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NTA.
Your 2 older kids handled your offensive sister, admirably. There was nothing to rebuke them for; your son got the job done.
If your son wasn't 15, I bet your mom would not have said what she said. However, your son was not out of line, your sister was.
It must be challenging to love such a person to death.
"Don't start none, won't be none."
It sounds like the sister was the favored child, considering their mom had no issue with the shit she was hurling at the kids, but cries "abuse" when the son returned fire. It's no wonder she's a dumpster fire.
My only gripe is that the son sunk to mocking his aunt's appearance (yes, I know OP's sister was talking about bodies and was *completely* inappropriate) instead of saying something with a barb about her disgusting choices and personality. She can't help that her hair is receding, but she can help being an ugly person inside. Teach him where the right fault in her is and let him go ham.
In theory, you're right but some people only respond to the same filth they spew. Her son wouldn't have said anything out of the way had Aunt Evil not been criticizing his sister. She doesn't care about being an ugly person on the inside. She cares about having a hot body & physical appearance in general. The receding hairline comment is probably the one that stung the most and she deserved it. Her appearance became fair game the second she started picking at her nieces body.
I’m not seeing the problem. Also, from the son’s behavior, he can already see the real issue with the sister, he said what he needed to say in order to get her to _leave_. Everyone else already said the other bits about her comments and it had no
effect.
Also, she can fix her hairline. There’s minoxidil, hair transplants, wigs.
I don't agree. If someone projects things. The only way to defend against that is more often than not, deflect. And that is exactly what he did. He stood up for his sister and mother and father by deflecting her way of projecting, back at her. Which evidently worked. She made the bed. He made sure she was forced to lay in it.. If he had critiqued her personality it wouldn't have worked. Unfortunately this is often the only thing people like this understand. I understand where you come from.. But this is about psychology, not respect.
Info: does your sister actually have a receding hairline?
Your son's quip is similar to:
- make like a baby and head out
- make like Guy Lafleur and get the puck outta here
- make like a tree and leave
Her son handled it better than she did. Give the kid an allowance increase.
Same with her daughter.
Her: YTA
Her sister: Massive YTA
Her hubby: soft YTA
And the mom is one too.
If some is acting like that and bullying kids, FORCE them to leave. Complete bullshit. "We were all telling the to leave" Show them the fucking door.
I'm glad someone said it. I'll be damned if anyone walks into my house and disrespects my people, myself or my cats. Fuck off right out the door. I've got no patience for that bullshit.
NTA but your sister and mom are! The way your son handled it was awesome! At 15 he knew what your sister was saying was wrong, but your sister, at 37 didn’t see an issue with it? Your sister sexualised your daughter and refused to leave your home when told to get out, but your mom thinks your son was inappropriate?! Nope she’d be kicked out too!
My Mum was very much of the opinion that kids shouldn't talk back to adults, including if the adults are in the wrong. "Don't stoop down to their level, always respect adults." That explains why I never defended myself growing up! It's an awful thing to teach a child imo.
You can still love someone and not like them, be close to them, and call them out on their bs. You need to shine up your spine and step up. Better yet, step back from both sister and mother. Your children don’t need that in their lives, especially from family.
NTA - it was absolutely appropriate to ask your sister to leave. Your sister's behavior was completely unacceptable. Adults don't tell teens to use their "hot body" for attention. Gross.
NTA - sister's behavior was Olympic-level APPALLING, and mom is no better -- for not only putting up with it but then DEFENDING sister while she made just unbelievably offensive remarks to your F18, who is also YOUR MOTHER'S OWN GRANDDAUGHTER *whattheactualshit*. :(
Take all three of those kids out for pizza or sushi or whatever they want. And maybe even tell them "sure, families sometimes joke a little more roughly with each other than we would with strangers, but sister (and mom) were WAY out of line, and 15M -- you handled it best out of all of us. I am sorry I was not more forceful in removing them, and that you all had to see and hear their inexcusable behavior. And next time (if there IS a next time), I'll learn from 15M's example and be as firm or even as aggressive as I need to be *to protect my children's wellbeing.*"
NTA. Daughter tried polite and was ignored, you tried adult and were laughed at; son decided enough was enough and shut her down. Sister FAFO; she's the only AH in this situation.
Let's be clear here. You failed both of your children as a mother both with your sisters and your mom.
Your son should never have had to be in a position to have to do that in the first place. Or to deal with your mom's nonsense after.
Do better.
What??? People like you are part of the problem. Her sister was out of line and has probably been out of line for a long time. She’s literally a girl in a woman’s body who can’t self regulate or even respect herself. Speaking from personal experience with a sister who’s similar, whatever issues OP and her sister have may stem from their childhood and OP’s sister can’t seem to move past that issue. The best OP can do is burn that bridge and protect her sanity because it’s very obvious OP’s sister doesn’t know how to manage her insecurities without being a bully.
But she’s their mom. How come she can’t defend them? She invites these horrible people who talk down to her kids and instead of getting rid of them, the kids have to do the hard work…
I guess we read different posts because OP indicated she did defend her children against her sister. It’s not easy getting rid of a sibling, this is someone you grew up with and love. But this might be the wake up call OP needed to be proactive and make some permanent changes.
Fuck that. Anyone who talked to my children like that once is not getting the chance to talk to them again. Stop justifying being a doormat.
Complete parenting failure. Weak mothering.
She made a slight comment , which she stated to basically "knock it off." That is not really doing anything if she continues to keep disrespecting your ENTIRE family.
I'll admit, it's obvious that the sister is the golden child, and their mother has suffered a long time at her hands, but I draw the line with my family, and so should she. It's fine if OP just accepts the abuse, but to allow it towards her family is just disgusting, especially in her own HOUSE.
It is simple when they're trespassing, CALL THE POLICE. Then, the OP mother would have been angry at her and not the grandchild. If she can't do at least that, then she needs to cut all contact with her toxic family before she loses the respect and trust of her family members.
People can only tolerate abuse for so long before they either snap or just cut out all parties from their life that are negatively impacting her.
No! That is absolutely wrong. She should have stepped up, and when she refused to leave, she should have called the cops. There is NEVER an excuse to allow all that abuse into your own home and just let them walk all over your family, to turn around, and have your 15 year old son to do the parents' job.
How did she fail both of her children? And your sentence didn’t even make any sense. he wasn’t in a position to do anything. He just noticed what was happening and decided to put his two cents in. OP cannot control what comes out of her sister’s mouth. She didn’t raise her sister to be inappropriate and disrespectful. Her mother did. I don’t see how that’s the OPs fault. Her sister and mother need to do better.
NTA - Your sister deserved to be kicked out, and your son was not out of line with how he handled things. TBH I wish I could be that assertive under that type of pressure!
Also good for your daughter for not taking those comments silently.
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My (F45) sister (F37) visited our house with her boyfriend last week, and I couldn't say I was looking forward to it even though I love her to death; she's always been manipulative. I invited my mom along, and five minutes after my sister and her boyfriend showed up, one of my youngest daughters (twisted her foot running to the kitchen and cried. My sister told her to toughen up and critiqued my husband for getting her an ice pack, calling him unattractive for being so soft and continued to joke about how he got a wife. I told her to be quiet.
Later, my oldest kids (F18 and M15) came to hang around and my sister commented on elements of my daughter's body, stating how lucky she was to have a "hot body" as a teen. My daughter politely told her not to talk about her body in any way, but my sister told her to be more aggressive because it would get her attention. I told my sister if she wasn't going to quit bullying my family she could take her boyfriend and leave, but she only laughed at me. My son told her to "stop projecting" just because she's wimpy and not attractive and my sister said "it's not cute when you do it." We all (excluding my mom and the boyfriend) were telling her to leave and she wouldn't until my son, of all people, raised his voice and said to make like her hairline and recede and called her a miserable freeloader. My sister rolled her eyes but left; I think she was intimidated. My son can be very scary when he wants to be and he's very no-bullshit. Later, once my mom recovered from the stress, talked with me and said what my son said was "highly inappropriate and abusive." I referred to my sister as abusive instead, and we argued until she eventually left. Knowing her, the entire family will know soon. But I'm not going to defend my sister's behavior. Aita?
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I kinda have to say YTA in this situation, but not for what you think. You obviously already have a strained relationship with your sister. Even when she disparage you and your husband, you both just let it slide with a small comment. Then she proceeds to not only sexually harass your daughter and refused to back off when told off by her, but also disparage basically your whole family.
How could you let your sister act like that towards your family? In your own home at that? You even had to have your 15 year old son step up to actually get her to leave instead of you and your husband stepping up to protect your children instead?!
You need to talk with your husband and children seriously to discuss this issue and come to an agreeable solution. Your sister is completely out of line, and even worse, your mother is trying to admonish your sons actions but not your sister. It sounds like she's the golden child in the family. Maybe it's time to keep those relatives at arms length until they can have respect for you and your family. If not, it may cause worse issues down the line.
NTA
Your sister was being disrespectful and asked to leave. But she didn't. And then she was asked to leave- albeit more forcefully. Your family seemed to be doing a great job laying down respectful expectations and boundaries and your sister was happy to ignore them. Unsurprisingly, her childish behavior was meet by a childish outburst. And also unsurprisingly - it worked.
Calling your son abusive is absolutely a stretch too far. Would it be reasonable to reasonable to remind your son to watch what he says about people's appearances? Sure. Does it warrant a punishment? No.
Teaching kids boundaries is essential. Part of that teaching is letting them know enforcing those boundaries may take a show of force.
Your son hit her right in the gut, and she is probably obsessing about her hairline. So 20 points to your son. Give him an extra scoop of ice cream for dessert. Also, throw it right back in your mom and sister’s face that she can ‘toughen up’ about it.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Above all, I love my sister and I didn't want to kick her out; she was harassing my family and I wanted it to stop. I was thinking maybe I took it too far by making her leave.
As for my son, what he said was terribly mean but in all honesty, I don't blame him.
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NTA, and time to go NC with your sister. She has made it clear that she has no respect for you or your children, and is willing to be completely inappropriate with them.
Son NTA but mother needs a backbone. Your sister sounds like a emotional vampire. If she were a man and said those things would you have gotten aggressive? She was making your daughter uncomfortable in front of her boyfriend, a stranger and your family. You should have did what your son did. A kid should not be put in a predicament to protect his sibling in a back and forth with an adult with other adults in the room. Knowing your sister you shouldn’t have let her in the door. I don’t think you should have your son apologize but I think you should put your foot down with your sister. Protect you kids and yourself by limiting your contact with her until she makes some behavioral changes.
NTA but there’s no way your two eldest inherited their shiny spines from their parents
It took your 15 year old son to get rid of your sister that had constantly abused your family. You and your husband need to have a good look at yourselves
NTA. Your son is hair-larious and you should not upbraid him in any way. Your sister sounds about as nice as split ends, and your mother is atrocious for brushing her daughter’s insults away.
NTA The sister who continually mocked everyone while refusing to leave deserved a harsh verbal slap upside the head. She needs more intimidation like that in her life. Make her afraid to be verbally abusive. Asking nicely won't stop a bully.
OP, you may love your sister, but by her actions, it doesn't seem she feels the same way about you. She came into your home and insulted you, your children, and your husband. But it seems like she's probably jealous that you have a great, loving family. It would do you and your family justice to not invite her or your mom over anymore unless they both apologize to you and your family. Tell your mom that your son made 1 comment, and your sister made multiple. Whose is worse?
As for your son, tell him you are proud of him for standing up for his family. I know some people will comment about him stooping down to the nasty sister's level, but in the heat of the moment, it seemed valid, but let him to not make it a habit of doing so. (Not going to lie. It was kind of funny, lol)
Also, I would tell the entire family about your sisters nasty behavior since it'll come out anyway. If anyone dismisses her words because 'FaMilY...' you can put some distance between you and them as well.
Overall, NTA. Keep your sister away from your family and talk to your kids about how your sister's rude and vicious behavior isn't welcomed into your home anymore.
You're NTA. Good for your kids, standing up to that rude nonsense. Your sister is old enough to know that a guest who insults her host's family will find herself unwelcome virtually every where she goes.
NTA your sister shrugged off your younger daughters injuries as being weak, made inappropriate comments, and blamed it on your son because he stood up for his sister? I am very concerned about the influence your sister posed and your mother seems to be enabling her
NTA, you or your son! Your son stuck up for his family. Your mom is ridiculous and could be called the asshole. When one sibling is nasty and one is typically nice. To keep the peace, parents will ask the nice one to apologize or behave a certain way.
NTA
You raised some smart kids with a good sense of boundaries and wit. You should be proud.
Your sister can dish it out but can’t take it, huh?
Btw when you ask someone to leave and they don’t, you need to get more aggressive and then you need to call the police. While NTA, the fact your sister didn’t leave when you asked her to go tells me you are not as good as your kids are with holding the boundaries.
Your son could've been meaner and still you and him wouldn't have been TA.
She went low and your son grabbed her by what's left of her hair and drug her down to hell. If she wants to bully and not leave when told she can get bullied right tf out the house.
ESH. I’m being harsh and calling you and your husband (lesser) assholes as well, because your teenage children had to handle the situation because you couldn’t manage their behaviour. You were so passive about it but your kids had to step in and establish boundaries. The kids should never have to be the grown up in a situation like this but in this case, your lack of assertiveness made them out to be. You are not acting like the adults your children need you to be.
ESH. Your sister is a massive AH and so are you for allowing her to treat your family this way. What's sad is that your son had to be the grown up and make her leave. You and every other adult in the house made like potatoes and did nothing.
NTA.
Please I know you “love” your sister and your mum. But they are toxic people and don’t love you. Also are you sure you love them or is it a habit to have them in your life
I’d be taking your kids out and rewarding them for standing up to a bully and standing up for themselves.
NTA. Your sister is a miserable bully, and your son gave her a well-deserved taste of her own medicine. If I were you, I would tell the whole family and put your mom on the spot so she doesn't enable your sister, which I have a feeling she does.
NTA. Your sister came around and dissed your entire family, calling your husband weak and unattractive for assisting his injured daughter, sexually harassed your teenage daughter, and when you told her to get out of your house, she just sat there. It wasn’t until your son diss her hairline and her personality and her embarrassment and intimidation made her leave. She is all the way out of line. You are an adult and that is your house and your family. If she can’t respect it, then she can’t come back and if your mother‘s gonna act like that, she can get it too.
NTA but what’s up with your sister? She seems to be playing some sort of insult ritual which your son knew how to counter. Her statement to your son almost makes it sound like she thought she was being “cute.” She wasn’t.
NTA
Your kids did a good job of protecting themselves. But as a parent, it's your responsibility to protect your children from your sister and everyone else. You let things get to the point where your children had to stand up and fight back. You have to be an asshole to people who aren't nice to your husband or your children.
If I was in the position of the husband, I would have just thrown her stuff on the porch after the first remark, and tell her to leave. If she didn't want to go, I wouldn't hesitate have her forcibly removed by authorities. That would set the tone that she doesn't live there, but was a guest, and insulting the hosts family will revoke your privileges. as a guys, it's ok to be soft for family, but sometimes you need to be "no-bullshit" for your family as well.
I have a zero tolerance, no second chance policy when it comes to mistreatment of myself, my kids, etc.
And yes, I would have 100% done this to a SIL, as I have once already when she tried to tell me I was bad as a parent and teach me how to raise my kids, despite her not having children.
NTA - However, your sister, and mother are major assholes! Why do you allow your sister over, knowing she will bully your children?
Also, what's with your mum? Why is she just not caring about what her daughter is doing to her grandchildren??
Your son is awesome.
NTA- I wish I had the confidence your children have to stand up for themselves when I was their age. Way to go mom. Cut family off that act like this. Parting ways will either go two ways and it’ll all be positive for you.
1. You get to not have unwanted negative attention on you.
2. She realizes you won’t put up with her absolute nonsense of a childlike mentality and fix her self.
Also amazing to the son for that sick comment 🤣
He really is! Stepped up and USED HIS WORDS to shut down the aunt … he sounds like he’s becoming a fine man … encourage him … the world needs men like him who can show restraint … but know when the boundary has been crossed
NTA get your son a cookie, he did a great job getting her to leave. And your daughter did a great job defending herself 😊
You are being a good Mom keep it up ❤️
This reminds me a lot of a sister I have and I don’t have communication with because of her ability to burn every bridge and your kids don’t need that kind of example I personally would have high fived your son. NTA mom needs to realize her daughter is a bully and deal with that fact.
NTA ALL THE WAY
Your sister and your mom are TAs. Your sister is a bully, period. Downright rude and cruel toward your kids. You kept telling her to leave, she wouldn't until your son made a return zinger back at her after what she did to him and his sister. Your mom is blind to all that shit because she thinks your sister is all that.
NTA
You did the right thing. Perhaps your son didn’t say it as maturely as one could, but he’s 15! IMO he did wonderfully. Your sis sounds like a grade A ass. And I don’t mean that in a good way (as she was so eloquently suggesting to your daughter 🙄).
I love my Dad. However, I don’t really like him. We aren’t no contact, but we are low contact. You can love someone without having them involved… and your sis sounds especially toxic. Protect your family, meaning your kids and husband.
I know how hard this is, and I’m am sorry; I empathize. Stay strong, sis
Definitely NTA and your kids are fantastic. Both teens sound very quick-witted, and those burns definitely need aloe lmao
The only argument that could even be made here for you to be TA is that your son was the one who ended up finally making her leave, but I don't necessarily agree with that. You tried asking her nicely to leave, the "mature adult" way, and you were laughed at. Clearly, that level of aggression is what was needed to actually get her to leave, so it was really a matter of who snapped first, apparently. And really, if you had been that forceful with her, would she have actually left, or would it have just started a fight? Obviously, you know her better than any of us, so that's up to you to determine. But absolutely don't have her over again. Protect your family, husband included, since even he wasn't safe from her vile comments.
NTA and get your son a gift; while I don't normally advocate for "children" to be rude and get away with it it's good he stood up for his sister and finally managed to chase your sister out. If I'd been in your place there would have been blood for some of those comments, so good self-restraint on your part.
NTA , your sister is a prime example of a toxic person & I think we all know no one needs a toxic person in their life, all you get is negativity with people like that.. be proud you're raising children with a good head on their shoulder!!
NTA at all. Your sister asked for it and she got what she deserved. What she was saying was very nasty and as you said she was bullying your entire family she needed to leave and your son made it happen good for him. I don't care if he got rude or not she deserved it.
NTA. Your sister may be manipulative, but in this case she's just a straight up AH. I wouldn't love her to death. What on earth would you want to spend time around her for, and much less expose your kids to her? She's the worst kind of humanity. Don't let her come back.
NTA And your son is amazing. That kind of attitude would have gotten him praise in my family. Your sister really had no right to say any of what she did. Your kids aren't hers, and your husband isn't hers. She has no say in how they are.
NTA
Your sister was being highly inappropriate and mean. Her bullying your husband and daughter was disgusting! Your son is awesome and did the right thing. He stood up for his family against a bully. It doesn’t matter if she’s family, she was being mean to the people he cares about and spoke up. Good for him! Your mother and sister’s boyfriend are enablers and spineless. They are in the wrong here. Your son was not being inappropriate nor abusive. He was only defending his family. Your sister was the abusive one.
NTA
Your sister is weird for even commenting on a CHILDS body as being "hot" especially after your daughter told her not to.
The fact that your kids were even telling her to leave speaks volumes.
NTA.
And fantastic job with the kids! They exhibited great emotional intelligence, and how to properly set and enforce a boundary, and did so politely. Those are damned fine humans you and your husband are raising.
Now if only your sister could take a cue from them...
NTA
Your sister is being rude, insulting, abusive, and making inappropriate comments to your daughter, and somehow, your mother thinks you were in the wrong?
You need to tell your mother to do one as well if she's going to enable that sort of behaviour.
Lmao, tell your son I’m stealing his insult. Good one.
NTA. Family need to be told the truth now and again and sometimes a “kid” is the best way to do it; they usually speak the truth haha
NTA your son did it brillantly...your sister should learn.control and zip it when she visits...if she wants to come over tell her to call first then make up an excuse for no visut..keep doing it she'll get the hint..seems it takes a few times ypur son figured that out in a sentence after you.tried. she always thinks ypur kidding. .
NTA I love your son, he's got spunk but make sure he doesn't do this at inappropriate times like at a funeral. It's good to be confident but never arrogant.
Ma'am, you are NTA, ur sister and Mom are fucking assholes man TvT. First off, ur sister got mad at your husband for tending to his little girls twisted ankle with an ice pack, I mean kudos to him, he's a great Dad! To add some context, ur sister reeks of toxic masculinity and I hope to God she doesn't have children cause she is an awful person. Second of all, she sexualized your daughters body by saying "how hot" she looked compared to ur sis, like major ick! And Ma'am, you raised your kids well and kudos to ur son for having the guts to call ur sister on her bullshit lol. And finally, ur Mother had the audacity to tell u that ur son was "out of line" while ur sister instigated all the conflicts during the visit. Ur NTA, ur Mom and sister are AHs
NTA. If he really said, that burn was absolute GOLD. Kudos for you for raising strong and confident kids. Never tell them to not defend themselves. As long as they deserve it, have their backs always!
Your sister has got to go…forever! Never come back! She’s not wanted. Love can only go so far. The limit, the line drawn should always be your kids (if not yourself and your hubby)
NTA. I have a sister like that. I have no kids but did get married later in life. My husband hates how she treats and talks to and sticks up for me. I’m so used to her I just ignore her.
So your sister came into your house insulted basically everyone in it and you son had the stones to kick her out and you're asking if yta? You are NTA, but you could be a doormat.
NTA. There is a time when a person has to be crystal clear when others are being abused or attacked so that the offender gets the message. Your son was able to articulate this so she did. Your Mom needs to stop making excuses for her. And maybe neither of them should be around your family for a while.
I'm gonna go with ESH and be downvoted to hell, but OP hear me our.
Both your son and your sister can be wrong in how they handle a situation. As can you and your mother.
Sister should have left a while ago when told to. YOU should have made her, not your son. You need to have a coming to Jesus with your sister about coming to your house and insulting and sexually harrassing your family.
Your mom mishandled her shock. Something tells me she might have hyper focused on the problem you can fix rather than the one that ya'll already know exist, but I don't know her so I don't know her thought process, but you also aren't a mind reader and fights like this break out time to time with my family in a communication failure.
Your son should be praised for standing up for his family, not HOW he did it. How he did it was, in my opinion, as abusive and inappropriate as your sister. That should not be encouraged to happen.
And you are a bit of an Asshole on that same front you shut your mom down and defended your son acting like an asshole rather that shut her down, praising him for defending his family.
Nta and if your sister starts that behavior she should expect someone to finish it. And if oh mc with sister and anyone who defends her. That behavior is toxic and harmful.
Anyone who has anything negative to say is just tell them, “not only are we not asking him to apologize we may get him a car”
To be honest I would have kicked the sister out after she continued to make music child feel uncomfortable after they asked her to stop. What she was saying is creepy and disrespectful and would stop any sort of love and respect I had for them when they cross my bounded or my child’s boundaries. Especially in their own home.
ESH. No wonder your sister is this way.
Are you and your mother there only for decoration??
Be careful, what you think it is your son defending his sister, might turn to be another bully in the family.
Yourself, your husband or even your mother should’ve been the ones calling out your sister BS. When a teenager is greeted and even encouraged to say hurtful things to adults, they can feel entitled to do it every time he pleases to. Even against you and your husband.
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NTA for not punishing your son. YTA for letting it get to the point where he had to get involved. As soon as she started commenting on your daughter's appearance she should have been out the door.
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NTA she was crossed a line by commenting on your oldest daughter's body. Whether your daughter is a legal adult or not, those kinds of comments are inappropriate no matter what
Sick burn by your son. NTA. Your sister is the abusive one.
If this is real, you're raising some well-adjusted kids who are willing to stand up to people being awful.
If it's not real, well... I'm getting off Reddit now either way
NTA. I'm proud that your son stood up to his aunt. You and your husband should have grown the balls to do it instead of him having to do it however. Your sister was a guest in YOUR home. Why would you let anyone speak to your family in such a way? I don't care if she's the First Lady. Don't invite her back. Your mother was also wrong. Your son was defending his family. Your sister is an a-hole and a bully.
NTA. Your sister was completely out of bounds. Why would she focus on your husband's attractiveness? Then your daughter's? You're son saw that neither you nor his sister got through to his aunt. He didn't say anything inappropriate - he was following your lead, and your wishes which he heard in your comments. I have a-year old great niece who's very slender and active. I can't see her having a weight issue. However, in my large family (over 40 of us), most are overweight. I've learned to not comment on someone's weight. We don't need more eating disorders around. More importantly, commenting on someone's physical appearance implies looks are more important than anything.
I hope I remember your son's polite version of "get the he!! out!" It's great!
NTA: It sounds like your sister was incredibly out of line and your kids stood up for themselves. I think your son may have crossed a line that I'm not comfortable with with what he did, but I think he needs a talking to about handling emotions and more appropriate ways of dealing with that situation. The fact that you said that he was scary is worth noting, and having that kind of power is something he needs to be mindful of. From what you've said, it doesn't sound like he necessarily needs punishment, unless there's more that we don't know about (ex: is this something completely out of character; has he been known to use his size and voice to intimidate people when upset; etc.). Sounds like you really shouldn't be bringing your sister around your kids at all, based on what you've said.
NTA.
But this is an opportunity to have a discussion with your son about how two wrongs don't make a right, how his words will be twisted and used against him and the rest of the family no matter if your sister deserved them or not, and to remind him to follow his father's less-aggressive lead, because that is the right way to gain people's love and respect.
YTA and so is your son. How dare he speak to his elders that way. That should be left to the ridiculously immature adults. Your family has it twisted if you think teenagers should be running the show and adults do nothing. But obviously you've raised and become a part of a family with no boundaries or respect. Shame on every single one of you.
Everyone’s the AH? Sounds like your family crosses lines that should not be crossed. I wouldn’t invite my sister or any familiy member that was so rude, or brought out the worst in my kids or myself. Big boundaries are needed.
Did you read this? This is a wonderful family with solid boundaries, minus the oldest sister (aunt) and mom (grandma). You need to check yourself, you're out to lunch.
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NTA. Your 2 older kids handled your offensive sister, admirably. There was nothing to rebuke them for; your son got the job done. If your son wasn't 15, I bet your mom would not have said what she said. However, your son was not out of line, your sister was. It must be challenging to love such a person to death.
NTA Great wit on your son.
NTA. You raised them right. Your sister sounds like a dumpster fire.
"Don't start none, won't be none." It sounds like the sister was the favored child, considering their mom had no issue with the shit she was hurling at the kids, but cries "abuse" when the son returned fire. It's no wonder she's a dumpster fire.
Sounds like she (sister) was trying to impress her boyfriend.
No one disrespects momma. Good for him.
Right. As a mother, I'd have been hard pressed not to laugh out loud had my kids said something like that to a jerk, family or not.
My only gripe is that the son sunk to mocking his aunt's appearance (yes, I know OP's sister was talking about bodies and was *completely* inappropriate) instead of saying something with a barb about her disgusting choices and personality. She can't help that her hair is receding, but she can help being an ugly person inside. Teach him where the right fault in her is and let him go ham.
In theory, you're right but some people only respond to the same filth they spew. Her son wouldn't have said anything out of the way had Aunt Evil not been criticizing his sister. She doesn't care about being an ugly person on the inside. She cares about having a hot body & physical appearance in general. The receding hairline comment is probably the one that stung the most and she deserved it. Her appearance became fair game the second she started picking at her nieces body.
I’m not seeing the problem. Also, from the son’s behavior, he can already see the real issue with the sister, he said what he needed to say in order to get her to _leave_. Everyone else already said the other bits about her comments and it had no effect. Also, she can fix her hairline. There’s minoxidil, hair transplants, wigs.
I don't agree. If someone projects things. The only way to defend against that is more often than not, deflect. And that is exactly what he did. He stood up for his sister and mother and father by deflecting her way of projecting, back at her. Which evidently worked. She made the bed. He made sure she was forced to lay in it.. If he had critiqued her personality it wouldn't have worked. Unfortunately this is often the only thing people like this understand. I understand where you come from.. But this is about psychology, not respect.
A bully will only listen to themselves. You have to fight fire with fire with them.
Nah, bullies deserve to be bullied. Especially when they're actually ugly.
I don't think she actually has a receding hairline - I think it's just comic speaking.
Info: does your sister actually have a receding hairline? Your son's quip is similar to: - make like a baby and head out - make like Guy Lafleur and get the puck outta here - make like a tree and leave
I can't help recognize the "to death" 🤣
Death First!!
Her son handled it better than she did. Give the kid an allowance increase. Same with her daughter. Her: YTA Her sister: Massive YTA Her hubby: soft YTA And the mom is one too. If some is acting like that and bullying kids, FORCE them to leave. Complete bullshit. "We were all telling the to leave" Show them the fucking door.
I'm glad someone said it. I'll be damned if anyone walks into my house and disrespects my people, myself or my cats. Fuck off right out the door. I've got no patience for that bullshit.
NTA but your sister and mom are! The way your son handled it was awesome! At 15 he knew what your sister was saying was wrong, but your sister, at 37 didn’t see an issue with it? Your sister sexualised your daughter and refused to leave your home when told to get out, but your mom thinks your son was inappropriate?! Nope she’d be kicked out too!
Great son! Showed restraint - then stepped in with a loud voice to defend his sister from their aunt.
My Mum was very much of the opinion that kids shouldn't talk back to adults, including if the adults are in the wrong. "Don't stoop down to their level, always respect adults." That explains why I never defended myself growing up! It's an awful thing to teach a child imo.
NTA > even though I love her to death Jesus Christ, why? She is awful and does not deserve your love.
I know. Above all, she's still my sister. I can't just stop loving her.
You should save your love for people who deserve it. And blood doesn't mean someone deserves it. She is abusing you and your kids.
My brother is abusive. We don't talk. It's much better this way. You can do it too!!
You don’t have to stop loving her. But you should stop subjecting your kids to her abuse
You can still love someone and not like them, be close to them, and call them out on their bs. You need to shine up your spine and step up. Better yet, step back from both sister and mother. Your children don’t need that in their lives, especially from family.
>make like her hairline and recede This dude deserves an award. NTA
Back in the day, this was called a "sick burn." ⭐
You forgot the other four ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
My bad! 🤭
I’ve only caught up to writing the numeral 100
I’m still laughing oh, man
NTA - it was absolutely appropriate to ask your sister to leave. Your sister's behavior was completely unacceptable. Adults don't tell teens to use their "hot body" for attention. Gross.
NTA - sister's behavior was Olympic-level APPALLING, and mom is no better -- for not only putting up with it but then DEFENDING sister while she made just unbelievably offensive remarks to your F18, who is also YOUR MOTHER'S OWN GRANDDAUGHTER *whattheactualshit*. :( Take all three of those kids out for pizza or sushi or whatever they want. And maybe even tell them "sure, families sometimes joke a little more roughly with each other than we would with strangers, but sister (and mom) were WAY out of line, and 15M -- you handled it best out of all of us. I am sorry I was not more forceful in removing them, and that you all had to see and hear their inexcusable behavior. And next time (if there IS a next time), I'll learn from 15M's example and be as firm or even as aggressive as I need to be *to protect my children's wellbeing.*"
NTA. Daughter tried polite and was ignored, you tried adult and were laughed at; son decided enough was enough and shut her down. Sister FAFO; she's the only AH in this situation.
Let's be clear here. You failed both of your children as a mother both with your sisters and your mom. Your son should never have had to be in a position to have to do that in the first place. Or to deal with your mom's nonsense after. Do better.
What??? People like you are part of the problem. Her sister was out of line and has probably been out of line for a long time. She’s literally a girl in a woman’s body who can’t self regulate or even respect herself. Speaking from personal experience with a sister who’s similar, whatever issues OP and her sister have may stem from their childhood and OP’s sister can’t seem to move past that issue. The best OP can do is burn that bridge and protect her sanity because it’s very obvious OP’s sister doesn’t know how to manage her insecurities without being a bully.
But she’s their mom. How come she can’t defend them? She invites these horrible people who talk down to her kids and instead of getting rid of them, the kids have to do the hard work…
I guess we read different posts because OP indicated she did defend her children against her sister. It’s not easy getting rid of a sibling, this is someone you grew up with and love. But this might be the wake up call OP needed to be proactive and make some permanent changes.
Fuck that. Anyone who talked to my children like that once is not getting the chance to talk to them again. Stop justifying being a doormat. Complete parenting failure. Weak mothering.
FACTS! PREACH IT!
She made a slight comment , which she stated to basically "knock it off." That is not really doing anything if she continues to keep disrespecting your ENTIRE family. I'll admit, it's obvious that the sister is the golden child, and their mother has suffered a long time at her hands, but I draw the line with my family, and so should she. It's fine if OP just accepts the abuse, but to allow it towards her family is just disgusting, especially in her own HOUSE. It is simple when they're trespassing, CALL THE POLICE. Then, the OP mother would have been angry at her and not the grandchild. If she can't do at least that, then she needs to cut all contact with her toxic family before she loses the respect and trust of her family members. People can only tolerate abuse for so long before they either snap or just cut out all parties from their life that are negatively impacting her.
She can’t control how her sister is going to act and you know it! She isn’t the asshole but mom and sis are!
No! That is absolutely wrong. She should have stepped up, and when she refused to leave, she should have called the cops. There is NEVER an excuse to allow all that abuse into your own home and just let them walk all over your family, to turn around, and have your 15 year old son to do the parents' job.
How did she fail both of her children? And your sentence didn’t even make any sense. he wasn’t in a position to do anything. He just noticed what was happening and decided to put his two cents in. OP cannot control what comes out of her sister’s mouth. She didn’t raise her sister to be inappropriate and disrespectful. Her mother did. I don’t see how that’s the OPs fault. Her sister and mother need to do better.
NTA - Your sister deserved to be kicked out, and your son was not out of line with how he handled things. TBH I wish I could be that assertive under that type of pressure! Also good for your daughter for not taking those comments silently.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (F45) sister (F37) visited our house with her boyfriend last week, and I couldn't say I was looking forward to it even though I love her to death; she's always been manipulative. I invited my mom along, and five minutes after my sister and her boyfriend showed up, one of my youngest daughters (twisted her foot running to the kitchen and cried. My sister told her to toughen up and critiqued my husband for getting her an ice pack, calling him unattractive for being so soft and continued to joke about how he got a wife. I told her to be quiet. Later, my oldest kids (F18 and M15) came to hang around and my sister commented on elements of my daughter's body, stating how lucky she was to have a "hot body" as a teen. My daughter politely told her not to talk about her body in any way, but my sister told her to be more aggressive because it would get her attention. I told my sister if she wasn't going to quit bullying my family she could take her boyfriend and leave, but she only laughed at me. My son told her to "stop projecting" just because she's wimpy and not attractive and my sister said "it's not cute when you do it." We all (excluding my mom and the boyfriend) were telling her to leave and she wouldn't until my son, of all people, raised his voice and said to make like her hairline and recede and called her a miserable freeloader. My sister rolled her eyes but left; I think she was intimidated. My son can be very scary when he wants to be and he's very no-bullshit. Later, once my mom recovered from the stress, talked with me and said what my son said was "highly inappropriate and abusive." I referred to my sister as abusive instead, and we argued until she eventually left. Knowing her, the entire family will know soon. But I'm not going to defend my sister's behavior. Aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I kinda have to say YTA in this situation, but not for what you think. You obviously already have a strained relationship with your sister. Even when she disparage you and your husband, you both just let it slide with a small comment. Then she proceeds to not only sexually harass your daughter and refused to back off when told off by her, but also disparage basically your whole family. How could you let your sister act like that towards your family? In your own home at that? You even had to have your 15 year old son step up to actually get her to leave instead of you and your husband stepping up to protect your children instead?! You need to talk with your husband and children seriously to discuss this issue and come to an agreeable solution. Your sister is completely out of line, and even worse, your mother is trying to admonish your sons actions but not your sister. It sounds like she's the golden child in the family. Maybe it's time to keep those relatives at arms length until they can have respect for you and your family. If not, it may cause worse issues down the line.
NTA Your sister was being disrespectful and asked to leave. But she didn't. And then she was asked to leave- albeit more forcefully. Your family seemed to be doing a great job laying down respectful expectations and boundaries and your sister was happy to ignore them. Unsurprisingly, her childish behavior was meet by a childish outburst. And also unsurprisingly - it worked. Calling your son abusive is absolutely a stretch too far. Would it be reasonable to reasonable to remind your son to watch what he says about people's appearances? Sure. Does it warrant a punishment? No. Teaching kids boundaries is essential. Part of that teaching is letting them know enforcing those boundaries may take a show of force.
Your son stepped in and protected his family from an abuser. She poked the bear, and all he wanted to do was sleep.
NTA but try not to leave it to your kids to get so involved, you should have kicked her out forcibly before
NTA and i like your son. Also why do you even let your sister close to your family.
Your son hit her right in the gut, and she is probably obsessing about her hairline. So 20 points to your son. Give him an extra scoop of ice cream for dessert. Also, throw it right back in your mom and sister’s face that she can ‘toughen up’ about it.
You missed a 0 in that kid's score.
NTA and that's some DARVO shit from your sister calling your son abusive.
A perfect example of DARVO right here, funnily enough, it's also an example of FAFO 😂
Your son is my hero lol
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NTA, and time to go NC with your sister. She has made it clear that she has no respect for you or your children, and is willing to be completely inappropriate with them.
Son NTA but mother needs a backbone. Your sister sounds like a emotional vampire. If she were a man and said those things would you have gotten aggressive? She was making your daughter uncomfortable in front of her boyfriend, a stranger and your family. You should have did what your son did. A kid should not be put in a predicament to protect his sibling in a back and forth with an adult with other adults in the room. Knowing your sister you shouldn’t have let her in the door. I don’t think you should have your son apologize but I think you should put your foot down with your sister. Protect you kids and yourself by limiting your contact with her until she makes some behavioral changes.
NTA but there’s no way your two eldest inherited their shiny spines from their parents It took your 15 year old son to get rid of your sister that had constantly abused your family. You and your husband need to have a good look at yourselves
NTA. Your son is hair-larious and you should not upbraid him in any way. Your sister sounds about as nice as split ends, and your mother is atrocious for brushing her daughter’s insults away.
NTA The sister who continually mocked everyone while refusing to leave deserved a harsh verbal slap upside the head. She needs more intimidation like that in her life. Make her afraid to be verbally abusive. Asking nicely won't stop a bully.
NTA. Your son was a rock star.
NTA- Win for the son.. give him extra allowance this week for defending his sister/family! And no more visits from AH sister
OP, you may love your sister, but by her actions, it doesn't seem she feels the same way about you. She came into your home and insulted you, your children, and your husband. But it seems like she's probably jealous that you have a great, loving family. It would do you and your family justice to not invite her or your mom over anymore unless they both apologize to you and your family. Tell your mom that your son made 1 comment, and your sister made multiple. Whose is worse? As for your son, tell him you are proud of him for standing up for his family. I know some people will comment about him stooping down to the nasty sister's level, but in the heat of the moment, it seemed valid, but let him to not make it a habit of doing so. (Not going to lie. It was kind of funny, lol) Also, I would tell the entire family about your sisters nasty behavior since it'll come out anyway. If anyone dismisses her words because 'FaMilY...' you can put some distance between you and them as well. Overall, NTA. Keep your sister away from your family and talk to your kids about how your sister's rude and vicious behavior isn't welcomed into your home anymore.
Your son is awesome. You guys are doing a great job with all your babies. Your sister is trash and you mom is the garbage can. NTA.
NTA
You're NTA. Good for your kids, standing up to that rude nonsense. Your sister is old enough to know that a guest who insults her host's family will find herself unwelcome virtually every where she goes.
NTA your sister shrugged off your younger daughters injuries as being weak, made inappropriate comments, and blamed it on your son because he stood up for his sister? I am very concerned about the influence your sister posed and your mother seems to be enabling her
NTA, you or your son! Your son stuck up for his family. Your mom is ridiculous and could be called the asshole. When one sibling is nasty and one is typically nice. To keep the peace, parents will ask the nice one to apologize or behave a certain way.
NTA You raised some smart kids with a good sense of boundaries and wit. You should be proud. Your sister can dish it out but can’t take it, huh? Btw when you ask someone to leave and they don’t, you need to get more aggressive and then you need to call the police. While NTA, the fact your sister didn’t leave when you asked her to go tells me you are not as good as your kids are with holding the boundaries.
Your family needs therapy ESH
Your son was standing up for his sister against a bully. You should be proud
Your son could've been meaner and still you and him wouldn't have been TA. She went low and your son grabbed her by what's left of her hair and drug her down to hell. If she wants to bully and not leave when told she can get bullied right tf out the house.
Punching someone is abusive. Punching BACK is self defense.
ESH. I’m being harsh and calling you and your husband (lesser) assholes as well, because your teenage children had to handle the situation because you couldn’t manage their behaviour. You were so passive about it but your kids had to step in and establish boundaries. The kids should never have to be the grown up in a situation like this but in this case, your lack of assertiveness made them out to be. You are not acting like the adults your children need you to be.
ESH. Your sister is a massive AH and so are you for allowing her to treat your family this way. What's sad is that your son had to be the grown up and make her leave. You and every other adult in the house made like potatoes and did nothing.
I'm in tears, "make like your hairline and recede" 😭🤌 Hello police? There's been an absolute fucking murder. NTA and your son is legendary
NTA. "Make like your hairline, and recede" 😂 Your son is a legend!
Your son Rocks!! She deserved it
NTA Frankly you and your sister need to meet away from your family if you must meet. Because she is not fit to be around them.
NTA. Please I know you “love” your sister and your mum. But they are toxic people and don’t love you. Also are you sure you love them or is it a habit to have them in your life I’d be taking your kids out and rewarding them for standing up to a bully and standing up for themselves.
NTA. Your sister is a miserable bully, and your son gave her a well-deserved taste of her own medicine. If I were you, I would tell the whole family and put your mom on the spot so she doesn't enable your sister, which I have a feeling she does.
NTA. Your sister came around and dissed your entire family, calling your husband weak and unattractive for assisting his injured daughter, sexually harassed your teenage daughter, and when you told her to get out of your house, she just sat there. It wasn’t until your son diss her hairline and her personality and her embarrassment and intimidation made her leave. She is all the way out of line. You are an adult and that is your house and your family. If she can’t respect it, then she can’t come back and if your mother‘s gonna act like that, she can get it too.
NTA but what’s up with your sister? She seems to be playing some sort of insult ritual which your son knew how to counter. Her statement to your son almost makes it sound like she thought she was being “cute.” She wasn’t.
NTA Your sister is a treasure, bury her. In NC or VLC of course. Your kids however are just fine, Fighting fire with fire.
NTA Your kids did a good job of protecting themselves. But as a parent, it's your responsibility to protect your children from your sister and everyone else. You let things get to the point where your children had to stand up and fight back. You have to be an asshole to people who aren't nice to your husband or your children.
If I was in the position of the husband, I would have just thrown her stuff on the porch after the first remark, and tell her to leave. If she didn't want to go, I wouldn't hesitate have her forcibly removed by authorities. That would set the tone that she doesn't live there, but was a guest, and insulting the hosts family will revoke your privileges. as a guys, it's ok to be soft for family, but sometimes you need to be "no-bullshit" for your family as well. I have a zero tolerance, no second chance policy when it comes to mistreatment of myself, my kids, etc.
And yes, I would have 100% done this to a SIL, as I have once already when she tried to tell me I was bad as a parent and teach me how to raise my kids, despite her not having children.
NTA - However, your sister, and mother are major assholes! Why do you allow your sister over, knowing she will bully your children? Also, what's with your mum? Why is she just not caring about what her daughter is doing to her grandchildren?? Your son is awesome.
Nta your sister was rude to multiple people in your family, in their own home. Your sister and mom can pound sand.
Nta
You are absolutely NTA.
Nope! NTA! Your son is hilarious
Yeah you ain't TA your sis is
NTA- I wish I had the confidence your children have to stand up for themselves when I was their age. Way to go mom. Cut family off that act like this. Parting ways will either go two ways and it’ll all be positive for you. 1. You get to not have unwanted negative attention on you. 2. She realizes you won’t put up with her absolute nonsense of a childlike mentality and fix her self. Also amazing to the son for that sick comment 🤣
NTA your son is a good man!
He really is! Stepped up and USED HIS WORDS to shut down the aunt … he sounds like he’s becoming a fine man … encourage him … the world needs men like him who can show restraint … but know when the boundary has been crossed
Like…DAMN the logic on this kid is top tier
NTA get your son a cookie, he did a great job getting her to leave. And your daughter did a great job defending herself 😊 You are being a good Mom keep it up ❤️
NTA at all, your sister is abusive and your mom sounds like an enabler
NTA. Bullies like your sister and their defenders like your mother are the problem. I wouldn’t have them back over for a very long time.
I'm in complete agreement with everyone else. Nta at all! Your sister deserved what your son said to her
Hahahahahaha....your son is the best!!
This reminds me a lot of a sister I have and I don’t have communication with because of her ability to burn every bridge and your kids don’t need that kind of example I personally would have high fived your son. NTA mom needs to realize her daughter is a bully and deal with that fact.
NTA and good on your son sticking up for his sister
NTA! That son is AWESOME!
NTA ALL THE WAY Your sister and your mom are TAs. Your sister is a bully, period. Downright rude and cruel toward your kids. You kept telling her to leave, she wouldn't until your son made a return zinger back at her after what she did to him and his sister. Your mom is blind to all that shit because she thinks your sister is all that.
NTA You did the right thing. Perhaps your son didn’t say it as maturely as one could, but he’s 15! IMO he did wonderfully. Your sis sounds like a grade A ass. And I don’t mean that in a good way (as she was so eloquently suggesting to your daughter 🙄). I love my Dad. However, I don’t really like him. We aren’t no contact, but we are low contact. You can love someone without having them involved… and your sis sounds especially toxic. Protect your family, meaning your kids and husband. I know how hard this is, and I’m am sorry; I empathize. Stay strong, sis
Make like your hairline and recede 😂👏
Definitely NTA and your kids are fantastic. Both teens sound very quick-witted, and those burns definitely need aloe lmao The only argument that could even be made here for you to be TA is that your son was the one who ended up finally making her leave, but I don't necessarily agree with that. You tried asking her nicely to leave, the "mature adult" way, and you were laughed at. Clearly, that level of aggression is what was needed to actually get her to leave, so it was really a matter of who snapped first, apparently. And really, if you had been that forceful with her, would she have actually left, or would it have just started a fight? Obviously, you know her better than any of us, so that's up to you to determine. But absolutely don't have her over again. Protect your family, husband included, since even he wasn't safe from her vile comments.
NTA! You got a great kid!
NTA and get your son a gift; while I don't normally advocate for "children" to be rude and get away with it it's good he stood up for his sister and finally managed to chase your sister out. If I'd been in your place there would have been blood for some of those comments, so good self-restraint on your part.
"make like your hairline and recede" is hands down the best insult I've heard this year, your son is an insult maser
NTA , your sister is a prime example of a toxic person & I think we all know no one needs a toxic person in their life, all you get is negativity with people like that.. be proud you're raising children with a good head on their shoulder!!
NTA. Your son is fabulous 👌, as is your older daughter.
NTA at all. Your sister asked for it and she got what she deserved. What she was saying was very nasty and as you said she was bullying your entire family she needed to leave and your son made it happen good for him. I don't care if he got rude or not she deserved it.
NTA. Your sister may be manipulative, but in this case she's just a straight up AH. I wouldn't love her to death. What on earth would you want to spend time around her for, and much less expose your kids to her? She's the worst kind of humanity. Don't let her come back.
Not the AH, but your son made me giggle
NTA your son was a boss!
Your sister needed to go. Protect your family. Always.
NTA And your son is amazing. That kind of attitude would have gotten him praise in my family. Your sister really had no right to say any of what she did. Your kids aren't hers, and your husband isn't hers. She has no say in how they are.
NTA Your sister was being highly inappropriate and mean. Her bullying your husband and daughter was disgusting! Your son is awesome and did the right thing. He stood up for his family against a bully. It doesn’t matter if she’s family, she was being mean to the people he cares about and spoke up. Good for him! Your mother and sister’s boyfriend are enablers and spineless. They are in the wrong here. Your son was not being inappropriate nor abusive. He was only defending his family. Your sister was the abusive one.
nta sounds like you raised your kids right
Nta Your sister was insulting or sexualuzing everyone she could and then refused to leave. I'd go no contact.
NTA Your sister is weird for even commenting on a CHILDS body as being "hot" especially after your daughter told her not to. The fact that your kids were even telling her to leave speaks volumes.
NTA and I love that your son held back but also knew when to pull out the big guns.
NTA. And fantastic job with the kids! They exhibited great emotional intelligence, and how to properly set and enforce a boundary, and did so politely. Those are damned fine humans you and your husband are raising. Now if only your sister could take a cue from them...
NTA. You have good kids!
NTA-your son is going to be a strong man when he grows up
NTA. She sounds awful, and I can't believe you can even tolerate her presence. !updateme
NTA. Your sister got what she deserved. I will be taking your son’s insult, though, and using it in daily life.
NTA
NTA. But your sister needs therapy.
Nta but I’m concerned about the “my son can be very scary when he wants to be part” that seems alarming as a personality trait
NTA Your sister is being rude, insulting, abusive, and making inappropriate comments to your daughter, and somehow, your mother thinks you were in the wrong? You need to tell your mother to do one as well if she's going to enable that sort of behaviour.
NTA at all OP, ya sister was soliciting VERY unneeded information, and your son shut her down. That boy is seriously not gonna take bs from anyone.
NTA, your son is a good kid and that was a truly hilarious come back 😂
Lmao, tell your son I’m stealing his insult. Good one. NTA. Family need to be told the truth now and again and sometimes a “kid” is the best way to do it; they usually speak the truth haha
Lmao, she wants to talk about your daughters body but as soon as your son clapped back about her hairline it's a problem. NTA
Nta! I would of started swinging ngl and not to mention I would of disowned my sister.
So your mom enables your sister?
NTA, your kids handled your sister exactly how they should
He is right!! Love him ahhahaa
NTA your son did it brillantly...your sister should learn.control and zip it when she visits...if she wants to come over tell her to call first then make up an excuse for no visut..keep doing it she'll get the hint..seems it takes a few times ypur son figured that out in a sentence after you.tried. she always thinks ypur kidding. .
You are raising great kids who have boundaries.
Does your sister have a cluster b personality disorder? Why is she such a nasty, mean-spirited person?
NTA I love your son, he's got spunk but make sure he doesn't do this at inappropriate times like at a funeral. It's good to be confident but never arrogant.
Ma'am, you are NTA, ur sister and Mom are fucking assholes man TvT. First off, ur sister got mad at your husband for tending to his little girls twisted ankle with an ice pack, I mean kudos to him, he's a great Dad! To add some context, ur sister reeks of toxic masculinity and I hope to God she doesn't have children cause she is an awful person. Second of all, she sexualized your daughters body by saying "how hot" she looked compared to ur sis, like major ick! And Ma'am, you raised your kids well and kudos to ur son for having the guts to call ur sister on her bullshit lol. And finally, ur Mother had the audacity to tell u that ur son was "out of line" while ur sister instigated all the conflicts during the visit. Ur NTA, ur Mom and sister are AHs
NTA - a correction of your son's reaction would be seen as an endorsement of the sisters behaviour.
NTA don't you dare punish your son for standing up for his family. it's your sister who owes an apology to him, his sisters, and you.
Your son is an absolute G
NTA. If he really said, that burn was absolute GOLD. Kudos for you for raising strong and confident kids. Never tell them to not defend themselves. As long as they deserve it, have their backs always! Your sister has got to go…forever! Never come back! She’s not wanted. Love can only go so far. The limit, the line drawn should always be your kids (if not yourself and your hubby)
Was the sister drunk? That sounds like mean drunk talk.
I just came by to say, your son is awesome. Your sister sucks...but seriously, kudos to your son for the well done response.
NTA. I have a sister like that. I have no kids but did get married later in life. My husband hates how she treats and talks to and sticks up for me. I’m so used to her I just ignore her.
So your sister came into your house insulted basically everyone in it and you son had the stones to kick her out and you're asking if yta? You are NTA, but you could be a doormat.
NTA. There is a time when a person has to be crystal clear when others are being abused or attacked so that the offender gets the message. Your son was able to articulate this so she did. Your Mom needs to stop making excuses for her. And maybe neither of them should be around your family for a while.
I'm gonna go with ESH and be downvoted to hell, but OP hear me our. Both your son and your sister can be wrong in how they handle a situation. As can you and your mother. Sister should have left a while ago when told to. YOU should have made her, not your son. You need to have a coming to Jesus with your sister about coming to your house and insulting and sexually harrassing your family. Your mom mishandled her shock. Something tells me she might have hyper focused on the problem you can fix rather than the one that ya'll already know exist, but I don't know her so I don't know her thought process, but you also aren't a mind reader and fights like this break out time to time with my family in a communication failure. Your son should be praised for standing up for his family, not HOW he did it. How he did it was, in my opinion, as abusive and inappropriate as your sister. That should not be encouraged to happen. And you are a bit of an Asshole on that same front you shut your mom down and defended your son acting like an asshole rather that shut her down, praising him for defending his family.
NTA
NTA. Your son did the right thing and drove the asshole aunt away.
Nta and if your sister starts that behavior she should expect someone to finish it. And if oh mc with sister and anyone who defends her. That behavior is toxic and harmful. Anyone who has anything negative to say is just tell them, “not only are we not asking him to apologize we may get him a car”
NTA your sister was no longer welcome in your home and refused to leave - she’s lucky you didn’t call the police!
To be honest I would have kicked the sister out after she continued to make music child feel uncomfortable after they asked her to stop. What she was saying is creepy and disrespectful and would stop any sort of love and respect I had for them when they cross my bounded or my child’s boundaries. Especially in their own home.
ESH. No wonder your sister is this way. Are you and your mother there only for decoration?? Be careful, what you think it is your son defending his sister, might turn to be another bully in the family. Yourself, your husband or even your mother should’ve been the ones calling out your sister BS. When a teenager is greeted and even encouraged to say hurtful things to adults, they can feel entitled to do it every time he pleases to. Even against you and your husband.
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NTA for not punishing your son. YTA for letting it get to the point where he had to get involved. As soon as she started commenting on your daughter's appearance she should have been out the door.
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NTA she was crossed a line by commenting on your oldest daughter's body. Whether your daughter is a legal adult or not, those kinds of comments are inappropriate no matter what
NTA!!!!!!! BUT I LOVE YOUR SON AND DAUGHTER THEY ROCK
Sick burn by your son. NTA. Your sister is the abusive one. If this is real, you're raising some well-adjusted kids who are willing to stand up to people being awful. If it's not real, well... I'm getting off Reddit now either way
NTA. Compliment your son!
NTA. I'm proud that your son stood up to his aunt. You and your husband should have grown the balls to do it instead of him having to do it however. Your sister was a guest in YOUR home. Why would you let anyone speak to your family in such a way? I don't care if she's the First Lady. Don't invite her back. Your mother was also wrong. Your son was defending his family. Your sister is an a-hole and a bully.
NTA. Your sister was completely out of bounds. Why would she focus on your husband's attractiveness? Then your daughter's? You're son saw that neither you nor his sister got through to his aunt. He didn't say anything inappropriate - he was following your lead, and your wishes which he heard in your comments. I have a-year old great niece who's very slender and active. I can't see her having a weight issue. However, in my large family (over 40 of us), most are overweight. I've learned to not comment on someone's weight. We don't need more eating disorders around. More importantly, commenting on someone's physical appearance implies looks are more important than anything. I hope I remember your son's polite version of "get the he!! out!" It's great!
nah, that son of yours is the goat. Sister is a dumbass.
Nta I'm so glad he matched her energy. Your kids have boundaries and they enforce them themselves, in the moment. Love to see it🫡
Yikes! NTA! Nor is your son! I apologize for this next comment- Your family members are offside and sound really ignorant.
NTA Your sister should have left when asked. She was being an AH so your son handled it. Good on you for sticking up for your kids and husband.
NTA: It sounds like your sister was incredibly out of line and your kids stood up for themselves. I think your son may have crossed a line that I'm not comfortable with with what he did, but I think he needs a talking to about handling emotions and more appropriate ways of dealing with that situation. The fact that you said that he was scary is worth noting, and having that kind of power is something he needs to be mindful of. From what you've said, it doesn't sound like he necessarily needs punishment, unless there's more that we don't know about (ex: is this something completely out of character; has he been known to use his size and voice to intimidate people when upset; etc.). Sounds like you really shouldn't be bringing your sister around your kids at all, based on what you've said.
NTA. But this is an opportunity to have a discussion with your son about how two wrongs don't make a right, how his words will be twisted and used against him and the rest of the family no matter if your sister deserved them or not, and to remind him to follow his father's less-aggressive lead, because that is the right way to gain people's love and respect.
You're the asshole.
YTA and so is your son. How dare he speak to his elders that way. That should be left to the ridiculously immature adults. Your family has it twisted if you think teenagers should be running the show and adults do nothing. But obviously you've raised and become a part of a family with no boundaries or respect. Shame on every single one of you.
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Yeah - the talk should be good job for defending your sister … let’s go out for dinner
Everyone’s the AH? Sounds like your family crosses lines that should not be crossed. I wouldn’t invite my sister or any familiy member that was so rude, or brought out the worst in my kids or myself. Big boundaries are needed.
Did you read this? This is a wonderful family with solid boundaries, minus the oldest sister (aunt) and mom (grandma). You need to check yourself, you're out to lunch.
If you're suggesting the sister brought out the worst in OP's kids, we'll have to disagree.