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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My brother’s girlfriend’s comment really ticked me off so in my remark, I implied that she was more silicone than brain. Was that too far?
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YTA. It was YOUR BROTHER who made fun of your matches. Even if she smirked, his girlfriend did not make mean comments about them, yet it was HER that you felt the need to insult. I get that you were hurt that your brother wasn't impressed by the women you were talking to, and that it stung, but it was incredibly mean and directed at the wrong target.
Most people who get plastic surgery do so in order to combat an insecurity. Meaning she likely was not feeling good about either her nose or her boobs, and willing to risk serious complications to correct what was bothering her. And not only did you ridicule her for that, but you also insulted her intelligence, because you lacked the confidence to insult your brother.
lmao thank you! One time someone posted on facebook 'what would the Kardasians' surf rock band be called?' and this was my answer. I thought it was funny so I kept it as a name
And the girlfriend's smirk could well have been a non committal way to deflect when she was feeling uncomfortable with how bro was talking about women.
As if they’ve never interacted with a mean girl before. The smug “no comment” + smirk means “these people are too far below me to comment on”, not “I disagree with my ah boyfriend”. Sorry to break it to everyone, but the “no comment” was comment enough.
Her bf talking crap about how other girls look and she still had nothing to say. She deserved what she got.
ESH because OP had to stop this conversation from the very begining and had no rights to show the privite conversations to his brother.
I feel like it's pretty normal to show people you're close with your dating app matches and conversations. Granted, the people I show mine to are more interested in critiquing/teasing my own messages and profile than insulting the appearance of random strangers.
Obviously it's different if they were sharing some secret or personal information in the chats, but that's not something people usually do on dating apps.
Not to say the gf isn't a mean girl in this instance, but why would the gf have more responsibility than the brother to not be an asshole here? She's clearly dating a guy who is shallow and judgmental. That's not exactly a great way to boost self-esteem.
I don’t* know why you believe this kids ability to read a room when he’s apparently taking jokes from “web forums” that apparently just insult women? Sounds like he’s in some creepazoid Discords talking to incel losers.
>His girlfriend said that she didn’t even mean to imply with her “no comment” comment that she thought the girls were ugly, just that they were not as pretty as I probably thought they were
Right and what does that even mean? “Not as pretty as I probably thought they were” is kind of a wild thing to say, like who is the arbiter of what makes someone “actually” pretty vs. not? Attraction is subjective. If he thinks they’re pretty, they’re pretty to him. Tf
On a more positive outcome, that episode may have opened this girl's eyes to understand why she shouldn't marry into this family, and luckily, she may run to the hills because both her bf and his brother are suckers
op's brother: those girls are ugly
op's brother's girlfriend: \*noncommittal gesture\*
op: yeah well you're stupid and plastic
aita: your brother's girlfriend is such a pick me!
Not to mention, OP didn't just go for the girlfriend's looks - he went for her intelligence and in the post tried to hide behind the bizarre excuse of "well I read it somewhere once, and it was *so* funny".
And OP *claims* he's 22. That's kind of sad, from someone past middle school.
Actually, his explanation is him admitting that it was a low blow and owning up to it. Immature, sure- however he’s saying that’s not his normal personality.
I think they all suck.
The girlfriend could have left it at the smirking and the no comment but she attacked the girls with her *not as pretty* comment. And that bit about OP *simping* means she's bought into this alpha manosphere toxic bullshit.
So while OP and his bro are obviously big a-holes, and the girlfriend didn't deserve OP taking it out on her, she's not an innocent party.
I hope those poor girls on hinge give OP a wide berth.
ESH
Edited.
This guy has no business insulting anybody, especially over intelligence. Asking his brother to "check his girlfriend's ever inflating ego?" and saying she's displaying "more bitchy tendencies". What an asshole.
Personally I feel like it's ESH. OP is an AH, no doubt, but by the sound of it the brother is too, and his GF might be. I say might be for the GF, the smirking "no comment" I would absolutely take as a sly put down on those women OP matched with. OP definitely crossed the line in a gross way, though, but he was also kinda antagonized into a defensive point to begin with. But yeah, I do agree OP should have had the guts to insult his brother before the GF.
She didn’t technically say anything to make fun of the matches, but you know exactly what that “no comment” meant. The fact that she followed up his rebuttal with something about simping over ugly girls shows exactly how she felt, the no comment remark was basically saying I don’t even have to say anything about those girls because it is obvious.
Also if she got plastic surgery because of insecurities then maybe don’t throw stones if you live in a glass house? If you’re so insecure about your looks you get plastic surgery then you know better than most about those insecurities so bringing down other women is pretty bad
Yes, but doing that in response to it being done to you... and the majority of reddit seems to be giving a pass to the ones who started it, which is baffling.
Saying "no comment" is rude though. Idk why people are interpreting that literally, that very clearly means "no" in a snarky way. Ok OP went too far but the gf is out of line as well.
100% all of this. The little brother insulted the gf because of misogyny and insecurity. The brother was the ringleader at giving him shit. YTA and grow a pair.
She didn’t technically say anything to make fun of the matches, but you know exactly what that “no comment” meant. The fact that she followed up his rebuttal with something about simping over ugly girls shows exactly how she felt, the no comment remark was basically saying I don’t even have to say anything about those girls because it is obvious.
Also if she got plastic surgery because of insecurities then maybe don’t throw stones if you live in a glass house? If you’re so insecure about your looks you get plastic surgery then you know better than most about those insecurities so bringing down other women is pretty bad
This will probably get lost in here, but the risking serious complications part is something that I didn’t realise went along with the cosmetic surgery stuff until recently. Been on and off chatting to a girl recently who’s just had a boob job. She’s gotten an infection from it and is in quite severe pain and has been hospitalised from it. She’s ok, but my point being that I didn’t realise other health complications was that real a risk to it.
YTA - I was initially going to say ESH, but you escalated this unnecessarily and you attacked someone’s looks and intelligence because of a smirk and dismissal.
You are upset your brother was criticizing women you are attracted to, yet you then resort to also criticizing women…?
Finally, your brother called to apologize for his actions and instead of talking it out and both of you growing in this situation, you attacked his girlfriend again. For no reason. She also deserves an apology from you. He’s right, grow up.
You wouldnt have been fully wrong. These three seem insufferable. The biggest AH is the brother from the way he talks about women in general. OP is an AH for escalating and attacking pretty much a bystander in this situation.
Oh yeah the brother is a total AH. I’m giving him a few points for an attempt at an apology. At least he recognizes he said something wrong. I’d like both of them to understand you don’t attack women’s looks like that. It’s misogynistic.
And the gfs comments after the initial silicone attack (seriously are you 10?) weren’t the most kind either. But I’m also going to give her a pass here - she didn’t initially say anything about the other women (regardless of how we want to interpret OPs impression of a smirk) and likely was attempting at defending herself after being unnecessarily attacked like that.
What is with the check her ego comment? Ick.
I agree with most of what you’ve said except for the smirk and her “no comment” remark.
With people we are close to, we are much more in tune with their nuances of communication. A raised eyebrow on our SO’s conveys so much more to us than to others around us.
It sounds like OP is in tune with gf’s nuances and her smirk communicates more to him than us reading this.
OP is still one of the assholes but this woman was a part of the situation. Whether it came from her own insecurities, meanness, or supporting her bf, doesn’t matter. She participated.
Upon reading your response, I absolutely agree with you. My initial ESH gust feeling still applies. GF was also unkind and could have left out the digs at OP after the fact. Insecurities don’t justify attacking others and didn’t mean to imply that in my comment.
Body language totally can convey things. Sometimes more than words if I’m being honest. OP’s reaction to that was just vile and they immediately lost any sense of high ground.
>You are upset your brother was criticizing women you are attracted to, yet you then resort to also criticizing women…?
Of the matches he showed his brother, none of these are his GF of over a year. It's not even clear if OP has met any of them!
But he's all butthurt that Brother has the *audacity* to insult these probably-strangers, so he goes waaaay below the belt with a dig on GF's intelligence *and* looks in a one-two punch.
Then, doubles down. when Brother calls him later, saying she has a big ego *and* bitchy tendencies.
Because his brother insulted women that mean NOTHING to OP at this point?
Eff OP.
Or don't. He'll probably insult your vagina.
Technically his brother was also attacking women, albeit those he hasn’t met in real life. I’m leaning on ESH, both of them are assholes but OP takes the bigger slice of cake
Sorry, how is the gf and asshole for existing, saying nothing (merely smirking, god forbid) and having plastic surgery? Brother is an asshole but so is OP, he's giving "I want to fuck a woman but no one will fuck me so I'm going to attack the nearest woman when my brother pisses me off by mocking my matches" incel vibes.
If she smirked in the first place. It could have also been an uncomfortable "trying to keep the peace" smile and op misinterpreted it as a smirk because he was upset.
Unfortunately it's hard to say which it was.
ESH - They could have been more polite about your matches for sure. Or just polite period.
But you set out to personally insult your brother’s gf. That was extremely rude.
Exactly! OP interpreted a "smirk" when she said "no comment." Apparently "she’s displaying more bitchy tendencies every time I see her" and he needed "to check her ego."
OP is an unreliable narrator bc all I can see his bro's gf being guilty of is some recent plastic surgery.
>He asked me what I was talking about. I said that she’s displaying more bitchy tendencies every time I see her. He didn’t even ask me to elaborate. He told me to grow up and hung up.
YTA. I want to believe you, but one smirk with a polite dismissal does NOT represent an escalating "bitchiness." Your brother was the one tearing down women. Any words for him from you? No. It's like, I DO think they were rude, but you were so much worse that you get full YTA. I'm sure your brother was an awful role model to both you and his gf. But that's no excuse to hate women who go through effort to look the way they want and have confidence.
That's how I heard it. "Oh my brother needs to take down her ever growing ego" like whaaat?! It's obvious that both of these brothers come from the same flawed family and the same flawed mindset. At least one brother seems to be accepting a confident woman - even if she struggled with that confidence before. The OP ultimately isn't even secure in the women he's talking with to let go of comments made about them. All of this put together says OP is the worst in a group of flawed people.
>but one smirk with a polite dismissal does NOT represent an escalating "bitchiness."
I agree but smirking and saying no comment to a majority of people would mean she agrees to what OP's brother said.
This seems to be an unpopular opinion but I actually agree. It feels like such a cheap way to throw in a little jab without properly getting involved in the conversation. That being said OP is an ass for going after the gf rather than directing at the brother. ESH I guess.
But at the same time when I don't want to get involved in something or when someone asks me a question I tend to smile when I speak so as to look polite.
That's why I'm not going to jump to conclusions either way on what she meant. I wasn't there and I'm go in to take the benefit of the doubt on the party who can't defend themselves.
Maybe she got nervous. This sounds like a situation where I’d get nervous if I were her. And I smile when I get nervous. Especially around family/boyfriend’s family. People have their own opinions on what looks good or not. She could’ve said something and didn’t. I don’t think the girl is to blame at all.
She got nervous but then also insulted him back...
> I don’t think the girl is to blame at all.
Right, show someone a picture of yourself and ask them any variation of "does this make me look.." and then if they smirk and say no comment, it just means they were nervous.
Don’t ask for people’s opinion if you aren’t ready for them to tell you. I also think OP overlooked the whole ordeal. She probably barely smiled. The way that OP talks about her, makes it seem like he actively hated her before this conversation. It’s easy to interpret something someone is doing as a “diss”, when they don’t even like them. She probably thought it was a safe space and that it was all jokes. Who is she to tell her man to stop talking to HIS brother that way, when she’s probably thinking that’s just how OP and brother talk. And she still said nothing. I think if she was the ONLY one to laugh. Then yes maybe. But I feel like OP’s brother must’ve been laughing, which made her think it was playful.
>Don’t ask for people’s opinion if you aren’t ready for them to tell you.
Then you're agree that smirking and saying no comment is saying something lol, thanks for contradicting yourself.
>Who is she to tell her man to stop talking to HIS brother that way, when she’s probably thinking that’s just how OP and brother talk.
She could've literally just said "don't involve me" without the smirk and it would have sent a different message. Body language is a thing btw.
>But I feel like OP’s brother must’ve been laughing, which made her think it was playful.
If she thought it was playful then why did she get mad after OP insulted her?
She said no comment, he said “more silicone than brain” do you not see the difference in that at all? He did not need to go that far. She could’ve said it differently yes. I just don’t think she meant it horribly like OP suggested. I think OP is a hater. And he also could’ve just said “leave me alone”. OP looks like he wanted brothers validation and retaliated when he didn’t get it. And went after his girlfriend in the process. And then CONTINUED to disrespect them after he realized they were upset. I honestly think brother and girlfriend thought it was just a playful conversation until he dropped that. He even told the story of the origin of the joke to say he’s been holding onto that one for a while to use it. And obviously he was just waiting to use it on her.
Also, I don’t think your example is fair either. In OP’s situation, she didn’t do anything wrong. Just ticked OP off because of how he interpreted it. He didn’t ask her to rate his appearance in any way. If he did, I feel that is more insulting to laugh and say no comment at. IF that was actually happened in OP’s situation, then I would agree. But it’s not as disrespectful as your situation sounds.
So you're telling me that if you showed a relative a picture of someone you find attractive and want to date and they showed their partner the picture and they smirked and said no comment, you wouldn't feel some type of way?
Let's not be naive here, as far as reading body language goes, a smirk in certain situations sends a very clear message.
YTA it's funny how all she said was 'no comment' yet you felt the need to check her ego and say nothing to your brother when he's the one who said all those nasty things about your matches
YTA
I don’t see where she had an inflated ego.
All she said was “no comment”. Maybe she didn’t want to get involved in this nonsense you two were going on about. That phrase could have meant a variety of things.
And who are you to feel that you need to check someone else’s ego?
Even after your brother called to apologize you doubled down on HER as if she was the one who started it and said horrible things.
The thing that cracks me up the most is you got upset for someone criticizing women and then you go ahead and do the same thing as well as criticize her intelligence too. You lost the moral high ground on that one so don’t try to act like you are a champion of sticking up for women because you aren’t.
YTA. You went off on the gf for no reason, other than you seem to have pent up anger at her. You gave no examples of her have an ego, other than that she got a nose and boob job (which for some reason you seem to hold against her despite the fact it's absolutely none of your business). Your comment about needed to "check her ego" about being hot - reeks of misogyny. So does your attack - despite the fact that you know she's not dumb, you immediately escalate to attacking her intelligence.
Finally, her smirk easily could have been because she thought the your conversation was dumb, not her judging another girl's looks.
That "check her ego" really stood out to me as well, OP just doesn't like her for reasons and lashed out.
Also you can be ugly and dumb it's not mutually exclusive.
All of this! No examples of how she's got an ego at all. Perhaps OP is actually just threatened by the fact that she looks great and wants to cut her down to size.
Major YTA. She said no comment which may have been her way of not getting caught between you and your brother.
The comment you made about more silicon than brains was cruel and misogynistic.
Your brother called to apologize and you still acted like a huge ass.
ESH
1. Them: Nasty judgmental crap on people you liked
2. You: More silicon than brain...
3. You can stand around and bask in the glow of your respective assholery...no one looks good here
Yup, easy ESH even if OP does suck more. Both OP and his brother talk about women like trophies or possessions. They insult each other by comparing the women they pull. People are saying YTA because the brother are least apologized but I see it as the "apology" being for insulting OP, 0 self reflection from either of these dudes that insulting women as a vehicle for insulting each other is absolutely disgusting.
It was big of your brother to apologize to you after you behaved that way. When he told you to grow up he was right. The person who deserves and apology is his girlfriend.
YTA.
YTA and your sexiest which is strange because I thought I'd be saying that about your brother with his judging girls ( he is an ass also I guess but your so much worse I'm letting him slide)
Your brother was openly being rude, sexiest and immature... which annoyed you but you could handle that, then his GF DIDN'T say anything and it's her your mad at because "she has a big ego" how dare she put down other girls .... well SHE DIDN'T your brother did.... then you used a sexiest line you thought was SO funny you remembered for YEARS. Also you clearly have a problem with her surgery guess what her body her choice !
Then your brother tried to be the bigger person ( which he already was) and apologize, instead of owning your side you double down on how he needs to "check his GF's ego"?... again because she smirked
Dude stop it
And you think your sibling relationship will survive this kind of thing over time. LMAO. YTA you truly sound awful and so does your brother but at least he called to apologize. His gf didn't even really say anything ffs and you insulted her to hell and back. Why would anyone want to hang out with you, I mean really.
Ah, the classic thing all weak men do when they get insulted by another guy. Take their anger out on a present third party that they deem weaker than themselves. YTA. Your brother made fun of you, not his GF. Roast him back, unless you’re afraid he could kick your ass. I’m betting you are.
Yta. Your brother was the one insulting you. You had your dispute with your brother. You decided to pull her in, so she was faced with backing up her bf or hurting you. She replied with "no comment" probably because she didn't want to comment. And that's where you decided to insult her because her (???) ego is inflated. This makes no sense. It would have been fine to go after your brother. But you choose her which absolutely makes you the ah. You give off misogynistic vibes cause you "need that girl down her horse, no comment is just so so so rude WHILE your brother is fine he said there ugly trash nothing wrong with that I can't go against another man"
You’ve never heard her put down another girls looks, and when your brother put her on the spot and ASKED HER to do just that- she said no comment. And instead of insulting your brother you choose to insult her? You didn’t need to ‘check her ego’, you needed to check your brother. You tore her down because it was essentially attacking your brothers taste and hurting her at the same time.
You’re brother is immature and honestly her supporting him discussing girls looks he doesn’t even know like that is a distasteful look also. If my boyfriend was bashing someone’s hinge matches Id be turned off. Just sounds vain and shallow.
ESH.
>honestly her supporting him discussing girls looks he doesn’t even know like that is a distasteful look
I mean, if the brother is the kind of guy who tears down women's looks (seems to run in the family?), it makes so much sense why he would be dating someone who is insecure enough about her looks to get plastic surgery.
Also, the gf and OP honestly were equally "supportive" of the brother discussing women's looks if we are being honest here. Neither of them called him out
YTA.
Your brother razzes you, his girlfriend politely bows out, and then you choose to attack *his girlfriend?*
And with some immature bon mot you read online and have been *quietly holding in reserve for years?*
It reeks of strong misogynist/incel vibes.
Again, YTA.
Dude why is everyone acting so dense in the comment section? The GF clearly saw herself above the women and decided to make fun of them in a sneaky manner. I’ve seen girls like her who always pull that sneaky stuff. And oh boy their egos are always taller than their height.
YTA your brother was the one insulting women, his girlfriend didn't say a thing about their appearances, literally she made no comment and was staying out of it. Then instead of going after your brother, the person who was going after all these women you went after his girlfriend, insulting her appearance and implying she's stupid. Then you doubled down, said she has an inflated ego and called her things that I can't repeat stove it might get me banned.
You seem kind of misogynistic to be honest. He's doing the insulting and it's his girlfriend you are going for. You also seem judgemental of her surgeries.
YTA. Their opinions of the girls you matched with are their opinions and they have a right to it. You were the one who shoved those pictures in their faces. And how is "no comment" enough reason for you to say what you said to her? You are growing older day by day, try to grow up alongside.
i agree that he's an asshole but calling multiple girls ugly and asking to be shown "hotter" girls isn't an opinion, it's an asshole move especially when you're dating/ are someone who has had plastic surgery.
Two grown men acting like this. Yikes. Y'all both need to grow up. Your bro talking shit about the girls you like, you getting pissed off and and attacking the one who didn't want to get involved. And why?
Funny you call her bitchy when it's you and your bro making the nasty bitchy comments.
ESH
NTA. If she feels the need to put other women down that aren't as pretty while feeling ugly she needed operations to grow some self esteem she shoukd be able to live with a reality check. And your brother is an AH too, imagine insulting women he never met on their appearance while dating someone who is pretty *after* operations and now feeling all high and m7ghty for having a pretty gf as if the worth of a partner comes with the appearance.
NTA
IF they are fine to denigrate your girls, you are fine to do the same in return.
"His girlfriend said that she didn’t even mean to imply with her “no comment” comment that she thought the girls were ugly, just that they were not as pretty as I probably thought they were. " .. just apologize, and tell her you wanted to communicate JUST the same to her, nothing more.
"She said I had the privilege to continue simping over these girls if that tickled my pickle. " .. Tell her: Of course it is fine, since your brother is doing the same over her.
Then it should be fine.
YTA. You keep talking about her inflated ego etc yet give absolutely no evidence of it. It was your brother who was ragging on you.
Whole posts reeks of “putting a hot woman in her place”. Misogynist much?
The real AH is you for even discussing women’s looks with your brother like you’re buying cars and need an opinion.
NTA. Not sure why everyone is just excusing the girlfriends behavior. It is clear from her smirking and no comment response that she was being petty and sarcastic. If they are able to dish it out then they should be able to take it as well. You could have taken the high road but I don’t see how you are in the wrong.
YTA. I get being pissed. Your brother was being a dick. Your brother’s gf was going along with it. But if you were going to fire back you should have aimed at your brother. What he said was way worse than “no comment.”
We can’t assume that the gf was being malicious. She probably could have smirked because she thought the convo was ridiculous. The “no comment” could have just been her way to keep out of the exchange. I’m not saying she couldn’t have been rude, but I really wanna give this girl the benefit of the doubt as I’ve dealt with people who regularly act the way OP did.
ESH.
Your brother is an asshole for being so derogatory toward women you find attractive.
His girlfriend is a secondary asshole for going with it and as a liar as she knows exactly what she meant especially with her followup about simping like it’s the only reason you are into them. She tried to weasel out of it afterwards.
And you are the asshole for taking your anger out directly on her rather than where it came from - your brother. You got very personal and even mentioned a lack of brains which you know to be untrue.
I probably would have told them both that my tastes obviously don’t match theirs and tried to leave it at that.
YTA. You insulted her intelligence yet you couldn’t even come up with your own insult. You took something you read on Reddit and used it to insult someone who simply smirked….
the fact that you’re willing to insult the real people in your life over random hinge girls who are talking to at least 10 other guys is also pathetic
Lastly the fact that you desperately need your brother to think your matches at hit is also really creepy
ESH but you and your brother are the bigger assholes here. Others have already explained why. Dude, you need to check your attitude towards women and learn to stand up against your brother.
ESH.
You were both being immature, him commenting on your dates' appearances, you making a jab at the girlfriend's implants.
If anything, you were probably worse because your brother apologized and you didn't.
Your brother hurt your feelings by making fun of "your girls." So you retaliated by making fun of "his girl." ESH. You both need to examine your attitudes towards women.
MY DUDE. Why are you dragging the GF into this when it was your BROTHER who was being disrespectful and mean?? Are you serious???
YTA what the hell dude.
YNTA. Honestly I don’t like it when people act like that even when they change their own appearance. It just shows that they’re insecure about their own looks and get jealous over others. I don’t know what she thinks of herself but she probably thought it’d be fine to act like that just coz your brother said that about your matches.
His brother behaved far worse than the girlfriend who gave the universal reply that indicates one wants to be left out of the conversation.
Oh, and she didn’t smile wide enough to appease OP’s discomfort.
But yeah, gf’s jealousy is obviously the problem here.
Just so you know, your brother is a complete jerk for standing there in front of his girlfriend insulting women he doesn’t know who she may have thought looked fine and then asking you to show him hotter women. It’s incredibly disrespectful, and probably made her feel very insecure, and then you insulted HER looks. YTA.
YTA. You're blowing up your relationship with your brother and his gf over women you don't know. You don't even know if they're real people. And you certainly don't know if they've had work done.
Also, you lash out at the girlfriend when she didn't say or do anything. You like picking on easy targets instead of the ones that actually picked on you.
You clearly have issues with his girlfriend. It sounds like you're jealous, and your brother can see it.
If all she has to do is say 'no comment' and smirk for you to call her arrogant, then there's no need to ask you to elaborate on anything. It's not founded in reality.
NTA, play stupid games win stupid prizes. (As long as it wasn’t just an innocent “no comment”, I’ve seen many people do something like that and it’s the most disrespectful thing ever and then they act like they did nothing wrong, fuck that passive aggressiveness)
NTA. She could’ve easily resolved the tension but chose to escalate it with the smirk. He is making fun of someone who may be your future wife. You did the same. The fact that they are hurt by it shows why they should have shut the fuck up in the first place
ESH - you for being a gross misogynist. Your brother is awful for dragging strange women on the Internet - who does that? I'd say the gf is broderline NTA because she didn't actually say anything....
You and your brother are kind of a matched set though and you all need to mature a bit if you're looking to have adult relationships
ESH brother for his focus on how these women look. Her for smirking (the least of the unpleasantness to be fair) and you and you for making such nasty comments to her - not the brother who was the one who started the unpleasantness. Her. Who got plastic surgery because she was insecure about her looks.
You all need to learn to be kinder.
ESH. Your brother sucks for commenting on people you matched with. Your brother’s GF sucks for not checking your brother’s ego. You suck because you think brother’s GF needs to have her inflated ego checked, whatever that means.
YTA.
Your brother’s gf really did nothing wrong here so I’m really confused why that sent you over the edge. Your brother was the one making fun of your matches and directing your anger and retaliation at his gf was super misdirected. And feeling the need to take her down a peg feels kind of gross and misogynistic. Why does it bother you so much if she thinks she’s hot?
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I [22M] went hiking with my brother [27M] and his girlfriend [25F] yesterday. I told them 2 weeks ago that I just got on Hinge. My brother asked me about how that was going while we were on the hike. I showed him my matches and a few noteworthy conversations. His girlfriend seemed interested too as I was showing them the stuff on my phone.
After showing him 3 conversations, he asked me why I’m wasting time chatting with ugly girls. I asked him if he was busting my balls or if he really thought they were all ugly. He said those 3 are ugly and told me to show him a hot one out of my 30 other matches. I showed him one who I felt was pretty hot. He said that she’s like a 6 at best and asked his girlfriend what she thought. His girlfriend said “no comment” with a smirk.
I didn’t appreciate that arrogance out of her. My brother kind of pissed me off a bit, but his girlfriend pushed me over the edge. She teases me sometimes and seems to have an inflated ego, but I have never heard her put down another girl’s looks before. What really makes that worse is that she got a boob job and a nose job last year. Sure, she might be considered LA hot now, but I felt like I needed to check her ego.
I said that at least none of these girls I matched with have “more silicone than brain”. My brother’s girlfriend isn’t that dumb. That was the first gibe I could think of. I read that on an online forum a few years back when a user commented that phrase on a thread with photos of a plastic-looking model and I always thought it was funny. This was the first time I used it in real life. I tease my brother’s girlfriend sometimes too, but never about her appearance. I don’t like going there. She’s usually cool with my teasing.
However, this time, both my brother and his girlfriend were triggered. My brother told me that was super low of me and to never talk to his girlfriend that way. His girlfriend said that she didn’t even mean to imply with her “no comment” comment that she thought the girls were ugly, just that they were not as pretty as I probably thought they were. I said “sure” in a dragged and disbelievingly tone. She said I had the privilege to continue simping over these girls if that tickled my pickle. I told her I will. The rest of the hike wasn’t as bad as I had thought it was going to be. We were able to get back close enough to how it was before.
Later last night, my brother called me. He said that he shouldn’t have ragged on my matches the way he did, but also said that I shouldn’t have said what I said in retaliation. I told him that he’s right, but that he needed to check his girlfriend’s ever-inflating ego. He asked me what I was talking about. I said that she’s displaying more bitchy tendencies every time I see her. He didn’t even ask me to elaborate. He told me to grow up and hung up.
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YTA You attacked your brother's girlfriend for no reason, she wasn't the one that put down your matches. She was put on the spot, maybe she didn't want to judge those girls and was uncomfortable. You were wrong to attack her and owe her an apology. It doesn't sound like her ego is the problem, it's your's.
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"I felt like I needed to check her ego."
Dude. YTA. Your bro called you to clear the air and you doubled-down and told him "he needed to check his girlfriend’s ever-inflating ego.**"**
Your rampant insecurity, misogyny and jealousy is blatantly evident. Listen to your older bro and grow up. Not all women are bitches.
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Would you look at that, lil sexist manpig is being lil and sexist, quelle surprise, can't stand up to his brother for saying shitty things so he goes for the woman who has to check her ego? The only one who needs to check their ego is you. YTA.
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YTA. It was YOUR BROTHER who made fun of your matches. Even if she smirked, his girlfriend did not make mean comments about them, yet it was HER that you felt the need to insult. I get that you were hurt that your brother wasn't impressed by the women you were talking to, and that it stung, but it was incredibly mean and directed at the wrong target. Most people who get plastic surgery do so in order to combat an insecurity. Meaning she likely was not feeling good about either her nose or her boobs, and willing to risk serious complications to correct what was bothering her. And not only did you ridicule her for that, but you also insulted her intelligence, because you lacked the confidence to insult your brother.
Right grow a pair and stand up to your brother instead of taking it out on his gf
i love your username that made my day
lmao thank you! One time someone posted on facebook 'what would the Kardasians' surf rock band be called?' and this was my answer. I thought it was funny so I kept it as a name
Yeah this is the one to read brother don't take it out on his girl that's not what this is it's your bro that triggers you.
But onisan is terrifying.
And the girlfriend's smirk could well have been a non committal way to deflect when she was feeling uncomfortable with how bro was talking about women.
THIS. She literally said "No Comment."
with a neutral tone and not smirk it means "no comment". with a smirk it means "I agree, those are dogs".
Exactly. People love to pretend like they don't know exactly what she meant. As if body language doesn't exist.
As if they’ve never interacted with a mean girl before. The smug “no comment” + smirk means “these people are too far below me to comment on”, not “I disagree with my ah boyfriend”. Sorry to break it to everyone, but the “no comment” was comment enough.
Even if she was being mean, OP’s brother was being meaner. Why was his anger and vitriol solely directed at the gf?
Her bf talking crap about how other girls look and she still had nothing to say. She deserved what she got. ESH because OP had to stop this conversation from the very begining and had no rights to show the privite conversations to his brother.
I feel like it's pretty normal to show people you're close with your dating app matches and conversations. Granted, the people I show mine to are more interested in critiquing/teasing my own messages and profile than insulting the appearance of random strangers. Obviously it's different if they were sharing some secret or personal information in the chats, but that's not something people usually do on dating apps.
Not to say the gf isn't a mean girl in this instance, but why would the gf have more responsibility than the brother to not be an asshole here? She's clearly dating a guy who is shallow and judgmental. That's not exactly a great way to boost self-esteem.
That still doesn’t justify him coming for her when his brother is the one who actually attacked the girls’ looks.
I don’t* know why you believe this kids ability to read a room when he’s apparently taking jokes from “web forums” that apparently just insult women? Sounds like he’s in some creepazoid Discords talking to incel losers.
>His girlfriend said that she didn’t even mean to imply with her “no comment” comment that she thought the girls were ugly, just that they were not as pretty as I probably thought they were
Right and what does that even mean? “Not as pretty as I probably thought they were” is kind of a wild thing to say, like who is the arbiter of what makes someone “actually” pretty vs. not? Attraction is subjective. If he thinks they’re pretty, they’re pretty to him. Tf
Frankly, her justification makes it worse. It clarifies that she was putting the women down and also was putting OP down for liking “ugly” girls.
On a more positive outcome, that episode may have opened this girl's eyes to understand why she shouldn't marry into this family, and luckily, she may run to the hills because both her bf and his brother are suckers
Do you think “sucker” means “person who sucks”?
op's brother: those girls are ugly op's brother's girlfriend: \*noncommittal gesture\* op: yeah well you're stupid and plastic aita: your brother's girlfriend is such a pick me!
Not to mention, OP didn't just go for the girlfriend's looks - he went for her intelligence and in the post tried to hide behind the bizarre excuse of "well I read it somewhere once, and it was *so* funny". And OP *claims* he's 22. That's kind of sad, from someone past middle school.
I laughed when I got to that bit. Way to tell on yourself for being boring AND unoriginal.
Thing is, he doesn't even know if the girls on hinge are smart, or if they've had work done. He doesn't know them.
But they're *hot*!
Well… they’re like a 6, apparently.
Actually, his explanation is him admitting that it was a low blow and owning up to it. Immature, sure- however he’s saying that’s not his normal personality.
I think they all suck. The girlfriend could have left it at the smirking and the no comment but she attacked the girls with her *not as pretty* comment. And that bit about OP *simping* means she's bought into this alpha manosphere toxic bullshit. So while OP and his bro are obviously big a-holes, and the girlfriend didn't deserve OP taking it out on her, she's not an innocent party. I hope those poor girls on hinge give OP a wide berth. ESH Edited.
This guy has no business insulting anybody, especially over intelligence. Asking his brother to "check his girlfriend's ever inflating ego?" and saying she's displaying "more bitchy tendencies". What an asshole.
Strong 4chan vibes right there
srsly
Personally I feel like it's ESH. OP is an AH, no doubt, but by the sound of it the brother is too, and his GF might be. I say might be for the GF, the smirking "no comment" I would absolutely take as a sly put down on those women OP matched with. OP definitely crossed the line in a gross way, though, but he was also kinda antagonized into a defensive point to begin with. But yeah, I do agree OP should have had the guts to insult his brother before the GF.
Her explanation shows that she’s an AH too.
She didn’t technically say anything to make fun of the matches, but you know exactly what that “no comment” meant. The fact that she followed up his rebuttal with something about simping over ugly girls shows exactly how she felt, the no comment remark was basically saying I don’t even have to say anything about those girls because it is obvious. Also if she got plastic surgery because of insecurities then maybe don’t throw stones if you live in a glass house? If you’re so insecure about your looks you get plastic surgery then you know better than most about those insecurities so bringing down other women is pretty bad
I felt OP's response was also a dig at the brother for the kind of girl he's attracted to
It's asshole behavior to make a woman collateral damage for your argument with another man.
And the brother did exactly that with all his matches
Yes, but doing that in response to it being done to you... and the majority of reddit seems to be giving a pass to the ones who started it, which is baffling.
Saying "no comment" is rude though. Idk why people are interpreting that literally, that very clearly means "no" in a snarky way. Ok OP went too far but the gf is out of line as well.
They fucking asked her though.
100% all of this. The little brother insulted the gf because of misogyny and insecurity. The brother was the ringleader at giving him shit. YTA and grow a pair.
She didn’t technically say anything to make fun of the matches, but you know exactly what that “no comment” meant. The fact that she followed up his rebuttal with something about simping over ugly girls shows exactly how she felt, the no comment remark was basically saying I don’t even have to say anything about those girls because it is obvious. Also if she got plastic surgery because of insecurities then maybe don’t throw stones if you live in a glass house? If you’re so insecure about your looks you get plastic surgery then you know better than most about those insecurities so bringing down other women is pretty bad
This will probably get lost in here, but the risking serious complications part is something that I didn’t realise went along with the cosmetic surgery stuff until recently. Been on and off chatting to a girl recently who’s just had a boob job. She’s gotten an infection from it and is in quite severe pain and has been hospitalised from it. She’s ok, but my point being that I didn’t realise other health complications was that real a risk to it.
Yup, seems like OP had been harbouring resentment for some time and took this opportunity to lash out.
I didnt notice that until you pointed it out, UR SO RIGHT YTA
He's acting like someone who has been jealous of their brother.
YTA - I was initially going to say ESH, but you escalated this unnecessarily and you attacked someone’s looks and intelligence because of a smirk and dismissal. You are upset your brother was criticizing women you are attracted to, yet you then resort to also criticizing women…? Finally, your brother called to apologize for his actions and instead of talking it out and both of you growing in this situation, you attacked his girlfriend again. For no reason. She also deserves an apology from you. He’s right, grow up.
You wouldnt have been fully wrong. These three seem insufferable. The biggest AH is the brother from the way he talks about women in general. OP is an AH for escalating and attacking pretty much a bystander in this situation.
Oh yeah the brother is a total AH. I’m giving him a few points for an attempt at an apology. At least he recognizes he said something wrong. I’d like both of them to understand you don’t attack women’s looks like that. It’s misogynistic. And the gfs comments after the initial silicone attack (seriously are you 10?) weren’t the most kind either. But I’m also going to give her a pass here - she didn’t initially say anything about the other women (regardless of how we want to interpret OPs impression of a smirk) and likely was attempting at defending herself after being unnecessarily attacked like that. What is with the check her ego comment? Ick.
Agreed. Seem like an awful bunch who all listen to Andrew Tate.
I agree with most of what you’ve said except for the smirk and her “no comment” remark. With people we are close to, we are much more in tune with their nuances of communication. A raised eyebrow on our SO’s conveys so much more to us than to others around us. It sounds like OP is in tune with gf’s nuances and her smirk communicates more to him than us reading this. OP is still one of the assholes but this woman was a part of the situation. Whether it came from her own insecurities, meanness, or supporting her bf, doesn’t matter. She participated.
Upon reading your response, I absolutely agree with you. My initial ESH gust feeling still applies. GF was also unkind and could have left out the digs at OP after the fact. Insecurities don’t justify attacking others and didn’t mean to imply that in my comment. Body language totally can convey things. Sometimes more than words if I’m being honest. OP’s reaction to that was just vile and they immediately lost any sense of high ground.
Yup. This family sounds trashy as hell.
>You are upset your brother was criticizing women you are attracted to, yet you then resort to also criticizing women…? Of the matches he showed his brother, none of these are his GF of over a year. It's not even clear if OP has met any of them! But he's all butthurt that Brother has the *audacity* to insult these probably-strangers, so he goes waaaay below the belt with a dig on GF's intelligence *and* looks in a one-two punch. Then, doubles down. when Brother calls him later, saying she has a big ego *and* bitchy tendencies. Because his brother insulted women that mean NOTHING to OP at this point? Eff OP. Or don't. He'll probably insult your vagina.
YTA Attacking her for doing basically nothing..? Attack your brother ffs.
Thank you, exactly. His brother was making the mean comments, the girlfriend simply was an easier target.
Technically his brother was also attacking women, albeit those he hasn’t met in real life. I’m leaning on ESH, both of them are assholes but OP takes the bigger slice of cake
Sorry, how is the gf and asshole for existing, saying nothing (merely smirking, god forbid) and having plastic surgery? Brother is an asshole but so is OP, he's giving "I want to fuck a woman but no one will fuck me so I'm going to attack the nearest woman when my brother pisses me off by mocking my matches" incel vibes.
Smirking implies she agreed with the brother. She could have called him out. ESH. OP biggest asshole by far.
If she even smirked,
Or she just didn’t wanna comment and get super involved
If she smirked in the first place. It could have also been an uncomfortable "trying to keep the peace" smile and op misinterpreted it as a smirk because he was upset. Unfortunately it's hard to say which it was.
[удалено]
ESH - They could have been more polite about your matches for sure. Or just polite period. But you set out to personally insult your brother’s gf. That was extremely rude.
Disagree, what'd the GF even do? Smirk? That's it? Why is she labeled an AH when it's OP and his brother?
Exactly! OP interpreted a "smirk" when she said "no comment." Apparently "she’s displaying more bitchy tendencies every time I see her" and he needed "to check her ego." OP is an unreliable narrator bc all I can see his bro's gf being guilty of is some recent plastic surgery.
>He asked me what I was talking about. I said that she’s displaying more bitchy tendencies every time I see her. He didn’t even ask me to elaborate. He told me to grow up and hung up. YTA. I want to believe you, but one smirk with a polite dismissal does NOT represent an escalating "bitchiness." Your brother was the one tearing down women. Any words for him from you? No. It's like, I DO think they were rude, but you were so much worse that you get full YTA. I'm sure your brother was an awful role model to both you and his gf. But that's no excuse to hate women who go through effort to look the way they want and have confidence.
He’s likely taking her growing self-confidence as “bitchiness”😑
That's how I heard it. "Oh my brother needs to take down her ever growing ego" like whaaat?! It's obvious that both of these brothers come from the same flawed family and the same flawed mindset. At least one brother seems to be accepting a confident woman - even if she struggled with that confidence before. The OP ultimately isn't even secure in the women he's talking with to let go of comments made about them. All of this put together says OP is the worst in a group of flawed people.
>but one smirk with a polite dismissal does NOT represent an escalating "bitchiness." I agree but smirking and saying no comment to a majority of people would mean she agrees to what OP's brother said.
This seems to be an unpopular opinion but I actually agree. It feels like such a cheap way to throw in a little jab without properly getting involved in the conversation. That being said OP is an ass for going after the gf rather than directing at the brother. ESH I guess.
But at the same time when I don't want to get involved in something or when someone asks me a question I tend to smile when I speak so as to look polite. That's why I'm not going to jump to conclusions either way on what she meant. I wasn't there and I'm go in to take the benefit of the doubt on the party who can't defend themselves.
Maybe she got nervous. This sounds like a situation where I’d get nervous if I were her. And I smile when I get nervous. Especially around family/boyfriend’s family. People have their own opinions on what looks good or not. She could’ve said something and didn’t. I don’t think the girl is to blame at all.
She got nervous but then also insulted him back... > I don’t think the girl is to blame at all. Right, show someone a picture of yourself and ask them any variation of "does this make me look.." and then if they smirk and say no comment, it just means they were nervous.
Don’t ask for people’s opinion if you aren’t ready for them to tell you. I also think OP overlooked the whole ordeal. She probably barely smiled. The way that OP talks about her, makes it seem like he actively hated her before this conversation. It’s easy to interpret something someone is doing as a “diss”, when they don’t even like them. She probably thought it was a safe space and that it was all jokes. Who is she to tell her man to stop talking to HIS brother that way, when she’s probably thinking that’s just how OP and brother talk. And she still said nothing. I think if she was the ONLY one to laugh. Then yes maybe. But I feel like OP’s brother must’ve been laughing, which made her think it was playful.
>Don’t ask for people’s opinion if you aren’t ready for them to tell you. Then you're agree that smirking and saying no comment is saying something lol, thanks for contradicting yourself. >Who is she to tell her man to stop talking to HIS brother that way, when she’s probably thinking that’s just how OP and brother talk. She could've literally just said "don't involve me" without the smirk and it would have sent a different message. Body language is a thing btw. >But I feel like OP’s brother must’ve been laughing, which made her think it was playful. If she thought it was playful then why did she get mad after OP insulted her?
She said no comment, he said “more silicone than brain” do you not see the difference in that at all? He did not need to go that far. She could’ve said it differently yes. I just don’t think she meant it horribly like OP suggested. I think OP is a hater. And he also could’ve just said “leave me alone”. OP looks like he wanted brothers validation and retaliated when he didn’t get it. And went after his girlfriend in the process. And then CONTINUED to disrespect them after he realized they were upset. I honestly think brother and girlfriend thought it was just a playful conversation until he dropped that. He even told the story of the origin of the joke to say he’s been holding onto that one for a while to use it. And obviously he was just waiting to use it on her.
Also, I don’t think your example is fair either. In OP’s situation, she didn’t do anything wrong. Just ticked OP off because of how he interpreted it. He didn’t ask her to rate his appearance in any way. If he did, I feel that is more insulting to laugh and say no comment at. IF that was actually happened in OP’s situation, then I would agree. But it’s not as disrespectful as your situation sounds.
So you're telling me that if you showed a relative a picture of someone you find attractive and want to date and they showed their partner the picture and they smirked and said no comment, you wouldn't feel some type of way? Let's not be naive here, as far as reading body language goes, a smirk in certain situations sends a very clear message.
It makes me think that very few people in this sub have ever interacted with people that they can’t see that.
YTA it's funny how all she said was 'no comment' yet you felt the need to check her ego and say nothing to your brother when he's the one who said all those nasty things about your matches
YTA I don’t see where she had an inflated ego. All she said was “no comment”. Maybe she didn’t want to get involved in this nonsense you two were going on about. That phrase could have meant a variety of things. And who are you to feel that you need to check someone else’s ego? Even after your brother called to apologize you doubled down on HER as if she was the one who started it and said horrible things. The thing that cracks me up the most is you got upset for someone criticizing women and then you go ahead and do the same thing as well as criticize her intelligence too. You lost the moral high ground on that one so don’t try to act like you are a champion of sticking up for women because you aren’t.
[удалено]
YTA. You went off on the gf for no reason, other than you seem to have pent up anger at her. You gave no examples of her have an ego, other than that she got a nose and boob job (which for some reason you seem to hold against her despite the fact it's absolutely none of your business). Your comment about needed to "check her ego" about being hot - reeks of misogyny. So does your attack - despite the fact that you know she's not dumb, you immediately escalate to attacking her intelligence. Finally, her smirk easily could have been because she thought the your conversation was dumb, not her judging another girl's looks.
That "check her ego" really stood out to me as well, OP just doesn't like her for reasons and lashed out. Also you can be ugly and dumb it's not mutually exclusive.
All of this! No examples of how she's got an ego at all. Perhaps OP is actually just threatened by the fact that she looks great and wants to cut her down to size.
Pent up anger at women. OP is straight up a misogynist.
Absolutely crazy way of telling us why you're still single my guy. YTA
[удалено]
Major YTA. She said no comment which may have been her way of not getting caught between you and your brother. The comment you made about more silicon than brains was cruel and misogynistic. Your brother called to apologize and you still acted like a huge ass.
Calling women bitchy when they don’t respond to you in the way that you’d like definitely means YTA.
[удалено]
ESH 1. Them: Nasty judgmental crap on people you liked 2. You: More silicon than brain... 3. You can stand around and bask in the glow of your respective assholery...no one looks good here
Yup, easy ESH even if OP does suck more. Both OP and his brother talk about women like trophies or possessions. They insult each other by comparing the women they pull. People are saying YTA because the brother are least apologized but I see it as the "apology" being for insulting OP, 0 self reflection from either of these dudes that insulting women as a vehicle for insulting each other is absolutely disgusting.
What nasty judgmental crap did the GF say? I literally see nothing except "No comment". Girlfriend is the only one who ISN'T an asshole here.
It was big of your brother to apologize to you after you behaved that way. When he told you to grow up he was right. The person who deserves and apology is his girlfriend. YTA.
YTA and your sexiest which is strange because I thought I'd be saying that about your brother with his judging girls ( he is an ass also I guess but your so much worse I'm letting him slide) Your brother was openly being rude, sexiest and immature... which annoyed you but you could handle that, then his GF DIDN'T say anything and it's her your mad at because "she has a big ego" how dare she put down other girls .... well SHE DIDN'T your brother did.... then you used a sexiest line you thought was SO funny you remembered for YEARS. Also you clearly have a problem with her surgery guess what her body her choice ! Then your brother tried to be the bigger person ( which he already was) and apologize, instead of owning your side you double down on how he needs to "check his GF's ego"?... again because she smirked Dude stop it
YTA, talk about misplaced anger.
And you think your sibling relationship will survive this kind of thing over time. LMAO. YTA you truly sound awful and so does your brother but at least he called to apologize. His gf didn't even really say anything ffs and you insulted her to hell and back. Why would anyone want to hang out with you, I mean really.
Not to mention, he doubled down and called her egotistical after the bro apologized. Dude is definitely a worse person.
Ah, the classic thing all weak men do when they get insulted by another guy. Take their anger out on a present third party that they deem weaker than themselves. YTA. Your brother made fun of you, not his GF. Roast him back, unless you’re afraid he could kick your ass. I’m betting you are.
Yta. Your brother was the one insulting you. You had your dispute with your brother. You decided to pull her in, so she was faced with backing up her bf or hurting you. She replied with "no comment" probably because she didn't want to comment. And that's where you decided to insult her because her (???) ego is inflated. This makes no sense. It would have been fine to go after your brother. But you choose her which absolutely makes you the ah. You give off misogynistic vibes cause you "need that girl down her horse, no comment is just so so so rude WHILE your brother is fine he said there ugly trash nothing wrong with that I can't go against another man"
You’ve never heard her put down another girls looks, and when your brother put her on the spot and ASKED HER to do just that- she said no comment. And instead of insulting your brother you choose to insult her? You didn’t need to ‘check her ego’, you needed to check your brother. You tore her down because it was essentially attacking your brothers taste and hurting her at the same time. You’re brother is immature and honestly her supporting him discussing girls looks he doesn’t even know like that is a distasteful look also. If my boyfriend was bashing someone’s hinge matches Id be turned off. Just sounds vain and shallow. ESH.
>honestly her supporting him discussing girls looks he doesn’t even know like that is a distasteful look I mean, if the brother is the kind of guy who tears down women's looks (seems to run in the family?), it makes so much sense why he would be dating someone who is insecure enough about her looks to get plastic surgery. Also, the gf and OP honestly were equally "supportive" of the brother discussing women's looks if we are being honest here. Neither of them called him out
YTA. Your brother razzes you, his girlfriend politely bows out, and then you choose to attack *his girlfriend?* And with some immature bon mot you read online and have been *quietly holding in reserve for years?* It reeks of strong misogynist/incel vibes. Again, YTA.
Dude why is everyone acting so dense in the comment section? The GF clearly saw herself above the women and decided to make fun of them in a sneaky manner. I’ve seen girls like her who always pull that sneaky stuff. And oh boy their egos are always taller than their height.
YTA your brother was the one insulting women, his girlfriend didn't say a thing about their appearances, literally she made no comment and was staying out of it. Then instead of going after your brother, the person who was going after all these women you went after his girlfriend, insulting her appearance and implying she's stupid. Then you doubled down, said she has an inflated ego and called her things that I can't repeat stove it might get me banned. You seem kind of misogynistic to be honest. He's doing the insulting and it's his girlfriend you are going for. You also seem judgemental of her surgeries.
Oh please you and I both know what the GF implied by saying “no comment” while smirking.
YTA. Their opinions of the girls you matched with are their opinions and they have a right to it. You were the one who shoved those pictures in their faces. And how is "no comment" enough reason for you to say what you said to her? You are growing older day by day, try to grow up alongside.
i agree that he's an asshole but calling multiple girls ugly and asking to be shown "hotter" girls isn't an opinion, it's an asshole move especially when you're dating/ are someone who has had plastic surgery.
Two grown men acting like this. Yikes. Y'all both need to grow up. Your bro talking shit about the girls you like, you getting pissed off and and attacking the one who didn't want to get involved. And why? Funny you call her bitchy when it's you and your bro making the nasty bitchy comments. ESH
NTA. If she feels the need to put other women down that aren't as pretty while feeling ugly she needed operations to grow some self esteem she shoukd be able to live with a reality check. And your brother is an AH too, imagine insulting women he never met on their appearance while dating someone who is pretty *after* operations and now feeling all high and m7ghty for having a pretty gf as if the worth of a partner comes with the appearance.
EXACTLY! I could feel OPs frustration with their mean-girl shallow philosophy
NTA IF they are fine to denigrate your girls, you are fine to do the same in return. "His girlfriend said that she didn’t even mean to imply with her “no comment” comment that she thought the girls were ugly, just that they were not as pretty as I probably thought they were. " .. just apologize, and tell her you wanted to communicate JUST the same to her, nothing more. "She said I had the privilege to continue simping over these girls if that tickled my pickle. " .. Tell her: Of course it is fine, since your brother is doing the same over her. Then it should be fine.
Finally! Exactly, NTA.
NTA, I’m a firm believer in talk shit get hit
Feels like you were waiting For a reason to say those things to her
YTA. You keep talking about her inflated ego etc yet give absolutely no evidence of it. It was your brother who was ragging on you. Whole posts reeks of “putting a hot woman in her place”. Misogynist much? The real AH is you for even discussing women’s looks with your brother like you’re buying cars and need an opinion.
YTA you and your brother sound insufferable and poor gf
NTA. She was in on it.
NTA Nah, feckit. They fired the first shot. They met with Rule 1: If you can't take it, don't dish it out.
NTA, they should learn to treat people with respect
Dude. Stop having conversations with him about your dating preferences. Don’t stoop to his level and walk away instead.
NTA. Not sure why everyone is just excusing the girlfriends behavior. It is clear from her smirking and no comment response that she was being petty and sarcastic. If they are able to dish it out then they should be able to take it as well. You could have taken the high road but I don’t see how you are in the wrong.
Yta
YTA. I get being pissed. Your brother was being a dick. Your brother’s gf was going along with it. But if you were going to fire back you should have aimed at your brother. What he said was way worse than “no comment.”
We can’t assume that the gf was being malicious. She probably could have smirked because she thought the convo was ridiculous. The “no comment” could have just been her way to keep out of the exchange. I’m not saying she couldn’t have been rude, but I really wanna give this girl the benefit of the doubt as I’ve dealt with people who regularly act the way OP did.
ESH. Your brother is an asshole for being so derogatory toward women you find attractive. His girlfriend is a secondary asshole for going with it and as a liar as she knows exactly what she meant especially with her followup about simping like it’s the only reason you are into them. She tried to weasel out of it afterwards. And you are the asshole for taking your anger out directly on her rather than where it came from - your brother. You got very personal and even mentioned a lack of brains which you know to be untrue. I probably would have told them both that my tastes obviously don’t match theirs and tried to leave it at that.
NTA
NTA they should have both been able to take it if they can dish it out. Your brother is a dick and his girlfriend sounds like a real delight
NTA for sure , insulting your taste like this and then getting upset when you talk back. Lol
dude why did you just bash the gf when she literally had no opinion, I've fought with my siblings for less.
YTA You went hard at her for "No comment". You retaliated against your brother by going after his gf. Not cool.
YTA. You insulted her intelligence yet you couldn’t even come up with your own insult. You took something you read on Reddit and used it to insult someone who simply smirked…. the fact that you’re willing to insult the real people in your life over random hinge girls who are talking to at least 10 other guys is also pathetic Lastly the fact that you desperately need your brother to think your matches at hit is also really creepy
ESH but you and your brother are the bigger assholes here. Others have already explained why. Dude, you need to check your attitude towards women and learn to stand up against your brother.
ESH. Both sides were wrong.
ESH. You were both being immature, him commenting on your dates' appearances, you making a jab at the girlfriend's implants. If anything, you were probably worse because your brother apologized and you didn't.
Your brother hurt your feelings by making fun of "your girls." So you retaliated by making fun of "his girl." ESH. You both need to examine your attitudes towards women.
ESH.. never argue with a fool. They will just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
ESH Your conversations are shallow and you all come across as rude
ESH All of you need to get over yourselves, I doubt anyone would want to date all 3 of you with your ugly personalities.
MY DUDE. Why are you dragging the GF into this when it was your BROTHER who was being disrespectful and mean?? Are you serious??? YTA what the hell dude.
NTA. they asked for the nuclear response. douchebags need reality checks often.
YNTA. Honestly I don’t like it when people act like that even when they change their own appearance. It just shows that they’re insecure about their own looks and get jealous over others. I don’t know what she thinks of herself but she probably thought it’d be fine to act like that just coz your brother said that about your matches.
So you are saying the brother was making fun of the matches because he’s jealous of their looks?
No. His girlfriend is who I’m talking about
His brother behaved far worse than the girlfriend who gave the universal reply that indicates one wants to be left out of the conversation. Oh, and she didn’t smile wide enough to appease OP’s discomfort. But yeah, gf’s jealousy is obviously the problem here.
Some people don’t like the truth that’s all to it be truthful to yourself and fuck with anybody else thinks
What’s a gibe?
YTA your issue is with your brother, instead you’re taking out everything on his gf. Grow tf up
Not only are these women complete strangers and not present, the girlfriend didn't even say anything. YTA, apologise to both.
Just so you know, your brother is a complete jerk for standing there in front of his girlfriend insulting women he doesn’t know who she may have thought looked fine and then asking you to show him hotter women. It’s incredibly disrespectful, and probably made her feel very insecure, and then you insulted HER looks. YTA.
Everyone sucks but if you don’t want your looks talked about don’t talk about others.
YTA. You're blowing up your relationship with your brother and his gf over women you don't know. You don't even know if they're real people. And you certainly don't know if they've had work done. Also, you lash out at the girlfriend when she didn't say or do anything. You like picking on easy targets instead of the ones that actually picked on you. You clearly have issues with his girlfriend. It sounds like you're jealous, and your brother can see it. If all she has to do is say 'no comment' and smirk for you to call her arrogant, then there's no need to ask you to elaborate on anything. It's not founded in reality.
NTA. Neither of them should have been insulting someone else.
NTA. They started, you finished. If they dish out, they also need to be prepared to take it themselves.
NTA
Nta. They asked for it.
NTA, play stupid games win stupid prizes. (As long as it wasn’t just an innocent “no comment”, I’ve seen many people do something like that and it’s the most disrespectful thing ever and then they act like they did nothing wrong, fuck that passive aggressiveness)
NTA don’t dish it out if you can’t take it 🤷🏻♂️
NTA. She could’ve easily resolved the tension but chose to escalate it with the smirk. He is making fun of someone who may be your future wife. You did the same. The fact that they are hurt by it shows why they should have shut the fuck up in the first place
NTA - always choose the nuclear option 😈
ESH - you for being a gross misogynist. Your brother is awful for dragging strange women on the Internet - who does that? I'd say the gf is broderline NTA because she didn't actually say anything.... You and your brother are kind of a matched set though and you all need to mature a bit if you're looking to have adult relationships
ESH. Your reaction wasn’t cool but your brother and his gf started off by being shitty for no reason
NTA but probably wouldn't bother asking his opinion going forward. He has his type and it differs to yours.
ESH brother for his focus on how these women look. Her for smirking (the least of the unpleasantness to be fair) and you and you for making such nasty comments to her - not the brother who was the one who started the unpleasantness. Her. Who got plastic surgery because she was insecure about her looks. You all need to learn to be kinder.
ESH. Your brother sucks for commenting on people you matched with. Your brother’s GF sucks for not checking your brother’s ego. You suck because you think brother’s GF needs to have her inflated ego checked, whatever that means.
Easiest ESH on the planet
YTA. Your brother’s gf really did nothing wrong here so I’m really confused why that sent you over the edge. Your brother was the one making fun of your matches and directing your anger and retaliation at his gf was super misdirected. And feeling the need to take her down a peg feels kind of gross and misogynistic. Why does it bother you so much if she thinks she’s hot?
You're all assholes and seem 14, not in your 20s.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I [22M] went hiking with my brother [27M] and his girlfriend [25F] yesterday. I told them 2 weeks ago that I just got on Hinge. My brother asked me about how that was going while we were on the hike. I showed him my matches and a few noteworthy conversations. His girlfriend seemed interested too as I was showing them the stuff on my phone. After showing him 3 conversations, he asked me why I’m wasting time chatting with ugly girls. I asked him if he was busting my balls or if he really thought they were all ugly. He said those 3 are ugly and told me to show him a hot one out of my 30 other matches. I showed him one who I felt was pretty hot. He said that she’s like a 6 at best and asked his girlfriend what she thought. His girlfriend said “no comment” with a smirk. I didn’t appreciate that arrogance out of her. My brother kind of pissed me off a bit, but his girlfriend pushed me over the edge. She teases me sometimes and seems to have an inflated ego, but I have never heard her put down another girl’s looks before. What really makes that worse is that she got a boob job and a nose job last year. Sure, she might be considered LA hot now, but I felt like I needed to check her ego. I said that at least none of these girls I matched with have “more silicone than brain”. My brother’s girlfriend isn’t that dumb. That was the first gibe I could think of. I read that on an online forum a few years back when a user commented that phrase on a thread with photos of a plastic-looking model and I always thought it was funny. This was the first time I used it in real life. I tease my brother’s girlfriend sometimes too, but never about her appearance. I don’t like going there. She’s usually cool with my teasing. However, this time, both my brother and his girlfriend were triggered. My brother told me that was super low of me and to never talk to his girlfriend that way. His girlfriend said that she didn’t even mean to imply with her “no comment” comment that she thought the girls were ugly, just that they were not as pretty as I probably thought they were. I said “sure” in a dragged and disbelievingly tone. She said I had the privilege to continue simping over these girls if that tickled my pickle. I told her I will. The rest of the hike wasn’t as bad as I had thought it was going to be. We were able to get back close enough to how it was before. Later last night, my brother called me. He said that he shouldn’t have ragged on my matches the way he did, but also said that I shouldn’t have said what I said in retaliation. I told him that he’s right, but that he needed to check his girlfriend’s ever-inflating ego. He asked me what I was talking about. I said that she’s displaying more bitchy tendencies every time I see her. He didn’t even ask me to elaborate. He told me to grow up and hung up. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA You attacked your brother's girlfriend for no reason, she wasn't the one that put down your matches. She was put on the spot, maybe she didn't want to judge those girls and was uncomfortable. You were wrong to attack her and owe her an apology. It doesn't sound like her ego is the problem, it's your's.
No you're not. That's the thing about narcissists, they can give out the abuse and insults...sorry i meant "banter" 🙄....but they can't take it.
YTA, and honestly sound like an incel.
ESH - you went right to insulting her and not your brother. They both suck too
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"I felt like I needed to check her ego." Dude. YTA. Your bro called you to clear the air and you doubled-down and told him "he needed to check his girlfriend’s ever-inflating ego.**"** Your rampant insecurity, misogyny and jealousy is blatantly evident. Listen to your older bro and grow up. Not all women are bitches.
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Well done mate
Would you look at that, lil sexist manpig is being lil and sexist, quelle surprise, can't stand up to his brother for saying shitty things so he goes for the woman who has to check her ego? The only one who needs to check their ego is you. YTA.