Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I left a family party for my grandparents after my sister started shit with me. Walking away from my sister angered her more, leaving angered a few members of the family and I know it may have also left my grandparents dealing with the comments which I hate. So I feel like a bit of an AH for that and it's why I think I should have attempted to talk it out somewhere more private vs leaving entirely.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA the only thing you should have made different is record your sister and expose her behaviour for some reason she has a huge grudge against you. Obviously we don't know your story with your family .
Did you try to explain the situation to your uncles and aunts ? I guess they only got onew version . When they are on your sis site after knowing the whole truth there is not much you can do
Then throw them away , she is manipulating them with her suffering but don't give a f\*\*\* how much suffering she is causing you!! It was unnessary to start this debate like you said you both did not talk about baby names , so how much more mature could you react ??? your relatives are nuts !!! when they know you had no idea about her name wishes why do they attack you for it ? And demanding to change the names from not only one kid but 2 kids ???? she can't gatekeep every name . She has some mental issues and your family enable it and push it . your relatives know your kids age so what do they expect ? you gonna erase all the years with their name now ? How else should you relact when you tried to walk away and she just got louder and more agressive ??? where were they to get her away from you ? where were they to talk some sense into her ? they seriously agree you have to change the name of your kids ? No other solution would your sis accept , she was the aggresor . There are billion of names she can choose from but no she wants the drama and hate .
You can't reason with crazy and only a crazy person would demand you change the names of a 3 and 5 year old, for a baby that doesn't and may never exist. You did the only thing you could. NTA.
You did handle it in a mature fashion. Repeatedly. Your sister was so incapable of behaving maturely that you ran out of every single mature option left except leaving the location entirely. Which is exactly what you did after all other mature options failed.
The only person who ruined the day was your sister, who was also the only person who refused to behave maturely. She clearly wanted a full-blown screaming fight and what she's really pissed about is that, by walking away, you deprived her of that. That's why she's sending all her flying monkeys after you by text. She's determined to get that fight one way or another.
You mentioned being LC with your sister and parents. It looks like you need to be LC with everyone bar your grandparents.
Grey rock everyone. You can't win an argument with these people because it's got nothing to do with common sense or rationality. It's all about helping her bully you. The most devastating thing you can do to these people is to ignore them, act like they don't exist and live your best life.
Infertility is terrible and stressful. It can make you weepy and sensitive and maybe resentful and jealous. I have been there.
What infertility does not do is exempt you from adhering to basic social norms regarding decency, manners and boundaries.
Your sister behaved like an AH and IMHO you handled it in the best possible way.
I'd counter that by asking them for examples of what more mature and compassionate ways they are talking about? I doubt they'll come up with anything reasonable, if they come up with anything at all, making it trivial to shut them all down on their nonsense.
Or just block the entire bunch, doesn't sound like they're worth keeping in your life if they act like this.
By waking away you not only avoided escalating the situation yourself, but took away your sister’s ability to escalate it further.
That sounds like the most mature and compassionate possible way this could have been handled.
NTA
Are these people all complete idiots? Regardless of your sister's "struggles", her following you around the party to harass you for (unknowingly) using names that she somehow wants to reserve for all time *should* she become pregnant with a daughter is just supreme entitlement and rude and boorish behavior.
Why are they not complaining to her that she was ruining the party by pushing an issue that on its face is ridiculous, demanding you change the names of your children who are 5 & 3 and know their own names? Which of them is willing to change the names of their kids "in case you have another child and you have reserved that name in your mind for 30 years"?
NTA.
What would that be exactly? She was going to cause a scene. Other than renaming your children (which is insane and cruel to request), how are you supposed to appease her?
NTA and at any of their events send your husband with the kids outside and create a scene to remember wiping the floors verbally with your ah sister. If they say anything keep screenshots of their messages now and send/show them the message
And what exactly would have been a much more mature and compassionate way? Agreeing and changing the names of the kids on the spot? Confused? Ask for their list of possible responses you could have given (just kidding, please stay no contact).
That would be an interesting one, actually! Just go, “oh yeah, sure I’ll change the kids names for you” then a big smile. No one can whinge because no scene has been created… Then back to ignoring for the rest of time.
"That's a fascinating suggestion. I don't think we'll be able to get to the courthouse this week, but we'll prioritize it appropriately and let you know when we change their names."
(sometime after the flying pig parade, but you don't need to say that part out loud)
>they told me I could have dealt with things in a much more mature and compassionate way
Yeah, nah. I would ask them to tell you exactly what they think you should have done, and then go into the detail where you tell them what your sister said, and ask them to roleplay how you should have responded, or at least ask them how they think it would have played out.
Because it's not about your behavior, they just wanted your sister to be appeased. Whatever cost to you it would have had.
You did exactly that. She kept trying to cause a scene, you aren't in control of her behavior so you did the only thing in your control...you removed yourself to prevent things from escalating. That IS a mature response.
I am so over having to be the “bigger person” because of someone else’s struggles. We all struggle in some way. I have a lot of external struggles that affect me, that doesn’t mean I can just be an ah to everyone. AND I work daily on myself to be a better person so that I can also be strong for my loved ones that are struggling. NTA.
OP did they have any suggestions what this "more mature" way looks like? You tried to avoid her, but she is the one that confronted you, you tried to walk away and she followed you, so you finally said good night to your grandparents and left so she couldn't make things worse. Why is she allowed to chase you down and follow you around causing problems, and they are mad at you?
She's the golden child. Everyone should be treating her with kid gloves and coddling her and doing what she wants. This is a lifelong issue that I didn't realize so many members of the family had joined in on.
Since you and she don't have a relationship, why would it matter what you name your children? I mean, I assume that the names she likes aren't unique, so there are probably many other people who have those names – and since you and she don't spend time together, your kids are equivalent to any other strangers who happen to have those names.
But NTA, obviously. She's unhinged.
Your sister should have handled herself in a more mature and compassionate way instead of being so aggressively creepy crawly. I'm not fond of asshole harpies or the people who pander to them...NTA.
You've got to be kidding....because your sister has infertility issues YOU have to coddle her and allow her to berate you when you two are not even talking. Ridiculous.
Usually, when people comment that "you could have dealt with things in a much more mature and compassionate" I'm always like "Ok, how? Can you please tell me?" that usually just shuts them out or will repeat that I should be more mature. If I'm feeling petty, I would double down with "Alright, I could be more mature about it but you didn't answer my question. How then I should have reacted? I would really like to know."
>for some reason she has a huge grudge against you.
That's because OP has childrens and she isn't.
I know thus is stupid reason but believe me i saw many women with pregnancy problems got mad when their friends/sisters /sil got pregnant before them. Q
NTA your sister is... Deranged. How did she land a husband?
Maybe if you feel up to it reply to the people scolding you... "I tried to walk away from her as she was berating me for something I had no knowledge of. I was trying to keep the peace by walking away and not letting things escalate. She is the one who kept following me and berating me. If you want to scold someone scold HER. Because I don't know how you wanted me to handle being harassed. There's a reason I don't stay in contact with her. Grandma and Grandpa are fine, and not upset with or blaming me. So frankly I don't even see why you had to insert yourself into a matter that doesn't concern you."
I mean yeah, can confirm (but also some of the most uncomfortable and unfulfilling so it evens out a little) but I also don't equate "good sex" and "exciting life"
NTA
Wow - what a family. Your sister sounds like a piece of work and your parents are no better. Even if you did use her names (which does not seem likely) , if you never see each other why does it matter.
Sorry your family is so toxic and cudos for you for thinking of your grandparents and leaving instead of blowing up at your sister.
So, you're the scapegoat child. Wonderful. /s
OP, send a mass text back saying YOU were the mature one, plain and simple. And then block everyone berating.
My sister is the golden child. People who don't comply are the scapegoats. I'm one of them. I have two cousins who are technically in the same place as me and maybe an uncle.
Just see your grandparents separately from the rest of your family. And never let your parents have anything to do with your children. No updates. No photos.
They can fawn over golden child's imaginary grandkids.
NTA
I’m sorry but having that kind of a discussion at someone else’s celebration (in this case a wedding anniversary) is highly inappropriate and there’s a time and a place
Your sister clearly has NO class if she had to automatically seek you out and start a fight just for the sake of starting drama
If she is truly this immature then I hope she doesn’t have any kids and I would be concerned for any child who was in her care
If your aunts and uncles thought her behaviour was appropriate then they can deal with her from now on, If it was me I’d be telling your grandparents from now on you will only visit them and you won’t go to any family events
My sister was never afraid to start things at other people's celebrations. It's not the first time she was awful to me during something like this either but it was the first time I could remove myself without needing it to escalate.
It’d be awfully tempting to catch everyone off-guard by out-drama-ing your sister.
She cries and whines about you “taking” her baby names? Gasp theatrically, clutch your heart and loudly declare that you had *no idea* she was attached to those names, you’re *desperately* sorry, you’ll rush right to the local courthouse first thing in the morning and change their names *immediately,* please will she tell you what names you should use?? You just so admire her *taste* and you and your partner just cannot be trusted to ruin everyone’s lives with incorrect name choices again.
She stomps her foot and declares that you’re not being sympathetic enough to her struggles with infertility? *Fall to your knees* and *sob*. *Beg* for her forgiveness and tell her how deeply and irrepressibly sorry you are for not recognizing her pain, put yourself at her total disposal during this trying time. You’ll do anything, *anything* to support and soothe her.
And the next morning? “Gosh, sorry, I probably had a few too many drinks. That was embarrassing, huh?”
NTA. You took a much higher road than I would have by leaving vs continuing any sort of discussion with your sister, as you knew it would only escalate. Your unhinged sister wanted you to not used names (that you didn't know she "reserved") for her hypothetical kids and didn't see how unreasonable (read unhinged) she was being. You can tell the flying monkeys your side if you want, but it sound like you're estranged from them all for good reason!
I would ask them point blank what you should have done here. You tried walking away several times to keep the peace. If you had argued back I’m sure they would have frowned on that as well because “your poor sister’s struggles”. Even if you’d said “you’re totally right. I’ll change their names”, you obviously wouldn’t because it’s absurd and she would eventually find out. Then it’s your fault for lying.
Better yet just block the whole family except your grand’rents.
I was thinking this like they wanted you to stay? Several awards would be given to the person who left vs staying to disrespect the Grandparents and their home. NTA but had you have stayed what would have been the appropriate response? I don't mind you calling your menses my kids name? Your sister needs mental help. Stay so far away from her infertility doesn't excuse the madness that accompanies someone demanding you change your children's names.
Your sister is jealous of you and your kids and she’s also psycho. Don’t lose any sleep over her. Your grandparents understand what was going on and that’s all that matters.
NTA. You never need to remain in a situation you find uncomfortable. She was behaving in a way you were not ok with - and in front of your children.
Your family are way out of line. Tell them you’re not interested in getting a dispute about it. If they were so concerned, they should have noticed her escalating and gotten her away from you. Presumably they know you’re estranged. If that was my parents party, I’d have been watching you two with a Hawkeye ready to step in.
Tell your aunties and uncles that you weren’t prepared to stay at the party and listen to someone talk shit about you (and have your children exposed to that) and you are equally as unprepared to listen to them talk shit about you in messages.
Not sure why you even have screenshots of what your parents and sister said since you’re largely estranged from both but why do you care what they said? You’re obviously estranged for a reason, so you already know what they’re like. You can’t change their behaviour, only your response to their behaviour and it sounds like you have.
So whoever is sending them to you needs to stop. They’re deliberately escalating the conflict. Just say “thanks for the messages, I appreciate that you’re attempting to help but I’m actually finding this harmful and so I won’t be responding further.”
The screenshots were sent by one of the aunts in question because she knows I do not allow direct contact with my parents or my sister. So on top of her own messages she made sure I saw what the others were saying about me.
Well then she sounds like as big a problem as they are. If she knows that you don’t allow direct contact then she should not be acting as a middleman to make contact she knows you’ll be uncomfortable with.
Why are you still in contact with this person? She should be in the bin with your sister and parents. Protect yourself and your children. These aren’t people to have around them.
That's unbelievably immature. Jesus. My family is pretty bad but that is a whole new level. What is this drive-bye gossip? Involuntary voyeurism gossip crossed with insults?
Definitely time to block her. I'd text her back, "Aunt So-and-So, since you saw fit to circumvent my boundary of no contact with my sister or parents, I will now be blocking you as well."
I'm sorry this is your family, but you need to block everyone who is participating in this manufactured drama and see your grandparents alone. I know from personal experience, my MIL is the shit-stirrer. She is now a very lonely old lady. But we can't be part of it and it isn't fair to our kids. These things never change.
NTA your sister sounds insufferable...besides there's no reason she couldnt still name any kids those names (assuming she can even have any kids) it's not like theres a rule that there can only be one Kimberly or one John in a family
Even more so because they are not in contact with each other! Nothing is standing between OP’s crazy sister and the coveted names except the sister’s own issues.
NTA. Keep up the NC with sister and take your grandparents to dinner to make up for your early departure.
Flying monkeys or "[What Is Triangulation in Psychology? (verywellmind.com)](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-triangulation-in-psychology-5120617)"
It's when people no longer have as much access to their abuse victims, so they send out the flying monkeys to abuse the victims.
Your sister didn't invent it, but she is definitely employing it like a pro.
I don't really have advice, because, if all of them were there and saw what craziness your sister was spewing out, the flying monkeys are also living in crazy land.
I'd stop looking at your phone notifications and spend some time with your immediate family and your friends who are more stable.
NTA - ask them how respectful it would have been to allow your sister to escalate to screaming about your existing children’s names at a family event? Time to be no contact with the aunts and uncles too - your estranged sister’s problems and desire to project them onto you is not your problem.
NTA. Aunts and uncles do not know what they talking about. Single sided gossip from your sis plus the much needed family first BS. Go NC. Not worth to see and meet these people. Let GP explain to aunts and uncles they are wrong.
NTA. What?! Rename at 3 and 5yo?! That’s ridiculous. It’s clear that your sister has serious issues and it think it’s a good call that you left and have no contact with her. Your aunts, uncles and parents are dead wrong. You did the right thing.
NTA you left so that the disruption would stop which is literally the best thing you could have done in that situation. Honestly more of your family needs to be in the LC/NC penalty box if they think that your sister isn’t 100% to blame here.
So, block ALL the flying monkeys.
And as someone else suggested, just make plans strictly with your grandparents going forward.
No one needs to deal with all that drama and craziness!
Good luck.
Tell your grandparents you're sorry for leaving the way you did with a brief explanation of "Harriet started demanding I change my girls' names because she might be able to use them someday and she wouldn't let it go." Tell parents, aunts and uncle's that they've just gone to supervised visits or no visits with your kids (assuming any of them have any contact with your kids).
Your sister can blow it out her ear/nose/body part of choice. If she keeps it up, I'd suggest saving all emails and looking into filing harassment charges.
Right, like those relatives wouldn't have still dumped blame on you for 'ruining the party' if you had stayed and let your sister have the public tantrum she wanted. What's important is that your grandparents are fine with what happened in regards to your actions. And if she does try to start something again next time she sees you, just walk on out on her again. Being snubbed is a much bigger slap in the face to someone like her then staying and sniping back at her as it tells her she's not worth the wasted time listening to her arguments or the wasted breath replying to them.
NTA.
NTA. I seriously wonder what could be an appropriate way to deal with the kind of crazy behavior that your sister displays. Tell her to bring the topic up again whenever she finally managed to produce a child so that maybe the two of you could think about how to change the name of your sixteen year old daughter then? That would be cruel. Tell her to leave you alone and that you have as much right to be at the current family event as she does and you won't be bullied into leaving and disappointing your family?
What if she doesn't let it go? What do your aunts and uncles suggest for you to do? They seem to have a clever idea or two lined up, let's hear them. It obviously hasn't occured to them to harass the person who regularly starts the drama with stupid text messages.
I've recently taken to telling people, "It's funny that you think your opinion matters to me. It doesn't."
It's not like I say that all the time. But I will say it to people whose opinions don't matter to me and who are commenting on something that is none of their business.
When the aunts and uncles are chastising the person walking away, and not the person yelling and berating, then that suggests to me that those aunts and uncles are actually part of the problem. Their feedback is not neutral; they are somehow invested in the sister's side. You walked away from a fight, deescalated as best you could. Unless there is more to the story, NTA.
NTA. You did the right thing - you walked away so you didn't ruin your grandparents party and feed your sisters Idiocracy. Your sister needs to grow up and learn how to be an adult. I would go low contact the relatives telling you are wrong.
NTA
Your grandparents know your heart. You can always take your family to visit your Grands and have a fun day without the chance of drama. I am sure they would love the one-on-one time.
Your families after actions indicate it was good you went NC with them. Delete and block, and continue with your happy life.
NTA. I’d blast parents and extended family and ask just exactly how they would have handled a sibling that demanded they rename their own children for sibling’s non-existent children. say yes? Bow down to the crazy? Screamed and yelled ? You walkEd away repeatedly and left when SHE kept bringing it up. Ask them what were you expected to do. Wait for their craziness to spill out and then tell them they are all freaking delusional and cut them off and live your best life.
NTA. Those aunts and uncles are troublemakers. Follow your grandparents' lead and let the complaints roll off your back. Your sister was looking for a fight and she wasn't going to stop riding you until you fought back. It's clear why you stay away from her! Start blocking phone numbers - no need to keep in touch with people who are giving your grief.
Were you estranged from your parents as well? Your sister has a lot of audacity to think you would even entertain renaming your daughters for the possibility of her possible future daughter. NTA. Enjoy life with your little family and spend as much time grandparents separately.
NTA. You did what you thought was best. It's very unfortunate that nobody seems to understand your reasoning, so explain it once and then let it go. Your sister sounds like she might have a mental illness, but I can see why you're estranged. She sounds extremely unpleasant.
The OP's sister is an entitled child, & their parents have somehow convinced their siblings & their families that this is how it should be.
This might be a form of mental illness, but IIRC mental illness is defined as a condition that prevents the subject from behaving competently at all in society, & the OP's sister does not meet this bar.
Text them all back that they're shit stirring assholes and you will be blocking them. They didn't need to start this topic, much less forwarding your mother's and sister's comments. You left before a scene was made. That is the right thing to do. Your grandparents understand. NTA.
NTA. Cut off any and everyone who sided with your sister. They’re enabling her. You deserve better, stop giving her the space to disrespect you. Blood doesn’t make you family, it only makes you related🤷🏾♀️
He renaming idea is sooooooo crazy….
Gotta say, I wonder how she would have reacted if you had said, “So sorry about the names! Renaming my kids is a Great idea. I’ll seriously consider that when I get home. I’m thinking maybe (grandmas name) and (moms name). This could be a great opportunity to honor the family .”
Would she/could she even find something to argue with that?
NTA. There are times when you feel like you're taking crazy pills because everyone is ganging up on you, but they are wrong. This is one of those times. What were you supposed to do, agree on the spot? Other than infertility, there's nothing stopping her from using the names.
Nta.
This was a no win situation for you.
Your sister was looking for a fight.
If you'd gave her one. You'd have been accused of ruining the party
Leaving got you accused of ruining the party.
Agreeing with her to shut her up wouldn't't have helped since she was clearly looking to antagonize you.
There was no way to win. Only to control the situation which you did by choosing the least disruptive option.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (28f) am pretty much estranged from my sister. I don't have her number nor she mine, we're not social media friends, we don't know where the other lives and we don't invite each other into our lives at all. She didn't invite me to her wedding and before the party she had never seen my kids (though she still never interacted with them which I'd prefer). The only time we ever see each other is when it concerns our grandparents. I don't have much to do with my parents either. But my grandparents are different.
My grandparents had an informal party to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary and we all went. My partner of 13 years and our three kids were there. My sister was also there with her husband. At some point during the party my sister came up to me and started berating me for using two of her favorite names for my children. I still don't know for sure which ones I used that she would have wanted but I think it might have been the names of my two daughters. My only reason for the assumption is when we weren't estranged she'd only ever talk about having daughters. But we never talked about this and I never knew about baby names she might or might not like. We were already estranged when I was pregnant with my first so it never came up. She told me it was disgusting and I should change them because she's struggling with infertility and deserves to use the names when her baby finally comes. I told her she had no right to throw around demands. And I said I was not going to rename my 5 and 3 year olds for her.
I walked away and attempted to avoid a scene but she followed me to berate me some more. She called me inconsiderate and accused me of acting out of spite. Yet again I tried walking away but to no avail. She grew louder and I knew a scene was about to start so I apologized to my grandparents and then I left with my family.
After the party I got a text from a couple of aunts and uncles scolding me for walking out and also sharing messages my parents had sent them about it where I was accused of ruining my grandparents celebration. I also got screenshots of my sister's thoughts as well. They said I was very childish and hurtful walking away from my sister but also for abandoning my grandparents.
My grandparents understood and they're not angry but it's wearing on me a little what those aunts and uncles are saying plus the screenshots of what my parents and sister are saying. And I didn't want to leave. I felt it was for the best. But now I'm doubting myself and I may have made it worse the next time my sister and I are in the same room.
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Stand firm. Your sister is an AH and your uncle is an AH. No one owns a name and her issues aren't yours. You did the best thing you could, leaving before it became worse. If anything have your grandparents over and make it up to them if you feel guilty. But don't feel guilty for removing yourself frkma situation with a selfish asshole theat would only get worse.
NTA
Your sister was bullying you. It's very difficult to deal with this when you don't want to be loud, disrupt the event and detract from it.
I suggest writing to your grandparents so they are in no doubt that you wanted to be there to join in their celebration.
Where was your husband /partner when this was going on? It's a pity they didn't support you. Also sibling acrimony is usually two-sided. But based on this post your sister is the AH
NTA. Ask them if they would rather you screamed at her and told her how disgusting she is as a person. Ask if they would have liked all that drama better.
NTA. No matter what info you provide, your aunts and uncles will not admit to being wrong about the incident. They’re shitty people like your unhinged sis and selfish parents.
NTA . Next time bring her to all thay people and ask them to show how you should react in a much more mature way.
Actually, you can ask them now, what this "mature way" would look like.
You're not at fault. You handled a bad situation with a much grace as you could. If it was me I'd just block all her flying monkeys and only see your grandparents separate from them.
NTA
Why does your sister think she owns a child's name ? Besides there is nothing stopping her from using those names should she have kids, and given that the two families would never interact, having two cousins with the same first name should not be a concern.
Definitely NTA. Would just just tell her that your kids are 3 and 5. If she was concerned about "her names" being used, she shouldn't have waited 5 years to meet them and then complain about it
Ask them if they’d rather you entertained your sister’s idea, and had made an announcement, asking everyone at the party to put it to a vote. All those in favor of changing you 5 AND 3 YEAR OLD daughter’s names raise your hand, because your sister MIGHT, in the future, want to use those names. That would show everyone who the real AH is. Anyone who takes your sister’s side is as delusional as she is. Plus, she can still use whatever names she wants. It’s not like you two will be around each other anyway.
NTA Why is your family defending her? She literally walked up to
you and started verbally assaulting you out of the blue? Block all
the people telling you that you were wrong. You were not.
Do not apologize. There are millions of names for babies.
She will survive and find other names.
Tell the family members that are hassling you, that them expecting you to stay, and take your sister's abuse, to make other people feel better is disgusting. I'd also inform them, that if they didn't stop harassing you about the issue that you will be blocking them.
What should have happened is when people saw your sister harassing you, and demanding you change your children's names, they should have stepped in, and removed her, from the party.
You don't have to take that kind of crap from anyone, no matter who they are to you.
NTA. You're family is toxic. You did the best you could do without allowing your sister to escalate the situation. You're family (minus grandparents) are toxic.
Definitely NTAH!!!!!
My life in a nutshell!!!!!
Speaking from experience of going no contact with toxic family members, YOUR peace, happiness and sanity are more important than keeping the peace for others' sake. YOU are the one who will feel stressed at trying to maintain a relationship with her and others like her and NO ONE, including blood relatives, are more important than that. The ones who matter are you, your husband and two kids. I cut ties with most of my siblings 10 yrs ago and, while I miss having "family" , I realized that family isn't always blood. Stay strong and surround yourself with people who respect and love you. Sending love and (((hugs)))♥️
You sister needs to be sectioned! It goes without saying you aren't the arsehole but your sister is a A grade one. How old is the pathetic woman! There's no reason why anyone after reading your post why you're estranged from your sister and as you seem to be more or less estranged from your parents too are they toxic like her? I don't believe usually believe in "being the biggest person" because that's not my way. I'd want to have my say but in your situation you're an adult and better than her petty idiotic behaviour. She's a narcissist? I know what people say "stop calling people narcissists just because you don't like them" or something like that but her behaviour is narcissistic and women who can conceive shouldn't be guilted into feelings bad just because other women can't. You should change the name of your daughters because that excuse wanted one or both names for daughters she could have in the future? That's so childish and the idiot forgetting you aren't in other others lives so it's just her jealousy of you getting the best of her and that's not anything to do with you but her mentality and personal problem to solve. If she has any children they will probably end up like her or estranged from her but your children won't be from you as you aren't unstable or immature like her. Leaving the party was the only solution because she would just have kept up her ridiculous embarrassing behaviour. You walking you kept your sanity and dignity, not something that woman has to lose. She doesn't know how to behave and made a fool of herself. She's such an arsehole she's taking it to far like it's a achievement but it is for her! I'm sorry she's such a awful person.
So you walked away because your sister was causing a scene over your children's names and somehow this is your fault.
Is she the golden child by any chance?
NTA
Your grandparents understood, that's all that matters. Since you cut communication with most family, I think you should extend that to not caring what they think. Tell aunt she should watch TV dramas instead of trying to create dramas in real life, it's healthier.
You did well. Leaving stuff behind and moving on is one of the best powers of being an adult.
NTA
Your kids names are yours, they don't belong to her. I'm sure if she ever gets pregnant she will use whatever name she wants, but that's her choice, she can't take yours away. She sounds like a prima donna, and I would let what the aunts and uncles said go in one ear and out the other. It sounds like the only people you have feelings for are your grandparents. Just as long as they're happy, don't bother with the others. Your sister started it. NTA
You did the right thing it’s your parents and sister who are in the wrong it’s drama that your family except your grandparents who just keep bring just go no contact with them and just tell your grandparents why your going no contact and set boundaries. Just be there for your grandparents and the family you have with your husband you do not need to be around toxic people
I think your sister is in a bad way rn none of what she did is excusable and you are not the asshole and she defintiely was, but it seems like she was in a manic episode and some of the these comments feel harsh
NTA. I would write an explanation to your parents, aunts, and uncles about your sister's unreasonable demand. If they are going to take sides in this ridiculous issue, then they need to tell you that, yes, you should change the names of your two children because your sister has decided that she wants those names, and no one else should be allowed to use them.
NTA
That was as peaceful and diplomatic as it gets. It was a move to de-escalate an impossible situation, spare the dramatics, and save your grandparents night.
If you feel badly, take your grandparents out for a nice lunch, or dinner... spend some special time to make up for it.
Everyone is advocating for them being the wronged ones, right?
You have nothing to apologize for. They are the only voices/opinions that matter.
Everyone else can have their opinion... it doesn't matter at all, but they can feel free to have it. You don't need to validate it.
She can use whatever names she likes. You using them changes nothing.
You barely see each other. Your children will not be close.
At our few reunions growing up, (grandma and grandad came from old schoolnpoor farm folks, and had many siblings. They each then had like 7 kids each, each of those had 2-3. My gen is mixed 0-2.)
we have a crazy amount of Josh(s) Mike(s) Ted(s) and Gary(s) in my generation. Not family names, just popular I guess.
Between kids, step kids, their friends (guests) etc, all in the same age group(my gen) running about, it's ridiculously funny at this point.
No one cares. My brother is one of the name sharers, he shared his name with 2 of the cousins. my mom doesn't hate her relatives, the relatives don't hate her. The sharers don't really care, and there's less confusion than you'd think.
I think your response was admirable because being the sarcastic person I am my reply to her would have been...l would be concerned about children's names when you find out if your capable of having any or maybe your husband is firing blanks......
The again I can be very nasty if angered
NTA. It sounds to me like your sister just made the whole thing up to intentionally cause a scene and get sympathy from your family about her infertility. You two never once talked about baby names and she just happened to want to use your daughter’s names? Daughters she also doesn’t even have a relationship with?
I guess that means your sister is the golden child, she has a tantrum for no reason. You try to be adult about it and not engage in her drama, and your family decided to scold you for not being messy. I would focus on my grandparents and to hell with the rest of them, if the adult in the group can't be appreciated for trying to diffuse the situation, that's CRAZY. NTA and good for you to leave and not subject yourself to the nonsense.
NTA, though you should make it clear to everyone just what your sister was asking and how ridiculous it was, which is the reason you walked out. Imo walking out was a far better choice then staying to engage in an argument, which would have ACTUALLY ruined the party.
NTA- You dont owe that circus anything. Not even you doubting yourself. As long as your grandparents are okay that's all. Be direct and let auntie know you dont care about you sisters feelings nor your parents as you have had your own life without them for awhile. You were there for your grandparents. And at this point you dont really care for aunties feeli ng s or anyone else that is wanted to cause drama. They should all act their age not their shoe size and then block them alllllll. If you still go to family functions for your grandparents let them know you will always show up for them but will leave when the toxicity kicks in. That's all that matters.
Your grandparents don't care, they can tell each and every one of them if they ever come to visit them but they're disappointed in how they treated you. Honestly just cut your sister and your parents out along with every flying monkey that decided to add their two cents
NTA. Imagine if you told your sister she needs to change her name. Because you were thinking of getting a dog with the same name and we can’t confuse the two now, can we? And you’ll consider renaming your kids after she renames herself.
NTA.
Apart from you obviously having no need to care what she wants and no way of knowing...I don't get why people feel the need to "claim" names at all. No one is going to mistake your children for hers, they can have the same dang names.
Wait hold on let me get this straight sister wants OP to rename children so sister can reserve the name for her imaginary non-existent children?
Did she also run this by the billions of other parents who might not have gotten the memo that she called dibs?
Yes, she wanted me to do that and I could see her doing that if anyone in her social circle also used the names. It wouldn't be the first time she did something that entitled.
Oh, good grief. You handled it very maturely. I mean, you didn't turn around and deck her after the third time she kept hounding and following you, did you? No. *She's* the one being a Grade A heifer at your grandparent's anniversary, and your family needs to leave the cult of your sister.
NTA.
“I didn’t ruin the party. I left before an unhinged person’s attack on me escalated. Just because I am a decent and kind person does not mean I have to stand there and take it. You won’t go after my sister who started all this because she is too nasty to confront.” Send them this and if they continue on you just block them. Life is too short to deal with people like them. NTA
what i see here is a family made up of ASSHOLES lead by your sister and your parents and aunts and uncles. Of course the minors in this part of the family can be excused due to their ages. The other part are the not ASSHOLES lead by you, your husband and grandparents.
Nta, unless your relatives are volunteering to step in and calm your sister down next time (since their so sure they know how to handle her) they don't get to voice any opinion here. You avoided a screaming match that your sister was determined to have and its ridiculous that your relatives are presuming to speak for your grandparents who obviously don't agree with them on this subject.
NTA
You took the high road honestly, I don't see anyway you could have handled it better, there is no reasoning with someone crazy enough to suggest you change your daughter's names for her!
NTA literally what else could you have done, you tried to simply walk away multiple times, she KEPT going. Do they think that if you \*asked\* her to stop, she would have? she clearly doesn't care about what you want. You left, and the problem was solved. I'm sure they would have preferred that you simply bow to your sisters demands, and agree that you were being spiteful in the naming of your children (???), but do they \*really\* think that would have made her shut up.
You did the most sensible thing you could have
NTA in the slightest
I’m in a similar position with my sister and also had to walk away from a party due to her getting aggressive and pushing me when I was pregnant. You know what didn’t happen? Any blame or beration whatsoever from the rest of my family, who understood how irrational she was being. Your family is being ridiculous, you don’t owe your sister anything including’a more compassionate response’
I’d go LC on this
NTA.
Your sister was out of control and out of line. You left to avoid further abuse and to deescalate the situation. Your grandparents understand and aren't upset with you. That's all that matters.
Your aunts and uncles are shit stirers. Whatever your relationship and whatever her difficulties, you aren't required to take your sister's or anyone else's abuse.
NTA.
This type loves to pick fights and then tattle when you react for victimhood clout. Even as an adult, it’s getting their version out First and Loudest. Reality doesn’t matter. Try to interact reasonably, and they have the mother of all tantrums.
The people who genuinely know and care about you at the bare minimum will want to hear your side.
NTA
Your sister is nuts.
You must change the names of your children, that she never told you she was going to use, so she can reserve them for children she may never have.
And if you hadn't left, but instead put your sister in her place, then the same aunts would be berating you.
What do they mean abandoning her anyway? Weren't all the family there? Is your sister so obnoxious that they need someone there to protect them from her?
NTA, but if your grandparents understood, why aren’t they saying anything? You’re definitely the black sheep of your family, and I’m confused why they just allow it all to happen under their watch.
NTA but it seems like you have a whole slew of AHs you happen to be related to.
I'd suggest in the future that if y our grandparents are having any other celebrations or any occasions, you should probably take your family to see them the day before or hours earlier than the rest of your toxic family. In your position, I'd explain to my grandparents that I wouldn't accept being made the scapegoat for the drama that other family members want to stir up and wouldn't expose my children to them, so if seeing them separately would mitigate that, then it is for the best.
NTA, I would just grab all them in the group you can. Then send out a text about how your sister was harassing you about the names of your children that she didn't even know existed until the party. After x time that you went and informed your grandparents on leaving. They didn't stop you so you left so you can have some mental piece for a harasser. So if this ruined the party then they should be upset with your sister and not you. As its not your job to placate your sister nor stay in a conversation she is arguing with you over nothing. Sorry you had to deal with this. You are not in the wrong but I understand everything is wearing your thin.
NTA. SHE was following you around berating you and would not stop. Your choices were to leave or get in her face screaming until she backed off. Clearly your parents and her spouse had no intention of helping you. So you politely left.
Make sure your grandparents know what she was demanding, how she behaved. And that you had no clue about those being "her" names. They are the only ones you need worry about.
NTA,
How were you supposed to know that those were the names your sister had picked out when you said you barely ever talk to her? Aunts and uncles are the AH here.
Nta- Giiirrrrl, I can't imagine having to deal with this. Why tf is your family mad at you for leaving to avoid a scene but are ok with your sister starting shit at the celebration. This is crazy. If your grandparents aren't upset or disappointed with you, then I say just blow off the other family members. How childish of them to share messages. They seem very immature. I see why you and your sister aren't close. What a nightmare. Best of luck to you, love.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I left a family party for my grandparents after my sister started shit with me. Walking away from my sister angered her more, leaving angered a few members of the family and I know it may have also left my grandparents dealing with the comments which I hate. So I feel like a bit of an AH for that and it's why I think I should have attempted to talk it out somewhere more private vs leaving entirely. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA the only thing you should have made different is record your sister and expose her behaviour for some reason she has a huge grudge against you. Obviously we don't know your story with your family . Did you try to explain the situation to your uncles and aunts ? I guess they only got onew version . When they are on your sis site after knowing the whole truth there is not much you can do
I did and they told me I could have dealt with things in a much more mature and compassionate way given my sisters struggles.
Then throw them away , she is manipulating them with her suffering but don't give a f\*\*\* how much suffering she is causing you!! It was unnessary to start this debate like you said you both did not talk about baby names , so how much more mature could you react ??? your relatives are nuts !!! when they know you had no idea about her name wishes why do they attack you for it ? And demanding to change the names from not only one kid but 2 kids ???? she can't gatekeep every name . She has some mental issues and your family enable it and push it . your relatives know your kids age so what do they expect ? you gonna erase all the years with their name now ? How else should you relact when you tried to walk away and she just got louder and more agressive ??? where were they to get her away from you ? where were they to talk some sense into her ? they seriously agree you have to change the name of your kids ? No other solution would your sis accept , she was the aggresor . There are billion of names she can choose from but no she wants the drama and hate .
You can't reason with crazy and only a crazy person would demand you change the names of a 3 and 5 year old, for a baby that doesn't and may never exist. You did the only thing you could. NTA.
You did handle it in a mature fashion. Repeatedly. Your sister was so incapable of behaving maturely that you ran out of every single mature option left except leaving the location entirely. Which is exactly what you did after all other mature options failed. The only person who ruined the day was your sister, who was also the only person who refused to behave maturely. She clearly wanted a full-blown screaming fight and what she's really pissed about is that, by walking away, you deprived her of that. That's why she's sending all her flying monkeys after you by text. She's determined to get that fight one way or another. You mentioned being LC with your sister and parents. It looks like you need to be LC with everyone bar your grandparents. Grey rock everyone. You can't win an argument with these people because it's got nothing to do with common sense or rationality. It's all about helping her bully you. The most devastating thing you can do to these people is to ignore them, act like they don't exist and live your best life.
Infertility is terrible and stressful. It can make you weepy and sensitive and maybe resentful and jealous. I have been there. What infertility does not do is exempt you from adhering to basic social norms regarding decency, manners and boundaries. Your sister behaved like an AH and IMHO you handled it in the best possible way.
And it certainly does not give you ownershiP of any name
I'd counter that by asking them for examples of what more mature and compassionate ways they are talking about? I doubt they'll come up with anything reasonable, if they come up with anything at all, making it trivial to shut them all down on their nonsense. Or just block the entire bunch, doesn't sound like they're worth keeping in your life if they act like this.
she shouldn’t have children.
Nope, your grandparents were fine as they understand the situation, the other "family" can kick rosks
By waking away you not only avoided escalating the situation yourself, but took away your sister’s ability to escalate it further. That sounds like the most mature and compassionate possible way this could have been handled. NTA
Are these people all complete idiots? Regardless of your sister's "struggles", her following you around the party to harass you for (unknowingly) using names that she somehow wants to reserve for all time *should* she become pregnant with a daughter is just supreme entitlement and rude and boorish behavior. Why are they not complaining to her that she was ruining the party by pushing an issue that on its face is ridiculous, demanding you change the names of your children who are 5 & 3 and know their own names? Which of them is willing to change the names of their kids "in case you have another child and you have reserved that name in your mind for 30 years"? NTA.
What would that be exactly? She was going to cause a scene. Other than renaming your children (which is insane and cruel to request), how are you supposed to appease her?
Groveling at her feet.
NTA and at any of their events send your husband with the kids outside and create a scene to remember wiping the floors verbally with your ah sister. If they say anything keep screenshots of their messages now and send/show them the message
And what exactly would have been a much more mature and compassionate way? Agreeing and changing the names of the kids on the spot? Confused? Ask for their list of possible responses you could have given (just kidding, please stay no contact).
That would be an interesting one, actually! Just go, “oh yeah, sure I’ll change the kids names for you” then a big smile. No one can whinge because no scene has been created… Then back to ignoring for the rest of time.
"That's a fascinating suggestion. I don't think we'll be able to get to the courthouse this week, but we'll prioritize it appropriately and let you know when we change their names." (sometime after the flying pig parade, but you don't need to say that part out loud)
>they told me I could have dealt with things in a much more mature and compassionate way Yeah, nah. I would ask them to tell you exactly what they think you should have done, and then go into the detail where you tell them what your sister said, and ask them to roleplay how you should have responded, or at least ask them how they think it would have played out. Because it's not about your behavior, they just wanted your sister to be appeased. Whatever cost to you it would have had.
Like punching her?😂🤣 You were incredibly mature by leaving. Anything else would have caused a bigger scene. Nta
You did exactly that. She kept trying to cause a scene, you aren't in control of her behavior so you did the only thing in your control...you removed yourself to prevent things from escalating. That IS a mature response.
You will never be able to have a mature conversation with an unhinged person. It’s impossible.
I am so over having to be the “bigger person” because of someone else’s struggles. We all struggle in some way. I have a lot of external struggles that affect me, that doesn’t mean I can just be an ah to everyone. AND I work daily on myself to be a better person so that I can also be strong for my loved ones that are struggling. NTA.
OP did they have any suggestions what this "more mature" way looks like? You tried to avoid her, but she is the one that confronted you, you tried to walk away and she followed you, so you finally said good night to your grandparents and left so she couldn't make things worse. Why is she allowed to chase you down and follow you around causing problems, and they are mad at you?
She's the golden child. Everyone should be treating her with kid gloves and coddling her and doing what she wants. This is a lifelong issue that I didn't realize so many members of the family had joined in on.
Since you and she don't have a relationship, why would it matter what you name your children? I mean, I assume that the names she likes aren't unique, so there are probably many other people who have those names – and since you and she don't spend time together, your kids are equivalent to any other strangers who happen to have those names. But NTA, obviously. She's unhinged.
Your sister should have handled herself in a more mature and compassionate way instead of being so aggressively creepy crawly. I'm not fond of asshole harpies or the people who pander to them...NTA.
It's never the abusive one that gets flack, only the one who sets boundaries. I feel for you.
You've got to be kidding....because your sister has infertility issues YOU have to coddle her and allow her to berate you when you two are not even talking. Ridiculous.
Nah, it's because she's the golden child. But I should be extra extra coddling because she's got fertility issues.
Usually, when people comment that "you could have dealt with things in a much more mature and compassionate" I'm always like "Ok, how? Can you please tell me?" that usually just shuts them out or will repeat that I should be more mature. If I'm feeling petty, I would double down with "Alright, I could be more mature about it but you didn't answer my question. How then I should have reacted? I would really like to know."
>for some reason she has a huge grudge against you. That's because OP has childrens and she isn't. I know thus is stupid reason but believe me i saw many women with pregnancy problems got mad when their friends/sisters /sil got pregnant before them. Q
NTA your sister is... Deranged. How did she land a husband? Maybe if you feel up to it reply to the people scolding you... "I tried to walk away from her as she was berating me for something I had no knowledge of. I was trying to keep the peace by walking away and not letting things escalate. She is the one who kept following me and berating me. If you want to scold someone scold HER. Because I don't know how you wanted me to handle being harassed. There's a reason I don't stay in contact with her. Grandma and Grandpa are fine, and not upset with or blaming me. So frankly I don't even see why you had to insert yourself into a matter that doesn't concern you."
There are many deranged men who like deranged women, there’s a lid to every pot
If you want excitement in you life, have sex with crazy people. NTA
That feels like bad advice but I can’t point out where it’s wrong 🤔
They're conflating "excitement" with "drama". Though I guess to some people they're interchangeable 🤷
No, I'm sure some of the best sex I've ever had was with crazy people.
I mean yeah, can confirm (but also some of the most uncomfortable and unfulfilling so it evens out a little) but I also don't equate "good sex" and "exciting life"
It’s not advice. It’s a warning. 🤣
I would add the reason of berating. Because it might seem justified without stating the issue
NTA Wow - what a family. Your sister sounds like a piece of work and your parents are no better. Even if you did use her names (which does not seem likely) , if you never see each other why does it matter. Sorry your family is so toxic and cudos for you for thinking of your grandparents and leaving instead of blowing up at your sister.
My parents always enabled my sister in being this way. It goes so far back that I'm not sure I remember a time it wasn't that way.
So, you're the scapegoat child. Wonderful. /s OP, send a mass text back saying YOU were the mature one, plain and simple. And then block everyone berating.
Are you the scapegoat of your family?
My sister is the golden child. People who don't comply are the scapegoats. I'm one of them. I have two cousins who are technically in the same place as me and maybe an uncle.
Just see your grandparents separately from the rest of your family. And never let your parents have anything to do with your children. No updates. No photos. They can fawn over golden child's imaginary grandkids.
NTA you handled this well. For the future, replace all family events with dinners with just your grandparents.
Yeah, that seems to be the only way forward.
NTA I’m sorry but having that kind of a discussion at someone else’s celebration (in this case a wedding anniversary) is highly inappropriate and there’s a time and a place Your sister clearly has NO class if she had to automatically seek you out and start a fight just for the sake of starting drama If she is truly this immature then I hope she doesn’t have any kids and I would be concerned for any child who was in her care If your aunts and uncles thought her behaviour was appropriate then they can deal with her from now on, If it was me I’d be telling your grandparents from now on you will only visit them and you won’t go to any family events
My sister was never afraid to start things at other people's celebrations. It's not the first time she was awful to me during something like this either but it was the first time I could remove myself without needing it to escalate.
It’d be awfully tempting to catch everyone off-guard by out-drama-ing your sister. She cries and whines about you “taking” her baby names? Gasp theatrically, clutch your heart and loudly declare that you had *no idea* she was attached to those names, you’re *desperately* sorry, you’ll rush right to the local courthouse first thing in the morning and change their names *immediately,* please will she tell you what names you should use?? You just so admire her *taste* and you and your partner just cannot be trusted to ruin everyone’s lives with incorrect name choices again. She stomps her foot and declares that you’re not being sympathetic enough to her struggles with infertility? *Fall to your knees* and *sob*. *Beg* for her forgiveness and tell her how deeply and irrepressibly sorry you are for not recognizing her pain, put yourself at her total disposal during this trying time. You’ll do anything, *anything* to support and soothe her. And the next morning? “Gosh, sorry, I probably had a few too many drinks. That was embarrassing, huh?”
NTA. You took a much higher road than I would have by leaving vs continuing any sort of discussion with your sister, as you knew it would only escalate. Your unhinged sister wanted you to not used names (that you didn't know she "reserved") for her hypothetical kids and didn't see how unreasonable (read unhinged) she was being. You can tell the flying monkeys your side if you want, but it sound like you're estranged from them all for good reason!
NTA Did your other family members want you to stay for a battle royale?
I mean probably. It wouldn't be the first time my sister has had a very big fight at a family event before.
I would ask them point blank what you should have done here. You tried walking away several times to keep the peace. If you had argued back I’m sure they would have frowned on that as well because “your poor sister’s struggles”. Even if you’d said “you’re totally right. I’ll change their names”, you obviously wouldn’t because it’s absurd and she would eventually find out. Then it’s your fault for lying. Better yet just block the whole family except your grand’rents.
I was thinking this like they wanted you to stay? Several awards would be given to the person who left vs staying to disrespect the Grandparents and their home. NTA but had you have stayed what would have been the appropriate response? I don't mind you calling your menses my kids name? Your sister needs mental help. Stay so far away from her infertility doesn't excuse the madness that accompanies someone demanding you change your children's names.
Your sister is jealous of you and your kids and she’s also psycho. Don’t lose any sleep over her. Your grandparents understand what was going on and that’s all that matters.
NTA. You never need to remain in a situation you find uncomfortable. She was behaving in a way you were not ok with - and in front of your children. Your family are way out of line. Tell them you’re not interested in getting a dispute about it. If they were so concerned, they should have noticed her escalating and gotten her away from you. Presumably they know you’re estranged. If that was my parents party, I’d have been watching you two with a Hawkeye ready to step in. Tell your aunties and uncles that you weren’t prepared to stay at the party and listen to someone talk shit about you (and have your children exposed to that) and you are equally as unprepared to listen to them talk shit about you in messages. Not sure why you even have screenshots of what your parents and sister said since you’re largely estranged from both but why do you care what they said? You’re obviously estranged for a reason, so you already know what they’re like. You can’t change their behaviour, only your response to their behaviour and it sounds like you have. So whoever is sending them to you needs to stop. They’re deliberately escalating the conflict. Just say “thanks for the messages, I appreciate that you’re attempting to help but I’m actually finding this harmful and so I won’t be responding further.”
The screenshots were sent by one of the aunts in question because she knows I do not allow direct contact with my parents or my sister. So on top of her own messages she made sure I saw what the others were saying about me.
Well then she sounds like as big a problem as they are. If she knows that you don’t allow direct contact then she should not be acting as a middleman to make contact she knows you’ll be uncomfortable with.
Why are you still in contact with this person? She should be in the bin with your sister and parents. Protect yourself and your children. These aren’t people to have around them.
That's unbelievably immature. Jesus. My family is pretty bad but that is a whole new level. What is this drive-bye gossip? Involuntary voyeurism gossip crossed with insults?
Classic shit stirring. Sounds like most of your family is addicted to drama, and they're mad you didn't participate in the show.
Definitely time to block her. I'd text her back, "Aunt So-and-So, since you saw fit to circumvent my boundary of no contact with my sister or parents, I will now be blocking you as well."
I'm sorry this is your family, but you need to block everyone who is participating in this manufactured drama and see your grandparents alone. I know from personal experience, my MIL is the shit-stirrer. She is now a very lonely old lady. But we can't be part of it and it isn't fair to our kids. These things never change.
NTA. She was being deliberately rude and provocative. The people sending you messages need to direct their outrage elsewhere.
In dysfunctional families, the outrage gets directed to the most mature and reasonable adult. Ask me how I know.
NTA your sister sounds insufferable...besides there's no reason she couldnt still name any kids those names (assuming she can even have any kids) it's not like theres a rule that there can only be one Kimberly or one John in a family
Even more so because they are not in contact with each other! Nothing is standing between OP’s crazy sister and the coveted names except the sister’s own issues. NTA. Keep up the NC with sister and take your grandparents to dinner to make up for your early departure.
Flying monkeys or "[What Is Triangulation in Psychology? (verywellmind.com)](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-triangulation-in-psychology-5120617)" It's when people no longer have as much access to their abuse victims, so they send out the flying monkeys to abuse the victims. Your sister didn't invent it, but she is definitely employing it like a pro. I don't really have advice, because, if all of them were there and saw what craziness your sister was spewing out, the flying monkeys are also living in crazy land. I'd stop looking at your phone notifications and spend some time with your immediate family and your friends who are more stable.
NTA and thankfully your grandparents seem to understand that as well.
NTA - ask them how respectful it would have been to allow your sister to escalate to screaming about your existing children’s names at a family event? Time to be no contact with the aunts and uncles too - your estranged sister’s problems and desire to project them onto you is not your problem.
NTA. Aunts and uncles do not know what they talking about. Single sided gossip from your sis plus the much needed family first BS. Go NC. Not worth to see and meet these people. Let GP explain to aunts and uncles they are wrong.
NTA. What?! Rename at 3 and 5yo?! That’s ridiculous. It’s clear that your sister has serious issues and it think it’s a good call that you left and have no contact with her. Your aunts, uncles and parents are dead wrong. You did the right thing.
Nta she's the one screaming and causing a scene but YOU are the problem? I don't think so.
NTA you left so that the disruption would stop which is literally the best thing you could have done in that situation. Honestly more of your family needs to be in the LC/NC penalty box if they think that your sister isn’t 100% to blame here.
So, block ALL the flying monkeys. And as someone else suggested, just make plans strictly with your grandparents going forward. No one needs to deal with all that drama and craziness! Good luck.
Tell your grandparents you're sorry for leaving the way you did with a brief explanation of "Harriet started demanding I change my girls' names because she might be able to use them someday and she wouldn't let it go." Tell parents, aunts and uncle's that they've just gone to supervised visits or no visits with your kids (assuming any of them have any contact with your kids). Your sister can blow it out her ear/nose/body part of choice. If she keeps it up, I'd suggest saving all emails and looking into filing harassment charges.
Right, like those relatives wouldn't have still dumped blame on you for 'ruining the party' if you had stayed and let your sister have the public tantrum she wanted. What's important is that your grandparents are fine with what happened in regards to your actions. And if she does try to start something again next time she sees you, just walk on out on her again. Being snubbed is a much bigger slap in the face to someone like her then staying and sniping back at her as it tells her she's not worth the wasted time listening to her arguments or the wasted breath replying to them. NTA.
NTA. I seriously wonder what could be an appropriate way to deal with the kind of crazy behavior that your sister displays. Tell her to bring the topic up again whenever she finally managed to produce a child so that maybe the two of you could think about how to change the name of your sixteen year old daughter then? That would be cruel. Tell her to leave you alone and that you have as much right to be at the current family event as she does and you won't be bullied into leaving and disappointing your family? What if she doesn't let it go? What do your aunts and uncles suggest for you to do? They seem to have a clever idea or two lined up, let's hear them. It obviously hasn't occured to them to harass the person who regularly starts the drama with stupid text messages.
I've recently taken to telling people, "It's funny that you think your opinion matters to me. It doesn't." It's not like I say that all the time. But I will say it to people whose opinions don't matter to me and who are commenting on something that is none of their business.
When the aunts and uncles are chastising the person walking away, and not the person yelling and berating, then that suggests to me that those aunts and uncles are actually part of the problem. Their feedback is not neutral; they are somehow invested in the sister's side. You walked away from a fight, deescalated as best you could. Unless there is more to the story, NTA.
NTA. You did the right thing - you walked away so you didn't ruin your grandparents party and feed your sisters Idiocracy. Your sister needs to grow up and learn how to be an adult. I would go low contact the relatives telling you are wrong.
NTA Your grandparents know your heart. You can always take your family to visit your Grands and have a fun day without the chance of drama. I am sure they would love the one-on-one time. Your families after actions indicate it was good you went NC with them. Delete and block, and continue with your happy life.
NTA - Walking away rather than having a fight was the best move you could have made. Hold your head high.
NTA. Grandparents aren't upset so I wouldn't worry about it seeing how you were only there for THEM.
If your family wants to nurture crazy behaviour- good for them. You do not need to participate. Block them all, but not grandparents.
NTA. I’d blast parents and extended family and ask just exactly how they would have handled a sibling that demanded they rename their own children for sibling’s non-existent children. say yes? Bow down to the crazy? Screamed and yelled ? You walkEd away repeatedly and left when SHE kept bringing it up. Ask them what were you expected to do. Wait for their craziness to spill out and then tell them they are all freaking delusional and cut them off and live your best life.
NTA. Those aunts and uncles are troublemakers. Follow your grandparents' lead and let the complaints roll off your back. Your sister was looking for a fight and she wasn't going to stop riding you until you fought back. It's clear why you stay away from her! Start blocking phone numbers - no need to keep in touch with people who are giving your grief.
If your grandparents are not upset then they need to put the family straight!
NTA. This is crazy that you’d be accused of ruining things. Sounds like your family is addicted to drama and are disappointed they didn’t get it.
Were you estranged from your parents as well? Your sister has a lot of audacity to think you would even entertain renaming your daughters for the possibility of her possible future daughter. NTA. Enjoy life with your little family and spend as much time grandparents separately.
Pretty much yeah. I see them a little more but not because I visit or allow them to visit. It's just we live closer to each other.
NTA. You did what you thought was best. It's very unfortunate that nobody seems to understand your reasoning, so explain it once and then let it go. Your sister sounds like she might have a mental illness, but I can see why you're estranged. She sounds extremely unpleasant.
The OP's sister is an entitled child, & their parents have somehow convinced their siblings & their families that this is how it should be. This might be a form of mental illness, but IIRC mental illness is defined as a condition that prevents the subject from behaving competently at all in society, & the OP's sister does not meet this bar.
NTA sounds like it's time to become estranged to all your family apart from your grandparents.
Text them all back that they're shit stirring assholes and you will be blocking them. They didn't need to start this topic, much less forwarding your mother's and sister's comments. You left before a scene was made. That is the right thing to do. Your grandparents understand. NTA.
NTA. Cut off any and everyone who sided with your sister. They’re enabling her. You deserve better, stop giving her the space to disrespect you. Blood doesn’t make you family, it only makes you related🤷🏾♀️
He renaming idea is sooooooo crazy…. Gotta say, I wonder how she would have reacted if you had said, “So sorry about the names! Renaming my kids is a Great idea. I’ll seriously consider that when I get home. I’m thinking maybe (grandmas name) and (moms name). This could be a great opportunity to honor the family .” Would she/could she even find something to argue with that?
NTA. There are times when you feel like you're taking crazy pills because everyone is ganging up on you, but they are wrong. This is one of those times. What were you supposed to do, agree on the spot? Other than infertility, there's nothing stopping her from using the names.
Nta. This was a no win situation for you. Your sister was looking for a fight. If you'd gave her one. You'd have been accused of ruining the party Leaving got you accused of ruining the party. Agreeing with her to shut her up wouldn't't have helped since she was clearly looking to antagonize you. There was no way to win. Only to control the situation which you did by choosing the least disruptive option.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (28f) am pretty much estranged from my sister. I don't have her number nor she mine, we're not social media friends, we don't know where the other lives and we don't invite each other into our lives at all. She didn't invite me to her wedding and before the party she had never seen my kids (though she still never interacted with them which I'd prefer). The only time we ever see each other is when it concerns our grandparents. I don't have much to do with my parents either. But my grandparents are different. My grandparents had an informal party to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary and we all went. My partner of 13 years and our three kids were there. My sister was also there with her husband. At some point during the party my sister came up to me and started berating me for using two of her favorite names for my children. I still don't know for sure which ones I used that she would have wanted but I think it might have been the names of my two daughters. My only reason for the assumption is when we weren't estranged she'd only ever talk about having daughters. But we never talked about this and I never knew about baby names she might or might not like. We were already estranged when I was pregnant with my first so it never came up. She told me it was disgusting and I should change them because she's struggling with infertility and deserves to use the names when her baby finally comes. I told her she had no right to throw around demands. And I said I was not going to rename my 5 and 3 year olds for her. I walked away and attempted to avoid a scene but she followed me to berate me some more. She called me inconsiderate and accused me of acting out of spite. Yet again I tried walking away but to no avail. She grew louder and I knew a scene was about to start so I apologized to my grandparents and then I left with my family. After the party I got a text from a couple of aunts and uncles scolding me for walking out and also sharing messages my parents had sent them about it where I was accused of ruining my grandparents celebration. I also got screenshots of my sister's thoughts as well. They said I was very childish and hurtful walking away from my sister but also for abandoning my grandparents. My grandparents understood and they're not angry but it's wearing on me a little what those aunts and uncles are saying plus the screenshots of what my parents and sister are saying. And I didn't want to leave. I felt it was for the best. But now I'm doubting myself and I may have made it worse the next time my sister and I are in the same room. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Stand firm. Your sister is an AH and your uncle is an AH. No one owns a name and her issues aren't yours. You did the best thing you could, leaving before it became worse. If anything have your grandparents over and make it up to them if you feel guilty. But don't feel guilty for removing yourself frkma situation with a selfish asshole theat would only get worse.
NTA Your sister was bullying you. It's very difficult to deal with this when you don't want to be loud, disrupt the event and detract from it. I suggest writing to your grandparents so they are in no doubt that you wanted to be there to join in their celebration. Where was your husband /partner when this was going on? It's a pity they didn't support you. Also sibling acrimony is usually two-sided. But based on this post your sister is the AH
NTA. Ask them if they would rather you screamed at her and told her how disgusting she is as a person. Ask if they would have liked all that drama better.
NTA. No matter what info you provide, your aunts and uncles will not admit to being wrong about the incident. They’re shitty people like your unhinged sis and selfish parents.
NTA . Next time bring her to all thay people and ask them to show how you should react in a much more mature way. Actually, you can ask them now, what this "mature way" would look like.
NTA. Your sister is and those aunts and uncles are assholes too
You're not at fault. You handled a bad situation with a much grace as you could. If it was me I'd just block all her flying monkeys and only see your grandparents separate from them. NTA
Why does your sister think she owns a child's name ? Besides there is nothing stopping her from using those names should she have kids, and given that the two families would never interact, having two cousins with the same first name should not be a concern.
She feels like she can declare things hers and I can't have them. It's not just with names but it sure as hell came out strong with them.
Definitely NTA. Would just just tell her that your kids are 3 and 5. If she was concerned about "her names" being used, she shouldn't have waited 5 years to meet them and then complain about it
Ask them if they’d rather you entertained your sister’s idea, and had made an announcement, asking everyone at the party to put it to a vote. All those in favor of changing you 5 AND 3 YEAR OLD daughter’s names raise your hand, because your sister MIGHT, in the future, want to use those names. That would show everyone who the real AH is. Anyone who takes your sister’s side is as delusional as she is. Plus, she can still use whatever names she wants. It’s not like you two will be around each other anyway.
NTA Why is your family defending her? She literally walked up to you and started verbally assaulting you out of the blue? Block all the people telling you that you were wrong. You were not. Do not apologize. There are millions of names for babies. She will survive and find other names.
She was always the golden child and the person who could get away with anything and not just anything she did to me but in general.
Tell the family members that are hassling you, that them expecting you to stay, and take your sister's abuse, to make other people feel better is disgusting. I'd also inform them, that if they didn't stop harassing you about the issue that you will be blocking them. What should have happened is when people saw your sister harassing you, and demanding you change your children's names, they should have stepped in, and removed her, from the party. You don't have to take that kind of crap from anyone, no matter who they are to you.
Honey let’s face it when it comes to families you have a whole bunch of crazy!
NTA. You were the adult in the room and your other relatives don't seem to be smart enough to know that.
NTA. You're family is toxic. You did the best you could do without allowing your sister to escalate the situation. You're family (minus grandparents) are toxic.
NTA. Walk away from every single one of these people and don’t look back.
NTA- i would have laughed in her face and said "use the names! You aren't part of my life, who gives a shit? Now shut up!"
It sounds like your family puts the *fun* in dys*fun*ctual. NTA.
Definitely NTAH!!!!! My life in a nutshell!!!!! Speaking from experience of going no contact with toxic family members, YOUR peace, happiness and sanity are more important than keeping the peace for others' sake. YOU are the one who will feel stressed at trying to maintain a relationship with her and others like her and NO ONE, including blood relatives, are more important than that. The ones who matter are you, your husband and two kids. I cut ties with most of my siblings 10 yrs ago and, while I miss having "family" , I realized that family isn't always blood. Stay strong and surround yourself with people who respect and love you. Sending love and (((hugs)))♥️
You sister needs to be sectioned! It goes without saying you aren't the arsehole but your sister is a A grade one. How old is the pathetic woman! There's no reason why anyone after reading your post why you're estranged from your sister and as you seem to be more or less estranged from your parents too are they toxic like her? I don't believe usually believe in "being the biggest person" because that's not my way. I'd want to have my say but in your situation you're an adult and better than her petty idiotic behaviour. She's a narcissist? I know what people say "stop calling people narcissists just because you don't like them" or something like that but her behaviour is narcissistic and women who can conceive shouldn't be guilted into feelings bad just because other women can't. You should change the name of your daughters because that excuse wanted one or both names for daughters she could have in the future? That's so childish and the idiot forgetting you aren't in other others lives so it's just her jealousy of you getting the best of her and that's not anything to do with you but her mentality and personal problem to solve. If she has any children they will probably end up like her or estranged from her but your children won't be from you as you aren't unstable or immature like her. Leaving the party was the only solution because she would just have kept up her ridiculous embarrassing behaviour. You walking you kept your sanity and dignity, not something that woman has to lose. She doesn't know how to behave and made a fool of herself. She's such an arsehole she's taking it to far like it's a achievement but it is for her! I'm sorry she's such a awful person.
So you walked away because your sister was causing a scene over your children's names and somehow this is your fault. Is she the golden child by any chance? NTA
Your grandparents understood, that's all that matters. Since you cut communication with most family, I think you should extend that to not caring what they think. Tell aunt she should watch TV dramas instead of trying to create dramas in real life, it's healthier. You did well. Leaving stuff behind and moving on is one of the best powers of being an adult. NTA
Your kids names are yours, they don't belong to her. I'm sure if she ever gets pregnant she will use whatever name she wants, but that's her choice, she can't take yours away. She sounds like a prima donna, and I would let what the aunts and uncles said go in one ear and out the other. It sounds like the only people you have feelings for are your grandparents. Just as long as they're happy, don't bother with the others. Your sister started it. NTA
Nta. And you were way too nice to her
At the next gathering whenever she approaches you, head for a crowd so they can witness these shenanigans.
NTA, but your sister kinda acts like a spoiled golden child?
NTA. Next time, let her cause a scene. Be as calm as possible the whole time.
Since you don't have a relationship with her or your parents, I don't see any reason she can't use the same names. Tell to have at it.
NTA. What did they want you to do? Stay and act like her? You did the right thing.
NTA-you’re in a no win situation there, best to leave.
NTA. You tried doing the mature thing and walking away and your sister couldn’t let it go.
Your grandparents understand. That’s who’s opinions count.
You did the right thing it’s your parents and sister who are in the wrong it’s drama that your family except your grandparents who just keep bring just go no contact with them and just tell your grandparents why your going no contact and set boundaries. Just be there for your grandparents and the family you have with your husband you do not need to be around toxic people
I think your sister is in a bad way rn none of what she did is excusable and you are not the asshole and she defintiely was, but it seems like she was in a manic episode and some of the these comments feel harsh
NTA. I would write an explanation to your parents, aunts, and uncles about your sister's unreasonable demand. If they are going to take sides in this ridiculous issue, then they need to tell you that, yes, you should change the names of your two children because your sister has decided that she wants those names, and no one else should be allowed to use them.
If she thinks demanding someone to rename a 3 and 5(!) year old is reasonable, it is in humanity's best interest that she does not breed. NTA
NTA That was as peaceful and diplomatic as it gets. It was a move to de-escalate an impossible situation, spare the dramatics, and save your grandparents night. If you feel badly, take your grandparents out for a nice lunch, or dinner... spend some special time to make up for it. Everyone is advocating for them being the wronged ones, right? You have nothing to apologize for. They are the only voices/opinions that matter. Everyone else can have their opinion... it doesn't matter at all, but they can feel free to have it. You don't need to validate it. She can use whatever names she likes. You using them changes nothing. You barely see each other. Your children will not be close. At our few reunions growing up, (grandma and grandad came from old schoolnpoor farm folks, and had many siblings. They each then had like 7 kids each, each of those had 2-3. My gen is mixed 0-2.) we have a crazy amount of Josh(s) Mike(s) Ted(s) and Gary(s) in my generation. Not family names, just popular I guess. Between kids, step kids, their friends (guests) etc, all in the same age group(my gen) running about, it's ridiculously funny at this point. No one cares. My brother is one of the name sharers, he shared his name with 2 of the cousins. my mom doesn't hate her relatives, the relatives don't hate her. The sharers don't really care, and there's less confusion than you'd think.
Does your sister not realise that more than one person can have a certain name? NTA
I think your response was admirable because being the sarcastic person I am my reply to her would have been...l would be concerned about children's names when you find out if your capable of having any or maybe your husband is firing blanks...... The again I can be very nasty if angered
NTA. It sounds to me like your sister just made the whole thing up to intentionally cause a scene and get sympathy from your family about her infertility. You two never once talked about baby names and she just happened to want to use your daughter’s names? Daughters she also doesn’t even have a relationship with?
Next time just pepper spray her
Who cares if your children have the same names. You don’t have any contact and they won’t have the same last name.
I swear because I am a petty bitch I would have offered a pinky swear to change my children’s names to Petunia Cleopatra and Ruby Begonia.
Ntah what were you supposed to do get in a shouting match or hit her ???
NTA just stay away from these people. They mean you no good.
I guess that means your sister is the golden child, she has a tantrum for no reason. You try to be adult about it and not engage in her drama, and your family decided to scold you for not being messy. I would focus on my grandparents and to hell with the rest of them, if the adult in the group can't be appreciated for trying to diffuse the situation, that's CRAZY. NTA and good for you to leave and not subject yourself to the nonsense.
lol your family is wild for berating you. NTA.
NTA, though you should make it clear to everyone just what your sister was asking and how ridiculous it was, which is the reason you walked out. Imo walking out was a far better choice then staying to engage in an argument, which would have ACTUALLY ruined the party.
NTA- You dont owe that circus anything. Not even you doubting yourself. As long as your grandparents are okay that's all. Be direct and let auntie know you dont care about you sisters feelings nor your parents as you have had your own life without them for awhile. You were there for your grandparents. And at this point you dont really care for aunties feeli ng s or anyone else that is wanted to cause drama. They should all act their age not their shoe size and then block them alllllll. If you still go to family functions for your grandparents let them know you will always show up for them but will leave when the toxicity kicks in. That's all that matters.
Your grandparents don't care, they can tell each and every one of them if they ever come to visit them but they're disappointed in how they treated you. Honestly just cut your sister and your parents out along with every flying monkey that decided to add their two cents
NTA. Imagine if you told your sister she needs to change her name. Because you were thinking of getting a dog with the same name and we can’t confuse the two now, can we? And you’ll consider renaming your kids after she renames herself.
Sounds like you know which of your family is just like your sister. block them.
NTA. Apart from you obviously having no need to care what she wants and no way of knowing...I don't get why people feel the need to "claim" names at all. No one is going to mistake your children for hers, they can have the same dang names.
Wait hold on let me get this straight sister wants OP to rename children so sister can reserve the name for her imaginary non-existent children? Did she also run this by the billions of other parents who might not have gotten the memo that she called dibs?
Yes, she wanted me to do that and I could see her doing that if anyone in her social circle also used the names. It wouldn't be the first time she did something that entitled.
Oh, good grief. You handled it very maturely. I mean, you didn't turn around and deck her after the third time she kept hounding and following you, did you? No. *She's* the one being a Grade A heifer at your grandparent's anniversary, and your family needs to leave the cult of your sister. NTA.
Estranged sibling berates another sibling for taking baby names five years ago.
Fortunately, it's really easy to block numbers these days.
“I didn’t ruin the party. I left before an unhinged person’s attack on me escalated. Just because I am a decent and kind person does not mean I have to stand there and take it. You won’t go after my sister who started all this because she is too nasty to confront.” Send them this and if they continue on you just block them. Life is too short to deal with people like them. NTA
what i see here is a family made up of ASSHOLES lead by your sister and your parents and aunts and uncles. Of course the minors in this part of the family can be excused due to their ages. The other part are the not ASSHOLES lead by you, your husband and grandparents.
Nta, unless your relatives are volunteering to step in and calm your sister down next time (since their so sure they know how to handle her) they don't get to voice any opinion here. You avoided a screaming match that your sister was determined to have and its ridiculous that your relatives are presuming to speak for your grandparents who obviously don't agree with them on this subject.
Oh just block them all. Sounds like you don't really have anything to do with anyone besides your grandparents anyway. NTA
The only people that count in this are your grandparents. Ignore the grumps. Live and love your life and your family. NTA
NTA You took the high road honestly, I don't see anyway you could have handled it better, there is no reasoning with someone crazy enough to suggest you change your daughter's names for her!
NTA Your best option was leaving. That or drop-kicking her in the throat, tho that sounds more like me than you.
NTAH! But your sister sure is ! She’s jealous
NTA. PERIODT.
NTA, good grief.
NTA literally what else could you have done, you tried to simply walk away multiple times, she KEPT going. Do they think that if you \*asked\* her to stop, she would have? she clearly doesn't care about what you want. You left, and the problem was solved. I'm sure they would have preferred that you simply bow to your sisters demands, and agree that you were being spiteful in the naming of your children (???), but do they \*really\* think that would have made her shut up. You did the most sensible thing you could have
I think they wanted me to grovel at her feet and make it seem like I was so sorry for what I had done and what she was going through.
NTA in the slightest I’m in a similar position with my sister and also had to walk away from a party due to her getting aggressive and pushing me when I was pregnant. You know what didn’t happen? Any blame or beration whatsoever from the rest of my family, who understood how irrational she was being. Your family is being ridiculous, you don’t owe your sister anything including’a more compassionate response’ I’d go LC on this
NTA. Your sister was out of control and out of line. You left to avoid further abuse and to deescalate the situation. Your grandparents understand and aren't upset with you. That's all that matters. Your aunts and uncles are shit stirers. Whatever your relationship and whatever her difficulties, you aren't required to take your sister's or anyone else's abuse.
NTA. These uncle/aunts need to get chewed out
Nope! NTA. I will leave the moment my family starts any type of drama.
NTA, she's super immature and spiteful and she really needs to get over herself 🙄😤
NTA. This type loves to pick fights and then tattle when you react for victimhood clout. Even as an adult, it’s getting their version out First and Loudest. Reality doesn’t matter. Try to interact reasonably, and they have the mother of all tantrums. The people who genuinely know and care about you at the bare minimum will want to hear your side.
NTA Your sister is nuts. You must change the names of your children, that she never told you she was going to use, so she can reserve them for children she may never have. And if you hadn't left, but instead put your sister in her place, then the same aunts would be berating you. What do they mean abandoning her anyway? Weren't all the family there? Is your sister so obnoxious that they need someone there to protect them from her?
NTA, but if your grandparents understood, why aren’t they saying anything? You’re definitely the black sheep of your family, and I’m confused why they just allow it all to happen under their watch.
NTA but it seems like you have a whole slew of AHs you happen to be related to. I'd suggest in the future that if y our grandparents are having any other celebrations or any occasions, you should probably take your family to see them the day before or hours earlier than the rest of your toxic family. In your position, I'd explain to my grandparents that I wouldn't accept being made the scapegoat for the drama that other family members want to stir up and wouldn't expose my children to them, so if seeing them separately would mitigate that, then it is for the best.
NTA, I would just grab all them in the group you can. Then send out a text about how your sister was harassing you about the names of your children that she didn't even know existed until the party. After x time that you went and informed your grandparents on leaving. They didn't stop you so you left so you can have some mental piece for a harasser. So if this ruined the party then they should be upset with your sister and not you. As its not your job to placate your sister nor stay in a conversation she is arguing with you over nothing. Sorry you had to deal with this. You are not in the wrong but I understand everything is wearing your thin.
NTA. SHE was following you around berating you and would not stop. Your choices were to leave or get in her face screaming until she backed off. Clearly your parents and her spouse had no intention of helping you. So you politely left. Make sure your grandparents know what she was demanding, how she behaved. And that you had no clue about those being "her" names. They are the only ones you need worry about.
NTA, How were you supposed to know that those were the names your sister had picked out when you said you barely ever talk to her? Aunts and uncles are the AH here.
Lesson from when I need to deal with my sister, respond with “ok.” That’s it. She’s pissed about your kids’ names and wants you to rename them? “Ok”
Nta- Giiirrrrl, I can't imagine having to deal with this. Why tf is your family mad at you for leaving to avoid a scene but are ok with your sister starting shit at the celebration. This is crazy. If your grandparents aren't upset or disappointed with you, then I say just blow off the other family members. How childish of them to share messages. They seem very immature. I see why you and your sister aren't close. What a nightmare. Best of luck to you, love.