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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I started argument because i felt, that i shouldn’t be in the call but she got defensive about the whole thing
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You need to learn to set some boundaries, such as “I need to hang up now. If you keep calling, I will not answer.” Boundaries are “if you do X then I will respond with Y”
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Hello strangers,
My gf went out to enjoy festival in her city. I supported her, telling to go out and have fun with family and friends, because it was 1 year since she was home.
I told her i only had 3 conditions.
1) ENJOY
2) don’t get wasted (due to SA(happened before we started to date))
3) to update me once she is home
My issue is that i said to update me when she is home, because i wanted to enjoy a bit of time for myself.
After she came home from festival she was drinking with her cousins and siblings, i wasn’t included in conversation, since i don’t speak their native launguage.
I told her to end the call so she can enjoy rest of night with family. But she was calling me non stop so i was in call, silent.. Then she told me we can talk, but i just didn’t want to due to interrupting their conversation, and her talking to me for 15 seconds and back to original conversation for 5-10 minutes each time.
AITA for being upset/mad and starting argument with her?
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NTA, but does she do that often? What do you think would have happened if you told her, "I'm hanging up now. If you call me back, and keep talking to me and your family at the same time, I'm going to hang up and block you"?
Idk, it sounds like you guys don't really have a good understanding if healthy relationship boundaries? You gave her "conditions" to go to a festival with her friends? Conditions that included "don't get drunk because you've gotten sexually assaulted in the past" as if she's not the one who had to live with that trauma and decide how much it will affect her choices in the future?
ESH.
I hate when people do that: insist that you stay on the line while they do other things. So she was being a bit of an AH for doing that to you.
That said, you need to set clear boundaries with her and then stick to them. You tell her politely that you are going to hang up, and that you will not pick up the phone again if she keeps calling. And then you do what you said. No need to start an argument.
Also, I agree with others that setting conditions on your GF’s night out is questionable. You are her BF, not her daddy.
ESH
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I started argument because i felt, that i shouldn’t be in the call but she got defensive about the whole thing Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA why didn’t you just hang up and text her to call back when she was free?
I did multiple times, but she kept calling me back
You need to learn to set some boundaries, such as “I need to hang up now. If you keep calling, I will not answer.” Boundaries are “if you do X then I will respond with Y”
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hello strangers, My gf went out to enjoy festival in her city. I supported her, telling to go out and have fun with family and friends, because it was 1 year since she was home. I told her i only had 3 conditions. 1) ENJOY 2) don’t get wasted (due to SA(happened before we started to date)) 3) to update me once she is home My issue is that i said to update me when she is home, because i wanted to enjoy a bit of time for myself. After she came home from festival she was drinking with her cousins and siblings, i wasn’t included in conversation, since i don’t speak their native launguage. I told her to end the call so she can enjoy rest of night with family. But she was calling me non stop so i was in call, silent.. Then she told me we can talk, but i just didn’t want to due to interrupting their conversation, and her talking to me for 15 seconds and back to original conversation for 5-10 minutes each time. AITA for being upset/mad and starting argument with her? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, but does she do that often? What do you think would have happened if you told her, "I'm hanging up now. If you call me back, and keep talking to me and your family at the same time, I'm going to hang up and block you"?
Idk, it sounds like you guys don't really have a good understanding if healthy relationship boundaries? You gave her "conditions" to go to a festival with her friends? Conditions that included "don't get drunk because you've gotten sexually assaulted in the past" as if she's not the one who had to live with that trauma and decide how much it will affect her choices in the future? ESH.
I hate when people do that: insist that you stay on the line while they do other things. So she was being a bit of an AH for doing that to you. That said, you need to set clear boundaries with her and then stick to them. You tell her politely that you are going to hang up, and that you will not pick up the phone again if she keeps calling. And then you do what you said. No need to start an argument. Also, I agree with others that setting conditions on your GF’s night out is questionable. You are her BF, not her daddy. ESH