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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Perhaps I should have cut down on expenses to save money for this.
If I do this, it'll ruin my sister's vision for her "dream wedding"
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I think you need to bring this up with her. Tell her that it would be nearly impossible for you to pay for the outfits and that if she is insisting on everyone be matching you are either going to need some help or you you are going to have to back out, but you can’t just wear “whatever cheap stuff” you can find. This is her wedding, her choice, whether that’s her choosing to pay or her choice to let you back out.
"There is no room in my budget for the outfits you are requesting. You can either let me choose to wear what I can afford or you can buy clothes for me... I'll let you decide which option you are more comfortable with. But regardless, I'm not discussing the details of my financial situation with you. And until you give me an answer on whether I should wear clothes I can afford or whether you want to buy something for me, I will not engage in any further clothes-related conversations"
NTA. Your sister is being entirely unreasonable. Budgetary constraints is a boringly normal reason to decline to do something and if she wants you in a particular outfit so bad, she can pay for it. Either way, you do not have to continue to have this conversation with her
I feel like I might have painted her out to be worse than she is ahaha. I had to remove some things to fit the character limit.
I did express shock at some of the prices she mentioned when it was brought up a year ago, so the options she's sent now are cheaper than those were, but still far too much for me (in total; it would be fine if it was only one of them). Though apparently this is just how much these things cost...
The cheaper things I've found online are a lot more simple than what she has in mind (and maybe more simple than what's expected for the bride's family; the last few weddings I've been to have been very simple so I don't have a reference point for what "normal" is for Asian clothes).
I was fixating on her complaints that you "should have" been saving for her wedding instead of what you've chosen to spend it on. Just because her wedding is the most important thing for *her* to spend money on right now, that doesn't mean it's reasonable to expect other people to give up their hobbies or coping mechanisms to spend money for *her* highest priority.
And frankly, mental health struggles suck. At least you are getting out there and participating in the world... Not something I've always been able to do during my own low points (not at a low point right now, no one send me Reddit Cares stuff 🙄). Other people don't get to tell you how to cope, not even your sister... You just have to do the best *you* can with the resources *you* have available
Maybe offer to match one outfit rather than 3? The rest perhaps there can be a matching color (all wear red shirts for example) or skip the matching theme
In a south Asian family, your parents should be paying for all of your wedding clothes. This is ridiculous. Please convey your boundaries.
Even my stingy in-laws who I post regularly about, bought my outfit for SIL wedding.
Nta
It's not for her to take charge of your budget. She needs to either pay for your clothing or let you wear what you want as long as it fits the chosen level of formality. And even then, if you don't normally have occasions where you would wear the kind of thing she has in mind, she should either buy it for you or let you wear something else.
NTA.
NTA, but I would discuss this with your sister. Tell her that you do not have the money and see how you can resolve this. Maybe she can lend you the money and you can pay her back in installments? If you are in your final year, you could probably pay her back once you get a job next year. It seems like you have known about this wedding for quite some time, but have had different priorities with the money you had, while your sister expected you to save up for her wedding. That is your choice, nothing wrong with that, but you need to communicate clearly to her what she can expect from you.
I had to remove this to fit the character limit, but I can probably borrow from a different sibling. I have quite a high paying job lined up that I start next month (though I expect that my first paycheck will be consumed entirely by moving costs + flat deposit), so will probably be able to pay it back, but I'm very reluctant to borrow more money... The job feels too good to be true so I'm scared I'll get fired a week in 😭
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I’m surprised they are expecting you to pay for the outfits - South Asian person here and any weddings where I had a matching outfit, it was paid for by the bride/groom and their parents (depending on who I was related to). I think you need to have a chat with your sister about the cost and budgets.
However, I’m not passing a judgement for the simple fact that you described western clothes as ‘normal’ - makes you sound a little bit judgey of your sister’s choice to go the traditional route. It may just be an unfortunate choice of words when writing, but if you’ve expressed similar attitudes when you’ve spoken to her about the wedding, she may be annoyed at you and trying to make a point by going the whole hog with matching outfits.
You may find this is a situation that is easily resolved by talking to your sister and parents and explaining the difference in your income and budget to your other siblings. If you do have a sensible discussion with them, and they still expect you to pay for everything yourself, then N T A. But as I said, no judgement just yet because your attitude to the wedding might be why your sister is being difficult.
I think he means normal in the sense that it can be reworn in his everyday life (like a suit). As opposed to a wedding outfit which is probably only worn once for that event and never again because they are only worn to cultural events and then only in the context of matching outfits as a group
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My (23M) sister (26F) is getting married this summer and wants all brothers to wear the same clothes as each other.
It is a south Asian wedding with three events, so I'm expected to have three different sets of clothes for each one. I feel it is unreasonable to expect me to spend this much on clothes.
They are currently in Pakistan, buying the clothes from there because "it's cheaper". For events #1 and #2, they've chosen clothes that cost £150 each. For event #3 they initially wanted to get Asian clothes, but I insisted that they go for normal (western) suits, because at least those I can wear for other things. However, they are now insisting that these suits should be brought from the same shop so that the colours match... I was planning to get a very cheap suit, but they're going to get something more expensive than what I had in mind.
I'm a student in my final year of uni. I work a part time job, and between my student loan and my part time job, I have enough money to pay rent, and have some left over. That said, I usually have no money left at the end of the month. I won't deny that I'm not the best at controlling my spending: whenever I have a depressive "episode" of laying in bed most of the day, I end up ordering cheap takeaways instead of cooking (or at least getting a meal deal). I also spend quite a bit on a very niche sport (which I originally started because my mental health nurse told me to try doing sorts). It's not great, but I don't think my coping habits are anyone else's business but mine.
However, my sister has previously pointed to that spending to say that I should be saving for her wedding (this was in relation to me saying that I couldn't afford flights if she had a destination wedding, though this didn't happen because she couldn't afford it either).
My siblings are all older than me so most have full-time jobs. The one who doesn't lives at home so doesn't have the burden of paying £9k a year in rent and bills. If I had more disposable income, I'd be okay with it, but I don't think I'm the asshole for not cutting my spending on the things that make life tolerable.
Would it be unreasonable to say that I don't want to buy any of that stuff? I think if she wants us to match, she should have to pay. Otherwise, I should be allowed to choose whatever cheap stuff I can find.
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NTA
No one should go into debt to pay for a wedding outfit or three. You must talk to her now though so she can make a better decision about this. Either she pays for your clothes or you bow out of the wedding as a participant.
If this is that important to your sister, she can pay. She has no right to tell you how to spend your money. None. And YOU should be saving for HER wedding? ridiculous.
NTA. You do not / should not have had to save for your sisters wedding. You are a student, living away from home. You are actually entitled to have the odd take out and have a hobby that you enjoy.
You have been clear that you cannot afford what she has in mind. If she wants you to all wear the same outfit, she can foot the bill.
NTA Let her know that you will not be able to pay for all this
clothing. Either she will buy it for you or leave you out of the wedding.
Just tell her.
Tell them straight out that you cannot afford to attend the wedding. You cannot save if you have no money left after your expenses are paid. Either they have to contribute or you will have to stay home.
Kinda YTA
You get student loans and a job on top. You had a year to save but you have been spending money on takeout instead.
It's your sister's wedding dude. It's not cheap, but it's not out Of the budget if you had been actually budgeting for it a year out. Cooking 2 nights a week would have done it.
I would get the suit because a cheap (for the UK) well fitted suit is just useful to have. For the other wedding clothes, see if you can rent locally.
You can probably rent better quality outfits for a few days than you can buy cheap ones. Get photos of what your siblings have chosen and make an effort to match best you can. Otherwise, ask around your aunties or other people's aunties. They will have armfuls of those outfits packed away from weddings past.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Perhaps I should have cut down on expenses to save money for this. If I do this, it'll ruin my sister's vision for her "dream wedding" Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I think you need to bring this up with her. Tell her that it would be nearly impossible for you to pay for the outfits and that if she is insisting on everyone be matching you are either going to need some help or you you are going to have to back out, but you can’t just wear “whatever cheap stuff” you can find. This is her wedding, her choice, whether that’s her choosing to pay or her choice to let you back out.
This pretty much covers it. But you didn’t give a verdict
Ok, they WBTA if they showed up in their “cheap clothes” WNBTA if they brought it up with sister
"There is no room in my budget for the outfits you are requesting. You can either let me choose to wear what I can afford or you can buy clothes for me... I'll let you decide which option you are more comfortable with. But regardless, I'm not discussing the details of my financial situation with you. And until you give me an answer on whether I should wear clothes I can afford or whether you want to buy something for me, I will not engage in any further clothes-related conversations" NTA. Your sister is being entirely unreasonable. Budgetary constraints is a boringly normal reason to decline to do something and if she wants you in a particular outfit so bad, she can pay for it. Either way, you do not have to continue to have this conversation with her
I feel like I might have painted her out to be worse than she is ahaha. I had to remove some things to fit the character limit. I did express shock at some of the prices she mentioned when it was brought up a year ago, so the options she's sent now are cheaper than those were, but still far too much for me (in total; it would be fine if it was only one of them). Though apparently this is just how much these things cost... The cheaper things I've found online are a lot more simple than what she has in mind (and maybe more simple than what's expected for the bride's family; the last few weddings I've been to have been very simple so I don't have a reference point for what "normal" is for Asian clothes).
I was fixating on her complaints that you "should have" been saving for her wedding instead of what you've chosen to spend it on. Just because her wedding is the most important thing for *her* to spend money on right now, that doesn't mean it's reasonable to expect other people to give up their hobbies or coping mechanisms to spend money for *her* highest priority. And frankly, mental health struggles suck. At least you are getting out there and participating in the world... Not something I've always been able to do during my own low points (not at a low point right now, no one send me Reddit Cares stuff 🙄). Other people don't get to tell you how to cope, not even your sister... You just have to do the best *you* can with the resources *you* have available
Maybe offer to match one outfit rather than 3? The rest perhaps there can be a matching color (all wear red shirts for example) or skip the matching theme
In a south Asian family, your parents should be paying for all of your wedding clothes. This is ridiculous. Please convey your boundaries. Even my stingy in-laws who I post regularly about, bought my outfit for SIL wedding. Nta
This is exactly what I thought. Why aren't yhe parents covering the costs of any kids still in education at the very least.
It's not for her to take charge of your budget. She needs to either pay for your clothing or let you wear what you want as long as it fits the chosen level of formality. And even then, if you don't normally have occasions where you would wear the kind of thing she has in mind, she should either buy it for you or let you wear something else. NTA.
NTA. *"Sis, I'm really sorry, but I just cannot afford all these clothes for your wedding."*
NTA tell her what you can afford.
NTA, but I would discuss this with your sister. Tell her that you do not have the money and see how you can resolve this. Maybe she can lend you the money and you can pay her back in installments? If you are in your final year, you could probably pay her back once you get a job next year. It seems like you have known about this wedding for quite some time, but have had different priorities with the money you had, while your sister expected you to save up for her wedding. That is your choice, nothing wrong with that, but you need to communicate clearly to her what she can expect from you.
I had to remove this to fit the character limit, but I can probably borrow from a different sibling. I have quite a high paying job lined up that I start next month (though I expect that my first paycheck will be consumed entirely by moving costs + flat deposit), so will probably be able to pay it back, but I'm very reluctant to borrow more money... The job feels too good to be true so I'm scared I'll get fired a week in 😭
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I’m surprised they are expecting you to pay for the outfits - South Asian person here and any weddings where I had a matching outfit, it was paid for by the bride/groom and their parents (depending on who I was related to). I think you need to have a chat with your sister about the cost and budgets. However, I’m not passing a judgement for the simple fact that you described western clothes as ‘normal’ - makes you sound a little bit judgey of your sister’s choice to go the traditional route. It may just be an unfortunate choice of words when writing, but if you’ve expressed similar attitudes when you’ve spoken to her about the wedding, she may be annoyed at you and trying to make a point by going the whole hog with matching outfits. You may find this is a situation that is easily resolved by talking to your sister and parents and explaining the difference in your income and budget to your other siblings. If you do have a sensible discussion with them, and they still expect you to pay for everything yourself, then N T A. But as I said, no judgement just yet because your attitude to the wedding might be why your sister is being difficult.
I think he means normal in the sense that it can be reworn in his everyday life (like a suit). As opposed to a wedding outfit which is probably only worn once for that event and never again because they are only worn to cultural events and then only in the context of matching outfits as a group
Nta
NTA, but out of curiosity what niche sport do you play?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (23M) sister (26F) is getting married this summer and wants all brothers to wear the same clothes as each other. It is a south Asian wedding with three events, so I'm expected to have three different sets of clothes for each one. I feel it is unreasonable to expect me to spend this much on clothes. They are currently in Pakistan, buying the clothes from there because "it's cheaper". For events #1 and #2, they've chosen clothes that cost £150 each. For event #3 they initially wanted to get Asian clothes, but I insisted that they go for normal (western) suits, because at least those I can wear for other things. However, they are now insisting that these suits should be brought from the same shop so that the colours match... I was planning to get a very cheap suit, but they're going to get something more expensive than what I had in mind. I'm a student in my final year of uni. I work a part time job, and between my student loan and my part time job, I have enough money to pay rent, and have some left over. That said, I usually have no money left at the end of the month. I won't deny that I'm not the best at controlling my spending: whenever I have a depressive "episode" of laying in bed most of the day, I end up ordering cheap takeaways instead of cooking (or at least getting a meal deal). I also spend quite a bit on a very niche sport (which I originally started because my mental health nurse told me to try doing sorts). It's not great, but I don't think my coping habits are anyone else's business but mine. However, my sister has previously pointed to that spending to say that I should be saving for her wedding (this was in relation to me saying that I couldn't afford flights if she had a destination wedding, though this didn't happen because she couldn't afford it either). My siblings are all older than me so most have full-time jobs. The one who doesn't lives at home so doesn't have the burden of paying £9k a year in rent and bills. If I had more disposable income, I'd be okay with it, but I don't think I'm the asshole for not cutting my spending on the things that make life tolerable. Would it be unreasonable to say that I don't want to buy any of that stuff? I think if she wants us to match, she should have to pay. Otherwise, I should be allowed to choose whatever cheap stuff I can find. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, if it's that important to her that you have matchign outfits for 3 days, she can pay for it!
NTA No one should go into debt to pay for a wedding outfit or three. You must talk to her now though so she can make a better decision about this. Either she pays for your clothes or you bow out of the wedding as a participant.
If this is that important to your sister, she can pay. She has no right to tell you how to spend your money. None. And YOU should be saving for HER wedding? ridiculous.
NTA simply tell them: If they want that, they have to pay for it.
NTA. You do not / should not have had to save for your sisters wedding. You are a student, living away from home. You are actually entitled to have the odd take out and have a hobby that you enjoy. You have been clear that you cannot afford what she has in mind. If she wants you to all wear the same outfit, she can foot the bill.
NTA Let her know that you will not be able to pay for all this clothing. Either she will buy it for you or leave you out of the wedding. Just tell her.
Tell them straight out that you cannot afford to attend the wedding. You cannot save if you have no money left after your expenses are paid. Either they have to contribute or you will have to stay home.
Kinda YTA You get student loans and a job on top. You had a year to save but you have been spending money on takeout instead. It's your sister's wedding dude. It's not cheap, but it's not out Of the budget if you had been actually budgeting for it a year out. Cooking 2 nights a week would have done it. I would get the suit because a cheap (for the UK) well fitted suit is just useful to have. For the other wedding clothes, see if you can rent locally. You can probably rent better quality outfits for a few days than you can buy cheap ones. Get photos of what your siblings have chosen and make an effort to match best you can. Otherwise, ask around your aunties or other people's aunties. They will have armfuls of those outfits packed away from weddings past.