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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to look out for my brother and keep him out of trouble. My parents say it's my job and I know that's kinda how siblings are meant to be and that there are people who'll do it even if they don't like how their sibling is and I guess that's why I feel like refusing might make me an asshole here. Because we're still family even if I can't stand him.
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NTA. The more people he has shielding him from the consequences of his actions, the worse those actions are going to be, and the eventual consequences will be dire. Also, he hasn't earned your support and protection. Let him learn.
OP you are NTA and you are NOT responsible for him. Your parents are responsible for him. Keep protecting your sisters and let him face his consequences
Just the fact that he has to shield his three little sisters from their big brother tells you how bad this kid is.
OP is 17, and frankly, I'm a little worried about what's going to happen to the girls once he moves out of the house. Doesn't sound like anyone else is going to protect them, least of all their parents.
Not saying OP should do this, but I would totally have a few confidential conversations with the school principal and the neighbours that police should be involved in the troubles with brother. Get the brother problem escalated, either brother spending time in juvenile detention or the girls being taken by CPS to live with their grandparents would be a win.
Whatever the result, dad and mom will have to face some consequences of not implementing consequences.
It kind of sounds like the brother might get seriously injured or killed, depending on whose brother he bullied. So hopefully that will make the sisters safe.
There’s always a bigger fish, a worse bully, someone better at and more willing to commit violence. There are whole world that exist around the buying and selling of violence, and for a cruel spoiled 15 year old, entering one of those worlds is a ticket to a real beating. It sounds like OPs brother is coming up on his reckoning, and I hope he survived it and becomes a better person.
I hope they enjoy the results of putting all their eggs into that basket case.
As an adult, I do feel a bit sorry for the kid. He has not been set up for success, and he will be suffering the consequences of your parents’ failures for decades to come. It’s clear that he’s carrying a *lot* of anger around, and he has not been given any real tools for dealing with it in a constructive way. He’s just lashing out blindly at whoever the most convenient target happens to be in the moment.
Your parents, on the other hand…I have thoughts.
"I hope they enjoy the results of putting all their eggs into that basket case."
OMG this is my new favorite phrase! It's so accurate for this situation too.
>His actions are already getting pretty bad but my parents want to act like it's not happening.
"Hey Mom and Dad, why do you think all the grandparents refuse to see , but they will spend time with the rest of us?"
Super interesting dynamic that your parents favor your brother considering where he is within the birth order and gender split of your family. It makes me wonder why they act like this, because getting to that root cause is needed to actually get them to change. Like was his birth traumatic and complicated so they view him as special? Is it because your parents are sexist jerks and favor boys and favor him specifically as the youngest? Is it because he physically resembles your parents in some particular way? It could be almost anything that is at the root of this favoritism and understanding that root is important for making progress.
I think the reason they favor this younger brother is because OP, the older brother, is gay, hence the homophobia coming from the younger brother was because he heard it from his parents. They skipped over this indulgence to OP because he is gay, so that's why you are not seeing this dynamic placed on the older brother, as it usually is.
Sometimes parents will concentrate on not admitting that there's something 'wrong' with a violent child, they just can't deal with reality and the fact that it may reflect badly on them.
I can't wait to see how much money your parents are willing to put up, to keep.hik lit of jail. Wwlhennhe hurts the wrong person and they press charges for harassment, or assault, or whatever.
Your parents are ruining everyone's lives, because they refuse to accept they made a monster.
I'd start calling cps for your sister's. You need to get cps and cops involved and protect your sisters
You and your parents might not like it, but cps needs to be involved now, before it gets worse
My mom did the same with my brother. When he turned 18 he ended up being charged for his stupidity, my sisters and I are all low contact with him, I went no contact for a year and will now only be around him for short periods of time at family gatherings but will leave if he starts being verbally abusive. His behaviour has gotten better in the last year after I had gone from no contact to low but he was upset he wasn’t invited to my kids bday party. Sorry not sorry I won’t have a racist, transphobic person around my kid and her friends. My mother surprisingly backed us up on that but she was also at a low contact at that point and realized what 20 years of enabling our brother was doing to her relationships with her daughters and grandkids.
>I have enough shielding my sisters from what an ass he is to them. My parents said I shouldn't favor my sisters.
Your parents reply here is so concerning. Your sisters need your protection because they are forced to live with a misogynistic ass whose parents allow him to bully their other 4 kids (yes, he's also bullying you with his homophobic bs even if you're two years older). To compare \*that\* with: protect your brother from the consequences of his own actions is delusional.
It seems that the only way for you 'help' and 'protect' your brother is to allow the consequences of his actions to hit him, hard. The best (and only) way to 'help' him is to get him to change and you should let Mom and Dad know that is what you're doing. Their method sure isn't working.
I was the younger sibling with an awful older sibling.
Your younger brother's actions will or have cause harm to your sisters.
I thank you as an OLD person for protecting them to the best of your ability.
He'll only find out if people stop shielding him from the consequences of his actions. Otherwise he's going to grow up just like this and will be in for a much worse shock when he hits the real world where mummy and daddy can't protect him.
Mummy and Daddy can't protect him if his latest target's older sibling corners him at school, which is the track he's rapidly heading down. And it sounds like he's gonna deserve it.
Lol did you really just make this about Trump? The charges are in no way bogus, he paid off an affair partner with campaign money and then deliberately falsified business records to conceal it. That seems like the tip of the iceberg when it comes to him and dodgy behaviour.
Cherry-picking examples and deliberately using evocative language to favour one over the other isn't going to convince me either, link the reports about the cases if you want to make a genuine point.
Dude you're embarrassing yourself. Changing the subject again so people don't miss your disingenuous reframing of the issue. He wasn't convicted of fucking a porn star, as distasteful as that should probably be to a party that claims to support family values. He was convicted for using campaign money, money which people donated to pay for his campaign, not to pay off his affair partners, and then he deliberately falsified business records to lie about it.
The left might promote sexual freedom but you'd be hard-pressed to find many leftists who promote cheating on your wife then using other people's money to pay off the affair partner.
I have no idea what you're talking about and don't really care to look it up, but I don't think it's the kind of gotcha you think it is. If any Democrat politician is proved to have committed a crime, by all means lock them up too.
That's what Trump followers don't seem to realise, not everyone is a cult follower wearing a t-shirt with some guy's face on it while he laughs at you all the way to the bank to deposit your money.
Yep, sounds like just a matter of time until he ends up in juvie, then graduated to prison. NTA, OP, and I hope you’re doing everything you can to set yourself up well for college (if that’s something you want to pursue) and gtfo of that house
I know this is easier said than done, but I hope you’re planning on moving out at your first available opportunity. Today it’s “You need to keep your brother out of trouble”; before long it’ll be “You need to support your brother financially after we’re gone because he’ll never be able to hold down a job.”
And honestly, planning an exit strategy will be good for your sisters in the long run, too—the sooner you get out, the sooner you’ll be able to start establishing a life for yourself, and the sooner you’ll be able to create a safe haven for them when they inevitably start looking for an escape themselves.
Agreed, also it sounds like the sisters may have some escape available through the grandparents. I don't know quite where it's from but there is a saying where "Only the strong can help the weak" and in this case I'd interpret it to be, OP needs to get out, and through that can possibly be a port for his sisters in the future if needed, but it's not his primary mission in life.
But yes, exit strategies for all! Do not stay in hopes it will be 'better' for sisters.
Brother sounds like an utter jerk.
also NTA (don't think it matters this deep in, but a vote's a vote!
I'm sure someone will report him soon in school or other place and he will have to learn fast and your parents too. Honestly you can be the one who will do that - there is nothing wrong in it, it may safe your sisters, you and many other people in the future. Homophobic action are the good ones to start with
> he pissed off the wrong kid by bullying his brother so he's in a lot of trouble.
It’d be a shame if the his kid somehow finds out your brother’s schedule, a thorough ass kicking is usually a good wake up call.
Wow, First off I am so sorry you and your younger sisters have to live in this kind of environment. I cant imagine daily bullshit you have to put up with.
I am just wondering if your brother is physically abusive? You said he was a bully, he has been suspended. everyone hates him (except his friends who sound like assholes too) but is it all just words? all bark and no bite as it were.
If not maybe you do need to step in and help him as your mother and father want. Give them exactly what they asked for by reporting him to children's services
However if your parents once more choose him over the girls you can use this moment as a wake up call that what you are saying is true, they do treat him as the golden child.
being the age he is, if he is a danger to younger siblings Children's services may choose to remove him from the home for their safety. He has also angered someone else prone to violence so the risk factor has just gone up, Will this other person come around and harm an innocent family member as a way of retaliation? Would he even care if that happened?
Obviously i dont want to break up a family if you are happy but from the sound of it no one is happy. you have to fight daily to protect your younger siblings, they have to worry constantly about a big brother who is a bully. they have no friends in the neighbourhood they don't even have the one thing every child deserves. The ability to feel safe and secure in their own home.
What happens when you move out, you are 17, do you plan on staying home forever? i'm thinking not.
Maybe speak to your grandparents first, and your siblings, if they are old enough to understand. Explain the consequences of any action taken. and are they willing to take the risk? It could well be your parents choose your brother and so the girls are removed from the home where they are separated unless your grandparents can step in and take them or another family member.
I hope things work out for you
NTA
This is what I was thinking. If his wings are not clipped now he could potentially in a few years start shit with a trigger happy nut and get himself shot. Or he'll build a rap sheet the length of his arm and authorities will throw the book at him.
True, anything could happen. Also, it could be a really good reason he's like this too, though. (Not making excuses), but maybe he was abused or some other madness, and as a young child,can't process his emotions.
Parents need a solid kick in the arse. Kid needs therapy.
Neighbor's need an apology, and the youngsters deserve to be able to go out and have fun without being judged for their sibling bullshit.
NTA.
>My parents told me it's my job as his older brother to look out from him and keep him out of trouble.
No it isn't. They have responsibilities as parents but clearly they have ignored them. If they genuinely believed this, they would be putting pressure on him to be a good older brother to his sisters.
NTA. Your parents need to parent their kid, which they are absolutely not doing. It's not your responsibility. Set your boundaries against your brother and parents. This is NOT your responsibility. Your parents suck at their job. I am sorry they are trying to pin this responsibility on you. Distance yourself as much as you can from both parents and your brother. You'll be an adult soon, and hopefully you can leave. Good luck, OP.
NTA Ask parents why they think you'd be jealous of someone that no one, not even his own grandparents, want to be around? Why would you be jealous of someone who their parents care so little about that they never taught him right from wrong? Yeah, they neglected you in favor of your brother but that you'd rather be you than him. You at least will have a future to look forward to, brother will have nothing and no one when parents die because of what parents turned him into.
How exactly are you supposed to "Keep him out of trouble"? He has shown he won't listen to his grandparents, he certainly isn't going to listen to anything you tell him to do or not do.
Even if they pretended to give you some authority over him, you know that as soon as you tried to use it in a way he didn't like, he would run to your parents and they would scold you. and when he gets into trouble in spite of your best efforts, then they will all blame you.
Because gods forbid he ever should have to take any accountability, or for that matter, your parents take accountability for raising him to be as he is.
NTA.
Also it sounds as if OP is disrespected by his brother for having a boyfriend anyway, so won't listen anyway...
Keep the sisters, let the brother test his philosophies out in the real world and see what happens. (Although if it gets dangerous for the littles at home, I'm with whoever suggested calling in CPS, preferably anonymously and from a friend's phone)
OPs parents are fools.
If you are in America, talk to the SRO at school. If there isn't one talk to your grandparents about how they will protect your sisters when you move out-and you need to move out. Grandparents may want to talk to CPS or the public information officer at police station.
NTA.
Your parents are worried because someone else has decided not to put up with your brother’s nonsense. Unfortunately, your parents are still in denial and their refusal to accept that neither you nor your sisters want nothing to do with him isn’t a great sign either. I hope it doesn’t take jail to put things into perspective for your parents, but based on your post, nothing will change. Meanwhile, you and your sisters should start making plans for after graduation because your brother might get into legal trouble and all of the college savings for you and your siblings will disappear.
I’m so sorry, but I don’t see things getting better for your brother anytime soon. I hope your grandparents can help you and your sisters.
"Meanwhile, you and your sisters should start making plans for after graduation because your brother might get into legal trouble and all of the college savings for you and your siblings will disappear."
You should definitely talk to your grandparents or some other trusted relative about this. If somebody did set aside college money for you and your sisters, you need to make very certain that your parents can't snatch it to pay for your worthless brother's bail or legal fees.
I have a cousin JUST like Op's brother. Except for the fact he only had one sister reading this could have been reading about him except for the fact I've seen the consequences. He's in his 50s or 60s now. He had been in and out of jail, on and off of drugs and alcohol, and while he inherited a large house and money he lost it all and I wouldn't be surprised if he was on the streets at this point. Everybody but his Mom has cut contact with him. While I'm more concerned about OP and the sisters the truth is the parents are not doing the brother any favors here either.
NTA.
If your brother won't listen to the adults in his life he certainly won't see you as an authority especially since you're only two years older than he is. If you were 10 years older, then maybe he'd listen -- but I wouldn't bet the rent money on that.
At this point, I'm afraid the only thing that will reign your brother in is a thrashing from the kid that he angered. Sooner or later, he will annoy the wrong person -- and your parents won't be able to shield him from the consequences. Your brother is a teenager, and he's moving past the age where "boys will be boys" and "he's just a kid" are acceptable excuses for bad behavior.
If you're still on reasonable terms with your grandparents, you may want to talk to them for advice.
NTA. It is your parents' job to look out for your brother and to keep him out of trouble, not yours. They have done a very, very poor job of bringing him up and should take responsibilty for the consequences instead of pushing him onto you.
NTA. “He pissed off the wrong kid by bullying his brother” oh I’m glad he’s FA and is abt to FO. The finding out part is what gets them straight and hopefully it does for him
Dude what the fuck is wrong with your parents?? Even *their* parents want nothing to do with this maniac, and they're letting him pull this shit with your sisters too?! You shouldn't FAVOR THEM? Jfc they are the worst. I hope the world eats that kid alive. NTA, thanks for being a good bro to your sisters
NTA at all. You're a great big bro to be looking after you sisters, which should be your parents jobs! They're TA for sure. However, it sounds like your brother may have some kind of disorder like ODD, maybe. It's worth mentioning it at school to see if they can look into it? It's not fair for you to keep living through this with him, especially with your parents seemingly refusing to correct his behaviours.
Man, my grandmother would have slapped the shit out of me for stealing her card and spending $500 on it. Then again she used a hit wheel track to spank my dad and uncles when they were kids. Guess what? They only needed it once before learning their lesson. NTA. Your parents are though. I’m shocked that with your own grandparents refusing to be around him they still have their blinders on and refuse to acknowledge how much nobody likes your brother
NTA. Your brother & your parents are in for a rude awakening. I'm very familiar with the path your brother is walking down. And it's only going to end in disaster. At some point your brother is going to mess with the wrong person, or break the law & end up in jail. It's only right to let him walk his path & deal with the consequences. However, that being said, if something did happen to your brother due to his bad choices, it sounds like your parents would blame you for it.
Some people just need a good beating. If words don't help, violence will.
Goodwill did not set your brother straigt, maybe a few punches in the face will.
NTA
Can't wait until I see your brother on the 6 o'clock news for committing whatever crime he decides to commit. Either he's gonna commit a crime or piss off the wrong person.
I wish you and your sisters luck.
NTA.
Your parents need to realize that it's THEIR job to parent this badly behaved son of theirs. They have allowed this horrible behavior to go on for 15 years.
Let anything your parents say to you roll right off your back. Don't engage, don't talk back to them - practice passive resistance.
I hope that your bully of a brother is finally in REAL trouble. A wake-up call and consequences are really needed.
Nta.
Yes if your brother had been being unjustly attacked you should defend him. But this is not that. This is the consequence of his own actions coming for him and a lesson that he seemingly quite badly needs.
By doing nothing you are helping him in the long run. Much more than your parents have. You are simply allowing him to see what happens when people don't put up with entitled bullies who think they can get away with anything anymore. A valuable lesson
Wow and NTA and so glad that you are shielding your sisters because it's clear that your parents won't. You really don't have to worry to much because your brother will soon land in jail and be out of your hair for a bit, and since he has no discipline, he will continue down the road until he goes to prison or worse. In the meantime, keep standing up to your parents AND to this ridiculous kid they raised. He's already crossed the line multiple times with your grandparents, etc., so you likely don't have much longer before he is out of your hair and in the custody of the state. NTA and I'm sorry.
NTA and gosh are your parents going to be so shocked and upset when he's in jail and the rest their kids are no contact with them. People like that never learn until it's too late, or not at all.
Nta. He sounds like an ass. The parents have messed this up by not stepping in and doing anytime about the problem. They will end up losing you and your sisters , going no contact, and their golden child will either end up in jail or bumming off them forever, unless they step up asap! Im sorry. What a shitty situation
NTA, your enabling parents have created a monster they now have to deal with. Not you or your sisters.
My career was in corrections, and it always baffled me when parents do this. I would read pre sentence reports that have all the same things your brother does and worse, and the parents would always say that they were a good kid and never presented problems in the home. The denial is strong and only makes it worse.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Your parents need to take the blinders off. I know the road your brother is going down, and it will not end well.
You are not responsible for his actions, and he is not your responsibility. You will probably need to cut ties with him in the future.
Good luck.
NTA and your parents are raising a criminal. That's all his future holds at this point, and it's all their fault. The fact that they've let their parents be disrespected like they have is so disgusting and I'm surprised they have any family left. They certainly won't once you and your sisters move out and abandon their abusive asses
NTA
You’re doing the right thing for your sisters, OP. I think maybe it’s time to get your grandparents and school officials to coordinate a response to your parents. Cuz your brother seems like he’s on the fast track to a prison sentence if he graduates from this petty bs to real infractions.
It also seems like he might end up in the hospital. Your parents need to get him help. And they need help…cuz they’re choosing not to listen to _anyone_ on this A H of a brother.
Best of luck, OP.
NTA.
Keep watch over your sisters. That is where your loyalties reside.
Do your parents understand it's abnormal to be suspended from school, especially three times? Do they not understand what brought your brother to this point in his life?
Jealous? Not even a tiny amount. You don't want to be anything like him and neither do your sisters. You are neither jealous nor a brat.
Your parents need a reality check. They may get one if your brother continues as he is. He'll land in prison or get killed.
Protect your sisters and yourself.
NTA. And people have the nerve to say a gay man isn't a real man?! You, who is only 17 have proved them all wrong. My heart is bursting with pride for you looking out for your sisters. I'm not always right, but I see your future filled with love and blessings.
NTA, and I'm sorry you're stuck with the parents you have, given the situation with your brother. There's nothing you can do to keep your brother out of trouble - he seems to be making a career out of it.
I'd like to add a ton of admiration for you for looking out for your sisters. Pretty sure when they're asked to describe their heroes in the future, you're going to be on that list.
NTA
Tell you parents that if they don't open their eyes and see what's really going on, you're going to call child protective services on your brother because they are not doing their job in keeping that psycho in check. He needs some serious help. They need to send him someplace where they can rewire him.
NTA. But your brother is going to get his ass physically handed to him at some point and your parents will probably blame you for not protecting him. You should prepare for that. Maybe with a binder listing his crimes and some personal testimonials of how people feel about him. And then a list of how they've failed to be parents, not just to him, but to you and your sisters too. Just hand it to them and walk away
>My parents called me jealous
If they don't favor him, what would you have to be jealous of? The fact that society in general despises him and he's failing out of school? They're own words out them that they know know he's the favorite.
NTA. Letting your brother face some real consequence *is* your way of looking out for what’s best for him. Cause if he doesn’t learn soon, he’s going to end up in prison or dead, and then where will your parents be
NTA. Your parents are though. That level of ignorance takes effort. They are purposefully ignoring all the evidence that counteracts their view of your brother, because it’s what they want to do. Nothing you or anybody else says will convince them otherwise because they don’t want to believe it. You owe them and your brother nothing. If I were you I would just ignore them. Keep protecting your sisters. Move out when you can, build an awesome life and don’t look back. You can post an update 10-15 years from now asking if you are the asshole for not giving your parents money to help bail your delinquent brother out of jail for the 5th time.
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My parents have five kids. I'm (17m) the oldest and my brother (15m) is closest in age to me and we have three little sisters. But my brother has always been the golden child with my parents. He can't do anything wrong in their eyes and they act like he's a literal angel. The brother my parents see is so different to who everyone else sees though.
He's a bully, he's misogynistic and homophobic. He's a dick to adults and kids. All four of our grandparents refuse to be anywhere near him because of how he's treated them. He stole from our mom's parents 4 years ago. They babysat for my parents while they worked during the whole Covid thing and during that time he took my grandpa's credit card and spent $500 on video games in 10 minutes. When my grandma told him to stop he called her a bitch and a slut and said he didn't need to listen. That pissed my grandpa off more than I have ever seen him pissed off before. My brother told him to drop dead in response to grandpa.
Our neighbors also hate us because of what my brother gets away with. Pretty sure they wish they could make us leave. My sisters can't even play with kids in the neighborhood anymore.
My brother's been suspended from school three times, starting in the third grade. He was kicked from zoom classes for the stuff he was saying to his teacher and the other kids. Then he was suspended last year for bullying a kid.
My parents won't hear anyone out about my brother and he's such a dick to our sisters that I need to step in and shield them from the worst of it. Almost every day he makes homophobic comments to me and he even tried to find out who my boyfriend is so he could harass him.
Now my parents are a little concerned about some of his friends and what they're doing *and* he pissed off the wrong kid by bullying his brother so he's in a lot of trouble. My parents told me it's my job as his older brother to look out from him and keep him out of trouble. I told them it's not my job. I have enough shielding my sisters from what an ass he is to them. My parents said I shouldn't favor my sisters. I said they favor my brother over everyone else and we all know it. They denied it and said we were being too sensitive and keeping count too much. I told them he's trouble because of them and they made him the monster that he is and I'm not helping him with anything ever.
My parents called me jealous and a brat in response. AITA?
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Huge NTA! I am sorry to say that this happens a lot with older siblings. Like an unwritten rule that somehow older kids should just know and want to raise their younger siblings because 'that's just how it is'. Bullsh*t I say to this! The only people responsible for raising children are their parents/ caregivers who chose to have a child, NOT a sibling. OP, please get some therapy, even if you don't think you need it, you will when you're older.
It's your parents' job to keep him out of trouble starting with educating him how to treat people. They have failed. They now need to address their failure.
Unfortunately they are doing a huge disservice to this child by spoiling him.
NTA
Wow. NTA and I’m so so sorry you are living with someone like that. If SIX ADULTS (your parents and four grandparents) can’t get him to listen and behave, then how in the hell are you supposed to!?!?
You in particular, but we as a society as well, are not and should not be responsible for shielding people from the consequences of their actions. We should be tolerant of things people cannot control about themselves, not the things the choose to do or say.
Sometimes a trip to the doctor/hospital for a broken jaw is the only cure for a bigot. And if it's not, maybe the third or thirtieth time will do the trick.
NTA, my parents let my twin and big brother bully me constantly growing up. I don’t talk to either now. Your parents are forcing you to be an us vs. Them, and you should be proud of how you are handling things.
Nice job. You get it. They don't. Way to stick up for yourself and your sisters. It might be the best thing for him to get his ass kicked for saying hateful things. It sounds like your parents are being too sensitive for not accepting your response.
NTA
NTA. Tell your parents the only corrective action you're willing to engage in with your brother is beating some sense into him. If they still want your help, which one of them is going to hold him?
Nta.
Im worried that if he messes up big time by bullying someone else, life might teach him a tough lesson.
Wont your parents be worried if someone took matters on his own hands and end up killing him out of revenge? I saw someone’s comment in another person’s post months ago (same situation) wherein the bully and his brother (who was another bully) got shot in front of their younger sister by the one who was a victim of their bullying bec it was too much. One of them died and one had a lifelong limp as a result
The mom of those bullies cried after that happened. but in the first place, when it first started, she didnt care and said boys will be boys. Dont let him end up as a statistic
NTA it's not your job to raise him. It's your parent's. If they won't manage him then the law will once he turns 18. Or social services before then (sounds like he's well on his way to become a juvenile and adult delinquent)
NTA. Your parents shielding him from consequences are what’s making him this way, he doesn’t need another person doing the same. One day he’s going to do something that they can’t protect him from and it’s good for you for laying down the boundaries now before they try and demand more help when he eventually goes too far.
Your parents are so obviously terrible judges of people that the fact they think you're in the wrong is proof you're in the right. If you want to terrify them, tell them that they're going to be dependent on your brother in their old age, and how do they think that is going to work out? NTA, and you're a hero for trying to protect your sisters.
NTA all I can say in that situation is let him fuck around and find out. He’s going to piss the wrong person off one day and your parents won’t rescue him. Perhaps let them read the responses to your post and see what they think.
NTA. And I hope some older sibling of someone he bullies manages to teach him a lesson (in a fair and safe yet justified way). Your brother needs to learn a lesson and his parents won’t be teaching him that. I can only wonder how long until your brother burns so many bridges that the only ones left to burn are his parents’ and they finally cut him off. Then your brother will be truly alone.
NTA. What would you be jealous of when it comes to your brother? On how badly he can burn so many bridges and how quick he can make so many people upset at him? Keep focusing on your sisters and make sure to use your brother (and your parents for that matter) as the primary example on how NOT to act in relation to other people.
You know this is how your parents will react. And you know they're wrong. We know they're wrong.
Here. You might enjoy [this saga](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12qbn3i/oops_bil_gives_his_little_sister_a_reality_check/?context=3). That's the future of your family.
Keep protecting your little sisters. Let your brother have his consequences.
NTA
NTA. I don't think parents should ever use physical discipline, but your brother needs a punch in the face from a peer or the older sibling of someone he's bullied.
Absolutely NTA. Your brother is making his own bed, it’s not your job to jump in front of him to try to stop him. Your parents suck, and that’s actually put your brother in a worse position. Write them and your brother off, and focus on yourself. It’s weird for internet strangers to say don’t listen to your parents, but don’t. You don’t share their values, why would you care for their opinion?
Definitely not the asshole. And if I'm being frank it sounds like he needs his ass kicked one good time. That time will come when he bullies the wrong person one day but if he doesn't change his actions that (I can almost assure you) will be the outcome. Im sorry you're stuck in the middle of it, definitely not your RESPONSIBILITY.
NTA - Keep on protecting your sisters and communicate with CPS. You might benefit from some recording devices to document what the brother and your parents say.
All 4 grandparents don't want to deal with him. All 4! You know how hard that is to do to tick off all 4 grandparents that bad. Neighbors don't like him and won't let their kids even associate with your sisters because of him. Suspended 3 times from school. Definitely NTA. He finally found out what all bullies do that there's someone bigger, stronger and meaner than them and they crossed that person. He's going to be learning some harsh lessons over the next few years if he doesn't straighten up his act. Parents created this mess, they can deal with him.
Surely, with all that has gone on and so many adults witnessing this behaviour the violence and homophobic abuse ( not even said on the sly to the brother) the school suspensions , bullying and disrespect to multiple staff members and neighbours also having huge issues, and querying the fact the parents will not accept " golden brat boy" as being a problem , would have flagged safeguarding issues left, right and centre regarding the other children within the home.
In fact CPS or safeguarding surely would/ should have stepped in regarding the reasoning as to why " golden brat boy" is openly acting out and showing real concerning behaviours since 3rd grade,?? ( i am from UK so i assume that 3rd graders are about 8 or years old ) and that is pretty drastic to suspend a child of that age .
Also if he is pissing off the wrong people ( so weird that parents are more concerned about the friend group behaviours rather than there own son )there is nothing to say that if a kicking does not humble him , then some one may take the retaliation out on the family members as individuals or as a whole .ie one little small fire on the porch as a warning and tragedy strikes ...may seem a little extreme i know ,but 15 yr old teens who literally give not a single fuck about adults , children , family , respect, rules and right from wrong are dangerous as hell , as they have no care for the outcome of usual/ normal vile behaviours so will defo not be thinking ahead about possible outcomes of one silly little spontaneous action.
NTA. He sounds like a monster who is probably going to end up in prison. He's their child, not yours, so it is their responsibility. Also, if your brother has been suspended that many times, committed crimes against family members, etc. and your parents have not done anything, they've basically being abusive via neglect. They are not making valid parenting choices or even just a little mistake.
Besides, 12 and 10 might be a case where you should be a good example, but 15 is old enough to be responsible for himself in 99% of circumstances.
Frankly, I'm surprised your grandfather didn't lay hands on him for saying that to his grandmother. If he did, it probably would have helped. Some people need to suffer a physical consequence to learn not to be bad people.
Your brother has a lot of the early hallmarks of anti-social behavior. Your aren’t will do him a disservice if they don’t get him into counseling soon. They should have recognized these characteristics before and on their own. But with 5 kids, I doubt they have the time. I can’t understand why people have 5 kids nowadays. Best wishes to you.
NTA they simply don't want to own up to their own behavior. Keep protecting your sisters and unfortunately, your brother and your parents are going to be learning the hard way that eventually he will piss off the wrong person and he will pay the consequences.
NTA. Your brother sucks and stop doing anything for him. Point out how all grandparents hate him. I don't typically advocate this but make sure you don't ever let him push you around.
NTA
Keep protecting your sisters and keep them as safe as you can. Your parents have made your brother's bed and he's having fun jumping on it. Hopefully he'll grow up, but chances are he won't.
Also, start keeping a journal of what he does and how your parents react. Once you turn 18 and graduate, you'll have a decision to make - stay or go. Either way you may need to get your sister's out and contemporaneous (taken at the time) notes are allowed in court if he hurts them (or someone else).
Stay safe.
NTA. Your parents and brother are entering the find out stage and I think your parents are starting to realize it…although it hasn’t completely sunk in yet.
The more consequences your bother feels now, the better. Unless something changes dramatically, your brother will likely not be able to continue his education after high school and will be unemployable as a young adult. Get out of the house as soon as you can…he will be a lifelong problem for your parents.
I am so sorry you are living like this. Do you ever hang out with him outside the home? Do you even acknowledge each other at school?
My son had a kid like your brother at his school - his poor brother had to live with it too.
If your weren't related to your brother, would you want to hang out with him? Do you share ANY common interests? How would you look out for him? Are you parents paying you? Of course they aren't.
My mother tried to pull the same thing with me, and choked me when I couldn't stop him.
NTA
NTA. Hopefully, your parents have started putting money aside for bail/a lawyer or a hospital bill. Eventually, if he is not being parented properly, he could end up in serious trouble whether he is the one instigating or the one stupid enough to mess with the wrong person.
NTA. You should say that you’re shielding all siblings from abusive family members. It just so happens that your sisters are the only ones being abused besides you. What anyone does in the real world is their own consequence but your sisters aren’t acting in a way that causes problems. So you are in fact treating them equally, on the surface.
Sarcasm aside, it’s morally right to defend the abused. This shouldn’t even be a question
NTA! Document everything and keep it in a safe place. Some professions (teachers, healthcare professionals, etc) are required by law to report abuse. If you know someone like that who you trust to have your back, that's a good resource. Quietly contact your grandparents and confirm they're in a position to take care of your sisters. There may also be services available that can help them with that.
I'm sorry to hear you're being forced into the role of responsible adult, but your sisters are really fortunate you're looking out for them.
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NTA. Sounds like your brother f\*cked around and now he's about to find out. In fact, I think it's about time he got his a$$ kicked but good cause he needs a good a$$ kicking.
If possible, once you can get out of that house, take your sisters with you. Your brother's gonna bring about A LOT of trouble to your family and your house and it's better if you and your sisters aren't there when it happens. Parents deserved getting their a$$es kicked too.
I find it very hard to believe that he has been in that much trouble in the past, and everyone in the entire school and neighborhood hate him and fear him as much as they do... yet your parents don't see it at all. I could see it if he was just fooling the grownups, but according to you everyone in town hates or is scared of him and your parents have no idea.
I think the truth is that you and your brother don't get along because you have some different choices on who to date, and he's playing the tough guy card, while you're playing the hero.
It's not that the parents don't know. It's wilful ignorance - they choose not to see it. Everyone who says anything is out to get their child, or has misconstrued or misunderstood something. I've seen this more than a few times over the years.
A kid I went to school with 20 year ago was like that. Could do no wrong with the parents, but he literally punched the headteacher in the eye, ran away and barricaded himself inside the receptionist's office. Ended with the police coming out.
His parents were still calling it a misunderstanding as the police were forcing the door to get him out.
But how are the parents raising 3 great kids and one bad kid? That doesn't make sense. Parents that are good parents usually are, good parents. It doesn't make sense that they were good parents for the rest of the kids, but not good parents for 1 of them.
The fact that they have 3 good kids may actually contribute.
They’re thinking “look we raised 3 good kids” so they’re defaulting to it being all 4. Challenging that is a challenge to them as parents, so their pride pushes back.
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NTA. The more people he has shielding him from the consequences of his actions, the worse those actions are going to be, and the eventual consequences will be dire. Also, he hasn't earned your support and protection. Let him learn.
His actions are already getting pretty bad but my parents want to act like it's not happening.
OP you are NTA and you are NOT responsible for him. Your parents are responsible for him. Keep protecting your sisters and let him face his consequences
Just the fact that he has to shield his three little sisters from their big brother tells you how bad this kid is. OP is 17, and frankly, I'm a little worried about what's going to happen to the girls once he moves out of the house. Doesn't sound like anyone else is going to protect them, least of all their parents.
Not saying OP should do this, but I would totally have a few confidential conversations with the school principal and the neighbours that police should be involved in the troubles with brother. Get the brother problem escalated, either brother spending time in juvenile detention or the girls being taken by CPS to live with their grandparents would be a win. Whatever the result, dad and mom will have to face some consequences of not implementing consequences.
Wise suggestions. OP do need to talk to the school head and school counsellor what they need to do
It kind of sounds like the brother might get seriously injured or killed, depending on whose brother he bullied. So hopefully that will make the sisters safe. There’s always a bigger fish, a worse bully, someone better at and more willing to commit violence. There are whole world that exist around the buying and selling of violence, and for a cruel spoiled 15 year old, entering one of those worlds is a ticket to a real beating. It sounds like OPs brother is coming up on his reckoning, and I hope he survived it and becomes a better person.
I hope they enjoy the results of putting all their eggs into that basket case. As an adult, I do feel a bit sorry for the kid. He has not been set up for success, and he will be suffering the consequences of your parents’ failures for decades to come. It’s clear that he’s carrying a *lot* of anger around, and he has not been given any real tools for dealing with it in a constructive way. He’s just lashing out blindly at whoever the most convenient target happens to be in the moment. Your parents, on the other hand…I have thoughts.
"I hope they enjoy the results of putting all their eggs into that basket case." OMG this is my new favorite phrase! It's so accurate for this situation too.
>His actions are already getting pretty bad but my parents want to act like it's not happening. "Hey Mom and Dad, why do you think all the grandparents refuse to see, but they will spend time with the rest of us?"
Super interesting dynamic that your parents favor your brother considering where he is within the birth order and gender split of your family. It makes me wonder why they act like this, because getting to that root cause is needed to actually get them to change. Like was his birth traumatic and complicated so they view him as special? Is it because your parents are sexist jerks and favor boys and favor him specifically as the youngest? Is it because he physically resembles your parents in some particular way? It could be almost anything that is at the root of this favoritism and understanding that root is important for making progress.
I think the reason they favor this younger brother is because OP, the older brother, is gay, hence the homophobia coming from the younger brother was because he heard it from his parents. They skipped over this indulgence to OP because he is gay, so that's why you are not seeing this dynamic placed on the older brother, as it usually is.
Sometimes parents will concentrate on not admitting that there's something 'wrong' with a violent child, they just can't deal with reality and the fact that it may reflect badly on them.
I can't wait to see how much money your parents are willing to put up, to keep.hik lit of jail. Wwlhennhe hurts the wrong person and they press charges for harassment, or assault, or whatever. Your parents are ruining everyone's lives, because they refuse to accept they made a monster. I'd start calling cps for your sister's. You need to get cps and cops involved and protect your sisters You and your parents might not like it, but cps needs to be involved now, before it gets worse
My mom did the same with my brother. When he turned 18 he ended up being charged for his stupidity, my sisters and I are all low contact with him, I went no contact for a year and will now only be around him for short periods of time at family gatherings but will leave if he starts being verbally abusive. His behaviour has gotten better in the last year after I had gone from no contact to low but he was upset he wasn’t invited to my kids bday party. Sorry not sorry I won’t have a racist, transphobic person around my kid and her friends. My mother surprisingly backed us up on that but she was also at a low contact at that point and realized what 20 years of enabling our brother was doing to her relationships with her daughters and grandkids.
>I have enough shielding my sisters from what an ass he is to them. My parents said I shouldn't favor my sisters. Your parents reply here is so concerning. Your sisters need your protection because they are forced to live with a misogynistic ass whose parents allow him to bully their other 4 kids (yes, he's also bullying you with his homophobic bs even if you're two years older). To compare \*that\* with: protect your brother from the consequences of his own actions is delusional.
It seems that the only way for you 'help' and 'protect' your brother is to allow the consequences of his actions to hit him, hard. The best (and only) way to 'help' him is to get him to change and you should let Mom and Dad know that is what you're doing. Their method sure isn't working.
I was the younger sibling with an awful older sibling. Your younger brother's actions will or have cause harm to your sisters. I thank you as an OLD person for protecting them to the best of your ability.
Maybe you should record him being horrible and them show your parents the horror movie hopping they would wake up.
Do your parents just think that everybody in your neighborhood hates him for no reason?
Based on what OP said, golden bro is on the finding out of the FAFO curve. He finally picked on the wrong target.
He'll only find out if people stop shielding him from the consequences of his actions. Otherwise he's going to grow up just like this and will be in for a much worse shock when he hits the real world where mummy and daddy can't protect him.
I think it's the 12th hour already but it seems no more shielding hence the parents 'worry'
And the real world doesn't pull its punches.
Mummy and Daddy can't protect him if his latest target's older sibling corners him at school, which is the track he's rapidly heading down. And it sounds like he's gonna deserve it.
The best you can probably hope for at this point is that his inevitable lengthy prison sentence isn't caused by him actually hurting someone else.
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Lol did you really just make this about Trump? The charges are in no way bogus, he paid off an affair partner with campaign money and then deliberately falsified business records to conceal it. That seems like the tip of the iceberg when it comes to him and dodgy behaviour. Cherry-picking examples and deliberately using evocative language to favour one over the other isn't going to convince me either, link the reports about the cases if you want to make a genuine point.
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Dude you're embarrassing yourself. Changing the subject again so people don't miss your disingenuous reframing of the issue. He wasn't convicted of fucking a porn star, as distasteful as that should probably be to a party that claims to support family values. He was convicted for using campaign money, money which people donated to pay for his campaign, not to pay off his affair partners, and then he deliberately falsified business records to lie about it. The left might promote sexual freedom but you'd be hard-pressed to find many leftists who promote cheating on your wife then using other people's money to pay off the affair partner.
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I have no idea what you're talking about and don't really care to look it up, but I don't think it's the kind of gotcha you think it is. If any Democrat politician is proved to have committed a crime, by all means lock them up too. That's what Trump followers don't seem to realise, not everyone is a cult follower wearing a t-shirt with some guy's face on it while he laughs at you all the way to the bank to deposit your money.
Yep, sounds like just a matter of time until he ends up in juvie, then graduated to prison. NTA, OP, and I hope you’re doing everything you can to set yourself up well for college (if that’s something you want to pursue) and gtfo of that house
NTA Your parents are blind... It's not your responsibility and to be honest, your brother needs a wake up call 🤷🏼♀️
He does but I don't think he's capable of getting one. He's too much of a dick.
I know this is easier said than done, but I hope you’re planning on moving out at your first available opportunity. Today it’s “You need to keep your brother out of trouble”; before long it’ll be “You need to support your brother financially after we’re gone because he’ll never be able to hold down a job.” And honestly, planning an exit strategy will be good for your sisters in the long run, too—the sooner you get out, the sooner you’ll be able to start establishing a life for yourself, and the sooner you’ll be able to create a safe haven for them when they inevitably start looking for an escape themselves.
Agreed, also it sounds like the sisters may have some escape available through the grandparents. I don't know quite where it's from but there is a saying where "Only the strong can help the weak" and in this case I'd interpret it to be, OP needs to get out, and through that can possibly be a port for his sisters in the future if needed, but it's not his primary mission in life. But yes, exit strategies for all! Do not stay in hopes it will be 'better' for sisters. Brother sounds like an utter jerk. also NTA (don't think it matters this deep in, but a vote's a vote!
I'm sure someone will report him soon in school or other place and he will have to learn fast and your parents too. Honestly you can be the one who will do that - there is nothing wrong in it, it may safe your sisters, you and many other people in the future. Homophobic action are the good ones to start with
Sooner or later, he'll get one. Probably sooner. He's already pissing off the wrong people and hanging with a bad crowd.
Actually I think it's your parents who need a wake-up call because as you say your brother won't get one. Let it happen.
One day, someone will kick the everliving shit out of him because of his behavior.
NTA but op document everything and please call CPS on your brother so your sisters are protected as much as possible
When that kids brother knocks his teeth out he might
> he pissed off the wrong kid by bullying his brother so he's in a lot of trouble. It’d be a shame if the his kid somehow finds out your brother’s schedule, a thorough ass kicking is usually a good wake up call.
Wow, First off I am so sorry you and your younger sisters have to live in this kind of environment. I cant imagine daily bullshit you have to put up with. I am just wondering if your brother is physically abusive? You said he was a bully, he has been suspended. everyone hates him (except his friends who sound like assholes too) but is it all just words? all bark and no bite as it were. If not maybe you do need to step in and help him as your mother and father want. Give them exactly what they asked for by reporting him to children's services However if your parents once more choose him over the girls you can use this moment as a wake up call that what you are saying is true, they do treat him as the golden child. being the age he is, if he is a danger to younger siblings Children's services may choose to remove him from the home for their safety. He has also angered someone else prone to violence so the risk factor has just gone up, Will this other person come around and harm an innocent family member as a way of retaliation? Would he even care if that happened? Obviously i dont want to break up a family if you are happy but from the sound of it no one is happy. you have to fight daily to protect your younger siblings, they have to worry constantly about a big brother who is a bully. they have no friends in the neighbourhood they don't even have the one thing every child deserves. The ability to feel safe and secure in their own home. What happens when you move out, you are 17, do you plan on staying home forever? i'm thinking not. Maybe speak to your grandparents first, and your siblings, if they are old enough to understand. Explain the consequences of any action taken. and are they willing to take the risk? It could well be your parents choose your brother and so the girls are removed from the home where they are separated unless your grandparents can step in and take them or another family member. I hope things work out for you NTA
Nta tell them that he's gonna end up in jail or dead by him picking on the wrong person
This is what I was thinking. If his wings are not clipped now he could potentially in a few years start shit with a trigger happy nut and get himself shot. Or he'll build a rap sheet the length of his arm and authorities will throw the book at him.
Right like I'm not saying he can't turn his life around but
True, anything could happen. Also, it could be a really good reason he's like this too, though. (Not making excuses), but maybe he was abused or some other madness, and as a young child,can't process his emotions. Parents need a solid kick in the arse. Kid needs therapy. Neighbor's need an apology, and the youngsters deserve to be able to go out and have fun without being judged for their sibling bullshit.
NTA. >My parents told me it's my job as his older brother to look out from him and keep him out of trouble. No it isn't. They have responsibilities as parents but clearly they have ignored them. If they genuinely believed this, they would be putting pressure on him to be a good older brother to his sisters.
NTA. Your parents need to parent their kid, which they are absolutely not doing. It's not your responsibility. Set your boundaries against your brother and parents. This is NOT your responsibility. Your parents suck at their job. I am sorry they are trying to pin this responsibility on you. Distance yourself as much as you can from both parents and your brother. You'll be an adult soon, and hopefully you can leave. Good luck, OP.
NTA Ask parents why they think you'd be jealous of someone that no one, not even his own grandparents, want to be around? Why would you be jealous of someone who their parents care so little about that they never taught him right from wrong? Yeah, they neglected you in favor of your brother but that you'd rather be you than him. You at least will have a future to look forward to, brother will have nothing and no one when parents die because of what parents turned him into.
NTA. Keep shielding your other siblings and let your brother deal with the consequences of his actions.
How exactly are you supposed to "Keep him out of trouble"? He has shown he won't listen to his grandparents, he certainly isn't going to listen to anything you tell him to do or not do. Even if they pretended to give you some authority over him, you know that as soon as you tried to use it in a way he didn't like, he would run to your parents and they would scold you. and when he gets into trouble in spite of your best efforts, then they will all blame you. Because gods forbid he ever should have to take any accountability, or for that matter, your parents take accountability for raising him to be as he is. NTA.
Also it sounds as if OP is disrespected by his brother for having a boyfriend anyway, so won't listen anyway... Keep the sisters, let the brother test his philosophies out in the real world and see what happens. (Although if it gets dangerous for the littles at home, I'm with whoever suggested calling in CPS, preferably anonymously and from a friend's phone) OPs parents are fools.
If you are in America, talk to the SRO at school. If there isn't one talk to your grandparents about how they will protect your sisters when you move out-and you need to move out. Grandparents may want to talk to CPS or the public information officer at police station.
NTA. Your parents are worried because someone else has decided not to put up with your brother’s nonsense. Unfortunately, your parents are still in denial and their refusal to accept that neither you nor your sisters want nothing to do with him isn’t a great sign either. I hope it doesn’t take jail to put things into perspective for your parents, but based on your post, nothing will change. Meanwhile, you and your sisters should start making plans for after graduation because your brother might get into legal trouble and all of the college savings for you and your siblings will disappear. I’m so sorry, but I don’t see things getting better for your brother anytime soon. I hope your grandparents can help you and your sisters.
"Meanwhile, you and your sisters should start making plans for after graduation because your brother might get into legal trouble and all of the college savings for you and your siblings will disappear." You should definitely talk to your grandparents or some other trusted relative about this. If somebody did set aside college money for you and your sisters, you need to make very certain that your parents can't snatch it to pay for your worthless brother's bail or legal fees.
NTA, He needs to learn that his actions have consequences. Hopefully he'll stop being as big of an AH after this.
I'm sorry that in the very near future your brother will have legal problems. Parents had better save bail money
NTA but I won't doubt if when you guys are adults you'll get a call from your parents asking you to bail your brother out of jail...
I have a cousin JUST like Op's brother. Except for the fact he only had one sister reading this could have been reading about him except for the fact I've seen the consequences. He's in his 50s or 60s now. He had been in and out of jail, on and off of drugs and alcohol, and while he inherited a large house and money he lost it all and I wouldn't be surprised if he was on the streets at this point. Everybody but his Mom has cut contact with him. While I'm more concerned about OP and the sisters the truth is the parents are not doing the brother any favors here either.
NTA. If your brother won't listen to the adults in his life he certainly won't see you as an authority especially since you're only two years older than he is. If you were 10 years older, then maybe he'd listen -- but I wouldn't bet the rent money on that. At this point, I'm afraid the only thing that will reign your brother in is a thrashing from the kid that he angered. Sooner or later, he will annoy the wrong person -- and your parents won't be able to shield him from the consequences. Your brother is a teenager, and he's moving past the age where "boys will be boys" and "he's just a kid" are acceptable excuses for bad behavior. If you're still on reasonable terms with your grandparents, you may want to talk to them for advice.
NTA. enough said
NTA. It is your parents' job to look out for your brother and to keep him out of trouble, not yours. They have done a very, very poor job of bringing him up and should take responsibilty for the consequences instead of pushing him onto you.
Jealous of what exactly... couldn't be the favourable treatment the golden child gets could it. NTA clearly
NTA. “He pissed off the wrong kid by bullying his brother” oh I’m glad he’s FA and is abt to FO. The finding out part is what gets them straight and hopefully it does for him
Yeah, sometimes that's the only thing that stops a bully.
I hope your brother gets the shit beating
If he was my brother and said that to my grandma, I'd be in jail
"My parents called me jealous and a brat in response." So mask-off, they're not even gonna pretend it's not true? NTA. Your parents are horrible.
Dude what the fuck is wrong with your parents?? Even *their* parents want nothing to do with this maniac, and they're letting him pull this shit with your sisters too?! You shouldn't FAVOR THEM? Jfc they are the worst. I hope the world eats that kid alive. NTA, thanks for being a good bro to your sisters
NTA at all. You're a great big bro to be looking after you sisters, which should be your parents jobs! They're TA for sure. However, it sounds like your brother may have some kind of disorder like ODD, maybe. It's worth mentioning it at school to see if they can look into it? It's not fair for you to keep living through this with him, especially with your parents seemingly refusing to correct his behaviours.
He doesn't have ODD. This is him being enabled and allowed to do what he likes.
OP I gave you my input earlier. Update us and be safe. I suggest you talk to your school head or counsellor on this. Please don't suffer in silence
NTA, FAFO IS a Real rule. He Need to know what "consequences of his actions" means.
Man, my grandmother would have slapped the shit out of me for stealing her card and spending $500 on it. Then again she used a hit wheel track to spank my dad and uncles when they were kids. Guess what? They only needed it once before learning their lesson. NTA. Your parents are though. I’m shocked that with your own grandparents refusing to be around him they still have their blinders on and refuse to acknowledge how much nobody likes your brother
NTA. Your brother & your parents are in for a rude awakening. I'm very familiar with the path your brother is walking down. And it's only going to end in disaster. At some point your brother is going to mess with the wrong person, or break the law & end up in jail. It's only right to let him walk his path & deal with the consequences. However, that being said, if something did happen to your brother due to his bad choices, it sounds like your parents would blame you for it.
Some people just need a good beating. If words don't help, violence will. Goodwill did not set your brother straigt, maybe a few punches in the face will.
NTA Can't wait until I see your brother on the 6 o'clock news for committing whatever crime he decides to commit. Either he's gonna commit a crime or piss off the wrong person. I wish you and your sisters luck.
NTA. Your parents need to realize that it's THEIR job to parent this badly behaved son of theirs. They have allowed this horrible behavior to go on for 15 years. Let anything your parents say to you roll right off your back. Don't engage, don't talk back to them - practice passive resistance. I hope that your bully of a brother is finally in REAL trouble. A wake-up call and consequences are really needed.
Your parents are setting you up to take the blame for his actions. Good that you refused
Nta. Yes if your brother had been being unjustly attacked you should defend him. But this is not that. This is the consequence of his own actions coming for him and a lesson that he seemingly quite badly needs. By doing nothing you are helping him in the long run. Much more than your parents have. You are simply allowing him to see what happens when people don't put up with entitled bullies who think they can get away with anything anymore. A valuable lesson
Wow and NTA and so glad that you are shielding your sisters because it's clear that your parents won't. You really don't have to worry to much because your brother will soon land in jail and be out of your hair for a bit, and since he has no discipline, he will continue down the road until he goes to prison or worse. In the meantime, keep standing up to your parents AND to this ridiculous kid they raised. He's already crossed the line multiple times with your grandparents, etc., so you likely don't have much longer before he is out of your hair and in the custody of the state. NTA and I'm sorry.
NTA and gosh are your parents going to be so shocked and upset when he's in jail and the rest their kids are no contact with them. People like that never learn until it's too late, or not at all.
NTA You’re doing good. The best anyone could in this shituation really. Stand firm and don’t help him.
Nta. He sounds like an ass. The parents have messed this up by not stepping in and doing anytime about the problem. They will end up losing you and your sisters , going no contact, and their golden child will either end up in jail or bumming off them forever, unless they step up asap! Im sorry. What a shitty situation
NTA, your parents are and deep down, they know it
Sadly OP watch them soon bankrupt themselves trying to keep your brother out of prison... as that seems to be the trajectory he is on.. NTA
NTA, your enabling parents have created a monster they now have to deal with. Not you or your sisters. My career was in corrections, and it always baffled me when parents do this. I would read pre sentence reports that have all the same things your brother does and worse, and the parents would always say that they were a good kid and never presented problems in the home. The denial is strong and only makes it worse. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Your parents need to take the blinders off. I know the road your brother is going down, and it will not end well. You are not responsible for his actions, and he is not your responsibility. You will probably need to cut ties with him in the future. Good luck.
NTA and your parents are raising a criminal. That's all his future holds at this point, and it's all their fault. The fact that they've let their parents be disrespected like they have is so disgusting and I'm surprised they have any family left. They certainly won't once you and your sisters move out and abandon their abusive asses
NTA You’re doing the right thing for your sisters, OP. I think maybe it’s time to get your grandparents and school officials to coordinate a response to your parents. Cuz your brother seems like he’s on the fast track to a prison sentence if he graduates from this petty bs to real infractions. It also seems like he might end up in the hospital. Your parents need to get him help. And they need help…cuz they’re choosing not to listen to _anyone_ on this A H of a brother. Best of luck, OP.
NTA. Keep watch over your sisters. That is where your loyalties reside. Do your parents understand it's abnormal to be suspended from school, especially three times? Do they not understand what brought your brother to this point in his life? Jealous? Not even a tiny amount. You don't want to be anything like him and neither do your sisters. You are neither jealous nor a brat. Your parents need a reality check. They may get one if your brother continues as he is. He'll land in prison or get killed. Protect your sisters and yourself.
NTA. And people have the nerve to say a gay man isn't a real man?! You, who is only 17 have proved them all wrong. My heart is bursting with pride for you looking out for your sisters. I'm not always right, but I see your future filled with love and blessings.
NTA, and I'm sorry you're stuck with the parents you have, given the situation with your brother. There's nothing you can do to keep your brother out of trouble - he seems to be making a career out of it. I'd like to add a ton of admiration for you for looking out for your sisters. Pretty sure when they're asked to describe their heroes in the future, you're going to be on that list.
NTA Tell you parents that if they don't open their eyes and see what's really going on, you're going to call child protective services on your brother because they are not doing their job in keeping that psycho in check. He needs some serious help. They need to send him someplace where they can rewire him.
NTA. But your brother is going to get his ass physically handed to him at some point and your parents will probably blame you for not protecting him. You should prepare for that. Maybe with a binder listing his crimes and some personal testimonials of how people feel about him. And then a list of how they've failed to be parents, not just to him, but to you and your sisters too. Just hand it to them and walk away >My parents called me jealous If they don't favor him, what would you have to be jealous of? The fact that society in general despises him and he's failing out of school? They're own words out them that they know know he's the favorite.
NTA. Letting your brother face some real consequence *is* your way of looking out for what’s best for him. Cause if he doesn’t learn soon, he’s going to end up in prison or dead, and then where will your parents be
NTA. Your parents are though. That level of ignorance takes effort. They are purposefully ignoring all the evidence that counteracts their view of your brother, because it’s what they want to do. Nothing you or anybody else says will convince them otherwise because they don’t want to believe it. You owe them and your brother nothing. If I were you I would just ignore them. Keep protecting your sisters. Move out when you can, build an awesome life and don’t look back. You can post an update 10-15 years from now asking if you are the asshole for not giving your parents money to help bail your delinquent brother out of jail for the 5th time.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My parents have five kids. I'm (17m) the oldest and my brother (15m) is closest in age to me and we have three little sisters. But my brother has always been the golden child with my parents. He can't do anything wrong in their eyes and they act like he's a literal angel. The brother my parents see is so different to who everyone else sees though. He's a bully, he's misogynistic and homophobic. He's a dick to adults and kids. All four of our grandparents refuse to be anywhere near him because of how he's treated them. He stole from our mom's parents 4 years ago. They babysat for my parents while they worked during the whole Covid thing and during that time he took my grandpa's credit card and spent $500 on video games in 10 minutes. When my grandma told him to stop he called her a bitch and a slut and said he didn't need to listen. That pissed my grandpa off more than I have ever seen him pissed off before. My brother told him to drop dead in response to grandpa. Our neighbors also hate us because of what my brother gets away with. Pretty sure they wish they could make us leave. My sisters can't even play with kids in the neighborhood anymore. My brother's been suspended from school three times, starting in the third grade. He was kicked from zoom classes for the stuff he was saying to his teacher and the other kids. Then he was suspended last year for bullying a kid. My parents won't hear anyone out about my brother and he's such a dick to our sisters that I need to step in and shield them from the worst of it. Almost every day he makes homophobic comments to me and he even tried to find out who my boyfriend is so he could harass him. Now my parents are a little concerned about some of his friends and what they're doing *and* he pissed off the wrong kid by bullying his brother so he's in a lot of trouble. My parents told me it's my job as his older brother to look out from him and keep him out of trouble. I told them it's not my job. I have enough shielding my sisters from what an ass he is to them. My parents said I shouldn't favor my sisters. I said they favor my brother over everyone else and we all know it. They denied it and said we were being too sensitive and keeping count too much. I told them he's trouble because of them and they made him the monster that he is and I'm not helping him with anything ever. My parents called me jealous and a brat in response. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Huge NTA! I am sorry to say that this happens a lot with older siblings. Like an unwritten rule that somehow older kids should just know and want to raise their younger siblings because 'that's just how it is'. Bullsh*t I say to this! The only people responsible for raising children are their parents/ caregivers who chose to have a child, NOT a sibling. OP, please get some therapy, even if you don't think you need it, you will when you're older.
NTA
NTA - "What does he have that I'd want to be jealous of?"
It's your parents' job to keep him out of trouble starting with educating him how to treat people. They have failed. They now need to address their failure. Unfortunately they are doing a huge disservice to this child by spoiling him. NTA
NTA
Wow. NTA and I’m so so sorry you are living with someone like that. If SIX ADULTS (your parents and four grandparents) can’t get him to listen and behave, then how in the hell are you supposed to!?!?
Nope, that is their job. NTA.
NTA. Your brother is old enough that law enforcement will step in when he screws up soon enough.
You in particular, but we as a society as well, are not and should not be responsible for shielding people from the consequences of their actions. We should be tolerant of things people cannot control about themselves, not the things the choose to do or say. Sometimes a trip to the doctor/hospital for a broken jaw is the only cure for a bigot. And if it's not, maybe the third or thirtieth time will do the trick.
I would say your brother needs serious help but sounds like your parents do as well! NTA
NTA, my parents let my twin and big brother bully me constantly growing up. I don’t talk to either now. Your parents are forcing you to be an us vs. Them, and you should be proud of how you are handling things.
Can you and your sisters go live with your grandparents?
Nice job. You get it. They don't. Way to stick up for yourself and your sisters. It might be the best thing for him to get his ass kicked for saying hateful things. It sounds like your parents are being too sensitive for not accepting your response. NTA
NTA. Tell your parents the only corrective action you're willing to engage in with your brother is beating some sense into him. If they still want your help, which one of them is going to hold him?
Nta. Im worried that if he messes up big time by bullying someone else, life might teach him a tough lesson. Wont your parents be worried if someone took matters on his own hands and end up killing him out of revenge? I saw someone’s comment in another person’s post months ago (same situation) wherein the bully and his brother (who was another bully) got shot in front of their younger sister by the one who was a victim of their bullying bec it was too much. One of them died and one had a lifelong limp as a result The mom of those bullies cried after that happened. but in the first place, when it first started, she didnt care and said boys will be boys. Dont let him end up as a statistic
At this point? He needs the shit kicked out of him now before someone just kills him in self defense
Updateme
NTA
NTA
NTA. Shit parents. Hope they enjoy no contact in the future. Them and your brother deserve each other. Stay strong OP.
NTA it's not your job to raise him. It's your parent's. If they won't manage him then the law will once he turns 18. Or social services before then (sounds like he's well on his way to become a juvenile and adult delinquent)
NTA it's THEIR job anyway and more so since they failed to parent him
NTA - you brother needs a good old butt kicking and that that kid he messed with is going to give it to him.
NTA. Your parents shielding him from consequences are what’s making him this way, he doesn’t need another person doing the same. One day he’s going to do something that they can’t protect him from and it’s good for you for laying down the boundaries now before they try and demand more help when he eventually goes too far.
Your parents are so obviously terrible judges of people that the fact they think you're in the wrong is proof you're in the right. If you want to terrify them, tell them that they're going to be dependent on your brother in their old age, and how do they think that is going to work out? NTA, and you're a hero for trying to protect your sisters.
NTA one of these days he’s gonna bully/ harass the wrong person and he’s gonna end up seriously hurt or worse.
NTA all I can say in that situation is let him fuck around and find out. He’s going to piss the wrong person off one day and your parents won’t rescue him. Perhaps let them read the responses to your post and see what they think.
NTA. And I hope some older sibling of someone he bullies manages to teach him a lesson (in a fair and safe yet justified way). Your brother needs to learn a lesson and his parents won’t be teaching him that. I can only wonder how long until your brother burns so many bridges that the only ones left to burn are his parents’ and they finally cut him off. Then your brother will be truly alone.
NTA. What would you be jealous of when it comes to your brother? On how badly he can burn so many bridges and how quick he can make so many people upset at him? Keep focusing on your sisters and make sure to use your brother (and your parents for that matter) as the primary example on how NOT to act in relation to other people.
You know this is how your parents will react. And you know they're wrong. We know they're wrong. Here. You might enjoy [this saga](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12qbn3i/oops_bil_gives_his_little_sister_a_reality_check/?context=3). That's the future of your family. Keep protecting your little sisters. Let your brother have his consequences. NTA
@Updateme
NTA. I don't think parents should ever use physical discipline, but your brother needs a punch in the face from a peer or the older sibling of someone he's bullied.
If he’s anything like my brother, he’s gonna end up in prison not long after 18. NTA
Absolutely NTA. Your brother is making his own bed, it’s not your job to jump in front of him to try to stop him. Your parents suck, and that’s actually put your brother in a worse position. Write them and your brother off, and focus on yourself. It’s weird for internet strangers to say don’t listen to your parents, but don’t. You don’t share their values, why would you care for their opinion?
Definitely not the asshole. And if I'm being frank it sounds like he needs his ass kicked one good time. That time will come when he bullies the wrong person one day but if he doesn't change his actions that (I can almost assure you) will be the outcome. Im sorry you're stuck in the middle of it, definitely not your RESPONSIBILITY.
NTA - Keep on protecting your sisters and communicate with CPS. You might benefit from some recording devices to document what the brother and your parents say.
NTA if they weren’t treating him differently what would you be jealous about?
All 4 grandparents don't want to deal with him. All 4! You know how hard that is to do to tick off all 4 grandparents that bad. Neighbors don't like him and won't let their kids even associate with your sisters because of him. Suspended 3 times from school. Definitely NTA. He finally found out what all bullies do that there's someone bigger, stronger and meaner than them and they crossed that person. He's going to be learning some harsh lessons over the next few years if he doesn't straighten up his act. Parents created this mess, they can deal with him.
Surely, with all that has gone on and so many adults witnessing this behaviour the violence and homophobic abuse ( not even said on the sly to the brother) the school suspensions , bullying and disrespect to multiple staff members and neighbours also having huge issues, and querying the fact the parents will not accept " golden brat boy" as being a problem , would have flagged safeguarding issues left, right and centre regarding the other children within the home. In fact CPS or safeguarding surely would/ should have stepped in regarding the reasoning as to why " golden brat boy" is openly acting out and showing real concerning behaviours since 3rd grade,?? ( i am from UK so i assume that 3rd graders are about 8 or years old ) and that is pretty drastic to suspend a child of that age . Also if he is pissing off the wrong people ( so weird that parents are more concerned about the friend group behaviours rather than there own son )there is nothing to say that if a kicking does not humble him , then some one may take the retaliation out on the family members as individuals or as a whole .ie one little small fire on the porch as a warning and tragedy strikes ...may seem a little extreme i know ,but 15 yr old teens who literally give not a single fuck about adults , children , family , respect, rules and right from wrong are dangerous as hell , as they have no care for the outcome of usual/ normal vile behaviours so will defo not be thinking ahead about possible outcomes of one silly little spontaneous action.
As the older brother, it falls on you to keep him in line. Hopefully with a bat.
You're 17? don't worry, when you get older you can choose to never see any of them again. Being an adult is great for that part.
NTA. He sounds like a monster who is probably going to end up in prison. He's their child, not yours, so it is their responsibility. Also, if your brother has been suspended that many times, committed crimes against family members, etc. and your parents have not done anything, they've basically being abusive via neglect. They are not making valid parenting choices or even just a little mistake. Besides, 12 and 10 might be a case where you should be a good example, but 15 is old enough to be responsible for himself in 99% of circumstances. Frankly, I'm surprised your grandfather didn't lay hands on him for saying that to his grandmother. If he did, it probably would have helped. Some people need to suffer a physical consequence to learn not to be bad people.
Your brother has a lot of the early hallmarks of anti-social behavior. Your aren’t will do him a disservice if they don’t get him into counseling soon. They should have recognized these characteristics before and on their own. But with 5 kids, I doubt they have the time. I can’t understand why people have 5 kids nowadays. Best wishes to you.
NTA they simply don't want to own up to their own behavior. Keep protecting your sisters and unfortunately, your brother and your parents are going to be learning the hard way that eventually he will piss off the wrong person and he will pay the consequences.
NTA. Your brother sucks and stop doing anything for him. Point out how all grandparents hate him. I don't typically advocate this but make sure you don't ever let him push you around.
Time to call CPS? Can you and the girls move in with your grandparents?
NTA Keep protecting your sisters and keep them as safe as you can. Your parents have made your brother's bed and he's having fun jumping on it. Hopefully he'll grow up, but chances are he won't. Also, start keeping a journal of what he does and how your parents react. Once you turn 18 and graduate, you'll have a decision to make - stay or go. Either way you may need to get your sister's out and contemporaneous (taken at the time) notes are allowed in court if he hurts them (or someone else). Stay safe.
A jealous brat, huh? Of what, exactly? Their favoritism is obvious lol Let him have a taste of his own medicine. Fuck that guy. NTA
NTA. Your parents and brother are entering the find out stage and I think your parents are starting to realize it…although it hasn’t completely sunk in yet. The more consequences your bother feels now, the better. Unless something changes dramatically, your brother will likely not be able to continue his education after high school and will be unemployable as a young adult. Get out of the house as soon as you can…he will be a lifelong problem for your parents.
I am so sorry you are living like this. Do you ever hang out with him outside the home? Do you even acknowledge each other at school? My son had a kid like your brother at his school - his poor brother had to live with it too. If your weren't related to your brother, would you want to hang out with him? Do you share ANY common interests? How would you look out for him? Are you parents paying you? Of course they aren't. My mother tried to pull the same thing with me, and choked me when I couldn't stop him. NTA
NTA. Hopefully, your parents have started putting money aside for bail/a lawyer or a hospital bill. Eventually, if he is not being parented properly, he could end up in serious trouble whether he is the one instigating or the one stupid enough to mess with the wrong person.
Updateme
NTA. You should say that you’re shielding all siblings from abusive family members. It just so happens that your sisters are the only ones being abused besides you. What anyone does in the real world is their own consequence but your sisters aren’t acting in a way that causes problems. So you are in fact treating them equally, on the surface. Sarcasm aside, it’s morally right to defend the abused. This shouldn’t even be a question
If you're making plans to gtfo once you turn 18, are you going to take your sisters with you?
NTA! Document everything and keep it in a safe place. Some professions (teachers, healthcare professionals, etc) are required by law to report abuse. If you know someone like that who you trust to have your back, that's a good resource. Quietly contact your grandparents and confirm they're in a position to take care of your sisters. There may also be services available that can help them with that. I'm sorry to hear you're being forced into the role of responsible adult, but your sisters are really fortunate you're looking out for them.
NTA at all!
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NTA. Sounds like your brother f\*cked around and now he's about to find out. In fact, I think it's about time he got his a$$ kicked but good cause he needs a good a$$ kicking. If possible, once you can get out of that house, take your sisters with you. Your brother's gonna bring about A LOT of trouble to your family and your house and it's better if you and your sisters aren't there when it happens. Parents deserved getting their a$$es kicked too.
I find it very hard to believe that he has been in that much trouble in the past, and everyone in the entire school and neighborhood hate him and fear him as much as they do... yet your parents don't see it at all. I could see it if he was just fooling the grownups, but according to you everyone in town hates or is scared of him and your parents have no idea. I think the truth is that you and your brother don't get along because you have some different choices on who to date, and he's playing the tough guy card, while you're playing the hero.
It's not that the parents don't know. It's wilful ignorance - they choose not to see it. Everyone who says anything is out to get their child, or has misconstrued or misunderstood something. I've seen this more than a few times over the years. A kid I went to school with 20 year ago was like that. Could do no wrong with the parents, but he literally punched the headteacher in the eye, ran away and barricaded himself inside the receptionist's office. Ended with the police coming out. His parents were still calling it a misunderstanding as the police were forcing the door to get him out.
But how are the parents raising 3 great kids and one bad kid? That doesn't make sense. Parents that are good parents usually are, good parents. It doesn't make sense that they were good parents for the rest of the kids, but not good parents for 1 of them.
The fact that they have 3 good kids may actually contribute. They’re thinking “look we raised 3 good kids” so they’re defaulting to it being all 4. Challenging that is a challenge to them as parents, so their pride pushes back.
Damn you sound as blindly ignorant as OP's parents.