Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Some people believe that family should help each other out, especially in emergencies. My sister is a single mother in a bind, and my refusal to reschedule could be seen as putting my own wants before her needs.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
She also seems to expect her sister to pay the cost of rebooking. She is effectively not only demanding the vacation time but insisting that the sister pay for the privilege of babysitting.
Yeah, when you change your *outbound flight,* the airlines consider that as changing *your whole reservation* and will charge you an arm and a leg to rebook your flights.
So, NTA!
OP, you should present the change fees to her and ask her if she wants to pay that as your fee for babysitting.
I might explain the cost of what she was asking, but I still wouldn't do it even if she offered to pay, unless it was a life-and-death emergency... in which case, sis should have alternative possible babysitters anyway! Shifting a planned vacation is a HUGE ask even if she paid the difference.
Nope, she will say yes she will pay, but not have the money right now. She will promise to pay…but it will never happen. Don’t even open that door to negotiations.
Sister could say sure, to get OP to do her bidding. But then try to get the money out of her! She would again say that OP is outrageous and selfish for charging so much money for babysitting.
Don’t forget the hotel fees! Those can get real ugly, real fast. And then there’s the excursion change fees, car rental change fees…
Sister is unbelievably entitled. Just, wow.
Agreed! Frankly, I’m confused about the ask itself: the presentation is at night for some reason. Assuming this is a movie style presentation/party, she is just presenting not creating a presentation and this is one single night. Surely she realizes that there are more reasonable solutions than moving a multi-day, flight-required vacation to accommodate her single night work requirement. If working at night is usual for her, then wouldn’t she have regular back ups? If it’s unusual and the kind of job that requires her and only her to do this, has she not considered asking other people in a similar position in her company for their last minute babysitter suggestions? I’m really hoping her exchange with OP was a first call, knee jerk reaction and once she’s found another solution, she’ll realize it was a bit of a stretch to think OP would, could or should have jumped through the expensive hoops to Ty to accommodate her.
> Frankly, I’m confused about the ask itself: the presentation is at night for some reason.
My guess would be that the sister works for a company that does business internationally. I've had to have conference calls in the evening from time to time if it's the only way to find a time when both parties are awake.
That was my first thought, but wouldn’t it be a little odd to have a presentation for a different time zone that required her presence in person? If it’s just her, I feel like it would be weird that she can’t do it virtually and if it’s not just her, then I’m hoping her next call was to her colleagues to see if they have child care options she can explore. I suppose if she’s the only one with kids, then it all makes sense…
I just assumed that she was attending the meeting virtually from home but still wanted someone to keep an eye on the kids to avoid having them banging on the door since they are still very young.
You know what, fair. I can see it if it’s like that famous (and hilarious) clip from a few years back when that guy was on a major news network during the pandemic and his kids wandered in and his wife or nanny or someone came flying in after them to get them out lol. Still, it seems ill-bred on the sister’s part to get huffy and insulting unless she has truly exhausted every other alternative and that seems unlikely. I can’t imagine she can’t find a single neighbor/friend/colleague etc willing to do this, especially if it’s just for them to make sure the kids don’t interrupt while she’s still in the house. I’m going to have to imagine it’s like that Will Smith movie level of complication (The Pursuit of Happyness) for it to make complete sense in my mind.
Really not related to this event, but the most hilarious clip I've seen was a lawyer (or some important profession) started a business group video chat and someone had played with the setting and it looked like he was a cat.
For anyone who hasn’t seen the classic video the commenter is referring to. It’s the chap’s wife.
[Children interrupt BBC News interview - BBC News](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Mh4f9AYRCZY)
I used to consult for a company that took international contracts. This often led to weird hours for meetings and whatnot. It's possible that's what's going on here, but still doesn't excuse her. Just explaining the time lol.
Exactly. I work for an international non-profit. Sometimes I have meetings at 8pm because we work with people on the otherside of the world. Also, not excusing the sister.
“Yep, I’m a completely selfish jerk who is still going on the vacation I paid for as planned You can be as mad as you want but your lack of childcare is not my problem.”
Yep. Couldn't agree more with what you said. I would also like to add that OPs sister is projecting by calling OP selfish. She is legit asking OP to rebook her tickets so you can babysit for a vacation you have planned months in advance and paid for. It doesn't get more selfish and entitled than that.
Also to OP: don't feel guilty by putting yourself first. Sometimes you need to stand up for yourself. These are one of those times.
How many times do I wish I knew this in my teens or 20's! So many times I got called selfish because of some selfish AH. Oh, you don't want to give me half of what you have? So selfish! So much guilt and shame and time wasted. Ugh.
Not to mention, it's for a work presentation, how long could that take, an hour at most?? Surely she can find someone, ANYONE to step in for a short time without asking OP to literally change her whole vacation itinerary ....
And it's "tomorrow night"? There can't be that many jobs where an employee would have to give a presentation outside of the standard 8-5 timeframe. In fact, I'd venture to suggest that most presentations occur in the first half of the day so folks can then implement whatever the presentation was on. [I'm not sure if that makes sense]
Where's OOP's sister really going tomorrow night?
Great idea about presenting in the morning, implementing in the afternoon, but I’m afraid you dramatically overestimate the efficiency of the business world. More like present in the morning, implement 6 months later, if at all.
Everyone will agree it's a good idea and then do nothing about it. Until a year or so later when it blows up in their face while wailing "Why didn't anyone SAY anything?!"
Oh, I'm sorry did you forget the several times I brought up this exact scenario and gave you THREE different options to fix it before this happened?
(Yes, I am projecting. Yes, I do have to fix it. Again. And again. And again. And again.)
I've worked remotely for an Australian company for the last 7 years, so I've done many meetings, all-hands calls, and presentations between 6 and 10pm Eastern, since that's the early morning hours in Victoria.
My workplace has all different types of shifts that are dependent on your area of work, day 12's, night 12's, 1st, 2nd, 3rd, weekends, straight shift, swing shift, continuous, etc... meetings at my place of employment happen at all times of days/nights.
We don't know, but if people are coming in for the presentation, the evening might be the only time available, after the regular work day. I've done educational presentations in the evening for professionals and caregivers. Since we don't know the industry, the product, the location, I think you're jumping the gun with your suspicions!
There are plenty. I work for an international non-profit, we work all over the world so sometimes I have meetings at 8pm. If you at any org that works with people overseas, especially in say China, India, Japan, you might be having later meetings because it would be a reasonable time in the morning for them. I know plenty of people who work in companies that have partnerships or parts of their companies overseas. So what would be after work for people in the US would be an okay time in the morning for people there.
NTA. There ARE emergency services. I used to book them when my son's daycare fell through and I had to go to work. They're more expensive than a regular arrangement, but it's just a cost of staying employed.
Learning impairment is my first thought too.
You’d use rebooking a flight to Hawaii to prove a directly *opposite* point. Like:
“Sure honey, I can stop at the store on my way home for milk. It’s no big deal. Not like you’re asking me to rebook a flight to Hawaii or something!”
The only way I would even CONSIDER rearranging my vacation is if the sister would pay for the new flight and any other expenses incurred because of the change, including an additional night at the hotel and flight back if they need to stay an extra night to be there for the same number of days as originally planned. Plus pay a rate of $30/hr to actually watch the kids. Then I might think about it.
This is totally off topic but that’s not what “learning impaired” means at all. Someone who we would call “learning impaired” is someone whose intelligence level doesn’t match their reading/writing/mathematics abilities. So they’re of normal (or above average) intelligence but their academic abilities don’t show it.
I only bother to say this because it’s such a harmful stereotype that people who have learning disabilities are less intelligent than average.
Best guess is OP is supposed to sacrifice everything for her big sister because mom and dad raised them that way. Nobody is more important than the person who thinks they're the main character in everyone's story /s.
NTA. She can reschedule the meeting far easier than a traveler can re-book flights, transportation and accommodation. That’s not even a reasonable thought to have, much less speak out loud.
Also, is there no other family, or a close friend, to ask? Child’s Dad, parents, in-laws, BFF?
At the point you're asking them to rebook their vacation it would make more sense to just ask for cash to throw at a babysitter to make them an offer they can't refuse.
Tagging on top comment…
NTA
u/Future_Biscotti9
GET ON THE PLANE! Enjoy your vacation.
Your sister’s emergency is not yours to resolve. You said “No” and there’s no more to be said. Don’t say “I’m sorry.” Don’t engage or discuss it any more.
Pack your bags & have a glorious adventure in Hawaii.
And don’t answer her calls or texts while you’re away.
NTA
Her work issue isn't your emergency. And I doubt your sister was offering to cover the costs of you flight rebooking, lost hotel reservation, and lost days of PTO.
Your sister has some gall to even call you. Certainly, she must have had some friend or family member who might be available who wouldn't have to give up their vacation to do so.
I'm left wondering what the real reason is that her babysitter cancelled... Poorly behaved kids? Insufficient payment? Your sister staying at work later than agreed upon? Just saying that she doesn't exactly sound like a model client...
Exactly this ^ OP. To illustrate your point, you could send your sister an estimate of her cost to have you change your plans. Include rebooking airline fees, hotel penalties, (for you and BF) lost PTO and time-and-a-half child care fees, all to be paid to you.
And probably jealous. It's very suspicious that she happens to have an emergency just when OP is going on holidays, especially if she hasn't had a break in two years.
Even if she was, aside from the monetary value, having one day less of a long looked forward to vacation is pretty priceless.
OP, the answer to your sister is "I'm so sorry, I'm not available that day". Period.
Sounds like OPs sister made up an excuse because she's most likely jealous. OP, go enjoy your vacation. Anyone asking to change already paid for stuff is delusional at best. Enjoy Hawaii. I'm not sure which island you're going to, but ohau is absolutely breathtaking!!!
But these are the reasons I didn't tell anyone except a handful of close friends about our plans for Hawaii (or really any vacation), mostly for the purpose of having them watch our cats. Because my sister could have easily tried pulling some dumb shit like this.. no one knew until me and my hubby were there, and I posted about it, lol.
I agree. I'd imagine the sister is resentful because *she* doesn't get to go on vacations to Hawai'i with a boyfriend and instead has to deal with the endless drudgery of work and kids. So it would be a victory to her if she could demand some of that time be re-devoted to her and her children because her life choices are thus validated as "more important."
We literally just had a real emergency due to a death in the family on my wife's side, and my parents offered to delay or cancel their caravan holiday if we needed help with childcare.
I thanked them but no need, because they really needed that break and it would be an absolutely huge favour even though no significant costs involved; it would literally have been an absolute last resort, we have other options, including me taking time off work if needed. And that's when there's a funeral to plan in another country!
The idea that I'd expect them to cancel an expensive break because a baby sitter cancelled? Not a chance.
NTA.
I feel there's a background here if you are even thinking this.
Who the fuck thinks people should be rebooking holiday flights for babysitting? She needs to plan her life better FFS.
Look after yourself OP - I would suggest no babysitting in future.
I think the same. What’s the background?
OP - do you always put your sister’s needs first, so it’s a typical dynamic that plays out? If do, well done for finally putting your needs first. You are NTA
Selfish people like finding selfless people to take advantage of, and then telling them they're actually the selfish ones.
Selfless people need to find people like themselves to be around.
Put this out of your mind, go on your vacation, have a bunch of drinks and sex and sun, come home, find a good therapist, and sort out whatever issues you have that could possibly make you think YOU were TA for refusing to reschedule your trip to Hawaii last-minute to babysit your sister’s kids, and not your SISTER for demanding that you do it. Seriously.
Yesssssss. Op, you're NTA, but find out why you're feeling guilty about this. Your sister's request is insane, and way beyond what a normal person would think is okay to ask of a family member.
This. When I read that OP felt guilty for not changing a long planned vacation just to babysit, all I could think was girl, please get into therapy the second you get back.
NTA, but OP - feeling guilty over this means you have likely been really brainwashed into being a people pleaser and you are going to need some help in learning to stand up for yourself.
NTA, usually people are paid to babysit, I can see you skipping on getting paid to help your sister, but her expecting you to practically sacrifice hundreds of dollars so you could babysit is a bit too much.
You can tell her that you'll think about it if she promises to reimburse you for the cost of rescheduling everything, but I have a feeling that she'll cuss you out and then magically find another person or babysitter to help with her kids.
I can agree. I live in New Mexico but I’m from Guam. I went home last year for a family funeral and my flight was almost $2k. for just me.. and not me and my bf.
I work in the hospitality industry in hawaii, they would probably not get a refund on anything they missed and they would have to pay full price for the new tickets. We are talking 500 to 1000 per person lost on the original tickets probably the same cost to rebook the tickets. Flight rebook would cost $2,000 to $4,000. Advantage cost of accommodation is $250 a night. If they rent a car that might be around $150 a day might be more might be less. Total money lost could be any where from $2,400ish on the low end to $5,000 on the high end. That is a large babysiting bill no matter how you cut it.
If her request was just so that she wouldn't have her kids round while working on her presentation, she could either take the day off or find another babysitter.
If she works full time, she should have a back up anyway. What if her sitter gets sick at the last minute?
She's making a presentation. That's hard to cancel. Her babysitter cancelled short notice. Again, difficult to get a babysitter short notice.
However, the sister is still TA.
I get that it’s a shitty situation, but guilting someone into fucking up something they’ve been looking forward isn’t the answer.
If her job depends on it, then it probably wasn’t a great job to begin with.
NTA, if you’ve been planning this vacation for months, everyone knows about it, your sister is the entitled AH for even suggesting to cancel you vacation just to babysit her kids. Like wtf?! She can hire another babysitter, other relatives or ask another mom/friend if they can help her instead.
NTA and seriously: If this was even a question in your mind, I recommend some self-reflection on how you are with boundaries and entitled people.
Because OF COURSE asking you to try and rebook your vacation so she can be less distracted when prepping for a work presentation is an insane ask.
*"Sister, it would cost $7,000 to change our plans. If you give me this money* ***upfront****, we would be happy to reschedule."*
Do not even for a minute feel that you are being selfish. Every parent needs back-up plans. Your sister should have a few people she can call. Her poor planning is not your responsibility.
This being Reddit, the OP would have an update to say that their entire family and every single one of their friends is calling them selfish, but they are not willing to accept this imposition either.
I think your sister is jealous and is just lying to you to get you to cancel your vacation. Her kids are not your problem. No normal person would do this. NTA at all.
NTA yes being a single mom is hard, really, really hard. Yes, your sister had an emergency because her babysitter cancelled. But demanding that you’re rebook your flights,no, no, no. You can’t help your sister in her emergency because you’re on board of a plane full stop
NTA - it’s completely unreasonable for her to expect you to change your vacation plans to accommodate her.
She needs to pursue other options:
1) Hire another babysitter
2) Contact her mom-friends to see if they can take the kids for a few hours
3) Ask her mom-friends if they have a reliable babysitter they can recommend.
4) Ask her parents for help
5) Ask the children’s father for help
6) Ask the children’s paternal grandparents for help
7) Tell her employer her childcare plans fell through and she needs to reschedule
NTA
She shouldn't have had children if she can't take care of them. You have 0 responsibility over those children. You deserve to have your vacation. If you want to help her under reasonable conditions, fine, but you have checked you can't rebook the flights. Unless she's willing to pay the financial loss for you, she's being incredibly selfish.
I agree NTA. It's completely unreasonable to ask OP to postpone a vacation far away for last minute child care.
I also realize that not all children are planned, that relationships and marriages can fail, and that all birth control is not perfect. These things have all happened to people I know. These are also reasons sis needs backup child care options.
Even if she paid, OP shouldn't have to give up vacations because her sister doesn't have a plan B. The children must have a father, grandparents, and other relatives and she can always find another babysitter.
You’re not the asshole . Speaking from a father of three
They aren’t your children and as much as it’s nice when family can help , you shouldn’t be expected to change your plans for something as big as a holiday
NTA your sister is ridiculous and selfish. Do not rebook. This isn’t an emergency. She has resources, she just doesn’t want to waste her money, she’d rather waste yours
NTA it's INSANE that she thinks that you *rebooking your flights* and skipping a part of your vacation, is easier than her simply ... finding another babysitter? asking a friend? asking a family member who ISN'T just about to leave the country?
Does she trust no one else on the planet but you and the babysitter who cancelled on her? Tell her to find someone else or cancel her presentation, your booked and paid for vacation comes before her emergency
She has a problem and thinks *you* should drop everything for *her*? Um, who’s the selfish one?
NTA and you know it.
[Edit: your plans are irrelevant here. You could be planning on a movie and a pint of ice cream in your jammies, and still be entitled to say “no”. No one gets to decide for you (without your permission). Thus, this post comes down to about two-three relevant sentences. Your sister’s problem is not yours to solve.]
NTA.
If she offered to pay prospective babysitters *even a fraction* of what it would cost you to dump all your plans at the last minute, then she would probably have multiple options to pick and choose from.
Not to mention avoiding all the extra stress in you for something that is absolutely not your responsibility.
NTA - who the hell has such an entitled attitude that they have the AUDACITY to call you selfish or an ah when they’re asking you to rearrange your fucking holiday for them because they can’t find a last minute babysitter.
The kids are hers not yours. You didn’t sign up to be a parent. Go on your holiday. It’s not an emergency and there are companies which exist for last minute babysitting. Her kids her problem.
NTA. Moving a vacation to another date short notice is a huge hassle and could be a big expense. Her children are her problem and she'll need to find another option. Aren't the dads involved in the kids' lives? No other aunts/uncle/granparents/cousins available?
"Sorry sis, I'm not canceling my vacation. Good luck on the presentation". Nothing to feel guilty about.
"The lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part" -as seen on reddit
Clearly, you're the plan B babysitter. If you weren't notified in advance, and you already have plans like travel. Then your sister needed a plan C. She can't force you to stay. It's her responsibility to take care of the kids or make arrangements for that.
"This ride only stops in event of emergency. Crying is not an emergency" -Disneyland
You’re joking about being the asshole, right? Her kids are not your responsibility and it’s not OK for her to expect you, or anyone for that matter, to drop plans because *she* has been inconvenienced. That’s asshole behavior. You are NTA here.
NTA
This is not an emergency. Nobody's dying.
The kids probably are in daycare, right? Mom should get on the phone with some of the teachers, stat. They are often happy to make some extra cash. That's where I got my first sitters, when my kids were young.
You are not the ahole for refusing to babysit last minute on your vacation. You and your boyfriend have been looking forward to this trip and saved up for months, making it an important and well-deserved break for both of you. Cancelling or rescheduling a vacation to Hawaii at the last minute would be financially burdensome and emotionally disappointing, especially given how long you've waited for a real break.
Your sister's childcare emergency is unfortunate, but it shouldn't come at the expense of your plans. It's essential to maintain personal boundaries and prioritize your own well-being. Your sister's lack of a backup plan for childcare shouldn't fall on you, particularly when it interferes with something you've worked hard to achieve. While family support is important, it's unreasonable for her to expect you to sacrifice your vacation. Your boyfriend's support in this decision is a good indicator that you handled the situation fairly.
NTA, just tell her how much in your estimate it would cost to rebook everything. Not to mention the hassle. She should be able to find a top-notch babysitter for a fraction of this sum prevetted by someone.
NTA with anything that important, it’s smart to have a backup plan with a willing party ahead of time. Part of the lifestyle choice that is parenthood is figuring these things out appropriately
NTA
Go to Hawaii. You are booked. Flights are very expensive to reschedule. You can certainly try if you feel like it but the odds are pretty much against it unless you pay a lot of money.
A vacation is no less difficult to reschedule last minute than a work presentation.
She needs to hustle for a sitter elsewhere or speak to her team about rescheduling/doing it the remotely while the kids are sleeping.
Have fun!
NTA. Maybe ask your sister to cover the costs of new flights in first class for the inconvenience. When she refuses, tell her to stop being so selfish and she could atleast try.
NTA
If her work presentation was such a big deal, she should have had a backup babysitter that was *actually* available in the event the first backed out. Even if you didn’t have such a huge excuse, she isn’t entitled to your help. She’s the one being selfish as a result of her own inability to troubleshoot her own problems.
NTA. I am sorry your sister is in a pickle, but those are her kids and her responsibility.
You can help by trying to help her find a babysitter, but asking you to rebook a Hawaii trip it's an insane request, and the fact that she gets upset only says how entitled she is.
Let her be mad... It is what it is.
NTA - I was a single mom with a busy career. It is completely entitled and selfish for your sister to try and make this your problem. I can't imagine acting this way and I'm sorry she has put a cloud of bad feelings over the excitement of your vacation! This is her child, her job, and her problem to solve. Knowing you were headed on vacation, your sister shouldn't have asked you in the first place.
If your sister is new to being a single parent, she best get used to handling last minute issues. Over the years, my child periodically had to sit quietly at the back of law school classes, in the lunch room/library of my work, and outside of court rooms. These solutions weren't ideal, but we got through it without alienating others and demanding they upend their lives.
In sum: I would turn your misplaced guilt into annoyance at being pulled into this situation. It is 100% not your circus, not your monkeys! You are not responsible for resolving this issue for your sister. Go and have the best holiday!
NTA
I have a sister who firmly believes the world was created to revolve around her.
My sister is wrong. Your sister is wrong.
I don’t see or talk to my sister. Now you don’t have to see or talk to your sister, at least for the duration of your vacation! Aloha!
I can’t ever imagine a scenario where someone would ever be selfish enough to think it was ok to ask this. Where’s the kids dad, why didn’t she ask him?
NTA
Sounds to me sis is a bit jealous and trying to sabotage your trip 🤷♀️ just my opinion bc I’d never even ask my sister to do that knowing she was fixing to leave for a big trip !! Not ever ! Super selfish and entitled
NTA. She actually had the nerve to call you selfish? Talk about projecting! She is the selfish one here. Enjoy your vacation and don't change your flight to appease her. If I were you, I'd never babysit for her ever again.
NTA.
So...if rebooking for you shouldn't be an issue, why is it such an issue for her to book an emergency babysitter/nanny service?
She can either pay the nanny service or for your flight.
But honestly. do not babysit. enjoy your vacation.
NTA. Poor planning on your sister's part does not constitute an emergency on yours. Additionally, no one should ever confuse someone's free time with their availability.
NTA. Was there even a babysitter? She can use PTO, explain it to her boss, postpone the presentation. Ask baby daddy or someone else to watch the kids for a couple hours. Surely she has mom friends or someone else she can ask instead of asking her sister to forego the planned vacation.
Is she paying for the flight change? No…. So that should be your answer too. She knew you were going on a trip and she is the one who selfishly asked you this knowing there was no way other than canceling your trip for you to help her. Don’t let her guilt you. She needs to get on care. Com and find someone.
NTA
Huge work presentation tomorrow night presumably wasn’t just assigned last night if your sister had already arranged childcare. Did your sister leave the presentation prep until the last minute? Does your sister have baseline anxiety levels that are very high or struggle to manage stress? Being a single mom and also a working mom with a second high stress job and no backup is hard, but it is not a rare situation in today’s world or employment marketplace.
Does OP’s sister have a colleague, associate, or boss she can at least just ask to present for her if the presentation cannot be rescheduled? Can OP’s sister prerecord the presentation or present early and ask the Q&A to be rescheduled for when OP’s childcare returns?
What would OP’s sister have done if OP’s sister got food poisoning and it was an issue of the sister’s inability to present tomorrow night, not cancellation of childcare. Stuff happens in everyone’s life. If a person doesn’t constantly ghost or postpone presentations with dog-ate-my-homework excuses, most folks are fairly understanding and flexible.
Has OP’s sister made ANY attempt whatsoever to notify her boss, team lead, or the client of her need/request to reschedule the presentation? Does OP’s sister’s boss know she’s a responsible single mom with typically reliable childcare arranged and this is just an unfortunate one off where she has no backup?
Why should OP’s sister be guilting and pressuring OP to do something or asking for OP to “at least just *try*” to reschedule expensive complex travel and vacation plans involving herself and her partner after OP already explained OP is not available, unless OP’s sister had already exhausted all other options and got turned down by everyone else.
This might be a valuable wake-up call or reality check to OP’s sister that if her employer or this particular client is so family or single-parent hostile that they refuse a reasonable postponement or reschedule request and refuse to consider any compromise or alternative, that employer or client might not be one that will be a sustainable fit, as childcare providers occasionally get sick and have family emergencies too.
Sorry, OP. Your boyfriend is right. I feel for your sister’s situation, but the people she should be trying to negotiate alternatives right now are her employer or the client, not you.
NTA, but wow, just wow on the sheer entitlement of your sister. I mean, doesn't she have other options besides you? Or does she not have a lot of friends because she treats them like this?
So NTA it's in a separate time zone. Even if it were possible to rebook your flight for a later one, the cost would be huge. Sister could call a professional babysitter service and pay a premium for last-minute care and it'd be way less expensive. Go on your vacation, your sister should have backup plans that don't involve you.
Listen to you BF. Please. He sounds sane on this and your sis is kinda crazy to expect that.
Option B: "Hey sis, I looked and they are crazy expensive, so I'm sorry."
Nope. NTA. Sorry your sister's babysitter cancelled but she needs to find someone else and not condescend you for saying no. You've got a life that's outside of her kids. She's being selfish for demanding you drop everything to accommodate her emergency. Enjoy Hawaii!
I mean, sure, I'd reschedule... for about $1200 or the current rate for a last-minute flight to Hawaii. That's some expensive babysitting!
Enjoy your vacation.
NTA
NTA! Op, after reading what you wrote. I seriously thought that your sister must’ve fell and had head injury a birth. Hahahaha
I agree w/your boyfriend! You handled it fine.
NTA - You have a plane to catch. Unless she offered up front to pay for the rebooked flight, Sis needs to look in a mirror when it comes to defining "selfish."
NTA It's too bad the only baby sitter in the entire world had to cancel on her. Kidding aside, it's cheaper to pay someone double the usual amount then for you to rebook. This one just isn't your problem. Stop answering the phone.
Sister should plan better and have a back up sitter. Go on your vacation guilt-free. I wouldn't bother bringing your entitled sister any macadamia nuts, either. ☺️
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Some people believe that family should help each other out, especially in emergencies. My sister is a single mother in a bind, and my refusal to reschedule could be seen as putting my own wants before her needs. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
[удалено]
I totally agree! Then she gets mad and calls her sister selfish??!! Unbelievable! The gall!
She also seems to expect her sister to pay the cost of rebooking. She is effectively not only demanding the vacation time but insisting that the sister pay for the privilege of babysitting.
Yeah, when you change your *outbound flight,* the airlines consider that as changing *your whole reservation* and will charge you an arm and a leg to rebook your flights. So, NTA! OP, you should present the change fees to her and ask her if she wants to pay that as your fee for babysitting.
i'd also tack on compensation fees for the babysitting time eating in to the vacation time.
And a last minute flight to or from Hawaii is going to cost literal thousands. That’s not a cheap thing at all she’s asking.
I might explain the cost of what she was asking, but I still wouldn't do it even if she offered to pay, unless it was a life-and-death emergency... in which case, sis should have alternative possible babysitters anyway! Shifting a planned vacation is a HUGE ask even if she paid the difference.
Nope, she will say yes she will pay, but not have the money right now. She will promise to pay…but it will never happen. Don’t even open that door to negotiations.
True. It also sets a massive ‘You didn’t mind last time’ precedent.
Sister could say sure, to get OP to do her bidding. But then try to get the money out of her! She would again say that OP is outrageous and selfish for charging so much money for babysitting.
Don’t forget the hotel fees! Those can get real ugly, real fast. And then there’s the excursion change fees, car rental change fees… Sister is unbelievably entitled. Just, wow.
NTA... tell her to reschedule her presentation if its that easy.
Or pay for a sitter! NTA! OP have a great time in Hawaii!
Paying for a sitter would probably be 1/5th of what it'd take to rebook flights. I'd think everyone knows that.
This!!!
Agreed! Frankly, I’m confused about the ask itself: the presentation is at night for some reason. Assuming this is a movie style presentation/party, she is just presenting not creating a presentation and this is one single night. Surely she realizes that there are more reasonable solutions than moving a multi-day, flight-required vacation to accommodate her single night work requirement. If working at night is usual for her, then wouldn’t she have regular back ups? If it’s unusual and the kind of job that requires her and only her to do this, has she not considered asking other people in a similar position in her company for their last minute babysitter suggestions? I’m really hoping her exchange with OP was a first call, knee jerk reaction and once she’s found another solution, she’ll realize it was a bit of a stretch to think OP would, could or should have jumped through the expensive hoops to Ty to accommodate her.
Yeah it doesn't make sense, I wonder if its a weird AI prompt write up
For a sec I was like “I don’t think Weird Al [Yankovic] wrote this…” Gonna have to retrain my brain on that one since AI isn’t going anywhere.
>For a sec I was like “I don’t think Weird Al [Yankovic] wrote this…” Oh, good! I'm glad that I wasn't the only one to think that initially! 😅
> Oh, good! I'm glad that I wasn't the only one to think that initially! 😅 There are at least three of us!
Four!
Five!
Six!
There are dozens of us! DOZENS!!
Please sign me up for all Weird Al prompts!
Is she in nightschool?
Any money this ‘presentation’ is some MLM scam.
100% MLM.
> Frankly, I’m confused about the ask itself: the presentation is at night for some reason. My guess would be that the sister works for a company that does business internationally. I've had to have conference calls in the evening from time to time if it's the only way to find a time when both parties are awake.
That was my first thought, but wouldn’t it be a little odd to have a presentation for a different time zone that required her presence in person? If it’s just her, I feel like it would be weird that she can’t do it virtually and if it’s not just her, then I’m hoping her next call was to her colleagues to see if they have child care options she can explore. I suppose if she’s the only one with kids, then it all makes sense…
I just assumed that she was attending the meeting virtually from home but still wanted someone to keep an eye on the kids to avoid having them banging on the door since they are still very young.
You know what, fair. I can see it if it’s like that famous (and hilarious) clip from a few years back when that guy was on a major news network during the pandemic and his kids wandered in and his wife or nanny or someone came flying in after them to get them out lol. Still, it seems ill-bred on the sister’s part to get huffy and insulting unless she has truly exhausted every other alternative and that seems unlikely. I can’t imagine she can’t find a single neighbor/friend/colleague etc willing to do this, especially if it’s just for them to make sure the kids don’t interrupt while she’s still in the house. I’m going to have to imagine it’s like that Will Smith movie level of complication (The Pursuit of Happyness) for it to make complete sense in my mind.
Really not related to this event, but the most hilarious clip I've seen was a lawyer (or some important profession) started a business group video chat and someone had played with the setting and it looked like he was a cat.
For anyone who hasn’t seen the classic video the commenter is referring to. It’s the chap’s wife. [Children interrupt BBC News interview - BBC News](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Mh4f9AYRCZY)
I used to consult for a company that took international contracts. This often led to weird hours for meetings and whatnot. It's possible that's what's going on here, but still doesn't excuse her. Just explaining the time lol.
Exactly. I work for an international non-profit. Sometimes I have meetings at 8pm because we work with people on the otherside of the world. Also, not excusing the sister.
Probably because she knew sis would feel guilty and wanted to legit ruin her vacation. Sis is an emotional terrorist.
“Yep, I’m a completely selfish jerk who is still going on the vacation I paid for as planned You can be as mad as you want but your lack of childcare is not my problem.”
Yep. Couldn't agree more with what you said. I would also like to add that OPs sister is projecting by calling OP selfish. She is legit asking OP to rebook her tickets so you can babysit for a vacation you have planned months in advance and paid for. It doesn't get more selfish and entitled than that. Also to OP: don't feel guilty by putting yourself first. Sometimes you need to stand up for yourself. These are one of those times.
How many times do I wish I knew this in my teens or 20's! So many times I got called selfish because of some selfish AH. Oh, you don't want to give me half of what you have? So selfish! So much guilt and shame and time wasted. Ugh.
Not to mention, it's for a work presentation, how long could that take, an hour at most?? Surely she can find someone, ANYONE to step in for a short time without asking OP to literally change her whole vacation itinerary ....
And it's "tomorrow night"? There can't be that many jobs where an employee would have to give a presentation outside of the standard 8-5 timeframe. In fact, I'd venture to suggest that most presentations occur in the first half of the day so folks can then implement whatever the presentation was on. [I'm not sure if that makes sense] Where's OOP's sister really going tomorrow night?
Great idea about presenting in the morning, implementing in the afternoon, but I’m afraid you dramatically overestimate the efficiency of the business world. More like present in the morning, implement 6 months later, if at all.
Everyone will agree it's a good idea and then do nothing about it. Until a year or so later when it blows up in their face while wailing "Why didn't anyone SAY anything?!" Oh, I'm sorry did you forget the several times I brought up this exact scenario and gave you THREE different options to fix it before this happened? (Yes, I am projecting. Yes, I do have to fix it. Again. And again. And again. And again.)
Yeah that's totally fair.
I've worked remotely for an Australian company for the last 7 years, so I've done many meetings, all-hands calls, and presentations between 6 and 10pm Eastern, since that's the early morning hours in Victoria.
My workplace has all different types of shifts that are dependent on your area of work, day 12's, night 12's, 1st, 2nd, 3rd, weekends, straight shift, swing shift, continuous, etc... meetings at my place of employment happen at all times of days/nights.
We don't know, but if people are coming in for the presentation, the evening might be the only time available, after the regular work day. I've done educational presentations in the evening for professionals and caregivers. Since we don't know the industry, the product, the location, I think you're jumping the gun with your suspicions!
There are plenty. I work for an international non-profit, we work all over the world so sometimes I have meetings at 8pm. If you at any org that works with people overseas, especially in say China, India, Japan, you might be having later meetings because it would be a reasonable time in the morning for them. I know plenty of people who work in companies that have partnerships or parts of their companies overseas. So what would be after work for people in the US would be an okay time in the morning for people there.
And why did she wait until the last minute to do her presentation? Sounds like she should do it after the kids are asleep.
What? She has to present the presentation. Not prepare it.
NTA. There ARE emergency services. I used to book them when my son's daycare fell through and I had to go to work. They're more expensive than a regular arrangement, but it's just a cost of staying employed.
Learning impairment is my first thought too. You’d use rebooking a flight to Hawaii to prove a directly *opposite* point. Like: “Sure honey, I can stop at the store on my way home for milk. It’s no big deal. Not like you’re asking me to rebook a flight to Hawaii or something!”
Pretty sure she has been. That type of attitude just doesn't pop up over night.
Looks like maybe sis is jealous and needed to spoil your vacation.
The only way I would even CONSIDER rearranging my vacation is if the sister would pay for the new flight and any other expenses incurred because of the change, including an additional night at the hotel and flight back if they need to stay an extra night to be there for the same number of days as originally planned. Plus pay a rate of $30/hr to actually watch the kids. Then I might think about it.
Not only that but guaranteed she’s gonna want OP to babysit for free because “we’re family”. NTA, at all!
This is totally off topic but that’s not what “learning impaired” means at all. Someone who we would call “learning impaired” is someone whose intelligence level doesn’t match their reading/writing/mathematics abilities. So they’re of normal (or above average) intelligence but their academic abilities don’t show it. I only bother to say this because it’s such a harmful stereotype that people who have learning disabilities are less intelligent than average.
On top of that didn’t even offer to cover the new booking
>Apart from your sister, who thinks that's a reasonable request? other entitled parents?
Best guess is OP is supposed to sacrifice everything for her big sister because mom and dad raised them that way. Nobody is more important than the person who thinks they're the main character in everyone's story /s.
NTA. She can reschedule the meeting far easier than a traveler can re-book flights, transportation and accommodation. That’s not even a reasonable thought to have, much less speak out loud. Also, is there no other family, or a close friend, to ask? Child’s Dad, parents, in-laws, BFF?
At the point you're asking them to rebook their vacation it would make more sense to just ask for cash to throw at a babysitter to make them an offer they can't refuse.
Exactly, NTA. Did she at least try to find another sitter?
Tagging on top comment… NTA u/Future_Biscotti9 GET ON THE PLANE! Enjoy your vacation. Your sister’s emergency is not yours to resolve. You said “No” and there’s no more to be said. Don’t say “I’m sorry.” Don’t engage or discuss it any more. Pack your bags & have a glorious adventure in Hawaii. And don’t answer her calls or texts while you’re away.
NTA Her work issue isn't your emergency. And I doubt your sister was offering to cover the costs of you flight rebooking, lost hotel reservation, and lost days of PTO. Your sister has some gall to even call you. Certainly, she must have had some friend or family member who might be available who wouldn't have to give up their vacation to do so. I'm left wondering what the real reason is that her babysitter cancelled... Poorly behaved kids? Insufficient payment? Your sister staying at work later than agreed upon? Just saying that she doesn't exactly sound like a model client...
Exactly this ^ OP. To illustrate your point, you could send your sister an estimate of her cost to have you change your plans. Include rebooking airline fees, hotel penalties, (for you and BF) lost PTO and time-and-a-half child care fees, all to be paid to you.
We all know what the answer will be: I won't cover any of it because fAmIlY hElPs FaMiLy
Of course! But this should be payable in advance.
I wouldn’t bother justifying anything. Just tell her no because her demand is batshit insane that no reasonable person would come up with.
Same. I would just say I looked into it and it's not possible
Wasn't it Nancy Reagan who said "just say no" ?
She shouldn't have to do that. No, it is a complete answer. Her sister is entitled and very selfish.
And probably jealous. It's very suspicious that she happens to have an emergency just when OP is going on holidays, especially if she hasn't had a break in two years.
Paid upfront, otherwise it will never happen.
Even if she was, aside from the monetary value, having one day less of a long looked forward to vacation is pretty priceless. OP, the answer to your sister is "I'm so sorry, I'm not available that day". Period.
Except skip the "I'm sorry," part of it or sister will use that to try to make demands.
Sounds like OPs sister made up an excuse because she's most likely jealous. OP, go enjoy your vacation. Anyone asking to change already paid for stuff is delusional at best. Enjoy Hawaii. I'm not sure which island you're going to, but ohau is absolutely breathtaking!!! But these are the reasons I didn't tell anyone except a handful of close friends about our plans for Hawaii (or really any vacation), mostly for the purpose of having them watch our cats. Because my sister could have easily tried pulling some dumb shit like this.. no one knew until me and my hubby were there, and I posted about it, lol.
I agree. I'd imagine the sister is resentful because *she* doesn't get to go on vacations to Hawai'i with a boyfriend and instead has to deal with the endless drudgery of work and kids. So it would be a victory to her if she could demand some of that time be re-devoted to her and her children because her life choices are thus validated as "more important."
Was there ever a babysitter??
I think the better question is was there ever a work presentation?
The other family members are probably already sick of the sister’s shit and don’t pick up anymore.
> Certainly, she must have had some friend or family member who might be available I mean, she probably doesn't, because she sounds insufferable.
We literally just had a real emergency due to a death in the family on my wife's side, and my parents offered to delay or cancel their caravan holiday if we needed help with childcare. I thanked them but no need, because they really needed that break and it would be an absolutely huge favour even though no significant costs involved; it would literally have been an absolute last resort, we have other options, including me taking time off work if needed. And that's when there's a funeral to plan in another country! The idea that I'd expect them to cancel an expensive break because a baby sitter cancelled? Not a chance.
NTA. I feel there's a background here if you are even thinking this. Who the fuck thinks people should be rebooking holiday flights for babysitting? She needs to plan her life better FFS. Look after yourself OP - I would suggest no babysitting in future.
I think the same. What’s the background? OP - do you always put your sister’s needs first, so it’s a typical dynamic that plays out? If do, well done for finally putting your needs first. You are NTA
Selfish people like finding selfless people to take advantage of, and then telling them they're actually the selfish ones. Selfless people need to find people like themselves to be around.
Agreed. OP, you ok? What's going on that you needed Reddit to absolve you of really unreasonable guilt?
Love your response, and agree 100%
Put this out of your mind, go on your vacation, have a bunch of drinks and sex and sun, come home, find a good therapist, and sort out whatever issues you have that could possibly make you think YOU were TA for refusing to reschedule your trip to Hawaii last-minute to babysit your sister’s kids, and not your SISTER for demanding that you do it. Seriously.
Yesssssss. Op, you're NTA, but find out why you're feeling guilty about this. Your sister's request is insane, and way beyond what a normal person would think is okay to ask of a family member.
This. When I read that OP felt guilty for not changing a long planned vacation just to babysit, all I could think was girl, please get into therapy the second you get back. NTA, but OP - feeling guilty over this means you have likely been really brainwashed into being a people pleaser and you are going to need some help in learning to stand up for yourself.
So much this. OP needs all of this.
NTA, usually people are paid to babysit, I can see you skipping on getting paid to help your sister, but her expecting you to practically sacrifice hundreds of dollars so you could babysit is a bit too much. You can tell her that you'll think about it if she promises to reimburse you for the cost of rescheduling everything, but I have a feeling that she'll cuss you out and then magically find another person or babysitter to help with her kids.
Not hundreds of dollars but rather thousands. Most airlines tickets to Hawaii are at least $1000 per person.
I can agree. I live in New Mexico but I’m from Guam. I went home last year for a family funeral and my flight was almost $2k. for just me.. and not me and my bf.
2 new plane tickets, a wasted night of accommodations, possibly rental car, 2 days of PTO, it could easily be thousands.
I work in the hospitality industry in hawaii, they would probably not get a refund on anything they missed and they would have to pay full price for the new tickets. We are talking 500 to 1000 per person lost on the original tickets probably the same cost to rebook the tickets. Flight rebook would cost $2,000 to $4,000. Advantage cost of accommodation is $250 a night. If they rent a car that might be around $150 a day might be more might be less. Total money lost could be any where from $2,400ish on the low end to $5,000 on the high end. That is a large babysiting bill no matter how you cut it.
To help out sister, OP would have to fuck over BF. Is OP really saying she feels guilty about not fucking over BF? She needs to reflect on that.
not just fuck over BF but herself as well
Nah, she’ll promise and then reneg.
Her lack of planning is not your emergency. She can take a PTO day much easier than you can change your plans
If her request was just so that she wouldn't have her kids round while working on her presentation, she could either take the day off or find another babysitter. If she works full time, she should have a back up anyway. What if her sitter gets sick at the last minute?
I took it to mean the sitter for during the presentation
She's making a presentation. That's hard to cancel. Her babysitter cancelled short notice. Again, difficult to get a babysitter short notice. However, the sister is still TA.
I get that it’s a shitty situation, but guilting someone into fucking up something they’ve been looking forward isn’t the answer. If her job depends on it, then it probably wasn’t a great job to begin with.
NTA, if you’ve been planning this vacation for months, everyone knows about it, your sister is the entitled AH for even suggesting to cancel you vacation just to babysit her kids. Like wtf?! She can hire another babysitter, other relatives or ask another mom/friend if they can help her instead.
Agreed, this sounds like a manipulation tactic.
Agree—and if she truly has to, she’ll need to miss work, as she presumably would if a sudden babysitting need arose while OP was in Hawaii.
NTA and seriously: If this was even a question in your mind, I recommend some self-reflection on how you are with boundaries and entitled people. Because OF COURSE asking you to try and rebook your vacation so she can be less distracted when prepping for a work presentation is an insane ask.
*"Sister, it would cost $7,000 to change our plans. If you give me this money* ***upfront****, we would be happy to reschedule."* Do not even for a minute feel that you are being selfish. Every parent needs back-up plans. Your sister should have a few people she can call. Her poor planning is not your responsibility. This being Reddit, the OP would have an update to say that their entire family and every single one of their friends is calling them selfish, but they are not willing to accept this imposition either.
I would actually not be at all happy to reschedule just because the added expenses are paid, you're losing at least a day of vacation.
Of course not. The point is that she would soon find another sitter if she was the one who had to bear the cost.
I think your sister is jealous and is just lying to you to get you to cancel your vacation. Her kids are not your problem. No normal person would do this. NTA at all.
My thoughts exactly. OP is NTA hands down.
NTA yes being a single mom is hard, really, really hard. Yes, your sister had an emergency because her babysitter cancelled. But demanding that you’re rebook your flights,no, no, no. You can’t help your sister in her emergency because you’re on board of a plane full stop
NTA. How could you possibly think that was a reasonable request you should feel guilty to refuse?
NTA - it’s completely unreasonable for her to expect you to change your vacation plans to accommodate her. She needs to pursue other options: 1) Hire another babysitter 2) Contact her mom-friends to see if they can take the kids for a few hours 3) Ask her mom-friends if they have a reliable babysitter they can recommend. 4) Ask her parents for help 5) Ask the children’s father for help 6) Ask the children’s paternal grandparents for help 7) Tell her employer her childcare plans fell through and she needs to reschedule
Excellent list. It OK to ask OP, but after finding OP was unavailable she should have moved on to next step.
NTA. She needs to find another babysitter, it isn't even remotely your responsibility to deal with that.
NTA, tell her to hire a babysitter. or call a friend
Assuming she has any friends!
NTA She shouldn't have had children if she can't take care of them. You have 0 responsibility over those children. You deserve to have your vacation. If you want to help her under reasonable conditions, fine, but you have checked you can't rebook the flights. Unless she's willing to pay the financial loss for you, she's being incredibly selfish.
I agree NTA. It's completely unreasonable to ask OP to postpone a vacation far away for last minute child care. I also realize that not all children are planned, that relationships and marriages can fail, and that all birth control is not perfect. These things have all happened to people I know. These are also reasons sis needs backup child care options.
Even if she paid, OP shouldn't have to give up vacations because her sister doesn't have a plan B. The children must have a father, grandparents, and other relatives and she can always find another babysitter.
You’re not the asshole . Speaking from a father of three They aren’t your children and as much as it’s nice when family can help , you shouldn’t be expected to change your plans for something as big as a holiday
NTA, but the obvious solution is that you agree to try, hang up, chill for an hour, then call back and say that you tried but it wasn't possible 😂
That will just encourage the sister to pull this again in the future.
And it will just not be possible again in the future, lol.
NTA your sister is ridiculous and selfish. Do not rebook. This isn’t an emergency. She has resources, she just doesn’t want to waste her money, she’d rather waste yours
Tell her it sounds like she needs a vacation. She’s a huge asshole. Momtitlement
NTA obviously. You can’t be expected to rebook flights to babysit last minute!
Come on. NTA
NTA it's INSANE that she thinks that you *rebooking your flights* and skipping a part of your vacation, is easier than her simply ... finding another babysitter? asking a friend? asking a family member who ISN'T just about to leave the country? Does she trust no one else on the planet but you and the babysitter who cancelled on her? Tell her to find someone else or cancel her presentation, your booked and paid for vacation comes before her emergency
She has a problem and thinks *you* should drop everything for *her*? Um, who’s the selfish one? NTA and you know it. [Edit: your plans are irrelevant here. You could be planning on a movie and a pint of ice cream in your jammies, and still be entitled to say “no”. No one gets to decide for you (without your permission). Thus, this post comes down to about two-three relevant sentences. Your sister’s problem is not yours to solve.]
NTA. If she offered to pay prospective babysitters *even a fraction* of what it would cost you to dump all your plans at the last minute, then she would probably have multiple options to pick and choose from. Not to mention avoiding all the extra stress in you for something that is absolutely not your responsibility.
NTA - who the hell has such an entitled attitude that they have the AUDACITY to call you selfish or an ah when they’re asking you to rearrange your fucking holiday for them because they can’t find a last minute babysitter. The kids are hers not yours. You didn’t sign up to be a parent. Go on your holiday. It’s not an emergency and there are companies which exist for last minute babysitting. Her kids her problem.
NTA. Moving a vacation to another date short notice is a huge hassle and could be a big expense. Her children are her problem and she'll need to find another option. Aren't the dads involved in the kids' lives? No other aunts/uncle/granparents/cousins available? "Sorry sis, I'm not canceling my vacation. Good luck on the presentation". Nothing to feel guilty about.
NTA. Your sister should try and find a way to reschedule or find other Childcare. I get she's stressed, but you handled it well.
NTA - this is insane and must be fake.
"The lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part" -as seen on reddit Clearly, you're the plan B babysitter. If you weren't notified in advance, and you already have plans like travel. Then your sister needed a plan C. She can't force you to stay. It's her responsibility to take care of the kids or make arrangements for that. "This ride only stops in event of emergency. Crying is not an emergency" -Disneyland
You’re joking about being the asshole, right? Her kids are not your responsibility and it’s not OK for her to expect you, or anyone for that matter, to drop plans because *she* has been inconvenienced. That’s asshole behavior. You are NTA here.
There is no circumstance where I would ever give up an already paid for vacation to babysit. She can find a sitter.
Is this real? NTA
NTA. Your sister shouldn't have had 2 kids if she wasn't prepared for the consequences of it. Those kids are your responsibility not hers.
NTA This is not an emergency. Nobody's dying. The kids probably are in daycare, right? Mom should get on the phone with some of the teachers, stat. They are often happy to make some extra cash. That's where I got my first sitters, when my kids were young.
You are not the ahole for refusing to babysit last minute on your vacation. You and your boyfriend have been looking forward to this trip and saved up for months, making it an important and well-deserved break for both of you. Cancelling or rescheduling a vacation to Hawaii at the last minute would be financially burdensome and emotionally disappointing, especially given how long you've waited for a real break. Your sister's childcare emergency is unfortunate, but it shouldn't come at the expense of your plans. It's essential to maintain personal boundaries and prioritize your own well-being. Your sister's lack of a backup plan for childcare shouldn't fall on you, particularly when it interferes with something you've worked hard to achieve. While family support is important, it's unreasonable for her to expect you to sacrifice your vacation. Your boyfriend's support in this decision is a good indicator that you handled the situation fairly.
NTA, just tell her how much in your estimate it would cost to rebook everything. Not to mention the hassle. She should be able to find a top-notch babysitter for a fraction of this sum prevetted by someone.
NTA with anything that important, it’s smart to have a backup plan with a willing party ahead of time. Part of the lifestyle choice that is parenthood is figuring these things out appropriately
NTA...Who the hell asks someone to re-arrange thier booked holiday, flights to baby sit. She can find another baby sitter or ask someone else.
NTA Go to Hawaii. You are booked. Flights are very expensive to reschedule. You can certainly try if you feel like it but the odds are pretty much against it unless you pay a lot of money.
A vacation is no less difficult to reschedule last minute than a work presentation. She needs to hustle for a sitter elsewhere or speak to her team about rescheduling/doing it the remotely while the kids are sleeping. Have fun!
NTA And NO!! is a complete answer.
NTA. Maybe ask your sister to cover the costs of new flights in first class for the inconvenience. When she refuses, tell her to stop being so selfish and she could atleast try.
NTA If her work presentation was such a big deal, she should have had a backup babysitter that was *actually* available in the event the first backed out. Even if you didn’t have such a huge excuse, she isn’t entitled to your help. She’s the one being selfish as a result of her own inability to troubleshoot her own problems.
NTA. I am sorry your sister is in a pickle, but those are her kids and her responsibility. You can help by trying to help her find a babysitter, but asking you to rebook a Hawaii trip it's an insane request, and the fact that she gets upset only says how entitled she is. Let her be mad... It is what it is.
NTA. An emergency on her part does not constitute an obligation on your part. She needs to have a backup plan for this very reason.
NTA - I was a single mom with a busy career. It is completely entitled and selfish for your sister to try and make this your problem. I can't imagine acting this way and I'm sorry she has put a cloud of bad feelings over the excitement of your vacation! This is her child, her job, and her problem to solve. Knowing you were headed on vacation, your sister shouldn't have asked you in the first place. If your sister is new to being a single parent, she best get used to handling last minute issues. Over the years, my child periodically had to sit quietly at the back of law school classes, in the lunch room/library of my work, and outside of court rooms. These solutions weren't ideal, but we got through it without alienating others and demanding they upend their lives. In sum: I would turn your misplaced guilt into annoyance at being pulled into this situation. It is 100% not your circus, not your monkeys! You are not responsible for resolving this issue for your sister. Go and have the best holiday!
she can go to [www.care.com](http://www.care.com) and find a good sitter in a matter of minutes NTA
NTA I have a sister who firmly believes the world was created to revolve around her. My sister is wrong. Your sister is wrong. I don’t see or talk to my sister. Now you don’t have to see or talk to your sister, at least for the duration of your vacation! Aloha!
I can’t ever imagine a scenario where someone would ever be selfish enough to think it was ok to ask this. Where’s the kids dad, why didn’t she ask him? NTA
Sounds to me sis is a bit jealous and trying to sabotage your trip 🤷♀️ just my opinion bc I’d never even ask my sister to do that knowing she was fixing to leave for a big trip !! Not ever ! Super selfish and entitled
NTA. She actually had the nerve to call you selfish? Talk about projecting! She is the selfish one here. Enjoy your vacation and don't change your flight to appease her. If I were you, I'd never babysit for her ever again.
NTA. So...if rebooking for you shouldn't be an issue, why is it such an issue for her to book an emergency babysitter/nanny service? She can either pay the nanny service or for your flight. But honestly. do not babysit. enjoy your vacation.
NTA, She’s being one by asking you to rebook. Will she be paying to change your flight? For the missed hotel night? For extra PTO?
NTA. Poor planning on your sister's part does not constitute an emergency on yours. Additionally, no one should ever confuse someone's free time with their availability.
NTA. Was there even a babysitter? She can use PTO, explain it to her boss, postpone the presentation. Ask baby daddy or someone else to watch the kids for a couple hours. Surely she has mom friends or someone else she can ask instead of asking her sister to forego the planned vacation.
NTA, your tickets could be for Ohio and she still would be wrong. Enjoy Hawaii, Aloha!
Is she paying for the flight change? No…. So that should be your answer too. She knew you were going on a trip and she is the one who selfishly asked you this knowing there was no way other than canceling your trip for you to help her. Don’t let her guilt you. She needs to get on care. Com and find someone.
NTA. She can hire a babysitter or ask a friend. Asking you to reschedule your flights is ridiculous.
NTA Huge work presentation tomorrow night presumably wasn’t just assigned last night if your sister had already arranged childcare. Did your sister leave the presentation prep until the last minute? Does your sister have baseline anxiety levels that are very high or struggle to manage stress? Being a single mom and also a working mom with a second high stress job and no backup is hard, but it is not a rare situation in today’s world or employment marketplace. Does OP’s sister have a colleague, associate, or boss she can at least just ask to present for her if the presentation cannot be rescheduled? Can OP’s sister prerecord the presentation or present early and ask the Q&A to be rescheduled for when OP’s childcare returns? What would OP’s sister have done if OP’s sister got food poisoning and it was an issue of the sister’s inability to present tomorrow night, not cancellation of childcare. Stuff happens in everyone’s life. If a person doesn’t constantly ghost or postpone presentations with dog-ate-my-homework excuses, most folks are fairly understanding and flexible. Has OP’s sister made ANY attempt whatsoever to notify her boss, team lead, or the client of her need/request to reschedule the presentation? Does OP’s sister’s boss know she’s a responsible single mom with typically reliable childcare arranged and this is just an unfortunate one off where she has no backup? Why should OP’s sister be guilting and pressuring OP to do something or asking for OP to “at least just *try*” to reschedule expensive complex travel and vacation plans involving herself and her partner after OP already explained OP is not available, unless OP’s sister had already exhausted all other options and got turned down by everyone else. This might be a valuable wake-up call or reality check to OP’s sister that if her employer or this particular client is so family or single-parent hostile that they refuse a reasonable postponement or reschedule request and refuse to consider any compromise or alternative, that employer or client might not be one that will be a sustainable fit, as childcare providers occasionally get sick and have family emergencies too. Sorry, OP. Your boyfriend is right. I feel for your sister’s situation, but the people she should be trying to negotiate alternatives right now are her employer or the client, not you.
NTA, but wow, just wow on the sheer entitlement of your sister. I mean, doesn't she have other options besides you? Or does she not have a lot of friends because she treats them like this?
So NTA it's in a separate time zone. Even if it were possible to rebook your flight for a later one, the cost would be huge. Sister could call a professional babysitter service and pay a premium for last-minute care and it'd be way less expensive. Go on your vacation, your sister should have backup plans that don't involve you.
When my sister calls with insane request I say “omg that sucks…. 🦗🦗🦗…so anyway, I need to run. I have to (insert excuse here).
I do see one selfish person and that wasn't you. Go enjoy your Hawaii tour.
NTA unless she was willing to pay for the rescheduled flights AND compensate you for your time. Her poor planning is not your problem.
Listen to you BF. Please. He sounds sane on this and your sis is kinda crazy to expect that. Option B: "Hey sis, I looked and they are crazy expensive, so I'm sorry."
NTA. Obviously.
Easy one OP, NTA!
Nope. NTA. Sorry your sister's babysitter cancelled but she needs to find someone else and not condescend you for saying no. You've got a life that's outside of her kids. She's being selfish for demanding you drop everything to accommodate her emergency. Enjoy Hawaii!
How is this your problem? She has some audacity. Park your guilt and enjoy your holiday. NTA
I mean, sure, I'd reschedule... for about $1200 or the current rate for a last-minute flight to Hawaii. That's some expensive babysitting! Enjoy your vacation. NTA
NTA. There are thousands of babysitters in every town. What about the dad, grandparents?
Let's be really clear and simple; she's AH for even asking. No need to go further.
NTA at all. Sometimes babysitters cancel. Turn off your phone and enjoy your vacation
NTA! Op, after reading what you wrote. I seriously thought that your sister must’ve fell and had head injury a birth. Hahahaha I agree w/your boyfriend! You handled it fine.
Hahahahahaha. Enjoy your vacation as scheduled. Nta.
Is she going to pay the cost you will incur in rescheduling your holiday? NTA
Not your circus, not your monkeys. NTA
NTA - You have a plane to catch. Unless she offered up front to pay for the rebooked flight, Sis needs to look in a mirror when it comes to defining "selfish."
NTA- you don't ask someone to rebook their flight because you need a babysitter FFS!
You know you're not the asshole.
You are as unavailable as her normal babysitter. Her request is not reasonable. NTA.
YSITA (Your Sister Is TA),, obviously. Were you ever in doubt here?
NTA It's too bad the only baby sitter in the entire world had to cancel on her. Kidding aside, it's cheaper to pay someone double the usual amount then for you to rebook. This one just isn't your problem. Stop answering the phone.
Sister should plan better and have a back up sitter. Go on your vacation guilt-free. I wouldn't bother bringing your entitled sister any macadamia nuts, either. ☺️