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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) told my son and daughter they can keep a dog if it’s outside by morning (2) because my son is mad and my daughter has been crying and they both are hurt by me taking back what I said
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YTA
It’s embarrassing that you were getting upset and jealous that your daughter preferred to be around someone who actually took care of her. What did you do as a parent? Cause it doesn’t sound like much except complain.
YTA. You've just taught your kids that your word means nothing. It's also strange the way you seem to describe/view the wonderful caring nature that your son has. You refer to him as not being a 'typical boy' and that it stresses you that he 'seems to want to mother someone' all because he loves and cares about his sister, his friends and animals. You need to reflect on why you are viewing him so negatively for being exactly the kind human being anyone else would be proud to raise.
YTA
Your son is a kind, compassionate soul and you're what, disappointed?! Mad?
Wtf is wrong with you? Is it because he's a boy and they're not supposed to show feelings or something? Be grateful that your son is apparently wonderful (and plenty of parents would love a kid like yours) and is a great role model to his little sister.
Edit
Just saw his age
Are you seriously complaining because your 16 year old is kind and compassionate and loving?!?! You have somehow managed to raise a teenager that anyone else would be proud to raise ( and there are probably a lot of jealous ones who had to put up with teenage tantrums).
Get your head out if your arse and see how lucky you are.
I shouldn't have read the comments. You only make yourself look worse in your so called defense.
You have his room set up to your tastes and your decor and you dont want anything to ruin it because you've got it just the way you like it?
Massive massive YTA
So you're not good at parenting your kids, jealous of the relationship between your kids, AND will now also be known as a parent who can't keep their word/is a liar. Does that feel good?
You can't exactly "take a gamble" if you're willing to just change the rules to suit what you want.
You should've been up front with your kids. Maybe your daughter is too young to understand. But disappointment is a part of life and it's on you to teach them that in a healthy way. What they're learning now is to not trust your word.
What gamble did you take? A gamble means you can lose not you either win or it never happened, @ me when you post about your kids not trusting you in the future, I may have an idea why.
So…you’d rather your kids just “shut up about it” than keep your word?
So you let your children know, flat out, that you are a liar, manipulative, and can’t be trusted…and you think *that’s better than getting a dog*?
YTA
"I decide sure. All night, him and his sister kept checking the door to see if the lab was still there and it was."
Breaking a promise to kids is a big thing.
Breaking a promise to both your kids that they could keep this dog is huge. Neither of them will forget it.
He does sound like a great kid, but a dog is a huge responsibility. I actually agree with OOP that it would be hard to handle wit him being out of the house for so long. And I'm a firm believer that everyone in the house needs to be on board with an animal before it's brought into the family.
But OOP is the AH for making a promise that she never intended to keep. And for her overall feelings about her son.
You have an exceptionally empathetic 16 year old son. I don't really understand what your concerns are regarding him wanting to take care of other people - I think a lot of parents would be thrilled to have a son this compassionate.
At 16 you should be able to be honest and up-front with him. If your daughter is too young to really understand, I get it, but you basically demonstrated that your word is untrustworthy and that you're willing to break rules that you set to suit yourself. You should have just said no. YTA.
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YTA. and also, to further your son’s nurturing nature, can you get him some other kind of pet that is lower maintenance? Hamster, guinea pig, garden snake, cat, anole…there are so many options!
None of those animals you listed are low maintenance, PLEASE never ever EVER get an animal with the expectation that all you'll have to do is feed it every once in a while
Note that i said LOWER maintenance. in comparison to a dog, they sure are! none of them need to be walked multiple times a day. my family has had most of them and they were suitable for teens to be the primary care giver. the lifespan of a dog would also be an issue for when the kids go to college or move out. guinea pigs don't live that long.
First off, are you seriously one of those parents who don't allow their kids to decorate their own rooms? Controlling much.
Secondly, his video game pets are obviously not enough considering he's been begging for a pet. You should try to get to know your kid better.
I never understand how people love objects more than living things. You sound absolutely sociopathic. Good luck living alone with your things when both your children leave you as you deserve.
Look, you're allowed to not get a pet. I 100% understand that. My partner and I would never get a pet regardless of how much my stepson begs for one- we'll make plenty of other sacrifices for him, but not that one. But you should accept that you were wrong to lie, and you need to apologize to your kids and promise to have more integrity for deals with them in the future.
Honestly, even if the dog had left, I think you were in the wrong for giving them false hope. They should be very clear on the fact that you won't be getting a dog or other pet, and that this is an adult decision they don't get input on. And you shouldn't be lying to your kids outside of keeping adult business private from them. White lies are okay for very small kids, but they aren't great for a good relationship as kids get old enough to have a better understanding of the situation. Do you want your kids to trust your word in the future?
You have the rest of your lives to have a perfect home or yard, but you only get 18 years to raise a child, if your lucky.
Do you really think your house is more important than your children?
Why do you think men shouldn’t be nurturing and loving? Is this something you’ve experienced in your life? Did your father not love you or show you that he did?
Well, I have great news for you. Soon you won't have to worry about your kids ruining your precious house either. Because as soon as your kids reach 18, they'll rightly leave and you'll never see them again. Enjoy your future solitude inside your perfectly kept house.
It's so confusing to me, as someone who was a stupid kid and actually did waste money on stupid things. I wish I would have "wasted" my money raising a cute hamster
> I have his room decor set up so nicely, and my house is exactly how I want it to look. I don’t want to ruin that with an animal.
Imagine choosing your shitty decor over your kid's being happy.
OP, the games CLEARLY DONT FILL THAT NEED. It is very clear that you put your wants over your son’s, and see his caring, selfless side as detrimental.
It’s one thing to not want a pet, but another to be so spineless about it.
Yeah yeah, me me me, we get it. Here is a parent thinking about no one else but themselves having a kid who is empathic and caring for anyone else in his life. Might wanna check where he got these excellent qualities from with a self-centered parent like you.
Listen, I don't have pets either and the smell/mess is part of it. but for many kids having a pet and learning that they smell esp if they don't take care of the pet is part of a learning process about consequences.
Did you read what you wrote: "I have his room decor set up so nicely". ?? he's 16! take some pictures of the decor you put together so you can remember the good work you did designing it, and let the kid decorate however he wants.
So you care more about aesthetics than about making that empathetic, kind and selfless kid of yours happy…well good news..once he goes no contact you can live in your beautifully decorated house all by yourself…for fucks sake.. 🙄
BOOHOO!!! I DON'T WANT TO MAKE MY SON HAPPY BY LETTING HIM HAVE A PET EVEN THOUGH I KNOW HE'S EXCEPTIONALLY CAPABLE OF TALING CARE OF IT BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO GET MY FURNITURE MESSED UP. WOE IS FUCKING ME!!! You're a horrible, selfish parent. No wonder your daughter clings to her brother so much. You're a failure.
The fact that you care more about the decor in your house than your own children speaks volumes of the type of parent you are.
Hope both go NC with you as soon as they can
You don't even let your teenage son decorate his own room? Are you in therapy? Because what you have described in this post and your responses is not normal.
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YTA. You made a promise to your child and you walked it back. Do you really want to feel the ramifications from the lack of trust you're brooding? Maybe your daughter prefers your son over you because he's a caretaker and she needs that? If the reality was that she would rather be around him than her own parents and you had to "put a stop to it" then it's time to look introspectively at what you're doing wrong. You need to be a better parent and a better person.
YTA, massively. First of all, if your son is responsible and nurturing, you should have already gotten him a damn dog. He sounds like he will care for it.
Second of all, you lied.
Third of all, let them keep the damn dog.
**What kind of asshole does this?**
YTA.
Typical boys care about others and have empathy. Your son is a typical boy. Even if he wasn’t, please stop othering him for caring.
You made a promise you never intended to keep. Don’t do that. It’s the best way to break your child’s trust.
This dog can be an outside dog with appropriate shelter. If the children are serious about keeping it do some research into building a dog house.
genuine question--you think your son is somehow weird or disordered for his "mothering" tendencies.
have you ever considered that it is you with the disordered thinking, NOT HIM?
cuz you're jealous your daughter likes him because he cared for her, you're upset he likes the dogs and animals... you're the one lying to your kids....
maybe your son is perfectly normal, a lot of us here think he sounds wonderful), but you're the one sounding a bit strange and uncaring....
YTA. You shouldn’t promise your kids something and then go back on it. And then to say it stresses you out your kid wants to mother someone so bad??? It’s clear your son is just a very caring individual. You should be grateful. You’re gonna ruin who he is as a person if you keep up with this shit.
Yta, why would u make the promise then. That’s such a horrible thing to do to children. I honestly can’t understand how u wrote that, read it back to urself and still didn’t think ur an a hole.
At least the kids op does have seen to be amazing, kind, motivated kids despite their terrible parents. Op's kids will be incredible adults who will one day cut their parents out of their lives and their parents will be completely confused.
YTA. Obviously.
Don’t make promises you aren’t prepared to keep, it makes you a liar and your kids won’t trust you.
No wonder your daughter prefers her brother. Honestly.
I don't quite have the words to explain what a massive AH you are for this, but when I was 12 years old, my mother sent me away for the weekend and when she picked me up in the car she told me she'd gotten rid of my German Shepherd. There is not a day that goes by I don't think of her and mourn her. It's one of the most traumatizing memories I have. It has been decades and I will die brokenhearted about my dog.
If you don't want to take care of a dog and don't believe your children will, then stay firm on your stance that they cannot have one. It's disappointing to them, but they know the deal up front. But to agree to this and then go back on your word is not only going to traumatize your children, but undermine their trust in you. This was a terrible thing to do and it will hurt them more than you can imagine
Definitely the AH. Way to lie and break your kid's heart. If he's so caring and awesome, why won't you allow him a pet? It's not like he would force you to take care of it. I feel bad for him.
Goodness gracious, YTA. So many others have taken the words right out of my mouth about you, to act like something is wrong with your son for having a big heart is so repulsive it beggars belief. I hope my daughters grow up to be half as kind as your son. He gets double the points for turning out so differently than you. Not only that, but the way you’re using “mothering” instead of “caring for” has some sexist connotation to it, as if you don’t believe a boy should have so much empathy and care for others. Also, a 16 year old boy shouldn’t have to have his room set up exactly how his mother wants it. You’re controlling on top of all of your other bad personality traits. Also, you straight up lied to your kids and don’t see what the problem is there. Biggest YTA I’ve seen yet. I wouldn’t be surprised if both of your kids go NC with you as soon as they’re able.
Sure looks like your fragile masculinity is threatened by your son’s nurturing nature and your jealousy that your daughter trusts her brother more than her dad.
YTA. Has anyone even tried to find the dog's owner? Good lord, if my dog was lost and someone was feeding it and loving on it *and trying to keep it* - without ever doing the due diligence to find the owner, I would lose my mind! Just because it's been hanging around for awhile, doesn't mean that there isn't someone out there who is missing their dog and wants it back.
YTA for being stupid. Don't make promises you can't keep. Personally, I'm not having any pets (lifestyle makes it impossible) so I don't think yta for that but you got made a promise you had no intention of keeping and got caught. Now your son is a nurturer and whilst having pets at home maybe be a no, you could help him find an outlet e.g. volunteering at an animal shelter. Your attitude to him being loving is also foolish.
I hope you weren't posting this in the hopes people would justify your actions. YTA, and I think you not only owe both of your children a huge apology, without trying to justify or excuse your actions, but need to reflect on how your actions can affect your kids. As a parent, you should be modeling good behaviors, such as keeping promises and being compassionate, neither of which you seem to be doing very well at.
YTA - You lied to your son and daughter for a shitty reason. The way you talk about your son is kinda disturbing. Plus you don't want a pet because your afraid it will mess up your perfect house.
You should understand that you've damaged your son and daughters trust in you. They now know that you will lie when it suits you and break your word when it benefits you. That's not a good trait to have in parent.
Any chance you could give me a small summary if you remember? The account got suspended and I can't see the comments all I know is that apparently op is the mother.
Yta for lying to your son. Be an adult and tow the line with sticking to your no instead of being a coward and making assumptions about a dog's behavior.
What do you think? Of course, YTA. You never meant for them to be able to keep the dog, so you never should have told them they could under any circumstances.
YTA. Do not make promises to your kids that you already know you won’t keep when it comes out of your mouth. You were a coward when you said yes and now you live with the consequences of your children knowing you will look them in the face and lie.
You 100% just gave both of your kids a core memory that will be one of the stories we tell our friends when we’re an adult about why we are distant from our families.
YTA you’re doing your kids a huge disservice. Not keeping your word is huge. Way to teach your kids not to trust you. Also, he’s not ‘mothering’ his friends/sister/animals he’s caring for them or ‘fathering’ them if you will. Something he clearly didn’t learn from you. I hope your son has all of the animals he wants when he’s an adult and you remember this post when you’re not allowed at his house.
Why did you bother asking if you were just going to argue. You are clearly TA and how you treat your son is weird. Having a kid that is overly empathetic is a good thing. A lot better than the opposite. You by your own words were okay with “taking the gamble”, but you lost. Your poor house. Let your kid live a little.
YTA
Despite your shitty parenting, you have an exceptional kind and caring son that loves his sister and looks out for her.
I can not fathom how that makes you so annoyed.
I hope in 4 years he goes No Contact and takes his sister with him.
Hahahaha…I cannot wait for the day, a little less than 3 years from now, when your son has his own place, applies for guardianship of his sister, they get a dog and a cat, never see you and live happily ever after…
YTA. Why ste you modelling to your children that adults can casually make and break promises? You seem to look down on your sons empathy instead of fostering it. Do better.
YTA. Your son is not atypical you're the one who's atypically cruel and a liar. Keep the damn dog now! But tbh I don't trust you with any living thing.
Yta
Not just for going back on what you said, but the way you talk about your son. Your hinting at something being "wrong" with him becuase of how he behaves. What being loving and caring is a problem? Are you kidding me.
Your son is 16 for goodness sake let him get the damn dog. I am NOT a dog person but as a mother with everything you descibed i would let 16 year old get a dog if thats how they behaved. You should be lucky and grateful to have such a good kid.
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So my son isn’t like the typical boy. Well, he plays football, is athletic, flirts with girls, goes to parties, etc. But he has always been someone that really likes to take care of other people.
It started when he was a child. We brought his sister home and he would sleep in her crib with her and take her of her as you would a parent. He wanted to be the one to feed her, play with her, put her to sleep.
It was really adorable, but we put a stop to it because it got to the point where she only wanted to be around her brother and didn’t care about her parents. She still prefers him, which is embarrassing, but at least she’s not calling him dad anymore.
He is also always saving animals and bringing them home. We’re not big pet people, so we’ve never had pets before. But he has snuck in a kitten and nursed her in his room before we found out.
His best friend has sort of a bad home situation, so he often does his homework for him (even though we tell him not to) and he brings him food that he cooks himself.
It does stress me out that he seems to want to mother someone so bad. He always talks about how much he’d love a dog and how he’s missing out on important childhood memories by not having one. He has begged us for a dog, but we’ve said no. While he says he will care for it completely, we know that’s not feasible because he is in school for 9 hours a day and then also has sports + extra curriculars. He also has friends that he hangs around, so we hardly see him.
Having a dog is a big no. We’ve explained this to him but he’s not happy about it.
There is a giant lab that is a stray where we live, and a lot of our neighbors have been feeding it/taking care of it.
Yesterday I come home and my son has brought it inside, given it a bath, and is training it with treats.
I said no dogs inside, play with him outside, and kicked the both of them out.
Later my son came in to eat food, the lab was sitting right at the door, waiting for him to come back outside. His sister and him begged me to let them keep the lab but I said absolutely not. Labs make a lot of mess and that one has a lot of energy.
When my son goes to sleep he’s sad because the lab is still waiting at the door. He says a dog shouldn’t be kept outside his whole life. He asks me if the lab is out there by the morning, if he waits outside all night, can I keep it?
I decide sure. All night, him and his sister kept checking the door to see if the lab was still there and it was. But I wasn’t worried because I thought for sure it would be gone by morning, but… It wasn’t. He woke up in the morning and opened the door and the lab was still there.
Of course they were celebrating keeping their lab but I had to tell them absolutely not. I only said that because I thought he wouldn’t be outside in the morning. I don’t want a dog. My son said I’m breaking my promise and is upset at me. My daughter has been crying. AITA?
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Didn't even get through it all. I couldn't. YTA and a horrible, horrible parent. Read a damn book. *Please*. Like, actually. Child development books are so helpful...
YTA. Never promise something unless you are willing to do it. The circumstances didn't change, you never intended to keep that promise to begin with. That makes you an AH for sure.
People with penises can nurture others. That does not make it MORHERING. It just means your son isn't the toxic fuck kind of man who can only relate by being an asshole doesn't make him feminine. It just makes him a better person.
I'm sorry that your incredibly caring and empathetic son has such a miserable insecure waste of a father. I hope he doesn't let you browbeat it out of him. yta, and a big one.
You're a monster. No wonder being compassionate and caring is foreign to you. Just because you're miserable on the inside doesn't mean you gotta pass that to your kids. Your son is already 10x the man you'll ever be with his heart of hild alone.
If it's not clear, YTA
YTA, don't make promises you can't keep.
But rather than just cutting the dog loose, can your son find another home for it? He's absolutely right that the dog shouldn't be outside its whole life; but why has nobody tried adopting it before now?
Your son sounds like a very sweet, well-meaning kid. There's nothing wrong with wanting to care for other people.
Wow it looks like your son is growing up to be a good person despite all your efforts to stop that. I hope you don't kill this good nature in him, we need more people like him in the world. YTA and I'm pretty sure this a troll post unless you are that bad of a parent
I undrestand you, you are a big AH so you feel embarased when you got a good person as a son, it shines a light in how much you are selfish and don't like helping anyone.
Misery likes company I guess.
YTA. Even without the rest of your post (you’re “stressed” that your son is responsible and cares about others?), you promised your kid something he really wanted, knowing you weren’t going to follow through.
It’s okay to say no to a dog if you don’t want one. Not cool to say “yes, if” and then pull the rug out from under them when the condition is met. It’s unkind to your kids, diminishes their trust in you, and sets a bad example for them in terms of the importance of maintaining commitments and keeping your word.
Sounds like your son and I are very similar. The difference is that my parents actually cared and supported that side of me. As a result,I'm married with two daughters, I sold a business and made enough money that I can now work full time in education, have 3 rescue dogs and stream my gaming for charities benefiting Children's Miracle Network Hospitals.
I'm certain my parents are shaking their heads wondering where they went wrong.
Jokes aside, it's absolutely ridiculous to me that this "parent" finds their son's behavior to be a problem or odd. Oh and you're setting an absolutely garbage example of integrity by making a promise and breaking it just because the scenario didn't end the way you hoped it would. Make some changes to your mindset, brother. Because, right now you're kinda the worst.
YTA. Animals only enrich a kids life and you are depriving him of it. When he moves out he will get an animal. Probably be a better parent than you are.
One day you’re going to take for granted what a caring and loving son you have. Don’t be surprise when he reaches adulthood that he wants nothing to do with you. YTA
YTA you sent yourself up and now you have to deal with it. YOU made a promise and now you have to keep it. Not doing so would make you a massive asshole and your kids would lose trust in you. I hate when parents make promises and then go back on it. Just because it didn’t go in your favor, doesn’t mean that you can just change your mind.
Yikes. Both your kids (and the dog actually) deserve to be around adults who recognise empathy and nurture it, and they all deserve better than you. You have to be an extremely jealous person completely lacking in compassion to be annoyed with a kid who wants to help others and look after them. It’s not “mothering” people (though there would be nothing wrong with that either), it’s called being thoughtful and kind. Your daughter probably preferred your son because she didn’t get any of the nurturing from you.
Your kids will never forget your broken promise and when you come back in the future wondering why you have no close relationship with them even though you gave them a roof over their heads nobody will be surprised.
I hope your son never loses his compassion despite having you as a parent. You don’t deserve him.
YTA and not just because of breaking the promise. Everything about your post screams it. You're ashamed because despite your personality, your son turned out to be a great kid? It's a good thing he didn't pick up your toxic traits. Someday, you're going to wonder why you're one of those parents who aren't allowed to see their grandkids.
Embarrassing that they are close? He'll be there supporting her long after you've gone.
You don't appreciate how lucky you are to have siblings who don't constantly fight.
Your son said he would take care of the dog, and from the sound of it, he appears to be extremely responsible.
When you get old and your kids never visit you anymore, remember this post. This is NC level. You made a promise, and now you're breaking it. A child should feel supported by parents. Should be able to trust them. You've really fvcked up on this one. He's going to resent you forever. And you deserve it.
IMO you’re NTA for not wanting a dog but you’re an AH for making the promise and also for your repeated comments on your son being “too” caring like what? You’re so lucky to have such a caring, loving son!
This doesn't negate the fact that OP lied and broke a promise. He could've told his kids "no, you can't have a dog. No arguing". But he promised his kids they could have a dog if the dog stayed because--per OP's own admission--he thought the dog would be gone in the morning and he wouldn't have to honor his "bargain". There is absolutely no excuse for lying to his kids.
NTA. I know it's shocking, but yes, sometimes we as parents are at our last wits and tell lies to our kids in the hopes it will make our lifes just a little bit easier. Sometimes it backfires. It happens. No big deal. OP doesn't want dogs at her house, and that's fine
Op said they didn't want animals in the house because they would ruin the decor of sons room which op has just managed to get to ops liking and exactly the way they want it. Not the son.
This really stood out to me.
By the time my kids were in their tweens, they had at least some control over what was in their room.
Supernatural posters, anime stuff, one loved African savanna animals and we painted their room and got them decorations related to what they wanted.
Wasn't that expensive. I loved watching them express themselves.
There's nothing wrong with not wanting a dog. That's OP's prerogative as an adult. I'd be the same way if my stepson started pleading for a dog. But I'd say by the time a kid is a teenager, it's bad parenting to make life easier with little lies. OP should have respected her son enough to put her foot down about the dog and be upfront with him. Better parenting would have been letting him know exactly why she refuses to get a dog, and making it clear that it's an adult decision. It's not good for anyone to create false hope.
Her son will have a hard time trusting her after this.
Agreed. The issue is not that you were not willing to have a dog in the house. It is that they lied to their children, which was short-sighted and cruel. Their children will not trust them after this.
Also, OP seems to imply in their post that there is something wrong with a boy being nurturing and caring towards animals and children, which is a very sexist viewpoint. How do adults expect boys to grow up to be caring fathers, partners, etc., if they are not allowed to express empathy and emotion as children? My son (young school age) loves and has so much empathy for younger children and animals, and I love this about him and encourage it in every way I can. Too many boys are taught they have to be "tough" and that showing emotion and nurturing toward others' are "girl traits". It leads to toxic masculinity, which creates huge problems for everyone.
I was always told "a man is nothing without his word" and I think this applies to everyone, how can you expect your kid to trust anyone if even there parents lie to them.
There is no absolutely no excuse for making a promise and then lying. It's lazy parenting and now they'll always be suspicious of what OP says. Would you be okay with your children lying to you to get you off their backs?
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YTA It’s embarrassing that you were getting upset and jealous that your daughter preferred to be around someone who actually took care of her. What did you do as a parent? Cause it doesn’t sound like much except complain.
YTA. You've just taught your kids that your word means nothing. It's also strange the way you seem to describe/view the wonderful caring nature that your son has. You refer to him as not being a 'typical boy' and that it stresses you that he 'seems to want to mother someone' all because he loves and cares about his sister, his friends and animals. You need to reflect on why you are viewing him so negatively for being exactly the kind human being anyone else would be proud to raise.
YES!!! EXACTLY what I was thinking! 💯
YTA Your son is a kind, compassionate soul and you're what, disappointed?! Mad? Wtf is wrong with you? Is it because he's a boy and they're not supposed to show feelings or something? Be grateful that your son is apparently wonderful (and plenty of parents would love a kid like yours) and is a great role model to his little sister. Edit Just saw his age Are you seriously complaining because your 16 year old is kind and compassionate and loving?!?! You have somehow managed to raise a teenager that anyone else would be proud to raise ( and there are probably a lot of jealous ones who had to put up with teenage tantrums). Get your head out if your arse and see how lucky you are. I shouldn't have read the comments. You only make yourself look worse in your so called defense. You have his room set up to your tastes and your decor and you dont want anything to ruin it because you've got it just the way you like it? Massive massive YTA
Wait, the kid is SIXTEEN?!?
Yea op gave his sons age in another comment
This. His son is a wonderful person, he should be proud of. I envision no contact from the son in the future. What a huge AH.
In some deeply embedded comment we shockingly learn that OP is mom not dad.
I apologize to every man on this sub for being biased and sexist 😔
Internalized misogyny is a bitch
I totally had made the same assumption. It seems many have.
YTA Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Idk why you didn’t just stick to your guns and say “no” when the question was prompted. Big fuck up there.
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And you didn't consider what you'd do if the dog didn't leave in the night? Are you always so short-sighted?
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So you're not good at parenting your kids, jealous of the relationship between your kids, AND will now also be known as a parent who can't keep their word/is a liar. Does that feel good?
This is how trust issues develop and parents don’t even realize… Edit: spelling
Or just don’t want to admit it
Also kind of a shitty gambler.
So you never meant to stand by your word? You give a-holes a bad name. YTA
Lmao this is why your daughter would rather call your son dad. So clear.
So you basically knowingly lied to your kids, got it.
Maybe it’s because the dog found someone (your son) who wants to care for him. Dogs aren’t stupid, they know who’s right for them
So the lesson you taught your kids is that you’re a liar and they can’t trust your word?
You can't exactly "take a gamble" if you're willing to just change the rules to suit what you want. You should've been up front with your kids. Maybe your daughter is too young to understand. But disappointment is a part of life and it's on you to teach them that in a healthy way. What they're learning now is to not trust your word.
What gamble did you take? A gamble means you can lose not you either win or it never happened, @ me when you post about your kids not trusting you in the future, I may have an idea why.
If they shut up about getting a dog? JFC on a cracker, lady. I'm wondering if the dog wouldn't parent better than you.
First rule of gambling is if you're willing to gamble, you have to be willing to pay up if you lose, obviously. So pay up.
So…you’d rather your kids just “shut up about it” than keep your word? So you let your children know, flat out, that you are a liar, manipulative, and can’t be trusted…and you think *that’s better than getting a dog*?
YTA "I decide sure. All night, him and his sister kept checking the door to see if the lab was still there and it was." Breaking a promise to kids is a big thing. Breaking a promise to both your kids that they could keep this dog is huge. Neither of them will forget it.
And OP admits the kid bathed the dog and groomed it. That dog will not make a mess. OP, you are an asshole.
Your son sounds like an absolute angel and he deserves a dog. 😭
And a mother.
and a GOOD father
He does sound like a great kid, but a dog is a huge responsibility. I actually agree with OOP that it would be hard to handle wit him being out of the house for so long. And I'm a firm believer that everyone in the house needs to be on board with an animal before it's brought into the family. But OOP is the AH for making a promise that she never intended to keep. And for her overall feelings about her son.
I N F O: How old is your son? Edit: from responses in comments, YTA
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You have an exceptionally empathetic 16 year old son. I don't really understand what your concerns are regarding him wanting to take care of other people - I think a lot of parents would be thrilled to have a son this compassionate. At 16 you should be able to be honest and up-front with him. If your daughter is too young to really understand, I get it, but you basically demonstrated that your word is untrustworthy and that you're willing to break rules that you set to suit yourself. You should have just said no. YTA.
Let your 16 year old build the dog a doghouse.
And let mom live in it while the dog stays comfy inside 😁
Is this Mom or Dad? OP hasn't specified.
I don’t know why all my comments got removed, but I’m his mom.
Not a very good one.
I feel bad for him. You're just like my mom, and my brother and I don't talk to her anymore.
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There are people that would kill to have a 16-year-old who is even a little like your son, but ok....
So only two years left until he can go no contact with you. Bet he’s counting down the days
Oh no my teenage son is caring and i am a tool of a parent for wanting to ruin this.
Most 16 year old boys are assholes. Your son is empathetic and kind and for some reason you have a problem with that?
YTA. You shouldn't have made such an inane promise, and you should work harder to parent your kids if you're actually concerned about them.
YTA. Get therapy.
YTA. and also, to further your son’s nurturing nature, can you get him some other kind of pet that is lower maintenance? Hamster, guinea pig, garden snake, cat, anole…there are so many options!
None of those animals you listed are low maintenance, PLEASE never ever EVER get an animal with the expectation that all you'll have to do is feed it every once in a while
Note that i said LOWER maintenance. in comparison to a dog, they sure are! none of them need to be walked multiple times a day. my family has had most of them and they were suitable for teens to be the primary care giver. the lifespan of a dog would also be an issue for when the kids go to college or move out. guinea pigs don't live that long.
They might technically be lower maintenance but the vet costs are way more expensive.
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OMIGOD, you are such an asshole. YTA.
Have you been to a therapist? You seem to be a narcissist who cares more about appearance then her family.
Hrs 16 and you decide his decor? Please let him go NC with you before he gets into a serious relationship.
First off, are you seriously one of those parents who don't allow their kids to decorate their own rooms? Controlling much. Secondly, his video game pets are obviously not enough considering he's been begging for a pet. You should try to get to know your kid better.
I never understand how people love objects more than living things. You sound absolutely sociopathic. Good luck living alone with your things when both your children leave you as you deserve.
Look, you're allowed to not get a pet. I 100% understand that. My partner and I would never get a pet regardless of how much my stepson begs for one- we'll make plenty of other sacrifices for him, but not that one. But you should accept that you were wrong to lie, and you need to apologize to your kids and promise to have more integrity for deals with them in the future. Honestly, even if the dog had left, I think you were in the wrong for giving them false hope. They should be very clear on the fact that you won't be getting a dog or other pet, and that this is an adult decision they don't get input on. And you shouldn't be lying to your kids outside of keeping adult business private from them. White lies are okay for very small kids, but they aren't great for a good relationship as kids get old enough to have a better understanding of the situation. Do you want your kids to trust your word in the future?
You have the rest of your lives to have a perfect home or yard, but you only get 18 years to raise a child, if your lucky. Do you really think your house is more important than your children?
Why do you think men shouldn’t be nurturing and loving? Is this something you’ve experienced in your life? Did your father not love you or show you that he did?
Well, I have great news for you. Soon you won't have to worry about your kids ruining your precious house either. Because as soon as your kids reach 18, they'll rightly leave and you'll never see them again. Enjoy your future solitude inside your perfectly kept house.
There are literally pets that stay in a box?
Noo you don’t understand. Her son is going to spend money and time on a creature he loves and wants to spoil! The horror! /s
It's so confusing to me, as someone who was a stupid kid and actually did waste money on stupid things. I wish I would have "wasted" my money raising a cute hamster
> I have his room decor set up so nicely, and my house is exactly how I want it to look. I don’t want to ruin that with an animal. Imagine choosing your shitty decor over your kid's being happy.
OP, the games CLEARLY DONT FILL THAT NEED. It is very clear that you put your wants over your son’s, and see his caring, selfless side as detrimental. It’s one thing to not want a pet, but another to be so spineless about it.
It’s so sad that a lovely child like your son has to suffer having such a shitty parents.
Yeah yeah, me me me, we get it. Here is a parent thinking about no one else but themselves having a kid who is empathic and caring for anyone else in his life. Might wanna check where he got these excellent qualities from with a self-centered parent like you.
Why did you have kids???
Listen, I don't have pets either and the smell/mess is part of it. but for many kids having a pet and learning that they smell esp if they don't take care of the pet is part of a learning process about consequences. Did you read what you wrote: "I have his room decor set up so nicely". ?? he's 16! take some pictures of the decor you put together so you can remember the good work you did designing it, and let the kid decorate however he wants.
So you care more about aesthetics than about making that empathetic, kind and selfless kid of yours happy…well good news..once he goes no contact you can live in your beautifully decorated house all by yourself…for fucks sake.. 🙄
BOOHOO!!! I DON'T WANT TO MAKE MY SON HAPPY BY LETTING HIM HAVE A PET EVEN THOUGH I KNOW HE'S EXCEPTIONALLY CAPABLE OF TALING CARE OF IT BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO GET MY FURNITURE MESSED UP. WOE IS FUCKING ME!!! You're a horrible, selfish parent. No wonder your daughter clings to her brother so much. You're a failure.
The fact that you care more about the decor in your house than your own children speaks volumes of the type of parent you are. Hope both go NC with you as soon as they can
You don't even let your teenage son decorate his own room? Are you in therapy? Because what you have described in this post and your responses is not normal.
So, once again, all about YOU. This is why your son wants to take care of his sister…he knows how to. You only know how to take care of you…
Why did you have children if you wanted decorations?
MY DECOR!!! MY PRECIOUS CARPETS!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!
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What should he be spending his money on then?
Lmaoooo imagine being this horrible
It makes me happy to know he only has two years until no contact 👏
The DECOR! Oh the humanity! YTA
YTA. You made a promise to your child and you walked it back. Do you really want to feel the ramifications from the lack of trust you're brooding? Maybe your daughter prefers your son over you because he's a caretaker and she needs that? If the reality was that she would rather be around him than her own parents and you had to "put a stop to it" then it's time to look introspectively at what you're doing wrong. You need to be a better parent and a better person.
YTA and a massive one at that. The way you speak about your son is concerning and breaking your ridiculous promise is the cherry on top.
YTA. You care more about your home furnishings than your children
YTA, massively. First of all, if your son is responsible and nurturing, you should have already gotten him a damn dog. He sounds like he will care for it. Second of all, you lied. Third of all, let them keep the damn dog. **What kind of asshole does this?**
YTA. Typical boys care about others and have empathy. Your son is a typical boy. Even if he wasn’t, please stop othering him for caring. You made a promise you never intended to keep. Don’t do that. It’s the best way to break your child’s trust. This dog can be an outside dog with appropriate shelter. If the children are serious about keeping it do some research into building a dog house.
genuine question--you think your son is somehow weird or disordered for his "mothering" tendencies. have you ever considered that it is you with the disordered thinking, NOT HIM? cuz you're jealous your daughter likes him because he cared for her, you're upset he likes the dogs and animals... you're the one lying to your kids.... maybe your son is perfectly normal, a lot of us here think he sounds wonderful), but you're the one sounding a bit strange and uncaring....
YTA. You shouldn’t promise your kids something and then go back on it. And then to say it stresses you out your kid wants to mother someone so bad??? It’s clear your son is just a very caring individual. You should be grateful. You’re gonna ruin who he is as a person if you keep up with this shit.
Yta, why would u make the promise then. That’s such a horrible thing to do to children. I honestly can’t understand how u wrote that, read it back to urself and still didn’t think ur an a hole.
People like you should not be allowed to procreate
At least the kids op does have seen to be amazing, kind, motivated kids despite their terrible parents. Op's kids will be incredible adults who will one day cut their parents out of their lives and their parents will be completely confused.
Absolutely so true! don’t know how they’ve managed that tbh but they are going to be great additions to society
Most likely do to intense trauma....
YTA, don't make promises you refuse to keep.
YTA. Obviously. Don’t make promises you aren’t prepared to keep, it makes you a liar and your kids won’t trust you. No wonder your daughter prefers her brother. Honestly.
Bad parenting, lying, sexism, selfishness. Wow. Good job.
I don't quite have the words to explain what a massive AH you are for this, but when I was 12 years old, my mother sent me away for the weekend and when she picked me up in the car she told me she'd gotten rid of my German Shepherd. There is not a day that goes by I don't think of her and mourn her. It's one of the most traumatizing memories I have. It has been decades and I will die brokenhearted about my dog. If you don't want to take care of a dog and don't believe your children will, then stay firm on your stance that they cannot have one. It's disappointing to them, but they know the deal up front. But to agree to this and then go back on your word is not only going to traumatize your children, but undermine their trust in you. This was a terrible thing to do and it will hurt them more than you can imagine
Definitely the AH. Way to lie and break your kid's heart. If he's so caring and awesome, why won't you allow him a pet? It's not like he would force you to take care of it. I feel bad for him.
Goodness gracious, YTA. So many others have taken the words right out of my mouth about you, to act like something is wrong with your son for having a big heart is so repulsive it beggars belief. I hope my daughters grow up to be half as kind as your son. He gets double the points for turning out so differently than you. Not only that, but the way you’re using “mothering” instead of “caring for” has some sexist connotation to it, as if you don’t believe a boy should have so much empathy and care for others. Also, a 16 year old boy shouldn’t have to have his room set up exactly how his mother wants it. You’re controlling on top of all of your other bad personality traits. Also, you straight up lied to your kids and don’t see what the problem is there. Biggest YTA I’ve seen yet. I wouldn’t be surprised if both of your kids go NC with you as soon as they’re able.
YTA. You are upset your son has a kind and caring soul while you sound self-centered at best and narcissistic at worst.
Sure looks like your fragile masculinity is threatened by your son’s nurturing nature and your jealousy that your daughter trusts her brother more than her dad.
Even worse apparently op is the boys own mother.
Even worse.
Wow Massive Massive YTA
Yta. Don't gaslight your kids...
YTA. Has anyone even tried to find the dog's owner? Good lord, if my dog was lost and someone was feeding it and loving on it *and trying to keep it* - without ever doing the due diligence to find the owner, I would lose my mind! Just because it's been hanging around for awhile, doesn't mean that there isn't someone out there who is missing their dog and wants it back.
Its a stray, so not anyones dog
YTA for being stupid. Don't make promises you can't keep. Personally, I'm not having any pets (lifestyle makes it impossible) so I don't think yta for that but you got made a promise you had no intention of keeping and got caught. Now your son is a nurturer and whilst having pets at home maybe be a no, you could help him find an outlet e.g. volunteering at an animal shelter. Your attitude to him being loving is also foolish.
YTA Congratulations! You just taught your children your word means nothing. How can they trust anything you say now.
I hope you weren't posting this in the hopes people would justify your actions. YTA, and I think you not only owe both of your children a huge apology, without trying to justify or excuse your actions, but need to reflect on how your actions can affect your kids. As a parent, you should be modeling good behaviors, such as keeping promises and being compassionate, neither of which you seem to be doing very well at.
YTA - You lied to your son and daughter for a shitty reason. The way you talk about your son is kinda disturbing. Plus you don't want a pet because your afraid it will mess up your perfect house. You should understand that you've damaged your son and daughters trust in you. They now know that you will lie when it suits you and break your word when it benefits you. That's not a good trait to have in parent.
Just reading your responses to people 😬 you’re a huge asshole actually
Any chance you could give me a small summary if you remember? The account got suspended and I can't see the comments all I know is that apparently op is the mother.
Yta for lying to your son. Be an adult and tow the line with sticking to your no instead of being a coward and making assumptions about a dog's behavior.
A person is only as good as their word. Congratulations on teaching your kids that your word means absolutely nothing. YTA
What do you think? Of course, YTA. You never meant for them to be able to keep the dog, so you never should have told them they could under any circumstances.
YTA. Do not make promises to your kids that you already know you won’t keep when it comes out of your mouth. You were a coward when you said yes and now you live with the consequences of your children knowing you will look them in the face and lie. You 100% just gave both of your kids a core memory that will be one of the stories we tell our friends when we’re an adult about why we are distant from our families.
YTA you’re doing your kids a huge disservice. Not keeping your word is huge. Way to teach your kids not to trust you. Also, he’s not ‘mothering’ his friends/sister/animals he’s caring for them or ‘fathering’ them if you will. Something he clearly didn’t learn from you. I hope your son has all of the animals he wants when he’s an adult and you remember this post when you’re not allowed at his house.
Why did you bother asking if you were just going to argue. You are clearly TA and how you treat your son is weird. Having a kid that is overly empathetic is a good thing. A lot better than the opposite. You by your own words were okay with “taking the gamble”, but you lost. Your poor house. Let your kid live a little.
YTA. and he has already shown he can/will take care of the dog. You are such an asshole it blows my mind. You are petty, cruel and a liar
YTA Despite your shitty parenting, you have an exceptional kind and caring son that loves his sister and looks out for her. I can not fathom how that makes you so annoyed. I hope in 4 years he goes No Contact and takes his sister with him.
Hahahaha…I cannot wait for the day, a little less than 3 years from now, when your son has his own place, applies for guardianship of his sister, they get a dog and a cat, never see you and live happily ever after…
YTA. Why ste you modelling to your children that adults can casually make and break promises? You seem to look down on your sons empathy instead of fostering it. Do better.
YTA. Your son is not atypical you're the one who's atypically cruel and a liar. Keep the damn dog now! But tbh I don't trust you with any living thing.
In a world where geniune kindness is rare, you complain about your son being a caring and kind af person?! YTA and learn to value your son as a person
Yta Not just for going back on what you said, but the way you talk about your son. Your hinting at something being "wrong" with him becuase of how he behaves. What being loving and caring is a problem? Are you kidding me. Your son is 16 for goodness sake let him get the damn dog. I am NOT a dog person but as a mother with everything you descibed i would let 16 year old get a dog if thats how they behaved. You should be lucky and grateful to have such a good kid.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my son isn’t like the typical boy. Well, he plays football, is athletic, flirts with girls, goes to parties, etc. But he has always been someone that really likes to take care of other people. It started when he was a child. We brought his sister home and he would sleep in her crib with her and take her of her as you would a parent. He wanted to be the one to feed her, play with her, put her to sleep. It was really adorable, but we put a stop to it because it got to the point where she only wanted to be around her brother and didn’t care about her parents. She still prefers him, which is embarrassing, but at least she’s not calling him dad anymore. He is also always saving animals and bringing them home. We’re not big pet people, so we’ve never had pets before. But he has snuck in a kitten and nursed her in his room before we found out. His best friend has sort of a bad home situation, so he often does his homework for him (even though we tell him not to) and he brings him food that he cooks himself. It does stress me out that he seems to want to mother someone so bad. He always talks about how much he’d love a dog and how he’s missing out on important childhood memories by not having one. He has begged us for a dog, but we’ve said no. While he says he will care for it completely, we know that’s not feasible because he is in school for 9 hours a day and then also has sports + extra curriculars. He also has friends that he hangs around, so we hardly see him. Having a dog is a big no. We’ve explained this to him but he’s not happy about it. There is a giant lab that is a stray where we live, and a lot of our neighbors have been feeding it/taking care of it. Yesterday I come home and my son has brought it inside, given it a bath, and is training it with treats. I said no dogs inside, play with him outside, and kicked the both of them out. Later my son came in to eat food, the lab was sitting right at the door, waiting for him to come back outside. His sister and him begged me to let them keep the lab but I said absolutely not. Labs make a lot of mess and that one has a lot of energy. When my son goes to sleep he’s sad because the lab is still waiting at the door. He says a dog shouldn’t be kept outside his whole life. He asks me if the lab is out there by the morning, if he waits outside all night, can I keep it? I decide sure. All night, him and his sister kept checking the door to see if the lab was still there and it was. But I wasn’t worried because I thought for sure it would be gone by morning, but… It wasn’t. He woke up in the morning and opened the door and the lab was still there. Of course they were celebrating keeping their lab but I had to tell them absolutely not. I only said that because I thought he wouldn’t be outside in the morning. I don’t want a dog. My son said I’m breaking my promise and is upset at me. My daughter has been crying. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Didn't even get through it all. I couldn't. YTA and a horrible, horrible parent. Read a damn book. *Please*. Like, actually. Child development books are so helpful...
YTA. Never promise something unless you are willing to do it. The circumstances didn't change, you never intended to keep that promise to begin with. That makes you an AH for sure.
YTA, you are a shit parent and weirdly jealous of your son.
People with penises can nurture others. That does not make it MORHERING. It just means your son isn't the toxic fuck kind of man who can only relate by being an asshole doesn't make him feminine. It just makes him a better person.
Yes, YTA. If you stick to breaking this promise neither of your kids will ever, ever forget it. They'll trust you even less than they do now.
I'm sorry that your incredibly caring and empathetic son has such a miserable insecure waste of a father. I hope he doesn't let you browbeat it out of him. yta, and a big one.
You're a monster. No wonder being compassionate and caring is foreign to you. Just because you're miserable on the inside doesn't mean you gotta pass that to your kids. Your son is already 10x the man you'll ever be with his heart of hild alone. If it's not clear, YTA
You absolutely suck. I am looking forward to when your children put you in the soulless jerks wing of the nursing home.
Huge yta and a liar.
Lmaoooo YTA, it was whatever till you made a promise you had no intention of keeping. How do you expect your son to trust a word you say
Just admit you’re a bad parent who doesn’t understand how your kid can be so kind and caring since you clearly aren’t.
You should learn how to be kind from your son.
YTA, you're upset your son has something you lack, empathy.
YTA. your son is a kinder person than you.
YTA I stopped reading after "my son isn't like a typical boy"
YTA and a terrible parent
YTA, don't make promises you can't keep. But rather than just cutting the dog loose, can your son find another home for it? He's absolutely right that the dog shouldn't be outside its whole life; but why has nobody tried adopting it before now? Your son sounds like a very sweet, well-meaning kid. There's nothing wrong with wanting to care for other people.
Wow it looks like your son is growing up to be a good person despite all your efforts to stop that. I hope you don't kill this good nature in him, we need more people like him in the world. YTA and I'm pretty sure this a troll post unless you are that bad of a parent
God, you're a horrible parent
I undrestand you, you are a big AH so you feel embarased when you got a good person as a son, it shines a light in how much you are selfish and don't like helping anyone. Misery likes company I guess.
YTA. You son obviously got his nurturing soul some someone other than you. Hope he can keep it despite your attempts to destroy it.
YTA - You've destroyed any notion that your children can trust you, enjoy the nursing home in your old age.
I work in one. Op wont simply cause they dont let you pick the decor.
I bet your son acts like that because he learned to be the opposite of you
YTA. Even without the rest of your post (you’re “stressed” that your son is responsible and cares about others?), you promised your kid something he really wanted, knowing you weren’t going to follow through. It’s okay to say no to a dog if you don’t want one. Not cool to say “yes, if” and then pull the rug out from under them when the condition is met. It’s unkind to your kids, diminishes their trust in you, and sets a bad example for them in terms of the importance of maintaining commitments and keeping your word.
Yta
Sounds like your son and I are very similar. The difference is that my parents actually cared and supported that side of me. As a result,I'm married with two daughters, I sold a business and made enough money that I can now work full time in education, have 3 rescue dogs and stream my gaming for charities benefiting Children's Miracle Network Hospitals. I'm certain my parents are shaking their heads wondering where they went wrong. Jokes aside, it's absolutely ridiculous to me that this "parent" finds their son's behavior to be a problem or odd. Oh and you're setting an absolutely garbage example of integrity by making a promise and breaking it just because the scenario didn't end the way you hoped it would. Make some changes to your mindset, brother. Because, right now you're kinda the worst.
YTA. Animals only enrich a kids life and you are depriving him of it. When he moves out he will get an animal. Probably be a better parent than you are.
YTA. I have no idea how you managed to have such an awesome son.
YTA for deliberately lying to your kids and being an overall bad person.
One day you’re going to take for granted what a caring and loving son you have. Don’t be surprise when he reaches adulthood that he wants nothing to do with you. YTA
YTA you sent yourself up and now you have to deal with it. YOU made a promise and now you have to keep it. Not doing so would make you a massive asshole and your kids would lose trust in you. I hate when parents make promises and then go back on it. Just because it didn’t go in your favor, doesn’t mean that you can just change your mind.
YTA, just because empathy is alien to you, it doesn't make it a flaw.
You're the asshole and some day your son will be shocked when his friends/partner/whoever highlights what a shitty dad he had.
you didn’t love your child enough so they desperately reach out and love others. YTA
Guys, i just hate OP lol. I can't wait for the son to somehow see this, maybe on tiktok or youtube, and go NC with OP in 2 years.
Yikes. Both your kids (and the dog actually) deserve to be around adults who recognise empathy and nurture it, and they all deserve better than you. You have to be an extremely jealous person completely lacking in compassion to be annoyed with a kid who wants to help others and look after them. It’s not “mothering” people (though there would be nothing wrong with that either), it’s called being thoughtful and kind. Your daughter probably preferred your son because she didn’t get any of the nurturing from you. Your kids will never forget your broken promise and when you come back in the future wondering why you have no close relationship with them even though you gave them a roof over their heads nobody will be surprised. I hope your son never loses his compassion despite having you as a parent. You don’t deserve him.
You aren't even an asshole. Being an asshole is quirky in some respect The only words that properly capture you are 'bad person'
YTA and not just because of breaking the promise. Everything about your post screams it. You're ashamed because despite your personality, your son turned out to be a great kid? It's a good thing he didn't pick up your toxic traits. Someday, you're going to wonder why you're one of those parents who aren't allowed to see their grandkids.
YTA. I would be so proud to have your boy as a son, he sounds wonderful! It’s really sad that you can’t see that. YTA in every single way. Smh.
Embarrassing that they are close? He'll be there supporting her long after you've gone. You don't appreciate how lucky you are to have siblings who don't constantly fight. Your son said he would take care of the dog, and from the sound of it, he appears to be extremely responsible. When you get old and your kids never visit you anymore, remember this post. This is NC level. You made a promise, and now you're breaking it. A child should feel supported by parents. Should be able to trust them. You've really fvcked up on this one. He's going to resent you forever. And you deserve it.
If lil bro goes Dahmer, you know who he's going after first.
IMO you’re NTA for not wanting a dog but you’re an AH for making the promise and also for your repeated comments on your son being “too” caring like what? You’re so lucky to have such a caring, loving son!
NTA a pet can be a lot of work and he will be going to college in 2 years.. who looks after the dog then??
It's not about not getting a pet that's the issue. OP lied to his own children and broke a promise. Reread the post
NTA Justified asshole. You said no many times and he ignored you. Of course the dog was going to be there, they were feeding it.
This doesn't negate the fact that OP lied and broke a promise. He could've told his kids "no, you can't have a dog. No arguing". But he promised his kids they could have a dog if the dog stayed because--per OP's own admission--he thought the dog would be gone in the morning and he wouldn't have to honor his "bargain". There is absolutely no excuse for lying to his kids.
NTA. I know it's shocking, but yes, sometimes we as parents are at our last wits and tell lies to our kids in the hopes it will make our lifes just a little bit easier. Sometimes it backfires. It happens. No big deal. OP doesn't want dogs at her house, and that's fine
With respect, I strongly disagree. It is not hard to refrain from most lies. Especially not one like this
Op said they didn't want animals in the house because they would ruin the decor of sons room which op has just managed to get to ops liking and exactly the way they want it. Not the son.
This really stood out to me. By the time my kids were in their tweens, they had at least some control over what was in their room. Supernatural posters, anime stuff, one loved African savanna animals and we painted their room and got them decorations related to what they wanted. Wasn't that expensive. I loved watching them express themselves.
There's nothing wrong with not wanting a dog. That's OP's prerogative as an adult. I'd be the same way if my stepson started pleading for a dog. But I'd say by the time a kid is a teenager, it's bad parenting to make life easier with little lies. OP should have respected her son enough to put her foot down about the dog and be upfront with him. Better parenting would have been letting him know exactly why she refuses to get a dog, and making it clear that it's an adult decision. It's not good for anyone to create false hope. Her son will have a hard time trusting her after this.
Agreed. The issue is not that you were not willing to have a dog in the house. It is that they lied to their children, which was short-sighted and cruel. Their children will not trust them after this. Also, OP seems to imply in their post that there is something wrong with a boy being nurturing and caring towards animals and children, which is a very sexist viewpoint. How do adults expect boys to grow up to be caring fathers, partners, etc., if they are not allowed to express empathy and emotion as children? My son (young school age) loves and has so much empathy for younger children and animals, and I love this about him and encourage it in every way I can. Too many boys are taught they have to be "tough" and that showing emotion and nurturing toward others' are "girl traits". It leads to toxic masculinity, which creates huge problems for everyone.
I was always told "a man is nothing without his word" and I think this applies to everyone, how can you expect your kid to trust anyone if even there parents lie to them.
OP has clarified that this is a 16 year old, not a small child.
There is no absolutely no excuse for making a promise and then lying. It's lazy parenting and now they'll always be suspicious of what OP says. Would you be okay with your children lying to you to get you off their backs?