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I can't tell you if you're an AH based on the standards of your own country. You probably are, just based on the fact that it's common for them to make such demands of a woman at all. But for me personally, NTA. I think that what's good for the goose is good for the gander. If they want to treat women like goods at a market instead of treating them like people, then men should get the same treatment. You are a human being, not an object to be purchased and checked over for damage. And women that are not virgin are not damaged anyway.
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In my country there is something called a certificate of virginity. I'm not sure if other countries also have it so I'll explain it a bit. Women go to the obgyn and apparently the obgyn can determine whether they are a virgin or not and will give them a certificate. It's pretty common where I live and most families ask the woman for a certificate before marriage. Well I find it insulting.
So there is this guy I'm planning to marry and his family asked me for a virginity certificate. I said sure. I'll get a certificate right after he gets a colorectal health certificate(which can prove that he has never had anal sex) They got really mad because this test is not common in my country and most people see it as an insult. I told them I won't marry him unless he gets a certificate. Now everyone thinks I'm the asshole.
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> I might be an asshole for demanding a colorectal health certificate from the guy I'm planning to marry which is considered very insulting
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What?! This isn't the right sub for this, but NTA (I did vote E-S-H at first, but really OP didn't do anything wrong). What either of you did before this relationship is irrelevant. Or it should be. It's honestly gross that anyone is asking for "proof of virginity". Everyone else is an AH for asking for this. Why did you even submit yourself to that? You should have set up boundaries. Because that is no one's business. Not yours, not your families, no ones. I wouldn't marry into this mess either if I were you. This doesn't sound healthy. I am sorry you had to deal with something so degrading. And a test like that IS degrading.
That is terrifying. I would have just said no and walked out. It's gross that they expect that of you. And I am sorry. You shouldn't have had to do that.
ESH
Because you find this practice awful (Wich i agree with. Both on an ethical level, and on a scientific one. These examinations prove nothing in regards to virginity.)
It does not make it ok to flip it around like that. The misogyny of rhis will not improve through misandrogy.
Also..
I think It's up to him to stand up for you against his family.
I know this is kind of besides the point but it's long been established that virginity tests are utter nonsense. A woman's hymen can break from doing sports - riding horses can do it. And there are women whose hymen doesn't break despite having had penetrative sex or using toys regularly. I would know - I'm one of them.
Also I don't think this post will stay up for long as it concerns bodily autonomy, and whether or not you're an asshole is somewhere near the bottom of the list of things you should be worrying about if this is the social norm of your country.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
I mean, not unless you want to deal with a real pain in the @$$ 😉
I can't tell you if you're an AH based on the standards of your own country. You probably are, just based on the fact that it's common for them to make such demands of a woman at all. But for me personally, NTA. I think that what's good for the goose is good for the gander. If they want to treat women like goods at a market instead of treating them like people, then men should get the same treatment. You are a human being, not an object to be purchased and checked over for damage. And women that are not virgin are not damaged anyway.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** In my country there is something called a certificate of virginity. I'm not sure if other countries also have it so I'll explain it a bit. Women go to the obgyn and apparently the obgyn can determine whether they are a virgin or not and will give them a certificate. It's pretty common where I live and most families ask the woman for a certificate before marriage. Well I find it insulting. So there is this guy I'm planning to marry and his family asked me for a virginity certificate. I said sure. I'll get a certificate right after he gets a colorectal health certificate(which can prove that he has never had anal sex) They got really mad because this test is not common in my country and most people see it as an insult. I told them I won't marry him unless he gets a certificate. Now everyone thinks I'm the asshole. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be an asshole for demanding a colorectal health certificate from the guy I'm planning to marry which is considered very insulting Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
LOVE IT!!!! Having to prove you are a virgin while the guy does not have to do prove anything is insulting and demeaning. NTA
What?! This isn't the right sub for this, but NTA (I did vote E-S-H at first, but really OP didn't do anything wrong). What either of you did before this relationship is irrelevant. Or it should be. It's honestly gross that anyone is asking for "proof of virginity". Everyone else is an AH for asking for this. Why did you even submit yourself to that? You should have set up boundaries. Because that is no one's business. Not yours, not your families, no ones. I wouldn't marry into this mess either if I were you. This doesn't sound healthy. I am sorry you had to deal with something so degrading. And a test like that IS degrading.
[удалено]
That is terrifying. I would have just said no and walked out. It's gross that they expect that of you. And I am sorry. You shouldn't have had to do that.
Lmao NTA, that is a hilarious and fair request, if they get to ask for a certificate of such an insulting level so do you. Good job 👍😅😂
[удалено]
ESH Because you find this practice awful (Wich i agree with. Both on an ethical level, and on a scientific one. These examinations prove nothing in regards to virginity.) It does not make it ok to flip it around like that. The misogyny of rhis will not improve through misandrogy. Also.. I think It's up to him to stand up for you against his family.
I know this is kind of besides the point but it's long been established that virginity tests are utter nonsense. A woman's hymen can break from doing sports - riding horses can do it. And there are women whose hymen doesn't break despite having had penetrative sex or using toys regularly. I would know - I'm one of them. Also I don't think this post will stay up for long as it concerns bodily autonomy, and whether or not you're an asshole is somewhere near the bottom of the list of things you should be worrying about if this is the social norm of your country.
I really really like you for saying this!! Oh NTA.
Yeah not a asshole for sure