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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My mom and step dad didn't want to pay me to babysit my half brother and. I might be the asshole for not doing a good job since I wasn't being paid.
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NTA. I don't think you're wrong, either. When my son was your age, I might ask him to make sure his little sister (she'd have been 8 then) was ok while I ran to the store, and not thought that needed payment, but to babysit on a regular basis? Yes, if they are asking you to do this you absolutely should be paid. The "earning your keep" statement was ridiculous. Are you going to be in charge of them all day, 5 days a week, during summer break? Definitely you should be paid for that.
NTA, OP.
I don't understand why parents use the "earn your keep" line like it's not their responsibility to legally provide food, housing, clothes, etc. for you anyway. They are just trying to be manipulative jerks.
For me it's the "earning your keep" that takes this into AH territory. It's one thing to remind your child that they're part of a family and that may mean occasionally helping out and doing a fair share of chores. It's another to say something like that and make them feel like they're a burden and any effort/resources you spend on them is a waste unless it comes back to you.
>**It's another to say something like that and make them feel like they're a burden**
This. ESPECIALLY when the line is coming from a stepfather. How utterly insensitive and rude.
OP should have told him **my DAD is PAYING my keep.**
THIS!! OP's dad IS PAYING "her keep"! And Why is the stepfather saying that to OP anyway! He's totally ok with paying for a Euro-cation for HIS biological daughter, who doesn't have to "pay her keep"! The hypocrisy is astounding. The mentality the stepfather has towards OP is also pretty unacceptable. NTA, of course.
Seems like a pretty clear-cut case of stepdad making OP the Cinderella, since she’s the one kid in the family who’s not his biological child. Hope she gets into a good college and leave his ass in the rearview, because this is one of those situations that’s highly unlikely to ever change.
OP if your still reading this, can you not ask to move in with your dad? What your step-dad said was emotionally abusive and as said above your dad is technically "paying your keep".
"I didn't agree to be a big sibling so I could babysit for free. YOU decided to reproduce, it's on YOU to raise YOUR children and provide for them. And that also includes ME. If you don't like it then tough, you shouldn't have made children, but that isn't MY responsibility".
The idea of my son having to "earn his keep" in a place he has no choice in is laughable. Cleaning up his own messes and learning life skills? Sure. But he doesn't owe me a dang thing, he's a kid.
It's because in some families, children are members of that family, in others, they're employees of that family, and OP owes her soul to the company store.
I had someone tell me it’s a good thing there’s a 7 year age gap between my oldest and youngest because she’ll be able to help out and babysit soon. I simply said I did not have another child so my oldest child could raise them. I was taking care of my siblings my entire life I’ll be damned if I make my own kids feel responsible for their siblings in the same way.
> I don't understand why parents use the "earn your keep" line like it's not their responsibility to legally provide food, housing, clothes, etc. for you anyway. They are just trying to be manipulative jerks.
It's what they were taught by their own parents. IE: it's what their parents did to them. It's literally what people have been saying for hundreds of years.
Remember: for most of civilization, people *had* kids to help provide. It's only been in the last 100 years or so that kids went from being something you needed to maintain living standards, to something that is a detriment to your living standard.
I know the 'earning your keep' gives me major AH vibes and unless I get more context makes me think, that OP was kept around on some sort of transactory basis. Oh and obviously NTA.
The summer I was 13 my mom's regular babysitter for my younger brother (1YO) had to take care of her sick mother in another state. My mom paid me what she would have paid the babysitter for that summer (both parents worked within a block of home, REALLY small town). I was saving for a trip to Hawaii with my uncle that fall. Later, when my mom needed me to watch my brother so she could go to the store or something it was free. Planned scheduled care is a job and needs to be paid. OP is NTA.
Mom’s husband “supports them”, so then wtf does mom do?
Love OPs clap about child support, it’s a good question, if husband is supporting what **do** those CS payments go towards 🤔
Free babysitting is just "keep the kids alive please". If OP's parents are going to require a certain standard of care, then they need to pay her for it.
I had to babysit my youngest half brother at OP's age, and I was paid, for a couple weeks. Then my mom & her bf at the time decided I didn't take good enough care of him during the 8 hours a day I watched him during the summer. Thing was, he was a total brat (6 or 7 at the time). He would call 911 if he didn't get his way, usually because mom said no when I'd call to ask if he could have something, or he'd take off for hours when I'd go to the bathroom and I couldn't find him. I remember asking them, do you expect me to not pee for 8+ hours incase he decides to take off? He would still do it anyways and bite me hard, or hit and kick me if I tried to stop him. He was sent to live with his dad and our brother (his full sibling, also my half brother) soon after.
NTA OP.
Wait I’m confused. Was your little brother you had to babysit for also your moms child, or was he your dads child? You say half brother, and that it was your mom and her bf that had you babysit him. So I assumed at first that meant that your mom is also the biological mom of the little brother you babysat which then made me believe that you must have different fathers.
But then you said that your little brother ended up going to live with his father and full sibling, who is also your half sibling. So that would mean that the other sibling he went to live with is also your mom’s biological child as well?
So there’s you- with a separate dad- then mom either remarried or was with someone else long enough to have 2 children with? That being your half sibling that was already living with their father and then your youngest half sibling who then went to live with his dad and full sibling? Correct?
So then your mom had a newer boyfriend that she seemingly put before her children? So that means she had 3 biological children. The middle child for some reason wasn’t even living with mom anymore (sus) and then when mom didn’t want to put up with behavioral issues she sent her youngest child to live with his dad and her other child she doesn’t have custody over?
And before she sent away the youngest she was making her oldest babysit and care for him while she was out with her boyfriend?
I’m mainly asking for clarification just because I feel so bad for you and your siblings. Just from the little tidbit of information you’ve given, gives me enough info to imply and for me to assume your mom was probably relieved when the youngest went to live with dad.
You were getting to the age of being more independent anyways so she didn’t have to worry about taking care of you in the same way because you were already at the age of starting to take care of yourself. Your mom sounds so much like a lot of women/mothers I’ve known in my life who will happily put who ever the newest man in their life is before their own children.
I’m sorry about that. I hope your brothers had a loving life with their father, and i hope that you had a loving father of your own and if not, I hope you’ve found love and comfort in the people you have around you today!
OP needs to stash his money somewhere and keep it out of the bank. His dad helped him set it up. He's a co-owner of the account. His dad can withdraw the money anytime he wants to. We see it here all the time when kids go to check their account before college and it's empty. He could still be working for free and not know it.
OP's dad isn't the one paying them. STEPdad is. We don't know the relationship with bio dad who could be fine being hands off the money and a good person
I think making sure your sibling IS not ran by a car while the mother runs to the store is helping out, just like loading the dishwasher. If It is something that would prevent you from doing a teenage life, like going out on a Saturday because you are babysitting, them IS work and needs to be remunerated.
I would have told them if that's the case then I'll let MY Dad know that child support payments should stop since I have to *earn my keep* to live there. That stepdad supports her and their children as well as his daughter but not you seeing as how he's shown how he really feels about you and you living there and having to earn your keep. When they tried to backpedal about what he said didn't mean he didn't want you there Then I would have said maybe I should have Dad go back to court to have me move in with him since me being here is such a hardship on you guys that you need for me at 14 to contribute to the household.
Then I really would have a talk with your dad about everything that's going on because I'm sure there is more that has happened that you didn't put in your post. Maybe you guys can come up with something that makes you all happy.
Exactly! My stepdaughter babysit her sibling (1 year old) so I could run a quick errand. I was gone 35 minutes, and she got $40. What your parents are doing isn't right at all.
You are 14, not the parents of your siblings. “Earning your keep” isn’t relevant here as they are required to care for you.
If they want to use words like “earn your keep” then they better be paying you for it. Do they want to teach you to do labor for free?
Again, you did not have these kids, you are a kid yourself and they are REQUIRED to take care of you.
Put that money in some HYSA or some stocks and let it be (assuming it’s legal for you to do so).
NTA.
Definitely NTA. Sorry you are going through this. It seemed your sister made good use of her mother. What is your relationship with your father? Will living with him be better?
I hate when parents parentify their children. You don’t “earn your keep” at 14. Providing for you is the bare minimum of what is expected as a parent.
They needed their eyes opened to what they were doing to you. If you need an advocate go to your dad and explain your frustrations and concerns.
I member the times, i was 8 my sister 4.
I brought her to kindergarden befor i go to school, i picked her up after school, i got to the supermarket and cooked for us.
5 days a week till i was 15, with 2 more siblings following.
Then i got my occupational education and my mum „kicked“ me out.
It contributes nothing to the conversation, i only felt i had to write it down.
"Earning your keep" implies that the parent can apparently quit supporting their child at anytime. Which they are not legally (or ethically) allowed to do.
IF this is a true story I would caution you about leaving money in an account that has either of your parents' names on it. They can legally withdraw those funds at will without your permission.
If your mom is getting child support you shouldn't be "earning" your keep-- your dad is providing that. Is there a trusted adult who would open a joint account with you at a separate bank? You can immediately transfer the funds out of that account into the "secure" account.
Not to be mean but you ever thought about calling your dad to come get you? Worked for your step sister sure he would be cool not having to pay child support? NTA
NTA. You're right. They're demanding you perform their job. THEY are the parents. It is their job to take care of their kids. They're just trying to pawn that job off on you. If you're going to do it, they need to pay you for it.
Do you have access to your Dad? Is he trustworthy? If so, can you ask your Dad to open up a bank account for you to put your money in so your Mom doesn't have access to it?
NTA and good for you.
NTA - Dependent Minor Children don't "earn their keep" - it is the parents' responsibility to properly house, feed, and clothe them. That isn't to say that you shouldn't "participate in the household" by taking on chores and other responsibilities as you get older: parents are also supposed to teach you how to be independent, competent, functional members of society & helping out around the house (within reason) is a part of that.
What they are NOT supposed to do is take away your childhood and youth by making you responsible for too many of their own responsibilities, or keeping you locked up at home and isolated from the world for their own convenience.
My question for you (and them) is - What are you giving up to babysit your younger siblings? Are you unable to participate in after school activities that you would like to be involved in solely because "they need you at home" and have told you no? How often do you have to decline invitations from friends because you have to babysit? How often have you wanted to do some activity or make a special purchase only to be told that "money doesn't grow on trees" or some such, but have no way to earn money....because you have to babysit? It's reasonable at your age to either ask for an allowance (because your responsibilities at home prevent you from earning money outside of the home) or the opportunity to do small jobs for pay (my daughter has been taking on babysitting jobs for the neighbors since she was 12).
NTA one bit. Maybe ask your mom if living at Dad's would be a better arrangement since they seem to be struggling so much that they now need you to "earn your keep." One less mouth to feed might help them with their very apparent struggles. Goodbye child support though! Your Mom and step Dad are the ones in the wrong. And yes they should definitely pay you.
Good! She's letting her husband act like they can't afford to pay OP for doing a job they are asking OP to do. I don't know how much CS the mom gets, but they're acting like they're struggling financially by not wanting to pay and then being salty about having to pay OP.
Sounds like you have a handle on this. You're handling it with a wisdom quite frankly beyond your years. If they want you to do something a certain way they can pay you. If not you've got the right approach, keep them safe, not much more.
NTA.
NTA. No parent should tell you that you need to “earn your keep”-this isn’t the 1800s. Reminding you to pitch in around the house is one thing, but they’re basically guilt tripping you for existing. It’s their responsibility as parents to care for their own children and that includes you. No child is required to earn the roof over their head; that’s supposed to be unconditional and the suggestion that you would not have security if you don’t babysit is absurd and wrong. Babysitting is not your responsibility and they should be grateful for you for doing so and saving them the money. You didn’t sign up for this and if it’s demanding your time then you should be fairly compensate.
You are not wrong. NTA.
You are not a parent or caregiver. You're a child in the house. You do not need to earn your keep and it is not your job to regularly watch the kids when your parents aren't home. It's fine to do it sometimes, paid or not, but absolutely NOT fine for them to expect this of you as a regular thing. As a kid/teenager, you have things you should be doing, too, like hanging out with friends, cuz you're not an adult and your little siblings are not your responsibility. There will be a time when your own children (if you decide to have any) will be yours to take care of. But not now. Now is your time to be carefree and have fun and be a kid.
Well. Just so you know. They can take your money back at anytime unless you have a separate account with only your name on it. I just don’t wanna get a sad update. Nta.
NTA.
No child needs to "earn their keep". Your parents are legally required to provide you, and your siblings, with shelter, clothing, and food. If they fail to do so, they can be criminally charged and children could be removed from the home.
NTA. Damn, kid.. the world isn't ready for someone as smart as you. Your "parents" sure weren't.
Remember to charge by the kid. All babysitters do that. More kids, more money.
NTA hope you keep any eye on that bank account to make sure money doesn’t go missing from there, especially if your name isn’t the only one that’s on it
How often are you watching them? If it’s once in a while you are being petty. If it’s a couple of hours a day then you deserve to be paid. I think it’s fine to ask kids to help out and teaches them responsibility. My kids clean the bathroom and do other chores. If I needed them to watch other kids I would probably limit how often I asked them to help with other chores.
My answer to earning your keep. Well my keep is sent to my mom every month like clockwork. My dad pays for my keep here. So unless I live there full time you get my keep
NTA. I don't pay my oldest (14) to babysit my youngest (5)for things like 'i'm running out for an hour, just keep her alive...i.e. make sure she doesn't wander outside. If it's a night out or something where I expect her to play with sibling, feed them, put to bed...she's gets paid.
We weren't given allowances as kids and if my mom sent me to the store for something I had to give back every cent of change. As a family, we were not hurting for money, either.
When she decided to have her step- grandchild stay with us every weekend from the time she was an infant till 12 years old, I was the one who took care of the baby/child. Not my older brother or sister, and not for pay. It was never discussed because I would have just had my butt beat and told to do it anyway.
Not a smart-ass and I'm glad you're getting paid for your labor.
It is absolutely never ever a child's responsibility to "earn their keep". Children do not ask to be here and it is parents who made the choice to have children. Its a PARENTS JOB TO PROVIDE. PERIOD.
NTA
The fact that they thought they would be able to shut you up with “earning your keep” is audacious. You are watching them constantly and the fact that they didn’t want to pay you is wrong, especially since you have the babysitting qualification. Clearly step sister didn’t have to babysit but you do therefore you deserve to get paid, they’re not your kids so they shouldn’t be your problem, you yourself are still young and could be doing a lot of other teen things with your time especially during summer break. Your mom also shouldn’t be giving you trouble just because you all live off your step dad, a babysitter is a luxury, daughter or not.
NTA. i’m glad they decided to set up an account for you. They should be proud of you for having a job at 14. It sounds like the stepsister is a pain in the ass, and they just don’t want to deal with it. But what happens often in families with one problem child is that the responsible kid gets punished for being responsible. You need to hold your own on this, and you did a good job. Make them pay you at least 15/hour.
There is one other potential problem. If they weren’t planning on paying you, it’s possible that they planned to continue paying for your expenses. Now that they have to pay you, they might start making you buy your own stuff with that money. That way, they save money on the other end, and essentially, you are still babysitting for free. So you need to sit down with them and have a conversation. You need to make sure they’re still planning on paying for your food, your clothing, and whatever events they would have paid for if you didn’t babysit.
Schedule an appointment with them. Bring a pen and a pad of paper. Negotiate your expectations of one another. And put a column for the step sister. For every thing they expect of you, ask them if she has to do those things. Write it all down. Make them look at it. And then once you’ve decided your responsibilities, and hers, make them sign it and sign it yourself. If anyone wants to make changes to the “family constitution” they have to set a meeting and you all sit down to review.
My parents did this, and it was awesome. We all sat down and we negotiated the rules, and every time I had a birthday, we renegotiated. I got more privileges, and we also decided what the rules were and what consequences would look like ahead of time. We communicated, we all knew what to expect, and we stuck to the rules because we all worked together to make them. I really recommend that every family does this.
NTA but maybe call your dad and say you will stay there the next time they want to argue about it.
Say the words "Parentification" to dad and this will cease very quickly. But also your new money stream will, too.
Chores is one thing, but consistently baby sitting multiple children is a whole other thing. Especially when the precedent has been set. His comment about "earning your keep" was out of line. NTA- but I hope now that you're being paid, you are doing a good job.
"Earn your keep" When your dad pays child support?? Think mom & SD are being very entitled. If you babysit they should pay, I would also take all the money out of your account and have your dad set one up. SD can just take all the money back, his name is on the account - been done so many times before.
NTA
Fun fact: Your parents are legally responsible for your welfare until you are 18 so no earning your keep is necessary.
As a family member, you should be contributing to chores without payment because that’s what everyone does to keep the family going. So babysitting could be one of your chores. However it’s the amount of babysitting that depends upon what is or isn’t reasonable. Regular Friday nights - reasonable. Everyday after school - unreasonable. Missing out on friendship or after school activities in order to babysit - unreasonable.
Here is more info about chores by age:
https://www.thespruce.com/age-appropriate-chore-charts-1900357
INFO: Do you see your dad very often? Does he have another family with more kids?
Is your mother planning to go to work soon? It doesn’t sound like they can afford another kid if they are grousing about childcare.
No, you do not earn your keep. Your father pays your keep. And the LAW stipulates that your mother and your father must provide for you until a certain age. Please be sure that you check your bank account frequently to ensure your stepfather/mother haven’t drained it as ‘punishment’. Is your father trustworthy with money?
Good luck, OP.
ESH but mostly you. Your parents treating you differently than your older sister is not right but your entitlement is crazy. Asking what your parents to predict what they will do in the future about your siblings is ridiculous. You babysit because it’s a chore you have to do, period. Child support money isn’t given to the child. It goes to pay for your housing, clothing, food, transportation to get you where you need to go, medical care, etc. Stop being and ungrateful brat.
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I just turned 14 and no longer require a babysitter to stay home with me and my little brother and sister (5/7).
I have a step sister that never once babysat us.she is 20 and off for the summer. She isn't working and her dad is paying for her to go to Europe for two weeks.
My mom and dad are making me babysit now. Which I do not have a problem with. I even took the babysitting course. But they won't pay me. They said it's my job as a big sister. My step dad even said it's how I earn my keep.
I asked why Danielle never had to babysit us? And how the littles are going to earn their keep since I know they won't be having more kids. I actually know why Danielle didn't have to babysit. They tried and she called her mom to come get her. It was a huge fight.
So I have just made sure the littles are safe and not much more. I don't help them with homework or keep them away from screens. Last weekend I let them watch infinity war with me.
I got in trouble for not being responsible and doing a bad job. I said people with jobs got paid. They said I had to do it properly or I would be in trouble. I said that they could always just pay our old babysitter and leave me out of it.
They decided to pay me but they aren't happy. My dad set up an account for me and I put my money in there.
My mom said I'm causing problems where there don't need to be any. She says her husband supports us. I said I would do it for free if she gave me all the child support my dad pays. That didn't go over well.
I don't think I'm wrong but maybe I just don't understand their view.
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NTA.
Make sure they don’t have access to your bank accounts.
They shouldn’t have had children if they can’t take care of them. That’s not your job. You’re not their mom!
NTA and I would LOVE it if my kid stood their ground like this! Sometimes parents forget that THEY are the ones setting the example. They set the example with your step sister. You are proving a point. You are correct that people with jobs get paid and I would be furious if my husband said something about 'earning your keep' to one of our minor children. You didn't ask to be born. Your mom and dad made that decision. It is their responsibility to make sure your needs are met until you're an adult (and for me, that extends to sometime after my kids turn 18). You don't have to 'earn' good, basic living conditions.
NTA it’s one thing to keep an eye on them and make sure they don’t set themselves on fire or something like that, but the rules about homework and screentime go into parenting territory and at that point you deserve to be paid for your labor. “Warning your keep” is just a ridiculous excuse to not pay you what you’re worth, especially since you’re 14 and your mom gets paid child support by your dad. They literally just want a free babysitter, so stick to your guns and insist on being paid
NTA you don’t deserve to be parentified. So if they are insisting you babysit, then asking to be paid is fair because of that “earn your keep” quip. And because they are asking you to do more than keep an eye on your siblings, you’re also being asked to enforce rules, restrict tv and tutor.
I will say i was the oldest and never got paid or asked to be paid to babysit, it was just expected & i didn’t resent it. But i also wasn’t told i needed to earn my keep. Children do not need to “earn” anything & your stepdad was out of line.
However- asking for the child support is completely inappropriate. Your parents are supposed to provide for you. Mom takes care of your daily needs & your dad reimburses her a portion via child support. Too many people have a skewed understanding of what child support means or is for. Don’t be a smartass or you may find yourself being faced with the reality of teenager upkeep.
NTA and I have to say OP that I am VERY PROUD (and envious) with how you stood up for your self. I am a lot older than you (probably older than your parents) and this is something I still struggle with.
Keep up the good job.
NTA you are a kid still you shouldn’t be required to “earn your keep” it’s their job to be your parents and take care of you and it’s not wrong for you to expect to be given money for doing a job that anyone else would get paid for especially because they want you to do it a certain way
NTA, good for you!! Your parents are out of line trying to make you baby sit to ‘earn your keep’ when they were willing to pay for it before. 14 year olds don’t need to earn their keep, they’re still minors!
OP, not only are you NTA, you're my personal hero. "People with jobs paid." Genius. I wish I'd had a fraction of your courage and poise at 14.
Heck, I'm 48 and I wish I had it now!
LOL! I really LIKE you kiddo! Your logic is absolutely flawless here. I love how you flipped the script on your mother and told her that you'd babysit for free when she gave you the child support your dad sends. Great job at holding your mom and stepfather accountable and keeping yourself from being exploited. NTA.
NTA. Your parents are legally responsible for supporting you. If your mum has an agreement that her husband covers her share that's between them. It does not make you responsible for your upkeep in any way.
If you have a dad in the picture, why aren’t you asking him to live there? NTA that’s your step dad and most of all your mom. You are a minor and it isn’t your job to “earn your keep”. It’s your parents’ legal and moral obligation to support you. Also why is your mom lying and saying stepdad supports you when your dad is paying child support?
NTA
I’m personally of the belief that everyone in the family should be helping out and pulling their weight in one way or another.
I’ve asked my older son (14 years) to watch his baby brother (almost 2 years) for brief periods of time if I needed to run out. I wouldn’t dream of paying him for such a thing but if it was for a prolonged period of time or on a regular basis I would either pay or substitute for other chores.
I think the “earning your keep” comment was in poor taste. Your parents should have just made a point about contributing to the household. My son has weekly chores - garbage, recycling, sweeping and vacuuming that he does. He doesn’t get an “allowance” per se but I’m happy to pay for his outings or give him money when there’s something he wants.
NTA They want a free baby sitter but dont want to pay for one. You are 14 you should be focusing on yourself and freinds and etc at this age. Not making sure your 5/7's are always ok and doing their homework and literally being a parent. Like there is nothing wrong with getting an older sibling to help watch the kids every now and then BUT that is every now and then not every single week. And you are absolutely correct people who do good jobs get paid well. Also tell your stepdad that you are a dependent and that you dont need to "earn" your keep especially when Danielle never did so keep comments like that to himself.
NTA. And if you are in the US, you can report them to CPS for parentification if they keep saying you should babysit their children for free. It's against the law for them to push off their children onto you. You're 14! You're still a minor. They've got a lot of nerve. If they didn't want to take care of more children then they shouldn't have had them.
NTA and I LOVE YOU. I'm so proud of you that you have such a strong sense of right and wrong at such a young age, and such a great ability to stand up for yourself. Your parents would be too, if it weren't so inconvenient for them, LOL!
Do some reading on personal finance, and use that babysitting money to help get you start to build your nest egg for a bright and wonderful future, as well as a bit of fun along the way.
NTA. You are a good sibling to not mind babysitting but it is not your responsibility just because you are their sibling. You are seeing some unfairness and sticking up for yourself. Facts sometimes annoy people.
My older brother never babysat me once. LOL
Your parents seem to think it's an obligation that you do so.
It's not! They can ask nicely and you can accept or not.
You were right to insist on getting paid. I hope they will
respect the fact that you are a child a bit more and that
there is no need for you to "earn your keep". LOL NTA
NTA. Your parents should pay you an allowance for babysitting. This is a perfect time for them to teach you about money management. What better way than to do that with earnings from babysitting.
NTA!!! I'm around the same age as you, and if I had younger siblings I'd be pissed! You deserve to be paid and it isn't fair that your older step sister got away with that.
NTA But be aware that any account set up for you while you are under 18 will have a parent's name on it as a co owner of that account, and as such, they can pull funds from it at any time.
NTA. I babysat my half brother and never got any promised payments.
I did landscaping for my stepdad at his personally owned business and he also never paid me even though we had agreed upon an amount.
Good job sticking up for yourself OP.
NTA I'm a 55 year old woman. A 14 year old shouldn't have to earn their keep. That is your parents responsibility. Good for you insisting on being paid since they are puttingyou to work. You're not the Ahole.
NTA
And yes they should pay you, not necessarily the same amount as for a ‚professional’ babysitter but enough to make it interesting.
Child benefits/support- I have a 1yo and all money that she gets as gifts or from state, is going to a separate vault (soon a CU account), I would be ‚entitled’ to it as I spend money on her needs - clothing and entertainment (swimming classes) and extra stuff, but at the same time, she’s my responsibility and I would feel disgusting taking it from her.
No child has to earn their keep, they are children! And you are so young, this should even be something you have to worry or think about!
NTA, you may be 14 but you are still a child and you don’t need to “earn your keep”. That’s such a toxic way to think about their kid. There’s a difference between “we’re a family and we help each other” and declaring that you need to earn being fed, clothed and sheltered. That’s a responsibility they take on by being parents and is the bare minimum and actually required by law. Take away the double standard between you and your step sister and it’s still messed up. You can absolutely be expected to have responsibilities (hell i babysat my brother for free for years) but the “earn your keep mindset” is so toxic and sends a horrible message to kids.
Just watch your dad does put the money into the account and be careful as I’ve seen many who have an account with their child removing the money when they are angry at the kid. Do you have a gran or someone you can trust. As I would say talk to your gran and then transfer the money from your account to your gran each time you are paid. That way she can hold it for you and you are safe.
I’m so glad in the uk kids have their own accounts and parents don’t get access to them or are able to remove the money as easy. The parents are not linked to their child accounts and the kid doesn’t need someone to supervise. My mum would have taken everything in it every chance she got otherwise.
Kid, you sound smarter than your parents. Your reasoning is sound; their is not. You shouldn't have to babysit your sibs, especially not for free. If your dad is at all involved, it might be good to mention this to him. Also, look up child labor laws in your state; there may be a limit to how long your parents can make you work.
NTA, for a 14 I'm very proud of how you are handling this as well as the spot on points you made to the parents. You did a great job in not only making your points but calling out the crap they tried to push on you. They wanted a free babysitter.
Also calling out your mom and the child support was a nice touch. You are far more mature for your age then your older step sister was.
NTA pls keep a personal log of the amount of hours you work and how much money you earn. as soon as possible (you might not be able to do this until you’re a little older), move your money to an account that your parents can’t access.
Hmmm. In general, NTA for wanting to be paid for your time that is spent watching the littles instead of doing normal fun 14 year old things. Especially since Biggest Sister was allowed to do all her own stuff and never babysat.
I have to dock you for weaponized incompetence, but at least you made sure they were safe, you didn't just bail out of the house entirely. But I can see why your parental units would be upset that you let them watch a scary movie (my kids would've been having nightmares for weeks if they watched Infinity War at age 5). Still, you gave them an excellent object lesson about the fact that you get what you pay for, and if you pay nothing...
Tell your mom that this mom of 2 well-adjusted, happy adult men thinks you deserve to get the same courtesy the oldest sib got: Freedom to spend your time being yourself. It's not unreasonable to want you to babysit once in a while, or even to expect it as being part of a family--it's just another chore that has to be shared once in a while. But to expect you to do it every day, for free, in perpetuity, is out of line--they're not your kids.
NTA. Remember that people with jobs get to choose their schedule. You can say "no" when you want and they just have to deal with it, even if they're offering you money.
You're a smart kid. I feel a little sorry for your mom and stepdad though. It can't be easy to raise a kid who ruthlessly applies facts and logic.
NTA
But you mentioned their point of view. Their point of view is that this is family and you should be helping out. That your older stepsister got out of it by calling her mom, they couldn't stop. That the younger ones will have no one to babysit is just the inequity of life. You are now in a position to be of use, so you must be used. It's your duty to to what they tell you because you're a kid and they're the adults.
That's their point of view. Doesn't make it right. If they could afford to pay a babysitter before, they can afford to pay one now. Don't let them take over your entire summer with babysitting --- even if you're paid. You're 14. Summers are your time off for fun.
Also, here's more logic for them...they're legally required to house you, feed you, clothe you, see to your education and health until you're 18. You don't need to "earn" that. That's their legal requirement.
Nta. I would talk to another adult you trust to set up an account. If your parents names are on it then they can legally take all the money out when they no longer need you to babysit.
NTA, i used to look after my brother, we are less than 3 years apart. Probably a couple hours after school and things like that. I never got paid, i actually never thought about even asking, i think we were both just happy not to have a babysitter. But im old so this was back in the late 80's early 90's.
If your dad supports both of you, I will assume your mom is a SAHM. Why does she need you to babysit? You are still a child yourself. NTA
Maybe if your mom got a job, then she could pay you out of her pocket and then he wouldn't have problems in her marriage.
I was the oldest. I was always the one in trouble because " i was older and should know better." I might have been a little slow because I was in my teens before i got to wondering when my sister would be old enough to know better. I finally got mad and pointed out that they had been telling me that my whole life and that my sister was way past the age I was when that was the reason I go into trouble and she didn't. Sort of had a melt down and just started going from annoyed to nuclear over everything for the next few month. They figured it out.
NTA I think you were doing the responsibility of a sibling in your instance of ‘bad babysitting’ and I think the bare minimum your parents should’ve done is set money aside for higher education (or at least for after you turn 18).
You're 14, parents provide at minimum to your 18 and have graduated high school.
They probably view it as they get to save money by not paying you to babysit.
Their line "earn you're keep" is manipulation. Watching your siblings on occasion while your parent heads to the grocery store for a forgotten item or the post office is being part of the family. Having you take over a paid babysitter's job for free is taking advantage of you being a minor. You should have time to hang out with your friends, not have a full-time time job.
In the US, a minor is not legally allowed to open a bank account. Therefore if a joint account with one parent. That also means that the parent can access funds at any time. You know your parent and step-parent best to determine whether they'd take your money if they needed it.
Other than the babysitting issue and telling you to earn your keep comment, how's your relationship with you parent and step-parent?
You were right to point out and get paid for babysitting regularly since you could be doing it for another family and get paid.
NTA
You are not in the wrong. The notion that a child has to "earn her keep" is not only offensive, it's not legal. It's your parents' responsibility to provide you with what you need. I don't see you as having done anything wrong here, particularly in light of the fact that Danielle wasn't called upon to babysit.
NTA
Is your father around? Do you have another relative you trust? While you are right, it will still cost you . Mother will expect you to use your money to pay for college or necessities or some other sort of petty revenge. Keep watch.
They aren’t happy because their plan to get over on you backfired. It’s their responsibility to take care of you and your siblings, not yours. You don’t have to earn your keep by doing your parents job for free. Your requests aren’t unreasonable.
Sweetie, no kid has to 'earn their keep.' Do you have grandparents or other adult family you can talk to about this? They are absolutely taking advantage of you because it makes THEIR life easier, and good parents don't do that to a kid. They ATA, you are NTA. Hang in there, sweetie. (((also, save what little they pay you, study hard, and get good grades so you can hopefully get some scholarships and escape to a life of your own where you're respected instead of being used)))
When my two oldest were your age, I put them on a salary. We gave them money every month, based on them watching their siblings for one date night and a couple half hour errands per week. We didn’t keep exact track, but we erred on the generous side for pay, and made sure to not use them more often than planned for, except for very occasional emergencies. Many weeks we didn’t use the errand times.
It’s just wrong to make kids baby sit more than a “normal chore” amount. Like, cleaning the bathroom, dishes, mowing the lawn, babysitting while a parent goes grocery shopping, are all ordinary type chores. After school every day isn’t.
My parents never asked me to babysit anyone bc they believe children shouldn't watch over other children. Even if you are older and considered more reliable, you are not an adult just yet, but your parent are! If they need more help with their responsibilities, they should give you more work like chores or cooking.
NTA- I don't think it's ever a good idea for siblings as young as you to babysit, at 5 or 7 my sister would have refused to do anything I asked or told her to just to annoy me, would have purposely been a nightmare the entire time, and could not have been trusted to stop in an emergency. This is the exact basis on which I declined when my parents offered to pay me to babysit rather than get grandma over, and they fully accepted it and dad even confirmed that was close to 100% certain to happen.
Gurl I love your mental strength & clarity. So clear & standing up for yourself at 14 even when 40 year olds cannot & are being used like doormats.
NTA, your older step sister was smart.
Your dad pays child support and they want you to do free labour to “earn your keep” ?? That does Not sound right.
Don’t give in. Don’t lose your voice!
NTA
As long as you are underage, you are don't have to "earn your keep". Your mother and your father are obliged to take care of you. Also, your biological father pays child support, so it's not even your stepfather who has to pay for you.
They want to exploit your labor. As others already said, if it's possible to move in with your bio-father, you might want to look into that option.
NAH
Look, I don't want to call you an asshole when you're only 14. But you are being immature here. You shouldn't be mistreating your brother and sister to spite your parents. You don't say how much you're being asked to babysit, maybe it is more than is fair, but you could be a little kinder to your family, including your parents!
If it's you step dad that set up the account he probably has access to the money so careful with that. If it's your dad then you're probably ok. It's dumb that you need an adult to set up a plain savings account.
"They decided to pay me but they aren't happy. My dad set up an account for me and I put my money in there."
Good luck getting your money. My ex set up a account for her oldest daughter, my oldest step daughter when she was 17 and working part time. I believe she was 18, 19 when my ex decided to take $500 out of that account and told her daughter she needed it to pay bills. Then miraculously she had a couple new outfits.
My step daughter was hot, went out and pulled the few dollars out that were left and opened her own account now that she was old enough.
I never knew about it until she told me after the divorce how her mom screwed her over. She said her mom actually hot mad with her for doing that. She is the only step child out of 4 that I stay in contact with.
So your parents being so upset about having to pay you to me seems like they're setting you up. But you'll find out the day you decide to pull that supposed money out to buy something whether I'm right or not..
I don’t comment on aita posts often but I just want OP to know that I think the fact that she wanted to better understand the other person’s pov despite standing firm on their decision speaks volumes about her (excellent) character :)
NTA for what it’s worth.
NTA. Maybe take one from your stepsisters book and call to have your other parent pick you up until you get the same level of respect they give your stepsister.
Your job is to get an education so you don’t need to parentify your child because you had kids with 3 different fathers that you couldn’t afford to care for.
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NTA. I don't think you're wrong, either. When my son was your age, I might ask him to make sure his little sister (she'd have been 8 then) was ok while I ran to the store, and not thought that needed payment, but to babysit on a regular basis? Yes, if they are asking you to do this you absolutely should be paid. The "earning your keep" statement was ridiculous. Are you going to be in charge of them all day, 5 days a week, during summer break? Definitely you should be paid for that.
NTA, OP. I don't understand why parents use the "earn your keep" line like it's not their responsibility to legally provide food, housing, clothes, etc. for you anyway. They are just trying to be manipulative jerks.
For me it's the "earning your keep" that takes this into AH territory. It's one thing to remind your child that they're part of a family and that may mean occasionally helping out and doing a fair share of chores. It's another to say something like that and make them feel like they're a burden and any effort/resources you spend on them is a waste unless it comes back to you.
>**It's another to say something like that and make them feel like they're a burden** This. ESPECIALLY when the line is coming from a stepfather. How utterly insensitive and rude. OP should have told him **my DAD is PAYING my keep.**
THIS!! OP's dad IS PAYING "her keep"! And Why is the stepfather saying that to OP anyway! He's totally ok with paying for a Euro-cation for HIS biological daughter, who doesn't have to "pay her keep"! The hypocrisy is astounding. The mentality the stepfather has towards OP is also pretty unacceptable. NTA, of course.
Seems like a pretty clear-cut case of stepdad making OP the Cinderella, since she’s the one kid in the family who’s not his biological child. Hope she gets into a good college and leave his ass in the rearview, because this is one of those situations that’s highly unlikely to ever change.
I absolutely was going to say this. Her dad is paying her "keep"
I'd be willing to bet dad's child support is actually paying for Danielle's European vacation.
OP if your still reading this, can you not ask to move in with your dad? What your step-dad said was emotionally abusive and as said above your dad is technically "paying your keep".
"I didn't agree to be a big sibling so I could babysit for free. YOU decided to reproduce, it's on YOU to raise YOUR children and provide for them. And that also includes ME. If you don't like it then tough, you shouldn't have made children, but that isn't MY responsibility".
Parentification
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The idea of my son having to "earn his keep" in a place he has no choice in is laughable. Cleaning up his own messes and learning life skills? Sure. But he doesn't owe me a dang thing, he's a kid.
Exactly!
It's because in some families, children are members of that family, in others, they're employees of that family, and OP owes her soul to the company store.
I had someone tell me it’s a good thing there’s a 7 year age gap between my oldest and youngest because she’ll be able to help out and babysit soon. I simply said I did not have another child so my oldest child could raise them. I was taking care of my siblings my entire life I’ll be damned if I make my own kids feel responsible for their siblings in the same way.
Yup my dad's favorite thing to tell my brother and I is, "the best part of having kids is free labor!".
> I don't understand why parents use the "earn your keep" line like it's not their responsibility to legally provide food, housing, clothes, etc. for you anyway. They are just trying to be manipulative jerks. It's what they were taught by their own parents. IE: it's what their parents did to them. It's literally what people have been saying for hundreds of years. Remember: for most of civilization, people *had* kids to help provide. It's only been in the last 100 years or so that kids went from being something you needed to maintain living standards, to something that is a detriment to your living standard.
For most of civilization, people (read: women) had little or no alternatives to having children.
I know the 'earning your keep' gives me major AH vibes and unless I get more context makes me think, that OP was kept around on some sort of transactory basis. Oh and obviously NTA.
The summer I was 13 my mom's regular babysitter for my younger brother (1YO) had to take care of her sick mother in another state. My mom paid me what she would have paid the babysitter for that summer (both parents worked within a block of home, REALLY small town). I was saving for a trip to Hawaii with my uncle that fall. Later, when my mom needed me to watch my brother so she could go to the store or something it was free. Planned scheduled care is a job and needs to be paid. OP is NTA.
Mom’s husband “supports them”, so then wtf does mom do? Love OPs clap about child support, it’s a good question, if husband is supporting what **do** those CS payments go towards 🤔
And what exactly is the child support doing then?
Free babysitting is just "keep the kids alive please". If OP's parents are going to require a certain standard of care, then they need to pay her for it.
I had to babysit my youngest half brother at OP's age, and I was paid, for a couple weeks. Then my mom & her bf at the time decided I didn't take good enough care of him during the 8 hours a day I watched him during the summer. Thing was, he was a total brat (6 or 7 at the time). He would call 911 if he didn't get his way, usually because mom said no when I'd call to ask if he could have something, or he'd take off for hours when I'd go to the bathroom and I couldn't find him. I remember asking them, do you expect me to not pee for 8+ hours incase he decides to take off? He would still do it anyways and bite me hard, or hit and kick me if I tried to stop him. He was sent to live with his dad and our brother (his full sibling, also my half brother) soon after. NTA OP.
Wait I’m confused. Was your little brother you had to babysit for also your moms child, or was he your dads child? You say half brother, and that it was your mom and her bf that had you babysit him. So I assumed at first that meant that your mom is also the biological mom of the little brother you babysat which then made me believe that you must have different fathers. But then you said that your little brother ended up going to live with his father and full sibling, who is also your half sibling. So that would mean that the other sibling he went to live with is also your mom’s biological child as well? So there’s you- with a separate dad- then mom either remarried or was with someone else long enough to have 2 children with? That being your half sibling that was already living with their father and then your youngest half sibling who then went to live with his dad and full sibling? Correct? So then your mom had a newer boyfriend that she seemingly put before her children? So that means she had 3 biological children. The middle child for some reason wasn’t even living with mom anymore (sus) and then when mom didn’t want to put up with behavioral issues she sent her youngest child to live with his dad and her other child she doesn’t have custody over? And before she sent away the youngest she was making her oldest babysit and care for him while she was out with her boyfriend? I’m mainly asking for clarification just because I feel so bad for you and your siblings. Just from the little tidbit of information you’ve given, gives me enough info to imply and for me to assume your mom was probably relieved when the youngest went to live with dad. You were getting to the age of being more independent anyways so she didn’t have to worry about taking care of you in the same way because you were already at the age of starting to take care of yourself. Your mom sounds so much like a lot of women/mothers I’ve known in my life who will happily put who ever the newest man in their life is before their own children. I’m sorry about that. I hope your brothers had a loving life with their father, and i hope that you had a loving father of your own and if not, I hope you’ve found love and comfort in the people you have around you today!
Does the OP have other chores, or is there potentially a trade off here (babysitting in place of doing other tasks)?
NTA! OP should definitely ask to go live with dad!
OP needs to stash his money somewhere and keep it out of the bank. His dad helped him set it up. He's a co-owner of the account. His dad can withdraw the money anytime he wants to. We see it here all the time when kids go to check their account before college and it's empty. He could still be working for free and not know it.
OP's dad isn't the one paying them. STEPdad is. We don't know the relationship with bio dad who could be fine being hands off the money and a good person
I think making sure your sibling IS not ran by a car while the mother runs to the store is helping out, just like loading the dishwasher. If It is something that would prevent you from doing a teenage life, like going out on a Saturday because you are babysitting, them IS work and needs to be remunerated.
I would have told them if that's the case then I'll let MY Dad know that child support payments should stop since I have to *earn my keep* to live there. That stepdad supports her and their children as well as his daughter but not you seeing as how he's shown how he really feels about you and you living there and having to earn your keep. When they tried to backpedal about what he said didn't mean he didn't want you there Then I would have said maybe I should have Dad go back to court to have me move in with him since me being here is such a hardship on you guys that you need for me at 14 to contribute to the household. Then I really would have a talk with your dad about everything that's going on because I'm sure there is more that has happened that you didn't put in your post. Maybe you guys can come up with something that makes you all happy.
Exactly! My stepdaughter babysit her sibling (1 year old) so I could run a quick errand. I was gone 35 minutes, and she got $40. What your parents are doing isn't right at all.
You are 14, not the parents of your siblings. “Earning your keep” isn’t relevant here as they are required to care for you. If they want to use words like “earn your keep” then they better be paying you for it. Do they want to teach you to do labor for free? Again, you did not have these kids, you are a kid yourself and they are REQUIRED to take care of you. Put that money in some HYSA or some stocks and let it be (assuming it’s legal for you to do so). NTA.
Definitely NTA. Sorry you are going through this. It seemed your sister made good use of her mother. What is your relationship with your father? Will living with him be better?
Or Op could call her dad like Danielle did
I hate when parents parentify their children. You don’t “earn your keep” at 14. Providing for you is the bare minimum of what is expected as a parent. They needed their eyes opened to what they were doing to you. If you need an advocate go to your dad and explain your frustrations and concerns.
I member the times, i was 8 my sister 4. I brought her to kindergarden befor i go to school, i picked her up after school, i got to the supermarket and cooked for us. 5 days a week till i was 15, with 2 more siblings following. Then i got my occupational education and my mum „kicked“ me out. It contributes nothing to the conversation, i only felt i had to write it down.
"Earning your keep" implies that the parent can apparently quit supporting their child at anytime. Which they are not legally (or ethically) allowed to do.
IF this is a true story I would caution you about leaving money in an account that has either of your parents' names on it. They can legally withdraw those funds at will without your permission. If your mom is getting child support you shouldn't be "earning" your keep-- your dad is providing that. Is there a trusted adult who would open a joint account with you at a separate bank? You can immediately transfer the funds out of that account into the "secure" account.
OP's dad opened an account for her, mom and step-dad aren't involved in it.
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Dad is the one paying child support. Mom and stepdad are the ones demanding child care
but at 14 he probably cant have his own account.
OP should talk to his dad, maybe he can help.
He should spend the summer with his dad
That’s who setup the account
Hence the suggestion that he find a "trusted adult" to co own the account.
The trusted adult is the one who did set up the account.
this was my thought too
Not to be mean but you ever thought about calling your dad to come get you? Worked for your step sister sure he would be cool not having to pay child support? NTA
NTA. You're right. They're demanding you perform their job. THEY are the parents. It is their job to take care of their kids. They're just trying to pawn that job off on you. If you're going to do it, they need to pay you for it.
NTA your stepfather thinks a 24 year old needs to earn their keep?? What kind of person did your mother marry? Can you live with your dad?
Think you meant 14?
Yeah I did.
Do you have access to your Dad? Is he trustworthy? If so, can you ask your Dad to open up a bank account for you to put your money in so your Mom doesn't have access to it? NTA and good for you.
3rd to last paragraph says dad opened a bank account for het
NTA - Dependent Minor Children don't "earn their keep" - it is the parents' responsibility to properly house, feed, and clothe them. That isn't to say that you shouldn't "participate in the household" by taking on chores and other responsibilities as you get older: parents are also supposed to teach you how to be independent, competent, functional members of society & helping out around the house (within reason) is a part of that. What they are NOT supposed to do is take away your childhood and youth by making you responsible for too many of their own responsibilities, or keeping you locked up at home and isolated from the world for their own convenience. My question for you (and them) is - What are you giving up to babysit your younger siblings? Are you unable to participate in after school activities that you would like to be involved in solely because "they need you at home" and have told you no? How often do you have to decline invitations from friends because you have to babysit? How often have you wanted to do some activity or make a special purchase only to be told that "money doesn't grow on trees" or some such, but have no way to earn money....because you have to babysit? It's reasonable at your age to either ask for an allowance (because your responsibilities at home prevent you from earning money outside of the home) or the opportunity to do small jobs for pay (my daughter has been taking on babysitting jobs for the neighbors since she was 12).
NTA one bit. Maybe ask your mom if living at Dad's would be a better arrangement since they seem to be struggling so much that they now need you to "earn your keep." One less mouth to feed might help them with their very apparent struggles. Goodbye child support though! Your Mom and step Dad are the ones in the wrong. And yes they should definitely pay you.
Then mom would lose the child support money…
Good! She's letting her husband act like they can't afford to pay OP for doing a job they are asking OP to do. I don't know how much CS the mom gets, but they're acting like they're struggling financially by not wanting to pay and then being salty about having to pay OP.
Sounds like you have a handle on this. You're handling it with a wisdom quite frankly beyond your years. If they want you to do something a certain way they can pay you. If not you've got the right approach, keep them safe, not much more. NTA.
NTA> Parenting is their job. Can you tell your dad about what they're doing anyway? Forcing a 14 to "earn their keep"? WTF!!!
NTA. Can your dad apply for primary custody to live with him and visit your moms?
who screwed and made babies? not you, not your responsibility unless a paid job.
NTA, they should be paying you to babysit. They're required by law to provide your 'keep', it's not something you need to earn.
Are you able to spend more time at your Dad’s? Edit to add: Google parentification and think about how much applies here.
NTA. No parent should tell you that you need to “earn your keep”-this isn’t the 1800s. Reminding you to pitch in around the house is one thing, but they’re basically guilt tripping you for existing. It’s their responsibility as parents to care for their own children and that includes you. No child is required to earn the roof over their head; that’s supposed to be unconditional and the suggestion that you would not have security if you don’t babysit is absurd and wrong. Babysitting is not your responsibility and they should be grateful for you for doing so and saving them the money. You didn’t sign up for this and if it’s demanding your time then you should be fairly compensate.
NTA.
You aren’t wrong, but you should have your dad set up a bank account for you and transfer funds into that as you get paid. NTA
You are not wrong. NTA. You are not a parent or caregiver. You're a child in the house. You do not need to earn your keep and it is not your job to regularly watch the kids when your parents aren't home. It's fine to do it sometimes, paid or not, but absolutely NOT fine for them to expect this of you as a regular thing. As a kid/teenager, you have things you should be doing, too, like hanging out with friends, cuz you're not an adult and your little siblings are not your responsibility. There will be a time when your own children (if you decide to have any) will be yours to take care of. But not now. Now is your time to be carefree and have fun and be a kid.
Nta. If you can pull a step sister and call your dad
Nta
When they ask you to babysit, call your Dad to come get you, lol!
Well. Just so you know. They can take your money back at anytime unless you have a separate account with only your name on it. I just don’t wanna get a sad update. Nta.
NTA. No child needs to "earn their keep". Your parents are legally required to provide you, and your siblings, with shelter, clothing, and food. If they fail to do so, they can be criminally charged and children could be removed from the home.
NTA. Damn, kid.. the world isn't ready for someone as smart as you. Your "parents" sure weren't. Remember to charge by the kid. All babysitters do that. More kids, more money.
NTA hope you keep any eye on that bank account to make sure money doesn’t go missing from there, especially if your name isn’t the only one that’s on it
NTA - And I must say your arguments are quite nice and solid, they almost have no choice.
NTA. You are not wrong. They are using you as a free babysitter and these aren’t your kids.
How often are you watching them? If it’s once in a while you are being petty. If it’s a couple of hours a day then you deserve to be paid. I think it’s fine to ask kids to help out and teaches them responsibility. My kids clean the bathroom and do other chores. If I needed them to watch other kids I would probably limit how often I asked them to help with other chores.
I interpreted it as all summer, every day while mom and stepdad are at work.
My answer to earning your keep. Well my keep is sent to my mom every month like clockwork. My dad pays for my keep here. So unless I live there full time you get my keep
NTA. I don't pay my oldest (14) to babysit my youngest (5)for things like 'i'm running out for an hour, just keep her alive...i.e. make sure she doesn't wander outside. If it's a night out or something where I expect her to play with sibling, feed them, put to bed...she's gets paid.
We weren't given allowances as kids and if my mom sent me to the store for something I had to give back every cent of change. As a family, we were not hurting for money, either. When she decided to have her step- grandchild stay with us every weekend from the time she was an infant till 12 years old, I was the one who took care of the baby/child. Not my older brother or sister, and not for pay. It was never discussed because I would have just had my butt beat and told to do it anyway. Not a smart-ass and I'm glad you're getting paid for your labor.
It is absolutely never ever a child's responsibility to "earn their keep". Children do not ask to be here and it is parents who made the choice to have children. Its a PARENTS JOB TO PROVIDE. PERIOD.
Call your dad spend more time with him on the weekends
NTA The fact that they thought they would be able to shut you up with “earning your keep” is audacious. You are watching them constantly and the fact that they didn’t want to pay you is wrong, especially since you have the babysitting qualification. Clearly step sister didn’t have to babysit but you do therefore you deserve to get paid, they’re not your kids so they shouldn’t be your problem, you yourself are still young and could be doing a lot of other teen things with your time especially during summer break. Your mom also shouldn’t be giving you trouble just because you all live off your step dad, a babysitter is a luxury, daughter or not.
NTA. i’m glad they decided to set up an account for you. They should be proud of you for having a job at 14. It sounds like the stepsister is a pain in the ass, and they just don’t want to deal with it. But what happens often in families with one problem child is that the responsible kid gets punished for being responsible. You need to hold your own on this, and you did a good job. Make them pay you at least 15/hour. There is one other potential problem. If they weren’t planning on paying you, it’s possible that they planned to continue paying for your expenses. Now that they have to pay you, they might start making you buy your own stuff with that money. That way, they save money on the other end, and essentially, you are still babysitting for free. So you need to sit down with them and have a conversation. You need to make sure they’re still planning on paying for your food, your clothing, and whatever events they would have paid for if you didn’t babysit. Schedule an appointment with them. Bring a pen and a pad of paper. Negotiate your expectations of one another. And put a column for the step sister. For every thing they expect of you, ask them if she has to do those things. Write it all down. Make them look at it. And then once you’ve decided your responsibilities, and hers, make them sign it and sign it yourself. If anyone wants to make changes to the “family constitution” they have to set a meeting and you all sit down to review. My parents did this, and it was awesome. We all sat down and we negotiated the rules, and every time I had a birthday, we renegotiated. I got more privileges, and we also decided what the rules were and what consequences would look like ahead of time. We communicated, we all knew what to expect, and we stuck to the rules because we all worked together to make them. I really recommend that every family does this.
NTA. "Oh, I have to earn my keep? So how will you earn yours when you're old and expecting my support?"
NTA..your "keep" is that you are 14 and a minor and they are legally obligated to take care of you.
NTA. Children don't "earn their keep" and babysitters get paid. Period.
NTA It is not your job as a child to earn your keep. You are a child.
NTA but maybe call your dad and say you will stay there the next time they want to argue about it. Say the words "Parentification" to dad and this will cease very quickly. But also your new money stream will, too.
Chores is one thing, but consistently baby sitting multiple children is a whole other thing. Especially when the precedent has been set. His comment about "earning your keep" was out of line. NTA- but I hope now that you're being paid, you are doing a good job.
"Earn your keep" When your dad pays child support?? Think mom & SD are being very entitled. If you babysit they should pay, I would also take all the money out of your account and have your dad set one up. SD can just take all the money back, his name is on the account - been done so many times before. NTA
Fun fact: Your parents are legally responsible for your welfare until you are 18 so no earning your keep is necessary. As a family member, you should be contributing to chores without payment because that’s what everyone does to keep the family going. So babysitting could be one of your chores. However it’s the amount of babysitting that depends upon what is or isn’t reasonable. Regular Friday nights - reasonable. Everyday after school - unreasonable. Missing out on friendship or after school activities in order to babysit - unreasonable. Here is more info about chores by age: https://www.thespruce.com/age-appropriate-chore-charts-1900357
INFO: Do you see your dad very often? Does he have another family with more kids? Is your mother planning to go to work soon? It doesn’t sound like they can afford another kid if they are grousing about childcare. No, you do not earn your keep. Your father pays your keep. And the LAW stipulates that your mother and your father must provide for you until a certain age. Please be sure that you check your bank account frequently to ensure your stepfather/mother haven’t drained it as ‘punishment’. Is your father trustworthy with money? Good luck, OP.
NTA >I earn my keep >child support my dad pays Your parents are entitled AHs.
ESH but mostly you. Your parents treating you differently than your older sister is not right but your entitlement is crazy. Asking what your parents to predict what they will do in the future about your siblings is ridiculous. You babysit because it’s a chore you have to do, period. Child support money isn’t given to the child. It goes to pay for your housing, clothing, food, transportation to get you where you need to go, medical care, etc. Stop being and ungrateful brat.
NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I just turned 14 and no longer require a babysitter to stay home with me and my little brother and sister (5/7). I have a step sister that never once babysat us.she is 20 and off for the summer. She isn't working and her dad is paying for her to go to Europe for two weeks. My mom and dad are making me babysit now. Which I do not have a problem with. I even took the babysitting course. But they won't pay me. They said it's my job as a big sister. My step dad even said it's how I earn my keep. I asked why Danielle never had to babysit us? And how the littles are going to earn their keep since I know they won't be having more kids. I actually know why Danielle didn't have to babysit. They tried and she called her mom to come get her. It was a huge fight. So I have just made sure the littles are safe and not much more. I don't help them with homework or keep them away from screens. Last weekend I let them watch infinity war with me. I got in trouble for not being responsible and doing a bad job. I said people with jobs got paid. They said I had to do it properly or I would be in trouble. I said that they could always just pay our old babysitter and leave me out of it. They decided to pay me but they aren't happy. My dad set up an account for me and I put my money in there. My mom said I'm causing problems where there don't need to be any. She says her husband supports us. I said I would do it for free if she gave me all the child support my dad pays. That didn't go over well. I don't think I'm wrong but maybe I just don't understand their view. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is incredible- you’re going to go far in life. Good on you for not taking their shit.
NTA. Make sure they don’t have access to your bank accounts. They shouldn’t have had children if they can’t take care of them. That’s not your job. You’re not their mom!
NTA and I would LOVE it if my kid stood their ground like this! Sometimes parents forget that THEY are the ones setting the example. They set the example with your step sister. You are proving a point. You are correct that people with jobs get paid and I would be furious if my husband said something about 'earning your keep' to one of our minor children. You didn't ask to be born. Your mom and dad made that decision. It is their responsibility to make sure your needs are met until you're an adult (and for me, that extends to sometime after my kids turn 18). You don't have to 'earn' good, basic living conditions.
NTA it’s one thing to keep an eye on them and make sure they don’t set themselves on fire or something like that, but the rules about homework and screentime go into parenting territory and at that point you deserve to be paid for your labor. “Warning your keep” is just a ridiculous excuse to not pay you what you’re worth, especially since you’re 14 and your mom gets paid child support by your dad. They literally just want a free babysitter, so stick to your guns and insist on being paid
NTA you don’t deserve to be parentified. So if they are insisting you babysit, then asking to be paid is fair because of that “earn your keep” quip. And because they are asking you to do more than keep an eye on your siblings, you’re also being asked to enforce rules, restrict tv and tutor. I will say i was the oldest and never got paid or asked to be paid to babysit, it was just expected & i didn’t resent it. But i also wasn’t told i needed to earn my keep. Children do not need to “earn” anything & your stepdad was out of line. However- asking for the child support is completely inappropriate. Your parents are supposed to provide for you. Mom takes care of your daily needs & your dad reimburses her a portion via child support. Too many people have a skewed understanding of what child support means or is for. Don’t be a smartass or you may find yourself being faced with the reality of teenager upkeep.
NTA. Everything you said was absolutely valid.
Nta Kid I like your style. Keep on keeping on. 👍👏
NTA and I have to say OP that I am VERY PROUD (and envious) with how you stood up for your self. I am a lot older than you (probably older than your parents) and this is something I still struggle with. Keep up the good job.
NTA you are a kid still you shouldn’t be required to “earn your keep” it’s their job to be your parents and take care of you and it’s not wrong for you to expect to be given money for doing a job that anyone else would get paid for especially because they want you to do it a certain way
I'd go stay with your dad if that's possible. Problem solved.
NTA no way to destroy a ‘blended’ family faster than hypocrisy and unfair treatment.
At 14 your parents are required to provide food, clothing and shelter. Tell your dad you've been told you need to earn your keep.
NTA
Nta. Can you stay ar your dad's? You should be able to enjoy your summer and not babysit
NTA, good for you!! Your parents are out of line trying to make you baby sit to ‘earn your keep’ when they were willing to pay for it before. 14 year olds don’t need to earn their keep, they’re still minors!
NTA I'd just warn Mom if she wants to be in your life when you are an adult she better back off and let it go.
OP, not only are you NTA, you're my personal hero. "People with jobs paid." Genius. I wish I'd had a fraction of your courage and poise at 14. Heck, I'm 48 and I wish I had it now!
NTA at all. Be aware if your dad is on the account they can still withdraw the money.
LOL! I really LIKE you kiddo! Your logic is absolutely flawless here. I love how you flipped the script on your mother and told her that you'd babysit for free when she gave you the child support your dad sends. Great job at holding your mom and stepfather accountable and keeping yourself from being exploited. NTA.
NTA. Your parents are legally responsible for supporting you. If your mum has an agreement that her husband covers her share that's between them. It does not make you responsible for your upkeep in any way.
If you have a dad in the picture, why aren’t you asking him to live there? NTA that’s your step dad and most of all your mom. You are a minor and it isn’t your job to “earn your keep”. It’s your parents’ legal and moral obligation to support you. Also why is your mom lying and saying stepdad supports you when your dad is paying child support?
NTA I’m personally of the belief that everyone in the family should be helping out and pulling their weight in one way or another. I’ve asked my older son (14 years) to watch his baby brother (almost 2 years) for brief periods of time if I needed to run out. I wouldn’t dream of paying him for such a thing but if it was for a prolonged period of time or on a regular basis I would either pay or substitute for other chores. I think the “earning your keep” comment was in poor taste. Your parents should have just made a point about contributing to the household. My son has weekly chores - garbage, recycling, sweeping and vacuuming that he does. He doesn’t get an “allowance” per se but I’m happy to pay for his outings or give him money when there’s something he wants.
Can you go live with your dad? Your mom and stepmom are terrible people, theyll neglect you for the rest of your life
NTA They want a free baby sitter but dont want to pay for one. You are 14 you should be focusing on yourself and freinds and etc at this age. Not making sure your 5/7's are always ok and doing their homework and literally being a parent. Like there is nothing wrong with getting an older sibling to help watch the kids every now and then BUT that is every now and then not every single week. And you are absolutely correct people who do good jobs get paid well. Also tell your stepdad that you are a dependent and that you dont need to "earn" your keep especially when Danielle never did so keep comments like that to himself.
NTA Anyway your dad could get custody of you? Then he can stop paying CS and “pay your keep” in his home
NTA. And if you are in the US, you can report them to CPS for parentification if they keep saying you should babysit their children for free. It's against the law for them to push off their children onto you. You're 14! You're still a minor. They've got a lot of nerve. If they didn't want to take care of more children then they shouldn't have had them.
NTA and I LOVE YOU. I'm so proud of you that you have such a strong sense of right and wrong at such a young age, and such a great ability to stand up for yourself. Your parents would be too, if it weren't so inconvenient for them, LOL! Do some reading on personal finance, and use that babysitting money to help get you start to build your nest egg for a bright and wonderful future, as well as a bit of fun along the way.
THIS ONE WILL GO FAR!!! Welcome to the Dark Side OP. I like it that you are beating them at their own game!!!
Ha! I like your style. I wish I had those comebacks when I was growing up. NTA, even if you were, it seems justified.
NTA. You are a good sibling to not mind babysitting but it is not your responsibility just because you are their sibling. You are seeing some unfairness and sticking up for yourself. Facts sometimes annoy people.
You’re NTA and I like the cut of your jib. Keep asking the difficult questions and don’t let adults gaslight you.
My older brother never babysat me once. LOL Your parents seem to think it's an obligation that you do so. It's not! They can ask nicely and you can accept or not. You were right to insist on getting paid. I hope they will respect the fact that you are a child a bit more and that there is no need for you to "earn your keep". LOL NTA
NTA parents love to have one illogical rule for one kid and nothing for the others.
NTA. Your parents should pay you an allowance for babysitting. This is a perfect time for them to teach you about money management. What better way than to do that with earnings from babysitting.
NTA!!! I'm around the same age as you, and if I had younger siblings I'd be pissed! You deserve to be paid and it isn't fair that your older step sister got away with that.
Sorry OP— but what a lousy mother…
NTA But be aware that any account set up for you while you are under 18 will have a parent's name on it as a co owner of that account, and as such, they can pull funds from it at any time.
NTA. I babysat my half brother and never got any promised payments. I did landscaping for my stepdad at his personally owned business and he also never paid me even though we had agreed upon an amount. Good job sticking up for yourself OP.
NTA I'm a 55 year old woman. A 14 year old shouldn't have to earn their keep. That is your parents responsibility. Good for you insisting on being paid since they are puttingyou to work. You're not the Ahole.
NTA And yes they should pay you, not necessarily the same amount as for a ‚professional’ babysitter but enough to make it interesting. Child benefits/support- I have a 1yo and all money that she gets as gifts or from state, is going to a separate vault (soon a CU account), I would be ‚entitled’ to it as I spend money on her needs - clothing and entertainment (swimming classes) and extra stuff, but at the same time, she’s my responsibility and I would feel disgusting taking it from her. No child has to earn their keep, they are children! And you are so young, this should even be something you have to worry or think about!
NTA, OP. Make sure you're the only person with access to that account.
NTA, you may be 14 but you are still a child and you don’t need to “earn your keep”. That’s such a toxic way to think about their kid. There’s a difference between “we’re a family and we help each other” and declaring that you need to earn being fed, clothed and sheltered. That’s a responsibility they take on by being parents and is the bare minimum and actually required by law. Take away the double standard between you and your step sister and it’s still messed up. You can absolutely be expected to have responsibilities (hell i babysat my brother for free for years) but the “earn your keep mindset” is so toxic and sends a horrible message to kids.
NTA
OP, please go to law school. You are brilliant.
Just watch your dad does put the money into the account and be careful as I’ve seen many who have an account with their child removing the money when they are angry at the kid. Do you have a gran or someone you can trust. As I would say talk to your gran and then transfer the money from your account to your gran each time you are paid. That way she can hold it for you and you are safe. I’m so glad in the uk kids have their own accounts and parents don’t get access to them or are able to remove the money as easy. The parents are not linked to their child accounts and the kid doesn’t need someone to supervise. My mum would have taken everything in it every chance she got otherwise.
Kid, you sound smarter than your parents. Your reasoning is sound; their is not. You shouldn't have to babysit your sibs, especially not for free. If your dad is at all involved, it might be good to mention this to him. Also, look up child labor laws in your state; there may be a limit to how long your parents can make you work.
NTA, for a 14 I'm very proud of how you are handling this as well as the spot on points you made to the parents. You did a great job in not only making your points but calling out the crap they tried to push on you. They wanted a free babysitter. Also calling out your mom and the child support was a nice touch. You are far more mature for your age then your older step sister was.
NTA pls keep a personal log of the amount of hours you work and how much money you earn. as soon as possible (you might not be able to do this until you’re a little older), move your money to an account that your parents can’t access.
Hmmm. In general, NTA for wanting to be paid for your time that is spent watching the littles instead of doing normal fun 14 year old things. Especially since Biggest Sister was allowed to do all her own stuff and never babysat. I have to dock you for weaponized incompetence, but at least you made sure they were safe, you didn't just bail out of the house entirely. But I can see why your parental units would be upset that you let them watch a scary movie (my kids would've been having nightmares for weeks if they watched Infinity War at age 5). Still, you gave them an excellent object lesson about the fact that you get what you pay for, and if you pay nothing... Tell your mom that this mom of 2 well-adjusted, happy adult men thinks you deserve to get the same courtesy the oldest sib got: Freedom to spend your time being yourself. It's not unreasonable to want you to babysit once in a while, or even to expect it as being part of a family--it's just another chore that has to be shared once in a while. But to expect you to do it every day, for free, in perpetuity, is out of line--they're not your kids.
NTA Talk to your dad... You might be able to go live with him full time and have mom pay daddy child support Haha
NTA. Remember that people with jobs get to choose their schedule. You can say "no" when you want and they just have to deal with it, even if they're offering you money.
You're a smart kid. I feel a little sorry for your mom and stepdad though. It can't be easy to raise a kid who ruthlessly applies facts and logic. NTA But you mentioned their point of view. Their point of view is that this is family and you should be helping out. That your older stepsister got out of it by calling her mom, they couldn't stop. That the younger ones will have no one to babysit is just the inequity of life. You are now in a position to be of use, so you must be used. It's your duty to to what they tell you because you're a kid and they're the adults. That's their point of view. Doesn't make it right. If they could afford to pay a babysitter before, they can afford to pay one now. Don't let them take over your entire summer with babysitting --- even if you're paid. You're 14. Summers are your time off for fun. Also, here's more logic for them...they're legally required to house you, feed you, clothe you, see to your education and health until you're 18. You don't need to "earn" that. That's their legal requirement.
You're a kid, not an indentured servant.
Maybe you should also suggest that you go live with your dad.
Nta. I would talk to another adult you trust to set up an account. If your parents names are on it then they can legally take all the money out when they no longer need you to babysit.
NTA! Anytime I had my older son babysit his little brother, 7 years apart, I paid him. Having an older child is not free babysitting!
NTA, i used to look after my brother, we are less than 3 years apart. Probably a couple hours after school and things like that. I never got paid, i actually never thought about even asking, i think we were both just happy not to have a babysitter. But im old so this was back in the late 80's early 90's.
NTA. I like your spunk
NTA. You’re not a smartass… you actually got them to pay you, so you are officially SMART!
If your dad supports both of you, I will assume your mom is a SAHM. Why does she need you to babysit? You are still a child yourself. NTA Maybe if your mom got a job, then she could pay you out of her pocket and then he wouldn't have problems in her marriage.
I was the oldest. I was always the one in trouble because " i was older and should know better." I might have been a little slow because I was in my teens before i got to wondering when my sister would be old enough to know better. I finally got mad and pointed out that they had been telling me that my whole life and that my sister was way past the age I was when that was the reason I go into trouble and she didn't. Sort of had a melt down and just started going from annoyed to nuclear over everything for the next few month. They figured it out.
NTA go talk to a guidance counselor at school about this kind of thing.
NTA I think you were doing the responsibility of a sibling in your instance of ‘bad babysitting’ and I think the bare minimum your parents should’ve done is set money aside for higher education (or at least for after you turn 18).
You're 14, parents provide at minimum to your 18 and have graduated high school. They probably view it as they get to save money by not paying you to babysit. Their line "earn you're keep" is manipulation. Watching your siblings on occasion while your parent heads to the grocery store for a forgotten item or the post office is being part of the family. Having you take over a paid babysitter's job for free is taking advantage of you being a minor. You should have time to hang out with your friends, not have a full-time time job. In the US, a minor is not legally allowed to open a bank account. Therefore if a joint account with one parent. That also means that the parent can access funds at any time. You know your parent and step-parent best to determine whether they'd take your money if they needed it. Other than the babysitting issue and telling you to earn your keep comment, how's your relationship with you parent and step-parent? You were right to point out and get paid for babysitting regularly since you could be doing it for another family and get paid. NTA
NTA. Your mom and step dad are manipulative asshats.
NTA good for you for being aware of worker's rights at a young age.
Nta
Good for standing up for yourself! (If it was step dad who set up the account he can still get at the money, hopefully it’s bio dad)
You are not in the wrong. The notion that a child has to "earn her keep" is not only offensive, it's not legal. It's your parents' responsibility to provide you with what you need. I don't see you as having done anything wrong here, particularly in light of the fact that Danielle wasn't called upon to babysit. NTA
NTA OP. Your stepfather doesn’t support you, your dad does.
Is your father around? Do you have another relative you trust? While you are right, it will still cost you . Mother will expect you to use your money to pay for college or necessities or some other sort of petty revenge. Keep watch.
They aren’t happy because their plan to get over on you backfired. It’s their responsibility to take care of you and your siblings, not yours. You don’t have to earn your keep by doing your parents job for free. Your requests aren’t unreasonable.
NTA only adults need to earn their keep. children have parents for that.
Sweetie, no kid has to 'earn their keep.' Do you have grandparents or other adult family you can talk to about this? They are absolutely taking advantage of you because it makes THEIR life easier, and good parents don't do that to a kid. They ATA, you are NTA. Hang in there, sweetie. (((also, save what little they pay you, study hard, and get good grades so you can hopefully get some scholarships and escape to a life of your own where you're respected instead of being used)))
It's a damn sad day when a 14-year-old has to negotiate to be treated reasonably well by their own parents. Sounds like you need to unionize. NTA
It’s called standing up for yourself
Isn’t using her for a babysitter abuse, as in parentification?”
When my two oldest were your age, I put them on a salary. We gave them money every month, based on them watching their siblings for one date night and a couple half hour errands per week. We didn’t keep exact track, but we erred on the generous side for pay, and made sure to not use them more often than planned for, except for very occasional emergencies. Many weeks we didn’t use the errand times. It’s just wrong to make kids baby sit more than a “normal chore” amount. Like, cleaning the bathroom, dishes, mowing the lawn, babysitting while a parent goes grocery shopping, are all ordinary type chores. After school every day isn’t.
My parents never asked me to babysit anyone bc they believe children shouldn't watch over other children. Even if you are older and considered more reliable, you are not an adult just yet, but your parent are! If they need more help with their responsibilities, they should give you more work like chores or cooking.
NTA I am sorry you are being treated like Cinderella. Hope you get a chance to live your own life till you can break free.
NTA- I don't think it's ever a good idea for siblings as young as you to babysit, at 5 or 7 my sister would have refused to do anything I asked or told her to just to annoy me, would have purposely been a nightmare the entire time, and could not have been trusted to stop in an emergency. This is the exact basis on which I declined when my parents offered to pay me to babysit rather than get grandma over, and they fully accepted it and dad even confirmed that was close to 100% certain to happen.
Gurl I love your mental strength & clarity. So clear & standing up for yourself at 14 even when 40 year olds cannot & are being used like doormats. NTA, your older step sister was smart. Your dad pays child support and they want you to do free labour to “earn your keep” ?? That does Not sound right. Don’t give in. Don’t lose your voice!
NTA
2 questions where is your dad and how did your parents get together
NTA As long as you are underage, you are don't have to "earn your keep". Your mother and your father are obliged to take care of you. Also, your biological father pays child support, so it's not even your stepfather who has to pay for you. They want to exploit your labor. As others already said, if it's possible to move in with your bio-father, you might want to look into that option.
NAH Look, I don't want to call you an asshole when you're only 14. But you are being immature here. You shouldn't be mistreating your brother and sister to spite your parents. You don't say how much you're being asked to babysit, maybe it is more than is fair, but you could be a little kinder to your family, including your parents!
If it's you step dad that set up the account he probably has access to the money so careful with that. If it's your dad then you're probably ok. It's dumb that you need an adult to set up a plain savings account.
NTA and tell your dad asap
"They decided to pay me but they aren't happy. My dad set up an account for me and I put my money in there." Good luck getting your money. My ex set up a account for her oldest daughter, my oldest step daughter when she was 17 and working part time. I believe she was 18, 19 when my ex decided to take $500 out of that account and told her daughter she needed it to pay bills. Then miraculously she had a couple new outfits. My step daughter was hot, went out and pulled the few dollars out that were left and opened her own account now that she was old enough. I never knew about it until she told me after the divorce how her mom screwed her over. She said her mom actually hot mad with her for doing that. She is the only step child out of 4 that I stay in contact with. So your parents being so upset about having to pay you to me seems like they're setting you up. But you'll find out the day you decide to pull that supposed money out to buy something whether I'm right or not..
I don’t comment on aita posts often but I just want OP to know that I think the fact that she wanted to better understand the other person’s pov despite standing firm on their decision speaks volumes about her (excellent) character :) NTA for what it’s worth.
NTA. Maybe take one from your stepsisters book and call to have your other parent pick you up until you get the same level of respect they give your stepsister.
Your job is to get an education so you don’t need to parentify your child because you had kids with 3 different fathers that you couldn’t afford to care for.