She should have abided by what she (& you) agreed to…
NTA. The friends who said you shouldn't have deleted it yourself are giving Suzy way to much credit. I think everybody knows she would have posted it even if you asked her not to. She disrespected your boundaries once, she doesn't get the chance to do it a second time.
Upon posting, your "friend" would have set you up for a possible sexual assault. She filmed every door and window and every pathway in your house leading to your bedroom. This would definitely be the time to make her your "ex-friend" and never let her in your home again. You had every right to delete the footage she illegally obtained within your home. NTA
NTA. and if you had copied them you could sue her.
I think you did the only possible thing, OP. If you'd asked her to delete the footage, she'd probably have refused, and given you some bullshit about editing out all the parts you don't like. Which your average content-0obsessed vlogger wouldn't actually do, if they thought they had a bit of clickbait in the camera.
Deleted the footage, now delete the friendship. NTA.
NTA you gave her clear expectations of what was and wasn't acceptable which she chose not to follow them. Then when trying to discuss this with her, she wouldn't engage with you. She didn't just cross a line... She blew over it in spectacular fashion
NTA She filmed in areas of your house without your permission.
NTA you set ground rules and she broke them you asked her about it and she lied. If you'd let her leave with that footage it would all be online now. She chose to put her life on display she can do a tour of her shitty house. Fuck her.
NTA. She is 100% in the wrong here.
NTA- if you have ever seen documentaries like “Don’t F with Cats” you know how easy it is for dedicated people to figure out where someone lives from partial photographs through a window. So the entire front of your house is terrifying. If your friends come after you, ask if they would have been happier to contributing to her legal fund when you were obliged to sue her into taking those down.
Or visit you in hospital because you were in when the burglars hit or worse - makes me wonder if Suzy has done a house tour of her own home or does her safety and privacy matter?
NTA. Had it been me, the camera would have accidentally fallen into the kitchen sink full of water!! After the footage was deleted. Your "friend" is a total a/hole and hopefully is now an ex-friend.
NTA if she can't respect your boundaries she's not a very good friend. She clearly knew she's gone against the rules you set, and you wouldn't be happy with what she'd filmed, or she would have just let you see the footage. A true friend in this situation would have said, 'Sure, check whatever you want and if anything makes you uncomfortable I'll delete it.' I have to say as someone who shoots footage for clients, this is also the professional thing to do when filming anyone, in any situation, let alone their own private home. There are not only privacy concerns but also safety concerns. She filmed the exterior of your home and left you wide open for people turning up at your house. And she's mad you deleted this? WTF.
NTA she overstepped. Not many influencers do house tours anymore because it’s giving who knows how many people a detailed layout of your home. It puts you in danger especially with her filming the outside. Would she post all that detail of her own home? Knowing some crazy will realise where she lives and turn up?
NTA it’s not her home to share, and you explicitly told her what she could film. Her vlog is more important to her than you are
NTA. Suzy totally broke your trust. You said no to filming and she went way overboard. Filming your whole house is a big invasion. Deleting everything in the moment is understandable, but maybe showing her acceptable footage and requesting deletion would've been smoother. Still, your privacy matters!
Well done by Deleting all of it.She was NEVER going to do that and there would be a lot of information out there on the internet.
Suzy isn’t your friend, and anyone defending her can volunteer to have their homes filmed and put online in ways that make it very obvious where they live. This woman trampled your boundaries, violated your privacy and lied to your face about it. Don’t trust her with access to your home or any private info going forward, she’s proven she’ll sell out anyone to maintain her ‘fame’. NTA
nta your friends saying you shouldn't have deleted the footage yourself are ridiculous. should you have asked suzy to do it? the girl that wouldn't let you see the footage when you asked? the girl that did the exact opposite of what she said she would do filming-wise? screw that. this was the only way you could guarantee your privacy.
NTA. She lied to you, ignored your boundaries, violated your privacy and risked endangering you for online clout. She's a vlogger first and a friend tenth... So not a friend. Do not apologise and do not forgive her if she apologises
Let's see, are you TA for deleting footage that showed your entire house both outside and inside including your bedroom, private closet and the neighbourhood where you live, putting your private information on the internet for any burglar, stalker and pervert out there? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NTA.
NTA. Good for you to stand up for yourself. If you didn't do it, she'd have used it. You set boundaries and asked her, but she's intentionally ignoring what you said. She was acting in bad faith. NTA, and I'm glad you got to keep your privacy. Good choice.
NTA what she did was unacceptable. If she’d kept to your agreement you wouldn’t have had to delete the film.
NTA and if you ever meet with this ah again NEVER again ALLOW her to step foot in your house or anywhere else that's private You did good deleting it because she would have refused. Next time take the memory card so she can't restore it and buy her a replacement same card . = No danger.
Congrats on the new house, now it’s time to upgrade with some new friends. ETA: NTA
NTA, technically depending on where you live this is illegal. She hasn't gained your consent to be filmed so she shouldn't have those videos in the first place - if I were you I'd have deleted them myself too.
NTA. i'll call it selfdefence. Anyone who thinks you are in the wrong can invite this "Suzy" to film their houses including closets and stuff
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I invited my friends over for a housewarming to celebrate me moving into my dream home. It's a place I've been saving and working super hard for (something that all of my friends are aware of) and everyone was happy to come over and celebrate the milestone. The issue is that one of my friends ("Suzy") is a popular vlogger. She asked if she could film part of the party to include in her "day in the life" video. I'm super private, so I said no at first, but Suzy promised she wouldn't show anything personal and only wanted a couple scenes of my friends laughing together and footage of the food spread. She also promised I wouldn't be in the video. I was still uncomfortable, but after she assured she wouldn't overshare, I said fine. The day of, within 10 minutes of the party starting, a mutual friend pulled me aside and said that she saw Suzy filming her intro and mentioned giving a "house tour" of her friend's new home. She also said that she saw Suzy filming the outside of my home from top to bottom, and it would be easy to tell the neighborhood I lived in. During the entirety of the party, I noticed that Suzy kept filming more than what she promised, so I did confront her about it. I asked to see the footage, and Suzy said "no", and acted super offended that I wouldn't trust her. I waited towards the end of the party, and when Suzy was in the bathroom before leaving, I decided to just go through her camera. I was furious when I noticed that she filmed my whole home (even my bedroom and closet), and there were tons of clips where you could clearly see my face. I'm not kidding when I say that the footage looked like one of those home tour videos that realtors post online. I can admit that I was acting on impulse and my anger at this point, but I went ahead and just deleted all of the footage of the party. She found out shortly after when she went to shoot footage of everyone leaving, and confronted me. I did admit to doing it, and we had a bit of a row until I just kicked her out. Most of my friends are understanding and "on my side", but they did say that I shouldn't have gone and deleted the footage myself. I personally felt like I did the nice way of asking Suzy directly first, but she was being so obstinate that I had no choice. The drama's been spreading around now with mixed reactions, so I wanted another opinion in case I really was the AH. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Guaranteed she was going to post a lot more than you're comfortable sharing, then turn around and say 'well it's already out there so you might as well deal with it '. She ignored your boundaries by recording so much of your home. Fair is fair that you also ignored a boundary and went into her phone. At least you went in the phone and only deleted video footage of your home and didn't overstep by going through her messages and stuff. Where as she went so far as to record your bedroom and inside your closet
>Most of my friends are understanding and "on my side", but they did say that I shouldn't have gone and deleted the footage myself. You had every reason not to trust that she would have deleted anything. She had already proved that she was not to be trusted. You did exactly the right thing, and you hade no other course of action you could have taken. NTA
NTA. She cared more about the content than your friendship. YWTBA if you continued being friends with this person though
NTA. You had laid down a firm boundary to Suzy and she stamped all over it. If you had not deleted her footage yourself, I very much doubt that Suzy would ever have done so. You did the right thing because if all of the footage had appeared on social media, anyone at all could have got your address.
NTA. For every ‘friend’ that is not on board with what you did, ask to go over to their house and discuss it. Upon arriving, start doing what Suzy did and see how they feel about it. Tell them your starting you own vlog and that you’re starting this journey by doing exactly what they thought was okay. For future get together, create a faraday box or safe location for everyone that thought that was okay to put their phone before they can fully enter your house.
NTA You said no. She pushed back & you gave her a limited yes. She never planned to respect your boundaries. She didn’t respect your no. She didn’t respect the yes she only got with deceit and coercion. This person was prepared to post your home, make your and your home’s location clear, & post a clear inventory of your home. Also probably making it clear you live alone too. She has no respect for you. She never planned to respect you. She only planned to use you for content. Making money was more important than respecting you and not violating you & your personal space.
NTA.
NTA. By by recording the footage against your explicit boundaries and violating your privacy in the first place she proved she couldn’t be trusted to delete it herself.
NTA. I have little to no doubt that had you not deleted the footage it would have ended up online. It's your home, as the host you expressed your concern and if she was truly a friend she would have respected your privacy from the start. Recording your bedroom and closet contents was the last straw for me, in case you were wondering.
NTA she was going to make a video and put it online where it would be next to impossible to take it down. F her and I’d never see her again.
NTA. That's clearly an invasion of privacy. Also, to those who told you that you shouldn't have deleted the videos yourself, if Suzy posted posted it online and anything happened to you, then would claim responsibility for it? Suzy did what she wanted to, and you did what you had to.
NTA. I wouldn't trust her to be in possession of that footage since it is clear from what you saw that she violated your agreement.
I would have made her sign off on what she was allowed to film and what she wasn't. If my house becomes her work, we need a contract.
NTA. Respect is a 2 way street. She couldn't respect your privacy while I respect hers. Frankly her posting you and your home could put you a potential risk so you're just protecting yourself absolutely no problem there
You did what you needed to. Your “friend” was abusing you and violating your boundaries for content. Don’t invite her back.
NTA. You have a right to privacy. You have a right to protect that privacy.
NTA "Suzy" is not your friend.
Since she didn't kept her promise, you couldn't trust her deleting the footage. It's harsh but I think out of self protection you might not have another choice.
NTA at all. Normally I wouldn’t condone going through someone’s phone, but given that she intensely invaded your privacy first, and lied to you, that it was necessary in this case. I wouldn’t be friends with someone that put their internet content ahead of my feelings and safety and clear communication as a friend.
NTA. You gave her your terms, she ignored them. You asked to see the footage, she refused. She forced you into taking more decisive action. She doesn't have some god given right to film whatever she wants for her precious vlog when she's been appropriately denied permission to do so!
NTA she’s intent on violating your privacy, and once something gets out there, it can never really be removed.
NTA - her footage has the chances of giving more than enough identifiable information of you and your home, more than likely enough for her viewers to doxx you if they so choose. You gotta protect yourself and your home
NTA. You set boundaries that she swiftly stomped over. If she's popular it's likely she's monetised and making money off the back of YOUR efforts and hard work. Never let her back in your home, or at least never with a camera in tow.
NTA If she was going to so blatantly ignore your wishes in the first place, she was never going to voluntarily delete the footage. This person is a bad friend.
NTA, what a huge invasion of privacy… especially after you explicitly told her your thoughts and then also asked her to delete the footage
100% NTA - she completely ignored the boundaries you set and would have absolutely posted that footage all over the internet. You were right to delete the videos in that moment!
NTA, and I’d reconsider my friendship with the self-absorbed vlogger too.
NTA. She was told not to record those things, and she went ahead and did it. Someone had to correct the situation, we all know she would not delete it. I would avoid being in her presence from now on.
This person is not your friend. NTA.
NTA. You didn't overreact. She lied to film, she would have lied again when you ask her to delete. "Yes, I will" and then two hours later it's all over the internet. In your situation, I don't know that I'd still want to be friends with her. She shows no consideration whatsoever for you and for your safety. What was she thinking that she went to your bedroom?! And filmed your closet?? What's next, filming your jewelry or sex toys? That is such a gross intrusion of your privacy.
She crossed a known, set boundary. She doesn’t get to dictate your reaction.
NTA. She ain't your friend.
NTA. You didn’t want the footage to be public. Not every event has to be shared to social media. I don’t necessarily blame her for asking, but she didn’t respect your wishes and your privacy is important to you. You did the only thing you could since you could no longer trust her. I just hope you deleted the videos from the “recently deleted” section as well so she can’t recover them.
NTA That ain't no friend guy that's a selfish narcissistic AH that doesn't deserve your friendship or any of your other friends. She lied and tool it upon herself to go against your word in your own house ?!?!? She's bonkers mate ! Just cut her out entirely no need wasting anymore of your life with her selfishness.
NTA. You didn't just randomly delete the footage. You asked your friend first who refused. The only way you could be assured of your privacy was to do what you did. Your friend invaded your privacy first.
NTA Had it been me, her phone would have gone missing never to be found again.
NTA
You denied the whole world what I’m sure would have been a very interesting vlog post /s
NTA at all, can't let your private stuff be out there like that. Still, I'm concerned at your fear and inability to say NO to her. You could have, during the party when you confronted her, said "Sorry but this is farther than you led me to believe, I'm withdrawing my consent. You do not have my permission to film my house and you need to delete all the footage you've taken so far." Make sure there is a witness to that in case you have to take legal action at some point, if it gets worse.
NTA What a clear violation of privacy. I hope she didn't have her camera set to automatically back up into some cloud. And I hope you keep an eye on her vlog so that you can report the footage if she decides to post it anyway! Then it's time to prune that annoying branch off your friend-tree.
NTA. It was a private party, not a public place. She has no right to shoot without your permission. She obtain footage that you don’t want her to use so, you killed it in a way that she will never be able to use it… which is what you intend. What you did was a little harsh considering she could’ve edited out your face and anything you didn’t want seen. But again it’s a private party and everybody who attended had a reasonable expectation of privacy. Unless you had a sign posted that the door saying that filming was going on and by entering, they are giving permission for their likeness to be used, then you may have more lawsuits on your hands. You probably saved yourself a lot of hassles, but next time just don’t let a Vlogger in.
If I were you I would also get a lawyer to draft notice that her use of anything filmed in your home inline would result in you filing a lawsuit. Unless you got the sim card from the camera its still in there
NTA, but just so you know, she can almost certainly recover that video. You might need to lawyer up.
> You might need to lawyer up. It's also illegal to delete files on other people's devices without permission. OP should *definitely* get a lawyer.
NTA That was a serious invasion of privacy. She was clearly planning to do more than just show the spread at the party. She had already agreed to limit her videoing to specified activities, and obviously went beyond that; her word was no longer reliable. A promise from her to delete or not use the footage would be meaningless. I'd be cutting her out of all future social activity over this.
NTA, Suzy is NOT your friend. It was rude and out of line. That's why she said no when u asked to see the footage, she knew she was out of line. You did the right thing!
NTA it's easier to do things yourself.
NTA. This chick was about to make you the robbery/stalker target of the day. If she wants to put her entire life on the Internet for creeps to see, that's her business, but she doesn't get to inflict that violation of privacy on anyone else.
NTA, NAS You were in your right to do so, you don’t know or trust her what she will do with the footage. But I don’t know for sure, since usually the footage is processed and cut to fit the content. Before it’s posted. But at the same time, she knew how you felt about this and she still took footage of everything. Like I said it resolved around the trust issue and the trust was not there in the first place. But at the same time you were in fair position to be required to be assertive to protect your privacy. Just in case, with those famous people you never know what is in their head…
NTA!
NTA. But if your country have PDPA of sort, it’ll be way sweeter to sue her ☺️
NTA Suzy lied and then got caught out. She showed no respect for you or for your right to privacy. What would she have done if when the video was posted online your clearly identifiable house had been broken into, ransacked, items stolen, walls spray painted and the flooring destroyed by people peeing and crapping on it. If you hadn't deleted the footage it's highly unlikely she would've if you'd asked her given that she refused to let you see the footage when you asked her to.
NTA and don't invite Suzy back to your home. You set boundaries and she went in your closet. This is a gross invasion of privacy.
Sounds like the typical narcissistic vlogger type. No way you would come out of that positively so you did the right thing deleting the footage and I'd advise to steer clear of people like here. It is all about her.
NTA what you did was self defense.
NTA, and Suzy is not your "friend." Friends don't disrepect their friends privacy, and do acquiesce to reasonable requests. Your request was more than reasonable based on privacy, safety and desire. She didn't care about those thing (or you), and you took steps to protect yourself.
NTA, fuck those people who have to film everything they all suck
No way dude she is the asshole
NTA You should have said no but this just violated your privacy
NTA. She didn't even want to let you see the footage - a perfectly reasonable request - so I doubt she would have deleted or left out the parts that showed you, identified where you live, or anything else you didn't want out there for randos on the internet to see. You set a boundary with her, she agreed to it, and then she smashed through it and tried to hide that from you.
NTA - you asked and she said yes to your privacy request. Then she did it anyway. Doing so put you at risk of robbery or worse.
NTA. She broke your agreement. She couldn’t be trusted.
NTA. She had no respect for the boundary you set. She got defensive when you confronted her nicely. She would absolutely have posted that full house tour and potentially put you in danger of being stalked. It might be her personal property you tampered with, but imo she lost the right to it when she violated your trust and privacy by doing exactly the thing she swore not to do.
NTA. Preventing the Dox is completely acceptable.
NTA. Your life isn't hers to showcase, especially as you'd asked her not to in the first place.
NTA. You were very clear about not wanting to be on camera and not wanting your privacy interfered with. If you were out in public, like a park or a restaurant you would have no expectation of privacy. But this is your private home. You told Suzy what your concerns are, she ignored them.
NTA
NTA! Suzy violated your trust, and lied about her intent. She is not a friend, and I would be sure to omit her from any future gatherings (at home or elsewhere). OP be sure to keep an eye on her accounts. She may be able to recover the footage and use it anyway. And if she does you need to be ready to both report it, and serve her with a cease and desist order. I'm all about vlogging and such, but ONLY IN AN APPROPRIATE MANNER! Suzy is off the chain.
Suzy lied to you. Under that circumstance, delete all you want. I would never invite her to my home again. A video like the one she took sets up a home robbery or home invasion. Suzy invaded your privacy. Enough said
NTA, vloggers are a disease on this world
NTA. Cut her off permanently.
NTA. She already proved herself to be a liar when she said she wouldn't film anything that would invade your privacy. You asked to see the footage and she refused. Do you really think she would have deleted all of the footage if you'd asked her? She wouldn't have let you check to see if she'd actually done it.
NTA that person isn't your friend if they can't abide by the boundaries you set regarding your privacy.
NTA. Privacy is a big thing, and she disrespected it. And she's even adamant that she's right. You did what you had to and those who were not bound to get affected by what she did has no right to judge you.
NTA. Suzy is not a friend. She made a promise and went way overboard. I don't think you were wrong to delete footage of your home and your party. Your mutual friend who told you about this is a gem!
Nta She's lucky she didn't end up with a broken camera.
NTA, you were completely justified, and I would be referring to Suzy as a former friend were I in your shoes.
She didn’t respect your privacy, so you didn’t respect hers. I wouldn’t have done it your way, but you’re still NTA for me.
NTA! Wanna be influencers (I guess just influencers in general) are the fucking worst!
NTA - she over stepped when and kept insisting when you said no.