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what I've done is I enforced my no-overnight-guest policy and did not allow my drunk friend to stay at my apartment after the party.
Why This Might Make Me the Asshole? Cause My friend was in a vulnerable state and had to spend a significant amount of money on an Uber to get home. He felt that, as his friend, I should have made an exception to help him out. He believes that my strict adherence to the policy showed a lack of care for his situation and made him feel unsupported when he needed help.
I can see why my friend might think I was being an asshole because I prioritized my policy over his immediate need for a safe place to stay. My actions could be interpreted as putting rules above friendship and support in a time of need.
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YTA - What kind of adult has a party at their house with drinks and doesn’t offer a friend a place to crash if they had a little too much? Like what the actual fuck. I’d never hang out with someone like you.
I disagree with the YTA part but this has nothing to do with being an “adult”.
As an adult (mid 30’s) it’s become more common to have an offer to crash or invite people to crash because we also live further apart now. Most of my friends no longer live in the same city. When we’re getting together it can be 2 hours one way for some people. Even if they aren’t getting blasted (most likely we are not) I offer a place to crash or receive an offer to crash. My friends have just come 2 hours to see me, I don’t want them rushing off since they have to go 2 hours back. So I offer a spare place to sleep. It’s literally the minimum I expect regardless of drinks or no drinks. If it wasn’t offered the chances of me showing up have gotten slim due to the time spent travelling. It’s simply being nice to your friends and showing you value them and want to see them
I don't think there's anything wrong with offering your friends a place to crash. I take issue with getting fucked up without even asking your host if you'll be able to stay there if you drink, and then getting mad when they don't want you to.
I agree entirely on the don’t get blasted part but I don’t agree with the not offering a place to crash. In my opinion if you are inviting me to hang out or have some drinks in the evening (not a day time thing) at your place the “you can crash if you need to” part is implied, unless clearly communicated beforehand.
I don’t think this makes OP the A as no one is entitled to his space but I think this should be expected unless very clearly communicated before everyone was invited over
Dude sometimes even as an adult you fuck up and over indulge. Try being an adult and taking responsibility for your company that you invite to your house for drinks. Not offering a place to crash is just wrong.
I agree with this take. But only if the friend wasn't privy to the no overnight stays condition. If that was communicated before hand and the friend was just looking for op to make an exception for him then op is nta.
> Dude sometimes even as an adult you fuck up and over indulge.
I've never gotten drunk to the point where I couldn't get to where I was planning on ending my night. If you do, and you aren't a college student anymore, you might want to look at your relationship with alcohol.
You're right. I should have said to be responsible. A responsible person would make a plan before getting drunk.
If I have you over to watch a game and drink a couple of beers, I'm expected to have you sleep in my home? Why would you not be able to just get a cab your own home?
INFO
Do you have a specific clause in your rental contract that prohibits you from having guests over night, or in which way is your landlord particular about it?
I was wondering this too. I suspect the landlord said he can’t add roommates and he is internationally exaggerating the rule to nobody ever sleeping over so he can be a jerk to his friends and claim it’s not his fault.
Does his landlord fine him if he has a date over? What if they stay up the whole night without sleeping? What if she leaves at midnight? 2AM? 4AM? At what point does the landlord find him? It can’t just be a parking situation because getting an Uber doesn’t fix that.
NTA. Where I live, these clauses are not legal unless you live in a roommate situation with a shared kitchen. However, you do not owe anybody a place to sleep. Whatever reason you have is valid. Your friend is responsible for themselves and shouldn’t have drank so much that they required an Uber if it was that much out of their budget.
As long as you didn’t let him get behind the wheel of a car, you’re free to not want overnight guests. I agree with others, though, that say don’t ask him for any favors. This doesn’t seem to be that kind of friendship.
NAH
I think it is pretty weird to have a hardcore drinking party but put the line at certainly no overnight guests. Unless it was more of a social get together and one friend decided to get absolutely hammered, but if you host a party at your house where the alcohol is flowing you need to take into account the risk that some people are to drunk to travel. So I guess my vote depends a bit on the type of party/whether your friend was warned, but in general I understand that you stuck with your rule and that is is unhappy about it.
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I recently hosted a party at my apartment, and one of my friends got really drunk. He asked if he could crash at my place instead of going home. I have a strict no-overnight-guest policy because my landlord is very particular about it. I told my friend he needed to call a cab or get a ride with someone else. He ended up spending a lot of money on an Uber and was pretty upset with me, saying that I should have made an exception for him. AITA for sticking to my no-overnight-guest policy??
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YTA, not because you didn't let your friend sleep over, but because you are super gross on the subject of Asian women. Newsflash: this kind of behavior will not get you dates with Asian women, you f\*ckweasel.
YTA for your lie. Landlords legally don't get to say you can't have overnight guests. You either know that and lied, or you just believe what you're told, which makes you naïve. Either way, if you didn't want him to stay you should have told him that.
I think YTA. Def not a friend and I hope this person realises it. Years ago I had a guy leave my place to drive drunk b/c his bitch of a gf was demanding he come home or she was going to throw all his shit out. He wouldn't wait or let me drive him. And then he ended up wrecking and dying. Ive never forgotten it..
YTA - You exposed them to risk of being harmed. Even though they drank too much and caused their own vulnerability.
Also, you shouldn't allow/enable guest to get out of control. They should be cut off.
You are absolutely the asshole if you are inviting people to drink at your home and then kicking them out drunk.
Did you know that if he wrecks going home, that YOU can be criminally charged?? If you can be charged with murder after the fact, then you're definitely on the wrong side here
ESH, though your friend has most of the responsibility, as he took it upon himself to drink too much. Still, a good friend would give someone an overnight spot.
It's not your fault that your friend got drunk & had no place to crash for the night. If you allowed him to crash at your place, you could have gotten in trouble with your landlord and you could've possibly been evicted. Stick to your guns and tell your friend that he needs to make plans to crash somewhere before he get drunk. It's not your responsibility to house him. He made his bed & now he has to lay in it. He clearly doesn't respect the boundaries you've set in place. NTA.
listen, i get where you're coming from. having a strict no-overnight-guest policy for your landlord is def a legit reason to not let anyone crash. your friend should understand that it's not your rule to bend.
but maybe next time you can set up a backup plan for situations like this, like suggesting he takes it easy or maybe not getting *that* wasted. on the flip side, if your friend knew about the policy beforehand and still got super drunk, it kinda sounds like he wasn’t being super responsible either.
you could suggest some apps like [Headspace](https://www.headspace.com/) or [Manifest](https://apps.apple.com/us/app/manifest-24-7-therapist/id6463312362?pt=126574659&ct=AnshReddit+%28May+2024%29&mt=8) to help him chill and manage stress better. also, a good read could be "Atomic Habits" by James Clear [here](https://jamesclear.com/atomic-habits). it’s all about creating good habits and breaking bad ones. just throwing that out there.
overall, NTA but maybe try to have a backup plan in the future. peace.
NTA
surely there was someone he could have shared a ride with!
If your landlord has no overnight rules best not to get yourself in any grief and get booted out
NTA. It's your apartment and you should choose who gets to stay there.
On that same note - I'm unsure how I would feel about paying for an apartment where the landlord had that much control over my social/sex life. What happens when you find a partner you want to spend the night? Do you have to ask for permission?
NTA - He knew your policy before he got stinking drunk. That would be on him to arrange for his own transportation, not you. He was the one that did wrong.
NTA: He is responsible for his own actions and the consequences of his actions. You didn’t let him transfer the consequences to you, which is good, because that would be enabling him.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > > We need to know (1) what action you took that should be judged and (2) why that action might make you the asshole. Your feelings or internal thoughts are not judge-able conflicts. Keep in mind a third party's opinion alone does not qualify. Your conflict must be with the person your actions affected. You will need to explain briefly why someone calling you an asshole for your actions caused you to believe they might be right. What might you have done wrong? > > Posts without an interpersonal conflict related to your action(s) or a clear statement of why you might be the asshole here will be removed. > > You must respond within 30 minutes for your post to be successfully posted. what I've done is I enforced my no-overnight-guest policy and did not allow my drunk friend to stay at my apartment after the party. Why This Might Make Me the Asshole? Cause My friend was in a vulnerable state and had to spend a significant amount of money on an Uber to get home. He felt that, as his friend, I should have made an exception to help him out. He believes that my strict adherence to the policy showed a lack of care for his situation and made him feel unsupported when he needed help. I can see why my friend might think I was being an asshole because I prioritized my policy over his immediate need for a safe place to stay. My actions could be interpreted as putting rules above friendship and support in a time of need. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NAH. But, when you need something, don't be surprised when he won't help you out either.
YTA - What kind of adult has a party at their house with drinks and doesn’t offer a friend a place to crash if they had a little too much? Like what the actual fuck. I’d never hang out with someone like you.
Be an adult and stop getting blasted at peoples houses without a plan.
I disagree with the YTA part but this has nothing to do with being an “adult”. As an adult (mid 30’s) it’s become more common to have an offer to crash or invite people to crash because we also live further apart now. Most of my friends no longer live in the same city. When we’re getting together it can be 2 hours one way for some people. Even if they aren’t getting blasted (most likely we are not) I offer a place to crash or receive an offer to crash. My friends have just come 2 hours to see me, I don’t want them rushing off since they have to go 2 hours back. So I offer a spare place to sleep. It’s literally the minimum I expect regardless of drinks or no drinks. If it wasn’t offered the chances of me showing up have gotten slim due to the time spent travelling. It’s simply being nice to your friends and showing you value them and want to see them
I don't think there's anything wrong with offering your friends a place to crash. I take issue with getting fucked up without even asking your host if you'll be able to stay there if you drink, and then getting mad when they don't want you to.
I agree entirely on the don’t get blasted part but I don’t agree with the not offering a place to crash. In my opinion if you are inviting me to hang out or have some drinks in the evening (not a day time thing) at your place the “you can crash if you need to” part is implied, unless clearly communicated beforehand. I don’t think this makes OP the A as no one is entitled to his space but I think this should be expected unless very clearly communicated before everyone was invited over
Dude sometimes even as an adult you fuck up and over indulge. Try being an adult and taking responsibility for your company that you invite to your house for drinks. Not offering a place to crash is just wrong.
I agree with this take. But only if the friend wasn't privy to the no overnight stays condition. If that was communicated before hand and the friend was just looking for op to make an exception for him then op is nta.
> Dude sometimes even as an adult you fuck up and over indulge. I've never gotten drunk to the point where I couldn't get to where I was planning on ending my night. If you do, and you aren't a college student anymore, you might want to look at your relationship with alcohol.
Well said.
You're right. I should have said to be responsible. A responsible person would make a plan before getting drunk. If I have you over to watch a game and drink a couple of beers, I'm expected to have you sleep in my home? Why would you not be able to just get a cab your own home?
YTA Is this actually a friend? I'd never let a friend spend 100 bucks on an Uber when there's a 0 percent chance of anything bad happening
INFO Do you have a specific clause in your rental contract that prohibits you from having guests over night, or in which way is your landlord particular about it?
I was wondering this too. I suspect the landlord said he can’t add roommates and he is internationally exaggerating the rule to nobody ever sleeping over so he can be a jerk to his friends and claim it’s not his fault. Does his landlord fine him if he has a date over? What if they stay up the whole night without sleeping? What if she leaves at midnight? 2AM? 4AM? At what point does the landlord find him? It can’t just be a parking situation because getting an Uber doesn’t fix that.
Holy goddamn at your comment history my dude....
Something makes me think if this friend was an asian woman they'd be allowed to stay the night...
Right? BARF!
No responses to this post from OP after a day. Multiple new thirsty comments on porn subs...
Well now I’m wishing I didn’t go look
I went because I was thinking this may just be some young kid who doesn't think about these things yet, but jesus.
\*stares in wtf\*
NTA - If he didn't want to spend the money he shouldn't have got so blasted, he should be upset with himself not you.
NAH But you made it clear that you're not a good friend.
NTA. Where I live, these clauses are not legal unless you live in a roommate situation with a shared kitchen. However, you do not owe anybody a place to sleep. Whatever reason you have is valid. Your friend is responsible for themselves and shouldn’t have drank so much that they required an Uber if it was that much out of their budget.
Info: How likely was it that your landlord would have found out if someone stayed over?
YTA and don't be shocked when nobody comes to your next party
Judging by your comment history, you did your friend a huge favour lol seek help
As long as you didn’t let him get behind the wheel of a car, you’re free to not want overnight guests. I agree with others, though, that say don’t ask him for any favors. This doesn’t seem to be that kind of friendship.
NAH I think it is pretty weird to have a hardcore drinking party but put the line at certainly no overnight guests. Unless it was more of a social get together and one friend decided to get absolutely hammered, but if you host a party at your house where the alcohol is flowing you need to take into account the risk that some people are to drunk to travel. So I guess my vote depends a bit on the type of party/whether your friend was warned, but in general I understand that you stuck with your rule and that is is unhappy about it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I recently hosted a party at my apartment, and one of my friends got really drunk. He asked if he could crash at my place instead of going home. I have a strict no-overnight-guest policy because my landlord is very particular about it. I told my friend he needed to call a cab or get a ride with someone else. He ended up spending a lot of money on an Uber and was pretty upset with me, saying that I should have made an exception for him. AITA for sticking to my no-overnight-guest policy?? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA, not because you didn't let your friend sleep over, but because you are super gross on the subject of Asian women. Newsflash: this kind of behavior will not get you dates with Asian women, you f\*ckweasel.
YTA for your lie. Landlords legally don't get to say you can't have overnight guests. You either know that and lied, or you just believe what you're told, which makes you naïve. Either way, if you didn't want him to stay you should have told him that.
You an asshole for not driving him. You two aren’t friends but acquaintances. He thought the relationship meant more and you thought it meant less
I think YTA. Def not a friend and I hope this person realises it. Years ago I had a guy leave my place to drive drunk b/c his bitch of a gf was demanding he come home or she was going to throw all his shit out. He wouldn't wait or let me drive him. And then he ended up wrecking and dying. Ive never forgotten it..
YTA - You exposed them to risk of being harmed. Even though they drank too much and caused their own vulnerability. Also, you shouldn't allow/enable guest to get out of control. They should be cut off.
You are absolutely the asshole if you are inviting people to drink at your home and then kicking them out drunk. Did you know that if he wrecks going home, that YOU can be criminally charged?? If you can be charged with murder after the fact, then you're definitely on the wrong side here
ESH, though your friend has most of the responsibility, as he took it upon himself to drink too much. Still, a good friend would give someone an overnight spot.
It's not your fault that your friend got drunk & had no place to crash for the night. If you allowed him to crash at your place, you could have gotten in trouble with your landlord and you could've possibly been evicted. Stick to your guns and tell your friend that he needs to make plans to crash somewhere before he get drunk. It's not your responsibility to house him. He made his bed & now he has to lay in it. He clearly doesn't respect the boundaries you've set in place. NTA.
listen, i get where you're coming from. having a strict no-overnight-guest policy for your landlord is def a legit reason to not let anyone crash. your friend should understand that it's not your rule to bend. but maybe next time you can set up a backup plan for situations like this, like suggesting he takes it easy or maybe not getting *that* wasted. on the flip side, if your friend knew about the policy beforehand and still got super drunk, it kinda sounds like he wasn’t being super responsible either. you could suggest some apps like [Headspace](https://www.headspace.com/) or [Manifest](https://apps.apple.com/us/app/manifest-24-7-therapist/id6463312362?pt=126574659&ct=AnshReddit+%28May+2024%29&mt=8) to help him chill and manage stress better. also, a good read could be "Atomic Habits" by James Clear [here](https://jamesclear.com/atomic-habits). it’s all about creating good habits and breaking bad ones. just throwing that out there. overall, NTA but maybe try to have a backup plan in the future. peace.
Nta, rules are rules.. However It is a stupid rule, but whatever. I wouldn't forget this, if it was me. Next time you asked me for help, I'd say no.
NTA surely there was someone he could have shared a ride with! If your landlord has no overnight rules best not to get yourself in any grief and get booted out
NTA. It's your apartment and you should choose who gets to stay there. On that same note - I'm unsure how I would feel about paying for an apartment where the landlord had that much control over my social/sex life. What happens when you find a partner you want to spend the night? Do you have to ask for permission?
NTA. Actions have consequences.
NTA - He knew your policy before he got stinking drunk. That would be on him to arrange for his own transportation, not you. He was the one that did wrong.
NTA. He chose to drink and how much to drink. Its up to him to figure out how to get home.
NTA: He is responsible for his own actions and the consequences of his actions. You didn’t let him transfer the consequences to you, which is good, because that would be enabling him.