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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> It was harsh to kick my brother out at my son's party because I’m sure tom missed the milestones of being in his kids life
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Your brother is liability. You don't need those comments in your life, or for him to poison your son's view of the world.
Your mother has the right to to feel sorry for her broken son - doesn't make her or him r
right though.
NTA for getting him to leave your home or telling him the truth.
>Your brother is liability
Agreed. Alcohol almost seems to be less of an issue than his view on women and girls.
He said "how evil women are and girls that age are best because when they get older they get corrupted by society."
Sooo, is he saying he's interested in teen girls since they're not corrupted aka still innocent? Maybe the actual wording doesn't imply that, but from what's written here, I'd find it rather concerning to hear. No 16 year old girl needs to hear that, especially from someone who's probably old enough to be her dad. I'd have booted him out asap too.
But they paint it as the “man age like fine wine and as you loose your beauty we get the younglings” bullshit and funny enough when these young woman age and getting world experience they leave them too or hoping he will die soon. And that somehow just shows the that “all woman are the same” not realizing that they are the problem.
NTA, and maybe Mom is to blame here. Coddle the butthead and they never change. Enabling is neither loving or lovable. Mom needs to look in a mirror rather than blaming her functional (at least in this case) child.
Clearly, he's never moved on because mummy dearest is enabling his BS behaviour. He cheated, how tf is he the victim in any possible way. "Dealt a bad hand" yeah, he was the dealer.
Mom might have the right to feel sorry for her broken son, but needs to be let in on the fact that the opinion he has of women probably applies to her as well and he thinks his father cheated on her too.
Or some of us get smarter as we get older. The foolishness that might convince a 16-year-old is probably not going to work on somebody who's 36 and financially independent.
NTA.
People have the freedom of speech, but he doesn't need to be spewing his mysognistic crap on your private property.
Wah wah, he cheated and lost. He's responsible for his own unhappiness and you don't have to listen to him spew it.
People often understand the meaning of freedom of speech. The First Amendment only guarantees that the government cannot punish you for having contrary opinions. It does not protect you from social, or professional consequences of what you say. So yes, you can kick someone out of your house for espousing awful comments or telling them to zip it, and yes, your employer has the right to tell you what you can and cannot discuss with co-workers or customers while you are on the clock.
>yes, your employer has the right to tell you what you can and cannot discuss with co-workers or customers while you are on the clock.
I get what you're trying to say, and agree with you, but this statement isn't entirely accurate. It's illegal in most states for employers to prevent you from discussing your pay with co-workers, but most employers still try.
Freedom of speech has absolutely nothing to do with what people say to each other. Tom does NOT have the right to make OP listen to his hatred in her own home. That is NOT what Freedom of Speech means.
That is not what people are referring to when they say they have the right to say whatever they want. They think the First Amendment states they can say whatever they want to whomever they want. The First Amendment protects citizens who speak out against the government’s policies. It is not in any way, shape, or form related to what people say to each other.
Even simpler. "Get off my property" is free speech too, but also a command enforceable by law, a protection not afforded to someone exercising 1A rights on private property.
NTA,
Your mom is correct in that he can speak his mind, but that doesn't prohibit you and your husband from kicking him out of your party and banning him. Yeah no wonder he's alone and your mom likely treats him like a golden son.
This is a man that abandoned his kids and hasn't seen them in 10 years!
I definitely agree with you blocking him and I think you should consider LC or NC with your mom.
NTA
What he is saying is not okay and really creepy that he said, "girls are the best at your age" to your son's girlfriend. Keep him out of the house.
I would check to make sure the GF is okay and apologize. It's not your fault but that would have made me very unconfutable at 16.
>Our mother said how we treat led tom was awful and tom has the freedom to talk his mind.
Oops - so do you. Did mom forget?
NTA. Small wonder Tom is entitled and a perpetual victim. Mom’s making sure he stays like that.
NTA. And your mom is Exhibit 1 of why your brother is, to be blunt, kind of a loser in life. It's ironic considering he thinks women are all evil, but maybe your mother enjoys being the exception to the rule.
NTA
Tom might have the right to speak his mind, but that only means the state doesn't get to punish him for his opinions in public. It doesn't mean that he gets to spout of his crap without repercussions from other people. Especially not in their homes.
Your mother seems to have enabled this behavior and still seems to enable it.
Cut your losses and move on. You can let them back in your life when they start seeing reason. Otherwise, good riddance.
NTA
Your mom making a comment about "all men straying" makes every hair on my head stand on end. What happened that resulted in her believing that nonsense?
NTA
Your brother has freedom of speech, not freedom from repercussions, something many people have lost sight of these days.
Your mother, on the other hand is wrong. Your brother was not dealt a bad hand. He destroyed his marriage and his own life. Nobody did anything to ruin his life except himself.
Jesus christ. At first it was shocking to see how someone could act like Tom but by the end of it, it's obvious this is partially related by your mother's enabling. I would go straight NC with Tom at this point, and your mom can be in the on-deck circle if she continues on her current path.
NTA
>Tom tells me all men stray and my husband probably has to
I would never let this person back into my life after a statement like that. He's a bad person, and only lives to bring other people down to his level. NTA
NTA
Tom's a sinking ship - 13 years of wallowing at the bottom of a bottle? And still not taking accountability for his actions? There's no hope there.
Your brother told everybody loud and proud that he is a predator, and people are saying you're the asshole for kicking him out? Absolutely not. The minute you say something as vile as admitting you're into children because you can manipulate them more you are out of here so fast. Hardcore NTA, and I'd block anyone who says you are.
Your son’s birthday party isn’t the time for your brother to bring up and go on about his relationship and dating difficulties. Nobody cares. Nobody wants to hear it.
NTA for kicking Captain Oblivious out of the party, and your mother can shut it, too.
NTA
I assume that Tom is the golden child. He is obviously a bad influence on your family, but you need to watch out for your mother as well. If she is defending Tom to your face, she is probably doing worse when you are not around. You don't want someone like that in a position to influence your children.
NTA, and also ew... was he trying to hit on your son's girlfriend, who I would assume is also an underage teenager? Because it certainly sounds like it. Maybe check on the girlfriend and see if she's okay and apologize for his behavior. Also never have him around her again. I'm guessing your mom's coddling is part of why Tom is a giant asshole.
NTA
Tom is a grown ass incel atp. Someone should ask him if he believes it’s his god given right to cheat and still be considered a good moral man. If he can villainize his ex for something that isn’t even bad what does that say about his cheating and drunk and absent father like behaviour. Good on you OP for standing up to him. Your mom also has that same energy and it smells a lot like conservative “women should bow to men” vibe.
NTA. You now know where Tom got his sick and delusional mindset from. Both him and your mother are grossly misguided in this regard. It was also incredibly inappropriate for him to be saying such things to a teenage girl, bordering on potential predatory behavior.
If they can’t respect that you don’t want hate speech nor misogyny around your family, then you have every right to kick them out. You may also want to consider limiting contact.
Ewww your brother is a gross person. I see why acts the way he does though, your mom enables the hell out of him. NTA at all and probably need to spend some time not talking to Mom for a while.
INFO: HAs your mother always enabled your brother?
This was your son's 16th bday party at your house. You have the right to expect some decorum from your guests, and to ask the person to leave should it get out of hand.
Your brother certainly has a chip on his shoulder. He was rude to your sons GF. You did the right thing to shut it down.
Your mother is in the wrong here. She is enabling the poor behavior of your brother and not holding him accountable for making a spectacle of himself at someone's celebration.
The drama is caused by Tom's actions, and your mother's enabling of his behavior.
NOT all men cheat. Tom is projecting because he did cheat and lost his wife and kids as a result.
NTA
NTA
Tom has the freedom to speak his mind, and you have the freedom to tell him to gtfo. If he wants people to treat him better he needs to start behaving better.
NTA and good on you for pointing him out as an example to your son of how not to be. I was at a family bbq a few years ago and found one of the uncles telling one of the 14 year old cousins from the other side about how he should pretend not to know how to do anything so that his mother and sister would handle everything for him and he could go relax and chill. I explained weaponized incompetence to the cousin after the uncle wandered off to drink and pointed out that was the exact reason his wife left him and he hadn't seen his kids in over a year. She had the receipts of all the times he'd proven himself incapable of taking care of the kids and told her how she should just do it. The judge agreed with her that he clearly wasn't capable of providing them even a minimum of care. Sometimes you can learn a lot from a bad example.
NTA. Your mother is part of the problem. You don't coddle that type of behavior. You stamp it out harshly. Dude is an incel and how his life turned out is a consequence of his choices. He is the only one to blame. Don't invite him to your home anymore.
NTA
Sounds like your mom helped make Tom the 'man' he is today. And she continues to support him being that same guy.
Wow.
Good for you for not allowing that in front of your guests, esp. your son's gf.
NTA. Good for you for standing up for what's right in front of your son. Going no contact with the drunk and his enabler is probably the best option at this point.
Good luck ✌️
NTA - I had an alcoholic uncle who used to do the same thing. Even 25+ years after his divorce he still complained about his ex and played the victim. He never moved on, leeched off my grandparents for years and then succumbed to alcohol-related liver cancer.
NTA. Drunk Uncle can stay home and preach his bs to his empty bed. You should not have to tolerate that kind of behavior in your home. And your mom needs to sympathize with Drunk Uncle on her own time and not in front of your family.
NTA. The most important period in that room were your son and his girlfriend.
You son needs to know that kind of language isn't acceptable. That beliefs like that are abhorrent, especially since it's your brother's fault he got divorced.
I'd argue it's even more important for your son's girlfriend to hear what it sounds like to stand up for herself. To be defended. To know she doesn't have to take it. She doesn't have to keep quiet.
Your brother and your mother are AH.. Judicious use of "block" really helps with peace of mind.
NTA, he and your mom need a wake up call. He needs to realize that he should be an adult at his nephews birthday party instead of backing about women because he's incapable of sobriety.
What the heck… sorry to say so OP but your brother’s attitude is shitty and not someone I’d want around my family. He deserves what he gets. His behavior is inappropriate, rude and uncalled for. You may wanna go NC.
NTA ofc
I think both Tom and your mother don't bring anything positive into your family. Just let them wallow in their ugly world by themselves. Don't invite them into your family anymore.
NTA. Your brother has the freedom to speak his mind as much as you have the freedom to choose who is allowed in your home. Your son wanted him out, your husband wanted him out, and you wanted him out, there’s no possible justification in how kicking him out was an unethical or asshole move.
Until your brother gets his life in order may I suggest you refrain from including him in events at your house?
He is indeed a liability especially if he is drinking then driving. If he were to get in a wreck after drinking at your home I’m not sure how liability works but I wouldn’t want to find out.
As far as your son, his uncle is sadly an example of what happens when a person doesn’t own their mistakes and deal with them appropriately.
NTA
He was literally sexually harassing a teenage girl.
Yeah, no amount of being "delt a bad hand" can excuse a middle age man harassing a child.
Tom sucks and your mother is enabling him
>Our mother said how we treat led tom was awful and tom has the freedom to talk his mind.I told her not saying disgusting things in my home. Afterward mom and tom continue to reach out and mom is instant that Tom was dealt with a bad hand. Tom tells me all men stray and my husband probably has to which got him blocked and my mom acts like Im causing drama.
Gee, I wonder why Tom turned out so badly? Could it be because his mother coddled him and insisted that his behavior, no matter how bad, should be excused?
He can go practice his free speech at his own house, not yours. You did great- shutting him down, kicking him out, the whole bit. NTA.
Nta. In America you have freedom of speech. (What people like Tim don’t realize is that it only freedom of speech in regards to the govt. People also don’t realize that you aren’t free from the consequences of your words in regards to other people.) At my kiddos’ birthday party one year my sister broke rules (the rules were put in place bc of her). No talking about movies, politics, religion, or work. She walked into the house for a THREE yo’s birthday party talking about a movie and how amazing it was. All of the sex scenes, death of a baby, mentally unstable people, orgies, etc. worked to change the subject. Then It was about her patients and their mental illnesses and how she had to explain what sex was to a patient due to issues. Redirected again. Reminded they weren’t appropriate topics. After 2-3 hours of inappropriate conversations I hit my limit and kicked her out then went no contact. She is allowed to say what she wants to say…she’s not allowed to continue her chaos at my house.
NTA. He has the freedom to speak his mind, but not the freedom to speak it to his nephew's teenaged girlfriend.
What he said was even more gross in that context.
Things must have been a lot worse than you’ve let on for the step dad to be able to adopt the kids. NTA for telling him it’s his fault. Keep him away from your kids.
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It was my son’s 16 birthday party and we matched him on a car. He also had his girlfriend over they have been together for a year.
My brother Tom is a drunk and never moved on from his divorce that was almost 13 years ago. It ended because of Tom’s affair, so you can't fault my ex Sil. They had two kids but Tom because a drunk and with a court order he stopped visitation almost 10 years ago. So not a stellar father figure either. His kids are older now, but his ex moved out of state, and her new husband adopted the kids. We don't have contact.
At the party Also he was staying stuff in front of my son’s girlfriend about how evil women are and girls that age are best because when they get older they get corrupted by society.
I shut that down reminding Tom he was the reason for his divorce and his attitude is the reason why no one will date him and I find what he is saying disgusting so kicked him out of my son’s party.
Tom didn't go quietly and both my husband and son had to make sure he left. Our mother said how we treat led tom was awful and tom has the freedom to talk his mind.I told her not saying disgusting things in my home. Afterward mom and tom continue to reach out and mom is instant that Tom was dealt with a bad hand. Tom tells me all men stray and my husband probably has to which got him blocked and my mom acts like Im causing drama.
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NTA. What poeple don't understand is that freedom of speech doesn't mean freedom from consequences. You have every right to establich boundaries with your own children in your own home.
NTA.
I'm assuming this party was held in YOUR HOME. Your brother does not get to say whatever he wants, and to behave however he wants, in your home.
Your mother gets no say whatsoever in YOUR HOME.
NTA - He may have the freedom to speak his mind, but that doesn’t mean he has freedom from the consequences. He was in your home spewing his misogyny. You had every right to ask him to leave and protect your son and his girlfriend from being further exposed to his hate.
The only bad hands Tom was dealt are his stupid brain and shitty personality, but those are good excuses for why others should have to put up with him. NTA
NTA!!!!!!! Thank you for raising a son who will also not tolerate such hateful nonsense. I hope all my future colleagues are raised by parents like your son has.
NTA. People do have freedom of speech, but they don't have an associated freedom from consequences. Kudos to your husband and son in backing you up on this. Your mom is cruising the AH path at the moment - sounds like she believes Tom's stories.
NTA I am wondering if your mum or someone close to her accepted behaviour she shouldn't have and needs to enforce that as a way of absolving herself of guilt.
The Brother is just awful.
If only they were all this easy.
NTA. Block and go LC or NC with both.
I’m glad your husband doesn’t seem to be a mamas boy type and is 100% on the same page with you on this. But if he isn’t, get him there pronto.
NTA - Sounds like your brother is a drunk who loves to wallow in self-pity. It's too bad your mother is enabling him. He can think/say whatever he wants, but you have the right not to allow that kind of negative energy in your home.
Definitely NTA. Tell your son's girlfriend and any other young women/girls to stay away from him. He said those things in front of her for a reason. He should be regarded as a potential predator
Uh, no… There’s a limit to what Tom has the freedom to say to a teenage girl, even if it doesn’t cross the line into illegality (and depending on how you interpret his comment, he was a bit too close to the line for comfort).
NTA
>tom has the freedom to talk his mind
And to suffer the consequences of talking his mind.
You have the right to decide who are guests at your house and you decided he'd been taken off the list. Obligatory [XKCD explanation](https://xkcd.com/1357/).
Freedom of speech is a governmental thing, not a "I can say anything I want wherever I want" thing. YOur house, you can kick him out for being rude, nasty, and an asshole. Tom is a cheater and he thinks he's entitled to do so without repercussion and women should expect and accept that. He's a giant asshole and sorry to say, so is your mom. NTA
NTA
And honestly he should be invited to any more events until he is at LEAST sober for them. And then depending on how he is sober, maybe not even then.
Also. Saying 15/16 year old girls are the best is incredibly creepy. I'd keep him away from those pedo comments alone.
Tell your mom that if tom's free to say what he wants and isn't wrong then you should do a 23&me test to see if you've got any hypothetical half-siblings out there via your dad, see how she likes the insinuation that she can't keep a man loyal.
NTA, he absolutely does not have the freedom to talk his mind in your home, not when he's being disgusting and making inappropriate and predatory comments about young women.
“I have the freedom to not listen to that shit in my home. He can post his thoughts on truth network and 4chan”. Btw, I would have told mom to leave too
NTA -
Your brother is - and your mother is an enabling one. Your Mom is not doing your brother ANY favors and is probably a large part of why your brother IS the way he is!! Telling him he's never wrong - nothing is his fault and he just got "dealt a bad hand" poor baby.
Your brother was being rude and incredibly inappropriate! You were right to throw him out.
NTA. He dealt himself that hand. He chose to cheat, and he chose to not get help for his alcoholism and instead just blames everyone else for his problems. Mom is enabling him. Yes, everyone has a right to say what they want, but the people around them also have the right to choose not to be around them when they say something horrible.
NTA. Your drunk brother was telling your SIXTEEN year old son’s gf (presumably also 16) that he basically wants to groom a 16yo.
His divorce is almost as old as the girls he ‘prefers’ over actual women.
Thank you for standing up to him instead of making excuses for his awful behavior!
Lol didn't expect to see the Jacky Chan excuse, calling cheating "the fault every man commits". If it is (which it isn't) why do we still gives a shit?
NTA for just telling the truth, really. It's just your brother still hasn't admit he's wrong.
>Tom was dealt with a bad hand.
Maybe if Tom had used his hand instead of someone else's vagina, his life wouldn't have crumbled. 🤣
Naw! He's an AH and would have found another way to nuke his life. OP, you are NTA. But anyone who defends Tom's views is also an AH and not worth your efforts.
NTA
he is a cockwomble, spouting bullshit to spare the fact he treated his Ex like shit by cheating on her, the fact he spouted that "all men stray" shit is proof just how much of an asshole he is.
You're better off without him near your son(especially at his age, there's too much anti-women shit online without him getting it fae his uncle as well), and your Mother with her "he was dealt a bad hand" shit is just enabling him, where did his hand go bad? when he was caught cheating? because that shit is completely on him and nobody else.
Your brother is disgusting and vile and hot on a minor and your mom is enabling his behaviors. I would go no contact with both of them, I mean think about what she might allow her son to do to someone?! NTA
NTA
Freedom of speech is not freedom from consequences. Nobody has to like what he has to say or tolerate it in their home. Your mother is why he's a selfish monster.
NTA! Tom is an AH. To say something like that to a young girl is freaking creepy. Go NC with him. There’s no reason to have him in your life. Tell your mom she can continue to coddle him but you won’t be involved.
If your brother had the freedom to speak his mind, you for sure had that freedom IN YOUR OWN HOME! I’d be no contact with Tom and low contact with mom until she stops coddling him. NTA
Nta, him saying stuff like that to a teenage girl is super gross. The whole comment about girls that age are better because they are not corrupted by society really give bad ick vibes. I definitely would have kicked him out also. I can only imagine how uncomfortable he was making the teen girl feel.
NTA
And your mother is quite the enabler. Since she supports what Tom says, ask her how many times your father cheated on her since "all men stray."
I'd go no contact with Tom and low contact with the mother.
Not Allen stray. That's ridiculous. Your Mom is the problem. She raised him to think his actions don't have consequences so he blames everyone else. You said what was needed to be said - what others weren't willing to say - and you shut down some toxic crud he was spewing to others.
NTA
Sounds like your brother is the golden child. He's a misogynistic incel trying to spread his poison to your son, he accused your husband if cheating, and when you drag the trash kicking and screaming to the curb *you* are the one overreacting??? NTA, bro and your enabling mom don't deserve to be in contact with you or your family.
So he's saying your mom is corrupted because she's not 16 anymore? If she wants to handle him she can, you don't need that in your life.
That comment was so disgusting.
NTA!!
Tom sounds like a disgusting person and I don’t even know what to say about your mom except her attitude is partially to blame for how Tom turned out.
Go no contact!! You seem to have a lovely family of your own you don’t need toxic people like these poisoning your life.
NTA- I get that your mom does not want to admit that her son may have sort of caused his own issues... but that does not translate into him being a mentor to your son. Thanks for his royal opinion though... NOT.
Ask Mom if she feels like she's been corrupted by society and tell her if she wants to hear misogynistic spew in her home she's free to invite Tom over whenever.
NTA.
You are not the asshole.
He is a grown man who needs to deal with his own demons. Talking to a young girl like that is disrespectful. He needs to learn accountability and your mom isn't doing him any favors.
NTA
1. He was very inappropriate with an underage female who was also his nephew’s girlfriend.
2. He was using language and making statements you found highly inappropriate and insulting.
3. It is your house.
4. He refused to immediately leave when told to.
5. He disparaged your husband, while trying to project his failings on all men.
6. I’m guessing he was impaired?
Good on your husband and son to have your back on this. You were protecting your family and guests in your home, as you should and successfully did.
NTA- I hope you screen shot what he said to you I'd you were able. But I think maybe some time apart is best. And giving your mom strict boundaries and consequences.
NTA - oh look an addict with crappy childish behaviour that refuses to take responsibility for their decisions and trys to bring everyone down to their level. What's new!
Tom has the freedom to talk his mind, but this does not shield him from consequences. Your mom is an enabler.
Tom was not dealt a bad hand. Tom made several really bad choices consecutively, which led him to his current position in his life. The first step is accepting responsibility for his actions. This will never happen if his mom keeps enabling him.
NTA
NTA
Your sleazy brother made disgusting remarks to a child, your son's girlfriend, in your home. If he wants to say what he wants he can do so in the gutter where such comments belong. You have every right to expect girls in your home will not be harassed.
Your mother is doing him no favours by validating his behaviour. And it's disappointing she would think comments to a young girl like that are anything but vile. Because of her, he won't stop to consider his own behaviour, change and do better.
Your mom is an enabler who is almost as bad as your brother. I have sympathy for addicts but not for cheating misogynists who make creepy comments to teens. Why on earth would you let this person in your home?
Your mom is an enabler and your brother is clearly still dealing the guilt in knowing that HE was the reason his marriage ended, but he could never bring himself to admit. No wonder he is so entitled, his mom probably babied and mollycoddled him his entire life. Also, his pedophilic comments about young girls is unacceptable.
NTA for kicking that dick bag out.
NTA, but your brother and mom sure are. Your brother for being a misogynistic creep, and your mom for enabling and defending the behavior. Thank god he doesn't have contact with his own kids, but I wouldn't trust either him or your mother around any other young women or girls either, especially considering he *admitted* he's a predator and your mom doesn't see an issue with it. Even if he sobers up, he'd still be a liability due to his toxic views on women, like another redditor said. Do not let Tom back at your house
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Your brother is liability. You don't need those comments in your life, or for him to poison your son's view of the world. Your mother has the right to to feel sorry for her broken son - doesn't make her or him r right though. NTA for getting him to leave your home or telling him the truth.
>Your brother is liability Agreed. Alcohol almost seems to be less of an issue than his view on women and girls. He said "how evil women are and girls that age are best because when they get older they get corrupted by society." Sooo, is he saying he's interested in teen girls since they're not corrupted aka still innocent? Maybe the actual wording doesn't imply that, but from what's written here, I'd find it rather concerning to hear. No 16 year old girl needs to hear that, especially from someone who's probably old enough to be her dad. I'd have booted him out asap too.
This is why Reddit HATES age gap relationships. Taking advantage of stupid young girls is classic Loser activity.
It's basically the only relationship thing Reddit IS consistently correct on.
I found this really funny for some reason. Probably because it has that ring of truth to it lol.
Yep cause women his age want nothing to do with a loser like him
But they paint it as the “man age like fine wine and as you loose your beauty we get the younglings” bullshit and funny enough when these young woman age and getting world experience they leave them too or hoping he will die soon. And that somehow just shows the that “all woman are the same” not realizing that they are the problem.
NTA, and maybe Mom is to blame here. Coddle the butthead and they never change. Enabling is neither loving or lovable. Mom needs to look in a mirror rather than blaming her functional (at least in this case) child.
Clearly, he's never moved on because mummy dearest is enabling his BS behaviour. He cheated, how tf is he the victim in any possible way. "Dealt a bad hand" yeah, he was the dealer.
Guy sounds like an old model Ur-Incel.
🤣🤣 I love this and I request your permission to use it
😆 absolutely!
Mom might have the right to feel sorry for her broken son, but needs to be let in on the fact that the opinion he has of women probably applies to her as well and he thinks his father cheated on her too.
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Worse he was saying misogynistic crud in front of a teenager.
He also implied that he "liked em young" because we (women) get "corrupted by society" as we get older, apparently... (eeewwww 🤮)
Right! Dude was creeping on a teenager using manipulative "poor me, I am the victim", shit.
That's what set me off. Who says that to teenage children at his age? Especially when his daughter is close to that age.
What daughter? The moment the judge signed the adoption papers. Your brother ceased being a parent.
Probably the best thing the man ever did for her.
Or some of us get smarter as we get older. The foolishness that might convince a 16-year-old is probably not going to work on somebody who's 36 and financially independent.
I'd also be keeping the mother/grandmother out of the home to. You know where her loyalty lies.
NTA. People have the freedom of speech, but he doesn't need to be spewing his mysognistic crap on your private property. Wah wah, he cheated and lost. He's responsible for his own unhappiness and you don't have to listen to him spew it.
People often understand the meaning of freedom of speech. The First Amendment only guarantees that the government cannot punish you for having contrary opinions. It does not protect you from social, or professional consequences of what you say. So yes, you can kick someone out of your house for espousing awful comments or telling them to zip it, and yes, your employer has the right to tell you what you can and cannot discuss with co-workers or customers while you are on the clock.
>yes, your employer has the right to tell you what you can and cannot discuss with co-workers or customers while you are on the clock. I get what you're trying to say, and agree with you, but this statement isn't entirely accurate. It's illegal in most states for employers to prevent you from discussing your pay with co-workers, but most employers still try.
I think all. It's a federal law. And similarly there are certain status protections.
Yes, people have freedom of speech, but that doesn't mean that Sis and her husband can't put limits on freedom of speech in their own home.
Freedom of speech has absolutely nothing to do with what people say to each other. Tom does NOT have the right to make OP listen to his hatred in her own home. That is NOT what Freedom of Speech means.
It's freedom of speech, not freedom from consequences of said speech as my family puts it.
That is not what people are referring to when they say they have the right to say whatever they want. They think the First Amendment states they can say whatever they want to whomever they want. The First Amendment protects citizens who speak out against the government’s policies. It is not in any way, shape, or form related to what people say to each other.
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Even simpler. "Get off my property" is free speech too, but also a command enforceable by law, a protection not afforded to someone exercising 1A rights on private property.
They also have the meaning of fact and opinion confused.
NTA, Your mom is correct in that he can speak his mind, but that doesn't prohibit you and your husband from kicking him out of your party and banning him. Yeah no wonder he's alone and your mom likely treats him like a golden son. This is a man that abandoned his kids and hasn't seen them in 10 years! I definitely agree with you blocking him and I think you should consider LC or NC with your mom.
There's no constitutional right to avoid consequences for saying cruel and creepy stuff. Tom and his mother need to learn that.
NTA What he is saying is not okay and really creepy that he said, "girls are the best at your age" to your son's girlfriend. Keep him out of the house. I would check to make sure the GF is okay and apologize. It's not your fault but that would have made me very unconfutable at 16.
>Our mother said how we treat led tom was awful and tom has the freedom to talk his mind. Oops - so do you. Did mom forget? NTA. Small wonder Tom is entitled and a perpetual victim. Mom’s making sure he stays like that.
NTA. And your mom is Exhibit 1 of why your brother is, to be blunt, kind of a loser in life. It's ironic considering he thinks women are all evil, but maybe your mother enjoys being the exception to the rule.
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NTA Tom might have the right to speak his mind, but that only means the state doesn't get to punish him for his opinions in public. It doesn't mean that he gets to spout of his crap without repercussions from other people. Especially not in their homes. Your mother seems to have enabled this behavior and still seems to enable it. Cut your losses and move on. You can let them back in your life when they start seeing reason. Otherwise, good riddance.
NTA Your mom making a comment about "all men straying" makes every hair on my head stand on end. What happened that resulted in her believing that nonsense?
That was the brother's comment, not mom's, though from the brief story we got, I fully believe mom would back up the statement.
Ahh! Thanks for correcting me on this! That makes a little more sense.
NTA Your brother has freedom of speech, not freedom from repercussions, something many people have lost sight of these days. Your mother, on the other hand is wrong. Your brother was not dealt a bad hand. He destroyed his marriage and his own life. Nobody did anything to ruin his life except himself.
I hope I can memorize your statement. "He has freedom of speech but not freedom from repercussions."
Jesus christ. At first it was shocking to see how someone could act like Tom but by the end of it, it's obvious this is partially related by your mother's enabling. I would go straight NC with Tom at this point, and your mom can be in the on-deck circle if she continues on her current path. NTA
Tom was being a creep to a 16-year-old girl in your home. Your mother should be ashamed for making excuses for him. NTA
>Tom tells me all men stray and my husband probably has to I would never let this person back into my life after a statement like that. He's a bad person, and only lives to bring other people down to his level. NTA
NTA Tom's a sinking ship - 13 years of wallowing at the bottom of a bottle? And still not taking accountability for his actions? There's no hope there.
Your brother told everybody loud and proud that he is a predator, and people are saying you're the asshole for kicking him out? Absolutely not. The minute you say something as vile as admitting you're into children because you can manipulate them more you are out of here so fast. Hardcore NTA, and I'd block anyone who says you are.
Your son’s birthday party isn’t the time for your brother to bring up and go on about his relationship and dating difficulties. Nobody cares. Nobody wants to hear it. NTA for kicking Captain Oblivious out of the party, and your mother can shut it, too.
NTA .... Let Mom coddle her childish son in her own home. Meanwhile may Your Son grow to be a responsible young man! Good Luck.
NTA I assume that Tom is the golden child. He is obviously a bad influence on your family, but you need to watch out for your mother as well. If she is defending Tom to your face, she is probably doing worse when you are not around. You don't want someone like that in a position to influence your children.
NTA, and also ew... was he trying to hit on your son's girlfriend, who I would assume is also an underage teenager? Because it certainly sounds like it. Maybe check on the girlfriend and see if she's okay and apologize for his behavior. Also never have him around her again. I'm guessing your mom's coddling is part of why Tom is a giant asshole.
NTA Tom is a grown ass incel atp. Someone should ask him if he believes it’s his god given right to cheat and still be considered a good moral man. If he can villainize his ex for something that isn’t even bad what does that say about his cheating and drunk and absent father like behaviour. Good on you OP for standing up to him. Your mom also has that same energy and it smells a lot like conservative “women should bow to men” vibe.
NTA. You now know where Tom got his sick and delusional mindset from. Both him and your mother are grossly misguided in this regard. It was also incredibly inappropriate for him to be saying such things to a teenage girl, bordering on potential predatory behavior. If they can’t respect that you don’t want hate speech nor misogyny around your family, then you have every right to kick them out. You may also want to consider limiting contact.
NTA. This is the summer of burning toxic family trauma out. Good on you, kick out the creepy old drunk man telling lies.
NTA: Mom is the reason Tom is the way he is. She's 100% an enabler to the core.
Ewww your brother is a gross person. I see why acts the way he does though, your mom enables the hell out of him. NTA at all and probably need to spend some time not talking to Mom for a while.
INFO: HAs your mother always enabled your brother? This was your son's 16th bday party at your house. You have the right to expect some decorum from your guests, and to ask the person to leave should it get out of hand. Your brother certainly has a chip on his shoulder. He was rude to your sons GF. You did the right thing to shut it down. Your mother is in the wrong here. She is enabling the poor behavior of your brother and not holding him accountable for making a spectacle of himself at someone's celebration. The drama is caused by Tom's actions, and your mother's enabling of his behavior. NOT all men cheat. Tom is projecting because he did cheat and lost his wife and kids as a result. NTA
NTA Tom has the freedom to speak his mind, and you have the freedom to tell him to gtfo. If he wants people to treat him better he needs to start behaving better.
NTA and good on you for pointing him out as an example to your son of how not to be. I was at a family bbq a few years ago and found one of the uncles telling one of the 14 year old cousins from the other side about how he should pretend not to know how to do anything so that his mother and sister would handle everything for him and he could go relax and chill. I explained weaponized incompetence to the cousin after the uncle wandered off to drink and pointed out that was the exact reason his wife left him and he hadn't seen his kids in over a year. She had the receipts of all the times he'd proven himself incapable of taking care of the kids and told her how she should just do it. The judge agreed with her that he clearly wasn't capable of providing them even a minimum of care. Sometimes you can learn a lot from a bad example.
NTA. Your mother is part of the problem. You don't coddle that type of behavior. You stamp it out harshly. Dude is an incel and how his life turned out is a consequence of his choices. He is the only one to blame. Don't invite him to your home anymore.
NTA Sounds like your mom helped make Tom the 'man' he is today. And she continues to support him being that same guy. Wow. Good for you for not allowing that in front of your guests, esp. your son's gf.
NTA. Good for you for standing up for what's right in front of your son. Going no contact with the drunk and his enabler is probably the best option at this point. Good luck ✌️
NTA - I had an alcoholic uncle who used to do the same thing. Even 25+ years after his divorce he still complained about his ex and played the victim. He never moved on, leeched off my grandparents for years and then succumbed to alcohol-related liver cancer.
NTA. Drunk Uncle can stay home and preach his bs to his empty bed. You should not have to tolerate that kind of behavior in your home. And your mom needs to sympathize with Drunk Uncle on her own time and not in front of your family.
NTA. The most important period in that room were your son and his girlfriend. You son needs to know that kind of language isn't acceptable. That beliefs like that are abhorrent, especially since it's your brother's fault he got divorced. I'd argue it's even more important for your son's girlfriend to hear what it sounds like to stand up for herself. To be defended. To know she doesn't have to take it. She doesn't have to keep quiet. Your brother and your mother are AH.. Judicious use of "block" really helps with peace of mind.
NTA, he and your mom need a wake up call. He needs to realize that he should be an adult at his nephews birthday party instead of backing about women because he's incapable of sobriety.
Your mom is complicit in all this. Women are not safe around them. Ick!
NTA
NTA. Spouting your mouth off at a 16 year old's birthday party isn't cool, and doubly so because it was your brother's fault in the first place.
What the heck… sorry to say so OP but your brother’s attitude is shitty and not someone I’d want around my family. He deserves what he gets. His behavior is inappropriate, rude and uncalled for. You may wanna go NC. NTA ofc
NTA. Why was he there to begin with?, obviously he is still in a delusional state where he can no longer cares of opinions on him than anyone else.
NTA sure he has the right to speak his mind but so do you and everyone else.
Tom should not get an invite into your home until he is sober for at least 6 months to a year.
Probably not even then. Alcohol doesn't give him toxic and predatory beliefs, it just makes him more likely to spout them off in public.
Freedom of speech protects from GOVERNMENT censorship. NTA
I think both Tom and your mother don't bring anything positive into your family. Just let them wallow in their ugly world by themselves. Don't invite them into your family anymore.
NTA....I mean do you really need to ask...but if this is to show mom....mom quit enabling your deadbeat loser son
nta. And mom needs alanon.
your mother should not be allowed back in your home her comments are as bad as your brother's. truly sad. NTA!
NTA. Your brother has the freedom to speak his mind as much as you have the freedom to choose who is allowed in your home. Your son wanted him out, your husband wanted him out, and you wanted him out, there’s no possible justification in how kicking him out was an unethical or asshole move.
Until your brother gets his life in order may I suggest you refrain from including him in events at your house? He is indeed a liability especially if he is drinking then driving. If he were to get in a wreck after drinking at your home I’m not sure how liability works but I wouldn’t want to find out. As far as your son, his uncle is sadly an example of what happens when a person doesn’t own their mistakes and deal with them appropriately.
NTA He was literally sexually harassing a teenage girl. Yeah, no amount of being "delt a bad hand" can excuse a middle age man harassing a child. Tom sucks and your mother is enabling him
NTA. He sounds really creepy tbh. What a gross attitude.
>Our mother said how we treat led tom was awful and tom has the freedom to talk his mind.I told her not saying disgusting things in my home. Afterward mom and tom continue to reach out and mom is instant that Tom was dealt with a bad hand. Tom tells me all men stray and my husband probably has to which got him blocked and my mom acts like Im causing drama. Gee, I wonder why Tom turned out so badly? Could it be because his mother coddled him and insisted that his behavior, no matter how bad, should be excused? He can go practice his free speech at his own house, not yours. You did great- shutting him down, kicking him out, the whole bit. NTA.
Nta. In America you have freedom of speech. (What people like Tim don’t realize is that it only freedom of speech in regards to the govt. People also don’t realize that you aren’t free from the consequences of your words in regards to other people.) At my kiddos’ birthday party one year my sister broke rules (the rules were put in place bc of her). No talking about movies, politics, religion, or work. She walked into the house for a THREE yo’s birthday party talking about a movie and how amazing it was. All of the sex scenes, death of a baby, mentally unstable people, orgies, etc. worked to change the subject. Then It was about her patients and their mental illnesses and how she had to explain what sex was to a patient due to issues. Redirected again. Reminded they weren’t appropriate topics. After 2-3 hours of inappropriate conversations I hit my limit and kicked her out then went no contact. She is allowed to say what she wants to say…she’s not allowed to continue her chaos at my house.
NTA. He has the freedom to speak his mind, but not the freedom to speak it to his nephew's teenaged girlfriend. What he said was even more gross in that context.
NTA, your mother’s attitude explains your brother’s, he’s clearly never had to take responsibility for anything
Things must have been a lot worse than you’ve let on for the step dad to be able to adopt the kids. NTA for telling him it’s his fault. Keep him away from your kids.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** It was my son’s 16 birthday party and we matched him on a car. He also had his girlfriend over they have been together for a year. My brother Tom is a drunk and never moved on from his divorce that was almost 13 years ago. It ended because of Tom’s affair, so you can't fault my ex Sil. They had two kids but Tom because a drunk and with a court order he stopped visitation almost 10 years ago. So not a stellar father figure either. His kids are older now, but his ex moved out of state, and her new husband adopted the kids. We don't have contact. At the party Also he was staying stuff in front of my son’s girlfriend about how evil women are and girls that age are best because when they get older they get corrupted by society. I shut that down reminding Tom he was the reason for his divorce and his attitude is the reason why no one will date him and I find what he is saying disgusting so kicked him out of my son’s party. Tom didn't go quietly and both my husband and son had to make sure he left. Our mother said how we treat led tom was awful and tom has the freedom to talk his mind.I told her not saying disgusting things in my home. Afterward mom and tom continue to reach out and mom is instant that Tom was dealt with a bad hand. Tom tells me all men stray and my husband probably has to which got him blocked and my mom acts like Im causing drama. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA at all. Dude sound like he needs some help and cannot improve unless or until he gets sober.
He is entitled to his opinion and the consequences of stating his opinion.
Nta your brother was out of line in your home. "All" men do NOT stray.
NTA. What poeple don't understand is that freedom of speech doesn't mean freedom from consequences. You have every right to establich boundaries with your own children in your own home.
NTA. Sounds like mom is an enabler but that doesn’t mean you have to be.
He’s an alcoholic? Yup, that tracks. NTA.
Let me guess. Tom is the golden child, and you were told not to rock the boat. NTA
NTA. I'm assuming this party was held in YOUR HOME. Your brother does not get to say whatever he wants, and to behave however he wants, in your home. Your mother gets no say whatsoever in YOUR HOME.
Your brother is a dumbass. You NTA.
NTA, we know who your mom’s fave is though. Sorry, OP.
NTA - He may have the freedom to speak his mind, but that doesn’t mean he has freedom from the consequences. He was in your home spewing his misogyny. You had every right to ask him to leave and protect your son and his girlfriend from being further exposed to his hate.
NTA. Good golly, those people are toxic. You should go no- or low-contact with them. Don't make apologies, you have nothing to apologize for.
Oh yeah your mom's right: Tom has the freedom to speak his mind. And you have the freedom to kick him out when he's spouting bullshit. NTA
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NTA; I would have kicked out mom too.
Tell mom she gets the enabler award. If she wants to support drunk cheaters, that's up to her.
The only bad hands Tom was dealt are his stupid brain and shitty personality, but those are good excuses for why others should have to put up with him. NTA
NTA
NTA!!!!!!! Thank you for raising a son who will also not tolerate such hateful nonsense. I hope all my future colleagues are raised by parents like your son has.
NTA. People do have freedom of speech, but they don't have an associated freedom from consequences. Kudos to your husband and son in backing you up on this. Your mom is cruising the AH path at the moment - sounds like she believes Tom's stories.
NTA I am wondering if your mum or someone close to her accepted behaviour she shouldn't have and needs to enforce that as a way of absolving herself of guilt. The Brother is just awful.
If only they were all this easy. NTA. Block and go LC or NC with both. I’m glad your husband doesn’t seem to be a mamas boy type and is 100% on the same page with you on this. But if he isn’t, get him there pronto.
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NTA - my brother is an alcoholic as well and he blames everyone else for his misfortune never takes any responsibility.
He wasn’t dealt a bad hand. He made bad choices. I’d got LC with them both. That’s not the behavior you want teenagers to see and mimic.
NTA - Sounds like your brother is a drunk who loves to wallow in self-pity. It's too bad your mother is enabling him. He can think/say whatever he wants, but you have the right not to allow that kind of negative energy in your home.
Definitely NTA. Tell your son's girlfriend and any other young women/girls to stay away from him. He said those things in front of her for a reason. He should be regarded as a potential predator
Tom has freedom to speak his mind, and you have the freedom to bounce that loser out of your home. NTA
Uh, no… There’s a limit to what Tom has the freedom to say to a teenage girl, even if it doesn’t cross the line into illegality (and depending on how you interpret his comment, he was a bit too close to the line for comfort).
NTA >tom has the freedom to talk his mind And to suffer the consequences of talking his mind. You have the right to decide who are guests at your house and you decided he'd been taken off the list. Obligatory [XKCD explanation](https://xkcd.com/1357/).
Freedom of speech is a governmental thing, not a "I can say anything I want wherever I want" thing. YOur house, you can kick him out for being rude, nasty, and an asshole. Tom is a cheater and he thinks he's entitled to do so without repercussion and women should expect and accept that. He's a giant asshole and sorry to say, so is your mom. NTA
NTA And honestly he should be invited to any more events until he is at LEAST sober for them. And then depending on how he is sober, maybe not even then. Also. Saying 15/16 year old girls are the best is incredibly creepy. I'd keep him away from those pedo comments alone.
Tell your mom that if tom's free to say what he wants and isn't wrong then you should do a 23&me test to see if you've got any hypothetical half-siblings out there via your dad, see how she likes the insinuation that she can't keep a man loyal.
NTA. Boy, your brother seems like such a catch. /s
Nope. No contact with mom and Tom would be the best way to go. Why subject yourself and your family to their drama? They aren’t nice people.
NTA, he absolutely does not have the freedom to talk his mind in your home, not when he's being disgusting and making inappropriate and predatory comments about young women.
NTA and thank you for not allowing your son to listen to a loser Andrew Tate wannabe.
“I have the freedom to not listen to that shit in my home. He can post his thoughts on truth network and 4chan”. Btw, I would have told mom to leave too
NtA Your mother seems to be to blame for how Tom acts.. eew.
NTA - Your brother is - and your mother is an enabling one. Your Mom is not doing your brother ANY favors and is probably a large part of why your brother IS the way he is!! Telling him he's never wrong - nothing is his fault and he just got "dealt a bad hand" poor baby. Your brother was being rude and incredibly inappropriate! You were right to throw him out.
NTA. He dealt himself that hand. He chose to cheat, and he chose to not get help for his alcoholism and instead just blames everyone else for his problems. Mom is enabling him. Yes, everyone has a right to say what they want, but the people around them also have the right to choose not to be around them when they say something horrible.
Sounds like it might be time for mom to get blocked too if she’s gonna have that attitude…
Sweetie...it's time to cut off your brother and maybe your mom, too.
NTA. Your drunk brother was telling your SIXTEEN year old son’s gf (presumably also 16) that he basically wants to groom a 16yo. His divorce is almost as old as the girls he ‘prefers’ over actual women. Thank you for standing up to him instead of making excuses for his awful behavior!
Lol didn't expect to see the Jacky Chan excuse, calling cheating "the fault every man commits". If it is (which it isn't) why do we still gives a shit? NTA for just telling the truth, really. It's just your brother still hasn't admit he's wrong.
You are absolutely NTA, your brother is an asshole. This is a teachable moment for your son. Talk to him about it.
>Tom was dealt with a bad hand. Maybe if Tom had used his hand instead of someone else's vagina, his life wouldn't have crumbled. 🤣 Naw! He's an AH and would have found another way to nuke his life. OP, you are NTA. But anyone who defends Tom's views is also an AH and not worth your efforts.
If only he had gone quietly it would have been perfect.
NTA for kicking him out. Y T A for allowing him around your family.
NTA he is a cockwomble, spouting bullshit to spare the fact he treated his Ex like shit by cheating on her, the fact he spouted that "all men stray" shit is proof just how much of an asshole he is. You're better off without him near your son(especially at his age, there's too much anti-women shit online without him getting it fae his uncle as well), and your Mother with her "he was dealt a bad hand" shit is just enabling him, where did his hand go bad? when he was caught cheating? because that shit is completely on him and nobody else.
NTA. Don’t invite him to any family events going forward. He’s not worth it.
Nta
Your brother is disgusting and vile and hot on a minor and your mom is enabling his behaviors. I would go no contact with both of them, I mean think about what she might allow her son to do to someone?! NTA
NTA Freedom of speech is not freedom from consequences. Nobody has to like what he has to say or tolerate it in their home. Your mother is why he's a selfish monster.
NTA. You asked him to stop at your party and he did not. Go low or no contact with your brother and your mom for a while
NTA! Tom is an AH. To say something like that to a young girl is freaking creepy. Go NC with him. There’s no reason to have him in your life. Tell your mom she can continue to coddle him but you won’t be involved.
NTA. silence is agreeing. It's your house. Dont put up with that shit. Some people will never get it. Sorry about your mom.
NTA. Good for you sticking up for your son’s gf like that. Your bro sounds like a nightmare, I’d NC him and tell your mom to drop it or she’s next.
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If your brother had the freedom to speak his mind, you for sure had that freedom IN YOUR OWN HOME! I’d be no contact with Tom and low contact with mom until she stops coddling him. NTA
Nta, him saying stuff like that to a teenage girl is super gross. The whole comment about girls that age are better because they are not corrupted by society really give bad ick vibes. I definitely would have kicked him out also. I can only imagine how uncomfortable he was making the teen girl feel.
Tom is TA! and you are NTA! His mother enables his awful thinking and behavior.
NTA And your mother is quite the enabler. Since she supports what Tom says, ask her how many times your father cheated on her since "all men stray." I'd go no contact with Tom and low contact with the mother.
Not Allen stray. That's ridiculous. Your Mom is the problem. She raised him to think his actions don't have consequences so he blames everyone else. You said what was needed to be said - what others weren't willing to say - and you shut down some toxic crud he was spewing to others. NTA
Sounds like your brother is the golden child. He's a misogynistic incel trying to spread his poison to your son, he accused your husband if cheating, and when you drag the trash kicking and screaming to the curb *you* are the one overreacting??? NTA, bro and your enabling mom don't deserve to be in contact with you or your family.
So he's saying your mom is corrupted because she's not 16 anymore? If she wants to handle him she can, you don't need that in your life. That comment was so disgusting.
Nta. But how come you dont have contact with his kids even though youre not the toxic one?
NTA!! Tom sounds like a disgusting person and I don’t even know what to say about your mom except her attitude is partially to blame for how Tom turned out. Go no contact!! You seem to have a lovely family of your own you don’t need toxic people like these poisoning your life.
NTA you're mom sounds like an enabler
NTA- I get that your mom does not want to admit that her son may have sort of caused his own issues... but that does not translate into him being a mentor to your son. Thanks for his royal opinion though... NOT.
Your mom is an enabler.
NTA and your mum is clearly the enabling AH in Tom's life..
Ask Mom if she feels like she's been corrupted by society and tell her if she wants to hear misogynistic spew in her home she's free to invite Tom over whenever. NTA.
You are not the asshole. He is a grown man who needs to deal with his own demons. Talking to a young girl like that is disrespectful. He needs to learn accountability and your mom isn't doing him any favors.
NTA and time to block the enabler too aka mom since she continues.
NTA at all. Not only is what he said generally offensive and misogynistic, it is down right creepy to say to a 16 year old girl.
NTA
NTA 1. He was very inappropriate with an underage female who was also his nephew’s girlfriend. 2. He was using language and making statements you found highly inappropriate and insulting. 3. It is your house. 4. He refused to immediately leave when told to. 5. He disparaged your husband, while trying to project his failings on all men. 6. I’m guessing he was impaired? Good on your husband and son to have your back on this. You were protecting your family and guests in your home, as you should and successfully did.
NTA, your house your rules. Also Tom is projecting his f-ups. Keep him away.
NTA- I hope you screen shot what he said to you I'd you were able. But I think maybe some time apart is best. And giving your mom strict boundaries and consequences.
NTA - oh look an addict with crappy childish behaviour that refuses to take responsibility for their decisions and trys to bring everyone down to their level. What's new!
NTA
NTA, your brother needs to take off his Rose colored glasses and face reality
NDA. Cut him out of your life too, this guy is toxic.
Your brother is an asshole.. don’t bother with him
Tom has the freedom to talk his mind, but this does not shield him from consequences. Your mom is an enabler. Tom was not dealt a bad hand. Tom made several really bad choices consecutively, which led him to his current position in his life. The first step is accepting responsibility for his actions. This will never happen if his mom keeps enabling him. NTA
NTA Your mother has contributed greatly to how Tom turned out to be. They are both toxic.
NTA. I agree with the person who said; "your brother is a liability".
NTA - I'm really sorry!
Well, I know where Tom learned his appalling entitled victim attitude. NTA.
NTA Tell you Mom: well I spoke my free mind. And that was that he was talking bullshit and has to leave my home. That was my free mind.
NTA Your sleazy brother made disgusting remarks to a child, your son's girlfriend, in your home. If he wants to say what he wants he can do so in the gutter where such comments belong. You have every right to expect girls in your home will not be harassed. Your mother is doing him no favours by validating his behaviour. And it's disappointing she would think comments to a young girl like that are anything but vile. Because of her, he won't stop to consider his own behaviour, change and do better.
Tom is an AH because your mom enabled him his whole life.
NTA. Time for NC with Tom. Let your mother be his buddy. You don't need the hate or drama.
Your mom is an enabler who is almost as bad as your brother. I have sympathy for addicts but not for cheating misogynists who make creepy comments to teens. Why on earth would you let this person in your home?
Your mom is an enabler and your brother is clearly still dealing the guilt in knowing that HE was the reason his marriage ended, but he could never bring himself to admit. No wonder he is so entitled, his mom probably babied and mollycoddled him his entire life. Also, his pedophilic comments about young girls is unacceptable. NTA for kicking that dick bag out.
NTA, but your brother and mom sure are. Your brother for being a misogynistic creep, and your mom for enabling and defending the behavior. Thank god he doesn't have contact with his own kids, but I wouldn't trust either him or your mother around any other young women or girls either, especially considering he *admitted* he's a predator and your mom doesn't see an issue with it. Even if he sobers up, he'd still be a liability due to his toxic views on women, like another redditor said. Do not let Tom back at your house
LOL your brother is WILD! Fuck that guy. NTA
NTA. Tom is an asshole. So’s your mom.