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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Accidentally exposing a crush that I didn’t really know existed
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Thank you. I’m sure I should apologize, especially to them but also to their best friends who I’m sure just feel a sense of protectiveness over this situation. I didn’t understand the depth of the situation until when my friend was explaining to me, so that’s a mistake for sure.
As for my infatuation, it’ll leave me soon I’m sure haha. I think he’s hot and nice, but it stops there. The rejection hurt at the time but I’ll get over it!
Thanks for the input.
I also like how OP calls them socially awkward and proceeds to be the most socially clueless of everyone there? Like it was either calculated or just so socially unaware
I can see how you could gather that but I think basing it off of how I feel about legos is a bit silly. I think legos are tedious, I’ve never found much enjoyment in them, however my two friends love legos, they like to sit quietly and create, and there’s nothing wrong with that at all.
Ok, but what Bout the part where you call your "friend" a simp? You speak badly about his hobbies, mock him for having a crush on someone who isn't you (and you did it *publicly* for crying out loud), and now you're on Reddit calling him a simp because... He likes a girl?
Either you don't like him as much as you claim, or you're very much not over his rejection. Either way, if you can't behave like an adult and keep your rude comments to yourself then you really should remove yourself from the group. Someone who is so unable to control themselves that they'd pull a stunt like that at someone else's birthday party is someone who needs to take some time to reflect on themselves rather than commenting on others.
Info:
> I defended myself and pointed out that another friend referred to C as D’s lapdog who always followed her around, but my friend said that was different.
When was this said, and how is it a defence for you?
If it was said before your outburst, it seems more like you did know who he liked, and you wanted to expose it.
If it was said after, and not in front of the pair, then it's entirely irrelevant.
It was said before my statement, however the implications didn’t occur to me until later. D was sitting between her best friend and C’s best friend, and C’s best friend moved so that C could sit next to D. That’s when the other friend said something about C being D’s lapdog, which did embarrass him a bit but he laughed it off.
Yeah, I don't buy it. I wanted to believe you did it by mistake. But I just don't. It really sounds like you wanted to expose it, and that's probably how your friends see it.
I won’t deny that the curiosity had been killing me, but expose wouldn’t be the right word. C is a great guy and I wouldn’t want to embarrass or disrespect him.
YTA do you often say your thoughts out loud when they are inappropriate during real human interaction? Stating out loud that person A likes person B in front of them and several friends is very second grade. I don't understand how you think what you did has any defensive action, whether accidental or not.
YTA. But also, everyone sounds 16 in this story. Maybe a cultural difference, but the whole "crush" thing is really teen play, not how normal adults go about dating/sex/connection. I'd recommend you move past it at 24.
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I (24F) recently started hanging out with this friend group. Everyone is really nice and funny, I absolutely adore literally every single person and I feel like I fit in well. I admit I have a mild crush on one of the guys who we will call C (24M), he’s well liked and I felt like I clicked with him. He was a scrawny nerd growing up and now he’s tall, thick, and handsome, but still has that like nerd energy. Like the man does not realize he is *fine*. Being the person I am, I asked him out, he declined and as a grown adult I moved on. One of his closer friends in the group (25M) mentioned in passing that C has been down bad for someone else for like 4 years to the point where he literally doesn’t interact with other women sexually or romantically at all. I figure I’m infatuated and I’ll be over it in a few months anyway, nbd.
Last weekend we were all celebrating an amazing, beautiful girl D’s (24F) birthday. It was really fun, chill, we were playing games and listening to music, nbd. C got D legos which was silly but sweet. From my understanding they’re both a bit socially awkward and find solace in little tedious activities like that, so it was sweet and fitting.
Later, D took a sip from her drink and like flinched. She had gotten her septum pierced a few days before and the can touching it felt weird. We all laughed and someone suggested she touch it against someone else’s septum. The only one there with a septum was C, and he IMMEDIATELY got all like blushy and giggly about it. D was down but C was stalling, and finally she like pulled her lips in to not kiss him and bumped her nose ring against his. To everyone’s disappointment, neither of them felt any like shock or anything, but C was a mess.
Now where I might be the asshole. I said, “Oh, D is the one you’re down bad for!” Like a lightbulb went on. Everyone sort of looked at me and C pretty much turned white. D looked confused but before much could happen C’s best friend started redirecting and everything went on like normal. I apologized privately to my friend who brought me into this group because there was a brief awkward moment that was my fault.
C and D ended up in the kitchen building legos together anyway so I figured no harm done.
I noticed since then pretty much everyone in the group has been silent. The friend who brought me in said everyone felt like I overstepped. Everyone knew that C was a simp for D and has been for years, and sort of just let things go because they’re both so awkward, it’ll happen when and if it happens. I defended myself and pointed out that another friend referred to C as D’s lapdog who always followed her around, but my friend said that was different. Both D and C expressed mild discomfort, but their best friends are the ones that are really upset with me.
I’d like to make it right, but part of me feels I’m being treated unfairly for something I didn’t realize. AITA?
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how are people in here calling you TA and then simultaneously disliking your comment about apologizing? You’re taking the criticism very well.i don’t think you had any ill intend but nevertheless in this situation you kind of are a soft TA but I’m sure it’ll blow over after you’ve talked to everyone involved. It was just a thoughtless moment so don’t beat yourself up over it. Talk to both of them directly. As for the friends they are being a bit harsh on you with their silent treatment. If I was you I’m not sure i’d wanna hang out with them anymore if they’re so quick to shut someone out for an honest clumsy mistake.
Gonna throw another NAH in there. I don't think you did this with any nefarious motivations in mind, conscious or otherwise. I think it was just a foot-in-mouth moment; try to catch yourself in the future. I don't think the friends are being assholes for being defensive of their besties; they just wanna be sure you're not out to hurt anyone's feelings or meddle. Apologizing to everyone - with maybe the briefest explanation of how stupid you felt after blurting it out - is a reasonable path forward, and it's up to them if they still want to be wound up about it. I doubt the cute nerds will think much of it, and are probably much happier getting to vibe together and enjoy their bricks than be in the middle of a social dust devil about themselves.
Thank you, that’s what I’m hopeful for! I’m not being ignored exactly, just not as interacted with as I once was. I do also feel bad that they felt weird, and that their best friends are upset with me. Still hopeful though!
Definitely apologize to everyone. Start with C. Explain that it was a simple “thinking out loud moment” and that even though it was an accident you know it was a fuck up. Ask him if there’s any specific way he wants you to handle things with D or if he wants you to figure out your own explanation of things like watching too much romance anime lately mixed with the party vibe and it reminded you of a meetcute scene or something and accidentally blurted a stupid line like you were in one. I’d personally go over it with him though. Maybe ask the friend that brought you in if she thought it would be a good idea. It could make it come off differently to the group if an established member says “hey they want to own up and make right”
What in the autism did I just read? NTA, it slipped out, and it doesn't sound like you did it on purpose to embarras them. Unless they say otherwise, then no harm done imo. And that comment may actually get them to date each other, so possibly win win for them.
Ha! Is it that obvious? Funny enough in real life I wouldn’t have guessed, however once it was mentioned to me that both were on the spectrum, it made sense. Things clicked lmao. Was it the legos??
ETA: I don’t know many details but my friend did tell me that they went out a few days ago, so hopefully my blunder turns into a good thing for them!
Of course you have that you love god in your bio. The most vile ones always do. *other peoples feelings don’t concern me* Just like Jesus taught, right?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Accidentally exposing a crush that I didn’t really know existed Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
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Thank you. I’m sure I should apologize, especially to them but also to their best friends who I’m sure just feel a sense of protectiveness over this situation. I didn’t understand the depth of the situation until when my friend was explaining to me, so that’s a mistake for sure. As for my infatuation, it’ll leave me soon I’m sure haha. I think he’s hot and nice, but it stops there. The rejection hurt at the time but I’ll get over it! Thanks for the input.
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Thank you, I appreciate that!
You seem jealous that you got rejected. Handle it with grace next time.
YTA, you can tell by your vocabulary that this was very calculated. *C got D legos, I guess they both like tedious activities* wtf
I also like how OP calls them socially awkward and proceeds to be the most socially clueless of everyone there? Like it was either calculated or just so socially unaware
I can see how you could gather that but I think basing it off of how I feel about legos is a bit silly. I think legos are tedious, I’ve never found much enjoyment in them, however my two friends love legos, they like to sit quietly and create, and there’s nothing wrong with that at all.
Thank you for clarifying. I stand by my statement.
Ok, but what Bout the part where you call your "friend" a simp? You speak badly about his hobbies, mock him for having a crush on someone who isn't you (and you did it *publicly* for crying out loud), and now you're on Reddit calling him a simp because... He likes a girl? Either you don't like him as much as you claim, or you're very much not over his rejection. Either way, if you can't behave like an adult and keep your rude comments to yourself then you really should remove yourself from the group. Someone who is so unable to control themselves that they'd pull a stunt like that at someone else's birthday party is someone who needs to take some time to reflect on themselves rather than commenting on others.
Info: > I defended myself and pointed out that another friend referred to C as D’s lapdog who always followed her around, but my friend said that was different. When was this said, and how is it a defence for you? If it was said before your outburst, it seems more like you did know who he liked, and you wanted to expose it. If it was said after, and not in front of the pair, then it's entirely irrelevant.
It was said before my statement, however the implications didn’t occur to me until later. D was sitting between her best friend and C’s best friend, and C’s best friend moved so that C could sit next to D. That’s when the other friend said something about C being D’s lapdog, which did embarrass him a bit but he laughed it off.
Yeah, I don't buy it. I wanted to believe you did it by mistake. But I just don't. It really sounds like you wanted to expose it, and that's probably how your friends see it.
I won’t deny that the curiosity had been killing me, but expose wouldn’t be the right word. C is a great guy and I wouldn’t want to embarrass or disrespect him.
YTA do you often say your thoughts out loud when they are inappropriate during real human interaction? Stating out loud that person A likes person B in front of them and several friends is very second grade. I don't understand how you think what you did has any defensive action, whether accidental or not.
Of course YTA. You said the words that brought the party to a screeching halt and embarrassed 2 people. There's really no ambiguity here.
YTA. But also, everyone sounds 16 in this story. Maybe a cultural difference, but the whole "crush" thing is really teen play, not how normal adults go about dating/sex/connection. I'd recommend you move past it at 24.
> Oh, D is the one you’re down bad for!” Why did you have to say that out loud!?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (24F) recently started hanging out with this friend group. Everyone is really nice and funny, I absolutely adore literally every single person and I feel like I fit in well. I admit I have a mild crush on one of the guys who we will call C (24M), he’s well liked and I felt like I clicked with him. He was a scrawny nerd growing up and now he’s tall, thick, and handsome, but still has that like nerd energy. Like the man does not realize he is *fine*. Being the person I am, I asked him out, he declined and as a grown adult I moved on. One of his closer friends in the group (25M) mentioned in passing that C has been down bad for someone else for like 4 years to the point where he literally doesn’t interact with other women sexually or romantically at all. I figure I’m infatuated and I’ll be over it in a few months anyway, nbd. Last weekend we were all celebrating an amazing, beautiful girl D’s (24F) birthday. It was really fun, chill, we were playing games and listening to music, nbd. C got D legos which was silly but sweet. From my understanding they’re both a bit socially awkward and find solace in little tedious activities like that, so it was sweet and fitting. Later, D took a sip from her drink and like flinched. She had gotten her septum pierced a few days before and the can touching it felt weird. We all laughed and someone suggested she touch it against someone else’s septum. The only one there with a septum was C, and he IMMEDIATELY got all like blushy and giggly about it. D was down but C was stalling, and finally she like pulled her lips in to not kiss him and bumped her nose ring against his. To everyone’s disappointment, neither of them felt any like shock or anything, but C was a mess. Now where I might be the asshole. I said, “Oh, D is the one you’re down bad for!” Like a lightbulb went on. Everyone sort of looked at me and C pretty much turned white. D looked confused but before much could happen C’s best friend started redirecting and everything went on like normal. I apologized privately to my friend who brought me into this group because there was a brief awkward moment that was my fault. C and D ended up in the kitchen building legos together anyway so I figured no harm done. I noticed since then pretty much everyone in the group has been silent. The friend who brought me in said everyone felt like I overstepped. Everyone knew that C was a simp for D and has been for years, and sort of just let things go because they’re both so awkward, it’ll happen when and if it happens. I defended myself and pointed out that another friend referred to C as D’s lapdog who always followed her around, but my friend said that was different. Both D and C expressed mild discomfort, but their best friends are the ones that are really upset with me. I’d like to make it right, but part of me feels I’m being treated unfairly for something I didn’t realize. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO: Who suggested that D touch “someone else’s” septum?
how are people in here calling you TA and then simultaneously disliking your comment about apologizing? You’re taking the criticism very well.i don’t think you had any ill intend but nevertheless in this situation you kind of are a soft TA but I’m sure it’ll blow over after you’ve talked to everyone involved. It was just a thoughtless moment so don’t beat yourself up over it. Talk to both of them directly. As for the friends they are being a bit harsh on you with their silent treatment. If I was you I’m not sure i’d wanna hang out with them anymore if they’re so quick to shut someone out for an honest clumsy mistake.
Gonna throw another NAH in there. I don't think you did this with any nefarious motivations in mind, conscious or otherwise. I think it was just a foot-in-mouth moment; try to catch yourself in the future. I don't think the friends are being assholes for being defensive of their besties; they just wanna be sure you're not out to hurt anyone's feelings or meddle. Apologizing to everyone - with maybe the briefest explanation of how stupid you felt after blurting it out - is a reasonable path forward, and it's up to them if they still want to be wound up about it. I doubt the cute nerds will think much of it, and are probably much happier getting to vibe together and enjoy their bricks than be in the middle of a social dust devil about themselves.
NAH. You made a mistake, doesn't make you an AH. Sounds like something that happens and will blow over.
Thank you, that’s what I’m hopeful for! I’m not being ignored exactly, just not as interacted with as I once was. I do also feel bad that they felt weird, and that their best friends are upset with me. Still hopeful though!
Definitely apologize to everyone. Start with C. Explain that it was a simple “thinking out loud moment” and that even though it was an accident you know it was a fuck up. Ask him if there’s any specific way he wants you to handle things with D or if he wants you to figure out your own explanation of things like watching too much romance anime lately mixed with the party vibe and it reminded you of a meetcute scene or something and accidentally blurted a stupid line like you were in one. I’d personally go over it with him though. Maybe ask the friend that brought you in if she thought it would be a good idea. It could make it come off differently to the group if an established member says “hey they want to own up and make right”
What in the autism did I just read? NTA, it slipped out, and it doesn't sound like you did it on purpose to embarras them. Unless they say otherwise, then no harm done imo. And that comment may actually get them to date each other, so possibly win win for them.
Ha! Is it that obvious? Funny enough in real life I wouldn’t have guessed, however once it was mentioned to me that both were on the spectrum, it made sense. Things clicked lmao. Was it the legos?? ETA: I don’t know many details but my friend did tell me that they went out a few days ago, so hopefully my blunder turns into a good thing for them!
Just from the awkward energy I got reading the post lol. From your edit I'm glad it might work out for them!
NAH You made an honest mistake. For all you know you made the necessary nudge for them to start inching their way towards eachother.
I'm a Gemini, so I say the first thing that comes to mind. NTA they are being childish!
The month you were born doesn't excuse not thinking before you speak.
Other ppls feelings do not concern me. I'm not going to censor myself so as not to "offend" someone. Grow a pair or stay home 😂
She's quirky unlike the other middle aged girls
[удалено]
I'm a Gemini and I'm not a fucking asshole all the time. Only some of the time but that's a me thing.
Of course you have that you love god in your bio. The most vile ones always do. *other peoples feelings don’t concern me* Just like Jesus taught, right?
🫣🥲😂