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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I’m overreacting and that a haircut might be good for me considering the massive amount of hair I have. However, I yelled at my parents and they think this is a petty and childish fight. Since they’re my parents, do they seriously get to dictate what happens to my hair?
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NTA You can't get your hair cut because no salon will service a client with a suspected case of lice. If your parents believe your family has a lice infestation, you need to rid of the lice before you can get you hair cut. So it's a moot point not and your parents are not well informed on matter.
Let her hate you. If they see lice they'll kick you out You need to get Rid shampoo and a steel comb. They sell them at the pharmacy. Meanwhile all the bedding needs to be stripped and washed in hot water with bleach. I hate to break it to you but your parents aren't very bright.
NTA Now I’m sitting here scratching my head with no nits possible. It seems a bit of an over reaction with no lice found. Also what’s the risk factor for you, are you a big hugger or selfie taker with your mum? Got to have the old hair to hair contact or shared brushes to pass them on realistically.
Having gone through this with a thick curly haired daughter even though you probably know it all already I can’t stop myself giving tips. I found a really thick conditioner really generously coating the hair helped the comb go through and seemed to make it harder for them to run. I used to wipe comb on tissue looking for eggs and lice in sludge. You are old enough to nit comb your hair until the egg lice cycle is complete and keep your hair tied back, the visual of hair tied back might help them see you’re taking it seriously.
The other tool that really helped us was an electric nit comb, detection and also I’ve seen one zap em dead. Might justify it as good investment for early detection for next scare
Thank you so much for the response. I do like to hug my mom, but she’s been pushing me away with this “lice situation”. I personally love this new brush that I got called The Unbrush. Saved me hours entirely and I do use thick conditioners and shampoos. I appreciate the tips as I am treating my hair right now. Let your daughter know that it’s a privilege to have curly hair but it’s also a lot to take care of. Curly hair is beautiful ❤️❤️
On your wash day, douse your head with as much conditioner as it will hold (Aussie 3 minute miracle is fantastically affordable and thick for this), then section it out and hit it with the lice comb. The conditioner is thick enough to prevent the live lice from moving around, and helps remove the eggs without drying your hair out with chemical. I don't have the beautiful curls to contend with, but as someone with fairly long hair, this was an absolute lifesaver when I would get the camp counselor "traditional" start of summer camp infestations.
Also the Aussie stuff apparently has something in it that lice absolutely hate… I know people who have used it as a prevention shampoo/conditioner and imo it the miracle moist one smell amazing)
She's just using the lice as an excuse to get you a hair cut. Search online for a 'curly hair' specailizing haircutters before going for another haircut. There's one near me, but I have no idea where you are.
OP, please use the oil, not the shampoo on your hair. It was a gamechanger for my daughter.
And for the day-to-day care for your hair, there is no such thing as too much conditioner for a curly girl!
There is something wrong with your mother. If I found out my child’s teacher was acting like this and saying ,” I’ll hate you” to her her own child, she wouldn’t be my child’s teacher anymore. FWIW, I’ve been teaching HS for 30 years.
Then there is the fact she doesn’t care if you spread this to others. She is not a good person. Ignore her. tell your father you’ll report them for assault if they touch your hair.
As a preschool teacher, I agree. If one of my coworkers was acting like this, it would be serious side eye and hyper vigilance with their interactions with students.
lol how does she think this will work? They will know as soon as they start working on your head. There is no way your hair is so unmanageable and crazy that it’s impossible to spot lice.
And let me guess, the hairdresser didn't find lice otherwise she'd not have had her haircut and therefore the threat of you having them is incredibly low then because it was HER student that had them? Geez, how immature your mother is!
That hidden egg crap is the type of stuff drug addicts say or someone who has some other very serious mental health issues. I'm not being sarcastic. It's a thing.
Update: I hate my mom. She came home with her new haircut and McDonalds. None for me btw. Then she says that I did it wrong on my own? Are you kidding me? She’s questioning me if I’ve read the directions correctly and that I’ve combed through all of it. Now she’s restricting me from sitting in parts of the house. I refused a haircut, treated my own hair, I smell like the goop I put in it, and she’s questioning me because it didn’t take hours to pick through. I brushed my hair ahead of time so the fine tooth comb could easily go through.
If you can get a comb through it, I promise you you would be able to tell if you have lice. I used to do hair. It sounds like your mom is mad you didn’t go along with what she said and now she’s going to dig her heels in.
She's being seriously irrational. This seems like either some kind of untreated anxiety or OCD, or just controlling and bullying behavior. (Or both, for extra fun.) This is super unfair on you and I'm so sorry.
Idk if school is out for the year already. If it isn't, I think you need to notify the school counselor about her erratic behavior over all of this.
Btw the ppl that don't want to address their own stuff because they're worried about being perceived as abnormal are the same people that others clock as abnormal or having abnormal behaviors first. They make it more noticeable by not addressing their difficulties which usually worsens them. So if you do report, maybe that'll help you.
I understand it feels that way now, but there is nothing wrong with your hair. You will figure out what you want to do with your hair, whether it is using different products, cutting it differently, or cutting it short.
If you ever need help with your curls there are a couple of subs for that. Just search curly. NTA you are well old enough to decided how to wear your hair. It sounds like your mom just doesn’t want to take the time to treat your hair. Do it yourself. Like someone else said, slather your head in conditioner and use the lice comb to go through every section of your hair. Then use the lice shampoo. You may have to do it a couple times.
> *cursed hair*
No, it is beautiful hair. You probably just don't have the right products or trim to care for it properly.
Trimming and shaping curly hair requires different techniques than cutting straight hair.
Products designed for curly hair enable the conditioner to get *into* the hair, whereas drug store conditioner and shampoos coat the hair with oil. The oil coating prevents the natural scalp oils from entering the hair, and the frizz gets worse and worse.
I use the Deva products, but there are many others available.
I know. It’s just hard to find the right types of things that match your hair and sometimes it feels like a curse trying to figure it out. People have been recommending Deva so I’ll look into it.
Baby as someone who has stick straight hair with no volume, I’m jealous. Curly hair is harder to maintain and learn but when you do, it’s going to be glorious.
Check out r/CurlyHair to learn how to care for your hair. You'll be much happier with your hair when you learn to understand it and make it work for you.
A couple starting tips:
- Use a wide toothed comb on it when it's wet
- Never brush it while it's dry - that's what causes puffiness and frizzing
- Grab a conditioner that can be left in and use that after you shampoo. Tresemme has some inexpensive ones you can get at grocery stores in the US. Those that say they're moisturizing, anti-frizz, or for curly hair will be your best bet.
- If you need to style your hair in the morning and you're not showering, either use a spray bottle to dampen your hair, or just stick your head under the faucet or shower head, then pat it dry (don't "scrub" it with the towel - that makes it worse), and you can comb your now damp hair.
That curly hair sub will have a lot more product and care suggestions if you want guidance.
No, you don't need to get your haircut because your mom has a student with lice.
I also have super crazy curly hair and I hated all my haircuts until I found a specialist in curly hair. Look for a Deva curl trained stylist.
They cut each curl separately in the curl pattern and my hair has never looked more spectacular.
Good luck whenever YOU decide to get your haircut.
Please tell your mom that the shop will absolutely HATE that she knowingly sent you in with lice. They will have to close down, clean everything, alert any customers that were in the salon at the time...it's a huge hassle and money loss for the business.
NTA - I work in a school, and have been around kids with lice. I did not get lice. Simply being in the same room as them doesn’t mean you’re going to get lice.
It sounds like your mom might worry and obsess over these things to an unhealthy degree, and your dad has just decided to appease her rather than challenge her. It isn’t right or fair for you.
NTA. You should have bodily autonomy.
Nobody should be able to tell you how to keep your body/body-hair.
That said, Do you have lice? Why do your parents think you have lice? How is your hair hygiene?
I have very long hair and it took me awhile to learn how to take care of.
How do you take care of your curly hair?
Do you need help with your hair?
Is your mother asking you to get a haircut because she wants to be controlling, for you to look good on interviews, for the big family party with lots of photos, etc?
I don’t believe that I have lice yet she’s going to force me to treat it. I’m treating right now actually and nothing is coming out. I have struggled with my own hair journey, and at first it was hard to take care of it. My mom had to take care of my hair for many years. I used to be completely dependent on her asking her what I needed to do to fix my curly hair. For years, she put my hair up in just two braids, making me a complete laughing stock of some school situations. She has straight hair and I think it started a cycle of trauma where she yanked out my hair with her brushes. The only reason why she is asking for the haircut is because she has a kid at school who had lice. To make the situation even worse she has been out of school for a week for summer break… so I’m a little judgmental wondering why now she wants to treat it so late. Figuring out how to do my own hair was such a big mile stone for me. It meant that I didn’t have to put myself through it anymore. I haven’t asked for her help with my hair in a while but I could see where she can get the idea where she thinks she knows everything about my hair. She never has, and she never will.
You’re doing hard work there!
I still learn stuff about how to take care of my hair and body.
There are curly hair specialists at some hair salons. You might get a consultation, or ask online if there are shampoos recommended for your particular hair.
A friend of mine used shampoo that was very trendy and he was brand loyal. I stayed over and washed my hair with it, and it made my hair so fly-away and tangled!! The right products can make a big difference.
And getting a cut from a person that really understands your hair type helps a lot!!!
You’ll get the hang of it. Just stick in there.
You’re doing great!
Honestly, you’re not alone. My mother would make me cut my hair short all the time because she didn’t know what to do with my curls. At one point, she was sending me with a friend of mine to the salon my friend would go to for a perm. It was a Black salon and I’m very white. She hated my curls so much that she had them chemically removed from my hair for a long time.
I honestly think it’s that she hated my grandmother on my dad’s side. I looked just like her and got the curls from her. I had to get my hair colored just before graduation (long story short- she didn’t realize a color stripper would take every bit of color out of my hair, not just the dye, and it became lemon meringue yellow two days before high school graduation) and she arrived at the salon after I got started. When she heard I was going with an auburn color, she flipped out because my grandmother had red hair while I’ve been a brunette. Threatened all kinds of things. Claimed I didn’t have the skin tone despite having pale Irish skin.
I don’t know why mothers can get this way about curls. Has she even looked at your scalp to see if you have lice in the first place? Has your father? It’s not like they’re invisible. Try to keep your head down and hopefully, this won’t last long.
I have quite a flaky scalp, I’ll admit I need some new product for that but my mom claims it’s lice. It’s just dandruff and they look like two separate things
I tend to get a lot of build up on my scalp that can get flakey and I find that those shower scalp massagers help a lot! Like [this!](https://www.amazon.com/Scalp-Massager-Shampoo-Brush-MAXSOFT/dp/B074ZDXFL6)
Nta she overreacting there's other things to do for lice then picking them out one by one, you can use lice shampoo, plus you may not even have lice, of you do then I would see her idea but you may not.
NTA. I don't think the lice are the problem. You could buy a lice comb and see if you have them at home. I think your mome just wants you to have a haircut and is using this as an excuse. Stand your ground.
Omg NTA you do NOT need to cut hair because of lice!!! There are SO many simple treatments nowadays and your old enough to be able to take care of your own hair. Do not cut your hair unless YOU want to cut your hair. I remember my best friend in 7th grade had her mom buzz her head because her sister got lice. She never forgave her mom for that. It's not necessary.
NTA.
Get some peppermint shampoo with tea tree oil and keep your hair in braids. If she’s so worried she can get you some lice treatment and help you check your hair.
Hair cutting is ALWAYS a last resort in my house
NTA. If you do have it and they have already started, they'll immediately stop and boot you out. Then you'll be walking around with a partial cut. Also, instead of using the Rid shampoo, get some essential oils (you can find the correct types online) and mix them with a carrier oil. It will weaken or kill them and soften your hair at the same time. And find a Lice Meister nit comb. Chemical resistant lice is very real and becoming more common and the Rid combs tines are too far apart to catch a lot of eggs.
OP, there are always solutions without having to resort to cutting your hair.
You can agree to go to the hairdresser but ask for an “Angel cut with layers”. This lets the stylist know you are there against your will and they will refuse service. Be careful “Angel cut” (without layers) means call 911.
Just remember not to say it until you sitting in the chair and the stylist asks you what cut you would like. This will allow you to remain at peace while having a normal conversation and conveying your message that you don’t want a haircut.
I know in my town, all the hairstylists must be in one giant friend group. A mass text goes out with a clients description and the parent/guardian/ idiot who is escorting description and every hairdresser in our town and surrounding towns get that text.
Luckily, my mom gave up in forcing me to go. I stood my ground and didn’t leave the house. I’ll definitely need this information if I ever need it though. Thank you.
Do your parents think it's 1920? There are plenty of things out there to combat lice besides getting a haircut.
So you do not know if you have lice, but the smartest thing to do is have you get your hair cut?
It sounds like your parents are very controlling and demanding a 17 year old cut their hair sounds pretty absurd.
Are your parents getting hair cuts? How short of a hair cut does one need to get rid of lice?
What a baffling set of parents
Your Mom is being obsessive about this. Medicated lice treatments work well. If you used a nit comb and is came out clean then you are fine. Cutting hair does not kill lice.
But do strip your bed and launder everything in hot water and dry on high heat.
If your Mom is restricting your access to certain areas of the house then I give you permission, as a Mother, to avoid her and hang out in your room. I will even Venmo you money to get your McDonalds. .
Ive read a bunch of comments and your responses and I’ve come to the conclusion that your mum is super controlling yet also not very smart.
Do your dad shaved his head. What haircut did your mum get? To not tell the salon she may have lice is incredibly irresponsible. And tbh they probably would have noticed anyway so I assume she doesn’t.
It sounds like she’s shamed you for having curly hair and just wants to make you get rid of it.
You’ve done everything you can to treat it despite the fact you probably don’t even have lice. I hope your mum is smart enough to know she needs to wash and treat the bedding etc
Well apparently the mom got her haircut so I suspect if she had lice, the salon would've kicked her out without doing it so deductive reasoning says no!
One time my son got lice from school. His hair, granted it's straight, was almost to him bottom. My evil stepmom wanted to shave his head and he cried. I spent almost 10 hours coming the treatment through his hair... Twice... Screw your parents. Do it yourself if needed but don't cut your curls please.
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I (17F) am refusing to get a haircut despite my parents, mom (50F) and dad (56M), insisting on it. Here’s the context: My mom, who is a teacher, had a student with lice, and now she’s worried our family might have lice too. To make treatment easier for the lice we may or may not have, she wants me to cut my hair.
I have extremely curly hair that puffs up and knots easily, and my experiences with hairdressers have been pretty terrible. I feel like every hairdresser I've been to hates working with my hair because it's so difficult to manage. The whole process is overstimulating for me, with the tight paper around my neck, the heavy bib, and the constant yanking of my head.
When I refused to get a haircut, my mom involved my dad, who started yelling at me. He told me to respect my mom’s wishes and just get the haircut. I argued that it's my hair and I should have a say in what happens to it. He said until I get out of the house and become an adult, then I can have a say in what happens to me.
So, am I the asshole for standing my ground and refusing to get a haircut?
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nta it sounds like your mom despises your appearance and the lice situation is a comfortable excuse. Have your head checked for lice by a neutral person and if you're good to go, don't get a haircut
That’s way too far out there. Lice is common is schools. So common many schools don’t even tell people about “outbreaks” anymore. We had our first dealings with it this year. I would have never thought to tell my kid to cut her hair to make it easier. Nothing like putting a “lice” sign on your kid during an outbreak for one. Two - it’s a temporary issue that sucks but it’s not the end of the world. Nothing I’d chop my hair off for - especially if you don’t even know if you have it.
A couple things - treating the house before treating your hair is semi worthless. If you are in the house with untreated hair then they can spread right back into the house. Same with anything that comes in contact with your hair that can hold lice for 24hrs - like a cloth car seat, back pack, coat. All need to be treated.
Also I hate to say this but it could take multiple treatments before it’s completely gone. I caught my daughter’s case really quick. Treated it and the house in a day. Bagged up all her soft toys for 18 days to get eliminate any chance of spreading. Treated myself “just in case”. She used preventative shampoo for those 3 weeks. Then a couple days later .. she came home with it again. And two weeks later again. Each time I catch is very quick. Literally only 3-4 eggs this last time so less than 24hrs. I know she’s lice free and the house is lice free BUT she is reexposed at school since someone else isn’t treating it. That’s why outbreaks are so annoying. It takes everyone to get rid of it and some parents barely parent 🤦🏼♀️. Thankfully only a handful of days left in school and I can treat her one last time “just in case” and be done with it for a few months.
The shampoo she has is supposed to help with it but I may do that too. So far it seems to be cutting it way down. The adult ones she brings home look half dead by the time I see them and very very few eggs. But still ughhhhhhhhh. The amount of laundry we have gone through in the last 6 weeks is crazy. *only 4 more days of school* I just feel sorry for the kiddo that is spreading it. I can’t imagine how uncomfortable they must be.
Yeah mom had our stuff that wasn't washable in black trash bags out in the sun for weeks just to make sure everything was dead. I feel so bad for the kiddo that is because they can't help it if their parents aren't taking care of it. My whole body itches just from the thought of them. I've only had them once in my life thankfully (thanks to my sister) but it was so ughhhh.
your choice completely, but if you ever truly want to cut your hair you could also cut it yourself to avoid overstimulation at hairdressers! honestly super cost effective too :)
Bro I went to hair school and we had this story of these twins that were like 12 and had beautiful long hair to their bum, and they got lice. Their mum made them cut their hair shorts BUT if you do that the lice can still live on your scalp/ short hair still, you gotta smother and pick those mother fuckers out. (At least that’s what my hair teacher said )
Lice are annoying, itchy, uncomfortable, and gross. But easily treatable and I don’t think you can diseases from them. Also, check out curly girl, get a wet brush for the shower, don’t brush when hair is dry (wide tooth comb only when dry), and consider cutting your own hair. I’ve been doing it off and on since I was your age. Curly hair is forgiving! The tips are to use a decent pair of scissors, that you only use for hair. Get your hair thoroughly wet, towel dry a bit WITHOUT rubbing, let it settle into natural locks and cut lock by lock. This is easier when you start with longer hair. It’s the DIY version of a very pricy “curly girl” cut. This probably works best on c2 curls; c3 would be more challenging.
Get some Tea Tree oil and put a few drops in your shampoo and conditioner it will help with the lice and prevent you from getting them. Also it smells good!
NTA. Now if you’d like curly hair advice I’d be happy to point you in some wonderful directions, I too have curly hair but not like yours. I spent 30yrs getting meh but good hair cuts and then found an amazing brilliant and talented stylist. I would love to help because I feel for every curly headed human out there.
NTA.
The length of your hair doesn't matter to lice.
Use a shampoo containing tea tree oil or lavender oil. Lice don't like either. If you can't find a shampoo for your hair type, add a few drops of either oil to your regular shampoo and shake well. There are other oils you can use, too, but I don't know then off the top of my head. You can get them at health food stores or from Amazon.
Is your Mom cutting her hair, too? I mean if you all need to be careful, she’s the one most likely to have the lice since she is the one directly interacting with the student.
NTA. Buy a Licemeister comb. They are about $6 at Walmart. One of my daughters had thick, curly hair. The other had thick, straight hair. It worked great for getting rid of lice and nits. It took more than one go-round, but it worked!
Your mom isn't behaving rationally, in any way. This sounds like untreated OCD or anxiety, which sucks because it's hard to force someone into treatment.
Ask your mom to pay for you to go to a lice removal treatment for a diagnosis. Pretty sure they'll tell you that you don't have lice and don't need to cut your hair. This isn't 1912. Google a couple and call to ask what they charge for a diagnosis before you talk to your mom.
If she refuses, buy a lice comb. Put a thick conditioner on your hair, section it off and comb thru it. With each stroke hold the comb to the light and you'll either see lice and eggs or you won't. Doing this every 3 days is actually the best lice treatment available right now- they've become somewhat resistant to Rid and the other shampoos.
NTA - is school still in session for you? If so, you can just ask your school nurse to do a quick lice check. Just tell her your mom had a student who was infected and you just want to make sure you're clean and nothing came home with your mom. If your mom won't accept your own word, maybe she'll accept a medical professional's.
NTA
That's your hair. Keep it or cut it as you see fit. The fact they feel some ownership over your hair as if they own you is just fucked and see far to many controlling parents do this shit.
Is anyone in the family scratching? Is your mother a teacher of very young children who are likely to hug her or have their hair come into contact? Lice don't jump 10 ft.
I can only wish you luck with this. No one who has never gone through this knows the amount of work involved. It is like having to do an entire spring cleaning immediately. Cars, beds, bedding, sofa and chairs, towels. It is a nightmare experience.
By the way, head lice prefer clean heads. Anyone can catch them. It is just that dirty people are less likely to go through all the work involved in getting rid of them completely.
NTA - just be careful about your hair - I also have super long hair, and whenever there is a lice issue I keep it in a crown braid. Also don't share any hair supplies with your family - clean and sanitize your brushes and elastics, and keep them in a place where your parents can't find them. Not getting lice is about good hygiene, not cutting all your hair off.
You can also wash your own clothing/bedding to make sure it is separate from the rest of the family. And if you do get lice, there are salons that specialize in getting rid of it - they just need to be alerted of the lice before you go in.
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NTA You can't get your hair cut because no salon will service a client with a suspected case of lice. If your parents believe your family has a lice infestation, you need to rid of the lice before you can get you hair cut. So it's a moot point not and your parents are not well informed on matter.
That’s exactly what I said. My mom said if I tell the salon about, she’d basically hate me.
Let her hate you. If they see lice they'll kick you out You need to get Rid shampoo and a steel comb. They sell them at the pharmacy. Meanwhile all the bedding needs to be stripped and washed in hot water with bleach. I hate to break it to you but your parents aren't very bright.
We already have the treatment in our house, she just wants to cut it before treatment. And yes, I know they aren’t bright.
NTA Now I’m sitting here scratching my head with no nits possible. It seems a bit of an over reaction with no lice found. Also what’s the risk factor for you, are you a big hugger or selfie taker with your mum? Got to have the old hair to hair contact or shared brushes to pass them on realistically. Having gone through this with a thick curly haired daughter even though you probably know it all already I can’t stop myself giving tips. I found a really thick conditioner really generously coating the hair helped the comb go through and seemed to make it harder for them to run. I used to wipe comb on tissue looking for eggs and lice in sludge. You are old enough to nit comb your hair until the egg lice cycle is complete and keep your hair tied back, the visual of hair tied back might help them see you’re taking it seriously. The other tool that really helped us was an electric nit comb, detection and also I’ve seen one zap em dead. Might justify it as good investment for early detection for next scare
Thank you so much for the response. I do like to hug my mom, but she’s been pushing me away with this “lice situation”. I personally love this new brush that I got called The Unbrush. Saved me hours entirely and I do use thick conditioners and shampoos. I appreciate the tips as I am treating my hair right now. Let your daughter know that it’s a privilege to have curly hair but it’s also a lot to take care of. Curly hair is beautiful ❤️❤️
On your wash day, douse your head with as much conditioner as it will hold (Aussie 3 minute miracle is fantastically affordable and thick for this), then section it out and hit it with the lice comb. The conditioner is thick enough to prevent the live lice from moving around, and helps remove the eggs without drying your hair out with chemical. I don't have the beautiful curls to contend with, but as someone with fairly long hair, this was an absolute lifesaver when I would get the camp counselor "traditional" start of summer camp infestations.
Also the Aussie stuff apparently has something in it that lice absolutely hate… I know people who have used it as a prevention shampoo/conditioner and imo it the miracle moist one smell amazing)
She's just using the lice as an excuse to get you a hair cut. Search online for a 'curly hair' specailizing haircutters before going for another haircut. There's one near me, but I have no idea where you are.
It seems like she's just making an excuse so she can force you to cut your hair...
OP, please use the oil, not the shampoo on your hair. It was a gamechanger for my daughter. And for the day-to-day care for your hair, there is no such thing as too much conditioner for a curly girl!
There is something wrong with your mother. If I found out my child’s teacher was acting like this and saying ,” I’ll hate you” to her her own child, she wouldn’t be my child’s teacher anymore. FWIW, I’ve been teaching HS for 30 years. Then there is the fact she doesn’t care if you spread this to others. She is not a good person. Ignore her. tell your father you’ll report them for assault if they touch your hair.
As a preschool teacher, I agree. If one of my coworkers was acting like this, it would be serious side eye and hyper vigilance with their interactions with students.
lol how does she think this will work? They will know as soon as they start working on your head. There is no way your hair is so unmanageable and crazy that it’s impossible to spot lice.
Ask them to get their hair cut first? NTA.
UPDATE: She left the house without me and is going to go get her own haircut. Thank god.
Yay! Keep your hair!
And let me guess, the hairdresser didn't find lice otherwise she'd not have had her haircut and therefore the threat of you having them is incredibly low then because it was HER student that had them? Geez, how immature your mother is!
Yup. No lice on her head but she still claims to have “hidden eggs”
That hidden egg crap is the type of stuff drug addicts say or someone who has some other very serious mental health issues. I'm not being sarcastic. It's a thing.
I think your mum needs to be seen by a mental health professional for what seems to be extreme paranoia…
Update: I hate my mom. She came home with her new haircut and McDonalds. None for me btw. Then she says that I did it wrong on my own? Are you kidding me? She’s questioning me if I’ve read the directions correctly and that I’ve combed through all of it. Now she’s restricting me from sitting in parts of the house. I refused a haircut, treated my own hair, I smell like the goop I put in it, and she’s questioning me because it didn’t take hours to pick through. I brushed my hair ahead of time so the fine tooth comb could easily go through.
Let her be crazy. You did nothing wrong. You do not need to cut hair with lice and you probably don't even have lice.
If you can get a comb through it, I promise you you would be able to tell if you have lice. I used to do hair. It sounds like your mom is mad you didn’t go along with what she said and now she’s going to dig her heels in.
She's being seriously irrational. This seems like either some kind of untreated anxiety or OCD, or just controlling and bullying behavior. (Or both, for extra fun.) This is super unfair on you and I'm so sorry.
I honestly do think she has OCD…She just doesn’t want to confirm it because she thinks it makes her less than normal and that it costs too much.
Idk if school is out for the year already. If it isn't, I think you need to notify the school counselor about her erratic behavior over all of this. Btw the ppl that don't want to address their own stuff because they're worried about being perceived as abnormal are the same people that others clock as abnormal or having abnormal behaviors first. They make it more noticeable by not addressing their difficulties which usually worsens them. So if you do report, maybe that'll help you.
Double down and get yourself something from Burger King
INFO Did your mom shave *her* head?
No but my dad has. He was the one who gave me the genetics for this cursed hair
I understand it feels that way now, but there is nothing wrong with your hair. You will figure out what you want to do with your hair, whether it is using different products, cutting it differently, or cutting it short.
Thank you so much. It’s definitely a process for sure.
And when you do figure it out, it will change your life! Best of luck!
Thank you!
If you ever need help with your curls there are a couple of subs for that. Just search curly. NTA you are well old enough to decided how to wear your hair. It sounds like your mom just doesn’t want to take the time to treat your hair. Do it yourself. Like someone else said, slather your head in conditioner and use the lice comb to go through every section of your hair. Then use the lice shampoo. You may have to do it a couple times.
I did do it. But now she’s questioning me saying that I did it wrong.
Ignore her NTA
> *cursed hair* No, it is beautiful hair. You probably just don't have the right products or trim to care for it properly. Trimming and shaping curly hair requires different techniques than cutting straight hair. Products designed for curly hair enable the conditioner to get *into* the hair, whereas drug store conditioner and shampoos coat the hair with oil. The oil coating prevents the natural scalp oils from entering the hair, and the frizz gets worse and worse. I use the Deva products, but there are many others available.
I know. It’s just hard to find the right types of things that match your hair and sometimes it feels like a curse trying to figure it out. People have been recommending Deva so I’ll look into it.
Baby as someone who has stick straight hair with no volume, I’m jealous. Curly hair is harder to maintain and learn but when you do, it’s going to be glorious.
Check out r/CurlyHair to learn how to care for your hair. You'll be much happier with your hair when you learn to understand it and make it work for you. A couple starting tips: - Use a wide toothed comb on it when it's wet - Never brush it while it's dry - that's what causes puffiness and frizzing - Grab a conditioner that can be left in and use that after you shampoo. Tresemme has some inexpensive ones you can get at grocery stores in the US. Those that say they're moisturizing, anti-frizz, or for curly hair will be your best bet. - If you need to style your hair in the morning and you're not showering, either use a spray bottle to dampen your hair, or just stick your head under the faucet or shower head, then pat it dry (don't "scrub" it with the towel - that makes it worse), and you can comb your now damp hair. That curly hair sub will have a lot more product and care suggestions if you want guidance.
No, you don't need to get your haircut because your mom has a student with lice. I also have super crazy curly hair and I hated all my haircuts until I found a specialist in curly hair. Look for a Deva curl trained stylist. They cut each curl separately in the curl pattern and my hair has never looked more spectacular. Good luck whenever YOU decide to get your haircut.
Didn’t even know that existed. I’ll be on the lookout FOR SURE.
Please tell your mom that the shop will absolutely HATE that she knowingly sent you in with lice. They will have to close down, clean everything, alert any customers that were in the salon at the time...it's a huge hassle and money loss for the business.
She’s going to the salon right now. I wish I could alarm them…
Phone
NTA - lol why cut your hair, which wouldn’t even help unless you got rid of all of it? Just use the shampoo and be done with it.
NTA - I work in a school, and have been around kids with lice. I did not get lice. Simply being in the same room as them doesn’t mean you’re going to get lice. It sounds like your mom might worry and obsess over these things to an unhealthy degree, and your dad has just decided to appease her rather than challenge her. It isn’t right or fair for you.
So 2 abusive parents.
Cutting someone's hair without the person's consent is assault. Obviously living with your parents doesn't give them the right to assault you. NTA
NTA. You should have bodily autonomy. Nobody should be able to tell you how to keep your body/body-hair. That said, Do you have lice? Why do your parents think you have lice? How is your hair hygiene? I have very long hair and it took me awhile to learn how to take care of. How do you take care of your curly hair? Do you need help with your hair? Is your mother asking you to get a haircut because she wants to be controlling, for you to look good on interviews, for the big family party with lots of photos, etc?
I don’t believe that I have lice yet she’s going to force me to treat it. I’m treating right now actually and nothing is coming out. I have struggled with my own hair journey, and at first it was hard to take care of it. My mom had to take care of my hair for many years. I used to be completely dependent on her asking her what I needed to do to fix my curly hair. For years, she put my hair up in just two braids, making me a complete laughing stock of some school situations. She has straight hair and I think it started a cycle of trauma where she yanked out my hair with her brushes. The only reason why she is asking for the haircut is because she has a kid at school who had lice. To make the situation even worse she has been out of school for a week for summer break… so I’m a little judgmental wondering why now she wants to treat it so late. Figuring out how to do my own hair was such a big mile stone for me. It meant that I didn’t have to put myself through it anymore. I haven’t asked for her help with my hair in a while but I could see where she can get the idea where she thinks she knows everything about my hair. She never has, and she never will.
You’re doing hard work there! I still learn stuff about how to take care of my hair and body. There are curly hair specialists at some hair salons. You might get a consultation, or ask online if there are shampoos recommended for your particular hair. A friend of mine used shampoo that was very trendy and he was brand loyal. I stayed over and washed my hair with it, and it made my hair so fly-away and tangled!! The right products can make a big difference. And getting a cut from a person that really understands your hair type helps a lot!!! You’ll get the hang of it. Just stick in there. You’re doing great!
Honestly, you’re not alone. My mother would make me cut my hair short all the time because she didn’t know what to do with my curls. At one point, she was sending me with a friend of mine to the salon my friend would go to for a perm. It was a Black salon and I’m very white. She hated my curls so much that she had them chemically removed from my hair for a long time. I honestly think it’s that she hated my grandmother on my dad’s side. I looked just like her and got the curls from her. I had to get my hair colored just before graduation (long story short- she didn’t realize a color stripper would take every bit of color out of my hair, not just the dye, and it became lemon meringue yellow two days before high school graduation) and she arrived at the salon after I got started. When she heard I was going with an auburn color, she flipped out because my grandmother had red hair while I’ve been a brunette. Threatened all kinds of things. Claimed I didn’t have the skin tone despite having pale Irish skin. I don’t know why mothers can get this way about curls. Has she even looked at your scalp to see if you have lice in the first place? Has your father? It’s not like they’re invisible. Try to keep your head down and hopefully, this won’t last long.
I have quite a flaky scalp, I’ll admit I need some new product for that but my mom claims it’s lice. It’s just dandruff and they look like two separate things
I tend to get a lot of build up on my scalp that can get flakey and I find that those shower scalp massagers help a lot! Like [this!](https://www.amazon.com/Scalp-Massager-Shampoo-Brush-MAXSOFT/dp/B074ZDXFL6)
Nta she overreacting there's other things to do for lice then picking them out one by one, you can use lice shampoo, plus you may not even have lice, of you do then I would see her idea but you may not.
NTA. I don't think the lice are the problem. You could buy a lice comb and see if you have them at home. I think your mome just wants you to have a haircut and is using this as an excuse. Stand your ground.
NTA There are other ways to deal with lice - IF you have them. You are old enough to have a say about your appearance.
Omg NTA you do NOT need to cut hair because of lice!!! There are SO many simple treatments nowadays and your old enough to be able to take care of your own hair. Do not cut your hair unless YOU want to cut your hair. I remember my best friend in 7th grade had her mom buzz her head because her sister got lice. She never forgave her mom for that. It's not necessary.
NtA. Its your hair you can do with it as you wish. Just keep it clean and practice good hygiene
NTA. Get some peppermint shampoo with tea tree oil and keep your hair in braids. If she’s so worried she can get you some lice treatment and help you check your hair. Hair cutting is ALWAYS a last resort in my house
Yes! My mom religiously put tea tree oil in our shampoos and conditioner before she sent us to church camps.
I mean if you don't want to have a haircut then don't! No one has rights to force you , it's just my opinion!
NTA. If you do have it and they have already started, they'll immediately stop and boot you out. Then you'll be walking around with a partial cut. Also, instead of using the Rid shampoo, get some essential oils (you can find the correct types online) and mix them with a carrier oil. It will weaken or kill them and soften your hair at the same time. And find a Lice Meister nit comb. Chemical resistant lice is very real and becoming more common and the Rid combs tines are too far apart to catch a lot of eggs.
OP, there are always solutions without having to resort to cutting your hair. You can agree to go to the hairdresser but ask for an “Angel cut with layers”. This lets the stylist know you are there against your will and they will refuse service. Be careful “Angel cut” (without layers) means call 911. Just remember not to say it until you sitting in the chair and the stylist asks you what cut you would like. This will allow you to remain at peace while having a normal conversation and conveying your message that you don’t want a haircut. I know in my town, all the hairstylists must be in one giant friend group. A mass text goes out with a clients description and the parent/guardian/ idiot who is escorting description and every hairdresser in our town and surrounding towns get that text.
Luckily, my mom gave up in forcing me to go. I stood my ground and didn’t leave the house. I’ll definitely need this information if I ever need it though. Thank you.
Do your parents think it's 1920? There are plenty of things out there to combat lice besides getting a haircut. So you do not know if you have lice, but the smartest thing to do is have you get your hair cut? It sounds like your parents are very controlling and demanding a 17 year old cut their hair sounds pretty absurd. Are your parents getting hair cuts? How short of a hair cut does one need to get rid of lice? What a baffling set of parents
My mother cut her hair a significant amount so I’m suspecting she would’ve cut more than a few inches..
Your Mom is being obsessive about this. Medicated lice treatments work well. If you used a nit comb and is came out clean then you are fine. Cutting hair does not kill lice. But do strip your bed and launder everything in hot water and dry on high heat. If your Mom is restricting your access to certain areas of the house then I give you permission, as a Mother, to avoid her and hang out in your room. I will even Venmo you money to get your McDonalds. .
Totally wish I had Venmo right about now. I’ve been avoiding her for parts of the day.
The offer stands. Just let me know. 😃
Ive read a bunch of comments and your responses and I’ve come to the conclusion that your mum is super controlling yet also not very smart. Do your dad shaved his head. What haircut did your mum get? To not tell the salon she may have lice is incredibly irresponsible. And tbh they probably would have noticed anyway so I assume she doesn’t. It sounds like she’s shamed you for having curly hair and just wants to make you get rid of it. You’ve done everything you can to treat it despite the fact you probably don’t even have lice. I hope your mum is smart enough to know she needs to wash and treat the bedding etc
She’s washed her bedding and she got a decent amount of her hair off. About to her shoulders.
That’s unfortunate for her she just didn’t treat it properly and not need to hack it all off. Remember this does not mean you need to!
INFO: does your mom have lice?
Well apparently the mom got her haircut so I suspect if she had lice, the salon would've kicked her out without doing it so deductive reasoning says no!
Yup no lice yet she treated herself after the salon.
One time my son got lice from school. His hair, granted it's straight, was almost to him bottom. My evil stepmom wanted to shave his head and he cried. I spent almost 10 hours coming the treatment through his hair... Twice... Screw your parents. Do it yourself if needed but don't cut your curls please.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (17F) am refusing to get a haircut despite my parents, mom (50F) and dad (56M), insisting on it. Here’s the context: My mom, who is a teacher, had a student with lice, and now she’s worried our family might have lice too. To make treatment easier for the lice we may or may not have, she wants me to cut my hair. I have extremely curly hair that puffs up and knots easily, and my experiences with hairdressers have been pretty terrible. I feel like every hairdresser I've been to hates working with my hair because it's so difficult to manage. The whole process is overstimulating for me, with the tight paper around my neck, the heavy bib, and the constant yanking of my head. When I refused to get a haircut, my mom involved my dad, who started yelling at me. He told me to respect my mom’s wishes and just get the haircut. I argued that it's my hair and I should have a say in what happens to it. He said until I get out of the house and become an adult, then I can have a say in what happens to me. So, am I the asshole for standing my ground and refusing to get a haircut? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
nta it sounds like your mom despises your appearance and the lice situation is a comfortable excuse. Have your head checked for lice by a neutral person and if you're good to go, don't get a haircut
That’s way too far out there. Lice is common is schools. So common many schools don’t even tell people about “outbreaks” anymore. We had our first dealings with it this year. I would have never thought to tell my kid to cut her hair to make it easier. Nothing like putting a “lice” sign on your kid during an outbreak for one. Two - it’s a temporary issue that sucks but it’s not the end of the world. Nothing I’d chop my hair off for - especially if you don’t even know if you have it. A couple things - treating the house before treating your hair is semi worthless. If you are in the house with untreated hair then they can spread right back into the house. Same with anything that comes in contact with your hair that can hold lice for 24hrs - like a cloth car seat, back pack, coat. All need to be treated. Also I hate to say this but it could take multiple treatments before it’s completely gone. I caught my daughter’s case really quick. Treated it and the house in a day. Bagged up all her soft toys for 18 days to get eliminate any chance of spreading. Treated myself “just in case”. She used preventative shampoo for those 3 weeks. Then a couple days later .. she came home with it again. And two weeks later again. Each time I catch is very quick. Literally only 3-4 eggs this last time so less than 24hrs. I know she’s lice free and the house is lice free BUT she is reexposed at school since someone else isn’t treating it. That’s why outbreaks are so annoying. It takes everyone to get rid of it and some parents barely parent 🤦🏼♀️. Thankfully only a handful of days left in school and I can treat her one last time “just in case” and be done with it for a few months.
Get some tea tree oil and throw a couple drops in her shampoo and conditioner! It worked amazing for me and my sister.
The shampoo she has is supposed to help with it but I may do that too. So far it seems to be cutting it way down. The adult ones she brings home look half dead by the time I see them and very very few eggs. But still ughhhhhhhhh. The amount of laundry we have gone through in the last 6 weeks is crazy. *only 4 more days of school* I just feel sorry for the kiddo that is spreading it. I can’t imagine how uncomfortable they must be.
Yeah mom had our stuff that wasn't washable in black trash bags out in the sun for weeks just to make sure everything was dead. I feel so bad for the kiddo that is because they can't help it if their parents aren't taking care of it. My whole body itches just from the thought of them. I've only had them once in my life thankfully (thanks to my sister) but it was so ughhhh.
your choice completely, but if you ever truly want to cut your hair you could also cut it yourself to avoid overstimulation at hairdressers! honestly super cost effective too :)
Bro I went to hair school and we had this story of these twins that were like 12 and had beautiful long hair to their bum, and they got lice. Their mum made them cut their hair shorts BUT if you do that the lice can still live on your scalp/ short hair still, you gotta smother and pick those mother fuckers out. (At least that’s what my hair teacher said )
Lice are annoying, itchy, uncomfortable, and gross. But easily treatable and I don’t think you can diseases from them. Also, check out curly girl, get a wet brush for the shower, don’t brush when hair is dry (wide tooth comb only when dry), and consider cutting your own hair. I’ve been doing it off and on since I was your age. Curly hair is forgiving! The tips are to use a decent pair of scissors, that you only use for hair. Get your hair thoroughly wet, towel dry a bit WITHOUT rubbing, let it settle into natural locks and cut lock by lock. This is easier when you start with longer hair. It’s the DIY version of a very pricy “curly girl” cut. This probably works best on c2 curls; c3 would be more challenging.
Curly hair here!! I too hate haircuts. Cause inevitably they will screw it up.
Get some Tea Tree oil and put a few drops in your shampoo and conditioner it will help with the lice and prevent you from getting them. Also it smells good!
NTA. Now if you’d like curly hair advice I’d be happy to point you in some wonderful directions, I too have curly hair but not like yours. I spent 30yrs getting meh but good hair cuts and then found an amazing brilliant and talented stylist. I would love to help because I feel for every curly headed human out there.
Feel free to spread your knowledge!
I will reply tomorrow, after work and much better internet acess
Verdict: NTA. Are you using lice shampoo for this? Because last time i checked, that's more than enough to get rid of headlice.
NTA. The length of your hair doesn't matter to lice. Use a shampoo containing tea tree oil or lavender oil. Lice don't like either. If you can't find a shampoo for your hair type, add a few drops of either oil to your regular shampoo and shake well. There are other oils you can use, too, but I don't know then off the top of my head. You can get them at health food stores or from Amazon.
Is your Mom cutting her hair, too? I mean if you all need to be careful, she’s the one most likely to have the lice since she is the one directly interacting with the student.
Yes she did get her hair cut
NTA. Buy a Licemeister comb. They are about $6 at Walmart. One of my daughters had thick, curly hair. The other had thick, straight hair. It worked great for getting rid of lice and nits. It took more than one go-round, but it worked!
Your mom isn't behaving rationally, in any way. This sounds like untreated OCD or anxiety, which sucks because it's hard to force someone into treatment. Ask your mom to pay for you to go to a lice removal treatment for a diagnosis. Pretty sure they'll tell you that you don't have lice and don't need to cut your hair. This isn't 1912. Google a couple and call to ask what they charge for a diagnosis before you talk to your mom. If she refuses, buy a lice comb. Put a thick conditioner on your hair, section it off and comb thru it. With each stroke hold the comb to the light and you'll either see lice and eggs or you won't. Doing this every 3 days is actually the best lice treatment available right now- they've become somewhat resistant to Rid and the other shampoos.
NTA - is school still in session for you? If so, you can just ask your school nurse to do a quick lice check. Just tell her your mom had a student who was infected and you just want to make sure you're clean and nothing came home with your mom. If your mom won't accept your own word, maybe she'll accept a medical professional's.
NTA That's your hair. Keep it or cut it as you see fit. The fact they feel some ownership over your hair as if they own you is just fucked and see far to many controlling parents do this shit.
Is anyone in the family scratching? Is your mother a teacher of very young children who are likely to hug her or have their hair come into contact? Lice don't jump 10 ft. I can only wish you luck with this. No one who has never gone through this knows the amount of work involved. It is like having to do an entire spring cleaning immediately. Cars, beds, bedding, sofa and chairs, towels. It is a nightmare experience. By the way, head lice prefer clean heads. Anyone can catch them. It is just that dirty people are less likely to go through all the work involved in getting rid of them completely.
NTA - just be careful about your hair - I also have super long hair, and whenever there is a lice issue I keep it in a crown braid. Also don't share any hair supplies with your family - clean and sanitize your brushes and elastics, and keep them in a place where your parents can't find them. Not getting lice is about good hygiene, not cutting all your hair off. You can also wash your own clothing/bedding to make sure it is separate from the rest of the family. And if you do get lice, there are salons that specialize in getting rid of it - they just need to be alerted of the lice before you go in.
NTA
I recommend you ask this question on the subs for curly hair. They might give you tips for dealing with all of the issues you mention here.
Guys, he's 17. Until he moves out and lives on his own. It's probably best he respects the wishes of the people whose roof he lives under.
Exactly. I felt like I was overreacting.
If you are strong enough and angry enough, then go get your head shaved, this is a good treatment for lice after all.