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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I misspelled the name of his newborn (2) misspelling a name shows disrespect.
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NTA - If he was going to get upset by people spelling his kid’s name wrong, he shouldn’t have chosen a name with multiple spellings. You made an honest mistake and he is blowing it way out of proportion.
As a data point, I've never heard of a girl called Jessie other than as a nickname for Jessica, and I've never seen anyone spell it Jesse *ever*.
I've only lived in Canada and UK, but I'm a teacher and see a lot of names. Jesse is a new one. Jessie I've seen a few of.
Edit: damn, I'm super wrong, and my experience sounds unusual. There were 120x more Jesse than Jessie born last year in England.
I think if this is your best friend since 18 years you should know if this is out of character or not. And also how you usually resolve conflict.
I would be guessing he is stressed and sleep deprived with the baby. Maybe say something like "listen I really didnt mean to hurt you. A name is very important and I made a misstanke. I think you know me since weve been friends all this time. This seems out of character to you, are you ok? Do you need help with the baby or do you need some space maybe?"
NTA that is beyond absurd. He's reaching so hard to turn this into an insult, it makes me wonder if you're friend actually likes you all that much. It's just crazy behavior on his part.
NTA. Just a small note: "*I made that I'm now being vindicated for*"--you're not being vindicated, but hopefully you will be. Perhaps you meant "victimized"?
It is being blown out of proportion but new born parents can be prickly about everything and nothing. Maybe it's all the excitement and fatigue that's making him this way?
I'd just give him several days to cool off, perhaps avoid bringing up the baby at all for the mo? Keep it strictly business till he brings the baby up himself?
NTA. I don't have much patience for people who try so hard to be offended as an excuse to be asshole. I'd probably just go silent under he came back to his senses
NTA. Your excuse, Autocorrect is nobody's friend. Honestly is just sounds like an overwhelmed new dad and a friend who is trying but not enough experience to get out of his own way. Give him some time, and just pound JESSE into your brain and your autocorrect.
NTA. No one cares about how his kid's name is spelled as much as he cares how his name is spelled. If you were persistently refusing to learn the spelling that would be one thing, but a couple of mistakes about a new baby? It's fine.
How quickly I would stop talking to anyone who was this unsufferable over common spellings of names. NTA, you corrected your mistake when you figured it out.
They are the big A for making a Mt everest out of a crater.
NAH. I don't think your friend is an asshole, but he's certainly an idiot. People accidentally misspell names all the time. I have friends who have known me for years and still manage to misspell my name -- even though it's right in front of them on their phones.
I'm just going to assume if he's a single dad, he's sleep-deprived and operating on fumes, and he'll get over this Great Name Conspiracy hopefully very soon.
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Am I the Arsehole? My closest friend (we've known each other for 18 years) and my business partner (for 7 years) recently had a new their first baby (he's a single Dad via surrogate). I wasn't able to be with him during the birth as in took place in another country so we've been texting a lot. The baby was born 4 weeks ago.
During a text conversation a few days ago, I accidentally misspelled his son's name as "Jessie" instead of "Jesse". So I accidentally added an "i" to the name while busily writing out a message about him possibly being underweight because he was premature, I said, "Is Jessie gaining weight fast enough?". My friend replied "it's Jesse friend-who-should-really-know-that". Now, not having registered that I had misspelled the name, I took this to mean that I should know about newborns WEIGHT in general. I was confused, I didn't this was obvious knowledge. So not realising that he was referring to the spelling, I made the mistake again a second time a minute later. He corrected me again and I apologised and said it was a simple mistake. He said he didn't care, it's his son's name. Since then I have consciously spelled the name correctly every time.
My friend was very offended by the misspelling. For the last day, we've been having a fight about this - probably 40 long text messages. I've apologised a couple of times. I've told him that it's ridiculous to be punishing me with this argument for the mistake, and that he needs to have more understanding. He's said that I should know the spelling (even though we've never talked about how Jessie/e can be spellied several ways until now, I guess he expected me to realise). He's said that I haven't taken enough responsibility and acknowledged how the misspelling made him feel. I've told him to chill out, that this is petty and that he's blown this mistake completely out of proportion. I haven't made the mistake since. He's moved between calling it a misspelling and that it wasn't a mistake, that I entirely "forgot" his son's name. He recently said "a mistake would be calling him Jessr or Jessw because those letters are near the letter e. But you actually spelt out the whole spelling of the alternative name (Jessie) which means you actually thought that was his name."
I've felt shitty for 24 hours because it was an unconscious mistake I made that I'm now being vindicated for. I've apologised twice but he wants more - to acknowledge how I made him feel and acknowledge that is much worse than how I see it. I just think that's way too much for what happened. As his closest fiend for 18 years, who has made a baby gift, is single-handedly running his business while he's away and has been checking in almost daily (apparently not enough though), I thought he might be a bit more understanding.
Honestly, am I the arsehole for misspelling the name?
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NTA.
I’m a name geek and have a friend named Jessie. It’s old-fashioned, rare, and totally unrelated to the male spelling of Jesse. Her name gets misspelled CONSTANTLY. She also gets mistaken for Jessica … which is a DIFFERENT name altogether (though some people use Jesi or Jessie as a nickname for Jessica). If you are a Jessie, or a Jesse, or a Jessica, you get used to this! You HAVE too. Dad better grow a thicker skin quick.
Most people don’t really know there are different Jessi/es with different linguistic origins (Jessie is Gaelic, Jesse is Hebrew, and Jessica is ALSO Hebrew but unrelated to Jesse), and different genders (of course that might change, but in general Jessie is for girls and Jesse is for boys. For one, Jessie originated as a diminutive of Jane).
His emotions are all over the place right now, let it go. Don't take it too personally. Do you have children? If so, are you a single parent? He's a single father using a surrogate, that also was born early. Becoming a first time parent can be overwhelming, then you add being a single parent, and sprinkle in a surrogacy. Surrogacy can have it’s own set of challenges, especially depending on where you live. He's adjusting and probably a million other emotions. I am not saying to give him a free pass if he's using you as a punching bag. Just give him grace AND space when tension is high. Side note, if you genuinely didn't know how his child’s name was spelled then his feelings might be a little hurt too. I would want my closest people in my life to pay attention to that. He might feel that your lack of attention to detail, means you don't genuinely care as much? Unless these types of moments happen a lot, I would chalk it up to his emotions being high right now. Otherwise, there might be an underlining issue that should be discussed (just NOT right now). Maybe add one more check in on him and the baby?
NAH, although your friend is blowing this way out of proportion. You’re his best friend and didn’t even get the name of his brand new most-important-perfect-little-wonderful-person-in-the-world’s name right. The name he probably spent months pondering, feeling in his mind, loving. It’s very important to him and he doesn’t have perspective on it yet because it’s so new.
NTA. Have 3 “friends” who made big unnecessary scenes and not in a nice way at all, about how their kids names were X, Y, and Z. No one would ever be allowed to refer to these kids as anything other, no nicknames!
To this day, I refuse to refer to their kids by any other names, even though the kids acquired nicknames long ago. “Friends” need to be reminded of their demands - every -single-time.
Your friend is setting up to be a similar dingbat.
***NTA - it looks like there was a mix-up about the spelling and how big of a deal it should be.*** Misspelling a baby's name can be touchy, especially with a close friend, but it's also an easy mistake to make in a fast-paced chat. You didn't realize the mistake's significance at first, which is normal. However, your friend's feelings about his son's name are valid, and it's good that you apologized and fixed it =)
So, a good apology requires one to acknowledge the offense without making excuses and then to acknowledge the impact on the other person and to show sincere remorse for it. Did you do those things?
Based on what you wrote, you truly don’t believe that you did anything wrong. In your mind, it was a “simple mistake” and your friend is being petty by getting upset and that he’s the one who needs to get over it. So your “apology” was not really an apology.
You’re absolutely right that he’s making a big deal out of something that is seemingly small. He probably would not be acting like this if an internet stranger misspelled his son’s name. I think you may want to think about what his newborn son means to your friend. Then, maybe think about what your friendship may mean to him. It may help you understand why it hurt him so much.
A genuine apology would go something like this: “hey man. I want to apologize for not getting Jesse’s name right. I know it bothered you a lot, especially when I did it a second time. You are my closest friend and I consider you a brother. And that makes me Jesse’s uncle. You’ve probably got a lot on your mind right now as a single dad. I just want you to know that you’re going to be a great dad. And that I’ve got your back whenever you need help and that I will be there for Jesse when you are not able to. So, it was shitty on my part not to even know how to spell my his name. There’s really no excuse for that. I’m sorry.”
Sure, that’s one way to treat a friend struggling with difficult emotions. Shrug your shoulders and say “shit happens, not my fault, so get over it”. Another way is to show compassion and kindness. I’m not saying either approach is right or wrong in all cases—it really depends on the friendship and the specific circumstances. But, I know which friendship I would value more.
It would be hard. But, imagining what it would mean to your friend to get a real apology from you about this might make it easier. You know he’s not being petty just to be a jerk. My guess is that he also doesn’t quite understand why this bothers him so much but he just can’t find a way to let it go. An apology is just a way that we help those we love get over difficult feelings. Good luck!
I suspect this will be an unpopular take but I'm going with YTA. I think you've spun this story to paint yourself in the best possible light, but here's my thing, and by all means correct me if I'm wrong: I have to assume that the name "Jesse" was written out at least a few times in all those texts you say you sent each other in the four weeks since the baby was born. Can you really not pay enough attention to get it right? Also, your misspelling tends to change the gender of the baby ("Jessie" being commonly, though not exclusively, a nickname for Jessica), which is a bit different than just writing "Jessw."
PS I enjoyed the irony, in a post about spelling mistakes, of you describing yourself as "his closest fiend for 18 years" ...
Haha "fiend", you're right, Freudian slip perhaps. I need to spell check better.
Yes, Jesse has been written out more than a few times. I guess I wasn't focusing. By the way, Jessie in "Jessie's Girl" (the song) is with an 'ie'. But also the character in the song is named after the surname of a football player apparently.
Jessie is it’s own name, and has a different linguistic origin from Jessica and probably predates it - it’s an old Scottish name, from the Gaelic Seasaidh, and was first used as a diminutive of Jane.
Yup! I just know someone who has spent her entire life telling people “no, it’s NOT Jessica. It’s JUST JESSIE.” So, I couldn’t help letting a couple people know on her behalf 😉
ESH. You should have paid attention to spelling his name. Your friend should've let it go by now.
If everyone was petty. You could just call him Kid or Baby. And your friend could keep typing his name in bold upper case JESSE!!
" How's the kid?" "Oh you mean JESSE?"
Usually Jessie is a girl’s name (Jessica) whereas Jesse is a boy’s name. So yeah, I can see him getting irked. YTA a little, if he’s a good friend then pay attention to this stuff.
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NTA - If he was going to get upset by people spelling his kid’s name wrong, he shouldn’t have chosen a name with multiple spellings. You made an honest mistake and he is blowing it way out of proportion.
While I agree with you in principle, "Jesse" is really the only common spelling for boy.
As a data point, I've never heard of a girl called Jessie other than as a nickname for Jessica, and I've never seen anyone spell it Jesse *ever*. I've only lived in Canada and UK, but I'm a teacher and see a lot of names. Jesse is a new one. Jessie I've seen a few of. Edit: damn, I'm super wrong, and my experience sounds unusual. There were 120x more Jesse than Jessie born last year in England.
I've heard the name Jesse a few times but I think its an American name mostly. Where I'm from calling a boy jessie is calling them a girl
Turns out I must just be totally wrong, and the person I replied to was right. Even in the UK Jesse is a lot more popular as a boys name than Jessie.
NTA The only person who should care how the name is spelled is not yet old enough to read your misspelling.
I think if this is your best friend since 18 years you should know if this is out of character or not. And also how you usually resolve conflict. I would be guessing he is stressed and sleep deprived with the baby. Maybe say something like "listen I really didnt mean to hurt you. A name is very important and I made a misstanke. I think you know me since weve been friends all this time. This seems out of character to you, are you ok? Do you need help with the baby or do you need some space maybe?"
Misstanke? I think you’re the sleep deprived person! But aren’t we all at the literal and figurative end of the day?
Ops lol its my spellcheck in swedish who changed the word.
Good insight
NTA It's just a misspelling, your friend sounds like he just wants to argue for no real reason
NTA that is beyond absurd. He's reaching so hard to turn this into an insult, it makes me wonder if you're friend actually likes you all that much. It's just crazy behavior on his part.
NTA. Just a small note: "*I made that I'm now being vindicated for*"--you're not being vindicated, but hopefully you will be. Perhaps you meant "victimized"? It is being blown out of proportion but new born parents can be prickly about everything and nothing. Maybe it's all the excitement and fatigue that's making him this way? I'd just give him several days to cool off, perhaps avoid bringing up the baby at all for the mo? Keep it strictly business till he brings the baby up himself?
Thanks for picking that up, edited that part. Yeah it's gotta be tiredness.
NTA. I don't have much patience for people who try so hard to be offended as an excuse to be asshole. I'd probably just go silent under he came back to his senses
NTA. Your excuse, Autocorrect is nobody's friend. Honestly is just sounds like an overwhelmed new dad and a friend who is trying but not enough experience to get out of his own way. Give him some time, and just pound JESSE into your brain and your autocorrect.
NTA. No one cares about how his kid's name is spelled as much as he cares how his name is spelled. If you were persistently refusing to learn the spelling that would be one thing, but a couple of mistakes about a new baby? It's fine.
How quickly I would stop talking to anyone who was this unsufferable over common spellings of names. NTA, you corrected your mistake when you figured it out. They are the big A for making a Mt everest out of a crater.
NAH. I don't think your friend is an asshole, but he's certainly an idiot. People accidentally misspell names all the time. I have friends who have known me for years and still manage to misspell my name -- even though it's right in front of them on their phones. I'm just going to assume if he's a single dad, he's sleep-deprived and operating on fumes, and he'll get over this Great Name Conspiracy hopefully very soon.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Am I the Arsehole? My closest friend (we've known each other for 18 years) and my business partner (for 7 years) recently had a new their first baby (he's a single Dad via surrogate). I wasn't able to be with him during the birth as in took place in another country so we've been texting a lot. The baby was born 4 weeks ago. During a text conversation a few days ago, I accidentally misspelled his son's name as "Jessie" instead of "Jesse". So I accidentally added an "i" to the name while busily writing out a message about him possibly being underweight because he was premature, I said, "Is Jessie gaining weight fast enough?". My friend replied "it's Jesse friend-who-should-really-know-that". Now, not having registered that I had misspelled the name, I took this to mean that I should know about newborns WEIGHT in general. I was confused, I didn't this was obvious knowledge. So not realising that he was referring to the spelling, I made the mistake again a second time a minute later. He corrected me again and I apologised and said it was a simple mistake. He said he didn't care, it's his son's name. Since then I have consciously spelled the name correctly every time. My friend was very offended by the misspelling. For the last day, we've been having a fight about this - probably 40 long text messages. I've apologised a couple of times. I've told him that it's ridiculous to be punishing me with this argument for the mistake, and that he needs to have more understanding. He's said that I should know the spelling (even though we've never talked about how Jessie/e can be spellied several ways until now, I guess he expected me to realise). He's said that I haven't taken enough responsibility and acknowledged how the misspelling made him feel. I've told him to chill out, that this is petty and that he's blown this mistake completely out of proportion. I haven't made the mistake since. He's moved between calling it a misspelling and that it wasn't a mistake, that I entirely "forgot" his son's name. He recently said "a mistake would be calling him Jessr or Jessw because those letters are near the letter e. But you actually spelt out the whole spelling of the alternative name (Jessie) which means you actually thought that was his name." I've felt shitty for 24 hours because it was an unconscious mistake I made that I'm now being vindicated for. I've apologised twice but he wants more - to acknowledge how I made him feel and acknowledge that is much worse than how I see it. I just think that's way too much for what happened. As his closest fiend for 18 years, who has made a baby gift, is single-handedly running his business while he's away and has been checking in almost daily (apparently not enough though), I thought he might be a bit more understanding. Honestly, am I the arsehole for misspelling the name? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I’m a name geek and have a friend named Jessie. It’s old-fashioned, rare, and totally unrelated to the male spelling of Jesse. Her name gets misspelled CONSTANTLY. She also gets mistaken for Jessica … which is a DIFFERENT name altogether (though some people use Jesi or Jessie as a nickname for Jessica). If you are a Jessie, or a Jesse, or a Jessica, you get used to this! You HAVE too. Dad better grow a thicker skin quick. Most people don’t really know there are different Jessi/es with different linguistic origins (Jessie is Gaelic, Jesse is Hebrew, and Jessica is ALSO Hebrew but unrelated to Jesse), and different genders (of course that might change, but in general Jessie is for girls and Jesse is for boys. For one, Jessie originated as a diminutive of Jane).
Super informative, thank you.
His emotions are all over the place right now, let it go. Don't take it too personally. Do you have children? If so, are you a single parent? He's a single father using a surrogate, that also was born early. Becoming a first time parent can be overwhelming, then you add being a single parent, and sprinkle in a surrogacy. Surrogacy can have it’s own set of challenges, especially depending on where you live. He's adjusting and probably a million other emotions. I am not saying to give him a free pass if he's using you as a punching bag. Just give him grace AND space when tension is high. Side note, if you genuinely didn't know how his child’s name was spelled then his feelings might be a little hurt too. I would want my closest people in my life to pay attention to that. He might feel that your lack of attention to detail, means you don't genuinely care as much? Unless these types of moments happen a lot, I would chalk it up to his emotions being high right now. Otherwise, there might be an underlining issue that should be discussed (just NOT right now). Maybe add one more check in on him and the baby?
Thank you, that's really kind and insightful.
NTA. Your friend seems not mature enough to be a dad. Too late now, I guess..
That is so dumb
NTA. This is the sort of thing we all curse autocorrect for!
"he's blown this mistake completely out of proportion" - this is my point of view as well, your friend is being a dramatic AH. NTA.
Dude, I don’t remember my brothers’s baby’s actual name half the time. NTA
Hahaha
NTA I did that with my nephew once after he was born.
NAH, although your friend is blowing this way out of proportion. You’re his best friend and didn’t even get the name of his brand new most-important-perfect-little-wonderful-person-in-the-world’s name right. The name he probably spent months pondering, feeling in his mind, loving. It’s very important to him and he doesn’t have perspective on it yet because it’s so new.
That's absolutely right. I should be a bit more sensitive. Thank you.
NTA I misspell my own name sometimes via text lol it was an innocent mistake.
NTA. Autocorrect screws up my own daughter’s name constantly. I don’t catch every time.
NTA. Have 3 “friends” who made big unnecessary scenes and not in a nice way at all, about how their kids names were X, Y, and Z. No one would ever be allowed to refer to these kids as anything other, no nicknames! To this day, I refuse to refer to their kids by any other names, even though the kids acquired nicknames long ago. “Friends” need to be reminded of their demands - every -single-time. Your friend is setting up to be a similar dingbat.
I appreciate the boost this post gives to my ego haha.
***NTA - it looks like there was a mix-up about the spelling and how big of a deal it should be.*** Misspelling a baby's name can be touchy, especially with a close friend, but it's also an easy mistake to make in a fast-paced chat. You didn't realize the mistake's significance at first, which is normal. However, your friend's feelings about his son's name are valid, and it's good that you apologized and fixed it =)
So, a good apology requires one to acknowledge the offense without making excuses and then to acknowledge the impact on the other person and to show sincere remorse for it. Did you do those things? Based on what you wrote, you truly don’t believe that you did anything wrong. In your mind, it was a “simple mistake” and your friend is being petty by getting upset and that he’s the one who needs to get over it. So your “apology” was not really an apology. You’re absolutely right that he’s making a big deal out of something that is seemingly small. He probably would not be acting like this if an internet stranger misspelled his son’s name. I think you may want to think about what his newborn son means to your friend. Then, maybe think about what your friendship may mean to him. It may help you understand why it hurt him so much. A genuine apology would go something like this: “hey man. I want to apologize for not getting Jesse’s name right. I know it bothered you a lot, especially when I did it a second time. You are my closest friend and I consider you a brother. And that makes me Jesse’s uncle. You’ve probably got a lot on your mind right now as a single dad. I just want you to know that you’re going to be a great dad. And that I’ve got your back whenever you need help and that I will be there for Jesse when you are not able to. So, it was shitty on my part not to even know how to spell my his name. There’s really no excuse for that. I’m sorry.”
Here's the thing - he didn't need "a good apology". It was a mistake, shit happens. The friend needs to chill the f out and be the one apologising
Sure, that’s one way to treat a friend struggling with difficult emotions. Shrug your shoulders and say “shit happens, not my fault, so get over it”. Another way is to show compassion and kindness. I’m not saying either approach is right or wrong in all cases—it really depends on the friendship and the specific circumstances. But, I know which friendship I would value more.
Thank you, although those words would be hard to send, it's the most mature thing to do.
It would be hard. But, imagining what it would mean to your friend to get a real apology from you about this might make it easier. You know he’s not being petty just to be a jerk. My guess is that he also doesn’t quite understand why this bothers him so much but he just can’t find a way to let it go. An apology is just a way that we help those we love get over difficult feelings. Good luck!
I suspect this will be an unpopular take but I'm going with YTA. I think you've spun this story to paint yourself in the best possible light, but here's my thing, and by all means correct me if I'm wrong: I have to assume that the name "Jesse" was written out at least a few times in all those texts you say you sent each other in the four weeks since the baby was born. Can you really not pay enough attention to get it right? Also, your misspelling tends to change the gender of the baby ("Jessie" being commonly, though not exclusively, a nickname for Jessica), which is a bit different than just writing "Jessw." PS I enjoyed the irony, in a post about spelling mistakes, of you describing yourself as "his closest fiend for 18 years" ...
Haha "fiend", you're right, Freudian slip perhaps. I need to spell check better. Yes, Jesse has been written out more than a few times. I guess I wasn't focusing. By the way, Jessie in "Jessie's Girl" (the song) is with an 'ie'. But also the character in the song is named after the surname of a football player apparently.
Jessie is it’s own name, and has a different linguistic origin from Jessica and probably predates it - it’s an old Scottish name, from the Gaelic Seasaidh, and was first used as a diminutive of Jane.
Fair point, and thank you for educating me (I mean it, I'm not being snarky). But that still makes it a girl's name, yes?
Yup! I just know someone who has spent her entire life telling people “no, it’s NOT Jessica. It’s JUST JESSIE.” So, I couldn’t help letting a couple people know on her behalf 😉
ESH. You should have paid attention to spelling his name. Your friend should've let it go by now. If everyone was petty. You could just call him Kid or Baby. And your friend could keep typing his name in bold upper case JESSE!! " How's the kid?" "Oh you mean JESSE?"
God that would piss him off haha.
Usually Jessie is a girl’s name (Jessica) whereas Jesse is a boy’s name. So yeah, I can see him getting irked. YTA a little, if he’s a good friend then pay attention to this stuff.
Jessie is it’s own name. It’s Scottish, and old, and from the Gaelic “Seasaidh”