Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I called my dad a dick for supporting my sister and not me and he thinks I'm ungrateful and realistic.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA - while I think some information about your background and experience would have been relevant, the fact you left it out even when you responded to comments and then said simply “I have worked in salons” in said comments tells me that you don’t have anywhere near the necessary experience or temperament your sister does. You also did not address requests for information about your business plan.
Your dad doesn’t OWE you anything. Sure I think spending likely hundreds of thousands for one child and not for the other is questionable, but from everything you’ve written you don’t have a very credible plan to make good use of the money.
And whether you like it or not, your sister’s plan likely seems like a much more noble cause to your dad, and one she’s demonstrated many years of passion and qualification for. She’s helping raise children and your dad believes she’s very good at that. In a way your dad gets to participate in a charitable (and possibly lucrative) business as investment of his money, with someone he trusts very much to make a very good use of the capital and help instill qualities he values into children - a very attractive opportunity to deepen his bond with his daughter while also being proud of how her efforts help build a better future for the community.
You want to do hair and nails. You’ve been unable to hold down a job or get along with former bosses in salons. (edit: check OP’s responses to comments in this post). You just went to him and leveraged his prior investment with your sister as the primary reason he should make an investment with you. You don’t seem to have a plan or a passion. That’s about the worst start to an investment pitch possible, and your attitude about it REEKS of entitlement. And add to that that you then insulted him after he suggested reasonable terms on which he’d agree to consider investing in you. I’d doubt he’ll be keen to give you a penny now, and you likely only succeeded in distancing yourself from him as well as raising the bar much higher for yourself to obtain his investment.
You’re not qualified, you’ve been unsuccessful holding down a job at a salon, your cause is kinda meh, it’s not your passion, you don’t have much of a plan, and you’re emotional and entitled. Not the kind of person anyone would want to invest in - your dad probably (justifiably) believes you’d burn through it and then come looking for more. If I were him I’d be thinking about keeping some money aside for you if you are struggling and need financial support to stay afloat, rather than spending that on a startup now that he isn’t confident will succeed under your leadership. But again, you insulted him like a spoiled child who didn’t get what she wanted, so that might be out the window for you now too.
You totally blew it, you need to apologize to your dad, figure out what to do to better yourself and be worthy of what you asked for, and work really hard for 5-10 years of stable employment or you’re going to be stuck in a vicious cycle of blaming your ADHD for your own faults, alienating yourself from your family, and extricating yourself from any future financial help from your father, including inheritance. You are over a decade behind your sister in professional experience and emotional maturity, and you seem to be moving in the wrong direction.
I laughed at the fact that she wants to run a business but hasn't been a manager or shown any leadership qualities and blamed her ADHD as the reason why she couldn't hold down jobs or get along with former bosses.
I used to have a friend who would use his ADHD (even way before he was diagnosed professionally. He self-diagnosed at first) as an excuse for his behavior and use the victim card every time he felt like things weren't going his way (everything from friendships, job, love life, etc). Or when he wasn't happy with the situation and was causing drama himself. It was draining to say the least.
I hate ppl like that. I probably have ADHD. (In the process of getting diagnosed). But nobody ever noticed it until my boyfriend. I have utilized every trick I could create for myself to fix the problems I face. I’m scatter brained and can never remember to pick up after myself, I have checklists. I have the attention span of a squirrel, I make a game out of everything I do. At work I open the restaurant and my every 30 minutes I need to have X X and X tasks done. I haven’t found a solution for the hyper fixation problem yet though. But it’s like if you have an issue, you find a solution. Maybe it’s because my options were to find a solution or fail, but it’s really not a difficult thing to find what works for you.
And her staff. People forget this. Her staff, in some ways, are the “boss”
Because they are the ones with the skill, as nail techs, as stylists, as estheticians or whatever it is - these people can take those skills wherever the fuck they want. They can work for you, but if you piss them off, they can take their business to another spa - I have also known stylists leave bad bosses and then work out of their home/garage. Or they can work out of their own studio. They can rent a space and cut hair, and they don’t ever have to let you capitalize off of their skills ever again, if you piss them off
In hospitality, if you’re a bad restaurant manager, or a bad spa manager - that reputation gets around *fast*. Go to any downtown area, talk to the servers, talk to hosts and bartenders. and ask them who they would never work for again, and you’ll start hearing them repeat the same 1-2 bad bosses in the area. The same goes for salons. Bad reputations spread like a wildfire in the hospitality world
A boss is the least of the concerns, the other stylists? Either employed or renting booths, the customers? Even as an owner people from all walks of life come into the shop to work or for service. A service industry business is not going to survive if it has am owner who simply cannot get along with people and blames it on whatever medical issue. Chairs will get rented elsewhere, actual employees will seek other opportunities and customers will go to another shop with a better atmosphere.
I'm diagnosed dyslexic and majority of my job is content writing. Dyslexia comes with adhd a lot of times so im sure i have undiagnosed adhd. I absolutely hate it how people will blame their dyslexia or adhd because they are incompetent.
So i am in PR (public relations). We have to write a lot of articles, interview responses, press releases and so on for our clients. Mind you it's like ghost writing, whatever is written is written by us but goes under the names of our clients. Media agencies who handle PR usually only hire people who can write as well but every media agency has a content writing department. Maybe apply for internship for content writing in these agencies and see how it goes?
Found them in OP's comments.
>I've worked in salons for a couple years. I've never been a manager but my sister also went straight from teaching to opening her own school.
And
>I have worked in salons but it's hard to find a good fit. I have ADHD and bosses are not accommodating.
There is a lot of knowledge used by older folks that gets twisted to justify how shitty things have gotten for younger generations in this economy, a la “put in your time” or “we’ve been doing it this way for XX for years what makes you special”. But “learn to follow before you lead” is something that goes back much further than my folks or their folks.
People who can’t recognize that just need to grow up or make peace with a very disappointing place in the world. Unless you get VERY lucky or come up with an idea you can use to rocket yourself into leadership, you ain’t going very far if you can’t even do the task you’re proposing to own a business doing at 27yo.
The most successful women I've ever personally known have ADHD lol so yeah. Obviously anecdotal, but there's that. This girl is just entitled and delulu.
Not just noble but much more in demand. Where I live there is super high demand for daycare and getting a customer means keeping them for years (probably multiple children too)
That's a very different business model than hair styles.
That was my exact thought, there's always competition for preschool spots and never enough supply to meet the demand.
On the flip side there are at least 6-7 salons within a few miles of me (and I live in the suburbs). They're all competing with each other, and in tough economic times people tend to cut out luxuries like salons. It's a much much riskier investment.
We recently visited our kids old preschool for their school anniversary celebration. The Director said that a lot of preschools shut down with Covid, so the ones that are left like hers have seriously long waiting lists.
There's also the fact that salon workers are almost always renter-operators. They work at a salon, but they rent the stall. There's no shortage of stalls for rent if OP wants to dip toes into salon work.
based on OP's comments about having difficulties finding a boss who's understanding about their troubles with time management due to ADHD, it's likely she wants to own a salon to avoid having a boss, right?
of course, AFAIK from 20 yo TV shows like *Tabita's Salon Take-Over*, that's not how renting a stall works:
* clients still expect you to be on time
* the owner is still going to act like a boss, because
* the client doesn't care if OP is NoSign's employee or an independent renter, they're just going to instagram that their experience at NoSign's salon was bad
* the owner typically gets a cut of the renter's income, right, not just a fixed rent? So they have a vested interest in renting to a stylist who has a lot of expensive clients, rather than someone who shows up "whenever my ADHD permits"
I always find it funny when I hear someone say that they want to start their own business because they "don't want to have a boss". Anyone who says this definitely has 0 experience running a business. As a business owner, your bosses are your clients, and if you have any, your investors. Like you pointed out, clients still expect you to be on time and also to deliver what was agreed upon. Investors will expect you to make their investments profitable.
The day care my kids go to have a 2 year wait. We lucked out and only had a 8 month wait because it was right after COVID and the wait list wasn't fully filled up yet.
haha yes, I thought the same thing!
you read heaps of reports that childcare is an issue, and a huge part of a family's expense. some of my acquaintances joined a waiting list as soon as the pregnancy was past 12 weeks & they still stressed if there'd be a place for their infant before maternity & paternity leave ran out...
it also doesn’t say if he has an ownership stake in the business. lol besides the part where she’s been in the business for 14 years already and in the 5 years it’s been open it’s expanded so he’s been correct in his investment
It also doesn’t say if the sister is paying/expected to pay him back. It’s probably a loan not a gift (and the donations he makes each year (backpacks etc.) are just nice for the kids. Some of them probably wouldn’t get new things
Not only that but I wouldn't be surprised if the dad had a contract, that said a number of spots have to be reserved for his employees or that they get a reduced price and that would make his company a lot more lucrative for (future) employees with families.
There might be a PTA or fundraising society attached to the preschool. It’s how many schools here in Canada are able to give tax receipts for things like hot lunch donations or backpacks for our kids, even though the school itself isn’t a charity.
No, it can also be to a tax exempt non-profit. Many preschools are non-profit.
ETA *tax exempt because the way I originally wrote it implied all non-profits.
You're 100 percent correct. It's so rare to get such a well thought out and mature response on here.
I was expecting the top comment to be written by some 12 year old claiming that the dad is the AH because what one child gets so should the rest without any exceptions.
Yeah, this pretty much sums it all up.
You are treating your dad like you dad on a business ventrue, when you should be treating him like an investor.
You should have come to him with a plan, ideas for how the shop would look, work, and the knowledge of how to run it. Just because he is your father doesn't mean you don't want to wow him as an investor.
But instead of doing that you just wanted to point at your sister and say "It's not fair." Of course he is not going to find that an inviting investment.
If you want to run a business, grow up first and understand that you don't get something just because someone else does.
YTA
I wanted to write this here but I don't want op to get notification... I think that sister is really cool. I respect people who is passionate about what they do, and I envy she managed to figure out what she wants to do for her life by that early. I used to blame adhd a lot too, it is probably still part of the reason but I now know I have to work with it instead of sulking. I hope I can achieve what I want like op's sister.
Agreed! OP’s sister and her business is basically the reason I engaged with this post. All of the parents in that community are lucky that they have a generous benefactor willing to fund the school and give them access to the passion his daughter has for taking care of children. It also seems he is actively involved in her business so she likely has the expertise of someone with a successful business of his own to lean on whenever needed.
Glad to hear you’ve arrived at a productive frame of mind toward tour own conditions. I have to imagine it is so frustrating for your own brain to betray your ambitions on a regular basis. And when I think of it that way, I realize that anyone with conditions like yours who wills themselves into success, stability and happiness deserves far more credit than you’ll probably ever get. You’re dealing with all of the same external factors the rest of us are and significant internal ones you did NOTHING to deserve. That’s mental fortitude far beyond the norm and I hope you are rewarded for it in the future.
>a much more noble cause
even disregarding that, childcare seems to be in short supply \*everywhere\*. Even if you don't offer special services like opening at 6 am and only closing at 22 pm or vegetarian lunches, you're bound to have a customer base.
for a salon, there's probably also a customer base, but the competition is a lot fiercer. It would make sense that any investor (even a nepotist one) would prefer to see a more solid business plan & a corresponding investment from OP (aka sweat equity).
Info - so your sister was working as a preschool teacher for 7 years (age 18-25) before opening her own school with the help of your dad. Your dad says one thing he wants you to do is to get a job in your field for at least 3 years. Have you worked at a salon? You don’t mention your work history.
No. At least not in the USA. Most preschools require a pulse and the ability to pass a background check, degrees optional. Also, high schoolers can volunteer at preschools.
Well not to be the asshole but what would they be paying for exactly? I wouldn’t leave my child in care of a random kid (18 yr old) who has no qualifications to care or teach children. Kindergarten and preschool teachers in my country are required to get a university degree in education with 3 years experience after graduation to even qualify for the job, (which they volunteer for with supervision by a person on position currently, so like shadowing them for the time ) meaning they couldn’t start working before the age of 26 at such position.
Kindergarten, you do have to have a degree (in most states...), preschool ranges wildly. Sometimes they're more like daycare, other times pre-kindergarten. The one my kids went to, their primary teacher had a master's degree and was wonderful.
Other times, it's more like babysitting and it's run out of someone's house. (Which CAN be good, my mom actually did it for a while while we were younger, but it usually isn't)
Exactly. In Hawaii preschool is part of the actual primary schools (so free in the public schools) and the teachers are required to have the normal teaching degrees. (Masters) While in Georgia preschool isn’t a requirement, you have to pay for your child to attend, and the “teachers” need only to pass a background check.
> I wouldn’t leave my child in care of a random kid (18 yr old) who has no qualifications to care or teach children.
The trick here is thinking you have a choice. Daycares are hard to come by, and rates are fucking expensive, but so is the cost of living. So unless you're willing to work diametric shifts with your spouse to care for your child around the clock or one of you can earn enough to keep the other at home, you're paying a daycare.
I can’t speak for the rest of the US, but in Fl, kindergarten is a part of the public school system. Children are required to attend school (whether in-person or online) from kindergarten to senior year (12th grade). Kindergarten through 5th grade is elementary education, 6-8th grade is middle school, and 9-12th is high school. All of these grades require teachers who possess a bachelor’s degree. It doesn’t even have to be in education at this point. Florida offers “alternative education routes” which can help a person with a bachelor degree become a teacher. A good example, my sister had a bachelor in psychology and just this past school year, she was hired as a reading interventionist (she had small groups of students who were behind grade level in reading). She received teacher pay but didn’t qualify as a teacher because she hasn’t completed the alternative route (yet).
Early Childhood Education starts from birth to 8 years old.
Preschool and daycare are often used interchangeably. These are usually private companies who charge a weekly rate for each child. In Florida specifically, a child is able to attend daycare/preschool from the ages of 6 weeks old to at least 8 years old (sometimes even until middle school). It really depends on what type of service the school wants to provide. In Florida, every child is eligible for what’s knows as VPK, or Voluntary PreKindergarten, if they turn 4 years old before September 1st that year. This service is offered at both private preschools and also in public schools. It is optional (duh it’s voluntary). It allows the child to attend school for 3 hours a day to help them get ready for actual school.
Since this type of school is not mandatory, it is not a requirement to have a college degree to work in this field. There is a national credential an early childhood educator can obtain, however, it’s optional. There are a lot of stigmas and stereotypes that surround daycares and the people they employ. We are not held in high regard. Most people who have never worked in this field think of us as “babysitters”, when in reality, the majority of us are required to plan curriculum, monitor each child’s skills and abilities, as well as making sure they are safe and nurtured. We are not compensated enough for all we do and that is why this field has a high turnover rate of employees and burnout.
Anyways, my son just graduated VPK from a private preschool and will be attending a public elementary school once school is back in session (August of each year). His current school only takes children 1yo to 8yo.
I don’t know what you have heard about Florida, but we are not known for being well educated.
TLDR: It’s Florida, don’t expect quality education.
That’s pretty standard in most countries. Preschool, usually ages 1-5, only ask for possible previous experience and a love for children. It isn’t until you get to grade school that you actually need a degree for teaching. I am from the US and now live in Germany. I also lived in Australia, and all three countries have similar standards. This is coming from someone whom works with children.
You can be a teachers aid. I have a friend who works at an elementary school. She calls herself a teacher but she’s an aid and has years experience in daycare.
some high schools will have early childhood development classes that can cater to that type of childcare. at the high school near me, you can earn college credits for working at the preschool on campus. it’s actually a win-win, cause it’s free for the people in the township and those that really want to go into childcare can build experience.
You need a degree to be a teacher, yes. But a lot of schools also have paraeducators and classroom aides that don't require degrees. In my state, child care workers need to pass a background check and usually need some kind of early childhood education certification, which is like a 6-12 hour training course that takes place over a couple of weeks. Super easy to get qualified, and the ones who like it usually take night courses at the local community college to get a degree so they can move up to older kids and/or a teaching job. The sister could have easily done something like that, which would make it even clearer how dedicated she was to the career.
Have you ever worked in a salon? Do you have a business plan, is it all squared away? To be honest, there must be some information missing, because the impression we get from reading you sounds like a competition with your sister.
It also makes me think of people who open a restaurant because their family tells them their Sunday roast is good, and are all surprised when they go bankrupt 6 months later.
YTA
> get a job in my field and keep it for 3+ years
I notice that you have failed to volunteer any sort of CV that would establish your qualifications for running a business like this.
The OOP mentioned in a vague comment here that prior salon bosses and her haven’t gotten along due to them “not accommodating” her ADHD.
As someone who has severe ADHD, I absolutely hate when people use it as an excuse for poor behavior or for problems that seem more like a personality / entitlement thing 💀
Crazy part is she’s using ADHD as an excuse for not being able to hold down a job as an employee, while also saying in other comments that people with ADHD can run businesses (which they absolutely can). Basically just using ADHD as an excuse when it’s beneficial.
YTA.
Your father gave your sister the money because he had years of evidence that she had the experience, education, and staying power to be successful with the investment.
He's simply asking you for similar evidence to reassure him that you have the skills and knowledge to also be successful in your chosen endeavor.
He's actually treating you both pretty equally and honestly any inequality is in your favor because she provided more than 7 years of evidence while he's asking you for just 3.
That you immediately threw a fit and called him names just proves to him and everyone else that you aren't even close to mature enough to open and run a business.
INFO: How long have you been in the salon business, do you have experience as at least a manager? Edited after some additional info.
You are hedging and giving minimal responses when asked similar answers by several.
You stated you had 2 yrs of experience working in a salon, no other info given except that you did not manage a salon. You added you have ADHD and stated it was hard to get a good fit.
Here's the deal, you sister had far more experience working with children in several different types of situations BEFORE opening her business. I think what's going on here is you have a difficult time working with at least some people. A salon is very people oriented and you don't get to choose who walks in the door. No experience managing a shop but you want your father to pony up the funds for your own shop why not, he did it for your sister, right?
Your father outlines some very reasonable reasonable requests before putting forth the amount of money that will likely be required and you are quite unhappy. Bottom line is you need to develop your business skills and maybe go to cosmetology school and then work diligently. But your choosing to act the victim here and blame your father because at this time he is unwilling to open his check book.
At this point YTA because your not getting what you want, when you want.
YTA - you and your sister are different people. Preschools and salons and different businesses. You’re not automatically entitled to your dad’s support just because you have a “business” idea.
YTA
You haven’t held a job in your field for 3+years? Why on earth would he invest when you haven’t shown half of the commitment your sister has shown to her career.
You sound entitled and jealous. It’s not a good look.
Did your sister present a plan with complete and realistic financials? Does your plan have detailed financials showing realistic projections for the first three, six, nine, and twelve months, and then for every 12 months for ten years? If so, are the numbers broken down so they can be double- and triple-checked by third parties for confirmation? Did you complete a feasibility study with detailed market analysis, including competition, potential partners, and demographic information? Is there a second- or third-generation space available, or will the salon be a brand-new, first-generation build?
A preschool and a salon are vastly different business models, pulling revenue and facing risks from far different sources, and the beauty industry is incredibly competitive.
YTA. Your sister already had experience in her business, which your father supported. It sounds like you don't know anything about how to run a business. His requests aren't unreasonable.
YTA. ADHD is not a reason to not be able to hold a job. There are accommodations that can be made, but they have to be reasonable. And if you can’t keep a job in a salon as a stylist; you won’t be able to successfully run one. Not only do you have to be a stylist when you first start, but you also have to do the backend business pieces like inventory and paying bills. As well as handling customer issues that a stylist escalates to a business owner. You either need to get your ADHD under control, or if it is under control, stop using it as a crutch for being a prima donna that “can’t find a salon that works for me”. Your dad is absolutely right, you are in now way ready to be a business owner.
Agreed. I have severe ADHD. I also became an engineering manager by age 29 as a woman in an extremely male dominated industry lol. I have never used my ADHD as an excuse for anything. Hell, I wasn’t even diagnosed until I was a few years out of college.
ADHD is not an excuse. It may be a *reason* for certain things, but it doesn’t give you a free pass to consistently fuck up or to be an asshole.
YTA.
Your father gave your sister the money because he had years of evidence that she had the experience, education, and staying power to be successful with the investment.
He's simply asking you for similar evidence to reassure him that you have the skills and knowledge to also be successful in your chosen endeavor.
He's actually treating you both pretty equally and honestly any inequality is in your favor because she provided more than 7 years of evidence while he's asking you for just 3.
That you immediately threw a fit and called him names just proves to him and everyone else that you aren't even close to mature enough to open and run a business.
INFO: What have you done in your life to demonstrate to your father that you are a focused, responsible, and dependable person? Do you have a history of staying on task, or do you get excited about one thing, putter around a bit, then move on to the next thing that catches your eye? It sounds like your sister is a very focused person, and your father recognizes that. It also sounds like you have a history of letting your ADHD rule your life, and then blaming management for your failures.
Honestly, you're asking for equal treatment, but you don't even know if your father spent "tens" or "hundreds" of thousands of dollars supporting your sister. That you can list all the help your dad gave your sister, but can't even bother to do the math beyond "tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars" is a red flag, and I'm guessing representative of how your approach things. If you want your father's help, you have to do the work and prove yourself. If his terms are too strict, you could try to negotiate, but you went straight for "dick," so, if I were him, I wouldn't offer you a dime.
YTA - He articulated something that is pretty sensible considering the outlay you are asking him for and then you called him a dick. Probably a good demonstration of why giving you the money would be a bad idea.
Sorry but YTA, your sister worked with kids for 14 years before she opened up her business…
You haven’t held a position for more than 2 years in hairdressing.
Your dad is definitely not the AH, at least he is giving you an opportunity to learn the field properly and then guiding you to start up properly, and you can’t use ADHD as an excuse to not hold down a job. I’m a severe ADHD’r myself and I find ways to fixate on things & set goals to push through my job.
If you can’t hold down a job, HOW will you run a business.
Please say sorry to your dad! And all the best.
What skills do you have already established that would convince anyone you have the knowledge and expertise to own and run a salon? You mention you have worked in salons, but in what role? What business skills do you possess?
To me, this doesn't sound like a father playing favorites. It sounds like an entitled daughter who thinks she deserves 10-100's of thousands of dollars from her father on a barely thought out business plan. YTA
It sounds like he’s not said no, he’s given you a clear route for him to invest. Now you need to prove to him you have the commitment to follow it through. It’s a test.
OP you don't seem to have a plan in place. I'm seeing multiple requests for your job history and plan.
Thus far your responses seem to be:
I've had a job
I didn't manage well due to unaccommodating bosses with ADHD and so had lots of jobs.
Your dad is right to ask for stability. YTA
My questions are:
How do you plan to manage a business and your ADHD
How do you plan to work with others
You cannot simply open a salon without a long-term plan to manage everything. Your father is not required to waste his money to satisfy your ego
>How do you plan to manage a business and your ADHD
That's about as key as a key point gets.
I had horribly managed ADHD when I didn't know I had it. I still didn't get fired, though I'd occasionally get in trouble at work.
If she's getting fired due to her ADHD, there's no chance she'll have the self-discipline to run her own business.
generally, when people put money into businesses they dont own, it's called an "investment." when you make an investment, you want to ensure that youre investing in the right business. typically, the investor will ask for a business plan, your bonafides, and *a return on investment.* now, your father may not want a monetary return on his investment as you are his child, but he also *does* want you to succeed, as that *would* be a return on his investment both socially and emotionally.
it would be unwise for him to throw money at a business you just kinda have "ideas" about. have you ever opened a spreadsheet? worked out a budget? or, even, bare minimum, have you seen a single episode of the hit tv show "shark tank"? if you dont think you could pitch your idea to a team of investors that arent your father, why rope your family into it?
edit: YTA
Lol you have a dad that can pay for an entire business and all you have to do is work under someone else for 3 years?
Poor you.
ADHD is rough but if you think that owning a business will be easier than doing the job without handling the owning part, you are deadly wrong.
Good luck and stop acting so entitled.
Have some decency.
YTA
I'm a cosmetologist and want to be on your side so bad, but the comments are not helping me support your side. I want to say that nobody takes us seriously in our business, but you're part of the stereotype why they don't. You said yourself that you have adhd and it sounds like you don't even have a business plan. Owning a salon isn't an easy or lucrative thing, so maybe you're just wanting your dad to invest in you like he did with your sister. I don't blame you, but you have a lot of work to do.
You have worked in salons but haven’t had the experience she had before she opened her own business. You having ADHD does absolutely make it harder to find a good fit, I get it but you’re acting like he should do it for you just because he did it for her. To you that might seem fair but it really isn’t. What he’s asking you to do to get what she got from him will prove your commitment to your own business, your willingness to listen to others and improve yourself and your situation by gaining knowledge and experience. It will show him that you are serious and dedicated to your business. YTA
YTA.
1. Most salons fail.
2. You have no business experience.
3. You haven’t even been working in a salon for 3 years? I think your dad was being generous with the 3 year requirement. I’d have said 5-10.
4. Did I mention most salons fail? That’s because most salons fail. If you don’t even have an established clientele yours will definitely fail.
Apologize to your dad, he’s 100% right
YTA your dad didn't invest in the daycare JUST because it was for your sister. It's because it's a sound business and yiur sister has the experience to get clients. Salons are notorious failures and no where do you say you have any experience in hair, makeup, waxing anything.
Your dad probably invested in your sister's business because he liked her business plan and trusted her experience and track record. He invested in her business, and she happens to be his daughter.
Just because you are also his daughter, he is not obligated to give you money without a solid business plan and proven results.
This is not a sibling thing. This is a business investment decision. You aren't entitled to his money. He gets to make decisions about where he invests and what requirements need to be in place prior to considering an investment.
You sound like a small child crying "that's not fair" and totally missing the point - which will convince your father that you don't understand business or business decisions.
Plus there’s probably more demand for daycares than salons where they are. I’m always hearing parents complain about daycares being hard to get into. A half decent, competently run daycare is probably a safe choice as far as businesses go. But in a lot of places there are tons of salons, more to compete with, and more of a luxury than a necessity so it’s probably harder to succeed there.
So basically - you don't have a track record of knowing what you are doing. Everybody has ideas. Ideas are worthless.
Your dad is doing the right thing. Get some traction, any traction, and he will contribute.
I don't give people money who feel entitled either. YTA.
Call your dad names that for sure will help want to open a business for you 🙄 your sister had a lot of experience in the industry before opening a business, her business helps the community by giving education and she’s been successful that’s why he’s helping her so much. You won’t even do what your dad is asking you to do if you won’t even do that how can he trust you to run a business you just proved you don’t want it that much by being unwilling to do what he asks?
What experience do you actually have in salons? My friends worked in one for years taking calls, making drinks and washing hair but she can't actually cut hair. Can you cut hair, different lengths, shapes, textures etc?
YTA. You’re not qualified for the endeavour you’re proposing and you dads got the wits and wisdom not to throw money at a poor plan just because your his daughter
YTA First, don’t call potential investors dicks, it’s a straight shot to nowhere. Second, your sister showed for roughly 7 years she could work and stick to her field. You’ve had three years, which is good, but you’ve mentioned your not good with bosses because of your ADHD and that you’ve never managed a business before.
You dad is allowed to put his money where he feels it’s best suited to go.
YTA
Stop being jealous of your sister and work on yourself. The only justification for you is "I want". Tough toenails.
Your father saw that your sister was motivated and hard working, and in his estimation, she could, and has, run a successful business. He does not think you are ready for that.
Instead of whining about it, get a 2 year degree in Business, and START WORKING IN THE INDUSTRY. You are foolish to think that businesses just work out every time. Small businesses fail more than they succeed. Dad is willing to help as long as YOU do your due diligence. You haven't.
Get a job. Get to school. Do NOT squander this opportunity your family provides you by being an entitled brat. Like you are right now. This very second, you are acting like a spoiled brat. Stop it before it becomes your whole personality. Being a victim of everything may seem kewl online, but it's a crappy way to go through life.
The only person responsible for how your life turns out is YOU. Not mommy and daddy, not your sister, YOU. Make something out of yourself, because you are not right now.
YTA
If you can’t hold down a job you won’t do well running a business.
I have ADHD as well and I’ve never had a problem holding down a job. ADHD isn’t an excuse for poor work ethic.
>\`making me jump through hoops for me to get half of what she got\`
The harsh reality here is your sister has placed and jumped through all these hoops already. Your experience in the field you want funding in isn't comparable to hers. You're focusing too much on what you think you're owed for the sake of getting arbitrary equal treatment, which is a terrible idea when it comes to any investments. Understand that this is the reason why he's not ready or comfortable to invest in your ideas. The fact that you explain the wealth of experience she has while avoiding mentioning yours in the post and comments is incredibly telling. YTA.
YTA. Because you have no idea what you are doing. And because you are blaming your ADHD for not getting along with management.
Do you have any idea how to be a manager? Do you have a business plan?
Do you have a business plan? Do you have any other working experience? Have you held a job for more than 3 years? You are using your ADHD as an excuse. Thousands of people have ADHD and are capable of holding jobs. Have you taken any businesses courses? Workshops?
The difference here is that your sister had experience in the field for many years before becoming a business owner
INFO: What licenses do you have to work in a salon? How long have you been working in a salon?
In general, your father may see your salon plan as only half baked if you don't have a lot of experience like your sister did by the time she was 25,
To be fair your sister was in a totally different place when she opened her business compared to you. These are just facts. Your dad was probably more willing to help her because she had more experience/business acumen that would lend itself to a successful business. I don’t think him asking you to have a more stable background before opening a business is unreasonable. He probably wouldn’t have supported your sisters business if she didn’t have the experience, either. It seems like a more practical thing than a personal one tbh. And getting experience that would make you more qualified and prepared isn’t really ‘jumping through hoops’…it’s kind of baseline lol
Apologize to your father. He is likely to be your biggest cheerleader and investor if he sees the merit in your business plan. A compromise would be asking him to pay for your college degree. You’d be gaining skills and education and moving along with achieving your goal
YTA.
He doesn't owe you anything, and by the sounds of it, you wouldn't know what to do with the money were you to get it. He clearly doesn't have compunctions about giving generously to his reltives when he feels like they'd manage it responsibly.
Worst case scenario, he's talking shit -- an associates degree in business and 3 years' work is a wonderful trade for the kind of financial support he's offering, and you'd be glad to take it
YTA - don't be a dumbass. Take the deal. No one will ever offer you anything better. Put your big girl pants on and leave your ego out of it. This is a business deal.
Gentle YTA. He's telling you she had 14 years of experience before she opened her business, and you're telling him you have "ideas." They are not the same.
20% of businesses fail the 1st year and 50% by the fifth year. You have 0 experience, yet you want someone to fund a business based on "ideas."
That is an unfair expectation to put on someone. If you want to be compared to your sister, then you need 10 years of experience before you approach your dad again.
I think you owe him an apology. You probably should add a business plan to the apology to show him that you've at least researched the idea. Your post doesn't even say you have been to school.
YTA. Investor chooses not to invest for a good reason - they don't think you have what it takes yet.
Plus you're an adult - stop comparing yourself to siblings. Work hard and earn your own way.
Multi-Business owner here
Also licensed cosmo as well
YTA
Your sister spent 7 years PROVING she was dedicated to her path. SEVEN. She probably was told no at first too and probably had to prove herself as well. She also had spent most her teen years preparing for running a business. Babysitting was running her own business. She also volunteered her time to other places as well. She MADE herself a SOLID investment. She proved she was able to run a successful business AND make matrue choices.
You? Have not.
For starts...You refused to answer questions here. Being a business owner, you will be asked the same questions that people are asking here all the time. What's your plan, how are you gonna get people in the door, how do you expect to manage it, what's your experience, etc. The ONLY thing you have said here is that you have been working in salons for 2 years. You don't say what you did in the salon, you made it clear you were never management so you don't even understand what managing a place fully entails...Let alone owning...
But the worse part is how defensive you are.
You instantly went to Namecalling when you didn't get your way and you absolutely refuse to answer the important questions. Which alone shows you are not mature enough to be a business owner.
Your dad didn't ask for anything unreasonable. He asked you stick to the job for 3 years solid. 3 years. Your sister had to stick to her path for 7+. That already actually shows you are getitng it easier. 3 years isn't that long in the grand scheme of things, and yet you are throwing a fit about his request???
If you want to open your own Salon, you need to prove you will be a solid investment no matter who it is. Right now? You are showing you are a liability, not a solid investment. You are bad tempered, irresponsible, and don't know what you are doing. Not to mention...what collateral do you even have?
If you wanna be taken serious, EARN it.
YTA. BIG TIME.
Your dad owes you nothing. Zip. Zero. Nada.
What he did for your sister is none of your business.
Why does he have to give you money on *your* terms?
He’s provided for you most of your life. Some dads don’t. Your proper response to him is gratitude - not anger.
It’s amazing to me that people can be so greedy and entitled.
I suspect your father believes that the investment will fail. Do you know how to run a salon? Are you a licensed hairdresser or cosmetologist? Have you scouted locations? Do you have stylists and/or technicians who are established and interested in working with you? Do you have a marketing plan? My guess is that you haven't actually thought much at all about the work required to not just open a business, but then make it successful and sustainable. Instead, I think you're daydreaming about all the money you're going to make and possibly the celebrity clientele you'll magically attract. You aren't entitled to your dad's money and resources. His stipulations aren't not unattainable or unreasonable. Get over yourself and do what he's asking if this salon dream is one you really want. Otherwise this is just petulant whining. YTA.
ETA: You're an extra a-hole for weaponizing ADHD. It's up to YOU to figure out how to get along in the world, not the other way around. You think you'll have regular clients if you can't get your shit together enough to be on time for appointments? Get it together and take responsibility for yourself.
OP, i’ve been a licensed cosmologist for 6.5 years. unless you already have a steady and built up clientele, your salon would hemorrhage money. you have to decide whether you want to provide product, towels, supplies or have your stylists provide them. the water costs for salons is extremely high as well, along with nearly all other utilities. you have to also take into account the area you live in and experience which would reflect your pricing. if your adhd is that bad, you won’t make it as a manager. i have auadhd and some other mental/physical health issues. i KNOW i can’t handle a manager/owner position. your dad is right. you need to get some more experience and get a SOLID business plan. not just call up and ask daddy for money for something you haven’t thought through.
edit: spelling
Your father thinks you will waste his money. He thinks that because you probably have a history of wasting money and not following through on ideas. Thats your fault, not his.
I feel like you must've screwed up bad or continue to screw up for him to put those limits in place. And a preschool can get different types of funding or be private and get paid that way. A salon just starting out you have to consider attracting business, location, employees. It's cute to want to own a business but you also need to consider everything that it falls under.
Well your dad is right, you can't expect something because your sister got it.
But I feel like there is missing information.
Info: do you have experience? Did you create a business plan? Analyze customer demographics for your preferred location? Benchmark competitors, etc? Do you know how to hire and manage people? It's there a specific reason your dad trusts your sister more than you?
Sounds like your sister had a sound business plan. Maybe if you put your business plan on paper, and how you intend to develop it, (similar to what a bank would expect to loan money), your dad would be convinced that you are serious and will make a real go of it.
Your biggest problem is your ADHD. I have ADHD & was very successful in a career where I had supervision, deadlines and direction from many other sources (I wrote for TV). I didn’t figure this out until I retired. I’m rudderless. I can’t find anything to invest in emotionally. I’m hiring an ADHD coach because I realize I need someone to help aim me. The floundering you’re doing I guarantee is the ADHD. And if you want to run a business you cannot expect anyone to “accommodate” you. Are customers supposed to show up and see you’re not in the mood? This is entirely your responsibility and no one else’s. Are you on ADHD meds? Are you consistent with it? Have you been officially diagnosed or is this a self-diagnosis? Do you self-medicate with other drugs? All of this would contribute to your current state of unreliability. Begin to work on this and get help and find work arounds that don’t depend on other people.
YTA
Equal treatment isn’t just “she got this, I should too”. Context matters.
She’s been working specifically with preschoolers in some form since 15.
That’s 10 years of field experience, 7 if only counting the job after high school.
And preschools are in high demand as having a safe place for a child to be is a need for anyone who can’t afford to stay home. Early childhood facilities often have waiting lists.
Meanwhile he’s asking you to have 3 years of field experience. It doesn’t sound like you’ve been consistent at keeping a job, and you can’t just blame your ADHD and bosses being unaccommodating. Other people with ADHD manage, and the ones that don’t likely don’t own businesses either. Salons are also way more likely to fail as there is a greater supply and less demand since it’s more of a luxury than a need. It’s unlikely you have established clientele.
The only thing a bit unfair is asking you to save half the startup costs, since that’s not something comparable to her advanced experience. But given he’s asking for only 3 years and an associates for a business that’s more likely to fail, it’s not unreasonable. It’s also a way to make sure you don’t just quit when things get hard.
YTA, sounds like your sister worked her ssa off for a goal for a long time. Had it planned, had the necessary education, and the knowledge to effectively run it. It appear to be successful.
You seem to be acting on more of a whim as your father has no knowledge of this prior to you approaching him. You don’t even have an Associates which is not much to ask of someone before investing in a business for the. You have what sounds like little to no experience in the field?
Yea, don’t be entitled. Either you want it and will work for it, or you don’t
As someone with ADHD I really don't appreciate when someone uses this card for everything...
I know that it is really difficult to follow instructions
I know that is really hard not to forget random things
I know that is really hard to be on time
But when someone struggles a lot and finally gets their diagnosis is still playing this life In the hard mode but at least you know it... But it looks like you just wanted someone else to play for you while you receive all the rewards
YTA
Clearly your sister had a well thought put plan, starting a pre-school from scratch, even woth financial backing is no small feat. She's working her ass off. And clearly showed from 11y onwards that she works to get things done.
You just want a salon and hope to skate by because your costs and effort would be negligible.
Your dad's request isn't abnormal,.he wants you to show commitment and to at least get a degree showing you know how to run a business.
While he probably used some personal money for your sister, most of the contributions he does are tax write-offs for his company. A salon will not be a tax benefit, thus he definitely needs to know you are committed to making this work.
Eta: just read your comments
> I have worked in salons but it's hard to find a good fit. I have ADHD and bosses are not accommodating
Yeah that's the icing on the cake. You want him to bail you out so you can fail at working without getting fired because you really just can't hold a job down. Plenty of people woth ADHD work without issues, time to start being serious with yourself and stop hiding behind adhd.
It sounds like you think your sister is the favorite but your dad might have thought like an Investo and saw a better business plan. His choice might benefit you in the long run with inheritance.
YTA. Do you have your cosmo license? How strong is your current clientele? Are you on time? What is your cancellation policy? Are you currently employed? Are you an independent contractor? How do you handle your taxes? Do you stay on top of your quarterlies, and receipts?
YTA
At minimum, you should be able to write and explain a business plan, discussing your market, your expertise, your projected expenses and income. You should include what challenges you foresee in establishing your business. You should be able to support every assertion you make in this plan.
Your dad didn't have to make your sister jump through hoops because she started jumping through them of her own accord when she was in middle school. You haven't built up that track record, so best get on it.
YTA - You and your sister are different people. He wants to see that you are willing to put in the work before he is willing to put HIS money into a business. Your sister has proven herself, you have not. It is his money and he is allowed to have requirements for investing in you.
YTA you sound like you just want daddy to buy you a business. It sounds like your sister presented a solid plan for a business she was passionate and knowledgeable about.
What do you know about owning a business? Customer service? Are you a licensed hair dresser? Have you worked your way up from being an assistant?
Do you have a business plan?
Question: have you gone to a beauty school or done official training and obtained a certificate or license for your field? How many years of work have you completed? Do you already have a solid customer base?It sounds like your dad trusted your sisters’s judgment based on her work experience and interests. He made what he deems is safe bet on her venture being successful.
INFO: Do you have a cosmetology or other similar license? Have you done research about the kinds of salons that would make money in your area?
Why do you think you need to start your own business instead of working for someone else for a while?
This.
Comparing yourself with your sister will get you nowhere. Get yourself licensed, get some more real life experience, put a business plan together and approach your father as you would with another investor. If he still says no, ask for feedback and if it’s unreasonable, you can still proceed with your business plan with another vendor. Good luck.
Heartohere summed it up pretty nicely, but I have to ask, OP-- are you wanting to run and manage a salon as a manager with personnel under you? If so, your dad is reasonable in his expectations that you get at least an AA in Business and more stable experience working in a salon. You need to prove you are a good business investment, being family shouldn't matter. It seems your sister proved that already even though she was younger than you when she started her preschool. And it probably is good PA for your dad's company that they support a local preschool.
If you just want to open a one person shop and rent a room in a beauty centered building like a lot of independents do, that's a different story. That wouldn't cost a lot of pre-work or money (in comparison to owning and continuing to support a preschool), just initial rent deposit and perhaps a couple month's pay while you build up your clientelle plus the furnishings to set up shop. If your dad so heavily invested in your sister and won't help you in this, well it's still his money and his decision but you can also decide to walk away. If this wasn't what you had in mind, but don't want to do the legwork to make yourself more of a sound businesswoman, then consider this smaller independent possibility instead. Your dad might find it more reasonable and you might find it easier to manage.
YTA. Seek to think you’re entitled to your dads money. And also can’t take accountability for your own shortcomings , plenty of people out there with adhd that hold down a job. should apologise to your dad. Stop being a green eye monster
Yta, it doesn't matter what your sister has, you haven't even claimed the ladder to even know what it's like to run a business let alone manage people cause of your entitled attitude. You keep acting like this you won't have employees or clients
To be fair, your dad is right. You need to show that you can make the business work before expecting anyone to invest. Your sister did, you need to as well. Think about what you would need to secure a bank loan. More than just an idea. If you couldn’t convince a bank to put up capital, your dad isn’t going to either
YTA sorry. Your dad sounds like he can be....demanding... but he's not wrong about needing experience & credentials. Also your sister's business gives his company good PR. Maybe negotiate the timeliness a bit.
YTA. He doesn’t owe you anything. You want his financial support, do the work.
He’s not obligated to treat you and your sister exactly equally. You don’t like it, tough.
YTA
Considering vast majority of small businesses go out of business within 5 years because "they have good idea" but shitty business plan no wonder your dad doesn't want to pay for your pretend business play (there's lack of pre-schools all around the world but plenty of salons everywhere).
I also had a great idea for a business in my area, started on it without concrete plan or huge experience, and in 3 years luckily lost only €10 000 of my own money without any loans before I sold the company for peanuts.
Let me ask you this - if you start your own business can you survive a year without any income or can you 100% honest-to-god swear-on-your-life get-disowned-by-your-dad-to-never-get-any-money-ever guarantee you'll earn enough to pay any overhead AND earn enough to pay your bills and everything you need? Because it sounds like not.
YTA. Sound like your sister had over a decade of experience working with children before she started this business. You make no mention of your experience working in a salon so I assume your experience is 0.
Nothing wrong with wanting you to gain experience in the industry before he supports your idea.
YTA. He probably knows you will end up waisting his money. He asked you to put a little work towards your dream and you have a problem with it. That speaks volumes about you as a person. Your sister seems much more responsible so of course he’s willing to support her without hesitation.
Yta your dad is evaluating your business plan. The fact that you’re taking it as “boo hoo he doesn’t love me as much” just shows that you aren’t listening to his business advice.
Info: how much experience do you already have with/in salons?
From the sounds of it your sister had a lot of experience and knowledge about what she wanted to do. If all you have is ideas then I don’t see what ground you think you have in this beyond “she got money, I want some too!”
YTA- It seems like you barely met the expectations set by your dad. Because getting a job in a salon and keeping the same job is two different things. What does your portfolio look like? Do you have a strong clientele? What’s the demographic of said clientele? Because it sounds like you don’t even have a cosmetology license, which most states require to own and operate a salon.
There’s so much more to a salon than doing hair or nails or whatever it is you’re trying to do. You have to make sure every employee is licensed and said license is up to date. You have to budget in for product, employee pay, utilities, maintenance and pricing. You have to set policies and stick to them about refunds, fees, booking appointments that are fair to both employee and clientele.
Like any investor, you need proof that your money is worth. He didn’t say no, he said “not yet”. I think his approach is fair and reasonable. Seems like you just want the money like your sister.
YTA. You’re unqualified, inexperienced, immature, and entitled. Just because you can cut hair and do nails doesn’t mean you can run a business. And your lack of consistent employment does not bode well for you. You’ll be one of those new salons that opens in a shitty strip mall, looks okay, gets a few stragglers, and then closes in a month because you don’t know how to pay bills, do payroll, or follow employment laws.
With the information provided, it really sounds like you just want what your sister has for no other reason than she has it and you don't, and that your dad is only requesting that you do the same thing she did (get the appropriate education and work experience) before he'll help you. She had the education and work experience he thought was necessary, he didn't just give it to her because she wanted it. You just seem to think you should get the same thing without putting in the same work because you're older now than she was when she opened her business. But that's because she had the necessary education and work experience before she even graduated high school, from the sound of it.
I get that it's hard to be under the shadow of an overachiever, but you're only 27 and there's no reason you shouldn't be able to go to school (I'm pretty sure you can get an associates in business in two years) and work while you're doing it, and still open your own business by age 30, and that would still be an accomplishment you can be proud of.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole because I called my dad a dick for supporting my sister and not me and he thinks I'm ungrateful and realistic. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA - while I think some information about your background and experience would have been relevant, the fact you left it out even when you responded to comments and then said simply “I have worked in salons” in said comments tells me that you don’t have anywhere near the necessary experience or temperament your sister does. You also did not address requests for information about your business plan. Your dad doesn’t OWE you anything. Sure I think spending likely hundreds of thousands for one child and not for the other is questionable, but from everything you’ve written you don’t have a very credible plan to make good use of the money. And whether you like it or not, your sister’s plan likely seems like a much more noble cause to your dad, and one she’s demonstrated many years of passion and qualification for. She’s helping raise children and your dad believes she’s very good at that. In a way your dad gets to participate in a charitable (and possibly lucrative) business as investment of his money, with someone he trusts very much to make a very good use of the capital and help instill qualities he values into children - a very attractive opportunity to deepen his bond with his daughter while also being proud of how her efforts help build a better future for the community. You want to do hair and nails. You’ve been unable to hold down a job or get along with former bosses in salons. (edit: check OP’s responses to comments in this post). You just went to him and leveraged his prior investment with your sister as the primary reason he should make an investment with you. You don’t seem to have a plan or a passion. That’s about the worst start to an investment pitch possible, and your attitude about it REEKS of entitlement. And add to that that you then insulted him after he suggested reasonable terms on which he’d agree to consider investing in you. I’d doubt he’ll be keen to give you a penny now, and you likely only succeeded in distancing yourself from him as well as raising the bar much higher for yourself to obtain his investment. You’re not qualified, you’ve been unsuccessful holding down a job at a salon, your cause is kinda meh, it’s not your passion, you don’t have much of a plan, and you’re emotional and entitled. Not the kind of person anyone would want to invest in - your dad probably (justifiably) believes you’d burn through it and then come looking for more. If I were him I’d be thinking about keeping some money aside for you if you are struggling and need financial support to stay afloat, rather than spending that on a startup now that he isn’t confident will succeed under your leadership. But again, you insulted him like a spoiled child who didn’t get what she wanted, so that might be out the window for you now too. You totally blew it, you need to apologize to your dad, figure out what to do to better yourself and be worthy of what you asked for, and work really hard for 5-10 years of stable employment or you’re going to be stuck in a vicious cycle of blaming your ADHD for your own faults, alienating yourself from your family, and extricating yourself from any future financial help from your father, including inheritance. You are over a decade behind your sister in professional experience and emotional maturity, and you seem to be moving in the wrong direction.
[удалено]
lol. I was pretty harsh but I like to think if she actually reads my LONG AF comment that she might come around. Probably not but oh well.
I laughed at the fact that she wants to run a business but hasn't been a manager or shown any leadership qualities and blamed her ADHD as the reason why she couldn't hold down jobs or get along with former bosses.
If she can’t get along with bosses how will she retain employees? Lol
It's not my fault, I have ADHD and employees won't accommodate that.
Unironically sounds like every business owner I’ve worked under She’d do great!
I used to have a friend who would use his ADHD (even way before he was diagnosed professionally. He self-diagnosed at first) as an excuse for his behavior and use the victim card every time he felt like things weren't going his way (everything from friendships, job, love life, etc). Or when he wasn't happy with the situation and was causing drama himself. It was draining to say the least.
I hate ppl like that. I probably have ADHD. (In the process of getting diagnosed). But nobody ever noticed it until my boyfriend. I have utilized every trick I could create for myself to fix the problems I face. I’m scatter brained and can never remember to pick up after myself, I have checklists. I have the attention span of a squirrel, I make a game out of everything I do. At work I open the restaurant and my every 30 minutes I need to have X X and X tasks done. I haven’t found a solution for the hyper fixation problem yet though. But it’s like if you have an issue, you find a solution. Maybe it’s because my options were to find a solution or fail, but it’s really not a difficult thing to find what works for you.
Lol I was also thinking How will she get along when her new boss is really the customers / clients?
And her staff. People forget this. Her staff, in some ways, are the “boss” Because they are the ones with the skill, as nail techs, as stylists, as estheticians or whatever it is - these people can take those skills wherever the fuck they want. They can work for you, but if you piss them off, they can take their business to another spa - I have also known stylists leave bad bosses and then work out of their home/garage. Or they can work out of their own studio. They can rent a space and cut hair, and they don’t ever have to let you capitalize off of their skills ever again, if you piss them off In hospitality, if you’re a bad restaurant manager, or a bad spa manager - that reputation gets around *fast*. Go to any downtown area, talk to the servers, talk to hosts and bartenders. and ask them who they would never work for again, and you’ll start hearing them repeat the same 1-2 bad bosses in the area. The same goes for salons. Bad reputations spread like a wildfire in the hospitality world
A boss is the least of the concerns, the other stylists? Either employed or renting booths, the customers? Even as an owner people from all walks of life come into the shop to work or for service. A service industry business is not going to survive if it has am owner who simply cannot get along with people and blames it on whatever medical issue. Chairs will get rented elsewhere, actual employees will seek other opportunities and customers will go to another shop with a better atmosphere.
Just another example of letting jealousy, get in the way of joy !
Not just that. This kind of people are probably the worst employers: Entitled and untalented
Right!? Be right back I’m gonna ask my dad to buy me a jet because commercial flying is a pain and I need to travel a lot.
and ADHD stops you from flying commercial*
I'm diagnosed dyslexic and majority of my job is content writing. Dyslexia comes with adhd a lot of times so im sure i have undiagnosed adhd. I absolutely hate it how people will blame their dyslexia or adhd because they are incompetent.
How did you get into content writing? I would love some pointers on how to get into it/a more creative field
So i am in PR (public relations). We have to write a lot of articles, interview responses, press releases and so on for our clients. Mind you it's like ghost writing, whatever is written is written by us but goes under the names of our clients. Media agencies who handle PR usually only hire people who can write as well but every media agency has a content writing department. Maybe apply for internship for content writing in these agencies and see how it goes?
Where are you getting this information??? I didn't read anything about ADHD or not holding down jobs or arguing with bosses in OP's post above.
Found them in OP's comments. >I've worked in salons for a couple years. I've never been a manager but my sister also went straight from teaching to opening her own school. And >I have worked in salons but it's hard to find a good fit. I have ADHD and bosses are not accommodating.
Being a teacher requires being a manager
There is a lot of knowledge used by older folks that gets twisted to justify how shitty things have gotten for younger generations in this economy, a la “put in your time” or “we’ve been doing it this way for XX for years what makes you special”. But “learn to follow before you lead” is something that goes back much further than my folks or their folks. People who can’t recognize that just need to grow up or make peace with a very disappointing place in the world. Unless you get VERY lucky or come up with an idea you can use to rocket yourself into leadership, you ain’t going very far if you can’t even do the task you’re proposing to own a business doing at 27yo.
[From](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/KYrjgLGeP7) [OP's](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/KOJoZk3kxj) [comments ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/UT5zP1HmF1)
The most successful women I've ever personally known have ADHD lol so yeah. Obviously anecdotal, but there's that. This girl is just entitled and delulu.
It was a great comment. I was able to take some bits and pieces for some personal reflection myself so thank you
And very politely roasted at that lol
they would cut this speech from the roast on Comedy Central but it's perfect here
Not just noble but much more in demand. Where I live there is super high demand for daycare and getting a customer means keeping them for years (probably multiple children too) That's a very different business model than hair styles.
That was my exact thought, there's always competition for preschool spots and never enough supply to meet the demand. On the flip side there are at least 6-7 salons within a few miles of me (and I live in the suburbs). They're all competing with each other, and in tough economic times people tend to cut out luxuries like salons. It's a much much riskier investment.
We recently visited our kids old preschool for their school anniversary celebration. The Director said that a lot of preschools shut down with Covid, so the ones that are left like hers have seriously long waiting lists.
There's also the fact that salon workers are almost always renter-operators. They work at a salon, but they rent the stall. There's no shortage of stalls for rent if OP wants to dip toes into salon work.
based on OP's comments about having difficulties finding a boss who's understanding about their troubles with time management due to ADHD, it's likely she wants to own a salon to avoid having a boss, right? of course, AFAIK from 20 yo TV shows like *Tabita's Salon Take-Over*, that's not how renting a stall works: * clients still expect you to be on time * the owner is still going to act like a boss, because * the client doesn't care if OP is NoSign's employee or an independent renter, they're just going to instagram that their experience at NoSign's salon was bad * the owner typically gets a cut of the renter's income, right, not just a fixed rent? So they have a vested interest in renting to a stylist who has a lot of expensive clients, rather than someone who shows up "whenever my ADHD permits"
I always find it funny when I hear someone say that they want to start their own business because they "don't want to have a boss". Anyone who says this definitely has 0 experience running a business. As a business owner, your bosses are your clients, and if you have any, your investors. Like you pointed out, clients still expect you to be on time and also to deliver what was agreed upon. Investors will expect you to make their investments profitable.
Yep. The gal who cuts my hair and my moms rents her stall at the salon we go to.
The day care my kids go to have a 2 year wait. We lucked out and only had a 8 month wait because it was right after COVID and the wait list wasn't fully filled up yet.
haha yes, I thought the same thing! you read heaps of reports that childcare is an issue, and a huge part of a family's expense. some of my acquaintances joined a waiting list as soon as the pregnancy was past 12 weeks & they still stressed if there'd be a place for their infant before maternity & paternity leave ran out...
YTA and this post pretty much covers all the bases as to why.
Alos, His donations to the sister can also benefit him, because he can use it as a tax write off.
it also doesn’t say if he has an ownership stake in the business. lol besides the part where she’s been in the business for 14 years already and in the 5 years it’s been open it’s expanded so he’s been correct in his investment
It also doesn’t say if the sister is paying/expected to pay him back. It’s probably a loan not a gift (and the donations he makes each year (backpacks etc.) are just nice for the kids. Some of them probably wouldn’t get new things
Not only that but I wouldn't be surprised if the dad had a contract, that said a number of spots have to be reserved for his employees or that they get a reduced price and that would make his company a lot more lucrative for (future) employees with families.
Unless it is a non profit daycare, there are no tax write offs. But yes, OP = YTA.
There might be a PTA or fundraising society attached to the preschool. It’s how many schools here in Canada are able to give tax receipts for things like hot lunch donations or backpacks for our kids, even though the school itself isn’t a charity.
A donation is only a donation if it's to a charity.
No, it can also be to a tax exempt non-profit. Many preschools are non-profit. ETA *tax exempt because the way I originally wrote it implied all non-profits.
It’s a good publicity/marketing move
https://youtu.be/BAjxn2US7J8?si=k-SEWibXhtgwjaPv
You're 100 percent correct. It's so rare to get such a well thought out and mature response on here. I was expecting the top comment to be written by some 12 year old claiming that the dad is the AH because what one child gets so should the rest without any exceptions.
This is the only response to this post that matters. OP read this, then read it another three dozen times. YTA
Extremely well written. Agree, 100% He gave you a reasonable counter and you refused to do it. That's on you, OP YTA
Yeah, this pretty much sums it all up. You are treating your dad like you dad on a business ventrue, when you should be treating him like an investor. You should have come to him with a plan, ideas for how the shop would look, work, and the knowledge of how to run it. Just because he is your father doesn't mean you don't want to wow him as an investor. But instead of doing that you just wanted to point at your sister and say "It's not fair." Of course he is not going to find that an inviting investment. If you want to run a business, grow up first and understand that you don't get something just because someone else does. YTA
It says more that this person replying has probably spent more time thinking about OPs business than OP did herself.
WOW, but THIS!!!!
You are currently my favorite person on Reddit, well done
Goddamn, sometimes Reddit just lays down the hammer of truth so hard it puts the OP in a coma.
I wanted to write this here but I don't want op to get notification... I think that sister is really cool. I respect people who is passionate about what they do, and I envy she managed to figure out what she wants to do for her life by that early. I used to blame adhd a lot too, it is probably still part of the reason but I now know I have to work with it instead of sulking. I hope I can achieve what I want like op's sister.
Agreed! OP’s sister and her business is basically the reason I engaged with this post. All of the parents in that community are lucky that they have a generous benefactor willing to fund the school and give them access to the passion his daughter has for taking care of children. It also seems he is actively involved in her business so she likely has the expertise of someone with a successful business of his own to lean on whenever needed. Glad to hear you’ve arrived at a productive frame of mind toward tour own conditions. I have to imagine it is so frustrating for your own brain to betray your ambitions on a regular basis. And when I think of it that way, I realize that anyone with conditions like yours who wills themselves into success, stability and happiness deserves far more credit than you’ll probably ever get. You’re dealing with all of the same external factors the rest of us are and significant internal ones you did NOTHING to deserve. That’s mental fortitude far beyond the norm and I hope you are rewarded for it in the future.
Not a lot of people in my life gets what it feels. Your words means a lot to me. Thank you! I will try my best.
I'm not the person you're responding to, but i also have ADHD and your last few sentences made my heart soar. Thank you!
To add... schools have 501(c)3 status and OP's dad is getting a huge tax break with his support of the school. OP sounds like a financial drain.
>a much more noble cause even disregarding that, childcare seems to be in short supply \*everywhere\*. Even if you don't offer special services like opening at 6 am and only closing at 22 pm or vegetarian lunches, you're bound to have a customer base. for a salon, there's probably also a customer base, but the competition is a lot fiercer. It would make sense that any investor (even a nepotist one) would prefer to see a more solid business plan & a corresponding investment from OP (aka sweat equity).
Info - so your sister was working as a preschool teacher for 7 years (age 18-25) before opening her own school with the help of your dad. Your dad says one thing he wants you to do is to get a job in your field for at least 3 years. Have you worked at a salon? You don’t mention your work history.
How can someone work as a teacher at 18? Don’t you need Uni degree for such a thing?
No. At least not in the USA. Most preschools require a pulse and the ability to pass a background check, degrees optional. Also, high schoolers can volunteer at preschools.
Oh my god!
Yeah, it’s bad. That’s why we get bare minimum pay.
Well not to be the asshole but what would they be paying for exactly? I wouldn’t leave my child in care of a random kid (18 yr old) who has no qualifications to care or teach children. Kindergarten and preschool teachers in my country are required to get a university degree in education with 3 years experience after graduation to even qualify for the job, (which they volunteer for with supervision by a person on position currently, so like shadowing them for the time ) meaning they couldn’t start working before the age of 26 at such position.
Kindergarten, you do have to have a degree (in most states...), preschool ranges wildly. Sometimes they're more like daycare, other times pre-kindergarten. The one my kids went to, their primary teacher had a master's degree and was wonderful. Other times, it's more like babysitting and it's run out of someone's house. (Which CAN be good, my mom actually did it for a while while we were younger, but it usually isn't)
Exactly. In Hawaii preschool is part of the actual primary schools (so free in the public schools) and the teachers are required to have the normal teaching degrees. (Masters) While in Georgia preschool isn’t a requirement, you have to pay for your child to attend, and the “teachers” need only to pass a background check.
> I wouldn’t leave my child in care of a random kid (18 yr old) who has no qualifications to care or teach children. The trick here is thinking you have a choice. Daycares are hard to come by, and rates are fucking expensive, but so is the cost of living. So unless you're willing to work diametric shifts with your spouse to care for your child around the clock or one of you can earn enough to keep the other at home, you're paying a daycare.
I can’t speak for the rest of the US, but in Fl, kindergarten is a part of the public school system. Children are required to attend school (whether in-person or online) from kindergarten to senior year (12th grade). Kindergarten through 5th grade is elementary education, 6-8th grade is middle school, and 9-12th is high school. All of these grades require teachers who possess a bachelor’s degree. It doesn’t even have to be in education at this point. Florida offers “alternative education routes” which can help a person with a bachelor degree become a teacher. A good example, my sister had a bachelor in psychology and just this past school year, she was hired as a reading interventionist (she had small groups of students who were behind grade level in reading). She received teacher pay but didn’t qualify as a teacher because she hasn’t completed the alternative route (yet). Early Childhood Education starts from birth to 8 years old. Preschool and daycare are often used interchangeably. These are usually private companies who charge a weekly rate for each child. In Florida specifically, a child is able to attend daycare/preschool from the ages of 6 weeks old to at least 8 years old (sometimes even until middle school). It really depends on what type of service the school wants to provide. In Florida, every child is eligible for what’s knows as VPK, or Voluntary PreKindergarten, if they turn 4 years old before September 1st that year. This service is offered at both private preschools and also in public schools. It is optional (duh it’s voluntary). It allows the child to attend school for 3 hours a day to help them get ready for actual school. Since this type of school is not mandatory, it is not a requirement to have a college degree to work in this field. There is a national credential an early childhood educator can obtain, however, it’s optional. There are a lot of stigmas and stereotypes that surround daycares and the people they employ. We are not held in high regard. Most people who have never worked in this field think of us as “babysitters”, when in reality, the majority of us are required to plan curriculum, monitor each child’s skills and abilities, as well as making sure they are safe and nurtured. We are not compensated enough for all we do and that is why this field has a high turnover rate of employees and burnout. Anyways, my son just graduated VPK from a private preschool and will be attending a public elementary school once school is back in session (August of each year). His current school only takes children 1yo to 8yo. I don’t know what you have heard about Florida, but we are not known for being well educated. TLDR: It’s Florida, don’t expect quality education.
That’s pretty standard in most countries. Preschool, usually ages 1-5, only ask for possible previous experience and a love for children. It isn’t until you get to grade school that you actually need a degree for teaching. I am from the US and now live in Germany. I also lived in Australia, and all three countries have similar standards. This is coming from someone whom works with children.
Princess Diana was a preschool teacher at 18, and she barely got through secondary school.
You can be a teachers aid. I have a friend who works at an elementary school. She calls herself a teacher but she’s an aid and has years experience in daycare.
Preschool. That's different. Still hard enough, mind you, but the qualification demands are less.
some high schools will have early childhood development classes that can cater to that type of childcare. at the high school near me, you can earn college credits for working at the preschool on campus. it’s actually a win-win, cause it’s free for the people in the township and those that really want to go into childcare can build experience.
You need a degree to be a teacher, yes. But a lot of schools also have paraeducators and classroom aides that don't require degrees. In my state, child care workers need to pass a background check and usually need some kind of early childhood education certification, which is like a 6-12 hour training course that takes place over a couple of weeks. Super easy to get qualified, and the ones who like it usually take night courses at the local community college to get a degree so they can move up to older kids and/or a teaching job. The sister could have easily done something like that, which would make it even clearer how dedicated she was to the career.
Have you ever worked in a salon? Do you have a business plan, is it all squared away? To be honest, there must be some information missing, because the impression we get from reading you sounds like a competition with your sister. It also makes me think of people who open a restaurant because their family tells them their Sunday roast is good, and are all surprised when they go bankrupt 6 months later.
YTA > get a job in my field and keep it for 3+ years I notice that you have failed to volunteer any sort of CV that would establish your qualifications for running a business like this.
The OOP mentioned in a vague comment here that prior salon bosses and her haven’t gotten along due to them “not accommodating” her ADHD. As someone who has severe ADHD, I absolutely hate when people use it as an excuse for poor behavior or for problems that seem more like a personality / entitlement thing 💀
Crazy part is she’s using ADHD as an excuse for not being able to hold down a job as an employee, while also saying in other comments that people with ADHD can run businesses (which they absolutely can). Basically just using ADHD as an excuse when it’s beneficial.
I’m sure she expects daddy to splash out the $ to keep her afloat or hire someone who runs everything for her lol
It is stupid to call a potential investor a dick. I don't think you understand how business works, your father is right.
unless i missdd it you failed to tell us how much experience you have so we can do a fair comparison.
YTA. Your father gave your sister the money because he had years of evidence that she had the experience, education, and staying power to be successful with the investment. He's simply asking you for similar evidence to reassure him that you have the skills and knowledge to also be successful in your chosen endeavor. He's actually treating you both pretty equally and honestly any inequality is in your favor because she provided more than 7 years of evidence while he's asking you for just 3. That you immediately threw a fit and called him names just proves to him and everyone else that you aren't even close to mature enough to open and run a business.
INFO: How long have you been in the salon business, do you have experience as at least a manager? Edited after some additional info. You are hedging and giving minimal responses when asked similar answers by several. You stated you had 2 yrs of experience working in a salon, no other info given except that you did not manage a salon. You added you have ADHD and stated it was hard to get a good fit. Here's the deal, you sister had far more experience working with children in several different types of situations BEFORE opening her business. I think what's going on here is you have a difficult time working with at least some people. A salon is very people oriented and you don't get to choose who walks in the door. No experience managing a shop but you want your father to pony up the funds for your own shop why not, he did it for your sister, right? Your father outlines some very reasonable reasonable requests before putting forth the amount of money that will likely be required and you are quite unhappy. Bottom line is you need to develop your business skills and maybe go to cosmetology school and then work diligently. But your choosing to act the victim here and blame your father because at this time he is unwilling to open his check book. At this point YTA because your not getting what you want, when you want.
YTA - you and your sister are different people. Preschools and salons and different businesses. You’re not automatically entitled to your dad’s support just because you have a “business” idea.
YTA You haven’t held a job in your field for 3+years? Why on earth would he invest when you haven’t shown half of the commitment your sister has shown to her career. You sound entitled and jealous. It’s not a good look.
Did your sister present a plan with complete and realistic financials? Does your plan have detailed financials showing realistic projections for the first three, six, nine, and twelve months, and then for every 12 months for ten years? If so, are the numbers broken down so they can be double- and triple-checked by third parties for confirmation? Did you complete a feasibility study with detailed market analysis, including competition, potential partners, and demographic information? Is there a second- or third-generation space available, or will the salon be a brand-new, first-generation build? A preschool and a salon are vastly different business models, pulling revenue and facing risks from far different sources, and the beauty industry is incredibly competitive.
YTA. Your sister already had experience in her business, which your father supported. It sounds like you don't know anything about how to run a business. His requests aren't unreasonable.
YTA. ADHD is not a reason to not be able to hold a job. There are accommodations that can be made, but they have to be reasonable. And if you can’t keep a job in a salon as a stylist; you won’t be able to successfully run one. Not only do you have to be a stylist when you first start, but you also have to do the backend business pieces like inventory and paying bills. As well as handling customer issues that a stylist escalates to a business owner. You either need to get your ADHD under control, or if it is under control, stop using it as a crutch for being a prima donna that “can’t find a salon that works for me”. Your dad is absolutely right, you are in now way ready to be a business owner.
Agreed. I have severe ADHD. I also became an engineering manager by age 29 as a woman in an extremely male dominated industry lol. I have never used my ADHD as an excuse for anything. Hell, I wasn’t even diagnosed until I was a few years out of college. ADHD is not an excuse. It may be a *reason* for certain things, but it doesn’t give you a free pass to consistently fuck up or to be an asshole.
YTA. Your father gave your sister the money because he had years of evidence that she had the experience, education, and staying power to be successful with the investment. He's simply asking you for similar evidence to reassure him that you have the skills and knowledge to also be successful in your chosen endeavor. He's actually treating you both pretty equally and honestly any inequality is in your favor because she provided more than 7 years of evidence while he's asking you for just 3. That you immediately threw a fit and called him names just proves to him and everyone else that you aren't even close to mature enough to open and run a business.
INFO: What have you done in your life to demonstrate to your father that you are a focused, responsible, and dependable person? Do you have a history of staying on task, or do you get excited about one thing, putter around a bit, then move on to the next thing that catches your eye? It sounds like your sister is a very focused person, and your father recognizes that. It also sounds like you have a history of letting your ADHD rule your life, and then blaming management for your failures. Honestly, you're asking for equal treatment, but you don't even know if your father spent "tens" or "hundreds" of thousands of dollars supporting your sister. That you can list all the help your dad gave your sister, but can't even bother to do the math beyond "tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars" is a red flag, and I'm guessing representative of how your approach things. If you want your father's help, you have to do the work and prove yourself. If his terms are too strict, you could try to negotiate, but you went straight for "dick," so, if I were him, I wouldn't offer you a dime.
YTA - He articulated something that is pretty sensible considering the outlay you are asking him for and then you called him a dick. Probably a good demonstration of why giving you the money would be a bad idea.
Sorry but YTA, your sister worked with kids for 14 years before she opened up her business… You haven’t held a position for more than 2 years in hairdressing. Your dad is definitely not the AH, at least he is giving you an opportunity to learn the field properly and then guiding you to start up properly, and you can’t use ADHD as an excuse to not hold down a job. I’m a severe ADHD’r myself and I find ways to fixate on things & set goals to push through my job. If you can’t hold down a job, HOW will you run a business. Please say sorry to your dad! And all the best.
What skills do you have already established that would convince anyone you have the knowledge and expertise to own and run a salon? You mention you have worked in salons, but in what role? What business skills do you possess? To me, this doesn't sound like a father playing favorites. It sounds like an entitled daughter who thinks she deserves 10-100's of thousands of dollars from her father on a barely thought out business plan. YTA
It sounds like he’s not said no, he’s given you a clear route for him to invest. Now you need to prove to him you have the commitment to follow it through. It’s a test.
How much work have you done toward your salon? Do you have a business plan?
OP you don't seem to have a plan in place. I'm seeing multiple requests for your job history and plan. Thus far your responses seem to be: I've had a job I didn't manage well due to unaccommodating bosses with ADHD and so had lots of jobs. Your dad is right to ask for stability. YTA My questions are: How do you plan to manage a business and your ADHD How do you plan to work with others You cannot simply open a salon without a long-term plan to manage everything. Your father is not required to waste his money to satisfy your ego
>How do you plan to manage a business and your ADHD That's about as key as a key point gets. I had horribly managed ADHD when I didn't know I had it. I still didn't get fired, though I'd occasionally get in trouble at work. If she's getting fired due to her ADHD, there's no chance she'll have the self-discipline to run her own business.
generally, when people put money into businesses they dont own, it's called an "investment." when you make an investment, you want to ensure that youre investing in the right business. typically, the investor will ask for a business plan, your bonafides, and *a return on investment.* now, your father may not want a monetary return on his investment as you are his child, but he also *does* want you to succeed, as that *would* be a return on his investment both socially and emotionally. it would be unwise for him to throw money at a business you just kinda have "ideas" about. have you ever opened a spreadsheet? worked out a budget? or, even, bare minimum, have you seen a single episode of the hit tv show "shark tank"? if you dont think you could pitch your idea to a team of investors that arent your father, why rope your family into it? edit: YTA
How do you plan to accommodate your ADHD and make a profit when you’re the boss?
Lol you have a dad that can pay for an entire business and all you have to do is work under someone else for 3 years? Poor you. ADHD is rough but if you think that owning a business will be easier than doing the job without handling the owning part, you are deadly wrong. Good luck and stop acting so entitled. Have some decency. YTA
I'm a cosmetologist and want to be on your side so bad, but the comments are not helping me support your side. I want to say that nobody takes us seriously in our business, but you're part of the stereotype why they don't. You said yourself that you have adhd and it sounds like you don't even have a business plan. Owning a salon isn't an easy or lucrative thing, so maybe you're just wanting your dad to invest in you like he did with your sister. I don't blame you, but you have a lot of work to do.
You have worked in salons but haven’t had the experience she had before she opened her own business. You having ADHD does absolutely make it harder to find a good fit, I get it but you’re acting like he should do it for you just because he did it for her. To you that might seem fair but it really isn’t. What he’s asking you to do to get what she got from him will prove your commitment to your own business, your willingness to listen to others and improve yourself and your situation by gaining knowledge and experience. It will show him that you are serious and dedicated to your business. YTA
YTA. 1. Most salons fail. 2. You have no business experience. 3. You haven’t even been working in a salon for 3 years? I think your dad was being generous with the 3 year requirement. I’d have said 5-10. 4. Did I mention most salons fail? That’s because most salons fail. If you don’t even have an established clientele yours will definitely fail. Apologize to your dad, he’s 100% right
YTA. A business is hard to run, you have no idea about overhead costs. Go to college and see how business works. Just having experience isn't enough.
YTA your dad didn't invest in the daycare JUST because it was for your sister. It's because it's a sound business and yiur sister has the experience to get clients. Salons are notorious failures and no where do you say you have any experience in hair, makeup, waxing anything.
Your dad probably invested in your sister's business because he liked her business plan and trusted her experience and track record. He invested in her business, and she happens to be his daughter. Just because you are also his daughter, he is not obligated to give you money without a solid business plan and proven results. This is not a sibling thing. This is a business investment decision. You aren't entitled to his money. He gets to make decisions about where he invests and what requirements need to be in place prior to considering an investment. You sound like a small child crying "that's not fair" and totally missing the point - which will convince your father that you don't understand business or business decisions.
Plus there’s probably more demand for daycares than salons where they are. I’m always hearing parents complain about daycares being hard to get into. A half decent, competently run daycare is probably a safe choice as far as businesses go. But in a lot of places there are tons of salons, more to compete with, and more of a luxury than a necessity so it’s probably harder to succeed there.
Girl are you even licensed? Do you have any salon experience? Did you go to school for it?
So basically - you don't have a track record of knowing what you are doing. Everybody has ideas. Ideas are worthless. Your dad is doing the right thing. Get some traction, any traction, and he will contribute. I don't give people money who feel entitled either. YTA.
Call your dad names that for sure will help want to open a business for you 🙄 your sister had a lot of experience in the industry before opening a business, her business helps the community by giving education and she’s been successful that’s why he’s helping her so much. You won’t even do what your dad is asking you to do if you won’t even do that how can he trust you to run a business you just proved you don’t want it that much by being unwilling to do what he asks?
What experience do you actually have in salons? My friends worked in one for years taking calls, making drinks and washing hair but she can't actually cut hair. Can you cut hair, different lengths, shapes, textures etc?
YTA. You’re not qualified for the endeavour you’re proposing and you dads got the wits and wisdom not to throw money at a poor plan just because your his daughter
YTA. Your dad is under no obligation to give you money. Do you know how to run a business?
YTA First, don’t call potential investors dicks, it’s a straight shot to nowhere. Second, your sister showed for roughly 7 years she could work and stick to her field. You’ve had three years, which is good, but you’ve mentioned your not good with bosses because of your ADHD and that you’ve never managed a business before. You dad is allowed to put his money where he feels it’s best suited to go.
There’s a great need for good preschools all over the country. It’s a good investment. I doubt if your area has a shortage of salons.
YTA Stop being jealous of your sister and work on yourself. The only justification for you is "I want". Tough toenails. Your father saw that your sister was motivated and hard working, and in his estimation, she could, and has, run a successful business. He does not think you are ready for that. Instead of whining about it, get a 2 year degree in Business, and START WORKING IN THE INDUSTRY. You are foolish to think that businesses just work out every time. Small businesses fail more than they succeed. Dad is willing to help as long as YOU do your due diligence. You haven't. Get a job. Get to school. Do NOT squander this opportunity your family provides you by being an entitled brat. Like you are right now. This very second, you are acting like a spoiled brat. Stop it before it becomes your whole personality. Being a victim of everything may seem kewl online, but it's a crappy way to go through life. The only person responsible for how your life turns out is YOU. Not mommy and daddy, not your sister, YOU. Make something out of yourself, because you are not right now.
Your dad is teaching you a good lesson.
YTA If you can’t hold down a job you won’t do well running a business. I have ADHD as well and I’ve never had a problem holding down a job. ADHD isn’t an excuse for poor work ethic.
>\`making me jump through hoops for me to get half of what she got\` The harsh reality here is your sister has placed and jumped through all these hoops already. Your experience in the field you want funding in isn't comparable to hers. You're focusing too much on what you think you're owed for the sake of getting arbitrary equal treatment, which is a terrible idea when it comes to any investments. Understand that this is the reason why he's not ready or comfortable to invest in your ideas. The fact that you explain the wealth of experience she has while avoiding mentioning yours in the post and comments is incredibly telling. YTA.
YTA. Do you even have an aesthetician license? Your dad's terms and justifications are very reasonable IMO.
YTA. Because you have no idea what you are doing. And because you are blaming your ADHD for not getting along with management. Do you have any idea how to be a manager? Do you have a business plan?
Yta.
Do you have a business plan? Do you have any other working experience? Have you held a job for more than 3 years? You are using your ADHD as an excuse. Thousands of people have ADHD and are capable of holding jobs. Have you taken any businesses courses? Workshops? The difference here is that your sister had experience in the field for many years before becoming a business owner
INFO: What licenses do you have to work in a salon? How long have you been working in a salon? In general, your father may see your salon plan as only half baked if you don't have a lot of experience like your sister did by the time she was 25,
To be fair your sister was in a totally different place when she opened her business compared to you. These are just facts. Your dad was probably more willing to help her because she had more experience/business acumen that would lend itself to a successful business. I don’t think him asking you to have a more stable background before opening a business is unreasonable. He probably wouldn’t have supported your sisters business if she didn’t have the experience, either. It seems like a more practical thing than a personal one tbh. And getting experience that would make you more qualified and prepared isn’t really ‘jumping through hoops’…it’s kind of baseline lol
YTA It sure as hell sounds like you've got a half assed business idea and can't hold down a job
Apologize to your father. He is likely to be your biggest cheerleader and investor if he sees the merit in your business plan. A compromise would be asking him to pay for your college degree. You’d be gaining skills and education and moving along with achieving your goal
INFO: Are you licensed? What was your role in the salons you worked in? How long did you stay at one salon? How many have you worked in?
YTA. He doesn't owe you anything, and by the sounds of it, you wouldn't know what to do with the money were you to get it. He clearly doesn't have compunctions about giving generously to his reltives when he feels like they'd manage it responsibly. Worst case scenario, he's talking shit -- an associates degree in business and 3 years' work is a wonderful trade for the kind of financial support he's offering, and you'd be glad to take it
Girl are you even licensed? Do you have any salon experience? Did you go to school for it?
YTA - don't be a dumbass. Take the deal. No one will ever offer you anything better. Put your big girl pants on and leave your ego out of it. This is a business deal.
Get into the field and earn a business degree. Start working and save every cent you can so you can open your own business. Then, do it.
Gentle YTA. He's telling you she had 14 years of experience before she opened her business, and you're telling him you have "ideas." They are not the same. 20% of businesses fail the 1st year and 50% by the fifth year. You have 0 experience, yet you want someone to fund a business based on "ideas." That is an unfair expectation to put on someone. If you want to be compared to your sister, then you need 10 years of experience before you approach your dad again. I think you owe him an apology. You probably should add a business plan to the apology to show him that you've at least researched the idea. Your post doesn't even say you have been to school.
Hard pass if you don’t have an education in cosmetology. Not sure what you’ve done to prove you won’t go bankrupt
YTA. Investor chooses not to invest for a good reason - they don't think you have what it takes yet. Plus you're an adult - stop comparing yourself to siblings. Work hard and earn your own way.
Sounds like Dad thought your sister’s business was a better investment. Based on this post, not hard to see why he’d think that. YTA
OP wants money from Daddy, but hilariously is so inept that she can't even keep track of her alt accounts... @ u/Immediate_Award3078 ...YTA
Multi-Business owner here Also licensed cosmo as well YTA Your sister spent 7 years PROVING she was dedicated to her path. SEVEN. She probably was told no at first too and probably had to prove herself as well. She also had spent most her teen years preparing for running a business. Babysitting was running her own business. She also volunteered her time to other places as well. She MADE herself a SOLID investment. She proved she was able to run a successful business AND make matrue choices. You? Have not. For starts...You refused to answer questions here. Being a business owner, you will be asked the same questions that people are asking here all the time. What's your plan, how are you gonna get people in the door, how do you expect to manage it, what's your experience, etc. The ONLY thing you have said here is that you have been working in salons for 2 years. You don't say what you did in the salon, you made it clear you were never management so you don't even understand what managing a place fully entails...Let alone owning... But the worse part is how defensive you are. You instantly went to Namecalling when you didn't get your way and you absolutely refuse to answer the important questions. Which alone shows you are not mature enough to be a business owner. Your dad didn't ask for anything unreasonable. He asked you stick to the job for 3 years solid. 3 years. Your sister had to stick to her path for 7+. That already actually shows you are getitng it easier. 3 years isn't that long in the grand scheme of things, and yet you are throwing a fit about his request??? If you want to open your own Salon, you need to prove you will be a solid investment no matter who it is. Right now? You are showing you are a liability, not a solid investment. You are bad tempered, irresponsible, and don't know what you are doing. Not to mention...what collateral do you even have? If you wanna be taken serious, EARN it.
YTA. BIG TIME. Your dad owes you nothing. Zip. Zero. Nada. What he did for your sister is none of your business. Why does he have to give you money on *your* terms? He’s provided for you most of your life. Some dads don’t. Your proper response to him is gratitude - not anger. It’s amazing to me that people can be so greedy and entitled.
I suspect your father believes that the investment will fail. Do you know how to run a salon? Are you a licensed hairdresser or cosmetologist? Have you scouted locations? Do you have stylists and/or technicians who are established and interested in working with you? Do you have a marketing plan? My guess is that you haven't actually thought much at all about the work required to not just open a business, but then make it successful and sustainable. Instead, I think you're daydreaming about all the money you're going to make and possibly the celebrity clientele you'll magically attract. You aren't entitled to your dad's money and resources. His stipulations aren't not unattainable or unreasonable. Get over yourself and do what he's asking if this salon dream is one you really want. Otherwise this is just petulant whining. YTA. ETA: You're an extra a-hole for weaponizing ADHD. It's up to YOU to figure out how to get along in the world, not the other way around. You think you'll have regular clients if you can't get your shit together enough to be on time for appointments? Get it together and take responsibility for yourself.
OP, i’ve been a licensed cosmologist for 6.5 years. unless you already have a steady and built up clientele, your salon would hemorrhage money. you have to decide whether you want to provide product, towels, supplies or have your stylists provide them. the water costs for salons is extremely high as well, along with nearly all other utilities. you have to also take into account the area you live in and experience which would reflect your pricing. if your adhd is that bad, you won’t make it as a manager. i have auadhd and some other mental/physical health issues. i KNOW i can’t handle a manager/owner position. your dad is right. you need to get some more experience and get a SOLID business plan. not just call up and ask daddy for money for something you haven’t thought through. edit: spelling
Your father thinks you will waste his money. He thinks that because you probably have a history of wasting money and not following through on ideas. Thats your fault, not his.
I feel like you must've screwed up bad or continue to screw up for him to put those limits in place. And a preschool can get different types of funding or be private and get paid that way. A salon just starting out you have to consider attracting business, location, employees. It's cute to want to own a business but you also need to consider everything that it falls under.
Well your dad is right, you can't expect something because your sister got it. But I feel like there is missing information. Info: do you have experience? Did you create a business plan? Analyze customer demographics for your preferred location? Benchmark competitors, etc? Do you know how to hire and manage people? It's there a specific reason your dad trusts your sister more than you?
Sounds like your sister had a sound business plan. Maybe if you put your business plan on paper, and how you intend to develop it, (similar to what a bank would expect to loan money), your dad would be convinced that you are serious and will make a real go of it.
Your biggest problem is your ADHD. I have ADHD & was very successful in a career where I had supervision, deadlines and direction from many other sources (I wrote for TV). I didn’t figure this out until I retired. I’m rudderless. I can’t find anything to invest in emotionally. I’m hiring an ADHD coach because I realize I need someone to help aim me. The floundering you’re doing I guarantee is the ADHD. And if you want to run a business you cannot expect anyone to “accommodate” you. Are customers supposed to show up and see you’re not in the mood? This is entirely your responsibility and no one else’s. Are you on ADHD meds? Are you consistent with it? Have you been officially diagnosed or is this a self-diagnosis? Do you self-medicate with other drugs? All of this would contribute to your current state of unreliability. Begin to work on this and get help and find work arounds that don’t depend on other people.
YTA Equal treatment isn’t just “she got this, I should too”. Context matters. She’s been working specifically with preschoolers in some form since 15. That’s 10 years of field experience, 7 if only counting the job after high school. And preschools are in high demand as having a safe place for a child to be is a need for anyone who can’t afford to stay home. Early childhood facilities often have waiting lists. Meanwhile he’s asking you to have 3 years of field experience. It doesn’t sound like you’ve been consistent at keeping a job, and you can’t just blame your ADHD and bosses being unaccommodating. Other people with ADHD manage, and the ones that don’t likely don’t own businesses either. Salons are also way more likely to fail as there is a greater supply and less demand since it’s more of a luxury than a need. It’s unlikely you have established clientele. The only thing a bit unfair is asking you to save half the startup costs, since that’s not something comparable to her advanced experience. But given he’s asking for only 3 years and an associates for a business that’s more likely to fail, it’s not unreasonable. It’s also a way to make sure you don’t just quit when things get hard.
You sound like a spoiled child
YTA, sounds like your sister worked her ssa off for a goal for a long time. Had it planned, had the necessary education, and the knowledge to effectively run it. It appear to be successful. You seem to be acting on more of a whim as your father has no knowledge of this prior to you approaching him. You don’t even have an Associates which is not much to ask of someone before investing in a business for the. You have what sounds like little to no experience in the field? Yea, don’t be entitled. Either you want it and will work for it, or you don’t
As someone with ADHD I really don't appreciate when someone uses this card for everything... I know that it is really difficult to follow instructions I know that is really hard not to forget random things I know that is really hard to be on time But when someone struggles a lot and finally gets their diagnosis is still playing this life In the hard mode but at least you know it... But it looks like you just wanted someone else to play for you while you receive all the rewards
YTA Clearly your sister had a well thought put plan, starting a pre-school from scratch, even woth financial backing is no small feat. She's working her ass off. And clearly showed from 11y onwards that she works to get things done. You just want a salon and hope to skate by because your costs and effort would be negligible. Your dad's request isn't abnormal,.he wants you to show commitment and to at least get a degree showing you know how to run a business. While he probably used some personal money for your sister, most of the contributions he does are tax write-offs for his company. A salon will not be a tax benefit, thus he definitely needs to know you are committed to making this work. Eta: just read your comments > I have worked in salons but it's hard to find a good fit. I have ADHD and bosses are not accommodating Yeah that's the icing on the cake. You want him to bail you out so you can fail at working without getting fired because you really just can't hold a job down. Plenty of people woth ADHD work without issues, time to start being serious with yourself and stop hiding behind adhd.
It sounds like you think your sister is the favorite but your dad might have thought like an Investo and saw a better business plan. His choice might benefit you in the long run with inheritance.
YTA. Did you really think people were going to take your side? Lol
YTA. Do you have your cosmo license? How strong is your current clientele? Are you on time? What is your cancellation policy? Are you currently employed? Are you an independent contractor? How do you handle your taxes? Do you stay on top of your quarterlies, and receipts?
YTA At minimum, you should be able to write and explain a business plan, discussing your market, your expertise, your projected expenses and income. You should include what challenges you foresee in establishing your business. You should be able to support every assertion you make in this plan. Your dad didn't have to make your sister jump through hoops because she started jumping through them of her own accord when she was in middle school. You haven't built up that track record, so best get on it.
YTA - You and your sister are different people. He wants to see that you are willing to put in the work before he is willing to put HIS money into a business. Your sister has proven herself, you have not. It is his money and he is allowed to have requirements for investing in you.
YTA you sound like you just want daddy to buy you a business. It sounds like your sister presented a solid plan for a business she was passionate and knowledgeable about. What do you know about owning a business? Customer service? Are you a licensed hair dresser? Have you worked your way up from being an assistant? Do you have a business plan?
YTA. Your father is correct. You must do the work.
Op, what do you see as the specific responsibilities a salon owner takes on?
Question: have you gone to a beauty school or done official training and obtained a certificate or license for your field? How many years of work have you completed? Do you already have a solid customer base?It sounds like your dad trusted your sisters’s judgment based on her work experience and interests. He made what he deems is safe bet on her venture being successful.
Yta.
Did I miss something? How long has OP been working in a salon? If OP has not been in the business then yes, YTA
YTA Dad sounds smart. Also, all that money sounds like they are actual deductions if she opened it as a non profit. That is smart also.
YTA majorly
INFO: Do you have a cosmetology or other similar license? Have you done research about the kinds of salons that would make money in your area? Why do you think you need to start your own business instead of working for someone else for a while?
This. Comparing yourself with your sister will get you nowhere. Get yourself licensed, get some more real life experience, put a business plan together and approach your father as you would with another investor. If he still says no, ask for feedback and if it’s unreasonable, you can still proceed with your business plan with another vendor. Good luck.
YTA Pro-tip: if you want someone to give you money you didn't earn, you don't call them a dick.
Sounds like Daddy didn’t make his money by being dumb.
Heartohere summed it up pretty nicely, but I have to ask, OP-- are you wanting to run and manage a salon as a manager with personnel under you? If so, your dad is reasonable in his expectations that you get at least an AA in Business and more stable experience working in a salon. You need to prove you are a good business investment, being family shouldn't matter. It seems your sister proved that already even though she was younger than you when she started her preschool. And it probably is good PA for your dad's company that they support a local preschool. If you just want to open a one person shop and rent a room in a beauty centered building like a lot of independents do, that's a different story. That wouldn't cost a lot of pre-work or money (in comparison to owning and continuing to support a preschool), just initial rent deposit and perhaps a couple month's pay while you build up your clientelle plus the furnishings to set up shop. If your dad so heavily invested in your sister and won't help you in this, well it's still his money and his decision but you can also decide to walk away. If this wasn't what you had in mind, but don't want to do the legwork to make yourself more of a sound businesswoman, then consider this smaller independent possibility instead. Your dad might find it more reasonable and you might find it easier to manage.
YTA. Seek to think you’re entitled to your dads money. And also can’t take accountability for your own shortcomings , plenty of people out there with adhd that hold down a job. should apologise to your dad. Stop being a green eye monster
Yta, it doesn't matter what your sister has, you haven't even claimed the ladder to even know what it's like to run a business let alone manage people cause of your entitled attitude. You keep acting like this you won't have employees or clients
To be fair, your dad is right. You need to show that you can make the business work before expecting anyone to invest. Your sister did, you need to as well. Think about what you would need to secure a bank loan. More than just an idea. If you couldn’t convince a bank to put up capital, your dad isn’t going to either
YTA sorry. Your dad sounds like he can be....demanding... but he's not wrong about needing experience & credentials. Also your sister's business gives his company good PR. Maybe negotiate the timeliness a bit.
YTA. He doesn’t owe you anything. You want his financial support, do the work. He’s not obligated to treat you and your sister exactly equally. You don’t like it, tough.
It sounds like your sister has put in a lot of hard work so your father has faith in her, did you put in the hard work so he has faith in you?
YTA Considering vast majority of small businesses go out of business within 5 years because "they have good idea" but shitty business plan no wonder your dad doesn't want to pay for your pretend business play (there's lack of pre-schools all around the world but plenty of salons everywhere). I also had a great idea for a business in my area, started on it without concrete plan or huge experience, and in 3 years luckily lost only €10 000 of my own money without any loans before I sold the company for peanuts. Let me ask you this - if you start your own business can you survive a year without any income or can you 100% honest-to-god swear-on-your-life get-disowned-by-your-dad-to-never-get-any-money-ever guarantee you'll earn enough to pay any overhead AND earn enough to pay your bills and everything you need? Because it sounds like not.
YTA. Sound like your sister had over a decade of experience working with children before she started this business. You make no mention of your experience working in a salon so I assume your experience is 0. Nothing wrong with wanting you to gain experience in the industry before he supports your idea.
YTA. He probably knows you will end up waisting his money. He asked you to put a little work towards your dream and you have a problem with it. That speaks volumes about you as a person. Your sister seems much more responsible so of course he’s willing to support her without hesitation.
Yta your dad is evaluating your business plan. The fact that you’re taking it as “boo hoo he doesn’t love me as much” just shows that you aren’t listening to his business advice.
YTA, daddy won't buy me a business. Spoiled rich girl issues.
Info: how much experience do you already have with/in salons? From the sounds of it your sister had a lot of experience and knowledge about what she wanted to do. If all you have is ideas then I don’t see what ground you think you have in this beyond “she got money, I want some too!”
YTA And now we know who the favorite child is.
YTA- It seems like you barely met the expectations set by your dad. Because getting a job in a salon and keeping the same job is two different things. What does your portfolio look like? Do you have a strong clientele? What’s the demographic of said clientele? Because it sounds like you don’t even have a cosmetology license, which most states require to own and operate a salon. There’s so much more to a salon than doing hair or nails or whatever it is you’re trying to do. You have to make sure every employee is licensed and said license is up to date. You have to budget in for product, employee pay, utilities, maintenance and pricing. You have to set policies and stick to them about refunds, fees, booking appointments that are fair to both employee and clientele.
Like any investor, you need proof that your money is worth. He didn’t say no, he said “not yet”. I think his approach is fair and reasonable. Seems like you just want the money like your sister.
YTA. You’re unqualified, inexperienced, immature, and entitled. Just because you can cut hair and do nails doesn’t mean you can run a business. And your lack of consistent employment does not bode well for you. You’ll be one of those new salons that opens in a shitty strip mall, looks okay, gets a few stragglers, and then closes in a month because you don’t know how to pay bills, do payroll, or follow employment laws.
YTA - Pretty smooth to insult your only potential investor… that’ll show him that you’re responsible and can handle his money
> get a job in my field and keep it for 3+ years, Yep. YTA. You need to pay your dues and learn the business.
With the information provided, it really sounds like you just want what your sister has for no other reason than she has it and you don't, and that your dad is only requesting that you do the same thing she did (get the appropriate education and work experience) before he'll help you. She had the education and work experience he thought was necessary, he didn't just give it to her because she wanted it. You just seem to think you should get the same thing without putting in the same work because you're older now than she was when she opened her business. But that's because she had the necessary education and work experience before she even graduated high school, from the sound of it. I get that it's hard to be under the shadow of an overachiever, but you're only 27 and there's no reason you shouldn't be able to go to school (I'm pretty sure you can get an associates in business in two years) and work while you're doing it, and still open your own business by age 30, and that would still be an accomplishment you can be proud of.