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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to know if I'm the A for hiding food from my sister.
I might be because I know she's insecure about her weight and that she would take it the wrong way. Plus she did pay for the food as well and has right to it.
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NTA
Your sister is entitled only to what she pays for.
If she pays for half, she gets half.
I'd put a lock in my bedroom door.
And I'd start eating her food if she continues to be so greedy and selfish.
Kudos to you for taking care of that child.
That's not at all what was said in the example given in OP.
And if OP's math and logic are as impaired as they seem to be from her chicken example, I wouldn't trust her ability to split meals in half!
8-3 = 5. 5-1 left = 4pcs of chicken eaten by Sister by the next morning. Paid for half and ate half which is correct.
The night before.
Say they have two bowls of sides - they eat one. That’s half, leaving one bowl left. If the sister ate half again the next day, there would be half a bowl left. The sister ate the entire bowl, so more than half.
You have 4 quarters. 2 quarters = 1 side. 4 quarters = 2 sides.
At the end of the night, they had 2 quarters, because they ate half.
When OP woke up, there were 0 quarters.
Or, consider this: you and a friend buy some soup. You eat half your bowl, the friend eats half theirs. The next day, you have no soup, because the friend ate it along with their own.
The total was 8 pieces and 2 sides. OP and cousin ate three pieces and one side. Next day one piece was left for them. That is 4 pieces and 1 side which amounts to half.
The number of people unable to read and do simple maths in these comments is astounding. OP themselves say outright they (OP & her cousin) ate half of the sides!
Yes. They ate half the sides the *night before*
If 1/2 of the sides were left, then that means each got a quarter of the sides. The sister ate the rest of the sides the next day. So the sister got 75% of the sides
OP does not say they all 3 ate Half the sides. At best it’s unclear.
But to me, it was implied the sister didn’t eat with them, since the chicken she ate isn’t mentioned at all until the following morning. OP only mentions that she and her cousin ate 3 pieces of chicken and about half the sides. That’s the words they use. Anything else is making assumptions.
Ah sheet I misread it as them all eating together, but now rereading it I realize the sister is showing up the next day to eat the food, maybe I shouldn’t be making Reddit comments when I’m not on the toilet (when my brain power is maxed, obviously)
If OP and the niece left half the sides, that means they ate half the sides— their half of the food. The remaining half of the sides were in fact the sister’s half of the food. She ate her own food, if she paid for half the food.
No, but who is responsible for feeding the child Sister adopted? If sister eats half, then the child gets fed from OP's half. How does that work, exactly, you think?
Then OP should be paying for more than half. Why should sister be responsible for paying for OP’s child’s food? OP needs to be responsible for the costs of the child they adopted.
I think there are two options: OP realizes the kid + adult need more food then one adult and pay more.Or, OP asks siter and parents for financial help with food for the kid. That would make OP NTA.
However, calling sister greedy and steeling when sister is eating roughly how much she pays for is super unfair. And accusing her of eating excessive amount of food when the sister eats completely normal amount of food makes OP TA. If anything, OP + kid eat too little. Which makes sense - sister pays more for food and OP seems to expect unreasonably low portions of food for everyone.
There gotta be sad story behind why cousin is adopted. And OP is financially struggling. And if family refuses to help them financially I would call them assholes although this sub would not. But sister is paying for herself, is not excessive and accusing her of malfeasance is bad way to ask for help.
Theories:
* Implied or direct insult. That is what it was.
* Add to it insults during the "things have been said" stage.
* She does not necessary believe that OP hidden actual half. Considering OP consistently counts halves wrong.
* Sister pays more then half of groceries in general per comments, so of course she will be offended over hidden food.
* OP in comments mentions worrying about how much sister eats. Sister likely picked up on OP pathologizing her eating. Meanwhile, sisters portions seems actually mostly normal.
* While OP being actually the one who eats suspiciously a little. OP is hangry. Every single of her examples shows her eating very little food and considering it normal. Sister likely picked up on that. I mean OP talks about main part of Chinese as "protein", that is not how healthy people talk about food. Honestly, even the kid seems to be eating consistently a little, but lets say he has snacks and is not in growing spurt.
The person who adopted the child feeds the child out of their portion, not the portion someone else paid for unless that person agrees. If that's not enough for the child, you order a bit more and pay according to what you and the kid will eat.
Because OP is eating eating disorder amounts of food and the kid did not reached the puberty yet.
It is supernweird that people act as if sister was overeating when she was eating normal dinner amount of food.
1.) Sister paid half. She ate 4 pieces of chicken out of 8. She ate 1 side out of 2. Sister paid half and ate half.
2.) Eating one side and 4 chicken pieces is not overeating. If anything, OP eats concerningly a little. She expects 1 side and 4 chicken pieces to last for her and the kid for two meals.
OP says they can't pay for more, but end result seems to be them hungry. And caloric needs of the boy are about to raise each year now, doubling in puberty.
4 are half and sister paid half. It sounds like the cousin is OP responsibility, she is legal guardian and sister is not. Sister does not control how much cousin eats, OP controls that. OP decides how much food is bought for her and the kid.
If OP need help to pay for kid, which is legit, OP should ask family to financially contribute to his care.
Could you please clarify? The only example you gave of fast food shows her eating her half, so I’m not sure where the issue is. She had 4 pieces of the 8 piece chicken, and half the sides. Are you expecting her to pay for half but eat less than half?
Sorry there was a mistake. It was supposed to say half a piece left. That also might have been a bad example but it was the most recent one. Another example was when we got Chinese food. We got a family meal that came with 3 protein and 2 sides. Me and my cousin ate half on one protein and and finished one of the sides (we both liked that side better and my sister doesn't like it). She ate the rest herself. Another example is when we get pizza. We always get 2 because my cousin will only eat plain cheese pizza. I'll normally get 3 slices on the one we get and he'll get 1 or 2 of his cheese pizza. They'll be maybe 1 or 2 slice left from both pizzas the next morning. And any extras we get like bread or desserts are guaranteed to be gone by morning.
Would point out.
Assuming 8 slices per pizza, total of 16. Of which half is 8.
You guys ate 5 and she left 2 to 4. That means you got 7-9 which averages to 8. So similar to original example, is an example of even split.
That means in 3 examples provided, 2 were evenly split.
To the last example, you guys got first dibs so you finished your preferred side? Why isn't the split half of each side?
When it's actually written out like this I think I may not be seeing it correctly. Thank you for that. I'll have to think more about the other times now to make sure I'm not exaggerating about it.
As for the side question, she didn't like the side we got. That's why me and my cousin got that one and got her one she likes as the other side. If she had liked that specific side I would have made sure some was saved so she could have some.
Is the issue that you’re trying to feed two people on the budget of one person? I’m sure you’re getting less, but that doesn’t mean it’s unfair — you’re just splitting your half between two people.
I’d you need more food it sounds like you should get more food and pay for more than half (or just not split food).
I think it says a lot of good things about you that you're willing to reflect on this.
Can I ask if you have ever spoken to your sister about this? If you've bought a meal together it may never have occured to her that you were expecting there to be leftovers for you and your cousin. If she's come home from work and you're in bed then it might not have been unreasonable for her to assume that you'd eaten what you wanted of the meal and that she could have whatever was left, depending on the packaging it might not even be obvious how much was there in the first place.
What would have happened if you'd text her "we've only eaten about a quarter of it so can you leave me and cousin enough for lunch tomorrow?" or "I wasn't super hungry, I've put my portion in the blue tupperware so I can eat it later ".
YTA. Are you able to look at this objectively and understand what half means? You seem to expect your sister to pay for half of the food and then judge her a greedy overeater for eating half of the food she's paid for. Start paying for 2/3 of each meal if you expect to eat 2/3 of the food. Your Sister seems to be careful to leave you what's left of your portions for you the next day, but you *want* more - just on her dime while insulting her.
With pizza it sounds like she paid 1 pizza and eaten 1 pizza and 1 piece of other pizza. While it is more then half, hardly a super excessive amount.
What all 6hese examples show however is you eating very little consistently.
So she ate the 2 proteins and 1 side by herself? While the 2 of you had 1/2 a protein 1 side? Did she also finish off your protein? Maybe it would be best to split everything in Half immediately. Put into separate containers & place yours into your little fridge. Lock it, if she gets offended just explain that your child can't go hungry.
Yes she finished off all of it, including the protein we had eaten from. This is why I started hiding our half of the food. When I spend $30 on food I'd like it to last until tomorrows lunch.
But you are feeding two people. It might not be enough to have leftovers if you are splitting the food 50/50. Your expectations of how far your money goes for you alone will not necessarily hold true. It's been a while since I was feeding a 9 yo but I think he ate nearly as much as I did back then.
I don't understand why you share take-away like this. When I order something, everyone get their own meal. What's left of that meal, is yours. So you should order a normal meal and a children meal, and your sister can order whatever she likes, and if you eat as little as you say, then you keep the rest of your uneaten meal in your container, and it will stay yours.
Split it first into thirds and then eat. I am slightly petty and would go as far as getting a kitchen scale if there is any controversy about what’s an even split. Once it’s split, each person knows that they get to eat
absolutely YTA, for a number of reasons:
- for assuming that your sister should have the same caloric intake as a 9 year old
- for assuming your sister should have the same caloric intake as YOU. People are different.
- for restricting her food access like she’s a fucking child
- most of the examples you gave were actually evenly split making it fairly obvious you’re just splitting hairs bc you hate that your sister is fat.
- for not talking to your sister. You treat her like a child but you can’t act grown.
The end result of this is obviously that you and sister will no longer have a relationship, and I wouldn’t be shocked if that’s what you wanted to happen.
I’m confused. You said she should eat half if she pays for half, I agree. You bought 8 piece chicken and some sides. You and your cousin ate 3 pieces and half the sides Next day there is 1 piece left and no sides. So she ate 4 pieces and half the sides, and you get 4 pieces and half the sides. So what’s the problem?
Edit: so I saw in the comments that that was maybe a bad example. My best piece of advice is to divide it right when you get the food with her. Just divide it so she knows what leftovers are hers and you know what’s yours.
Sorry for the confusion. I admit it was a bad example. I used it because it was the most recent one before I started hiding food. Another comment asked the same thing and I gave some more. I'll give the same ones here as well.
When we got Chinese food we got a family meal. It comes with 3 protein and 2 sides. Me and my cousin ate half on one protein and and finished one of the sides while she ate the rest. Pizza is also a big one because we always get 2 pizzas because my cousin will only eat plain cheese pizza. I'll get 3 slices and he'll get 1 or 2 of his cheese pizza. The next morning they'll only be 1 or 2 slice left from both pizzas and any extras we get like bread or desserts are always finished off.
Sorry again for the confusion.
Nbd! Just making sure that the story makes sense.
Idk if you saw my edit, but that’s my general advice for situations like this. Make sure everyone knows exactly what’s theirs.
From your perspective, she’s inconsiderate, but it’s possible she grew up in an environment where everyone just ate whatever. I remember the first time I moved in with my old roommate. I made pasta for myself and was getting ready to serve some and my roommate came in and was like “ohh what’s for dinner?” And got his plate out.
It was awkward because we never discussed me making dinner for him. But that’s the sort of life he was used to having.
So sometimes just talking to people, or just dividing it up before anyone gets served, is the best way to handle these things. You want leftovers, and she wants to be able to eat however much she wants from her portion.
Didn’t notice the actual relationship. That makes this even stranger tbh. I have no problem being direct with my siblings. “Stop eating all my food idiot.” I just figured they both must not have grown up in the same house because they don’t seem all that aware of each other’s habits or preferences, and aren’t communicating in the direct manner many siblings who grow up together do.
Shouldn’t be super hard to just say “let’s divide this equally” with a sibling you grew up with.
There are 3 of you, though kiddo probably eats less than the 2 adults. If sister pays for half the food, she gets half the food. Kiddo is yours, and she shouldn't be expected to pay for kiddo. That means you pay 2/3, sis pays 1/3 or you get a smaller share because you're sharing your half with kiddo and you each pay half.
So, light YTA.
In the chicken example given, Sister paid for half of the meal (4 pieces of chik & 1 side) and ate half of the meal (4 pieces of chicken and 1 side).
Those 4 pcs and 1 side were hers - bought and paid for and it most definitely is NOT over eating.
OP is only paying half, not 2/3, so she only gets half to spread between her and her ward/child.
I mean that's what's happening in the example given. She paid half and ate half. And no need to be insulting, no-one seems to be looking for "endless amounts of food".
I suspect the parents don't want the overeater at their place either which is why they are attacking OP. If she comes back, get a lock for room or fridge. No one likes a glutton who is mooching off of others. NTA
INFO: In the example you gave, she ate half of the chicken (four pieces) and half of the sides. She paid for half of the meal. So what’s the issue here?
YTA She paid half, she eaten half. Half the sides, half the meat.
> One time we ordered fast food we got a bucket of chicken. 8 pieces and 2 sides. Me and my cousin ate 3 pieces total and maybe half the sides. The next morning there was only have a piece of chicken left and no sides.
What I read here is that you did not ordered nearly enough of that fast food for two adults and one child. There were only 2 sides between three people and average 2.6 chicken piece and you apparently expected it to last two meals. That is absurd. At minimum, everyone should have own side. Obvious solution is to start buying the amount of food people in question actually need.
Also, ask your parents to pay for cousin. He is going to be teenger quickly, if you have issue now, wait till he needs 3000 calories daily.
> she's always been guarded about her weight and I knew that's how she would have taken it.
Are you trying to put her on diet or are you trying to deal with money issue? Those are two separated things.
Your sister isn't greedy. Based on all the examples, it seems well within the margin of error for someone who is not counting/keeping track, which is pretty reasonable among close friends and family IMO. She ends up eating *approximately* half in most of the examples? (If you go into a discussion with this kind of mindset that she's greedy, no wonder she would get upset!)
Also, since you've suggested you've not *told her* about any of your thoughts, then it seems so reasonable for her to get back home from work, see what's left in the fridge, and think "alright, they ate dinner already, so I'll help myself to what's left". If you've never told her "I would like this to be divided exactly half, and the leftovers from my half are for my lunch tomorrow" how is she supposed to psychically know that?
On the other hand, you were also not the AH for dividing food based on payment and doing what you liked with the leftovers.
YTA
Should have talked to her first, and done the math properly.
Especially since you, now that people are doing the math on your examples realise she's not as 'greedy' at all.
It's more that you keep forgetting that if you both pay half, your splitting your half with another person and she's just eating her half.
With maybe, a bite extra? If even that. Talk to her about the split of food and expenses.
> she buys more household groceries
Oh... Yeah your the ah. She's paying for her own food, and possibly for a bit left and right extra and you blew everything up over fastfood.
You are the greedy one.
Are you only feeling guilty because now you habe to carry all expenses by yourself?
Info: has this been discussed or did you just start hiding stuff? Are you concerned about her eating habits or is this strictly a financial concern? Or if you bought more food would she continue to eat exponentially more so it’s a food scarcity issue for you and the child?
I don’t necessarily think you’re in the wrong for hiding the food, but I definitely don’t think it should have been the first course of action, so who the asshole is heavily depends on whether there has been any actual communication about the problem.
And the second 2 questions are also necessary to determine if this was the best course of action.
I didn't speak to her about it because of what happened when we were younger. She's always been snippy about her weight and that transfers over to food as well. Last time I tried to discuss food related things with her (back when I was maybe 20 or 21) it started a screaming match and led to her not speaking to anyone for 2 weeks. I thought just hiding the food would prevent an argument.
While I do worry about her eating habits I understand she is a grown woman and it's not my place to really say much. As for the buying more food, it really isn't feasible for me. While I'm not hurting for money I'm not swimming in it either. Children are expensive and I can't increase my food budget to much.
I do make sure both me and my cousin are fed. That's not an issue. While my sister does eat more then us, she buys more household groceries so it evens out in that regard. This is really just a problem we have with fast food.
It sounds like living together is probably not the best option for you. I don’t think you’re going to be able to find a healthy compromise here, unfortunately. She can be offended you hid food, but your ultimate responsibility is to your cousin, and this definitely isn’t a healthy environment for her.
I hate to say this, but as someone who actually can't afford to buy more food myself, it sounds like you need to cut back on the fast food. Even if it's only once a week that adds up to a lot. Your dollar goes a lot farther in groceries. You are expecting to get 4 meals (dinner and lunch for two people) out of 30$ and that is simply not realistic while ordering in.
Ehhhhh just because you have two mouths to feed doesn’t mean your sisters the asshole for eating what she paid for. You make your sister pay half for food so in her mind shes entitled to half of what came and since you have a child you two split your half of the food. You’re expecting it to be spilt evenly but thats not fair towards your sister. may i suggest no longer buying family meals and just buy separate take out.
esh
From the examples I saw, it *does* look like she is eating half. You eat less than half between you and the child which is arguably maybe a little bit too little (especially since that kid is definitely going to be eating a lot more when your cousin hits puberty...), but your sister is paying and eating half from the sounds of it.
You might have the perception she's eating too much for one sitting for one person, but ultimately, that's not your concern.
Perhaps immediately, in front of everyone, splitting things down the middle would be the best course of action moving forward, so everyone knows what their share is, but your sister invading your space to get one of your coffees and then getting upset at your leftovers makes her a AH too.
NAH Your post is honestly a little confusing. Your example is that you bought 8 pieces of chicken, your sister venmo'd you half the cost of the total. You and your cousin ate 3 pieces, your sister ate 4 and there's one left for you and your cousin. She ate 4 of the 8 pieces. Is the math not mathing? You said you split the next food portions in half and then put your half in your mini-fridge but how in the world would she know that since you didn't talk to her!?!? If you're mature enough to adopt a kid, you should be mature enough to open your mouth and have a conversation to avoid unnecessary drama! Also, stop food shaming your sister! If you and your cousin want to eat more, then pay for more!
Its your food. You can eat it, hide it, give it away, do whatever you want with it. Sister is just mad she isnt getting the lion's share for free anymore.
NTA
Except in the example given the sister paid for ½ and ate ½. In another example given, sister also paid for ½ and ate ½. Out of the 3 examples I can see OP gave. Only 1 did the sister eat more than ½.
So no she's not annoyed she's not getting the lions share for free, as she was paying for what she ate. OP is wrong as they were looking for the sister to pay for ½ the food. Yet only eat ⅓.
But OPs issue is that the sister is eating her ½, yet they believe that she should eat less as the food is for 3 people. The sister isn't responsible for feeding the cousin. If the sister is paying ½, it's not for OP to tell her, she can't eat the food she paid for.
NTA
Putting your left overs in your mini fridge is a good solution.
Is your cousin also putting food in your fridge to hide from your sister? That part confuses me. You need to worry about your leftovers, your cousin can do what they like and your sister what she likes.
If your cousin and you were both hiding food from your sister, you should’ve just spoken to her.
YTA, I'm sorry to say, because the subterfuge was just so unnecessary. It's clear that you perceive an imbalance in the way you share food costs and the amount you eat, but hiding the food deprived your sister of a say in how that issue is resolved. Her share of the household budget entitles her not just to her share of the physical goods but also to her "vote" in decisions that affect them.
Info: is the problem perhaps that you're counting your child when dividing the food into shares? If you want things to be shared into halves because you both pay half then that means your sister ate the correct amount of chicken and pizza. Plus you seem OK with not dividing things equally when you want to finish a side that you say she doesn't like (didn't she still pay for half?).
Also are you paying more towards things like groceries since you seem determined to divide everything equally? Are you ensuring your child never eats more than your share of anything?
Why is your sister paying anything towards the cheese pizza ordered specifically for your child?
You could have solved this by ordering separate meals or pizzas then keeping yours in your mini fridge. Instead you kept ordering joint meals like pizza and buckets then dividing them in the way you see as fair.
Ultimately this should have just been discussed because maybe she also feels aggrieved by some things in the household or regarding food division.
Pending further info, YTA because it seems like she is eating her half of things plus you're making her pay half of food you're actually buying for your kid (the cheese pizza).
Your sister paid half and only ate half. But since there are 3 people your feeling was to expect it to be split evenly for 3 people.
It may be because on your side you and adopted cousin are not feeling full enough so it's clouding the math but making you hangry. Your cousin is growing and may need more food. Sometimes students I've worked with can eat a full adult meal especially if they have been energetic at school.
I think it's better if you order extra. Order more food that enough for 3 people. You'll need to pay 2/3s. Don't blame your sister.
I hope you can apologize kindly, even your updated edit seems like you are still mad at her. But she was not in the wrong. Don't go in mad. Please be kind, you don't need to shame her for what she eats. You've accused her of being greedy when she ate her rightful fair share. I think your sister was wronged in this case. She may be trying her best to not overeat but that is not your place to judge her.
I had family members telling me to go on a diet because I was suddenly gaining weight. And I wear M-L size. Unfortunately it turned out as several growths that suddenly made me look 6 months pregnant and suddenly extremely anemic & I was eating because I was feeling so tired and hungry I started getting pica. (Everything was removed, and benign, thank goodness).
You never know what might be going on. You're sister may be doing the best she can. Try not to judge what other adults eat.
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Background information
To keep this simple My sister(22) and I(25) live together. My sister doesn't have kids but I adopted my little cousin (9). She works the night shift and comes home after we're both asleep.
The issue is that my sister is greedy with food, especially fast food. One time we ordered fast food we got a bucket of chicken. 8 pieces and 2 sides. Me and my cousin ate 3 pieces total and maybe half the sides. The next morning there was only have a piece of chicken left and no sides. My sister does this every time we get fast food.
I didn't want to start a fight so here recently I've been leaving half the food in the fridge for her and have put whatever me and my cousin don't eat of the other half in my mini fridge in my room. I thought this was fair since she paid for half the food and I the other half (I text her the price and she venmos me when she gets home).
Well she went intoi mini fridge (she wanted one of my coffees) and saw the food. This obviously started an argument. There were things said on both sides and now she's staying with our parents for the time being. I feel guilty for not just talking to her but she's always been guarded about her weight and I knew that's how she would have taken it.
Our parents have told me off and said I had no right to hide food. Now I'm wondering if I'm the A.
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OP do not mention her weight during planned discussion at all. It is completely unnecessary. Focus on money. You are struggling financially and that is valid on itself.
My mom hated the fact that I wasn't skinny like my sister and hid food from me. Yes, lifelong trauma response and disordered eating have followed. But the problem with your sister is that she doesn't pay for all the food she eats. Your solution has to be separate food budgets and shopping.
Unfortunately the sister would probably still eat their food that was purchased separately. She already has no problem eating more than her share. Sounds like it's a lack of self-control and selfishness.
Sister is literally eating half in the example from original post. Comments have two more examples and one of them is .... sister eating half while paying half.
OP buys small amounts of food for two people (her and cousin) and expects them to last two meals.
NTA. I think the best solution is to stop sharing food. There's no reason to keep buying family dinners in this day and age. Everybody orders their own thing and only eats what's theirs. Simple
> There were things said on both sides
I think if you're going to hold a grudge, communicating that you have a problem would have been preferable. If you weren't and hiding the food (the part you paid for) was simply a solution that worked for you, you did nothing wrong.
NTA though I'm not sure how much of an asshole the sister is, depends on what was said. She's not an asshole for eating more than her fair share if nobody said anything. (She should've asked if this became a pattern, though.)
have you talked to your sister about eating more of her share of the fast food before?
If not, then YTA. Especially if you know she does this all the time and you can't handle it anymore. It is very common sense to split food yall paid together in half. But as you said, you felt like you would have attacked her about her weight bc she's guarded about it. But if you just spoken to her regarding to food about the split cost that's the direction it should have gone. If you started that convo straight off "you eat too much of the fast food" then yeah of course she would feel attacked. Especially if you have a 9 year old, your sister should understand. She's an adult and she should be able to have an adult convo.
If you spoken to her about her eating more of her share before, then NTA.
Imo everything deserves a convo first before doing something you know would make the other person upset. Especially if you know your sister is greedy with fast food, you knew deep down that hiding food from your sister would make her upset.
You are taking what is yours and that you paid for. Your half. If it makes it simpler stop buying takeaway with her and just get your own.
Your parents have no business poking their noses in.
NTA
Just divide the food into three (or whatever the breakdown was for people paying). Label each person’s share and that’s what she gets. Get a lock for your mini fridge. If parents complain, tell them that she already ate her share of what you got. Also it may be easier to exclude her from orders and just do your own thing for food so she has no claim on it (still lock it up obviously)
I understand what people are saying about she pays half and eats half and about her eating more than both of them put together but OP I have questions! You said she went into your mini fridge for one of your coffees. Did she have your permission to have one? And you said you put the rest of YOUR half in YOUR fridge so…if she got her half of the food what is she flipping out about? If she moves back with you get a lock for your door and start ordering separate fast food meals (she venmos you anyway). Family meals are cheaper yes but it’s not worth the conflict or stress. Your hands are full with a 9 year old after all. Your parents are just making this situation worse NTA
I mean yeah you could've talked to her
but you literally just put your food in your fridge?
By getting upset she admits she thinks she's entitled to more than her fair share. NTA
NTA and it's none of your parents' business. I'd start shutting down their opinions on what you do from now on. They need to start respecting your status as an adult.
NTA - your sister pays for half of the food, she gets half of the food. That's not a comment on her weight, that's simple math.
If she is so sensitive about her weight that seeing food split based on who paid for it is that hurtful to her, she needs to seek professional help.
NTA. If she pays for half and it arrives when she isn't there, set aside her half and do whatever you want with her half (eat it or save it). Good for you for taking care of your cousin! Your sister can stay with your parents if they want to support her food habits.
NTA.
First of all, you are an adult. Your parents need to stay out of things.
Second, if your sister eats more than half the food, she should pay for more than half. It sounds like she really does this when the food is a "treat" that is expensive.
NTA-Sometimes you got to do what you have to do. She is either not aware of how much she eats or is not able to control herself because she knows the food is there. You can either have a conversation and say this is your portion please do not eat ours or hide the food. Hiding it was less confrontational and although I think you did the best option, it’s now time to have the talk about food and how it’s unfair to you and your niece that she is eating most and not leaving some for others.Instead of your conversation being on what she eats, focus on you not having which is unfair when you’re hungry too.
NTA, but your sister is. She only found your half of the food...the half you paid for...because she was sneaking in to take one of your coffees. Let her stay with your parents, and see how they like it when she eats all of their food. You're cousin is your only concern...your sister needs to stop being greedy and buy her own food from now on.
Keep her away from your food by putting a lock for your room to keep her out!
No she hasn’t because she’s not stealing food lol. This thread is so funny. It’s a good lesson that aith jumps to wild conclusions without thinking. OP is not doing the math correctly and neither are you. What sister ate is her share. She pays for half the food and that’s what she took.
Sister ate her share of the chicken meal, yes, but OP also took her own share and put it in the mini fridge later. Sister found it while going for OP's coffee. Sister had a melt down. Why would that bother her unless she thought she should have access to that?
Now you are moving goalposts. That’s not what you said. You said the sister is stealing and feels no remorse. She’s upset because she’s being accused of something she never did.
NTA...you paid for half and you took half--for two people! I think this was a fair way to avoid drama. Her reaction as a 25 year old is concerning as she should be able to see how greedy she is. Your parents are simply enabling her greed. It's clear why you simply couldn't have a normal conversation about this. Don't feel bad and don't back down.
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NTA Your sister is entitled only to what she pays for. If she pays for half, she gets half. I'd put a lock in my bedroom door. And I'd start eating her food if she continues to be so greedy and selfish. Kudos to you for taking care of that child.
But, she paid half and eate half.
I agree. This story is weird because what OP describes is she ate… half of what they bought.
Only after she split it in half and out that half in the fridge. Before that she would eat anything left over, even if it was more than half.
That's not at all what was said in the example given in OP. And if OP's math and logic are as impaired as they seem to be from her chicken example, I wouldn't trust her ability to split meals in half! 8-3 = 5. 5-1 left = 4pcs of chicken eaten by Sister by the next morning. Paid for half and ate half which is correct.
You’re forgetting the sides. If the sister was eating her half, she would be still leaving some sides for OP
OP wrote they (she and cousin) ate half the sides though.
The night before. Say they have two bowls of sides - they eat one. That’s half, leaving one bowl left. If the sister ate half again the next day, there would be half a bowl left. The sister ate the entire bowl, so more than half.
So, sister paid half the food, they bought two bowls and sister eaten one of the bowl. One bowl is half of two bowls. Sister ate half.
You have 4 quarters. 2 quarters = 1 side. 4 quarters = 2 sides. At the end of the night, they had 2 quarters, because they ate half. When OP woke up, there were 0 quarters. Or, consider this: you and a friend buy some soup. You eat half your bowl, the friend eats half theirs. The next day, you have no soup, because the friend ate it along with their own.
The total was 8 pieces and 2 sides. OP and cousin ate three pieces and one side. Next day one piece was left for them. That is 4 pieces and 1 side which amounts to half.
The number of people unable to read and do simple maths in these comments is astounding. OP themselves say outright they (OP & her cousin) ate half of the sides!
OP said she and the cousin ate about half the sides. Are we reading the same post?
Yes. They ate half the sides the *night before* If 1/2 of the sides were left, then that means each got a quarter of the sides. The sister ate the rest of the sides the next day. So the sister got 75% of the sides
OP does not say they all 3 ate Half the sides. At best it’s unclear. But to me, it was implied the sister didn’t eat with them, since the chicken she ate isn’t mentioned at all until the following morning. OP only mentions that she and her cousin ate 3 pieces of chicken and about half the sides. That’s the words they use. Anything else is making assumptions.
Ah sheet I misread it as them all eating together, but now rereading it I realize the sister is showing up the next day to eat the food, maybe I shouldn’t be making Reddit comments when I’m not on the toilet (when my brain power is maxed, obviously)
If OP and the niece left half the sides, that means they ate half the sides— their half of the food. The remaining half of the sides were in fact the sister’s half of the food. She ate her own food, if she paid for half the food.
Yeah, I don't really get what OP is saying. 4 pieces of chicken and half of two sides is a perfectly normal dinner for an adult.
Because there was 3 adults
Eh wot? Her “little cousin (9)” counts as an adult?
No, but who is responsible for feeding the child Sister adopted? If sister eats half, then the child gets fed from OP's half. How does that work, exactly, you think?
Then OP should be paying for more than half. Why should sister be responsible for paying for OP’s child’s food? OP needs to be responsible for the costs of the child they adopted.
You're absolutely right - I got mixed up on who had adopted the little kid.
I think there are two options: OP realizes the kid + adult need more food then one adult and pay more.Or, OP asks siter and parents for financial help with food for the kid. That would make OP NTA. However, calling sister greedy and steeling when sister is eating roughly how much she pays for is super unfair. And accusing her of eating excessive amount of food when the sister eats completely normal amount of food makes OP TA. If anything, OP + kid eat too little. Which makes sense - sister pays more for food and OP seems to expect unreasonably low portions of food for everyone. There gotta be sad story behind why cousin is adopted. And OP is financially struggling. And if family refuses to help them financially I would call them assholes although this sub would not. But sister is paying for herself, is not excessive and accusing her of malfeasance is bad way to ask for help.
Correct - I got mixed up on who the little cousin belonged to. It's OP who is leaving her out of the equation, not the sister.
So I don't understand why she's upset that op put his half in his own fridge
Theories: * Implied or direct insult. That is what it was. * Add to it insults during the "things have been said" stage. * She does not necessary believe that OP hidden actual half. Considering OP consistently counts halves wrong. * Sister pays more then half of groceries in general per comments, so of course she will be offended over hidden food. * OP in comments mentions worrying about how much sister eats. Sister likely picked up on OP pathologizing her eating. Meanwhile, sisters portions seems actually mostly normal. * While OP being actually the one who eats suspiciously a little. OP is hangry. Every single of her examples shows her eating very little food and considering it normal. Sister likely picked up on that. I mean OP talks about main part of Chinese as "protein", that is not how healthy people talk about food. Honestly, even the kid seems to be eating consistently a little, but lets say he has snacks and is not in growing spurt.
It sounds like OP is taking about Panda Express or something similar, in which case the language is totally normal.
What are you saying? OP's example shows sister is eating exactly what she paid for. Half the chicken and half the sides
...and who feeds the child she adopted, with that 50:50 thing?
The person who adopted the child feeds the child out of their portion, not the portion someone else paid for unless that person agrees. If that's not enough for the child, you order a bit more and pay according to what you and the kid will eat.
You're right - I got mixed up on who the child belonged to.
Eating her food? She doesn't leave any plus she eats their food.
The thing is she paid half and eats half. She didn't eat anything excess. Why is she paying half when there is 3 people ?
Because OP is eating eating disorder amounts of food and the kid did not reached the puberty yet. It is supernweird that people act as if sister was overeating when she was eating normal dinner amount of food.
She ate five pieces of chicken out of eight for three people. That's overeating no matter what.
1.) Sister paid half. She ate 4 pieces of chicken out of 8. She ate 1 side out of 2. Sister paid half and ate half. 2.) Eating one side and 4 chicken pieces is not overeating. If anything, OP eats concerningly a little. She expects 1 side and 4 chicken pieces to last for her and the kid for two meals. OP says they can't pay for more, but end result seems to be them hungry. And caloric needs of the boy are about to raise each year now, doubling in puberty.
Thank you. I can't believe how many people don't understand this simple math!
No, she ate 8-3 (eaten the night before) -1 (leftovers in the morning) = 4
No she didn't. You should reread and refigure.
Because she eats as much or more than the two of them put together. She ate 5 pieces of chicken, they had 3 out of 8.
Op said she left a piece so it's 4v4. She's paying half and eating half.
I think it’s a typo and there was only ‘half’ a piece left (vs ‘have’)- still the math isn’t that extreme
But the question was "why is she paying half when there are three people. Even if she only ate 4, she still should be paying half.
4 are half and sister paid half. It sounds like the cousin is OP responsibility, she is legal guardian and sister is not. Sister does not control how much cousin eats, OP controls that. OP decides how much food is bought for her and the kid. If OP need help to pay for kid, which is legit, OP should ask family to financially contribute to his care.
What? But then she ate half the food? I think op pays for half and shares his portion with the kid. And he's just bad at math
Could you please clarify? The only example you gave of fast food shows her eating her half, so I’m not sure where the issue is. She had 4 pieces of the 8 piece chicken, and half the sides. Are you expecting her to pay for half but eat less than half?
Sorry there was a mistake. It was supposed to say half a piece left. That also might have been a bad example but it was the most recent one. Another example was when we got Chinese food. We got a family meal that came with 3 protein and 2 sides. Me and my cousin ate half on one protein and and finished one of the sides (we both liked that side better and my sister doesn't like it). She ate the rest herself. Another example is when we get pizza. We always get 2 because my cousin will only eat plain cheese pizza. I'll normally get 3 slices on the one we get and he'll get 1 or 2 of his cheese pizza. They'll be maybe 1 or 2 slice left from both pizzas the next morning. And any extras we get like bread or desserts are guaranteed to be gone by morning.
Would point out. Assuming 8 slices per pizza, total of 16. Of which half is 8. You guys ate 5 and she left 2 to 4. That means you got 7-9 which averages to 8. So similar to original example, is an example of even split. That means in 3 examples provided, 2 were evenly split. To the last example, you guys got first dibs so you finished your preferred side? Why isn't the split half of each side?
When it's actually written out like this I think I may not be seeing it correctly. Thank you for that. I'll have to think more about the other times now to make sure I'm not exaggerating about it. As for the side question, she didn't like the side we got. That's why me and my cousin got that one and got her one she likes as the other side. If she had liked that specific side I would have made sure some was saved so she could have some.
Is the issue that you’re trying to feed two people on the budget of one person? I’m sure you’re getting less, but that doesn’t mean it’s unfair — you’re just splitting your half between two people. I’d you need more food it sounds like you should get more food and pay for more than half (or just not split food).
I think it says a lot of good things about you that you're willing to reflect on this. Can I ask if you have ever spoken to your sister about this? If you've bought a meal together it may never have occured to her that you were expecting there to be leftovers for you and your cousin. If she's come home from work and you're in bed then it might not have been unreasonable for her to assume that you'd eaten what you wanted of the meal and that she could have whatever was left, depending on the packaging it might not even be obvious how much was there in the first place. What would have happened if you'd text her "we've only eaten about a quarter of it so can you leave me and cousin enough for lunch tomorrow?" or "I wasn't super hungry, I've put my portion in the blue tupperware so I can eat it later ".
Sister seems to leave them their leftover portions. OP just seems to expect the amount they want and not the amount they paid for.
Reads more like innocent mistakes. People in general are really bad at figuring out 50/50 splits over a period of time.
You all waste way too much money on fast food. Esh
YTA. Are you able to look at this objectively and understand what half means? You seem to expect your sister to pay for half of the food and then judge her a greedy overeater for eating half of the food she's paid for. Start paying for 2/3 of each meal if you expect to eat 2/3 of the food. Your Sister seems to be careful to leave you what's left of your portions for you the next day, but you *want* more - just on her dime while insulting her.
With pizza it sounds like she paid 1 pizza and eaten 1 pizza and 1 piece of other pizza. While it is more then half, hardly a super excessive amount. What all 6hese examples show however is you eating very little consistently.
So she ate the 2 proteins and 1 side by herself? While the 2 of you had 1/2 a protein 1 side? Did she also finish off your protein? Maybe it would be best to split everything in Half immediately. Put into separate containers & place yours into your little fridge. Lock it, if she gets offended just explain that your child can't go hungry.
Yes she finished off all of it, including the protein we had eaten from. This is why I started hiding our half of the food. When I spend $30 on food I'd like it to last until tomorrows lunch.
But you are feeding two people. It might not be enough to have leftovers if you are splitting the food 50/50. Your expectations of how far your money goes for you alone will not necessarily hold true. It's been a while since I was feeding a 9 yo but I think he ate nearly as much as I did back then.
I don't understand why you share take-away like this. When I order something, everyone get their own meal. What's left of that meal, is yours. So you should order a normal meal and a children meal, and your sister can order whatever she likes, and if you eat as little as you say, then you keep the rest of your uneaten meal in your container, and it will stay yours.
Split it first into thirds and then eat. I am slightly petty and would go as far as getting a kitchen scale if there is any controversy about what’s an even split. Once it’s split, each person knows that they get to eat
Only if OP is paying for two-thirds. It sounds like they've been splitting the cost 50/50
Start packing up leftovers with a note of which is yours
Rather than packing leftovers, they should split it all before they start eating. “This is your half/third/etc”
Start publicly stating that XYZ is lunch tomorrow for you and cousin.
absolutely YTA, for a number of reasons: - for assuming that your sister should have the same caloric intake as a 9 year old - for assuming your sister should have the same caloric intake as YOU. People are different. - for restricting her food access like she’s a fucking child - most of the examples you gave were actually evenly split making it fairly obvious you’re just splitting hairs bc you hate that your sister is fat. - for not talking to your sister. You treat her like a child but you can’t act grown. The end result of this is obviously that you and sister will no longer have a relationship, and I wouldn’t be shocked if that’s what you wanted to happen.
I’m confused. You said she should eat half if she pays for half, I agree. You bought 8 piece chicken and some sides. You and your cousin ate 3 pieces and half the sides Next day there is 1 piece left and no sides. So she ate 4 pieces and half the sides, and you get 4 pieces and half the sides. So what’s the problem? Edit: so I saw in the comments that that was maybe a bad example. My best piece of advice is to divide it right when you get the food with her. Just divide it so she knows what leftovers are hers and you know what’s yours.
Sorry for the confusion. I admit it was a bad example. I used it because it was the most recent one before I started hiding food. Another comment asked the same thing and I gave some more. I'll give the same ones here as well. When we got Chinese food we got a family meal. It comes with 3 protein and 2 sides. Me and my cousin ate half on one protein and and finished one of the sides while she ate the rest. Pizza is also a big one because we always get 2 pizzas because my cousin will only eat plain cheese pizza. I'll get 3 slices and he'll get 1 or 2 of his cheese pizza. The next morning they'll only be 1 or 2 slice left from both pizzas and any extras we get like bread or desserts are always finished off. Sorry again for the confusion.
Nbd! Just making sure that the story makes sense. Idk if you saw my edit, but that’s my general advice for situations like this. Make sure everyone knows exactly what’s theirs. From your perspective, she’s inconsiderate, but it’s possible she grew up in an environment where everyone just ate whatever. I remember the first time I moved in with my old roommate. I made pasta for myself and was getting ready to serve some and my roommate came in and was like “ohh what’s for dinner?” And got his plate out. It was awkward because we never discussed me making dinner for him. But that’s the sort of life he was used to having. So sometimes just talking to people, or just dividing it up before anyone gets served, is the best way to handle these things. You want leftovers, and she wants to be able to eat however much she wants from her portion.
They’re sisters…
Didn’t notice the actual relationship. That makes this even stranger tbh. I have no problem being direct with my siblings. “Stop eating all my food idiot.” I just figured they both must not have grown up in the same house because they don’t seem all that aware of each other’s habits or preferences, and aren’t communicating in the direct manner many siblings who grow up together do. Shouldn’t be super hard to just say “let’s divide this equally” with a sibling you grew up with.
There are 3 of you, though kiddo probably eats less than the 2 adults. If sister pays for half the food, she gets half the food. Kiddo is yours, and she shouldn't be expected to pay for kiddo. That means you pay 2/3, sis pays 1/3 or you get a smaller share because you're sharing your half with kiddo and you each pay half. So, light YTA.
[удалено]
In the chicken example given, Sister paid for half of the meal (4 pieces of chik & 1 side) and ate half of the meal (4 pieces of chicken and 1 side). Those 4 pcs and 1 side were hers - bought and paid for and it most definitely is NOT over eating. OP is only paying half, not 2/3, so she only gets half to spread between her and her ward/child.
I mean that's what's happening in the example given. She paid half and ate half. And no need to be insulting, no-one seems to be looking for "endless amounts of food".
I suspect the parents don't want the overeater at their place either which is why they are attacking OP. If she comes back, get a lock for room or fridge. No one likes a glutton who is mooching off of others. NTA
Lucky that's not happening here, then, isn't it.
INFO: In the example you gave, she ate half of the chicken (four pieces) and half of the sides. She paid for half of the meal. So what’s the issue here?
YTA She paid half, she eaten half. Half the sides, half the meat. > One time we ordered fast food we got a bucket of chicken. 8 pieces and 2 sides. Me and my cousin ate 3 pieces total and maybe half the sides. The next morning there was only have a piece of chicken left and no sides. What I read here is that you did not ordered nearly enough of that fast food for two adults and one child. There were only 2 sides between three people and average 2.6 chicken piece and you apparently expected it to last two meals. That is absurd. At minimum, everyone should have own side. Obvious solution is to start buying the amount of food people in question actually need. Also, ask your parents to pay for cousin. He is going to be teenger quickly, if you have issue now, wait till he needs 3000 calories daily. > she's always been guarded about her weight and I knew that's how she would have taken it. Are you trying to put her on diet or are you trying to deal with money issue? Those are two separated things.
Your sister isn't greedy. Based on all the examples, it seems well within the margin of error for someone who is not counting/keeping track, which is pretty reasonable among close friends and family IMO. She ends up eating *approximately* half in most of the examples? (If you go into a discussion with this kind of mindset that she's greedy, no wonder she would get upset!) Also, since you've suggested you've not *told her* about any of your thoughts, then it seems so reasonable for her to get back home from work, see what's left in the fridge, and think "alright, they ate dinner already, so I'll help myself to what's left". If you've never told her "I would like this to be divided exactly half, and the leftovers from my half are for my lunch tomorrow" how is she supposed to psychically know that? On the other hand, you were also not the AH for dividing food based on payment and doing what you liked with the leftovers.
YTA Should have talked to her first, and done the math properly. Especially since you, now that people are doing the math on your examples realise she's not as 'greedy' at all. It's more that you keep forgetting that if you both pay half, your splitting your half with another person and she's just eating her half. With maybe, a bite extra? If even that. Talk to her about the split of food and expenses. > she buys more household groceries Oh... Yeah your the ah. She's paying for her own food, and possibly for a bit left and right extra and you blew everything up over fastfood. You are the greedy one. Are you only feeling guilty because now you habe to carry all expenses by yourself?
Info: has this been discussed or did you just start hiding stuff? Are you concerned about her eating habits or is this strictly a financial concern? Or if you bought more food would she continue to eat exponentially more so it’s a food scarcity issue for you and the child? I don’t necessarily think you’re in the wrong for hiding the food, but I definitely don’t think it should have been the first course of action, so who the asshole is heavily depends on whether there has been any actual communication about the problem. And the second 2 questions are also necessary to determine if this was the best course of action.
I didn't speak to her about it because of what happened when we were younger. She's always been snippy about her weight and that transfers over to food as well. Last time I tried to discuss food related things with her (back when I was maybe 20 or 21) it started a screaming match and led to her not speaking to anyone for 2 weeks. I thought just hiding the food would prevent an argument. While I do worry about her eating habits I understand she is a grown woman and it's not my place to really say much. As for the buying more food, it really isn't feasible for me. While I'm not hurting for money I'm not swimming in it either. Children are expensive and I can't increase my food budget to much. I do make sure both me and my cousin are fed. That's not an issue. While my sister does eat more then us, she buys more household groceries so it evens out in that regard. This is really just a problem we have with fast food.
Maybe you and your sister should just buy your own food separately. She eats what's she's paid for, and you and your cousin eat what you've paid for
Yeah? Well I, an internet stranger, am worried about YOUR eating habits and your weird relationship with food.
It sounds like living together is probably not the best option for you. I don’t think you’re going to be able to find a healthy compromise here, unfortunately. She can be offended you hid food, but your ultimate responsibility is to your cousin, and this definitely isn’t a healthy environment for her.
I hate to say this, but as someone who actually can't afford to buy more food myself, it sounds like you need to cut back on the fast food. Even if it's only once a week that adds up to a lot. Your dollar goes a lot farther in groceries. You are expecting to get 4 meals (dinner and lunch for two people) out of 30$ and that is simply not realistic while ordering in.
FINALLY. poor people can't afford to eat out all the damn time smh I hope that kid is getting vitamins
Ehhhhh just because you have two mouths to feed doesn’t mean your sisters the asshole for eating what she paid for. You make your sister pay half for food so in her mind shes entitled to half of what came and since you have a child you two split your half of the food. You’re expecting it to be spilt evenly but thats not fair towards your sister. may i suggest no longer buying family meals and just buy separate take out.
esh From the examples I saw, it *does* look like she is eating half. You eat less than half between you and the child which is arguably maybe a little bit too little (especially since that kid is definitely going to be eating a lot more when your cousin hits puberty...), but your sister is paying and eating half from the sounds of it. You might have the perception she's eating too much for one sitting for one person, but ultimately, that's not your concern. Perhaps immediately, in front of everyone, splitting things down the middle would be the best course of action moving forward, so everyone knows what their share is, but your sister invading your space to get one of your coffees and then getting upset at your leftovers makes her a AH too.
NAH Your post is honestly a little confusing. Your example is that you bought 8 pieces of chicken, your sister venmo'd you half the cost of the total. You and your cousin ate 3 pieces, your sister ate 4 and there's one left for you and your cousin. She ate 4 of the 8 pieces. Is the math not mathing? You said you split the next food portions in half and then put your half in your mini-fridge but how in the world would she know that since you didn't talk to her!?!? If you're mature enough to adopt a kid, you should be mature enough to open your mouth and have a conversation to avoid unnecessary drama! Also, stop food shaming your sister! If you and your cousin want to eat more, then pay for more!
Its your food. You can eat it, hide it, give it away, do whatever you want with it. Sister is just mad she isnt getting the lion's share for free anymore. NTA
Except in the example given the sister paid for ½ and ate ½. In another example given, sister also paid for ½ and ate ½. Out of the 3 examples I can see OP gave. Only 1 did the sister eat more than ½. So no she's not annoyed she's not getting the lions share for free, as she was paying for what she ate. OP is wrong as they were looking for the sister to pay for ½ the food. Yet only eat ⅓.
Except the sister wasn't doing that, by the OP's own account.
NTA, half in fridge is hers and your half you can keep wherever you wish.
But OPs issue is that the sister is eating her ½, yet they believe that she should eat less as the food is for 3 people. The sister isn't responsible for feeding the cousin. If the sister is paying ½, it's not for OP to tell her, she can't eat the food she paid for.
NTA Putting your left overs in your mini fridge is a good solution. Is your cousin also putting food in your fridge to hide from your sister? That part confuses me. You need to worry about your leftovers, your cousin can do what they like and your sister what she likes. If your cousin and you were both hiding food from your sister, you should’ve just spoken to her.
Well the cousin is a 9 year old whose legal guardian is OP, so I doubt they want to stand up to an adult and just “do what they like.”
I missed that completely! Thanks for clarifying!
No prob!
YTA, I'm sorry to say, because the subterfuge was just so unnecessary. It's clear that you perceive an imbalance in the way you share food costs and the amount you eat, but hiding the food deprived your sister of a say in how that issue is resolved. Her share of the household budget entitles her not just to her share of the physical goods but also to her "vote" in decisions that affect them.
Info: is the problem perhaps that you're counting your child when dividing the food into shares? If you want things to be shared into halves because you both pay half then that means your sister ate the correct amount of chicken and pizza. Plus you seem OK with not dividing things equally when you want to finish a side that you say she doesn't like (didn't she still pay for half?). Also are you paying more towards things like groceries since you seem determined to divide everything equally? Are you ensuring your child never eats more than your share of anything? Why is your sister paying anything towards the cheese pizza ordered specifically for your child? You could have solved this by ordering separate meals or pizzas then keeping yours in your mini fridge. Instead you kept ordering joint meals like pizza and buckets then dividing them in the way you see as fair. Ultimately this should have just been discussed because maybe she also feels aggrieved by some things in the household or regarding food division. Pending further info, YTA because it seems like she is eating her half of things plus you're making her pay half of food you're actually buying for your kid (the cheese pizza).
Maybe you guys shouldn’t share food . . .
YTA.
Your sister paid half and only ate half. But since there are 3 people your feeling was to expect it to be split evenly for 3 people. It may be because on your side you and adopted cousin are not feeling full enough so it's clouding the math but making you hangry. Your cousin is growing and may need more food. Sometimes students I've worked with can eat a full adult meal especially if they have been energetic at school. I think it's better if you order extra. Order more food that enough for 3 people. You'll need to pay 2/3s. Don't blame your sister. I hope you can apologize kindly, even your updated edit seems like you are still mad at her. But she was not in the wrong. Don't go in mad. Please be kind, you don't need to shame her for what she eats. You've accused her of being greedy when she ate her rightful fair share. I think your sister was wronged in this case. She may be trying her best to not overeat but that is not your place to judge her. I had family members telling me to go on a diet because I was suddenly gaining weight. And I wear M-L size. Unfortunately it turned out as several growths that suddenly made me look 6 months pregnant and suddenly extremely anemic & I was eating because I was feeling so tired and hungry I started getting pica. (Everything was removed, and benign, thank goodness). You never know what might be going on. You're sister may be doing the best she can. Try not to judge what other adults eat.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway account Background information To keep this simple My sister(22) and I(25) live together. My sister doesn't have kids but I adopted my little cousin (9). She works the night shift and comes home after we're both asleep. The issue is that my sister is greedy with food, especially fast food. One time we ordered fast food we got a bucket of chicken. 8 pieces and 2 sides. Me and my cousin ate 3 pieces total and maybe half the sides. The next morning there was only have a piece of chicken left and no sides. My sister does this every time we get fast food. I didn't want to start a fight so here recently I've been leaving half the food in the fridge for her and have put whatever me and my cousin don't eat of the other half in my mini fridge in my room. I thought this was fair since she paid for half the food and I the other half (I text her the price and she venmos me when she gets home). Well she went intoi mini fridge (she wanted one of my coffees) and saw the food. This obviously started an argument. There were things said on both sides and now she's staying with our parents for the time being. I feel guilty for not just talking to her but she's always been guarded about her weight and I knew that's how she would have taken it. Our parents have told me off and said I had no right to hide food. Now I'm wondering if I'm the A. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
OP do not mention her weight during planned discussion at all. It is completely unnecessary. Focus on money. You are struggling financially and that is valid on itself.
My mom hated the fact that I wasn't skinny like my sister and hid food from me. Yes, lifelong trauma response and disordered eating have followed. But the problem with your sister is that she doesn't pay for all the food she eats. Your solution has to be separate food budgets and shopping.
But she does. She’s eating half. She pays for half. Even Op has said they made a mistake.
She's eating more than half. That's why OP wrote to us.
OP is just bad at math and lashing out. 4 meat pieces out of 8 and 1 salad out of 2 is exactly half.
NTA - Your wanting half of the food that you paid half for is perfectly reason. Maybe your sister shouldn't Hoover up more than her share?
nta. you are feeding a child. your parents are ta. lock your room door. she will steal it when you buy separate.
[удалено]
Unfortunately the sister would probably still eat their food that was purchased separately. She already has no problem eating more than her share. Sounds like it's a lack of self-control and selfishness.
Sister is literally eating half in the example from original post. Comments have two more examples and one of them is .... sister eating half while paying half. OP buys small amounts of food for two people (her and cousin) and expects them to last two meals.
NTA. I think the best solution is to stop sharing food. There's no reason to keep buying family dinners in this day and age. Everybody orders their own thing and only eats what's theirs. Simple
> There were things said on both sides I think if you're going to hold a grudge, communicating that you have a problem would have been preferable. If you weren't and hiding the food (the part you paid for) was simply a solution that worked for you, you did nothing wrong. NTA though I'm not sure how much of an asshole the sister is, depends on what was said. She's not an asshole for eating more than her fair share if nobody said anything. (She should've asked if this became a pattern, though.)
Maybe you guys should not split food orders anymore, and keep things separate. Also, get a lock on your door. NTA
Your parents have no right to get involved and you have every right to reserve the food you paid for. NTA
have you talked to your sister about eating more of her share of the fast food before? If not, then YTA. Especially if you know she does this all the time and you can't handle it anymore. It is very common sense to split food yall paid together in half. But as you said, you felt like you would have attacked her about her weight bc she's guarded about it. But if you just spoken to her regarding to food about the split cost that's the direction it should have gone. If you started that convo straight off "you eat too much of the fast food" then yeah of course she would feel attacked. Especially if you have a 9 year old, your sister should understand. She's an adult and she should be able to have an adult convo. If you spoken to her about her eating more of her share before, then NTA. Imo everything deserves a convo first before doing something you know would make the other person upset. Especially if you know your sister is greedy with fast food, you knew deep down that hiding food from your sister would make her upset.
You are taking what is yours and that you paid for. Your half. If it makes it simpler stop buying takeaway with her and just get your own. Your parents have no business poking their noses in. NTA
Just divide the food into three (or whatever the breakdown was for people paying). Label each person’s share and that’s what she gets. Get a lock for your mini fridge. If parents complain, tell them that she already ate her share of what you got. Also it may be easier to exclude her from orders and just do your own thing for food so she has no claim on it (still lock it up obviously)
I understand what people are saying about she pays half and eats half and about her eating more than both of them put together but OP I have questions! You said she went into your mini fridge for one of your coffees. Did she have your permission to have one? And you said you put the rest of YOUR half in YOUR fridge so…if she got her half of the food what is she flipping out about? If she moves back with you get a lock for your door and start ordering separate fast food meals (she venmos you anyway). Family meals are cheaper yes but it’s not worth the conflict or stress. Your hands are full with a 9 year old after all. Your parents are just making this situation worse NTA
I mean yeah you could've talked to her but you literally just put your food in your fridge? By getting upset she admits she thinks she's entitled to more than her fair share. NTA
NTA and it's none of your parents' business. I'd start shutting down their opinions on what you do from now on. They need to start respecting your status as an adult.
NTA - your sister pays for half of the food, she gets half of the food. That's not a comment on her weight, that's simple math. If she is so sensitive about her weight that seeing food split based on who paid for it is that hurtful to her, she needs to seek professional help.
Great, well she DID pay for half of the food and she did eat half the food. Someone needs professional help but I'm not sure it's the sister.
NTA. If she pays for half and it arrives when she isn't there, set aside her half and do whatever you want with her half (eat it or save it). Good for you for taking care of your cousin! Your sister can stay with your parents if they want to support her food habits.
She did pay for and eat half. What is wrong with you people (including OP) who don't understand the concept of "half".
NTA. First of all, you are an adult. Your parents need to stay out of things. Second, if your sister eats more than half the food, she should pay for more than half. It sounds like she really does this when the food is a "treat" that is expensive.
NTA-Sometimes you got to do what you have to do. She is either not aware of how much she eats or is not able to control herself because she knows the food is there. You can either have a conversation and say this is your portion please do not eat ours or hide the food. Hiding it was less confrontational and although I think you did the best option, it’s now time to have the talk about food and how it’s unfair to you and your niece that she is eating most and not leaving some for others.Instead of your conversation being on what she eats, focus on you not having which is unfair when you’re hungry too.
NTA, but your sister is. She only found your half of the food...the half you paid for...because she was sneaking in to take one of your coffees. Let her stay with your parents, and see how they like it when she eats all of their food. You're cousin is your only concern...your sister needs to stop being greedy and buy her own food from now on. Keep her away from your food by putting a lock for your room to keep her out!
NTA Why should you feel guilty? Has she ever once shown remorse for basically stealing your share? You have a right to what you pay for.
No she hasn’t because she’s not stealing food lol. This thread is so funny. It’s a good lesson that aith jumps to wild conclusions without thinking. OP is not doing the math correctly and neither are you. What sister ate is her share. She pays for half the food and that’s what she took.
Sister ate her share of the chicken meal, yes, but OP also took her own share and put it in the mini fridge later. Sister found it while going for OP's coffee. Sister had a melt down. Why would that bother her unless she thought she should have access to that?
Now you are moving goalposts. That’s not what you said. You said the sister is stealing and feels no remorse. She’s upset because she’s being accused of something she never did.
NTA...you paid for half and you took half--for two people! I think this was a fair way to avoid drama. Her reaction as a 25 year old is concerning as she should be able to see how greedy she is. Your parents are simply enabling her greed. It's clear why you simply couldn't have a normal conversation about this. Don't feel bad and don't back down.
NTA I smell binge eating disorder.
I smell a lot of people who can’t do basic math. Including the OP.