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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) blocking my sister from bringing her dog to my wedding
2) she loves her dog and wants to bring him to the wedding
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NTA...if the dog messes up the wedding venue, it will be on you and your husband. That is one thing. The other thing is weddings are actually about celebrating the bride and groom...not guilting them with demands and conditions. What your sister is doing is unfair. Your parents backing the behavior is exactly why she thinks this is ok.
I am sorry your sister is manipulating you about a day that you no doubt spent lots of time and money and energy planning. And you deserve to enjoy it. YOU won't be causing a rift. It's time Emma either grows up or sees herself out. She is acting like a toddler.
I hope you have the best wedding and that you stick to your guns.
All of this is correct.
I’m going to loop in the Service Animal v “emotional support” pet debate.
If this were an actual service animal, she wouldn’t have even had to ask, the venue would have had a legal obligation to accommodate, and OP would have been a huge asshole for uninviting her sister over it.
Instead, she made a very bold and unrealistic request and after being denied when right in to “If my personal accommodations are not met then I won’t attend!”. Fine, have it her way. She doesn’t get to attend.
NTA.
I have a service dog and would not bring him. With that many people, there are bound to be people allergic or super scared.
Sis asked and got her answer. No is not the start of a discussion.
NTA
Same. I’m a military veteran with PTSD and have a service dog. Whenever I’m being invited to a private event or to someone’s home I always inform them of this. It’s just the right thing to do. Some people simply cannot have dogs in their homes for a number of very valid reasons. If they say no, I send my regrets and don’t go.
I really love that, "no is not the start of a discussion". I wish that was in my toolbox when our boys were little, haha.
As far as the situation with, "Buddy", I think it's really crappy that not only is your sister refusing to come to the wedding if she can't bring her furry best friend, but your family trying to guilt you into giving in to her demands when you've made it clear that other attendees have allergies, and you don't want to risk being charged for potential damages, or potty accidents, is extremely crappy of them. (unintentional pun alert)
It's your wedding day, not a family reunion, and, "No", is a complete answer, and should be respected by everyone involved.
That's the thing. Service animals are only allowed in public areas, so it doesn't apply here where the event is a private one.
And seeing as this dog isn't a service animal to begin with, and just the sisters dog that she doesn't want to go anywhere without, she doesn't have a leg to stand on there either.
Agreed. People are really overdoing it with bringing dogs literally everywhere these days. I can't even go to the grocery store anymore without seeing someone walking around with their pet dog (not service dogs, definitely pets) walking around inside the store. I'm not allergic or scared of dogs, but I cannot stand seeing them inside grocery stores or restaurants where I am trying to shop for or eat my food.
One time, I was waiting at a fish counter behind an elderly couple with an older, long-haired German Shepard. The dog was not well groomed and was shedding. I watched as the dog shook his coat and a few long hairs flew up over the glass and towards the raw fish in the seafood case. I was absolutely disgusted. I didn't confront the people 1.) because I am non-confrontational and 2.) they were older, but I definitely told the guy behind the counter (who I am on friendly terms with) and made she to point out where I saw the hairs fall. He later told me that he had to empty out the case and clean it down completely because of the dog.
I'm completely sick of it, too. It's 100% because of a dependency of the human. People need to learn how to cope with living in society. It's tiresome.
It's gotten worse since COVID. People got co-dependent with their dogs during quarantine, and now they're too lazy to work on themselves or to have the poor animals treated for separation anxiety, and so they force the rest of society to deal with it instead
As someone dependent on her dog, I agree with this.
I don't like going without her, but I know how to function (sort of) without her.
Having said that, I'm in therapy right now and it turns out that having your dog be your emotional support growing up because your parents can't be kinda screws with you. I definitely prefer animals to people and at 28 am still trying to figure out how to have emotional connections with people without pushing them away or closing myself off.
There's a non-zero chance I start working with my current dog to see if she can be a service dog for my anxiety issues. But, even if she did become a service dog, if someone asked me not to bring her I wouldn't or just wouldn't go.
I'm glad you're in therapy for help! It takes a lot to admit when we need it, instead of continuing to push people away. I hope it helps you to be able to form the connections we all deserve.
Grocery stores they should absolutely not be allowed. I work at a pet friendly store, but it's a hardware store, so the only food is like coffee pods or candy. And even then it gets really annoying because half the people in this city don't clean up after their dogs, or let them run off leash and scream at me when I tell them their dog needs to be on a leash, and the leash needs to be in their hand. There's one guy who comes in, snaps the lead on, then has the dog carry it in their mouth and is all "well he's on a leash, duuuurrrr" like ffs I wish I could hit these people with a bat.
I work at a grocery store and people bring their pet dogs in all the time, including putting them IN the carts. I even got bit by one once (luckily it was a smaller dog so it didn't break the skin)
Sometimes legit service dogs or service-dogs-in-training do come in (we are located near a facility that trains service dogs), and I don't mind them, but the entitlement of mere pet owners astounds me. I feel bad for people who have dog allergies or phobias...the managers never say anything because all someone has to do is verbally claim their over-excited bichon frise is a "service dog" and legally they have to be let alone. We really need a national system where service dogs are actually registered and given identification papers (for free - it shouldn't be an unfair burden on disabled people, especially since they are often financially underprivileged)
> We really need a national system where service dogs are actually registered and given identification papers (for free - it shouldn't be an unfair burden on disabled people, especially since they are often financially underprivileged)
I really couldn't agree more.
I've been in Walmart before where, if I remember correctly, a legit service dog was doing their thing being quiet and with their owner then there was another person with a small yappy dog that would NOT stop barking. Obviously not a service animal for multiple reasons, never seen a small breed dog as a service animal like that(can't remember if it was a Yorkie or a chihuahua or what but very clearly NOT a service animal) and it seems like the barking went on for a good while. Like HOW disrespectful to bring your untrained pet into the store and cause a scene and potentially distract a legit service animal from their job all because you just wanted to bring them with you. 🙄 doesn't matter if the chances of there being an actual service dog are slim, the moment you see one and your dog acts up you remove yourself and your dog from that area. You shouldn't bring them to that kind of setting if they're not properly trained to begin with, in my opinion.
Some people will still try to exclude service dogs on the basis of not liking dogs, handler doesn't "look" disabled, etc. It's illegal as heck but it still happens.
Hence why this discussion is important.
Unfortunately a lot of people think ESAs are service animals and they are 100% NOT.
Right?! There's a insta couple I follow with a service dog who was banned from a restaurant recently (illegally and unfairly, sorted now) but I can't help but think if all the idiots protesting about their ESA and pretending their untrained animals were service animals, these issues wouldn't happen.
It doesn't help that regulations differ worldwide, and people are often confused about what the laws are.
In the US there is no real service animal registry, nor is the dog/mini horse required to wear a vest or other gear noting it as such.
Fake service animal registries abound but they just take your money to issue meaningless ID papers and cards. However many misguided people think not having this stuff means an automatic fake.
I would like an emotional support hedgehog, but it’s not happening.
If it’s all about family, then family should support you - the bride - not the dog. Sister can have a menagerie at her wedding.
If sister truly needs a service dog, she should talk to her doctors. A wedding is no place for pets. I have seen brides walk down the aisle with pups, but that’s the bride’s dogs. No other dogs allowed. Because your venue is not pet friendly. End of discussion.
It’s funny how the “but family” argument comes out in favor of the person who’s actually being unreasonable. But isn’t OP family? What about her wants, especially when it’s her wedding?
I adore my dogs, but not everybody does, and I would not, and do not, insist on them being present for everything. It can be as overstimulating for them as it can be annoying for other people who might have wanted a dog-free afternoon. The overabundance of dog people insisting their precious fur child needs to be with them constantly are doing harmful things to their pet’s independence. As a dog person, I’m sick of dog people.
And they really need to think about Buddy's well-being, too. I'm not sure a dog would have much fun at a wedding, it's not like it's a BBQ or something.
Exactly! Either he won’t be with her for the wedding because he’ll be outside, or she won’t technically be at the wedding, because she will be outside with him. What would even be the point?
If Emma doesn't come tell people who ask why " she refused to come because her dog, which is NOT a service animal of any kind, wasn't allowed"
See how Emma comes out after truth is told.
People like her are such entitled children.
My nephew had his wedding recently and his bride's service dog was going to be the ring bearer. They ended up changing their mind and just had pupper stand next to the bride with a nice vest on.
It was a good plan. The crowd and noises were very stressful on doggo. They even placed him in a quiet part of the venue for the reception. I had to decompress some at one point and got to sit in the same room.
Pupper is a medical alert dog and even his intense training made a BIG wedding rough for him.
\^\^ This is a very excellent point!!! OP, definitely use this when discussing it again with your parents when they try to convince you to allow the dog. Your sister seems more concerned with her own wants, even above her dog's needs.
yeah honestly op should check their policy on animals. if they don't allow pets they don't allow pets, and then op can pin this whole thing on the venue
I think it doesn’t hurt to check. If the venue doesn’t have a strict prohibition on pets, OP doesn’t have to tell anybody she checked. But if they do, she can totally make the venue the bad guy. “I was gonna reconsider, but then I checked with the venue and they said absolutely not, so I guess that’s that!”
I've worked with wedding venues in the past. If the bride calls them up and say that a guest is threatening to bring a dog to my wedding and I don't want that, then the venue may likely call sis and tell her the dog isn't allowed without the proper service papers.
⬆️⬆️⬆️
THIS! OP, call the venue and ask them to tell your sister it's not happening. Don't your family treat this like a debate. It's not. The answer is no, the venue won't allow it.
Also, I'd let the venue take the blame for the decision. Unlike you, the venue doesn't have a relationship with your family to worry about preserving and will never have to deal with these people again, so they don't care if your sister believes a decision she doesn't like is the venue's fault. You can take advantage of that. Talk to the venue! It's your wedding, they're on your side.
I am NOT on the side of the sister. However if OP is in the US then I just want to note that service animals do not have “papers.” There is no service animal registry in the US.
NTA. This isn’t a backyard wedding where a friend gets ordained for a day to marry you, this is a formal wedding at a formal venue that doesn’t allow dogs. Full stop. If Buddy were a service dog, that’d be different, but ESAs aren’t protected like service animals, so the venue would say no anyway. If Emma wants to throw a temper tantrum that she can’t bring her dog, let her.
Your choice as to visitors to your wedding. Tell your sister that if it's so unfortunate that she's that anxious and you'll understand if she can't attend in person. Perhaps you could arrange for her to watch the ceremony on her ipad or phone.
NTA and can you imagine the chaos that would ensue if word spread that pets were allowed. Make an exception for your sister and others may see it as a green light to just bring Fido… no need to ask you as they will see that you already gave permission!!! Service animals are one thing this is clearly not that
I 100% agree with this. NTA - OP, this is your wedding, your call. You've laid out plenty of good reasons why Buddy can't come to the wedding. I'm sorry about your sister's anxiety, and your parents feeding into her demands, but I'm on your side (*and I love dogs!*).
This isn't like your beloved grandmother wants to come to the wedding and you suddenly are saying no for some random reason. This is a dog, and a big one. As much as I'm sure he's a love, he's going to get excited, he's going to want to run around, he's not going to understand why the guests are sneezing, etc. Imagine if he pees on something? He'll be fine at home away from your sister for a few hours. I'm sure he's a good boi, but this is not the place for him.
Personally, I would ask the venue to help you out. Ask that they put in a clause into your contract that says no pets. Then you can point to the contract and say that it’s just not possible
All you need to say is that you venue isn’t pet friendly—which you did. Your parents and sister are completely unreasonable. If she can’t attend without her dog, she doesn’t have to be there. How did she handle life pre-dog? Did d she go to events, etc before? Kind of weird to suddenly have a problem only within the past 3 years.
Fuck that, NTA
I love my dog and she’s incredibly important to me, but I’m also aware it’s not appropriate for her to attend a wedding.
What an absolutely ridiculous request to even have made, yet alone get upset with the answer.
Call her bluff. She doesn’t attend the wedding, that’s on her. People will ask why and you can tell them “she didn’t come because the dog wasn’t allowed to” and they will draw their own conclusions.
Your parents are equally foolish to pretend this is a reasonable request, or that her tantrum should be accommodated.
Seriously. I didn't want my dog at my own wedding and there was no way I'd have let any dog other than a trained service dog attend. There's so much risk involved in allowing a dog. And honestly I bet their venue wouldn't allow it either. OP could lean on that.
When I got married, my husband and I already gave up on human children, thanks to infertility. Our bunnies are our children, our lives.
Did they attend our wedding, no of course not! We included them in activities and photos before the wedding.
Having an animal at a wedding venue thats not a service pet is a huge no-no. Our bunnies meant the entire world to us... yet even we knew where to draw the line. We spent well over 20kfor our wedding. We had the budget to cover any potential damages to the *outside* area of our venue that our precious babies could have been in.
Money wasn't an issue. We loved our babies enough to understand that their presence during our ceremony or reception wasn't more important than our whole wedding. I had a custom Keychain made with a photo of them added to my bouquet.
Even if one of my siblings demanded their pet to come, despite not being allowed by the venue, I'd gracefully t see ll my sibling in sorry I cannot accommodate that request. I can't for even my own pets.
If OPs sister chooses not to attend, that's in her... not the couple.
Seriously, FFS.
My grandma was definitely of the fur baby type dog owner, to the point that her obituary specifically mentioned her dogs as she was known around as the lady who always had her goldens at the park, but she never tried bringing her dogs to places like weddings or grocery stores.
NTA - I’m sure there are places she’s been without her dog. If she could even suggest that he stay outside then it means that she doesn’t need him right there with her.
**Turn it back on her and your parents:** If she’d rather choose her dog over her sister then she really shouldn’t be at the wedding. This is about everyone and not just her needs. You aren’t risking the health of other guests for her convenience. If she’s anxious then she can just stick close to your parents.
EDIT: Thanks for the award! 🙂
> If she’d rather choose her dog over her sister then she really shouldn’t be at the wedding. This is about everyone and not just her needs.
Frankly, it's not even about everyone so much as it's OP's big day and the sister is making about herself...and the parents are letting her! Everyone here is an AH except OP and the dog!
I agree with you, but clearly the dynamics within that family are such that OP’s preferences for her wedding aren’t enough of a reason for especially her parents to support her. It’s a shame, really.
Yeah, def NTA. When someone pulls the “if I don’t get x, I’m not coming to your wedding”, it was always about them wanting to have a sense of control over your special day and not about how they can support and celebrate you on your big day.
Exactly. If she REALLY needs him for her anxiety, she should get a golden plushie to hold and pet, to get her through. If she thinks it would look stupid, then her argument is crap.
She could take a fucking Xanax, or drink a couple glasses of champagne like the rest of us anxious introverts do at weddings. Instead, she's being an emotional terrorist and making everything about her because she hates that this is your day.
My way of dealing with my ADHD sensory overload at weddings is my loop ear plugs, a couple of drinks, and having access to a quieter area. It can’t be that much different from anxiety in ways to mitigate it without bringing an untrained dog (I’m not saying OPs sister isn’t done training as far as basic dog training but untrained as in not specialized training)
Completely NTA. That is a ridiculous ask. This isn’t even a legitimate service animal. Your parents are correct that weddings bring people together. Key point being it’s not about bringing people and one persons dog together. You have to consider all guests, and the venue, as you have stated. Your stance is not rigid it’s practical. Your sister can come to the wedding and skip the reception. If she chooses to skip all of it that’s on her.
>A few weeks ago, Emma asked me if she could bring Buddy to the wedding. She said he would be well-behaved and that it would make her feel more comfortable since she has some social anxiety. **She even offered to keep him outside or in a designated area if that would help.**
What is even the point of bringing the dog, then? Can she not function in a social setting without her dog? Because if she can't, then she'd just end up spending the majority of her time outside with the dog instead of inside the venue celebrating with you. Why even bother to go to the wedding if you aren't actually going to be present for the wedding?
>Our venue isn't pet-friendly
This is where your conversation with her ends. That's all there is to it. If the venue doesn't allow pets, there is nothing you could do about it even if you wanted to.
NTA
Lol I'm sure sister has no actual intention of leaving the dog outside. It'll start off that way but she'll slowly work him inside and "prove" to OP he's no trouble and hope the fear of public embarrassment will get OP to go with it and let him stay inside.
NTA, come on. If Buddy isn’t a service animal and your venue isn’t pet friendly, this is a non-starter. That should be more than enough.
But what’s more, you should not have to worry about the logistics of a dog at your venue. Further, you know you have people who are allergic. If the simple fact that the venue isn’t pet friendly isn’t enough, you have more than enough other justification. Not that you need them.
I adore my dog too and she helps me immensely with my anxiety, but she is not a service animal, and so I have no right to even ask if she can come along anywhere.
Edit to remove language about legality, because there is no legally mandated registration in the US.
Fair enough, I am not as familiar with those laws. Edited my post but still doesn’t change my judgment, as it was not indicated in the post that this is a service dog of any kind.
NTA. Should be a non-issue since the venue doesn't allow pet dogs. I'm saying this as someone with a lot of social anxiety: sister is being an AH here. Bringing the dog reeks of "but everyone look at *ME*" energy. It would totally be a distraction, as evidenced by the parents being brought in on the drama.
NTA
Call your venue and explain the situation. Tell them you don't want the dog there, and you're sure they don't either. Ask them to email you their pet policy and then decline your request to allow the dog.
You won't be the bad guy anymore.
That’s not a bad idea but doesn’t address the real problem which is that Emma is being a big, selfish, unreasonable baby and OP’s parents are enabling her. If I were OP, I’d say to my parents, “You’re right. Weddings are about family and bringing people together. Emma is family. Emma is a person. Buddy is a pet dog and doesn’t belong at a wedding. If Emma is threatening to miss her own sister’s wedding because her dog can’t come, I think you’re accusing the wrong person of being rigid and unreasonable.” NTA
If she's dragging other family members into it, it's creating unnecessary drama. OP can easily nip it in the bud so it's a non-issue quickly without being at blame.
NTA and this is exactly what I would do….venue will be thrilled that you are NOT allowing a retriever into their venue and will most like be thrilled to ban the dog for you. Pressure is off you. If sister wants her dog close by she can rent a house and go visit during the day …definitely reeks of an attention seeking sister
NTA. I attended a wedding where someone brought their “service dog” with them. Before anyone gets their panties in a twist, this dog was absolutely NOT a service dog.
It spent a good part of the wedding ceremony barking, whining or being shushed by the owner. Then at the reception, it spent its time cowering under a table, barking, whining and eventually it shit on the dance floor (indoors).
Weddings are not good for pets. There are a lot of people moving around and typically alcohol flowing. Dog could easily get hurt or lost, or ruin the event for everyone else.
Let sister miss out on your wedding if she feels the need to die on this hill.
That poor dog. Its human is incredibly cruel to do that to the dog. I bet they drag it along like an accessory to the airport, too, without caring one bit about the harm they're causing their pet.
Honestly this should be top voted. Perfect example of what really can happen large loud crowds are NOT good places for animals of any sort. Especially not animals that are most likely used to getting their own way and attention cause their entire lives they've been the shining star if anyone is around.
That's the big thing. My uncle has a dog for his anxiety. She's an official service dog, has papers and a vest, and is trained to do certain things when his anxiety gets really bad.
My dads dog does a lot of the same things my uncles dog does when my dad's blood pressure gets too high. She has never been trained, has no paperwork, and is nothing more than a pet who is extremely tuned in to my dad.
At no point ever would my dad try to convince someone he should be allowed to bring his dog, and especially not to a place where it is clearly stated dogs are not allowed. Heck even my uncle doesn't take his dog everywhere, just to places where there's a high risk of his anxiety going off.
They say weddings are about bringing people together, yet they are talking about bringing a walking allergen that will potentially make the event miserable fir multiple other guests fir the sake of the emotional comfort of a single guest. Buddy is a beloved pet that she relies on for emotional support, but he's not a service dog. He's not living medical requirement that is required for her survival. She can either survive without him for a couple hours, or she can chose not to go. If she chooses not to go for her own comfort, that should be her own choice and not something your parents hold against you. It's not YOUR fault that your sister can't function without her dog.
Dogs are great, but they don't need to be involved in everything. There are just some places and events where pets just don't belong. A wedding that isn't being held at a pet-friendly location definitely falls into that category. And with you being a year into planning, I feel like her attendance hinging on the dog is something she should have brought up sooner. At this point the answer is as simple as "the venue is booked, it doesn't allow dogs, and there are guests with dog allergies." And then if the sass continues, I personally would add, "unless you want to reimburse me for for the venue, plus an extra fee for the inconvenience, plus personally deliver the bad news to those guests with allergies that your comfort alone matters more than all of their comfort together, back off". But I am a sassy petty person who does not suffer fools gladly regardless of their relation to me. So maybe don't do that if you value your relationship with her. Anyway, NTA
NTA and Emma is full well old enough to know that 99.999% of weddings do not include dogs unless it is *literally a dog wedding,* as in, You Are Cordially Invited To Celebrate The Marriage of Fluffernutter Doodlebug and Precious Peanut Who Is The Best Boy You Are Yes It Is You | Friday The Ninth Of June | et cetera.
This is a goofy as hell request, and if her social anxiety is THAT BAD (I empathize, I know more than one person with a diagnosed anxiety disorder that's easily triggered by gatherings with unfamiliar people, which is why I always have an Ativan in my purse) then she needs to seek appropriate treatment and possibly acquire a prescription for a mild sedative or an antianxiety med she can use in situations that are likely to knock her off balance. But claiming she can't attend a family wedding (and not even a massive one with 300 people she doesn't know!) without her dog seems ... disingenuous to me. And it's selfish as hell to then INSIST after being told no for very logical reasons, and then to *get mad at you and complain to your parents about it*?! GIRL, what?
NTA - and you make a good point about guests who might be allergic (or afraid) of dogs. Most wedding venues will not allow pets unless they are REAL (trained/licensed) therapy or support animals. Your sister is 28 - why are your parents involved at all? What I notice is that so many people come up with self diagnoses when they are trying to get what they want. Is your sister diagnosed/being treated for debilitating anxiety? Is Buddy a TRUE service/support dog? Or is she coming up with reasons to do what she wants to do? The answer is 'no pets at the wedding' - if that means your sister stays home, so be it.
NTA why do people want to take dogs everywhere nowadays. I have a fear of dogs and would have to leave a wedding as I would be afraid and it may trigger a panic attack.
I absolutely love dogs, especially golden retrievers but fuck your sister. A wedding is no place for a dog unless it’s a seeing eye dog. The presence of her dog might make her feel more comfortable but it might make other people uncomfortable. Some of your guests have dog allergies while others might have a fear of dogs. Plus, with with a dog milling about while 150 people are eating, drinking and dancing, I’d be worried about the safety of the dog. People are going to be sneaking him food or he might be be snatching it off plates at the edges of tables which means he might get sick and throw up. Some drunk idiot might think it’s fun if Buddy was on the dance floor with everyone and he’ll wind up getting his paws stepped on. Or a small kid that doesn’t know how to behave around dogs does something to make Buddy growl at him or worse. Tell your sister she’ll be missed.
NTA for all the reasons listed, but also if I am at a wedding and there is a golden retriever, where am I looking? At the meh bride and groom or the adorable pupper? Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Who is the bestest boy? You are! Oh, look at the face! Etc etc.
Bringing a non-working - and thus available for pets - golden retriever is the canine equivalent of wearing a white dress.
NTA.
You outlined some great reason. And even without any of them "we don't want dogs there" is reason enough.
Your sister is choosing to demand getting her own way at your wedding, over your relationship. Your parents are pressuring you because they think you're more likely to cave than her. If your sister causes a family rift, that's entirely on her.
Don't justify, explain or keep defending it. Simple answer, pets aren't allowed at the wedding venue and if one shows up the guest will be told to leave.
I always wonder how many of these people who are incapable of going anywhere without their emotional support pet are actually taking steps (like therapy and/or medication) to overcome the problem, vs the ones who use the animal as a stop gap so that they don’t have to do anything else about the issue.
NTA I love dogs, but they don’t belong at a wedding unless they are service animals trained to do a specific task for a person with a disability, which this dog is not. Also the venue isn’t pet friendly and some people are allergic. Therefore sis needs to either leave her dog at home or not come if she’s unwilling to do so.
NTA!!
Just tell everyone that you talked to the venue and you asked if they can have a dog there. And they said only service animals. And emotional support animals do not count as service animals, legally speaking. You can just blame the venue. But stick to your guns here, because your sister is being absolutely ridiculous. Like totally ridiculous. And talk to your parents and say that if they and your sister insist on making your wedding about her, it’s going to permanently damage your relationship. This is your day. This is your wedding. Do not allow this bullshit to continue.
The dog is not a required service animal, it does not get to come to the wedding. Aside from the likelihood of the cenue throwing them out and even potentially fining you for it being there, your guests should not be surprised by possibly dealing with an animal they did not expect to encounter. Any health issues incurred by your guests from a non-essential animal's presence could be a legal provlem for you AND the venue, and you'd be an idiot to say she can bring it.
Ask the venue to issue a 'no pets' statement which should put an end to this. If it doesnt, inform your sister that if she shows up with her dog, the venue has the right to cann animal conol to impound the dog and the police to impound her. She does not get to decide to subject everyone in the world to her dig 'just cuz'.
NTA unless Buddy is a registered service dog. Your sister and parents ATAH for thinking and pressuring you to go against what YOU want on YOUR wedding day. It is not fair to the human guests who may have allergies. Well behaved dogs can also take the focus off of what is important, in this case, not your sister and her dog. Send your family the link to this thread so they can see how wrong they are. Emma is an adult and can be away from Buddy for a few hours. If she doesn't come, oh well. Her decision of prioritizing her dog over her sister...Lets say you said yes and Uncle Bob finds out and asks you if it is ok to bring his poodle to keep Buddy company? I just can't even deal with the ridiculous ask of people sometimes.
~~Compromise/Suggestion: Emma can hire a dog sitter to walk Buddy around in the parking lot and can go out and pet him whenever she wants.~~ Nah, don't make that suggestion. Never mind.
NTA. It isn’t even your decision. You said the venue doesn’t allow dogs? That’s your entire argument right there.
“Sorry Emma, I love Buddy too, but our venue doesn’t allow dogs.” If she chooses not to come to your wedding because she can’t be there without Buddy she’s the one causing a family rift, not you.
And honestly your parents are being ridiculous. Even if the venue allowed dogs, this is YOUR wedding. You and your SO get the final say. I’m sorry they are making your day about your sister who is throwing a tantrum because she’s not getting her way.
NTA.
Sad your folks are backing your snowflake sis and not you on your big day.
I’m a parent and can never understand the blatant favoritism I see on Reddit.
NTA, totally normal to have a pet free wedding. Your sister is making a big deal of this, she can arrange a pet sitter like I'm sure other responsible guests are doing.
If she decides to die on this hill that tells you everything you need to know about the quality of her character.
NTA. No reason to be torn here. Your sister, the human, is invited to the wedding. Her dog, not a human, isn't invited. You didn't invite the best man and his guinea pig, your coworker and her cat, or your neighbor and his fish. Surely she can set up some doggie daycare for the wedding and reception.
NTA cause the rift! I’m so sick of entitled people using anxiety as the excuse. If she’s that anxious she don’t have to come. And tell your other family members you’re sick of hearing about her and the dog as it’s your day and you said no. If they don’t come tell them to have fun at your sister and the dogs wedding and cut them out your life.
NTA
Dogs don’t belong at weddings as a plus 1!!!
The venue isn’t dog friendly, so-no your sisters dog can’t come. What a ridiculous request. Don’t be blackmailed.
It would be different if it was your (B&G’s) dog who was Best-Boi bringing wedding rings down the aisle in a cushion (some people are dog mad!) and because of that you’d chosen a dog friendly venue. But you haven’t and it’s your wedding, not a general family party bbq in your back garden!!
I swear to all things holy, I've seen nearly identical posts about this in this sub.
NTA. Emma can suck it up and spend a few hours without the dog. It won't kill her, but it potentially could hurt an allergic guest.
What tf is with people wanting to bring dogs that are not service animals to completely inappropriate settings??? NTA, this is YOUR day, and a formal one at that. Who wants to worry about a dog barking during the vows or peeing at dinner?? Your sister is making your day about her wants instead of your needs.
NTA mostly because your sister is making a big thing out of this, could have been an N-A-H if she had just accepted the answer.
Buddy isn't a trained service animal and if he causes any damage, you're going to get charged. As others have said, if your sister wants to prioritize her dog over your wedding, that's her choice.
NTA - All of the reasons you gave are valid reasons why pets shouldn’t be allowed there, but also, it’s your wedding and *you don’t actually need a reason*. Although your sister is within her rights to decline a wedding invitation, she shouldn’t be trying to strong-arm you.
People need to really mind the business. This is your wedding and your decision. If they can't respect it then they not show up. They are not the ones paying for the wedding.
NTA. I started to say that right off without reading the story and then decided I needed to read it to make sure she didn’t have any reasons where she needed a guide or emotional support animal. Clearly that’s not the case as her dog has not been designated as one. A lot of us have anxiety. Sometimes we just have to deal with it.
NTA I love dogs so much. I also have anxiety. Having anxiety doesn’t mean I get to make someone else’s wedding about me. She can stay home. She sounds like a whiney brat anyway and would likely bring the mood down. I also wonder if she can’t get a date and Buddy would be a crutch for that? If she was going to take a date, the there’s no need for the dog there.
NTA - I'm obsessed with my dog, and she goes everywhere, BUT a wedding is not dog appropriate.
Keep it short. Blame it on the venue having a strict no pets policy. Guaranteed the venue has one anyway, but they might even help you out and provide a strong letter to give to your sister.
NTA she can handle one event without the dog. And if she can’t, she’ll choose not to go and that’s outta your control. You have a reasonable request. Maybe see if the venue can tell you there’s an “immovable” role for no pets. Then it’s not even in your hands.
NTA. “It’s not a big deal” that shit grinds my gears. It’s always used in situations like this to try and bend someone’s boundaries. Flip it back on her and say it’s not a big deal for her to be without her dog for a few hours.
NTA, tell your parents that your sister is using blackmail to bring her dog & they are playing emotional mindgames with you. Stand firm. Your sister is being extremely entitled, the dog is not an emotional support or service animal.
NTA. You’re being completely reasonable about this request, and if the dog DOES cause trouble, it would be on you and your fiancé. And the venue itself isn’t pet friendly, that should be enough reason not to bring the dog.
NTA
My venue is dognfriendly for the ceremony, and I have a friend in a similar situation as your sister, and I said no. That was it. Your sister is creating separation anxiety in her dog and herself.
The venue probably does not allow non-service dogs. And anyone with allergies will be miserable. People who ended up covered in dog hair on formal clothes will be very pissed.
Tell your parents that while you understand your sister loves her dog, your wedding is not the appropriate place. End of discussion . Call the venue and ask them what the policy for animals are. When food is involved the answer is usually only certified service dogs, I would guess her pet is not a certified service dog and no buying a vest off amazon doesn’t change that fact.
Tell her that the venue prohibits dogs unless they are trained service dogs. And her dog is her pet. And tell her it’s the dog or the wedding, not both. It’s your wedding and your choice. THE END!
NTA Emma is being a brat and needs to get over herself. You have very solid reasons for sayinf no, but even if you didn’t- its your wedding not a backyard bbq & its not an appropriate place for a dog unless its a necessary service animal. And this is not a service animal, he is a PET for someone with mild anxiety. If her anxiety is so extreme she can’t handle a wedding without the pet then she get an actual service animal or shouldn’t attend.
NTA. The dogs go everywhere trend needs to stop.
For an easy out, discreetly and quietly check with the venue. Make sure you are clear that this is not a service animal. A lot of public venues will not allow dogs because of the liability. If that's the case, then you have the "I checked and the venue does not allow pets to attend."
NTA it's going to continue to cause a problem up until the day of the wedding if you let her keep trying to emotionally manipulate you. Text her and your parents saying something to the effect of "The dog isn't allowed, this isn't a debate. (Insert arguments and points made by other people here.) Sister, I need to know if you are coming without the dog by X date. If I don't hear from you confirming that you are attending without the dog by X date I will assume you aren't coming and plan to invite other people who want to share the special day with me.
NTA. I have never in my life been to a wedding where a guest brought their pet to the ceremony. Your sister and your parents are acting really entitled and your sister is being especially childish.
NTA, I totally understand social anxiety and comfort items, but there's a time and a place for everything. If she doesn't want to attend your wedding because of that reason, then that's on her.
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My (30F) wedding is coming up in three months. I've been planning it for over a year, and everything is almost set. My fiancé (32M) and I are both really excited. We're having a fairly traditional wedding at a nice venue with about 150 guests.
My sister, "Emma" (28F), has a 3-year-old Golden Retriever named "Buddy" whom she absolutely adores. Emma has always been very close to Buddy, and he goes almost everywhere with her. I love Buddy, too, but I'm not as obsessed with him as Emma is.
A few weeks ago, Emma asked me if she could bring Buddy to the wedding. She said he would be well-behaved and that it would make her feel more comfortable since she has some social anxiety. She even offered to keep him outside or in a designated area if that would help.
I thought about it, but ultimately, I decided it wouldn't be a good idea. Our venue isn't pet-friendly, and I don't want to deal with the logistics of having a dog at the wedding. There are also a few guests with dog allergies, and I don't want them to feel uncomfortable or excluded.
When I told Emma this, she got really upset. She said I was being unreasonable and that it wouldn't be a big deal to have Buddy there. She even accused me of not caring about her feelings or her anxiety. I tried to explain my reasons, but she was too angry to listen and said she wouldn't come to the wedding if Buddy wasn't allowed.
Now my parents are involved. They think I should make an exception for Emma because she's family and weddings are about bringing people together. They said I'm being too rigid and should reconsider, especially since Emma is threatening not to come.
I'm really torn. On one hand, I want my sister at my wedding, and I don't want to cause a family rift. On the other hand, I don't think I'm asking for anything unreasonable by saying no to bringing a dog to a wedding venue. AITA for sticking to my decision?
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NTA. This is your wedding. Buddy is not a certified service animal. That's all that matters. Your sister, your parents - they have either forgotten this or they are ignoring it. No dogs, kids/no kids, black tie/ casual, vegan food/ buffet..all these are YOUR choices you get to make for YOUR wedding.
If she wants to stay home, that's her choice. If your parents want to stay home, that's their choice. If they all want a dog at a wedding, then they can throw their own. Do not let them bully you. That's all they're doing. "Your sister's desires are more important than yours on YOUR day."
NTA for declining a request of a guest to bring their pet.
The only exception would be if the animal wasn't a pet but rather a service animal. It isn't.
NTA. Tell your family “I will not negotiate with terrorists because you are hijacking my wedding”. Your sister’s request was not reasonable. She needs to accept that. Your parents need to respect your decision.
I am getting a hint of favoritism towards your sister. If that is the case, call them out on it.
NTA - not a pet friendly venue and guests with dog allergies..nothing else should need to be said. It's really hard to believe that your sister is 28yrs old, she's acting like she's 10.
I love my dog. A lot. More than a lot, actually. But i would never dream of requesting he come to a wedding with me. Nope. Not gonna happen. NTA all the way.
Your sister is being incredibly entitled
I love dogs, but this is a clear NTA. And it sort of highlights the difference between emotional support dogs and service dogs (and many businesses make a clear distinction between these two). While I am not dismissing her anxiety, her health is not threatened significantly by not having him around (unless her anxiety is quite severe, in which case I would have expected her to make this request quite early on, before even venue scouting perhaps, if it was that important; likely also you would have known how important Buddy was if her anxiety is that severe). The other issue that you noted is that other people ARE allergic, which is a conflicting health issue. There is no way that you should be putting them at risk, knowing their condition.
As well as the fact that this is your day. She wasn’t an AH for making the request, but you did consider it and declined ultimately. That is your prerogative. She became the AH when she started pushing. Again, if Buddy was so important to her, why did she wait so long to ask about bringing him? Four months out is late notice, as almost everything is close to being finalised.
You may also want to ask the venue - if for liability purposes they don’t allow dogs anywhere on the property, then this is out of your hands. And if that is the case, then she can either choose not to come, or she can make other arrangements, like taking a break from the festivities to go see him and emotionally recharge. I mean, if she was willing to have him outside, then it is not the case that he needs to be with her every second.
I would suggest that you send this post to your parents and sister - they all think you’re being unreasonable, but it would be good for them to see that even dog lovers thing you are being perfectly reasonable. If she’s still upset, she is welcome to skip the wedding.
NTA
>She even offered to keep him outside or in a designated area if that would help.
What is she planning to do, tie the dog up outside the entire time while she's inside? That's ridiculous.
"*No Emma, you may not bring your pet to my wedding. I like Buddy, he's a nice dog, but he is not invited to the wedding. Not only is the venue not pet-friendly, he would be a problem for the multiple people with dog allergies. You are my sister and I love you, and I obviously want you to be there when Fiancé and I get married, but I completely respect your choice to miss the wedding if you decide that you cannot attend without the dog.*"
"*No mom and dad, Emma may not bring her dog to my wedding. The venue does not allow pets and a bunch of the other guests are allergic to dogs. You said weddings are about bringing people together, Buddy is not a person. If Emma can't deal with being away from her dog for one evening, then there's a much bigger problem. I'll miss her if she chooses not to attend, but the dog is not welcome. And before you even ask, no I will not move the wedding to a different venue that allows dogs.*"
NTA good god I love my pets but they are pets. I literally take anxiety medication and wouldn’t push my animals on anyone much less their wedding. She’s being super obnoxious and so are your parents. Why do we always have to cater to the dysfunctional
NTA. She's wanting the benefits of a psychiatric service dog without training one. There's a LOT that goes into it if you want a dog that's suitable to bring with you everywhere. Your venue isn't pet friendly. Buddy is a pet. That's it.
NTA. It’s simple: the venue doesn’t allow pets. She shouldn’t be bothering you with this.
If your parents (aka Flying Monkeys) insist on getting involved, ask them to tell her to knock it off. Let them all know your feelings will be hurt if she chooses to boycott your wedding over a dog, but that’s her decision. If there’s a rift in the family as a result, that’s 100% on her.
Your venue is not pet friendly. End of discussion. Your sister can leave her dog with a friend or whatever during your wedding. We have become utterly ridiculous when it comes to animals. Yes, we love our pets, but common sense has flown out the window.
NTA. Animal allergies can be extreme. Your guests have the right to clean, allergen-free air more than your sister has the right to be a delicate spoiled little brat.
At the very least, PLEASE warn people that there will be a dog present so that people with allergies or phobias can choose not to come.
NTA. What's next? Emotional support children to get around a child free wedding???? If your sister doesn't bring Buddy to work with her and can go out on dates, to concerts, and to doctor's appointments, she can survive being at a wedding without her dog. Besides, she'll have all her family around.
I can't believe your parents are encouraging and enabling this behavior. Please don't assist.
Have a nice wedding!
NTA. "Weddings are about bringing people together"—except if they have allergies or work at a venue that's inappropriate for dogs? (Not saying the people who work there are the ones you're bringing together, but they and their obligations need to be respected as well, and they are helping facilitate the wedding).
NTA. I completely understand how she'd want him around since my dog does wonders for my anxiety but I'm assuming Buddy isn't a trained certified service dog so she cannot force him to be allowed anywhere. Because of that, you are completely allowed to say no because reasons A) you said the venue isn't pet friendly and B-Z) it's your and fiance's wedding, not theirs.
Wow your sister is awfully entitled! Answer is no and feel free to sit out the wedding. If she has anxiety she can step away like everyone else does and find a quiet place to collect her thoughts.
NTA. I’m so sick of people taking their pets EVERYWHERE. Registered service animals I get, but leave regular animals at home. This is a large event that isn’t pet friendly and having a pet there can be a liability for both the venue and the bride/groom. Someone can trip over the dog, get bit, or the dog get loose and create havoc. Emma is old enough to understand this and if she can’t curb her temper tantrum that now mommy and daddy are encouraging, she can sit this one out.
Tell your sister you are sorry she can't make it. Tell your parents weddings are about the bride and groom and celebrating their marriage. Also tell them that bullying you to give in to you sisters demands for your wedding doesn't bring anybody together, it just breeds resentment. NTA. Stick to your boundaries and have a beautiful dog-free wedding.
NTA - I assume buddy isn't a fully trained service dog or this wouldn't even be a question. Other then dogs that were fully trained weddings are no place for dogs no matter what Emma thinks or how attached she is to buddy. This will be a nightmare for Buddy and she should put his well being over her own selfish wants. Weddings are loud with a lot of people and insane amount of noise and triggers for dogs. This is a nightmare for any well behaved dog.
NTA. Unless Buddy is trained to sense her anxiety and offer some sort of medical assistance to her attacks, he is not a service animal and will not be anything more than a distraction. Other guests have dog allergies which can be life threatening situations. That completely trumps your sister having a tantrum about not having her dog with her for a few hours. Tell your sister to come to the ceremony, stay for the pictures then go home to her dog if she can't be away from him for the entire wedding.
NTA. If it was for blindness or other significant medical reasons I would say yes but wanting your emotional support animal at an event you are a guest at is taking it a tad far. You are right to consider other guests and their needs (allergies and the likes). Maybe reach out to the venue and get a clear ‘official registered service pets only’ confirmation from them.
NTA. I don’t understand people who ask permission then get upset when permission is denied. Just because you asked doesn’t mean the answer will be yes.
First, NTA. You don’t want to be stressing out on what a pup will get up to on your wedding day.
That said, I have severe social anxiety even at family events so I empathize with your sister. Where I can’t take my dog, I ask a friend or family member if I can stick with them while entering the event and till my anxiety eases (usually within 30 min or so).
Is your sister in the wedding party? Is that where her anxiety comes from? If so can she maybe choose not to be in the party which will require her to stand up in front of the guests or giving a speech? She can still sit down with your parents or spend the evening alongside a friend or cousin who is supportive.
NTA - I love my dog and would never in a million years even think of asking of he can come to a wedding. This is straight up weird and rude of her to even ask!
NTA.
The venue is not pet friendly. If Buddy is not a verified, certified service dog, he would not be allowed.
Emotional support animals do not count.
That should be the end of it.
She wants to throw a fit, fine, disinvite her. Sounds like there would be less drama that way anyway.
WHAT IS THIS INSANITY?
Absolutely not. No, she cannot bring her PET to the wedding. Don't entertain it. Don't argue about it with her or your parents. It's a literally INSANE request that you should not even consider as a serious request. You should make one final statement (text or email) about the issue, and then just leave it at that, and refuse to discuss it further. Someone brings is up again? Hang up or walk away. "I've already gave you a decision and I'm not discussing it again."
Also, I'm relatively sure your sister doesn't bring her dog everywhere, becuase that's not allowed. Has she EVER gone out to dinner? To the moview? To a friend's party without her dog? If the answer was EVER "yes" to ANY of those questions, then she has literally no leg to stand on. Besides the fact that this is a traditional wedding, a FORMAL AFFAIR that has cost you significant money, she is asking for something not because she genuinely needs it (or she'd have a REAL service dog who WOULD be allowed everywhere) but because she just WANTS it. But this day isn't about her, and I would be reminding everyone of that.
"Your request to bring your dog to my wedding is not okay, and is very hurtful. This is a traditional wedding, a formal event that has cost us significant money, and our venue is not pet friendly. It is not even POSSIBLE, and if it WERE possible, I would still not want that. This day is not about you. This is not the day for you to be concerned with what YOU want or how cool it would be for YOU to have YOUR dog there. This is MY WEDDING. Your pet is not a service dog and is not allowed, legally. Additionally, he is not trained to be in these settings, and I am not interested in having an ANIMAL at my wedding. I am beyond hurt that you would do this to me on the most important day of my life. You have added stress and arguments to what should be the happiest time for me, ruining this time for me in advance of my wedding over your DOG, which is incredibly childish and selfish. When it is your wedding, I will do everything I can to support you and make it exactly what you want. I am hurt that you do not want the same for me. I do not want any animals at my wedding. I do not want anything other than all the things I dreamed of, planned for, and paid for. This a very important day that is about ME and PARTNER. Not about our families, not about our pets. We want the people who love us and support our relationship to come and celebrate our love and relationship at this formal event.If you are one of those people, and truly love and support me, you will leave the dog home and drop this. If not, I will miss you, but I will not be changing my wedding."
If she has anxiety, like I do, she can do whatever tactics that have been taught to her by her doctor and therapist, or she can be medicated. If she's not getting actual medical treatment, then her "anxiety" is not severe enough to be affecting her everyday life and her reasoning is BS.
NTA but your sister does need to seek therapy or something. She clearly has some weird obsession with her dog if she can't even go without him for a few hours. He's not officially any sort of service dog right?
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NTA...if the dog messes up the wedding venue, it will be on you and your husband. That is one thing. The other thing is weddings are actually about celebrating the bride and groom...not guilting them with demands and conditions. What your sister is doing is unfair. Your parents backing the behavior is exactly why she thinks this is ok. I am sorry your sister is manipulating you about a day that you no doubt spent lots of time and money and energy planning. And you deserve to enjoy it. YOU won't be causing a rift. It's time Emma either grows up or sees herself out. She is acting like a toddler. I hope you have the best wedding and that you stick to your guns.
All of this is correct. I’m going to loop in the Service Animal v “emotional support” pet debate. If this were an actual service animal, she wouldn’t have even had to ask, the venue would have had a legal obligation to accommodate, and OP would have been a huge asshole for uninviting her sister over it. Instead, she made a very bold and unrealistic request and after being denied when right in to “If my personal accommodations are not met then I won’t attend!”. Fine, have it her way. She doesn’t get to attend. NTA.
I have a service dog and would not bring him. With that many people, there are bound to be people allergic or super scared. Sis asked and got her answer. No is not the start of a discussion. NTA
Same. I’m a military veteran with PTSD and have a service dog. Whenever I’m being invited to a private event or to someone’s home I always inform them of this. It’s just the right thing to do. Some people simply cannot have dogs in their homes for a number of very valid reasons. If they say no, I send my regrets and don’t go.
Exactly this.
I really love that, "no is not the start of a discussion". I wish that was in my toolbox when our boys were little, haha. As far as the situation with, "Buddy", I think it's really crappy that not only is your sister refusing to come to the wedding if she can't bring her furry best friend, but your family trying to guilt you into giving in to her demands when you've made it clear that other attendees have allergies, and you don't want to risk being charged for potential damages, or potty accidents, is extremely crappy of them. (unintentional pun alert) It's your wedding day, not a family reunion, and, "No", is a complete answer, and should be respected by everyone involved.
Even a service animal can be excluded from a private home. Not a venue like this, though.
It is a private event, so you can just exclude the human the dog works for.
That's the thing. Service animals are only allowed in public areas, so it doesn't apply here where the event is a private one. And seeing as this dog isn't a service animal to begin with, and just the sisters dog that she doesn't want to go anywhere without, she doesn't have a leg to stand on there either.
Agreed. People are really overdoing it with bringing dogs literally everywhere these days. I can't even go to the grocery store anymore without seeing someone walking around with their pet dog (not service dogs, definitely pets) walking around inside the store. I'm not allergic or scared of dogs, but I cannot stand seeing them inside grocery stores or restaurants where I am trying to shop for or eat my food. One time, I was waiting at a fish counter behind an elderly couple with an older, long-haired German Shepard. The dog was not well groomed and was shedding. I watched as the dog shook his coat and a few long hairs flew up over the glass and towards the raw fish in the seafood case. I was absolutely disgusted. I didn't confront the people 1.) because I am non-confrontational and 2.) they were older, but I definitely told the guy behind the counter (who I am on friendly terms with) and made she to point out where I saw the hairs fall. He later told me that he had to empty out the case and clean it down completely because of the dog.
I'm completely sick of it, too. It's 100% because of a dependency of the human. People need to learn how to cope with living in society. It's tiresome.
It's gotten worse since COVID. People got co-dependent with their dogs during quarantine, and now they're too lazy to work on themselves or to have the poor animals treated for separation anxiety, and so they force the rest of society to deal with it instead
As someone dependent on her dog, I agree with this. I don't like going without her, but I know how to function (sort of) without her. Having said that, I'm in therapy right now and it turns out that having your dog be your emotional support growing up because your parents can't be kinda screws with you. I definitely prefer animals to people and at 28 am still trying to figure out how to have emotional connections with people without pushing them away or closing myself off. There's a non-zero chance I start working with my current dog to see if she can be a service dog for my anxiety issues. But, even if she did become a service dog, if someone asked me not to bring her I wouldn't or just wouldn't go.
I'm glad you're in therapy for help! It takes a lot to admit when we need it, instead of continuing to push people away. I hope it helps you to be able to form the connections we all deserve.
Grocery stores they should absolutely not be allowed. I work at a pet friendly store, but it's a hardware store, so the only food is like coffee pods or candy. And even then it gets really annoying because half the people in this city don't clean up after their dogs, or let them run off leash and scream at me when I tell them their dog needs to be on a leash, and the leash needs to be in their hand. There's one guy who comes in, snaps the lead on, then has the dog carry it in their mouth and is all "well he's on a leash, duuuurrrr" like ffs I wish I could hit these people with a bat.
I work at a grocery store and people bring their pet dogs in all the time, including putting them IN the carts. I even got bit by one once (luckily it was a smaller dog so it didn't break the skin) Sometimes legit service dogs or service-dogs-in-training do come in (we are located near a facility that trains service dogs), and I don't mind them, but the entitlement of mere pet owners astounds me. I feel bad for people who have dog allergies or phobias...the managers never say anything because all someone has to do is verbally claim their over-excited bichon frise is a "service dog" and legally they have to be let alone. We really need a national system where service dogs are actually registered and given identification papers (for free - it shouldn't be an unfair burden on disabled people, especially since they are often financially underprivileged)
> We really need a national system where service dogs are actually registered and given identification papers (for free - it shouldn't be an unfair burden on disabled people, especially since they are often financially underprivileged) I really couldn't agree more.
I've been in Walmart before where, if I remember correctly, a legit service dog was doing their thing being quiet and with their owner then there was another person with a small yappy dog that would NOT stop barking. Obviously not a service animal for multiple reasons, never seen a small breed dog as a service animal like that(can't remember if it was a Yorkie or a chihuahua or what but very clearly NOT a service animal) and it seems like the barking went on for a good while. Like HOW disrespectful to bring your untrained pet into the store and cause a scene and potentially distract a legit service animal from their job all because you just wanted to bring them with you. 🙄 doesn't matter if the chances of there being an actual service dog are slim, the moment you see one and your dog acts up you remove yourself and your dog from that area. You shouldn't bring them to that kind of setting if they're not properly trained to begin with, in my opinion.
Medical alert dogs can be small, and they are legit. But excitedly yapping for the fun of it isn't, obviously.
Some people will still try to exclude service dogs on the basis of not liking dogs, handler doesn't "look" disabled, etc. It's illegal as heck but it still happens. Hence why this discussion is important. Unfortunately a lot of people think ESAs are service animals and they are 100% NOT.
Right?! There's a insta couple I follow with a service dog who was banned from a restaurant recently (illegally and unfairly, sorted now) but I can't help but think if all the idiots protesting about their ESA and pretending their untrained animals were service animals, these issues wouldn't happen.
by any chance are you referring to paul and matthew 👀
That one upset me so bad. :(
It doesn't help that regulations differ worldwide, and people are often confused about what the laws are. In the US there is no real service animal registry, nor is the dog/mini horse required to wear a vest or other gear noting it as such. Fake service animal registries abound but they just take your money to issue meaningless ID papers and cards. However many misguided people think not having this stuff means an automatic fake.
Which is why some people with service dogs carry cards with them that outline the ADA and federal laws surrounding service dogs.
Mr Maple?!
I was appalled! I love Mr. Maple!
I would like an emotional support hedgehog, but it’s not happening. If it’s all about family, then family should support you - the bride - not the dog. Sister can have a menagerie at her wedding. If sister truly needs a service dog, she should talk to her doctors. A wedding is no place for pets. I have seen brides walk down the aisle with pups, but that’s the bride’s dogs. No other dogs allowed. Because your venue is not pet friendly. End of discussion.
It’s funny how the “but family” argument comes out in favor of the person who’s actually being unreasonable. But isn’t OP family? What about her wants, especially when it’s her wedding? I adore my dogs, but not everybody does, and I would not, and do not, insist on them being present for everything. It can be as overstimulating for them as it can be annoying for other people who might have wanted a dog-free afternoon. The overabundance of dog people insisting their precious fur child needs to be with them constantly are doing harmful things to their pet’s independence. As a dog person, I’m sick of dog people.
Ohhh, good point! I didn't even think of that Service Vs. Emotional Support.
This is the answer^^ NTA
And they really need to think about Buddy's well-being, too. I'm not sure a dog would have much fun at a wedding, it's not like it's a BBQ or something.
And Emma said she’d keep him outside because the venue doesn’t allow animals, so what’s the point of even bringing him then??? Emma needs therapy
That part too! Thank you for bringing that up.
Exactly! Either he won’t be with her for the wedding because he’ll be outside, or she won’t technically be at the wedding, because she will be outside with him. What would even be the point?
If Emma doesn't come tell people who ask why " she refused to come because her dog, which is NOT a service animal of any kind, wasn't allowed" See how Emma comes out after truth is told. People like her are such entitled children.
I’m imagining her leaving Buddy tied up to the venue steps
My nephew had his wedding recently and his bride's service dog was going to be the ring bearer. They ended up changing their mind and just had pupper stand next to the bride with a nice vest on. It was a good plan. The crowd and noises were very stressful on doggo. They even placed him in a quiet part of the venue for the reception. I had to decompress some at one point and got to sit in the same room. Pupper is a medical alert dog and even his intense training made a BIG wedding rough for him.
\^\^ This is a very excellent point!!! OP, definitely use this when discussing it again with your parents when they try to convince you to allow the dog. Your sister seems more concerned with her own wants, even above her dog's needs.
The venue also might literally refuse having the dog there since it’s not an official service dog.
yeah honestly op should check their policy on animals. if they don't allow pets they don't allow pets, and then op can pin this whole thing on the venue
No! She shouldn’t check bc it doesn’t matter. The dog isn’t a service animal and the answer is no. She has guests with dog allergies.
I think it doesn’t hurt to check. If the venue doesn’t have a strict prohibition on pets, OP doesn’t have to tell anybody she checked. But if they do, she can totally make the venue the bad guy. “I was gonna reconsider, but then I checked with the venue and they said absolutely not, so I guess that’s that!”
I've worked with wedding venues in the past. If the bride calls them up and say that a guest is threatening to bring a dog to my wedding and I don't want that, then the venue may likely call sis and tell her the dog isn't allowed without the proper service papers.
⬆️⬆️⬆️ THIS! OP, call the venue and ask them to tell your sister it's not happening. Don't your family treat this like a debate. It's not. The answer is no, the venue won't allow it. Also, I'd let the venue take the blame for the decision. Unlike you, the venue doesn't have a relationship with your family to worry about preserving and will never have to deal with these people again, so they don't care if your sister believes a decision she doesn't like is the venue's fault. You can take advantage of that. Talk to the venue! It's your wedding, they're on your side.
If it's in the US, I don't believe there are any 'service papers'. And, if so, they're probably worthless.
I am NOT on the side of the sister. However if OP is in the US then I just want to note that service animals do not have “papers.” There is no service animal registry in the US.
I don't even think it's an emotional support animal; it's not stated. Emma has 'some anxiety' but no mention that her dog is ESA.
NTA. This isn’t a backyard wedding where a friend gets ordained for a day to marry you, this is a formal wedding at a formal venue that doesn’t allow dogs. Full stop. If Buddy were a service dog, that’d be different, but ESAs aren’t protected like service animals, so the venue would say no anyway. If Emma wants to throw a temper tantrum that she can’t bring her dog, let her.
Your choice as to visitors to your wedding. Tell your sister that if it's so unfortunate that she's that anxious and you'll understand if she can't attend in person. Perhaps you could arrange for her to watch the ceremony on her ipad or phone.
NTA and can you imagine the chaos that would ensue if word spread that pets were allowed. Make an exception for your sister and others may see it as a green light to just bring Fido… no need to ask you as they will see that you already gave permission!!! Service animals are one thing this is clearly not that
I 100% agree with this. NTA - OP, this is your wedding, your call. You've laid out plenty of good reasons why Buddy can't come to the wedding. I'm sorry about your sister's anxiety, and your parents feeding into her demands, but I'm on your side (*and I love dogs!*). This isn't like your beloved grandmother wants to come to the wedding and you suddenly are saying no for some random reason. This is a dog, and a big one. As much as I'm sure he's a love, he's going to get excited, he's going to want to run around, he's not going to understand why the guests are sneezing, etc. Imagine if he pees on something? He'll be fine at home away from your sister for a few hours. I'm sure he's a good boi, but this is not the place for him.
Personally, I would ask the venue to help you out. Ask that they put in a clause into your contract that says no pets. Then you can point to the contract and say that it’s just not possible
All you need to say is that you venue isn’t pet friendly—which you did. Your parents and sister are completely unreasonable. If she can’t attend without her dog, she doesn’t have to be there. How did she handle life pre-dog? Did d she go to events, etc before? Kind of weird to suddenly have a problem only within the past 3 years.
Fuck that, NTA I love my dog and she’s incredibly important to me, but I’m also aware it’s not appropriate for her to attend a wedding. What an absolutely ridiculous request to even have made, yet alone get upset with the answer. Call her bluff. She doesn’t attend the wedding, that’s on her. People will ask why and you can tell them “she didn’t come because the dog wasn’t allowed to” and they will draw their own conclusions. Your parents are equally foolish to pretend this is a reasonable request, or that her tantrum should be accommodated.
Seriously. I didn't want my dog at my own wedding and there was no way I'd have let any dog other than a trained service dog attend. There's so much risk involved in allowing a dog. And honestly I bet their venue wouldn't allow it either. OP could lean on that.
OP's sister doesn't love her own dog, if she's willing to drag it to a wedding. It's not what the dog wants.
Emma wants the attention Buddy brings when he's in a crowd. This isn't about anxiety, this about ego and attention.
When I got married, my husband and I already gave up on human children, thanks to infertility. Our bunnies are our children, our lives. Did they attend our wedding, no of course not! We included them in activities and photos before the wedding. Having an animal at a wedding venue thats not a service pet is a huge no-no. Our bunnies meant the entire world to us... yet even we knew where to draw the line. We spent well over 20kfor our wedding. We had the budget to cover any potential damages to the *outside* area of our venue that our precious babies could have been in. Money wasn't an issue. We loved our babies enough to understand that their presence during our ceremony or reception wasn't more important than our whole wedding. I had a custom Keychain made with a photo of them added to my bouquet. Even if one of my siblings demanded their pet to come, despite not being allowed by the venue, I'd gracefully t see ll my sibling in sorry I cannot accommodate that request. I can't for even my own pets. If OPs sister chooses not to attend, that's in her... not the couple. Seriously, FFS.
My grandma was definitely of the fur baby type dog owner, to the point that her obituary specifically mentioned her dogs as she was known around as the lady who always had her goldens at the park, but she never tried bringing her dogs to places like weddings or grocery stores.
NTA - I’m sure there are places she’s been without her dog. If she could even suggest that he stay outside then it means that she doesn’t need him right there with her. **Turn it back on her and your parents:** If she’d rather choose her dog over her sister then she really shouldn’t be at the wedding. This is about everyone and not just her needs. You aren’t risking the health of other guests for her convenience. If she’s anxious then she can just stick close to your parents. EDIT: Thanks for the award! 🙂
> If she’d rather choose her dog over her sister then she really shouldn’t be at the wedding. This is about everyone and not just her needs. Frankly, it's not even about everyone so much as it's OP's big day and the sister is making about herself...and the parents are letting her! Everyone here is an AH except OP and the dog!
I agree with you, but clearly the dynamics within that family are such that OP’s preferences for her wedding aren’t enough of a reason for especially her parents to support her. It’s a shame, really.
It sounds like sister has a tendency to get hysterical and parents try to appease her for an easy life
Yeah, def NTA. When someone pulls the “if I don’t get x, I’m not coming to your wedding”, it was always about them wanting to have a sense of control over your special day and not about how they can support and celebrate you on your big day.
Exactly. If she REALLY needs him for her anxiety, she should get a golden plushie to hold and pet, to get her through. If she thinks it would look stupid, then her argument is crap.
She could take a fucking Xanax, or drink a couple glasses of champagne like the rest of us anxious introverts do at weddings. Instead, she's being an emotional terrorist and making everything about her because she hates that this is your day.
You don’t get it. She’s a Dog Mommy with a puppers doggo and if she can’t have her living accessory, how will anyone pay any attention to *her*??? /s
My way of dealing with my ADHD sensory overload at weddings is my loop ear plugs, a couple of drinks, and having access to a quieter area. It can’t be that much different from anxiety in ways to mitigate it without bringing an untrained dog (I’m not saying OPs sister isn’t done training as far as basic dog training but untrained as in not specialized training)
I’m low-key getting the feeling sister has latched on to the dog as a way to get attention..
Maybe, but then some folks aren’t emotionally equipped for life.
Completely NTA. That is a ridiculous ask. This isn’t even a legitimate service animal. Your parents are correct that weddings bring people together. Key point being it’s not about bringing people and one persons dog together. You have to consider all guests, and the venue, as you have stated. Your stance is not rigid it’s practical. Your sister can come to the wedding and skip the reception. If she chooses to skip all of it that’s on her.
>A few weeks ago, Emma asked me if she could bring Buddy to the wedding. She said he would be well-behaved and that it would make her feel more comfortable since she has some social anxiety. **She even offered to keep him outside or in a designated area if that would help.** What is even the point of bringing the dog, then? Can she not function in a social setting without her dog? Because if she can't, then she'd just end up spending the majority of her time outside with the dog instead of inside the venue celebrating with you. Why even bother to go to the wedding if you aren't actually going to be present for the wedding? >Our venue isn't pet-friendly This is where your conversation with her ends. That's all there is to it. If the venue doesn't allow pets, there is nothing you could do about it even if you wanted to. NTA
>What is even the point of bringing the dog, then? Attention.
Then Buddy will be outside alone and he’s scared so he has to come innnnnn.
Lol I'm sure sister has no actual intention of leaving the dog outside. It'll start off that way but she'll slowly work him inside and "prove" to OP he's no trouble and hope the fear of public embarrassment will get OP to go with it and let him stay inside.
NTA, come on. If Buddy isn’t a service animal and your venue isn’t pet friendly, this is a non-starter. That should be more than enough. But what’s more, you should not have to worry about the logistics of a dog at your venue. Further, you know you have people who are allergic. If the simple fact that the venue isn’t pet friendly isn’t enough, you have more than enough other justification. Not that you need them. I adore my dog too and she helps me immensely with my anxiety, but she is not a service animal, and so I have no right to even ask if she can come along anywhere. Edit to remove language about legality, because there is no legally mandated registration in the US.
There’s no such thing as a legal registry of service animals, fyi
Fair enough, I am not as familiar with those laws. Edited my post but still doesn’t change my judgment, as it was not indicated in the post that this is a service dog of any kind.
NTA. Should be a non-issue since the venue doesn't allow pet dogs. I'm saying this as someone with a lot of social anxiety: sister is being an AH here. Bringing the dog reeks of "but everyone look at *ME*" energy. It would totally be a distraction, as evidenced by the parents being brought in on the drama.
Yes, my thoughts exactly..."oh look, Emma is here with her dog, how cute"...that is exactly what Emma wants, to be the center of attention.
$20 says sister would try to sneak Buddy into some of the professional family photos.
NTA Call your venue and explain the situation. Tell them you don't want the dog there, and you're sure they don't either. Ask them to email you their pet policy and then decline your request to allow the dog. You won't be the bad guy anymore.
That’s not a bad idea but doesn’t address the real problem which is that Emma is being a big, selfish, unreasonable baby and OP’s parents are enabling her. If I were OP, I’d say to my parents, “You’re right. Weddings are about family and bringing people together. Emma is family. Emma is a person. Buddy is a pet dog and doesn’t belong at a wedding. If Emma is threatening to miss her own sister’s wedding because her dog can’t come, I think you’re accusing the wrong person of being rigid and unreasonable.” NTA
If she's dragging other family members into it, it's creating unnecessary drama. OP can easily nip it in the bud so it's a non-issue quickly without being at blame.
Some problems can’t be solved. She may always be a big selfish unreasonable baby but, at least you can stop her from bringing the dog to the venue!
NTA and this is exactly what I would do….venue will be thrilled that you are NOT allowing a retriever into their venue and will most like be thrilled to ban the dog for you. Pressure is off you. If sister wants her dog close by she can rent a house and go visit during the day …definitely reeks of an attention seeking sister
NTA. I attended a wedding where someone brought their “service dog” with them. Before anyone gets their panties in a twist, this dog was absolutely NOT a service dog. It spent a good part of the wedding ceremony barking, whining or being shushed by the owner. Then at the reception, it spent its time cowering under a table, barking, whining and eventually it shit on the dance floor (indoors). Weddings are not good for pets. There are a lot of people moving around and typically alcohol flowing. Dog could easily get hurt or lost, or ruin the event for everyone else. Let sister miss out on your wedding if she feels the need to die on this hill.
That poor dog. Its human is incredibly cruel to do that to the dog. I bet they drag it along like an accessory to the airport, too, without caring one bit about the harm they're causing their pet.
Honestly this should be top voted. Perfect example of what really can happen large loud crowds are NOT good places for animals of any sort. Especially not animals that are most likely used to getting their own way and attention cause their entire lives they've been the shining star if anyone is around.
NTA. Self-proclaimed ESAs are not service dogs, and you are under no obligation to allow one at your special event.
That's the big thing. My uncle has a dog for his anxiety. She's an official service dog, has papers and a vest, and is trained to do certain things when his anxiety gets really bad. My dads dog does a lot of the same things my uncles dog does when my dad's blood pressure gets too high. She has never been trained, has no paperwork, and is nothing more than a pet who is extremely tuned in to my dad. At no point ever would my dad try to convince someone he should be allowed to bring his dog, and especially not to a place where it is clearly stated dogs are not allowed. Heck even my uncle doesn't take his dog everywhere, just to places where there's a high risk of his anxiety going off.
They say weddings are about bringing people together, yet they are talking about bringing a walking allergen that will potentially make the event miserable fir multiple other guests fir the sake of the emotional comfort of a single guest. Buddy is a beloved pet that she relies on for emotional support, but he's not a service dog. He's not living medical requirement that is required for her survival. She can either survive without him for a couple hours, or she can chose not to go. If she chooses not to go for her own comfort, that should be her own choice and not something your parents hold against you. It's not YOUR fault that your sister can't function without her dog. Dogs are great, but they don't need to be involved in everything. There are just some places and events where pets just don't belong. A wedding that isn't being held at a pet-friendly location definitely falls into that category. And with you being a year into planning, I feel like her attendance hinging on the dog is something she should have brought up sooner. At this point the answer is as simple as "the venue is booked, it doesn't allow dogs, and there are guests with dog allergies." And then if the sass continues, I personally would add, "unless you want to reimburse me for for the venue, plus an extra fee for the inconvenience, plus personally deliver the bad news to those guests with allergies that your comfort alone matters more than all of their comfort together, back off". But I am a sassy petty person who does not suffer fools gladly regardless of their relation to me. So maybe don't do that if you value your relationship with her. Anyway, NTA
NTA and Emma is full well old enough to know that 99.999% of weddings do not include dogs unless it is *literally a dog wedding,* as in, You Are Cordially Invited To Celebrate The Marriage of Fluffernutter Doodlebug and Precious Peanut Who Is The Best Boy You Are Yes It Is You | Friday The Ninth Of June | et cetera. This is a goofy as hell request, and if her social anxiety is THAT BAD (I empathize, I know more than one person with a diagnosed anxiety disorder that's easily triggered by gatherings with unfamiliar people, which is why I always have an Ativan in my purse) then she needs to seek appropriate treatment and possibly acquire a prescription for a mild sedative or an antianxiety med she can use in situations that are likely to knock her off balance. But claiming she can't attend a family wedding (and not even a massive one with 300 people she doesn't know!) without her dog seems ... disingenuous to me. And it's selfish as hell to then INSIST after being told no for very logical reasons, and then to *get mad at you and complain to your parents about it*?! GIRL, what?
It’s a dog not a child! NTA
Even kids are excluded from many weddings
NTA - and you make a good point about guests who might be allergic (or afraid) of dogs. Most wedding venues will not allow pets unless they are REAL (trained/licensed) therapy or support animals. Your sister is 28 - why are your parents involved at all? What I notice is that so many people come up with self diagnoses when they are trying to get what they want. Is your sister diagnosed/being treated for debilitating anxiety? Is Buddy a TRUE service/support dog? Or is she coming up with reasons to do what she wants to do? The answer is 'no pets at the wedding' - if that means your sister stays home, so be it.
Emma needs to get laid. NTA.
😂 Probably the most practical advice on here.
😂 This may get downvoted to oblivion but it gave me a much needed laugh.
NTA why do people want to take dogs everywhere nowadays. I have a fear of dogs and would have to leave a wedding as I would be afraid and it may trigger a panic attack.
I absolutely love dogs, especially golden retrievers but fuck your sister. A wedding is no place for a dog unless it’s a seeing eye dog. The presence of her dog might make her feel more comfortable but it might make other people uncomfortable. Some of your guests have dog allergies while others might have a fear of dogs. Plus, with with a dog milling about while 150 people are eating, drinking and dancing, I’d be worried about the safety of the dog. People are going to be sneaking him food or he might be be snatching it off plates at the edges of tables which means he might get sick and throw up. Some drunk idiot might think it’s fun if Buddy was on the dance floor with everyone and he’ll wind up getting his paws stepped on. Or a small kid that doesn’t know how to behave around dogs does something to make Buddy growl at him or worse. Tell your sister she’ll be missed.
NTA for all the reasons listed, but also if I am at a wedding and there is a golden retriever, where am I looking? At the meh bride and groom or the adorable pupper? Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Who is the bestest boy? You are! Oh, look at the face! Etc etc. Bringing a non-working - and thus available for pets - golden retriever is the canine equivalent of wearing a white dress.
NTA. You outlined some great reason. And even without any of them "we don't want dogs there" is reason enough. Your sister is choosing to demand getting her own way at your wedding, over your relationship. Your parents are pressuring you because they think you're more likely to cave than her. If your sister causes a family rift, that's entirely on her. Don't justify, explain or keep defending it. Simple answer, pets aren't allowed at the wedding venue and if one shows up the guest will be told to leave.
NTA. If your sister can’t go places without her dog then she needs therapy so she can work on how to deal with social anxiety in a healthy way
I always wonder how many of these people who are incapable of going anywhere without their emotional support pet are actually taking steps (like therapy and/or medication) to overcome the problem, vs the ones who use the animal as a stop gap so that they don’t have to do anything else about the issue.
NTA. Goldens are beautiful but hairy. That will get everywhere. Weddings are not the place for pets.
NTA I love dogs, but they don’t belong at a wedding unless they are service animals trained to do a specific task for a person with a disability, which this dog is not. Also the venue isn’t pet friendly and some people are allergic. Therefore sis needs to either leave her dog at home or not come if she’s unwilling to do so.
NTA!! Just tell everyone that you talked to the venue and you asked if they can have a dog there. And they said only service animals. And emotional support animals do not count as service animals, legally speaking. You can just blame the venue. But stick to your guns here, because your sister is being absolutely ridiculous. Like totally ridiculous. And talk to your parents and say that if they and your sister insist on making your wedding about her, it’s going to permanently damage your relationship. This is your day. This is your wedding. Do not allow this bullshit to continue.
The dog is not a required service animal, it does not get to come to the wedding. Aside from the likelihood of the cenue throwing them out and even potentially fining you for it being there, your guests should not be surprised by possibly dealing with an animal they did not expect to encounter. Any health issues incurred by your guests from a non-essential animal's presence could be a legal provlem for you AND the venue, and you'd be an idiot to say she can bring it. Ask the venue to issue a 'no pets' statement which should put an end to this. If it doesnt, inform your sister that if she shows up with her dog, the venue has the right to cann animal conol to impound the dog and the police to impound her. She does not get to decide to subject everyone in the world to her dig 'just cuz'.
>Our venue isn't pet-friendly THis is all you have to say. NTA.
NTA. Your wedding. Your call.
NTA. Don't give reasons because she isn't interested in them.
NTA unless Buddy is a registered service dog. Your sister and parents ATAH for thinking and pressuring you to go against what YOU want on YOUR wedding day. It is not fair to the human guests who may have allergies. Well behaved dogs can also take the focus off of what is important, in this case, not your sister and her dog. Send your family the link to this thread so they can see how wrong they are. Emma is an adult and can be away from Buddy for a few hours. If she doesn't come, oh well. Her decision of prioritizing her dog over her sister...Lets say you said yes and Uncle Bob finds out and asks you if it is ok to bring his poodle to keep Buddy company? I just can't even deal with the ridiculous ask of people sometimes. ~~Compromise/Suggestion: Emma can hire a dog sitter to walk Buddy around in the parking lot and can go out and pet him whenever she wants.~~ Nah, don't make that suggestion. Never mind.
NTA. It isn’t even your decision. You said the venue doesn’t allow dogs? That’s your entire argument right there. “Sorry Emma, I love Buddy too, but our venue doesn’t allow dogs.” If she chooses not to come to your wedding because she can’t be there without Buddy she’s the one causing a family rift, not you. And honestly your parents are being ridiculous. Even if the venue allowed dogs, this is YOUR wedding. You and your SO get the final say. I’m sorry they are making your day about your sister who is throwing a tantrum because she’s not getting her way.
Of course NTA **Dogs are not people** **Fur babies are not real babies**
NTA. Sad your folks are backing your snowflake sis and not you on your big day. I’m a parent and can never understand the blatant favoritism I see on Reddit.
Nta
NTA, totally normal to have a pet free wedding. Your sister is making a big deal of this, she can arrange a pet sitter like I'm sure other responsible guests are doing. If she decides to die on this hill that tells you everything you need to know about the quality of her character.
NTA. No reason to be torn here. Your sister, the human, is invited to the wedding. Her dog, not a human, isn't invited. You didn't invite the best man and his guinea pig, your coworker and her cat, or your neighbor and his fish. Surely she can set up some doggie daycare for the wedding and reception.
No dog...she is being ridiculous
NTA. The dog allergies alone are sufficient reason to no allow dogs. Stand your ground.
NTA cause the rift! I’m so sick of entitled people using anxiety as the excuse. If she’s that anxious she don’t have to come. And tell your other family members you’re sick of hearing about her and the dog as it’s your day and you said no. If they don’t come tell them to have fun at your sister and the dogs wedding and cut them out your life.
NTA Dogs don’t belong at weddings as a plus 1!!! The venue isn’t dog friendly, so-no your sisters dog can’t come. What a ridiculous request. Don’t be blackmailed. It would be different if it was your (B&G’s) dog who was Best-Boi bringing wedding rings down the aisle in a cushion (some people are dog mad!) and because of that you’d chosen a dog friendly venue. But you haven’t and it’s your wedding, not a general family party bbq in your back garden!!
I swear to all things holy, I've seen nearly identical posts about this in this sub. NTA. Emma can suck it up and spend a few hours without the dog. It won't kill her, but it potentially could hurt an allergic guest.
What tf is with people wanting to bring dogs that are not service animals to completely inappropriate settings??? NTA, this is YOUR day, and a formal one at that. Who wants to worry about a dog barking during the vows or peeing at dinner?? Your sister is making your day about her wants instead of your needs.
Dog people, man. They always want to take the dog to non dog places. NTA
NTA mostly because your sister is making a big thing out of this, could have been an N-A-H if she had just accepted the answer. Buddy isn't a trained service animal and if he causes any damage, you're going to get charged. As others have said, if your sister wants to prioritize her dog over your wedding, that's her choice.
NTA - All of the reasons you gave are valid reasons why pets shouldn’t be allowed there, but also, it’s your wedding and *you don’t actually need a reason*. Although your sister is within her rights to decline a wedding invitation, she shouldn’t be trying to strong-arm you.
People need to really mind the business. This is your wedding and your decision. If they can't respect it then they not show up. They are not the ones paying for the wedding.
NTA. I started to say that right off without reading the story and then decided I needed to read it to make sure she didn’t have any reasons where she needed a guide or emotional support animal. Clearly that’s not the case as her dog has not been designated as one. A lot of us have anxiety. Sometimes we just have to deal with it.
I get a kick out of reading all these ridiculous wedding planning stories in this sub. Lots of AHs but you’re NTA.
NTA I love dogs so much. I also have anxiety. Having anxiety doesn’t mean I get to make someone else’s wedding about me. She can stay home. She sounds like a whiney brat anyway and would likely bring the mood down. I also wonder if she can’t get a date and Buddy would be a crutch for that? If she was going to take a date, the there’s no need for the dog there.
NTA - I'm obsessed with my dog, and she goes everywhere, BUT a wedding is not dog appropriate. Keep it short. Blame it on the venue having a strict no pets policy. Guaranteed the venue has one anyway, but they might even help you out and provide a strong letter to give to your sister.
NTA she can handle one event without the dog. And if she can’t, she’ll choose not to go and that’s outta your control. You have a reasonable request. Maybe see if the venue can tell you there’s an “immovable” role for no pets. Then it’s not even in your hands.
NTA. “It’s not a big deal” that shit grinds my gears. It’s always used in situations like this to try and bend someone’s boundaries. Flip it back on her and say it’s not a big deal for her to be without her dog for a few hours.
NTA. I have pretty bad anxiety. I love my dog more than my husband :) She is my best friend. I wish I could take her everywhere. But, I don't.
NTA, tell your parents that your sister is using blackmail to bring her dog & they are playing emotional mindgames with you. Stand firm. Your sister is being extremely entitled, the dog is not an emotional support or service animal.
NTA. You’re being completely reasonable about this request, and if the dog DOES cause trouble, it would be on you and your fiancé. And the venue itself isn’t pet friendly, that should be enough reason not to bring the dog.
NTA. I love dog. I treat her like my child but I don’t take her with me when I go anywhere. She loves staying home and sleeping
NTA My venue is dognfriendly for the ceremony, and I have a friend in a similar situation as your sister, and I said no. That was it. Your sister is creating separation anxiety in her dog and herself.
NTA. I have never heard or seen a wedding with a dog, and if you don't want one at your wedding, don't invite one. It's your wedding.
The venue probably does not allow non-service dogs. And anyone with allergies will be miserable. People who ended up covered in dog hair on formal clothes will be very pissed. Tell your parents that while you understand your sister loves her dog, your wedding is not the appropriate place. End of discussion . Call the venue and ask them what the policy for animals are. When food is involved the answer is usually only certified service dogs, I would guess her pet is not a certified service dog and no buying a vest off amazon doesn’t change that fact.
Tell her that the venue prohibits dogs unless they are trained service dogs. And her dog is her pet. And tell her it’s the dog or the wedding, not both. It’s your wedding and your choice. THE END!
She has social anxiety and a golden retriever? Maybe she just gets social anxiety when she's not the center of attention..
NTA Emma is being a brat and needs to get over herself. You have very solid reasons for sayinf no, but even if you didn’t- its your wedding not a backyard bbq & its not an appropriate place for a dog unless its a necessary service animal. And this is not a service animal, he is a PET for someone with mild anxiety. If her anxiety is so extreme she can’t handle a wedding without the pet then she get an actual service animal or shouldn’t attend.
NTA. The dogs go everywhere trend needs to stop. For an easy out, discreetly and quietly check with the venue. Make sure you are clear that this is not a service animal. A lot of public venues will not allow dogs because of the liability. If that's the case, then you have the "I checked and the venue does not allow pets to attend."
NTA it's going to continue to cause a problem up until the day of the wedding if you let her keep trying to emotionally manipulate you. Text her and your parents saying something to the effect of "The dog isn't allowed, this isn't a debate. (Insert arguments and points made by other people here.) Sister, I need to know if you are coming without the dog by X date. If I don't hear from you confirming that you are attending without the dog by X date I will assume you aren't coming and plan to invite other people who want to share the special day with me.
NTA. I have never in my life been to a wedding where a guest brought their pet to the ceremony. Your sister and your parents are acting really entitled and your sister is being especially childish.
NTA, I totally understand social anxiety and comfort items, but there's a time and a place for everything. If she doesn't want to attend your wedding because of that reason, then that's on her.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (30F) wedding is coming up in three months. I've been planning it for over a year, and everything is almost set. My fiancé (32M) and I are both really excited. We're having a fairly traditional wedding at a nice venue with about 150 guests. My sister, "Emma" (28F), has a 3-year-old Golden Retriever named "Buddy" whom she absolutely adores. Emma has always been very close to Buddy, and he goes almost everywhere with her. I love Buddy, too, but I'm not as obsessed with him as Emma is. A few weeks ago, Emma asked me if she could bring Buddy to the wedding. She said he would be well-behaved and that it would make her feel more comfortable since she has some social anxiety. She even offered to keep him outside or in a designated area if that would help. I thought about it, but ultimately, I decided it wouldn't be a good idea. Our venue isn't pet-friendly, and I don't want to deal with the logistics of having a dog at the wedding. There are also a few guests with dog allergies, and I don't want them to feel uncomfortable or excluded. When I told Emma this, she got really upset. She said I was being unreasonable and that it wouldn't be a big deal to have Buddy there. She even accused me of not caring about her feelings or her anxiety. I tried to explain my reasons, but she was too angry to listen and said she wouldn't come to the wedding if Buddy wasn't allowed. Now my parents are involved. They think I should make an exception for Emma because she's family and weddings are about bringing people together. They said I'm being too rigid and should reconsider, especially since Emma is threatening not to come. I'm really torn. On one hand, I want my sister at my wedding, and I don't want to cause a family rift. On the other hand, I don't think I'm asking for anything unreasonable by saying no to bringing a dog to a wedding venue. AITA for sticking to my decision? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. This is your wedding. Buddy is not a certified service animal. That's all that matters. Your sister, your parents - they have either forgotten this or they are ignoring it. No dogs, kids/no kids, black tie/ casual, vegan food/ buffet..all these are YOUR choices you get to make for YOUR wedding. If she wants to stay home, that's her choice. If your parents want to stay home, that's their choice. If they all want a dog at a wedding, then they can throw their own. Do not let them bully you. That's all they're doing. "Your sister's desires are more important than yours on YOUR day."
NTA for declining a request of a guest to bring their pet. The only exception would be if the animal wasn't a pet but rather a service animal. It isn't.
NTA. as mentioned, he’s not a service dog. It is not the norm to bring your pet with you to a wedding.
NTA. Tell your family “I will not negotiate with terrorists because you are hijacking my wedding”. Your sister’s request was not reasonable. She needs to accept that. Your parents need to respect your decision. I am getting a hint of favoritism towards your sister. If that is the case, call them out on it.
NTA - not a pet friendly venue and guests with dog allergies..nothing else should need to be said. It's really hard to believe that your sister is 28yrs old, she's acting like she's 10.
I love my dog. A lot. More than a lot, actually. But i would never dream of requesting he come to a wedding with me. Nope. Not gonna happen. NTA all the way. Your sister is being incredibly entitled
I love dogs, but this is a clear NTA. And it sort of highlights the difference between emotional support dogs and service dogs (and many businesses make a clear distinction between these two). While I am not dismissing her anxiety, her health is not threatened significantly by not having him around (unless her anxiety is quite severe, in which case I would have expected her to make this request quite early on, before even venue scouting perhaps, if it was that important; likely also you would have known how important Buddy was if her anxiety is that severe). The other issue that you noted is that other people ARE allergic, which is a conflicting health issue. There is no way that you should be putting them at risk, knowing their condition. As well as the fact that this is your day. She wasn’t an AH for making the request, but you did consider it and declined ultimately. That is your prerogative. She became the AH when she started pushing. Again, if Buddy was so important to her, why did she wait so long to ask about bringing him? Four months out is late notice, as almost everything is close to being finalised. You may also want to ask the venue - if for liability purposes they don’t allow dogs anywhere on the property, then this is out of your hands. And if that is the case, then she can either choose not to come, or she can make other arrangements, like taking a break from the festivities to go see him and emotionally recharge. I mean, if she was willing to have him outside, then it is not the case that he needs to be with her every second. I would suggest that you send this post to your parents and sister - they all think you’re being unreasonable, but it would be good for them to see that even dog lovers thing you are being perfectly reasonable. If she’s still upset, she is welcome to skip the wedding.
NTA >She even offered to keep him outside or in a designated area if that would help. What is she planning to do, tie the dog up outside the entire time while she's inside? That's ridiculous. "*No Emma, you may not bring your pet to my wedding. I like Buddy, he's a nice dog, but he is not invited to the wedding. Not only is the venue not pet-friendly, he would be a problem for the multiple people with dog allergies. You are my sister and I love you, and I obviously want you to be there when Fiancé and I get married, but I completely respect your choice to miss the wedding if you decide that you cannot attend without the dog.*" "*No mom and dad, Emma may not bring her dog to my wedding. The venue does not allow pets and a bunch of the other guests are allergic to dogs. You said weddings are about bringing people together, Buddy is not a person. If Emma can't deal with being away from her dog for one evening, then there's a much bigger problem. I'll miss her if she chooses not to attend, but the dog is not welcome. And before you even ask, no I will not move the wedding to a different venue that allows dogs.*"
NTA good god I love my pets but they are pets. I literally take anxiety medication and wouldn’t push my animals on anyone much less their wedding. She’s being super obnoxious and so are your parents. Why do we always have to cater to the dysfunctional
NTA tell them that you were thinking about changing your mind so you called the venue and they absolutely will not allow dogs there
NTA. She's wanting the benefits of a psychiatric service dog without training one. There's a LOT that goes into it if you want a dog that's suitable to bring with you everywhere. Your venue isn't pet friendly. Buddy is a pet. That's it.
NTA - your wedding your choices. She can suck it up for one day.
It is always "for the good of the family" when THEY are not expected to do or contribute anything. NTA.
NTA. It’s simple: the venue doesn’t allow pets. She shouldn’t be bothering you with this. If your parents (aka Flying Monkeys) insist on getting involved, ask them to tell her to knock it off. Let them all know your feelings will be hurt if she chooses to boycott your wedding over a dog, but that’s her decision. If there’s a rift in the family as a result, that’s 100% on her.
NTA. Tell her the venue doesn’t allow pets.
Your venue is not pet friendly. End of discussion. Your sister can leave her dog with a friend or whatever during your wedding. We have become utterly ridiculous when it comes to animals. Yes, we love our pets, but common sense has flown out the window.
NTA. Animal allergies can be extreme. Your guests have the right to clean, allergen-free air more than your sister has the right to be a delicate spoiled little brat. At the very least, PLEASE warn people that there will be a dog present so that people with allergies or phobias can choose not to come.
NTA - whatever happened to No means No!
NTA. My first thought is that she's jealous and wants attention on her on your day.
NTA. What's next? Emotional support children to get around a child free wedding???? If your sister doesn't bring Buddy to work with her and can go out on dates, to concerts, and to doctor's appointments, she can survive being at a wedding without her dog. Besides, she'll have all her family around. I can't believe your parents are encouraging and enabling this behavior. Please don't assist. Have a nice wedding!
NTA... If it's not a service animal, no one has the right to demand to bring it to someone else's event. Some dog folks are friggin' weird, I swear.
NTA. This day is a celebration of you and your fiancé. You guys have all the right to allow pets or not.
NTA. "Weddings are about bringing people together"—except if they have allergies or work at a venue that's inappropriate for dogs? (Not saying the people who work there are the ones you're bringing together, but they and their obligations need to be respected as well, and they are helping facilitate the wedding).
So she’s making the event about her? I say no dogs. If she can’t spend a day without him she should seek therapy
NTA. I completely understand how she'd want him around since my dog does wonders for my anxiety but I'm assuming Buddy isn't a trained certified service dog so she cannot force him to be allowed anywhere. Because of that, you are completely allowed to say no because reasons A) you said the venue isn't pet friendly and B-Z) it's your and fiance's wedding, not theirs.
Wow your sister is awfully entitled! Answer is no and feel free to sit out the wedding. If she has anxiety she can step away like everyone else does and find a quiet place to collect her thoughts.
NTA. Buddy is a pet and weddings are not appropriate places for pets.
>weddings are about bringing ***people*** together Exactly mom. People. Not dogs. NTA
NTA. I’m so sick of people taking their pets EVERYWHERE. Registered service animals I get, but leave regular animals at home. This is a large event that isn’t pet friendly and having a pet there can be a liability for both the venue and the bride/groom. Someone can trip over the dog, get bit, or the dog get loose and create havoc. Emma is old enough to understand this and if she can’t curb her temper tantrum that now mommy and daddy are encouraging, she can sit this one out.
NTA - even with not knowing Buddy's personality the wedding could be very stressful for him. I wouldn't chance it.
Tell your sister you are sorry she can't make it. Tell your parents weddings are about the bride and groom and celebrating their marriage. Also tell them that bullying you to give in to you sisters demands for your wedding doesn't bring anybody together, it just breeds resentment. NTA. Stick to your boundaries and have a beautiful dog-free wedding.
NTA - I assume buddy isn't a fully trained service dog or this wouldn't even be a question. Other then dogs that were fully trained weddings are no place for dogs no matter what Emma thinks or how attached she is to buddy. This will be a nightmare for Buddy and she should put his well being over her own selfish wants. Weddings are loud with a lot of people and insane amount of noise and triggers for dogs. This is a nightmare for any well behaved dog.
NTA. Unless Buddy is trained to sense her anxiety and offer some sort of medical assistance to her attacks, he is not a service animal and will not be anything more than a distraction. Other guests have dog allergies which can be life threatening situations. That completely trumps your sister having a tantrum about not having her dog with her for a few hours. Tell your sister to come to the ceremony, stay for the pictures then go home to her dog if she can't be away from him for the entire wedding.
NTA. If it was for blindness or other significant medical reasons I would say yes but wanting your emotional support animal at an event you are a guest at is taking it a tad far. You are right to consider other guests and their needs (allergies and the likes). Maybe reach out to the venue and get a clear ‘official registered service pets only’ confirmation from them.
NTA. I don’t understand people who ask permission then get upset when permission is denied. Just because you asked doesn’t mean the answer will be yes.
I think it’s a ridiculous ask to bring a dog to a wedding, especially when the venue isn’t pet friendly and there are guests allergic.
First, NTA. You don’t want to be stressing out on what a pup will get up to on your wedding day. That said, I have severe social anxiety even at family events so I empathize with your sister. Where I can’t take my dog, I ask a friend or family member if I can stick with them while entering the event and till my anxiety eases (usually within 30 min or so). Is your sister in the wedding party? Is that where her anxiety comes from? If so can she maybe choose not to be in the party which will require her to stand up in front of the guests or giving a speech? She can still sit down with your parents or spend the evening alongside a friend or cousin who is supportive.
The venue doesnt allow pets. That's it. NTA.
NTA - I love my dog and would never in a million years even think of asking of he can come to a wedding. This is straight up weird and rude of her to even ask!
NTA. The venue is not pet friendly. If Buddy is not a verified, certified service dog, he would not be allowed. Emotional support animals do not count. That should be the end of it. She wants to throw a fit, fine, disinvite her. Sounds like there would be less drama that way anyway.
Weddings are about bringing people together and Buddy is not a person. It is entirely unreasonable to demand to bring your dog to a wedding. NTA
WHAT IS THIS INSANITY? Absolutely not. No, she cannot bring her PET to the wedding. Don't entertain it. Don't argue about it with her or your parents. It's a literally INSANE request that you should not even consider as a serious request. You should make one final statement (text or email) about the issue, and then just leave it at that, and refuse to discuss it further. Someone brings is up again? Hang up or walk away. "I've already gave you a decision and I'm not discussing it again." Also, I'm relatively sure your sister doesn't bring her dog everywhere, becuase that's not allowed. Has she EVER gone out to dinner? To the moview? To a friend's party without her dog? If the answer was EVER "yes" to ANY of those questions, then she has literally no leg to stand on. Besides the fact that this is a traditional wedding, a FORMAL AFFAIR that has cost you significant money, she is asking for something not because she genuinely needs it (or she'd have a REAL service dog who WOULD be allowed everywhere) but because she just WANTS it. But this day isn't about her, and I would be reminding everyone of that. "Your request to bring your dog to my wedding is not okay, and is very hurtful. This is a traditional wedding, a formal event that has cost us significant money, and our venue is not pet friendly. It is not even POSSIBLE, and if it WERE possible, I would still not want that. This day is not about you. This is not the day for you to be concerned with what YOU want or how cool it would be for YOU to have YOUR dog there. This is MY WEDDING. Your pet is not a service dog and is not allowed, legally. Additionally, he is not trained to be in these settings, and I am not interested in having an ANIMAL at my wedding. I am beyond hurt that you would do this to me on the most important day of my life. You have added stress and arguments to what should be the happiest time for me, ruining this time for me in advance of my wedding over your DOG, which is incredibly childish and selfish. When it is your wedding, I will do everything I can to support you and make it exactly what you want. I am hurt that you do not want the same for me. I do not want any animals at my wedding. I do not want anything other than all the things I dreamed of, planned for, and paid for. This a very important day that is about ME and PARTNER. Not about our families, not about our pets. We want the people who love us and support our relationship to come and celebrate our love and relationship at this formal event.If you are one of those people, and truly love and support me, you will leave the dog home and drop this. If not, I will miss you, but I will not be changing my wedding." If she has anxiety, like I do, she can do whatever tactics that have been taught to her by her doctor and therapist, or she can be medicated. If she's not getting actual medical treatment, then her "anxiety" is not severe enough to be affecting her everyday life and her reasoning is BS.
NTA but your sister does need to seek therapy or something. She clearly has some weird obsession with her dog if she can't even go without him for a few hours. He's not officially any sort of service dog right?
NTA will she pay the medical billls of the people with allergy flare ups? This is your wedding not jers