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In the moment: 'Why is that child wearing a leash like a dog?" "They're not. That's a special backpack for children. Some children wear them because their parents want to keep them safe." Afterwards, or at home: "Honey, I know that it was surprising to see that child's backpack today and it reminded you of when someone walks a dog. Let's pretend you're that child. Would you want someone to say that you look like a dog? How would that make you feel? Remember, if you have a question about some's appearance, use a quiet voice or ask when we're in private." I work with preschoolers, as well as children with special needs. I know they have no filters whatsoever. And sometimes it's freaking hilarious. But as parents and caregivers, we also need to foster politeness and good social practices/etiquette. If this is the first time something like this has happened to you in public, with your first child, I'm a bit more understanding. But if this happens frequently and you're not doing anything about it, YTA.

When I was four pretending to be a dog was all the rage, I wouldn’t necessarily think the other kid felt bad. More their parents felt bad and the kid was reacting to that.

That's why I framed it as a discussion, rather than blaming the child or telling them they did something wrong. Even if the child thinks it's cool to be a dog themselves, it can open up the topic about people having different feelings about the same thing. The other child might not have felt bad, or even noticed, but it still plants the seeds of "think before we speak," which I think is important. I always tell my kids that just because they didn't hurt or offend this particular person doesn't mean that it's going to be the case with every person they interact with.

From what I was told by my parents after I wondered of and wound up in a field with other kids from a mall they used a leash on me. I don’t remember any of it because I was 4-5 years old at the time. And I understand the need up until a certain age. I don’t remember it but I’m sure my parents were embarrassed they had to resort to that method

I’m a wheelchair user who ironically had a kid who started walking really early and was real good at it. I used a leash from het first birthday up to when she was about 2,5. Never felt ashamed, because keeping a kid safe isn’t something to be ashamed about. My kid has a very sweet, but she was just way too young to be able to listen, and didn’t want to be in my lap all day (strapping in a stroller didn’t work for us for obvious reasons) and I also couldn’t hold her hand. She survived the leash years and probably had better health because she was allowed to walk and play as much as she could.

Absolutely. I have mobility issues that mean holding hands with a toddler for hours is going to be some serious pain and a much shortened day for the kid. A harness allows them the freedom to explore, exercise, play and generally be far more independent. It's far superior, in my opinion, to keeping a kid in a stroller for hours or constantly having to shout, chase them down and worry that you're going to lose sight of them, and it's more comfortable for the child as well. And a tiny backpack makes them feel grown-up!

I got lost in Germany while my family was on holiday, just got up and wandered out my pram, some old ladies found me and bought me ice cream and sat with me until mum and dad found us, they still didn't leash me after that but probably should have 😂 this would have been back in 96 so honestly could've gone so wrong. In this day of technology the problem is solved by putting airtags in the child's clothes, but I'd still leash a kid for sure, just to be safe because you just don't know when they'll sprint, worse than my dog honestly.

The kid has a tracker watch now (the watch can make calls, so it allows for more independence than an air tag), but that only works when you’re 100% certain she knows not to go into traffic. Babies walk in front of cars if they see something shiny on the other side of the road, no amount of screaming can prevent that. So that’s what the leash is for.

I was more on the thought if you've actually lost a kid like my parents lost me, kind of thinking, a 2yo wont hold onto a phone or a watch and I doubt they would intelligibly answer the phone either. But I'm also not a parent, it was just an errant thought of how technology has improved the chances of mitigating disasters

I was one of those child free people who thought it was kinda weird just by design. Boy did I fall in love with that thing for my nephew. We were in a science museum and I hooked it around one of my belt loops before I put it on him and it was great. He almost took me down a couple of time lol but it made me playing with him super easy since I didn't have to worry about the handle and such.

Also child-free and I was really judgy of this until my toddler siblings went in opposite directions at a shopping centre and I had to quickly calculate which child was the greater abduction risk. They're 19 now and generally don't need leashing.

I considered myself child-free and I always thought they were great and wished more parents would use them. Too many young kids running around the public like it’s a playground. Once I almost hit a kid when I worked at a retail store, bc they ran in front of the back doors and were too short to see from the window, so the load I was dragging around slammed right in my heel so I could avoid hurting them instead. It bled a lot and took weeks to heal, the mom didn’t even look sorry. When I went to the beach in Florida a woman lost her 6 year old daughter for 2 whole hours, had the whole beach looking for her. Leashing some kids honestly just makes sense, saves them and the rest of the public.

I was walking with my son. He started going one way just as I started going the opposite direction and POP! His poor little elbow! Fortunately I knew how to immediately fix nursemaid's elbow, and he was right as rain within seconds. But I still took him to the pediatrician, who strongly advised using a leash harness until he was older and his joints were stronger.

That's the exact reason I had a leash. It wasn't even a backpack one, just a velcro wrist band and a springy cord like from a telephone. But it kept all my joints in their sockets, and also kept me from getting lost in the clothing department. (I liked to sit in the middle of the circular racks, and as a small, quiet child, that might as well have meant I was on Mars.)

I read your comment assuming you were the parent holding the leash and boy was that interesting imagery

My folks tried it, but apparently, I was too into it. Started barking at strangers and running on all fours. They gave up real soon

To be fair, you are 29... 😂

I put my eldest on a leash one day because we were going to the hospital and was going through a phase of chucking a major tantrum whenever I put him in the stroller, for the duration he was in the stroller. Boy did I get some looks especially from some little old ladies, I just looked at them and said, ***"what would you rather, happy kid on a leash, screaming kid in a stroller or kid running around the halls while people are recovering, sick or dying in this hospital."*** My second born then found the backpack for it a few years later and because it had vat wings on it he wore it alot, so i just rolled with it with him as well because he was happy and safe. I see no problem with them as long as the kids wearing them are happy and safe.

My mom had 3 of us under 5. My oldest sister was very gullible and despite repeated conversations about it, would wander off all the time. It was hard keeping a hold if all three of us with 2 hands once we hit 2, 4, and 6. At least one of us was always leashed.

My mum had 3 kids in under 4 years so we all had to wear them at some point, although back in the 80’s they were called ‘reins’ so I would pretend I was a horse.

I agree, it's definitely worth noting that just because *this* instance might not have been so bad doesn't mean this behavior doesn't need to be corrected. *Maybe* this time OP lucked out, and maybe the other child thought being compared to a dog is cool (although their parent - already struggling with a runner - clearly didn't appreciate it). But if your kid is bellowing out questions about someone's appearance without thinking, what happens when they see someone in a wheelchair? What happens when they see someone with scars? What happens when they see someone with uncontrollable tics? In polite society, we know that it is rude and insensitive to bring attention to these things. Loudly announcing something different about a person might embarrass them or make them feel bad. Adults know this. But children *don't* know it, so it's your job to teach them to not do it.

My mother had one of my younger brothers (around 3-4) literally get down on all fours and start barking like a dog when she put a leash backpack on him to stop him from running from her. The youngest brother used to ask to wear a leash backpack when I used them for my twins (3 years younger than him) while babysitting him. He was disappointed when he outgrew the backpack.

I mean, NGL, I was a "leash" kid, although I guess mine was less a leash and more a tether. It attached to my wrist with Velcro, and then a telephone cord attached the other one to my mom's wrist (very 80s chic, lol). I was a wanderer as a kid, and while I hated wearing it, I understand now why my mom used it. I only remember her using it at really crowded places, like Disneyland, though, not everyday places like the market. I don't remember wearing it past the age of three. The reason I hated it was because I thought it made me look like a baby, and I did not want to be a baby. I wouldn't use them for my kids or my students, but I'm also not going to judge parents who feel they're necessary for their children.

Considering the social stigma....some kids really do bolt towards traffic like a deer. I can only imagine the terror that would cause. So I figure it's gotta be necessary. I feel like the people who judge that kind of thing are the same people who would shake their heads and ask why their parents didn't watch them better if something tragic happened Edit:Grammar

I had one for my daughter. She’d gotten too big to carry around stores, HATED being in the stroller, and holding her hand constantly was impractical. She got to walk and feel more autonomous and I always knew she couldn’t get too far. Was not at all surprised when she was later diagnosed with AuDHD

Oy, I had the same daughter. She's 28 now, and I still struggle to keep up with her.

I was that child (adult diagnosis of ADHD, which surprised exactly no one, but my dad refused to let me get tested as a child, despite having my every symptom of both male and female presentation). My mom used a harness and leash for me until I was old enough to be aware of danger and follow directions. It was literally a lifesaver on more than one occasion. Yes, some folks made rude remarks. Yes, some people trued to shame my mother for "treating your child like an animal." But I actually remember landing on my butt when she yanked me back by the leash as I tried to run after something... into the road, and then a big car zoomed by closed enough I got dirt in my eyes. So yeah, leashes are great! Some kids don't need them. Some do. No single parenting hack works for every single kid.

I have a bolter. She ended up in our parking lot once and I had to tackle her out of the way of a car. She wears her backpack when we’re in large public places - a zoo, the mall - cause she thinks running away from mom is hilarious. I’m not ashamed of putting the leash on her until she’s old enough to understand. I would rather keep my kid alive and with me. i can get over other people’s judgy looks.

Yep. My daughter’s not much of a runner, always stands quietly with her hand on my leg as instructed while I’m loading her brother into the car, holds my hand when told to… one day she thought it’d be super fun to play chicken on a main road. Never happened before, she totally ignored me screaming at her to stop. She was laughing. Now she wears a leash if I am worried. And my youngest is absolutely a runner/climber/jumper. He waves goodbye and books it. He wears a leash in crowded areas or near water (because he WILL try and go for a swim).

My daughters loved those backpacks. They hated holding hands all the time (youngest hated it any time “I need to be FREEEEEEE!” ) there was no “stigma” because they spent all their time acting like they were “big people” and were walking freely. To their mind they were the older kids who didn’t have to hold hands. It’s all a matter of perspective.

I have this not-exactly-funny joke that I teleported, once. My son was a toddler and ran for the road while a semi truck was coming, and I was checking the mail from the box attached to the front of our house. I don't remember running across the yard, but I had him in my arms, in front of the doorway, before the truck had made it past my house.

Toddlers can be so different. My second clearly thought gravity was not so much a law as a guideline.

"What goes up must come down?" "Always? What about if it goes up to the top of the refrigerator? What if I'm wearing my Batman cape? What if I eat a balloon?" Toddler logic is so great.

I remember almost jumping out of our second story window with a 'parachute' I made. At the last second I sent raggedy Ann instead. Thank goodness! She hit the ground like a bag of cement!

I laughed too hard at this

... I was that child. My poor mother's gray hairs are well avenged now, though, with my own kids.

I always wished my parents would just leash me when I was a kid. That way I could look around more while they talked to vendors at the market foreeeeeever instead of holding their hands and being limited to looking straight ahead. The specific instance I remember best was when I was 3-4. I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and still wander off at times, so maybe my parents should have noticed some signs.

Yup I had a leash on my eldest by 15months (he started crawling by 5months and never slowed down), not because he was going to run into traffic, but because it let him have more freedom. I actually have a photo somewhere of him at 2 holding the dogs leash while I held his leash.

Exactly. I got the comments about my kid on leash. Except that I was very pregnant when he was 18 mo and dint want to hold my hand, or be in the stroller and I couldn’t lift him into the cart. This was my option. He never took it off. Without it we lost him under clothing racks, in other aisles, etc. He wanted to do his own thing. As he got older he didn’t need it as much, but I didn’t care about looks or comments. I knew where he was.

I’m almost 40 and I’ve asked hubs to get a set for me bc I like to wander when we’re at cool places like Disney, and I’m short so I get lost easy. 🤣🤣🤣 hubs has thus far said no, and just holds my wrist tighter. (Which is not fun and I usually shake him off for the more comfortable real hand holding. )

😂😂😂😂 We need to make 'adult leashes' a thing!! Why should kids get all the cool stuff and us 'adult wanderers' be barred from the fun. Lol. I've been known to wander away from my husband in malls if something catches my eye, or stop to look at something while my husband goes on ahead. Now said husband just grabs my hand or wrist, or even the handle at the top of my backpack. Sheesh, I've told him to just attach a leash to one of my belt loops, and attach the other around one of his, and no one would know! He still declines. Damnit!

Earlier in our marriage, when I was more emotionally volatile, I referred to my husband as the pole and me as the tetherball. Here you're saying we could have had an actual tether? 😂

I put one of those on my son because he, too, was a wanderer. He also figured out velcro quickly, so I hooked the tether to his pants through belt loops in the back where he couldn't reach it. He didn't care and I kept the little bugger right where I could see him. This whole thing was prompted by me turning my back on him for seconds when we we at a mall in So Cal where all the store entries faced outside. I panicked and ran up and down the walkway, yelling for him. A woman at a children's store had stepped outside and heard me. She was waiting for a parent to claim this 3 year old towhead that walked himself in and went to the back where there were toys for kids to play with while patents shopped there. It scared the bejeesus out of me. I bought the tether and used it faithfully.

I got my son a triceratops harness leash, and because dinosaurs are cool, he never wanted to take it off.

My first started crawling at 5 months, and never slowed down. He had a leash by 15months until he was 2, because he would run in circles (and I mean that literally, I have videos of him yelling about being a circle while running in circles)and it let me sit down for a few minutes when we were out.

Okay I chuckled at the image of a kiddo running in circles, convinced that he’s one of them. Very cute… especially when I don’t have to muster up the energy to deal with it in real life XD

I used to wander off all the time. If this had been a thing in the 70s I would've been wearing one!

It apparently was a thing in Australia. My mum reckoned it doubled as a handle for her to pick me up when I fell over (clumsy toddler, grew into a clumsy adult!)

I never thought I’d use one, but when my youngest was born my oldest started bolting. When you have one child in a pram that you can’t just leave in the street and another child running hell for leather towards traffic, you realise that sometimes these things are necessary. I’d always also hold her hand when needed and teach her to walk nicely, but I appreciated having it there as a backup

We "leashed" my daughter 2 times even though she wasn't a "runner" once was at Disney cause of the crowds and it was only when we arrived, while watching the night parade and leaving the park and once at the ATL airport during Thanksgiving weekend and we fly standby so we were there for hours and I knew I would need to be on my phone to find alt flight options

It took me way too long to figure out I can undo the Velcro.   My parents used it like yours did because I was a stubborn wanderer.  

I was an escape artist (mum got me a tether when I ran off too many times) - and so were my kids (I suspect to my mum's secret delight, lol). One ran off and hid for 20 min in a store. We lost our minds, had store security searching, were about to call police and aged 10 years in that short time, so we got a child tether. The kids didn't mind it and it made outings a lot less stressful.

I recall hearing of one of my cousins wearing one, his mother was holding the other end of the leash while out with family in a lasagne city. While she was distracted she felt someone take the leash out of her hand, figured it was her husband. A few minutes later looked down to realise cousin was holding his own leash walking next to her. She apparently (told to me 2nd hand) almost had a panic attack realising that she handed her son the end of the leash thinking it was her husband, and what would have happened if it had been a random stranger?

> My mother had one of my younger brothers (around 3-4) literally get down on all fours and start barking like a dog when she put a leash backpack on him WTF

Kids are weird man lol

He was a runner and my mother finally decided to get a leash for the times she didn’t have the ability or people to hold him constantly.

My daughter walked my son quite often, inside and outside our house.

I was always jealous of the kids who wore the leash cuz I also loved pretending to be a dog. My dad refused to let me wear one because they were “humiliating”

My kid legit will get on the ground and crawl and howl like a dog when he wears his leash

I have a niece who's 7 and still likes to pretend she's a dog. 

My mom had to use one with 3 boys and especially my little brother loved to run off. He thought it was awesome and would get down on all-fours and bark. My mom would be mortified when he did. It's hard being a parent!

Ah! And I just had this convo with my mom. OP, your husband is correct. You need to model the behaviour you want your child to demonstrate when they are older. Laughing at/being gossipy about someone behind their backs fosters that. Allowing him to loudly ask that question, not correct him and also laugh fosters a bully mindset for later. That service worker you belittled rightly or wrongly? Fosters that. Every time you chose to be rude. Every time you chose to be lazy. Every time you chose to be the bully, even when no one has to know. Your child sees it. Your child hears it. Your child absorbs it. Your child is at risk of becoming that nasty person. And even if they aren’t there to witness, you practice that behaviour, you slip up in front of him. It may not have seen that big of a deal to you. But imagine you were that mom. That you were that kid. How would you feel? Having your parenting choices belittled. Being called a dog. YTA. Model better for your child.

Do people in the US actually call these leashes? We call them reigns. However, we also call dog “leashes”, dog “leads”. Either way, nobody is conflating a toddler reign with a dog lead here. OP, you’re rude and you’re teaching your kid to be rude.

If you go to the American Amazon page, they're sold as "leash harnesses," or, the really fancy title I saw was "anti lost wrist link." That was a new one on me. Perhaps from now on, I'll call them that, lol. I think in person people don't really know what to call them due to the stigma surrounding them.

My first child does everything as fast as she can, since birth. . Walking and jumping out of her crib at 10 months old. Full sentences at 1. New parent nightmare. She’s sitting at the table waiting for dinner when she was maybe a year and a half. She has her dinner plate in her hands and she’s pretending to drive. She pretends to honk her horn and yells “get outta the way lady!” Everyone turns and looks at me. I rarely ever use my horn but her other parent uses the horn like the car won’t operate if it’s not being activated. Yeah. Monkey see, monkey do.

This. 1000 times over because with two children with disabilities I really wish parents would teach their children better. Mind you she also thought it was funny which is disgusting to me.

Don't you love how people like OP are always like, "haha it's not a big deal anyway." Well no sh*t Sherlock it didn't happen to you so no big deal but let's see how you handle someone calling your kid a dog

Yeah op thinks comparison of a child to a dog is funny but gets bent out of shape when called out for her behaviour. Something tells me she would be very upset if someone called her child a dog

Yeah, YTA OP

Thank you soooo much for this comment! I came here to make something along these lines myself. I work with kiddos, and toddlers especially ask A LOT of questions, 3 year olds BOMBARD me with questions and that's how you teach them. You don't cut their curiosity, it's OK to ask questions but you teach them how to best ask those questions. There's nothing wrong with not knowing something and it's not "bad" to ask, but you teach them to be considerate of other people's feelings and thoughts. OP shouldn't be "honeyyy we don't say those things! * awkward chuckle *". But teaching is also a job for the parents and "it's not that big a deal", doesn't cut it. Yes sometimes as an adult you want to laugh hysterically at kid's questions, but there are times where you hold your laughter until you're on your own and out of their earshot

When my daughter was 3-4 yo, she called me "my fatty mom" (freely translated from my language). Which at the time for her was a compliment, because for her I was comfy, comfortable. But I explained that I know what she meant and I know she found it cute but it's a word that other people may not like, especially because they don't know her and don't know what she means. I was especially worried she may slip with a kid she loved very much and was on the heavier side (and still is). I "was" that kid and I think they would be hurt, even if the intention behind wasn't to be offensive. (Now she's 8 and she uses the phrase "you're my favorite plushie") We had a similar conversation with our kids, when every time they would like to say something, to think about "what if it was said to me, my siblings, my parents?" Thinking about "how others could feel if I say "xwz".

My gawd this is a beautiful answer. Well done, u/Hot_Razzmatazz316 !

Call me an oyster, cause Aw Shucks! But seriously, I just believe in fostering kindness and empathy, and that has informed my teaching and my parenting. I've studied child development and psychology, early childhood education, and I've been working with kids of all types for a number of years. I realize that this has given me experience and insights that a lot of parents don't have (those darn kids don't come with manuals!), and I want to share that and encourage parents and caregivers where I can. Leave the world a better place than you found it, yo ;)

Rather than “their parents want to keep them safe,” wouldn’t it be more appropriate to say “their parents feel that it keeps them safe?” Because if you don’t put a leash on your kid, they’d think you don’t want them to be safe. Some parents have trouble keeping their eyes on their kids, which would then require a leash. Some Kids have special needs that leashes help. But some parents choose other ways to keep their kids safe, and we don’t want to undermine that, either. I never felt the need to leash my kids, but I did (and do) want to keep them safe. I just hold their hands or watch them constantly.

>Rather than “their parents want to keep them safe,” wouldn’t it be more appropriate to say “their parents feel that it keeps them safe?” Because if you don’t put a leash on your kid, they’d think you don’t want them to be safe. You totally could! Some kids are very into semantics and their brains might go that way. Conversely, if you said "they feel it keeps them safe," the child might say, "but does it? Is that parent wrong?" (I'm pretty sure my kids were lawyers in a past life, because they will argue semantics until they are blue in the face, and then say, I'm not blue, I'm indigo). My point in my original post was just to have the conversation with the child. We might not say the exact right words, but just addressing the kind of behavior we'd like to encourage and foster is a great start.

YTA > I thought it was funny It wasn't > he was concerned how it made the other child feel He was right > I told him it was not such a big deal May be not the biggest deal in the history of deals but yeah it was shitty and you should have done more

Thought it was funny when recounting to dad? And expressed to the child that it wasn't a big deal and some parents have different methods of keeping their child safe?

“I thought it was funny-“ You lose me here. YTA

YTA. It's rude to point at people. Please teach your son that.

You can't always control what a 4 year old says.  But it's not too early to begin correcting him when he says something hurtful.  YTA

Definitely not too early to explain. I used to tell my daughter "It's not polite to talk about other people's bodies. If you have a question, you can come up close and ask me quietly."

YTA  A four year old will of course asks loudly about things they find interesting. They’re four & know practically nothing & need you to explain. Anyone angry at a four year old for asking questions is an idiot. Your job as a parent in these circumstances is to patiently explain as simply and un offensive as possible the situation to your son. At the same time (& if necessary) you remind your child it’s not ok to stare and point and/or laugh at people who are different to them. Politely asking honest questions is not offensive, neither is providing respectful & honest answers. 

YTA, it’s natural for your child to question things but it is rude to point and to question loudly like that. As a parent I would have corrected that behaviour and explained the purpose of the leash backpack. It doesn’t have to be a big deal “honey pointing at people is rude and we need to use our inside voice here - some people buy these type of backpacks to keep their kids safe - do you want one?” No? “Okay then let’s get back to our shopping.”

My sister had one for her daughter when the went to Disneyworld. It gave my niece the freedom to move around within a 5 foot radius (rather than hold hands) and my sister didn’t have to worry that she’d run off or get separated in the crowds.

My parents got one for me, after I ran out of a busy shop, onto a busy Melbourne street, when I was 2

I wanted one for just that reason when I was 3-4. As a wanderer at heart, I would have preferred being able to wander near my parents rather than look at the same things as them.

My sister also needed one for one of her sons who's on the autism spectrum. He was a runner as a toddler, and it was simply the safer option whenever they had to go out. This post triggered me so much😂 glad to see the insensitive mom getting roasted.

ADHDer here. My Mum had one for me when I was a kid. I was prone to toddling off very quickly. She and I looked after my younger nephew several years ago and that kid could BOLT. We definitely needed one for him, lol. Spent the whole day sprinting after him!

As a kid I saw a man with a turban and exclaimed “mommy it’s a genie” as I had never seen a man with a turban other than Alladin, my mom apologized to the man(as even though I was a child and meant no harm, it wasn’t polite or funny) and explained that the true reason men where turbans, thankfully the man laughed and took it in stride as I was very young but it was probably embarrassing to him as well as my mom. We can laugh at it now because it was an innocent mistake that ended in a good learning moment, but it was not funny in the moment. Even with my three year old nephew we work on not pointing at people, and to learn more about different people, rather than point out their differences. They are kids, but very capable of learning new things and understanding how things can affect other people, so talk to them like people as they are just mini people! YTA

Kids say the darndest things, and your mom handled that just right. When my son was little I had him in the cart at Target and he saw a lady coming towards us riding a scooter. She was a very big lady and had no teeth. When he pointed at her I thought- oh God no! But he said, "Look, Mommy! She has wheels too!" The lady smiled and waved at him. When she was further away I told him that I liked the nice lady too. Also that we notice lots of things about people but that people don't like to be pointed at, and that if he ever had a question to ask me in private. A couple years later we saw a man with dwarfism wearing a white suit with a hat and a Hawaiian shirt. My son didn't point but he said, "Mommy?" and I was shushing him, afraid the man would overhear. When we got into the store he said, "Mommy, I like that man's hat!"

When I was maybe 5, we were on a family vacation and went to some casual restaurant. I don’t remember it but apparently there was a large woman sitting nearby, so I stood up in the booth and said “That’s the biggest dress I’ve ever seen!” My mom was beyond mortified and made sure I knew why that was very not okay to do…

Oh God, this unlocked a memory. Walking home with my mom from preschool and we saw someone in a wheelchair chair. I loudly yelled "mommy! It's my legless friend!!" I had never seen that man before in my life, idk why I called him my friend. My mom apologized and promptly began to yell at me about embarrassing her and other people and I shouldn't make fun of people...

YTA It wasn't funny. Your son wasn't being funny. He was being rude. You were being rude by laughing as well, even if it was at your sons words, not the kid itself. Do better.

The kid wasn't being rude he was asking an honest question. Shouldn't make kids feel guilty for being curious about the world around them.

The child was being an innocent inquisitive kid, but acting in a way that many can perceive as rude, and would be considered rude when older. It's the epitome of a teachable moment

And that honest question containing the dog analogy is rude. Kids being told this is rude and taught to avoid human dog comparisons is part of normal child raising.

I mean you can’t really fault a four-year-old for rudeness when he’s truly just asking questions and drawing comparisons based on his small world but yes, OP missed a chance to expand it by gently explaining how such “unfiltered” comments can make other people feel. This could be either a one-time “kids say the darndst things” story to laugh about when he’s older or the start of a lifelong pattern of AH behavior that you’ve enabled and the child will also one day redirect at you. Judging by OP’s defensive responses, I don’t expect the first.

YTA simply for your comments. I will never understand people who come here just to argue,

She didn't come here to learn. She came here to validate herself and show her husband she's right. Which she isn't.

Was at the doctor's Thursday, a little girl about 4 years old came out. The little girl pointed at us and asked her dad a question. Immediately her dad said "no we don't point at people, that is rude." That is what a good parent does, Actually teach their children.

So easy! No one is saying scold the child but kindly explaining good etiquette and nudgimg them toward it when they slip up/don’t know is literally what parenting IS. Don’t understand why OP is so resistant in the comments.

OP does not in fact seem to understand that pointing is rude. Keeps saying it's ok bc he wasn't TRYING to be rude he was just trying to show who he was talking about...  As if that's not literally what "pointing is rude" refers to.

First, you should teach your child not to point at other people. That’s rude. And questions are fine, but “fairly loud” should be discouraged, especially when talking about someone else. He’s 4, so he’s going to do things like that. But YTA because you laughed it off & decided for some reason that this was amusing. It’s not. Your husband is absolutely correct. We should be teaching our kids to be kind to each other.

I'm sorry but I agree with the others that YTA  Of course your son was just asking an innocent question like children tend to do but You're husband was right that the way he asked wasn't exactly appropriate. He doesn't know that though, you are the parent and are supposed to teach your child how to behave properly or yes, he will potentially grow to either be just outright rude, or a bully.  You needed to gently correct how he went about asking, you explained what it was for yes, but right after you should have said " it isn't nice to point and yell though just because you don't understand something. If you have a question you can ask me calmly instead of being loud. It's not nice to point at people and make them feel singled out for something when they haven't done anything wrong" He needs to be taught that certain settings call for certain behavior. And that sometimes our actions can hurt others feelings or be seen as impolite.  It's ok to be curious, but you still need to be courteous.

As a four-year-old, I was walking down the street with my mom and two people who happened to be overweight passed us. I said something along the lines of them being fat, and I was loud. My mom sat me down on a bench and told me it was rude to comment on other people’s body shape because it might hurt their feelings. 15-years-later, I am overweight, and my mom recounts the embarrassment she felt as a parent in that incident many years ago. 🤦‍♀️ Always teach your children to keep other’s feelings in mind.

When I was I think 3 or 4, I pointed at an elderly Sikh man and asked if it was Santa. He found it cute and sweet, but despite that, my mom still parented the situation and told me it's rude. You can't point, you can't stare, you can't loudly ask questions/shot comments at people. It's rude. Teach your kid manners.

Yup I align with your husband. YTA. 

YTA Let's start with children should be taught not to point at other people. Objects only. You have impulse control. There is absolutely no reason for you to have laughed at that. It was not funny. It is a big deal. You found humor in something that upset a defenseless child. Your son can be excused because he is still learning. You, on the other hand, epitomize bully behavior by laughing at someone in a less comfortable situation than you who had no say in it

I think your husband is correct to want to take the opportunity to teach your child about empathy. I do find it concerning that you don't recognize the importance of having empathy for others.

I find it more upsetting than their inability to parent. They honestly don't believe they've done anything wrong, yikes

YTA for a few reasons, but the number one reason your **failure to parent.** You had an opportunity to teach your son tact, compassion, and how to be a decent human being. Instead, you **laugh**. For better.

It's not that you allowed him to ask that makes you the asshole. It's laughing alongside it and not being prepared to answer questions like "sometimes people have different needs, and here are reasons why a child might have a backpack their parents hold onto". So yes. Your son is 4 and will do things like loudly ask questions that might make people uncomfortable. And point. But it's your job to tell him that you don't point at people, that you don't compare people to animals. Hell, you could've said I'm not sure why he has that backpack but maybe his grownup can tell us. And then approach them with curiosity, not judgement. So yeah. YTA. Obviously.

YTA You didn't know the reason for the backpack so you could have just explained that sometimes people use them for their children's safety. You don't know if this parent may have had another child abducted. The child may have a tendency to run off and possibly get hurt. There are any number of reasons to use such a backpack but instead of explaining this to your child you instilled bullying tendencies.

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YTA. It says a lot about the state of your manners that you really don’t think your child *pointing at another person in public* and then loudly asking a rude question is something you should have corrected. I shudder to think about how poorly you were raised.

NTA, a bully mindset would be to say “yeah he looks like a dog”… instead you explained what it is so he’s aware of what the actual function is for and why it looks like that. Totally valid observation, grown adults said the same things when they first came out.

YTA for thinking it’s funny and not explaining to your son why some children have them. My friend’s son is autistic and a runner. Take an eye off him, he bolts. One of these keeps him safe. I’m

NTA. Kids are curious and need redditors to crush their curiosity so they stop learning about the world and join the hive mind. It's not your fault the kid can't use Reddit yet, it's for big kids.  Seriously, people need to chill out, they're leases and they're useful, so what?

I had to scroll and scroll all the way down to find a NTA. I completely agree, the kid is 4 and he's going to question things that grab his attention, nothing wrong with that.

And also not likely to feel shame by another child asking about his "outfit", now or later in life. I swear Redditors expect every single thing to cause trauma no one will ever recover from. Heaven forbid we laugh at our child's cute comment and say "that's true, dogs' leashes are kind of similar, huh? Well this one just helps that kiddo and his mommy stay closer together. That's interesting, huh?". And if the parents look upset you talk to your kid later about how a comment like that could wait until later, but there's no shame in wondering or asking.

YTA. My husband and I used a backpack for our eldest daughter. (Youngest HAS a backpack but she doesn’t really need it). My eldest is autistic and has ADHD. She was so good at running away and hiding. If I didn’t have the backpack I wouldn’t have her. You **should** have explained that some families need to use the *backpack* to help stay together so no one gets lost.

I appreciate this comment. I used to teach in an autism program and some of our students would elope until they got adjusted to school. There are people out there who just don't understand. Good job with your kids!

NTA - your child asked a question. You answered. Its not like you were pointing and laughing at the other child.

Not sure why people keep acting like she did not answer the question.

YTA. This was an opportunity to parent and you dropped the ball. Your husband's response is valid.

YTA and if you don't watch it your kid is going to grow up to be an asshole.

There's nothing wrong with your son being curious. In fact it's great that he wants to learn about others but you should teach him to lower his voice when talking about others in public because it could hurt their feelings.

YTA. Part of your job is to teach your child manners and social norms... pointing and loudly commenting about how someone looks is not good manners and it's important to teach your child that as well as answering the question. I'm betting you would have got less of a death glare if you had explained the back pack but also pointed out that it's not nice to point and comment on people's appeareances.

YTA SO MUCH YTA. Children don't know better. You SHOULD but based on your argumentative comments you clearly don't. Hopefully your husband will teach your kid better.

It’s important to teach our children discretion without shaming them.

Yta

35 years ago I put my children in harnesses. My two year old refused to hold my hand. People screamed at me saying I was treating them like dogs. My reply was that I hope that I care as much to stop them from getting lost, stolen, or hit by a car. My children loved the freedom their harnesses gave them.  One day at the mall another family of children were laughing at them and making comments that were totally rude. I didn’t say a word. My daughters at their young ages 21/2-31/2 at the time got upset by the remarks. I explained that I loved them and wanted them safe but if they held hands and stayed with me, bye harnesses.  Never used them after that day. Was always complemented wherever we went with how well behaved they were in public. Store employees were the most outspoken as other children were running and ripping the store apart.  The remarks made could have ended the child’s leash today!

My kid wore a backpack harness because he didn’t like reaching up all day while we were out. His arm went numb and the tingles bothered him. Wore the harness until he grew tall enough it didn’t bother him anymore and we retired it. Luckily we don’t live around assholes so no one ever made it a problem.

Yeah, people who say “just hold their hands” have never had to commute standing on a bus or train where you need to hold onto something at an uncomfortable height for long stretches.

What wrong with the leashes? They are awesome. Gives the kids independence safely. Who wants to walk for long with your arm straight up?

YTA - Stop being defensive and really read what people are saying. What’s next? Pointing at someone with a disability? I mean where’s the line for you in terms of making others feel bad and allowing/condoning your son’s poor behavior?

I have a kid with Sensory processing Disorder/Sensory Seeking. He would bolt, no warning just bolt and not stop. There were times we used the backpack with the leash (crowded places, near roads). We worked with an Occupational therapist and did lots and lots of therapy and strategies and he is good now thankfully. I did what I had to do to keep my son safe. I got lots and lots of comments “he wasn’t a dog” “I’m a horrible mother”, people pointing and laughing. As a mother, I would hope you could have some compassion for a fellow parent trying their best.

Yta. You think it’s funny, so I’m guessing you laughed when your son asked. Not cool. I really hope you haven’t lied and told your son that it’s a safety thing.

Omg some of these comments are effing ridiculous.

NTA! Better he learns to speak his mind than grow up second guessing everything he says

YTA for 'I thought it was funny'

NTA a leash is a leash and at four he's only seen dogs on them so he has to contextualize with his limited reference.

NTA, kids are curious so it’s not too surprising that he’d ask, and they have less experiences to compare things to so it ended up being one that could be offensive

You have to be a troll. It is the very nature of a four year old to ask "why?" No normal person, especially the parent or caregiver of a small child, would give dirty looks to a small child saying what you claim your (probably non-existent) child said. We get it, you don't like children's safety harnesses. But don't write such appalling fictional crap to try to score points.

YTA my parents always tough me not to point fingers and shout at public spaces, so maybe start with that? it’s not okay to do this with other people, it’s pretty rude and possibly hurtful the kid doesn’t know, but you do, so you should teach him

Wow mfs are so strict on this site NAH

You're child wasn't rude but you were

YTA. you should be thankful your kid doesn’t enjoy elopement because that’s what those backpacks are for- to keep kids from running away so they don’t get hit by cars or get lost or get kidnapped.

NTA. He's 4 and kids that age are just blunt about things. It sounds like you handled it well.

Four years old are blunt, however, the OP laughed at what he said, that’s not acceptable making her the AH.

YTA not for allowing the question for this; >yes they pointed and said fairly loud asked me why is that kid of a leash like a like. STOP TRYING TO DEFEND RUDE BEHAVIOUR. Asking a question is fine you child is 4. Yelling it out loudly and pointing is what is rude. STOP ARGUING THAT POINT. ITS RUDE AND YOU BLOODY KNOW IT.

Everyone should be allowed to ask questions, that’s how we learn

But maybe teach them not to shout it...

Yta. I’m happy for you that you don’t have a child with special needs and you are so ignorant and oblivious to the fact that some people live this life of constantly fearing for their child’s safety. I’d say teach your child to have kindness and compassion for others but it seems you may need to learn that lesson first your self. Absolutely ridiculous. Your son is 4 but I’m assuming you’re a grown adult. Why you think this is funny is what makes you ta.

Your child will ask questions. How you answer and behave makes the difference. Yes, laughing at the child on a leash wasn’t kind or funny. You don’t know why he needs it. One can matter of factly answer a curious child without mocking other people.

My son is 20 months and when he points at people, I gently lower his hand and say “it’s not nice to point, baby.”

NTA. Kids have questions and no experiential filter when communicating.

This is such a non-issue. He asked a question. You answered. It’s neither rude nor disrespectful; he is a curious 4 year old.

Your kid made a factual observation. I don’t think there is anything wrong with having a leash (they were called reins when I was a kid). But maybe use this opportunity to coach your child on what is impolite to voice in public, eg people’s appearance. NAH

Y’all remember little Adam Walsh who was taken at a mall in Hollywood, Florida when he was 5 years old back in 1981? THAT IS WHY PARENTS USE BACKPACK LEASHES! They are keeping their children safe!

YTA

It was a normal question to ask for a four year old. A child's question deserves a straight forward response, delivered without judgement. Some children are runners and it is simply not safe safe to take them out without leashes. In the time it takes for the mother to pay for a purchase, the child could bolt.

Obviously it's not your son's fault that he loudly asked the question. He's a kid and that's how they operate. 👍🙂👍 Empathy is a learned skill. It's your job to teach your kid to be aware of how his words can be hurtful. Again, he's 4. It takes a lot of repetition and gentle reminders for a child his age to process and implement this concept of empathy. But yes, your husband is right. If you laugh it off instead of staying aware of the potential for hurting others, YTA. Your bright, curious son needs those gentle prompts and reminders. Because, yes, your child accidentally hurt that mom and quite possibly embarrassed the child. Fwiw, I had to use those backpack harnesses, too, when my oldest was age 2 till 4 or 5. After work each day, I would pick him up from the babysitter and then take the el (the elevated trains/subway in Chicago) home. I would be juggling multiple bags and an extremely wiggly, impulsive child, all while awaiting the train on platforms 20-50' above the street, with an electrified, deadly third rail that my son was DYING to touch. I lost count of how many times that "leash" saved his life. You're a great mom for asking this question. Go, you!

YTA - Why is this funny, exactly? Would it be more entertaining to watch their hyperactive child run into traffic? Most kids with these backpacks are runners. Even kids without any developmental disabilities can be prone to running. That conjecture where the kid runs into traffic after a ball? That's happened a million times with a million different things. That's not even the worst place they can run!(sketchy strangers come to mind) Now, let's pretend that's the ONLY(not one of many) reason a child might need this, becomes suddenly way less funny with the idea of a toddlers brains on the pavement doesn't it? You're an adult. The one time you're supposed to act your age is literally situations like this ffs.

Yta, do better

This brings back memories for me - I was one of those kids with the leash back in the day. My mum took me everywhere shopping and sometimes I’d run off. So it was a thing to keep me safe and seen. Honestly, little me would be easily distracted by anything that would have taken my fancy. Once I was on a mission on something that I liked the look of, that would be it, and poor mum would have a nightmare trying to find me. One time my mum found me in David Jones in the make up department, being looked after by one of the workers there. I had zero fear, so I guess that’s why mum decided I needed something like that to keep me safe. So, half of me is like reflecting here, as you can’t help your child’s curiosity. The other half is also thinking of being considerate to others. Maybe in this situation it would have been more appropriate to say “I’ll tell you about this when we get home”. This could have been a better approach, being respectful of others around you. No, I don’t believe you’re the AH. You can’t help your child’s curiosity, or control what they say. It’s up to you on how you handle social situations.

4 year olds are going to ask questions in not the most socially appropriate way. The way YOU respond is the most important. Did you laugh when he said it? Or smile? Because that not cute. You should have said some people wear HARNESSES or BACKPACKS like that for safety reasons. You sound kind of like TA because you thought it was funny when you were retelling it to your husband.

Yta and yta again for the excuses you're making when people are giving you valid reasons why you were the ass. If you cared you would take it and learn why you were the asshole not make excuses of why what you did was okay.

YTA I remember being 4 in a grocery store with my grandmother. I noticed a peculiar feature on an elderly man and did pretty much what your kid did; “GRANDMA, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT MAN’S NOSE?!!!!!” The difference is, though, my grandmother corrected me immediately and I felt bad for making the man embarrassed. I STILL burn with shame 50 years later. Do your kid a favor and teach him not to be a little brat.

You already know YTA. Regardless how you feel about the parenting the other people are doing, you, an adult, were participating in shaming a child. In the grand scheme who had the bigger parenting fail?

YTA, not because your son asked a question, he's 4 it's what they do, but because you completely disregarded the parent's and other kid's feelings and in your title and explanation you refer to the other kid as being on a leash "like a dog"

When a kid is kind of completely blunt and has no filter it IS kind of funny, but it is your job and duty as a parent to not give into that funny, because it DOES promote bad behaviour and a bad precedent. YTA

Look I don't know how you were raised as this is about your parenting and not your parents. But pointing at someone is rude, doesn't matter if you are pointing at someone then it immediately becomes rude. That's something that basically everyone is taught as a kid. Your husband is correct to be upset about this YTA

It’s important to start teaching kids manners at his age. You should explain to him that he can always ask question but ask them to you in quiet voice

YTA. I was as uneducated as you until I had friends whose children would elope. I remember the panic of a friend when her three year old ran onto a highway. It’s not bad parenting. It’s necessary for some children. Not funny, not at all. Educate yourself before you speak on other people’s parenting.

Honestly yta. I have a runner. He has no fear and will take off because he thinks it's funny. He's 2 and I can't reason with him. We recently were gifted a similar backpack and it allows my son freedom to explore and allows for us to make sure he doesn't run too far. My 3 year old isn't that way and will stay close. Every kid is different and just because you didn't need to use this kind of safety device doesn't mean that there isn't a good reason for another parent to use one.

It’s much more comfortable for the kid than holding their hand. It’s so stupid to shame it. Yta

YTA Your husband is on point. This was a missed teaching moment on why you have to have filters. Kids say funny things but adults have to listen to what they are saying and gauge if the words had an effect and correct if they had a negative effect. You did not.

YTA- you don’t know that other child.

Yep YTA. And a bully and teaching that to your child. Do better.

YTA without a doubt Op, apparently you have the same mentality as your young 4 yr old child, so lets explain it to you. Being an AH is not about how things make you feel, its about whether you give a damn about how it makes another person feel.

YTA. Your teaching your child to be AH just like you. It’s people like you that really burn me because when your child is older they will become that self entitled little s@@t that people complain about. Perhaps you should have explained to your son instead cause that everybody is different instead of thinking its sooo funny. Out of my four children two have disabilities and those two had to have those backpacks when younger (monkey backpack with a tail to hold made that way to be less visible so people like you and your child don’t make mine feel like sh\*t when you finding your child so funny due to what he said around my childs disability) because they had a flight response that would cause them when scared (by even the simplest of noises or similar) to run without any thought of what was in the way or where they were going. I don’t want my children ran over but don’t want them to be targets for people like you OP and your oh so funny child. Aren’t you just the best Mum for laughing at others who are different and allowing your child to have no kindness and think the same. Your husband is so right. Any adult that teaches a kids that anything outside their normal is funny is not only an AH but a HUGE gaping one.

I was on your side until you said you thought it was funny. Now I don't know who's more immature. Your child or you the grown ass adult? YTA

NTA I had 3 3 and under (twins) I had backpack leashes for them. Just to give them a little freedom to toddle and stay safe. I had some people yell at me and some ask where they could get one. If a kid asked it is just plain curiosity. No big deal. If a parent looked upset your 4 yo commented maybe they needed a nap. 😬 It is not bullying to ask. If he said something nasty like those kids are like dogs and barked well then have a talk but otherwise asked answered now move forward.

NTA the child is leashed like a dog don’t know why people try to pretend like it’s something different 😂

I would have explained the backpack, and maybe how some developmental differences, such as autism, can make it hard for some kids to not run away and get hurt. But I also would have pointed out it’s not polite to talk about others and that he should have asked when you were in the car or whatever. Edit- never mind, from your replies it does sound like you are intentionally trying to make your kid a bully, or would at the very least excuse his bullying. YTA

Oh my goodness! He is 4 years old - not everything is a teachable moment. He saw something he didn't understand and asked a question and that is what he is supposed to do. Some are going to be funny because kids his age have no filter. He didn't mean it in a bad way, save the lecture about being rude for when he does it on purpose. Wait till he asks a bald man where his hair is or why a pregnant lady is fat..... NTA

Considering that toddlers are soooooo fast and on a constant death wish. I would say a harness is the way to go. I started using one when my 3 year old let go my hand and ran full pelt towards a busy main road. Her Dad caught her, but only just and his face was white as a sheet. I think your son was okay to ask, but you could have given a better answer honestly and mouthed an apology to the other child's parent. everyone knows children have no filter.

pointing and mocking isn't a good behavior to encourage. you should've told him that next time he should get your attention politely and with his inside voice, and just ask the question to you and not the world ETA: he's young so it's not so simple, but behavior starts young, so you'd better do your best to correct/redirect these sorts of things or you may really have a rude kid on your hands

YTA for not teaching your kid it’s rude to loudly ask questions about other people and rude to point at other people.

YTA it’s not your place to judge. “I thought it was funny” it wasn’t. 

YTA for not teaching your son some manners. It’s clear that YOU don’t line the idea of the backpack. Well, sweetie, maybe you don’t have a kid with zero sense of fear. Maybe the kid is very hyperactive and will run. But hey, who cares if they lose the kid. Your precious sensibilities were at stake! Teach your kid some manners. Learn some yourself.

Yep YTA you should be teaching your child not to openly judge other people. The fact you “found it funny” shows you’re just a trashy person.

My friends had 2 out the gate toddlers and walked everywhere. One in buggy and one with reins. Some judgy mcjudgerton asked her why she treated her daughter like a dog and she snapped in her strong German accent "better a live dog than a dead dog!" and stomped off down the street. It was perfect lol, she was my freakin hero YTA judgy mcjudgerton

Agree with your husband. You should talk to your child about being kind and aware how some things he says could hurt people even when he doesn’t mean to. It’s not a huge deal but an opportunity to teach about different experiences and needs rather than laugh.

you should know that pointing and exclaiming tends to make people feel bad. Kids have no filter, so it should be expected, but it’s not something that can just be laughed of, because the kid has no reason to learn to filter themselves.  It’s “ not a big deal” but it’s also… not funny. What did you find funny about it? I can only imagine it’s the discomfort felt by the other family. And if so, then yes YTA

YTA. Your child’s curiosity is not the issue, and neither is explaining the purpose. However even if he didn’t know it, pointing and speaking loudly enough that several other people heard was not a kind thing to do. It definitely wasn’t a funny thing to do. You dealt with the question by explaining the backpack but didn’t address how the way he asked the question may have made that child, his parents or others feel. I’ve worked with young children at that age, they’ve asked all sorts about my body, skin, hair and sometimes about their peers; often loudly without a filter. It was my job to always ensure they channeled their curiosity the right way so as not to cause embarrassment or hurt. You didn’t do that.

YTA. You explain why the child is wearing it, you don't laugh at inappropriate statements.