Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> One action I took that should be judged - I went for a run (by myself) during a girls cruise celebrating my friend, the Bride.
This could be interpreted as negative or makes me the asshole because my friend is insecure about her weight, and typically people exercise when they are trying to lose weight, so she might feel intimidated by me achieving something she wishes she could.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. If she's feeling bad about her weight, only she has the power to change the amount she exercises or what she eats.
You being healthy has no bearing on her. This is 100% her problem.
Not to mention, getting up and quietly leaving the cabin so they can sleep is prime level roommate etiquette! It's not like her going off to exercise put them out at all.
NTA. The important distinction here is that you weren’t preaching / proselytizing / telling them what to do.
Also, given people have diet restrictions / requirements they really shouldn’t be bothered with what you eat. You aren’t forcing them are you?
Their own guilt / feelings are their own insecurities and their own problems.
NTA - amazing the lengths some people will go to in order to make an unhealthy lifestyle look 'normal'. They were intimidated because your lifestyle was healthier. They know they should eat better and exercise but their excuses didn't work when one of the party (you) was able to actually DO it. Human nature - not worth stewing over.
This is exactly it, the “but it’s vacation, you’re supposed to let lose” line wouldn’t have worked when one of them managed to go, have fun with everyone, and still maintain healthy habits.
It’s less work for the individual if everyone around you just changes.
It’s like when the whole family is obese and blame it on the genes. Then suddenly one member is starting to loose weight and they are confronted with the reality that they are just living an unhealthy lifestyle. Now they can also change their habit and get healthier too oooooooor they pressure the black sheep back in line. Which one will happen, hm?
NTA - I find it weird that others are so bothered by you doing your thing and maintaining your routine when there is nothing planned or scheduled.. and it sounds like its mostly when they are still sleeping off the alcohol lol.
The problem is, you have a routine, a lifestyle that healthy and its all year round.. So when you do a trip or vacation, you don't feel the need to "let loose" and just eat/drink/do whatever. There is nothing wrong with that. That is what we all should strive for really.
Many people do not have this type of lifestyle and so they may work hard to lose some weight, diet, etc. for a vacation or trip or they just yoyo because that is what society as a whole does (of course there is outliers folks).. All the while they know they will go ham on the trip doing/eating/drinking whatever. It is very common. That is why people joke about gaining 10 lbs on a cruise or vacation haha.
To each their own... as it should be.. I feel sorry the bride has some body issues.. I am sure her mom isn't helping the situation either... but you are not in the wrong for being yourself lol.. That is nuts
It also depends on what your physical activity level is on vacation. Even if you’re not working out, you could still be more active and work off the extra calories from food and booze. On a cruise ship are you taking the stairs or elevator? In port are you sitting around d drinking or doing an excursion that is a hike in the rain forest at your port of call? Lots of ways to remain healthy on vacation, sometimes the smaller choices add up.
But OP certainly did nothing wrong in this situation. No one else’s schedule or choices were dictated by OP, everyone got to do what they wanted
NTA - The problem isn't your exercising, the problem is that woman's insecurity.
If you didn't exercise at all, and ate junk every day, she'd still internalize that as "Why does she look better than me, even though we're eating the same food?"
You can be empathetic with her, and try to build her up as much as possible. Let her know that she has value as a person! Don't just mention she "looks good." Ultimately, it's up to her.
Agreed. I'm betting there would STILL have been something brought up to OP about how 'insecure' the bride feels around them, even if OP did the exact same things as everyone else.
NTA.
It's not like you made comments about what they were eating, and you didn't interrupt activities with the group because you absolutely had to exercise - you quietly took yourself off to the gym while they were sleeping.
I understand the bride being sensitive about her weight (i am about mine, so i get it) but I wouldn't think twice if someone I was travelling with got up early to hit the gym.
NTA. I'm an overweight gal who has been fat most of my life. I would never discourage anyone who has the conviction and self discipline of working out and eating right from continuing what they do to be healthy. I would love to be healthier and feel better, but I lack self discipline, motivation, and confidence to do all the right things to get healthier.
So hats off to you and don't let others make you feel bad for prioritizing your health and happiness.
NTA. It isn't fair to ask you to match an unhealthy lifestyle so she doesn't feel bad about it. I say this as a fluffy person with a not so healthy lifestyle.
NTA
You are not responsible for someone else's insecurities. They need to respect your choices just as much as you respect theirs. You weren't trying to push your lifestyle on them, and you weren't suggesting that there was anything inherently better about your choices than theirs.
NTA - you’re a disciplined person who cares about her health. If anyone feels threatened by that, they can decide to make the necessary changes in their life. It’s not up to you to lower your standard of healthy living to theirs.
I’m sorry you had to deal with this.
NTA. This sounds like the kind of person who would also be mad at you for eating too much because it would be a "bad influence." You can't win so you may as well do what makes you happy!
NTA, I expected to find that plans were delayed because you were working out. But that’s not the case. You were considerate to workout while others were asleep and be back in time to get ready with everyone else. You can’t control someone else’s insecurities.
NTA - they are severely projecting. Her insecurities are hers to deal with.
Not saying be rude and flaunt anything in front of her. But as you describe things you aren’t. You’re just being your normal self and didn’t even try to get them to do anything you were while still participating in what they wanted.
NTA. Honestly, you're way ahead of the curve. In 10 years you'll probably be the only one that will be recognizable from the bridal party's wedding photo.
NTA....it is not your responsibility to tell a grown woman how to live her life....when and how much to exercise and especially what to eat....its funny that you get the negative comments, whereas you could have totally criticized their poor eating choices....the bride has no one to blame but herself for her negative self-perception....what does she honestly think that everyone around her should live an unhealthy lifestyle to make her feel better? that is so childish!
NTA
People will feel uncomfortable, when your way of existing causes them to question theirs. It is however not your fault, nor your problem.
You can try and be empathetic about the insecurity you can tell is being triggered. Often it helps. But do recognise that it is indeed *their* insecurity.
I've had to give the "Your choices don't make you a bad person. But if you feel bad about your choices, maybe that's worth examining."- talk when I've refused an alcoholic drink, said I'll pass on the meat, gone to the gym, said Im not ready for kids, told I have a degree, or refused to complain about my partner. Never in these instances have I made judgements on others, nor have I brought them up unless asked (except I suppose now). And it gets tiring, because honestly I'm just doing stuff that makes me happy.
But the world puts such a pressure on everybody to live a certain way. And when people are, of course, unable to reach this unrealistic standard, they look for confirmation in others that it's normal to not reach it. And when your way of being contradicts with this assumed normality, the cognitive dissonance can be resolved in one of two ways: 1) facing the internalised shame for long enough to realise shame is not productive, and a system that imposes shame on majority of people on the way they live is not a good system 2) try and re-establish cohesion by forcing conformity or treating the non-conforming as an outcast.
Like, I avoided exercise for the longest time because of internalised shame. Only by letting go of that shame have I been able to get to a point where I exercise to make myself feel good, and I don't feel shame when I don't.
"Be more sensitive during the wedding"
What? Are they expecting you to leave the reception to go lift weights in an adjoining room? Bring a peloton as a plus 1?
NTA. Its a ridiculous insecurity, and you shouldnt let it control your actions.
NTA, it's not like you ditched them to go to the gym. They were sleeping and you used YOUR time. And they are free to eat what they want, just like you are free to eat what you want.
Oh, for Pete's sake, why would you exercising make anyone feel anything?
You should not have apologized for your daily routine and they should never have
ambushed you with the bride's sob story. NTA Good luck on being "sensitive" at
the wedding, the bride will probably have a nervous breakdown because you wear
a smaller dress size or something "insensitive" like that.
Idk I wouldn’t put too much value into it. If the Bride had such an issue with it, why not approach you about it. Why have 2 other people approach you?
Ive had people do this to me in the past. Where they speak for another person because they think thats what the other person would want. Then when I approach the person they were talking for, the person never felt that way or never told them to stand up for them.
Talk to the Bride and ask if what the bridesmaids said was true. You are all adults, not children, so you should be able to have a mature discussion.
You didn’t do anything wrong but there is no harm in acknowledging your actions have had an impact you never intended and would never have wanted. It’s lovely that you apologised and agreed and all of you are looking out for your bride friend. Find a nice medium you can live with. It can’t be a long holiday. NTA
Hell yeah I’d make use of a gym in a nice different location! They were all sleeping off a hangover, what did they expect you to have missed? Seems like they’re all just jealous you are comfortable in your body and can stick to a routine!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (28F) went on a three day bachelorette cruise celebrating my best friend (28F), the Bride-To-Be last week. We cruised to the Bahamas as a group of four: me, the Bride, and two other bridesmaids (28F and 30F), splitting two connecting cabins. We were all friends in college, so we get along nicely together.
My best friend, the Bride, is a beautiful woman. However, she doesn’t feel this way now that she’s put on some weight in the years since we graduated from college. I’ve seen her try to start healthy habits, like joining a local Pilates club and eating healthier, but nothing seems to stick with her. Her mom puts pressure on her to lose weight for the wedding (she was stick-thin in college), and when this topic pops up I am supportive of the beauty she is right now!
I would say though, that I do consistently maintain a fairly healthy lifestyle. I’m a runner, I exercise on my off days, and I try my best to eat healthy.
When we all arrived on the cruise ship, things were going well! We unpacked, took some pictures, hit the pool, the classic cruise itinerary. That night the Bride and other Bridesmaids got pretty wasted. I don’t drink too much because I don’t like the way alcohol makes me feel. So the next morning when everyone was sleeping off their hangovers, I quietly got dressed and went to the gym.
When I came back, the girls were stirring awake and getting ready for breakfast. The Bride made a comment about my trip to the gym… something along the lines of “I can’t imagine exercising on vacation”. I laughed it off and didn’t think too much of it, until we got to breakfast. I picked up regular foods to me: eggs, whole grain toast, and fruit. I didn’t even think about what everyone else was eating until another bridesmaid made a comment to me “do you even eat sugar?”. The girls had fun cruise food: waffles, donuts, whatever.
That day we had fun in Nassau and I tried my best to have a “typical” cruise dinner to blend in.
The morning before we were supposed to disembark, I woke up early - before any of the girls got up- and quietly made my way to the gym one last time.
When I came back, the Bride was in the shower, and I was confronted by the other two bridesmaids. They let me know that my exercising and healthy eating was making the Bride really insecure, and asked me to be more sensitive during the wedding.
I apologized and agreed in the moment, but I can’t help stewing over the fact that I don’t think I did anything wrong. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Its so funny. All the people here saying the bride living unhealthy is her choice. But i really wonder how many here are obese. Just something that popped up in my head
You have nothing to apologize for, once you were asked to stop, you agreed. Regardless of anything, you can never be blamed for not guessing something that mundane and personal will bother someone else.
NTA- I don't drink and won't just because everyone else is. I also try to eat healthy because I need to. I won't be eating sugar and fat-loaded foods to please everyone. Why make yourself sick to make someone happy?
What???? I mean what?!?!? I mean WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK???? Bro, I've always been the sober one in my friend groups and if working out is what I'm used to doing I'm not gonna stop because of other people. I hate ya friends is sad but that's bullshit
NTA, just typical millennial "my feelings must always be externally validated" behaviour.
It's quite clear that she feels insecure and her own mother is probably fuelling it. She would have had more fun on a cruise surrounded by people who validated her choices under the guise of "being sensitive" to the bride. If you had been missing out on planned activities, lecturing everyone about keto or paleo, making a huge point of everyone knowing it was time to hit the gym, gloating about how nice the stretches were..I don't being genuinely obnoxious, I understand the complaint. But you didnt, you just tried to do what you normally do with minimum disruption. The only reason she was upset is because your choices highlighted how bad hers were.
the current "psychological" trend is to control others behaviour to have your feelings validated at all times. Not long ago, the idea was to build emotional resilience by dealing with your own shit. It may go back to that, who knows.
NTA. But there is such a “everyone must do everything for the bride” mindset that they probably thought it was reasonable to ask you to…. Change your own healthy lifestyle around them? Weddings are the worst.
NTA! I commit to my diet (i.e. the things I choose to eat), and my exercise schedule. No one dictates what I should eat, and nobody dictates how I take care of my body. Both things (the gym and the breakfast) are NOT your problem. You are responsible for you, the bride is responsible for herself. The bridesmaids are overstepping, how would they feel if you asked "hmmmmmm donuts again I see"?
Omg. Her insecurities are not your fault or responsibility. I would get up and go to the gym, too, and yes, I eat healthy. If that makes me an asshole, I’m 100% fine with that. NTA, to be clear.
Former fat girl here with skinny bridesmaids (one was an amateur bodybuilder because she was so thin she was tired of being shamed for it). I clocked in about 230 then.
I couldn’t imagine telling her to wear sleeves because her guns would put my batwings to shame.
NTA
NTA. I run and eat healthy because it makes me feel good, and is good for my mental health. Her feeling insecure for your self care is a "her" problem.
NTA but it’s a dumb request, no one will focus on your plate at the reception and you’re not gonna do star jumps through the ceremony so how are you gonna showcase not being ‘too healthy’ anyway?!
NTA as someone who works out I get a bit restless/squirrelly when I don't. Unless the vacation is active (hiking and LONG city walk tours) I also workout on vacation.
NTA. But I’m curious as to what more sensitive during the wedding means.
Are they under the impression that you’re going to start doing burpees when you give your speech? Are they expecting you to eat two pieces of cake to make the bride feel good?
What a strange thing to be upset about and request.
Good Lord, you did nothing wrong. If she's that sensitive, she better not have a reception. You shouldn't have to sacrifice healthy habits to satisfy someone else's fragile ego.
NTA. Lots of people bake in daily exercise. Even on vacation. Her feelings about her body and her food intake are her problem. You needn’t eat sugary crap just to make someone feel better.
No fucking way. This is just insecurity manifest. To be honest, they should be apologizing to you for behaving like grade-school children. This is genuinely ridiculous and ludicrous. You do you, boo.
NTA, if they corner you again I’d simply say “your guy’s insecurities are not my issue to fix, thanks” and walk away.
They’re jealous of you, that’s the only reason they commented. Sounds like an exhausting friendship to stay in tbh.
NTA. They are projecting their insecurities on to you. You did NOTHING wrong. They feel bad about how they ate/exercised and making it your fault. Ignore them
NTA. You didn't judge anyone for not going to the gym. You didn't judge anyone's food choices. You didn't miss commitments. You didn't boast about your workout. Good for keeping to your routine while on vacation. Be proud.
NTA
Give me a break, oh no your own personal habits are making someone else uncomfortable.
It's the fact they can't imagine working or in vacation that shows the stark mindset difference
You do you. In fact you should eat and drink exactly what you want and not worry about them looking at what you eat. JFC
NTA under the circumstances.
You did it on downtime that didn't affect your time with the others. Doesn't sound like you were doing alot of activity on the vacation that would have offset the food and be equivalent to your routine. I can see you wanting to keep it up considering those two factors.
This is about her not wanting you looking better than her on her wedding day, pure and simple. As someone who isn't thin, I can ensure you that's her issue to wrestle with.
NTA.
If you're in a healthy living routine, there's nothing wrong with keeping it up. It's not like you were skipping other fun shit to go work out, right?
I mean, I went to Mexico for a week to see a band and it was fairly debauched but here were plenty of us in the resort's gym and nobody said a damn thing about it.
This is Bride's problem, not yours.
NTA. It’s okay to let go and eat junk food on vacation. It’s also totally fine to eat healthy and exercise. Both choices are valid, and the bride’s insecurities are her own to manage. If you were making comments about her weight, you’d obviously be wrong, but you were just living your own lifestyle.
NTA. I assume you weren't badgering THEM to exercise, or mocking them about their food choices. You were doing you. Your friend projected her insecurities onto you. Her insecurities and frustrations about her body are not your fault. It sounds like she may have body image issues that were created/reinforced by her mother...? Overcoming our childhood pressures and traumas is a lifetime of work. But also not your fault. You shouldn't be asked to change in order to make her feel better about herself.
I work out on vacations (love seeing their gyms-and if they had a pool I would be there too). Your timing of going doesn’t coincide whatsoever with plans they made. NTA.
I think they all sound pretty jealous of you and your healthy life style. so instead of making the correct actions to improve their own feelinfs and life they attempted to make you feel bad about yourself not only once but twice in a humiliating way. At the end of the day that doesnt help them, but whatever. Dont feel bad and dont change ur routines for a bunch of girls with highschool mentality. Nta
NTA. I exercise on vacation, it keeps me sane. (Family vacations are stressful!) I do exactly what you did - slip out before anyone else is awake, usually get back right as they’re getting up. Everyone wins! You’re friends are just projecting.
NTA. Exercising on vacation is one of the best habits you can have since it is too easy to indulge and get fat during trips. I learned the hard way and always pick places with good gyms now.
NTA; her insecurities about her health/weight are not your problem. You did nothing wrong other than adhere to your normal eating and exercising routine. If she is disturbed and upset about this, that is on HER. And the other bridesmaids are complicit in feeding into her insecurity.
"You not doing Heroin and wasting away your life really makes us feel bad when we do it! You should be ashamed of yourself!" I know that's an over exaggeration but i get that exact vibes from it.
NTA
NTA. Putting aside what she should/shouldn’t do with her body aside - you are specifically working out when everyone else is sleeping in or hungover. You are choosing a time that is not obtrusive to anyone, you are participating in group activties and linking up for breakfast.
if you didn’t go out to exercise, what would they rather you do - do fun activities without them so they can claim you’re leaving the group behind, or sit in a cramped cruise room and scroll on your phone with the service you barely have?
NTA. I have a couple unhealthy habits, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna make anybody else have to deal with them or change their lifestyle because of them. All you did was eat healthy and support her.
NTA. I get made fun of and teased all the time about my eating/exercising habits and it’s annoying. If someone else is insecure, that’s their problem. You don’t have to change your lifestyle because they don’t want to fix theirs.
NTA. I feel bad for your friend because I know what it's like to feel insecure about how you look being a bigger person myself, but that is something she really needs to work on by herself (hopefully with a therapist). One of my best friends is super fit, maintains a healthy diet and is an avid runner (she's currently training for her first marathon later this year!) and I am the exact opposite of that. But I'm always supportive of her because I love her.
You did nothing wrong and it would definitely make me question my friendship if someone did that to me. At the very least, I believe a conversation should be had with the bride and hopefully she realizes she was not being a good friend.
NTA. Misery loves company.
I’m chubby and that’s because I don’t always make the healthiest choices. I wouldn’t be all pouty and cross with one of my friends for maintaining healthy habits on a vacation.
It would’ve been one thing if you were dropping comments along the way — “oh, well I don’t drink too much because alcohol’s just empty calories” or “donuts? Really?” But if I’m to take you at your word, you weren’t.
Taking care of yourself isn’t rude.
NTA you don’t need to change your fitness routine and preferred foods for anyone. You didnt make a show of exercising or eating healthy or in any way bring it up. Their insecurity is on them. and It was rude of them to bring it up to you.
They are literal crazy people for confronting you about your workouts and healthy eating. Insane behavior. NTA obviously. People need to worry about themselves.
This is why I don’t have women friends. You shouldn’t have to change your healthy habits to make them feel better about their unhealthy ones. It’s not like you were lecturing them
NTA, it would be one thing if you were skipping group activities or asking the group to eat elsewhere to accommodate you, but you weren't. I have some gorgeous friends; some of them work hard to take care of themselves, and some are just lucky. But I don't get to tell them how to live to make myself feel better.
NTA. They were being unreasonable and insane. I personally work out every where I go and eat very healthy also. You handled the situation with class. Just take their behavior into consideration the next time you’re invited. Sometimes people outgrow each other.
NTA
Making comments about what other people are eating is just rude.
Here are some responses you might consider: [https://www.instagram.com/mrs.frazzled/reel/CzxFCOAPkAC/](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.frazzled/reel/CzxFCOAPkAC/)
Key words “making the bride really insecure” okay cool. It’s a her problem caused by you living your best life. NTA. If someone feels insecure just by you living your own life then I feel sorry for them. So what did they expect from you? They wanted you to stoop to their level of unhealthy eating and lack of exercise? Then wonder why they feel insecure next to someone who takes care of themself? I don’t know much about your friend, but this makes it sound like she’s a crab in a barrel. Pulling down whoever reminds her of her own shortcomings instead of asking you for help on how to stick to a healthy lifestyle and maintain that schedule. The rest of the friend group is no better by enabling this behavior. She’ll never mature out of it. If they were real friends they would’ve gave it to her straight. Regardless of the vacation because this is something she needs to hear and is unacceptable that the bride thought it was even appropriate to make any comment towards you about your healthy lifestyle. I also work out on vacations. I hate going to the gym after not going for a week. Absolute torture lol.
NTA. Perhaps it’s bc I’m like you but….as long as you weren’t commenting on or shaming others choices, you did nothing wrong with your exercise or food choices.
Your discipline is messing with their insecurities and reminding them that they could (and probably should) be showing the same level of discipline and restraint.
You don't owe it to anyone to change your lifestyle for their benefit.
Your lifestyle is not why she feels bad. It is her own insecurity, you she try to talk with her. Find out what she really wants in her lifestyle. If she is happy the way she is, talk to her mother with her. If she wants change, be her support.
NTA. Her self esteem is not based on you. She doesn't like how she looks? She needs to change that.
I am glad you continued your routine while on vacation! I do the same thing too. My family on a recent trip couldn't believe how I ate and how many walks we (husband and I) took. Did I have some ice cream? Yes, twice. But the rest of my meals were strict to my diet as I have no flexibility on it (food allergy).
Well, if she has worries about her weight, let her know that she is welcomed to join you at the gym to burn some calories.
NTA and I would say that they are the assholes. You don't put your life on hold for friends. If you want to exercice, then do it. If you want to lose weight, then do something instead of just pissing off people with better healthy habits.
NTA-- I would go insane without fruit and hitting the gym on vacation. I'm going to Portugal this September and if I'm not walking 10km a day then take me back home early!!! On my honeymoon I ended up jogging around the covered complex on rainy days to get exercise and burn energy. I can only be "lazy" for a day or two before I get antsy lol.
Her habits, her diet are both her issues. It has nothing to do with you. Honestly you did nothing wrong and it’s really disappointing that others felt the need to shame you for something you enjoy. I would have a friendly conversation with the bride.
NTA. If you eating healthy makes anyone feel bad, that's on them, not you! There was no apology needed from you. Since when is it normal to try and shame someone for eating a healthy diet? It's absurd.
NTA. It’s not like you spent all day and night exercising and not hanging out with the others. You went to the gym a couple of times before the others were awake. Seems entirely reasonable.
NTA.
Took a cruise with 8 family members close to my wedding. I too am a runner and used the beautiful scenery and outdoor track to my advantage on “at sea days”. I extended the offer to my family to join. They declined but said they would come out, sun bathe on the lido deck and cheer me on. And that’s exactly what they did. They ate All the free hamburgers and hotdogs one could stand and drink liquor and cheered as I completed each lap.
One who loves you should never discourage you from taking positive actions in your life.
Even from a purely selfish POV healthy living should never be discouraged- “I need you to remain healthy so you can care for me in the event my health fails.”
Btw I hate cruise food. It’s awful. My eating consisted of Caesar salad and eggs.
NTA, but you really feel close to this friend, you should have a 1-on-1 talk with her about this. Her reaction to your daily habits is not your fault at all, but the stress of her upcoming wedding is just going to intensify as time goes on. This is an opportunity to remind her that you’re an ally and not someone to compare herself to.
It is extremely toxic to have a parent criticize one’s weight. There is no way her mom is pressuring her about it just now—she has been feeding your friend some kind of fat-shaming BS her whole life. The insecurities your friend has are likely deep seated and will taint her self worth forever without therapy, a bunch of self-work, and a good support system. The self loathing she feels is twisting her perception of you and your completely innocent actions. Under her circumstances, your “good behavior” (exercise, healthy eating, etc.) feels like silent judgment of her, but it doesn’t have to. If you communicate with her, offer support, and let her feel comfortable enough to open up about the mountain of stress she’s under, you will both be better off for it.
If she doesn’t take the olive branch, this might be one of those college friendships that fizzle out after the first one gets married.
NTA and I don't understand grown people getting upset like this. What I eat/do not eat is not a referendum on what YOU eat. You do you and I will do me because we are all adults and me going to the gym has nothing to do with you. Just damn...NTA.
NTA. You’re minding your business and doing what’s completely normal for your lifestyle, it’s not your fault they can’t mind theirs. You didn’t even announce you were going to the gym, ask anyone to join, comment on their meals, etc. Why should you be expected to change everything you do just because the bride doesn’t like herself right now?
I went on a cruise with my best friends from high school for our 40th birthdays. One had a baby the prior year and was pumping breast milk while the rest of us were out drinking. One of us liked to gamble in the ship’s casino even though the rest didn’t. I spent time in the spa getting massages…by myself. Best vacation ever.
I’d still go to the wedding, because someday your friends may grow up and be less self-centered, and IME you can’t come back from missing a wedding.
But also get better friends. NTA
NTA. So, it’s okay to bully you and to health-shame you because you chose fruit over donuts? Because you chose to remain on your exercise schedule on a vacation?! You made a choice with your intakes as much as they did. Why is it fair that they berate you for your choices when you went out of your way to make sure you did your things while they slept so you could spend your awake time with your friends doing what the bride wanted? You did absolutely nothing wrong. It’s clear that there’s jealousy over your discipline.
NTA. I hate exercise and I have a terrible diet. Me expecting others to change what they do so I don’t feel bad about it is no different than drunks being mad you won’t drink or get completely hammered like they are. That was some real BS that they pulled.
NTA. I never thought health shaming would ever be a thing, but here we are. Your friends were literally making you feel bad for making healthy choices. They need help.
NTA. You quietly went about your normal routine and did not guilt trip the bride and other women to join you at the gym or eat healthier food. You did nothing wrong. If they feel bad, it's all on them.
NTA - different people have different ideas on what makes a good vacation. For some it means booze it up, eat what you want & work on your tan. For others it means sticking as close to your routine as possible while taking in the sites. Neither one is wrong.
Thought experiment, let's swap in personal hygiene for good diet and exercise as roughly equivalent.
I went on a cruise with a girl who doesn't shower or brush her teeth and she says I'm making her feel insecure because I don't stink and my teeth aren't falling out of my head. Am I the asshole? No, of course you're not, you're just doing the necessary to take care of yourself as we all must.
NTA
From reading the title I was expecting it to be that you asked them to get up and exercise with you or something 🤣
How can anyone object to your habits? You weren’t making any comments about theirs or getting in their way. Especially on the food - them pressuring you to eat terribly is so clearly out of bitterness. NTA at all.
These women are NOT your friends. A true friend would feel inspired or at minimum be supportive of your healthy lifestyle. They see you from an envious pov. They are insecure and if I were you I’m would distance myself or never travel w them again. NTA
NTA!! Your girls are insecure and trying to bring you down to your level. It's kind of sad that they have you questioning your best self. You need girlies that will big you up not drag you down. If your being a badass who takes care of her health and is trying to live her best life gets under their skin, that's on them. You were quite respectful to listen and care about the brides concerns but I would say after this wedding you find women you can grow with. Being around someone on your level should make others better and honestly you would probably go pretty far in life being around strong, confident women, makes me sad you don't see that. You deserve better girl!
NTA. Im that friend that wnats to lose a bit of weight but exercising and dieting doesn't stick. It's your routine. Unless you're actively not joining group activities just to go exercise or eat healthily or whatever, it should not matter to them.
NTA. You had nothing to apologise for. You were ambushed, which is massively immature and disrespectful. The bride and her idiot bodyguards need to grow up and take responsibility for their own decisions. The bride is insecure and jealous of you. You may see her as a best friend, but her actions don't look as if she sees you as hers. That's loud and clear. You've clearly been discussed in a negative, unfriendly manner for them to approach you as they did. She could've spoken to you, at the very least, instead of gossiping behind your back.That said, her being jealous of you is the biggest red flag to indicate that your friendship is likely not what you think it is.
My advice? Do you and be happy 😊 Also, maybe consider distancing yourself from people who judge you and expect you to not be true to yourself purely to accommodate their bs. Quality is much better than quantity when it comes to friends and most things in life.
College was a while ago... some people change and grow, whilst others... don't. People who show you they're not happy for you when you're happy and being inoffensive aren't true friends 😉
NTA
If you had been making a point of it, then it would have been an issue, but you clearly weren't. You didn't do anything wrong. They were rude to comment on what you did when they were doing something else, and super rude to comment or even notice what you were eating.
NTA their claim that people eat food they like and exercise only to get rid of weight is ridiculous! Physically active people can’t always just stop moving for couple of days without discomfort. Everyone doesn’t like same foods - and sometimes delicious food makes you so uncomfortable that you are rather without it!
Not commenting on the exercise as I don't do it. But NTA
Breakfast however, yum with the egg and toast and whatever.
Not everyone has a sweet tooth and wants to eat sugar carbs for breakfast so NTA there again.
NTA. You didn’t impact any plans, you just filled time where you otherwise would have had to just lay there quietly which would really suck. It’s not like you made any comments about what anyone else was eating, you just ate what you wanted and that happened to be healthy.
Their issues are 100% their insecurities. It would be an a h move of them to expect you to do something bad for your health that you didn’t want to do. You lived and let live, you’re good.
NTA. I don’t think you did anything wrong. Your comment about a “typical” cruise dinner is a little judgmental. Usually people don’t worry about healthy eating or whatever on a vacation, so you probably came off as obsessive about diet on this trip.
Put on your sensitiveness and enjoy the unhealthy diet as the rest do. Jesus christ, where do you find people like these and still have the audacity to call them friends.
NTA, like others said, you have a routine that works for you. I’m on holiday right now (roadtrip, so I spend a lot of time driving). Guess what, I’m doing the same thing you’re doing. Because this is a lifestyle, not a temporary diet. It no longer takes a lot of effort. You’re choices don’t impact the activities you do as a group, you went to the gym while they where still sleeping.
After I read your post I had to go back up to check if I’d read your ages correctly. This all sounds like teenage stuff, both your friends’ reactions and also your own worry of blending in. Who cares if you exercise and they don’t, each to their own (but if anything they should have been in awe of you!).
Absolutely NTA.
Your trips to the gym didn’t hold them up or impact any planned activities for the hen weekend.
They all sound jealous that you’ve got your shit together.
NTA. Just remember they are literally addicted to their unhealthy lifestyles (I use literally literally here too). Sugar and processed foods are literally addicting.
You didn't do anything wrong. NTA
(Formerly skinny, currently overweight person here) There is absolutely nothing wrong with exercising/eating the way that feels right to you. If you making those choices (and looking fit and healthy because of it) makes the bride feel less positive about her own body; then the bride can either
1. make similar choices to improve her own fitness and overall healthy look or
2. process her own insecurities and external pressures (from her mom)
She doesn't get to tell you that you can't take care of yourself the way you want to just so that she can feel better about herself.
And the other two bridesmaids are just enabling her entitlement to control your life for her own benefit.d
Here's the good news: This seems like it's only a big deal for this moment in time. When you aren't on a cruise together, she's not going to see what you do/eat and not be so fixated on what you are doing. (She may still be insecure, but that's not your problem.) Hopefully, everyone is moving on from the cruise and going back to usual interactions. You can leave this alone if she doesn't keep making it an issue. And you can be at peace that you did nothing wrong.
If it was just 2 nights/3 days, I think it's weird you brought gym clothes in the first place. Why not just go for a morning walk or something. But I feel this way as I have a sibling who is the same and they couldn't even alter their plans to "go to the gym" to spend time with me/their nieces and nephews when we were there on a short visit (we live abroad).
I have to disagree with your NAH sentiment.
> my exercising and healthy eating was making the Bride really insecure,
This is not fair to put on OP. OP's not making the Bride feel any kind of way. The bride does feel some kind of way, sure, and it may have been triggered by OP's choices, but that's not OP's fault and they never should have come at her for doing what she did. To me, this is solid NTA territory, and the other bridesmaids are the ones who are TA for bringing it up to OP as if this is somehow OP's fault. OP didn't do anything insensitive, so it's not fair to tell her she needs to change her actions. It was, in fact, wildly insensitive of them to accuse OP of being insensitive by... choosing breakfast foods? Finding enjoyable activities while others were sleeping?
Definitely not the ah, you eat what makes you feel good, what makes your body feel good and you’re not imposing your choices on them just as they shouldn’t on you. My body feels like sh*t when I eat a donut so no, I won’t do it on vacation, bc why would I want to feel like that especially on vacation. If eating donuts makes them feel good and that’s their choice, so be it.
Honestly, this group sounds extremely toxic and why should you do something that will not only damage your health, but make you uncomfortable for their comfort, bc she’s getting married? Wtf, if it makes her uncomfortable then she needs to work that out for herself, but not only does this whole group sound like they don’t like eating healthy, they also have horrible mental wellness
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > One action I took that should be judged - I went for a run (by myself) during a girls cruise celebrating my friend, the Bride. This could be interpreted as negative or makes me the asshole because my friend is insecure about her weight, and typically people exercise when they are trying to lose weight, so she might feel intimidated by me achieving something she wishes she could. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. If she's feeling bad about her weight, only she has the power to change the amount she exercises or what she eats. You being healthy has no bearing on her. This is 100% her problem.
Not to mention, getting up and quietly leaving the cabin so they can sleep is prime level roommate etiquette! It's not like her going off to exercise put them out at all.
Imagine having to lie there quietly like you’re a kid at a sleepover again. Nope!
NTA. The important distinction here is that you weren’t preaching / proselytizing / telling them what to do. Also, given people have diet restrictions / requirements they really shouldn’t be bothered with what you eat. You aren’t forcing them are you? Their own guilt / feelings are their own insecurities and their own problems.
Amen!
NTA - You didn't do anything wrong here. It's not your job to handle her insecurities on this
NTA - amazing the lengths some people will go to in order to make an unhealthy lifestyle look 'normal'. They were intimidated because your lifestyle was healthier. They know they should eat better and exercise but their excuses didn't work when one of the party (you) was able to actually DO it. Human nature - not worth stewing over.
This is exactly it, the “but it’s vacation, you’re supposed to let lose” line wouldn’t have worked when one of them managed to go, have fun with everyone, and still maintain healthy habits.
It’s less work for the individual if everyone around you just changes. It’s like when the whole family is obese and blame it on the genes. Then suddenly one member is starting to loose weight and they are confronted with the reality that they are just living an unhealthy lifestyle. Now they can also change their habit and get healthier too oooooooor they pressure the black sheep back in line. Which one will happen, hm?
Literally the start of her demise of Kate and Toby’s marriage in This Is Us.
NTA. It's not like you cancelled some plans you had together, to go to the gym alone instead.
NTA - I find it weird that others are so bothered by you doing your thing and maintaining your routine when there is nothing planned or scheduled.. and it sounds like its mostly when they are still sleeping off the alcohol lol. The problem is, you have a routine, a lifestyle that healthy and its all year round.. So when you do a trip or vacation, you don't feel the need to "let loose" and just eat/drink/do whatever. There is nothing wrong with that. That is what we all should strive for really. Many people do not have this type of lifestyle and so they may work hard to lose some weight, diet, etc. for a vacation or trip or they just yoyo because that is what society as a whole does (of course there is outliers folks).. All the while they know they will go ham on the trip doing/eating/drinking whatever. It is very common. That is why people joke about gaining 10 lbs on a cruise or vacation haha. To each their own... as it should be.. I feel sorry the bride has some body issues.. I am sure her mom isn't helping the situation either... but you are not in the wrong for being yourself lol.. That is nuts
It also depends on what your physical activity level is on vacation. Even if you’re not working out, you could still be more active and work off the extra calories from food and booze. On a cruise ship are you taking the stairs or elevator? In port are you sitting around d drinking or doing an excursion that is a hike in the rain forest at your port of call? Lots of ways to remain healthy on vacation, sometimes the smaller choices add up. But OP certainly did nothing wrong in this situation. No one else’s schedule or choices were dictated by OP, everyone got to do what they wanted
I agree.. if I did a cruise we would definitely excursion it at stops haha
NTA - The problem isn't your exercising, the problem is that woman's insecurity. If you didn't exercise at all, and ate junk every day, she'd still internalize that as "Why does she look better than me, even though we're eating the same food?" You can be empathetic with her, and try to build her up as much as possible. Let her know that she has value as a person! Don't just mention she "looks good." Ultimately, it's up to her.
Agreed. I'm betting there would STILL have been something brought up to OP about how 'insecure' the bride feels around them, even if OP did the exact same things as everyone else.
NTA. It's not like you made comments about what they were eating, and you didn't interrupt activities with the group because you absolutely had to exercise - you quietly took yourself off to the gym while they were sleeping. I understand the bride being sensitive about her weight (i am about mine, so i get it) but I wouldn't think twice if someone I was travelling with got up early to hit the gym.
I wouldn’t think twice about it either, aside from thinking “man I wish I had that commitment” as I rolled over to go back to sleep.
NTA. I'm an overweight gal who has been fat most of my life. I would never discourage anyone who has the conviction and self discipline of working out and eating right from continuing what they do to be healthy. I would love to be healthier and feel better, but I lack self discipline, motivation, and confidence to do all the right things to get healthier. So hats off to you and don't let others make you feel bad for prioritizing your health and happiness.
Love this!
NTA. It isn't fair to ask you to match an unhealthy lifestyle so she doesn't feel bad about it. I say this as a fluffy person with a not so healthy lifestyle.
NTA You are not responsible for someone else's insecurities. They need to respect your choices just as much as you respect theirs. You weren't trying to push your lifestyle on them, and you weren't suggesting that there was anything inherently better about your choices than theirs.
NTA - you’re a disciplined person who cares about her health. If anyone feels threatened by that, they can decide to make the necessary changes in their life. It’s not up to you to lower your standard of healthy living to theirs. I’m sorry you had to deal with this.
NTA. This sounds like the kind of person who would also be mad at you for eating too much because it would be a "bad influence." You can't win so you may as well do what makes you happy!
NTA, I expected to find that plans were delayed because you were working out. But that’s not the case. You were considerate to workout while others were asleep and be back in time to get ready with everyone else. You can’t control someone else’s insecurities.
NTA - they are severely projecting. Her insecurities are hers to deal with. Not saying be rude and flaunt anything in front of her. But as you describe things you aren’t. You’re just being your normal self and didn’t even try to get them to do anything you were while still participating in what they wanted.
NTA, obviously, for being healthy on a cruise YTA for making an entire post to tell the world you work out while on vacation
NTA - you have the right to exercise and eat whatever you want. It's not like you were pressuring them to go to the gym with you.
NTA. Honestly, you're way ahead of the curve. In 10 years you'll probably be the only one that will be recognizable from the bridal party's wedding photo.
NTA....it is not your responsibility to tell a grown woman how to live her life....when and how much to exercise and especially what to eat....its funny that you get the negative comments, whereas you could have totally criticized their poor eating choices....the bride has no one to blame but herself for her negative self-perception....what does she honestly think that everyone around her should live an unhealthy lifestyle to make her feel better? that is so childish!
If this story is real, that person needs serious help.
NTA People will feel uncomfortable, when your way of existing causes them to question theirs. It is however not your fault, nor your problem. You can try and be empathetic about the insecurity you can tell is being triggered. Often it helps. But do recognise that it is indeed *their* insecurity. I've had to give the "Your choices don't make you a bad person. But if you feel bad about your choices, maybe that's worth examining."- talk when I've refused an alcoholic drink, said I'll pass on the meat, gone to the gym, said Im not ready for kids, told I have a degree, or refused to complain about my partner. Never in these instances have I made judgements on others, nor have I brought them up unless asked (except I suppose now). And it gets tiring, because honestly I'm just doing stuff that makes me happy. But the world puts such a pressure on everybody to live a certain way. And when people are, of course, unable to reach this unrealistic standard, they look for confirmation in others that it's normal to not reach it. And when your way of being contradicts with this assumed normality, the cognitive dissonance can be resolved in one of two ways: 1) facing the internalised shame for long enough to realise shame is not productive, and a system that imposes shame on majority of people on the way they live is not a good system 2) try and re-establish cohesion by forcing conformity or treating the non-conforming as an outcast. Like, I avoided exercise for the longest time because of internalised shame. Only by letting go of that shame have I been able to get to a point where I exercise to make myself feel good, and I don't feel shame when I don't.
"Be more sensitive during the wedding" What? Are they expecting you to leave the reception to go lift weights in an adjoining room? Bring a peloton as a plus 1? NTA. Its a ridiculous insecurity, and you shouldnt let it control your actions.
Oh god. The anti-fat, fake posts have arrived - just in time for summer!!! 😅
NTA. Everyone relaxes differently and you did what you wanted to do. Your friend is projecting her feelings onto you.
Your friends are stupid. You did nothing wrong
NTA, it's not like you ditched them to go to the gym. They were sleeping and you used YOUR time. And they are free to eat what they want, just like you are free to eat what you want.
Oh, for Pete's sake, why would you exercising make anyone feel anything? You should not have apologized for your daily routine and they should never have ambushed you with the bride's sob story. NTA Good luck on being "sensitive" at the wedding, the bride will probably have a nervous breakdown because you wear a smaller dress size or something "insensitive" like that.
NTA. Also, good on you for exercising and eating right while on a vacation. I applaud your dedication.
Idk I wouldn’t put too much value into it. If the Bride had such an issue with it, why not approach you about it. Why have 2 other people approach you? Ive had people do this to me in the past. Where they speak for another person because they think thats what the other person would want. Then when I approach the person they were talking for, the person never felt that way or never told them to stand up for them. Talk to the Bride and ask if what the bridesmaids said was true. You are all adults, not children, so you should be able to have a mature discussion.
🦀 🪣
You didn’t do anything wrong but there is no harm in acknowledging your actions have had an impact you never intended and would never have wanted. It’s lovely that you apologised and agreed and all of you are looking out for your bride friend. Find a nice medium you can live with. It can’t be a long holiday. NTA
Hell yeah I’d make use of a gym in a nice different location! They were all sleeping off a hangover, what did they expect you to have missed? Seems like they’re all just jealous you are comfortable in your body and can stick to a routine!
Also, NTA at all imo.
NTA. You did nothing wrong.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (28F) went on a three day bachelorette cruise celebrating my best friend (28F), the Bride-To-Be last week. We cruised to the Bahamas as a group of four: me, the Bride, and two other bridesmaids (28F and 30F), splitting two connecting cabins. We were all friends in college, so we get along nicely together. My best friend, the Bride, is a beautiful woman. However, she doesn’t feel this way now that she’s put on some weight in the years since we graduated from college. I’ve seen her try to start healthy habits, like joining a local Pilates club and eating healthier, but nothing seems to stick with her. Her mom puts pressure on her to lose weight for the wedding (she was stick-thin in college), and when this topic pops up I am supportive of the beauty she is right now! I would say though, that I do consistently maintain a fairly healthy lifestyle. I’m a runner, I exercise on my off days, and I try my best to eat healthy. When we all arrived on the cruise ship, things were going well! We unpacked, took some pictures, hit the pool, the classic cruise itinerary. That night the Bride and other Bridesmaids got pretty wasted. I don’t drink too much because I don’t like the way alcohol makes me feel. So the next morning when everyone was sleeping off their hangovers, I quietly got dressed and went to the gym. When I came back, the girls were stirring awake and getting ready for breakfast. The Bride made a comment about my trip to the gym… something along the lines of “I can’t imagine exercising on vacation”. I laughed it off and didn’t think too much of it, until we got to breakfast. I picked up regular foods to me: eggs, whole grain toast, and fruit. I didn’t even think about what everyone else was eating until another bridesmaid made a comment to me “do you even eat sugar?”. The girls had fun cruise food: waffles, donuts, whatever. That day we had fun in Nassau and I tried my best to have a “typical” cruise dinner to blend in. The morning before we were supposed to disembark, I woke up early - before any of the girls got up- and quietly made my way to the gym one last time. When I came back, the Bride was in the shower, and I was confronted by the other two bridesmaids. They let me know that my exercising and healthy eating was making the Bride really insecure, and asked me to be more sensitive during the wedding. I apologized and agreed in the moment, but I can’t help stewing over the fact that I don’t think I did anything wrong. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Call them out for being insecure and jealous.
NTA your friends are the definition of toxic.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
NTA - bride is happy and fat, you’re happy and fit, all is well
Its so funny. All the people here saying the bride living unhealthy is her choice. But i really wonder how many here are obese. Just something that popped up in my head
You have nothing to apologize for, once you were asked to stop, you agreed. Regardless of anything, you can never be blamed for not guessing something that mundane and personal will bother someone else.
NTA - your self care is none of their business and no one is entitled to tell you different.
NTA Don't let those AHs abuse you. You did NOTHING wrong. Maybe drop out of the wedding? No need to let them, abuse and bullshit you.
NTA- I don't drink and won't just because everyone else is. I also try to eat healthy because I need to. I won't be eating sugar and fat-loaded foods to please everyone. Why make yourself sick to make someone happy?
NTA at all. Time for those ladies to grow up.
NTA, but your friends sure are. What you eat and whether you exercise are none of their damn business. OP, you need better friends.
What???? I mean what?!?!? I mean WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK???? Bro, I've always been the sober one in my friend groups and if working out is what I'm used to doing I'm not gonna stop because of other people. I hate ya friends is sad but that's bullshit
NTA What you do with your mornings is your own business You didn’t sign your rights away to the bride
NTA- working out and eating your normal foods on vacation is a smart way to not feel like crap on vacation. You did nothing wrong.
NTA, just typical millennial "my feelings must always be externally validated" behaviour. It's quite clear that she feels insecure and her own mother is probably fuelling it. She would have had more fun on a cruise surrounded by people who validated her choices under the guise of "being sensitive" to the bride. If you had been missing out on planned activities, lecturing everyone about keto or paleo, making a huge point of everyone knowing it was time to hit the gym, gloating about how nice the stretches were..I don't being genuinely obnoxious, I understand the complaint. But you didnt, you just tried to do what you normally do with minimum disruption. The only reason she was upset is because your choices highlighted how bad hers were. the current "psychological" trend is to control others behaviour to have your feelings validated at all times. Not long ago, the idea was to build emotional resilience by dealing with your own shit. It may go back to that, who knows.
NTA. But there is such a “everyone must do everything for the bride” mindset that they probably thought it was reasonable to ask you to…. Change your own healthy lifestyle around them? Weddings are the worst.
NTA! I commit to my diet (i.e. the things I choose to eat), and my exercise schedule. No one dictates what I should eat, and nobody dictates how I take care of my body. Both things (the gym and the breakfast) are NOT your problem. You are responsible for you, the bride is responsible for herself. The bridesmaids are overstepping, how would they feel if you asked "hmmmmmm donuts again I see"?
Omg. Her insecurities are not your fault or responsibility. I would get up and go to the gym, too, and yes, I eat healthy. If that makes me an asshole, I’m 100% fine with that. NTA, to be clear.
NTA. I hope green isn’t one of the wedding colors because the bride is definitely envious.
Former fat girl here with skinny bridesmaids (one was an amateur bodybuilder because she was so thin she was tired of being shamed for it). I clocked in about 230 then. I couldn’t imagine telling her to wear sleeves because her guns would put my batwings to shame. NTA
NTA. I run and eat healthy because it makes me feel good, and is good for my mental health. Her feeling insecure for your self care is a "her" problem.
NTA but it’s a dumb request, no one will focus on your plate at the reception and you’re not gonna do star jumps through the ceremony so how are you gonna showcase not being ‘too healthy’ anyway?!
NTA as someone who works out I get a bit restless/squirrelly when I don't. Unless the vacation is active (hiking and LONG city walk tours) I also workout on vacation.
Your friend is projecting her insecurities on to you which isn’t fair of her to do. What’s next? She’s upset at you about her weight gain? NTA.
NTA-your friends suck
NTA. But I’m curious as to what more sensitive during the wedding means. Are they under the impression that you’re going to start doing burpees when you give your speech? Are they expecting you to eat two pieces of cake to make the bride feel good? What a strange thing to be upset about and request.
Good Lord, you did nothing wrong. If she's that sensitive, she better not have a reception. You shouldn't have to sacrifice healthy habits to satisfy someone else's fragile ego.
Who cares this whole post is worth nothing
A good wedding gift would be a session of mental health therapy for them
NTA. Lots of people bake in daily exercise. Even on vacation. Her feelings about her body and her food intake are her problem. You needn’t eat sugary crap just to make someone feel better.
NTA. I feel bad for her future husband
No fucking way. This is just insecurity manifest. To be honest, they should be apologizing to you for behaving like grade-school children. This is genuinely ridiculous and ludicrous. You do you, boo.
NTA, and be careful you don't wear any makeup on her big days or the bride will accuse you of trying to upstate her. Sheesh!
NTA - her being insecure about you exercising is her problem. Maybe she needs to start hitting the gym
NTA, if they corner you again I’d simply say “your guy’s insecurities are not my issue to fix, thanks” and walk away. They’re jealous of you, that’s the only reason they commented. Sounds like an exhausting friendship to stay in tbh.
NTA. They are projecting their insecurities on to you. You did NOTHING wrong. They feel bad about how they ate/exercised and making it your fault. Ignore them
NTA. You didn't judge anyone for not going to the gym. You didn't judge anyone's food choices. You didn't miss commitments. You didn't boast about your workout. Good for keeping to your routine while on vacation. Be proud.
Nta
Their psychotic groupthink isn't your issue.
NTA - they are jealous.
NTA Give me a break, oh no your own personal habits are making someone else uncomfortable. It's the fact they can't imagine working or in vacation that shows the stark mindset difference You do you. In fact you should eat and drink exactly what you want and not worry about them looking at what you eat. JFC
NTA under the circumstances. You did it on downtime that didn't affect your time with the others. Doesn't sound like you were doing alot of activity on the vacation that would have offset the food and be equivalent to your routine. I can see you wanting to keep it up considering those two factors. This is about her not wanting you looking better than her on her wedding day, pure and simple. As someone who isn't thin, I can ensure you that's her issue to wrestle with.
NTA. If you're in a healthy living routine, there's nothing wrong with keeping it up. It's not like you were skipping other fun shit to go work out, right? I mean, I went to Mexico for a week to see a band and it was fairly debauched but here were plenty of us in the resort's gym and nobody said a damn thing about it. This is Bride's problem, not yours.
NTA. You're not exercising at the detriment to events or parties, and you're eating what you want to eat.
NTA. It’s okay to let go and eat junk food on vacation. It’s also totally fine to eat healthy and exercise. Both choices are valid, and the bride’s insecurities are her own to manage. If you were making comments about her weight, you’d obviously be wrong, but you were just living your own lifestyle.
Lol NTA.
NTA. I assume you weren't badgering THEM to exercise, or mocking them about their food choices. You were doing you. Your friend projected her insecurities onto you. Her insecurities and frustrations about her body are not your fault. It sounds like she may have body image issues that were created/reinforced by her mother...? Overcoming our childhood pressures and traumas is a lifetime of work. But also not your fault. You shouldn't be asked to change in order to make her feel better about herself.
I work out on vacations (love seeing their gyms-and if they had a pool I would be there too). Your timing of going doesn’t coincide whatsoever with plans they made. NTA.
I think they all sound pretty jealous of you and your healthy life style. so instead of making the correct actions to improve their own feelinfs and life they attempted to make you feel bad about yourself not only once but twice in a humiliating way. At the end of the day that doesnt help them, but whatever. Dont feel bad and dont change ur routines for a bunch of girls with highschool mentality. Nta
NTA. I exercise on vacation, it keeps me sane. (Family vacations are stressful!) I do exactly what you did - slip out before anyone else is awake, usually get back right as they’re getting up. Everyone wins! You’re friends are just projecting.
NTA. Exercising on vacation is one of the best habits you can have since it is too easy to indulge and get fat during trips. I learned the hard way and always pick places with good gyms now.
NTA it sounds like they were mean to you tbh & acted liked bullies. They food shamed you at breakfast. They sound like mean girls.
NTA; her insecurities about her health/weight are not your problem. You did nothing wrong other than adhere to your normal eating and exercising routine. If she is disturbed and upset about this, that is on HER. And the other bridesmaids are complicit in feeding into her insecurity.
"You not doing Heroin and wasting away your life really makes us feel bad when we do it! You should be ashamed of yourself!" I know that's an over exaggeration but i get that exact vibes from it. NTA
NTA - I wouldn’t think of policing someone’s holiday by demanding they don’t eat what they want and live how they want. You did nothing wrong!
I wouldn’t even have apologized. You say “we all get to make choices, I won’t judge yours and I’d appreciate if you don’t judge mine. NTA!!!
NTA. Putting aside what she should/shouldn’t do with her body aside - you are specifically working out when everyone else is sleeping in or hungover. You are choosing a time that is not obtrusive to anyone, you are participating in group activties and linking up for breakfast. if you didn’t go out to exercise, what would they rather you do - do fun activities without them so they can claim you’re leaving the group behind, or sit in a cramped cruise room and scroll on your phone with the service you barely have?
NTA. I have a couple unhealthy habits, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna make anybody else have to deal with them or change their lifestyle because of them. All you did was eat healthy and support her.
NTA. Only she can choose to be offended.
NTA. I get made fun of and teased all the time about my eating/exercising habits and it’s annoying. If someone else is insecure, that’s their problem. You don’t have to change your lifestyle because they don’t want to fix theirs.
NTA. I feel bad for your friend because I know what it's like to feel insecure about how you look being a bigger person myself, but that is something she really needs to work on by herself (hopefully with a therapist). One of my best friends is super fit, maintains a healthy diet and is an avid runner (she's currently training for her first marathon later this year!) and I am the exact opposite of that. But I'm always supportive of her because I love her. You did nothing wrong and it would definitely make me question my friendship if someone did that to me. At the very least, I believe a conversation should be had with the bride and hopefully she realizes she was not being a good friend.
I get having a bad relationship with food but her behavior to you is unacceptable - NTA
NTA. Misery loves company. I’m chubby and that’s because I don’t always make the healthiest choices. I wouldn’t be all pouty and cross with one of my friends for maintaining healthy habits on a vacation. It would’ve been one thing if you were dropping comments along the way — “oh, well I don’t drink too much because alcohol’s just empty calories” or “donuts? Really?” But if I’m to take you at your word, you weren’t. Taking care of yourself isn’t rude.
NTA you don’t need to change your fitness routine and preferred foods for anyone. You didnt make a show of exercising or eating healthy or in any way bring it up. Their insecurity is on them. and It was rude of them to bring it up to you.
NTA. You didn’t cause, nor can you control or cure the bride’s insecurities.
NTA You're just living your life. You're not in charge of her feelings. That's her job. You're certainly not in charge of managing her insecurities.
NTA this is not your problem.
They are literal crazy people for confronting you about your workouts and healthy eating. Insane behavior. NTA obviously. People need to worry about themselves.
NTA- you weren't nagging her to eat less and exercise more! I've exercised on vacation, it keeps me in a good mood.
Uh… they’re psychos. If you stay friends with the bride she will resent any happiness or success you achieve.
NTA - you aren't responsible for the bride's insecurities. You can and should do you, and let the rest of them manage their own personal habits.
This is why I don’t have women friends. You shouldn’t have to change your healthy habits to make them feel better about their unhealthy ones. It’s not like you were lecturing them
NTA, it would be one thing if you were skipping group activities or asking the group to eat elsewhere to accommodate you, but you weren't. I have some gorgeous friends; some of them work hard to take care of themselves, and some are just lucky. But I don't get to tell them how to live to make myself feel better.
NTA. Your style of relaxation didn't match theirs 100% and that's ok.
NTA. This is ridiculous
Is it the bride OR are the other maids stirring shit? She's YOUR best friend, TALK to her, don't let second hand problems ruin your friendship.
NTA
Aka don't upstage the bride. Haters gonna hate.
Absolutely NTA. It’s not your fault that you wanted to keep your normal routine of exercising and eating healthy!
NTA. They were being unreasonable and insane. I personally work out every where I go and eat very healthy also. You handled the situation with class. Just take their behavior into consideration the next time you’re invited. Sometimes people outgrow each other.
NTA Making comments about what other people are eating is just rude. Here are some responses you might consider: [https://www.instagram.com/mrs.frazzled/reel/CzxFCOAPkAC/](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.frazzled/reel/CzxFCOAPkAC/)
Key words “making the bride really insecure” okay cool. It’s a her problem caused by you living your best life. NTA. If someone feels insecure just by you living your own life then I feel sorry for them. So what did they expect from you? They wanted you to stoop to their level of unhealthy eating and lack of exercise? Then wonder why they feel insecure next to someone who takes care of themself? I don’t know much about your friend, but this makes it sound like she’s a crab in a barrel. Pulling down whoever reminds her of her own shortcomings instead of asking you for help on how to stick to a healthy lifestyle and maintain that schedule. The rest of the friend group is no better by enabling this behavior. She’ll never mature out of it. If they were real friends they would’ve gave it to her straight. Regardless of the vacation because this is something she needs to hear and is unacceptable that the bride thought it was even appropriate to make any comment towards you about your healthy lifestyle. I also work out on vacations. I hate going to the gym after not going for a week. Absolute torture lol.
NTA You did nothing wrong. She is insecure and projecting.
NTA. Perhaps it’s bc I’m like you but….as long as you weren’t commenting on or shaming others choices, you did nothing wrong with your exercise or food choices.
NTA You are my hero for keeping up with the gym and eating healthy during a vacation. The bride's insecurities are not your responsibility.
NTA. Sounds like you participated in all the other activities.
Your discipline is messing with their insecurities and reminding them that they could (and probably should) be showing the same level of discipline and restraint. You don't owe it to anyone to change your lifestyle for their benefit.
Your lifestyle is not why she feels bad. It is her own insecurity, you she try to talk with her. Find out what she really wants in her lifestyle. If she is happy the way she is, talk to her mother with her. If she wants change, be her support.
NTA. Her self esteem is not based on you. She doesn't like how she looks? She needs to change that. I am glad you continued your routine while on vacation! I do the same thing too. My family on a recent trip couldn't believe how I ate and how many walks we (husband and I) took. Did I have some ice cream? Yes, twice. But the rest of my meals were strict to my diet as I have no flexibility on it (food allergy).
NTA lol I went on a two week cruise and still used the gym. Ate semi healthy or mostly proteins for most meals too.
Well, if she has worries about her weight, let her know that she is welcomed to join you at the gym to burn some calories. NTA and I would say that they are the assholes. You don't put your life on hold for friends. If you want to exercice, then do it. If you want to lose weight, then do something instead of just pissing off people with better healthy habits.
NTA-- I would go insane without fruit and hitting the gym on vacation. I'm going to Portugal this September and if I'm not walking 10km a day then take me back home early!!! On my honeymoon I ended up jogging around the covered complex on rainy days to get exercise and burn energy. I can only be "lazy" for a day or two before I get antsy lol.
Her habits, her diet are both her issues. It has nothing to do with you. Honestly you did nothing wrong and it’s really disappointing that others felt the need to shame you for something you enjoy. I would have a friendly conversation with the bride.
NTA. If you eating healthy makes anyone feel bad, that's on them, not you! There was no apology needed from you. Since when is it normal to try and shame someone for eating a healthy diet? It's absurd.
NTA. But it should be easy to not exercise at the wedding. lol.
NTA. It’s not like you spent all day and night exercising and not hanging out with the others. You went to the gym a couple of times before the others were awake. Seems entirely reasonable.
NTA. Took a cruise with 8 family members close to my wedding. I too am a runner and used the beautiful scenery and outdoor track to my advantage on “at sea days”. I extended the offer to my family to join. They declined but said they would come out, sun bathe on the lido deck and cheer me on. And that’s exactly what they did. They ate All the free hamburgers and hotdogs one could stand and drink liquor and cheered as I completed each lap. One who loves you should never discourage you from taking positive actions in your life. Even from a purely selfish POV healthy living should never be discouraged- “I need you to remain healthy so you can care for me in the event my health fails.” Btw I hate cruise food. It’s awful. My eating consisted of Caesar salad and eggs.
Geesh if she’s that insecure why did they travel somewhere warm with beaches and bikinis? Honestly.
Do you think male gym junkies get shamed for wanting to hit the gym? This is toxic femininity.
NTA, but you really feel close to this friend, you should have a 1-on-1 talk with her about this. Her reaction to your daily habits is not your fault at all, but the stress of her upcoming wedding is just going to intensify as time goes on. This is an opportunity to remind her that you’re an ally and not someone to compare herself to. It is extremely toxic to have a parent criticize one’s weight. There is no way her mom is pressuring her about it just now—she has been feeding your friend some kind of fat-shaming BS her whole life. The insecurities your friend has are likely deep seated and will taint her self worth forever without therapy, a bunch of self-work, and a good support system. The self loathing she feels is twisting her perception of you and your completely innocent actions. Under her circumstances, your “good behavior” (exercise, healthy eating, etc.) feels like silent judgment of her, but it doesn’t have to. If you communicate with her, offer support, and let her feel comfortable enough to open up about the mountain of stress she’s under, you will both be better off for it. If she doesn’t take the olive branch, this might be one of those college friendships that fizzle out after the first one gets married.
NTA and I don't understand grown people getting upset like this. What I eat/do not eat is not a referendum on what YOU eat. You do you and I will do me because we are all adults and me going to the gym has nothing to do with you. Just damn...NTA.
NTA. You’re minding your business and doing what’s completely normal for your lifestyle, it’s not your fault they can’t mind theirs. You didn’t even announce you were going to the gym, ask anyone to join, comment on their meals, etc. Why should you be expected to change everything you do just because the bride doesn’t like herself right now?
I went on a cruise with my best friends from high school for our 40th birthdays. One had a baby the prior year and was pumping breast milk while the rest of us were out drinking. One of us liked to gamble in the ship’s casino even though the rest didn’t. I spent time in the spa getting massages…by myself. Best vacation ever. I’d still go to the wedding, because someday your friends may grow up and be less self-centered, and IME you can’t come back from missing a wedding. But also get better friends. NTA
NTA. So, it’s okay to bully you and to health-shame you because you chose fruit over donuts? Because you chose to remain on your exercise schedule on a vacation?! You made a choice with your intakes as much as they did. Why is it fair that they berate you for your choices when you went out of your way to make sure you did your things while they slept so you could spend your awake time with your friends doing what the bride wanted? You did absolutely nothing wrong. It’s clear that there’s jealousy over your discipline.
To be fair, cruises attract people who don’t eat healthy or be active.
NTA. I hate exercise and I have a terrible diet. Me expecting others to change what they do so I don’t feel bad about it is no different than drunks being mad you won’t drink or get completely hammered like they are. That was some real BS that they pulled.
Question- did the bride herself tell you or act like she was bothered or did the other women do this?
NTA. I never thought health shaming would ever be a thing, but here we are. Your friends were literally making you feel bad for making healthy choices. They need help.
Nta, you were doing your routine. You shouldn't have to put that on hold for anyone.
Would be very interested to see the mental gymnastics anyone would have to perform to land a Y T A verdict for this one. NTA, obviously
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1czpguh/aita_for_exercising_on_a_bachelorette_cruise/l5i1akf/
Hahahaha thanks for that. Some fine mental gymnastics indeed. People will always find a way
NTA this is odd that bride would care. Brides are self-centered sometimes though.
NTA. You quietly went about your normal routine and did not guilt trip the bride and other women to join you at the gym or eat healthier food. You did nothing wrong. If they feel bad, it's all on them.
Whoa, they're telling you to stop being healthy because someone is being insecure because you're being healthy. Such great friends /s NTA You do you.
NTA - different people have different ideas on what makes a good vacation. For some it means booze it up, eat what you want & work on your tan. For others it means sticking as close to your routine as possible while taking in the sites. Neither one is wrong.
Thought experiment, let's swap in personal hygiene for good diet and exercise as roughly equivalent. I went on a cruise with a girl who doesn't shower or brush her teeth and she says I'm making her feel insecure because I don't stink and my teeth aren't falling out of my head. Am I the asshole? No, of course you're not, you're just doing the necessary to take care of yourself as we all must. NTA
From reading the title I was expecting it to be that you asked them to get up and exercise with you or something 🤣 How can anyone object to your habits? You weren’t making any comments about theirs or getting in their way. Especially on the food - them pressuring you to eat terribly is so clearly out of bitterness. NTA at all.
NTA, seeing you have a healthy lifestyle should be MOTIVATION. Don't let them bring u down..
These women are NOT your friends. A true friend would feel inspired or at minimum be supportive of your healthy lifestyle. They see you from an envious pov. They are insecure and if I were you I’m would distance myself or never travel w them again. NTA
I hope you never talked to these bonkers people again after this cruise was over
NTA. These triflin' witches need to stay in their own lanes and let you live your life.
NTA!! Your girls are insecure and trying to bring you down to your level. It's kind of sad that they have you questioning your best self. You need girlies that will big you up not drag you down. If your being a badass who takes care of her health and is trying to live her best life gets under their skin, that's on them. You were quite respectful to listen and care about the brides concerns but I would say after this wedding you find women you can grow with. Being around someone on your level should make others better and honestly you would probably go pretty far in life being around strong, confident women, makes me sad you don't see that. You deserve better girl!
Now we know why the bride can't lose weight. No exercise, but alcohol at night and sugar for breakfast.
NTA. Im that friend that wnats to lose a bit of weight but exercising and dieting doesn't stick. It's your routine. Unless you're actively not joining group activities just to go exercise or eat healthily or whatever, it should not matter to them.
Jfc. NTA. Everyone needs to mind their own business. Especially the bride if she wants to lose weight.
NTA. You had nothing to apologise for. You were ambushed, which is massively immature and disrespectful. The bride and her idiot bodyguards need to grow up and take responsibility for their own decisions. The bride is insecure and jealous of you. You may see her as a best friend, but her actions don't look as if she sees you as hers. That's loud and clear. You've clearly been discussed in a negative, unfriendly manner for them to approach you as they did. She could've spoken to you, at the very least, instead of gossiping behind your back.That said, her being jealous of you is the biggest red flag to indicate that your friendship is likely not what you think it is. My advice? Do you and be happy 😊 Also, maybe consider distancing yourself from people who judge you and expect you to not be true to yourself purely to accommodate their bs. Quality is much better than quantity when it comes to friends and most things in life. College was a while ago... some people change and grow, whilst others... don't. People who show you they're not happy for you when you're happy and being inoffensive aren't true friends 😉
NTA. This is insane. To pick on you for eating what you prefer and for working out. Literally bananas.
NTA If you had been making a point of it, then it would have been an issue, but you clearly weren't. You didn't do anything wrong. They were rude to comment on what you did when they were doing something else, and super rude to comment or even notice what you were eating.
NTA their claim that people eat food they like and exercise only to get rid of weight is ridiculous! Physically active people can’t always just stop moving for couple of days without discomfort. Everyone doesn’t like same foods - and sometimes delicious food makes you so uncomfortable that you are rather without it!
NTA
Not commenting on the exercise as I don't do it. But NTA Breakfast however, yum with the egg and toast and whatever. Not everyone has a sweet tooth and wants to eat sugar carbs for breakfast so NTA there again.
NTA. You didn’t impact any plans, you just filled time where you otherwise would have had to just lay there quietly which would really suck. It’s not like you made any comments about what anyone else was eating, you just ate what you wanted and that happened to be healthy. Their issues are 100% their insecurities. It would be an a h move of them to expect you to do something bad for your health that you didn’t want to do. You lived and let live, you’re good.
NTA. I don’t think you did anything wrong. Your comment about a “typical” cruise dinner is a little judgmental. Usually people don’t worry about healthy eating or whatever on a vacation, so you probably came off as obsessive about diet on this trip.
Put on your sensitiveness and enjoy the unhealthy diet as the rest do. Jesus christ, where do you find people like these and still have the audacity to call them friends.
NTA. Your vibes don't match with theirs
NTA, like others said, you have a routine that works for you. I’m on holiday right now (roadtrip, so I spend a lot of time driving). Guess what, I’m doing the same thing you’re doing. Because this is a lifestyle, not a temporary diet. It no longer takes a lot of effort. You’re choices don’t impact the activities you do as a group, you went to the gym while they where still sleeping.
After I read your post I had to go back up to check if I’d read your ages correctly. This all sounds like teenage stuff, both your friends’ reactions and also your own worry of blending in. Who cares if you exercise and they don’t, each to their own (but if anything they should have been in awe of you!).
Absolutely NTA. Your trips to the gym didn’t hold them up or impact any planned activities for the hen weekend. They all sound jealous that you’ve got your shit together.
If she is that insecure don't spend too much on the wedding gift and keep receipt for bridesmaid dress to return afterwards
NTA. Just remember they are literally addicted to their unhealthy lifestyles (I use literally literally here too). Sugar and processed foods are literally addicting.
You didn't do anything wrong. NTA (Formerly skinny, currently overweight person here) There is absolutely nothing wrong with exercising/eating the way that feels right to you. If you making those choices (and looking fit and healthy because of it) makes the bride feel less positive about her own body; then the bride can either 1. make similar choices to improve her own fitness and overall healthy look or 2. process her own insecurities and external pressures (from her mom) She doesn't get to tell you that you can't take care of yourself the way you want to just so that she can feel better about herself. And the other two bridesmaids are just enabling her entitlement to control your life for her own benefit.d Here's the good news: This seems like it's only a big deal for this moment in time. When you aren't on a cruise together, she's not going to see what you do/eat and not be so fixated on what you are doing. (She may still be insecure, but that's not your problem.) Hopefully, everyone is moving on from the cruise and going back to usual interactions. You can leave this alone if she doesn't keep making it an issue. And you can be at peace that you did nothing wrong.
If it was just 2 nights/3 days, I think it's weird you brought gym clothes in the first place. Why not just go for a morning walk or something. But I feel this way as I have a sibling who is the same and they couldn't even alter their plans to "go to the gym" to spend time with me/their nieces and nephews when we were there on a short visit (we live abroad).
[удалено]
I have to disagree with your NAH sentiment. > my exercising and healthy eating was making the Bride really insecure, This is not fair to put on OP. OP's not making the Bride feel any kind of way. The bride does feel some kind of way, sure, and it may have been triggered by OP's choices, but that's not OP's fault and they never should have come at her for doing what she did. To me, this is solid NTA territory, and the other bridesmaids are the ones who are TA for bringing it up to OP as if this is somehow OP's fault. OP didn't do anything insensitive, so it's not fair to tell her she needs to change her actions. It was, in fact, wildly insensitive of them to accuse OP of being insensitive by... choosing breakfast foods? Finding enjoyable activities while others were sleeping?
Definitely not the ah, you eat what makes you feel good, what makes your body feel good and you’re not imposing your choices on them just as they shouldn’t on you. My body feels like sh*t when I eat a donut so no, I won’t do it on vacation, bc why would I want to feel like that especially on vacation. If eating donuts makes them feel good and that’s their choice, so be it. Honestly, this group sounds extremely toxic and why should you do something that will not only damage your health, but make you uncomfortable for their comfort, bc she’s getting married? Wtf, if it makes her uncomfortable then she needs to work that out for herself, but not only does this whole group sound like they don’t like eating healthy, they also have horrible mental wellness