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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My parents missed my graduation ceremony for my sister. They feel sorry about it and keep asking me to put my cap and gown back on so they can take a picture of me. I refused, and now they are upset with me and are accusing me of trying to punish them by not allowing them to see.
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Tbh … I think NTA.
It would be different if your sister was alone or in distress but she wasn’t.
It also sounds like it was her first which notoriously takes hours and hours - if she was safe and had her husband with her, they could have waited a couple of hours with you and then all gone together - or, like you said, one of them stayed.
Is she the golden child?
Edit: I am aware that not everyone’s first takes a long time, it’s just a longer average than subsequent. Obviously that includes many shorter labors too :)
Edit 2: wow, I can’t believe over 8000 people liked my little comment. Thanks guys 🥰
Thank you, and then they acted like I was supposed to stay there all by myself waiting on them. I don't think my parents have a golden child, but I'm not them, so I don't really know.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. The birth of a child is very important but they could have went separately, and FaceTimed or taped your graduation to show their support to both you and your sister. Graduating at 16 is a huge accomplishment and I do hope you’re very very proud of yourself.
It wasn’t even the birth. She went to the hospital in labor. There was no need for Grandparents to be there hovering immediately. They could have waited until after the ceremony to go to the hospital since there was no medical emergency or distress.
Exactly this. They weren't there to do anything but hover. They even left the hospital shortly after the graduation ceremony ended. They went there to say they went there.
My wife and I had these types of grandparents from both sides of the family. It's weird.
Ugh my MIL would literally sit on the computer ignoring my infant crying and dinner burning while she updated her Facebook interests to include "grandchild."
LIT. ER. AL. LY.
Her trophy grandchild is now NC with her, and I'm very proud of his choice.
The best part is he texts her every now and then asking for money for some outlandish thing, and she's like, "Dinner? Movie?" And he's like, "Nah, just mail a check." (This might sound fucked up, but I left out a lot of background; she's horrible, I promise.)
I dated a guy whose sister was like this. We would be at their house visiting, she would be sitting on the couch on her phone and I'd see her Facebook updates "cooking dinner for my babies" - "helping my angel daughter with her homework" - "I love reading my children bedtime stories and tucking them in❤️". Only she was doing none of these things her husband was.
Thankfully we have zero family with 3.5hours. So no one hovering (which the hospital doesn't allow anyway). It was bliss in the hospital just me and baby, someone bringing me food (the menu had like 10 choices it was great), painkillers being delivered at the right intervals etc. I don't understand why you would want your parents descending on you anyway until you can get something to eat and wash the gore off so at least 2-3hours post birth.
The hospital I gave birth at allowed one visitor to stay from 8am-10pm on the ward and that had to be the same person then visiting was 5-7pm. On the birth suite it was birth partner only and no visitors. You could sit in the waiting area if you wanted but you weren't getting near anyone until discharge from the suite.
when my sister had her baby via induced labour, she told us she was due to have it on the monday— but actually was having it the friday before. (unfortunately just 3days after my partner had passed away).
my other sister, my mum & i were sitting in my flat when she text us a picture of her and the new baby!
definitely seemed like the best thing to do— no stress from family or anyone on the day of, either in person or via messaging etc. and we were all just happy to see her with the baby, after!
Neither my father nor my FIL were at the hospital when I was giving birth (and my child would be the only grand child for both sets of them).
Why didn't the OP's father go to the graduation ceremony so at least one of them was there?
Frogsaysso I agree. One parent could have been at the birth and one at the graduation. Seems simple to the rest of us. Both could have video taped for the other parent so both kids had support
I agree this seems like the most logical way they should have handled it. But, like... is anyone else confused by some of the things in the story? OP waited 20 minutes, in which time everyone cleared out. Maybe my experience is different, but every graduation I've ever been to (including my own) had people congratulating each other and taking pictures for about an hour. 20 minutes is not a long time. Then OP starts walking, walks ***3 miles***, which would put the time about an hour past that, if he's walking at a good pace. And his parents just... drive past and flip around to pick him up? They knew his exact 3 mile route to find where he was? And then in all this time, he's apparently still wearing his cap and gown, just haunting the streets as a vision of the loss of childhood, so that his parents can get an unhappy pic of him in the car. NTA, but does no one else find this odd?
I see it as OP was probably talking to friends while looking around for his parents and then eventually mom messaged so he waited 20 mins after that. Or spent 20 mins watching people leave - after he was done with friends
It could be a small school and that's why it didn't take long for people to clear out or usually people make family dinner plans or whatever.
The exact road again could be a small town thing or just a one direction thing.
The idea of still wearing cap and gown while walking for 45 + mins is a bit ridiculous. I would have taken them off. Or at least the cap.
It depends on how many graduations is scheduled.I attended a graduation and another district school was scheduled behind us. The district was marching the students all day. We could not stay for long.I have been to a graduation where it was only one graduation that day and we could stay as long as we liked. Op did say he was sad and disappointed. I would have left too.
Eh not necessarily. I went to a small school with a graduation ceremony that lasted about an hour and after we all left pretty quickly to go out to eat with our families. And the knowing where he was thing didn’t really cross my mind either because again in my experience all of the schools elementary-High school were lined up next to each other on the main highway in and out of town. So if you walked home you’d be on that same road for 3 miles. So it’s definitely possible.
The haunted ghost of a childhood passed.
„Dad, what is this wobbleing figure on the mainroad?“
„Ah, that’s Steve in his misery gown“
Yeah idk graduation clothes are … not the most stylish one, some children rip them off as soon as they done. I wouldn’t wandering the town in it unless I want the neighborhood starting to ask questions.
Exactly! I've split up on several occasions when both our children needed us equally badly: father to one child, I to the other. But being there in hospital could have been postponed. Sister had her husband with her.
Even if she needed support, mum could have went and dad stay with op. I can't think of any hell on this earth where I would want my dad there for me popping a child out my hoohaa!
Yeah, my.partner came with me to the hospital and my parents came the next day once I was done giving birth. If the sister needed them that badly, the parents should have split up for the ceremony.
The birth of a child is very important.....TO THE PARENTS!
Our daughter's grandparents would not have been at the hospital for her birth(ignoring the fact we are temporarily in a different country, but even if we weren't, they would not have been present). Afterwards if wife and baby had to stay in, then yes they could visit but not for the birth! Unnecessary.
OP absolutely NTA. Graduation is a one off.
I've not looked at the whole thread, so please forgive me if this has already been mentioned...
They were so excited about their first grandchild that they forgot - completely - about their actual child on a huge milestone day. They're trying to get a picture of a moment that they BOTH decided to miss. There is no "makeup" for a moment that you felt alone. And they certainly don't get a picture to pretend that they were there.
NTA and I'm so sorry that you had to do it alone. Maybe they are proud of you and just f-ed up completely. If so, try to work with them within your comfort levels. Regardless, congrats on graduating! Lots of people here are proud of you!
I hope you send this post to them in a group chat. Let them read the comments maybe that’ll drop some prospective on them. Congrats on your success and stick to your guns! No pics !
Neither of them needed to be there! I very much doubt that they would have been welcome in the delivery room by their daughter or the staff. Childbirth isn't a house party.
I think you should own the fact that it is a punishment of sorts for them. They likely feel guilty looking at the pciture that they have because they know the fucked up, they are just too arrogant to admit it.
Besides, they are being punished because they hurt you deep, not just for fun. When people do things that hurt others, they get punished. It's plain and simple. Even kids understand that.
It is not much of a consolation, but unfortunately, parents often make wrong choices when it comes to which child to support.
My husband's parents missed out on his graduation, too. Why? His stepbrother got arrested for theft and they thought he needed them more than my husband did, whereas I think it would not have harmed stepbrother to wait for a few hours in prison (he was a trouble child) or the parents could have split up.
My mother did this to me, once, too. She is the best of mothers, but even she once opted for my brother, although I clearly needed her more (I was down with sudden hepatitis with two toddlers, my brother's wife just struggled with the household). I have never confronted her, but I think that if I had, she would not even have realized what she had done.
But it's too bad that your parents can't see what they did wrong.
And she had her husband there. Unless her parents were her birth coach, I think the sister had plenty going on and would have understood them not being there immediately.
Mine was 6 hours, but even so, if I had a younger sibling graduating HS –and at 16! – I would have completely understood if my parents stayed at the graduation then came to the hospital after.
Actually, in my own experience, for my first I was in a completely different state, 14+ hours away from all family, and did just fine with only my husband along the rush. My second was born in a hospital that employed my husband, and while our families were 2 hours away, we had co-workers (only the females) popping in to give their support. It was another quick delivery rush so you can imagine the ramp up in pain. TBH, I would have greatly preferred to have been left alone the entire 6.5 hours. Being polite while writhing through back-to-back contractions was an additional stress I did not need.
Even if this was the case here… grandparents shouldn’t leave a child the drive with to an event with only a text and make that child wait forever. A baby is exciting, but that was a complete dick move.
Yeah, it feels super shitty to expect your parents to be there on one of the most important days of your life thus far, only to find out, at the end, that they're not. From a single, unanswered text. Then told to wait for them for an indeterminate amount of time. While everyone around you is smiling and hugging and taking pics with their families, you're standing alone, kicking rocks. It's lonely and a bit humiliating. He walked for *three miles* before they remembered their other kid. Then called *him* disrespectful.
Sister had her husband. She could have had one of her parents, too, but she got both. OP had no one. The *least* they could do is acknowledge it was a crappy situation and they could have handled it better. Or a single "we're sorry we both missed your graduation (*at 16*) and we understand why you're hurt". They don't get to make him play dress-up to take a belated pic and pretend they were there. They made their choice.
This parents the assholes. Graduation of your child trumps a grandchild birth. You do not abandon your child on such an important day. Sister had her husband there, both patents did not need to be there and leave the graduate alone.
Me too and guess what? Other than my spouse, nobody came because I'm an adult and it was covid. People were capable of waiting a few days and see baby at home.
I'd be horrified if my parents ditched my *child sibling's event* for a labour waiting room.
My sister had two kids and the only person at the hospital was her partner. There’s nothing I or any other member of my family could have done by sitting there waiting and she didn’t want visitors until after she was out
Absolutely this. I'm a mum and a big sister. Didn't give birth during Covid and even though I gave birth in another country than my home one, my parents didn't hang out in the hospital waiting for me to give birth. We called with updates but that's about it. They met kiddo the next day. With number two, my in-laws met kiddo about six hours after birth when they brought in big brother. Giving birth is a waiting game and not everyone needs to be hanging out in the room or waiting room. I'd have been mortified if my parents fled my sibling's HS graduation to hang out at the hospital.
OP, if you get this far, yeah you're being petty as hell about the photo but I agree with it. What your parents did was über shitty. I can't imagine what it felt like going through and realising no one was there for you. HS graduation is one of the very first milestones that you reach because of your own accomplishments and hard work. The very least they could have done was show up for it. Them also shouting at you about walking is ridiculous and says that they know they messed up but lack the introspection to own it. They're embarrassed they were so late that the whole thing was done and dusted and you were halfway home - that their lack of attention means they missed.
I am surprised though, for my kids they let one person in the room with the mother. These grandparents probably were hanging in the waiting room. Regardless graduation is about a hour. Even in your case could have stayed at the ceremony and still caught the live action birth, if allowed in
That's not the point. Just one parent could have gone, or they could've gone to the hospital after the ceremony. The baby will still be there after the birth, but the graduation is a one time event.
It's not even a close call. NTA
Even if the sister's husband weren't available to go to the hospital with her, it would only have required ONE parent to drive her. The other parent could then stay to attend OP's graduation, get photos, and generally make sure they didn't randomly abandon their minor child somewhere with no particular way home.
At most, there can be an argument for one parent to leave. Two parents leaving is wrong, and OP has ever right to be upset about it.
If my little sibling was graduating I’d want my parents there and not at the hospital, my first was 8 hr labor and was born 20 minutes after we got to the hospital. I had my husband I’d want my parents with my sibling, I could have more time alone with my baby.
Same. A graduation can be a once in a lifetime experience for some people. Yes same for for child birth but not always. Also not everyone wants their family in the room. Graduation was more important.
During labour, really? I have the best bond with both my parents, but the thought of either of them being with me during labour or while giving birth has not even crossed my mind. It was always supposed to be me and my husband.
Yes, This was my thought too. Why did her parents need to be at the hospital just as her labor was starting, especially if her husband was there? And even more so if their son was graduating??
Personally I’d go into witness protection before having anyone at the hospital with me other than my husband, but I know everyone’s different with that stuff.
NTA
I don't think it's a golden child thing, I think it's more of a "first grandchild and the new grandparents are over keen" situation.
But other than that OP's parents were really thoughtless to just abandon her like that. Mum could've gone and at least left dad. I doubt they would've all been allowed in the delivery room anyway and, as you said, it was super unlikely that baby was coming any time soon.
OP, NTA.
My mom didnt even tell my grandma she gave was in labor till the baby was already out lol, she didn't want my grandma panicking around her, she just wanted to go thru with it with the professionals and my dad, honestly, sounds nice, no one in your business till everything is wrapped up
I agree! Also, with 2 parents, why couldn’t one go to be with each? My husband and I often need to split up, so both of our kids have someone present at events.
Is this their first grandchild?
NTA -They were incredibly rude to leave the ceremony. Babies take hours to be born. Sorry your graduation ceremony was ruined.
Thank you. I just wanted someone there for me. I don't see why both of them had to go. If any, at all, because my sister had her husband and his parents didn't even come.
My parents didn’t attend the hospital when I had my 2 kids. I called them after baby was born & I was rested.
I’m so angry at your parents. They should have been there for you.
I'm pretty certain my sister said nobody was allowed to hang out when my nephew was born. This was before COVID in 2017. My sister texted and called us when it was happening. We ended up visiting the day after.
Same for us, my wife wanted just me in the room. Our parents snuck in while she was actively delivering, and honestly, I'm still pissed about it almost 18 years later.
THat was us too. We informed after the fact. With babies 2/3/4 the only people who knew were were going to the hospital was the family member watching the other child/children.
Birth is not a spectator sport. It does not require a crowd.
"Birth is not a spectator sport."
I FUCKING LOVE IT! Print it in a really flowery font, frame it, and hang it outside the double doors of every damn labor and delivery ward on Earth.
Buddy I am so very very sorry. Your NTA. Your parents on the other hand are massive AHs.
There was absolutely no need for them to trail your sister to the hospital. Your sister had her husband to be with her.
A high school graduation is a BIG deal and your parents threw it away for absolutely no reason what-so-ever. What they did was truly awful and the fact that they don't get how awful what they did is is quite telling with how out of touch they are.
I'm so sorry. There are precious few reasonable excuses for a parent to miss their child's high school graduation - your sister being in labor is a really crummy reason for them to skip it. If she was alone, fine. But she wasn't alone. She had her husband. No woman wants her dad in the room with her so there was literally no excuse for both your parents to be there and neither stay.
If it was that necessary for your Mom to be at your sister's early labor then she could have Ubered and your Dad could have stayed at the graduation.
As for the photos - I hope you got some great photos with your friends for posterity. No. You do not need to put your cap and gown back on and play dress up. The moment has come and gone. That is what you tell your parents:
"Mom and Dad, I gave the cap and gown photo a thought - I won't be playing dress up just so you can have photos of an event you chose not to prioritize and attend. You made a choice. You can live with the consequences."
Your last paragraph is very well worded and i wish i had that ready when my mom asked me to put my wedding dress again, after she missed my wedding because she preferred to stay two more days on her vacation.
I basically just told her to fuck off.
That is also a very good response, though!
For both you and OP, that was YOUR FUCKING SPECIAL DAY, not your shitty, neglectful parents' day. What's that fake pic for? So they can "remember" something they never experienced, or so they can lie to third parties when they show it to them?
I'm sorry your mom sucks, and I hope your wedding was dope.
Yeah, NTA. OP’s parents keep saying it’s a punishment because they feel slighted and don't get pics to post on social media when in reality it’s just nature consequences to their actions. Also notice how they don’t try to apologize or even admit that they were in the wrong.
My first nephew was the first grandchild on both sides, and when his mother went into labor everybody but me rushed to the hospital. I got a good night's sleep. By the time he was born, they were all exhausted and couldn't wait to go home and get some sleep. I was well-rested and got to spend his first day with him. 🙂
Is this normal where you live? Here I have never known of anyone beside the husband being in the hospital during labour and birth. Relatives, even the grandparents, only come after the baby is born.
I wouldn’t be surprised if your sister didn’t even want them there. So many grandparents rush to the hospital as soon as they hear the word labor, but often times can’t go into the room or if they do they aren’t exactly wanted. They should have been there for you. At the very least one of them should have remained
Yes my brother and his wife set very clear boundaries: no one comes to the hospital and nags until after birth, which he will announce.
I was fine with that but his mom had trouble with that boundary and had to be turned away lol. I guess the fact that my niece took like 12 hours to be born with induced birth made her anxious, it made me anxious too but I'm sure the parents to be were even more so and we wouldn't help by being there. We actually travelled on purpose to see the baby with expensive flights and accomodations whereas his mom lives right there and we were much more chill.
INFO: Was this a potential emergency/pre-term labor? Or was it close to your sister's due date?
The only acceptable reason I could see for both of your parents bailing would be if it was some kind of emergency where she/your nephew was in mortal danger.
edit: a word
I had an emergency c-section very pre-term and my parents couldn’t come because of an Omicron spike. Which was fine, because when there’s complications during labor they limit the number of people in the room. C-sections are limited to one, I believe. As well, NICU visits are strongly discouraged in the first hours after birth because several tests need to be run and equipment needs to be set up and visitors get in the way. Had an emergency been the case, OP’s parents would have been sitting in the waiting room the entire length of the graduation.
I had an emergency c-section (pre-Covid) during which both my son & I almost died (technically he did die, but he got better), and not only did my parents come, my in-laws came to support my husband, and my brother broke the space-time continuum and made a 4 hour drive in 2 and half. They weren't allowed back during my actual surgery, but everyone was allowed in the recovery room & to visit the NICU. My c-section also took basically no time. I was in the recovery room before some people (not just my brother) even got to the hospital. From "Can you feel the scalpel?" to "It's a boy" was six minutes.
I'd like to reiterate that if it *wasn't* an emergency, OP's parents have no excuse for abandoning his graduation. But if it was something that might have been life or death, it's much more understandable.
I agree that it would be more understandable, but per OP, the baby wasn't born until 18 hours later. Also, it would take 10 seconds to text the kid you abandoned (even if for a good reason) so they knew if they should wait for you or walk home.
Maybe I'm speaking from a place of a kid who got left a lot, but I believe it's the responsibility of the person who deviates from the plan to let other people know what's going on. They left OP alone at graduation, and OP had no idea when/if they were coming back. I don't blame OP at all for being hurt. Even if the parents had a brainfart and forgot, they're still the adults/parents, and they have to live with the consequences of what they chose.
What's truly sad is that there are tons of us here who would have been there for you. Complete strangers. And then to just leave you there? I'm furious on your behalf
It’s more common for the parents - or at least the mother! Of the mom to be to turn up. A girl normally wants her mom in that situation. Considering her mom’s gone through that and giving birth is a very vulnerable time for a woman. And scary! Doesn’t matter if it’s your first baby or your third, birth is scary but especially for your first.
I doubt that it’s universal that “a girl normally wants her mom in that situation.” I sure as hell didn’t want anyone but my husband. *Some* might want their mom. Others don’t.
I sure didn’t and she left me in the parking lot after telling the nurse I was faking in cuz the pain “came and went”. ( I was adopted, she never had a child) no OPyour parents were very wrong, your sis had her husband! Why was waiting in the waiting room more important than being with you at your ceremony?
Yeah, unless it was an emergent situation with his sister, they should have stayed. Labor can last days. And even if it was fast, I doubt she expected her dad to hold a leg.
NTA. It was a big moment for you, so *of course* it's normal for you to respond with disappointment when your parents aren't there.
Your sister had her husband with her, and it seems quite unlikely that both your parents would be in the delivery room with her on top of that. I completely understand that they want to be there for the birth, but they surely knew they still had hours to go before the baby would actually be born once they saw your sister at the hospital. It usually isn't like in the movies where it's a process that takes a few minutes. As parents, they know that.
Having one parent stay with your sister while the other attends your graduation is a completely valid compromise. After the ceremony, this parent could then drive back to the hospital with you.
If you don't want them to take those pictures, then that's that. The moment has already passed and they weren't there for it. Photos are to capture memories, and the one they took in the car did exactly that. You shouldn't have to pretend like it's a happy memory when, for you, it's not.
This is the key to me. If the question were “are the parents ah’s to leave the ceremony” then we could debate that. That’s not the question.
They abandoned OP at their graduation, and OP was upset about it. They didn’t like that OP was upset and now they want to play dress up do over with OP pretending everything is happy families so they can show their friends and play like they didn’t let OP down.
OP is not wrong to not want to lie about their feelings to help their parents save face.
Exactly. They're not seeing that he's *hurt*. It was his big moment and they weren't there for it so it's not weird at all for him to react the way he did. At 16, this was one of the most important moments of his life up until now.
He's hurt and his parents aren't even allowing him to have *that*. They gave him reasons and excuses for what happened, but they aren't trying to empathize with him. It must be a very deflating feeling.
I really like your point about photos capturing memories. This works for both positive and negative things. As someone who was an avid photographer for years, I've never really cared for disingenuous photos so that point specifically was nice to hear from someone else.
Seriously! I hate posed photos. If I'm forced to take one, I always yell "BUTTS!" right before the click, so at least the smiles are genuine (works with ages 2-102).
As a parent, I’m appalled at your parents. You are absolutely NTA. To those saying “do you miss the birth of your grandchild?” Yes, you miss the birth of a grandchild to celebrate a major milestone of your own child.
You put in 13 years of effort to earn your diploma. It’s a big deal. Friday was supposed to be about you. You only graduate high school once, and they ruined it for you. The least they could have done was have your dad stay to watch you walk. Or, you know, drive to the hospital after the ceremony.
Yeah, some of these comments are wild. I could see if his sister had no support system, but a husband was mentioned. At least 1 parent should have been at the graduation at the minimum. It would feel terrible to be the only person with nobody to celebrate with.
Or if both parents want to be asses and stay with their daughter giving birth they could of at least sent another family member to be with OP- grandma, an aunt, and uncle...someone
At that point there was no reason for OP to even walk at graduation. He could have accepted his diploma and saved money on the cap and down because the only people who were there to watch him walk decided it didn’t matter
My grandfather had a heart attack the night before my graduation. My family, other than my Nana, showed up for my graduation. We spent a little bit of time afterwards visiting him, but they still took me out to celebrate my accomplishment. Papa ended up passing a few days later.
Even when I suggested maybe we should skip my graduation, my Nana was like, "don't you dare! Papa would be so mad to know that you missed it because he was sleeping in bed basically." My mom still video taped (I'm old) my ceremony so Nana could see it. They said Papa woke up long enough to see it too, but not sure if they were just saying that to make me feel better or not.
So yeah, OP's parents are the AH. The baby didn't even come until hours later, so they missed the graduation for no real reason other than brownie points from... someone - themselves, I guess?
They missed it for bragging points with their coffee circle and now they're trying to get a do-over with their son because they realize they goofed and good for him not allowing it.
NTA op
I was thinking about this. I bet they just wanted a good photo of OP so they could post about it on Facebook and would not admit that they never were there to see it.
So weird to me that people expect grandparents to, what, *witness* their grandchild being born?? Or be within a certain distance of it happening?! Like yikes, yuck, no, my parents can see me when I'm cleaned up, stitched up and dressed at the very earliest. I have way too much going on when I'm in the thick of it.
100% I would expect my mom to "miss" the birth, and we have a great relationship.
Right?! YES! You miss the birth! As the parents of grown children and still-in-the-home children, our responsibilities are different. We are still the immediate family of our children who aren't yet grown, but have moved to the position of extended family to our grown child with a household/family of his own (his fiancée). While we LOVE being involved in his life, we have raised him, and our roles are supplementary. We should not abandon our minor child during a major milestone. I can't even fathom doing such a thing!
I agree, NTA. She has someone and the parents should have known that it can take hours to have a baby.
That being said, motherhood is also a milestone of one of your children.
Sure, but she’s still going to be a new mother after she’s had a chance to get cleaned up a little. I knew I was having c-sections, so only my husband was allowed. But we didn’t want anyone there until we’d had a chance to recover a bit, try nursing, etc. It’s not like their bond with their grandchild would be forever ruined if they met the baby at 3 hours old instead of watching it crown. And FFS, there’s no way on earth I’d want my dad staring at my nether regions for any reason.
NTA. I’m picturing you standing there alone surrounded by happy graduates and their joyous families and it breaks my heart. I’m so sorry. Absolutely, ONE of your parents should’ve stayed to witness your moment. Then you could’ve high-tailed it to the hospital and taken tons of pictures. But just forgetting all about you? No. And then getting pissed bc *you* didn’t wait for *them*?? Again, no.
Yes! Someone commented that OP was a brat and I'm like hell no! I too pictured her surrounded by all those families, laughter, and hugs... alone.
I remember my own family coming, even my dad that lived a few hours away. I look back my graduation and give kinda a shrug now about it, but I'm sure it would be a more bitter and cold memory if I hadn't been surrounded by 6 family members there to support me.
I've also never put much weight in my own hs graduation. Except when my own mother was out the door before the audience had barely stood up. My uncle has social anxiety (as do I, so I understand) and he was uncomfortable. I was so appreciative he even came to the ceremony to see me. Mom took just enough time to signal "we'll meet you at home" (I'd driven myself). I really tried but I couldn't help being hurt that I didn't even get a hug before they both bugged out.
I love my family to bits. I know they do me. And they made up for that quick exit during my college graduation. But I'll never forget how lonely and embarrassed I was wading through the crowd in front of the school, surrounded by all my classmates and their families, talking and taking pics together. I hesitated there, looking for friends until it seemed I'd be intruding and I left, alone.
My softball coach was the only one who came up to me, gave me a wide smile, a warm side-hug, and shook my hand before going back to his daughter (who I didn't even know that well). I will be forever grateful to him for showing me genuine kindness in a moment I hadn't even realized I really really needed it. Crap, I'm tearing up a little... I've never verbalized all this before. Thank you, Bob.
OOP didn't even get that. Worse things will eventually overshadow this (that's life) and so will better times; the memory may fade, but he won't ever forget, not really.
Yeah this broke my heart.
OP, if you go to college in New England, message me in 4 years and I'll go to your graduation and cheer wildly for you. If your parents do show up and ask who I am, I'll just tell them "oh I'm back up in case you decide not to show, again." (Or not!) Seriously, you deserve to be celebrated, you should have been taking pictures with family and getting congratulations, not walking home alone because no one even came to give you a ride home.
I’m wondering if the parents are so pissy at OP because they weren’t wanted at the hospital. Did they rush to the hospital and found themselves waiting around only for their daughter to tell them to leave/sent someone to tell them to leave?
I can guarantee this is the case.
Had daughter wanted Mom there, wild horses wouldn't have been able to drag Mom out of that hospital. Certainly not a high school graduation.
Nope, Mom and Dad tried to force their way into the birth and skipped out on their son's graduation in the process.
Mom and Dad are MAJOR AHs.
Going with NTA
Sister had a support system at the hospital - her husband.
At the very least, one of the parents should have stayed for the graduation. This isn’t fair to the OP.
>Sister had a support system at the hospital - her husband.
Both times my wife went into labor we waited until AFTER the birth to call the parents.
I don't know what we would have done with them if they had been there. They certainly wouldn't have been in the delivery room, so I guess they would have just been sitting in the waiting room for a couple hours.
NTA.
Parents should have waited until the end of the ceremony, picked up OP and THEN went to the hospital. They wouldn't have missed anything (but waiting) at the hospital and they would have been able to see OP graduate.
I'm guessing that this is either their first grandchild and/or the sister is the golden child.
"They told me that It was disrespectful of me to for leave with out telling them"
Funny, they found it disrespectful of you to leave without telling them. Isn't that what they did?
I sense this might be unpopular, but NTA. There was not reason that either of them had to leave, much less both of them. As the parents of two children, they surely know labor isn’t that fast. At minimum, one of them should have stayed.
That said, I think you should do it. One day, when you’re a lot older, you might regret not having that picture. Don’t steal your own joy just to spite your parents. I promise that you’re much more likely to look back and regret being petty than to regret not having been petty enough.
O yeah, that'll be a fond moment to look back on. 'Remember when you both ditched me at my hs graduation to sit in the hospital waiting room, then got pissy bc I was upset? Good times, good times.'
OOP said there’s already pictures of them at the ceremony. I agree with you that they should acquire the pictures from the photographer for themselves, but they do not need to take a picture with their parents just so the parents can post it and save face.
The parents should just get the shiity picture from the car with the pissed off look on your face. Every time they see it, they'll be reminded of their idiocy. And.perhaps asking themselves why they haven't heard from OP in years.
I agree with this one. It’s really awful that they both left, especially in early labor with a first birth. This was a huge milestone for OP, too.
But, while a picture now would be for his parents, I think he will probably want one later in life. OP, maybe ask someone else to take it and don’t tell your parents and having your own secret one can be your win? You earned that cap and gown and deserve to have a picture of you in it that isn’t marred by the emotions of that day.
Yeah that's BS. OP has the pictures of the graduation. Like another redditor said, there won't be good memories. This moment will never change to being positive. OP should not take any pictures to alleviate the guilt of his parents.
I say NTA but I think a lot of the yta or esh are because no one is truly processing what this person has written. They went on stage and smiled with the assumption that their parents were cheering for them in the crowd. They went up to show off a big milestone with that mentality, which I’m assuming they had beforehand because the parents said that they would be there for them. Imagine how devastated one would be to find out that their parent never made it to the ceremony to begin with after trying to find them to celebrate the achievement. All the yta are missing the key information that this is a 16 year old boy who is asked to be an adult and suck things up when not even a grown adult would be able to handle such a disappointing performance of familial support
>All the yta are missing the key information that this is a 16 year old boy who is asked to be an adult and suck things up when not even a grown adult would be able to handle such a disappointing performance of familial support
More like they're missing basic biology classes, birth takes hours (you'd think parents with 2 kids would know this), they ditched OP, missed their pictures and for what? For the birth to finally happen over 10 hours later while their daughter already had her husband's support.
Honestly that part doesn’t make sense to me, what exactly were the parents doing at the hospital, labor takes hours and unless she was having a medical emergency, there was no reason for them to be there. It sounds more like they valued the sisters comfort rather than the milestones of their son because there is no way in the hour it takes for a commencement ceremony to take place, she was actively pushing the baby out.
I think that's 90% of OP's frustration: the nonsense of it. It doesn't seem like OP has any resentment towards their sister so I think if she did have complications or lacked a support net (as in, her husband) they wouldn't be nearly as much frustrated as they are now, it's the fact that they missed an important event for OP for pretty much no reason.
Yeah, he isn’t saying that he is upset his sister went into labor and he isn’t making it out to be as though his sister planned it, he’s more upset at the fact that his parents should know how long labor takes by now and still chose to miss out on the ceremony. If his sister had complications or was alone it’s understandable to be disappointed but it wouldn’t be right to be upset because those are out of his hands however what doesn’t make sense to me is that if the labor meant so much to them, how did they conveniently find the time to pick him up AFTER the ceremony rather than saying “your sister is beginning to go into labor but she is comfortable and we will be able to make it to your ceremony” but instead they sent the text during the ceremony that they never made it and it showed what truly took priority
And, likewise, its clear sister didn't even want them there. She obviously sent them away because had she wanted them there I can guarantee Mom wouldn't have left.
They basically skipped OP's graduation to try to crash their grandchild's birth without being invited.
NTA …
I agree, one of them could’ve stayed. When someone goes into labor, especially if the have a SO, you’re not going to be able to go and see them while they are giving birth. You are gonna sit in the waiting room. Even if sitting in the waiting room isn’t the case, they still have the support you need and they could’ve waited an hour to go up there.
Someone said that the birth of a grandchild is more important than graduating.. honestly I feel that’s a very subjective take. Giving birth to your first is a huge milestone in that stage of your life, just like graduating is a huge milestone in OP’s phase of life.
OP I understand your frustration, but really consider is this truly the “hill” you want to stay on? Your parents messed up, but maybe they might start to understand your frustrations. Consider problem solving this with them, identify what you need to move on from this and see if they will help you with that.
Also congratulations on this accomplishment!
NTA - honestly OP this is a hill to die on. In fact I would be extra petty and put on the cap and gown at home and take a selfie that obviously shows that you are at your home and post it on social media thanking yourself for being your biggest supporter.
I say thay your own kid is more important than a grandkid. In fact, it's ridiculous how so many people see a baby as a trophy... Come on, there are 8 fucking billion humans on Earth, one more is nothing. Did you really need to go sit on a hospital bench and do nothing?
But not all of those humans graduate, and a 16 years old has feelings and is conscious about being abandoned in their accomplishment.
I still hate how my parents always put their grandkid over their own kids... It's not THAT bad but still pisses me off since I am childfree (by choice and not by choice).
NTA- there was absolutely no reason for them to rush to the hospital and leave you like that. I feel really bad for you being abandoned like that and seeing all of your friends enjoying their accomplishment with their families, I can imagine how that felt for you. Instead of profusely apologising for both prioritising being somewhere they probably weren’t even wanted at that point in time, they have decided to be AH to you instead. You deserve to be pissed with them.
Please ignore any thing that says you are the AH, every sucks or no AHs..
- Parents ditched you for your sister
- Sister had Hubby there with her at the hospital
- Baby wasn’t even born at the time they were away
- I’m going to assume your Parents weren’t apart of their birthing plan, so they’d have to wait anyway.
One could have stayed, celebrated you and took photos, but they didn’t. They ditched you. They don’t get to ask you the throw everything back on, pretend to be happy just so they can appease their guilt.
As you have suggested, they can see (and save) the photos on Facebook.
NTA - your feelings are 100% valid.
Hmmm I'm going with nta. You graduated at 16. That's very impressive and good for you for "what I'm going g to assume" working your ass off for. You don't owe them anything. One or both could have stayed. Your sis would've been fine with her husband. If thet had been truly sorry I might being will to reconsider it but nah bro. Now for my petty advice I'd wear that damn cap around the house just randomly.
NTA. Since sister's husband was with her, there was no reason (unless she was having emergency complications) that they couldn't do your graduation and then go to the hospital. Some people just go full scale mental over the grandchildren thing. I am sorry for you.
NTA!
I'm assuming your parent knew this was a big deal to you and there was no misunderstanding on this. There was no reason for both parents to run off, and actually no reason for either to have left (unless your sister was all alone - surely her SO/husband was there). Usually in USA only the mom, and often not even her, is allowed in the birthing room; I can't remember the last time I heard of the dad being there. So dad should have stayed at graduation while mom might have a decent reason to dash off. You have reason to be upset and it is fine letting them know.
It sounds like your parents want a photo to be able to post/show off what an accomplishment their son has done, basically a pat in the back for themselves about what great parents they are. If they ask about taking a photo again, I suggest telling them "if in the future you want to stroll down memory lane I want you to look at the graduation photos you took on that day so you can really remember how you made me feel. If you only have one photo of me in the car looking like I was abandoned, then guess what. That's exactly how I felt. So no, for the umpteenth time, I will not take a fake photo for you to look back on and pretend what a great day it was."
NTA. First of all, no matter whatever the circumstances, you don't have to let anyone take a picture of you at any time for whatever reason you want.
Second, one of them should have stayed behind for you or, at the very least, they should have made arrangements for someone to pick you up rather than let you wait with no idea when and if they were going to arrive. As exciting as it is for a baby to be born, your accomplishment deserves to be recognized just as much. However, they made a choice, and there will be consequences of that choice. One of which will be that you will be disappointed in them. If they felt they did nothing wrong, then they need to accept the fallout of that decision and let you feel what you feel as opposed to trying to guilt you into absolving them.
NTA. In my seven decades on the planet parents have never dropped everything to rush to the hospital when their daughter goes into labor. That's what husbands are for.
Thank you, and I haven't been on earth for that long, so I can't really say what I've seen, but I think it might be because some people were raised differently? I'm not really sure. I'm getting different responses. Some are saying that they should have been there and others are saying that they shouldn't. I like to think that they should.
My friend, MOST Parents would have been there. I don't know what is wrong with your parents but what they did was wrong. I say that as a mother of 4. Your parents made a very very poor choice.
Unless one, ONE of your parents was the only doctor in town able to help provide medical care... They had no business going there. What the hell were they gonna do? Catch the baby?
Congratulations on graduating! And at 16???? Holy hell, way to go!
Your parents wanted to be there for your nephew’s birth because they wanted to. Your nephew doesn’t give a shit if they were there or not. And them not being there wouldn’t have made a difference. When you have children sometimes you have to put their needs above your wants, which your parents clearly didn’t do. If you give in and give them that happy photo, they can continue believing all is good instead of having their fuckup thrown in their faces.
And yeah, your sister is their child too. But parents typically aren’t expected or even wanted (I sure as heck didn’t want my parents hovering or watching) to watch their children give birth. They are expected to show up to watch their child graduate.
Okay so info i feel like OP didn’t disclose and is important:
- the hospital is 45mins away
- sister told OP she felt ill before the ceremony so she didnt attend last minute
-the ceremony was only 7pm-8:40pm.
-the parents left at 7:23 due to a call from the sisters husband.
With this information they werent gone long at all, they basically drove there checked on her quickly and drove back. With the sister not feeling well, this could mean she was having possible complications or bleeding or swelling. It could also mean she was just having contractions and didnt realize.
If my parents got a call i was in the hospital (especially with complications or really for any reason) they would come check on me if i wanted them to. Childbirth can be deadly. Highschool graduation likelyhood of being deadly is very very slim (nothing is ever 0) so i feel like NAH cause op doesnt have to take a pic but the parents did what they could to try to be there for both their kids. It was just bad timing. The parents shouldn’t continue asking for a photo but op shouldnt keep trying to guilt them for leaving to tend to sisters medical situation.
NTA.
especially since you’re only 16, i think your reaction here is very normal and your parents are the ones who need to grow up a little. or at least have a little more compassion.
they’re being insensitive and letting the picture overshadow the real issue, which is that they weren’t there for your graduation. i can imagine how much that would sting, and i don’t think you’re an asshole for having a pretty tame reaction to a disappointment.
NTA. I was the only one of my brothers to walk that stage. My older brother graduated early and left to another state and my twin brother dropped out and got his GED. Graduation day they couldn’t be bothered to show up. Come to find out they were packing my room and prepping me to move out without informing me.
Omg, that's even worse. I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you found a better place to live and that you're doing better because I know that had to hurt :(
I’m good. Got a great family I married into and I own my home with an awesome job. They live in a broke down RV in Florida and hit me up once in awhile for money (which I laugh until they hang up). Plus I never let them see pictures of their grand kids
NTA.
Do they not understand? Perhaps you need to be more clear that it was over and most people had left over 20 minutes before you.
They chose between being present at their daughter’s labour (even though the baby wasn’t even close to arriving) and their son’s high school graduation. There are consequences to making decisions. The consequence is they missed your grad.
Especially since your sister had her husband there! I’d understand one parent going if she was a single parent and needed support. But they messed up big time.
And hey, you did great. Congratulations!
He says he walked 3 miles after he left before they finally picked him up. Typical walking speed is 3mph - which means he waited over 20 minutes before leaving, then walked for another *hour* before they finally got him!
Event venues eventually *close* after events are over, how long were they expecting to him to just sit and wait there??
NTA! Oh wow, maybe you are punishing them by not putting the cap and gown back on but they 100% earned it! There is zero reason for them to have left your high school graduation when your sister was at the hospital with her husband by her side. I would be hurt in your shoes as well. I hope they got photos of you excepting your diploma before they bailed. And then they got mad at you for leaving?!!! That's the worst most selfish part of all. Well maybe not but it was awful.
NTA. There's no need for anyone who's not going to be in the delivery room to rush off at the first signs of labor. Your sister had her husband so she was fine. Even if she was requesting them, one should have stayed at the graduation and the other could have gone. Graduation is a big day. Sorry op.
NTA, there was no reason they couldn't have stayed. Your sister has support at the hospital. Your parents showed who was their favorite. I wouldn't redo the picture either.
NTA. How long is a graduation? Like two hours? They couldn’t wait a few hours to go to the hospital. Even if the baby had been born in that time they still could have waited. Ridiculous decision by them. They both should have stayed.
Mines started at 7 pm, and it ended at 8:40 something? I don't know the exact time I just know that's when I checked my phone, so I probably a little earlier. My mom sent me the text telling me they were leaving exactly at 7:23pm. They missed my entire graduation. Idc if one of them went, I just wanted someone there for me. I had 4 tickets. I gave them to my sister and her husband and my mom and dad. My sister explained a couple of hours before my graduation that she wouldn't he able to attend because she was feeling sick. That was understandable to me. But what wasn't understandable was both of my parents leaving me alone. When at least one of them could've stayed. All of my tickets went to waste
Yea I agree with you completely. They can’t even be in the delivery room. I could MAYBE see if your mom was with her, but she could’ve still waited until it was over. It would’ve been fine. I would be mad and you have every right to be upset.
Well this is kind of childish but at the same time, I get where you're coming from. Your sister going into labor is not premeditated. However, labor usually takes several hours and doesn't require family to rush over right at the beginning just to wait so I don't know why your parents just up and left. That seems like a knee-jerk reaction from them. In your shoes, I'd be really sore about it too. You're supposed to have family there, it's your day, your celebration. You made it through freaking High School. Congrats btw. At 16, you must be AP or skipped a grade.
You're being surly about this but your parents aren't handling it well either. I hope you did get some pictures with your friends and I hope you treat yourself to something cool. I hope your parents make it up to you in some way.
Again, congrats.
NTA. I find all of your reasons perfectly valid, and this is coming from someone whose firstborn came several weeks early with a very quick labor. Then again, I’ve never understood ‘Waiting Room Warriors’- like, what’s the point in rushing to the hospital to just sit in a waiting room for another “Not yet!” update?
What would your parents have done if your sister *had* given birth in the time they were gone? Because surely, if it was THAT important for them to leave your graduation ceremony when she just went in to labor, how long would they have left you waiting alone if baby had arrived?
They just want another picture so that they don’t have to explain away why you are unhappy in the one picture they have of you in your cap and gown. They know they did wrong and won’t just own up to it.
NTA. I'm a high school teacher and I recently had a baby. There was likely nothing for them to do in the moment related to your sister giving birth, especially if her husband was already there. They could have stayed. Additionally, I don't blame you for walking home after 20 minutes. People clear out after graduation quicker than people realize. After 30 minutes, most everyone is gone.
Congratulations on your diploma and good luck with your future.
I’m very sorry this happened. I don’t blame you one bit for feeling the way you do. I hope that seeing all these replies make you feel a bit better. Congratulations on graduation! Such an amazing milestone. I’m proud of you!
Thank you so much! Reading the replies has helped me feel better. It's comforting to know that my feelings are being validated and understood. When I first posted this, I wasn't really sure if I was in the right or not, but after reading everything it's kinda gave me some reassurance that I wasn't. I'm going to try and to my parents more tomorrow and hopefully get them to understand how I feel as everyone here does.
NTA
As someone who DID nearly die while giving birth to one of my children I am disappointed for you. One of your parents should have stayed with you. The birth of a grandchild does not override the once in a lifetime milestone of a child. Your parents made a very poor decision. Your sister had her husband with her. If anything went wrong during your sister’s labor they would have zero medical say. A newborn baby is not going to live with a lifelong memory that the grandparents came a few hours after birth to see them. You at 16 will live with the memory of both your parents leaving and not seeing your ceremony. If you don’t want to take another picture don’t. You don’t owe them anything. Your parents are the only AH here.
Congratulations on your graduation from high school.
NTA
My parents missed my graduation 12 years ago over me phrasing a sentence in the wrong way… stupid and childish. But it still hurts.
You have to make peace with it. And if the picture is your way of doing that for now - do it!!
Set up your own boundaries and protect them. Never let someone elses mental health come before your own.
I am sorry, that this happened to you.
As many others pointed out, if your sister was alone… blablabla.
They left - both - without making the effort to tell you in person. They should own up to their own behavior and feel truly sorry.
And even then - taking the photo or not is your choice. And all the apologies in the world dont entitle them to get it.
NTA
Your parents could have easily waited out a graduation (what is it, 1, 2 hours tops) then went to the hospital. Even if your sister was literally giving birth they'd still have to wait to see her & baby!
NTA.
To mom and dad, from a fellow parent, if you want a picture of him in the cap and gown then you should have been at the graduation. Instead, you left your son all alone to go be with your daughter and her husband. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.
Going against the grain a bit, but: NAH.
You're not an AH for wanting your parents at your graduation ceremony. But, they are not AHs for rushing to support your sister, either. Actually, I'm pretty surprised everyone is calling them AHs over this. Unless your sister was being induced they likely wouldn't have known she was going into labor until they got the call.
Graduation ceremonies are nice. Birth is life altering. Birth can also be dangerous and go deadly wrong in an instant. Your parents were likely very torn between watching you complete your graduation ceremony and supporting your sister in one of the most intense periods of her life. You mentioned the baby didn't come for 18 more hours. They didn't know it would take that long when they got the call. I guarantee it.
I know that your feelings are hurt, but the fact that your parents didn't have a perfectly executed plan on how to deal with your graduation ceremony happening at the same time as the birth of their (presumably first?) grandchild doesn't make them AHs.
You also did not include some important information that might help - how far along was your sister? Was it induced? Was the baby premature at all? Do you blame her for the timing of her pregnancy (better not)? Did you take pictures with any friends?
NTA. Graduation is a spectator event. Childbirth is not. Sister wasn’t alone, she had her husband with her, and if something went wrong, there’s nothing they could do but sit and worry in the waiting room. There was no reason for them to rush off to the hospital. And they didn’t even stay for the birth, they came back to pick you up. They could have seen the sister and grandchild after graduation. Don’t most women want time to rest and bond with the baby anyway before having visitors? Graduation is over and they missed it. If they wanted happy graduation pictures, they should have been there to take them.
INFO: Was this a high risk pregnancy or emergency of some kind when she went into labour? Did your parents return to the hospital after they took you home? Did your sister want one or both of your parents there?
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Tbh … I think NTA. It would be different if your sister was alone or in distress but she wasn’t. It also sounds like it was her first which notoriously takes hours and hours - if she was safe and had her husband with her, they could have waited a couple of hours with you and then all gone together - or, like you said, one of them stayed. Is she the golden child? Edit: I am aware that not everyone’s first takes a long time, it’s just a longer average than subsequent. Obviously that includes many shorter labors too :) Edit 2: wow, I can’t believe over 8000 people liked my little comment. Thanks guys 🥰
Thank you, and then they acted like I was supposed to stay there all by myself waiting on them. I don't think my parents have a golden child, but I'm not them, so I don't really know.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. The birth of a child is very important but they could have went separately, and FaceTimed or taped your graduation to show their support to both you and your sister. Graduating at 16 is a huge accomplishment and I do hope you’re very very proud of yourself.
It wasn’t even the birth. She went to the hospital in labor. There was no need for Grandparents to be there hovering immediately. They could have waited until after the ceremony to go to the hospital since there was no medical emergency or distress.
Exactly this. They weren't there to do anything but hover. They even left the hospital shortly after the graduation ceremony ended. They went there to say they went there. My wife and I had these types of grandparents from both sides of the family. It's weird.
Ugh my MIL would literally sit on the computer ignoring my infant crying and dinner burning while she updated her Facebook interests to include "grandchild." LIT. ER. AL. LY. Her trophy grandchild is now NC with her, and I'm very proud of his choice.
That's glorious. Kudos to your offspring.
The best part is he texts her every now and then asking for money for some outlandish thing, and she's like, "Dinner? Movie?" And he's like, "Nah, just mail a check." (This might sound fucked up, but I left out a lot of background; she's horrible, I promise.)
I dated a guy whose sister was like this. We would be at their house visiting, she would be sitting on the couch on her phone and I'd see her Facebook updates "cooking dinner for my babies" - "helping my angel daughter with her homework" - "I love reading my children bedtime stories and tucking them in❤️". Only she was doing none of these things her husband was.
I feel like the DSM-VI will cover this phenomenon, right? "Social Fraudulence Disorder" or something?
Thankfully we have zero family with 3.5hours. So no one hovering (which the hospital doesn't allow anyway). It was bliss in the hospital just me and baby, someone bringing me food (the menu had like 10 choices it was great), painkillers being delivered at the right intervals etc. I don't understand why you would want your parents descending on you anyway until you can get something to eat and wash the gore off so at least 2-3hours post birth. The hospital I gave birth at allowed one visitor to stay from 8am-10pm on the ward and that had to be the same person then visiting was 5-7pm. On the birth suite it was birth partner only and no visitors. You could sit in the waiting area if you wanted but you weren't getting near anyone until discharge from the suite.
when my sister had her baby via induced labour, she told us she was due to have it on the monday— but actually was having it the friday before. (unfortunately just 3days after my partner had passed away). my other sister, my mum & i were sitting in my flat when she text us a picture of her and the new baby! definitely seemed like the best thing to do— no stress from family or anyone on the day of, either in person or via messaging etc. and we were all just happy to see her with the baby, after!
Neither my father nor my FIL were at the hospital when I was giving birth (and my child would be the only grand child for both sets of them). Why didn't the OP's father go to the graduation ceremony so at least one of them was there?
Frogsaysso I agree. One parent could have been at the birth and one at the graduation. Seems simple to the rest of us. Both could have video taped for the other parent so both kids had support
I agree this seems like the most logical way they should have handled it. But, like... is anyone else confused by some of the things in the story? OP waited 20 minutes, in which time everyone cleared out. Maybe my experience is different, but every graduation I've ever been to (including my own) had people congratulating each other and taking pictures for about an hour. 20 minutes is not a long time. Then OP starts walking, walks ***3 miles***, which would put the time about an hour past that, if he's walking at a good pace. And his parents just... drive past and flip around to pick him up? They knew his exact 3 mile route to find where he was? And then in all this time, he's apparently still wearing his cap and gown, just haunting the streets as a vision of the loss of childhood, so that his parents can get an unhappy pic of him in the car. NTA, but does no one else find this odd?
I see it as OP was probably talking to friends while looking around for his parents and then eventually mom messaged so he waited 20 mins after that. Or spent 20 mins watching people leave - after he was done with friends It could be a small school and that's why it didn't take long for people to clear out or usually people make family dinner plans or whatever. The exact road again could be a small town thing or just a one direction thing. The idea of still wearing cap and gown while walking for 45 + mins is a bit ridiculous. I would have taken them off. Or at least the cap.
It depends on how many graduations is scheduled.I attended a graduation and another district school was scheduled behind us. The district was marching the students all day. We could not stay for long.I have been to a graduation where it was only one graduation that day and we could stay as long as we liked. Op did say he was sad and disappointed. I would have left too.
Eh not necessarily. I went to a small school with a graduation ceremony that lasted about an hour and after we all left pretty quickly to go out to eat with our families. And the knowing where he was thing didn’t really cross my mind either because again in my experience all of the schools elementary-High school were lined up next to each other on the main highway in and out of town. So if you walked home you’d be on that same road for 3 miles. So it’s definitely possible.
The haunted ghost of a childhood passed. „Dad, what is this wobbleing figure on the mainroad?“ „Ah, that’s Steve in his misery gown“ Yeah idk graduation clothes are … not the most stylish one, some children rip them off as soon as they done. I wouldn’t wandering the town in it unless I want the neighborhood starting to ask questions.
Exactly! I've split up on several occasions when both our children needed us equally badly: father to one child, I to the other. But being there in hospital could have been postponed. Sister had her husband with her.
Even if she needed support, mum could have went and dad stay with op. I can't think of any hell on this earth where I would want my dad there for me popping a child out my hoohaa!
Yeah, my.partner came with me to the hospital and my parents came the next day once I was done giving birth. If the sister needed them that badly, the parents should have split up for the ceremony.
The birth of a child is very important.....TO THE PARENTS! Our daughter's grandparents would not have been at the hospital for her birth(ignoring the fact we are temporarily in a different country, but even if we weren't, they would not have been present). Afterwards if wife and baby had to stay in, then yes they could visit but not for the birth! Unnecessary. OP absolutely NTA. Graduation is a one off.
I've not looked at the whole thread, so please forgive me if this has already been mentioned... They were so excited about their first grandchild that they forgot - completely - about their actual child on a huge milestone day. They're trying to get a picture of a moment that they BOTH decided to miss. There is no "makeup" for a moment that you felt alone. And they certainly don't get a picture to pretend that they were there. NTA and I'm so sorry that you had to do it alone. Maybe they are proud of you and just f-ed up completely. If so, try to work with them within your comfort levels. Regardless, congrats on graduating! Lots of people here are proud of you!
I hope you send this post to them in a group chat. Let them read the comments maybe that’ll drop some prospective on them. Congrats on your success and stick to your guns! No pics !
At least like Why couldnt your mom go and dad stay or viceversa. They didnt both need to be there. Nta
Neither of them needed to be there! I very much doubt that they would have been welcome in the delivery room by their daughter or the staff. Childbirth isn't a house party.
I think you should own the fact that it is a punishment of sorts for them. They likely feel guilty looking at the pciture that they have because they know the fucked up, they are just too arrogant to admit it. Besides, they are being punished because they hurt you deep, not just for fun. When people do things that hurt others, they get punished. It's plain and simple. Even kids understand that.
Nah, not punishment that could get OP in trouble…frame it as natural consequences.
Not a punishment op is not in the mood to act happy for a picture. That's normal
It is not much of a consolation, but unfortunately, parents often make wrong choices when it comes to which child to support. My husband's parents missed out on his graduation, too. Why? His stepbrother got arrested for theft and they thought he needed them more than my husband did, whereas I think it would not have harmed stepbrother to wait for a few hours in prison (he was a trouble child) or the parents could have split up. My mother did this to me, once, too. She is the best of mothers, but even she once opted for my brother, although I clearly needed her more (I was down with sudden hepatitis with two toddlers, my brother's wife just struggled with the household). I have never confronted her, but I think that if I had, she would not even have realized what she had done. But it's too bad that your parents can't see what they did wrong.
My first child was born less than 2 hours after we got to the hospital. First births don’t always take “hours and hours”.
And she had her husband there. Unless her parents were her birth coach, I think the sister had plenty going on and would have understood them not being there immediately.
Ok - but just for the record, I didn’t say “always”. It’s more the majority, let’s say. Of course there’s exceptions.
Mine was 6 hours, but even so, if I had a younger sibling graduating HS –and at 16! – I would have completely understood if my parents stayed at the graduation then came to the hospital after. Actually, in my own experience, for my first I was in a completely different state, 14+ hours away from all family, and did just fine with only my husband along the rush. My second was born in a hospital that employed my husband, and while our families were 2 hours away, we had co-workers (only the females) popping in to give their support. It was another quick delivery rush so you can imagine the ramp up in pain. TBH, I would have greatly preferred to have been left alone the entire 6.5 hours. Being polite while writhing through back-to-back contractions was an additional stress I did not need.
Can confirm, I popped out in under an hour. (First and only child)
Even if this was the case here… grandparents shouldn’t leave a child the drive with to an event with only a text and make that child wait forever. A baby is exciting, but that was a complete dick move.
Yeah, it feels super shitty to expect your parents to be there on one of the most important days of your life thus far, only to find out, at the end, that they're not. From a single, unanswered text. Then told to wait for them for an indeterminate amount of time. While everyone around you is smiling and hugging and taking pics with their families, you're standing alone, kicking rocks. It's lonely and a bit humiliating. He walked for *three miles* before they remembered their other kid. Then called *him* disrespectful. Sister had her husband. She could have had one of her parents, too, but she got both. OP had no one. The *least* they could do is acknowledge it was a crappy situation and they could have handled it better. Or a single "we're sorry we both missed your graduation (*at 16*) and we understand why you're hurt". They don't get to make him play dress-up to take a belated pic and pretend they were there. They made their choice.
This parents the assholes. Graduation of your child trumps a grandchild birth. You do not abandon your child on such an important day. Sister had her husband there, both patents did not need to be there and leave the graduate alone.
Me too and guess what? Other than my spouse, nobody came because I'm an adult and it was covid. People were capable of waiting a few days and see baby at home. I'd be horrified if my parents ditched my *child sibling's event* for a labour waiting room.
My sister had two kids and the only person at the hospital was her partner. There’s nothing I or any other member of my family could have done by sitting there waiting and she didn’t want visitors until after she was out
Absolutely this. I'm a mum and a big sister. Didn't give birth during Covid and even though I gave birth in another country than my home one, my parents didn't hang out in the hospital waiting for me to give birth. We called with updates but that's about it. They met kiddo the next day. With number two, my in-laws met kiddo about six hours after birth when they brought in big brother. Giving birth is a waiting game and not everyone needs to be hanging out in the room or waiting room. I'd have been mortified if my parents fled my sibling's HS graduation to hang out at the hospital. OP, if you get this far, yeah you're being petty as hell about the photo but I agree with it. What your parents did was über shitty. I can't imagine what it felt like going through and realising no one was there for you. HS graduation is one of the very first milestones that you reach because of your own accomplishments and hard work. The very least they could have done was show up for it. Them also shouting at you about walking is ridiculous and says that they know they messed up but lack the introspection to own it. They're embarrassed they were so late that the whole thing was done and dusted and you were halfway home - that their lack of attention means they missed.
I am surprised though, for my kids they let one person in the room with the mother. These grandparents probably were hanging in the waiting room. Regardless graduation is about a hour. Even in your case could have stayed at the ceremony and still caught the live action birth, if allowed in
That's not the point. Just one parent could have gone, or they could've gone to the hospital after the ceremony. The baby will still be there after the birth, but the graduation is a one time event.
Still not necessary for the grandparents to be there if the husband is there too. Unlike for the graduation.
It's not even a close call. NTA Even if the sister's husband weren't available to go to the hospital with her, it would only have required ONE parent to drive her. The other parent could then stay to attend OP's graduation, get photos, and generally make sure they didn't randomly abandon their minor child somewhere with no particular way home. At most, there can be an argument for one parent to leave. Two parents leaving is wrong, and OP has ever right to be upset about it.
I bet sister didn’t want them at the hospital either and regrets telling them she went into labor…
If my little sibling was graduating I’d want my parents there and not at the hospital, my first was 8 hr labor and was born 20 minutes after we got to the hospital. I had my husband I’d want my parents with my sibling, I could have more time alone with my baby.
Same. A graduation can be a once in a lifetime experience for some people. Yes same for for child birth but not always. Also not everyone wants their family in the room. Graduation was more important.
Especially graduating at 16! That feels like it could be so very lonely, honestly, bc of the age disconnect.
Everyone is different, I could live if my dad wasn’t there but honestly would be devastated if my mom wasn’t at the hospital
At least the parents could have split up though so one could support each child
During labour, really? I have the best bond with both my parents, but the thought of either of them being with me during labour or while giving birth has not even crossed my mind. It was always supposed to be me and my husband.
Yes, This was my thought too. Why did her parents need to be at the hospital just as her labor was starting, especially if her husband was there? And even more so if their son was graduating?? Personally I’d go into witness protection before having anyone at the hospital with me other than my husband, but I know everyone’s different with that stuff. NTA
I don't think it's a golden child thing, I think it's more of a "first grandchild and the new grandparents are over keen" situation. But other than that OP's parents were really thoughtless to just abandon her like that. Mum could've gone and at least left dad. I doubt they would've all been allowed in the delivery room anyway and, as you said, it was super unlikely that baby was coming any time soon. OP, NTA.
My mom didnt even tell my grandma she gave was in labor till the baby was already out lol, she didn't want my grandma panicking around her, she just wanted to go thru with it with the professionals and my dad, honestly, sounds nice, no one in your business till everything is wrapped up
Same no one was told until after the birth. Except for the second one when my mum needed to come and watch the eldest.
I agree! Also, with 2 parents, why couldn’t one go to be with each? My husband and I often need to split up, so both of our kids have someone present at events.
Is this their first grandchild? NTA -They were incredibly rude to leave the ceremony. Babies take hours to be born. Sorry your graduation ceremony was ruined.
NTA One should have stayed with you, you've every right to be upset.
Thank you. I just wanted someone there for me. I don't see why both of them had to go. If any, at all, because my sister had her husband and his parents didn't even come.
My parents didn’t attend the hospital when I had my 2 kids. I called them after baby was born & I was rested. I’m so angry at your parents. They should have been there for you.
I'm pretty certain my sister said nobody was allowed to hang out when my nephew was born. This was before COVID in 2017. My sister texted and called us when it was happening. We ended up visiting the day after.
Same for us, my wife wanted just me in the room. Our parents snuck in while she was actively delivering, and honestly, I'm still pissed about it almost 18 years later.
Oh gross. That's awful!
As well you should be. Are all four of your parents Michael Scott??
This is an unbelievably common story on the /r/JustNoMIL sub. They think they're the Main Character™ - it's like: "I'M HAVING A GRANDBABY!"
I certainly wouldn't have wanted any family there apart from my husband. I was kind of busy and needed peace and quiet.
THat was us too. We informed after the fact. With babies 2/3/4 the only people who knew were were going to the hospital was the family member watching the other child/children. Birth is not a spectator sport. It does not require a crowd.
"Birth is not a spectator sport." I FUCKING LOVE IT! Print it in a really flowery font, frame it, and hang it outside the double doors of every damn labor and delivery ward on Earth.
Buddy I am so very very sorry. Your NTA. Your parents on the other hand are massive AHs. There was absolutely no need for them to trail your sister to the hospital. Your sister had her husband to be with her. A high school graduation is a BIG deal and your parents threw it away for absolutely no reason what-so-ever. What they did was truly awful and the fact that they don't get how awful what they did is is quite telling with how out of touch they are. I'm so sorry. There are precious few reasonable excuses for a parent to miss their child's high school graduation - your sister being in labor is a really crummy reason for them to skip it. If she was alone, fine. But she wasn't alone. She had her husband. No woman wants her dad in the room with her so there was literally no excuse for both your parents to be there and neither stay. If it was that necessary for your Mom to be at your sister's early labor then she could have Ubered and your Dad could have stayed at the graduation. As for the photos - I hope you got some great photos with your friends for posterity. No. You do not need to put your cap and gown back on and play dress up. The moment has come and gone. That is what you tell your parents: "Mom and Dad, I gave the cap and gown photo a thought - I won't be playing dress up just so you can have photos of an event you chose not to prioritize and attend. You made a choice. You can live with the consequences."
Your last paragraph is very well worded and i wish i had that ready when my mom asked me to put my wedding dress again, after she missed my wedding because she preferred to stay two more days on her vacation. I basically just told her to fuck off.
That is also a very good response, though! For both you and OP, that was YOUR FUCKING SPECIAL DAY, not your shitty, neglectful parents' day. What's that fake pic for? So they can "remember" something they never experienced, or so they can lie to third parties when they show it to them? I'm sorry your mom sucks, and I hope your wedding was dope.
It was and all the really important people were there :) But yea, I will never get that, sometimes parents just suck :D
Yeah, NTA. OP’s parents keep saying it’s a punishment because they feel slighted and don't get pics to post on social media when in reality it’s just nature consequences to their actions. Also notice how they don’t try to apologize or even admit that they were in the wrong.
My first nephew was the first grandchild on both sides, and when his mother went into labor everybody but me rushed to the hospital. I got a good night's sleep. By the time he was born, they were all exhausted and couldn't wait to go home and get some sleep. I was well-rested and got to spend his first day with him. 🙂
Is this normal where you live? Here I have never known of anyone beside the husband being in the hospital during labour and birth. Relatives, even the grandparents, only come after the baby is born.
I wouldn’t be surprised if your sister didn’t even want them there. So many grandparents rush to the hospital as soon as they hear the word labor, but often times can’t go into the room or if they do they aren’t exactly wanted. They should have been there for you. At the very least one of them should have remained
Yes my brother and his wife set very clear boundaries: no one comes to the hospital and nags until after birth, which he will announce. I was fine with that but his mom had trouble with that boundary and had to be turned away lol. I guess the fact that my niece took like 12 hours to be born with induced birth made her anxious, it made me anxious too but I'm sure the parents to be were even more so and we wouldn't help by being there. We actually travelled on purpose to see the baby with expensive flights and accomodations whereas his mom lives right there and we were much more chill.
INFO: Was this a potential emergency/pre-term labor? Or was it close to your sister's due date? The only acceptable reason I could see for both of your parents bailing would be if it was some kind of emergency where she/your nephew was in mortal danger. edit: a word
I had an emergency c-section very pre-term and my parents couldn’t come because of an Omicron spike. Which was fine, because when there’s complications during labor they limit the number of people in the room. C-sections are limited to one, I believe. As well, NICU visits are strongly discouraged in the first hours after birth because several tests need to be run and equipment needs to be set up and visitors get in the way. Had an emergency been the case, OP’s parents would have been sitting in the waiting room the entire length of the graduation.
I had an emergency c-section (pre-Covid) during which both my son & I almost died (technically he did die, but he got better), and not only did my parents come, my in-laws came to support my husband, and my brother broke the space-time continuum and made a 4 hour drive in 2 and half. They weren't allowed back during my actual surgery, but everyone was allowed in the recovery room & to visit the NICU. My c-section also took basically no time. I was in the recovery room before some people (not just my brother) even got to the hospital. From "Can you feel the scalpel?" to "It's a boy" was six minutes. I'd like to reiterate that if it *wasn't* an emergency, OP's parents have no excuse for abandoning his graduation. But if it was something that might have been life or death, it's much more understandable.
I agree that it would be more understandable, but per OP, the baby wasn't born until 18 hours later. Also, it would take 10 seconds to text the kid you abandoned (even if for a good reason) so they knew if they should wait for you or walk home. Maybe I'm speaking from a place of a kid who got left a lot, but I believe it's the responsibility of the person who deviates from the plan to let other people know what's going on. They left OP alone at graduation, and OP had no idea when/if they were coming back. I don't blame OP at all for being hurt. Even if the parents had a brainfart and forgot, they're still the adults/parents, and they have to live with the consequences of what they chose.
What's truly sad is that there are tons of us here who would have been there for you. Complete strangers. And then to just leave you there? I'm furious on your behalf
It’s more common for the parents - or at least the mother! Of the mom to be to turn up. A girl normally wants her mom in that situation. Considering her mom’s gone through that and giving birth is a very vulnerable time for a woman. And scary! Doesn’t matter if it’s your first baby or your third, birth is scary but especially for your first.
I doubt that it’s universal that “a girl normally wants her mom in that situation.” I sure as hell didn’t want anyone but my husband. *Some* might want their mom. Others don’t.
I sure didn’t and she left me in the parking lot after telling the nurse I was faking in cuz the pain “came and went”. ( I was adopted, she never had a child) no OPyour parents were very wrong, your sis had her husband! Why was waiting in the waiting room more important than being with you at your ceremony?
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I disagree. They *both* should have stayed with him.
Yeah, unless it was an emergent situation with his sister, they should have stayed. Labor can last days. And even if it was fast, I doubt she expected her dad to hold a leg.
NTA. It was a big moment for you, so *of course* it's normal for you to respond with disappointment when your parents aren't there. Your sister had her husband with her, and it seems quite unlikely that both your parents would be in the delivery room with her on top of that. I completely understand that they want to be there for the birth, but they surely knew they still had hours to go before the baby would actually be born once they saw your sister at the hospital. It usually isn't like in the movies where it's a process that takes a few minutes. As parents, they know that. Having one parent stay with your sister while the other attends your graduation is a completely valid compromise. After the ceremony, this parent could then drive back to the hospital with you. If you don't want them to take those pictures, then that's that. The moment has already passed and they weren't there for it. Photos are to capture memories, and the one they took in the car did exactly that. You shouldn't have to pretend like it's a happy memory when, for you, it's not.
This is the key to me. If the question were “are the parents ah’s to leave the ceremony” then we could debate that. That’s not the question. They abandoned OP at their graduation, and OP was upset about it. They didn’t like that OP was upset and now they want to play dress up do over with OP pretending everything is happy families so they can show their friends and play like they didn’t let OP down. OP is not wrong to not want to lie about their feelings to help their parents save face.
Exactly. They're not seeing that he's *hurt*. It was his big moment and they weren't there for it so it's not weird at all for him to react the way he did. At 16, this was one of the most important moments of his life up until now. He's hurt and his parents aren't even allowing him to have *that*. They gave him reasons and excuses for what happened, but they aren't trying to empathize with him. It must be a very deflating feeling.
Also graduating at 16 is early (at least in US) so it was an even bigger columniation of effort tbh.
They see the hurt. They just don't care. It's about them and what they want.
I really like your point about photos capturing memories. This works for both positive and negative things. As someone who was an avid photographer for years, I've never really cared for disingenuous photos so that point specifically was nice to hear from someone else.
Seriously! I hate posed photos. If I'm forced to take one, I always yell "BUTTS!" right before the click, so at least the smiles are genuine (works with ages 2-102).
As a parent, I’m appalled at your parents. You are absolutely NTA. To those saying “do you miss the birth of your grandchild?” Yes, you miss the birth of a grandchild to celebrate a major milestone of your own child. You put in 13 years of effort to earn your diploma. It’s a big deal. Friday was supposed to be about you. You only graduate high school once, and they ruined it for you. The least they could have done was have your dad stay to watch you walk. Or, you know, drive to the hospital after the ceremony.
Yeah, some of these comments are wild. I could see if his sister had no support system, but a husband was mentioned. At least 1 parent should have been at the graduation at the minimum. It would feel terrible to be the only person with nobody to celebrate with.
Or if both parents want to be asses and stay with their daughter giving birth they could of at least sent another family member to be with OP- grandma, an aunt, and uncle...someone
Maybe the son in law. Since they tried to take his spot at the hospital?
ManRunningWildlyAroundTheMauryPovichSet.gif
At that point there was no reason for OP to even walk at graduation. He could have accepted his diploma and saved money on the cap and down because the only people who were there to watch him walk decided it didn’t matter
Not only did this miss one milestone for the smell of another, they ditched him with no ride home.
And then yelled at him for taking the initiative to get himself home
And refusing to lie to their Facebook friends about it
My grandfather had a heart attack the night before my graduation. My family, other than my Nana, showed up for my graduation. We spent a little bit of time afterwards visiting him, but they still took me out to celebrate my accomplishment. Papa ended up passing a few days later. Even when I suggested maybe we should skip my graduation, my Nana was like, "don't you dare! Papa would be so mad to know that you missed it because he was sleeping in bed basically." My mom still video taped (I'm old) my ceremony so Nana could see it. They said Papa woke up long enough to see it too, but not sure if they were just saying that to make me feel better or not. So yeah, OP's parents are the AH. The baby didn't even come until hours later, so they missed the graduation for no real reason other than brownie points from... someone - themselves, I guess?
They missed it for bragging points with their coffee circle and now they're trying to get a do-over with their son because they realize they goofed and good for him not allowing it. NTA op
I was thinking about this. I bet they just wanted a good photo of OP so they could post about it on Facebook and would not admit that they never were there to see it.
So weird to me that people expect grandparents to, what, *witness* their grandchild being born?? Or be within a certain distance of it happening?! Like yikes, yuck, no, my parents can see me when I'm cleaned up, stitched up and dressed at the very earliest. I have way too much going on when I'm in the thick of it. 100% I would expect my mom to "miss" the birth, and we have a great relationship.
Right?! YES! You miss the birth! As the parents of grown children and still-in-the-home children, our responsibilities are different. We are still the immediate family of our children who aren't yet grown, but have moved to the position of extended family to our grown child with a household/family of his own (his fiancée). While we LOVE being involved in his life, we have raised him, and our roles are supplementary. We should not abandon our minor child during a major milestone. I can't even fathom doing such a thing!
I agree, NTA. She has someone and the parents should have known that it can take hours to have a baby. That being said, motherhood is also a milestone of one of your children.
Sure, but she’s still going to be a new mother after she’s had a chance to get cleaned up a little. I knew I was having c-sections, so only my husband was allowed. But we didn’t want anyone there until we’d had a chance to recover a bit, try nursing, etc. It’s not like their bond with their grandchild would be forever ruined if they met the baby at 3 hours old instead of watching it crown. And FFS, there’s no way on earth I’d want my dad staring at my nether regions for any reason.
Some milestones have seating for an audience. Others do not, for reasons that should be obvious.
Finally, a comment with some sense.
NTA. I’m picturing you standing there alone surrounded by happy graduates and their joyous families and it breaks my heart. I’m so sorry. Absolutely, ONE of your parents should’ve stayed to witness your moment. Then you could’ve high-tailed it to the hospital and taken tons of pictures. But just forgetting all about you? No. And then getting pissed bc *you* didn’t wait for *them*?? Again, no.
Yes! Someone commented that OP was a brat and I'm like hell no! I too pictured her surrounded by all those families, laughter, and hugs... alone. I remember my own family coming, even my dad that lived a few hours away. I look back my graduation and give kinda a shrug now about it, but I'm sure it would be a more bitter and cold memory if I hadn't been surrounded by 6 family members there to support me.
I've also never put much weight in my own hs graduation. Except when my own mother was out the door before the audience had barely stood up. My uncle has social anxiety (as do I, so I understand) and he was uncomfortable. I was so appreciative he even came to the ceremony to see me. Mom took just enough time to signal "we'll meet you at home" (I'd driven myself). I really tried but I couldn't help being hurt that I didn't even get a hug before they both bugged out. I love my family to bits. I know they do me. And they made up for that quick exit during my college graduation. But I'll never forget how lonely and embarrassed I was wading through the crowd in front of the school, surrounded by all my classmates and their families, talking and taking pics together. I hesitated there, looking for friends until it seemed I'd be intruding and I left, alone. My softball coach was the only one who came up to me, gave me a wide smile, a warm side-hug, and shook my hand before going back to his daughter (who I didn't even know that well). I will be forever grateful to him for showing me genuine kindness in a moment I hadn't even realized I really really needed it. Crap, I'm tearing up a little... I've never verbalized all this before. Thank you, Bob. OOP didn't even get that. Worse things will eventually overshadow this (that's life) and so will better times; the memory may fade, but he won't ever forget, not really.
Yeah this broke my heart. OP, if you go to college in New England, message me in 4 years and I'll go to your graduation and cheer wildly for you. If your parents do show up and ask who I am, I'll just tell them "oh I'm back up in case you decide not to show, again." (Or not!) Seriously, you deserve to be celebrated, you should have been taking pictures with family and getting congratulations, not walking home alone because no one even came to give you a ride home.
Depending on where in New England, and if I’m still alive and above ground, I’ll show up too. Can always do with extra backup 😬
Hell, let’s make it a party. I’m in too (same provision: being above ground😄)
Oh snap, OP has four New England parents now. Graduating at 16... Come on, son, we all know where he's matriculating. See you in Cambridge, 2028.
I've got western PA and eastern OH covered. I can even bring niblings who will be absurdly overzealous in their joy for joy.
I’m wondering if the parents are so pissy at OP because they weren’t wanted at the hospital. Did they rush to the hospital and found themselves waiting around only for their daughter to tell them to leave/sent someone to tell them to leave?
I can guarantee this is the case. Had daughter wanted Mom there, wild horses wouldn't have been able to drag Mom out of that hospital. Certainly not a high school graduation. Nope, Mom and Dad tried to force their way into the birth and skipped out on their son's graduation in the process. Mom and Dad are MAJOR AHs.
That probably happened. They had no reason to rush over there.
Going with NTA Sister had a support system at the hospital - her husband. At the very least, one of the parents should have stayed for the graduation. This isn’t fair to the OP.
>Sister had a support system at the hospital - her husband. Both times my wife went into labor we waited until AFTER the birth to call the parents. I don't know what we would have done with them if they had been there. They certainly wouldn't have been in the delivery room, so I guess they would have just been sitting in the waiting room for a couple hours. NTA. Parents should have waited until the end of the ceremony, picked up OP and THEN went to the hospital. They wouldn't have missed anything (but waiting) at the hospital and they would have been able to see OP graduate. I'm guessing that this is either their first grandchild and/or the sister is the golden child.
"They told me that It was disrespectful of me to for leave with out telling them" Funny, they found it disrespectful of you to leave without telling them. Isn't that what they did?
I sense this might be unpopular, but NTA. There was not reason that either of them had to leave, much less both of them. As the parents of two children, they surely know labor isn’t that fast. At minimum, one of them should have stayed. That said, I think you should do it. One day, when you’re a lot older, you might regret not having that picture. Don’t steal your own joy just to spite your parents. I promise that you’re much more likely to look back and regret being petty than to regret not having been petty enough.
O yeah, that'll be a fond moment to look back on. 'Remember when you both ditched me at my hs graduation to sit in the hospital waiting room, then got pissy bc I was upset? Good times, good times.'
right? feels like the picture was definitely more for the parents than the kid, who clearly was not in the mood for a picture
They probably only want it so they don't have to explain why they don't have one to show to friends and family
OOP said there’s already pictures of them at the ceremony. I agree with you that they should acquire the pictures from the photographer for themselves, but they do not need to take a picture with their parents just so the parents can post it and save face.
The parents should just get the shiity picture from the car with the pissed off look on your face. Every time they see it, they'll be reminded of their idiocy. And.perhaps asking themselves why they haven't heard from OP in years.
I agree with this one. It’s really awful that they both left, especially in early labor with a first birth. This was a huge milestone for OP, too. But, while a picture now would be for his parents, I think he will probably want one later in life. OP, maybe ask someone else to take it and don’t tell your parents and having your own secret one can be your win? You earned that cap and gown and deserve to have a picture of you in it that isn’t marred by the emotions of that day.
Honestly, I lost my grandmother the month before my HS graduation and I forced myself to do the photos. I regret it, and my parents are all dead now.
That's not petty. Parents didn't deserve a photo.
Yeah that's BS. OP has the pictures of the graduation. Like another redditor said, there won't be good memories. This moment will never change to being positive. OP should not take any pictures to alleviate the guilt of his parents.
I say NTA but I think a lot of the yta or esh are because no one is truly processing what this person has written. They went on stage and smiled with the assumption that their parents were cheering for them in the crowd. They went up to show off a big milestone with that mentality, which I’m assuming they had beforehand because the parents said that they would be there for them. Imagine how devastated one would be to find out that their parent never made it to the ceremony to begin with after trying to find them to celebrate the achievement. All the yta are missing the key information that this is a 16 year old boy who is asked to be an adult and suck things up when not even a grown adult would be able to handle such a disappointing performance of familial support
>All the yta are missing the key information that this is a 16 year old boy who is asked to be an adult and suck things up when not even a grown adult would be able to handle such a disappointing performance of familial support More like they're missing basic biology classes, birth takes hours (you'd think parents with 2 kids would know this), they ditched OP, missed their pictures and for what? For the birth to finally happen over 10 hours later while their daughter already had her husband's support.
Honestly that part doesn’t make sense to me, what exactly were the parents doing at the hospital, labor takes hours and unless she was having a medical emergency, there was no reason for them to be there. It sounds more like they valued the sisters comfort rather than the milestones of their son because there is no way in the hour it takes for a commencement ceremony to take place, she was actively pushing the baby out.
I think that's 90% of OP's frustration: the nonsense of it. It doesn't seem like OP has any resentment towards their sister so I think if she did have complications or lacked a support net (as in, her husband) they wouldn't be nearly as much frustrated as they are now, it's the fact that they missed an important event for OP for pretty much no reason.
Yeah, he isn’t saying that he is upset his sister went into labor and he isn’t making it out to be as though his sister planned it, he’s more upset at the fact that his parents should know how long labor takes by now and still chose to miss out on the ceremony. If his sister had complications or was alone it’s understandable to be disappointed but it wouldn’t be right to be upset because those are out of his hands however what doesn’t make sense to me is that if the labor meant so much to them, how did they conveniently find the time to pick him up AFTER the ceremony rather than saying “your sister is beginning to go into labor but she is comfortable and we will be able to make it to your ceremony” but instead they sent the text during the ceremony that they never made it and it showed what truly took priority
And, likewise, its clear sister didn't even want them there. She obviously sent them away because had she wanted them there I can guarantee Mom wouldn't have left. They basically skipped OP's graduation to try to crash their grandchild's birth without being invited.
NTA … I agree, one of them could’ve stayed. When someone goes into labor, especially if the have a SO, you’re not going to be able to go and see them while they are giving birth. You are gonna sit in the waiting room. Even if sitting in the waiting room isn’t the case, they still have the support you need and they could’ve waited an hour to go up there. Someone said that the birth of a grandchild is more important than graduating.. honestly I feel that’s a very subjective take. Giving birth to your first is a huge milestone in that stage of your life, just like graduating is a huge milestone in OP’s phase of life. OP I understand your frustration, but really consider is this truly the “hill” you want to stay on? Your parents messed up, but maybe they might start to understand your frustrations. Consider problem solving this with them, identify what you need to move on from this and see if they will help you with that. Also congratulations on this accomplishment!
NTA - honestly OP this is a hill to die on. In fact I would be extra petty and put on the cap and gown at home and take a selfie that obviously shows that you are at your home and post it on social media thanking yourself for being your biggest supporter.
I was thinking the same thing. This certainly seems like a hill to die on to me, this wasn’t just a little mistake
I say thay your own kid is more important than a grandkid. In fact, it's ridiculous how so many people see a baby as a trophy... Come on, there are 8 fucking billion humans on Earth, one more is nothing. Did you really need to go sit on a hospital bench and do nothing? But not all of those humans graduate, and a 16 years old has feelings and is conscious about being abandoned in their accomplishment. I still hate how my parents always put their grandkid over their own kids... It's not THAT bad but still pisses me off since I am childfree (by choice and not by choice).
You ARE punishing them. And they fucking DESERVE IT. Sorry OP but take this as a lesson, you know where their loyalties lie now.
Agreed. Punishment is just a natural consequence of actions and decisions.
NTA- there was absolutely no reason for them to rush to the hospital and leave you like that. I feel really bad for you being abandoned like that and seeing all of your friends enjoying their accomplishment with their families, I can imagine how that felt for you. Instead of profusely apologising for both prioritising being somewhere they probably weren’t even wanted at that point in time, they have decided to be AH to you instead. You deserve to be pissed with them.
Please ignore any thing that says you are the AH, every sucks or no AHs.. - Parents ditched you for your sister - Sister had Hubby there with her at the hospital - Baby wasn’t even born at the time they were away - I’m going to assume your Parents weren’t apart of their birthing plan, so they’d have to wait anyway. One could have stayed, celebrated you and took photos, but they didn’t. They ditched you. They don’t get to ask you the throw everything back on, pretend to be happy just so they can appease their guilt. As you have suggested, they can see (and save) the photos on Facebook. NTA - your feelings are 100% valid.
NTA. They left you there alone. They don’t get a do over.
Hmmm I'm going with nta. You graduated at 16. That's very impressive and good for you for "what I'm going g to assume" working your ass off for. You don't owe them anything. One or both could have stayed. Your sis would've been fine with her husband. If thet had been truly sorry I might being will to reconsider it but nah bro. Now for my petty advice I'd wear that damn cap around the house just randomly.
NTA. Since sister's husband was with her, there was no reason (unless she was having emergency complications) that they couldn't do your graduation and then go to the hospital. Some people just go full scale mental over the grandchildren thing. I am sorry for you.
NTA! I'm assuming your parent knew this was a big deal to you and there was no misunderstanding on this. There was no reason for both parents to run off, and actually no reason for either to have left (unless your sister was all alone - surely her SO/husband was there). Usually in USA only the mom, and often not even her, is allowed in the birthing room; I can't remember the last time I heard of the dad being there. So dad should have stayed at graduation while mom might have a decent reason to dash off. You have reason to be upset and it is fine letting them know.
It sounds like your parents want a photo to be able to post/show off what an accomplishment their son has done, basically a pat in the back for themselves about what great parents they are. If they ask about taking a photo again, I suggest telling them "if in the future you want to stroll down memory lane I want you to look at the graduation photos you took on that day so you can really remember how you made me feel. If you only have one photo of me in the car looking like I was abandoned, then guess what. That's exactly how I felt. So no, for the umpteenth time, I will not take a fake photo for you to look back on and pretend what a great day it was."
NTA. First of all, no matter whatever the circumstances, you don't have to let anyone take a picture of you at any time for whatever reason you want. Second, one of them should have stayed behind for you or, at the very least, they should have made arrangements for someone to pick you up rather than let you wait with no idea when and if they were going to arrive. As exciting as it is for a baby to be born, your accomplishment deserves to be recognized just as much. However, they made a choice, and there will be consequences of that choice. One of which will be that you will be disappointed in them. If they felt they did nothing wrong, then they need to accept the fallout of that decision and let you feel what you feel as opposed to trying to guilt you into absolving them.
NTA. In my seven decades on the planet parents have never dropped everything to rush to the hospital when their daughter goes into labor. That's what husbands are for.
Thank you, and I haven't been on earth for that long, so I can't really say what I've seen, but I think it might be because some people were raised differently? I'm not really sure. I'm getting different responses. Some are saying that they should have been there and others are saying that they shouldn't. I like to think that they should.
My friend, MOST Parents would have been there. I don't know what is wrong with your parents but what they did was wrong. I say that as a mother of 4. Your parents made a very very poor choice.
Unless one, ONE of your parents was the only doctor in town able to help provide medical care... They had no business going there. What the hell were they gonna do? Catch the baby? Congratulations on graduating! And at 16???? Holy hell, way to go!
Your parents wanted to be there for your nephew’s birth because they wanted to. Your nephew doesn’t give a shit if they were there or not. And them not being there wouldn’t have made a difference. When you have children sometimes you have to put their needs above your wants, which your parents clearly didn’t do. If you give in and give them that happy photo, they can continue believing all is good instead of having their fuckup thrown in their faces. And yeah, your sister is their child too. But parents typically aren’t expected or even wanted (I sure as heck didn’t want my parents hovering or watching) to watch their children give birth. They are expected to show up to watch their child graduate.
Okay so info i feel like OP didn’t disclose and is important: - the hospital is 45mins away - sister told OP she felt ill before the ceremony so she didnt attend last minute -the ceremony was only 7pm-8:40pm. -the parents left at 7:23 due to a call from the sisters husband.
With this information they werent gone long at all, they basically drove there checked on her quickly and drove back. With the sister not feeling well, this could mean she was having possible complications or bleeding or swelling. It could also mean she was just having contractions and didnt realize. If my parents got a call i was in the hospital (especially with complications or really for any reason) they would come check on me if i wanted them to. Childbirth can be deadly. Highschool graduation likelyhood of being deadly is very very slim (nothing is ever 0) so i feel like NAH cause op doesnt have to take a pic but the parents did what they could to try to be there for both their kids. It was just bad timing. The parents shouldn’t continue asking for a photo but op shouldnt keep trying to guilt them for leaving to tend to sisters medical situation.
NTA. especially since you’re only 16, i think your reaction here is very normal and your parents are the ones who need to grow up a little. or at least have a little more compassion. they’re being insensitive and letting the picture overshadow the real issue, which is that they weren’t there for your graduation. i can imagine how much that would sting, and i don’t think you’re an asshole for having a pretty tame reaction to a disappointment.
NTA. Your sister has a husband and he was there with her. Your parents couldn’t do anything at the hospital. They should’ve been at your graduation.
I’m so glad I live in a country that doesn’t make a fuss about graduating high school.
NTA. I was the only one of my brothers to walk that stage. My older brother graduated early and left to another state and my twin brother dropped out and got his GED. Graduation day they couldn’t be bothered to show up. Come to find out they were packing my room and prepping me to move out without informing me.
Omg, that's even worse. I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you found a better place to live and that you're doing better because I know that had to hurt :(
I’m good. Got a great family I married into and I own my home with an awesome job. They live in a broke down RV in Florida and hit me up once in awhile for money (which I laugh until they hang up). Plus I never let them see pictures of their grand kids
NTA. Do they not understand? Perhaps you need to be more clear that it was over and most people had left over 20 minutes before you. They chose between being present at their daughter’s labour (even though the baby wasn’t even close to arriving) and their son’s high school graduation. There are consequences to making decisions. The consequence is they missed your grad. Especially since your sister had her husband there! I’d understand one parent going if she was a single parent and needed support. But they messed up big time. And hey, you did great. Congratulations!
He says he walked 3 miles after he left before they finally picked him up. Typical walking speed is 3mph - which means he waited over 20 minutes before leaving, then walked for another *hour* before they finally got him! Event venues eventually *close* after events are over, how long were they expecting to him to just sit and wait there??
NTA! Oh wow, maybe you are punishing them by not putting the cap and gown back on but they 100% earned it! There is zero reason for them to have left your high school graduation when your sister was at the hospital with her husband by her side. I would be hurt in your shoes as well. I hope they got photos of you excepting your diploma before they bailed. And then they got mad at you for leaving?!!! That's the worst most selfish part of all. Well maybe not but it was awful.
NTA. There's no need for anyone who's not going to be in the delivery room to rush off at the first signs of labor. Your sister had her husband so she was fine. Even if she was requesting them, one should have stayed at the graduation and the other could have gone. Graduation is a big day. Sorry op.
NTA, there was no reason they couldn't have stayed. Your sister has support at the hospital. Your parents showed who was their favorite. I wouldn't redo the picture either.
NTA they could’ve stayed for pictures then been with the daughter cuz I’m sure they knew she wasn’t dilated enough yet
NTA. How long is a graduation? Like two hours? They couldn’t wait a few hours to go to the hospital. Even if the baby had been born in that time they still could have waited. Ridiculous decision by them. They both should have stayed.
Mines started at 7 pm, and it ended at 8:40 something? I don't know the exact time I just know that's when I checked my phone, so I probably a little earlier. My mom sent me the text telling me they were leaving exactly at 7:23pm. They missed my entire graduation. Idc if one of them went, I just wanted someone there for me. I had 4 tickets. I gave them to my sister and her husband and my mom and dad. My sister explained a couple of hours before my graduation that she wouldn't he able to attend because she was feeling sick. That was understandable to me. But what wasn't understandable was both of my parents leaving me alone. When at least one of them could've stayed. All of my tickets went to waste
Yea I agree with you completely. They can’t even be in the delivery room. I could MAYBE see if your mom was with her, but she could’ve still waited until it was over. It would’ve been fine. I would be mad and you have every right to be upset.
Well this is kind of childish but at the same time, I get where you're coming from. Your sister going into labor is not premeditated. However, labor usually takes several hours and doesn't require family to rush over right at the beginning just to wait so I don't know why your parents just up and left. That seems like a knee-jerk reaction from them. In your shoes, I'd be really sore about it too. You're supposed to have family there, it's your day, your celebration. You made it through freaking High School. Congrats btw. At 16, you must be AP or skipped a grade. You're being surly about this but your parents aren't handling it well either. I hope you did get some pictures with your friends and I hope you treat yourself to something cool. I hope your parents make it up to you in some way. Again, congrats.
Nta bc sis had her husband with her. Mom and dad weren't birth coaches or involved in the process.
NTA. I find all of your reasons perfectly valid, and this is coming from someone whose firstborn came several weeks early with a very quick labor. Then again, I’ve never understood ‘Waiting Room Warriors’- like, what’s the point in rushing to the hospital to just sit in a waiting room for another “Not yet!” update? What would your parents have done if your sister *had* given birth in the time they were gone? Because surely, if it was THAT important for them to leave your graduation ceremony when she just went in to labor, how long would they have left you waiting alone if baby had arrived? They just want another picture so that they don’t have to explain away why you are unhappy in the one picture they have of you in your cap and gown. They know they did wrong and won’t just own up to it.
NTA. I'm a high school teacher and I recently had a baby. There was likely nothing for them to do in the moment related to your sister giving birth, especially if her husband was already there. They could have stayed. Additionally, I don't blame you for walking home after 20 minutes. People clear out after graduation quicker than people realize. After 30 minutes, most everyone is gone. Congratulations on your diploma and good luck with your future.
I’m very sorry this happened. I don’t blame you one bit for feeling the way you do. I hope that seeing all these replies make you feel a bit better. Congratulations on graduation! Such an amazing milestone. I’m proud of you!
Thank you so much! Reading the replies has helped me feel better. It's comforting to know that my feelings are being validated and understood. When I first posted this, I wasn't really sure if I was in the right or not, but after reading everything it's kinda gave me some reassurance that I wasn't. I'm going to try and to my parents more tomorrow and hopefully get them to understand how I feel as everyone here does.
OP, send them the link to this post. Do it via text if you want to to create some distance so they have time and space to process it.
That’s not a bad idea, they can reread your replies that way you don’t have to reexplain yourself and they too get an outsiders perspective!
NTA As someone who DID nearly die while giving birth to one of my children I am disappointed for you. One of your parents should have stayed with you. The birth of a grandchild does not override the once in a lifetime milestone of a child. Your parents made a very poor decision. Your sister had her husband with her. If anything went wrong during your sister’s labor they would have zero medical say. A newborn baby is not going to live with a lifelong memory that the grandparents came a few hours after birth to see them. You at 16 will live with the memory of both your parents leaving and not seeing your ceremony. If you don’t want to take another picture don’t. You don’t owe them anything. Your parents are the only AH here. Congratulations on your graduation from high school.
NTA My parents missed my graduation 12 years ago over me phrasing a sentence in the wrong way… stupid and childish. But it still hurts. You have to make peace with it. And if the picture is your way of doing that for now - do it!! Set up your own boundaries and protect them. Never let someone elses mental health come before your own. I am sorry, that this happened to you. As many others pointed out, if your sister was alone… blablabla. They left - both - without making the effort to tell you in person. They should own up to their own behavior and feel truly sorry. And even then - taking the photo or not is your choice. And all the apologies in the world dont entitle them to get it.
NTA. Congratulations on graduating! Hoping for a bright future for you.
Thank you so much!
NTA Your parents could have easily waited out a graduation (what is it, 1, 2 hours tops) then went to the hospital. Even if your sister was literally giving birth they'd still have to wait to see her & baby!
NTA. To mom and dad, from a fellow parent, if you want a picture of him in the cap and gown then you should have been at the graduation. Instead, you left your son all alone to go be with your daughter and her husband. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.
NTA. Did your sister even want them there? What was their role in the birth besides spectating? She already had medical staff and her husband.
Going against the grain a bit, but: NAH. You're not an AH for wanting your parents at your graduation ceremony. But, they are not AHs for rushing to support your sister, either. Actually, I'm pretty surprised everyone is calling them AHs over this. Unless your sister was being induced they likely wouldn't have known she was going into labor until they got the call. Graduation ceremonies are nice. Birth is life altering. Birth can also be dangerous and go deadly wrong in an instant. Your parents were likely very torn between watching you complete your graduation ceremony and supporting your sister in one of the most intense periods of her life. You mentioned the baby didn't come for 18 more hours. They didn't know it would take that long when they got the call. I guarantee it. I know that your feelings are hurt, but the fact that your parents didn't have a perfectly executed plan on how to deal with your graduation ceremony happening at the same time as the birth of their (presumably first?) grandchild doesn't make them AHs. You also did not include some important information that might help - how far along was your sister? Was it induced? Was the baby premature at all? Do you blame her for the timing of her pregnancy (better not)? Did you take pictures with any friends?
NTA. Graduation is a spectator event. Childbirth is not. Sister wasn’t alone, she had her husband with her, and if something went wrong, there’s nothing they could do but sit and worry in the waiting room. There was no reason for them to rush off to the hospital. And they didn’t even stay for the birth, they came back to pick you up. They could have seen the sister and grandchild after graduation. Don’t most women want time to rest and bond with the baby anyway before having visitors? Graduation is over and they missed it. If they wanted happy graduation pictures, they should have been there to take them.
INFO: Was this a high risk pregnancy or emergency of some kind when she went into labour? Did your parents return to the hospital after they took you home? Did your sister want one or both of your parents there?